1 00:00:00,180 --> 00:00:03,559 Aardvark. Armadillo. 2 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:06,019 Ant. Anteater. 3 00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:07,979 Now that I'm doing my fellowship at the district, 4 00:00:07,980 --> 00:00:09,479 there's a rotation of substitutes 5 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:12,279 who are teaching my class while I'm gone. 6 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,069 I like to pop by and see how they're doing 7 00:00:15,070 --> 00:00:17,119 whenever I happen to be at Abbott. 8 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,289 Just some quick, light-touch check-ins, 9 00:00:19,290 --> 00:00:21,369 you know, just to show support. 10 00:00:21,370 --> 00:00:23,010 They hardly even know I'm here. [CHUCKLES] 11 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,749 JESSCA: Alpaca. Alligator. 12 00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:32,259 [MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING] 13 00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:40,100 ♪♪ 14 00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:44,889 KIDS: ♪ I'm a little teapot, short and stout ♪ 15 00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:46,439 My kids are so bored, they're moshing to 16 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,319 "I'm a Little Teapot." When can we go back in? 17 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,479 ♪ When I get all steamed up, hear me shout ♪ 18 00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:53,569 - [SCOFFS, CLICKS TONGUE] - ♪ Tip me over and pour me out ♪ 19 00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:55,779 And what you tsk'ing at, Tsk'in' Teagues? 20 00:00:55,780 --> 00:00:57,569 Ugh, just... I mean, look... look at this. 21 00:00:57,570 --> 00:01:00,159 My kids are just meandering. You know what I mean? 22 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,789 You know, she's not even using the buddy system. I... Mm... 23 00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:04,289 What even set off the alarm? 24 00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:05,869 Don't look at me. 25 00:01:05,870 --> 00:01:08,669 Church or home are the only places my candles are lit. 26 00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:11,549 What's not lit is another call from Abbott. 27 00:01:11,550 --> 00:01:12,959 At least it's not a full fire this time. 28 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,509 - Mm. - Just some smoke. 29 00:01:14,510 --> 00:01:15,799 Seems like someone lit a cigarette 30 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,009 - in one of the boys' bathrooms. - What?! 31 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,509 - Cigarette? - What? 32 00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:20,219 Seriously, who still smokes cigarettes? 33 00:01:20,220 --> 00:01:21,929 Single dads, criminals... 34 00:01:21,930 --> 00:01:23,519 Morton. Where is he? 35 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,729 Probably lightin' up in a back alley behind a Dumpster. 36 00:01:25,730 --> 00:01:28,229 Scumbag. 37 00:01:28,230 --> 00:01:30,319 We got him. Melissa sniffed him out. 38 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:34,239 Oh, yeah. You got menthols, you can run, but you can't hide. 39 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,569 One whiff, and I am 14 again... 40 00:01:36,570 --> 00:01:38,699 thinkin' I'm gonna wait a couple years 41 00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:40,909 before I try one of these. 42 00:01:40,910 --> 00:01:42,160 That would only make you 16. 43 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,249 Smell always reminds me of my uncle. 44 00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:47,959 Oh, my aunt used to sit in a chair with a cig 45 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,459 and a glass of Pinot Grig and recount "Moonlighting" to me. 46 00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:52,129 Yeah, my uncle used to do the same thing, 47 00:01:52,130 --> 00:01:54,209 except it was scotch and the Phillies game the night before. 48 00:01:54,210 --> 00:01:55,759 Mm. 49 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:56,920 - Childhood. - Childhood. 50 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,429 - Nah, but this is a real problem. - GREGORY: Mm-hmm. 51 00:02:02,430 --> 00:02:03,969 JANINE: Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. 52 00:02:03,970 --> 00:02:05,519 Where did you even get a cigarette? 53 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,979 Yeah, what you, a French child? 54 00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:09,149 The guy around the corner sold it to me for a dollar. 55 00:02:09,150 --> 00:02:11,269 A dollar? Inflation is crazy. 56 00:02:11,270 --> 00:02:13,859 But you are in big trouble, because cigarettes are banned. 57 00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:15,899 Not on any of the signs I saw. 58 00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:16,990 What? 59 00:02:18,450 --> 00:02:20,779 On the school's website, we got "no skateboarding, 60 00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:23,329 no vaping, no loitering, no horseplay, no weapons, 61 00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:25,499 no open flames, no bullying, and no gambling." 62 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,369 That last one's just for students, though, right? 63 00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:29,169 There's nothing here about cigarettes. 64 00:02:29,170 --> 00:02:30,709 Did y'all find anything? 