1 00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:08,133 You can't use your phone in here. 2 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,636 Or what? Is it illegal? 3 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,723 He's never seen a phone indoors before. 4 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:18,810 You know who used to work here? 5 00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:20,478 Madonna? 6 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:23,190 Georgia whats-her-name, who Frank had a fling with. 7 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,025 - Oh, really? - Didn't come home last night, 8 00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,276 said he slept here. 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,402 Hang on, what's happening? 10 00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:29,363 Are we detectives now? Did he sleep here? 11 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,156 Maybe. But who else did? Do you know what I mean? 12 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,866 Should we get a drink? 13 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,868 Oh, what, a "drink" drink? 14 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,870 - Really? - Oh, no, I thought that's what you meant. 15 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,455 No, let's get one if you want one. 16 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,540 Well, do you want one? 17 00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:40,791 - I thought you were suggesting… - No. Ah! 18 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:41,917 Charlotte! 19 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,585 - Hey. Hello. - Oh! 20 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,754 Shall I lead this? I'll lead this. 21 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,798 What a fun place. 22 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,174 Oh, what does that say? 23 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:52,302 "Fuck off"? Wonderful. 24 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,679 - Hello. - How are you? 25 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,139 Hello. 26 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,725 Miss Livonia will be joining us today. 27 00:00:58,809 --> 00:00:59,893 I hope that's okay. 28 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,645 No, that's absolutely fine. Who is… 29 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,231 The last time I was here was Elton's 60th. 30 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,858 We got kicked out for doing an impromptu strip dance. 31 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,237 Oh, yes, here she is. 32 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,281 This is Livonia. 33 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,283 "Liv" to her loved ones. 34 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:16,493 These are my lovely lady agents. 35 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:17,744 Hello, Mummy. 36 00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:21,123 - Careful, you'll get lipstick on my hair. - I'm not wearing lipstick. 37 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,499 Okay. 38 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,627 Pot of lapsang souchong. Two cups. 39 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,212 We had no idea 40 00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:28,797 - that Charlotte had a daughter. - No. 41 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,966 - Oh, didn't you? - Great. 42 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,759 Well, we've been looking after Charlotte 43 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:35,596 since she came out of retirement the second time. 44 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:37,431 I know that, obviously. 45 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,515 Look. 46 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,685 Just talk as if I wasn't here. 47 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,397 Okay. So… 48 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,066 we got the new manuscript. 49 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:49,610 - Oh. - Wagon Burner. 50 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,236 - Thank you for that. - Thank you, Charlotte. 51 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,863 I hope you liked it. 52 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,698 Absolutely, you know. 53 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,658 - Thank you. - There was some… 54 00:01:56,742 --> 00:02:01,204 Yeah, we did think, though, the team, that it was quite a bit more… 55 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,166 How do I best say it? 56 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,628 It's… 57 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,004 very raunchy. 58 00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:13,258 No bad thing, that's your writing style, but it's quite a bit more graphic. 59 00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:14,801 - Is it? - What's wrong with that? 60 00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,261 Nothing. At all. 61 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:18,680 Alex, do you want to…? 62 00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,015 - You want me to… Yeah. - Yeah. 63 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,933 Oh, well, we just thought that maybe 64 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:25,354 you could pull back on some of the more explicit passages 65 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,064 that were from Wyatt's POV. 66 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,191 You mean tell it more from the squaw's perspective? 67 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,318 Well, I don't think you can say that. 68 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,695 We could call it The Squaw Squawked. 69 00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,447 Yeah. Yeah, I definitely don't… 70 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:36,907 don't think we could do that. 71 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,825 In fact, we were thinking that maybe on the next draft 72 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:41,995 you could leave out the Indigenous People entirely. 73 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:42,966 Who? 74 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,082 So you're gonna write her books now, are you? 75 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,042 - Well… - Oh! 76 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,002 Good lord. That's Muriel Flack. 77 00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:50,087 - Oh! - Oh. 78 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,839 I thought she died. I'd like to buy her a drink. 79 00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:54,424 Back in a mo-mo. 80 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,009 - Hi. - Hello. 81 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,428 - Charlotte. - Now that she's out of ear reach… 82 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,597 Well, she's not. She's right there. 83 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,973 What? 84 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,558 Just go to the bar, Mummy. 