1
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:12,387
He earned a pretty good bonus this year,
so now Aaron is on a billboard.
2
00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:15,098
"I know where you'll live"?
Your husband's kind of a creep.
3
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:19,185
I advised against that slogan,
but he was so excited it wasn't taken.
4
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:23,898
He thinks it's so memorable,
it will drive traffic to the business.
5
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,233
I think that's smart,
6
00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:28,069
but he should be towering
over the whole city.
7
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:31,114
The taller the person is,
the more I trust them.
8
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,700
He's gonna have bigger things
to worry about,
9
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:35,928
- like someone drawing a dick.
- Someone drawing a dick.
10
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:38,955
That happened out of the gate.
I took these in between cleanings.
11
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:42,709
Let's just say,
there's been a diversity of genitalia.
12
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,586
[as Scarface]
Say hello to my little friend.
13
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,588
- No.
- Sorry.
14
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:51,134
- Oh, must not have locked it.
- What's that?
15
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:55,013
- Cash money. Dollar bills.
- I'll leave before he starts rapping.
16
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,264
She knows me well.
17
00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:58,058
This here is some petty cash
18
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,352
because I have been a TI-89 calculator
with the books.
19
00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:03,438
We're in the black!
20
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:04,689
- Really?
- Wow!
21
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:08,735
Yeah. I thought it would take longer for
us to have enough money for a rainy day
22
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:12,197
or enough to make it rain!
23
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,406
Yeah.
24
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,952
I'll clean it up, sorry.
25
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,414
[theme music playing]
26
00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:27,587
Knock, knock.
27
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,756
That's never been how to knock.
28
00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,717
I cashed my last four checks this morning.
29
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:36,471
Had you misplaced them
or did you forget somehow, and why four?
30
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:38,973
- Why today?
- I've always done it this way.
31
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:42,811
I save $3 per year
by only driving to the bank once a month.
32
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,272
[sighs] What a neat thing
to learn just now.
33
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:49,734
I really need you
to deposit the checks as you get them.
34
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,111
That seems weird.
35
00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:54,364
That rainy day came faster than I thought.
36
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,658
Excuse me, I need to call the bank.
37
00:01:56,741 --> 00:02:00,286
You do know you can use your phone
to deposit a check, right?
38
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,871
Phone data costs more.
39
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,498
You could pay me in quarters.
40
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:04,624
It'll go a lot further
41
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:08,336
because the solar storm will reduce
us down to bartering our precious metals.
42
00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:10,922
You gotta stop listening
to your dad's trucker radio.
43
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,133
Never! We live by road rules.
44
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:15,343
Hmm. Glad we did this.
45
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,512
If you're doing
an Andy Serkis retrospective,
46
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:21,391
I'd start with 13 Going on 30
and then move to Lord of the Rings.
47
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,726
He transforms that little body of his.
48
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,455
Excuse me. I'm looking for the movie
where Adam Sandler
49
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,189
becomes the people whose shoes he wears.
50
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,817
Oh, yeah, that's The Cob... Nope.
51
00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:36,072
I'll explain the plot of Con Air
in one second.
52
00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:41,494
[exhales heavily]
53
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,748
- That's Aaron's Erin, right?
- Yep, Girl Erin.
54
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:49,502
I practiced what I would say to her
a million times,
55
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,963
and then I just... froze.
56
00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:54,674
I just knew I had seen that stupid face
57
00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:57,343
next to a "be the light
that guides your own path" pillow.
58
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,220
Guess what, you homewrecker?
59
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:02,307
You don't have to be a yoga master
to do downward dog.
60
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,350
Stop posting photos of it!
61
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,228
You follow her on Facebook?
62
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:10,106
I've kept tabs on her
since you told me Aaron slept with her.
63
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,693
I would just die
if my Raul ever cheated on me.
64
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,573
- I'm always here for you, mija.
- Thanks.
65
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,702
I created a fake account to follow her.
66
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,456
I've reported all her posts
for the past six months.
