1
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Good morning. Good morning.
2
00:00:03,024 --> 00:00:04,443
Good morning.
3
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Good morning, Mrs. Howard.
4
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- Tariq.
- Huh?
5
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What are you doing here?
6
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Janine's down at the district now.
7
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Dang, she moved to D.C.?
8
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And take your presumably
sticky hands off of my student.
9
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,619
You mean take my definitely
sticky hands off of my son.
10
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To quote Maury Povich,
you are not the father.
11
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And to quote the hip-hop
legend Shaquille O'Neal,
12
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his biological didn't bother.
13
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See, I've been dating his mama
for like seven weeks,
14
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so technically,
I'm a stepdaddy right now.
15
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Ain't that right, Tariq Jr.?
16
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That is not his name.
17
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Hey, have a good day at school, TJ.
18
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I love you, son.
19
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He just like me.
20
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I guess this technically
makes you, like,
21
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my stepteacher now, right?
22
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That's cool. That's cool.
23
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Tariq...
24
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Play-Doh.
25
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Mm-hmm.
26
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- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.addic7ed.com -
27
00:01:05,968 --> 00:01:08,889
My fellowship at the school
district is going great.
28
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I'm still getting the lay of the land.
29
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I just finished helping out
with our team's
30
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emergency generator plans,
which was right up my alley
31
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because I'm afraid
of all natural disasters.
32
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Of which there will be scores
in our lifetime.
33
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I also love to hang out
by the water cooler.
34
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Uh, no gossip yet,
but I'm super hydrated
35
00:01:24,704 --> 00:01:26,456
and actually need to wrap this up
36
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so that I can pee before
my big presentation, so...
37
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And this is why I'm proposing
an educational interpreter
38
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for a hard-of-hearing student
at Abbott Elementary
39
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using the Specialized Services Fund.
40
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This was brought to my attention
by Mr. Jacob Hill,
41
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a teacher over at Abbott.
42
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We're well aware of Mr. Hill.
43
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He's submitted his résumé several times
44
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at the behest of no one.
45
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His student... her name
is Imani... is making do.
46
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You know, Mr. Hill
knows some sign language,
47
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but we could be doing more.
48
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So this project is for just one kid?
49
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- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
50
00:01:57,369 --> 00:01:58,913
Follow the guidelines,
and it's approved.
51
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Thank you.
52
00:02:03,753 --> 00:02:06,257
Oh, my God!
53
00:02:06,257 --> 00:02:08,093
How fast do you think we can get
an interpreter down here?
54
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The good news is,
that's completely up to you.
55
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Oh, my God. I pick tomorrow.
No, I pick today.
56
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Whoa, that's ambitious.
57
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Just a heads up,
since it is only for one kid,
58
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you gotta do all the approvals
and paperwork
59
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and hiring yourself.
60
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It won't be easy, so, uh... good luck.
61
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"Taken," right?
62
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I didn't think you'd get that.
63
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What a fun movie.
64
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Well, Janine doesn't need luck.
She has a special set of skills.
65
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Roads? Where we're going,
we don't need roads.
66
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- That's not from "Taken."
- No, I know.
67
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I thought we were just
doing lines from movies.
68
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'Cause I love "Taken," right?
69
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"Aw, man, they took my daughter!"
70
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I haven't seen it,
but I should work on this.
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- Go get 'em.
- Thanks.
72
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Yo, my man Mr. Eddie eating his lunch.
73
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Bro be eating salad.
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Yo, Mr. Eddie,
75
00:02:53,116 --> 00:02:54,911
does eating vegetables
help you get the ladies?
76
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It's got to. You be getting mad females.
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More vegetables, more females. Bet.
78
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That's what you tellin' us, Mr. Eddie?
79
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I've literally said nothing.
80
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Nah, bro, that's low-key genius.
81
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More greens...
82
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More girls!
83
00:03:13,145 --> 00:03:15,357
First, it was one or two of them
coming in every once in a while.
84
00:03:15,357 --> 00:03:18,278
Now others have joined,
and it's every day.
85
00:03:18,278 --> 00:03:20,030
I found out Mr. Morton's
been using his classroom
86
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for lunchtime couples therapy,
87
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so they have nowhere else to hang.
88
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I wish the Mortons understood
the collateral damage
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their relationship is causing.
90
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Mr. Eddie, do you think the Orioles...
91
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Well, that's what happens, hon.
92
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Hey. Look who it is.
93
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I forgot to mention
that Tariq is now the father
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of one of the students in my class.
95
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You know, I got so good
at ignoring Janine,
96
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I never noticed she was pregnant.
97
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That child does not have a child.
98
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Tariq is just dating
the student's mother.
99
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- Ah.
- Hey, Mrs. Howard.
100
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Hey, mean Italian lady.
101
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Tariq, you cannot keep
showing up here unannounced.
102
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Okay, but it's an emergency.
103
00:04:00,172 --> 00:04:02,633
I accidentally took TJ's lunch
and I gave him mine,
104
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:05,179
so I'mma just switch
these out real quick.