85 00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,352 Muriel! Good lord. 86 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,813 I've been looking after my mother for 20 years. 87 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,940 - Oh! I always worked with Emma. - Oh, I thought Emma was her… 88 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,108 - Yeah, she's… - She's great. 89 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,484 Emma? 90 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:15,237 Emma was not burdened with brains, I'm afraid, no. 91 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,323 Ever since I retired from Coutts, I've been keeping the horse on the course. 92 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,492 And I'm going to be getting a lot more involved 93 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,995 in the running of my mother's estate because, let's be brutal, 94 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:26,373 I'll be taking it over in the not-too-distant… 95 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,583 Okay. 96 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,377 I'm talking about when she's dead. 97 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,130 Okay. 98 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,506 Okay. 99 00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:37,134 So, what I want to know is, 100 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:40,387 what do you do to earn your 15%? 101 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,889 Well, we guide Charlotte's career. 102 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,517 She's a marquee name. She's written 83 books. 103 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,227 I hardly think she needs guiding. 104 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:51,189 Well, editorially, I think she does. She… 105 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:54,067 Shall I tell you what I do for my mother? 106 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,528 I do her admin. I do her correspondence. 107 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,822 I do her meds. I do her laundry. 108 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,782 I shave her bunions every Thursday night. 109 00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,493 I peel her tights off at the end of every day 110 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,371 and I soak them in bicarbonate of soda overnight. 111 00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:09,124 Sorry, you want me to start doing your mother's laundry? 112 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,834 Don't be facetious. 113 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,044 I want you to earn your keep. 114 00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:16,339 We do earn our keep by knowing when a book's not ready. 115 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:20,385 And it's not just racy, Liv. It's racist. It's the wrong tone. 116 00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:21,636 You have the wrong tone. 117 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,764 How has she got to 92 118 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,516 and not won some kind of lifetime achievement award? 119 00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,644 You should be changing the market's perception 120 00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,772 - of Charlotte Arbor. - To what? 121 00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,398 National treasure. 122 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,360 Somewhere between Judi Dench and our late Queen. 123 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,488 What, with this book? 124 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,490 She'll give it one more pass. 125 00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:43,116 Like it or fuck off. 126 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,454 Yeah, what the hell just happened? 127 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,539 - She's an angry bitch! - Livid. 128 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:54,377 We should call her that from now on, I mean, between us, "Livid." 129 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,837 Absolutely. 130 00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:58,507 You'll have to do some leg work there, win her around. 131 00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:01,635 Great. Another shriveled dick to suck. 132 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,386 Beats the hell out of waitressing. 133 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,682 Look. 134 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,559 He was never that interested last time. 135 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,604 Do you think it's 'cause I'm emotionally unavailable? 136 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,023 Well, are you emotionally unavailable? 137 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,942 Don't know. Suppose I am. 138 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,193 Maybe. 139 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,238 Frank did stay the night, by the way. 140 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,948 I asked at reception. 141 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,825 He's got paralytic and was carried up to his room. 142 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,451 - Oh. - So, all good. 143 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,787 - Who carried him up? - Who what? 144 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,330 Who carried Frank up to his room? 145 00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:34,376 - For God's sake. - What? 146 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,502 - Taxi! - Where are… 147 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:36,753 You're not coming back to the office? 148 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,297 Going home. Send Livid a fruit basket. 149 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,841 Start the charm offensive. 150 00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,384 - Take me to… - Okay. 151 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:45,637 - Linden Road. - I'll send her bananas and some lube? 152 00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,982 I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, 153 00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,442 but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable. 154 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,404 Oh, you're a king, you say? 155 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,322 Well, you won't believe what I have in store for you. 156 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,954 When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-size bed 157 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,497 and wondered where my brother was. 158 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,210 Can I come in and talk to you, honey? 159 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:20,964 Thanks, darling. 160 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,135 What are you up to? 161 00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,136 Nothing. 