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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
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Ahem.
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They're ready for you.
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Gwendolyn Harris. We've met.
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Bournemouth.
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But you don't know the others.
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No, but I'm familiar with you.
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Why do you want to be an MP?
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Because I'm not satisfied
with the way things are,
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and rather than sit back and moan
I'd prefer to do something about it.
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Go again from the top.
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I don't know why anyone's surprised
the world's number one teen idol
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has become a Scientologist.
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Speed up the autocue, please.
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Pop stars do believe in weird things.
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'Abba believed in angels.
R Kelly believed he could fly...'
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They said show you this.
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This happened just now?
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Mm-hmm.
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Gladwell?
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"Shamed Tory Jason Gladwell
resigns," - capitals -
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"over Twitter porn pics scandal."
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Oh, so he wasn't hacked after all.
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"Originally claimed
his account had been hacked,
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"resignation statement admits
inappropriate correspondence
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"with a 15-year-old girl."
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So tweeting dick photos
is correspondence now, is it?
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"Departure triggers a by-election
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"in his Stentonford and Hersham
constituency."
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Well, you get to use
the Gladwell stuff.
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Mm-hmm.
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Bump it all up to
the top of the monologue.
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Anyone seen Jamie?
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Rach?
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'You really shouldn't be
calling me any more.
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'You need to sort yourself out.'
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I am.
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'Focus on Waldo,
that's going well for you.'
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But it is not...
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'He's a hit, Jamie.'
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"He." Not me, "he".
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'Just do your show.'
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I will. I mean, hon,
if you'd just...
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Jamie?
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Jamie, hurry up.
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What do you know about
Stentonford and Hersham?
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Safe Tory seat.
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So, realistically, I know there's
not much of a chance, but...
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So, it's a stepping stone for you?
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Yes.
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Obviously, I wouldn't say
that outside of this room,
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but, well,
you want me to be honest.
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There's no point in pretending.
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Is there anything in your past that
might conceivably cause problems?
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No.
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Except...
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I did commit a series
of murders in Huddersfield
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between 1999 and 2003.
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But apart from that...
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Well, thank you, Gwendolyn.
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If you could leave via that door.
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Oh, that door?
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We like to keep
the candidates separate.
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Right, yes.
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Idiot. Idiot!
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Shamed super groomer and all-round
pillock of the community
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Jason Gladwell
has resigned as an MP,
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saying he could no longer
maintain his position.
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That position, presumably,
being hunched over
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wanking madly at school kids.
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'A pal of Gladwell said...'
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You ready?
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Uh-huh.
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How old the girl wasn't.
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That's the sort of feeble excuse
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'only a naive school kid
would swallow -
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'which, presumably, was the idea.
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'Anyway, the bad news is
he's resigned in disgrace.'
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The good news is he's now
free to pursue a full-time career
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in the disgraced paedophile
industry.
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Personally, I don't understand
why anyone's surprised...
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Um, small change to the intro.
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What?
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- Nothing huge, Conor wanted the Jacko
gag for the monologue, so...
- That was my bit.
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- There is the Chancellor stuff,
you could use that.
- Bit politics.
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You can do politics.
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I do piss-taking.
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Go be Waldo.
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Yes, commander.
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'R Kelly believed he could fly,
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'and Michael Jackson believed
that his doctor was qualified...'
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Big ball blue bear bollocks.
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And now it's time
for our final visit
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to the world of educational
children's programming
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courtesy of everyone's favourite,
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and only occasionally inappropriate
cool kids' TV character,
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Waldo.
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Whose mum's in tonight, apparently.
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Waldo, who have you had
in your cave this week?
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Well, Conor,
in my big pink cave this week
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I had former Minister
for Culture Liam Monroe.
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Oh, he's quite handsome, isn't he?
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I was hoping he'd nosh me off!
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Want to see how it panned out?
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I think we should.
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Run VT!
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Hey, everybody!
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It's Waldo time!
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Yeah!
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Cool! Cool!
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Waldo-rrific!
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Ha-ha-ha!
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Hey, kids,
my guest this week is Mr Monroe.
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Hello, Mr Monroe.
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Hello, Waldo.
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Mr Monroe is a politician.
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So, what is a politician, Mr Monroe?
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Well, a politician is someone
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who tries to make the
world a fairer place.
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Like Batman.
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Not exactly like Batman.
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Do you beat people up?
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No, I don't beat people up.
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Oh, you're a pussy then?
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Well, I'm not sure
I know exactly what...
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You don't know what pussy is?
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OK, this is clearly
some kind of joke.
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No joke, sorry, let's move on.
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Friends again?
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Oh, hello, mate, great show.
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Well done, really good.
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So, we'll bring him over.
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You go and get him,
I'll explain about...
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'Now, he comes across...'
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Jamie!
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What you want, Miss Tamsin?
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Behind me, man in glasses
talking to Jack Napier.
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- Jack freaks me out.
- Yeah, ditto,
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but he owns the company and the man he's
with is important and wants to talk to you.
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He's from the channel.
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Go on.
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- 'Honestly, all I'm saying...'
- 'Is he shy?'
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'No, all I'm saying is
he's a terrific guy...'
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Jim, Jamie, Jamie, Jim.
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How do you do?
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Jim, Jack, James.
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Jamie.
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Jim was just talking about Waldo.
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Yeah. Liam Monroe
has lodged a complaint.
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Toys out the pram.
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And that's...?
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Good press.
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It's so tough to get
a breakthrough these days,
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but when it does,
well, it's just fantastic.
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It's fantastic the way Waldo puts
the piss up Monroe.
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You know, all those twats,
it's punk, it's... it's...
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'Jack?'
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Excuse me.
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Well, Twitter can't get
enough of Waldo, loves him.
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Look, I know the show's
coming back again next year,
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but we want to see more of Waldo.
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They want to do a pilot.
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A Waldo pilot?
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Yeah. I mean, how does that sound?
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Yeah. Sounds good.
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Sounds stormin' Norman,
fucking stormin'.
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Going to give it to 'em.
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But look, we can't do sketches
without Waldo.
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It's a Waldo pilot,
it's a Waldo show,
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it's got to be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.
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Realistically, there isn't
the budget for other animations.
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I mean live action,
other characters I can do.
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What about the Brown Knight?
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What, the crap crusader?
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00:08:08,770 --> 00:08:10,609
We can look into the Brown Knight.
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But right now
let's find more Waldo ideas.
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The problem is, any guests
we book will be in on it.
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They know that Waldo's a joke,
the surprise is gone.
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So, we think round that.
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Hey, boys and girls!
It's Waldo time!
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Yeah! Ha-ha!
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He's awesome, isn't he?
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I mean, look - sod name in lights,
you're an app now, my brother.