65 00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:33,629 Uh, well, I saw a sign in the hallway that said "no," 66 00:02:33,630 --> 00:02:35,549 but whatever was under it was graffitied over. 67 00:02:35,550 --> 00:02:38,089 Yeah, that was a "no graffiti" sign. 68 00:02:38,090 --> 00:02:40,339 The e-mail from the top of the year lists everything... 69 00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:42,549 and I mean everything... including bringing a live spider 70 00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:44,099 to school is grounds for expulsion, 71 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,389 but it definitely doesn't list cigarettes. 72 00:02:45,390 --> 00:02:46,969 Fidget spinners... banned. 73 00:02:46,970 --> 00:02:50,189 Cigarettes just seem to have evaded every sign we've seen. 74 00:02:50,190 --> 00:02:52,649 Wait. So many new hazards have come out 75 00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:55,269 that we forgot to put cigarettes on the ban list? 76 00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:57,609 Gee willikers, I have nothing helpful to say, 77 00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:01,109 so I guess I'll just restate the problem that we're all aware of. 78 00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:03,529 - That's you. - Yeah, I got it. 79 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:05,909 Besties! Let's finish up those worksheets 80 00:03:05,910 --> 00:03:08,079 so we can move on to adjectives. 81 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,619 Jessca, do I need to capitalize the names of the states? 82 00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:16,169 The only human needs are water, food, shelter, and music. 83 00:03:16,170 --> 00:03:17,419 But don't worry about that right now. 84 00:03:17,420 --> 00:03:19,629 Just focus on getting your worksheets done. 85 00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:21,719 Ooh. I'm sorry. [CHUCKLES] 86 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,509 You actually do need to capitalize the names of states, 87 00:03:24,510 --> 00:03:27,219 because that's the correct thing to do for proper nouns. 88 00:03:27,220 --> 00:03:29,849 Right? Don't want to build bad habits. 89 00:03:29,850 --> 00:03:31,939 - Hi. I'm Janine. - Jessca. 90 00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:33,519 Oh, it's nice to meet you, Jessica. 91 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,150 Jessca. There's no "I." Jess... Ca. 92 00:03:38,690 --> 00:03:39,779 Who are you again? 93 00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:41,529 Oh, sorry. 94 00:03:41,530 --> 00:03:43,659 I'm Miss Teagues. This is my classroom. 95 00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:45,579 Oh! You're back. 96 00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:48,329 Friends, looks like I'm at the end of my time here. 97 00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:50,999 Oh, no, no, no, no. I was just popping in to say hi to them. 98 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,789 - That's it. - Everyone say hi to Janine! 99 00:03:53,790 --> 00:03:55,839 ALL: Hi, Janine! 100 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,259 Oh. Uh, no, guys, it's Miss Teagues, 101 00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:02,299 with a capital "T" because it's a proper noun. 102 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:03,799 Is there a reason why we're abandoning 103 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,639 - all the rules of grammar? - Oh, in the first worksheet, 104 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:09,139 I like for the kids to write as freely as possible. 105 00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:10,979 - Mm. - And, uh, we'll tackle 106 00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:12,349 capitalization later. 107 00:04:12,350 --> 00:04:14,769 Thank you so much for stopping by. 108 00:04:14,770 --> 00:04:17,189 - Bye, Janine. - Oh, see, it's the way 109 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,729 he said that just now is what I'm trying... Mm-hmm. 110 00:04:18,730 --> 00:04:20,989 - Alright. Let's get back to it. - [DOOR LOCKS] 111 00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:22,569 - [CHUCKLES] - [DOORKNOB RATTLES] 112 00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:24,989 How could cigarettes not be banned? 113 00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:27,579 Yeah, somebody really missed the mark on that one. 114 00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:29,699 I know my fit is going off today, but don't look at me. 115 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:32,209 I blame... Janine. 116 00:04:32,210 --> 00:04:33,659 What are y'all even doing down there at the district? 117 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:35,749 Shuffling papers? Doing the Jubi Slide? 118 00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:37,919 - The children are smoking. - What's the Jubi Slide? 119 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,379 Oh, it's when you put one foot down, 120 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,089 and you kind of move in the opposite direction... 121 00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:42,419 I do not want to live in a world 122 00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:46,009 where white people explain dance moves to me. 123 00:04:46,010 --> 00:04:47,139 - You know, I just don't get it. - [DOOR OPENS] 124 00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:48,433 You know, I thought we beat cigarettes 125 00:04:48,434 --> 00:04:49,560 with the Truth Campaign. 126 00:04:49,561 --> 00:04:51,389 It's just so retro. 127 00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:53,179 Well, maybe they're getting cool again. 128 00:04:53,180 --> 00:04:56,019 I mean, clogs are back. Anything's possible. 