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[Matthew] I want to tell you a story.
I'm gonna ask you all to close your eyes.
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00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,646
This is your opportunity
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00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:24,107
to rise from these ashes
4
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:25,359
and grab glory.
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00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:30,280
I'm not an actor playing a politician.
I'm a politician who happens to act.
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This is our past.
This is where we have been.
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This is how we got here.
This is who we are.
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And look, I'm willing to do anything…
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00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:40,749
[AI voice] …for Texas.
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00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:42,918
[host] And the Oscar goes to…
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00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,838
- Matthew McConaughey.
- [AI voice] For Governor.
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You should win a goddamn Oscar
for that video.
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[sighs] I have watched that
almost two times now and I…
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every time I get choked up.
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Yeah…
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Look it, I-I-I really think we need
to pick a lane here.
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You know, I mean, you've been
talking to me about being
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00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,815
a more serious politician and then, look,
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this ain't that.
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[Woody] Matthew, if I may…
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That video is totally exploitative,
AI garbage.
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00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,450
And there's not a single clip
of True Detective.
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To be fair, Matthew looked insane
in True Detective, okay?
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He had a stinky little ponytail
and it didn't test well with the women.
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And I was wrong.
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The general public does not care
about substance when it comes to you.
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They don't care what comes
out of your mouth,
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they just want to see
that ass in some bike shorts.
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- Preach! Let the goddamn people eat!
- Yum-yum.
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Matthew, your pretty little face… Okay?
That's how we're gonna win this.
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[stammers] I'm not saying I wanna campaign
with a brown paper bag over my head.
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What I am saying,
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is that I have a handle on the values
that represent the face of Texas.
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- [Woody] Mm-hmm.
- [Matthew] Like my dad's legacy,
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all right? Integrity, morals,
faith, hustle, innovation.
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Boo! Respectfully,
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I wanna fall asleep when you talk about
your dad and his legacy.
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Hey, watch your step.
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Oh, I said "respectfully."
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[stammers] I'm not gonna run this campaign
based on my celebrity and fame.
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That would be like,
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00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:06,043
Sydney Sweeney telling her agents
she only wants to do voice work.
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Right? I mean, the girl has
once-in-a-generation breasts, Matthew.
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Look here… [sighs]
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…everything that I've accomplished
in my life has been based on passion,
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knowledge, grit, and hustle.
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New York Times bestseller, three times.
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I've got a successful tequila brand,
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I'm a visiting professor in two classes
that I created at the University of Texas.
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Now, was any of that achieved
because of my celebrity?
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Exactly! That would be like you telling me
that the weed dispensary
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that I created with, uh,
John McEnroe and Bill Maher
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is just because I'm famous.
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[chuckles] Well, exactly. That's what I'm…
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I'm sorry, are you guys fucking with me?
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- What part?
- What part?
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["Give a Little Bit" playing]
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[gasps] It's finally here.
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Now, who's the True Detective?
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- [grunts]
- ["Far From Any Road" plays]
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[gasps]
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[chuckling] Oh, yes.
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[vocalizing] Jackpot.
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- Okay…
- [Val] What are you doing here?
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[gasps] Oh, my God.
[exhales heavily] You scared me.
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[chuckles] And why are you wearing gloves?
67
00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:04,036
Um…
68
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,580
It's for a new TikTok trend.
It's super dumb.
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00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:07,998
Anyway, um…
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00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,335
Matthew said I could borrow
some of his… moisturizer.
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00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,170
Oh, no, that's my side. Here's Matthew.
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Oh, this is Matthew's sink?
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- Yeah.
- Oh, no…
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I mean…
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Wow, it's-it's so immaculate.
[inhales sharply]
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If he ever committed a crime
they'd never find his DNA.
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Oh, no, he's like a hairless cat.
And I mean, like, everywhere. [chuckles]
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Right. [chuckles, inhales sharply]
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Fuck!