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All right, Sara? How's the
think tanking going, good shit?
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Um, yeah, yeah,
we're making headway.
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Good.
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I see our friend Monroe
is in the news again,
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running in
the Stentonford by-election.
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We should get Waldo down there.
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Hey, that's not a bad idea,
actually.
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We get a van with a screen with
the image of Waldo on the side.
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Like it.
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00:08:56,889 --> 00:08:59,127
And then, when Monroe's
doing a meet and greet,
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we just turn up
and just get under his skin.
195
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,247
I love that, I love it.
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00:09:02,248 --> 00:09:03,087
We've done Monroe.
197
00:09:03,187 --> 00:09:04,466
But it was a great bit.
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00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:06,986
I'm not dumb or clever enough
to be political...
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00:09:06,987 --> 00:09:10,346
Why don't we get Waldo
to stand for the by-election?
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00:09:10,347 --> 00:09:12,666
- Get people to vote for him?
- He's not real.
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00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,146
But people have stood as
fictional characters before.
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00:09:15,147 --> 00:09:17,466
Do you think Screaming
Lord Sutch was his real name?
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00:09:17,467 --> 00:09:19,746
We just put "commonly known as"
on the ballot.
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00:09:19,747 --> 00:09:22,046
No-one's actually going to vote
for him, that's not the point.
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00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:25,219
The point is, we get to hang around,
we're there for the count.
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00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:27,901
Well, go on then, Sara,
whack it up there.
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00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,983
'He's with a mum and baby group.'
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00:09:46,984 --> 00:09:50,663
OK. Going live
in five... four... three two...
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00:09:50,664 --> 00:09:53,342
'Thank you so much
for joining me this morning.'
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00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,982
It's been incredibly informative
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00:09:54,983 --> 00:09:58,184
and I think we should have a little
round of applause for the children,
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who were fantastic.
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00:10:00,144 --> 00:10:02,663
Thank you, Naomi.
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00:10:02,664 --> 00:10:04,544
Thank you for your time.
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00:10:07,504 --> 00:10:08,983
Hey!
216
00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:11,543
Hey, it's me Waldo.
217
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,983
Oh. I like your trainers, man!
218
00:10:13,984 --> 00:10:16,502
I'd wear trainers myself
but I can't cos I haven't got feet.
219
00:10:16,503 --> 00:10:17,544
I've got stumps.
220
00:10:19,024 --> 00:10:19,823
He's out.
221
00:10:19,824 --> 00:10:21,903
Hey, Mr Monroe! Mr Monroe.
222
00:10:21,904 --> 00:10:24,022
Hey! Did you get off with
any of the mums?
223
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,144
Where'd you look while
they were breastfeeding?
224
00:10:26,145 --> 00:10:28,623
They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe!
225
00:10:28,624 --> 00:10:30,383
He said it!
226
00:10:30,384 --> 00:10:32,823
Mr Monroe, don't walk away from me!
227
00:10:32,824 --> 00:10:34,742
- I'm sorry about this, Liam.
- Hey, I'm being snubbed!
228
00:10:34,743 --> 00:10:37,462
Hey, don't ignore me.
Don't just get in your car.
229
00:10:37,463 --> 00:10:39,702
It's a death trap anyway,
look at it!
230
00:10:39,703 --> 00:10:41,744
Let's find out what we can about
the idiot inside that thing.
231
00:10:41,745 --> 00:10:42,744
Sure.
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00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,744
Mr Monroe. Oi!
233
00:10:48,944 --> 00:10:51,143
'Stentonford Labour Party.'
234
00:10:51,144 --> 00:10:53,064
Right, you've got
a choice of styles,
235
00:10:53,065 --> 00:10:58,383
so just choose one from there.
Then you put your name in there.
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00:10:58,384 --> 00:11:00,064
This is like bloody Moonpig.
237
00:11:01,384 --> 00:11:03,064
Don't knock the free mail out.
238
00:11:05,224 --> 00:11:08,104
Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some
Fisher-Price leaflet app.
239
00:11:08,105 --> 00:11:09,624
He doesn't have to.
240
00:11:15,504 --> 00:11:18,302
Day one of the campaign
in Stentonford and Hersham,
241
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:21,142
and Tory hopeful Liam Monroe
hits the ground running.
242
00:11:21,143 --> 00:11:24,022
The license fee is something
that's very close to my heart...
243
00:11:24,023 --> 00:11:26,424
'Mr Monroe, ey! Oh, oh, oh!
Look at me Mr Monroe, please!'
244
00:11:26,425 --> 00:11:29,023
Hey, over here! Hey, over here...
245
00:11:29,024 --> 00:11:31,023
Look over here, Mr Monroe...
246
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,822
The Conservative Party
have been, er...
247
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:36,422
Have been arguing for a reduction
of the license fee for...
248
00:11:36,423 --> 00:11:38,382
- Good morning, everybody.
- Pardon?
249
00:11:38,383 --> 00:11:39,824
Why you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?
Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me?
250
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:41,063
I beg your pardon.
251
00:11:41,064 --> 00:11:43,143
I'm sorry. It's rather loud.
252
00:11:43,144 --> 00:11:44,662
We have argued for a further
reduction in the license fee...
253
00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,582
Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me?
254
00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:48,382
Mum with a pushchair -
drag her into it.
255
00:11:48,383 --> 00:11:49,824
Hey, you. Mum with the pushchair.
256
00:11:49,825 --> 00:11:53,823
Yeah, you. Ask Mr Monroe
why he's ignoring me.
257
00:11:53,824 --> 00:11:56,063
Why are you ignoring Waldo?
258
00:11:56,064 --> 00:11:59,463
'Mr Monroe, what's Waldo
done to you?'
259
00:11:59,464 --> 00:12:03,024
We should probably just shift
before this turns stupid.
260
00:12:04,304 --> 00:12:06,344
I'm not walking away from a cartoon.
261
00:12:08,184 --> 00:12:09,943
'I'm not ignoring you.'
262
00:12:09,944 --> 00:12:12,143
Yeah, you were, you upset me.
263
00:12:12,144 --> 00:12:14,263
You made Waldo sad.
264
00:12:14,264 --> 00:12:17,784
Wa-a-a-a-a-a-ah.
265
00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:23,144
Well, obviously, I'm absolutely
devastated that you're upset...
266
00:12:23,145 --> 00:12:25,344
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A...
267
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:30,504
Let him get a word in.
268
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:35,263
I'm not ignoring you
because there is no you.
269
00:12:35,264 --> 00:12:38,103
You are an image voiced
by a comedian -
270
00:12:38,104 --> 00:12:39,982
an alleged comedian,
more accurately.
271
00:12:39,983 --> 00:12:42,102
If I'm not real,
why you talking to him?