105
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Take that from you, Playboy.
106
00:04:06,931 --> 00:04:08,475
Thank you. And I'm out of your hair.
107
00:04:08,475 --> 00:04:09,960
That is a Lunchable.
108
00:04:09,985 --> 00:04:11,688
And it is delicious.
109
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All right, have a good day, Junior.
110
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You're not my dad!
111
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That boy hilarious.
112
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And he get that from me. Bye, y'all.
113
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Mm, mm!
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So, I figured out how to make
this ASL interpreter happen.
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All I need to do is find
some qualified candidates,
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interview them, fill out this paperwork,
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then do a background check,
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followed by an employment verification
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and then a compatibility check.
120
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And right after I talk to accounting
121
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and run it through HR.
122
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And not fall behind
on any of my other work, so...
123
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You're looking for accounts payable.
124
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,651
We're accounting. You need
to go down to the third floor.
125
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My B.
126
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These aren't notarized,
127
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and you're gonna need to get
a background check completed
128
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and approved by HR
before we can sign off.
129
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Not a problem. Thank you.
130
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Uh, unh-unh. This isn't notarized yet.
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Well, see, the notary went out to lunch,
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so I figured I'd just come to you first.
133
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:04,179
Okay, you're gonna need to see
Emily to make an official request.
134
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All right. On my way to Emily.
135
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Emily!
136
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No problem.
137
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All I have to do is stamp
the word "official" on it.
138
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Okay, great.
139
00:05:13,193 --> 00:05:14,737
But I can't find my stamp,
140
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so just get this notarized,
141
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and in 24 hours to 8 weeks,
142
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you'll get the most recent directory,
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and I'll probably have found my stamp.
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Great news.
145
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So I went back to HR
146
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and they told me to see
the woman in office 237,
147
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and she'll be able
to help me with everything.
148
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So... this is my office.
149
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Okay. Damn it.
150
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Hello, Janine.
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Oh! What the hell?!
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I cannot believe you have
a picture of Gregory
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00:05:41,651 --> 00:05:43,403
in your desk drawer.
154
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You thought you did for a second.
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What are you doing here?
156
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I'm here with a demand.
157
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You mean a request.
158
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I need a company card.
159
00:05:49,829 --> 00:05:50,956
A card, or a car?
160
00:05:50,956 --> 00:05:52,291
- Card?
- No.
161
00:05:52,291 --> 00:05:53,585
- Car?
- No, also, no.
162
00:05:53,585 --> 00:05:55,149
Ava, please, please.
163
00:05:55,174 --> 00:05:57,608
I'm busy trying to get an ASL
translator for Jacob's class.
164
00:05:57,633 --> 00:05:59,176
Oh! I'll hire one for you.
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I'll put it on the company card.
166
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,264
You are not getting a company card.
167
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What is the point of having
you here as my mole
168
00:06:03,682 --> 00:06:05,477
- if you can't even...
- I'm not a mole!
169
00:06:05,477 --> 00:06:07,313
Yeah. More like a pimple.
170
00:06:07,313 --> 00:06:09,149
And I'm more important than
whatever you're doing for Jacob.
171
00:06:09,149 --> 00:06:11,110
I am trying to help one of his students.
172
00:06:11,110 --> 00:06:12,820
Well, I'm gonna hit the break room
173
00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:15,032
and get another one of these
free fancy bubbly waters.
174
00:06:15,032 --> 00:06:17,118
We don't have bubbly waters for fr...
175
00:06:17,118 --> 00:06:19,080
Did you take that out
of the communal fridge?
176
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,051
I brought this from home.
177
00:06:25,256 --> 00:06:27,634
Hey! I love these random pop-ins.
178
00:06:27,634 --> 00:06:30,012
Really helps fill the
Janine-sized hole in my heart.
179
00:06:30,012 --> 00:06:31,306
Well, this isn't a social visit.
180
00:06:31,306 --> 00:06:32,724
I need you to keep your kids
out of my class.
181
00:06:32,724 --> 00:06:34,894
Mm, pretty sure all my kids
are in my class,
182
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,106
but also, it's not currently class.
183
00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:38,984
I mean during lunchtime.
184
00:06:38,984 --> 00:06:41,279
And on my free period and after school
185
00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:44,157
and any non-work-related time, okay?
186
00:06:44,157 --> 00:06:46,202
They come into my class and they loiter.
187
00:06:46,202 --> 00:06:49,082
Loiter? That feels racially charged.
188
00:06:49,082 --> 00:06:52,003
They sit on top of the desks.
189
00:06:52,003 --> 00:06:54,172
They eat their little snack packs,
190
00:06:54,172 --> 00:06:56,593
and then they talk nonstop.
191
00:06:56,593 --> 00:07:00,014
- They're...
- Okay, okay, easy. I'm sorry, I just...
192
00:07:00,014 --> 00:07:02,518
I don't see what the big problem is.