129 00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:57,979 Yes. Well, yes, but there are some cool clogs. 130 00:04:57,980 --> 00:05:01,359 I just can't believe that children are smoking ragweed. 131 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,279 I know. Don't they know that smoking kills? 132 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:06,029 Mm. Jacob, you literally vape. 133 00:05:06,030 --> 00:05:07,529 Okay, that's different. That... 134 00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:10,279 Yes, in that it's worse because you can vape anywhere. 135 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:11,619 You vaped all through "Saltburn." 136 00:05:11,620 --> 00:05:14,709 You're inhaling thousands of toxins. Yuck. 137 00:05:14,710 --> 00:05:17,712 Yeah, well... Janine smokes weed every day. 138 00:05:17,713 --> 00:05:18,830 - [ALL GASP] - No. 139 00:05:18,831 --> 00:05:19,839 Damn, Afroman. 140 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,089 Nope. Not every day. 141 00:05:22,090 --> 00:05:23,129 Every night. 142 00:05:23,130 --> 00:05:24,419 Janine. 143 00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,879 Reefer. Ganja. 144 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,759 The Devil's Lettuce. 145 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,429 That's why your feet so big. 146 00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:32,389 I-It's medicinal, and... and it's considerate. 147 00:05:32,390 --> 00:05:35,269 If I didn't smoke, I'd be an insufferable Energizer Bunny. 148 00:05:35,270 --> 00:05:37,769 What a twist. Janine is quietly off that loud. 149 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,769 Ava, you can't talk, okay? You a hookah head. 150 00:05:39,770 --> 00:05:42,069 Mm-hmm. Facts. And microdosing. 151 00:05:42,070 --> 00:05:44,319 I just eyeball it and say, "Yeah, that's enough." 152 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,449 Now, I don't smoke, 153 00:05:46,450 --> 00:05:49,409 but I do enjoy a protein-bar edible on the weekends. 154 00:05:49,410 --> 00:05:50,739 You know, research actually shows... 155 00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:53,119 Wow. This man just made drugs boring. 156 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:57,669 I suggest that you all drop your vices 157 00:05:57,670 --> 00:06:00,959 and take a hit of my drug of choice... 158 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,209 J-E-S-U-S. 159 00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:07,299 Street name, Christ. 160 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,179 Uh, you've been known 161 00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:12,429 to demolish those little bottles of Chardonnay. 162 00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:15,769 And you snort that liquid marijuana. 163 00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:18,189 You don't snort it. It is CBD oil, 164 00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:19,733 and I rub it on my joints. 165 00:06:19,734 --> 00:06:20,860 It's a gateway ointment. 166 00:06:20,861 --> 00:06:22,479 Your lungs are dust. 167 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,529 Crackheads. Speaking of joints, 168 00:06:24,530 --> 00:06:25,819 you ever submerge yourself in the essence of... 169 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:28,279 Oh, duh-duh-duh-duh, shh. Don't finish that sentence. 170 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:30,199 - [CELLPHONE CHIMES] - Frankincense and rosemary. 171 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,160 I bathe in it while I hit a blunt. 172 00:06:34,490 --> 00:06:36,829 Gotcha. Okay. I... 173 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:40,039 [PANTING] Gotcha. Whew, so glad we found you. 174 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,709 Um, you may or may not have heard some chatting earlier, 175 00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:44,339 that may or may not have been by the teachers, 176 00:06:44,340 --> 00:06:45,799 about, you know, some topics 177 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,759 that you may or may not know enough about to parse. 178 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,719 - What? - Baby, what'd you hear up in the lounge? 179 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,260 - That the teachers are all dope fiends. - [GASPS] 180 00:06:52,284 --> 00:06:53,929 Okay, now, that was an adult conversation between adults. 181 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:56,309 That also didn't happen. We were just joking. 182 00:06:56,310 --> 00:06:57,389 Why didn't anybody laugh? 183 00:06:57,390 --> 00:06:58,809 'Cause Janine isn't funny. 184 00:06:58,810 --> 00:07:00,849 Okay, listen, I'm gonna level with you, 185 00:07:00,850 --> 00:07:02,109 'cause I know you're a smart kid... 186 00:07:02,110 --> 00:07:04,859 I am. Or at least that's what my teachers say. 187 00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:07,279 But maybe they didn't mean it. Since they were high. 188 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,899 - [ALL GASP] - Okay, alright, I think the point 189 00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:10,779 is that you overheard our conversation, 190 00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:12,239 which wasn't meant for you, 191 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,869 so maybe it should just stay right here. 192 00:07:14,870 --> 00:07:16,119 If it makes y'all feel better, 193 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,289 - it can stay here physically. - Okay. 194 00:07:18,290 --> 00:07:20,669 But, digitally, it's up on every platform. 195 00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:22,289 I posted it everywhere immediately. 