1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,051 Every single move you make in your sixth decade 2 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,427 is significant. 3 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:12,638 Monumental. 4 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:16,225 Every decision is a constant loud metronome 5 00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,560 beating out the time you've left on Earth, 6 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:20,646 accompanying every life choice. 7 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:22,898 When you're a teenager, you're acutely worried 8 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,317 about what other people think of you. 9 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,569 But I think now, you can just have more fun. 10 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,657 And no decade moves faster than 50 to 60. 11 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,993 You have to make every single second 12 00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:36,828 of your time count. 13 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:45,295 The secret to building these juicy glutes is doing these four exercises… 14 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:51,301 Day three post-op from my neck lift, facelift, lower bleph… 15 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,761 Marry me, salmon… 16 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,264 So, these labia minora, you grow them in puberty 17 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,932 and you lose them in menopause. 18 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,517 And that's all we, like, we don't know anything 19 00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,851 about the labia minora. 20 00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,228 Is it estrogen? Is it testosterone? 21 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,437 - Can you grow them back? - Oh, shit… oh! 22 00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,648 Ow! Oh! 23 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,317 Ow! 24 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,991 Oh, shit. Sorry. 25 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,325 - Hey! - Wait! 26 00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:17,744 Hey, wait! 27 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,204 Oh! Sorry. Sorry. 28 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,372 Tell him, tell him to wait! 29 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,000 Wait! Ah! 30 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,127 Sorry. 31 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:26,878 Don't hit the bus. 32 00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,422 Well, I don't think I hurt it… 33 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,193 - Sorry, Alex. - No. No time. Is he here? 34 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:51,486 - Yes. Alex, just quickly. - Okay. 35 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:53,280 - Malcolm Hammond keeps calling. - No. No, no, no. 36 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,823 - No, they're in Sam's office. - What? 37 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,533 - They're in Sam's office. - Oh, shit. Yep, yep, yep, yep. 38 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,702 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry I'm late. 39 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,287 I had an accident. Actually, I dropped my… 40 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,623 Damian doesn't have long, Alex, so shall we? 41 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,459 Wow, so good to meet you. 42 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,044 You're looking very… 43 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,170 all you need is a white cat 44 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:09,880 - in your lap to… - I really don't have long. 45 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,798 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, can you shut the door? 46 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:12,883 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 47 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,385 You know, I was just constantly being asked 48 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,845 when I was gonna write a book. 49 00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:18,180 You know, like Stephen Fry. 50 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,431 - I bet. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 51 00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,391 So, I'm about 80,000 words in now. 52 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,353 Oh, wow. So, what's it about? 53 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,730 Social satire. Think Genet's The Balcony, 54 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:30,609 but instead of the brothel, it's the Yulin Dog Meat Festival. 55 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,862 Sounds bleak, but it's very funny, like Stephen Fry funny. 56 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:35,781 It's called Dog Meat. 57 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:37,866 - I love it. - Oh, okay. 58 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:39,504 I can… 59 00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:41,286 I think, though, that people 60 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:45,916 do have quite strong feelings about dogs as food. 61 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,042 I love it. 62 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:51,296 It's easy to sit in our privilege and judge other cultures, isn't it? 63 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,548 My sister has a pig. He's terrific. 64 00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,175 He can count to three with his trotter. 65 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:58,053 But I would eat his entire head. 66 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,722 You know? All of it, if I had to. 67 00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:03,892 Do you mind if I vape? 68 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,268 - No. - Yeah. 69 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:12,651 Have you thought about writing a children's book? 70 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:16,321 Most actors dip their toe in by writing a kids' book. 71 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,532 - You've skipped that step, so. - Has Stephen Fry 72 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:19,991 written a children's book? 73 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,204 I'm pretty married to Dog Meat. 74 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,291 Ow, my jaw! 75 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:30,961 Sorry, my jaw just locked. 