1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:05,379
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

2
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,840
Every year, one lucky
school gets a new playground

3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,383
built by the Philadelphia Eagles,

4
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,928
so I reached out and they
had already picked their school.

5
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,263
I told them, "Fine, I'll
reach out to the 76ers."

6
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,890
And I didn't get a response back,

7
00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:19,310
so I did an Instagram call to action
in the tone of a threatening plea

8
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:25,311
to sort of pressure them
socially, and it worked.

9
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:32,698
- What's going on here?
- The Sixers are building us a playground.

10
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,535
As in six guys, or the
Philadelphia 76ers?

11
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,662
Oh. Don't be rude, Greg.

12
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:39,372
They said there's some
deep bench players,

13
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,081
which is why we don't recognize 'em.

14
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:43,626
- Uh-huh. And this is free?
- Yes.

15
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:46,670
Well, actually, um, the way it
works is we pay for it up front

16
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:49,798
and then they... they're going to
reimburse us, uh, when it's finished.

17
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,886
It's a very interesting concept.

18
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,763
Sorry, who are you guys?

19
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:58,766
Hey, man. Be cool. I'm Dean Wade.

20
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,769
Nope, he's white. And what
position could you possibly play?

21
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:04,164
A point guard.

22
00:01:04,166 --> 00:01:09,170
It's possible. You've
seen Jalen Brunson.

23
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,948
This looks kinda bad.

24
00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:16,200
Maybe they're only
efficient at basketball.

25
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:20,079
Maybe. Let's find out.

26
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,354
Dean, check up.

27
00:01:21,356 --> 00:01:24,333
[YELPS]

28
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,210
Shut it down.

29
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,879
The school year just started
and I'm already getting scammed.

30
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:33,887
All right, guys, get outta here!

31
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,706
Yo, what's up?

32
00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:41,809
I'm Tyrese Maxey. This is
VJ. This is our new guy Jaylen.

33
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,269
We saw your Instagram post.

34
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,479
- Very effective.
- More like threatening.

35
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,732
Hey, man, sorry we
late, but we're here now.

36
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,525
Yeah, all right. Well,
if you're the Sixers,

37
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,776
where's LeBron James?

38
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,278
This is gonna sound like a lie,

39
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,239
but he's actually running
up the Rocky Steps right now.

40
00:01:54,241 --> 00:01:56,532
- [LAUGHING]
- He loves that movie.

41
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,243
Yeah, right. Get the hell
out of here, you tall jerks.

42
00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:03,998
Man, this one crazy as hell.

43
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:06,208
Really gotta start
watching men's sports.

44
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:11,209
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -

45
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,474
Thank you. Ooh!

46
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,101
Damn, it's hotter in
here than it is outside.

47
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,186
[JANINE EXHALES]

48
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,307
I hope the gym isn't boiling
during the development meeting.

49
00:02:27,309 --> 00:02:30,232
You know it will be. I just
hope the meeting goes fast.

50
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,901
I have a classroom to build.

51
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,445
This year I am theming my classroom.

52
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:35,613
So teachers on TikTok,

53
00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:37,698
they're completely
transforming their rooms.

54
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:41,577
I've seen magic themes,
space themes... But me?

55
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,329
Get your raincoat, baby.

56
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,830
[SQUAWKS]

57
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,041
'Cause welcome to the jungle...

58
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:49,543
themed classroom.

59
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:50,628
I'm this way.

60
00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:55,132
Oh, yeah, that's right,
Mr. Assistant Principal.

61
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:57,843
I'm so proud of you.

62
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,387
Oh, oh, oh. Uh...

63
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,263
- You got... You got it? You all right?
- Yeah, I got it.

64
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,557
- It's good. You got... Go ahead.
- Okay.

65
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,018
So last year I got bumped
up to assistant principal

66
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,105
after Abbott was saved at the
teachers' conference in Miami.

67
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,648
So I've been preparing all summer.

68
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,274
I took some continuing ed courses,

69
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:15,319
developed a rapport with
Interim Superintendent Collins.

70
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,737
I even hired my own replacement,

71
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:19,657
so the first graders will
be in excellent hands.

72
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,159
Janine says I'm flourishing.

73
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:26,288
I don't know about
all that, but you know...

74
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,415
Blazay-blah.

75
00:03:27,417 --> 00:03:30,108
Ah! We have two new teachers this year.

