1 00:00:08,331 --> 00:00:12,502 CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM 2 00:00:13,336 --> 00:00:14,712 Jake Blum's office. 3 00:00:14,795 --> 00:00:16,923 Hey! Larry David calling for Jake. 4 00:00:17,006 --> 00:00:19,717 - Hey, Larry, how are ya? - Couldn't be better. 5 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,386 Good. Hey, I read the script. 6 00:00:25,681 --> 00:00:26,807 Yeah? 7 00:00:27,058 --> 00:00:29,644 - Yeah... - You read the script. 8 00:00:29,810 --> 00:00:32,271 - I did. - Well, congratulations. 9 00:00:32,355 --> 00:00:35,107 - You can read. That's so great. - Hey, did you call earlier? 10 00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:36,901 Our phones have been down all day. 11 00:00:36,984 --> 00:00:39,862 Yeah, I was calling to see if Jake had converted. 12 00:00:42,865 --> 00:00:44,033 What's that? 13 00:00:44,826 --> 00:00:47,745 - You know... - That's what I thought you did. 14 00:00:47,829 --> 00:00:50,414 - I'll get Jake for ya. - Yeah and while you're at it... 15 00:00:50,540 --> 00:00:52,834 Maybe you can think of an adjective for the script. 16 00:00:52,917 --> 00:00:55,920 Jake, I've got Larry David on the phone for you. 17 00:00:56,003 --> 00:00:58,089 - Larry, bubbie. How are ya? - Good. 18 00:00:58,172 --> 00:01:00,550 Listen, we have to recast the young Larry part 19 00:01:00,633 --> 00:01:03,636 and it's gonna take a couple of weeks before we can start rehearsal. 20 00:01:03,719 --> 00:01:06,055 Okay. It's your show. We're just paying for it. 21 00:01:06,180 --> 00:01:08,057 Thank you. I appreciate that. By the way, 22 00:01:08,182 --> 00:01:10,935 your assistant gave me a "ba-dump-bump". 23 00:01:11,644 --> 00:01:14,480 Yeah, like I'm a comic in the Catskills. 24 00:01:14,564 --> 00:01:16,524 By the way, she is on the call. 25 00:01:16,607 --> 00:01:19,527 - For fuck's sake. - Hi, Larry. I'm still here. 26 00:01:19,944 --> 00:01:21,195 Why is she on the phone? 27 00:01:21,279 --> 00:01:24,031 She's my assistant, Larry. She takes notes, that's part of the gig. 28 00:01:24,115 --> 00:01:26,617 No! It's not part of the gig. She's not a court stenographer. 29 00:01:26,701 --> 00:01:30,121 I've taken notes on all of your calls, just FYI. 30 00:01:30,204 --> 00:01:33,541 Get off the phone. Jake, get her off the phone. 31 00:01:33,624 --> 00:01:35,084 Should I be writing all this, Jake? 32 00:01:35,168 --> 00:01:37,253 No, you should get the fuck off the phone. 33 00:01:37,378 --> 00:01:39,797 - I'm off. - Hang up. 34 00:01:39,881 --> 00:01:43,050 - She's hanging up. - Everything is off. 35 00:01:43,134 --> 00:01:45,678 - I think she's off now. - Don't ever do that to me again. 36 00:01:45,887 --> 00:01:48,472 I'm sorry about that. So, what do you wanna talk about? 37 00:01:48,931 --> 00:01:51,142 - I already told you. - I don't remember. 38 00:01:51,225 --> 00:01:52,935 You might wanna check your notes. 39 00:01:54,020 --> 00:01:57,690 Without Jimmy Mayhew, it is not the result we wanted. 40 00:01:58,316 --> 00:02:01,903 You can just kiss goodbye to the fertilizer run up bill. 41 00:02:02,445 --> 00:02:04,238 See you later, guys. 42 00:02:05,323 --> 00:02:08,409 What? Oh, my God. You? 43 00:02:08,493 --> 00:02:12,121 I am so sorry about the election. 44 00:02:12,205 --> 00:02:14,624 - One vote. Your fault. - I've learned my lesson. 45 00:02:14,707 --> 00:02:16,042 Every vote counts. 46 00:02:16,125 --> 00:02:18,961 It's really sunk in. Anyway, I'm awfully sorry. 47 00:02:19,086 --> 00:02:20,755 I got these for you. 48 00:02:25,134 --> 00:02:27,261 You know, I've missed you. 49 00:02:27,470 --> 00:02:30,765 I was watching the House of Representatives on C-SPAN, 50 00:02:30,848 --> 00:02:32,725 and it made me think of you. 51 00:02:32,808 --> 00:02:35,144 Then I watched Mr. Smith Goes to Washington 52 00:02:35,228 --> 00:02:37,772 with Jimmy Stewart, in the filibuster and I was thinking to myself, 53 00:02:37,855 --> 00:02:40,316 "I bet Irma would be a great filibusteress". 54 00:02:40,399 --> 00:02:42,068 Thank you. 55 00:02:42,568 --> 00:02:46,197 But I'm still mad at you. So mad, so disappointed. 56 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,741 Everybody is disappointed at me at some point. 57 00:02:48,825 --> 00:02:50,284 But you know what? 58 00:02:50,785 --> 00:02:53,704 I'd love to be friends again. Can I take you out to dinner 59 00:02:54,121 --> 00:02:55,331 and make it up to you 60 00:02:55,414 --> 00:02:57,375 with a big sumptuous, expensive meal? 61 00:02:57,875 --> 00:03:00,503 Okay. You can call me. 62 00:03:01,337 --> 00:03:02,797 Yeah. 63 00:03:04,048 --> 00:03:06,509 But not tonight. I'm finishing a cleanse. 64 00:03:07,051 --> 00:03:09,387 I'm preparing for a colonoscopy. 65 00:03:11,013 --> 00:03:12,515 One vote. 66 00:03:17,979 --> 00:03:20,189 You're gonna get that law repealed, I know it. 67 00:03:20,273 --> 00:03:23,526 Well, the recasting's buying us some extra time, which is great. 68 00:03:23,651 --> 00:03:27,029 And when I called Jake, his assistant, Carly, answered. 69 00:03:27,113 --> 00:03:30,283 - She gave me a "ba-dump-bump". - Yeah, Carly likes that. 70 00:03:30,741 --> 00:03:33,828 - Carly likes that? - I kinda think it's adorable. 71 00:03:35,288 --> 00:03:36,956 - Something you wanna ask me? - No. 72 00:03:37,039 --> 00:03:40,084 - 'Cause I'll tell you. - I already know. 73 00:03:40,168 --> 00:03:44,255 That's why I'm buying this stupid, fresh cut lilac bath and body wash 74 00:03:44,338 --> 00:03:46,215 because Carly smells like that. 75 00:03:46,299 --> 00:03:50,553 If Susie smells it on me, she'll get suspicious. 76 00:03:50,636 --> 00:03:54,432 So, I'm gonna have it in the house and be using it all the time. 77 00:03:54,515 --> 00:03:55,892 Well, that's a brilliant move. 78 00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:58,186 You better get used to me smelling like a lilac. 79 00:03:58,895 --> 00:04:02,064 What's going on over here? Shouldn't she be moving up? 80 00:04:03,316 --> 00:04:05,735 Isn't that how a line works? I don't like a big gap in the line. 81 00:04:05,860 --> 00:04:07,403 You wanna feel like a line is moving. 82 00:04:07,486 --> 00:04:09,113 Otherwise, physiologically, it's bad. Right? 83 00:04:09,197 --> 00:04:11,616 I'm languishing back here. Maybe I'll say something. 84 00:04:11,699 --> 00:04:12,950 Don't. 85 00:04:14,410 --> 00:04:19,999 Excuse me? Would you mind moving up in the line a bit? 86 00:04:20,791 --> 00:04:23,461 No, I'm good. Maybe just worry about yourself. 87 00:04:24,128 --> 00:04:25,880 Well, I mean, you're on the line, 88 00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:29,467 you have a responsibility as a person on a line to keep the line moving. 89 00:04:29,550 --> 00:04:31,469 You're not holding up your end of the bargain. 90 00:04:31,594 --> 00:04:33,513 Would you tell somebody that was a white man 91 00:04:33,596 --> 00:04:34,722 to just move up? 92 00:04:34,805 --> 00:04:37,058 - Yeah, in a second. - Sure, of course. 93 00:04:37,141 --> 00:04:39,685 So this is racial. Is that what this is? 94 00:04:39,769 --> 00:04:42,522 Sir, I'm gonna actually need you to get in the back of the line. 95 00:04:42,647 --> 00:04:44,941 - Or you can leave. - Are you kidding? 96 00:04:48,402 --> 00:04:51,155 Racial? Please! Come on! 97 00:04:53,324 --> 00:04:55,660 - In 2021. - I'm so sorry about that. 98 00:04:55,785 --> 00:04:57,495 I asked somebody to move up in line. 99 00:04:58,955 --> 00:05:00,248 I tap her on the shoulder 100 00:05:00,373 --> 00:05:02,625 and you would've thought I called her the "N" word. 101 00:05:02,708 --> 00:05:05,545 She thought I was a racist, everybody else thought I was a racist. 