1 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:27,904 Hello? 2 00:00:27,987 --> 00:00:31,407 Larry, it's Gina Grossbard. Stu had a stroke. 3 00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:33,159 Who? 4 00:00:33,243 --> 00:00:36,663 Stu Grossbard. From the club. 5 00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:40,208 - What? - I thought you'd want to know. 6 00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:46,714 Why the fuck did she call me? 7 00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:52,303 Yeah, it's like at three o'clock in the morning. 8 00:00:52,387 --> 00:00:54,889 I don't even know the guy hardly. It's ridiculous. 9 00:00:54,973 --> 00:00:56,099 It's nuts. 10 00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:59,227 What am I doing on that list of middle-of-the-night calls? 11 00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:02,939 - I don't understand it. - Better you than me. That's insane. 12 00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:07,527 The worst part? Now I'm on a text chain with his wife and the family. 13 00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:10,279 Those chains. I've been on 'em. They're the worst thing ever. 14 00:01:10,363 --> 00:01:13,241 I bet this is another one. Oh, yeah. 15 00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,284 - The chain? - It's the chain. 16 00:01:15,368 --> 00:01:18,871 "Hope you're feeling better today. My niece just drew this for Stu." 17 00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:22,166 Look at the picture. 18 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,127 You got a heart that. Just heart it. 19 00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:27,588 - Another one. Holy cow. - It's never gonna stop. 20 00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:30,675 And I can't just drop out, they'll see I left. Listen to this. 21 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:33,720 "My family and I are here whenever anyone needs anything." 22 00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:38,016 "Martha's beef stew is absolute perfection and really heals all wounds." 23 00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:40,893 It's really, honestly, like, the lowest form of human communication. 24 00:01:40,977 --> 00:01:42,562 Hey, guess what? I got a date tonight. 25 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:44,897 - With an artist. - Really? 26 00:01:44,981 --> 00:01:47,817 She's painting me as part of a series of old Jewish comedians 27 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,026 called "Wisenheimers". 28 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,112 - I think Richard sat for that. - I think so. 29 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:54,073 He asked her out, but he said it didn't go anywhere. 30 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:59,454 Maybe he should've gone to Atlanta and given some water 31 00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:01,748 to someone in the voting line, maybe. 32 00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:03,291 Perhaps. 33 00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:10,631 Dig this. Susie has got a textile convention in North Carolina, 34 00:02:10,715 --> 00:02:12,717 and she wants me to go with her. 35 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,011 - What? - What's a textile convention? 36 00:02:15,094 --> 00:02:16,637 You're not going to that. That's ridiculous. 37 00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:18,723 No, she already bought tickets. And dig this. 38 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,559 Because it's last minute, middle fucking seats. 39 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,270 - How am I gonna get out of it? - Guys, can I do this here? 40 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:25,438 So sorry. 41 00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,777 - The whole day. - You're not having the greatest game. 42 00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:34,780 All right, I'm gonna give you that. Pick it up. 43 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:38,034 - She's insane. - You got to get out of that thing. 44 00:02:39,494 --> 00:02:41,579 What the hell? 45 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,081 The fuck's he doing? Are you drinking? 46 00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:46,083 - Just a little swing juice. - Swing juice? 47 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,251 What's in it? 48 00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,253 I go with iced tea and a little bit of vodka. 49 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,047 You look like a derelict with that thing. 50 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:53,299 You mean, a gentleman. Here's looking up your address. 51 00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:54,634 That's bizarre. 52 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:58,471 Hey, you know what? I think I got a way to get out of this trip for you. 53 00:02:58,554 --> 00:03:00,765 - How? - You have this dream, okay? 54 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,685 It's like a nightmare about the plane. And in the dream, you're thinking, 55 00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,438 "I'm on the middle seat. Can't breathe. It's too tight." 56 00:03:07,522 --> 00:03:09,732 "No room." She'll wake up, and you'll tell her 57 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,235 what the dream's about, and she'll be very concerned about you, 58 00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:13,694 and she'll say, "okay, don't go". 59 00:03:13,778 --> 00:03:17,156 - I like it. That's good. - It's a dream scheme. 60 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,450 - Let's see you do it. - All right. 61 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,502 Middle seat! Can't breathe. They're squeezing me! 62 00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,212 Wake up! 63 00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:33,297 - Jeffrey, wake up! - What? 64 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:36,008 You were having a bad dream. What's going on? 65 00:03:36,092 --> 00:03:38,135 I was having a panic attack. 66 00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:41,430 You're not going on the trip. I'm gonna go. 67 00:03:41,514 --> 00:03:42,932 You stay home. Do you like that? 68 00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:45,059 - I love it. - It's worth a shot. 69 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:48,688 - All right. Pretty good so far, huh? - So far. 70 00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:50,648 - You want to be on my talk show? - Of course. 71 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,899 All right, we're back. 72 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:55,778 Our next guest is a young artist from Los Angeles. 73 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:57,321 Her name's Renee Holcomb. 74 00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,365 Please give her a nice round of applause. 75 00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:02,076 - Renee, welcome. - Thank you. 76 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,578 I understand you have an art show coming up soon. 77 00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,747 It's my Wisenheimer series. 78 00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:09,583 - Now, did you paint Larry David? - I did. 79 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,503 I heard he's just an incredible person. 80 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:16,257 And an incredible face. You know? It's Picasso-esque. 81 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:19,176 - You know, a little asymmetrical. - Asymmetrical? 82 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,678 Well, you know, just slightly. 83 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:25,141 Thank you for being on our show tonight, and our next guest… 84 00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:29,311 Okay, I've got the key lime pie and the herbal tea. 85 00:04:29,395 --> 00:04:31,731 - Thank you. - Well, thanks for being on my show. 86 00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,190 It's a pleasure. 