272
00:12:42,103 --> 00:12:44,064
And by "him" I mean me, knobber!
273
00:12:46,424 --> 00:12:48,944
There's no point in attempting
to converse with a cartoon.
274
00:12:48,945 --> 00:12:51,743
Ooh, "converse", Your Lordship!
275
00:12:51,744 --> 00:12:55,144
Thy flowery language doth give
me a right throbbing bone-on!
276
00:12:55,145 --> 00:12:56,904
Uh-ha-ha-ha-huh!
277
00:12:58,424 --> 00:13:00,303
Uh-er-ha-ha!
278
00:13:00,304 --> 00:13:02,423
Ha-ha-ha-ha-uh-uh-uh!
279
00:13:02,424 --> 00:13:05,983
Uh-uh-uh-oh! Huh!
280
00:13:05,984 --> 00:13:07,384
Finished.
281
00:13:14,704 --> 00:13:16,503
Drink?
282
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,104
I've got e-mails.
283
00:13:24,624 --> 00:13:27,703
You know that's Gwendolyn Harris?
284
00:13:27,704 --> 00:13:28,984
The Labour candidate.
285
00:13:30,824 --> 00:13:32,584
Did you read my background doc?
286
00:13:32,585 --> 00:13:33,744
Yes.
287
00:13:35,304 --> 00:13:37,784
Why don't you read it tonight? Alone.
288
00:13:47,424 --> 00:13:50,624
I'll swing by about nine,
so have your breakfast first...
289
00:13:50,625 --> 00:13:52,663
Are you my dad?
290
00:13:52,664 --> 00:13:55,584
Apparently not. See you tomorrow.
291
00:13:57,384 --> 00:14:00,622
'..Waldo the bear left
Monroe in stunned silence.
292
00:14:00,623 --> 00:14:03,142
'The colourful Waldo
launched his own campaign
293
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:05,984
'in typically loud and
crowd-pleasing style...'
294
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,264
Someone's bold? Do I know you?
295
00:14:11,265 --> 00:14:13,623
Nice way to greet a voter...
296
00:14:13,624 --> 00:14:15,583
Sorry, I thought you were...
297
00:14:15,584 --> 00:14:18,583
Actually, I'm more of a rival.
298
00:14:18,584 --> 00:14:22,142
"Hey, Mr Monroe, Mr Monroe, why
are you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?"
299
00:14:22,143 --> 00:14:23,382
You're good at that!
300
00:14:23,383 --> 00:14:24,502
Because I am that.
301
00:14:24,503 --> 00:14:25,624
What? You're that thing?
302
00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:28,983
Waldo's not a thing, he's a bear.
303
00:14:28,984 --> 00:14:33,343
Liam Monroe calls him worse.
Nice work there, by the way.
304
00:14:33,344 --> 00:14:36,864
Yeah, well. It's dick jokes
at his expense basically.
305
00:14:36,865 --> 00:14:37,983
Another one?
306
00:14:37,984 --> 00:14:39,424
OK. One.
307
00:14:43,624 --> 00:14:46,824
The way you describe it, it's like
you're doing this for a showreel...
308
00:14:46,825 --> 00:14:47,863
No...
309
00:14:47,864 --> 00:14:50,584
like this place is the equivalent
of a walk-on in a sketch show...
310
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:51,623
Shh!
311
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,002
But your party leader has to show
up because it's a... mid-thing...
312
00:14:54,091 --> 00:14:55,290
Midterm by-election.
313
00:14:55,291 --> 00:14:56,332
Terminology tits.
314
00:14:56,333 --> 00:14:57,531
You are 12!
315
00:14:57,532 --> 00:14:59,490
So because leaderballs is there,
316
00:14:59,491 --> 00:15:02,530
suddenly it's walk-on
in a Ricky Gervais sketch show
317
00:15:02,531 --> 00:15:03,890
so it's good exposure.
318
00:15:03,891 --> 00:15:06,410
- You're not going to win, you know
you're not going to win...
- Come on, shh.
319
00:15:06,411 --> 00:15:08,452
You're not going to win though.
320
00:15:08,453 --> 00:15:09,491
Of course not.
321
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,690
So, why not be honest?
322
00:15:10,691 --> 00:15:12,730
Say, "You arseholes aren't
going to vote for me,
323
00:15:12,731 --> 00:15:14,170
"so here's what I think anyway."?
324
00:15:14,171 --> 00:15:17,612
- It doesn't work like that.
- Nothing does, that's why
everything's bollocksed.
325
00:15:17,613 --> 00:15:20,811
You're angry, for someone
who's doing well.
326
00:15:20,812 --> 00:15:24,731
I'm the voice of a blue bear...
327
00:15:24,732 --> 00:15:27,492
if that's, "doing well,"
then we are doomed!
328
00:15:31,612 --> 00:15:32,691
I can't see!
329
00:15:32,692 --> 00:15:34,212
Hang on, there's a thing.
330
00:15:37,492 --> 00:15:41,092
Have you had a fox in here or do you
live like a 14-year-old?
331
00:15:45,532 --> 00:15:47,732
Well, don't get too excited,
I'm not sleeping in it.
332
00:15:47,733 --> 00:15:49,092
Shit, really?
333
00:16:05,972 --> 00:16:07,011
You're amazing.
334
00:16:07,012 --> 00:16:08,171
Sorry?
335
00:16:08,172 --> 00:16:10,011
You're amazing?
336
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,652
Oh, thank you!
337
00:16:35,372 --> 00:16:37,051
What's up?
338
00:16:37,052 --> 00:16:38,611
Nothing.
339
00:16:38,612 --> 00:16:39,932
Are you sure?
340
00:16:44,932 --> 00:16:46,372
It's just...
341
00:16:50,372 --> 00:16:53,092
I haven't been happy in a while...
342
00:16:55,092 --> 00:16:57,891
and this is good, you know?
343
00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:58,932
Hm.
344
00:17:09,092 --> 00:17:11,932
Can I... have your number?
345
00:17:15,852 --> 00:17:17,372
Yes!
346
00:17:34,572 --> 00:17:36,292
Where's our mark this morning?
347
00:17:36,293 --> 00:17:37,811
We're out on the road.
348
00:17:37,812 --> 00:17:39,932
Ooh... bien sur.
349
00:17:43,452 --> 00:17:51,211
Oh, hello, I'm Mr Monroe.
Vote for me and keep things shitty.
350
00:17:51,212 --> 00:17:53,292
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
351
00:18:14,732 --> 00:18:21,572
Vote Waldo! Vote Waldo!
352
00:18:24,292 --> 00:18:25,892
'You're right. Strong Tory.'
353
00:18:25,893 --> 00:18:27,171
'I warned you.'
354
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:30,772
You know you're on Monroe turf
when they live so far apart.