193
00:07:02,518 --> 00:07:05,602
I didn't want to have to say this...
194
00:07:05,627 --> 00:07:07,400
but a considerable amount
of gas was passed.
195
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,445
Did you actually hear it,
196
00:07:09,445 --> 00:07:11,065
because, you know, whoever smelt it...
197
00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:12,841
I need them to hang out
literally anywhere else.
198
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,327
Wait, wait, hold on.
199
00:07:14,327 --> 00:07:16,538
Are you saying that in their free time,
200
00:07:16,538 --> 00:07:18,583
these kids are voluntarily choosing
201
00:07:18,583 --> 00:07:19,917
to come into your classroom?
202
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,962
You're beginning to understand
the gravity of the situation now.
203
00:07:21,962 --> 00:07:24,215
Oh, my God! Don't you see?
204
00:07:24,215 --> 00:07:25,259
See what?
205
00:07:25,259 --> 00:07:27,471
Gregory...
206
00:07:27,471 --> 00:07:29,089
you're the cool teacher.
207
00:07:30,511 --> 00:07:32,681
What?
208
00:07:32,706 --> 00:07:34,083
- No.
- Yeah! You're cool.
209
00:07:34,108 --> 00:07:35,109
No, I'm not.
210
00:07:35,134 --> 00:07:36,575
- You are.
- No. Take it back.
211
00:07:37,261 --> 00:07:38,183
Farrah's birthday is coming up,
212
00:07:38,204 --> 00:07:39,373
and I already know what I'm getting her.
213
00:07:39,398 --> 00:07:41,307
A new chain... for me.
214
00:07:42,018 --> 00:07:43,730
Wait. What?
215
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,108
Think about it, man.
216
00:07:45,108 --> 00:07:47,613
She'll get to have a boyfriend,
but with a new chain.
217
00:07:47,613 --> 00:07:50,368
Oh, yeah. Guess that makes sense.
218
00:07:50,368 --> 00:07:51,607
Farrah's gonna love it.
219
00:07:51,632 --> 00:07:53,292
Back me up, Mr. Eddie.
220
00:07:53,292 --> 00:07:56,423
I will not. She's not gonna love it.
221
00:07:56,423 --> 00:07:57,996
It's a gift for you, not for her.
222
00:07:58,021 --> 00:07:59,931
What?
223
00:07:59,931 --> 00:08:02,394
I'm giving her status,
the world's greatest currency.
224
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:04,583
Well, hold on. Let's hear him out.
225
00:08:04,608 --> 00:08:07,798
We know Mr. Eddie's roster
is strong. Right, Mr. Eddie?
226
00:08:07,823 --> 00:08:09,080
True.
227
00:08:09,105 --> 00:08:11,764
Okay, um, I do not have a "roster."
228
00:08:11,789 --> 00:08:13,793
As a grown man?
229
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,463
Sorry to hear that.
230
00:08:15,463 --> 00:08:18,512
I don't call it that
because I am a grown man.
231
00:08:18,512 --> 00:08:20,349
Listen, you guys are young, right?
232
00:08:20,349 --> 00:08:23,605
Don't buy a new chain,
and don't worry about girls.
233
00:08:23,605 --> 00:08:26,946
Just focus on school,
and I promise you, later,
234
00:08:26,946 --> 00:08:29,827
you will have plenty of time
to think about girls.
235
00:08:29,827 --> 00:08:31,831
Trust me.
236
00:08:31,831 --> 00:08:33,501
Yes, the position's been approved,
237
00:08:33,501 --> 00:08:36,215
and we think you'd make a
great fit for Mr. Hill's class.
238
00:08:36,215 --> 00:08:38,429
Well, no, it's not full-time.
239
00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:42,061
No, you... you wouldn't qualify
for health benefits.
240
00:08:42,061 --> 00:08:44,901
Again, no, but there is
so much street parking.
241
00:08:44,901 --> 00:08:45,903
You... Hello?
242
00:08:45,903 --> 00:08:47,113
- Hey.
- Hey.
243
00:08:47,113 --> 00:08:48,283
How's all this going?
244
00:08:48,283 --> 00:08:49,452
Well, to be honest,
245
00:08:49,452 --> 00:08:50,997
I'm... I'm having a little bit
of trouble
246
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:53,043
finding someone who would do it
for the hours and the pay.
247
00:08:53,043 --> 00:08:54,588
Yeah, that's the way it goes.
248
00:08:54,588 --> 00:08:56,967
District protocol makes most
of these projects fizzle out.
249
00:08:56,967 --> 00:08:58,972
Whoa, it sounds way worse
when he says it.
250
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,728
I mean, what he's saying is true.
251
00:09:01,728 --> 00:09:04,024
It just sounds worse when he says it.
252
00:09:04,024 --> 00:09:05,569
It's okay if you can't do it.
253
00:09:05,569 --> 00:09:08,533
Oh...
254
00:09:08,533 --> 00:09:11,456
Uh, you guys aren't
familiar with my game.