87 00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:40,406 - No good? - Hold on. 88 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,452 - Oh, God. - Let me taste it. 89 00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,122 What do you think? 90 00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:51,459 - Right? - It's disgusting. 91 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,045 - Excuse me. - Hi. Yeah? 92 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:57,590 - I'm sorry to bother you. This pie. - You don't like it? 93 00:04:57,673 --> 00:04:59,842 - It's really awful. - Inedible. 94 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,594 It looked like you were both enjoying it. 95 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,888 That grimace looked like we were enjoying it? 96 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,098 I'm gonna get this off the bill for you. 97 00:05:06,182 --> 00:05:08,851 - Everything else has been lovely. - Looked like we were enjoying it? 98 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,729 I'll show you what it looks like when I enjoy something. 99 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,981 What do you want to do after this, by the way? 100 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,358 - Hi there. - Hello. 101 00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:17,943 - This is yours, correct? - It is. 102 00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,321 Well, unfortunately, a little bad news. 103 00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:23,199 I'm not gonna be able to take this off of your bill tonight. 104 00:05:23,282 --> 00:05:25,367 - Why? - It's halfway gone. 105 00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:27,161 - You guys ate a lot of pie. - Is this a joke? 106 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:30,706 It's not a joke. What you ate went past the threshold of returnability. 107 00:05:30,790 --> 00:05:34,919 Okay, I took a robust bite initially because it's dessert. 108 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,629 Then I took a tentative bite, 109 00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:39,507 confirmed that it was gross, and then he took a bite. 110 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,343 She took one bite. She said, "This tastes awful." 111 00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,845 A second bite, "Yes, it is awful." 112 00:05:44,929 --> 00:05:46,639 And you take a large bite at that point? 113 00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,224 That's the part that doesn't make sense. 114 00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,976 You have to take a large bite. How else do you confirm? 115 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:53,854 You can't confirm on a small bite. You don't get enough taste. 116 00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:55,773 That's three huge bites. 117 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,566 You know what? Charge me double for it. 118 00:05:57,650 --> 00:05:59,693 - I don't need to. - She's an artist. She's a libertine. 119 00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:01,737 We're going back to my house. We're gonna have sex. 120 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,489 We're gonna forget about this horrible experience. 121 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:06,992 - We're gonna have great sex. - You two are gonna have sex? 122 00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,619 - Yes. - Yeah, you got a problem with that? 123 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:12,206 - No. No problem. - Who made this pie? 124 00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:14,416 - Chef made the pie. - No wonder. 125 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,085 - No wonder? - No wonder. 126 00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:18,420 Would you like me to go grab Chef, and you can give him your thoughts? 127 00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,589 Go get Chef. You think I'm afraid of Chef? 128 00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:22,716 I don't know if you are, but I think you should be. 129 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,553 - I'm so scared of Chef. - Yeah, get Chef. We don't care. 130 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:28,305 I think when you meet Chef, you're gonna change your tune a little bit. 131 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:32,142 - Go get Chef. - You're gonna regret this choice. 132 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,644 I'm the nice one of the two of us. 133 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:37,481 Get Chef. Let's get the fuck out of here. 134 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:44,947 How'd you sleep? 135 00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:49,326 - Not good. - Really? Why? 136 00:06:50,703 --> 00:06:52,955 - Oh, yeah. New person. - Yeah. 137 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,124 It's weird. 138 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:59,336 Well, aside from the insomnia, everything else was amazing. 139 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:00,921 Really? 140 00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:05,801 Are you suggesting an encore? 141 00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:08,887 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right there. 142 00:07:09,722 --> 00:07:11,307 Yes! 143 00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:24,987 - What the hell? - Larry, who the fuck is that? 144 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,947 - It's the housekeeper! - Why didn't she knock? 145 00:07:27,031 --> 00:07:29,116 She's not supposed to be here! It's her day off! 146 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:32,494 - She should've knocked. - You knock! You always knock. 147 00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:35,581 It's true. She seems freaked out. 148 00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,791 What gave you that impression? 149 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:40,169 I don't get it. It's not like you don't have one of your own. 150 00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:43,464 - Think I better go talk to her. - Call me. Let me know how it goes. 151 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,382 I can't wait for this. 152 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:50,387 - It was great, until it wasn't. - If I don't see you, goodbye. 153 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:51,889 Goodbye, Larry. 154 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,737 I thought it was your day off. 155 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,572 No, it wasn't. 156 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:13,911 Anyway, I know what you saw, and… 157 00:08:14,787 --> 00:08:18,248 I don't know the nature of your experiences, 158 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:23,045 but a lot of women seem to find pleasure in that. 159 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:25,589 You know, go figure. I don't know. 160 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,217 I didn't want to do it. She asked me. 161 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:29,718 She practically begged me. 162 00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:34,765 "I like this, I like this." What am I supposed to do? 163 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,016 I didn't want to be rude. 164 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,393 You know, I'm a gentleman. lt's a chivalrous thing to do. 165 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:40,771 A gentleman holds the door open for women, 166 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,649 a gentleman puts the toilet seat down, and a gentleman… 167 00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:53,116 Dahlia! What's going down, girl? 168 00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,994 I got to work. Bye. 169 00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:58,664 What's wrong with her? 170 00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:01,917 - Incident. - Incident? 