355
00:18:32,652 --> 00:18:34,212
I'm voting Waldo!
356
00:18:37,852 --> 00:18:40,171
I met Waldo last night.
357
00:18:40,172 --> 00:18:42,092
Jamie, the guy who plays him.
358
00:18:42,093 --> 00:18:43,211
He's fun.
359
00:18:43,212 --> 00:18:44,811
Fun?
360
00:18:44,812 --> 00:18:45,852
Mmm-hmm.
361
00:18:47,812 --> 00:18:50,412
Did you tell him anything
about our campaign?
362
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:51,971
Not really.
363
00:18:51,972 --> 00:18:53,612
Not really or no?
364
00:18:55,132 --> 00:18:56,372
Er, not really.
365
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:58,535
Look, he's OK.
366
00:18:58,536 --> 00:18:59,735
He's a comedian -
367
00:18:59,736 --> 00:19:02,176
he's mocking Monroe now,
it'll be you next.
368
00:19:04,216 --> 00:19:07,135
His act is all f-this
and penis jokes.
369
00:19:07,136 --> 00:19:08,215
But...
370
00:19:08,216 --> 00:19:10,096
Don't see him again.
371
00:19:16,776 --> 00:19:19,776
OK. Job done till
the husting tomorrow.
372
00:19:20,856 --> 00:19:23,894
Some media students doing
a Question Time type thing.
373
00:19:23,895 --> 00:19:25,894
They've asked Waldo
to join the panel.
374
00:19:25,895 --> 00:19:28,974
Oh, come on. It's my nightmare,
going on Question Time.
375
00:19:28,975 --> 00:19:30,214
It's students, you'll walk it.
376
00:19:30,215 --> 00:19:31,974
I can't answer
serious questions...
377
00:19:31,975 --> 00:19:35,216
No-one wants you to!
You're the comic relief, lighten up.
378
00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:50,736
Erm, just have a look. I'm sure
you'll find lots in there...
379
00:19:53,256 --> 00:19:58,536
Are there any particular issues that
you're concerned about at all?
380
00:20:14,016 --> 00:20:15,255
Hey.
381
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,295
Oh, hi.
382
00:20:16,296 --> 00:20:18,494
- I thought we were going to...?
- Sorry - I've had a tough day...
383
00:20:18,495 --> 00:20:19,736
Right. Not even one?
384
00:20:19,737 --> 00:20:21,375
Sorry.
385
00:20:21,376 --> 00:20:22,936
Well, what about tomorrow?
386
00:20:24,376 --> 00:20:26,976
- Look, I can't, when this is happening,
I can't see you.
- What do you mean?
387
00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:28,096
I'm sorry.
388
00:20:40,638 --> 00:20:43,158
Do they think that
looks like Question Time?
389
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:45,198
Yeah. It looks politicsy.
390
00:20:46,718 --> 00:20:48,637
Check the host.
391
00:20:48,642 --> 00:20:49,802
Jailbait Dimbleby.
392
00:20:57,362 --> 00:21:01,522
When it comes to addiction
and addicts, we should sympathise,
393
00:21:01,562 --> 00:21:03,720
but we shouldn't patronise.
394
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:07,119
You know, serious drug use is
a criminal of fence, that is
395
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,721
committed voluntarily
and for pleasure...
396
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:13,239
Look, I'm sorry, these are the
facts.
397
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,599
Waldo, what do you think?
398
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,241
Mr Monroe, are you addicted?
399
00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:17,960
No.
400
00:21:17,961 --> 00:21:19,881
Sorry, I mean, are you a dickhead?
401
00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:24,199
I think we have to ask ourselves...
402
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,679
I think we have to ask ourselves,
what is this for?
403
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,601
And why do we waste our time with
animated trivialities like him?
404
00:21:33,361 --> 00:21:34,440
I mean why?
405
00:21:34,441 --> 00:21:35,600
Why? I mean why?
406
00:21:35,601 --> 00:21:37,600
I mean why? I mean why?
407
00:21:37,601 --> 00:21:39,119
I mean why? I mean why?
408
00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:42,599
This is just the kind of thing...
rather than see you laugh...
409
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,159
They laugh at you, Limbo.
410
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,639
You laugh, you're laughing
at someone who won't engage.
411
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,961
Who is scared to engage, who
hides behind a children's cartoon.
412
00:21:50,962 --> 00:21:53,760
Who you calling a kiddy toon, fool?
413
00:21:53,761 --> 00:21:58,600
I'm... I'm... I'm
speaking about James Salter.
414
00:21:58,601 --> 00:21:59,881
Hm?
415
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:03,640
Don't worry about it.
416
00:22:03,641 --> 00:22:05,720
That's your name, isn't it?
417
00:22:05,721 --> 00:22:08,241
James Salter, this is the man
who's behind all this.
418
00:22:08,242 --> 00:22:11,160
He's 33 years old,
419
00:22:11,161 --> 00:22:14,999
a man whose career can be summed up
surprisingly quickly.
420
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,519
You were in a sketch troupe
421
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,919
that enjoyed minor success about
six years ago,
422
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,999
and the others moved on to
better things,
423
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,759
but your main achievement seems to
have been playing
424
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,439
the part of a corn on the cob
425
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,441
in a high-interest personal
loan commercial.
426
00:22:29,881 --> 00:22:31,759
I notice you keep that
pretty quiet.
427
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,919
And now of course operating
this sort of teddy bear thing.
428
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,761
Which by the way is easier than it
looks. Anyone could do it.
429
00:22:37,762 --> 00:22:44,240
See, this is... this is the thing.
It's easy, what he does.
430
00:22:44,241 --> 00:22:45,760
He mocks.
431
00:22:45,761 --> 00:22:48,279
And when he can't
think of an authentic joke,
432
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,081
which is actually quite often,
he just swears.
433
00:22:52,081 --> 00:22:56,199
I think that this puppet's
inclusion on this panel debases the
434
00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:00,279
process of debate, and smothers any
meaningful discussion of the issues.
435
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:04,879
So I return to my original question,
is that really what this is for?
436
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,961
He has nothing to offer
and he has nothing to say.
437
00:23:07,962 --> 00:23:10,760
Prove me wrong. Hm?
438
00:23:10,761 --> 00:23:12,840
Speak, Waldo.
439
00:23:12,841 --> 00:23:17,041
Please. Come on. Speak up.
440
00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:22,480
There you see, nothing.
441
00:23:22,481 --> 00:23:23,721
Oh, go fuck yourself.
442
00:23:25,841 --> 00:23:27,600
It's more swearing.
443
00:23:27,601 --> 00:23:28,880
You're a joke.
444
00:23:28,881 --> 00:23:30,159
You look less human than I do
445
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,321
and I'm a made-up bear with
a turquoise cock.