255
00:09:11,456 --> 00:09:14,630
Uh, I-I-I-I get it.
You know, it's the district.
256
00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:16,801
It's the big leagues.
257
00:09:16,801 --> 00:09:18,889
But I'm the Big Teagues.
258
00:09:18,889 --> 00:09:20,475
The Big Teagues?
259
00:09:20,475 --> 00:09:21,770
Yeah, so...
260
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,774
Uh, yeah, I'm working on that and this,
261
00:09:23,774 --> 00:09:26,357
so I'll figure them both out.
262
00:09:28,952 --> 00:09:32,041
You know, uh, I thought we
could watch "Set It Off" later?
263
00:09:32,041 --> 00:09:33,712
Maybe? Yeah?
264
00:09:33,712 --> 00:09:36,050
My daddy showed it to me
when I was way too young,
265
00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:38,388
so I thought I would do
the same for you, TJ, huh?
266
00:09:38,388 --> 00:09:41,227
Good morning. Good morning.
267
00:09:41,227 --> 00:09:43,482
You know, everybody who has ever met me
268
00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:45,403
has loved me, Mrs. Howard,
but I don't think TJ does.
269
00:09:45,403 --> 00:09:47,115
That's not true, Tariq.
270
00:09:47,115 --> 00:09:48,534
He does love me?
271
00:09:48,534 --> 00:09:51,374
Look, what exactly are you
trying to accomplish here?
272
00:09:51,374 --> 00:09:53,587
Well, you know, I might end up
being his common-law dad
273
00:09:53,587 --> 00:09:55,925
if I common-law marry his mom,
274
00:09:55,925 --> 00:09:58,890
so I would like to connect with
him so we could be a family for real...
275
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,100
under the common law.
276
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,479
Well, then you're going to have
277
00:10:01,479 --> 00:10:04,485
to establish a genuine
relationship with him.
278
00:10:04,485 --> 00:10:06,238
At the start of every school year,
279
00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:08,744
it usually takes me a few weeks
to connect with the students,
280
00:10:08,744 --> 00:10:11,958
and I start by using their names.
281
00:10:11,958 --> 00:10:14,631
So you might consider calling him Nick.
282
00:10:14,631 --> 00:10:16,636
Mm, I don't think it's a good idea
283
00:10:16,636 --> 00:10:18,138
to be making up names for the boy.
284
00:10:18,138 --> 00:10:19,892
You know, it might confuse little TJ.
285
00:10:19,892 --> 00:10:22,231
Nick is his actual name.
286
00:10:22,231 --> 00:10:23,483
It is?
287
00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:25,613
You... Good morning.
288
00:10:25,613 --> 00:10:27,032
Okay, Mrs. Howard. All right.
289
00:10:27,032 --> 00:10:28,786
- Yeah, everyone's good.
- Mm.
290
00:10:28,786 --> 00:10:31,417
The kids think Gregory's
cool now, which...
291
00:10:31,417 --> 00:10:33,629
I'm so glad that I'm secure
enough that it doesn't bother me
292
00:10:33,629 --> 00:10:35,091
that it's him and not me.
293
00:10:35,091 --> 00:10:36,135
That's good because usually...
294
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,930
Yeah, I am not threatened at all.
295
00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:40,018
Anyways, how is it going
down at the district?
296
00:10:40,018 --> 00:10:41,354
Tell me everything.
297
00:10:41,354 --> 00:10:44,106
Um... you know, they're good.
298
00:10:44,131 --> 00:10:45,655
It's good.
299
00:10:45,655 --> 00:10:47,993
Except...
300
00:10:47,993 --> 00:10:50,165
I am having a little bit of trouble
301
00:10:50,165 --> 00:10:52,712
getting the ASL interpreter.
302
00:10:52,712 --> 00:10:55,008
And I'm gonna fight through it
the way I always do,
303
00:10:55,008 --> 00:10:56,553
but I don't know...
304
00:10:56,553 --> 00:10:58,223
it's just a different beast over there.
305
00:10:58,223 --> 00:10:59,434
Don't... Don't... Don't stress about it.
306
00:10:59,434 --> 00:11:00,812
Imani's parents helped her
307
00:11:00,812 --> 00:11:02,523
to get a better speech-to-text program,
308
00:11:02,523 --> 00:11:04,695
my ASL is getting better, so...
309
00:11:04,695 --> 00:11:07,576
I can fill in the gaps.
310
00:11:07,576 --> 00:11:09,246
Yeah, we are managing.
311
00:11:09,246 --> 00:11:11,501
And believe me...
I know how the district is.
312
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:15,593
Yeah, but I am the district now,
and I was a teacher,
313
00:11:15,593 --> 00:11:18,265
so I get how big this can be.
314
00:11:18,265 --> 00:11:21,271
We'll be good no matter what, I promise.
315
00:11:21,271 --> 00:11:23,485
It's okay.
316
00:11:23,485 --> 00:11:26,157
All right, well, thanks for saying that.
