1
00:00:06,588 --> 00:00:08,407
_

2
00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:10,943
So, based on the story of Moses,

3
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:14,646
how many of the Ten Commandments
did my ex-husband Bill break?

4
00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:18,284
If I am to understand
"covet" correctly, five.

5
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:22,055
Her spray tan was on my sheets.

6
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,759
[WHIMPERS] Just watch a video.

7
00:00:26,731 --> 00:00:28,861
_

8
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,463
Itchy and Scratchy in Sunday school?

9
00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:33,032
It's a miracle.

10
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,501
[ALL CHEERING]

11
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:36,770
[BART] Chest bump!

12
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,772
[GOD] Abraham, take your son Isaac

13
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,307
to the land of Moriah

14
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:44,844
and make him a sacrifice unto me.

15
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:47,680
Stab the baby in the face.

16
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:50,582
[GOD] Halt!
You have proven you love God.

17
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:53,620
I bless you and will multiply your seed

18
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,156
like the stars of heaven.

19
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:59,558
♪ Smite, smite, smite,
then they're saved ♪

20
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:03,630
♪ God is the king of kings! ♪

21
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,064
[BART] Hmm?

22
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,199
What is this "nice" crap?

23
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,835
I want to see tummy ketchup.

24
00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:11,737
Why the hell are Itchy and
Scratchy shilling for God?

25
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:15,207
Why the hell are Itchy and
Scratchy shilling for God?!

26
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:16,742
I'd never approve that.

27
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:20,580
How can they use my cartoons
without my permission?

28
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,183
Because Itchy and Scratchy is so old

29
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:24,950
that the copyright has expired.

30
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:26,453
Now they're in the public domain.

31
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:29,621
Anyone can use their image
or likeness for free.

32
00:01:29,622 --> 00:01:32,459
Free don't burn holes in my septum.

33
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:34,326
Well, it's not just your characters.

34
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,930
The same thing has happened
to such beloved properties

35
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,799
- as Babar the Elephant...
- What?

36
00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:42,369
- ...Popeye...
- Oh, no.

37
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,471
- ...even Winnie-the-Pooh.
- Oh, not Pooh.

38
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,606
This is a financial calamity.

39
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:49,842
Oh, I'm kind of into that
lady kangaroo, though.

40
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,744
They're stealing my money!

41
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:55,115
Oh, there's something
about a skinny kangaroo.

42
00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:56,949
Well, if you don't want
the rest of your show

43
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,385
to go into the public domain,

44
00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,724
you have to modify your IP.

45
00:02:00,759 --> 00:02:03,555
Put an original spin on
your existing characters.

46
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:04,890
Original, huh?

47
00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:08,093
I'll do what Warner Brothers,
Disney and the Muppets did

48
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:10,562
when they needed new and original.

49
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:12,132
♪ ♪

50
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:13,532
Okay, Baby Krusty,

51
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,502
you hit Baby Mel with the pie,

52
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:18,238
juggle a chainsaw,
a bowling ball and Baby Teeny,

53
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:21,975
then give me a big Jack
Benny take to camera three.

54
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,375
And action.

55
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:25,978
[CHIMP HOOTING SOFTLY]

56
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,346
Cut!

57
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,847
You call that comedy?

58
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,250
Do you see me laughing?

59
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:31,818
Do you see anyone laughing?

60
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:34,354
- Well, do you?!
- [CRYING]

61
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:36,089
Why didn't somebody warn me

62
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:39,693
never to work with babies or animals?

63
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:41,628
[GROANS]

64
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,704
You're fired.
Plant a blind item in the press

65
00:02:44,739 --> 00:02:47,967
saying he got fresh
with the craft services lady.

66
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:50,503
You, headphones,
take this no-talent back

67
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:53,840
to the jungle or wherever it came from.

68
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,507
Don't worry, little fella.

69
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,811
I'll find you the perfect home.

70
00:02:58,945 --> 00:02:59,945
_

71
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,815
Oh, my God. Are you seeing this?

72
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:06,019
Someone left a baby chimp in
one of those little book houses.

73
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,286
[WHIMPERING]

74
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:10,389
[GASPS] He's so cute.

75
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:12,391
Look at his little tiny finger pads.

76
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,527
- Where'd he come from?
- Who cares?

77
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:16,128
If he's in here, he's up for grabs.