162 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,683 Okay, good. Well, are you heading back to uni tomorrow or… 163 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,351 I'm not going back. 164 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:35,979 What do you mean? 165 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:39,024 - I'm dropping out. - You're not dropping out. 166 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,526 What are you talk… you worked hard for that place. 167 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:43,653 - No, I didn't. - Ruari, you can't… 168 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,322 What… 169 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,157 Shit. 170 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,117 You… Listen. 171 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,661 If you don't like the course that you picked, 172 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,205 then you just transfer to another course. 173 00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:55,373 Okay? Like… 174 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,336 You know, I can't think of the other courses' names right now, 175 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,296 but you can't just drop out. 176 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,840 - Well, I am. - Well, then give me a reason. 177 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,884 - Everyone in Kent is a cunt. - Ruari! 178 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,428 Everyone in Kent can't be a cunt. 179 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,014 - Why is your yoga shit in here? - Forget the yoga shit. 180 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,433 - Okay, I've paid for fees, so… - You get six weeks' grace. 181 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,060 - I checked. - Well, I need a proper reason. 182 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:17,854 I want to get into comedy. 183 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,773 You want to get into what? 184 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,191 Stand-up comedy. 185 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,817 Since when? 186 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:24,693 I don't know. 187 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,406 We're not finished talking about this. 188 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:29,824 Yeah, we are. 189 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,493 Shit. We're not. 190 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,204 That is really yellow. 191 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,956 Yeah. Yeah. 192 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,415 Yeah, I never noticed that before. 193 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,417 Well, I guess you've only been here at night. 194 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,753 - And drunk. - That's right, huh? 195 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:43,088 What romantics we are. 196 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,133 So, I wanted to ask you, is the not answering your phone thing, 197 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,928 is that like playing hard to get, kind of? 198 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,931 Oh, no, no, I've never played hard to get 199 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,141 once in my life, ever. 200 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,518 - With anyone. - Okay. 201 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:59,062 Although now's not a great time. 202 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,731 Right. So, I was gonna ask you out for a drink, 203 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,441 but maybe we could do it tomorrow. 204 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,610 Yeah. Just tell me where to be. 205 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,237 I think that's mine. 206 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,571 Kenton, 8:00 p.m. 207 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:09,781 - Great. Perfect. - Yeah. 208 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,366 Or The William at 7:00? 209 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,702 The William at 7:00. Alright, see you there. 210 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,788 Oh, could you help me bring it up? 211 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,790 It's a curbside delivery. 212 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,125 Do you mind bringing it up? 213 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,210 I'm a single parent and… 214 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:33,722 I mean, clearly, 215 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,765 something went on there that he's not telling me. 216 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,267 I don't know what, but I'm worried. 217 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,936 Get him off social media. That's giving him extra anxiety. 218 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:44,774 Listen, don't worry about the internet giving him anxiety, okay? 219 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,693 My genetics are taking care of that. 220 00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:49,946 Your son's having a crisis. 221 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,032 You can't just swan off to Toronto. 222 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,284 Look, you're catastrophizing. 223 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:59,372 No, we can't preemptively upend our lives just in case something bad happens. 224 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,207 If you don't come over and help, 225 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,334 I'm gonna tell Theresa we're having an affair. 226 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,594 Hey, I just looked up that bar. 227 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:15,096 It's a bit rough round there. Shall I meet you at the tube? 228 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,662 Easier than taking everyone's order. 229 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,791 Jesus. Careful, mate. 230 00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,584 Ah! Scrum! 231 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,295 How long is his internship? 232 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:48,630 A month. 233 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,548 - Yeah, that better go quick. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 234 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:53,384 So, we have got Frankfurt 235 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,136 coming up, as you all know, 236 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,056 and this year is a very important one for us. 237 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:02,268 I want you, Freddie, or whoever's replacing you, 238 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,978 prepping the catalog, so when someone picks it up, 239 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,647 they immediately get what we're about. 