171 00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:03,460 Come out. 172 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:07,548 - You got her pregnant? - No. It's not that. 173 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:08,674 Give it to me. 174 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:12,469 Renee, the artist I was telling you about. We were upstairs. 175 00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:16,557 Dahlia walked in on us when I was downtown. 176 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:19,768 Yeah, she didn't take it well. 177 00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:22,437 What the fuck you doing downtown? You don't need to be downtown. 178 00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:24,690 Downtown is fucking dangerous, you understand? 179 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:27,818 - You more of a uptown person. - Don't get me wrong, I love it uptown. 180 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,779 But I will venture downtown, you know, on occasion. 181 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:33,115 What about you? Are you a downtown guy? 182 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,534 Yeah, I'm good. I can fuck around and do a TedTalk to that shit. 183 00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,953 I'll have a pussy TedTalk. Get all the guys in one room, 184 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,539 get a little microphone, get a little laser pointer and shit. 185 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,499 Be like, "This is a pussy. See?" 186 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,420 Yeah, I'm good at that shit. I go through all the fucking zones. 187 00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,505 - All the eromenous zones. - Erogenous. 188 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,674 - Eronenous zones. - Erogenous. 189 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,385 - Erotenous. - Erogenous zone, yeah. 190 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,387 I know all the fucking zones and shit. 191 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,556 Gotta know where to lick at and where to tickle. 192 00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,684 - No caller ID. - Hate that shit. Hey, do you. 193 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,186 - Hello. - Larry, it's Gina. 194 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,231 - Who? - Stu's wife. 195 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,315 He has a stroke. 196 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:12,321 Yeah, right, right. How's he doing? 197 00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,531 Not great, Larry. Touch and go. 198 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,867 I'd love to have lunch with you tomorrow. 199 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:17,993 Lunch? 200 00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:20,120 There's something very important I need to talk to you about. 201 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,914 - Me? - Yes. Thank you so much, Larry. 202 00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:26,543 I'll send you the information. You're on the text chain, right? 203 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,170 Yeah, the text chain. 204 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:31,173 That text chain is a blessing. I'm so glad you're on it. 205 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:34,509 I read that quote about resilience that your cousin sent. 206 00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:36,595 - It was very moving. - I'll see you tomorrow. 207 00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:37,804 All right. 208 00:10:56,573 --> 00:11:01,161 Claustrophobic. The middle seat. No room! 209 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,372 I can't breathe. Middle seat! 210 00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:07,709 - Jeff, Jeff! - Get me out of the middle! 211 00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:11,254 Jeff, wake up! 212 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:14,299 You were having a nightmare. I think it was about the flight. 213 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,261 You're really bent out of shape about this flying to Raleigh, huh? 214 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,679 I guess I am. 215 00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:22,182 You know what, honey? If you're so worked up about this 216 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:25,727 that you're having nightmares, it's a sign you should not come. 217 00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,813 - You really think so? - Yeah, I really think so. 218 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:31,066 Take a deep breath and get some sleep, okay? 219 00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:35,487 I've got a busy day tomorrow. Busy day with the Caftans. 220 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:45,580 I just saw Stu at the hospital, and I'm very worried. 221 00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:51,837 How could Stu have a stroke, of all people? You know Stu, Larry. 222 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,006 I really don't know him. 223 00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,259 Oh, Larry. You mean the world to him. 224 00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:00,387 l can't possibly mean anything to him. I've never even had lunch with the guy. 225 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:04,015 But let me tell you, I blame Susie Green for this situation. 226 00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,393 - Susie Green? - Oh, yeah. 227 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:11,231 The other day, she brought over this massive tub of foie gras, 228 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,818 but she knows I'm dieting and watching my weight. 229 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:15,986 What a bitch! 230 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,363 She brought it over just so you'd eat it and get fat? 231 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:21,366 Here's the thing. Stu ate the entire tub himself. 232 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,494 It seems like he was trying to fill a hole somehow. 233 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,872 Everybody has an Achilles heel. 234 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,165 An entire tub sounds like an Achilles foot. 235 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:34,004 Well, anyway, let me talk to you about why I wanted to meet today. 236 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:38,341 In case Stu doesn't make it, he has some requests. 237 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,385 What do you mean, "requests"? 238 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:44,097 He wants you to keep an eye on Olivia. 239 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:47,517 - Who? - Our 11-year-old daughter. 240 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:54,899 Me, keep an eye on your 11-year-old daughter? You got to be kidding. 241 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,068 I don't know anything about children. 242 00:12:57,152 --> 00:13:01,406 Who better to step up at this time than you, Larry? 243 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:04,993 Anybody in the world. A homeless person would do a better job than me. 244 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,704 I'm telling you what he told me. 245 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,331 This is crazy. I don't like children. 