196 00:07:22,290 --> 00:07:23,839 - Ohh! - Ooh. 197 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:26,419 Respect. 198 00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:28,339 Gotcha. [PANTING] 199 00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:29,919 So, the Dust Bowl, named after... 200 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,509 Is that what the inside of your car looks like 201 00:07:31,510 --> 00:07:33,679 - when you're vaping, Mr. C.? - [LAUGHTER] 202 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,259 Look, I-I want to make something very clear. 203 00:07:36,260 --> 00:07:40,189 No one should be talking about, or doing, any drugs, okay? 204 00:07:40,190 --> 00:07:41,939 Except for the teachers, huh? 205 00:07:41,940 --> 00:07:44,059 This man is a hypocrite. 206 00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:46,069 - [LAUGHTER] - Oh, you just got smoked, Mr. C. 207 00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:48,650 - But I bet you like that. - [LAUGHTER] 208 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,279 Hi. 209 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,910 Hmph. Bet you are. 210 00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:56,579 Word Families. 211 00:07:56,580 --> 00:07:57,619 - Pet. - KIDS: Pet. 212 00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,449 - Mm. - Mrs. Howard, 213 00:07:59,450 --> 00:08:01,540 is that Pinot Grigio? 214 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,090 This thing has gotten totally out of control. 215 00:08:07,091 --> 00:08:08,998 You're all drug addicts, and I'm tired of it. 216 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,469 What do we even say to them? We can't just have our kids undermining us. 217 00:08:11,470 --> 00:08:13,129 Okay, but how do we tell them not to smoke or do drugs, 218 00:08:13,130 --> 00:08:15,389 when, one, they know that we do them, and, two, 219 00:08:15,390 --> 00:08:17,259 we can't say anything to them except for "Just say no"? 220 00:08:17,260 --> 00:08:19,309 Okay, well, Janine, you're at the school district. 221 00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:22,269 What's our move? 222 00:08:22,270 --> 00:08:25,979 We do have one more resource at our disposal. 223 00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:28,439 I think it's time to call in a professional. 224 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,779 Gregory: Take a seat in this row, 225 00:08:29,780 --> 00:08:32,069 but leave this seat for me, okay? 226 00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:33,449 Well, F.A.D.E. got here quickly. 227 00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,489 - Yeah, just had to call in a favor. - Nice work. 228 00:08:35,490 --> 00:08:36,989 And then I had to call in another favor 229 00:08:36,990 --> 00:08:39,039 when they found out I was the one who sent them Tariq. 230 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,040 To which I said, "How was I supposed to know 231 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,789 he'd be a liability?" To which they said, 232 00:08:41,790 --> 00:08:43,209 "Wasn't he your boyfriend?" To which I said, 233 00:08:43,210 --> 00:08:44,749 "Okay, nosy, good point. 234 00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:46,169 I'd like to use all other remaining favors. 235 00:08:46,170 --> 00:08:47,499 - Can you help me or not?" - Well, it sounds like 236 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:49,209 the Tariq and F.A.D.E. split was amicable, then. 237 00:08:49,210 --> 00:08:51,379 They said it's litigious and Tariq is not winning. 238 00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:53,129 - Great. - Look at this. 239 00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:55,259 [SCOFFS] Why aren't they in single file, 240 00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:58,049 and why are they holding hands? It's like, germ alert. 241 00:08:58,050 --> 00:08:59,889 Maybe it's to make sure no one gets left behind. 242 00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,809 Okay, well, did you know 243 00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:03,939 that she has them call her by her first name? 244 00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:05,769 These are your students, not your buddies. 245 00:09:05,770 --> 00:09:07,149 Also, I overheard her saying, 246 00:09:07,150 --> 00:09:09,269 "You can use commas whenever you feel like." 247 00:09:09,270 --> 00:09:11,279 - And I just feel like... - [QUIETLY] Janine, 248 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,649 did you smoke last night? 'Cause it don't seem like you did. 249 00:09:13,650 --> 00:09:15,409 I just don't think it's the best way to run a classroom. 250 00:09:15,410 --> 00:09:16,909 Well, she's right over there if you want to have 251 00:09:16,910 --> 00:09:18,740 an actual conversation with her. 252 00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:21,999 Mm. 253 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,749 [KIDS CHATTERING] 254 00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:29,459 Awwww, yeah! 255 00:09:29,460 --> 00:09:34,509 Abbott Elementary two- thousand-and-twenty-three-ee-ee! 256 00:09:34,510 --> 00:09:35,879 It's 2024. 257 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:40,009 Two-thousand- and-twenty-fou-ou-r! 258 00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:41,639 Gotta introduce myself right quick. 259 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,269 My mama named me Timothy. 260 00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:45,979 I call myself Slimothy. [LAUGHS] 261 00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:48,229 But you can call me Slim. You feel me? 262 00:09:48,230 --> 00:09:50,229 Welcome to the F.A.D.E. Experience. 