240 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,440 Any word from Meredith 241 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,359 about Alex and I doing our panel? 242 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,194 Yes, I'll chase her. 243 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,530 I just heard Malcolm Hammond is doing the Innovation Stage 244 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,573 - on Wednesday. - What, you kidding me? 245 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:18,284 What's his panel called? "A Guide to Sweating"? 246 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,663 Why would they want him? What's his book about? 247 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:24,124 - It's a romantasy. - It's Goblin Sex. 248 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,459 Apparently some Korean teen with eight million followers 249 00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,628 discovered it on TikTok and it went viral. 250 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,298 Okay, Alex. 251 00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,384 Update. 252 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,886 - Oh! Yafa Barghouti. - Oh, I thought 253 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,805 we decided he wasn't for us. 254 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,348 Well, you did, but I… 255 00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,058 Well, the last time we gave him thoughts, 256 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,393 he never delivered a rewrite. 257 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,145 He is unreliable. 258 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,105 Yeah, well, his family were under siege. 259 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,149 Yeah, I don't have time for sieges unless there's a book in it. 260 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,608 - Put "siege" on there. - Well, you don't have 261 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:51,943 time for sieges, but I'm… 262 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,403 Are there tea bags in here? 263 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,906 - Yeah, yeah. - I have time, 264 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,033 - so I'd love to… - Well, honestly, just concentrate 265 00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:00,451 on the Wagon Burner redraft. 266 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,287 That's what you're great at, and that's a priority. 267 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,997 Let's just move on. 268 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,791 Dylan? 269 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,001 Yeah… 270 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,753 Yes, we sold the audio rights for Baby Fingers 271 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,130 in Italy yesterday. 272 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,382 So, that's 20 territories now. 273 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,384 Mm, you should let Jessie know, Alex. 274 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,094 - Well done. - Yeah. 275 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,555 North America are super keen, too, so. 276 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,473 - Very good. - Wow, wow, wow! 277 00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:23,766 What? 278 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,643 - Just saying "wow." - Well, don't. 279 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,034 - What's wrong? - Jesus. Nothing. 280 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,703 I gotta go, but I had a good chat with Ruari. 281 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:44,996 Got it sorted. 282 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,831 Oh, you did? That's great! 283 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:50,251 Yeah, yeah, I honestly don't see a problem with him taking a year out. 284 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:51,961 - What? - Alex. 285 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,338 Kids do it. 286 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,424 And, you know, he seems really very set 287 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,468 on this comedy thing, which could be bang on 288 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,762 - for him creatively. - What are you talking about?! 289 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,388 He can do that bullshit at uni! 290 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,307 Yeah, the bigger issue is, 291 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:08,436 he wants to come to Toronto, and that's not gonna work. 292 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:12,398 You know, I'll be filming, you know, mainly speaking in space language. 293 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,734 Right, well, did you tell him he can't come? 294 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,027 Of course, I didn't tell him. 295 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,237 No, of course, you didn't. 296 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,530 I gotta go. I got a ton of research piling up. 297 00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:22,116 The show's based on a video game, 298 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,577 so I've had to play that nonstop. 299 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:27,288 What's it like to just never have to grow up? 300 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,666 Well, I'm sorry my job seems fun to you. 301 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,917 Fuck off. 302 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,754 Sorry about earlier on the Yafa thing. 303 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,589 Just not right now, okay? 304 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,425 Well, does "not right now" mean never? 305 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,719 Because I have a strong feeling in my… 306 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,554 that he's the kind of writer we want on our client list. 307 00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:44,973 I mean, look what I did with Jessie. 308 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,474 Yeah, let's just talk about that later. 309 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,017 - Can I show you something? - What? 310 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,353 That bitch should wear a bra at work, don't you think? 311 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,981 She's not mixing cocktails with her tits, is she? 312 00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,190 Look. 313 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,359 - Yeah, they're ludicrous, yeah. - Yes, right? 314 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,404 - Do men even like that? - Do men like giant tits? 315 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,572 I mean, yes and no. 316 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,825 - No, yours are nicer. - Thank you, baby. 317 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:05,952 Ooh! 318 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,204 We're signing a contract with Damian Lewis. 