78
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,831
You and I could actually
have a baby chimp.

79
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:21,301
We could turn the upstairs
into a monkey playground.

80
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,402
We can grow Tarzan vines for him.

81
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:25,137
How long do Tarzan vines take to grow?

82
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,805
[BART] I don't know. We'll pay a guy.

83
00:03:26,806 --> 00:03:29,442
We can turn Maggie's stroller
into a monkey mobile.

84
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,745
And put bananas in the cup holder.

85
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,413
This just feels so right.

86
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,015
This is our moment.

87
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,149
Open the door.

88
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,917
I'm opening the door.

89
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,955
- Oh, he nuzzled me!
- He fist-bumped me.

90
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,424
- We've got a monkey.
- We've got a monkey.

91
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:46,926
[BOTH] We've got a monkey!

92
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,496
Hmm.

93
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,098
[CHITTERS]

94
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,173
And we could replace my bed
with monkey bars.

95
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,441
My mind is sweaty with ideas

96
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,344
for chimp Christmas cards.

97
00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:06,579
Mom, Dad,
the most amazing thing just happened.

98
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,349
We found a tiny chimp in a tiny house.

99
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:10,750
Isn't that so lucky?

100
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:14,054
It's the luckiest thing
that ever happened.

101
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,321
A chimpanzo?

102
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:18,191
Kids, you've got to find
that animal's owner.

103
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:20,180
We did find its owner... us.

104
00:04:20,215 --> 00:04:22,662
He was abandoned, and we rescued him.

105
00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:25,932
We named him Mr. Goodboy
because he's such a good boy.

106
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,368
He is. Such a great name, Lis.

107
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:30,602
[BOTH] Mr. Goodboy. Mr. Goodboy.

108
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,739
Mr. Goodboy. Mr. Goodboy.

109
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:35,474
We can't keep a monkey in the house.

110
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,077
That's got to be the kind of lesson

111
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,212
our family has learned at some point.

112
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:40,746
Oh, I know.

113
00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:43,516
A pet chimp is the
worst idea in the world.

114
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,618
But look. It's the first time

115
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:48,088
I've ever seen them
yelling with each other,

116
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,956
not at each other.

117
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:51,391
- [YOWLING]
- Aw, check it out.

118
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,492
The cat loves Mr. Goodboy.

119
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:56,229
They could get married.

120
00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:57,796
Just give it time.

121
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,766
This will fall apart before we know it.

122
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:03,030
One diaper change for Bart,
and he's out.

123
00:05:03,065 --> 00:05:06,939
The first monkey tick that Lisa
finds in her bed, end of story.

124
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:10,010
So we just sit back,
let the situation implode,

125
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,511
and the kids think it's their fault

126
00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:13,412
we're sending the monkey back to Iceland

127
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,115
or wherever it came from.

128
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,450
Chimp-mate.

129
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:19,853
The rumors are true:

130
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,122
The sloppy joe is made...

131
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,522
from monkey meat.

132
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,424
[ALL SCREAMING]

133
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,026
[HOOTING]

134
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,128
[SCREECHES]

135
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,396
[WHIMPERING]

136
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,730
Mr. Goodboy, are you okay?

137
00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:33,566
[COUGHING]

138
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:39,105
Stupid kids. You got to pluck
the fur off before you flour it.

139
00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:42,876
Oh, why did I use you as
an expendable prank prop,

140
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,577
like some sort of Milhouse?

141
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,546
From here on out,
I promise I'll do everything I can

142
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,983
to keep you out of danger.

143
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:54,154
I want to make sure
you're hitting your social

144
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:56,555
and emotional milestones,

145
00:05:56,556 --> 00:06:00,325
so let's check out
Mom's parenting books.

146
00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:02,062
Ugh. That didn't work.

147
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,463
That couldn't work.

148
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:06,499
That led to Bart smoking a pipe.

149
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,468
Free Range Parenting.

150
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,570
They never even unwrapped this one.

151
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:13,572
Let me see. "Give a child space

152
00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:14,841
"to make their own mistakes,

153
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,444
and they'll grow up with less anxiety."

154
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,612
I have so much anxiety,

155
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:23,016
mainly that I've been raised wrong.

156
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,354
Mr. Goodboy,
I'm going to give you free range

157
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,889
to learn from your own mistakes.