263 00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:51,859 Let's do this! 264 00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:54,239 Drink up the energy! 265 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,859 Drink up the energy, drink up the energy! 266 00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:59,119 Sober minded. 267 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,949 Aw, yeah, no, it's a great gig. Like, it was fate. 268 00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:05,289 And your Tariq was a renaissance, for real. 269 00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:06,789 Definitely my inspiration. 270 00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,669 'Cause I just be studyin' what he be doin' 271 00:10:08,670 --> 00:10:10,379 and puttin' my own spin on it. 272 00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:12,959 And the people, shh, they like it. 273 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,169 So, what's poppin' to all my little sweeties. 274 00:10:15,170 --> 00:10:18,009 Smokin' cigs'll give you diabetes. 275 00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:20,259 Now, I admit that it make you look cool. 276 00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:22,309 But it make your breath smell like stool. 277 00:10:22,310 --> 00:10:23,969 - And that's poop. - [GASPS] 278 00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:26,729 SLIM: I run up the score when I step in the booth. 279 00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:30,899 You do too much dip, you might lose a tooth. 280 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,859 I'm feelin' so swaggy and actin' uncouth. 281 00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:35,939 Please don't get me started on cancer. 282 00:10:35,940 --> 00:10:38,739 I'mma lose it if you think smokin' the answer! 283 00:10:38,740 --> 00:10:41,029 Get that out. Put it out. 284 00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:43,659 In conclusion, I don't think children should smoke. 285 00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:45,159 - That's right. - Yes. 286 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,159 Whoo! [CHUCKLES] 287 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,789 Yeah, y'all warm as hell now! 288 00:10:49,790 --> 00:10:52,289 Fatal overdoses in Philly are on the rise! 289 00:10:52,290 --> 00:10:56,799 And you all are responsible for stopping it via your decisions. 290 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,219 Say it wit' me. 291 00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:01,469 ALL: Decisions. 292 00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:04,309 Alright, now I'm about to bring out da dopest... 293 00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:05,352 Mm. Mm. Mnh-mnh. 294 00:11:05,353 --> 00:11:09,269 ...the tightest certified F.A.D.E. representative 295 00:11:09,270 --> 00:11:11,689 in the wo-o-rld! 296 00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:15,899 Carol-i-i-i-ne! 297 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,109 Pay attention so you don't die. 298 00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:20,279 Pay attention... 299 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,779 so you don't die. 300 00:11:23,780 --> 00:11:27,579 Hello, young... youth of color. 301 00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:29,369 I'm Caroline. 302 00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:32,499 Look to your left. 303 00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:35,289 Now look to your right. 304 00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:38,299 Now imagine it's blurry. 305 00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:41,089 That's what it's like to be under the influence. 306 00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:43,089 Hey, Jessca, how's it going? 307 00:11:43,090 --> 00:11:45,969 It's fantastic. I was just telling the kids 308 00:11:45,970 --> 00:11:48,519 they can choose their own homework assignments. 309 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,389 - I see. - Yeah. 310 00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:54,649 I find that choice gets them really excited about homework. 311 00:11:54,650 --> 00:11:56,939 - Caroline: You are worthy of a good life. - Hey, so, um, first of all, 312 00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:59,029 I just wanted to say thank you for subbing. 313 00:11:59,030 --> 00:12:01,779 The only job harder than teaching is substitute teaching. 314 00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:05,489 I don't know. Have you ever seen "Ice Road Truckers"? 315 00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:09,289 That ice thin. That truck big. 316 00:12:09,290 --> 00:12:11,329 [CHUCKLES DRYLY] Yeah, good point. 317 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:12,709 - Mm-hmm. - Great show. 318 00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:13,959 Uh, second, you know, 319 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,539 I used to teach this class for three years, 320 00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:18,799 and so I have a deep, you know, rich understanding 321 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,759 of the kids and this grade level, 322 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,009 so, you know, if you ever need any tips. 323 00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:26,139 Thanks! But everything's fine. 324 00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:28,599 Right, but there are some universal teaching practices, 325 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,639 and because of your lack of experience, 326 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,559 you might just need a little gentle guidance. 