67
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:30,543
On the bright side,
you're so much older and wiser than her.
68
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,480
- What?
- [on TV] I'm Lee Imbibo,
69
00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:36,549
filling in for Regina Rosenchurch
who's on vacation.
70
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:40,220
Today's top story
is the storm of the digital century.
71
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:43,306
Experts are saying
a solar storm is on the horizon
72
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,809
and could knock out Internet service
for an undetermined amount of time...
73
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:50,230
Yeah. Right. A world without the Internet.
74
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:54,901
Would Mark Zuckerberg turn to ash?
Your dad might be right about the storm.
75
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:58,029
His natural disaster accuracy
is about 60 percent,
76
00:03:58,112 --> 00:04:02,158
but apparently he can't see
the disaster he created for me.
77
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,661
Did he park on a squirrel again?
78
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,955
I was preparing to apply
for community college.
79
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:11,042
Had all my paperwork ready.
It was gonna be my Elle Woods moment.
80
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,628
I even put in my adoption papers
for a chihuahua.
81
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,088
I love you, but get there faster.
82
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:19,259
It turns out, my forgetful father
never filed my home-school paperwork.
83
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,302
I had to tell
Chihuahua and Muchachas Rescue
84
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:24,973
that I couldn't take the dog,
because I wasn't a high school graduate.
85
00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,433
It was the one thing I could brag about.
86
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,185
You have a lot to be proud of.
87
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,230
Like? My fifth degree black belt?
Yeah, Carlos.
88
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:36,317
People are real impressed that
I dedicated most of my life to karate.
89
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,861
There's gotta be a way you can enroll.
90
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:42,282
The counselor said if I pass
the placement exam, then I can enroll.
91
00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,409
- Do that.
- The deadline is tonight.
92
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:47,203
I can't brush up
on all of high school by tonight.
93
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,455
What am I gonna do?
94
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:53,251
Ever since I had shrimp nachos,
my tastes have become first-class,
95
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,086
and I want more in life,
96
00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:58,840
including going to the shrimp nachos
of the educational system:
97
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,383
community college.
98
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:05,430
I'm headed there now
to make a cash deposit.
99
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:06,681
Sir, if you don't come...
100
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:10,852
I understand vendor checks will bounce,
but it will not come to that.
101
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,603
Would you take a five-minute survey?
102
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:16,232
No, I would not like to take
a five-minute survey about this call.
103
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,318
[Eliza groaning, crying]
104
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:22,529
Hello?
105
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:26,784
You should know I took
three Krav Maga classes at the YMCA.
106
00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:34,792
Hey, are you okay? What happened?
107
00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,715
- If you need to go home...
- Mm-mm.
108
00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:45,219
- Do you wanna tell me what's going on?
- No, thank you.
109
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,682
Do you want to be alone?
110
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,562
You wanna maybe go to The Donk
and get shit-faced drunk?
111
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,066
Can my doughnuts come?
112
00:05:58,649 --> 00:05:59,984
Of course they can.
113
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,824
- [Eliza] Put it on my tab.
- [Timmy] No.
114
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,451
This one's on Blockbuster.
115
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:13,831
Are you sure you should have that in here?
I've had my jacket stolen from this place.
116
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:14,915
Not a problem.
117
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:17,960
Just think of it
as a highly secure metal purse.
118
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,337
I mean, wallet.
119
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:23,883
Well, I've never said this to anyone,
but I appreciate you getting me drunk.
120
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:26,928
Is it creepy to say "my pleasure"?
It's creepy.
121
00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:31,099
I have nothing else but this.
I just need to get to the bank by close.
122
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,060
So, what's going on?
123
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,854
My life is not what I thought it would be.
124
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:40,566
Ugh. "Oh, I just love
posting inspirational quotes,
125
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,945
and I love to post selfies
when I stage houses."
126
00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:48,116
Who goes to one free yoga class
and then puts a Buddha in every room?