246 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:12,959 I've never spoken to a child without contempt in my voice in my life! 247 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:16,755 - So are you sure? - It's Stu's wish. 248 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:22,802 - Is this a financial thing? - No, it's soccer, homework, boy stuff. 249 00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:28,600 You know, Olivia this week said she's now identifying as a cat, 250 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,978 and I'm sure you could really help her with that, Larry. 251 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:35,732 What, buy her a litter box? What am I supposed to do? 252 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,817 I think you underestimate yourself. 253 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,611 Did anybody else get any requests? 254 00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:44,699 He wants Freddy Funkhauser to take care of his antique violin. 255 00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,409 - What? - And to sell it. 256 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:50,413 It was once played by Jascha Heifetz at Carnegie Hall. 257 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,291 Are you kidding? Freddy Funkhauser gets to sell a violin, 258 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,795 and I get to take care of Catwoman? Why didn't I get the violin? 259 00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:59,506 They're early! Hi, sweetie. 260 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,385 - How did it go today? - It was okay today. 261 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:07,263 We were a cat, so lots of scratches, but she didn't break the skin. 262 00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:10,642 Olivia, I want you to meet Larry. 263 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:15,897 Hello, pussycat. Hello! 264 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,651 - And this is Katie, our nanny. - Hi. 265 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,612 - Do you like hockey? - No. 266 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,532 Do you think Puerto Rico should become a state? 267 00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:28,618 - Who cares? - Have you ever tasted a beer? 268 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:32,455 - Gross. I like your sweatshirt. - Really? Yes, I like it too. 269 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,666 Yeah, but there's something on the string. 270 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:38,378 What are you doing? What'd you do that for? 271 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,671 'Cause cats like string. 272 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,506 It's okay. You'll just wear it without the string. 273 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,424 You can't wear a sweatshirt without the string. 274 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,176 You ruined my sweatshirt, Mittens. 275 00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:55,562 - Come on. This is impossible. - That shit's hard. 276 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,856 It's like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube. 277 00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,650 But dumb motherfuckers try to put the shit back in the same little hole. 278 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,193 Can't go back in the same hole. 279 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,528 That's what I'm saying. 280 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,155 You cut the bottom of that bitch open 281 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,323 and put the shit inside then reseal the bottom. 282 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,117 This is harder than toothpaste. 283 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,245 You know what you got to do with that? You got to moisten that motherfucker. 284 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,746 Like trying to thread a needle. 285 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,666 Lick that shit good. You got to get that bitch in that hole. 286 00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:26,134 No, no! Wait, wait! 287 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:30,054 Wait a second. I'm just trying to get this string in the hole here. 288 00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:33,016 Do you have any tricks? Any housekeeping tricks? No? 289 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,685 No, no housekeeper tricks. Sorry. 290 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,772 Also, one more thing. I noticed when you put new toilet paper on, 291 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:43,026 you always put it on from the bottom, so I have to go to the bottom. 292 00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,403 I like it from the top. Rolls out a lot easier. 293 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:46,946 You can rip it off like that. 294 00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:49,908 Yep, there's people who do it from the top. You know, you roll like this. 295 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:53,036 And people do it from the bottom, you do it like this, 296 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,455 it's almost as if you're un-wiping your ass. 297 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,832 Okay. Can I go now? 298 00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,584 - Yeah. - Bye. 299 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,047 This is unbelievable. 300 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,840 It's just so awkward. 301 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,426 You know, sometimes when you have sex with somebody, 302 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,511 you become a different person afterwards? 303 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:13,264 Well, we didn't have sex. She just caught me having sex. 304 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:16,017 She's uncomfortable, but now it's making you uncomfortable. 305 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,852 She's not cleaning. She's not doing anything. 306 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,812 I'd like to fire her, but I can't. 307 00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:23,399 I got a trial coming up. It doesn't look good that I fired the housekeeper 308 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,318 who saw me having cunnilingus. 309 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,528 Can't get rid of her ass 'cause you got no basis. 310 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:31,449 Getting caught eating pussy is not a basis. So, you fucked. 311 00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:36,162 Oh my God. This text chain. 312 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,791 "Stay strong everybody!" 313 00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,418 "Remember, after the rain comes the rainbow." 314 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,879 "Be the reason someone smiles today." 315 00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,548 Fuck you! Ridiculous. 316 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:53,805 Okay, we go for a walk. Hi. Jeff is not home. 317 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:57,392 He'll be back in, like, 10 minutes. 318 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,644 - What the hell is this? - It's a coyote vest. 319 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,772 They're all over the fucking neighborhood. I got to protect him. 320 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,191 Some people care if he gets eaten by a coyote, Larry. 321 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,819 By the way, I just had lunch with Gina Grossbard. 322 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,445 That farbissinerpunim. 323 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,323 She blames you for Stu's stroke. 