327 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:37,149 Excuse me, Janine, I'm trying to listen. 328 00:12:37,150 --> 00:12:38,609 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 329 00:12:38,610 --> 00:12:41,279 If I need help, I will ask. 330 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:42,569 Okay. 331 00:12:42,570 --> 00:12:45,529 But I don't, so I won't. 332 00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:47,909 So, in conclusion, 333 00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:51,869 say no to drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol. 334 00:12:51,870 --> 00:12:53,959 Remember, F.A.D.E. says, 335 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,459 if it makes you faded, 336 00:12:56,460 --> 00:13:01,049 walk away from i-it. 337 00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:02,839 I know that doesn't exactly rhyme, 338 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:06,339 but it's the message that counts. 339 00:13:06,340 --> 00:13:09,259 A-Alright, we're gonna keep this fun bus moving along 340 00:13:09,260 --> 00:13:12,979 and jump right into a Q&A. 341 00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:15,649 When my mom gets off her shift at the hospital, 342 00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:17,899 she has a cigarette. Is that okay? 343 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:21,609 Only if she wants to wind up being a patient there herself. 344 00:13:21,610 --> 00:13:22,859 What about wine? 345 00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:24,779 My dad drinks a glass at dinner sometimes. 346 00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:27,159 You know what pairs well with everything? 347 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,029 Sobriety. 348 00:13:29,030 --> 00:13:31,909 My aunt takes edibles the doctor prescribed for her glaucoma. 349 00:13:31,910 --> 00:13:33,619 I guess that would be an exception 350 00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:35,709 if it is for medical reasons. 351 00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:38,459 So, you're saying some drugs are better than others? 352 00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:39,959 I would not say better. 353 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,419 But some are definitely worse than others. 354 00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:44,549 Well, then, what's the least bad drug? 355 00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:46,679 All substances are bad. 356 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,339 But if you had to pick one... 357 00:13:48,340 --> 00:13:49,469 Cigarettes, I guess. 358 00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:51,389 - No! No! - [SCOFFS] 359 00:13:51,390 --> 00:13:54,769 So if I had to pick one thing to do if my life depended on it, 360 00:13:54,770 --> 00:13:55,809 it should be cigarettes? 361 00:13:55,810 --> 00:13:57,559 No! Maybe weed? 362 00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,309 - Hoo, buddy. - The hell? 363 00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:00,569 Let's end this, guys. 364 00:14:00,570 --> 00:14:02,729 According to CNN... Uh, fake news. 365 00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:04,569 Okay, now you got my attention. 366 00:14:04,570 --> 00:14:07,449 ...alcohol was illegal during the Prohibition era, 367 00:14:07,450 --> 00:14:10,069 and we're seeing the same renaissance now with marijuana. 368 00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:11,739 You know where they don't have a marijuana problem? 369 00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:13,199 The Third World, 370 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,749 where kids can't just Google whatever they want, 371 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,119 because they're busy making the phones. 372 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,619 - Okay, alright... - It just seems like 373 00:14:17,620 --> 00:14:19,249 most drugs aren't that bad. 374 00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:21,959 Fine, you can smoke a little! Just don't do opioids! 375 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,419 My grandfather's on opioids. 376 00:14:23,420 --> 00:14:25,009 Drugs from a doctor are okay. 377 00:14:25,010 --> 00:14:26,669 My mom's on Valtrex. 378 00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:28,219 That's fine. Your mom has herpes. 379 00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:29,429 - Hey! - Wow. 380 00:14:29,430 --> 00:14:30,679 Lady, are you high? 381 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,219 - CAROLINE: Uh... - [COUGHING] 382 00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,729 Whoo! Alright! 383 00:14:35,730 --> 00:14:38,439 When I say "this," you say, "went well." 384 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,649 - This. - Went well. 385 00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:41,229 - This. - Went well. 386 00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:43,690 Hey, okay. Ah, peace. 387 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:48,075 AVA: [OVER P.A.] Attention, Abbott Elementarians... 388 00:14:48,075 --> 00:14:50,285 Due to the district mandate, we will now be performing 389 00:14:50,285 --> 00:14:52,414 mandatory locker, bag, and cubby searches. 390 00:14:52,415 --> 00:14:53,834 In addition to searches, 391 00:14:53,835 --> 00:14:57,084 we are also reinforcing the zero-tolerance policy. 392 00:14:57,085 --> 00:15:00,424 Any substance found will end in a mandatory two-day suspension. 393 00:15:00,425 --> 00:15:02,754 - Okay... - Any discussion of illicit substances 394 00:15:02,755 --> 00:15:05,174 will result in disciplinary action. 