317
00:11:26,157 --> 00:11:29,205
We have so many important things
to juggle at the district.
318
00:11:29,205 --> 00:11:31,919
I'm learning you just have
to prioritize your time.
319
00:11:34,174 --> 00:11:38,850
I don't know. I-I-I wish
I could get the interpreter...
320
00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:40,688
but...
321
00:11:40,688 --> 00:11:42,148
I just hate that feeling.
322
00:11:43,666 --> 00:11:45,003
And...
323
00:11:45,028 --> 00:11:48,053
Uh-oh, Mr. C recapping
one of his boring shows again?
324
00:11:52,529 --> 00:11:55,905
Let me guess... his stories
about Martin Short are Martin long.
325
00:11:58,809 --> 00:12:00,950
All right, y'all go to class.
326
00:12:03,152 --> 00:12:04,905
- Did you see that?
- Yes, and, you know,
327
00:12:04,905 --> 00:12:06,366
I really think
they would respect me more
328
00:12:06,366 --> 00:12:08,705
if you wouldn't make
so many jokes at my expense.
329
00:12:08,705 --> 00:12:09,999
I was talking about Imani.
330
00:12:09,999 --> 00:12:11,461
Why she so late on all my jokes?
331
00:12:11,461 --> 00:12:12,986
Oh, it's her hearing aid.
332
00:12:13,011 --> 00:12:15,010
It has issues when
she's in a group setting,
333
00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:16,615
and so she uses her tablet,
334
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,893
which, you know,
takes a second to transcribe.
335
00:12:18,893 --> 00:12:20,408
But you can't learn on a tape delay.
336
00:12:20,433 --> 00:12:22,192
And I must be experienced live.
337
00:12:22,192 --> 00:12:23,862
I thought Janine was helping
with all of this.
338
00:12:23,862 --> 00:12:25,658
I think it just got too hard.
339
00:12:25,658 --> 00:12:27,995
For Janine? The person who got
a commercial driver's license
340
00:12:27,995 --> 00:12:30,028
so she could drive a bus
in case someone went down?
341
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:32,254
Hell no.
342
00:12:32,254 --> 00:12:34,217
Ah, if it isn't Joe Cool.
343
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,281
We missed you at the bar last night.
344
00:12:37,307 --> 00:12:39,770
I had a few too many Aperol spritzes.
345
00:12:39,770 --> 00:12:42,025
I might need to take a nap-erol spritz.
346
00:12:42,025 --> 00:12:43,862
You stole that joke
from Janine, didn't you?
347
00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:46,242
What, are you the comedy police now?
348
00:12:46,242 --> 00:12:50,042
I... hate... you... Mr. Eddie!
349
00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:52,584
Sweetheart, what is the matter?
350
00:12:52,609 --> 00:12:57,140
Mr. Eddie told Javon
that he should break up with me!
351
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:58,893
No, no, no, no, no. I did not say that.
352
00:12:58,893 --> 00:13:00,626
Well, what did you say?
353
00:13:00,651 --> 00:13:03,461
Um, Javon was talking
about getting a new chain,
354
00:13:03,487 --> 00:13:06,022
so I told him that he should
just, you know, focus on school.
355
00:13:06,047 --> 00:13:07,679
He was gonna buy a new chain?!
356
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,126
Okay, are you kidding me?!
357
00:13:10,126 --> 00:13:12,590
We've been trying to get Javon
to buy a new chain for months.
358
00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:14,051
The old one made him like a gavone.
359
00:13:14,051 --> 00:13:16,681
We finally had him convinced
it was his idea.
360
00:13:16,681 --> 00:13:19,938
The devil's got her. Be gone, Satan!
361
00:13:19,938 --> 00:13:21,483
I'mma get my holy mop water.
362
00:13:21,483 --> 00:13:24,865
There, there, sweetheart.
Let's go plot our revenge.
363
00:13:25,992 --> 00:13:28,539
Gregory Eddie, is no woman safe
364
00:13:28,539 --> 00:13:32,297
from your incompetence
with the opposite sex?
365
00:13:32,297 --> 00:13:33,425
Mm!
366
00:13:35,262 --> 00:13:37,725
Well, Gregory? Is no?
367
00:13:37,725 --> 00:13:39,103
Is no what?
368
00:13:39,103 --> 00:13:40,262
Exactly.
369
00:13:42,657 --> 00:13:43,661
I gotta go...
370
00:13:46,942 --> 00:13:49,089
Farrah gonna be fine. Chill.
371
00:13:49,112 --> 00:13:50,448
She hates you, bro.
372
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:54,294
Oh, come on, man.
373
00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:01,711
Yeah, yeah, that sounds good to me.
374
00:14:01,711 --> 00:14:04,257
I'm going someplace
more private right now.
375
00:14:04,257 --> 00:14:05,920
No, you're not.
376
00:14:06,511 --> 00:14:08,347
You just made me hang up
on a Nigerian prince!
377
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,470
Why are you in my classroom?
378
00:14:09,495 --> 00:14:11,327
'Cause it's the only one
that's not bugged.