324 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,367 She thinks, what, 'cause I brought over the foie gras? 325 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:18,413 She is so transparent. Every time she comes here, Larr, 326 00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:21,374 she brings something from that new French patisserie. 327 00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:24,585 Eclairs. And she's trying to get me fat. 328 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:27,672 - She wants you to be fat? - Yes, she does. So I retaliated. 329 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:32,760 Because she's jealous that I'm thinner and I have more style than her. 330 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,179 You know, he ate the whole tub. That night, had a stroke. 331 00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:37,974 Because he's a fucking pig. It's not my problem. 332 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,100 Really? 333 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,894 By the way, you could play golf with your boyfriend this weekend. 334 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,896 Why? I thought I was going to North Carolina. 335 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,940 He is not coming with me. I can't have it. 336 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:49,318 He had a dream last night, Larry. A nightmare about the trip. 337 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,486 What? 338 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,156 And I thought, if he's having this much anxiety over that flight, 339 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,992 better he should stay home. I don't need him having a stroke. 340 00:17:56,075 --> 00:18:00,371 He had a dream? A nightmare? 341 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,790 - He was thrashing around. - The poor guy. 342 00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:05,293 I believe in respecting the unconscious. 343 00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:08,963 Well, that's just a surprising turn of events. Good for you. 344 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,756 We're going for a walk. 345 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:14,677 - Is your outfit anti-coyote? - Very funny, Larry. 346 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,430 Go fuck yourself. You don't know anything about fashion. 347 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:18,890 Let's go, buddy. 348 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:27,023 Hey. Is this Stu Grossbard's room? 349 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,733 - Yes, it is. - How's he doing? 350 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,985 - It's too early to tell. - Can I see him? 351 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,738 Yes, but don't stay long. He needs his rest. 352 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,954 Stu. Hey. 353 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:45,124 - Larry. - Hey, hey! Stuey! 354 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,128 Look at you. What a man will do for attention, huh? 355 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,090 - Did you talk to Gina? - I did talk to Gina. 356 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,509 She invited me to lunch, and I paid, 357 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:58,804 which is a little odd because she invited me. I'm the invitee. 358 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:02,141 She's the inviter. Usually the inviter pays. I kind of waited. 359 00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,186 I gave her some time, but it was not forthcoming. 360 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,980 I don't want to make a big deal of it. I don't care, really. 361 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:11,525 It means nothing to me, but it's a matter of common courtesy. 362 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,654 You would think the inviter should be the one picking it up. 363 00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:17,406 Listen, again, I didn't care. It doesn't matter to me. 364 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,408 But she did bring up something at the lunch 365 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,953 that I wanted to call to your attention, 366 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:26,707 which is in the event that, you know, God forbid, the worst transpires, 367 00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:31,462 do I have this right that you want me to keep an eye 368 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,089 on your 11-year-old daughter? 369 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,256 Yes, Larry. 370 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:39,512 I met your daughter at the lunch, and she pulled the string on my sweatshirt, 371 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,931 and it was all I could do to restrain myself from yelling, 372 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,850 "You fuck!" That's what I wanted to say to your daughter. 373 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:47,061 She pulled the string out. The sweatshirt's ruined. 374 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,355 She's curious. You're passionate. 375 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,274 It's all right. It's a good combination. 376 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,569 I'm not being immodest when I tell you that I don't really think 377 00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,238 I'm the right person for this job. 378 00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,907 - You are, Larry. - You know who would be perfect? 379 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,326 - Freddy Funkhauser. - No. 380 00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:06,330 Oh, yes. Freddy Funkhauser, who loves prepubescent girls. 381 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,667 And I mean that in a good way. He's very excited to be around them. 382 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,836 And, of course, again, I mean that in a good way. 383 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,004 This has got Freddy written all over it. 384 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,297 Freddy's the violin man. 385 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:18,509 I don't know why I'm not the violin man. I grew up taking violin lessons. 386 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:23,764 Larry, I just know that you're the right man for the job. 387 00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,559 You must have me confused with a normal person. 388 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,687 You are the person for Olivia. You understand? 389 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:33,941 Okay, Stu. I respect your decision. 390 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:38,320 Okay. That puts me at ease. 391 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,079 You're carrying a flask now? 392 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:50,166 I take a couple of nips. I take a nip here, a nip there, 393 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,917 you know. I nip away at it, 394 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:54,378 and then, hopefully, I won't have to drink again tonight. 395 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:57,173 But I feel good. I like it. So what? 396 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,382 Excuse me. 397 00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:04,555 Jesus Christ. Will you look at the tuchus on this one? 398 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:07,892 Is she coming in here? Is she giving you sponge baths, this one? 399 00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,602 She takes care of me, Larry. 