395 00:15:05,175 --> 00:15:07,885 This applies to students and teachers. 396 00:15:10,595 --> 00:15:12,054 [SIGHS] It's bad enough 397 00:15:12,055 --> 00:15:13,474 I got to make announcements sounding like a cop. 398 00:15:13,475 --> 00:15:15,474 Now I got to be a judge and hand out a sentence. 399 00:15:15,475 --> 00:15:18,024 According to this, I got to suspend Curtis. 400 00:15:18,025 --> 00:15:20,274 Well, that's how it goes. 401 00:15:20,275 --> 00:15:22,904 You bring a substance in, you get suspended. 402 00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:24,944 This seems like overkill, to do all this 403 00:15:24,945 --> 00:15:27,114 without even having an honest conversation with Curtis 404 00:15:27,115 --> 00:15:28,364 or any of our students. 405 00:15:28,365 --> 00:15:30,994 Well, that's the system for ya. 406 00:15:30,995 --> 00:15:34,034 We're not allowed to say anything except "drugs are bad." 407 00:15:34,035 --> 00:15:37,504 It just all seems ridiculous. Okay, Curtis is a great kid. 408 00:15:37,505 --> 00:15:39,504 He's an "A" student. He doesn't bother anyone. 409 00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:41,624 It's kind of uncharacteristic that he smokes. 410 00:15:41,625 --> 00:15:44,344 Smokes or smoked? 411 00:15:44,345 --> 00:15:46,175 Do we even know if he's done this before? 412 00:15:49,345 --> 00:15:51,554 We let this thing get so out of control, 413 00:15:51,555 --> 00:15:55,314 we forgot to ask the boy what happened. 414 00:15:55,315 --> 00:15:57,894 So I guess I got to suspend him? 415 00:15:57,895 --> 00:15:59,894 Hold on, okay? Let me talk to him. 416 00:15:59,895 --> 00:16:01,604 He's been spending a lot of time in my classroom, 417 00:16:01,605 --> 00:16:03,194 and I think he's comfortable with me. 418 00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,324 I'll go with you. As a former child smoker, 419 00:16:05,325 --> 00:16:07,074 I can probably cough up some advice. 420 00:16:07,075 --> 00:16:08,364 - [LAUGHS] - [DOOR OPENS] 421 00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:09,944 [COUGHS] 422 00:16:09,945 --> 00:16:13,165 See? It's not funny. 423 00:16:15,245 --> 00:16:17,544 Janine: ...steps to make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen anymore. 424 00:16:17,545 --> 00:16:19,165 Feel like some direction... 425 00:16:21,625 --> 00:16:23,084 Uh, some direction from the school district... 426 00:16:23,085 --> 00:16:24,544 Everything okay? 'Cause, Janine, 427 00:16:24,545 --> 00:16:26,674 I know you love to return a wave. 428 00:16:26,675 --> 00:16:28,964 Yeah, everything's fine. I love the sub. 429 00:16:28,965 --> 00:16:32,514 [CHUCKLES] And her methods, and her ways. 430 00:16:32,515 --> 00:16:35,094 - Yeah, I have no concerns. - Spill the peas. 431 00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,064 She's just doing things differently than I would, okay? 432 00:16:37,065 --> 00:16:38,145 And that's all I'll say. 433 00:16:40,485 --> 00:16:41,814 She is teaching grammar out of order, 434 00:16:41,815 --> 00:16:44,604 and it is chaos, and other things, too. It's... 435 00:16:44,605 --> 00:16:46,194 Would you believe it if I told you 436 00:16:46,195 --> 00:16:49,364 that when you first started, I found that some of your ways 437 00:16:49,365 --> 00:16:51,864 of teaching were a bit unorthodox? 438 00:16:51,865 --> 00:16:54,494 Uh, no, because that belief interferes 439 00:16:54,495 --> 00:16:56,284 with my perception of reality, so... 440 00:16:56,285 --> 00:16:59,414 Janine, every teacher has their own style. 441 00:16:59,415 --> 00:17:01,254 You do things differently than Melissa. 442 00:17:01,255 --> 00:17:03,834 Melissa does things differently than me. 443 00:17:03,835 --> 00:17:05,544 I know, but it's my class. 444 00:17:05,545 --> 00:17:08,044 It was your class. 445 00:17:08,045 --> 00:17:10,005 It's not your class right now. 446 00:17:13,055 --> 00:17:14,844 - Okay. - Okay. 447 00:17:14,845 --> 00:17:16,894 But did you know that she took the "I" out of her name 448 00:17:16,895 --> 00:17:18,224 and just goes by Jessca? 449 00:17:18,225 --> 00:17:20,224 Now, that is foolishness. 450 00:17:20,225 --> 00:17:21,774 - Mm-hmm. - These kids nowadays, 451 00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:23,814 - they're just gonna do anything. - I know. 452 00:17:23,815 --> 00:17:27,154 "Hello, students. My name is no longer Miss Barbara. 453 00:17:27,155 --> 00:17:29,774 - It's Miss Br-ha-ha-ra." - [KIDS GIGGLE] 454 00:17:29,775 --> 00:17:31,904 Yeah, yeah. It's absurd. 455 00:17:31,905 --> 00:17:33,155 - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 456 00:17:34,745 --> 00:17:37,454 Am I in trouble? Because I really am sorry. 457 00:17:37,455 --> 00:17:39,454 No, no, we just wanted to talk, hon. 458 00:17:39,455 --> 00:17:42,124 So, remember when we asked you where you got the loosie? 459 00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:45,044 Well, we also want to know why you got it. 460 00:17:45,045 --> 00:17:47,214 I don't know. Just curious, I guess. 461 00:17:47,215 --> 00:17:49,214 Curiosity is part of being a kid. 462 00:17:49,215 --> 00:17:51,555 Okay, when I was younger, I, uh... 463 00:17:53,675 --> 00:17:55,554 Uh, l-look, you're gonna be presented 464 00:17:55,555 --> 00:17:58,094 with a lot of things in life, both good and bad, 465 00:17:58,095 --> 00:18:00,224 and we just want to make sure that you're being careful. 466 00:18:00,225 --> 00:18:02,434 I wasn't even gonna do it again. 467 00:18:02,435 --> 00:18:05,274 See, that's great. It took me decades to learn that. 468 00:18:05,275 --> 00:18:06,854 It was nasty. 469 00:18:06,855 --> 00:18:09,315 Yeah, it is nasty, so don't forget that taste. 470 00:18:10,695 --> 00:18:12,484 Was F.A.D.E. my fault? 471 00:18:12,485 --> 00:18:14,364 No, no, sweetie. 