76 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,379 Sorry. What are you doing? 77 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,423 - I… I… I… - Is she having a fit? 78 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,466 - I don't know. I'm so sorry. - I can't open my mouth! 79 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,593 God, that's never happened before! 80 00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:39,886 - Plum! - Sorry, really? 81 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,054 - Have water. - Oh, okay. 82 00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,180 Plum, can you come in? 83 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,850 I'm so sorry about this, Damian. 84 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,560 Maybe call her acupuncturist. 85 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:47,643 Medic! 86 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:48,812 - It's a good idea. - Hi! 87 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,689 So nice to meet you. I'm Plum. 88 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,691 Why can't you talk? Just behave yourselves. 89 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,151 - I loved you in Homeland. - Okay. 90 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,153 Your performance blew me away. Oh, yeah, just, like, 91 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,654 - inspirational for me. - What was your favorite… 92 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,114 Did you have a favorite season? 93 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:03,326 So, it looks like arthritis to me. 94 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,954 - No. - Arthritis in your lower jaw, yeah. 95 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,789 What? Because I dropped the phone on my… 96 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:10,167 Well, we'll get you a referral to a rheumatoid specialist 97 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,335 - and run some tests. - Well, I mean, it landed really hard. 98 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,588 It's a bummer. It's just an age thing. 99 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,924 Oh. Right, well, I mean, so what next? 100 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,761 Is this just the start of a general decline or… 101 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,220 You're so morbid! 102 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:27,184 No, what you'll probably find is a decreased range of motion. 103 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,645 So, limited opening. So, no more blowjobs for you. 104 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,273 - No more what for me? - Kebabs. 105 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,275 - Oh. - Tough meats. Not for a while. 106 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,694 - Yeah. Yeah. - Shall we update some details? 107 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,987 Still divorced? 108 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,489 Yeah, I'm still divorced. 109 00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:44,242 I mean, even if I remarried, I'd still be divorced, kinda. 110 00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:46,411 - Have you remarried? - No. 111 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,873 My son Ruari, though, 112 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,042 he goes to uni next month. 113 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,836 So, you know, I was just thinking about getting back out there, 114 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,880 you know, once he moves out. 115 00:04:58,215 --> 00:04:59,716 But, you know, this is… 116 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,719 I mean, this is not a good start. 117 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,820 Do you think you can still be sexy when you're 60? 118 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:23,448 Sexy to who, though? To another 60-year-old? 119 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:25,033 No, to anyone. 120 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:28,578 Or not anyone, but you know, in a club or on a yacht. 121 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,164 Why do you want to be sexy on a yacht when you're 60? 122 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:34,960 Like, has any man ever said, "Oh, you have to meet my girlfriend. 123 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:38,171 She's sexy, she's fun, she's 60." 124 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,216 You know? I need to meet someone now. 125 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:42,467 Jesus Christ. 126 00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:45,512 I think I've got, like, 10 years left as a sexual person, tops. 127 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,597 I need someone for when present me dies. 128 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,768 I need someone to fall in love with me now so there's a bit of time left with this me 129 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,603 before old me is like… 130 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,021 "I'm here now." 131 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,773 You are ridiculous, woman. 132 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,191 - See you tonight. - No, wait! 133 00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:00,151 What am I supposed to wear to Frank's bar thing? 134 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,029 Ruari! 135 00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:07,951 - Mum? Mum? - Discuss what? 136 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,578 Can we go now? 137 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,329 Do you not get your robes at the college? 138 00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,415 - Yeah, but I bought mine. - You bought your own robes? 139 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,458 - Why? - I wanna keep them. 140 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,502 Well, can I give it an iron? 'Cause it looks a bit… 141 00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,504 No, Mum. Let's go, come on. 142 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:21,590 Did you buy the hat thing? 143 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,349 Hi, everybody. 144 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:34,144 Thank you for coming to celebrate this momentous day. 145 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:38,023 As head girl and head boy, it is our honor to take you through today's proceedings. 