319 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,664 You're joking. 320 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,791 - His Dog Meat book? - People will buy it. 321 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,544 - That is unhinged. - Stop having fake principles. 322 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,879 - What? - It's lost its novelty. 323 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,036 - Mum? - Yeah? 324 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,829 - Did you talk to Dad? - Uh… 325 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,290 I think Toronto could be a great place for a year out, 326 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,375 which is fine 'cause I could get a part-time job 327 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:56,627 in a bar so I'd, like, pay my way… 328 00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:58,004 Oh, well, it's not about paying your way. 329 00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,630 I think me and Dad could use the time together. 330 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:00,965 And he said he'd like that, too. 331 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:03,718 Yeah, he… 332 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,970 Look, I think it's just… it's not gonna work. 333 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,930 You know, I'm sure Dad would love it 334 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:12,185 but he'll be filming mad hours, and, you know, Canada… 335 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,188 Ruari? 336 00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,483 It's just, it's not practical, okay, it's… 337 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:21,402 - What's the matter? - Get out of my room. 338 00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:22,653 Is this something to do with Mia? 339 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,530 Because if you don't talk to me, then you know, 340 00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,115 - I can't have… - Get out of my fucking room, Mum! 341 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,909 Shit! What the hell? 342 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,829 - Nutter! - Clear your yoga shit out! 343 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,042 Yeah? 344 00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,169 Delivery. 345 00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:56,396 Frank told me your nickname for me. 346 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,564 "Ex-Pat." It's very funny. 347 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,441 Yeah? Glad it made you laugh. 348 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,402 I never considered myself an ex, to be honest. 349 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,028 I didn't know you thought of me as a thing. 350 00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:05,279 What's a "thing"? 351 00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,281 You know, like a partner, a boyfriend. 352 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:08,950 We never had the conversation, 353 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,451 so I didn't know… 354 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,036 "We never had the conversation"? 355 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,414 Oh, sorry, I forgot we were on Love Island. 356 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,916 - And not 50. - I'm only 47. 357 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,295 Is that girl you had at Frank's thing "a thing"? 358 00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:23,631 She's peak childbearing age, at least. 359 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,312 Come here. 360 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,969 - What? - What? 361 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,472 I don't need an emotional rescue, 362 00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,766 - if that's what this… - It's due diligence aftercare. 363 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,185 Shut up, I like hanging out with you, I always have. 364 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,854 I don't wanna hang out, though. 365 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,940 I want a relationship. 366 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:41,911 So do I. 367 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,651 With a grown, adult man. 368 00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,111 Me too, after this. 369 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,665 Your bum is so nice and soft. 370 00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:05,256 Do you wanna get a drink? 371 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:07,925 No. 372 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,689 You know, that's the first time we've had sober sex. 373 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,983 Is it? Huh. 374 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,402 - And what did you think? - I liked it. 375 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,112 - Yeah. - Yeah, I'd do it again. 376 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,697 I liked it, too. I prefer it. 377 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:30,907 - Really? - Yeah. 378 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,788 - Tea, water, soup? - Soup? 379 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,081 Tea. 380 00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,303 Do you like this? 381 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,264 Yeah, it's lovely man music. 382 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,767 Yeah, I've been on this deep Welsh dive. 383 00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,729 Can't get enough of this sound. It's so plaintive. 384 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,232 Mm. 385 00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:08,903 I'm gonna do the soup as well. 386 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,657 Let's wait with you for the kettle. 387 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,075 Okay, great. 388 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,661 Do you write for these guys? 389 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,412 God, no. That wouldn't pay the bills. 390 00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,081 - Do you read them? - Of course, I bloody well do. 391 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,415 - No, I mean, do you read them all? - Yes! 392 00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:22,792 - Like, you've got loads of them. - Yeah. 393 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:26,879 Okay, what's the best thing you've learned from Science Monthly? 394 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,465 Mice have a fucking awful time. 395 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,432 - I have to go. - What? 396 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:42,270 Yeah, I have a load of stuff on tomorrow. 397 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:47,108 And, you know, I got it. Is my bra in there? Is that out… 398 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,236 Well, what do you have on? I want to know. 399 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,780 Like, do you have to read mighty tomes? 