76
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:33,296
Mr. Eddie's replacement will
be here on the first day of school,

77
00:03:33,298 --> 00:03:36,674
and second grade teacher
Elsa Hardaway will be joining us

78
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,659
from newly shut-down Bates Academy.

79
00:03:38,661 --> 00:03:42,513
- Hey, what room is she taking?
- The first floor classroom, your old room.

80
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,390
It won't be a swing
space anymore, people.

81
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,852
Oh, crap. I wanna get my old room back.

82
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:50,563
My ankles and those stairs
go together like oil and vinegar.

83
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,648
Good for a side salad,
but not the main course,

84
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,024
- you know what I mean?
- Uh-huh.

85
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,193
- [AVA] Next, we have...
- [ALL GASPING, MURMURING]

86
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,904
Oh! What the hell happened to you?

87
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,157
- [MELISSA] Barb!
- I'm fine. I... I'm fine.

88
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:04,034
Barb, your phone is
cracked and your... your hair...

89
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,746
[MR. JOHNSON] Hate to interrupt you,
Barb, but the Neighborhoods app says,

90
00:04:06,748 --> 00:04:08,998
"Black woman in purple
sweater collided with a car

91
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,499
- in front of Abbott Elementary."
- [ALL GASP]

92
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,169
- Melissa, you okay?
- Barb, you got hit by a car?

93
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,338
Are you okay? Do we need
to get you to the hospital?

94
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:16,738
- Yeah.
- [BARBARA] No, no, I'm fine.

95
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:19,758
While it is true that I was
mowed down by a motor vehicle,

96
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:23,620
the good Lord protected
me from serious bodily harm.

97
00:04:23,622 --> 00:04:27,683
I mean, could an injured person do this?

98
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,310
[VOCALIZING]

99
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:35,065
Oh, yes, a car and I made
unplanned contact this morning.

100
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:37,901
Now, normally there are
two sides to every story,

101
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:41,030
but in this case there
are not, so drop it.

102
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,491
- [VOCALIZING]
- [MELISSA] Okay, wait, wait...

103
00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,243
- Did you exchange information?
- How did this happen?

104
00:04:45,245 --> 00:04:47,602
- Do we need to call the police?
- [BARBARA] None of that matters.

105
00:04:47,604 --> 00:04:51,248
What really matters is...

106
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,708
none of this would have happened

107
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,545
if-if we had that crossing
guard back on the corner.

108
00:04:55,547 --> 00:04:58,047
Yeah, what happened to that
crossing guard, by the way?

109
00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,716
Same as all the rest of 'em.
Crossed to the other side.

110
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,301
Barbara, as assistant principal,

111
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,095
I think that crossing
guard is an excellent idea

112
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:06,639
and our office will get right on it.

113
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,892
Uh, no, it will not.
Somebody else can do it.

114
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:13,145
51st District Board of School
Commissioners liaison representative

115
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,631
at your service.

116
00:05:14,633 --> 00:05:16,816
Barbara, I'm excited
to work with you on this.

117
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:21,028
Oh, okay, so if we're all
done being run over by cars,

118
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,738
remember to finish your room tonight.

119
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,178
I know some of you use the first day

120
00:05:24,179 --> 00:05:25,616
so that the kids will do it for you,

121
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,118
but the district's been getting on us

122
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,662
about child labor practices again,

123
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,121
so stay as long as you need.

124
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,917
Uh, nope, we get paid for an
eight-hour development day.

125
00:05:33,919 --> 00:05:37,002
One minute past that, and
the union will demand overtime.

126
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,404
What?

127
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:42,341
- I am a union representative now.
- Ah!

128
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,607
This [BLEEP] sucks.

129
00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:46,095
Yeah, and you can't curse at us.

130
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:49,849
- I hate unions.
- Okay, great meeting, everybody.

131
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:53,018
I was really pissed after what
the district pulled in Miami,

132
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,021
and then I remembered
the Teachers Union.

133
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,149
So I went to a few meetings,
quickly became a rep.

134
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,943
Call me Jimmy Hoffa.

135
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,612
Hey. So I've been thinking
about this crossing guard situation.

136
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,489
Well, stop.

137
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,616
That's a little traffic humor
for your obsessed ass.

138
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:08,784
Don't sweat the small stuff.

139
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,787
Hey, Ava, my classroom that
you gave to Ms. Hardaway,

140
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,289
I'd like that to be mine again now.