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♪ Suddenly, Seymour ♪
81
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♪ Is standing beside me… ♪
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- Here. Keep up. You're dragging.
- [door opens]
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♪ He don't give me orders ♪
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♪ He don't condescend ♪
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- [Matthew] Yay!
- [Woody] Whoo-hoo!
86
00:04:58,382 --> 00:04:59,800
- Look whose little princess…
- Yeah!
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…has some pipes!
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Nice!
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- Bravo!
- Please don't patronize me.
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That wasn't nearly good enough,
and I can't blame it all on the piano.
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00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,268
Okay. Wow.
92
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,270
I'm never gonna get the lead
in the school play.
93
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,813
Oh, don't say that, sweetie.
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Look, you sound great,
just keep working at it.
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And if you get the role, you get it,
and if you don't,
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there's nothing wrong with the ensemble.
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Or maybe you could just call my teacher
and get me the lead role?
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No, maybe I cannot do that.
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00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:28,078
We don't coast on the McConaughey name
in this family, sweetie.
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00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,496
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, I mean, look,
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00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:31,623
we were just talking about this, Clara.
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You ready for a little LLL,
life learnable lesson?
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Your name gets you in some doors,
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but after that you gotta earn
whatever you get from there on your own.
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You got to put in the work,
gotta stick to the process,
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you gotta trust the validation
will come when it's time, okay?
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It's called "paying your dues."
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00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,185
I mean, look, you got
two pretty great actors at your disposal,
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Oscar-winner, Oscar…
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What do you call that when you don't?
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Nominee.
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Nominee.
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I know it's hard to tell
from River's piano playing,
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but it's supposed to be musical.
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Yeah, I'm the problem here.
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00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:05,157
I'm just saying…
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00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,825
It's really all about the singing,
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00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:08,785
so I doubt you guys
could teach me anything.
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00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:12,873
- [chuckles] Au-to-the-contraire, lady.
- Yeah.
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We happen to be rather amazing musicians.
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- In fact, I think if it weren't…
- Yeah.
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…for the acting getting in the way,
we probably would've won Grammys.
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Right. But this is Little Shop of Horrors,
so it's probably not your style.
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00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:27,930
- Not our style? [chuckles]
- Oh, please. [chuckles]
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Hey…
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- Why're you pretending to know our style?
- Not our style.
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- I mean, we don't even know our style.
- Right.
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We're undefinable.
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[Matthew] You gotta hear it.
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- ♪ I will never let you down… ♪
- ♪ Yeah… Never let you down… ♪
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How's the song go?
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♪ My love ♪
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♪ Will never let you down ♪
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00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:49,493
- [vocalizing]
- [Matthew] ♪ No, no, no ♪
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♪ My love ♪
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00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,580
- ♪ Never let… ♪
- ♪ Never let you… ♪
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Well, good. Keep going. Good. One, two…
138
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You know, I remember
when men used to do things.
139
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- I mean, substantial things.
- ♪ My love ♪
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00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:03,882
♪ Never let you down… ♪
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00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:07,803
- [guitar stops]
- ♪ I'll always be around ♪
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Literal rock star. Whoo!
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Thank you for sharing.
I mean, like, hobbies are super important.
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- This was… [stammers] …an experience.
- [Matthew] See?
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00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:22,067
We've been trying to tell y'all
we're a couple of multi-hyphenated,
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dual potentials.
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[chattering]
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Yeah, man.
149
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:29,825
All right, so what's the plan?
150
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:36,248
Well, if Matthew and I can put
our differences aside on the, uh, sound,
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00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:39,376
I'm thinking Europe first,
build a cult following…
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00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,920
Theaters, and then festival run…
153
00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:43,589
Okay, what happens up there?
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00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,008
- Dad, I need you to focus.
- I am.
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00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,843
I'm talking about Matthew's DNA.
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00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,429
Did you get anything off him
while you guys were playing tennis?
157
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:53,515
Maybe some… some blood? Or sweat?