146 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,734 Before we begin, we just have a few important… 147 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,652 - Fancy seeing you here. - Oh, shit! 148 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,487 - What the fuck? - I just spotted you, 149 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:48,450 so I thought I'd say hello and thank you again for firing me. 150 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:49,826 Did you follow me here? 151 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,412 - What are you doing? - Don't flatter yourself. 152 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,289 My niece is graduating. 153 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,249 Oh, sorry. Sorry. 154 00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,252 Well, I didn't fire you, Malcolm. 155 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:02,172 I felt I couldn't do my best work for you anymore. 156 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,966 So, you let me go like an already drowned man, 157 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,093 dragging you under. You let me go… 158 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,106 I don't think this is 159 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,107 - the right place to… - …to save yourself, 160 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,556 - but it spurred me on. - Excuse me. 161 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,767 You know, when a shopgirl fires you, 162 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,894 - an interloper! - Are you drunk? 163 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,730 It does something to you, so thank you. 164 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,482 I wrote the book you refused to sell, by the way. 165 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,776 - I didn't refuse to sell it, did I? - And I've self-published it. 166 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,361 It's doing very well. 167 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,488 - Great. - Perhaps you'd like to read it. 168 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,239 I'd like to get closer to the front. 169 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:31,451 So, congratulations on the book, and… 170 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:32,994 good luck. 171 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,537 Good luck to you. 172 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,206 Bitch. 173 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,251 As we present the awards, 174 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,004 we'd like to introduce some fun to the proceedings. 175 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,048 - Hey. - A trip down memory lane 176 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,675 for our parents 177 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,385 with a few photographs of us when we started… 178 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,387 at Levenhall in year seven. 179 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:55,016 Joshua Abbot intends to read biochemistry at the University of Leeds, 180 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,936 as well as bagging the lead role in our school production, 181 00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,521 Legally Blonde. 182 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,944 Bridget Callaghan, who will be studying politics 183 00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:08,279 - at the University of Kent. - Wave to Alex. 184 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:20,542 Ruari Flynn, politics and international relations, 185 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,211 also at the University of Kent. 186 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,553 Fat fuck. 187 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,308 This school is a nation of sheep… 188 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,893 …run by wolves… 189 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,478 - …and owned by pigs. - Get off the stage! 190 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,105 - Jesus. - Throughout your time here, 191 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,774 you've been told diabolical lies. 192 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:50,071 And your futures inevitably will be filled with disappointment and rejection. 193 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,322 Lots of rejection. 194 00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:52,406 - You guys are all pricks! - Oh, shit. 195 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:54,993 Oh! Ruari! 196 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,496 - What the fuck? - Do not do that, Ruari! 197 00:08:58,580 --> 00:08:59,831 No, you get down now! 198 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:02,375 Ruari, what are you doing? 199 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,475 - The burrata, please. - Okay. 200 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,101 That's a large sharing portion. 201 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,145 - Yeah. - Okay. 202 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,276 Did Mia know you were gonna be doing that? 203 00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,236 - Or your friends? - What friends? 204 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,530 What do you mean, "what frie…" Your friends. 205 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,199 Aiden. Teddy. 206 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:36,076 - Ruari, look this way. - Dad. Dad. 207 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,286 We'll do photos later, is all. 208 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,371 - Just leave it. - I mean, what was it for? 209 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:43,041 It's, like, for the laugh. Go out with a bang. 210 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,585 We're lucky you weren't arrested, you idiot. 211 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,962 Can we get another bottle of the house white? 212 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,215 And may I order the pear crumble? 213 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,383 Mum, we're just doing starters and mains, 214 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,427 and then see how we feel about dessert in a bit. 215 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:57,138 - It might be gone in a bit. - Well, so might your toes. 216 00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:58,890 Sweet tooth. 217 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:01,434 Type one diabetes, but, yeah. 218 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:03,853 Go on. 219 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,022 - Now? - Yes. 220 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,234 What? 221 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,945 Lorcan has something to tell you all. 222 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,780 - You better not be pregnant. - What? 223 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,449 - No, Jesus, Alex! - No, I know, I know. 224 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,368 - Sorry, I just… okay. - No. 225 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,786 Sorry. 