102 00:05:05,628 --> 00:05:08,256 Just because I asked her to move up. It's crazy. 103 00:05:08,923 --> 00:05:10,299 - It is racist. - What? 104 00:05:10,424 --> 00:05:11,717 - Of course. - Get out of here. 105 00:05:11,801 --> 00:05:14,136 Only a Black person could tell another Black person, 106 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:15,471 can they move the fuck up. 107 00:05:15,555 --> 00:05:17,390 - That's ridiculous. - You out of your lane. 108 00:05:17,473 --> 00:05:19,642 You swerved out of your fucking lane. 109 00:05:19,725 --> 00:05:21,227 Stay in your lane. That's fucking racist. 110 00:05:21,310 --> 00:05:23,688 No, it's the opposite of racist. Treating someone differently 111 00:05:23,771 --> 00:05:26,232 because of the color of their skin, that's racist. 112 00:05:26,315 --> 00:05:29,610 - What I did was anti-racist. - That's not racism. 113 00:05:29,694 --> 00:05:34,031 It's audacity. You had the fucking audacity. 114 00:05:34,157 --> 00:05:36,033 You shouldn't have asked that lady to move up 115 00:05:36,159 --> 00:05:37,660 in your fucking white condition. 116 00:05:37,743 --> 00:05:40,788 Now, if I was with you, I would've said: "Hey, sister," 117 00:05:40,913 --> 00:05:42,206 "would you move the fuck up?" 118 00:05:42,331 --> 00:05:44,917 And she would move up. It's gotta be Black on Black. 119 00:05:45,084 --> 00:05:47,420 If I'm standing there and a white dude come up to me 120 00:05:47,503 --> 00:05:50,214 and tap my shoulder: "Hey, buddy. "Could you move up a little bit?" 121 00:05:50,298 --> 00:05:52,049 I'd say, "Man, get the fuck out my face." 122 00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:53,759 I'll move when I'm fucking ready. 123 00:05:53,885 --> 00:05:56,596 Now, if said person was a bald-ass white man... 124 00:05:56,679 --> 00:05:59,140 You can't ask the bald guy to move up, but I can. 125 00:05:59,223 --> 00:06:02,101 I wouldn't say shit to him. But you go up there... 126 00:06:02,185 --> 00:06:04,187 - Y'all got something in common. - So, bald on bald. 127 00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:05,938 - Bald on bald. - Jew on Jew. 128 00:06:06,022 --> 00:06:08,524 Jew on Jew is cool too. See? 129 00:06:09,692 --> 00:06:11,986 That's the plumber. I gotta talk to him. 130 00:06:13,988 --> 00:06:16,282 Got some bad news. You're gonna have to replace 131 00:06:16,407 --> 00:06:17,992 the whole filtration system, top to bottom. 132 00:06:18,075 --> 00:06:21,287 What? Seriously? I just did it three years ago. 133 00:06:21,370 --> 00:06:23,414 Well, usually warranty's between three and ten years. 134 00:06:23,498 --> 00:06:25,917 Wait a minute. Where the fuck is other seven years goin' at? 135 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,960 I don't know what happened, I don't know who you hired. 136 00:06:28,085 --> 00:06:29,795 It's a bad job and if you don't fix it, 137 00:06:29,962 --> 00:06:32,548 they'll be flooding and even worse. 138 00:06:32,632 --> 00:06:33,674 Shit. 139 00:06:33,758 --> 00:06:35,635 When do you think you can do this by? 140 00:06:35,927 --> 00:06:38,095 By the end of the week. We'll figure something out. 141 00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:40,431 All right, I'll call you when the parts come in. 142 00:06:42,016 --> 00:06:44,769 - What are you doing? - Something just ain't right, man. 143 00:06:45,770 --> 00:06:48,272 - Let me go talk to this guy real quick. - Okay, sure. 144 00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:52,568 Roto-rooter. Come on, man. What's really going down? 145 00:06:56,155 --> 00:06:58,866 Come on, man. You got to do somethin' better than this, man. 146 00:06:58,991 --> 00:07:01,077 You can't come up here and throw that shit on us, man. 147 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,080 - My man, get that right. You got me? - I got you. I got you. 148 00:07:05,790 --> 00:07:08,209 - Done and done. You good. - What'd you say? 149 00:07:08,292 --> 00:07:09,794 I told him to stop fucking around. 150 00:07:09,877 --> 00:07:12,797 It's a 50-dollar valve. I had to set his ass straight. 151 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,841 He was gonna fuck you with sandpaper, you understand? 152 00:07:14,966 --> 00:07:18,761 Hold it. So, this whole job is getting done for 50 dollars, 153 00:07:18,845 --> 00:07:20,721 is that what you trying to tell me? 154 00:07:21,097 --> 00:07:24,642 Okay, first of all, thank you. But it's kind of sickening in a way 155 00:07:24,725 --> 00:07:26,686 that I can get gouged like that. 156 00:07:26,769 --> 00:07:28,771 They do that shit to you 'cause you don't know better. 157 00:07:28,855 --> 00:07:31,482 People are being taken advantage of all the time. 158 00:07:31,566 --> 00:07:34,360 You have somebody like me around, who knows shit, 159 00:07:34,443 --> 00:07:35,903 I will read through that bullshit. 160 00:07:36,028 --> 00:07:37,655 You're like a househusband. 161 00:07:37,738 --> 00:07:40,575 Yeah. That's what the fuck I am. A person who's here 162 00:07:40,658 --> 00:07:41,784 to point out the bullshit. 163 00:07:41,868 --> 00:07:44,412 Oh, my God. I got a great idea. 164 00:07:44,495 --> 00:07:46,038 When them motherfuckin' eyebrows go up, 165 00:07:46,122 --> 00:07:49,125 that's some bullshit coming down. What is it? Give it to me. 166 00:07:49,208 --> 00:07:51,919 A business called "House Husband". 167 00:07:52,003 --> 00:07:55,464 So people call you whenever they're in a situation 168 00:07:55,590 --> 00:07:57,216 where they could be taken advantage of 169 00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:59,510 by a mechanic, by a plumber, by an electrician 170 00:07:59,594 --> 00:08:02,263 and you save that person tons of money. 171 00:08:02,346 --> 00:08:04,682 They need a motherfucker who knows a little bit about everything 172 00:08:04,765 --> 00:08:05,975 and a lot about nothing. 173 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:09,353 They need a househusband. You know, it's a little sexist, 174 00:08:09,478 --> 00:08:13,274 the name, House Husband, but, listen, I would avail myself of it. 175 00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:16,152 - I'm a guy. - Love that idea. I fucking love it. 176 00:08:16,235 --> 00:08:17,820 Already fucking done. 177 00:08:22,116 --> 00:08:24,660 Hey Got a second? I'd love to talk to ya. 178 00:08:24,744 --> 00:08:27,663 - Yeah, sure. Come on in. - Thank you. 179 00:08:29,373 --> 00:08:31,042 All right. What's going on? 180 00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:34,253 This is awkward... 181 00:08:34,795 --> 00:08:37,298 Maria Sofia. What's the deal with her? 182 00:08:37,673 --> 00:08:40,259 - What do you mean? - Are you fucking her? 183 00:08:40,384 --> 00:08:43,763 - No! No way! - Are you fucking her mother? 184 00:08:43,846 --> 00:08:46,057 No, get out of here. 185 00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:49,060 Well, you're fucking me, man. I can't work with her. 186 00:08:49,185 --> 00:08:51,562 This is my career too. If I share the screen with that... 187 00:08:51,646 --> 00:08:54,982 Don't worry, it's only temporary. I promise you. 188 00:08:55,399 --> 00:08:57,109 The situation's being resolved. 189 00:08:57,193 --> 00:09:00,613 - I'm taking steps... - Hold on. Hey, Cheryl! 190 00:09:00,696 --> 00:09:02,323 How much did this repair cost? 191 00:09:02,406 --> 00:09:04,492 I don't know. I'm not a mechanic. 192 00:09:05,076 --> 00:09:06,828 If he says you need a new transmission, 193 00:09:06,953 --> 00:09:09,038 you probably do. How much is it gonna cost? 194 00:09:09,163 --> 00:09:10,248 Over 4000. 