379
00:14:11,352 --> 00:14:13,440
Why are you in here hiding, anyway?
380
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,278
Unfortunately, I have
become the cool teacher.
381
00:14:17,989 --> 00:14:19,241
Are you done?
382
00:14:22,539 --> 00:14:24,626
The kids keep coming in here
and talking about things
383
00:14:24,626 --> 00:14:26,505
that I just don't feel
comfortable weighing in on.
384
00:14:26,505 --> 00:14:28,508
Join the club. You think
I want you coming up to me
385
00:14:28,508 --> 00:14:30,177
asking for advice all the time?
386
00:14:30,177 --> 00:14:32,348
- I don't do that.
- Please.
387
00:14:32,348 --> 00:14:35,019
Just think where you'd be
if it weren't for me...
388
00:14:35,019 --> 00:14:36,647
Dead.
389
00:14:36,647 --> 00:14:38,734
Hey, where do you get off?
390
00:14:38,734 --> 00:14:40,862
I got all these girls
coming to me for advice,
391
00:14:40,862 --> 00:14:43,200
I'm managing a million
pre-teen relationships,
392
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,619
and you go and torpedo everything.
393
00:14:44,619 --> 00:14:46,163
Look, I didn't want
any part of this, okay?
394
00:14:46,163 --> 00:14:47,834
They came in and they asked me.
395
00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:49,670
They... They came to you?
396
00:14:51,841 --> 00:14:54,386
Like you're some kind of
cool teacher or something?
397
00:14:54,386 --> 00:14:56,528
I'm just as perplexed as you.
398
00:14:56,553 --> 00:14:58,535
I thought the kids coming
in here and farting was bad,
399
00:14:58,560 --> 00:14:59,854
but I see it can be a lot worse.
400
00:14:59,854 --> 00:15:01,148
He doesn't want to be cool.
401
00:15:01,148 --> 00:15:03,318
Says 'cause he hates kids.
402
00:15:03,318 --> 00:15:05,447
You'd think a man who's been
given a second chance at life
403
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:07,033
might want to pay it forward.
404
00:15:07,033 --> 00:15:09,203
Okay, I don't hate kids.
405
00:15:09,203 --> 00:15:10,898
I just don't want
the responsibility, okay?
406
00:15:10,923 --> 00:15:12,016
And I like my alone time.
407
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:13,384
Okay, that's fine.
408
00:15:13,409 --> 00:15:15,664
You don't have to do it.
I mean, they're not your kids.
409
00:15:15,689 --> 00:15:17,694
- Right, e-exactly.
- Yeah.
410
00:15:17,719 --> 00:15:20,515
I teach first graders.
That's what I'm here to do.
411
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:24,839
And the way I look at it is,
I am here for the kids.
412
00:15:24,864 --> 00:15:26,709
But if you want to go ahead
and hide out in here,
413
00:15:26,734 --> 00:15:28,028
go ahead and do it.
414
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,865
Either way, you owe us a chain, Fonzie.
415
00:15:29,865 --> 00:15:33,120
Glad I could help Gregory with
his problem-filled life yet again,
416
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,000
but I'm about to become
real rich real quick.
417
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:38,796
Why am I leaving?
418
00:15:38,796 --> 00:15:40,675
- Wait.
- That's what you're hung up on?
419
00:15:40,675 --> 00:15:43,095
She was taken by U2?
I really need to see this movie.
420
00:15:43,095 --> 00:15:44,097
It's unbelievable.
421
00:15:44,097 --> 00:15:46,936
Janine! Janine!
422
00:15:48,396 --> 00:15:51,151
If you could just excuse
me for a minute. Thanks.
423
00:15:52,655 --> 00:15:54,908
Ava, now is not a good time.
424
00:15:54,908 --> 00:15:56,369
I don't need to schedule
a meeting to see my mole.
425
00:15:56,369 --> 00:15:57,621
I am not your mole.
426
00:15:57,621 --> 00:15:59,040
Way to keep your cover, girl.
427
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,211
Look, you have got to get
that ASL interpreter.
428
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,089
Little Imani is missing out in class,
429
00:16:03,089 --> 00:16:05,343
and even worse,
she's missing all my zingers.
430
00:16:05,343 --> 00:16:06,804
Look, I mean, I-I tried,
431
00:16:06,804 --> 00:16:09,517
but it was taking me away from things,
432
00:16:09,517 --> 00:16:11,813
important things
that they need my input on,
433
00:16:11,813 --> 00:16:14,108
and, you know, the interpreter
just seemed impossible.
434
00:16:14,108 --> 00:16:17,030
Us being friends...
acquaintances... was impossible,
435
00:16:17,030 --> 00:16:18,259
but you made that happen.
436
00:16:18,284 --> 00:16:19,743
This is different.
437
00:16:19,743 --> 00:16:21,913
There's really just too much red tape.
438
00:16:21,913 --> 00:16:23,416
That's no excuse.
