1
00:00:09,424 --> 00:00:11,591
<i>(theme music playing)</i>

2
00:00:11,942 --> 00:00:16,453
Subtitle sync and corrections by
<font color="#FF0000"><b>awaqeded</b></font> for <font color="#FF0000"><b>www.addic7ed.com.</b></font>

3
00:00:17,078 --> 00:00:19,613
♪ Here I am, hiding out now in a hole ♪

4
00:00:19,614 --> 00:00:22,515
♪ Barely eating, barely sleeping,
this shit's taking its toll ♪

5
00:00:22,516 --> 00:00:24,784
♪ Fuck writing, I got
bigger fish to fry now ♪

6
00:00:24,785 --> 00:00:27,019
♪ I know I'll die now, I need a plan ♪

7
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:28,215
♪ I do not like this man ♪

8
00:00:28,216 --> 00:00:30,490
♪ Tarnishing the scripture,
how he mocks me ♪

9
00:00:30,491 --> 00:00:33,326
♪ All this blasphemy and vanity,
carnality exhausts me ♪

10
00:00:33,327 --> 00:00:35,761
♪ It'll cost me my respect in Iran ♪

11
00:00:35,762 --> 00:00:38,464
♪ And so it's time for him to
die, I do not like this man ♪

12
00:00:38,465 --> 00:00:41,434
♪ Come on, don't be silly,
it was just a book ♪

13
00:00:41,435 --> 00:00:44,202
♪ Don't look weak now,
can't let him off the hook ♪

14
00:00:44,203 --> 00:00:46,872
♪ What a coward, God knows that ♪

15
00:00:46,873 --> 00:00:49,842
Both: ♪ I do not like this man ♪

16
00:00:49,843 --> 00:00:51,644
Lin: <i>♪ What am I gonna do? ♪</i>

17
00:00:51,645 --> 00:00:54,479
♪ His death sentence is the
worst friggin' book review ♪

18
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,715
♪ His book's like a sickness,
it won't quit ya ♪

19
00:00:56,716 --> 00:01:00,252
♪ Talkin' trash about the
scripture, not a pretty picture ♪

20
00:01:00,253 --> 00:01:02,521
♪ All I wanted was to win
the Booker Prize, guys ♪

21
00:01:02,522 --> 00:01:05,690
♪ Not have him slit my throat
and gouge out my eyes, my, my ♪

22
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,559
Ayatollah: <i>♪ I can't
allow this desecration ♪</i>

23
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,294
♪ This irritation, indignation ♪

24
00:01:09,295 --> 00:01:11,396
- ♪ Not while I lead this nation ♪
- ♪ Whoo ♪

25
00:01:11,397 --> 00:01:13,398
- ♪ It's official ♪
- ♪ Don't try to call our bluff ♪

26
00:01:13,399 --> 00:01:16,067
- ♪ Deference, as if ♪
- ♪ Writing's not hard enough ♪

27
00:01:16,068 --> 00:01:18,736
♪ Heathen, tyrant, traitor, violent ♪

28
00:01:18,737 --> 00:01:23,240
Both: ♪ God knows that I
do not like this man ♪

29
00:01:23,241 --> 00:01:25,109
♪ Haven't you caught him yet? ♪

30
00:01:25,110 --> 00:01:28,579
♪ Stop asking me already, I'm trying ♪

31
00:01:28,580 --> 00:01:30,447
♪ Please just express regret ♪

32
00:01:30,448 --> 00:01:33,784
♪ Oh, yeah, like I haven't
thought of that, come on ♪

33
00:01:33,785 --> 00:01:36,920
- ♪ Just go cut off his head ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪

34
00:01:36,921 --> 00:01:38,389
♪ Just hide under the bed ♪

35
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:41,225
Both: ♪ I do not like this ♪

36
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:44,027
♪ He doesn't like this ♪

37
00:01:44,028 --> 00:01:46,497
Both: ♪ I cannot like this ♪

38
00:01:46,498 --> 00:01:49,232
♪ He'll never like this ♪

39
00:01:49,233 --> 00:01:53,269
Both: ♪ I do not like this man ♪

40
00:01:53,270 --> 00:01:55,238
All: ♪ Enemies forever! ♪

41
00:01:55,239 --> 00:01:58,608
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Man:<i> Terrific! Terrific! Thank you.</i>

42
00:01:58,609 --> 00:02:00,543
What a wonderful day
of rehearsal, gang.

43
00:02:00,544 --> 00:02:01,912
Thanks so much. That was great.

44
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,479
I like these men.

45
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,415
- Really great job.
- Fantastic.

46
00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:07,450
- My best work.
- Wow.

47
00:02:07,451 --> 00:02:10,453
How about Susan Stroman? I mean... huh?

48
00:02:10,454 --> 00:02:11,521
She's the best.

49
00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:13,256
11:30 call tomorrow.

50
00:02:13,257 --> 00:02:15,758
We're gonna start with the new
choreography for "Fatwa Sex."

51
00:02:15,759 --> 00:02:18,761
- I gotta talk to Lin.
- All right.

52
00:02:18,762 --> 00:02:21,698
Quick question for you. Cody wants
to know which poster you like more.

53
00:02:21,699 --> 00:02:25,334
- Um... I think this one.
- Cool.

54
00:02:25,335 --> 00:02:27,302
- Murray.
- Hey.

55
00:02:27,303 --> 00:02:29,638
- That was unbelievable!
- Oh, thanks.

56
00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:31,273
- So great.
- Felt good.

57
00:02:31,274 --> 00:02:33,242
- Loved it.
- Thanks.

58
00:02:33,243 --> 00:02:35,677
I got one little, tiny note for you.

59
00:02:35,678 --> 00:02:38,047
- Yeah?
- It's a small, small note.

60
00:02:38,048 --> 00:02:41,750
I noticed that you're
denunciating with your fist.

61
00:02:41,751 --> 00:02:46,288
And the ayatollah,
actually, he denunciates

62
00:02:46,289 --> 00:02:48,223
with his... with his index finger.

63
00:02:48,224 --> 00:02:50,525
- He kind of uses it like a... like a sledgehammer.
- Yeah?

64
00:02:50,526 --> 00:02:52,093
- That feels good.
- You like that?

65
00:02:52,094 --> 00:02:53,629
- I think it's terrific.
- Yeah.

66
00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:55,130
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

67
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:57,265
Yeah. And...

68
00:02:57,266 --> 00:03:00,068
- I really like your shoes.
- Really?

69
00:03:00,069 --> 00:03:02,103
- Yeah.
- Thank you!

70
00:03:02,104 --> 00:03:04,739
Lin:<i> Can we go over the choreo for
"Fatwa Sex" before we go onstage?</i>

71
00:03:04,740 --> 00:03:06,407
Yeah, why don't you come in at 10:45?

72
00:03:06,408 --> 00:03:08,276
We'll have the dance captain come.

73
00:03:08,277 --> 00:03:09,677
- Ach!
- Are you happy?

74
00:03:09,678 --> 00:03:11,379
- Am I happy?
- Aren't they incredible?

75
00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:13,748
- It's crazy! This is insane!
- It's gonna be amazing.

76
00:03:13,749 --> 00:03:15,316
I can't believe how excited I am!

77
00:03:15,317 --> 00:03:16,984
I've only been excited
twice in my life.

78
00:03:16,985 --> 00:03:18,919
- Unsnapping my first bra.
- (laughs)

79
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:20,721
And this! This is like my second bra!

80
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,122
Oh, well, fantastic.

81
00:03:22,123 --> 00:03:24,258
If this guy ever asks you
to go in the weeds,

82
00:03:24,259 --> 00:03:25,493
get in the weeds!

83
00:03:25,494 --> 00:03:27,428
- Is that fishing?
- No, no, no.

84
00:03:27,429 --> 00:03:30,197
- That's work. That's work, yeah.
- Yeah. It's the work.

85
00:03:30,198 --> 00:03:31,999
- As I was watching it...
- Yeah?

86
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,434
...I'm thinking that old opening

87
00:03:34,435 --> 00:03:36,436
would work great now.

88
00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:38,138
- What?
- ♪ There's a fatwa, there's a fatwa ♪

89
00:03:38,139 --> 00:03:39,306
♪ Gotta run, I think I oughta... ♪

90
00:03:39,307 --> 00:03:40,507
Oh, I totally blocked that out.

91
00:03:40,508 --> 00:03:42,009
You know, just sitting there,

92
00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:44,577
you can just feel
how well that could work.

93
00:03:44,578 --> 00:03:45,745
You know what we do?

94
00:03:45,746 --> 00:03:48,481
Cast album bonus track
just for the fans.

95
00:03:48,482 --> 00:03:51,284
Give them the bonus now.
Why have a bonus then?

96
00:03:51,285 --> 00:03:54,187
It's not a bonus if it's already here.

97
00:03:54,188 --> 00:03:56,155
Cody, what'd you think of that?

98
00:03:56,156 --> 00:03:58,325
My toe started tapping. I mean...

99
00:03:58,326 --> 00:03:59,826
- Yeah.
- ♪ Gonna get shot-a. ♪

100
00:03:59,827 --> 00:04:02,028
- It's catchy.
- Yeah. It's catchy!

101
00:04:02,029 --> 00:04:03,196
But I think this opening number

102
00:04:03,197 --> 00:04:05,264
sets up the thing you love so much.

103
00:04:05,265 --> 00:04:06,699
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

104
00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:08,968
I gotta go to wardrobe and get changed.
Walk with me?

105
00:04:08,969 --> 00:04:10,553
Yeah. I wanna talk to
you about something.

106
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:11,437
Great. Thanks, Cody.

107
00:04:11,438 --> 00:04:13,306
But honestly,
you should reconsider this.

108
00:04:13,307 --> 00:04:14,841
Look, watch. Just watch this.

109
00:04:14,842 --> 00:04:16,976
One second. I'm running, okay?
You're running.

110
00:04:16,977 --> 00:04:19,177
♪ There's a fatwa, there's a fatwa,
gotta run, I think I oughta ♪

111
00:04:19,178 --> 00:04:20,879
♪ Gotta hide, I think I've gotta ♪

112
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,748
♪ Gonna get scared, gonna get
shot-a, want my mama... ♪

113
00:04:22,749 --> 00:04:24,249
And everybody's yelling
from the windows.

114
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:25,451
That's your talk show bit.

115
00:04:25,452 --> 00:04:27,285
You do that on "Late Night" and say,

116
00:04:27,286 --> 00:04:29,988
"This is what turned into the amazing
musical number we actually did."

117
00:04:29,989 --> 00:04:31,156
It's gonna be great.

118
00:04:31,157 --> 00:04:32,758
Hey, Cody, what'd you think of that?

119
00:04:32,759 --> 00:04:35,293
I... I would attend a workshop of it.

120
00:04:35,294 --> 00:04:37,162
- It's a workshop.
- Larry: Hey.

121
00:04:37,163 --> 00:04:40,232
- So, first preview's in a week.
- Yeah.

122
00:04:40,233 --> 00:04:42,234
I'm thinking it would be a good idea

123
00:04:42,235 --> 00:04:43,902
to do something for the cast and crew.

124
00:04:43,903 --> 00:04:46,504
Something fun, you know.
Maybe like paintball?

125
00:04:46,505 --> 00:04:47,873
Well, that's a great idea!

126
00:04:47,874 --> 00:04:49,341
- Yeah?
- Yeah, absolutely.

127
00:04:49,342 --> 00:04:51,308
"Lion King" used to
do that all the time.

128
00:04:51,309 --> 00:04:52,877
- Oh, terrific!
- Yeah, it might be fun.

129
00:04:52,878 --> 00:04:54,078
Great, we'll do it this weekend.

130
00:04:54,079 --> 00:04:55,713
You know, I'll pay for it.

131
00:04:55,714 --> 00:04:57,515
Great, I'll spread the
word with the cast.

132
00:04:57,516 --> 00:04:59,118
- Hi, Greg.
- Hi.

133
00:04:59,119 --> 00:05:03,129
So, I think this is not the tweed
that we really want. I just...

134
00:05:03,130 --> 00:05:05,525
What is it about it that's
not working for you?

135
00:05:05,526 --> 00:05:08,160
It's not quite professorial enough.
Do you agree?

136
00:05:08,161 --> 00:05:10,295
- I... I like it.
- You like it?

137
00:05:10,296 --> 00:05:12,664
- Yeah, I think it looks good.
- I'd like to see options, then.

138
00:05:12,665 --> 00:05:14,133
- Okay.
- Yeah.

139
00:05:14,134 --> 00:05:15,735
These are all the vests I pulled.

140
00:05:15,736 --> 00:05:17,236
Oh, I wanted to ask you,

141
00:05:17,237 --> 00:05:19,638
my cousin Valentina and her husband,

142
00:05:19,639 --> 00:05:21,107
their Airbnb fell through.

143
00:05:21,108 --> 00:05:23,142
They're coming in to see
the first preview.

144
00:05:23,143 --> 00:05:25,577
I was wondering if they
could maybe stay with you.

145
00:05:25,578 --> 00:05:28,480
Hmm... no hotel?

146
00:05:28,481 --> 00:05:30,815
They're... they're
a really interesting couple.

147
00:05:30,816 --> 00:05:32,718
Hotels are not their thing.

148
00:05:32,719 --> 00:05:35,120
But aren't you renting a house?

149
00:05:35,121 --> 00:05:36,555
Yeah, but me and V
only have one bedroom.

150
00:05:36,556 --> 00:05:37,723
There's really not room,

151
00:05:37,724 --> 00:05:39,190
and you've got that great big house.

152
00:05:39,191 --> 00:05:41,225
Is that okay? Is that... it's cool?