195 00:09:10,331 --> 00:09:12,333 - Are you kidding me? - No, that's just for starters. 196 00:09:12,416 --> 00:09:15,628 Well, that's crazy. They see you coming a mile away, 197 00:09:15,711 --> 00:09:16,838 and I don't know what to do. 198 00:09:16,963 --> 00:09:19,090 I know less than you do about cars. 199 00:09:19,173 --> 00:09:20,341 - I know! - All right. 200 00:09:20,466 --> 00:09:22,510 I'll be there in a second. I gotta go. 201 00:09:22,593 --> 00:09:24,470 The guy says she's gonna have to replace... 202 00:09:24,554 --> 00:09:25,763 It's just a little rattle... 203 00:09:25,847 --> 00:09:28,641 - The whole transmission. - Okay, hold on. Leon! 204 00:09:28,850 --> 00:09:30,351 - Leon? - What's cracking? 205 00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:33,312 The mechanic is telling Cheryl she needs a new transmission. 206 00:09:33,437 --> 00:09:35,064 I think it's a job for house husband. 207 00:09:35,147 --> 00:09:36,607 - House husband? - Yes. 208 00:09:36,691 --> 00:09:39,569 He's got a new business called House Husband. This is his job. 209 00:09:39,652 --> 00:09:41,487 I don't want you to go over there and get fucked. You understand? 210 00:09:41,612 --> 00:09:43,406 Cheryl is beautiful, you a handsome-ass devil. 211 00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:44,907 He gon' take advantage of your ass. 212 00:09:44,991 --> 00:09:47,201 He just saved me hundreds of dollars with a plumber. 213 00:09:47,285 --> 00:09:49,704 If I'm there, there's no way he'll take advantage of your ass. 214 00:09:49,787 --> 00:09:51,455 That money goes back in your fucking pocket. 215 00:09:51,581 --> 00:09:52,707 And some to me, of course. 216 00:09:52,790 --> 00:09:55,626 - Hey, can you go right now? - Fuck, yeah. I'm already there. 217 00:09:55,710 --> 00:09:57,461 Let's do this shit. 218 00:09:58,588 --> 00:10:00,381 Hey, we still need to talk. 219 00:10:05,386 --> 00:10:08,264 After seeing that movie, I'm never eating octopus again. 220 00:10:11,809 --> 00:10:14,478 - How are you enjoying the wine? - Fabulous. 221 00:10:14,645 --> 00:10:15,980 Have you decided on any appetizers? 222 00:10:16,063 --> 00:10:18,941 - Yeah, I'd like the bruschetta. - The bruschetta, you got it. 223 00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:20,568 - I would advise against that. - Why? 224 00:10:20,651 --> 00:10:23,946 You get little bits of tomato on a piece of hard bread. 225 00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:26,616 They pile it up. You take a bite it all falls, 226 00:10:26,699 --> 00:10:28,576 they're very structurally unsound. 227 00:10:28,659 --> 00:10:31,204 Can you bring an extra lay of bread for the bruschetta. 228 00:10:31,287 --> 00:10:32,914 That would just be a tomato sandwich. 229 00:10:32,997 --> 00:10:34,665 He's kind a crazy. Sorry. 230 00:10:34,749 --> 00:10:36,667 - And for you, sir? - A market salad. 231 00:10:36,792 --> 00:10:38,169 A market salad, you got it. 232 00:10:39,462 --> 00:10:40,838 He hates us. 233 00:10:40,922 --> 00:10:43,466 - I do not like him at all. - He hates me. 234 00:10:43,758 --> 00:10:45,176 - What did we do? - Hi. 235 00:10:45,259 --> 00:10:47,803 - Oh, my God. Hi. - I'm sorry to interrupt. 236 00:10:47,887 --> 00:10:50,932 This is my daughter. Deidre, this is Larry. 237 00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:52,642 - It's so nice to meet you. - What a pleasure! 238 00:10:52,725 --> 00:10:55,937 Deidre? Not "Deer-dra"? Nice to meet you. 239 00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:58,814 I know Susie Greene, by the way, who's great. 240 00:10:58,898 --> 00:11:01,442 I don't know about great. Maybe good. Great... 241 00:11:01,526 --> 00:11:04,153 Gandhi was great, Churchill, great. 242 00:11:04,237 --> 00:11:06,322 Gorbachev, for my money, great. 243 00:11:06,405 --> 00:11:08,658 But Susie Greene, I don't know if anybody's ever described her 244 00:11:08,741 --> 00:11:10,034 as "great". 245 00:11:10,117 --> 00:11:13,788 He's funny. He can be very funny. So, how is the house? 246 00:11:13,871 --> 00:11:15,540 Oh, God. He can't figure it out. 247 00:11:15,623 --> 00:11:17,041 He can't figure it out? 248 00:11:17,124 --> 00:11:19,585 He's an electrician who doesn't know how to fix electricity. 249 00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:21,963 None of it is working, so he has to come back. 250 00:11:22,046 --> 00:11:24,423 - So, what are they gonna do? - I don't know. 251 00:11:28,386 --> 00:11:32,056 - No, it was fine. - He's being very funny. 252 00:11:32,139 --> 00:11:34,308 - I'm sure. - So, what am I gonna do? 253 00:11:34,392 --> 00:11:36,310 You have to close the garage door manually... 254 00:11:37,270 --> 00:11:38,938 Okay, yeah, you close it manually. 255 00:11:39,021 --> 00:11:41,357 - So nice to meet you. - And I stole this back. 256 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,442 'Cause you have been hoarding my DVD. 257 00:11:43,693 --> 00:11:44,944 - Little Women? - Yeah. 258 00:11:45,069 --> 00:11:48,948 I cannot stand those March sisters. Boy, do they get on my nerves. 259 00:11:49,073 --> 00:11:50,533 What about them gets on your nerves? 260 00:11:50,616 --> 00:11:53,452 The giggling all the time, making jam, 261 00:11:53,536 --> 00:11:56,414 getting under the blanket and cozying up with Marmee. 262 00:11:56,497 --> 00:11:57,707 I feel like you're misreading it. 263 00:11:57,790 --> 00:12:00,751 I find them a little mockish and twee. 264 00:12:00,835 --> 00:12:03,171 I don't find them twee, I find them to be women of substance. 265 00:12:03,296 --> 00:12:06,132 They're all so talented in their own right. 266 00:12:06,215 --> 00:12:08,885 A writer, and a musician, and an artist. 267 00:12:09,051 --> 00:12:11,053 And one, of course, has to be an actor. 268 00:12:11,137 --> 00:12:13,890 Is there no creative realm these sisters can't conquer? 269 00:12:13,973 --> 00:12:15,600 What would you prefer they had done? 270 00:12:15,683 --> 00:12:19,353 One could've been a writer the other three, you know, housewives. 271 00:12:21,522 --> 00:12:25,484 - It's a joke. - Great to meet you, Larry. 272 00:12:25,568 --> 00:12:27,653 - Nice to meet you. - Bye. I love you, Mom. 273 00:12:27,778 --> 00:12:29,697 - All right, my darling. - Enjoy your evening. 274 00:12:30,573 --> 00:12:32,783 - Okay, see you. - I love you. 275 00:12:33,493 --> 00:12:35,953 - What a lovely daughter! - Isn't she? 276 00:12:36,078 --> 00:12:38,831 - Beautiful, so bright. - You're so fortunate. 277 00:12:38,956 --> 00:12:40,625 I've never seen anything like her. 278 00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:44,128 Your bruschetta and the market salad. 279 00:12:44,754 --> 00:12:47,089 - Thank you. - Enjoy, I'll be back in a bit. 280 00:12:51,469 --> 00:12:55,181 - Oh, God. No! - I told you. Look at that. 281 00:12:57,308 --> 00:12:59,769 I'm sorry. I'll try this. 282 00:13:01,604 --> 00:13:04,774 - That makes it worse. - Yeah, God... 283 00:13:05,066 --> 00:13:07,693 - You want some? You okay? - No. Yeah. 284 00:13:08,569 --> 00:13:11,113 So let me ask you something. You're on the council. 285 00:13:11,197 --> 00:13:12,824 You're a council women. What do you think 286 00:13:12,907 --> 00:13:14,992 about this five-foot fence law? 287 00:13:15,076 --> 00:13:17,703 You have to have the fence around the pool. What kind of law is that? 288 00:13:17,787 --> 00:13:19,372 I don't know if you voted for or not. 289 00:13:19,497 --> 00:13:21,249 That was passed before I was on the council. 