439
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,670
Look, I got our 8th graders
a field trip to GameStop.
440
00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:27,632
I let somebody bring
their pet alligator to school.
441
00:16:27,632 --> 00:16:29,468
Ava Fest is a fire hazard.
442
00:16:29,468 --> 00:16:31,764
I've risked everyone's lives,
and I will do so again,
443
00:16:31,764 --> 00:16:33,350
because that's what we do for our kids.
444
00:16:35,896 --> 00:16:38,735
Yeah. Now... while you're
mulling that over,
445
00:16:38,735 --> 00:16:40,112
I have other business to discuss.
446
00:16:40,112 --> 00:16:41,656
I'm in need of some assistants.
447
00:16:41,656 --> 00:16:43,200
- Assistance with what?
- No.
448
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,661
- I need two assistants.
- Get out.
449
00:16:44,661 --> 00:16:46,054
Fine.
450
00:16:47,124 --> 00:16:48,794
Tariq has a son in Barbara's class.
451
00:16:48,819 --> 00:16:50,488
Bye!
452
00:16:51,798 --> 00:16:54,011
Here we go. That's right.
453
00:16:54,011 --> 00:16:56,307
Bye-bye, darling. Do that homework, now.
454
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,962
All right, Nick.
455
00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:00,731
It's time to pack up your things, Nick.
456
00:17:00,731 --> 00:17:02,067
You get to choose
where we're eating tonight,
457
00:17:02,067 --> 00:17:03,652
as long as you say Bahama Breeze.
458
00:17:03,652 --> 00:17:06,390
I'm just playin', Nick.
We could do a picnic.
459
00:17:06,415 --> 00:17:08,711
You get to pick, Nick.
It's your call, man. Come on.
460
00:17:08,953 --> 00:17:10,414
Yeah.
461
00:17:10,414 --> 00:17:12,794
That's a good start, Tariq.
462
00:17:12,794 --> 00:17:14,213
It's actually Nick Sr. now.
463
00:17:14,213 --> 00:17:15,882
You know what?
464
00:17:15,882 --> 00:17:18,888
Your advice goes harder
than that thang, Mrs. Howard.
465
00:17:18,888 --> 00:17:20,142
You know what?
466
00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:23,048
Yes, it does, Tariq. But I must ask...
467
00:17:23,187 --> 00:17:26,359
will the child's mother ever
be dropping off and picking up?
468
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:29,072
No, no, no, no.
She works crazy hours, you know?
469
00:17:29,072 --> 00:17:30,408
Somebody gotta pay the bills.
470
00:17:30,408 --> 00:17:31,910
I barely ever see her.
471
00:17:31,910 --> 00:17:33,538
So you'll be here...
472
00:17:33,538 --> 00:17:35,417
Yeah, twice a day
for the rest of the year,
473
00:17:35,417 --> 00:17:38,255
or until, you know, I find a job
or meet somebody else.
474
00:17:38,255 --> 00:17:40,717
So I'll be seeing you every day.
475
00:17:40,717 --> 00:17:42,387
Why, you don't think
I could meet somebody else?
476
00:17:42,387 --> 00:17:45,058
You don't get to choose the parents
477
00:17:45,058 --> 00:17:47,730
or stepparents of the children
that you teach.
478
00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:50,025
But they say it takes a village...
479
00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:53,614
and sometimes, there's a Tariq
in your village.
480
00:17:55,744 --> 00:17:57,204
- Yo.
- Hey.
481
00:17:59,166 --> 00:18:01,462
You still hitting that brick wall?
482
00:18:01,462 --> 00:18:03,674
Yeah.
483
00:18:03,674 --> 00:18:05,343
Yeah...
484
00:18:05,343 --> 00:18:07,848
Last year, a mom wrote me
a letter asking
485
00:18:07,848 --> 00:18:11,605
if we could get a crossing guard
at 52nd and Lancaster.
486
00:18:11,605 --> 00:18:13,441
I know that intersection.
487
00:18:13,441 --> 00:18:15,904
Oh, my ex got hit there like four times.
488
00:18:15,904 --> 00:18:17,782
- You see? He knows it's dangerous.
- Yeah.
489
00:18:17,782 --> 00:18:20,620
So after I read that letter...
490
00:18:20,620 --> 00:18:22,916
I went through every proper channel,
491
00:18:22,916 --> 00:18:26,004
and I just kept coming up empty.
492
00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:27,673
But remember that we brought you here
493
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:30,596
because of your creative
problem-solving skills.
494
00:18:30,596 --> 00:18:33,768
The district never asks
how you did something,
495
00:18:33,768 --> 00:18:36,022
and look...
496
00:18:36,022 --> 00:18:37,775
you just gotta get it done.
497
00:18:41,615 --> 00:18:43,159
It's worth it.
498
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,006
I'm guessing you're going to be late?
499
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:54,345
Yes, but I also need to ask you
something off the record.
500
00:18:54,345 --> 00:18:56,474
Is this about you being
Ava's mole at the district?