153
00:05:42,327 --> 00:05:43,928
Yeah, sure. What the hell.

154
00:05:43,929 --> 00:05:45,496
All right. Thank you.

155
00:05:45,497 --> 00:05:47,665
Wonder if there's anything else

156
00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:49,834
we need to do before tomorrow.

157
00:05:49,835 --> 00:05:52,036
- Something wrong?
- (laughs) I...

158
00:05:52,037 --> 00:05:54,272
I just did you a very nice favor.

159
00:05:54,273 --> 00:05:55,673
- Yeah.
- Uh...

160
00:05:55,674 --> 00:05:58,142
and that "thank you" was...

161
00:05:58,143 --> 00:05:59,697
it was like I passed you the ketchup.

162
00:05:59,698 --> 00:06:00,610
Yeah, no, no.

163
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,613
It was not commensurate
with the gesture.

164
00:06:02,614 --> 00:06:04,848
Oh, I... I appreciate it.

165
00:06:04,849 --> 00:06:06,284
Thank you.

166
00:06:06,285 --> 00:06:08,185
Um, what else do you have?

167
00:06:08,186 --> 00:06:10,087
Greg: <i>You've seen the choices.</i>

168
00:06:10,088 --> 00:06:12,055
- Um...
- All right, I'm... I'm...

169
00:06:12,056 --> 00:06:13,857
- I'm gonna head back. I'll see you later.
- Okay. Thanks.

170
00:06:13,858 --> 00:06:16,260
- Thanks again.
- Yeah.

171
00:06:16,261 --> 00:06:19,029
- Greg:<i> What do we think?</i>
- Lin: Yeah, it's a little boxy.

172
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:21,865
Susie: <i>Where's Funkhouser? Where is he?</i>

173
00:06:21,866 --> 00:06:24,168
- He's always late, this guy.
- I know. So rude.

174
00:06:24,169 --> 00:06:27,570
I say next time, we tell him
a half hour earlier.

175
00:06:27,571 --> 00:06:29,306
- You know what, let's just sit down.
- Susie: All right.

176
00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:30,807
We'll have some appetizers,
maybe even order dinner.

177
00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:33,610
- Who cares? Yeah.
- Who cares?

178
00:06:33,611 --> 00:06:35,111
- Hi. Um...
- Hi.

179
00:06:35,112 --> 00:06:37,180
David. Reservation.

180
00:06:37,181 --> 00:06:39,382
Ah! Yes. Party of four.

181
00:06:39,383 --> 00:06:40,950
Are you all here?

182
00:06:40,951 --> 00:06:42,118
No, we have three.

183
00:06:42,119 --> 00:06:43,720
Well, I'm sorry.

184
00:06:43,721 --> 00:06:46,255
We can't seat you until
your entire party arrives.

185
00:06:46,256 --> 00:06:48,457
- Why?
- It's our policy.

186
00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:50,092
We don't seat incomplete parties.

187
00:06:50,093 --> 00:06:52,128
What's the point of the policy?
We have three people.

188
00:06:52,129 --> 00:06:54,163
It's the same table.
What's the difference?

189
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:56,799
The chef really likes
everyone to sit together

190
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,401
so they can order together and he can
deliver the food at the same time.

191
00:06:59,402 --> 00:07:00,961
Oh, the chef likes
everyone to sit together.

192
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,354
<i>- Yes.</i>
- Isn't that nice?

193
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,906
It makes for the optimal
dining experience.

194
00:07:04,907 --> 00:07:07,142
Okay, you know what the
optimal dining experience is?

195
00:07:07,143 --> 00:07:09,144
To eat when you're hungry, okay?

196
00:07:09,145 --> 00:07:11,547
- I understand.
- That's the optimal dining experience.

197
00:07:11,548 --> 00:07:12,981
I'm sorry. That's our policy.

198
00:07:12,982 --> 00:07:14,616
We do not sit incomplete parties.

199
00:07:14,617 --> 00:07:16,952
- Yeah.
- No, this is bullshit.

200
00:07:16,953 --> 00:07:19,454
- I know.
- Guess we'll wait.

201
00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:21,890
Hey, I got that paintball
thing secured.

202
00:07:21,891 --> 00:07:23,291
Oh, good for you. That'll be fun.

203
00:07:23,292 --> 00:07:25,193
- They're gonna love it.
- What? What is it?

204
00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:28,129
I'm taking the cast and crew
to do, like, a paintball day.

205
00:07:28,130 --> 00:07:30,265
- You know paintball?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fun.

206
00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:32,433
- They shoot paint instead of bullets.
- It's a good bonding.

207
00:07:32,434 --> 00:07:34,502
Yeah, we're gonna do it on Saturday.

208
00:07:34,503 --> 00:07:37,004
- Sat... wait. This Saturday?
- Yeah.

209
00:07:37,005 --> 00:07:39,707
It's Sammi's wedding this Saturday.

210
00:07:39,708 --> 00:07:41,075
I thought it was the week after.

211
00:07:41,076 --> 00:07:43,944
Oh, God, I sent you the save-the-date,

212
00:07:43,945 --> 00:07:45,680
I sent you the invitation,

213
00:07:45,681 --> 00:07:47,448
you never fucking wrote it down?!

214
00:07:47,449 --> 00:07:50,451
- You sent me too many things!
- Don't make it my fault now!

215
00:07:50,452 --> 00:07:52,786
You know what, I'll work it out.
I can do both.

216
00:07:52,787 --> 00:07:54,755
You're making a speech.
You promised Sammi.

217
00:07:54,756 --> 00:07:57,191
All right, I'll work it out.
I'll work it out.

218
00:07:57,192 --> 00:07:58,759
I'm sorry. I'm just a little cranky...

219
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,394
- I'm hungry.
- Larry:<i> Me, too.</i>

220
00:08:00,395 --> 00:08:01,962
No, but I'm hungry.

221
00:08:01,963 --> 00:08:04,798
- Yeah, I hear you.
- Jeff:<i> Yeah. Shall we leave?</i>

222
00:08:04,799 --> 00:08:06,934
Susie: <i>We don't have a reservation.
You can't get in anywhere.</i>

223
00:08:06,935 --> 00:08:09,269
<i>It's crazy. You know how I get.</i>

224
00:08:09,270 --> 00:08:11,391
<i>The blood sugar, up
and down, up and down.</i>

225
00:08:11,392 --> 00:08:12,672
Jeff: I know how you get.

226
00:08:12,673 --> 00:08:15,742
Okay, I'm gonna take care of this.

227
00:08:15,743 --> 00:08:17,711
- Stay right here.
- All right.

228
00:08:17,712 --> 00:08:19,414
Susie:<i> The food here is
great and you know it.</i>

229
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,514
Jeff:<i> I do.</i>

230
00:08:20,515 --> 00:08:22,315
- Hello.
- Hello.

231
00:08:22,316 --> 00:08:24,317
Are you alone by any chance?

232
00:08:24,318 --> 00:08:26,685
- Perhaps.
- Please do not misconstrue this.

233
00:08:26,686 --> 00:08:29,588
This is not a pickup
in any way, shape, or form.

234
00:08:29,589 --> 00:08:31,958
- Okay.
- I don't pick up; I put down.

235
00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:35,861
- (laughs) Okay.
- Now, the situation is thus:

236
00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:38,397
this restaurant
has an idiotic policy...

237
00:08:39,733 --> 00:08:41,233
Larry: <i>Okay, let's go.</i>

238
00:08:42,268 --> 00:08:43,402
We have four.

239
00:08:43,403 --> 00:08:45,971
- Four?
- Yes, four.

240
00:08:45,972 --> 00:08:47,239
Okay.

241
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,507
Table six, please.

242
00:08:55,715 --> 00:08:59,151
- Thanks for joining.
- Of course. I'm hap... happy to be here.

243
00:08:59,152 --> 00:09:02,487
- So what do you do?
- I'm an actress.

244
00:09:02,488 --> 00:09:04,389
- Oh.
- You know, I just figured at 36,

245
00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:06,158
if there's any profession
that you can do

246
00:09:06,159 --> 00:09:08,860
later in life as a woman, it's acting.

247
00:09:08,861 --> 00:09:10,528
Have we seen you in anything?

248
00:09:10,529 --> 00:09:13,498
No, but I'm doing
some plus-size modeling.

249
00:09:13,499 --> 00:09:15,700
- Really?
- And then I do stand-in work.

250
00:09:15,701 --> 00:09:17,435
Okay, she stands in for the star.

251
00:09:17,436 --> 00:09:18,903
- For the camera.
- For the camera.

252
00:09:18,904 --> 00:09:20,472
Right, yeah, I understand.

253
00:09:20,473 --> 00:09:21,840
I'm sorry.

254
00:09:21,841 --> 00:09:23,641
You were the guy with the, uh...

255
00:09:23,642 --> 00:09:25,109
you have the fatwa on you, right?

256
00:09:25,110 --> 00:09:26,711
Yeah, that's-a-me.

257
00:09:26,712 --> 00:09:29,180
What are you doing out?
Aren't you kind of scared?

258
00:09:29,181 --> 00:09:30,748
They called it off.

259
00:09:30,749 --> 00:09:32,850
- So it's over.
- Yeah, but I was out anyway.

260
00:09:32,851 --> 00:09:35,386
- Jeff: Yeah.
- Yeah, he did. He was brave.

261
00:09:35,387 --> 00:09:36,819
Can I give you a business card?

262
00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:38,975
Sorry, 'cause I'm just realizing
now you're that writer.

263
00:09:38,976 --> 00:09:40,399
Yeah.

264
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,126
I've never done comedy, but
it doesn't seem that hard.

265
00:09:42,127 --> 00:09:43,894
- Hmm.
- Here you go.

266
00:09:43,895 --> 00:09:46,930
- Ah. Marie Deschamps?
- Susie:<i> Mmm.</i>

267
00:09:46,931 --> 00:09:49,967
- What are you, French?
- No, it's actually my stage name.

268
00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:51,702
Johnson's my real last name.

269
00:09:51,703 --> 00:09:54,304
- Jeff: Is Marie your real first name?
- No. Jenny.

270
00:09:54,305 --> 00:09:57,307
All right, well, I'll put
your card in my pocket.

271
00:09:57,308 --> 00:09:59,676
I will never call you, but
I'll put it in my pocket.

272
00:09:59,677 --> 00:10:02,546
And I'm very glad that
that fatwa got cleared up.

273
00:10:02,547 --> 00:10:04,514
- Larry: Thank you.
- Does it ever occur to you

274
00:10:04,515 --> 00:10:08,551
that maybe this fatwa thing
is not as over as you think?

275
00:10:08,552 --> 00:10:10,020
You know how the Japanese soldiers,

276
00:10:10,021 --> 00:10:11,821
they'd find them on, like, an island,

277
00:10:11,822 --> 00:10:14,491
and they wouldn't know the war's
been over for a long time?

278
00:10:14,492 --> 00:10:16,292
Maybe someone is so off the grid

279
00:10:16,293 --> 00:10:18,628
that they have no idea
the fatwa's over.

280
00:10:18,629 --> 00:10:20,196
Maybe someone is so stupid

281
00:10:20,197 --> 00:10:22,865
that they say things
they shouldn't be saying.

282
00:10:22,866 --> 00:10:25,001
- Maybe.
- Marty:<i> Hello!</i>

283
00:10:25,002 --> 00:10:27,169
- Hey, look who's here.
- Hello. Marie.

284
00:10:27,170 --> 00:10:29,204
Oh, is this a replacement for Bridget?

285
00:10:29,205 --> 00:10:30,740
I recruited her from the bar.

286
00:10:30,741 --> 00:10:32,341
- She's a stand-in for you.
- <i>Oh, great.</i>

287
00:10:32,342 --> 00:10:34,410
We gotta get you a chair.
Where's the waiter?

288
00:10:34,411 --> 00:10:35,978
Larry: Yeah. You know what?

289
00:10:35,979 --> 00:10:37,413
You need to go now.

290
00:10:37,414 --> 00:10:38,847
- What?
- Larry:<i> Yeah.</i>

291
00:10:38,848 --> 00:10:41,283
<i>You stood in.
Now it's time to stand up.</i>

292
00:10:41,284 --> 00:10:45,220
<i>But, hey, very good job.
Good stand-in job.</i>

293
00:10:45,221 --> 00:10:47,189
- Really?
- But first team has arrived, so...

294
00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:49,591
And listen, Larry,
if you ever need an actor,

295
00:10:49,592 --> 00:10:51,160
you call me, okay?

296
00:10:51,161 --> 00:10:52,428
You never know.

297
00:10:52,429 --> 00:10:53,662
Okay, I'm expecting the call.

298
00:10:53,663 --> 00:10:55,630
Okay... well, I wouldn't go that far.

299
00:10:55,631 --> 00:10:58,366
- Susie: <i>Well, hello there.</i>
- That was interesting.

300
00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,001
- <i>(Susie chuckles) Yeah.</i>
- Hi.

301
00:11:00,002 --> 00:11:03,337
You know, it's customary
when someone is 20 minutes late

302
00:11:03,338 --> 00:11:05,974
to offer an apology to their friends.

303
00:11:05,975 --> 00:11:07,909
- <i>Am I right?</i>
- That's absolutely correct.

304
00:11:07,910 --> 00:11:09,911
- Larry: That's accurate?
- Susie:<i> Yes.</i>

305
00:11:09,912 --> 00:11:11,179
Sorry.

306
00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:13,847
(scoffs) What? That's a "sorry"?

307
00:11:13,848 --> 00:11:15,649
<i>Don't insult us with that.</i>

308
00:11:15,650 --> 00:11:17,218
If you're more than ten minutes late,

309
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,053
it's gotta be a profuse apology.