290 00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:23,251 It's a crazy law, no? 291 00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:26,295 It's a safety thing. You gotta put a fence around your pool. 292 00:13:26,379 --> 00:13:28,422 - Why? - Because you do. 293 00:13:28,506 --> 00:13:31,467 That's the law. You gotta have a fence around your pool. 294 00:13:36,305 --> 00:13:38,474 Now, I'm scooping and picking. 295 00:13:38,599 --> 00:13:41,269 Maybe, after dinner, 296 00:13:42,019 --> 00:13:44,897 maybe we go back to my house? 297 00:13:49,735 --> 00:13:53,281 I haven't had sex with anyone in 14 years. 298 00:13:55,741 --> 00:13:57,326 Just a little heads up, you know? 299 00:13:57,577 --> 00:13:59,662 And now I'm gonna have garlic breath. 300 00:14:01,581 --> 00:14:02,957 I've laid fallow, 301 00:14:03,624 --> 00:14:06,919 it's like whistling into the Sahara up there. 302 00:14:07,128 --> 00:14:09,505 I think I'll get another glass of wine. 303 00:14:10,381 --> 00:14:13,050 And so, to bed. 304 00:14:15,136 --> 00:14:16,846 Come to bed. 305 00:14:28,774 --> 00:14:31,068 It was better than I expected. 306 00:14:32,028 --> 00:14:34,197 But I have low expectations. 307 00:14:37,783 --> 00:14:41,913 It's funny. I can't stop thinking about the pool and that fence. 308 00:14:41,996 --> 00:14:43,539 Why you so obsessive about this? 309 00:14:43,623 --> 00:14:47,084 'Cause I don't wanna run to a pool and then unlatch a gate and jump in. 310 00:14:47,293 --> 00:14:48,669 I just wanna run and jump in. 311 00:14:48,836 --> 00:14:50,588 They don't have a fence around the dock. 312 00:14:50,713 --> 00:14:54,133 You don't have a fence a beach. But you have a fence around a pool. 313 00:14:54,258 --> 00:14:56,469 - It's crazy. - Can I borrow your toothbrush? 314 00:14:58,179 --> 00:15:02,433 Not so sure about that. Don't think that's a great idea. 315 00:15:02,517 --> 00:15:04,101 It's fine. 316 00:15:05,728 --> 00:15:07,104 I have my retainer. 317 00:15:08,022 --> 00:15:09,398 I'm a grinder. 318 00:15:18,074 --> 00:15:19,742 Come here. 319 00:15:48,020 --> 00:15:54,360 What have I done? 320 00:15:56,737 --> 00:15:59,782 What have I done? 321 00:16:08,916 --> 00:16:12,920 Would you mind pulling down the sleeves on that sweater? 322 00:16:13,004 --> 00:16:15,131 - What, this? - Yeah, you're stretching it out. 323 00:16:15,214 --> 00:16:18,009 - It's orlon. - No, it's cashmere. 324 00:16:18,092 --> 00:16:19,135 It's cashmilon. 325 00:16:19,218 --> 00:16:22,013 - It's not a mix. - I'm shvitzing, so it's a mix. 326 00:16:22,096 --> 00:16:24,140 If it was pure, I wouldn't shvitz. 327 00:16:24,223 --> 00:16:25,474 You said you're sweating? 328 00:16:25,558 --> 00:16:28,186 I don't wanna fight with you, lover. 329 00:16:31,189 --> 00:16:35,693 Well, hey! Good morning! Leon, this is Irma Kostroski. 330 00:16:36,486 --> 00:16:37,528 Hey, Irma. 331 00:16:37,653 --> 00:16:39,447 From the Santa Monica City Council. 332 00:16:40,907 --> 00:16:42,658 Did you vote in the election last week? 333 00:16:42,742 --> 00:16:43,784 No, fuck all that. 334 00:16:43,868 --> 00:16:47,246 Once you start voting, there's taxes, and jury duty, 335 00:16:47,330 --> 00:16:48,915 and old-ass warrants that pop up out of nowhere. 336 00:16:48,998 --> 00:16:51,125 - Fuck all that. - Language. 337 00:16:51,209 --> 00:16:55,421 Oh, my God. He comes in effing and jeffing in this morning. 338 00:16:55,505 --> 00:16:57,965 I really wish you'd watch your language around her. 339 00:16:58,049 --> 00:17:00,218 - It's not necessary. - I told him that many times. 340 00:17:00,343 --> 00:17:02,261 Oh, my God. I'm eating all this. I'm nervous. 341 00:17:02,345 --> 00:17:04,305 It was a big night for me 342 00:17:04,430 --> 00:17:06,474 and now I have gas. It just sits there. 343 00:17:07,350 --> 00:17:10,311 I get, like, a bubble here. You got any Gas-X? 344 00:17:10,436 --> 00:17:14,106 Leon, is there anything you have that might disperse the bubble? 345 00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:16,442 Know what gets that out? The Heimlich. 346 00:17:16,526 --> 00:17:19,695 The Heimlich? It's my daughter. Excuse me. 347 00:17:23,324 --> 00:17:26,661 What the fuck, man? You're in a bad spot, Larry. 348 00:17:26,744 --> 00:17:29,330 Gotta tap that ass under duress? That's the worst. 349 00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:30,957 Have you ever tapped someone under duress? 350 00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:33,626 Course I have. My uncle passed away unexpectedly. 351 00:17:33,709 --> 00:17:36,003 So, I had to tap this cougar at this mortuary. 352 00:17:36,087 --> 00:17:37,839 Got a half off that coffin. 353 00:17:37,922 --> 00:17:41,384 I hope this turns out as successful as your dead uncle's coffin. 354 00:17:41,467 --> 00:17:42,969 I hope so. 355 00:17:44,512 --> 00:17:45,638 That was Deidre. 356 00:17:46,222 --> 00:17:48,516 - You made a horrible impression. - I did? 357 00:17:48,599 --> 00:17:50,518 With that stuff you said about Little Women. 358 00:17:50,601 --> 00:17:53,354 - Why knock a classic? - I don't like the March sisters. 359 00:17:53,437 --> 00:17:55,231 - They're obnoxious. - You like Little Women? 360 00:17:55,314 --> 00:17:58,067 Fucking, love 'em. They call 'em midgets or dwarves. 361 00:17:58,192 --> 00:18:00,153 - What? - I stack two on top of each other. 362 00:18:00,236 --> 00:18:01,821 Make 'em one whole women. Tap that ass. 363 00:18:01,904 --> 00:18:03,656 No, we're talking about something different. 364 00:18:03,739 --> 00:18:06,284 Listen, let's face it, Larry. You're old and you're bald. 365 00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:08,119 I can get past that, but I don't think 366 00:18:08,202 --> 00:18:11,831 I can schtup somebody my daughter doesn't like. So, we're through. 367 00:18:11,956 --> 00:18:16,544 What? Let me apologize. I'll apologize. 368 00:18:16,627 --> 00:18:18,254 - You'll call Deidre? - You know what? 369 00:18:18,337 --> 00:18:19,964 Forget call. I'll go to her house. 370 00:18:20,047 --> 00:18:22,341 You wanna go to her house? Listen to me, 371 00:18:22,425 --> 00:18:26,345 Deidre and my son-in-law, Scott, are having a ten-year anniversary party 372 00:18:26,470 --> 00:18:27,972 to renew their wedding vows. 373 00:18:28,264 --> 00:18:29,807 Maybe I'll invite you to this 374 00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:33,769 and you can get along with her a little. You wanna try that? 375 00:18:33,853 --> 00:18:36,939 I would love to go to Deidre and Scott's tenth anniversary party. 376 00:18:37,023 --> 00:18:39,150 - That would be fantastic. - Okay, I gotta go. 377 00:18:39,233 --> 00:18:41,736 I gotta get to a council meeting where... 378 00:18:41,819 --> 00:18:46,449 It's all about drains today. Drains, ramps, composts. 379 00:18:46,782 --> 00:18:48,993 - They're talking about composts. - Keep the sweater. 380 00:18:49,076 --> 00:18:50,912 You wanna kiss me before I go? 381 00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:53,122 - What? - Give me a little kiss. 382 00:18:53,206 --> 00:18:56,334 One little kiss. Come on. 383 00:18:58,836 --> 00:19:02,256 I want Deidre to like you so much. It's just gonna work out. 384 00:19:21,234 --> 00:19:22,735 That was nice. 385 00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:28,199 Put Gas-X on your shopping list. I gotta go. Have a great day! 386 00:19:35,164 --> 00:19:38,918 That unpleasant bitch got you twisted the fuck up right now. 387 00:19:48,261 --> 00:19:50,429 Thank you. She's in the sewing room. 388 00:19:51,931 --> 00:19:54,475 What's that delightful scent? It smells like lilac. 389 00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:57,144 That's my new body wash, I love it. 390 00:19:57,228 --> 00:20:01,149 - I felt like I needed a new smell. - You like that smell, Larry? 