472 00:18:14,365 --> 00:18:15,904 F.A.D.E. is the government's fault. 473 00:18:15,905 --> 00:18:18,204 [CHUCKLES] 474 00:18:18,205 --> 00:18:19,874 I really am sorry. 475 00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:22,875 Yeah, we know you are. Why don't you head on back to class? 476 00:18:26,465 --> 00:18:28,424 - I hate that we can't be more honest with them. - [DOOR OPENS] 477 00:18:28,425 --> 00:18:30,925 Me, too. That kid should not be suspended. Ugh. 478 00:18:32,965 --> 00:18:34,715 Maybe he doesn't have to be. 479 00:18:36,555 --> 00:18:38,935 - Hey. - Now it's vibe time. 480 00:18:40,055 --> 00:18:42,064 Hey, Jessca. 481 00:18:42,065 --> 00:18:43,974 So, I just wanted to apologize. 482 00:18:43,975 --> 00:18:46,564 Um, while you're here, 483 00:18:46,565 --> 00:18:48,274 these kids are your class, not mine, 484 00:18:48,275 --> 00:18:49,814 and I should not have tried to force 485 00:18:49,815 --> 00:18:52,274 my albeit tried-and-true methods onto... 486 00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:54,324 "K," so let me stop you right there, 487 00:18:54,325 --> 00:18:57,824 because actually, I'm only signed up to be here this week. 488 00:18:57,825 --> 00:18:59,244 And I won't be returning, 489 00:18:59,245 --> 00:19:01,784 because this week has been exceptionally mid. 490 00:19:01,785 --> 00:19:05,504 Oh! So... Mm. I thought you would, uh... 491 00:19:05,505 --> 00:19:07,504 I don't know. I just thought you were having a good time, 492 00:19:07,505 --> 00:19:10,634 so that's why I wanted to come and, you know, say sorry 493 00:19:10,635 --> 00:19:13,384 for the way I'd been acting, because it wasn't, you know... 494 00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,924 Yeah, you're talking as if there was some sort of interaction 495 00:19:15,925 --> 00:19:17,924 I'm supposed to remember, but I don't. 496 00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:19,344 - [CHUCKLES] - [CHUCKLES DRYLY] 497 00:19:19,345 --> 00:19:20,684 - Nevertheless... - Oh. 498 00:19:20,685 --> 00:19:22,354 ...I accept your apology, 499 00:19:22,355 --> 00:19:25,724 which I'm sure I humbly deserve. 500 00:19:25,725 --> 00:19:26,894 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 501 00:19:26,895 --> 00:19:28,274 Toodle-oo. 502 00:19:28,275 --> 00:19:30,024 Okay. Oh. Oh, the door. 503 00:19:30,025 --> 00:19:31,113 Toodle-oo. Click it. 504 00:19:31,114 --> 00:19:32,195 [DOOR LOCKS] 505 00:19:35,235 --> 00:19:38,114 I'm gonna be honest. This was a rough week at Abbott. 506 00:19:38,115 --> 00:19:39,574 Uh, sometimes, as a teacher, 507 00:19:39,575 --> 00:19:41,784 there's only so much you're allowed to say. 508 00:19:41,785 --> 00:19:42,994 But that doesn't mean that you can't still be there 509 00:19:42,995 --> 00:19:44,834 for your kids. 510 00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:47,374 I remembered that I had an in at the district, 511 00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:48,874 and she's gonna speak to the board 512 00:19:48,875 --> 00:19:50,584 and see if she can get Curtis' suspension lifted. 513 00:19:50,585 --> 00:19:52,674 I'm confident she'll get it done. 514 00:19:52,675 --> 00:19:55,344 She always does. 515 00:19:55,345 --> 00:19:58,424 - Thank you. - The truth is, attitudes change. 516 00:19:58,425 --> 00:20:00,304 And as teachers, we have to figure out 517 00:20:00,305 --> 00:20:02,764 how to keep an open mind while staying within the bounds. 518 00:20:02,765 --> 00:20:04,474 And the result is, 519 00:20:04,475 --> 00:20:06,974 sometimes we end up learning something ourselves. 520 00:20:06,975 --> 00:20:09,860 You're gonna feel so much better when you just let it go. 521 00:20:09,861 --> 00:20:10,945 - [ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] - Let it go. 522 00:20:10,946 --> 00:20:11,985 - Drop it. - Good, there you go. 523 00:20:11,986 --> 00:20:13,024 - Okay. See? - Very good. 524 00:20:13,025 --> 00:20:14,064 - Good job. - Yes! 525 00:20:14,065 --> 00:20:15,404 There you go! 526 00:20:15,405 --> 00:20:17,284 [CHANTING] Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. Yes. Yes. 527 00:20:17,285 --> 00:20:18,734 - No! - [ALL SCREAMING] 528 00:20:18,735 --> 00:20:20,244 - No! - Oh, my God! 529 00:20:20,245 --> 00:20:22,414 - Get him out! Get him out! - Jacob. Jacob. Jacob? Relax. 530 00:20:22,415 --> 00:20:23,744 - I got it! - [ALL SCREAMING INDISTINCTLY] 531 00:20:23,745 --> 00:20:25,585 - No! Jacob! No! - Give it to me! 532 00:20:26,413 --> 00:20:29,666 They say quitting vaping is easy-peasy. Total lie. 533 00:20:29,666 --> 00:20:32,377 Nicotine gum... I kept accidentally swallowing it. 534 00:20:32,377 --> 00:20:34,626 Reading Allen Carr's "Easy Way to Stop Smoking," 535 00:20:34,627 --> 00:20:37,296 I was falling asleep and dreaming about smoking. 536 00:20:37,297 --> 00:20:40,967 Anyway, I have found a solution that I really think is the one. 537 00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:44,806 [GASPS] 538 00:20:44,807 --> 00:20:46,136 Hey, didn't you listen to F.A.D.E.? 539 00:20:46,137 --> 00:20:47,556 You can't have vape pens in school. 540 00:20:47,557 --> 00:20:49,516 I buried my vape pen. 541 00:20:49,517 --> 00:20:51,106 This is my Bref. [BREATH] 542 00:20:51,107 --> 00:20:54,856 No vapor, no nicotine, just real natural air. 543 00:20:54,857 --> 00:20:56,776 Damn, they got dumbasses paying for air? 544 00:20:56,777 --> 00:20:58,316 Why didn't I think of that? 545 00:20:58,317 --> 00:21:01,236 Dumbasses? No... Uh, it was only $200. 546 00:21:01,237 --> 00:21:03,447 And it comes with a lifetime guarantee... 547 00:21:04,747 --> 00:21:05,907 Wait. 548 00:21:07,827 --> 00:21:09,077 I got got. 549 00:21:12,207 --> 00:21:13,957 [INHALING DEEPLY] 550 00:21:16,087 --> 00:21:19,086 Well, I'll be. 551 00:21:19,087 --> 00:21:21,386 This oxygen is bussin'! 552 00:21:21,387 --> 00:21:27,396 sync and corrections by awaqeded www.addic7ed.com.