226 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:23,748 No, I've been cast as a series regular in a new US show. 227 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,208 Star Ship: Crimson Control, 228 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,709 and… 229 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,337 What's funny? 230 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,632 Nothing. 231 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,715 Okay. 232 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,552 And anyway… 233 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,178 It's funny because you hate spaceship shows. 234 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,055 - Well, it's not a spaceship show. - Oh, okay. 235 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,265 It's a sci-fi. 236 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,725 And it's shooting 237 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,936 in Canada for six months. 238 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,063 So, we're taking the opportunity to move. 239 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,482 To Canada. 240 00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,026 Is this your big break, Lorcan? 241 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,821 Well, it's hardly my "big break," Wally. 242 00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:58,241 Your new big break. I remember that terrible play you were in. 243 00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,492 Wally, stop, shh. 244 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,827 You remember that three and a half hour… 245 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,163 Look, I'll be a phone call away. 246 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:06,249 And when Ruari's finished his first year, he could come and join us. 247 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,294 Potentially. 248 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,339 - We should be heading home soon. - Dad. 249 00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,175 We've only just ordered, so… 250 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,595 Oh, there's Mia. Mia's just… 251 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,679 Thank you. 252 00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,723 Ruari, there's Mia. 253 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:24,267 Are you not talking to Mia? 254 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:27,770 What's going on? Ruari! 255 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,689 - Oh, Jesus, put it down! - What are you doing?! Ruari! 256 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:32,400 - Put it down! - Ruari, drop the burrata. 257 00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:34,444 - Oh, my God. - You've already made 258 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,196 a lot of today about yourself. 259 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,114 Well, you can fucking talk, you… 260 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,284 - Oh. - What? 261 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,286 My jaw just locked again. 262 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,079 Dad, don't! 263 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,623 Stop, Wally, stop. 264 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,875 Ruari, I think that was for the table. 265 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:49,959 Yeah. 266 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,003 Fucking hell. 267 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,967 He says he's surplus to requirements now for Ruari. 268 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,136 Yeah, he's made himself surplus to requirements. 269 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,263 Exactly. What about my requirements? 270 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,807 I've been waiting for so long to have a bit of freedom. 271 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,477 In four years, I've not had a man in my bed. 272 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,562 - You are a saint. - I know. 273 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,731 And now, you know, my body's failing. 274 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,317 Ladies. Smoking martinis. 275 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,777 - Ooh, la, la. - Ooh! 276 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,695 - Oh! - How very fucking hip! 277 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,864 - Happy launch. - Hey, look. Like it? 278 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,199 - Yeah. - From the lovely wife. 279 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,742 A congratulations. 280 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,535 I do like it, it's lovely. 281 00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:27,038 - I am so lovely. - Mm-hmm. 282 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,415 Why do all your barmaids have big tits? 283 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,084 They don't all have big tits. 284 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,628 And they're not barmaids. 285 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,213 They're trained mixologists. 286 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,965 They look like trained prostitutes. 287 00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,049 Hey, hey! 288 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:39,801 Now, behave. 289 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,137 It's fine. They don't intimidate me. 290 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,015 - They motivate me. - Did Frank invite Ex-Pat? 291 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,934 - Who's that he's with? - Who cares? 292 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,936 I thought you hated him and you're just friends now. 293 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,397 I don't hate him. We're not friends. 294 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,691 - Oh, shit. - Whoa! 295 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,568 - Queens of the night! - Hey. 296 00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:58,778 - Lovely, Sam. - Oh. 297 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,239 - Come here, you. - Hey. 298 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,491 Oh, look at yous two. 299 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,368 You're sex on stools, aren't you? 300 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,621 Okay. Oh, look at that knee. Oh! 301 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:09,956 Was that your niece, Patrick? 