391 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,693 - It's disgusting. - Love it. You don't like Lilac? 392 00:20:03,776 --> 00:20:05,570 I'm surprised at you. I really am. 393 00:20:05,695 --> 00:20:07,738 - I'm surprised at you. - You're full of surprises. 394 00:20:07,822 --> 00:20:10,408 You're fucking Irma Kostroski now? 395 00:20:10,575 --> 00:20:13,452 Well, that's a rather crude way of putting it. 396 00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:16,122 Do I make love to her? Yes, I do. 397 00:20:16,205 --> 00:20:20,626 She is so not your type. You're not political in any way, 398 00:20:20,710 --> 00:20:22,587 you're not one to go canvassing. 399 00:20:22,670 --> 00:20:25,423 What the fuck is going on, Larry? Something's off. 400 00:20:26,632 --> 00:20:27,675 Tell her the truth. 401 00:20:27,967 --> 00:20:30,386 'Cause that's what we deal with here. The truth. 402 00:20:30,511 --> 00:20:32,430 - All right, you wanna know? - Yeah. 403 00:20:32,555 --> 00:20:34,849 Okay, we have this terrible actress in our show. 404 00:20:34,932 --> 00:20:36,392 Maria Sofia. 405 00:20:36,475 --> 00:20:40,521 And her father is the brother of the guy who drowned in my pool. 406 00:20:40,646 --> 00:20:42,398 And he found out about the five-foot fence law. 407 00:20:42,482 --> 00:20:43,816 - He's extorting you? - Yeah. 408 00:20:43,941 --> 00:20:45,318 - That's why she's cast. - Yep. 409 00:20:45,401 --> 00:20:47,820 I'm trying to get Irma to repeal the law. 410 00:20:47,904 --> 00:20:50,865 - Is she gonna do it? - I'm working on it. 411 00:20:51,115 --> 00:20:53,367 - If Maria Sofia's in the show... - It's over. 412 00:20:53,451 --> 00:20:54,994 So, get on board and get in line. 413 00:20:55,077 --> 00:20:57,955 It's the only line that you're in that I'm ever gonna get in. 414 00:20:59,832 --> 00:21:01,542 - The fuck was that? - What? 415 00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:03,336 Where you get that expression from? 416 00:21:03,419 --> 00:21:06,214 - That gem of a retort. - You've heard, "ba-dump-bump". 417 00:21:06,297 --> 00:21:08,591 - I've heard him say that. - You got that from somebody else. 418 00:21:08,674 --> 00:21:11,177 - It's an old classic... - But you never say that. 419 00:21:11,302 --> 00:21:13,804 You don't have original ideas that you come up with. 420 00:21:13,888 --> 00:21:15,473 He's been "ba-dump-bump-ing" for years. 421 00:21:15,556 --> 00:21:17,058 Well, I don't like it. 422 00:21:18,226 --> 00:21:20,186 - You want tea? - No, thank you. 423 00:21:21,854 --> 00:21:23,439 - Are you crazy? - What? 424 00:21:25,942 --> 00:21:28,986 I can't believe how House Husband is catching on. 425 00:21:29,070 --> 00:21:30,863 Really? That's fantastic. 426 00:21:31,239 --> 00:21:33,616 Yeah, thanks for hooking me up, with Jeff and Susie man. 427 00:21:33,699 --> 00:21:34,909 They got that plumber coming over there. 428 00:21:34,992 --> 00:21:37,036 I gotta call Irma's daughter, 429 00:21:37,286 --> 00:21:39,497 Deidre, and find out what time this party starts. 430 00:21:41,457 --> 00:21:43,000 Deidre Kostroski Miller's office. 431 00:21:43,084 --> 00:21:44,919 Hi. It's Larry David calling for Deidre. 432 00:21:45,002 --> 00:21:48,089 Listen, just so you know beforehand, so there's no misunderstanding, 433 00:21:48,172 --> 00:21:50,842 I would appreciate it if you didn't stay on the call. 434 00:21:51,175 --> 00:21:52,301 Excuse me? 435 00:21:52,385 --> 00:21:54,428 If it's not a matter of national security, there's no reason for it. 436 00:21:54,512 --> 00:21:56,222 Well, if it's not a matter of national security, 437 00:21:56,305 --> 00:21:57,390 why can't I listen? 438 00:21:57,515 --> 00:21:59,141 Because it's really none of your business. 439 00:21:59,225 --> 00:22:00,726 - Are you listening to this? - Yeah. 440 00:22:00,893 --> 00:22:03,938 Would you like it if I listened in to you and you friends talking? 441 00:22:04,021 --> 00:22:05,231 Well, that's really pervy. 442 00:22:05,356 --> 00:22:08,442 That's pervy? But it's not pervy for you to listen in on my call? 443 00:22:08,526 --> 00:22:09,610 So, I don't see the difference. 444 00:22:09,694 --> 00:22:12,989 Sir, listening in on Deidre's phone calls is part of my job description. 445 00:22:13,072 --> 00:22:15,575 You listening in on my phone calls is pervy. 446 00:22:15,658 --> 00:22:18,202 No, no. It's not pervy at all. You'd be talking to your friends, 447 00:22:18,327 --> 00:22:21,414 talking about where you're gonna go, what you gonna wear. 448 00:22:21,497 --> 00:22:23,499 And I'd be listening in, taking notes, same thing. 449 00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:26,794 Yeah. "Ew." Exactly. That's exactly what you're doing to me. 450 00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:29,130 Look, I just wanna know what time the party starts 451 00:22:29,213 --> 00:22:30,464 that's all I really need to know. 452 00:22:30,548 --> 00:22:33,301 Why didn't you say so? The party starts at 6:00. 453 00:22:33,384 --> 00:22:36,095 Well, there you go. Six o'clock. Fantastic. 454 00:22:36,554 --> 00:22:40,099 Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day, bye-bye. 455 00:22:40,224 --> 00:22:41,893 That's all I needed to... 456 00:22:42,226 --> 00:22:46,189 She hung up on me. What's that? See who that is. 457 00:22:47,398 --> 00:22:49,901 It's Cheryl. "I need the house husband". 458 00:22:50,276 --> 00:22:51,903 This tree is really top-heavy 459 00:22:52,028 --> 00:22:53,571 and you've got some insect damage too 460 00:22:53,654 --> 00:22:55,323 and that's why there's those dead branches. 461 00:22:55,406 --> 00:22:56,741 We're gonna need about five guys. 462 00:22:56,824 --> 00:22:59,744 - It's gonna be full day. - Five guys? That's expensive. 463 00:22:59,827 --> 00:23:01,996 You don't need five guys, you just need three. 464 00:23:02,079 --> 00:23:04,373 Me, myself and I. And as far as insects, 465 00:23:04,499 --> 00:23:06,375 all you need is a little bit of insecticide. 466 00:23:06,501 --> 00:23:07,710 - Let's do that. - Let's do that. 467 00:23:07,793 --> 00:23:10,129 - Thank you, house husband. - You know I got you. 468 00:23:10,213 --> 00:23:12,215 My recommendation would be to go inside the wall, 469 00:23:12,298 --> 00:23:13,925 you're gonna want to secure the studs. 470 00:23:14,008 --> 00:23:16,802 That's sounds like a lot more than we were planning. 471 00:23:16,886 --> 00:23:18,554 First of all, you're doing too much. 472 00:23:18,638 --> 00:23:21,182 All you need is these right here. See that? 473 00:23:21,307 --> 00:23:24,143 We call them anchors. Man, woman. See this? 474 00:23:24,227 --> 00:23:27,230 What I need you to do is make love to that goddamn shelf, 475 00:23:27,313 --> 00:23:28,815 and hang it up. 476 00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:30,441 You're gonna need a new showerhead. 477 00:23:30,566 --> 00:23:33,402 And I'm probably gonna have to replace a lot of the pipes up here. 478 00:23:33,486 --> 00:23:36,030 Hold on, playboy. I'm the house husband around here. Okay? 479 00:23:36,113 --> 00:23:38,032 Just replace the shower head, that's it. 480 00:23:38,115 --> 00:23:40,034 There could be further problems in the future... 481 00:23:40,159 --> 00:23:42,537 Okay, we in the present. Fix the fuckin' showerhead. 482 00:23:42,912 --> 00:23:44,121 Thank you. 483 00:23:44,205 --> 00:23:47,083 Guess what? I got a little something for you. Here you go. 484 00:23:48,668 --> 00:23:51,879 There it is. Got a little something. 485 00:23:53,881 --> 00:23:55,383 I thought it was lingerie. 