127
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:51,702
Go rent your DVDs from the dumpster,
you bag of trash.
128
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,496
Girl Erin came into Blockbuster?
129
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:56,165
I know there aren't other video stores,
130
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,043
but she should've thought of that
before dating a married man.
131
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,337
Gosh. I'm so sorry. That blows.
132
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:03,798
Well, to better times.
133
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,180
[grunts]
134
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,724
Damn. How was it?
135
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,560
Delicious. I'll have another.
136
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,728
Enjoy Wild Hogs.
137
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:20,314
But don't go into it
expecting actual pigs,
138
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,900
they are completely shut out of this film.
139
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,820
- Okay.
- Hannah. Guess what's in my hands now?
140
00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:29,866
- Is Bennigan's back? Is that their menu?
- Do they have loaded baked potato soup?
141
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,035
No, but... You were with me
when I printed this out.
142
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:33,953
Oh, man.
143
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:37,415
This is a practice placement exam
for community college.
144
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,543
I looked the questions over, it's doable.
145
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,545
You may have to brush up
on a few subjects,
146
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,130
but you could take it and pass.
147
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,299
- Can't you Google the answers?
- It's monitored.
148
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,426
I can't get in trouble with the NSA again.
149
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:52,013
I have to study up on 12 years
with six subjects a year.
150
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,890
That's 72 subjects.
151
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,099
You did that math fast.
152
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,560
You're way smarter
than you give yourself credit for.
153
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,812
And you won't be alone in studying.
154
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,023
- You got me and Connie to help you.
- Really?
155
00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:05,026
Yes, really.
We're gonna Billy Madison you.
156
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:10,114
I got back together with Aaron for Ali,
157
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:13,201
but when am I gonna
start doing things for myself?
158
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:17,079
No one tells you one tiny moment
in an otherwise very average day
159
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,458
can make you question
every decision you've ever made.
160
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:25,129
You know, whenever my parents
would get into a huge fight,
161
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,797
which happened a lot,
162
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:30,384
my mom could tell I was sad,
and she'd try to make up for it
163
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:34,013
by taking me out for what she would call
a "Special Guy Day."
164
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,807
I think you could use a Special Guy Day.
165
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:39,352
Doesn't your special guy
work at the bass shop?
166
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,480
Look, I'm trying to help.
167
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:45,149
After a Special Guy Day,
I'd always feel better,
168
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,692
You will too. Trust me.
169
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,987
I just don't feel
like I'm capable of fun right now.
170
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,615
When everything was open around town,
171
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:56,202
my mom and I would hit up
the amusement park, ride go-karts,
172
00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:57,370
we'd eat non-stop,
173
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,956
anything to make
Mommy's special guy happy.
174
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:03,084
But, oh, man,
the amusement park shut down.
175
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:07,296
So... feels like sitting here drinking
is probably the move.
176
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,841
There are plenty of things
around the strip mall we can do,
177
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:14,470
and let's get started with a very hot jam.
178
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,390
This is stupid.
179
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:22,144
That's the spirit. Sometimes my mom
would even take me out of school early,
180
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,897
so I am giving you
the rest of the day off.
181
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:28,109
- I was already done with my shift.
- You are welcome.
182
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,904
- All right, here we go.
- [coin clinks]
183
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,073
A Special Guy Day classic.
184
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,034
["ABC" by The Jackson 5 playing]
185
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:40,746
If Dominic Toretto and Luke Hobbs
are going to Rio De Janeiro,
186
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:44,333
but Toretto leaves São Paulo at 3 p.m.
driving 90 miles an hour,
187
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,169
and Hobbes leaves São Paulo at noon
driving 65 miles an hour.
188
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,253
Who gets there first?
189
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,424
Luke Hobbs would rather die
than drive the speed limit.
190
00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:53,301
- [Carlos] True.
- [Eliza] Why are we here?
191
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,845
Special Guy Day meant a trip to the mall,
192
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,180
but our mall's now a methadone clinic.