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00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:55,684
While playing tennis with
the Wilson brothers?
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00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,644
That requires full focus.
160
00:07:57,728 --> 00:08:01,523
Have you seen Owen's ground stroke
since he started golfing regularly?
161
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:04,610
No. And besides,
I thought you were on top of the DNA?
162
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,070
Me? I can't be the only detective here.
163
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,072
Plus, everyone just sits
on the couch all day.
164
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,490
No one ever leaves this house.
165
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:14,494
I mean, I can't be a criminal mastermind
in these conditions. Okay?
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00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:15,871
Look, you have to help me.
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00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:20,125
Okay, so what you need is basically
a vacated house for a little while?
168
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,419
- Yes.
- Okay. Okay.
169
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,796
- Don't do the… [sighs]
- Okay…
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00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:29,635
Ha. Ha. Oh, bingo, bango, bongo.
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00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:33,472
Oh, boy,
what a beautiful mind you have, Wood.
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00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:39,061
So, when you go to the audition,
you have to be the character on, "Hello."
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Directors don't wanna see
an actress act like the character,
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00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,359
they wanna meet the actress and go,
"Oh, my gosh, she is the character."
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- Right?
- [phone rings]
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00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,445
Now, let me tell you about the
first time I auditioned for Nolan…
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00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,988
Uh, I gotta take this.
178
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:52,282
[stammers] When did you get a cell phone?
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00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:53,700
It's just my burner.
180
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,453
Yep. Thanks for returning my call,
Principal Trish.
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00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,331
Man, I am not getting through to this kid.
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00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,167
I have an idea I think could help.
183
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:05,420
Both because I know we're gonna be
the next Sonny and Cher,
184
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:07,798
and also because it'll teach your daughter
185
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:11,051
the importance of
hard work and not trading off your fame.
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00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:12,553
- Please. I'm listening.
- Okay.
187
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:16,098
[sighs] I think it's time we booked a gig.
188
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,893
- You think?
- I know. Well, think about it.
189
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:23,313
- Wyatt works at a coffee shop, right?
- Ah. Yeah.
190
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,440
That's a perfect venue.
191
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:31,488
Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Jason Mraz,
got their starts in coffee shops.
192
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,198
We'll be supporting Wyatt
193
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:35,701
- as well as teaching Clara a lesson…
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
194
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,870
- …which she clearly needs to learn.
- Yeah.
195
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,621
If we go out there as Woody and Matthew,
196
00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:41,748
we're not gonna be getting
honest reactions from the public.
197
00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:43,584
- Oh, right.
- Right? You know what I mean?
198
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:46,253
That's in direct opposition
of what I'm trying to teach Clara.
199
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,754
- These mugs…
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
200
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:49,590
…you can't turn them off, man.
They're beloved.
201
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,258
Leave that part to me.
202
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,595
["Rhinestone Cowboy" plays]
203
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:16,783
- Whoo! Whoo.
- Whoo!
204
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,410
[Australian accent]
How you going, sheilas?
205
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,162
- Oh.
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
206
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,663
- You guys look insane.
- [Matthew] Yeah, yeah.
207
00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:23,081
- [British accent] Thank you.
- Yeah.
208
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:25,334
- Who did this to you?
- [Matthew] Best in the biz, love.
209
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:27,544
Hooked up with the, uh,
team who did the prosthetics
210
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:30,547
on Tom Cruise
in Tropic Thunder. [chuckles]
211
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,924
What-What's the accent?
212
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:33,008
- Outback.
- [Kai] Right.
213
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:34,676
- Liverpool.
- [both] Oh.
214
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,512
[normal voice]
I couldn't do the Australian…
215
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:38,430
Sure. Yeah,
but-but you can do the Liverpool.
216
00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:39,515
[Matthew chuckles]
217
00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:42,226
- These older men are your friends?
- I think you're being groomed.
218
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,685
No, I-I'm not being groomed.