486 00:23:55,758 --> 00:23:57,760 - I got a little disappointed. - It's a body wash. 487 00:23:57,885 --> 00:24:01,055 Fresh cut lilacs. I don't know. 488 00:24:01,764 --> 00:24:04,058 With me, with my eczema, with my psoriasis, 489 00:24:04,141 --> 00:24:06,686 I use anything. It's pretty natural. Okay. 490 00:24:06,769 --> 00:24:09,146 Well, you know, I figured 'cause you don't use deodorant 491 00:24:09,272 --> 00:24:10,690 that you might like body wash. 492 00:24:10,773 --> 00:24:13,734 I don't like anything unnatural near my lymph. 493 00:24:13,818 --> 00:24:16,070 - You'll smell like a flower. - What is this? A hint? 494 00:24:16,154 --> 00:24:17,238 No. 495 00:24:17,363 --> 00:24:21,784 I know I give off like, a sex musk because I am active again. 496 00:24:21,868 --> 00:24:25,830 I think you'll enjoy the lilac. Frankly, it couldn't hurt. 497 00:24:25,913 --> 00:24:29,041 Well, I'm just gonna rub it all over then. 498 00:24:29,750 --> 00:24:31,294 Hey, come on. 499 00:24:31,419 --> 00:24:34,589 Wanna come sit on the couch? Come and sit beside me. 500 00:24:34,672 --> 00:24:37,008 I'd love to except I bruised my testicle 501 00:24:37,091 --> 00:24:38,593 getting off the peloton. 502 00:24:38,718 --> 00:24:42,054 You what? You're in pain? 503 00:24:42,138 --> 00:24:45,266 Yeah, I'm a little out of commission for a while. 504 00:24:45,349 --> 00:24:48,186 Is it anything to do with my exertions? 505 00:24:48,269 --> 00:24:50,271 No. That was a delight. 506 00:24:50,897 --> 00:24:53,274 A bit shvitzy. I'm gonna go take a shower 507 00:24:53,941 --> 00:24:55,401 in my lilac. 508 00:24:55,485 --> 00:24:58,779 Smell my lilac. It's gonna be all over me. 509 00:24:59,655 --> 00:25:00,990 You wanna come and join me? 510 00:25:01,073 --> 00:25:03,034 I don't feel like getting wet just now. 511 00:25:03,117 --> 00:25:04,494 You can watch. 512 00:25:05,077 --> 00:25:07,538 You know what? I got a beach volleyball game. 513 00:25:07,622 --> 00:25:13,503 I'm gonna rub it all over. Come on, watch me. I'm waiting for you! 514 00:25:13,586 --> 00:25:15,713 Yeah, there's a hockey game I taped last night... 515 00:25:15,796 --> 00:25:18,799 Come on and watch me. Come on and watch! 516 00:25:30,228 --> 00:25:33,439 Sorry. Excuse me, one second. Hi, Larry. 517 00:25:34,273 --> 00:25:35,817 - Hey! - How's it going? 518 00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:37,443 - Swell! - You're here early. 519 00:25:37,944 --> 00:25:40,780 - Early? - The party doesn't start until 7:00. 520 00:25:40,863 --> 00:25:42,031 - 7:00? - Yeah. 521 00:25:42,114 --> 00:25:45,368 Your assistant told me it was at 6:00. 522 00:25:45,493 --> 00:25:47,537 - Britney? - She told me six o'clock. 523 00:25:47,620 --> 00:25:50,248 I think you must've taken that down wrong. 524 00:25:50,373 --> 00:25:52,250 No, I'm quite sure she said 6:00. 525 00:25:54,418 --> 00:25:56,754 Thank you for the flowers. I just feel like... 526 00:25:56,838 --> 00:25:58,714 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 527 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,050 We're just still getting prepped here, we're not... 528 00:26:01,133 --> 00:26:02,677 By the way, I really wanna apologize 529 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,304 for my comments about the March sisters. 530 00:26:05,388 --> 00:26:08,808 I've given 'em a second look and they're not as mockish 531 00:26:08,891 --> 00:26:10,977 and twee as I thought they were. 532 00:26:11,060 --> 00:26:13,354 Thank you. That means a lot that you would apologize. 533 00:26:13,437 --> 00:26:16,774 Yeah, I've seen all five of the movies again. 534 00:26:16,899 --> 00:26:19,735 And they're so talented. Really, who's your favorite Jo? 535 00:26:19,944 --> 00:26:24,740 Katharine Hepburn, June Allyson, Winona Ryder, Susan Dey, 536 00:26:24,824 --> 00:26:28,077 Chivon... What's her... 537 00:26:28,703 --> 00:26:31,205 - Saoirse, Saoirse Ronan. - Saoirse Ronan. Yeah. 538 00:26:31,289 --> 00:26:33,040 My money, June Allyson. 539 00:26:33,124 --> 00:26:36,544 - Really? - With the bangs, cute. Cute. 540 00:26:36,627 --> 00:26:39,297 Cute? That's your criterion for what makes a great Jo? 541 00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:42,300 No, I'm just a man partial to a bang. 542 00:26:42,675 --> 00:26:45,386 - Okay, so the March sisters... - Who doesn't love a good bang? 543 00:26:45,469 --> 00:26:46,721 Honey? 544 00:26:47,221 --> 00:26:51,392 Hi. Scott this is Larry David, my mom's friend. 545 00:26:51,517 --> 00:26:53,519 - Larry. - Larry, this is my husband, Scott. 546 00:26:53,603 --> 00:26:55,146 Scotty boy. 547 00:26:55,229 --> 00:27:01,068 - Scott's good. What's up? - Larry mistook the time... 548 00:27:02,028 --> 00:27:05,156 - I was told 6:00. - Where is Irma? 549 00:27:05,239 --> 00:27:07,658 - She got tied up. - The City Council. 550 00:27:09,202 --> 00:27:11,120 Well, the party's actually at 7:00, so... 551 00:27:11,204 --> 00:27:12,747 Britney wanted to listen in on the conversation, 552 00:27:12,830 --> 00:27:14,916 I got upset, so she gave me the wrong time. 553 00:27:14,999 --> 00:27:17,001 I don't think that's what happened. 554 00:27:17,210 --> 00:27:19,504 - That's what happened. - Party's not for an hour so... 555 00:27:19,629 --> 00:27:21,380 Could you, I don't know, 556 00:27:21,506 --> 00:27:25,384 kill time for an hour and come back? 557 00:27:25,551 --> 00:27:27,136 The thing is, by the time I got home, 558 00:27:27,220 --> 00:27:29,889 it's gonna be time to come back. It doesn't even make any sense. 559 00:27:30,014 --> 00:27:33,309 You don't need to go home, you could just not stay here. 560 00:27:33,434 --> 00:27:36,604 There's coffee shops. Do you have any errands you need to run? 561 00:27:36,687 --> 00:27:38,689 No, no, I don't. No, I don't. 562 00:27:38,773 --> 00:27:41,651 The problem is we can't host, 'cause we have to get dressed. 563 00:27:41,734 --> 00:27:44,153 You don't need to host! I'll just sit here and guest. 564 00:27:44,237 --> 00:27:46,072 I can be a guest without a host. 565 00:27:47,365 --> 00:27:49,408 - Can you? - I think I can. 566 00:27:49,951 --> 00:27:51,911 - Okay. - Don't worry about me. 567 00:27:51,994 --> 00:27:53,412 I'll be fine. I will disappear. 568 00:27:53,496 --> 00:27:56,165 You will not know I'm here. Do you have the NHL package? 569 00:27:56,290 --> 00:27:57,917 I don't know what that is. 570 00:27:58,626 --> 00:27:59,919 - No. - Okay. 571 00:28:00,002 --> 00:28:01,337 Yeah, we're gonna go take showers. 572 00:28:01,420 --> 00:28:03,381 Go take a shower. I'm not even here. 573 00:28:03,464 --> 00:28:06,092 - Make yourself at home. - You gonna shower, too? 574 00:28:20,523 --> 00:28:21,649 - Hi. - Hey. 575 00:28:21,732 --> 00:28:24,777 - Videographer. - Great. Come on in. 576 00:28:24,861 --> 00:28:26,237 - Glad you can make it. - Thank you. 577 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:27,613 Make yourself at home. 578 00:28:28,281 --> 00:28:30,116 - So, they're upstairs. - Okay. 579 00:28:30,199 --> 00:28:32,618 - Seven o'clock, party starts. - Yes. 580 00:28:34,537 --> 00:28:36,664 - This is interesting. - What? 581 00:28:36,789 --> 00:28:39,333 - You're tucking in the sweater? - Yes. 582 00:28:39,417 --> 00:28:40,668 How long you been doing that? 583 00:28:41,043 --> 00:28:42,962 - My whole life. - Do people comment on it? 584 00:28:43,045 --> 00:28:44,630 There's almost never conversation about it. 585 00:28:44,714 --> 00:28:46,632 Did you notice any other tuckers in your life? 586 00:28:46,716 --> 00:28:48,676 I honestly have never really thought about it that much. 587 00:28:48,759 --> 00:28:50,303 Who started you with that? Your mother? 588 00:28:50,386 --> 00:28:52,221 - I just started doing it. - You started that on your own? 589 00:28:52,305 --> 00:28:53,973 I started on my own when I was a kid. 590 00:28:54,098 --> 00:28:55,391 - Fascinating. - It's really not. 591 00:28:55,474 --> 00:28:57,143 No, it is. I think it's fascinating. 