302 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,874 That's my goddaughter. Now, catch me up. 303 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:12,958 What are we drinking? 304 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,877 Well, whatever that is. 305 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,296 Mm. Oh, my God! 306 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,506 I love Frank, but he cannot make drinks. 307 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,675 Let's get three of… 308 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,385 Ah! Let's have that. What's that? 309 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,721 Some of this. There you go, one each. 310 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,725 Now, where are we? And why are you looking so pained? 311 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,643 I'm not looking pained. Do I look pained? 312 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,770 No, you look gorgeous, just look a little bit, mm! 313 00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:34,147 Well, I dropped a phone on my… 314 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,065 Patrick, what are you doing? The cab's outside. 315 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,371 Right. 316 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,778 Oh, shite, crossed wires. 317 00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,697 Sorry, mm, my bad. 318 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,366 Well, I wish you both goodbye, and I'll see you… 319 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,159 …anon. 320 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:52,957 I do hate him, actually. 321 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,252 I had a call from my daughter. 322 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,962 She's been in Australia. 323 00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:01,674 Well, she is in Australia. Come back from Fraser Island. 324 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,051 Now, just gently bite down. 325 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,345 That's it. 326 00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:07,221 So, here we go. 327 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,015 Now, just gently push your jaw 328 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,475 against my 329 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,893 - my hand. - Okay. 330 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:12,947 That's it. 331 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,395 There you go. That's it. 332 00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:17,982 Alex. Alex, hi. 333 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,525 A Yafa Barg… 334 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,903 - It's Barghouti, yeah. - Barg… Barg… Yeah. 335 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,072 - He sent new pages over. Is he a client? - Yeah. 336 00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,907 - 'Cause I couldn't see him on the list… - It's fine. Don't… 337 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:26,990 Thank you. 338 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,659 Oh, and I have something for you. 339 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,620 - Oh, yeah? - Malcolm Hammond's new book. 340 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,372 - What? - He hand-delivered it. 341 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,332 Jesus. Alright, Christopher Nolan. 342 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,334 Is he waiting somewhere while I read it? 343 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,798 He's not, is he? Waiting somewhere? 344 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,466 - No! - No? Okay. 345 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,135 - Or I don't think so. - What? 346 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,430 I thought we let that dick go. Goblin Seed? 347 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,516 - I know, what a pervert. - That's a good name. 348 00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:52,892 Did you sense check that email for me? 349 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,477 What does that even mean? 350 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,604 "I got bored writing it. Finish it for me." 351 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:58,314 Yes, honey, thank you. 352 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,691 Ooh, Michael was trying to get a hold of you, by the way. 353 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,110 - Who? - Michael. 354 00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:03,820 My nice man-friend with the houses. 355 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,405 No, Ruari starts uni next week. 356 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,157 I wanna spend time with him. My jaw hurts. 357 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,367 Just go, have a bit of fun. 358 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:10,743 - Shag. - I don't wanna shag. 359 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,245 - Yeah, you do. - Okay, I do. 360 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,289 I do, I do really wanna have sex, but I just, I can't face a new dick. 361 00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:18,084 - I have no new dick energy. - Just get drunk. 362 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:21,462 Okay. 363 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,258 Listen, there's about six tea towels in there. 364 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,760 Keep an eye on the time. Oh, okay. 365 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,595 - Where's my… Do you not have my… - "Where's my" what? 366 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,597 What? 367 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,016 - You forgot your suitcase, right. - You forgot my suitcase. 368 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,643 I already let you move me in, Mum. 369 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,311 No one's parents are doing that today. 370 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,815 - Did you speak to Dad? - He Monzo'ed me L50. 371 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,650 Well. Ka-ching! 372 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,319 Well, look, give me a call when you get there. 373 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,446 - Yeah. - Yeah. 374 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,660 - Okay, let go. - Okay. 375 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,204 - Mum? Mum! - Okay. 376 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:58,499 Love you. 377 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,002 We're keeping up book club. 378 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,045 Okay? 379 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,464 - Ruari? - There's two books. 