219
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:47,648
Uh, and oh, I will close here every night
this week if you let them perform.
220
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,651
- [sighs] We'll think about it.
- [Krystal] Mm-hmm.
221
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,402
Okay. Thank you.
222
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:53,737
[Clara] Am I being punished?
223
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,782
Why do I have to listen to more of
Dad and Uncle Woody's terrible music?
224
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,660
[chuckles] Because your father,
in his own, unique way,
225
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,495
is trying to teach you a lesson.
226
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,288
Okay, the McConaugheys
do not take shortcuts.
227
00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:04,831
As my mother used to say,
228
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,708
"Shortcuts get you there faster,
229
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,752
but hard work makes it worth it."
230
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,671
But then what's the point of being famous?
231
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:13,131
Let's just go inside
and watch your father's stupid show
232
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:16,301
and learn the lesson he's teaching you
so we can all just move on with our lives.
233
00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,679
[Clara] I bet Blue Ivy
doesn't have to deal with this crap.
234
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:19,972
[Kai] Hello, sir.
235
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,558
Oh, well, hello, customer.
236
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,601
- [chuckles]
- What can I get you this fine day?
237
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:27,729
[chuckles]
Could I please get a vanilla frappe?
238
00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:29,565
And don't skimp
on the vegan whipped cream.
239
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,316
[Wyatt mutters] Yes, ma'am.
240
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,693
That is coming up.
241
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:35,320
And this is for you, barista boy.
242
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,407
- Wow. Thank you very much, customer.
- What?
243
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:41,201
- Coming up.
- Whoa. Fifty bucks?
244
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,954
- You must really like him.
- Oh, no.
245
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:48,500
He's just my friend and the-the tip,
it's-it's a joke. I'm pranking him.
246
00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:50,460
- Yeah, that's hilarious. Prank us too.
- Yeah.
247
00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:52,379
Cough it up.
248
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,132
["Far From Any Road" plays]
249
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:02,723
Okay.
250
00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:10,022
[groans, blows]
251
00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:12,524
[sniffs]
252
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,277
Seriously?
253
00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:19,740
- [line rings]
- [sighs]
254
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,700
Roots DNA Testing. This is Brad.
255
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,244
In order to best assist,
what is your first name?
256
00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:25,329
It's Olive.
257
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,915
Hi, Olive, and how can I help you?
258
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:31,418
Hypothetically,
if I was looking for someone's DNA,
259
00:12:31,502 --> 00:12:33,462
but I couldn't, like, you know,
260
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:35,672
ask them for it,
261
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,633
where should I look?
262
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,051
Oh, my God.
263
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,969
Girl, tell me everything.
264
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,390
[Australian accent] Small,
cramped, authentic greenroom, mate.
265
00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:46,475
I like it. [groans]
266
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,602
[British accent] Well, the lower we go,
the higher we climb.
267
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,020
- From the looks of this place…
- Yeah.
268
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,606
…we're going to the tippy-top
of the tippy-top.
269
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,566
- Tippy-top, mate. Yeah. Yeah.
- [laughs]
270
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:55,984
- Oh, hey, guys.
- [Matthew] Oi.
271
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:57,736
Hey, need us on stage, barista boy?
272
00:12:58,237 --> 00:13:01,323
Um, well, I was just getting
some decaf beans actually,
273
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,158
but, yeah,
you guys are good to go whenever.
274
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:05,369
Yeah. You hear my heart?
Bouncing through my chest.
275
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,121
- [drums beat]
- [yells]
276
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,249
- [breathing heavily]
- You ready to rock?
277
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,461
Crank it up.
278
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:18,715
- Let's burn this fucker down!
- …fucker down! Yeah!
279
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:21,093
- [Matthew] Let's go!
- [Woody] Yeah, let's go, baby!
280
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,845
- [Wyatt] Yeah. Yeah!