310
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,389
That was an apology
like you were one minute late.

311
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,091
- Am I right?
- He's right.

312
00:11:23,092 --> 00:11:26,127
And frankly, your "sorry" was not
commensurate with the offense.

313
00:11:26,128 --> 00:11:27,661
Can I get a drink?

314
00:11:27,662 --> 00:11:29,663
If I was 20 minutes late,

315
00:11:29,664 --> 00:11:33,767
I'd be apologizing like I
accidentally killed your family.

316
00:11:33,768 --> 00:11:35,435
- Guess what.
- Yeah?

317
00:11:35,436 --> 00:11:37,738
You did accidentally kill my family.

318
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,340
My nephew, the joy of my life,

319
00:11:40,341 --> 00:11:43,776
was killed by the bulls,
and it was your fault!

320
00:11:43,777 --> 00:11:45,311
Okay?!

321
00:11:47,482 --> 00:11:49,648
Sorry.

322
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,553
Bottle of wine, anybody?

323
00:11:53,554 --> 00:11:55,355
- Both: Yes! Good idea.
- Yeah.

324
00:11:55,356 --> 00:11:56,689
- Susie:<i> Red or white?</i>
- Love red.

325
00:11:56,690 --> 00:11:57,857
So what's happening?

326
00:11:57,858 --> 00:12:01,059
I had a colonoscopy.
Clean as a whistle.

327
00:12:14,842 --> 00:12:16,342
- Hey!
- Hey, good morning, Larry.

328
00:12:16,343 --> 00:12:18,544
Good morning.

329
00:12:18,545 --> 00:12:20,446
Hey, L.D. Thanks for paintball.

330
00:12:20,447 --> 00:12:23,048
Oh, y-you're very welcome.
You're very welcome.

331
00:12:23,049 --> 00:12:24,750
Hey, that was so sweet of you.

332
00:12:24,751 --> 00:12:26,418
- Oh. It was nothing.
- Thank you. Really.

333
00:12:26,419 --> 00:12:27,653
- Nothing.
- It's gonna be fun.

334
00:12:27,654 --> 00:12:29,455
- See you inside.
- Okay.

335
00:12:29,456 --> 00:12:30,922
You know what, get me the salmon...

336
00:12:30,923 --> 00:12:33,158
- get me the salmon with the salad.
- Cool.

337
00:12:33,159 --> 00:12:34,626
Thanks for the paintball, L.D.

338
00:12:34,627 --> 00:12:36,427
You are very, very welcome.

339
00:12:36,428 --> 00:12:39,131
Speaking of the paintball,
that is so nice.

340
00:12:39,132 --> 00:12:40,699
The crew is freaking out.

341
00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:42,701
Oh, I'm happy to do it.

342
00:12:42,702 --> 00:12:45,570
I love paintball
and I am sorry I can't go.

343
00:12:45,571 --> 00:12:46,838
I have a gig booked.

344
00:12:46,839 --> 00:12:47,973
Shooting a commercial

345
00:12:47,974 --> 00:12:50,975
for this feline distemper medication.

346
00:12:50,976 --> 00:12:53,678
I have my shots, so I know
how to deal with the cats.

347
00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:55,413
Mm, ah. What a shame.

348
00:12:55,414 --> 00:12:57,615
How do you have an event like
this without Cody Gutcher?

349
00:12:57,616 --> 00:12:59,917
- I know.
- Huh?

350
00:12:59,918 --> 00:13:00,864
(sighs)

351
00:13:00,865 --> 00:13:02,594
What are they paying you
for this thing, may I ask?

352
00:13:02,595 --> 00:13:05,623
It's my day rate. 1,200.

353
00:13:05,624 --> 00:13:07,725
Okay, you know what?

354
00:13:07,726 --> 00:13:09,860
I'm gonna take care of that for you.

355
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:11,428
I'll give you the 1,200.

356
00:13:11,429 --> 00:13:13,731
Tell them you can't make it.
You're going to paintball.

357
00:13:13,732 --> 00:13:16,200
- (laughs) Oh, my God, Larry!
- Huh?

358
00:13:16,201 --> 00:13:17,290
Thank you!

359
00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:18,703
We couldn't do it without
you, Cody Gutcher.

360
00:13:18,704 --> 00:13:21,405
- You gotta be there.
- Thank you so much. You are a prince.

361
00:13:21,406 --> 00:13:23,807
You're welcome,
and let me just say this...

362
00:13:23,808 --> 00:13:25,409
that is a fantastic "thank you."

363
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:28,178
That was a "thank you"
commensurate with the gesture.

364
00:13:28,179 --> 00:13:29,846
And it's worth it for that "thank you."

365
00:13:29,847 --> 00:13:32,015
- What do you think about that?
- We're gonna have a blast.

366
00:13:32,016 --> 00:13:33,817
I love that "thank you." Love it.

367
00:13:33,818 --> 00:13:35,018
My pleasure.

368
00:13:35,019 --> 00:13:37,321
Cody: Jeremy? (laughing)

369
00:13:37,322 --> 00:13:38,922
- Larry:<i> Hey, Murray.</i>
- Ah, Larry.

370
00:13:38,923 --> 00:13:41,991
Oh, listen, about the,
uh... the harem scene.

371
00:13:41,992 --> 00:13:43,359
There's too many redheads.

372
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,961
- Six?
- Yeah.

373
00:13:44,962 --> 00:13:46,662
What do you think? Four?

374
00:13:46,663 --> 00:13:48,131
Yeah, you're right.

375
00:13:48,132 --> 00:13:49,298
I think four. Four is better.

376
00:13:49,299 --> 00:13:51,367
Thanks, thanks.

377
00:13:51,368 --> 00:13:53,635
Oh, same pants as yesterday.

378
00:13:55,706 --> 00:13:57,306
What, are you tracking my outfits?

379
00:13:57,307 --> 00:13:59,808
No, no, just... observing, that's all.

380
00:13:59,809 --> 00:14:03,045
You know, I was late and they had
the belt in them from yesterday,

381
00:14:03,046 --> 00:14:04,747
so I picked them up
'cause I was in a hurry.

382
00:14:04,748 --> 00:14:06,616
They're not dirty or anything.

383
00:14:06,617 --> 00:14:08,551
Then by all means, wear them again.

384
00:14:08,552 --> 00:14:10,519
You're an outfit tracker, Murray.

385
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,020
Nobody likes an outfit tracker.

386
00:14:12,021 --> 00:14:14,156
I don't know why a casual observation

387
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,191
has made you so uncomfortable.

388
00:14:16,192 --> 00:14:18,393
I just feel like I'm living in some
kind of clothing police state,

389
00:14:18,394 --> 00:14:19,795
like it's 1984.

390
00:14:19,796 --> 00:14:21,196
Big Murray's watching me.

391
00:14:21,197 --> 00:14:22,597
Big Murray's not watching you.

392
00:14:22,598 --> 00:14:23,999
No, Big Murray <i>is</i> watching.

393
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,901
Big Murray has other things to do.

394
00:14:25,902 --> 00:14:28,737
Apparently, Big Murray has nothing
else to do but outfit track.

395
00:14:28,738 --> 00:14:30,104
I'm not judging you,

396
00:14:30,105 --> 00:14:32,641
I'm just noticing that
you wore the same pants.

397
00:14:32,642 --> 00:14:34,975
Okay, Big Murray.

398
00:14:41,884 --> 00:14:45,186
- Robes, robes, robes...
- Hey, L.D., psyched about the paintball.

399
00:14:45,187 --> 00:14:47,655
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, my pleasure! Of course!

400
00:14:47,656 --> 00:14:49,623
You are the kindest. Thank you so much.

401
00:14:49,624 --> 00:14:51,224
Oh, you're so welcome!

402
00:14:52,227 --> 00:14:54,028
- Hey.
- What's up?

403
00:14:54,029 --> 00:14:56,998
I have great news. We got a signer.

404
00:14:56,999 --> 00:14:58,666
For... for deaf people?

405
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,134
Yeah, yeah, for deaf people.

406
00:15:00,135 --> 00:15:01,502
And anyone who enjoys ASL.

407
00:15:01,503 --> 00:15:03,504
I mean, she's basically on the side

408
00:15:03,505 --> 00:15:05,706
and she signs
throughout the performance.

409
00:15:05,707 --> 00:15:08,175
- It's awesome.
- Do deaf people go to musicals?

410
00:15:08,176 --> 00:15:10,611
- Yeah.
- Why don't we just have

411
00:15:10,612 --> 00:15:13,314
one performance a month
for all deaf people?

412
00:15:13,315 --> 00:15:16,750
And we don't have to be
distracted by a signer onstage.

413
00:15:16,751 --> 00:15:18,985
You want to segregate the deaf?

414
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,653
No, I don't want to segregate them.

415
00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:22,455
Yeah, separate, but equal.

416
00:15:22,456 --> 00:15:24,657
Special, but equal.

417
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:26,726
She's gonna be incredible. You'll see.

418
00:15:26,727 --> 00:15:29,062
It's really inclusive.
Hey, let me ask you something.

419
00:15:29,063 --> 00:15:30,230
Do you like this robe?

420
00:15:30,231 --> 00:15:32,432
I... yeah, it's nice. I like it.

421
00:15:32,433 --> 00:15:34,467
That's what I thought.
We need to see more robes.

422
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:36,435
You're gonna have to go shopping again.

423
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,137
Thank you.

424
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:43,209
Okay, you're driving
this poor guy nuts, okay?

425
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,311
- That's the gig.
- He's gonna quit.

426
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,279
No, he's gonna get
in the weeds with us.

427
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,948
He's gonna emerge
with the perfect robe.

428
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,350
Okay, well, I'm telling you,

429
00:15:50,351 --> 00:15:52,218
he's one foot out the door right now.

430
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,854
Well, as long as he's one foot out
the door finding the right robe,

431
00:15:54,855 --> 00:15:56,521
I don't give a fuck.

432
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,390
- Woman:<i> Hi!</i>
- Hi!

433
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,726
- Lin! Hi!
- Oh, my God, you made it!

434
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:01,730
So good to see you.

435
00:16:01,731 --> 00:16:04,129
Hi, Ernst. Great to see you.
How are you?

436
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,798
Larry, this is my cousin
Valentina and her husband Ernst.

437
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:07,799
Hey, nice to meet you.

438
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,101
- Valentina? Hi.
- Hi. Yeah.

439
00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:11,737
- Hello.
- Hello. Hi.

440
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,605
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you as well.

441
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:16,608
So, is this the wardrobe area?
Tell me about this place.

442
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:19,277
Yes, this is the wardrobe area. This is
where all the costumes in the show are.

443
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:20,912
And we're just getting
everything, uh...

444
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:23,982
I'm Gregory Michael David.
I'm the costume designer.

445
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,217
- Hi. Valentina.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

446
00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:28,486
- This is your fiefdom.
- Yes, yes!

447
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,356
This is the workshop, so, yeah,
feel free to look around.

448
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:34,392
Yeah, just seems like fun to have
people try on your creations.

449
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:37,528
Greg:<i> Yes. If you wanna try
anything on, please let me know.</i>

450
00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:39,264
Yes. Do you have things in turquoise?

451
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,565
- I could pull some stuff for you, yeah.
- I would love that.

452
00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:43,534
He seems very competent.

453
00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:45,969
Yeah. We're a robe away,
but he's doing great.

454
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:47,705
I get it.

455
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:49,305
How long you two been married?

456
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,576
- Um... a few years.
- Yeah.

457
00:16:52,577 --> 00:16:53,977
Kids?

458
00:16:53,978 --> 00:16:55,479
- Mmm, no.
- No.

459
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,448
- We're not gonna have kids.
- No. Cats.

460
00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:00,550
- Why don't you guys go upstairs...
- Okay.

461
00:17:00,551 --> 00:17:02,719
...and I'll give you guys a
tour as soon as I get upstairs.

462
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,487
They've got the directions
to your place.

463
00:17:04,488 --> 00:17:07,958
Yeah, yeah, just go over
anytime, make yourself at home,

464
00:17:07,959 --> 00:17:10,292
and stay as long as you like, actually.

465
00:17:11,262 --> 00:17:13,062
- Thanks.
- Thank you.

466
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:20,202
All right. I see where you got
your tepid "thank yous" from.

467
00:17:20,203 --> 00:17:22,138
That was worse than your "thank you."

468
00:17:22,139 --> 00:17:24,774
That seemed like a perfectly
appropriate "thank you" to me.

469
00:17:24,775 --> 00:17:26,075
- Oh, did it? Really?
- Yeah.

470
00:17:26,076 --> 00:17:27,644
What is it with you Mirandas?

471
00:17:27,645 --> 00:17:29,612
You're missing some kind of...

472
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,047
"thank you" gene or something.

473
00:17:31,048 --> 00:17:33,950
(laughs) I think we all said it.

474
00:17:33,951 --> 00:17:35,784
Yeah. Okay.

475
00:17:35,785 --> 00:17:37,353
- Okay, I'll see you upstairs.
- See you upstairs.

476
00:17:37,354 --> 00:17:41,257
Yeah. Let's find a Dumpster
for this bullshit.

477
00:17:41,258 --> 00:17:44,359
Hey, those are from
a rental house, Lin.

478
00:17:46,096 --> 00:17:49,665
Cody: Okay, everybody, we're at places,
please, for "Salman, Get Out."

479
00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:52,167
<i>Full tech and music.</i>

480
00:17:52,168 --> 00:17:54,302
- <i>Is our signer here?</i>
- Yes, right here.