400 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:55,658 Yeah, I've got a pile of shite to read. 401 00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:59,203 Gotta collect my mum from hospital. 402 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,207 She's got diabetes. She lost a toe. 403 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,792 That's mad, 'cause I found a toe the other day. 404 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:07,670 How's your da, he alright? 405 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,589 Mild-ish Alzheimer's? 406 00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:12,633 Like Joe Biden, second-term level. 407 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,302 Can run the free world, but can't run a bath? 408 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:15,761 - Yeah. - Ah, honey, I'm sorry. 409 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,680 My folks are still living it up in Tenerife. 410 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,390 You can't get them out of their kaftans. 411 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:20,516 What? What age are they? 412 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,560 Ah! My mum's 65. 413 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,145 What? That's not fair. 414 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,896 - What the fuck? - Ah, don't worry. 415 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,565 They'll be riddled with melanoma soon enough. 416 00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:28,858 - Okay. - Do you have to go? 417 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,526 Yeah, I gotta go. 418 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:32,653 Oh. 419 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,034 Okay. 420 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,828 - Bye. - Can I at least see you out? 421 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,914 No. That's… 422 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,250 That's a nice image to take with me. 423 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:47,335 Do this. 424 00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,671 Phwoar! 425 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,548 Okay, send me a dick pic later. 426 00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:54,341 And… 427 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,177 I can't do the baby thing… 428 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,596 still, you know, just in case you've forgotten your GCSE Biology. 429 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:03,100 I mean, I could, but it would be like a literal raisin. 430 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:04,477 I love raisins. 431 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:08,814 Bye. 432 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:13,819 But the rhythm propelled us further into our sin. 433 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,696 My clothes were ripped off me. 434 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,115 And as soon as my loincloth was off, 435 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,992 his fingers were inside me. 436 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,452 This is filthy. 437 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:25,414 Wyatt said, "Have you ever had it like this before, Miss Sheshiba?" 438 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:53,859 I could only put my hands over my mouth as I moaned and made noises 439 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,112 - I'd never made before. - Oh, Jesus Christ. 440 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,073 Ancient, tribal, animal. 441 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,499 Morning. Don't forget, you're taking Mum to hospital for her toe. 442 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,750 - Huh? - Love you. 443 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:12,336 No, you were taking her. 444 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,505 I'm bringing her back. 445 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,263 Yeah, sorry, baby brain, or early menopause. 446 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:24,890 Ugh, thank you, cancer. Come here. 447 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,351 I might see if they'll keep Dad in for a bit. 448 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:28,989 Yes, please. 449 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,855 Come here, if it is menopause, then good luck 450 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,690 dealing with terrible twos when you have hot sweats 451 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,108 and a dry fanny. What? 452 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,195 Where's the fucking kettle? 453 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:51,500 Ruari? 454 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,627 Have you got the kitchen appliances? 455 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,381 Great. I thought we'd been burgled. 456 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,591 I borrowed the kettle. Calm down. 457 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,050 Yeah, and a toaster. 458 00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:03,721 That is expensive ham, okay? 459 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,056 That's not "leave on your bedroom floor" ham. 460 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:09,185 - Great, and now it smells. - All ham smells. 461 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:14,899 That is expensive French butter! 462 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:17,818 Entitled little shit. 463 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:27,787 Mum! 464 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:29,830 What are you doing? Mum? 465 00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:31,499 I'm coming, Ruari. Jesus Christ. 466 00:21:31,582 --> 00:21:33,209 - Let me get my phone. - Mum, come on, let's go! 467 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,710 Why the sudden urgency? 468 00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:36,712 - Hurry up! - Coming! 469 00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:39,673 It's so normal to have a wobble your first week. 470 00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:40,925 You know, I had. 471 00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:43,177 Jesus, this place is a bit prisony, isn't it? 472 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:44,762 Wait. Ruari? 473 00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:48,015 Do you want me to go in with you? 474 00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:50,100 Bridget! 475 00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:52,978 Bridget! 476 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:54,480 Is that Mia's friend? 477 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:56,106 Is that Bridget from school? 478 00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:57,650 What's going on? 479 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,283 Hey. Sorry, I'm in Kent. 480 00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:09,203 I'm just dealing with something for Ruari. 