592 00:28:57,226 --> 00:28:58,644 - Your father didn't tuck? - No. 593 00:28:58,728 --> 00:29:02,064 - There were no tuckers in the family? - No. There's a lot of stuff to do. 594 00:29:02,148 --> 00:29:05,193 The only person I've ever seen tuck is James Mason in Lolita. 595 00:29:05,276 --> 00:29:08,154 Lolita, do you think I should tuck in my sweater? 596 00:29:08,237 --> 00:29:10,364 Does it look good? What would you do? 597 00:29:10,448 --> 00:29:13,451 What would you advise me? Would you advise me to tuck? 598 00:29:13,534 --> 00:29:15,036 I'm sorry, but what is your role here? 599 00:29:15,161 --> 00:29:17,413 - I'm a guest. - Okay, you're very early. 600 00:29:17,497 --> 00:29:19,165 - I know, what happened was... - No. 601 00:29:19,248 --> 00:29:22,168 I don't really care, I'm gonna set up in the living room. 602 00:29:22,251 --> 00:29:24,545 - Yeah, set up. - Great. Thank you so much. 603 00:29:25,505 --> 00:29:27,882 Look, it's in the back too. You're really very thorough. 604 00:29:27,965 --> 00:29:29,675 - Why do you care? - I don't. 605 00:29:29,759 --> 00:29:31,093 Okay. Thank you. 606 00:29:41,521 --> 00:29:43,272 Babe, you made sure that the sprinklers 607 00:29:43,356 --> 00:29:45,525 aren't gonna go off, right, when the guests are here? 608 00:29:45,608 --> 00:29:48,444 I did it already. Aren't you proud of me? 609 00:29:48,945 --> 00:29:50,947 Look at him. What is he doing? 610 00:29:52,990 --> 00:29:54,909 I don't know. 611 00:29:58,287 --> 00:30:00,748 That's my favorite candle. Please, put that down. 612 00:30:02,041 --> 00:30:04,168 Why would you pick that up? 613 00:30:06,420 --> 00:30:07,922 Oh, my God. 614 00:30:09,382 --> 00:30:11,133 I don't know why he's not just sitting 615 00:30:11,217 --> 00:30:13,594 in one place and looking at his phone 616 00:30:13,678 --> 00:30:15,179 like a normal person. 617 00:30:17,765 --> 00:30:18,891 What is he doing? 618 00:30:19,559 --> 00:30:21,435 This is so bizarre. 619 00:30:22,061 --> 00:30:24,063 Hopefully, he'll just wear himself out. 620 00:30:28,693 --> 00:30:29,944 He's so weird. 621 00:30:32,655 --> 00:30:35,116 - Do we need to go down there? - I don't wanna go down there. 622 00:30:36,117 --> 00:30:38,077 Why is he touching everything? 623 00:30:41,622 --> 00:30:43,875 What is wrong with him? 624 00:30:45,042 --> 00:30:46,794 I don't think I've ever seen anyone take, 625 00:30:46,878 --> 00:30:49,422 "make yourself at home" so literally. 626 00:30:51,632 --> 00:30:54,177 - Don't touch that. - He's futzing with it. 627 00:30:54,927 --> 00:30:56,596 I would never go into somebody's house 628 00:30:56,721 --> 00:30:58,431 and touch their air conditioning. 629 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,438 I didn't know that we had to say, like, "please make yourself at home" 630 00:31:05,521 --> 00:31:07,565 "but don't mess with our thermostat." 631 00:31:09,609 --> 00:31:11,903 Oh, my God. He's taking his pants off. 632 00:31:11,986 --> 00:31:13,362 He is. 633 00:31:13,779 --> 00:31:16,157 - What is he doing? No. - Don't do that. 634 00:31:18,659 --> 00:31:20,912 Why is he tucking his sweater into his pants? 635 00:31:20,995 --> 00:31:22,955 Who does that? 636 00:31:23,581 --> 00:31:25,666 I have to keep on getting ready, so... 637 00:31:25,750 --> 00:31:27,710 What a strange individual. 638 00:31:29,712 --> 00:31:32,340 Just wondering where I should plug in... 639 00:31:35,676 --> 00:31:37,929 - I was just testing. - How do you like it? 640 00:31:38,012 --> 00:31:39,805 - I don't care for it. - Okay. 641 00:31:40,056 --> 00:31:41,682 - I'm gonna go back over there now. - Okay. 642 00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:46,521 - So, no dinner? - Tell me about it. 643 00:31:46,604 --> 00:31:48,356 If it's seven o'clock, you expect dinner? 644 00:31:48,439 --> 00:31:49,816 I'm starving. 645 00:31:49,899 --> 00:31:51,108 - See the fence? - I did. 646 00:31:51,192 --> 00:31:53,611 Let me ask you a question. If I start walking into the pool, 647 00:31:53,694 --> 00:31:55,321 you think that fence is gonna stop me? 648 00:31:55,780 --> 00:31:58,407 Everybody. If we could get your attention for a minute. 649 00:31:58,533 --> 00:32:01,202 - Here we go. - Thank you for being here. 650 00:32:01,285 --> 00:32:02,370 And for joining us. 651 00:32:02,453 --> 00:32:05,748 We wanted to do what it is that we gathered you all here to do, 652 00:32:05,832 --> 00:32:08,543 and that is to renew our vows. 653 00:32:08,626 --> 00:32:11,712 Let's get out the anti-nausea pills. 654 00:32:12,463 --> 00:32:17,093 - I'll start... crying. - Oh, God. 655 00:32:17,510 --> 00:32:21,639 Scott, I promise to always remember that you are human. 656 00:32:21,722 --> 00:32:23,683 She's gonna remember he's human. 657 00:32:23,808 --> 00:32:25,017 How do you forget that? 658 00:32:25,142 --> 00:32:27,145 How do you do this in front of people? It's so unseemly. 659 00:32:27,270 --> 00:32:29,188 You've got such big soul. 660 00:32:29,564 --> 00:32:30,898 And I love that about you. 661 00:32:31,023 --> 00:32:35,027 I would rather masturbate in public than have to say that stuff. 662 00:32:35,111 --> 00:32:37,864 Today, I promise to show that same care 663 00:32:37,989 --> 00:32:40,783 and consideration for you for the rest of my life. 664 00:32:41,367 --> 00:32:45,621 This is just so... I can't take it anymore. 665 00:32:47,540 --> 00:32:49,292 I agree with you. 666 00:32:49,667 --> 00:32:51,252 What's the matter? 667 00:32:53,921 --> 00:32:56,174 - What? - The videographer. 668 00:32:58,259 --> 00:33:01,804 I'm screwed. She's gonna see that tape, she'll tell Irma. 669 00:33:03,389 --> 00:33:04,682 Oh, my God! 670 00:33:04,932 --> 00:33:06,475 Oh, my God. This is bad. 671 00:33:06,559 --> 00:33:09,520 - Tell the story of how we met. - I think some of you know. 672 00:33:09,604 --> 00:33:12,648 Obviously, we're both lawyers, everybody knows that. 673 00:33:12,857 --> 00:33:14,275 Hey, can I talk to you for a second? 674 00:33:14,358 --> 00:33:17,153 - I'm sorry to interrupt. - I'm working. 675 00:33:17,236 --> 00:33:19,530 Craziest thing happened, so crazy. 676 00:33:19,614 --> 00:33:21,407 A mosquito got caught in my throat 677 00:33:21,491 --> 00:33:23,326 and I put my finger down there. 678 00:33:23,409 --> 00:33:28,748 And if they see the video it might be misconstrued. 679 00:33:28,831 --> 00:33:30,249 That's not how it looked. 680 00:33:30,333 --> 00:33:33,628 I'm wondering, maybe if it's possible, you could erase it? 681 00:33:33,711 --> 00:33:36,797 I can't do that. No, I'm sorry. It's my job. 682 00:33:36,881 --> 00:33:38,758 Is it because of the tucking in the sweater? 683 00:33:38,841 --> 00:33:41,010 No, you're obsessed with that. I don't care about that. 684 00:33:41,093 --> 00:33:43,137 If I did offend you, I apologize. 685 00:33:43,221 --> 00:33:45,515 - I can't. I just can't. - You sure? 686 00:33:45,598 --> 00:33:48,476 - Totally sure. - You know what? 687 00:33:53,356 --> 00:33:56,609 Your name's Samuel Tannenbaum? 688 00:33:57,068 --> 00:34:00,196 - Yes. - Samuel, my Hebrew brother. 689 00:34:00,822 --> 00:34:03,825 Could you be a mensch and maybe reconsider 690 00:34:03,950 --> 00:34:07,787 this position for a fellow tribesman? 691 00:34:10,581 --> 00:34:12,250 - Okay. Yeah. - You'll erase it? 692 00:34:12,333 --> 00:34:13,793 - Yeah, I'll erase it. - Thank you so much. 693 00:34:13,918 --> 00:34:15,711 - We got off on the wrong foot. - Yeah, we did. 694 00:34:15,837 --> 00:34:17,338 Isn't this the worst party in your life? 695 00:34:17,463 --> 00:34:19,340 - This is hell. And the vows. - It's a living hell. 696 00:34:19,423 --> 00:34:21,676 - No, it's literally... - Could you do me a favor? 