193
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,892
- We have Amber and her fashions.
- I saved these just for you.
194
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,228
- Ooh!
- The fireworks pattern's really fun.
195
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,980
So you've been here before?
196
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:09,817
- Timmy's a regular.
- The compression makes me feel safe.
197
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:14,363
My mom used to get me a banana split
at Beth Ann Creamery.
198
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,032
So good she cried while eating it,
199
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,951
but it got bought out
by a year-round Spirit Halloween store.
200
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,370
But look! Bar Banana Splits.
201
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,748
Oh! Cheers!
202
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:28,669
Oh! How is it sweeter
than an actual banana split?
203
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:30,129
My fillings!
204
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:35,217
World War II: the longer,
higher-budget sequel to World War I,
205
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,887
was started in September of 1939...
206
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,681
Oh, my God, I love him!
207
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,016
- Tom Hanks?
- No.
208
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,434
- Tom Sizemore?
- [Connie] Who?
209
00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:46,354
- Carlos, don't guess.
- That's a real person.
210
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:47,855
- He's famous.
- Matt Damon?
211
00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,732
He did a show dressed like a lady.
212
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,359
- Barry Pepper?
- Went to the moon.
213
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,027
- Ed Burns.
- Taught ladies baseball.
214
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:57,073
- Tom Hanks!
- Yes, him! I love him. Thanks, Hannah.
215
00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:00,159
Here we go.
You think this thing gives change?
216
00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:05,623
And it doesn't, but I think if we get that
stripeless zebra there, it'll be worth it.
217
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,208
You mean horse, drunky?
218
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,210
Trying to concentrate.
219
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:13,339
Right. Keep going right.
And then my left. Your left, right?
220
00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:16,425
Then left, and then...
No, right, and a little left.
221
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,095
I love that you're feeling better.
Hate the backseat driving.
222
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,639
Okay, up, but like in a down way.
223
00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:23,306
A duck!
224
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,642
- [gasps]
- [Timmy laughs]
225
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,936
Does that duck have a human dick?
226
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,145
Indeed it does.
227
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,815
- This calls for another drink.
- On me.
228
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:33,943
To human-dick ducks!
229
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:37,863
So Rex here, not a human,
but the anatomy is the same.
230
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,866
- You've got lungs, heart...
- [thumping]
231
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,159
...liver, spleen,
232
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,286
gallbladder, pancreas.
233
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,414
Why does it make that sound?
234
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,416
[Timmy] And now time for photos.
235
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,209
Oh, no. I got it.
236
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:55,589
- Oh. Yep.
- I'll just... How about...?
237
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:56,673
- Yep.
- Okay.
238
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,008
Okay.
239
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,345
We have the whole world at our fingertips.
240
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:04,682
What the...?
Are all these backgrounds our strip mall?
241
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,475
[Eliza] That is so depressing.
242
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,811
- Oh, let's do the dumpster.
- Okay.
243
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:14,150
♪ That's how easy love can be
So that's how easy love can be ♪
244
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,527
♪ Singing simple melodies ♪
245
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:17,737
[Carlos] Shh, shh...
246
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,115
She's gotta be almost done
with the practice test.
247
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,576
- How do you think she's doing?
- Biting her upper lip,
248
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:27,329
means she's focused or
she's eating her Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker.
249
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:28,997
Go, go, go.
250
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,296
Act natural! Natural!
251
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:41,552
Oh, hey. So how did you score?
252
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,262
Ah...
253
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:46,557
You failed?
254
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,100
But you were so prepared.
255
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:51,395
You didn't even spell your name right.
"Hannah" doesn't have four N's.
256
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,479
I froze.
257
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,315
I was under so much pressure,
258
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:57,818
and the break room was so quiet,
I could hear my thoughts.
259
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,362
We made sure it was quiet
so you could focus.
260
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,031
I'm not used to that.
261
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,950
When I did my home-school tests,
nothing changed.
262
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,828
My dad would yell at the TV
while he burned dinner.