158
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,326
And now you've learned how money tastes.

159
00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,228
[CHUCKLES]

160
00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:39,466
Are we sure this bubble
bath is safe for him?

161
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,600
You're such a worrywart all of a sudden.

162
00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:45,505
Look, the label says
it's tested on monkeys.

163
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,641
Oh, this is a nightmare.

164
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,044
Our kids have become responsible.

165
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:54,613
Oh, we'd better figure out
how to take care of a chimp.

166
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,216
I'll get us a book.

167
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,751
A book? Oh, my eyes get so tired

168
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:03,389
going right, right, right, then...
[SIGHS] ...left.

169
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,657
How about an audiobook?

170
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,925
My drive time belongs to Moe's podcast.

171
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,762
He commits crimes, then solves them

172
00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,497
with the help of the Internet.

173
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,233
Okay, then we'll watch a documentary.

174
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,235
Shark Week, but chimp week?

175
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,536
Fine, a YouTube video.

176
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,906
Yes! Come get me after the ad.

177
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,642
[NARRATOR] Baby chimps
are undeniably cute,

178
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:23,943
highly intelligent

179
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,911
and bond with humans quite easily.

180
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,782
It's no wonder people
are tempted to adopt them.

181
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:31,251
- [BELL DINGS]
- Oh, that's the laundry.

182
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:32,685
You keep watching.

183
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,654
- [SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING]
- [NARRATOR] However,

184
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,657
as chimps mature,
they can become violent

185
00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:39,259
- and dangerous.
- [SNARLS]

186
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:40,393
[WHIMPERS]

187
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:41,828
Adult chimps have a pull force

188
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,096
ten times stronger than a man's

189
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,800
and huge canines that turn their bite

190
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,802
into a devastating weapon.

191
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,537
- [WHIMPERING]
- Luckily,

192
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:52,272
chimps only attack when provoked.

193
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:53,707
[SIGHS]

194
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,810
Except for the chimps
who live with humans.

195
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,411
- [SHRIEKS]
- The mature chimp

196
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,814
perceives his human
caretaker as a threat

197
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,950
and unmasks him by tearing off his face.

198
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:07,720
- [SHRIEKS]
- Or biting off a man's genitals.

199
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:10,156
[SUPPRESSED RETCHING]

200
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,026
- [SCREAMS]
- Nothing provokes

201
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,259
a chimp's bloodlust more

202
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:18,064
than a male human
he perceives as a rival.

203
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:24,304
[LAUGHS] No.
No, no, no, no, Mr. Goodboy.

204
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:25,839
That's my wedding ring.

205
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:28,842
You can't marry me,
because I'm married to Homer,

206
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:32,312
the biggest,
strongest male in the house.

207
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:33,747
[HOMER WHIMPERING]

208
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:37,717
There he is now...
the banana winner of the family.

209
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:41,620
You're a primate,
but he's my prime mate.

210
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:44,824
- [HOOTING]
- [HOMER WHIMPERING]

211
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:46,860
[BART] Okay,

212
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,895
this kitchen is officially chimp-proof.

213
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:50,929
- [CLATTERING, MR. GOODBOY YELPS]
- Oh, no.

214
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:51,998
Mr. Goodboy.

215
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,467
- [WHIMPERING]
- [RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]

216
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,803
- What happened?
- It's okay.

217
00:08:56,838 --> 00:08:58,872
It was just one little
monkey jumping on the bed.

218
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,774
He fell down and bumped his head.

219
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,742
Well, I called the doctor,
and the doctor said,

220
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,644
"No more monkeys jumping on the bed."

221
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:07,813
He's fine. He jumped
and got a little boo-boo.

222
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,349
It's barely an owie.

223
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:10,749
This book taught me:

224
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,886
"Don't hover, let them discover."

225
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:16,055
You should love that.
You're the bad-boy risk-taker.

226
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,890
Yes, and it's a miracle I'm alive.

227
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,993
Just look at my knees.

228
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,662
- Ew!
- Right?

229
00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:24,297
We have to be super careful.

230
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:28,033
Well, this says kids need to
overcome their own obstacles,

231
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:32,105
and his biggest obstacle is
your parental smothering!

232
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,773
It's our job to protect him

233
00:09:33,873 --> 00:09:36,208
from cuts and burns
and adult situations.

234
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:40,512
It's our job to let him fall
so he can learn to get back up!