141
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:16,292
[SIGHS] Perfect example.
Watch this, Gregory.

142
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,252
Melissa, handle it on your own.

143
00:06:18,260 --> 00:06:19,377
Great.

144
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,677
No... I'm genuinely concerned what

145
00:06:21,679 --> 00:06:22,965
"handle it on your own"
means to that woman.

146
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,338
We're administrators.

147
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,720
Our energy is best spent
focusing on the bigger picture,

148
00:06:26,722 --> 00:06:28,262
like cooling this place down.

149
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,848
I'm working on getting
portable AC units.

150
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,058
Okay, well, I would
love to help with that.

151
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,895
Perfect, because I'll need you.

152
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,689
To get my coffee, so I have the energy

153
00:06:37,691 --> 00:06:40,566
to put a bow on Project Sweeney Todd.

154
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,359
What?

155
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,487
Later today, Superintendent
Collins's barbershop will be swatted,

156
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,655
forcing him to miss his
weekly shape and shave,

157
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,116
something he hasn't done in decades.

158
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,785
And that's when he'll notice
a flyer for another shop.

159
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:52,846
One owned by my father,

160
00:06:52,848 --> 00:06:54,872
who so desperately wants
to get back in my life.

161
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:57,875
And then, when the superintendent
is leaned back over the bowl

162
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:03,589
with a razor to his neck, I'll
appear and ask for the ACs.

163
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,674
Or we could just call him.

164
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:06,884
Oh.

165
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,720
You think you could do
this job better than me, huh?

166
00:07:09,722 --> 00:07:12,930
Somebody decides to propose to
Strawberry Shortcake's Black friend,

167
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:16,143
- and now he thinks he can do everything.
- Hey, hey! Shh! Who...

168
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,312
How the hell did you know
I was proposing to Janine?

169
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,773
Gregory, did you think when
you were talking to O'Shon

170
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,192
you were talking to your man?
[CHUCKLES] 'Cause he's not.

171
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,361
He's my man.

172
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:30,866
And we don't keep
secrets. Secrets keep us.

173
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:33,660
Okay, I have mapped out
the crosswalk in question

174
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,663
where the crime of
the century took place.

175
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,478
Let's go over the
accident and figure out

176
00:07:37,479 --> 00:07:38,667
where to place our new crossing guard.

177
00:07:38,669 --> 00:07:42,461
Okay. Well, the driver was
making a right-hand turn

178
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:47,508
without looking where he was
going, and, uh, mowed me down.

179
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:48,717
Oh!

180
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,261
Hey, you must be the
new second grade teacher.

181
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,931
I'm Melissa Schemmenti
and you must be Elsa?

182
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,349
It's Ms. Hardaway.

183
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:58,977
Uh, Ms. Hardaway, I got
a little proposition for you:

184
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,146
your classroom for mine.

185
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:04,817
'Cause, trust me, you're gonna
want to be on a higher floor

186
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,111
when we get the next
flood at Abbott. [LAUGHS]

187
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:09,947
Thank you for that
offer, but no, thank you.

188
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:14,201
I'm not gonna be taking a
bunch of second graders upstairs.

189
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:17,788
Oh. Yeah, okay, you're not
aware of the hierarchy around here.

190
00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:22,126
See, I'm the union rep.

191
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:25,170
I'm not going anywhere.

192
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:28,048
Oh, yeah, she's a tough cookie.

193
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,801
But I'm a cold glass of milk.

194
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:33,888
Ugh, I've been on hold
for the district for an hour.

195
00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:35,973
- Do you have any contacts that...
- [HISSING]

196
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,349
[ON-HOLD MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH PHONE]

197
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,767
- Are those misters?
- [CHUCKLES] Yep.

198
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,978
Took me all morning to
hook 'em up to the water line.

199
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,062
How good is that?

200
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,373
You didn't tell me you
were gonna have misters,

201
00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:46,066
and these vines are
covering the smoke alarms.

202
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,379
- Is that a fire pit?
- Yeah.

203
00:08:48,381 --> 00:08:50,571
I'm not gonna light it.
[SCOFFS] During the day.

204
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,531
I was able to look the
other way as a teacher,

205
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,034
but as assistant
principal, I legally can't.

206
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,559
You've got to take
this stuff out of here.

207
00:08:56,561 --> 00:08:58,120
Uh...