263
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,289
My neighbor blared his car horn.
Trains went by.
264
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:12,458
My cat did this reverse cough thing.
265
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:15,044
[gasps] Oh, my God.
266
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:17,880
Even talking about it relaxes me.
267
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,591
I find most white ladies boring,
but not you.
268
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,468
No, actually that makes sense.
269
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:26,722
You were so distracted by everything,
you had no time to worry about the test.
270
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,975
I wish I could recreate it,
but my dad doesn't watch sports anymore,
271
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,102
and that neighbor drowned
in a deep puddle.
272
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:35,147
I bet we could recreate it.
273
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,317
[Timmy] I'm on my way with the deposit.
274
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,694
I am so sorry, but something came up.
275
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:45,282
It was a family emergency diarrhea thing.
276
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,494
Weird, it happened to you too.
277
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:52,790
Okay, well, I am on my way now
with all of the money,
278
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,500
or most of it.
279
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:58,087
Hypothetically, if I didn't have
enough cash to cover the vendor checks,
280
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,005
is that a huge problem, among friends?
281
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,298
[Eliza] Tim-A!
282
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,382
Hey!
283
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:03,801
Thank you.
284
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,011
I didn't know that I needed it,
285
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,722
but now that I know
about Special Guy Day,
286
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,349
I'm like, yeah!
287
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,643
- I needed this.
- I get it.
288
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,728
Basically saved me as a kid.
289
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,857
But Special Guy Day
got weirder as I got older.
290
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:21,652
Turned into me doing things with my mom
she should have been doing with my dad.
291
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:24,780
A lot of sitting in dressing rooms
while she tried on dresses,
292
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:28,033
went to see Swan Lake,
which was actually pretty cool.
293
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,119
One of the dancers broke her leg.
294
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:33,205
- Yikes.
- We even took a couples cooking class.
295
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,292
- With your mother?
- Wait for it. Bam.
296
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,502
- [Eliza] No! Wow!
- [Timmy chuckles]
297
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,589
Seems like she needed you
more than you needed her.
298
00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:45,175
- You're like her little husband.
- Ew. Gross.
299
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,553
Well, maybe you're right.
300
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:51,432
She kind of put all her attention on me
to avoid dealing with my dad.
301
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,517
I gotta hit the bank...
302
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,728
You're not allowed to repeat this,
303
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:59,273
but things have been
a little rough for old Eliza.
304
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:02,443
My daughter's friends
call me by my first name,
305
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,653
and that creep at the Gas-n-Guzz
306
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:08,866
who has sexually harassed me
every time I've been in there has stopped.
307
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,492
All of a sudden.
308
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,578
Feminism is weird.
309
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:16,290
Plus, LinkedIn is shit.
Haven't gotten any bites on my résumé.
310
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:19,335
Wait, what? You're looking for jobs?
311
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,463
I mean, I figured
that day would come someday...
312
00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:24,048
Yeah, it's just,
313
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,550
I'm always talking about doing more,
314
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:29,178
but I've been feeling so stuck.
315
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,472
That's why I'm always
bugging you to do more.
316
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,849
Look at how great things are for you.
317
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,352
I'm just trying to take my own advice.
318
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,480
Are you mad at me?
319
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:43,067
I truly can never be mad at you.
320
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,654
Thanks, Mitch. Keep the change.
321
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,238
Actually, take the bills.
322
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:49,698
I will take the change,
323
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:53,118
because there might be a solar storm,
I could use the copper and silver.
324
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,870
All right, I need to jet.
325
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,999
Gotta hit the bank while it's still open
and I have a few bucks left.
326
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:03,462
I gotta get back
to the guy I don't wanna see.
327
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:06,340
Stay in school, kids.
328
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,183
- [man] Okay, Mom!
- [woman] You're too late!
329
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,637
[Timmy] You know what?
330
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,100
I just realized that I forgot the
most important part of Special Guy Day.
331
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,852
I thought you had to get to the bank.
Isn't that important?