446
00:23:35,601 --> 00:23:39,640
What are you? You're just an old
attitude with new hair.
447
00:23:39,641 --> 00:23:42,559
Assuming you're my superior because
I'm not taking you seriously?
448
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,919
No-one takes you seriously,
that's why no-one votes.
449
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,239
The vast majority do vote.
450
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,079
It's bullshit.
451
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:48,399
Surely this is enough?
452
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,999
You think you deserve respect.
453
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,079
Just common courtesy.
454
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,559
Because you went to public school
455
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,719
and believed you were
entitled to everything.
456
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,839
- Perhaps we could get back...
- Ad hominem nonsense...
457
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:57,919
Gwendolyn Harris...
458
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,039
Something's got to change. No-one
trusts you lot cos they know
459
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,719
you don't give a shit about anything
outside your bubble.
460
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,439
What about your mate Gladwell,
the kiddy-flasher?
461
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,239
You knew him for 20 years,
did you not know what he was like?
462
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,321
No, of course not.
463
00:24:10,322 --> 00:24:14,720
Yeah, cos you're all just front,
like him, sly and pretending,
464
00:24:14,721 --> 00:24:16,721
and in that way you're all the same.
465
00:24:16,722 --> 00:24:21,520
Gwendolyn Harris,
is all of politics a waste of time?
466
00:24:21,521 --> 00:24:24,000
Well, of course I think no...
467
00:24:24,001 --> 00:24:26,960
Oh, shut up, you're worse!
468
00:24:26,961 --> 00:24:28,839
Seriously, she's faker than him.
469
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,919
- For once I agree with Liam Monroe
in that this...
- Are you going to win?
470
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,119
Doesn't get us anywhere and
there's no point in us continuing...
471
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:36,599
Tell them why you're here.
472
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,121
If we can't have anything
resembling a deba...
473
00:24:38,122 --> 00:24:40,161
Tell them why you're here.
474
00:24:43,321 --> 00:24:45,440
She's here to build a showreel.
475
00:24:45,441 --> 00:24:47,999
I'm not kidding, that's literally
it.
476
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,241
Knows she's not going to win.
This is all experience,
477
00:24:50,242 --> 00:24:51,520
to get on telly.
478
00:24:51,521 --> 00:24:54,119
She actually gives less of a shit
about anyone round here than
479
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,521
he does, because he'll actually
have to represent you.
480
00:24:56,522 --> 00:24:57,720
Am I wrong?
481
00:24:57,721 --> 00:25:01,720
A career politician.
Someone else less real than me,
482
00:25:01,721 --> 00:25:03,001
and I can do this.
483
00:25:07,201 --> 00:25:09,081
Can I just make
a couple of points?
484
00:25:09,082 --> 00:25:10,800
Oh, shut up, you pebble.
485
00:25:10,801 --> 00:25:13,519
What is this for? That's what you
wanted to know, Mr Monroe.
486
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,521
And the truth is, none of us
know any more, thanks to you.
487
00:25:16,522 --> 00:25:19,720
What are you for? What are you for?
488
00:25:19,721 --> 00:25:21,521
Thank you and goodnight.
489
00:26:12,281 --> 00:26:14,241
Jamie.
490
00:26:16,041 --> 00:26:17,201
Jamie?
491
00:26:18,841 --> 00:26:21,161
Jack's here. He wants to see us.
492
00:26:22,561 --> 00:26:23,641
You can't avoid it.
493
00:26:29,001 --> 00:26:32,281
Get dressed, he'll meet us outside.
494
00:26:46,681 --> 00:26:48,841
'And yet accusations of vapidity
aside,
495
00:26:48,842 --> 00:26:51,160
'it's clearly tapped a nerve.
496
00:26:51,161 --> 00:26:53,919
'In just three days, Waldo has gone
viral.
497
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,839
'The video of his clash has already
been viewed over a million times
498
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,161
'on YouTube. There are Facebook
groups calling on Waldo
499
00:27:01,162 --> 00:27:03,960
'to form a national party.'
500
00:27:03,961 --> 00:27:05,680
'You're a joke.
501
00:27:05,681 --> 00:27:08,719
'You look less human than I do
and I'm a made-up bear with
502
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,919
'a turquoise (BLEEP) What are you?
503
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,599
'You're just an old attitude
with new hair.
504
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,561
'Assuming you're my superior because
I'm not taking you seriously.
505
00:27:17,562 --> 00:27:20,361
'No-one takes you (BLEEP)
seriously.'
506
00:27:28,561 --> 00:27:30,759
Oh, look, here
he is the man of the moment!
507
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,481
How does it feel to be a phenomenon?
508
00:27:32,482 --> 00:27:33,481
Shitifying.
509
00:27:35,001 --> 00:27:36,599
You are everywhere, my son.
510
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,721
Twitter, the news...
Have you seen the poll?
511
00:27:38,722 --> 00:27:40,920
You're in third place, mate.
512
00:27:40,921 --> 00:27:42,559
You overtook that Lib Dem prick...
513
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,201
- Yeah, well, he's a glass of water.
- This is an opportunity, Jamie.
514
00:27:45,202 --> 00:27:47,240
He knows my name now.
515
00:27:47,241 --> 00:27:49,039
We could really do something here.
516
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,399
You know, everyone's pissed
with the status quo.
517
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,241
And Waldo gives that a voice.
518
00:27:53,242 --> 00:27:56,000
Waldo's a bear. A blue bear.
519
00:27:56,001 --> 00:27:57,600
Tell him, Tams.
520
00:27:57,601 --> 00:27:59,840
We've been asked on Consensus.
521
00:27:59,841 --> 00:28:03,241
It's a ten-minute one-to-one
interview with Phillip Crane.
522
00:28:03,242 --> 00:28:04,360
Pitbull Crane?
523
00:28:04,361 --> 00:28:05,439
Big guns for big guns.
524
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,719
Hello? I'm not a politician, OK?
I don't want to be a politician.
525
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,079
We know that you hate politics.
526
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,639
I don't hate them,
I'm just not interested in them.
527
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,359
You don't need to be
interested in them.
528
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:15,681
You just need to be Waldo.
529
00:28:17,121 --> 00:28:20,601
And when Crane asks something tricky and I look
stupid because I don't know how to answer?
530
00:28:20,602 --> 00:28:22,680
You'll know the answer.
531
00:28:22,681 --> 00:28:24,441
Because you have a producer.
532
00:28:24,442 --> 00:28:27,920
Look, I can tell you what to say.
533
00:28:27,921 --> 00:28:30,839
I can live Google any facts,
give you stats, quotes,
534
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:31,879
whatever else you need.
535
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,119
So you've got a safety
net for the concrete stuff
536
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:36,681
and the rest is Waldo
and you can do that in your sleep.