380 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,923 Love you. Love you! 381 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,259 - Alright, love you. Love you. - Oh, my God. 382 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,359 Oh! Oh! 383 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,660 Ruari, it's Mum. Just checking in. 384 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:17,745 Give me a call. 385 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:18,871 Okay. Love you. 386 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,841 Oh, my God, I'm doing it! 387 00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:32,385 Oh, my God. 388 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,303 …something was very wrong. 389 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,430 The husband had fled the gruesome scene. 390 00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,849 His wife was found inside the oven 391 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,060 completely charcoal from the waist up. 392 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:08,879 Hey. 393 00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:10,630 Alex? 394 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:13,759 Michael. 395 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,012 Okay. 396 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:17,984 Okay. 397 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,890 - I'm sorry I'm a little… - No, it's fine. It's fine. 398 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,393 I told Sam I was open to anything. All ages. 399 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,271 Right. I was saying, I'm sorry I'm a little late. 400 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,732 - I got delayed at the office. - Sorry, I'm… 401 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,442 Sorry. Okay, so you still… 402 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,652 - You still work and… - What? 403 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:32,820 No, of course you do. 404 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,865 Let's get some alcohol. 405 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,729 So, when did you start working with Sam? 406 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:09,940 I work for her. 407 00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,484 - Oh. - But 10 years ago. 408 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,111 God, I've been working for her for 10 years. 409 00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,196 That's… 410 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,656 I had my own business. 411 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,784 A bookshop, but it folded, and I… 412 00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,119 What was it you said you do again? Is it… 413 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,663 - Cars? - Close. 414 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,498 - Art. - Oh. 415 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,375 That's how I met Sam and Frank, actually. 416 00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:30,044 And then, I moved into property development. 417 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:33,297 Oh, wow. That's a big change. That was after your wife died? 418 00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:35,883 My wife isn't dead. 419 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,051 - Oh. - She's in Sussex. 420 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,511 Oh, sorry! 421 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,596 Sam must have… Oh, well, that's nice… 422 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,058 that she's in Sussex, and… 423 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,029 and alive. 424 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,811 So, you're divorced? 425 00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:48,312 Oh, yeah, 12 years. 426 00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:52,692 And what have you been up to? You've been keeping yourself busy and… 427 00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,694 Yeah, yeah, I keep myself busy. 428 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:55,945 Yeah, well, you have to. 429 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,279 - Yeah. - You have to. 430 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,156 My girlfriend and I only broke up four weeks ago. 431 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,700 Oh. 432 00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:03,536 - Well, that's, that's fresh. - Yeah. 433 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:05,579 Is she younger? 434 00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:06,789 I don't know how old you are. 435 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:07,872 I'm 67. 436 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,333 Oof. 437 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,884 If you only broke up with your girlfriend four weeks ago… 438 00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,220 why are you here? 439 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:25,599 Well, Sam said you'd been single for a long time now. 440 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,852 - Okay. - And I had a Friday free. 441 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:30,229 So, what, this is a… This is a pity date? 442 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,732 - Oh, I wouldn't say that. - Well, what would you call it? 443 00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,275 Well, that depends. 444 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,278 Do you have to be home or do you wanna come back to mine? 445 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:42,700 What? 446 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:46,829 Oh. 447 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,960 - Antique carpet on the stairs. - Oh. 448 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:54,336 Okay. 449 00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,256 What are you doing? 450 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,426 You're taking my… 451 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,722 You're taking my pants off. Oh, shit, you're taking your clothes off. 452 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:08,100 Over the years, I've learned it's the best way to do this. 453 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:09,477 Okay. 454 00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,273 Oh. Oh, gosh, oh. 455 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,941 - What's the matter? - Sorry. I just, 456 00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:18,319 I'm scared to touch your balls. 457 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,362 - Why are you scared? - Just in case they've dropped. 458 00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:22,364 - Jesus. - Sorry. Sorry. 