208
00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,913
Come on, give me special treatment.

209
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,165
- No.
- [AVA SQUEALS]

210
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,333
[CHUCKLES] They're not
taking your call, are they?

211
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,626
[MUSIC STOPS]

212
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,628
Maybe I'll just go down
to the district instead.

213
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,590
- They can't put me on hold in person.
- Well, I'm coming with you.

214
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,800
I don't need you messing
up my Sweeney plan.

215
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,910
A fire pit? S'mores when we get back?

216
00:09:13,912 --> 00:09:17,599
- Yes.
- No.

217
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,269
Ooh!

218
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:25,006
Janine, what in the world are you doing?

219
00:09:25,008 --> 00:09:28,358
Well, I am giving my
classroom the ultimate makeover.

220
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,402
All the cool teachers are doing it.

221
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,409
Barb, you haven't seen
this on your phone?

222
00:09:32,411 --> 00:09:36,241
I have not, but have you
heard this song on your phone?

223
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:39,536
♪ I am a strong, Black
Incredible, sensational woman ♪

224
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,914
Barb... Barb, Barb, Barb.

225
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,165
That song is AI.

226
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:47,419
Yes, it is. Absolutely incredible.

227
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,378
Anyway, decorating a
room should be easy.

228
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,548
I just get my Lakeshore
rug and call it a day.

229
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,835
[MELISSA] Yeah, I
mean, this ain't TikTok.

230
00:09:53,837 --> 00:09:57,304
We're just Philly public school
teachers trying to get through the day.

231
00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:01,141
This all feels just a
little unnecessary. No?

232
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,268
Can I help you two?

233
00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:05,479
I'm just down here trying to get my
classroom back from Ms. Hardaway,

234
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:09,066
who's gonna learn the
Hardaway not to mess with me.

235
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:12,653
Barb, Barb, uh, we have a
volunteer ready to interview.

236
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,737
Huh! Looks good.

237
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,530
You're gonna have to
remove the dinosaurs.

238
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,491
It's historically inaccurate.
Doesn't make any sense.

239
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,951
It's gonna mess them
up before they get to me.

240
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,955
Barbara, uh, shall we?

241
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,916
Hey, girl, how's your mom?

242
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,126
Okay, Glasses?

243
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,502
[CHUCKLES]

244
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:31,130
Now, why didn't I see
you in church last week?

245
00:10:31,132 --> 00:10:33,173
Just kidding, 'cause I didn't go.

246
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,466
[LAUGHS]

247
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,676
No one here likes you.

248
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:38,949
Ava, I'm gonna have to write you up.

249
00:10:38,951 --> 00:10:42,599
For killing it in that dress.
You look great. [LAUGHS]

250
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,809
Oh.

251
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,894
Still busy slobbing down your coworkers?

252
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,714
Hmm. He's assistant principal now.

253
00:10:47,716 --> 00:10:49,439
Oh, so not coworkers.

254
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,191
That's a power imbalance, right?

255
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:54,945
I'll set an appointment. Da-da-da-da!

256
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,823
Hi, uh, we're here to see
Superintendent Collins.

257
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,199
He's very busy.

258
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:04,913
Okay, well, we'll just wait then.

259
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,874
See, this is what superintendents do.

260
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,126
Let's go. My dad told me he
needs some sharper razors.

261
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,377
I think we might have a chance.

262
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,337
Ugh! You sound like
a loser on prom night.

263
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:17,255
No one's coming to surprise you,
Gregory. Take your little suit off.

264
00:11:17,257 --> 00:11:20,929
So, Abdul, where do you
see yourself in five years?

265
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,807
Depends. If my cousin and my
business idea work out, then I...

266
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,684
Abdul, can you hold a stop sign?

267
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,103
- Of course.
- Great. That ought to do it.

268
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:31,815
Hold on, now, hold on. Um...

269
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,358
- Actually, yeah, that ought to do it.
- Mmm.

270
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,735
- Any questions for us?
- Yeah.

271
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,486
How much discretion do I have?

272
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:39,615
Like, should I bust out my
good friend Sarah McGlocklan

273
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,867
- if someone drives too fast, or...
- [CHUCKLES] Well, that...

274
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,912
- That's very clever, but no, no.
- No.

275
00:11:43,914 --> 00:11:44,914
Okay.