235
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:43,315
We can't fight in front
of the little guy.

236
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:46,252
Everything's perfect.
We're happy family.

237
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,687
[BOTH] We love you, Mr. Goodboy.

238
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,424
[LISA AND BART GRUNTING]

239
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,227
Marge, hypothetically,
if I were to lose either my face

240
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,796
or my snuggle factory,
which would you keep?

241
00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,965
- Snuggle factory.
- What?

242
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:02,434
Well, when we're snuggling, I could try

243
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,670
to imagine another person's face,

244
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:05,939
for the first time ever.

245
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:08,807
- Whose face would you imagine?
- Seth Meyers.

246
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:10,944
Whoa. You sure had that ready to go.

247
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:14,713
[SIGHS] He just seems like
he never has to shave.

248
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,249
Oh, come on. Who would yours be?

249
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,852
Martha Stewart.
She'd make me a great meal,

250
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,321
then boss me around a little.

251
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,423
♪ ♪

252
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,349
♪ ♪

253
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,764
[GRUNTING]

254
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,767
[YAWNING]

255
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,303
[SCREAMS]

256
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,474
♪ ♪

257
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:26,752
No! It was a monkey surgeon!

258
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,189
[CHIMPS LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

259
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,797
What in the world are you browsing?

260
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:40,934
[HOMER] Hockey masks and codpieces.

261
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,503
I've got to protect our
most valuable possessions

262
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,037
from ferocious chimp rage:

263
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,940
my Homer face and my trouser fruit.

264
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,310
That's ridiculous. He's just a baby.

265
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,312
Honey, every
scrotum-shredding chimp starts out

266
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,948
as an adorable baby
until one day they snap.

267
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:58,051
Just think, if worse comes to worst,

268
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:01,053
how would I write my name in the snow?

269
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,522
[LISA] You're coddling him!

270
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,524
[BART] You're giving him bad habits!

271
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:06,358
What's all this fighting?

272
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:09,662
Stupid Lisa gave Mr. Goodboy a pacifier.

273
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:11,231
He just grabbed one of Maggie's.

274
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,832
Yeah, and she's a junkie on the pipe.

275
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,200
[MAGGIE WHIMPERING]

276
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,537
The only thing that's traumatizing him

277
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:18,937
is all this yelling!

278
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,707
Was there ever a time when this worked?

279
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,108
Kids, it sounds like

280
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:26,245
you're finding parenting
is a lot of responsibility.

281
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:29,114
It does put a real strain
on relationships.

282
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,284
When's the last time
you two just went out

283
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,553
and saw a movie together?

284
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,289
It's hard to admit, but maybe

285
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,158
we are in over our heads.

286
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,292
You're right.

287
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,694
We need professional help.

288
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:41,994
[LISA] Definitely.

289
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,697
They're going to therapy?

290
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:45,598
What if they work things out?

291
00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:48,101
Has it ever worked for us?

292
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,869
How could it work?
You spent the whole last session

293
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,006
picking apart my Airbnb choices.

294
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:58,311
Read one review before you book!
I beg you!

295
00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,119
Great. You have fun with that

296
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:09,189
while Lisa and I get
some professional advice.

297
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:12,258
- Nelson?
- Where's Ms. Story?

298
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,260
Like art class, the music program,

299
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:17,429
and Milhouse on his way to lunch,
she got defunded.

300
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,265
However,
I've had lots of these sessions,

301
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,901
so I decided to switch sides.

302
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:25,205
What are you struggling with?

303
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,008
We're co-parenting a baby chimp.

304
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,275
I'm trying to expand his horizons,

305
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:32,045
and Bart is trying to stifle them.

306
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,748
How does that statement
make you feel, Bart?

307
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,384
- Annoyed, I guess.
- Mm-hmm.

308
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,885
How does this make you feel?

309
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,487
- [GRUNTS]
- Ow!

310
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,022
Interesting.

311
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,923
Look, you two were raised
in a troubled home.

312
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:46,359
Can we agree on that?

313
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,693
- Yes.
- It's true.

314
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:51,031
Plus, it's not natural
for a kid to have two parents.

315
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,298
How about we un-purple
the nurple for a second

316
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,168
and wedgie up this relationship?

317
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:59,639
What I'm hearing is that both
of you love this monkey so much.