459 00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:24,116 - They… - Sorry. 460 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,200 They haven't… 461 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,577 - They haven't dropped. - Okay. 462 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,788 They're just regular balls, yes. 463 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,248 Feel my balls. 464 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:34,418 Yeah. 465 00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:39,507 Oh, yeah, they… Yeah. They're regular balls. 466 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:40,591 Sorry. 467 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:52,436 - Hey. It's okay. - Sorry. Ah! 468 00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,147 What's going on? 469 00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:56,649 It's just a… 470 00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:57,775 It's just a tricky time. 471 00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:01,779 Sorry. My son's just left home. 472 00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:04,573 And his dad just got cast in a spaceship show. 473 00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:08,160 And he's just decided to stop being a dad. 474 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,162 And… 475 00:22:11,205 --> 00:22:14,500 You know, I just don't know if there's anything left in my life 476 00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:16,210 that I like anymore. 477 00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,925 - Here. - Oh, God, sorry. What the hell? 478 00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:24,385 I'm gonna go down on you, okay? 479 00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,136 - Oh, God, please don't. - I'm gonna go down on you. 480 00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:29,056 - Oh, God, no. - Listen to me. 481 00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:31,892 Just lie back and enjoy. 482 00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:33,978 I'm very good at this. 483 00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:36,605 I thank you. Thank you, really. 484 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,066 It's just, I got arthritis in my jaw, 485 00:22:39,149 --> 00:22:41,360 and I think if I even tried to give you a blowjob in return… 486 00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:42,414 Oh, you wouldn't have to. 487 00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:43,444 - That's not what this… - No, no, no, I know. 488 00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:45,114 I know you say that, but, you know, I don't know you 489 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,992 well enough yet to be selfish in bed. 490 00:22:48,075 --> 00:22:50,870 And you know, I think if I tried, we might end up in A&E or… 491 00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:53,873 I could give you a handjob. 492 00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:58,335 I'll give you a handjob. 493 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:11,223 Oh… 494 00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:20,983 Stop! 495 00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:46,008 I'm so horny. 496 00:24:16,330 --> 00:24:17,790 What the hell? 497 00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:20,125 - What are you doing here? - You messaged me. 498 00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:21,209 Huh? 499 00:24:21,251 --> 00:24:22,920 You spelled "horny" wrong. 500 00:24:26,548 --> 00:24:28,425 I thought I wasn't allowed around here. 501 00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:29,927 That's just when my son lived here. 502 00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:32,012 He moved out? What's that like? 503 00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:33,889 - Can we not, you know, talk about it? - Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 504 00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:37,851 - Do I taste like kebab? - Yeah, a little bit. 505 00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:39,269 - Oh, shit. - And toothpaste. 506 00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:40,604 - Sorry. - No, no, no, I like it. 507 00:24:47,069 --> 00:24:49,989 - I've weirdly missed you. - I've just plain missed you. 508 00:24:50,072 --> 00:24:52,074 You have? 509 00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:54,118 - Why didn't you call me? - I should have. 510 00:24:54,201 --> 00:24:56,412 I should have done this. I should have booty-called you. 511 00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:58,497 Oh, God, don't say… 512 00:24:58,580 --> 00:24:59,957 Don't say "booty call." 513 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,125 You're not embarrassed, are you? 514 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:02,835 You should be embarrassed. 515 00:25:02,918 --> 00:25:04,753 - Why would I be embarrassed? - Where's your goddaughter? 516 00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:07,047 Shite, I left her at the water park. 517 00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:19,059 Mum! 518 00:25:58,348 --> 00:25:59,349 - Mum! - Ahh! 519 00:25:59,433 --> 00:26:00,893 - What are you doing? - Jesus Christ! 520 00:26:00,976 --> 00:26:03,312 Ruari! You frightened the shit out of me. 521 00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:05,606 - What the fuck are you doing? - What are you doing? 522 00:26:05,689 --> 00:26:07,733 It's two in the morning, you're supposed to be at uni. 523 00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:09,777 I heard a scream, so, I… Hello. 524 00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:11,862 Patrick, this is Ruari. I don't think you've met. 525 00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:12,945 Great, nice to meet you. 526 00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:15,115 Please get out of my room! You're both fucking naked. 527 00:26:15,199 --> 00:26:16,992 Well, we're not naked, are we? 528 00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:19,036 Sorry, thank you for checking on me. 529 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:20,662 Thank you. I'll get my things. 530 00:26:20,746 --> 00:26:21,789 Thank you. Thank you for the visit. 531 00:26:21,872 --> 00:26:22,872 Right. 532 00:26:25,042 --> 00:26:26,210 Great. Okay. 533 00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:31,590 I didn't know you were here, okay? 534 00:26:31,673 --> 00:26:33,217 - And even if I did, it isn't… - Please get out. 535 00:26:34,093 --> 00:26:36,470 - Well, did something happen at uni? - No, it doesn't matter. 536 00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:37,971 - Just get out. - Well, it does matter 'cause… 537 00:26:38,055 --> 00:26:39,640 Mum, you're in your underwear in my room. 538 00:26:39,723 --> 00:26:42,059 It's really weird. Please get out, I want to sleep. 539 00:26:44,311 --> 00:26:45,312 Sorry. 540 00:27:19,221 --> 00:27:20,472 - Don't. - Sorry.