481 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,955 Oh, okay. We had a loose plan for tonight, 482 00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:12,873 - but fine, if not. - Oh, no, we can… 483 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,292 I'll call you back. 484 00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:17,503 Oh, shit. 485 00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:18,587 Ruari? 486 00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,216 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna go. 487 00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:24,343 I just wanted to have a little… 488 00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:27,179 It smells of tuna bake farts here. 489 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,144 Where's all your stuff? 490 00:22:34,228 --> 00:22:35,229 Ruari? 491 00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:41,318 Is that your stuff? 492 00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:44,238 It's okay. It's all here. 493 00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:46,240 Well, who moved it all? We should speak to someone, 494 00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:48,075 the accommodations person or the Dean or… 495 00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:50,244 Can you stop fucking talking?! Stop. 496 00:22:50,327 --> 00:22:51,745 Stop fucking talking. 497 00:22:53,497 --> 00:22:54,623 Look, just wait here. 498 00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,589 Oh, hey, do you live here? 499 00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:03,549 - Yeah. - Do you know Ruari? 500 00:23:05,009 --> 00:23:07,219 All his stuff has been put into bin bags, and I just… 501 00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:10,014 - Did something happen? - I don't know, I'm sorry. 502 00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:12,308 Well, you clearly know something. 503 00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:14,643 I mean, I know he can be divisive. 504 00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,520 - He's a bit forthright sometimes… - "Forthright"? 505 00:23:16,604 --> 00:23:18,147 Is that a new word for "pervert"? 506 00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:19,230 Come on. 507 00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:31,744 Can I go home now? 508 00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:35,539 Yeah. 509 00:23:47,343 --> 00:23:49,219 Sorry, I'm not down for fun. 510 00:23:49,303 --> 00:23:50,888 Oh, that's okay, we'll just go to the pub. 511 00:23:57,227 --> 00:24:00,314 Oh, this is just for getting from A to B. It's no fun whatsoever. 512 00:24:02,024 --> 00:24:05,361 Oh, and also, could you hold that for me? 513 00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:11,241 Shit. Is this safe? 514 00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:12,325 We'll find out. 515 00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:14,411 Oh, shit. 516 00:24:15,496 --> 00:24:16,914 - Oh, shit. - Whoa, I can't see a thing, can you? 517 00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:18,207 - Oh, shit. - There you go. 518 00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:20,209 Oh, God. 519 00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:25,965 - Ooh, there's a bump. There's a bump. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. 520 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,885 - Cobbles hurt your balls. - What, my balls? 521 00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:34,807 Interrupt us. We'll walk it from here. 522 00:24:35,683 --> 00:24:37,101 Whew, close one. 523 00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:40,062 - There you go. - Is it down there? 524 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:41,146 Yeah. 525 00:24:47,945 --> 00:24:50,239 - My arms are too long for yours. - I disagree. 526 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:57,413 It's Ruari. Let me just ignore this. 527 00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:02,626 I can only handle one calamity at a time. 528 00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:06,672 My mum just had her second toe removed. 529 00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:12,636 - Sorry. - Oh. No, no, no. 530 00:25:13,971 --> 00:25:15,055 Oh, God. 531 00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:18,892 That's why I wanted to have a drink with you, 532 00:25:18,976 --> 00:25:21,645 just to say if this isn't the right time… 533 00:25:21,729 --> 00:25:23,439 What? No, it is. 534 00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:26,066 It is the right time. It has to be the right time, 535 00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:28,068 'cause another time's gonna be too late. 536 00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:30,029 It won't be too late. You know, relax. 537 00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:31,405 The world's not ending. We have time. 538 00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:33,615 - I don't. - You are a mad woman. 539 00:25:33,699 --> 00:25:35,367 But I really want this. 540 00:25:36,118 --> 00:25:37,119 You. 541 00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:42,166 Oh, God, I hate the hugs when I've said something needy. 542 00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:44,585 What does this hug mean? 543 00:25:44,668 --> 00:25:47,046 It means I want this, too. 544 00:25:47,129 --> 00:25:48,130 You. 545 00:25:56,263 --> 00:25:58,640 But I don't wanna be an added stress in your life. 546 00:25:58,724 --> 00:26:00,642 You have a lot of important things to concentrate on. 547 00:26:01,727 --> 00:26:03,353 So, you think I'm being a bad parent? 548 00:26:03,437 --> 00:26:05,397 How did you hear that with what I just said? 549 00:26:05,481 --> 00:26:07,983 Right, well, it's different for you. You know, you're a man. 550 00:26:08,067 --> 00:26:09,693 You have no kids, you have no responsibilities. 551 00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:12,404 Your parents are still in their fucking 60s somehow, 552 00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:14,156 pissed up, having the craic in Tenerife. 553 00:26:14,239 --> 00:26:15,657 Well, my dad's 74 and an alcoholic, but go on. 554 00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:18,327 You've got no idea what I have to deal with 555 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,954 because you've never had to be a serious person. 556 00:26:22,664 --> 00:26:23,665 Okay. 557 00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:25,834 - Wow. - Sorry. 558 00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:28,629 I'm sorry. 559 00:26:30,506 --> 00:26:34,760 You're right, it's too much with everything right now. 560 00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:36,845 So, okay. 561 00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:38,806 - Thanks. - What? Don't leave just like that. 562 00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:40,933 Where are you going, trying to run away from me? 563 00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:43,393 No, I'm trying to run away from me, just… 564 00:26:44,478 --> 00:26:46,396 - I need a drink. - Okay, yeah. 565 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:48,023 Don't follow me.