- [Woody grunts]
281
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:31,103
♪ 'Cause we are stargazers ♪
282
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,939
♪ Neon light chasers ♪
283
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,067
♪ Seen more sunrises on my backside ♪
284
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,443
♪ Than the front ♪
285
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:39,736
[laughs]
286
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:44,116
♪ 'Cause we telling you no lies ♪
287
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:48,078
♪ And we're here to testify ♪
288
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,706
- [music stops]
- [patrons chattering]
289
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:53,458
[both sing indistinctly]
290
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:55,502
[Wyatt] Oat latte for Jamal.
291
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,839
Oat latte for Jamal.
292
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:02,134
[normal voice]
Dude, nobody's paying attention.
293
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,011
Stick with it, mate.
We got this. Keep playing.
294
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,387
Keep playing.
295
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,891
♪ We are stargazers… ♪
296
00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:09,975
[patron] What?
297
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,436
- ♪ Neon light chasers… ♪
- I can't hear you.
298
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,813
- ♪ Seen more sunrises from the backside ♪
- I can't he…
299
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:15,981
Let me step outside.
300
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,441
♪ Than the front ♪
301
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,776
[patron] No, I told Dad
to cancel the appointment.
302
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:22,237
♪ They don't like our kind ♪
303
00:14:22,321 --> 00:14:24,531
♪ They don't pay our kind… ♪
304
00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:26,742
I think I'm learning the wrong lesson.
305
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:29,369
♪ Stealing our spit to shine their shoes ♪
306
00:14:29,453 --> 00:14:31,038
[inhales sharply] You know,
and then I'm like,
307
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:33,540
my dad wasn't really there
for me when I was growing up,
308
00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:36,710
so, like, why do I care so much
about this DNA hunt, you know?
309
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,004
[Brad]
Stop. I literally feel like I'm talking
310
00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:42,174
to the girl version of myself right now.
It's insane.
311
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,384
- [coworker] Brad! Are you coming?
- [inhales sharply] Oh, um…
312
00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:45,594
No, no. You guys go ahead.
313
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:48,639
Sorry, it's this bitch Dina's birthday
and she always wears the dumbest hats.
314
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:49,723
Keep going.
315
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,308
You know… [sighs]
316
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,853
…maybe I'm just drawn to,
like, unavailable men.
317
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,688
- Maybe. Look, the same thing happened…
- [ringing]
318
00:14:56,772 --> 00:14:58,023
…with my stepdad, Ron.
319
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,567
When he got really into
the flat Earth stuff,
320
00:15:00,651 --> 00:15:03,237
I knew that if I wanted to keep
a relationship,
321
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,198
I was gonna have to go
to some of those bullshit conventions.
322
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:07,866
But here's the twist.
323
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:11,203
A lot of what they said at the meetings
made a ton of sense.
324
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:15,541
Look, my AA sponsor has been pushing me
to, like, put myself out there more.
325
00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:17,459
Would you wanna grab drinks sometime?
326
00:15:17,543 --> 00:15:19,670
Oh, my God.
I was just about to ask you that.
327
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:23,799
Oh, my God. Okay. I'm gonna, um, DM you.
328
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:26,718
Expect a message
from someone named DJ Ray.
329
00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:29,012
- [phone buzzes]
- Oh. Hold on. I'm getting another call.
330
00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:31,932
Hello?
331
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:34,017
Olive, it's your father
on your mother's phone.
332
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,562
- [sighs]
- Uh, have you found anything?
333
00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:39,565
I-I don't know
how much longer we're gonna be going.
334
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,608
[stammers]
We're-We're just getting killed in there.
335
00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:43,610
Okay, why is this all on me?
336
00:15:43,694 --> 00:15:45,696
I'm literally on the phone right now
with customer support
337
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,698
because I can't find any of Matthew's DNA.
338
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:51,118
That man has the body hair
of a goddamn banana.
339
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,536
Yeah, why does everyone keep…
340
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,954
You know what? It doesn't matter.