481
00:17:54,303 --> 00:17:55,937
<i>Come on up here, please.</i>

482
00:17:57,974 --> 00:17:59,407
<i>We have a place for you.</i>

483
00:17:59,408 --> 00:18:02,310
That spike mark, downstage left.

484
00:18:02,311 --> 00:18:05,280
Man: <i>Places for the top!</i>

485
00:18:05,281 --> 00:18:07,115
- <i>(Cody whispers) All right.</i>
- (clears throat)

486
00:18:07,116 --> 00:18:09,917
- Man: Good morning!
- Woman: Hello, darling.

487
00:18:09,918 --> 00:18:13,421
And breakfast for our guest.

488
00:18:13,422 --> 00:18:14,990
No granola?

489
00:18:14,991 --> 00:18:17,023
Ah, no. I...

490
00:18:18,927 --> 00:18:20,595
(whispers) You should be grateful.

491
00:18:20,596 --> 00:18:22,597
Hey, uh, Salman, hey,
you should be grateful.

492
00:18:22,598 --> 00:18:24,699
Lin:<i> I'm grateful. I'm just
a little tired of muesli.</i>

493
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:28,168
- <i>You can be grateful and tired of muesli.</i>
- (whispers) Hey.

494
00:18:28,169 --> 00:18:31,205
- Salman, we have to talk.
- What do you want to talk about?

495
00:18:31,206 --> 00:18:33,073
- We took you into our home.
- <i>(music begins)</i>

496
00:18:33,074 --> 00:18:35,576
You wouldn't have made it on your own.

497
00:18:35,577 --> 00:18:37,511
But now it's time for you to go.

498
00:18:37,512 --> 00:18:40,280
I have to say I'm a little thrown.

499
00:18:40,281 --> 00:18:41,448
<i>(music continues)</i>

500
00:18:41,449 --> 00:18:43,317
- You're a slob.
- You're a pig.

501
00:18:43,318 --> 00:18:46,953
- You're a lazy lout.
- So what are you saying?

502
00:18:46,954 --> 00:18:49,156
Both: ♪ Salman, get out! ♪

503
00:18:49,157 --> 00:18:51,725
♪ I'm a great guest,
you hardly know I'm there ♪

504
00:18:51,726 --> 00:18:54,895
Woman: <i>♪ You walk around in
a robe with no underwear ♪</i>

505
00:18:54,896 --> 00:18:57,597
Lin: <i>♪ If you make me leave,
I'll be dead, no doubt ♪</i>

506
00:18:57,598 --> 00:18:59,165
Man: <i>♪ Ugh! Close your legs ♪</i>

507
00:18:59,166 --> 00:19:01,334
All: ♪ And, Salman, get out ♪

508
00:19:01,335 --> 00:19:03,435
<i>(music continues)</i>

509
00:19:07,408 --> 00:19:08,742
Woman: <i>And stay out!</i>

510
00:19:08,743 --> 00:19:10,809
- Don't come back!
- Lose my number!

511
00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:12,345
Go stay with the ayatollah!

512
00:19:12,346 --> 00:19:13,979
All: ♪ Salman, Salman ♪

513
00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:18,418
♪ Salman, Salman, Salman,
Salman, Salman ♪

514
00:19:18,419 --> 00:19:19,818
♪ Salman, get out! ♪

515
00:19:19,819 --> 00:19:21,787
<i>- (music ends)
- (applause)</i>

516
00:19:21,788 --> 00:19:23,722
Cody: <i>Okay, great! (clears throat)</i>

517
00:19:23,723 --> 00:19:25,525
<i>Great work, everybody.</i>

518
00:19:25,526 --> 00:19:27,325
It was good. Too bad you missed it.

519
00:19:27,326 --> 00:19:29,227
- Oh, no, I... I saw it.
- Yeah.

520
00:19:29,228 --> 00:19:30,262
Lin: <i>Thank you, Cody.</i>

521
00:19:30,263 --> 00:19:31,764
- Thank you.
- Thanks, guys.

522
00:19:31,765 --> 00:19:33,465
- Tina, you're a star. Thank you.
- Thank you.

523
00:19:33,466 --> 00:19:35,299
Hey, Larry, can I talk
to you for a sec?

524
00:19:36,469 --> 00:19:38,604
(whispers) I feel like...

525
00:19:38,605 --> 00:19:40,639
I feel like the number's not working.

526
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,974
- Oh. You know why it's not working?
- Why?

527
00:19:42,975 --> 00:19:44,550
'Cause everybody's looking
at her tits, that's why.

528
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:45,617
What?

529
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,845
Bill didn't see ten
seconds of that number.

530
00:19:47,846 --> 00:19:49,281
He was staring at her the whole time,

531
00:19:49,282 --> 00:19:51,049
as was every other guy in the audience.

532
00:19:51,050 --> 00:19:53,385
It's just the reasons he's
getting kicked out of the house

533
00:19:53,386 --> 00:19:54,486
are so fuckin' petty.

534
00:19:54,487 --> 00:19:56,254
No, I completely disagree with you.

535
00:19:56,255 --> 00:19:57,855
Look, he's a terrible houseguest.

536
00:19:57,856 --> 00:20:00,458
His life depends on his
being a good houseguest.

537
00:20:00,459 --> 00:20:02,460
He's a pig! He doesn't do the dishes!

538
00:20:02,461 --> 00:20:03,527
That's funny!

539
00:20:03,528 --> 00:20:05,129
Maybe we just need different reasons.

540
00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:07,031
Okay, I'll come up
with some other reasons.

541
00:20:07,032 --> 00:20:08,466
- How's that?
- Okay.

542
00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:10,802
- It's not gonna work anyway.
- Why not?

543
00:20:10,803 --> 00:20:13,270
Because men will look
at tits over anything.

544
00:20:13,271 --> 00:20:16,073
You could be in the last
inning of the World Series,

545
00:20:16,074 --> 00:20:17,774
a 3-2 score, bases loaded,

546
00:20:17,775 --> 00:20:19,510
somebody changes the channel
and there's tits on,

547
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:21,245
they will not go back
to the World Series.

548
00:20:21,246 --> 00:20:23,614
We're on the verge
of making a great musical,

549
00:20:23,615 --> 00:20:25,249
and you're scapegoating tits?

550
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:27,718
- It's the scene.
- No, it's the tits!

551
00:20:27,719 --> 00:20:29,453
- It's the<i> scene.</i>
- Tits!

552
00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:31,922
- Scene! Scene! Scene!
- Tits! Tits! Tits!

553
00:20:31,923 --> 00:20:33,823
Scene, and she stays.

554
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,060
Sorry.

555
00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:39,295
All right, insufficient "sorry."

556
00:20:39,296 --> 00:20:42,298
Terrible, awful, horrible "sorry."

557
00:20:42,299 --> 00:20:44,067
Apparently, the Miranda "sorrys"

558
00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:46,769
are just as bad as their "thank yous."

559
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,839
Larry: <i>You heard me... 1,200.</i>

560
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,363
1,200 fuckin' dollars
to skip a day on his real job

561
00:20:53,364 --> 00:20:55,031
to come with you guys paintballing?

562
00:20:55,032 --> 00:20:57,000
- You're a good guy.
- Thank you.

563
00:20:57,001 --> 00:20:59,068
- I respect you for that.
- People don't think I'm a nice guy.

564
00:20:59,069 --> 00:21:00,570
Basically, you're paying
this motherfucker

565
00:21:00,571 --> 00:21:02,939
to shoot people with
a goddamn paint gun.

566
00:21:02,940 --> 00:21:04,172
See?

567
00:21:05,309 --> 00:21:06,609
You know what I just realized?

568
00:21:06,610 --> 00:21:10,013
- Mm-hmm?
- I gave this guy 1,200,

569
00:21:10,014 --> 00:21:12,448
but he wasn't gonna make 1,200.

570
00:21:12,449 --> 00:21:14,017
- That's his gross.
- Mmm!

571
00:21:14,018 --> 00:21:16,219
They're gonna deduct taxes
from what he's getting.

572
00:21:16,220 --> 00:21:19,355
He'd only wind up with 700 or 750.

573
00:21:19,356 --> 00:21:21,724
The guy just made $500 off me.

574
00:21:21,725 --> 00:21:23,292
<i>You</i> fucked up.

575
00:21:23,293 --> 00:21:25,027
See, when you give somebody money,

576
00:21:25,028 --> 00:21:26,562
you gotta add that
shit up in your brain.

577
00:21:26,563 --> 00:21:28,631
You FICA. You take the
fuckin' difference out!

578
00:21:28,632 --> 00:21:30,433
- You FICA!
- I'm not FICA!

579
00:21:30,434 --> 00:21:31,767
- <i>(doorbell rings)</i>
- You "FIC'd" up.

580
00:21:31,768 --> 00:21:33,636
He just made money on you!

581
00:21:33,637 --> 00:21:35,202
<i>(doorbell rings)</i>

582
00:21:36,940 --> 00:21:39,074
Ah. Hello.

583
00:21:39,075 --> 00:21:40,709
Ernest, Valentina.

584
00:21:40,710 --> 00:21:42,510
- Hi.
- Hello, Larry.

585
00:21:42,511 --> 00:21:43,744
Please, come in.

586
00:21:46,916 --> 00:21:49,684
Yeah. Well, this is it.

587
00:21:49,685 --> 00:21:51,753
Looks great.

588
00:21:51,754 --> 00:21:53,322
<i>(Leon chuckles) Oh, man.</i>

589
00:21:53,323 --> 00:21:55,089
Larry: <i>Oh, this is Leon.</i>

590
00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:56,524
<i>He lives in my guesthouse.</i>

591
00:21:56,525 --> 00:21:58,393
- Hello, Leon.
- Leon:<i> I like that look.</i>

592
00:21:58,394 --> 00:22:00,995
- Yeah, I like that jacket.
- Thank you very much.

593
00:22:00,996 --> 00:22:02,397
My mother gave it to me.

594
00:22:02,398 --> 00:22:03,998
- Your mother gave you the jacket?
- Yes.

595
00:22:03,999 --> 00:22:05,032
It was hers.

596
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:06,468
- Larry:<i> Really?</i>
- Mm-hmm.

597
00:22:06,469 --> 00:22:08,101
They make that bag for men?

598
00:22:09,338 --> 00:22:12,006
Yes, this bag is made for men, women,

599
00:22:12,007 --> 00:22:14,441
anybody who enjoys
carrying things around.

600
00:22:14,442 --> 00:22:17,111
- You two are married?
- Yeah. Yes.

601
00:22:17,112 --> 00:22:19,480
So you got on one knee and
asked her to marry you?

602
00:22:19,481 --> 00:22:20,514
Ernst:<i> No, no, no.</i>

603
00:22:20,515 --> 00:22:22,516
It was during the
intermission of "Swan Lake."

604
00:22:22,517 --> 00:22:24,385
I just looked to her and said,
"Will you marry me?"

605
00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,487
Larry: Okay, that's a ballet, all right?
You got it?

606
00:22:26,488 --> 00:22:28,455
- Last one.
- No, no! No last one.

607
00:22:28,456 --> 00:22:31,024
Did you get on top of her
on the honeymoon night?

608
00:22:31,025 --> 00:22:32,626
Shut the fuck up. Get out of here.

609
00:22:32,627 --> 00:22:34,227
I'm just asking questions.

610
00:22:34,228 --> 00:22:37,030
<i>Don't ask any more questions, okay?
Shut up.</i>

611
00:22:37,031 --> 00:22:39,900
Um, you guys interested
in a house tour?

612
00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:42,703
- S-Sure.
- Okay.

613
00:22:42,704 --> 00:22:44,470
Will you be joining us, Leon?

614
00:22:44,471 --> 00:22:45,838
Yeah.

615
00:22:45,839 --> 00:22:47,039
Cool.

616
00:22:50,177 --> 00:22:51,677
Is that good?

617
00:22:51,678 --> 00:22:53,280
Dining room, kitchen's that way.

618
00:22:53,281 --> 00:22:54,714
By the way, make yourself at home.

619
00:22:54,715 --> 00:22:56,716
You know, feel free
to use the refrigerator.

620
00:22:56,717 --> 00:22:59,286
You've got refrigerator privileges.
How's that?

621
00:22:59,287 --> 00:23:00,520
- Cool.
- Thank you.

622
00:23:00,521 --> 00:23:04,023
Before I forget,
this little gadget, okay?

623
00:23:04,024 --> 00:23:05,458
Watch this.

624
00:23:05,459 --> 00:23:07,693
You want the curtains down,
you press that button,

625
00:23:07,694 --> 00:23:09,629
now you stop it, and now they go up.

626
00:23:09,630 --> 00:23:11,697
Isn't that great? I love this thing.

627
00:23:11,698 --> 00:23:13,265
Love it.

628
00:23:13,266 --> 00:23:15,935
I don't see why I would ever need that.

629
00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:17,303
No, no! Look, look! See?

630
00:23:17,304 --> 00:23:18,737
Here, look.

631
00:23:18,738 --> 00:23:20,306
Voila!

632
00:23:20,307 --> 00:23:23,242
You're showing us the same function?

633
00:23:23,243 --> 00:23:25,177
Yeah, I guess.

634
00:23:25,178 --> 00:23:27,212
- Hmm.
- Hmm.

635
00:23:27,213 --> 00:23:28,547
Um... oh.

636
00:23:28,548 --> 00:23:29,949
Bedrooms are upstairs,

637
00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:32,684
and, uh, there are
two guest rooms if you'd like.

638
00:23:32,685 --> 00:23:34,486
Whoo!

639
00:23:34,487 --> 00:23:36,688
Why would we need two bedrooms?