318
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:02,509
I love that you love Mr. Goodboy.

319
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,210
I love that you love him, too.

320
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,045
Well, I'm afraid that's our time,

321
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,214
because I'm so bored
with your stupid problem.

322
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:11,183
It's gonna take some work,
but I think we can do this.

323
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,218
It's a process, but in the end,

324
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:15,422
we're going to be better parents.

325
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,090
Where's Mr. Goodboy?

326
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,525
[BART] Oh, no. He's gone!

327
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,561
♪ ♪

328
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:24,798
[CAMERA CLICKS]

329
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,665
I'm trying to buy a car.

330
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,001
[CAMERA CLICKS]

331
00:14:28,802 --> 00:14:30,403
[HISSES]

332
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:33,506
[HOOTING]

333
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:36,509
Ach.

334
00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:39,813
Oh, my God, we lost Mr. Goodboy.

335
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,282
[BOTH] This was your fault!

336
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:49,289
Mr. Goodboy ran away from school,
and we can't find him!

337
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,358
Me and my stupid free-range parenting.

338
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,359
I should have put
a tracker on his collar.

339
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,962
Wait, wait. I did put a tracker on him.

340
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,398
- Why didn't you tell me that?
- I just remembered.

341
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,000
I'm new to being an annoying
control freak like you.

342
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:03,603
God, you must be exhausted all the time.

343
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:06,039
I am.

344
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:11,277
[LISA] There's Mr. Goodboy.

345
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,278
He's inside some sort of compound.

346
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:16,016
"Freedom Chimps:
A Libertarian Backyard Safari

347
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,017
and Doomsday Shooting Range."

348
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:20,420
What the hell is that?

349
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:24,156
We are fighting for freedom...
of wild animals.

350
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,593
And they choose to use that freedom

351
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,161
to take selfies with you.

352
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,630
Come, interact with chimps, lions,

353
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,599
and a dolphin in a bathtub.

354
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,901
And unlike government zoos,

355
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,636
you're free to stick your fingers

356
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,505
in any of our cages.

357
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,439
Stick 'em all the way in.

358
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,909
It's a zoo that exploits
animals for profit!

359
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,444
- So... a zoo.
- [GASPS]

360
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,881
Mr. Goodboy's already on their site.

361
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,116
[BART] But how did they chimp-nap him?

362
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,919
We got a call about a wild baby chimp

363
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,056
roaming around this school.

364
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,658
Clark's gonna rescue
him using the latest

365
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,326
in animal recovery technology.

366
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,062
- [GRUNTS]
- [MR. GOODBOY GASPS]

367
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:05,498
[MR. GOODBOY HOOTING]

368
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,467
We got to get him back!

369
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,669
But I just put a frozen
chicken potpie in the oven.

370
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:11,671
Microwave it.

371
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,073
Soggy crust?

372
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:16,209
I'd rather eat it frozen.

373
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,315
Oh, I can't stop thinking

374
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:25,351
about Mr. Goodboy
in that terrible place.

375
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:26,953
Every moment he's locked up is like

376
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:29,688
my stomach's being
noogied from the inside.

377
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,224
Oh, sweeties,

378
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,094
usually, people don't learn this
until they're a parent.

379
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:38,697
Every time your child suffers,
you feel the pain.

380
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,099
Just like voodoo dolls.

381
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,633
And it's harder for you two.

382
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,938
Unlike normal parents,
you chose to have this kid.

383
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,373
Bart, you were right.

384
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,808
I should have been more
protective of Mr. Goodboy.

385
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,376
That's why we lost him.

386
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,079
No, he ran away because
I was too overbearing.

387
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,248
I wouldn't let him watch Seinfeld.

388
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,418
Jerry eats too much sugar cereal.

389
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,387
We couldn't help it.

390
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,088
We didn't know what we were doing.

391
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,390
Well, the real problem is

392
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:06,393
we have no model for good parenting.

393
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:10,296
Well, I guess that last
Mother's Day card was all a lie.

394
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,867
Who are all these people?

395
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,135
- PETA activists?
- [LISA] No.

396
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:18,405
Competing documentarians.

397
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:21,274
Out of my way.
I directed the third Fyre Festival doc!

398
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,409
I directed the second Theranos.

399
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:27,414
Hey, hey, Sam Bankman-Fried
polycule doc coming through.