341
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,206
We need to find something
that has touched Matthew's body
342
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:59,710
that hasn't been, like, scrubbed or,
like, sterilized. [sighs]
343
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:02,004
Uh… [stammers] …just come down here
and we'll work it out.
344
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:05,924
Plus,
we're about to start on some ballads.
345
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:08,594
[sighs] Dad, I'm focusing right now, okay?
346
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:11,054
Could you just let me get back to it?
[inhales sharply] Okay, bye.
347
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:12,973
Brad?
348
00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:17,060
[inhales, exhales]
349
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:22,983
Goodbye, Woody, and welcome back, Brutus.
350
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:31,617
[Australian accent] Hey, listen.
It's not our fault. All right?
351
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,369
It's the fucking 4:00 p.m.
time slot we got, right?
352
00:16:34,453 --> 00:16:35,621
It's the fucking venue, mate.
353
00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:39,124
Shitty acoustics, all the chair backs
facing the wrong direction,
354
00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:42,503
blenders going off in the background,
no room on the fucking dance floor.
355
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:44,421
[in British accent] And hey,
let's talk about the audience.
356
00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:48,091
A bunch of unsophisticated,
plebeian lowlifes
357
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:51,303
who have no appreciation for great music.
358
00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:54,515
Yeah, mate. Hey,
at least our families are here, yeah?
359
00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:56,600
Dude, I'm talking about our families.
360
00:16:56,683 --> 00:17:01,146
Twenty bucks if you come inside
and clap for the band that's playing!
361
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,065
Am I interrupting anything? Twenty bucks.
362
00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:04,650
Go inside,
clap for the band that's playing.
363
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:06,859
Hey! I see you! Get back in there!
364
00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:11,615
Hey, lady.
For 50 bucks, I'll go back inside.
365
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,367
I'm not gonna pay you
to support your own son.
366
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,827
Oh, well, suit yourself.
367
00:17:15,911 --> 00:17:16,954
[Matthew] Look, mate, hey.
368
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:20,790
Every great band was misunderstood
in the beginning. All right?
369
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,960
We just gotta keep punching, mate.
370
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,045
I mean, sure,
we could take off our disguises now,
371
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,923
walk in there and get a quick
hit of validation, right?
372
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,049
But we'd be ruining
373
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:32,678
the great life lesson that we're trying
to teach my daughter, Brutus.
374
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:33,846
Absolutely.
375
00:17:33,929 --> 00:17:35,097
- [Matthew] Right?
- Yes.
376
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:38,433
On the other hand…
377
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,018
I'm listening.
378
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:43,438
Woody and Matthew, right? [exclaims]
379
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,860
[normal voice]
Woody and Matthew, you and me.
380
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:52,447
Dude, we put blood, sweat and tears
into our careers. Right?
381
00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:53,532
[normal] That's a good point.
382
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:55,325
We earned our scars
to get right here today.
383
00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:56,743
- Plenty of scars. Yeah.
- [Matthew] Huh?
384
00:17:56,827 --> 00:17:57,911
We don't need to make an excuse.
385
00:17:57,995 --> 00:17:59,830
We don't have to fucking act
like it's fucking Halloween
386
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,540
to go in there
and prove some fucking point, man.
387
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:02,833
- I argue this, man.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
388
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,210
- I think it'd be a better example…
- Right.
389
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:08,005
…if you and I go in there as us
and show our children
390
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:12,885
that their dads know how to enjoy
the fruits of our labor.
391
00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:14,428
Fuck to the yeah, man!
392
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,013
- You are Matthew McConaughey!
- Yeah.
393
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,598
- You are Woody Harrelson!
- And I'm…
394
00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:20,934
Let's just stop covering up
the fucking goods, right?
395
00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:22,102
We'll give them what God gave us
396
00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:23,979
- right fucking now, brother.
- [Woody grunts]
397
00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:29,735
- Hello, Austin! Oh, yeah! [laughs]
- Hello, Austin, Texas!