400 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:12,980 I'm not even sure if she's wearing a bra. Am I right, Stu? 401 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:23,741 Maybe you're right, Larr. Freddy's the right person for Olivia, 402 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,744 and you're the right person for the violin. 403 00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:29,997 - So you want to flop us? - Yes, I'm gonna flop you, Larry. 404 00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:34,668 I got that violin covered. The violin is the least of your worries. 405 00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:36,420 You're my friend, Larry. 406 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:39,924 Good decision, Stu. I got to run. I got a violin to sell. 407 00:21:58,067 --> 00:22:00,152 - Hello. - Hello. 408 00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:06,408 Just got out of the shower, and there are no towels. 409 00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:09,578 It's because I can't deal with the towels right now. 410 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:10,871 And why is that? 411 00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:16,794 Because I was holding the towels when you and her were… 412 00:22:19,380 --> 00:22:20,798 They remind me of the trauma. 413 00:22:20,881 --> 00:22:23,467 - The trauma? - Yeah, the trauma. 414 00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:24,885 I'll tell you what. 415 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,305 Why don't I get some new towels? 416 00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:32,142 I think I couldn't. Like, any sort of towels would be… 417 00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:34,186 - You can't even go near towels? - No, no, I can't. 418 00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:37,481 So cleaning any towels in this house is traumatic? 419 00:22:37,564 --> 00:22:38,607 Yeah. 420 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:41,318 How about when you take a shower at home and you use your towels? 421 00:22:41,402 --> 00:22:43,821 - Well, those are my towels. - So it's just my towels. 422 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:46,990 And even the new towels would be a reminder of the trauma? 423 00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:50,536 But I also noticed that my clothing hasn't been washed. 424 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:52,913 That's also a trauma? 425 00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:54,498 You don't believe me I have a trauma? 426 00:22:54,581 --> 00:22:56,583 Can we get over the trauma by tomorrow? 427 00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:57,876 I do my best. 428 00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:10,764 Look at all this shit. This fucking mess. 429 00:23:10,848 --> 00:23:13,058 Dahlia can't work because of the trauma. 430 00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:15,269 This trauma is out of control right now. 431 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,855 Look at this. No towels. I'm wet. 432 00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:20,357 I took a shower this morning. I had to dry off with paper towels. 433 00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:23,986 This is fucking insane. She's taking advantage of the whole situation. 434 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:26,572 Completely! 435 00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:30,200 She saw you eating pussy, but it should not affect your work. 436 00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:33,245 Yeah. I caught my aunt giving my Uncle Moishe a blowjob 437 00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:34,788 in the back of a Pontiac, 438 00:23:34,872 --> 00:23:37,583 but if they asked me to go to the movies, I just hopped in the car. 439 00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:42,212 Same back seat! I can still remember those gabardine slacks unzipped! 440 00:23:42,296 --> 00:23:45,048 You might even have got a lollipop and it still didn't affect you. 441 00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:48,135 - You know what I'm saying? - Still didn't affect me. 442 00:23:48,218 --> 00:23:50,137 I did have a crush on my aunt, though, after that. 443 00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:53,307 Trauma did that? Maybe it's some kind of religious thing. 444 00:23:53,390 --> 00:23:56,268 Is there any mention of cunnilingus in the Bible? 445 00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:59,771 That shit didn't start till the early 1900s, at least. 446 00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:02,024 No, I don't think so. Columbus got it from the Indians, 447 00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,609 brought it back to Spain with grapefruit. 448 00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:04,943 Somebody had to be the first. 449 00:24:05,027 --> 00:24:06,653 There was a cunnilingus pioneer out there. 450 00:24:06,737 --> 00:24:09,114 We don't know who it was. They should get some credit for that. 451 00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:11,950 Put that motherfucker on Mount Rushmore of Pussy Eaters. 452 00:24:12,034 --> 00:24:14,036 They all got their tongue out and shit. 453 00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:17,873 Honor these motherfuckers, right? Somebody had to start it. 454 00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:21,627 Nah, fuck that. 455 00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:23,921 - Who is it? - It's Freddy! 456 00:24:26,590 --> 00:24:29,218 Hey! There's my guy. Okay if I come in? 457 00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,720 Great to see you, old friend. 458 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:34,973 Boy, it does my heart good to see an honest face. 459 00:24:35,057 --> 00:24:38,977 I think it comes down to just loyalty and someone who's genuine, 460 00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:41,480 who you can count on. Because that's what makes a friend. 461 00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:44,316 Anyway, anything you want to tell a friend to his face? 462 00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:46,318 - No. - No? 463 00:24:47,236 --> 00:24:50,781 I gave you a chance to address the fact that you fucked me. 464 00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:54,493 Yeah. You took me off the violin, and you shoved the kid down my throat, 465 00:24:54,576 --> 00:24:55,786 and you fucked me, L.D. 466 00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:56,995 I couldn't do it. 467 00:24:57,079 --> 00:25:00,249 You know what the worst thing is? You did it with my own flask. 468 00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:01,708 You took something elegant, 469 00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:04,670 something classy and sophisticated like my flask, 470 00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:07,089 and you shoved it up my ass, and you reamed me with it. 471 00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,800 - It was a good idea, though. - What you did is terrible. 472 00:25:09,883 --> 00:25:12,427 This is a first-degree, premeditated fucking. 473 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,846 You know what makes it even worse? Is you don't have any remorse. 474 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:18,934 You're a sociopath. You fucked me in cold blood, and you're a monster. 475 00:25:19,017 --> 00:25:22,479 And now I have to accept the fact that you're wired like a fucking lunatic. 476 00:25:22,562 --> 00:25:24,523 I can't take care of kids! I hate kids! 477 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:28,276 I'd rather have roaches in my bathtub as pets than take care of a kid! 478 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:29,611 And I'm fucking Mary Poppins? 479 00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:31,655 You're a very affable and genial fella! 480 00:25:31,738 --> 00:25:33,281 You could do a much better job than I can! 481 00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:34,533 You have a knack! 