697 00:34:21,759 --> 00:34:24,512 Get me again. Do another take and I'll have a different reaction. 698 00:34:24,595 --> 00:34:27,431 - Okay, yeah. L'chaim. - L'chaim. 699 00:34:29,058 --> 00:34:31,811 I didn't think this was gonna be hard, but it is. 700 00:34:32,436 --> 00:34:35,731 Webster's dictionary defines paradise 701 00:34:36,357 --> 00:34:40,486 as an idyllic, or ideal place or state. 702 00:34:41,070 --> 00:34:43,865 I define it as, Netflix and chilling with you. 703 00:34:46,409 --> 00:34:49,162 - Deidre, I promise... - Very nice. 704 00:34:49,245 --> 00:34:52,331 Oh, my God. this is so beautiful. I'm sorry. 705 00:34:52,832 --> 00:34:55,459 Even if that means I have to watch a little less football. 706 00:34:56,627 --> 00:34:59,797 - I promise to listen. - He promises to listen. 707 00:34:59,881 --> 00:35:02,550 And I promise to solve the problem if I can. 708 00:35:03,968 --> 00:35:06,804 But not offer solutions that you didn't ask for, 709 00:35:06,929 --> 00:35:09,015 because I've learned my lesson about that. 710 00:35:09,098 --> 00:35:10,933 They're such a beautiful couple. 711 00:35:11,100 --> 00:35:13,603 - I love you, Scooter. - I love you, Dinkles. 712 00:35:18,649 --> 00:35:20,860 Have a good time. There's loads of appetizers, 713 00:35:20,943 --> 00:35:22,403 so help yourselves. 714 00:35:26,699 --> 00:35:31,245 Hello! Hi, hi! There's no valet. 715 00:35:31,704 --> 00:35:34,165 - Hi! - Hi, how are you? 716 00:35:34,248 --> 00:35:38,044 So good to see you. I changed in my car. 717 00:35:38,211 --> 00:35:41,297 You look so beautiful. You don't wear that to your board meeting? 718 00:35:41,380 --> 00:35:44,217 No. Remember the four city workers that got crushed? 719 00:35:44,342 --> 00:35:47,512 Well, we were doing a memorial. I kept pushing, I kept saying, 720 00:35:47,637 --> 00:35:49,013 "You gotta get 'em all up there." 721 00:35:49,138 --> 00:35:51,307 The families were there. There was a lot of emotions. 722 00:35:51,390 --> 00:35:54,268 We have the crosswalks for the blind today. 723 00:35:54,435 --> 00:35:56,395 - Hi, hi! - Hi! 724 00:35:56,479 --> 00:36:00,316 Well, so nice seeing you. I left my phone in the bathroom. I apologize. 725 00:36:00,733 --> 00:36:02,151 And I'll talk to you later. 726 00:36:02,235 --> 00:36:04,862 I wanna see them. Where are they? Was it wonderful? 727 00:36:04,987 --> 00:36:06,739 - Deidre... - You've been nice to Deidre? 728 00:36:06,823 --> 00:36:08,533 - Wonderful. - Yes, they're wonderful. 729 00:36:08,616 --> 00:36:09,992 - And Scott? - Scotty! 730 00:36:10,076 --> 00:36:12,203 - He's wonderful. And so funny. - I love Scotty. 731 00:36:12,286 --> 00:36:15,122 My darling, I'm here. I'm so sorry. 732 00:36:16,415 --> 00:36:19,126 You! Irma Kostroski! 733 00:36:19,210 --> 00:36:22,797 Keep your fucking hands off of my husband, you homewrecker! 734 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:25,049 You whore! You slut! 735 00:36:25,132 --> 00:36:27,051 Your mother is fucking my husband. 736 00:36:27,844 --> 00:36:30,805 You think you're a councilwoman, you could get away with anything? 737 00:36:30,930 --> 00:36:33,599 - What have I done? - I smell the lilacs, baby. 738 00:36:33,683 --> 00:36:36,936 I smell the lilacs and I knew it was you. 739 00:36:41,149 --> 00:36:45,444 What an ending to the evening. It was so weird. Susie lost it. 740 00:36:46,821 --> 00:36:49,323 I know, but we got this. 741 00:36:50,116 --> 00:36:52,869 - I loved your vows. - I loved your vows. 742 00:36:53,578 --> 00:36:57,999 Oh, my God. Look at him. Is he crying? 743 00:36:58,457 --> 00:37:00,209 He's like, legit moved. 744 00:37:00,293 --> 00:37:02,336 I have to text my mom. I have to tell her 745 00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:03,921 that I think he's great. 746 00:37:04,005 --> 00:37:06,966 I'm so happy that my mom found him. 747 00:37:07,758 --> 00:37:08,968 So, then I found out 748 00:37:09,093 --> 00:37:12,096 his name was Tannenbaum. I played the Jew card, 749 00:37:12,180 --> 00:37:15,183 I couldn't believe it. It worked like a charm. 750 00:37:15,266 --> 00:37:17,226 You gotta play those fucking cards. I'm telling you, man. 751 00:37:17,351 --> 00:37:19,187 Imagine if he was bald, what I could've done? 752 00:37:19,270 --> 00:37:20,771 I got a whole fucking deck of cards. 753 00:37:20,897 --> 00:37:23,024 I got the Black card, I got the handsome card, 754 00:37:23,149 --> 00:37:24,901 the tall card, the Big Johnson card. 755 00:37:24,984 --> 00:37:27,028 Hold it. Handsome card? 756 00:37:27,111 --> 00:37:29,363 - Fuck, yeah. - You don't have a handsome card. 757 00:37:29,447 --> 00:37:31,407 Who told you you had a handsome card? Your mother? 758 00:37:31,491 --> 00:37:32,700 - Everybody. - Auntie Ray? 759 00:37:32,783 --> 00:37:35,453 The fucking doctor who delivered my ass. Everybody said that shit. 760 00:37:36,954 --> 00:37:38,998 What's with this? 761 00:37:41,584 --> 00:37:43,669 I thought you told the plumber how to fix this. 762 00:37:43,794 --> 00:37:45,546 - I thought I did. - Holy shit. 763 00:37:46,005 --> 00:37:48,549 You don't know what the fuck you're doing, do you? 764 00:37:53,221 --> 00:37:54,722 What? 765 00:38:04,357 --> 00:38:06,192 Shit, shit! 766 00:38:07,527 --> 00:38:08,736 Leon! 767 00:38:30,383 --> 00:38:32,885 So, how long do you think this is gonna be? 768 00:38:32,969 --> 00:38:37,223 Well, I don't know what Leon told these guys to do, 769 00:38:37,306 --> 00:38:39,976 but the whole grid has blown. It could be weeks. 770 00:38:40,059 --> 00:38:42,645 It could be a long time. Now, this I need pressed 771 00:38:42,770 --> 00:38:44,480 for tomorrow for work. 772 00:38:44,564 --> 00:38:45,940 - You have a steamer? - No. 773 00:38:46,023 --> 00:38:48,651 You don't have a steamer? You can iron everything, right? 774 00:38:48,734 --> 00:38:51,654 Everything in this case needs to be taken out, ironed... 775 00:38:51,779 --> 00:38:53,239 - Yeah. Ironed it all, - Great. 776 00:38:53,322 --> 00:38:56,117 When everything is ironed, go to the store for me. 777 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,577 Of course. 778 00:38:57,702 --> 00:39:01,581 And I need regular flavor Metamucil. Not the cherry, not the orange. 779 00:39:01,664 --> 00:39:05,001 And I need arnica and I need pickles. 780 00:39:05,084 --> 00:39:08,963 - You gotta have pickles. - Pickles? 781 00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:13,885 The brine. That's what it is. 782 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:18,973 - She stinks from pickles. - Oh, my God! Look at this! 783 00:39:20,391 --> 00:39:24,437 Fucking Leon. Everything... Jesus fucking Christ. 784 00:39:26,189 --> 00:39:29,650 Maybe these are okay. Jesus, what is this? 785 00:39:30,318 --> 00:39:33,112 Hiding a second fucking phone, you asshole? 786 00:39:33,863 --> 00:39:37,408 Are you kidding me? Really, Jeff? Really? 787 00:39:37,909 --> 00:39:42,705 You stupid moron, you are fucking caught, asshole. 788 00:39:42,788 --> 00:39:44,207 Gotcha! 789 00:39:45,500 --> 00:39:48,711 - I've got Susie Greene for you. - Yeah, I'll take her. 790 00:39:50,505 --> 00:39:53,341 - Hey, Susie. - Hi, how's everything going? 791 00:39:53,424 --> 00:39:56,052 - Good, good. All good. - Is your assistant on? 792 00:39:56,135 --> 00:39:57,178 - Yeah. - Yeah. 793 00:39:57,261 --> 00:39:58,971 - Taking notes as usual? - Always. 794 00:39:59,055 --> 00:40:00,348 - I am. - Great. 795 00:40:00,431 --> 00:40:03,726 Take this down. She's fucking my husband. 796 00:40:09,065 --> 00:40:10,233 Oy vey!