332
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,730
It is important,
but not as important as this.
333
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,315
That can happen tomorrow.
334
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,944
So right now is Guy's Choice.
335
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:29,196
You can literally choose anything.
336
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:32,574
So what, Eliza Walker, do you want to do?
337
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:37,204
I wanna make sure
Girl Erin knows exactly who I am.
338
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,789
Hmm.
339
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:40,958
- Oh! [grunts]
- Ooh!
340
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,335
Why is it so wet down here?
341
00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,462
Where is she?
342
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,297
I don't see her.
343
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,818
- [camera clicking]
- [Timmy] What the hell?
344
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:50,968
Hey, Timmy.
345
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,012
Gerin. Gerin.
346
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:55,139
Gerin!
347
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:58,350
- What are you saying?
- Gerin. It's faster than "Girl Erin."
348
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,602
- Hmm.
- She's not here.
349
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:04,773
I was wondering about your plan.
Wasn't she here like four hours ago?
350
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,525
Well-played, Girl Erin.
351
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:09,695
You know because of her,
I can't even go to Costco?
352
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:12,865
It's been six months
since I've had a Toaster Strudel.
353
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:16,368
- How is that her fault?
- I won't keep Toaster Strudel in my house.
354
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,327
As an adult.
355
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:21,248
Yes, I used to love those
golden flaky samples when I used to go.
356
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:22,331
Sorry, sorry.
357
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,584
This is absurd.
358
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:26,712
Ugh. Oh, God.
359
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:28,922
I'm just like your mom.
360
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,426
Girl Erin is my you.
361
00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,219
Okay, I am pretty drunk,
362
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,306
but I don't remember
sleeping with your husband.
363
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:41,185
No, I put all my attention into her
364
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:43,729
instead of dealing with the real problem.
365
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:45,646
Aaron.
366
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:48,609
And it's easy to hate her,
367
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:51,028
but she's just some girl.
368
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,197
He's my husband.
369
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:57,034
I think I wanted it
to be good so much that...
370
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,247
I never let myself be mad at him.
371
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:08,253
And I am really, really mad at him.
372
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,675
You know, I can tell.
373
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,137
Your face is what's called,
in some circles, "Ted Kennedy Red."
374
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,806
[laughs]
375
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:25,729
Come on.
376
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,356
I know what I wanna do.
377
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:33,737
- Oh, we're crawling.
- Yeah, I'm calling an Uber.
378
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,739
All right, I'll put my box away.
379
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:42,454
Here's your special drink,
piping-hot mug of Dr. Pepper.
380
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,207
Thanks, for everything.
381
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,290
You got this.
382
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,628
Places. This is the real deal.
383
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,380
Action, popcorn!
384
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,509
[Ted] You never should've trusted me!
I'm on drugs!
385
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:59,388
My kitty is a foul-mouthed bear
from Boston! I think I'm ready.
386
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:04,893
You call that a pass! Hustle! Run!
387
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,397
[imitating train horn blaring]
388
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,065
- [whispers] It's working!
- Great!
389
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,193
Let's go, Pistons!
390
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,696
Beat those baby ducks!
391
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:17,322
- No baby anything.
- No babies.
392
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:18,866
- [crowd cheering]
- [whistle blows]
393
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,743
- [Eliza grunts]
- [Timmy] Oh!
394
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,996
[both laughing]
395
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:24,913
Nice.
396
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,623
Oh! Oh, oh!
397
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,710
This is way more fun than I imagined.
398
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:35,174
"I know where you'll live."
That is a terrible real estate slogan.
399
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:39,011
- It's the worst!
- But if he were a horror movie villain,
400
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:42,890
"Aaron Walker knows where you'll live
and how you'll die."
401
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,099
Bum-bum-bum!
402
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:46,810
All right. All right.
403
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:48,854
Between the eyes.
404
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,607
Calling your shot!
I love the confidence, Babe Ruth.
405
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,694
[both] Oh!