537
00:28:36,682 --> 00:28:38,720
You'll piss all over Crane.
538
00:28:38,721 --> 00:28:40,799
He'll know there's a team around me,
he'll see it.
539
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,399
Yeah good. I hope he does.
I hope he points a camera at it.
540
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,481
All the other MPs have got teams,
we're just more honest about it.
541
00:28:46,482 --> 00:28:48,921
Now come on. What d'you say? Eh?
542
00:28:51,982 --> 00:28:53,381
Jamie! Jamie!
543
00:28:53,382 --> 00:28:54,620
Why would I want to do this?
544
00:28:54,621 --> 00:28:57,660
Look, the world is knackered
and you can do something about it.
545
00:28:57,661 --> 00:28:59,140
I don't know what you're on about.
546
00:28:59,141 --> 00:29:02,060
Waldo has got the attention
of the young, and the young don't
547
00:29:02,061 --> 00:29:05,060
give a shit about anything
except trainers and pirating films.
548
00:29:05,061 --> 00:29:07,820
Do you have any other astounding
theories about young people?
549
00:29:07,821 --> 00:29:11,420
Yeah, yeah I do actually.
Look, they care about Waldo.
550
00:29:11,421 --> 00:29:12,780
They'll vote for Waldo.
551
00:29:12,781 --> 00:29:14,260
The video was a hit for a reason.
552
00:29:14,261 --> 00:29:16,580
The video's embarrassing.
I'm embarrassed by it.
553
00:29:16,581 --> 00:29:18,500
I was lashing out.
I wasn't even articulate -
554
00:29:18,501 --> 00:29:20,700
Doesn't matter.
Or funny, which is almost worse.
555
00:29:20,701 --> 00:29:21,980
We can build on that.
556
00:29:21,981 --> 00:29:23,060
Waldo's not real.
557
00:29:23,061 --> 00:29:26,860
Exactly! That's what you said that
really hit home. He's not real,
558
00:29:26,861 --> 00:29:28,420
but he's realer than all the others.
559
00:29:28,421 --> 00:29:30,100
He doesn't stand for anything.
560
00:29:30,101 --> 00:29:32,542
Yeah, well, at least
he doesn't pretend to.
561
00:29:32,543 --> 00:29:35,061
Look we... we don't need politicians,
562
00:29:35,062 --> 00:29:37,900
we've all got iPhones
and computers, right?
563
00:29:37,901 --> 00:29:41,460
So any decision that has to be made,
any policy, we just put it online.
564
00:29:41,461 --> 00:29:45,220
Let the people vote thumbs up,
thumbs down, the majority wins.
565
00:29:45,221 --> 00:29:48,100
That's a democracy. That's a...
that's an actual democracy.
566
00:29:48,101 --> 00:29:51,100
So's YouTube and I don't know
if you've seen it but the most
567
00:29:51,101 --> 00:29:55,142
popular video is a dog farting
the theme tune to Happy Days.
568
00:29:57,222 --> 00:29:59,061
Well, today it's Waldo.
569
00:29:59,062 --> 00:30:01,741
No. It's still the dog.
570
00:30:01,742 --> 00:30:04,380
Listen, can you imagine all
the things we can change
571
00:30:04,381 --> 00:30:06,420
if we fuck the politicians
out the equation?
572
00:30:06,421 --> 00:30:08,942
I've said what I've said
and now I'm shutting this door.
573
00:30:14,942 --> 00:30:16,981
Do you know who owns Waldo?
574
00:30:16,982 --> 00:30:18,182
I do, I own the rights.
575
00:30:20,742 --> 00:30:22,021
He's my character.
576
00:30:22,022 --> 00:30:23,662
Yeah, written for my show.
577
00:30:24,702 --> 00:30:29,421
You're too frightened to take to
the next level. Fine. I understand.
578
00:30:29,422 --> 00:30:31,301
But also, fuck off!
579
00:30:31,302 --> 00:30:32,262
And watch me fly.
580
00:30:32,263 --> 00:30:34,702
You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo.
581
00:30:37,382 --> 00:30:40,942
Eh, Jamie, Jamie,
Jamie, what's 'appenin, eh?
582
00:30:43,102 --> 00:30:44,382
Pretty close, I'd say.
583
00:30:50,052 --> 00:30:52,251
What's happenin'? Ahh!
584
00:30:52,258 --> 00:30:55,977
Waldorific, yeah! Yeah!
585
00:30:55,978 --> 00:30:57,336
Why is it going off left again?
586
00:30:57,337 --> 00:30:58,056
Because the...
587
00:30:58,057 --> 00:31:00,418
- I know! I've got my...
- Put your thumb in the white thing.
588
00:31:00,419 --> 00:31:02,337
I got that. In there? OK.
589
00:31:02,338 --> 00:31:04,018
That's not how that works.
590
00:31:12,978 --> 00:31:17,337
First tonight, a figure -
or more accurately a character -
591
00:31:17,338 --> 00:31:20,976
who's been causing an upset
in the Stentonford by-election.
592
00:31:20,977 --> 00:31:24,336
Unlike the other candidates,
he has no party affiliation.
593
00:31:24,337 --> 00:31:26,216
He doesn't even have a surname.
594
00:31:26,217 --> 00:31:30,618
He is Waldo, a few weeks ago just
a cult character in a comedy show.
595
00:31:30,619 --> 00:31:34,257
Today, an official
mascot for protest voters.
596
00:31:34,258 --> 00:31:35,417
Vote Waldo.
597
00:31:35,418 --> 00:31:38,776
Cartoons don't play by the rules
and Waldo's open disdain
598
00:31:38,777 --> 00:31:41,578
for his opponents
has clearly struck a chord.
599
00:31:44,218 --> 00:31:46,896
Waldo, as a mascot
for the disenfranchised, aren't you
600
00:31:46,897 --> 00:31:50,138
ultimately neutralizing seriously
effective dissent?
601
00:31:51,338 --> 00:31:53,256
Can I have subtitles for Mr Crane,
please?
602
00:31:53,257 --> 00:31:56,696
By encouraging people not to care,
you're actively dangerous.
603
00:31:56,697 --> 00:31:58,698
Dangerous? You think
the public can't be trusted?
604
00:31:58,699 --> 00:31:59,777
No.
605
00:31:59,778 --> 00:32:01,258
Isn't that basically you
calling them twats?
606
00:32:01,259 --> 00:32:02,257
No, I...
607
00:32:02,258 --> 00:32:03,337
Bell-ends then?
608
00:32:03,338 --> 00:32:04,936
Did you come for a discussion
or...
609
00:32:04,937 --> 00:32:08,136
You're snooty for a glorified
Punch And Judy man, Phil.