400
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,249
[SCREECHING AND HOOTING NEARBY]

401
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:32,318
Oh, that sounds like Mr. Goodboy.

402
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,858
Oh, man. That's a lot of groin grabbers.

403
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,994
Mr. Goodboy.

404
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,630
Don't worry, baby, we'll get you out.

405
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,564
[PANICKED CHATTERING]

406
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,635
Oh, no. That's his "I miss my home" ook.

407
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,471
Mr. Goodboy, here's the key.

408
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,640
Unlock the door.

409
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,178
[GULPS]

410
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,914
Don't worry. That'll come out later,

411
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:03,249
just like Mom's lip balm did.

412
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,050
[GROANS]

413
00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:08,321
[CHATTERING AND HOOTING]

414
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,656
[SHRIEKS] These aren't babies.

415
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,925
They're three-year-olds.

416
00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:15,395
[BART AND LISA WHIMPERING]

417
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:19,032
Marge, I need you
to tell me the combination

418
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:20,900
to my codpiece lock.

419
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:22,469
It's in my password manager app.

420
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,336
Just give him the damn cod-com code.

421
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,205
It's making me do a captcha.

422
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,341
Is a "don't walk" sign a traffic light?

423
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,810
Yes, foot traffic is traffic!

424
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,413
The code's one-one-one-one.

425
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:39,953
Hey, monkeys,

426
00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:42,354
chomp on these alpha bits.

427
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,057
[EXCITED HOOTING AND CHATTERING]

428
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:46,358
Here it is! Ding-dong! Ding-dong!

429
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,061
["YOU'LL BE IN MY HEART"
BY PHIL COLLINS PLAYING]

430
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:51,464
♪ 'Cause you'll be in my heart ♪

431
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:56,502
♪ Yes, you'll be in my heart ♪

432
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:59,372
♪ From this day on ♪

433
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:04,310
♪ Now and forevermore ♪

434
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,317
♪ You'll be in my heart ♪

435
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:16,389
♪ No matter what they say ♪

436
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:21,327
♪ You'll be here in my heart ♪

437
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,797
♪ Always. ♪

438
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,533
[SONG FADES]

439
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:30,002
Turns out this place violated
30 different regulations.

440
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,439
That's their reptile house.

441
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:35,274
Don't worry, all the animals are going

442
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,143
to an actual wildlife sanctuary.

443
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:40,279
50 acres of perfect chimpanzee habitat.

444
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,648
You may take our monkeys,

445
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,816
but you'll never take
our secret monkeys!

446
00:19:43,817 --> 00:19:46,886
Don't listen to my sister.
There are no secret monkeys.

447
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:48,421
Or secret tigers.

448
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,124
Or secret tiger-monkey
breeding facility.

449
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,560
Wait. They're brother and sister?

450
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:56,563
Oh, yeah. They found a circus
bear cub in a trash can

451
00:19:56,663 --> 00:20:00,500
and devoted their whole lives
to obsessing about animals.

452
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,970
Your hippo dung showered another kid.

453
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:08,608
Oh, sure, when he sprays feces
with his tail, he's my hippo.

454
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,745
[WHIMPERING SOFTLY]

455
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:17,583
You know, maybe Mr. Goodboy
should go to that sanctuary.

456
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,053
Yes, it's probably what's best for him.

457
00:20:20,153 --> 00:20:22,455
Oh, but I'm sure going to miss him.

458
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,759
Kids, I know it's hard,
but it's a parent's job

459
00:20:25,859 --> 00:20:27,192
to sacrifice anything

460
00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:29,462
to keep their kids happy and safe.

461
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,730
As you've seen today, your father,

462
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:35,801
as much as he loves his swimsuit area,

463
00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:37,670
he loves you more.

464
00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:38,905
- Aw.
- Aw.

465
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:40,640
- Ew.
- Ew.

466
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:44,210
♪ Ooh, you'll be in my heart ♪

467
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:46,079
♪ You'll be here in my heart ♪

468
00:20:46,179 --> 00:20:47,814
♪ No matter what they... ♪

469
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:52,519
[REPTILES HISSING, CHITTERING]

470
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:55,689
[WHIRRING]

471
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:18,078
Come on, stupid machine!

472
00:21:32,192 --> 00:21:33,326
Shh!

473
00:21:36,327 --> 00:21:39,215
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