276
00:11:44,916 --> 00:11:48,789
Can you assure us that if someone
were looking down at their phone

277
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,542
while crossing the street,

278
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,503
that they would not get
hit by a motorized vehicle?

279
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:55,881
- Easy.
- Down at their phone?

280
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,174
Mm-hmm. [CHUCKLES]

281
00:11:57,175 --> 00:12:03,013
- Abdul, congratulations, you're hired.
- Yes!

282
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:07,684
- Uh, hello.
- Hey, how you doing?

283
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,478
What are you doing in here?

284
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,854
What are you doing in here?

285
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,106
This is my classroom.

286
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:15,567
Uh, Ms. Hardaway, girl, are you okay?

287
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,987
You gave me this
classroom back, don't you...

288
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,323
Listen, I know.

289
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:24,451
Memory lapses are a common
side effect of perimenopause.

290
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,703
- It's nothing to be ashamed of.
- Hey!

291
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,956
I didn't give you this classroom.

292
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,582
- [SCOFFS]
- Mm-mmm.

293
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,460
And my memory is pristine.

294
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,504
And my periods are so regular

295
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:39,967
that my doctor basically begged
me to become a surrogate for hire.

296
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:45,968
So that is my chair.

297
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:56,191
You're gonna regret this.

298
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:59,820
Extortion doesn't work
without a little information.

299
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,072
I got nothing on this broad.

300
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:05,909
Important announcement. Y'all
out of ink. Give it up, Gregory.

301
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,661
There's one way, and one way only,

302
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:11,873
to get the superintendent's
undivided attention.

303
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,791
You know what? I'ma just knock.

304
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,751
Like, it's harder to say
no to people in person.

305
00:13:15,752 --> 00:13:21,090
Uh, not true. I say no to
everybody all the time, and I enjoy it.

306
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,927
Actually, he's not in there.

307
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,263
[GREGORY] Then where is he?

308
00:13:25,265 --> 00:13:28,682
He's at the golf course. I thought
you guys would have left by now.

309
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,059
[AVA CHUCKLES] See?

310
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,395
- Well, I guess it's tee time.
- Tea time?

311
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,146
Okay, well, Dia has a surgery.

312
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,692
- She says it's elective, but I don't...
- Just come on.

313
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,653
[SIGHS]

314
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,864
[JANINE] The classroom is coming along.

315
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,866
Um, it's been a lot of work.

316
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:48,118
Those TikTok teachers really
made it look easy. [CHUCKLES]

317
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:51,830
Not everyone gets it,
but it's not for the adults.

318
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,667
It's for the kids, who will treasure it.

319
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,044
[EXHALES]

320
00:13:57,045 --> 00:14:00,756
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Mmm.

321
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,632
- Sorry. Mrs. Lyons?
- [CHUCKLES] Yes, Ms. Teagues.

322
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:05,552
- Hi, it's so nice to meet you.
- Yes. Nice to meet you.

323
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,138
So I brought all the information

324
00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:09,013
regarding Georgia's
allergy restrictions.

325
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,013
Yes. Thank you. Fantastic.

326
00:14:11,015 --> 00:14:12,934
I will definitely look these over later.

327
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:15,145
- I promise, um, yeah.
- Okay.

328
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,480
Working on the classroom.

329
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:20,192
- Oh! Yeah, wow, this is so nice.
- Thank you.

330
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:23,653
But just a warning, Georgia
is a little Tasmanian devil.

331
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,906
I don't know if all of this
will last more than a day.

332
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:28,492
[CHUCKLES] Kids just yank stuff down.

333
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:32,120
Yeah. [SIGHS] It'll be fun, though.

334
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,498
Um... It has been a lot of work.

335
00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,084
- I'm, like, exhausted.
- Oh. Well, don't stress yourself.

336
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,668
I heard you're an excellent teacher,

337
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:42,964
so you just teaching
these kids will be enough.

338
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,299
Oh.

339
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,550
Do you need help?

340
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,177
- No, I got it. Thanks.
- Okay.

341
00:14:47,191 --> 00:14:52,266
- I'll see you soon.
- Thank you.

342
00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,435
Oh, yeah.

343
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:58,313
- You, hold it. Right.
- [JACOB] Yeah.

344
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,107
There you are.

345
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,233
Can we help you?

346
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,777
This morning, that lady
cracked my headlight.

347
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,822
You're the maniac
motorist? Citizen's arrest!