610
00:32:08,137 --> 00:32:10,976
You know you're gonna get your best
ratings in months cos I'm here.
611
00:32:10,977 --> 00:32:13,776
To even get close to the figures
I'm gonna pull in for you tonight,
612
00:32:13,777 --> 00:32:16,616
you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich
live on air.
613
00:32:16,617 --> 00:32:18,256
Make a nice prawn cocktail.
614
00:32:18,257 --> 00:32:20,416
Could we make a serious
political point that is...
615
00:32:20,417 --> 00:32:22,336
I've got one big blue point
to make, fool.
616
00:32:22,337 --> 00:32:24,216
- Would you like to have a look at it?
- Oh, God. Thank you.
617
00:32:24,217 --> 00:32:26,976
Great work tonight. Look at... Look
at this, look at this.
618
00:32:26,977 --> 00:32:30,136
It's The Waldo polling app.
Now, this can pinpoint you with GPS
619
00:32:30,137 --> 00:32:31,976
so that when you're at a polling
station,
620
00:32:31,977 --> 00:32:33,538
it unlocks loads of free shit, look.
621
00:32:33,539 --> 00:32:37,537
Thanks for voting, dickhead!
622
00:32:37,538 --> 00:32:38,696
It's good, isn't it?
623
00:32:38,697 --> 00:32:40,136
Who's this guy we're meeting?
624
00:32:40,137 --> 00:32:44,058
I dunno. But he's from Washington
and he's got my restricted number.
625
00:32:47,418 --> 00:32:50,137
Jeff Carter, from the agency.
626
00:32:50,138 --> 00:32:50,777
Hey. Hey.
627
00:32:50,778 --> 00:32:52,056
And I'll leap right in.
628
00:32:52,057 --> 00:32:54,658
I think what you're doing
with Waldo is fascinating.
629
00:32:54,659 --> 00:32:55,977
From "the agency"?
630
00:32:55,978 --> 00:32:59,658
Yeah, listen. Waldo may be
the perfect political figurehead.
631
00:32:59,659 --> 00:33:01,137
Waldo The Bear.
632
00:33:01,138 --> 00:33:04,176
The bear, people like.
The fact he's a bear is an assist.
633
00:33:04,177 --> 00:33:05,696
- An assist?
- It helps.
634
00:33:05,697 --> 00:33:07,936
Right. You look at human
politicians,
635
00:33:07,937 --> 00:33:10,776
you're instinctively like,
"brrrr" - uncanny, right?
636
00:33:10,777 --> 00:33:11,976
Like the girls in porn.
637
00:33:11,977 --> 00:33:14,496
You know something's wrong,
cos why else are they doing it?
638
00:33:14,497 --> 00:33:16,176
It's usually daddy issues, eh?
639
00:33:16,177 --> 00:33:18,496
Just like politics.
Waldo bypasses that.
640
00:33:18,497 --> 00:33:20,978
You already know he's not real,
so no personal flaws.
641
00:33:20,979 --> 00:33:22,457
I'm a person.
642
00:33:22,458 --> 00:33:24,336
With respect, Waldo's more than you.
643
00:33:24,337 --> 00:33:27,978
He's a team, and you're open
about that, which is fantastic.
644
00:33:27,979 --> 00:33:29,937
The honesty thing works.
645
00:33:29,938 --> 00:33:34,217
Waldo is a construct
people not just accept but embrace.
646
00:33:34,218 --> 00:33:36,138
At the moment he's anti-politics,
647
00:33:36,139 --> 00:33:39,217
which is a political stance itself,
right?
648
00:33:39,218 --> 00:33:42,136
But he could deliver any brand
of political content,
649
00:33:42,137 --> 00:33:45,016
minus the potential downsides
of a human messenger.
650
00:33:45,017 --> 00:33:48,896
In a debate, your team could Google
every word the other guy says,
651
00:33:48,897 --> 00:33:50,896
then let Waldo hit him
with debunk stats
652
00:33:50,897 --> 00:33:54,098
and spit a Twitter-ready
zinger into the next sentence.
653
00:33:54,099 --> 00:33:56,417
He's the perfect assassin.
654
00:33:56,418 --> 00:33:58,138
We won't win, though.
655
00:34:01,858 --> 00:34:03,857
You guys are so British.
656
00:34:03,858 --> 00:34:07,976
No, of course he won't win. You
started out too coarse off the bat.
657
00:34:07,977 --> 00:34:11,178
There's no substantial basis
to what you offer, and the whole
658
00:34:11,179 --> 00:34:15,577
nihilist "democracy sucks" thing,
yeah, is kind of wack-a-doo,
659
00:34:15,578 --> 00:34:20,057
but with a targeted, hopeful
message, which we can provide,
660
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:23,256
energising the disenfranchised
without spooking the middle
661
00:34:23,257 --> 00:34:27,738
via your new platform... You got
a global political-entertainment
662
00:34:27,739 --> 00:34:30,258
product people actually want.
663
00:34:31,778 --> 00:34:33,618
You could roll this out worldwide.
664
00:34:33,619 --> 00:34:35,537
Like Pringles.
665
00:34:35,538 --> 00:34:36,938
Absolutely.
666
00:34:41,778 --> 00:34:45,377
It's, er... It's interesting stuff
though.
667
00:34:45,378 --> 00:34:47,176
When you're done with Stentonford,
668
00:34:47,177 --> 00:34:49,778
there may be an opportunity
in South America.
669
00:34:49,779 --> 00:34:51,417
Se puede hablar espanol?
670
00:34:51,418 --> 00:34:53,857
Vivi en Madrid tres anos.
671
00:34:53,858 --> 00:34:55,698
Excelente.
672
00:35:14,658 --> 00:35:15,778
What?
673
00:35:17,178 --> 00:35:18,737
He's not coming.
674
00:35:18,738 --> 00:35:21,337
But he's the party leader!
675
00:35:21,338 --> 00:35:22,458
It's too toxic.
676
00:35:26,058 --> 00:35:28,456
Meanwhile,
as support for Gwendolyn Harris
677
00:35:28,457 --> 00:35:29,736
appears to be dwindling,
678
00:35:29,737 --> 00:35:33,616
Labour denies the party is losing
faith in their young candidate.
679
00:35:33,617 --> 00:35:36,298
But Miss Harris spent most of
the day locked in crisis talks
680
00:35:36,299 --> 00:35:37,538
at party headqu...
681
00:35:41,218 --> 00:35:45,498
In the Stentonford by-election,
Waldo the cartoon bear continues...
682
00:35:46,738 --> 00:35:49,216
Did you see Gwendolyn Harris
yesterday?
683
00:35:49,217 --> 00:35:51,298
She looks like she's been poisoned.
684
00:35:51,299 --> 00:35:53,697
Because he's gonna overtake her.