640
00:23:36,689 --> 00:23:39,691
No, no... no reason. Uh...

641
00:23:39,692 --> 00:23:40,926
No reason?

642
00:23:40,927 --> 00:23:42,427
We are husband and wife.

643
00:23:42,428 --> 00:23:44,429
We sleep in one bedroom.

644
00:23:44,430 --> 00:23:47,332
No, but I know a lot of people
who sleep in separate bedrooms.

645
00:23:47,333 --> 00:23:48,399
Couples. Yeah.

646
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,935
- Really? Like who?
- Mmm.

647
00:23:49,936 --> 00:23:52,370
You want names?
Okay, I'll give you names.

648
00:23:52,371 --> 00:23:55,373
Um, Pete Rose, Tony Perez,

649
00:23:55,374 --> 00:23:58,176
Johnny Bench, uh, George Foster,

650
00:23:58,177 --> 00:23:59,643
<i>Dave Concepción.</i>

651
00:23:59,644 --> 00:24:01,946
You... you've named
six old baseball players

652
00:24:01,947 --> 00:24:04,748
who are married but sleep
in separate bedrooms?

653
00:24:04,749 --> 00:24:06,317
Yeah.

654
00:24:06,318 --> 00:24:08,185
Even the Hit King?

655
00:24:08,186 --> 00:24:11,455
Yeah. Hit King especially.

656
00:24:11,456 --> 00:24:14,291
Well, we sleep in a bedroom together.

657
00:24:14,292 --> 00:24:16,560
- Yeah.
- You know what, um...

658
00:24:16,561 --> 00:24:19,530
Let's forget about it.
I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.

659
00:24:19,531 --> 00:24:22,032
I'm sorry, was that an apology?

660
00:24:22,033 --> 00:24:23,266
No good?

661
00:24:23,267 --> 00:24:25,969
There wasn't really any emotion to it.

662
00:24:25,970 --> 00:24:29,106
Yeah. Your eyes were bouncing
around like a cat with strings.

663
00:24:29,107 --> 00:24:29,956
Valentina:<i> Yeah.</i>

664
00:24:29,957 --> 00:24:32,042
Well, I'm really sorry
if my apology was...

665
00:24:32,043 --> 00:24:33,410
was not sufficient.

666
00:24:33,411 --> 00:24:35,812
You've just apologized
for your apology?

667
00:24:35,813 --> 00:24:38,848
- Yes!
- That was better than the first apology.

668
00:24:38,849 --> 00:24:41,283
Why don't you just use that apology?

669
00:24:41,284 --> 00:24:43,853
You know what, Larry,
we're gonna go upstairs

670
00:24:43,854 --> 00:24:47,223
to, uh, the one guest bedroom.

671
00:24:47,224 --> 00:24:48,991
Perfectly acceptable.

672
00:24:57,834 --> 00:25:00,469
You got yourself
in some shit this time.

673
00:25:00,470 --> 00:25:02,803
They're a couple of freaks, man.

674
00:25:07,944 --> 00:25:09,645
Susie: <i>Could you believe this kitchen?</i>

675
00:25:09,646 --> 00:25:10,979
- And you know what a great cook I am.
- Yeah.

676
00:25:10,980 --> 00:25:13,048
The meals I make here... right, Jeff?

677
00:25:13,049 --> 00:25:13,823
Yeah.

678
00:25:13,824 --> 00:25:16,051
It must have cost millions
upon millions of dollars.

679
00:25:16,052 --> 00:25:17,452
Well, it's big, but it's intimate.

680
00:25:17,453 --> 00:25:18,754
We sit by the fire.

681
00:25:18,755 --> 00:25:20,822
- It's cozy, it's warm.
- Larry: Cozy?

682
00:25:20,823 --> 00:25:21,990
This is cozy?

683
00:25:21,991 --> 00:25:24,192
This is the best party house.
Right, Jeff?

684
00:25:24,193 --> 00:25:25,068
Yeah.

685
00:25:25,069 --> 00:25:27,596
So, did you figure
it out about Saturday?

686
00:25:27,597 --> 00:25:29,664
Yeah, yeah, I got the
whole thing figured out.

687
00:25:29,665 --> 00:25:31,466
I'm gonna go to paintball, then
I'm gonna go to the wedding.

688
00:25:31,467 --> 00:25:34,635
Because Sammi, when I mentioned
that you had some problems

689
00:25:34,636 --> 00:25:37,072
and conflict, you should have
seen the look on her face.

690
00:25:37,073 --> 00:25:39,607
Susie, let me tell you something, okay?

691
00:25:39,608 --> 00:25:42,277
I've known Sammi since she was born.

692
00:25:42,278 --> 00:25:46,113
And one of the great joys
in my life has...

693
00:25:46,114 --> 00:25:49,817
has been watching her blossom into this
beautiful, sophisticated young lady.

694
00:25:49,818 --> 00:25:50,952
Mm-hmm.

695
00:25:50,953 --> 00:25:53,320
I won't miss her wedding. No way.

696
00:25:53,321 --> 00:25:55,389
Oh, Lar, that's so sweet.
Are you serious?

697
00:25:55,390 --> 00:25:57,892
- No.
- All right, just fuckin' be there, okay?

698
00:25:57,893 --> 00:25:59,560
- Okay.
- <i>Don't disappoint me.</i>

699
00:25:59,561 --> 00:26:01,462
- No, I won't.
- So, uh...

700
00:26:01,463 --> 00:26:04,698
Victor's parents are coming
tonight, Lisa and Paul.

701
00:26:04,699 --> 00:26:06,567
And they're deaf, you know.

702
00:26:06,568 --> 00:26:08,602
Oh. What is that, mold?

703
00:26:08,603 --> 00:26:10,904
Susie: <i>It's not fucking mold!
It's cheese!</i>

704
00:26:10,905 --> 00:26:12,672
- Cheese? Look at it.
- It's cheese.

705
00:26:12,673 --> 00:26:14,975
- <i>(doorbell rings)</i>
- Oh, there's the Chesnicks.

706
00:26:14,976 --> 00:26:16,110
Wait till you meet them.

707
00:26:16,111 --> 00:26:18,512
They are just such sweet people.

708
00:26:18,513 --> 00:26:19,946
<i>(piano music playing)</i>

709
00:26:19,947 --> 00:26:23,617
By the way, this house... oh, my God.

710
00:26:23,618 --> 00:26:24,559
It's wrong.

711
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,286
Yeah. Unbelievable how
life works, isn't it?

712
00:26:27,287 --> 00:26:29,689
Just to get laid. I'm an idiot.

713
00:26:29,690 --> 00:26:31,091
- Oh.
- Susie:<i> All right.</i>

714
00:26:31,092 --> 00:26:33,359
- Larry: Okay. Yeah.
- Jeff: Oh, hi!

715
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:34,661
- (shouting) How you doing, Victor?
- I'm good, man.

716
00:26:34,662 --> 00:26:35,894
- How you doing?
- Good.

717
00:26:35,895 --> 00:26:37,696
Hey, I want to introduce
my mom and my dad,

718
00:26:37,697 --> 00:26:38,764
Lisa and Paul.

719
00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:40,633
How do you do? Hello.

720
00:26:40,634 --> 00:26:43,402
Hi. Larry. Larry.

721
00:26:43,403 --> 00:26:44,604
Larry.

722
00:26:44,605 --> 00:26:46,105
Larry: <i>Rhymes with "Harry."</i>

723
00:26:46,106 --> 00:26:47,340
- Hi, babe.
- What's going on?

724
00:26:47,341 --> 00:26:49,041
- Ask them how they met.
- Yeah.

725
00:26:49,042 --> 00:26:50,743
How did you two meet?

726
00:26:50,744 --> 00:26:53,112
Were you fixed up because you're deaf?

727
00:26:53,113 --> 00:26:55,748
Ugh, stupid fucking question.

728
00:26:55,749 --> 00:26:57,415
<i>No, I'm not asking them that.</i>

729
00:26:57,416 --> 00:26:59,451
- I think it's a good question.
- It's a good question.

730
00:26:59,452 --> 00:27:02,121
I'd be curious, too. I never asked it.

731
00:27:02,122 --> 00:27:04,422
Ah. Bathroom? Around that way.

732
00:27:04,423 --> 00:27:05,923
Yeah, there.

733
00:27:06,893 --> 00:27:08,060
I'm hungry.

734
00:27:08,061 --> 00:27:09,694
- Yeah?
- Hungry. Let's eat.

735
00:27:09,695 --> 00:27:11,196
- No. We can't eat yet.
- <i>Why?</i>

736
00:27:11,197 --> 00:27:13,898
- Everybody's not here.
- Who are we waiting for?

737
00:27:13,899 --> 00:27:16,301
- Funkhouser.
- Who else?

738
00:27:16,302 --> 00:27:17,769
What? Again?

739
00:27:17,770 --> 00:27:19,471
He's a guest. We're
waiting for him to eat.

740
00:27:19,472 --> 00:27:21,339
We're not gonna eat before
Funkhouser gets here.

741
00:27:21,340 --> 00:27:23,707
- This is your policy?
- Yes, it's my policy.

742
00:27:24,877 --> 00:27:26,477
Yeah, "hold your horses."

743
00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:27,712
- "Hold your horses"?
- Yeah.

744
00:27:27,713 --> 00:27:29,714
This is... this is "Hold your horses"?

745
00:27:29,715 --> 00:27:31,049
That's a bad sign.

746
00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:34,052
"Hold your horses" is,
"Whoa, pull back!

747
00:27:34,053 --> 00:27:35,352
Hold your horses!"

748
00:27:35,353 --> 00:27:37,755
- Susie: Is that it? (laughs)
- Yeah.

749
00:27:37,756 --> 00:27:39,256
Mine's better than yours.

750
00:27:39,257 --> 00:27:41,125
This? No.

751
00:27:41,126 --> 00:27:44,695
<i>That's</i> "hold your horses."
Yeah. Thank you.

752
00:27:44,696 --> 00:27:47,030
I'll bet I could come up
with some good signs

753
00:27:47,031 --> 00:27:50,934
that would improve sign language.

754
00:27:50,935 --> 00:27:52,535
How about "dog"?

755
00:27:52,536 --> 00:27:54,637
Susie: Yeah. Yeah.

756
00:27:54,638 --> 00:27:56,306
- No.
- Jeff: What would you do?

757
00:27:56,307 --> 00:27:57,974
(panting)

758
00:27:57,975 --> 00:28:00,143
"Dog."

759
00:28:00,144 --> 00:28:04,012
- (laughing)
- I can improve the whole language.

760
00:28:05,015 --> 00:28:06,382
(Susie laughs)

761
00:28:06,383 --> 00:28:08,451
- Bullshit.
- Oh. (laughing)

762
00:28:08,452 --> 00:28:09,852
- All right, you know what?
- Larry: No.

763
00:28:09,853 --> 00:28:11,521
I have people I want you to meet.

764
00:28:11,522 --> 00:28:14,190
Come with me. Enough of your nonsense.

765
00:28:14,191 --> 00:28:15,692
Hey, did I tell you

766
00:28:15,693 --> 00:28:18,994
that Lin hired a signer for the show?

767
00:28:18,995 --> 00:28:21,396
And she's got big, big boobs!

768
00:28:21,397 --> 00:28:23,199
Very buxomy, you know?

769
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,400
- They're gonna take away from the show.
- Huge!

770
00:28:25,401 --> 00:28:27,502
So distracting. She's, like, big!

771
00:28:27,503 --> 00:28:28,604
- Jeff:<i> Really?</i>
- Yeah.

772
00:28:28,605 --> 00:28:30,072
<i>I can't wait.</i>

773
00:28:30,073 --> 00:28:32,908
The interpreter

774
00:28:32,909 --> 00:28:34,443
at our show...

775
00:28:34,444 --> 00:28:37,446
A show... ho ho! It's a musical.

776
00:28:37,447 --> 00:28:39,681
Musical. ♪ Hey! Hello! ♪

777
00:28:39,682 --> 00:28:43,318
You know, she has a big...

778
00:28:43,319 --> 00:28:44,419
big bosom.

779
00:28:44,420 --> 00:28:46,655
Yeah, the interpreter. Yeah.

780
00:28:46,656 --> 00:28:48,624
Not that big. Yeah.
About... yeah, there.

781
00:28:48,625 --> 00:28:50,726
- <i>(door closes)</i>
- Jeff: He likes the bosom.

782
00:28:50,727 --> 00:28:52,360
Oh, I'm so sorry.

783
00:28:52,361 --> 00:28:54,896
I can't begin to apologize enough.

784
00:28:54,897 --> 00:28:57,132
I know I'm late, and I'm sorry!

785
00:28:57,133 --> 00:29:00,135
I'm sorry! I'm so... who's this?

786
00:29:00,136 --> 00:29:02,303
- That's Paul.
- I'm sorry.

787
00:29:02,304 --> 00:29:04,172
- Larry: Hey, it's okay.
- I'm so sorry!

788
00:29:04,173 --> 00:29:06,674
- It's a tremendous apology.
- I know, it's horrible!

789
00:29:06,675 --> 00:29:08,942
What can I say
to make it... make it good?

790
00:29:08,943 --> 00:29:11,345
You don't have to say anything.
It's a fantastic apology.

791
00:29:11,346 --> 00:29:13,447
One of the best apologies
I've ever heard!

792
00:29:13,448 --> 00:29:14,915
Gave me the chills, that apology.

793
00:29:14,916 --> 00:29:16,751
Oh, my God! I feel like
getting down on my knees.

794
00:29:16,752 --> 00:29:18,252
I don't know what else to do!