501
00:18:56,474 --> 00:18:58,352
I am not Ava's mole!
502
00:18:58,352 --> 00:18:59,855
Way to keep your cover, girl.
503
00:18:59,855 --> 00:19:02,025
I need you to send me
the contact information
504
00:19:02,025 --> 00:19:03,444
for Imani's parents.
505
00:19:05,699 --> 00:19:07,702
Your door's open?
506
00:19:07,702 --> 00:19:08,965
Yes.
507
00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:12,037
And if you still wanna
hang out in here, you can.
508
00:19:12,062 --> 00:19:13,899
But we're gonna do it with boundaries.
509
00:19:13,924 --> 00:19:15,677
Number one...
I don't wanna hear anything
510
00:19:15,702 --> 00:19:18,070
about your relationships
or the word "females".
511
00:19:18,095 --> 00:19:20,056
Deal. Your advice sucked.
512
00:19:20,056 --> 00:19:21,115
Fair enough.
513
00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:22,869
Also, we're not just gonna
sit around here and do nothing.
514
00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:23,897
We're gonna be productive.
515
00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:25,608
Can we still fart, though?
516
00:19:25,608 --> 00:19:26,943
If you must.
517
00:19:26,943 --> 00:19:28,864
Good, 'cause I just did.
518
00:19:31,785 --> 00:19:34,665
Sometimes big places
519
00:19:34,665 --> 00:19:37,880
make it hard to get small things done.
520
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,636
So to find the answer,
I had to get out of my office,
521
00:19:41,636 --> 00:19:44,933
stop filling out paperwork,
and go out on my own.
522
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:48,606
I thought about how much the
district hates bad publicity,
523
00:19:48,606 --> 00:19:51,152
and somehow word got to Imani's parents
524
00:19:51,152 --> 00:19:54,367
that if they gently threatened
to go to a reporter
525
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,117
who has a bone to pick
with the district,
526
00:19:56,142 --> 00:19:57,555
we might see speedier results.
527
00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:58,657
And voilà.
528
00:19:58,682 --> 00:20:02,714
All of a sudden, Imani has a
qualified ASL interpreter at Abbott.
529
00:20:02,714 --> 00:20:05,177
It's that last bit of effort
530
00:20:05,177 --> 00:20:08,975
that no one expects
that tends to mean the most.
531
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:11,647
We don't get paid to care...
but we do it anyway.
532
00:20:11,647 --> 00:20:14,109
So the female stigma collects pollen.
533
00:20:14,109 --> 00:20:15,194
You said "females".
534
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:20,829
We do it for our co-workers,
our friends...
535
00:20:20,829 --> 00:20:23,083
and we do it for the kids.
536
00:20:23,083 --> 00:20:25,546
We do it for ourselves, too, I guess,
537
00:20:25,546 --> 00:20:29,678
because much like Liam Neeson
in "Taken" 1, 2, and 3,
538
00:20:29,678 --> 00:20:32,099
we kinda can't help it.
539
00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:36,972
Still haven't seen any of them,
by the way.
540
00:20:38,489 --> 00:20:41,827
Hey. Uh, could I get a word
with you, Your Honor?
541
00:20:41,827 --> 00:20:43,315
You may approach the bench.
542
00:20:43,315 --> 00:20:44,720
Okay, so, you know,
543
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,539
with my firstborn son
coming here and everything,
544
00:20:46,539 --> 00:20:48,234
I think it's a good time
for me to step up,
545
00:20:48,234 --> 00:20:50,052
and, you know, start a PTA.
546
00:20:50,052 --> 00:20:52,078
You, Tariq, want to start
a Parent Teacher Association?
547
00:20:52,078 --> 00:20:53,318
No, no, no, no.
548
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,427
Uh, a Parent Tariq Alliance, actually.
549
00:20:55,427 --> 00:20:56,833
But what you said sounds good.
550
00:20:56,833 --> 00:20:58,699
We should just call it that
and get people in the...
551
00:20:58,724 --> 00:21:01,173
Oh, damn. Here go my childless ex.
552
00:21:01,173 --> 00:21:03,199
Janine, don't be trying to spin
the block on me today, okay?
553
00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:04,429
I got a family now.
554
00:21:04,454 --> 00:21:05,638
I am here for work.
555
00:21:05,638 --> 00:21:07,746
Yeah, more like working her way
back into your life.
556
00:21:07,746 --> 00:21:09,358
Exactly, period.
557
00:21:09,358 --> 00:21:11,466
So, uh, with me being
a new father and everything,
558
00:21:11,466 --> 00:21:13,978
I was thinking, what if I start a PTA?
559
00:21:14,002 --> 00:21:17,392
No. Ava, the Parent Tariq
Alliance cannot happen, okay?
560
00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:18,593
- What...
- No.
561
00:21:18,618 --> 00:21:20,281
I see why you broke up with her.
562
00:21:20,306 --> 00:21:21,505
Not what happened.
563
00:21:21,592 --> 00:21:25,557
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