685
00:35:53,698 --> 00:35:55,096
We're still way ahead.
686
00:35:55,097 --> 00:35:58,418
If that thing is the main opposition
then the whole system looks absurd.
687
00:36:01,098 --> 00:36:03,577
Which it may well be.
688
00:36:03,578 --> 00:36:05,098
But it built these roads.
689
00:36:13,218 --> 00:36:15,058
Just come in, Roy.
690
00:36:21,298 --> 00:36:23,058
I'm sorry, OK?
691
00:36:24,538 --> 00:36:26,976
It was wrong to speak to you
like that and...
692
00:36:26,977 --> 00:36:29,418
After the campaign,
I would've called you.
693
00:36:30,578 --> 00:36:32,537
After the campaign!
694
00:36:32,538 --> 00:36:34,698
All you've done
is strengthen Monroe.
695
00:36:35,818 --> 00:36:39,656
You won't win either, but I was
at least attempting to represent...
696
00:36:39,657 --> 00:36:42,616
Well I don't know!
Not just "bollocks to everything".
697
00:36:42,617 --> 00:36:45,296
If you were preaching revolution,
well that'd be something,
698
00:36:45,297 --> 00:36:48,378
but you're not because that would
require courage and a mindset.
699
00:36:49,618 --> 00:36:51,018
And what have you got?
700
00:36:52,578 --> 00:36:53,778
Who are you?
701
00:36:55,218 --> 00:36:56,818
What are you for?
702
00:37:03,778 --> 00:37:05,058
Morning.
703
00:37:14,978 --> 00:37:16,857
So, final push.
704
00:37:16,858 --> 00:37:18,496
You remind everyone
that's got the app
705
00:37:18,497 --> 00:37:22,298
that if they recommend it to a friend
it unlocks a little fez for Waldo.
706
00:37:22,299 --> 00:37:23,378
We're here.
707
00:37:26,258 --> 00:37:28,577
Attention, shoppers.
708
00:37:28,578 --> 00:37:31,978
I'm here to ask you an important
favour. Gather round.
709
00:37:31,979 --> 00:37:34,138
Come over here and listen.
710
00:37:36,658 --> 00:37:39,777
Don't vote for me. I'm an insult.
711
00:37:39,778 --> 00:37:41,177
Seriously.
712
00:37:41,178 --> 00:37:44,337
Vote for Monroe or Harris
or, I dunno, UKIP,
713
00:37:44,338 --> 00:37:46,217
or even that Lib Dem guy.
714
00:37:46,218 --> 00:37:47,817
He's a prick!
715
00:37:47,818 --> 00:37:51,496
Seriously, only an arsehole
would actually vote for me.
716
00:37:51,497 --> 00:37:52,656
What is this? Irony?
717
00:37:52,657 --> 00:37:54,376
I'm worse than a wasted vote.
718
00:37:54,377 --> 00:37:56,096
He's from the Harris campaign.
719
00:37:56,097 --> 00:37:58,376
I mean it, you idiots!
Don't vote for me!
720
00:37:58,377 --> 00:38:00,578
Don't vote for me!
Don't vote for me!
721
00:38:00,579 --> 00:38:02,497
Don't vote for me!
722
00:38:02,498 --> 00:38:04,178
Don't vmmmf!
723
00:38:06,538 --> 00:38:07,697
Shut up.
724
00:38:07,698 --> 00:38:09,656
No. Don't boo him,
he's right! He's right!
725
00:38:09,657 --> 00:38:10,818
What are you doing?
726
00:38:10,819 --> 00:38:12,338
- Resigning.
- Jamie!
727
00:38:13,938 --> 00:38:15,737
Look! It's me, I'm Waldo.
728
00:38:15,738 --> 00:38:18,897
This guy, whoever this guy is,
he's a hero.
729
00:38:18,898 --> 00:38:21,296
You should throw stuff at Waldo,
he's bad bloody news.
730
00:38:21,297 --> 00:38:22,656
- He's funny!
- He's not.
731
00:38:22,657 --> 00:38:25,216
Don't listen to that man,
he's a lesbian. Ahh!
732
00:38:25,217 --> 00:38:28,816
So remember, the polls are open,
and if you've got my app, you can
733
00:38:28,817 --> 00:38:32,178
unlock new stuff like catchphrases
and a little hat 'n' that.
734
00:38:32,179 --> 00:38:36,577
Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me
so question the status quo!
735
00:38:36,578 --> 00:38:37,817
Kill it! Kill it!
736
00:38:37,818 --> 00:38:39,697
Kick them where it hurts.
737
00:38:39,698 --> 00:38:42,376
The first man to hit him
gets 500 quid!
738
00:38:42,377 --> 00:38:45,818
Yeah, that's right. Knock him down.
Knock him down.
739
00:38:45,819 --> 00:38:47,257
Smash it!
740
00:38:47,258 --> 00:38:49,417
Yeah! Yeah!
741
00:38:49,418 --> 00:38:53,778
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah...
742
00:39:03,058 --> 00:39:04,336
I, the undersigned,
743
00:39:04,337 --> 00:39:06,456
being the returning
officer for the Stentonford
744
00:39:06,457 --> 00:39:10,136
and Hersham constituency, hereby
give notice that the total number
745
00:39:10,137 --> 00:39:13,578
of votes recorded for each candidate
at the election is as follows.
746
00:39:14,778 --> 00:39:18,577
Finch, Simon Arthur.
Liberal Democrats.
747
00:39:18,578 --> 00:39:20,738
2,449.
748
00:39:23,938 --> 00:39:27,337
Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie. Labour.
749
00:39:27,338 --> 00:39:29,618
11,237.
750
00:39:33,218 --> 00:39:37,497
Monroe, Liam George Tennyson.
Conservative.
751
00:39:37,498 --> 00:39:39,938
19,161.
752
00:39:46,618 --> 00:39:48,698
Waldo, Independent.
753
00:39:52,058 --> 00:39:54,658
16,784.
754
00:39:58,338 --> 00:40:02,456
Ladies... Ladies and gentlemen,
please! I declare that Liam Monroe
755
00:40:02,457 --> 00:40:05,378
is duly elected member of Parliament
for the constituency.
756
00:40:07,618 --> 00:40:10,017
Hey, hey! Everyone!
757
00:40:10,018 --> 00:40:12,498
500 quid to anyone
who can lob a shoe!
758
00:40:42,938 --> 00:40:45,217
Up you get, come on.
759
00:40:45,218 --> 00:40:46,498
Come on!
760
00:40:55,378 --> 00:40:57,058
Come on. Out you go.
761
00:41:53,458 --> 00:41:54,818
Oi!
762
00:41:56,178 --> 00:41:57,418
Agh!
763
00:42:24,946 --> 00:43:09,067
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