795
00:29:18,253 --> 00:29:20,488
I wish that could be broadcast
on national television

796
00:29:20,489 --> 00:29:23,123
so people could hear what an
apology's supposed to sound like!

797
00:29:23,124 --> 00:29:24,825
- That's why you're my friend.
- Thank you.

798
00:29:24,826 --> 00:29:27,161
What a fantastic
fucking apology that was!

799
00:29:27,162 --> 00:29:28,980
Okay, thank you for...
thank you so much.

800
00:29:28,981 --> 00:29:29,963
That was so great.

801
00:29:29,964 --> 00:29:31,464
- Thank you very much.
- That was great.

802
00:29:31,465 --> 00:29:33,867
Thank you. I feel better.

803
00:29:33,868 --> 00:29:35,936
All right, okay. Everybody's here.

804
00:29:35,937 --> 00:29:38,172
- Let's eat!
- Let's eat! Beautiful!

805
00:29:38,173 --> 00:29:39,840
- Let's do it.
- Come on, everybody. Let's go!

806
00:29:39,841 --> 00:29:41,440
<i>(Larry claps hands) Dinner!</i>

807
00:29:43,711 --> 00:29:45,978
- Susie: <i>Larry, I want you here.
- Sure.</i>

808
00:29:45,979 --> 00:29:47,447
- Susie: <i>There.
- Got it.</i>

809
00:29:47,448 --> 00:29:49,548
<i>(chatter continues)</i>

810
00:29:51,285 --> 00:29:53,653
Larry: <i>Okay, let's try this rewrite.</i>

811
00:29:53,654 --> 00:29:55,888
...darling.

812
00:29:55,889 --> 00:29:58,224
- Woman: <i>Hello, darling.</i>
- Man:<i> Good morning.</i>

813
00:29:58,225 --> 00:30:01,194
- Woman: Yes.
- Hey, same pants as yesterday.

814
00:30:01,195 --> 00:30:04,197
What's this? What, are you
tracking my outfits now?

815
00:30:04,198 --> 00:30:05,832
Lin: <i>Just an observation.</i>

816
00:30:05,833 --> 00:30:08,835
<i>Huh. You know, for a guy
with so many other concerns,</i>

817
00:30:08,836 --> 00:30:11,737
my trousers should be
at the bottom of your list.

818
00:30:11,738 --> 00:30:12,691
Woman:<i> Yes.</i>

819
00:30:12,692 --> 00:30:14,139
Lin:<i> Well, as long as
we're talking about it,</i>

820
00:30:14,140 --> 00:30:16,274
am I crazy, or have you worn
them three days in a row?

821
00:30:16,275 --> 00:30:18,344
- Oh, come on.
- Hey, do me a favor, all right?

822
00:30:18,345 --> 00:30:20,679
Stop the tracking.
No one likes to be tracked!

823
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,248
Woman: <i>Yes. How would you
like it if</i> we<i> tracked you?</i>

824
00:30:23,249 --> 00:30:25,083
Do it. I'm in hiding with four outfits.

825
00:30:25,084 --> 00:30:26,752
You'll never see me doubling up.

826
00:30:26,753 --> 00:30:28,620
You know why? I rotate.

827
00:30:28,621 --> 00:30:30,989
All you gotta do is rotate, baby.

828
00:30:30,990 --> 00:30:32,556
(laughing)

829
00:30:35,294 --> 00:30:38,462
<i>- (music playing)
- (chatter, laughter)</i>

830
00:30:41,433 --> 00:30:44,269
What the hell is going on up there?

831
00:30:44,270 --> 00:30:46,804
(sniffs) What is that?
What is that, incense?

832
00:30:46,805 --> 00:30:49,306
Yeah, that's incense, brother. (sniffs)

833
00:30:49,307 --> 00:30:52,343
You don't burn incense
in someone else's house.

834
00:30:52,344 --> 00:30:55,480
It's like cooking fish or smoking
a cigar. It's a violation.

835
00:30:55,481 --> 00:30:58,282
- <i>(clamor continues)</i>
- What the hell are they doing?

836
00:30:58,283 --> 00:31:00,149
<i>(door knocker knocks)</i>

837
00:31:04,923 --> 00:31:06,857
Hi. Is Ernst here?

838
00:31:06,858 --> 00:31:08,324
And Valentina.

839
00:31:09,361 --> 00:31:11,428
- Upstairs.
- Great.

840
00:31:11,429 --> 00:31:13,264
Ooh, lovely home.

841
00:31:13,265 --> 00:31:15,933
Yeah. Yeah, really nice.

842
00:31:15,934 --> 00:31:18,101
Thanks for your hospitality.

843
00:31:24,375 --> 00:31:26,042
<i>(woman giggling)</i>

844
00:31:26,043 --> 00:31:27,844
- Ernst: <i>Hell-o.</i>
- Woman:<i> Hi.</i>

845
00:31:27,845 --> 00:31:31,947
- <i>(music blaring)</i>
- (chatter, laughter)

846
00:31:35,386 --> 00:31:37,921
They're swinging! They're swinging!

847
00:31:37,922 --> 00:31:40,889
<i>(woman squealing)</i>

848
00:32:08,284 --> 00:32:11,185
(gears rattling)

849
00:32:12,822 --> 00:32:15,523
<i>- (remote clatters)</i>
- Leon:<i> Whoo! (laughs)</i>

850
00:32:15,524 --> 00:32:17,492
You're a funny guy, man.

851
00:32:17,493 --> 00:32:19,261
You got all this sexual shit going on,

852
00:32:19,262 --> 00:32:21,263
I'm in the guesthouse chilling,
you don't tell me about it?

853
00:32:21,264 --> 00:32:24,166
- How many people were here?
- 15, at least.

854
00:32:24,167 --> 00:32:25,600
Well, why'd you let it go on?

855
00:32:25,601 --> 00:32:27,401
I thought you were in on it!
I didn't know!

856
00:32:27,402 --> 00:32:28,570
Have you lost your mind?

857
00:32:28,571 --> 00:32:30,071
You think I knew
what was going on here?

858
00:32:30,072 --> 00:32:32,073
I thought maybe you
were... were sleepfuckin'.

859
00:32:32,074 --> 00:32:33,708
- I don't know.
- Sleepfuckin'?

860
00:32:33,709 --> 00:32:35,343
Yeah. You know, subconsciously,

861
00:32:35,344 --> 00:32:38,580
your brain is fuckin',
but your conscious mind...

862
00:32:38,581 --> 00:32:40,414
I don't think I was sleepfuckin'.

863
00:32:40,415 --> 00:32:43,084
I have a hard enough time wakefuckin'.
How am I gonna sleepfuck?

864
00:32:43,085 --> 00:32:45,019
- Cousins are gone?
- Everybody left.

865
00:32:45,020 --> 00:32:47,488
All right, look, I got paintball today.

866
00:32:47,489 --> 00:32:48,789
We gotta get this place cleaned up.

867
00:32:48,790 --> 00:32:50,291
I can't deal with this today.

868
00:32:50,292 --> 00:32:51,458
Okay, I'll do it.

869
00:32:54,863 --> 00:32:57,965
They ransacked the fridge and
broke the goddamn Jacuzzi, too.

870
00:32:57,966 --> 00:33:00,100
- Bastards.
- What are you doing?

871
00:33:00,101 --> 00:33:02,736
Last time I wore these pants,
F. Murray outfit tracked me.

872
00:33:02,737 --> 00:33:05,105
I can't wear them around him anymore.
My favorite pants.

873
00:33:05,106 --> 00:33:07,073
- That's crazy, man.
- I'm so pissed.

874
00:33:07,074 --> 00:33:08,876
Just wear those.

875
00:33:08,877 --> 00:33:10,443
- These?
- <i>Those are nice.</i>

876
00:33:10,444 --> 00:33:12,111
Fine.

877
00:33:13,481 --> 00:33:15,281
Jesus, I'm so goddamn late.

878
00:33:15,282 --> 00:33:17,283
(chatter, laughter)

879
00:33:17,284 --> 00:33:19,419
Josh, I love you. You're
gonna get fuckin' shellacked

880
00:33:19,420 --> 00:33:20,720
if you're dancing out there.

881
00:33:20,721 --> 00:33:22,788
We're out here playing paintball, man!

882
00:33:22,789 --> 00:33:25,191
I go for the big dog.

883
00:33:25,192 --> 00:33:26,526
(laughs)

884
00:33:26,527 --> 00:33:28,495
I actually upgraded mine.

885
00:33:28,496 --> 00:33:30,629
Are you guys getting bitten up?

886
00:33:32,933 --> 00:33:35,267
- Hey. This is amazing.
- Larry: Hey!

887
00:33:35,268 --> 00:33:39,438
Yeah, uh, first of all,
so glad to see you here.

888
00:33:39,439 --> 00:33:40,873
You did it. You did this.

889
00:33:40,874 --> 00:33:44,243
I did, but something
did occur to me, though,

890
00:33:44,244 --> 00:33:45,745
um, however.

891
00:33:45,746 --> 00:33:49,281
Uh, if you had taken that commercial,

892
00:33:49,282 --> 00:33:51,116
the gross would have been 1,200,

893
00:33:51,117 --> 00:33:55,720
but the net would have been, like, 700.

894
00:33:55,721 --> 00:33:57,156
Maybe 750.

895
00:33:57,157 --> 00:33:58,890
Yeah, something like that.

896
00:33:58,891 --> 00:34:00,125
(scoffs)

897
00:34:00,126 --> 00:34:02,194
I'm actually...

898
00:34:02,195 --> 00:34:04,296
kind of losing money on this deal.

899
00:34:04,297 --> 00:34:07,432
'Cause if you were
only gonna make $700,

900
00:34:07,433 --> 00:34:09,634
and I gave you 1,200,

901
00:34:09,635 --> 00:34:13,939
you know, it kind of feels
like you owe me... 500.

902
00:34:13,940 --> 00:34:15,707
Am I wrong?

903
00:34:15,708 --> 00:34:17,475
- Larry, you gave me this gift.
- Yes.

904
00:34:17,476 --> 00:34:19,611
- I called you a prince.
- I am a prince.

905
00:34:19,612 --> 00:34:22,746
Now you're asking me
for a portion of the gift back.

906
00:34:22,747 --> 00:34:24,748
You're making a profit off this!

907
00:34:24,749 --> 00:34:26,451
I'm gonna call you a prick.

908
00:34:26,452 --> 00:34:28,953
With all due respect,
you are the prick.

909
00:34:28,954 --> 00:34:30,654
For accepting your gift?

910
00:34:30,655 --> 00:34:32,790
It shouldn't be a gift, though.
I'm not giving you a gift.

911
00:34:32,791 --> 00:34:35,126
- Wait, hang on, hang on.
- I'm not FICA.

912
00:34:35,127 --> 00:34:36,561
I paid you the gross,

913
00:34:36,562 --> 00:34:38,963
and I should have paid you the net.

914
00:34:38,964 --> 00:34:41,031
Why do you keep hiking
your britches up?

915
00:34:41,032 --> 00:34:43,033
Because I couldn't wear the
same pants two days in a row

916
00:34:43,034 --> 00:34:44,802
because I got an outfit tracker here,

917
00:34:44,803 --> 00:34:47,337
so I had to take these pants,
and they're too big on me,

918
00:34:47,338 --> 00:34:49,372
and I didn't have time
to put a belt on!

919
00:34:49,373 --> 00:34:51,240
I'm not giving you the money back.

920
00:34:53,745 --> 00:34:55,979
Have fun today, Larry.

921
00:34:55,980 --> 00:34:57,614
I'm not the bad guy here!

922
00:34:57,615 --> 00:35:00,917
I'm... I'm losing... uh...

923
00:35:00,918 --> 00:35:03,019
I... I'm not the bad guy.

924
00:35:03,020 --> 00:35:04,354
- Hey, Lar.
- Hey, Carly.

925
00:35:04,355 --> 00:35:05,622
- How you doing?
- Good.

926
00:35:05,623 --> 00:35:08,492
Larry, could I have
a word with you, please?

927
00:35:08,493 --> 00:35:10,860
If it isn't Big Murray. Hey.
You know what, Big Murray?

928
00:35:10,861 --> 00:35:13,896
'Cause of you, I couldn't wear
my favorite gray corduroys,

929
00:35:13,897 --> 00:35:16,298
and now I'm wearing pants
that are way too big for me.

930
00:35:16,299 --> 00:35:19,669
That's what I wanted to talk to you
about... that scene in the kitchen.

931
00:35:19,670 --> 00:35:20,937
Funny, huh?

932
00:35:20,938 --> 00:35:23,106
Well, it was a little insulting to me.

933
00:35:23,107 --> 00:35:25,875
Why? Nobody knows you're the
one who outfit tracked me.

934
00:35:25,876 --> 00:35:28,110
Oh, you make me very uncomfortable.

935
00:35:28,111 --> 00:35:30,912
- You know, you're judging me.
- I wasn't judging you.

936
00:35:30,913 --> 00:35:33,249
It felt like it was a thin
disguise for insulting me.

937
00:35:33,250 --> 00:35:36,218
No. I would insult you right
to your face, Big Murray.

938
00:35:36,219 --> 00:35:38,754
That's what I would think, that
you should insult me to my face,

939
00:35:38,755 --> 00:35:41,223
but the problem is, now I feel like

940
00:35:41,224 --> 00:35:43,359
I'm being tracked
because of what you did.

941
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:45,894
I can't get up in the morning
anymore without thinking,

942
00:35:45,895 --> 00:35:49,131
"Oh, gotta be careful.
Big Larry's watching you."

943
00:35:49,132 --> 00:35:51,566
Big Larry is not tracking Big Murray.