406
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:58,614
- Hell of an arm!
- Thank you, thank you.
407
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:00,449
Years of dunk tank training.
408
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:04,828
Do you know that Aaron
doesn't like powdered doughnuts?
409
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,748
What?
Is this like a Men in Black situation
410
00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:10,000
where he's an alien
pretending to be human?
411
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,712
I know, right?
It's not like he's got abs to protect.
412
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:17,758
Hey, not having abs isn't a crime.
It's a sign you're in middle age.
413
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,052
[Eliza] True that.
414
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:21,386
[both exclaim]
415
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,555
[laughing] Oh, nice!
416
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,684
Why are the results taking so long?
417
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,645
I don't know, but it's making me nervous.
418
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,105
- I'd like to rent this.
- SonoftheMask?
419
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,983
It's my husband's birthday,
which means sex,
420
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,152
and only Jamie Kennedy
can put me in the mood.
421
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,237
Oh.
422
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,698
It's been a while since we've done
the old Jamie Kennedy experiment.
423
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:44,576
- If you know what I mean.
- I don't, and I'm good with that.
424
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,288
- Take it.
- For free? Are you sure?
425
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:51,250
- No one but you wants Son of the Mask.
- Here's $5.
426
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,834
- Well, okay.
- [Carlos] Go, go.
427
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,422
- So?
- I passed!
428
00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,424
I got into community college.
429
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,426
I... I'm Elle Woods!
430
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,054
- You got in!
- Yeah, baby! You did it!
431
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,436
Hey, wake up.
432
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:14,689
Eliza.
433
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:17,692
Where to next?
434
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,696
Nowhere. My night is done.
435
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:23,073
Can you make sure
my friend gets home safe?
436
00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:26,910
Oh, come on! Steve said
he'd drive us around as long as we want.
437
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,496
- My name is Victor.
- Victor, right.
438
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:33,709
Timmy, Victor is begging us to keep going.
439
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,002
I really don't care.
440
00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,087
There are more billboards we could hit.
441
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:38,170
I wish I could.
442
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,425
I really wanna keep hanging out.
443
00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:46,722
I have some work to do.
444
00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:49,683
Of course.
445
00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:51,018
You're a great boss.
446
00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:01,611
Thanks again for today.
447
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:04,823
I couldn't have gotten through it
without you, Mr. Blockbuster.
448
00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:07,326
Mr. Blockbuster was my father's name.
449
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:08,535
[both chuckle]
450
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:11,121
To McDonald's, Steve!
451
00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:13,540
- [Victor] Victor.
- [Eliza] Right, yeah, Victor.
452
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:20,172
["Give Me the Night" playing]
453
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:33,060
- Hey, you.
- Sorry, I'm late. I got caught up.
454
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:36,646
It's fine. I was scraping shrimp heads
out of a tackle box.
455
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:37,564
So hot.
456
00:22:37,647 --> 00:22:38,647
I know.
457
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:43,362
Do you know anything
about a bear in my store?
458
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:46,073
Um... No.
459
00:22:48,492 --> 00:22:52,120
♪ You can throw out all your blues
And hit the city lights ♪
460
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:56,291
♪ 'Cause there's music in the air
And lots of lovin' everywhere ♪
461
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,793
♪ So gimme the night ♪
462
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:02,339
♪ Gimme the night ♪
463
00:23:04,966 --> 00:23:08,011
♪ You need the evening action ♪
464
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,765
♪ A place to dine, a glass of wine ♪
465
00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:14,226
♪ A little late romance ♪
466
00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:16,561
♪ It's a chain reaction ♪
467
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:20,482
♪ You'll see the people of the world ♪
468
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:22,567
♪ Coming out to dance ♪
469
00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:26,863
♪ 'Cause there's music in the air
And lots of lovin' everywhere ♪
470
00:23:26,947 --> 00:23:28,240
♪ So gimme the night ♪
471
00:23:31,493 --> 00:23:32,744
♪ Gimme the night ♪