482 00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:37,077 It was way too sophisticated for that child! 483 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,038 You always take time for people! You're completely courteous! 484 00:25:40,122 --> 00:25:42,624 I can't even believe the way people talk about you behind your back! 485 00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:45,544 "That Freddy Funkhauser! He's the nicest guy I've ever met!" 486 00:25:45,627 --> 00:25:48,547 I'm the nicest guy? People always say how lovely you are! 487 00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:51,133 "He's so funny! Larry brightens the party!" 488 00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:53,468 Nobody's said a decent word about me my entire life! 489 00:25:53,552 --> 00:25:55,554 I don't even say decent words about me! 490 00:25:55,637 --> 00:25:57,681 I say he's honest, he's loyal! 491 00:25:57,764 --> 00:26:01,643 I won't say it anymore! It was a terrible thing that you did. 492 00:26:01,727 --> 00:26:05,230 My one regret is that I had to use your flask. 493 00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:09,735 That may be your first regret, but that's not gonna be your only regret. 494 00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:11,403 There's gonna be a series of regrets. 495 00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:15,657 Because if you think I'm gonna take a nap while you fuck me, 496 00:26:16,158 --> 00:26:18,952 you're crazy. I'm awake. This thing's only just begun. 497 00:26:19,035 --> 00:26:22,205 And I'm about to roll over and do some fucking myself. 498 00:26:22,289 --> 00:26:26,543 You're getting fucked pretty soon. I'm gonna roll over and fuck you. 499 00:26:26,626 --> 00:26:28,253 That guy thinks I'm an alcoholic! 500 00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:31,381 Freddy? What are you gonna do? 501 00:26:34,509 --> 00:26:36,344 For God's sake. 502 00:26:38,305 --> 00:26:41,433 This chain! 503 00:26:45,353 --> 00:26:46,772 Stu, you all right? 504 00:26:47,814 --> 00:26:49,524 I came full throttle from Cabazon, 505 00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:51,860 from the outlet store. I'm glad to be with you. 506 00:26:51,943 --> 00:26:52,986 My friend, Freddy. 507 00:26:53,069 --> 00:26:54,321 Can I cheer you up with some pretty good news? 508 00:26:54,404 --> 00:26:56,406 I think I got a couple leads on the violin. 509 00:26:56,490 --> 00:26:59,409 - You talked to Gina? - I'm getting a bidding war going. 510 00:26:59,493 --> 00:27:01,786 I can't do it, Freddy. I got to switch it up. 511 00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:04,748 You got to take Olivia. Larry's gonna sell the violin. 512 00:27:04,831 --> 00:27:08,335 You want to have a nest egg for Olivia, you need me moving that violin. 513 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:11,338 - And Larry's great with kids. - I don't know about that. 514 00:27:11,421 --> 00:27:14,549 He's super comfortable with really young girls. Not in a bad way, but nice. 515 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:16,718 Like laughing and joking. He's like a porcupine. 516 00:27:16,801 --> 00:27:19,846 He puts those things out and is prickly 'cause he wants to keep people away, 517 00:27:19,930 --> 00:27:23,058 but he puts 'em down for the kids, and he brings those kids in, 518 00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:25,977 and he gives 'em a nice, snug hug. He holds on to 'em super tight. 519 00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:28,605 Not in a bad way. They love to cuddle with him because he smells good, 520 00:27:28,688 --> 00:27:30,690 and he's always got a clever line he whispers. 521 00:27:30,774 --> 00:27:32,901 He's playful. The girls love it. They sit and laugh, 522 00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:36,571 it's a little push, a little pull. Not in a bad way, but they connect. 523 00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:38,156 I appreciate everything you're saying. 524 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,575 If I was gonna pick someone, I'd pick Larry David. 525 00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:43,537 - I made up my mind. - You're missing the big picture here. 526 00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:48,750 Larry is selling the violin, and you are keeping an eye on Olivia. 527 00:27:49,292 --> 00:27:51,795 And that's my final word, Freddy. 528 00:27:52,128 --> 00:27:55,340 If that's what you want, then I'll honor that. 529 00:27:57,425 --> 00:27:58,760 I'm sorry. I'm exhausted. 530 00:27:58,843 --> 00:28:01,638 I've had the sun in my eyes since I've been driving from the outlets. 531 00:28:01,721 --> 00:28:02,764 You mind if I take a seat? 532 00:28:02,847 --> 00:28:05,976 No. Go ahead, Freddy. I want you to stick around. 533 00:28:06,059 --> 00:28:10,230 I'm so tired, I think I'm about to fall asleep on my feet. 534 00:28:10,313 --> 00:28:11,940 Do you mind if I rest my eyes? 535 00:28:12,023 --> 00:28:14,651 No. I think I'm gonna go to sleep too, Freddy. 536 00:28:22,867 --> 00:28:24,911 You don't need to finish high school. 537 00:28:25,620 --> 00:28:28,915 You need to pay your dues at the mattress store in Temecula. 538 00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:34,462 You want a book? Next thing is you're gonna be wanting socks. 539 00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:37,507 And take off that skirt. You look like a whore. 540 00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:39,592 I said take it off! 541 00:28:42,053 --> 00:28:46,099 It's not hard to make friends. It's just nobody likes you. 542 00:28:48,268 --> 00:28:52,605 It's a pocketknife. You're supposed to cut yourself sometimes. 543 00:28:53,398 --> 00:28:54,733 That's how you learn. 544 00:28:56,776 --> 00:29:00,613 You shit in the bucket, you clean the bucket. Those are the house rules. 545 00:29:01,614 --> 00:29:04,534 Who cares if it's your birthday? We go to cockfights. 546 00:29:04,617 --> 00:29:07,746 That's what this family does. It's tradition. 547 00:29:08,788 --> 00:29:09,998 Freddy. 548 00:29:11,041 --> 00:29:13,334 You'll come out of the basement when I'm good and ready. 549 00:29:13,418 --> 00:29:17,088 - Freddy. - Hey, you're fat. 550 00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:19,507 Freddy! 551 00:29:20,341 --> 00:29:23,887 What's going on? So sorry. I was having the craziest dream. 552 00:29:24,429 --> 00:29:26,598 - Yeah, I know. - I was exhausted. 553 00:29:26,681 --> 00:29:29,726 I've changed my mind. You're back on the violin. 554 00:29:29,809 --> 00:29:31,853 - You're flopping? - I'm flopping. 555 00:29:31,936 --> 00:29:34,564 All right, well, that's what you want, that's what it is. 556 00:29:34,647 --> 00:29:36,566 I'll be sure to let Larry know. I'd love to stay, 557 00:29:36,649 --> 00:29:39,277 but I got a Zoom in Vacaville with one of my mattress shops, okay? 558 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,528 You're the best, Freddy. 559 00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:42,989 And don't worry about that violin. I'm moving it. 560 00:29:46,409 --> 00:29:47,994 Very busy tongue. 561 00:29:50,955 --> 00:29:52,665 The tongue of the devil! 562 00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:59,547 Awful. Head and legs. 563 00:29:59,964 --> 00:30:03,802 Bald head, moving up and down. 564 00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:10,809 - I must have fallen asleep. - What happened? 565 00:30:10,892 --> 00:30:13,728 - I was having a nightmare. - Yeah, sounds like it. 566 00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:15,313 You poor thing. Are you okay? 567 00:30:15,396 --> 00:30:17,398 Maybe because of the trauma. 568 00:30:17,482 --> 00:30:19,526 Okay. Let me tell you something. 569 00:30:19,609 --> 00:30:23,071 You're using the dream scheme on the wrong guy. I invented it. 570 00:30:23,154 --> 00:30:24,489 I can't forget what I saw. 571 00:30:24,572 --> 00:30:26,574 This is over. I don't want to fire anybody, 572 00:30:26,658 --> 00:30:29,661 but I will fire, and I'll hate myself for doing it. 573 00:30:29,744 --> 00:30:32,872 But if you don't come in tomorrow and work. I'm gonna do it. 574 00:30:32,956 --> 00:30:34,624 Okay? And take your feet off the couch. 