944
00:35:51,567 --> 00:35:53,702
Big Larry is tracking Big Murray.

945
00:35:53,703 --> 00:35:57,205
Big Larry has better things
to do than track Big Murray.

946
00:35:57,206 --> 00:35:58,640
Then why are you writing it all down?

947
00:35:58,641 --> 00:36:00,375
Hey, Larry, can I talk to you a second?

948
00:36:00,376 --> 00:36:02,009
- Excuse me, Murray. I'm sorry.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

949
00:36:02,010 --> 00:36:03,878
Be careful what you say
around this guy, huh?

950
00:36:03,879 --> 00:36:05,713
<i>He's a Murray tracker!</i>

951
00:36:05,714 --> 00:36:08,115
There's your outfit tracker,
right there.

952
00:36:08,116 --> 00:36:10,718
Hey, what's this I hear about you
asking Cody Gutcher for his money back?

953
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,987
Yeah, I asked Cody Gutcher
for my money back, yeah.

954
00:36:12,988 --> 00:36:15,390
But not all of it.
Just the money he owed me.

955
00:36:15,391 --> 00:36:18,425
Cody Gutcher is one of the best company
managers in the fuckin' country!

956
00:36:18,426 --> 00:36:20,494
We almost lost him to "Spring
Awakening," and we have him!

957
00:36:20,495 --> 00:36:22,563
I don't give a shit if Cody Gutcher
goes to "Spring Awakening!"

958
00:36:22,564 --> 00:36:24,865
I'm nice enough to give him $1,200,

959
00:36:24,866 --> 00:36:26,967
and he steals 450 of it!

960
00:36:26,968 --> 00:36:29,937
You're nice enough to do the gesture.
Finish the gesture.

961
00:36:29,938 --> 00:36:32,506
I did finish the gesture, then I
was expecting a gesture from him!

962
00:36:32,507 --> 00:36:34,708
No. "Here's a gesture. Where's
my gesture back, motherfucker?!"

963
00:36:34,709 --> 00:36:36,176
That's your version of a gesture?

964
00:36:36,177 --> 00:36:37,711
You got something off your chest.
Are you happy?

965
00:36:37,712 --> 00:36:39,446
- Yeah.
- I got something on my chest, okay?

966
00:36:39,447 --> 00:36:40,346
Go for it.

967
00:36:40,347 --> 00:36:42,949
Valentina Miranda and
her husband Ernst,

968
00:36:42,950 --> 00:36:45,018
who I was generous enough
to let stay in my house...

969
00:36:45,019 --> 00:36:47,187
Yeah, and I said, "Thank you."

970
00:36:47,188 --> 00:36:49,456
- They're swingers.
- Yeah, I know.

971
00:36:49,457 --> 00:36:51,524
You know they're swingers,
you don't tell me?!

972
00:36:51,525 --> 00:36:53,559
I told you they were
an interesting couple.

973
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:54,761
"Interesting" is not "swinging!"

974
00:36:54,762 --> 00:36:56,395
<i>I was there when you met them.</i>

975
00:36:56,396 --> 00:36:58,598
You said, "Make yourself at home.
Stay as long as you want."

976
00:36:58,599 --> 00:37:01,434
- So they entertained.
- Entertained?! That's playing mah-jongg!

977
00:37:01,435 --> 00:37:03,937
This was like a Roman
orgy, like Caligula!

978
00:37:03,938 --> 00:37:05,778
You know what you do in
someone else's house?

979
00:37:05,779 --> 00:37:07,373
- What?
- You tiptoe.

980
00:37:07,374 --> 00:37:10,075
You say please, you say
thank you, you clean up.

981
00:37:10,076 --> 00:37:11,711
"May I use your refrigerator?"

982
00:37:11,712 --> 00:37:14,714
Guests tiptoe! That's what you do!

983
00:37:14,715 --> 00:37:17,250
Oh, no, I wanna have fun at the
fuckin' Larry David house.

984
00:37:17,251 --> 00:37:19,652
Tiptoe and play mah-jongg,
that's your idea of fuckin' fun.

985
00:37:19,653 --> 00:37:21,387
You should've seen.
They trashed the whole house!

986
00:37:21,388 --> 00:37:25,490
And you know what else?
They broke my curtain remote!

987
00:37:25,491 --> 00:37:28,293
- What the fuck's a curtain remote?
- A curtain remote?

988
00:37:28,294 --> 00:37:31,663
It opens and closes, opens
and closes the curtains!

989
00:37:31,664 --> 00:37:33,232
Who needs a curtain remote?

990
00:37:33,233 --> 00:37:35,200
You fuckin' do this!
That's how you open a curtain!

991
00:37:35,201 --> 00:37:36,635
You've obviously never
used a curtain remote.

992
00:37:36,636 --> 00:37:38,570
Who would need one? It's a curtain!

993
00:37:38,571 --> 00:37:40,305
It's a good thing! It's a fun thing!

994
00:37:40,306 --> 00:37:42,674
If you ever did it, you
wouldn't even think about it!

995
00:37:42,675 --> 00:37:44,008
Well, I'm never coming to your house,

996
00:37:44,009 --> 00:37:45,342
'cause I don't want to tiptoe around

997
00:37:45,343 --> 00:37:47,278
and maybe get refrigerator privileges!

998
00:37:47,279 --> 00:37:49,280
You gesture-rescinding motherfucker!

999
00:37:49,281 --> 00:37:52,082
- (laughter)
- That's right. That's right.

1000
00:37:52,083 --> 00:37:55,386
At least I don't have cousins
who are sex degenerates!

1001
00:37:55,387 --> 00:37:57,187
(laughter, murmuring)

1002
00:37:57,188 --> 00:37:58,889
- What'd you say about my family?
- You Mirandas!

1003
00:37:58,890 --> 00:38:00,791
You don't give proper "thank yous,"

1004
00:38:00,792 --> 00:38:02,625
you don't give proper "sorrys,"

1005
00:38:02,626 --> 00:38:04,527
and you're a bunch of sex perverts!

1006
00:38:04,528 --> 00:38:07,264
All: Oh! (murmuring)

1007
00:38:07,265 --> 00:38:09,199
You've besmirched
the honor of my family,

1008
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,100
and I demand satisfaction.

1009
00:38:12,369 --> 00:38:15,872
Satisfaction... you shall have.

1010
00:38:15,873 --> 00:38:18,040
(all murmuring)

1011
00:38:19,576 --> 00:38:22,077
Cody: It's a duel.

1012
00:38:22,078 --> 00:38:24,681
These proceedings shall fall
under the auspices

1013
00:38:24,682 --> 00:38:28,284
of the Code Duello... Irish version.

1014
00:38:28,285 --> 00:38:31,086
I'm given to understand
that one of the gentlemen

1015
00:38:31,087 --> 00:38:33,756
has perceived a slight
and demands satisfaction.

1016
00:38:33,757 --> 00:38:35,424
That's correct.

1017
00:38:35,425 --> 00:38:37,993
Cody: <i>This is your final
chance to offer an apology,</i>

1018
00:38:37,994 --> 00:38:39,628
<i>thereby saving face.</i>

1019
00:38:39,629 --> 00:38:41,463
No apology is forthcoming.

1020
00:38:41,464 --> 00:38:43,732
<i>Very well. We shall proceed.</i>

1021
00:38:43,733 --> 00:38:45,466
Gentlemen, choose your weapon.

1022
00:38:50,006 --> 00:38:54,643
<i>Will anyone present stand as the
second to the offended party?</i>

1023
00:38:54,644 --> 00:38:55,910
I will.

1024
00:38:55,911 --> 00:38:57,446
Will anyone present stand forth

1025
00:38:57,447 --> 00:38:59,481
as the second to the transgressor?

1026
00:38:59,482 --> 00:39:01,883
I will.

1027
00:39:01,884 --> 00:39:04,052
Swell.

1028
00:39:04,053 --> 00:39:06,588
If the principals would
please hand their weapons

1029
00:39:06,589 --> 00:39:07,989
to their seconds

1030
00:39:07,990 --> 00:39:11,125
to be inspected and loaded
with one projectile.

1031
00:39:11,126 --> 00:39:13,461
- I don't know how to do this.
- What?

1032
00:39:13,462 --> 00:39:15,830
<i>Why'd you volunteer for second if
you don't know what you're doing?</i>

1033
00:39:15,831 --> 00:39:18,466
I'm from Newport Beach.
I've never loaded a gun before.

1034
00:39:18,467 --> 00:39:20,068
Give me the paintball.

1035
00:39:20,069 --> 00:39:22,536
- That's it. There's nothing to it.
- Sorry.

1036
00:39:22,537 --> 00:39:25,605
Very well. Please stand back-to-back.

1037
00:39:29,978 --> 00:39:31,846
Gentlemen, on my count,

1038
00:39:31,847 --> 00:39:34,982
you will proceed to walk ten paces,

1039
00:39:34,983 --> 00:39:36,517
at which point you will turn,

1040
00:39:36,518 --> 00:39:39,486
aim your weapons, and fire.

1041
00:39:41,789 --> 00:39:44,824
And ten, nine...

1042
00:39:44,825 --> 00:39:47,994
<i>(march playing)</i>

1043
00:39:50,331 --> 00:39:53,966
...eight, seven...

1044
00:39:57,071 --> 00:39:59,839
<i>...six, five,</i>

1045
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,975
four, three,

1046
00:40:02,976 --> 00:40:05,344
two, one!

1047
00:40:05,345 --> 00:40:07,480
- (pistol fires)
- (Lin gasps)

1048
00:40:07,481 --> 00:40:10,717
- Cody: <i>Lin!</i>
- Woman:<i> Oh, my God! >It's in his mouth!</i>

1049
00:40:10,718 --> 00:40:13,686
- Man:<i> Come on, Larry.</i>
- It was... it was an accident!

1050
00:40:13,687 --> 00:40:15,388
I was gonna fire in the air!

1051
00:40:15,389 --> 00:40:18,090
(muffled) Aaron Burr!

1052
00:40:18,091 --> 00:40:20,793
- Aaron Burr!
- Larry:<i> I'm not Aaron Burr!</i>

1053
00:40:20,794 --> 00:40:22,827
- Man: No, no, no!
- Cody: Lin!

1054
00:40:24,898 --> 00:40:26,731
(march playing)

1055
00:40:31,103 --> 00:40:33,405
(whispers) Where the fuck is he?
He says he was gonna be here!

1056
00:40:33,406 --> 00:40:35,441
- I don't know.
- I'm gonna fucking kill him.

1057
00:40:35,442 --> 00:40:38,644
Family, friends, and loved ones,

1058
00:40:38,645 --> 00:40:40,746
<i>we are gathered here today to celebrate</i>

1059
00:40:40,747 --> 00:40:43,281
<i>one of life's greatest moments...</i>

1060
00:40:43,282 --> 00:40:47,652
<i>the joining of two lives
in this union we call marriage.</i>

1061
00:40:47,653 --> 00:40:50,322
<i>Victor and Sammi have asked you today</i>

1062
00:40:50,323 --> 00:40:51,823
<i>to be here to bear witness</i>

1063
00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:53,624
<i>and to offer your love and support</i>

1064
00:40:53,625 --> 00:40:57,228
<i>as they embark on this next
chapter of their lives.</i>

1065
00:40:57,229 --> 00:41:00,966
Victor, we would be remiss if we
didn't thank you for your service.

1066
00:41:00,967 --> 00:41:05,770
<i>Now, please take each other's
hands for your vows.</i>

1067
00:41:05,771 --> 00:41:08,870
<i>Victor, do you take
Sammi to be your wife?</i>

1068
00:41:08,871 --> 00:41:09,941
Victor:<i> I do.</i>

1069
00:41:09,942 --> 00:41:11,943
Officiant: <i>Do you commit
yourself to her happiness</i>

1070
00:41:11,944 --> 00:41:14,844
<i>and self-fulfillment as a person?</i>

1071
00:41:16,081 --> 00:41:18,148
I... I do. I do.

1072
00:41:18,149 --> 00:41:19,346
Do you promise to love...

1073
00:41:19,347 --> 00:41:21,718
All right, enough, enough.
Excuse me, miss.

1074
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:23,287
- Out. You gotta go.
- What? What?

1075
00:41:23,288 --> 00:41:24,554
Get the hell outta here.

1076
00:41:24,555 --> 00:41:26,323
- And cover up!
- What?

1077
00:41:26,324 --> 00:41:27,757
Susie: <i>Sorry, everybody.</i>

1078
00:41:27,758 --> 00:41:30,194
It had to be done. We'll just continue.

1079
00:41:30,195 --> 00:41:32,863
C-Continue. Continue.

1080
00:41:32,864 --> 00:41:34,931
(siren wailing)

1081
00:41:34,932 --> 00:41:36,900
Larry: <i>I'm not Burr. I'm not Burr.</i>

1082
00:41:36,901 --> 00:41:38,301
I was gonna fire in the air!

1083
00:41:38,302 --> 00:41:39,636
You shot right at me, Larry.

1084
00:41:39,637 --> 00:41:41,037
No, it's Murray's fault,

1085
00:41:41,038 --> 00:41:42,506
because he was outfit tracking me

1086
00:41:42,507 --> 00:41:44,040
and I had to put on
a different pair of pants,

1087
00:41:44,041 --> 00:41:45,575
and they were too big
for me and they fell.

1088
00:41:45,576 --> 00:41:47,711
- (coughs)
- Anyway, I'm so sorry.

1089
00:41:47,712 --> 00:41:49,980
I'm really, really sorry.

1090
00:41:49,981 --> 00:41:53,082
Really... truly sorry.