398
00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,278
This is Woody Harrelson.
399
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,613
This is Matthew McConaughey.
400
00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:33,697
[Matthew laughs]
401
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,617
Thank you for being here.
This song's called "My Love."
402
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:40,787
We, uh, wrote this on, uh,
a little cop show called True Detective.
403
00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:42,247
- [patron whoops]
- [vocalizes]
404
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:50,964
- ♪ Been bound up… ♪
- [patrons applaud]
405
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:54,051
♪ Been wound up
Could barely get a sound up… ♪
406
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,135
[patrons cheering]
407
00:18:55,219 --> 00:18:56,887
Are Wyatt's friends famous or something?
408
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:59,806
I don't know,
but I call dibs on the old one.
409
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:02,851
- Which one is the old one?
- Doesn't matter.
410
00:19:02,935 --> 00:19:07,481
♪ My love never lets you down ♪
411
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:12,402
♪ I'll always be around ♪
412
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:16,573
[cheering]
413
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,117
[Matthew chuckles]
414
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,870
Thank you very much!
415
00:19:22,454 --> 00:19:24,414
That's for you, Clara. [laughs]
416
00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:26,375
[knocks on door]
417
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:27,709
- Enter.
- [door opens]
418
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:29,378
Hey.
419
00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:31,713
What you doing, Clara Bear?
420
00:19:31,797 --> 00:19:33,382
Just checking the Asian markets.
421
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:34,716
Speaking of markets,
422
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,094
this is a check that I am, uh,
423
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:41,890
making out to your school
in a very sizable amount.
424
00:19:41,974 --> 00:19:43,809
- Very generous.
- Yeah, it's actually a gift.
425
00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:45,602
It's not meant to influence, like,
426
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:47,479
for instance, whether you get the part
in the play or not
427
00:19:47,563 --> 00:19:49,398
because you're gonna get
that on your own merit, right?
428
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:50,983
Can you make this out to cash?
429
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:52,067
All of it?
430
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,861
Yeah, just cash. Right there.
431
00:19:53,944 --> 00:19:55,696
You do, uh… You do understand
432
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,574
what I'm trying to te-teach
you though, right?
433
00:19:58,657 --> 00:19:59,992
Yeah. Cash.
434
00:20:02,828 --> 00:20:03,829
[groans]
435
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,999
I'm sorry today was a bust.
436
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:08,917
No, it wasn't a total bust.
437
00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:11,378
One of the baristas is, uh,
438
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:15,591
interning at Sony Music next summer
and I got her contact info.
439
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:19,344
So now, what? You're gonna snip one
of Matthew's locks while he's sleeping?
440
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:22,264
Mmm.
441
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:24,808
What?
442
00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:28,145
- [hums, laughs]
- What?
443
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:30,981
Open it.
444
00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:32,941
What is it?
445
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:38,572
Oh.
446
00:20:39,615 --> 00:20:40,699
What is that?
447
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:42,951
- Remove it carefully.
- Ew.
448
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:49,458
Has anyone ever gotten a DNA sample
from a prosthetic nose before?
449
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:54,713
Okay, I'm legitimately impressed
and completely grossed out.
450
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:57,841
And the lucky thing is he had
a slight nosebleed,
451
00:20:57,925 --> 00:21:02,763
so we got the Holy Trinity.
Hair, blood, mucus.
452
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:05,933
- Oh, my God. Good job, man.
- Thank you.
453
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:07,226
I'ma call Brad.
454
00:21:07,768 --> 00:21:09,019
Who's Brad?
455
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:10,646
Brad. From Roots DNA.
456
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,481
He has no filter.
457
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,067
We're gonna go to Cabo together
in a couple of weeks.
458
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:16,818
Ooh. Okay.
459
00:21:16,902 --> 00:21:18,862
[singsongy] No turning back now.
460
00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:21,949
["Colors" plays]