348
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,866
- Abdul, let's hear Sarah McLachlan sing...
- I've been waiting my whole life.

349
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,493
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Sir, maybe we can go somewhere

350
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,121
and talk about what happened.

351
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:15,831
What is there to talk about?

352
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,458
You were watching your
phone, not paying attention.

353
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,001
I rolled down my window
to get her to pay attention.

354
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:25,132
What did you do? You kept
walking, bashed into my car.

355
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,425
- Oh. Is this true?
- Of course not.

356
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,136
[ABDUL] Oh, snap, someone
uploaded the video on Neighborhoods.

357
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,555
- [BARBARA SQUEALS]
- [TIRES SCREECH]

358
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:34,474
- [MAN] Oh, damn!
- [HORN HONKING]

359
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,934
[BARBARA] Ooh, okay.

360
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,270
I lied.

361
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,148
I just didn't wanna start
this year off on a foolish foot,

362
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:44,442
especially not in front
of all the other teachers.

363
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:48,029
Well, as a man humiliated before
his peers on the daily, I understand.

364
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,824
- Thank you.
- Damn, you smashed into his car!

365
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,492
Oh. I wanna see.

366
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,953
- [THUD]
- [TIRES SCREECH]

367
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,288
Oh, my God.

368
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,665
Whoa! Oh!

369
00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:02,252
Help, help! Is anybody out there?

370
00:16:02,253 --> 00:16:05,672
- Ah! Oh, Mr. Johnson.
- What are you doing?

371
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,841
And why did you knock
over the trash can?

372
00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:10,594
I... I'm trying to take
down my classroom decor.

373
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:14,305
- Why? This is incredible.
- Yeah, but it's just...

374
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,559
[STAMMERS] It's just taking a
lot of effort, and it's really silly.

375
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,603
Taxes are silly.

376
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:23,774
This is beautiful. I can feel
my mind expanding already.

377
00:16:23,776 --> 00:16:25,066
Thanks.

378
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:26,777
If I had a classroom
like this growing up,

379
00:16:26,779 --> 00:16:28,987
I could have probably been president.

380
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,823
Or better yet, the
highest-paid janitor in the world.

381
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,783
[CHUCKLES]

382
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:37,704
The kids are never gonna forget this.

383
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:42,834
- Catch you later.
- Bye.

384
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,794
No, wait, wait, Mr. Johnson!

385
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,590
Hold that thought,
Judd. Let me just, uh...

386
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,258
Working hard, you silly son of a...

387
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,260
- Ava.
- I was gonna say bitch.

388
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,804
We were at your office. I tried
to call but couldn't get through.

389
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,640
Your secretary told
us that you were here.

390
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,350
So are you here embezzling or cheating?

391
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,060
It's always one or the
other with you suits.

392
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:03,229
What? No. This is Judd Allen.

393
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:05,899
He develops vacant
properties in Philadelphia.

394
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,818
This is actually a meeting to discuss

395
00:17:07,820 --> 00:17:09,945
how to replace two
schools that shut down.

396
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:12,364
Uh... That's cute.

397
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,990
Look, we're sorry for interrupting,

398
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,201
but we just need ten
new portable AC units.

399
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,827
The old ones that we had are broken,

400
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,537
and it doesn't seem
like an emergency, but...

401
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,790
It is one because it's
just way too hot out here.

402
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,636
And we would have gotten
them on our own, but It's...

403
00:17:23,638 --> 00:17:26,753
No, no, no, going through the
district is definitely the right call.

404
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,463
Way to show initiative, Mr. Eddie.

405
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,257
Now, we'll get that done for you.

406
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,300
Do you mind if I get back to my meeting?

407
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:36,263
Oh... So you're just gonna give us
the ACs because he, what, aksed?

408
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,515
Yeah, it seems like a pretty
straightforward request.

409
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:41,058
Uh... And what if we
had held you hostage,

410
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,686
would you have said yes then?

411
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:43,853
Uh...

412
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:48,483
I wanna say no to that.

413
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,527
Remember to keep your left
arm straight on the back swing.

414
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,612
- Thanks.
- Any other big things we need to handle?

415
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:53,697
[PHONE BUZZES]

416
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:56,241
[COLLINS] Oh, my God,
my barber just got swatted.

417
00:17:56,242 --> 00:18:00,328
Wait, wait, wait, Ms.
Hardaway, wait, wait, wait, wait.