1091
00:41:53,083 --> 00:41:55,251
- That's a pretty good apology.
- <i>Really?</i>

1092
00:41:55,252 --> 00:41:58,087
- It's commensurate with the offense.
- Yes?

1093
00:41:58,088 --> 00:42:01,324
Do you wanna apologize for falling
asleep during "Hamilton"?

1094
00:42:01,325 --> 00:42:02,116
Oh!

1095
00:42:02,117 --> 00:42:04,394
My wife told me you were
practically on her shoulder.

1096
00:42:04,395 --> 00:42:06,029
Okay, what happened was,

1097
00:42:06,030 --> 00:42:08,597
I had a pain pill in my
pocket that Jeff gave me,

1098
00:42:08,598 --> 00:42:11,199
because I injured my shoulder
wrestling with you.

1099
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:12,868
So in a way, you're a little...

1100
00:42:12,869 --> 00:42:14,670
I'm at fault for you
sleeping through my show?

1101
00:42:14,671 --> 00:42:16,104
I did see part of the show.

1102
00:42:16,105 --> 00:42:18,373
I have to say, I loved it.
It was terrific.

1103
00:42:18,374 --> 00:42:20,809
- Thank you.
- ♪ My name is Alexander Hamilton... ♪

1104
00:42:20,810 --> 00:42:22,511
I didn't see the end of the first act.

1105
00:42:22,512 --> 00:42:24,013
♪ And there's a million
things I haven't... ♪

1106
00:42:24,014 --> 00:42:25,280
- That's the very first song.
- Yeah.

1107
00:42:25,281 --> 00:42:26,814
- I'm gonna go back.
- Okay.

1108
00:42:26,815 --> 00:42:28,383
Any chance you could, uh...

1109
00:42:28,384 --> 00:42:30,585
I have to see what they say,
if they have tickets.

1110
00:42:30,586 --> 00:42:31,714
Two tickets. What's the...

1111
00:42:31,715 --> 00:42:33,855
I don't run the ticket
office, Larry David.

1112
00:42:33,856 --> 00:42:36,291
Make a phone call. What do you mean?
You wrote the show.

1113
00:42:36,292 --> 00:42:37,959
Oh, my God. (coughing)

1114
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,727
Hey, hey, you're spitting on me!

1115
00:42:39,728 --> 00:42:42,364
- Cover your mouth when you cough.
- Man, fuck you.

1116
00:42:42,365 --> 00:42:44,331
Oh, my God.

1117
00:42:44,332 --> 00:42:46,968
I gotta get to
Jeff's daughter's wedding!

1118
00:42:46,969 --> 00:42:48,335
- I'm late!
- What?

1119
00:42:48,336 --> 00:42:50,071
Yes, yeah, I'm speaking there! Hey!

1120
00:42:50,072 --> 00:42:51,806
- Driver.
- Hey, what the...

1121
00:42:51,807 --> 00:42:55,242
Can we make a quick stop?
It's just at that light.

1122
00:42:55,243 --> 00:42:56,711
It's about a half a mile
and you go up the hill.

1123
00:42:56,712 --> 00:42:58,713
And you can drop me off.
It's two minutes.

1124
00:42:58,714 --> 00:43:00,548
<i>No. This is not no fuckin' Uber.</i>

1125
00:43:00,549 --> 00:43:02,983
We gotta get this man to the hospital.
He's injured.

1126
00:43:02,984 --> 00:43:05,686
It's gonna be a lot worse for me.
You don't know this woman.

1127
00:43:05,687 --> 00:43:08,989
Fuck that woman! And fuck her wedding.
Get in the back.

1128
00:43:08,990 --> 00:43:10,524
- Okay.
- Fuck!

1129
00:43:10,525 --> 00:43:12,426
<i>Somebody strap him in!</i>

1130
00:43:12,427 --> 00:43:15,729
- (sighs)
- <i>(Lin coughing)</i>

1131
00:43:15,730 --> 00:43:18,966
Oh, yeah. Wait a second.

1132
00:43:18,967 --> 00:43:20,968
Wait a second, Charlie.

1133
00:43:20,969 --> 00:43:22,603
Who are you calling, Larry?

1134
00:43:22,604 --> 00:43:24,270
- This woman I met in a bar.
- <i>(touch-tones beeping)</i>

1135
00:43:24,271 --> 00:43:27,373
You're trying to get laid
on the way to the hospital?

1136
00:43:27,374 --> 00:43:30,110
Hey, Marie. It's Larry David.

1137
00:43:30,111 --> 00:43:31,612
Remember, I met you in the bar

1138
00:43:31,613 --> 00:43:34,280
<i>and you came and sat
at the table with us?</i>

1139
00:43:34,281 --> 00:43:36,516
Hey, I got a job for you.

1140
00:43:36,517 --> 00:43:38,750
<i>(music playing)</i>

1141
00:43:46,227 --> 00:43:49,461
Jeffrey, where's Larry?
He's still not here?

1142
00:43:49,462 --> 00:43:51,664
- I don't know.
- But we have to start the speeches.

1143
00:43:51,665 --> 00:43:52,698
Well, start the speeches!

1144
00:43:52,699 --> 00:43:54,566
Get the fuck outta my face!

1145
00:43:54,567 --> 00:43:56,836
Go away! Do the... the patrons.

1146
00:43:56,837 --> 00:44:00,039
- Jeff: <i>What are you doing?</i> _
- Susie:<i> Go do your job somewhere. Go!</i>

1147
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,874
<i>Jeff, can you call him again?</i>

1148
00:44:01,875 --> 00:44:03,976
<i>I'm not trying him again.
I called him, he didn't answer.</i>

1149
00:44:03,977 --> 00:44:06,278
Marie: I'm here. Hi. Sorry I'm late.

1150
00:44:06,279 --> 00:44:07,846
Oh, I'm Marie from the restaurant.

1151
00:44:07,847 --> 00:44:10,115
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- What are you doing here?

1152
00:44:10,116 --> 00:44:11,850
Hi. Larry couldn't be here...

1153
00:44:11,851 --> 00:44:14,085
- (sighs)
- ...but he asked me to stand in.

1154
00:44:14,086 --> 00:44:16,888
And don't worry, I have his speech.

1155
00:44:16,889 --> 00:44:18,257
<i>(Susie groans)</i>

1156
00:44:18,258 --> 00:44:21,091
<i>(glass clinking)</i>

1157
00:44:22,061 --> 00:44:24,529
"Hi. I'm Larry David."

1158
00:44:24,530 --> 00:44:25,797
Oh, no.

1159
00:44:25,798 --> 00:44:28,767
Her name's Marie. Larry rents her.

1160
00:44:28,768 --> 00:44:32,170
"And I just want to say how
thrilled I am to be here today,

1161
00:44:32,171 --> 00:44:34,472
and I am especially honored
to have been asked

1162
00:44:34,473 --> 00:44:37,709
<i>to speak at this blessed event.</i>

1163
00:44:37,710 --> 00:44:40,944
<i>I have known Sammi...</i> _

1164
00:44:40,945 --> 00:44:44,081
for her entire life, and frankly, I don't
even think she likes me very much.

1165
00:44:44,082 --> 00:44:47,652
<i>(chuckling) But I'm pretty sure I
feel that way about everybody.</i>

1166
00:44:47,653 --> 00:44:50,454
Sammi, I wish I had advice to offer you

1167
00:44:50,455 --> 00:44:52,923
on how to have a successful marriage,

1168
00:44:52,924 --> 00:44:55,458
but I'll just offer you two words:

1169
00:44:55,459 --> 00:44:57,227
- <i>separate bathrooms."</i>
- Separate bathrooms.

1170
00:44:57,228 --> 00:44:59,262
Okay, that's fine. Thank you very much.

1171
00:44:59,263 --> 00:45:01,538
So, Sammi and... what's
your name again, sir?

1172
00:45:01,539 --> 00:45:02,766
Thank you very much.

1173
00:45:02,767 --> 00:45:04,068
- Victor.
- Marie:<i> Oh, Victor!</i>

1174
00:45:04,069 --> 00:45:06,336
You need to be going right now.
Thank you.

1175
00:45:06,337 --> 00:45:07,831
I'm sorry, everyone...

1176
00:45:07,832 --> 00:45:09,073
Susie, can I, for my reel,
get a copy of that?

1177
00:45:09,074 --> 00:45:10,107
Yeah, good-bye.

1178
00:45:10,108 --> 00:45:12,209
Enjoy... uh, enjoy

1179
00:45:12,210 --> 00:45:14,976
the rest of the... party.

1180
00:45:21,519 --> 00:45:24,221
I talked to Lin's doctors.

1181
00:45:24,222 --> 00:45:26,923
They said he'll be fine
in about six months.

1182
00:45:26,924 --> 00:45:29,625
But he's moving on to other projects.

1183
00:45:29,626 --> 00:45:32,628
He's done. "Fatwa!" is over.

1184
00:45:32,629 --> 00:45:34,797
Our investments are gone.

1185
00:45:34,798 --> 00:45:37,299
Lewis lost money, Danson lost money.

1186
00:45:37,300 --> 00:45:39,501
I lost a ton, okay?

1187
00:45:39,502 --> 00:45:42,438
I told all these ladies I was
a big-time Broadway producer.

1188
00:45:42,439 --> 00:45:44,373
Now I ain't shit.

1189
00:45:44,374 --> 00:45:45,907
So how much did we lose, Jeffrey?

1190
00:45:45,908 --> 00:45:48,076
We lost a lot of money.

1191
00:45:48,077 --> 00:45:50,011
We're... we're gonna
have to sell the house.

1192
00:45:50,012 --> 00:45:53,314
We are not selling that fuckin' house.

1193
00:45:55,452 --> 00:45:58,353
Didn't you wear that sweater yesterday?

1194
00:46:00,624 --> 00:46:02,357
What did you say?

1195
00:46:02,358 --> 00:46:04,425
What the fuck did you just say?

1196
00:46:04,426 --> 00:46:06,027
Well, don't get so excited. It was...

1197
00:46:06,028 --> 00:46:07,662
Yeah, I wore this sweater yesterday.

1198
00:46:07,663 --> 00:46:10,098
So what? What, are you
outfit tracking me?

1199
00:46:10,099 --> 00:46:13,101
I'm not outfit tracking you.
I asked you a simple question.

1200
00:46:13,102 --> 00:46:15,403
Sure sounds like you're
outfit tracking. So what?

1201
00:46:15,404 --> 00:46:18,406
I didn't work out in it. I wasn't on the
subway. I didn't go in public toilets.

1202
00:46:18,407 --> 00:46:20,475
<i>The sweater's clean. You can wear
a sweater two days in a row.</i>

1203
00:46:20,476 --> 00:46:22,477
It's not a shirt. I don't wear
a shirt two days in a row.

1204
00:46:22,478 --> 00:46:24,879
- It's just a sweater.
- What are you, a fuckin' lunatic?

1205
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:26,714
You're an outfit tracker
and I don't like it!

1206
00:46:26,715 --> 00:46:28,783
You can wear the same
sweater two days in a... oh!

1207
00:46:28,784 --> 00:46:31,252
Here's your fruit salad
and your veggie burger.

1208
00:46:31,253 --> 00:46:34,989
Oh, veggie burger. Beautiful, beautiful.
Thank you.

1209
00:46:34,990 --> 00:46:37,391
Hello?

1210
00:46:37,392 --> 00:46:38,558
<i>Where's my food?</i>

1211
00:46:38,559 --> 00:46:41,461
Aw. We'll start.

1212
00:46:41,462 --> 00:46:43,664
<i>Mmm. This is fantastic!</i>

1213
00:46:43,665 --> 00:46:45,399
Mmm!

1214
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:46,432
Great!

1215
00:46:50,138 --> 00:46:54,240
♪ For a spoonful of sugar ♪

1216
00:46:54,241 --> 00:46:56,976
♪ Helps the medicine go down ♪

1217
00:46:56,977 --> 00:46:59,112
♪ The medicine go down ♪

1218
00:46:59,113 --> 00:47:00,647
♪ The medicine go down ♪

1219
00:47:00,648 --> 00:47:04,083
- ♪ For a spoonful of sugar... ♪
- Man: Hey! Hey!

1220
00:47:04,084 --> 00:47:06,252
I know who you are.

1221
00:47:06,253 --> 00:47:10,122
Yeah. You're Larry David.

1222
00:47:11,258 --> 00:47:14,327
- No, no, no...
- (speaking Farsi)

1223
00:47:14,328 --> 00:47:16,095
The fatwa's... the fatwa's over!

1224
00:47:16,096 --> 00:47:17,797
- They called the fatwa off!
- I don't believe you!

1225
00:47:17,798 --> 00:47:19,933
You're a liar! You're a blasphemer!

1226
00:47:19,934 --> 00:47:22,035
- No! No! Didn't they tell you?
- (Farsi continues)

1227
00:47:22,036 --> 00:47:24,670
No! No, it's true! They called it off!

1228
00:47:24,671 --> 00:47:26,104
No! No!

1229
00:47:26,105 --> 00:47:28,140
- They... they called it off!
- <i>Stop! Stop!</i>

1230
00:47:28,141 --> 00:47:29,141
No! No!

1231
00:47:29,142 --> 00:47:31,977
Larry David, I am gonna kill you!

1232
00:47:31,978 --> 00:47:33,212
Larry: It's over!

1233
00:47:33,616 --> 00:47:39,616
Subtitle sync and corrections by
<font color="#FF0000"><b>awaqeded</b></font> for <font color="#FF0000"><b>www.addic7ed.com.</b></font>

1234
00:47:39,984 --> 00:47:43,686
<i>(theme music playing)</i>