575 00:30:36,042 --> 00:30:38,836 Hey, Leon! I'm gonna go get that violin. 576 00:30:42,382 --> 00:30:43,591 Take care. 577 00:30:47,470 --> 00:30:49,222 - Larry. - Yeah. 578 00:30:49,305 --> 00:30:52,308 - Waylan Grossbard. - Do I know you? 579 00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:55,061 I'm Stu's cousin from the family text chain. 580 00:30:55,144 --> 00:30:57,355 Yeah, the text chain. 581 00:30:57,438 --> 00:31:02,193 We love that you're on there. I noticed you haven't really been very active. 582 00:31:02,277 --> 00:31:05,405 Barely replying at all, actually. 583 00:31:06,489 --> 00:31:09,200 Well, we're noticing it's really been helpful for everybody. 584 00:31:09,284 --> 00:31:13,746 Has it? Is it? Really? Is it helpful? 585 00:31:13,830 --> 00:31:15,373 - Yeah. - Yeah, you think so? 586 00:31:15,456 --> 00:31:16,582 I don't know if you saw. 587 00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:19,919 My niece sent a great photo of Stu and her by the lake. 588 00:31:20,628 --> 00:31:23,923 That was really cute. 589 00:31:24,257 --> 00:31:28,011 Cute? You think you're too good for the chain? 590 00:31:28,594 --> 00:31:31,889 You know what? Waylan? Is that your name? 591 00:31:31,973 --> 00:31:35,143 - Yeah. - I think I'm too good for the chain. 592 00:31:35,226 --> 00:31:37,020 I'm sorry you don't want to help your friend. 593 00:31:37,103 --> 00:31:42,275 It takes minimal effort just to reply. Even a "ha-ha" or a thumbs up. 594 00:31:42,358 --> 00:31:46,446 Really? Are there funny things on there that require a "ha-ha"? 595 00:31:46,529 --> 00:31:49,449 - If you read through it… - Can I be honest with you? 596 00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:51,659 - Please. - I'm overwhelmed by this chain. 597 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:54,829 Every two minutes it's "ding!". I'm getting a ding. 598 00:31:54,912 --> 00:31:57,290 Too many dings! And what is it? 599 00:31:57,373 --> 00:32:01,919 It's just these ridiculous inspirational sentiments that amount to nothing. 600 00:32:02,003 --> 00:32:06,466 They're all trite. I don't even know why people bother to write them! 601 00:32:06,549 --> 00:32:10,219 And you want me to give it a "ha-ha"? 602 00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:14,015 Or a heart. That's also an option, but it seems like that's too much for you. 603 00:32:14,098 --> 00:32:17,935 This chain is too much for me. I want off this chain. 604 00:32:18,019 --> 00:32:20,396 Once you're off the chain, you can't get back on the chain. 605 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:21,856 Don't say that. Really? 606 00:32:21,939 --> 00:32:23,608 I would text this to you, but I know you won't read it, 607 00:32:23,691 --> 00:32:25,818 so here's the real-life emoji. There you go. 608 00:32:25,902 --> 00:32:28,321 - I'll give that a "ha-ha"! - No, ha-ha to you. 609 00:32:28,404 --> 00:32:31,657 Ha-ha to you, sir. You know, you're a real asshole. 610 00:32:31,741 --> 00:32:34,410 I'm an asshole? 611 00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:41,167 I'm the one writing "tough times remind us that our spirits are strong"? 612 00:32:41,250 --> 00:32:43,044 - Yeah, I wrote that! - Yeah, I know you did! 613 00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:44,921 Well, heart it if you like it! 614 00:32:45,004 --> 00:32:46,881 - Yeah, I'll heart it. - Is that an emoji? 615 00:32:46,964 --> 00:32:50,176 That's a nice smiley face. The praise hands. 616 00:32:50,259 --> 00:32:53,054 So you know the emojis, you just won't use them. 617 00:32:53,137 --> 00:32:55,723 Nice. And a thumbs up. Well, "ha-ha" to you, sir. 618 00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:59,227 "Ha-ha" to you. Thank you. Fuck you. 619 00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:09,153 - Larry! What a surprise. - Hi. 620 00:33:09,237 --> 00:33:14,325 I thought I'd come over and pick up the violin. 621 00:33:14,742 --> 00:33:18,496 I don't want to appear insensitive, but just in case. 622 00:33:18,579 --> 00:33:22,291 - I'll get a head start on things. - No, there's no need. Freddy's here. 623 00:33:22,375 --> 00:33:24,377 - What? - Stu made a change. 624 00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:27,755 - Freddy's taking the violin. - What? 625 00:33:29,298 --> 00:33:33,094 Hey! What are you doing? 626 00:33:33,761 --> 00:33:35,429 - What are you doing here? - What are you doing? 627 00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:38,099 - I'm fulfilling my obligation to Stu. - You don't get the violin. 628 00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:41,102 - I get the violin. - Stu put me in charge of the violin. 629 00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:43,312 l think you're mistaken. What's going on? 630 00:33:43,396 --> 00:33:47,567 Freddy went to see Stu at the hospital, and he got tired. 631 00:33:47,650 --> 00:33:51,946 He fell asleep, and he had these nightmares about raising Olivia. 632 00:33:54,532 --> 00:33:57,410 Really? I wonder where you got that from! 633 00:33:57,493 --> 00:33:59,829 He was having nightmares! It's all bullshit! 634 00:33:59,912 --> 00:34:02,790 It's a nightmare con! 635 00:34:02,873 --> 00:34:06,252 And I know, 'cause I invented it! It's a scam! 636 00:34:06,335 --> 00:34:07,503 What? A scam? 637 00:34:07,587 --> 00:34:11,841 You invented the nightmare con? Jeffs dream was all a fucking lie? 638 00:34:12,675 --> 00:34:16,220 l am so on to you and your little friend Jeff. 639 00:34:16,304 --> 00:34:19,140 - I didn't put him up to it. - I'm gonna kill that fat motherfucker! 640 00:34:19,223 --> 00:34:21,809 I brought you a kale salad as a peace offering. 641 00:34:21,892 --> 00:34:23,436 You know, it hardly has any calories. 642 00:34:23,519 --> 00:34:28,024 And I'm gonna fucking kill him, Larry! And it's gonna be your fault! Enjoy. 643 00:34:32,987 --> 00:34:34,947 No, no, no! Don't even think about it! 644 00:34:38,034 --> 00:34:42,621 Stop it! Put it back! Put it back and get out! 645 00:34:44,957 --> 00:34:46,292 All right. 646 00:34:52,798 --> 00:34:54,091 Yeah, I'm so sorry. 647 00:35:03,392 --> 00:35:08,689 Get out! I don't want either one of you taking care of anything! 648 00:35:10,858 --> 00:35:12,151 You have a lovely home. 649 00:35:15,112 --> 00:35:18,699 We'll talk on the text chain. 650 00:35:24,705 --> 00:35:26,040 Okay. 651 00:35:32,630 --> 00:35:34,924 - Not bad. - Yeah… 652 00:35:35,007 --> 00:35:36,467 You know what? 653 00:35:37,218 --> 00:35:39,595 I think you would've been a much better dad. 654 00:35:39,678 --> 00:35:42,723 Are we talking in all seriousness? You would've been a hell of a father. 655 00:35:42,807 --> 00:35:46,018 Are you kidding? Social workers would've descended on the house 656 00:35:46,102 --> 00:35:47,394 within two weeks. 657 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,654 Hi. I'm Renee. We met. 658 00:35:56,737 --> 00:35:58,322 I remember. 659 00:35:58,405 --> 00:36:02,535 Hey, listen. About the other day, I know it was really awkward, 660 00:36:02,618 --> 00:36:04,495 but it's not even really my thing. You know? 661 00:36:04,578 --> 00:36:07,456 It's Larry's thing. He really likes that. 662 00:36:08,082 --> 00:36:10,209 Anyway, where's Larry? 663 00:36:10,292 --> 00:36:11,710 - He's not here. - Got it. 664 00:36:11,794 --> 00:36:13,671 Well, I'm gonna leave this here for him, 665 00:36:13,754 --> 00:36:16,340 because someone from the gallery is gonna be by later to box it up 666 00:36:16,423 --> 00:36:19,134 before the showing, but I wanted him to see it. 667 00:36:19,802 --> 00:36:20,928 I take it. 668 00:36:21,595 --> 00:36:23,639 Okay. Do you need some help? 669 00:36:26,058 --> 00:36:27,142 Guess not. 670 00:36:48,330 --> 00:36:51,208 Excuse me. Could I have a water? 671 00:36:53,210 --> 00:36:55,254 This is your pilot speaking. I'm sorry to report 672 00:36:55,337 --> 00:36:58,340 that due to some inclement weather in the Raleigh/Durham area, 673 00:36:58,424 --> 00:37:00,593 this flight is being diverted to Greensboro. 674 00:37:00,676 --> 00:37:03,971 We'll be able to bus you to your final destinations. 675 00:37:16,108 --> 00:37:19,320 So, he jumped right into Sheep's Head Bay. 676 00:37:19,403 --> 00:37:21,864 - Can you believe it? - That's crazy. 677 00:37:27,995 --> 00:37:29,580 What the fuck?