418
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,664
Listen, honesty time, full disclosure,

419
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:05,667
I tripped and hurt my ankle
real bad like two years ago,

420
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,752
and those stairs are killing me.

421
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,254
Please, for the love of God, have mercy

422
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,215
and let me have my old classroom back.

423
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:18,216
Not my ankle, not my
stairs, not my problem.

424
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,475
Were you looking at Morton?

425
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,061
Morton? Is that his name?

426
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,647
You like Morton?

427
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,734
He's... very handsome.

428
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,277
[CHUCKLES] What in...

429
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,279
Yeah.

430
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,905
- Oh, yeah, I get it.
- Mm-hmm.

431
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,115
You know what?

432
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,116
His classroom is right
across from mine upstairs,

433
00:18:40,117 --> 00:18:43,116
and he walks by all the time.

434
00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:52,087
[HUMMING]

435
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,549
- Whoo!
- We have air.

436
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,968
- Yes!
- Once we get the hose and everything...

437
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,845
Yeah. You did it. Take
a bow, take a bow.

438
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:02,275
Is Gregory really
better at this than I am?

439
00:19:02,277 --> 00:19:03,892
Damn.

440
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,436
Is it too late for me to join the WNBA?

441
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:09,189
I don't hoop, but my tunnel
fits would break the Internet.

442
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,483
Hey, don't... don't look at
the other cars. Look at me.

443
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,068
I'll tell you when to go.

444
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,944
All right, now go.

445
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:17,614
One thing I'ma do is protect these kids!

446
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,824
Hey, stop, stop.

447
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,452
You stop when you see
this strong, Black, incredible,

448
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:24,245
sensational woman on her phone!

449
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,456
How you doing, Mrs. Howard?
I like that color on you.

450
00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:28,750
- Thank you.
- All right. Kids, watch me.

451
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:32,879
Barbara, didn't you learn anything?
For Pete's sake, at least look up.

452
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:38,880
Don't have to. Crossing guard.

453
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:43,473
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] Well,
where's that new teacher you hired?

454
00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:44,557
I don't know.

455
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,226
He said he would have
to miss Development Day,

456
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:47,686
but that he'd be here today. He...

457
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,270
He emailed me.

458
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,901
[AVA] Let me see that.

459
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:55,860
[CHUCKLES]

460
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,237
What?

461
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:58,989
That's ChatGPT.

462
00:19:58,991 --> 00:20:01,700
- [LAUGHING]
- No, no, this is a real person.

463
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,577
I interviewed them on Zoom, and
I recorded the interview for safety.

464
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,579
Yeah, see?

465
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,665
Well, first of all, look
at that head shape.

466
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:10,166
Who got a head shape like that?

467
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:13,002
Um... Whatever.

468
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,671
The plant just moved! Look
at that warped background.

469
00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:19,008
Look how he's pausing so the
computer can figure out what you said.

470
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,094
Ugh! You interviewed a deepfake!

471
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,929
[LAUGHS]

472
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,973
What would anybody gain by doing this?

473
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:29,561
Welcome to 2026, Gregory.
You're old, dumb and swagless.

474
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:33,732
O-Okay, um, I'll just teach the
class until we get somebody else.

475
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,026
Perfect. Have a great
first day, assistant principal.

476
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,487
[AVA LAUGHS]

477
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:42,657
They said I was washed,
that my reign was over,

478
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:45,411
that I'll never make it back to the
top of the charts, but guess what?

479
00:20:45,413 --> 00:20:47,203
Abbott don't Elementary without me.

480
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:48,913
It's gonna be the best year yet.

481
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,915
Welcome in, class.

482
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:54,127
Wow, it's a jungle in here.

483
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,336
It is.

484
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,255
This is the coolest thing ever.

485
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,423
[KID] Oh, wow.

486
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:01,676
Yes. Go ahead, sorry.

487
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:02,927
It's good.

488
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:05,305
All right, guys, do
me a favor, find a seat.

489
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:08,641
Welcome to second
grade. How are we doing?

490
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:13,938
[ALL GASPING, MURMURING]

491
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:15,732
It's okay.

492
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:18,818
Anything can happen
in the jungle, right, guys?

493
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:24,533
Go ahead, find a friend,
get a seat. Let's get started.

494
00:21:24,566 --> 00:21:29,566
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -