1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 2 00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:17,083 What does it take to be a "Girls Gone Wild" girl? 3 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,517 You have to show your...! 4 00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:32,089 Those girls from Cancun are wild. 5 00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:33,963 Yes, they are, but if you want 6 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,594 to see how wild they really get, you've gotta get the video. 7 00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:41,198 - Hello? - Hey. 8 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,709 - Hey. - Channel 57. 9 00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:47,042 - Yeah, I'm watching. - Oh ho ho ho! 10 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,743 - What's going on in the world? - They're college girls. They're wild. 11 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,252 - They've gone wild. - We've gotta have it. 12 00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:56,847 - Okay. - I can't have it sent to my house. 13 00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,257 - Susie'll kill me. - I don't want it sent here. 14 00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:02,887 - How about your office? - Okay, good, my office. 15 00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:04,521 Okay, I'll order it on the phone. 16 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,361 - Okay. - Okay, bye. 17 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,629 "...Ultimate Spring Break" absolutely free. 18 00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:11,262 - You won't believe the insanity... - Larry? 19 00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:16,431 Oh, have you seen my Palm Pilot? 20 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,944 Palm Pilot? It's not here, no. 21 00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:20,104 What are you watching? 22 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,670 Just flipping around. 23 00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:24,512 Um, what are we doing about the poison oak in the backyard? 24 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:27,247 I thought you were supposed to be taking care of that. 25 00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:30,347 Jeff's got this Indian guy. They're immune to it. 26 00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,221 - Wandering Bear, yeah. - Okay. 27 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,556 Um, I'm gonna see Jeff tomorrow. 28 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:36,687 - I'll mention it to him. - Okay. 29 00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:38,720 I'll take care of it, okay. 30 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:43,498 And, um, while we're here, have you noticed that we have 31 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:46,699 not had sex in a very long time? 32 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:48,730 I'm watching this thing about hippos. 33 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,073 This is the longest we've gone since we've been married. 34 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,045 - I had the dog bite. - I know. That was awhile ago. 35 00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:55,104 It's better, isn't it? 36 00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,844 You went off the pill. What are we supposed to do? 37 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,318 So we use condoms or something. 38 00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:02,150 I can't use condoms. First of all, 39 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,588 I'm embarrassed to buy 'em, and I'm not good at it. 40 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,353 Why don't we do this? 41 00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:09,293 I'll call and make an appointment for you to have a vasectomy 42 00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:11,923 and then we don't have to worry about this any longer. 43 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,365 - Okay, fine. - No no, but I want you to think about... 44 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,664 I'll get the condoms. I'll get the condoms. 45 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,898 - Okay. - Okay. 46 00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:20,633 So have you seen my Palm Pilot? 47 00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:23,540 It's not here. It's downstairs. I think it's downstairs. 48 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,807 ...see and hear underwater and they're well insulated. 49 00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:29,679 Don't miss the videos everyone's talking about. 50 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,946 "Girls Gone Wild Ultimate Spring Break" 51 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,782 on video or DVD for just $9.99. 52 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,880 Yes, I was, uh, I was thinking about ordering 53 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:39,448 the tape, the videotape... 54 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:44,395 about the college girls and the wild, the wildness. 55 00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:47,331 They're going wild or something. 56 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,494 Somebody told me about going wild. 57 00:02:57,777 --> 00:03:00,337 Hey. 58 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,348 What's the matter? 59 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:06,746 Marvin and I broke up. 60 00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:10,153 I mean, I can't believe it. Larry, I can't believe it. 61 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,680 How come? 62 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:15,125 I-I just... I can't say. It's too personal. 63 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,890 Too personal? 64 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:19,364 I just don't understand, Larry, why it happened. 65 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,991 Everything was going so well. 66 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,002 I thought we were gonna maybe get married. 67 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,732 I just... I didn't see this coming at all. 68 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:29,139 I mean how can things be going so well one day and you're planning a trip, 69 00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:31,939 and then the next day it's over? 70 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,173 What are those, Mentos? 71 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,678 Mmm. Boy, that's really good. 72 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,846 That is a hell of a candy, you know that? 73 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,186 How do they get the essence of orange like that? 74 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,625 It's amazing, just with chemicals. 75 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:52,290 Well, I got a couple of things for you to do. 76 00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:53,890 I need you to get some cash for me. 77 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:57,130 And I got a corn. I need some Freeze On. 78 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,365 - I hope that'll get rid of it. - Mm-hmm. 79 00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:02,533 - One ounce or two? - Get some Mentos for me. 80 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:06,944 Fill up my car with mints and gum and good fresh-breath stuff. 81 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,175 A lot of fresh, freshness. 82 00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,183 So I'll just reach into the well 83 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:13,583 and I'll just have an unlimited good breath supply. 84 00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:18,080 And, uh, cancel lunch with, uh, Jason Small for me. 85 00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:20,684 Okay, cancel lunch, and why? 86 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:24,493 I don't know. Tell him it's my mother's unveiling or something. 87 00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:30,392 Okay, so lie and then get some treats for the car? 88 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,370 Yeah. 89 00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,965 Anything else? 90 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,999 Well, your mail is here. 91 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,270 "Girls Gone Wild," Larry? 92 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,111 Hey, what are you doing opening my mail? 93 00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:45,242 I thought it was my mail. I ordered a Pilates video. 94 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,014 Look, it says "Larry David" on it. 95 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,988 Well, I was a little distracted. 96 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,991 Anyway it's not for me, it's for Jeff. 97 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,515 - For Jeff? - Yeah. 98 00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:56,027 Come on. "Girls Gone Wild"? 99 00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:58,326 It's supposed to be "College Girls Gone Wild." 100 00:04:58,364 --> 00:05:00,889 "College Girls Gone Wild"? Better... they're younger. 101 00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,764 Yeah, "College Girls Gone Wild." 102 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,827 Do you know what that does to women? 103 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,101 Terrible, I agree with you. It's terrible. 104 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,005 Do Jeff a favor and throw that away. 105 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,873 - I intend to talk to him. - Good, Larry. 106 00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:13,674 Why the hell does he need this stuff? 107 00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:16,371 - Hey. - Hey. 108 00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,179 I, uh... 109 00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,447 got you what you need. 110 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,647 Everlast condoms, my friend. 111 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,418 - Hey. - The best in the business. 112 00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,425 Really? Oh, thank you. 113 00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:28,825 With those babies you're never gonna stop. 114 00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:32,024 - Never gonna stop? - Never gonna stop. 115 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,863 - I want one called "Get It Over With." - Not Everlast? 116 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,028 How long you think I'd want to do that for? 117 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,867 All night long, I would've guessed. 118 00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,736 It gets boring, come on. 119 00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:43,503 - Fucking's boring? - It doesn't get boring after awhile? 120 00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:45,170 It's a bore. 121 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:47,042 No, it doesn't get boring. 122 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,742 What is it? It's enough, in and out. 123 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:52,649 These things, by the way, really give me problems anyway. 124 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:55,051 - I don't know what... can't get them on! - Just roll them... 125 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,578 Come on, they fit me. 126 00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:58,112 You gotta get them on so fast. 127 00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:01,752 - Who's timing you? - Hmm. 128 00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:03,819 They'll make you a different kind of man. 129 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,388 So they really make you, like, last? Everlast? 130 00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:08,297 All night long. 131 00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:10,199 Thank you for getting them for me. 132 00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:13,137 - I'm embarrassed to go to the store. - My pleasure. 133 00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:15,800 Remember that Indian you were telling me about? 134 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:18,174 - Yeah, Wandering Bear. - I need his number. 135 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,271 I'll be glad to give it to you. But don't say you got it from me. 136 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,874 He's pissed off at me 'cause Susie doesn't want me 137 00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:26,783 to pay him because he went $200 over the estimate. 138 00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:29,310 - But it's an estimate. - It's an estimate! 139 00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:32,381 Hey, what's going on with your gal down the hall there? 140 00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,859 She's crying and... 141 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,328 I'm having a lot of problems with her. 142 00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,058 You know, first of all... 143 00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:43,262 - her boyfriend broke up with her. - Yeah? 144 00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:45,793 And frankly, I'd like to do the same. 145 00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:47,999 - Why don't you fire her? - I can't. 146 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,804 - Why? - Because she knows everything about me. 147 00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,401 She knows my dietary habits. 148 00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:55,676 She knows about all my web of lies and bullshit and deceit. 149 00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:59,378 - She knows more than Cheryl does. - You can't fire her. 150 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,512 - She'll destroy me. - You're trapped. 151 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:05,046 I'm trapped for life. She doesn't want to do anything else... this is it. 152 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,252 Oh, dear God, you're trapped! 153 00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:09,955 You know what else she knows? 154 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,964 She knows about this. 155 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:15,991 Oh man, it came! Wow, "College Girls Gone Wild." 156 00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:18,265 Look at that. We can go to my house and watch it. 157 00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:20,465 Oh, yeah, we'll have an "Auto Focus" party. 158 00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,030 "Auto Focus" party? 159 00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:26,140 I got the big screen, we can watch it. 160 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,976 Which character are you gonna be? 161 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,175 - I'm Bob Crane. - You're Bob Crane? 162 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,808 You can be the freakish guy. 163 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,376 - I'll be Willem Dafoe. - He's a freak. 164 00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:42,486 It's the hottest "Girls Gone Wild" video ever! 165 00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,860 I'm having so much trouble with these glasses. 166 00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:47,365 - I got these blended bifocals. - Yeah. 167 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,300 And I can't get... I can't get used to them. 168 00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:52,099 - Just watch. - You know what? 169 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,902 I wanna go to the car and get my other glasses, okay? 170 00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,603 - Go ahead. - Pause it. I'll be back in two seconds. 171 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,941 - No, I'm not gonna pause it. - What do you mean? 172 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,174 I'm not a pauser. I don't like pausing. 173 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,240 Well, you're just not being very fair. 174 00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:05,773 Fine! 175 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,012 Hurry up! 176 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:26,570 - Ready? - Yeah, that's more like it. 177 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,902 - Have you seen Oscar? - No. 178 00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:34,412 Oscar?! 179 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:37,439 Did you leave the door open? 180 00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:42,251 - Yeah, when l... - God damn it. 181 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,053 What, I... 182 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,521 Oscar! 183 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,686 Oscar! 184 00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,992 Oscar! 185 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:54,295 - Oscar! - Oscar! 186 00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:58,064 - Oskie! - Oscar! 187 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,177 - See that? - What? 188 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,941 I waved to a guy in a Prius and he didn't wave back. 189 00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:10,039 I don't wave to people with the same car as me. 190 00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:12,380 We're Prius drivers... we're a special breed. 191 00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:14,283 A special breed. 192 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,948 You know what? I wanna see what's up with that guy. 193 00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:19,514 See what's up with that guy? What are you doing? 194 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,654 What are you gonna do after you catch him? 195 00:09:23,696 --> 00:09:26,096 Nothin'. 196 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,360 Oh my God! 197 00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,129 Oscar. 198 00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:35,436 Oscar! 199 00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:38,136 Oh my God, are you okay? 200 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:40,975 - Oskie, are you okay, boy? - He seems okay. 201 00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:43,208 He's not bleeding or anything. 202 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,218 Let me see if he can stand. Come on, stand up, Oskie. 203 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,379 - Oh, yeah. - He seems fine. 204 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,616 Aw. 205 00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:53,352 What do you want to do? Should we take him to the vet? 206 00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:55,155 He seems okay. 207 00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:57,594 He actually does seem okay. 208 00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,928 All right, we'll go back to the house. 209 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:02,127 We'll put the video in, 210 00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:05,194 watch it and the whole time we'll monitor Oscar. 211 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,933 Yeah, we'll watch the video, 212 00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:10,704 and we'll keep an eye on him at the same time. 213 00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:13,211 I'm not saying don't take him to the vet if he needs to. 214 00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:15,213 We'll watch the video and monitor him. 215 00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:17,613 Video and monitor, that's it. 216 00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:21,950 - Let's get him in the car. - Do not tell anyone about this. 217 00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:24,479 Well, he knows about it. Good thing he can't talk. 218 00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:26,491 Come on, pal, hop in. 219 00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:28,493 - He seems okay. - He seems fine. 220 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:31,223 - Huh, is it my imagination? - No, he seems fine. 221 00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:33,424 - I think he seems okay. - Yeah. 222 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,128 I got news for you. I don't even think I hit him. 223 00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:37,692 I don't think you hit him, either. 224 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,728 - I did not hit that dog. - You did not hit that dog. 225 00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,296 Hey, let's make a pact right now. 226 00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,308 If we notice anything wrong while watching, 227 00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:45,401 we're gonna stop the tape and take him to the vet. 228 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:48,413 - Immediately. Let's go. - Immediately. 229 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,685 See, it pays to lay off that sex for a while. 230 00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:03,990 It kind of reminds me of when Mantle was injured in '63. 231 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:06,294 He was out for about two months. 232 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,232 Comes back, first at bat, 233 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:11,168 out of the park, home run. 234 00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:14,070 Huh? It's kind of similar. 235 00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:18,005 What? 236 00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:20,877 There's something really 237 00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:24,679 strange happening. 238 00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:27,185 I am completely numb. 239 00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:28,618 Yeah. 240 00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:30,383 - Down there? - Yeah. 241 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,618 I can't feel anything. 242 00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:33,818 - Really? - Yeah. 243 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,919 Hmm. 244 00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:39,760 I don't know why. This has never happened before. 245 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:44,236 Well, it has something to do with the condom? 246 00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:47,068 I don't know why it would. 247 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,003 "Everlast... 248 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,033 lasts all night. 249 00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:56,447 Contains the numbing agent... 250 00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:59,110 lidocaine." 251 00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:05,115 What? 252 00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:08,786 I must have put it on inside out. 253 00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:11,661 Inside out? Honestly, you don't know how to put this on? 254 00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:15,133 I just... I didn't... no, I slipped it on the way you're supposed to put it on. 255 00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:17,328 15-year-old boys do it every day. 256 00:12:17,369 --> 00:12:20,133 - It's not hard! - I don't use it often. I slipped it on. 257 00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:22,140 There's no instructions or anything. 258 00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:24,904 - I rolled it down. - There's a wrong and a right way. 259 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:28,243 You're the one who wanted to wear the condom. 260 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,613 You didn't tell me you didn't know how to put it on, Larry. Jesus. 261 00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:33,914 I didn't know you could put it on inside out! 262 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,921 - Hello? - Hey. 263 00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:42,655 Hey, that condom you gave me, Everlast? 264 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,822 - There's something wrong with it. - What? 265 00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,456 I put it on inside out by mistake. 266 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,660 Now Cheryl's all numb in her vagina. 267 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,498 Don't you know how to put a rubber on? 268 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:53,994 It's dark... who can read? I can't start reading instructions. 269 00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:55,404 How could you have done that? 270 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,103 I knew there was something uncomfortable about it. 271 00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,874 It was really like squeezing the life out of me. 272 00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:02,744 They're designed to go the other way. 273 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,409 Then you last and you last. 274 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,782 - Have you ever heard of this before? - What? 275 00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:09,947 - The numb vagina? - We got bigger problems. 276 00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:12,549 - What? - Oscar is not good. 277 00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:14,855 He's just lethargic as can be 278 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:18,330 and his bark is like... 279 00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:21,231 - emasculated. - You think it's from the incident? 280 00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:24,725 - Yes, I think it has. - Jeffrey! 281 00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:28,001 - Susie knows something's going down. - Where are you? 282 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,565 You listen and you listen good. You keep that trap shut. 283 00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:33,271 What did you do to this dog?! Something's wrong with Oscar! 284 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,280 Susie's yelling. I gotta get going. 285 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:37,407 I'm sorry about Cheryl's vagina. 286 00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:39,917 - What's wrong with him? - I'll talk to you later, bye. 287 00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:47,556 Hey! 288 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,494 How is it? 289 00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:54,021 It feels like it's been shot with novocaine. 290 00:13:54,066 --> 00:13:55,499 - Oh my God. - There's nothing. 291 00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:58,526 I'm really sorry. 292 00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:03,799 Hi, Wandering Bear. 293 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,243 How's it going? 294 00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:07,836 Good. 295 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,144 Okay. 296 00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:13,618 Hey, I'm sorry about that situation with Jeff and Susie. 297 00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:17,787 You should just go there and demand that they pay you 298 00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:20,519 the money they owe you. I guarantee you'll get it. 299 00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:26,063 There's an old Indian saying, 300 00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:27,929 "What goes around comes around." 301 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:30,299 You sure that's Indian? 302 00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:32,463 I thought that was English. 303 00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:34,404 It could apply to anyone. 304 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,399 Hey, Wandering Bear, let me ask you a question. 305 00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:42,471 You're a shaman of sorts. 306 00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:45,415 You know all about plants and herbs 307 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:48,011 and you're kind of a medicine man in a way. 308 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,647 Last night... 309 00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:54,523 I put a condom on inside out. 310 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,529 And my wife's vagina is completely numb. 311 00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:00,031 Do you know of any... 312 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:03,967 herbal remedy that might work for her? 313 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:14,608 Hmm... 314 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,411 give me a pencil and paper. 315 00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:20,111 Well, I have a pen. 316 00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:23,280 Same thing. 317 00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:25,051 Well... 318 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,785 yeah, but you said pencil, 319 00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:29,259 so I just thought I'd mention that I had a pen. 320 00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:34,324 They both perform the same function. 321 00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:37,335 That's true. Pencil has an eraser. 322 00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:39,894 You make a mistake, you can erase. 323 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:43,375 So there's a slight difference. Some people are very specific about it. 324 00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:48,904 - One writes, the other writes. - But you did say pencil. 325 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,231 Is that a "Y"? 326 00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:15,434 That's a "T." 327 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,102 Thank you, Wandering Bear. 328 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,710 What? 329 00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:43,864 - Hey. - Hey. 330 00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:47,133 You forgot to cancel that lunch with Jason Small. 331 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,572 Oh! Oh, yeah. 332 00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,735 He called my house. It was kind of embarrassing. 333 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,039 Really? Wow. 334 00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:56,605 Oh, gosh, I'm really sorry about that. 335 00:16:56,648 --> 00:16:59,549 Um, today I need you to go to Mel Brooks's office 336 00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:01,678 and pick up some music for me. 337 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,984 Then I need you to go to my business manager's office, 338 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,457 there's a package which I need you to bring to my house. 339 00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:10,451 Uh, hey, let me ask you, um, like a guy question. 340 00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:12,157 Sure. 341 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,927 At home my machine is full of all these hang-ups. 342 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,400 Yeah? 343 00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:19,563 I'm wondering if it's Marvin because he wants to talk to me. 344 00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,971 - Of course. Yes yes. - Is it? 345 00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,532 So I don't know what to do. 346 00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:27,340 I mean clearly he's reaching out, 347 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,109 but I shouldn't make the first move, right? 348 00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:34,142 Yeah, you want to get the phone? 349 00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:35,744 Should I make the first... 350 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,517 - No. - I should stand my ground. 351 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:38,716 Mmm-hmm. 352 00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:40,657 Okay, thanks, Larry. 353 00:17:40,692 --> 00:17:43,160 Hello? Larry David's... hello? 354 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,660 Wandering Bear cured her vagina. 355 00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:54,297 He wrote down this thing... it's a root or something. 356 00:17:54,339 --> 00:17:56,170 She went to a health food store. 357 00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:59,268 I spoke to her on the phone... she's better. 358 00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:01,711 Wandering Bear cures vaginas? 359 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,908 That guy is some kind of magician or something. 360 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,349 I wish I had special powers over the vagina. 361 00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:08,080 How's, uh, how's Oscar, by the way? 362 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,451 Not good. 363 00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:12,457 He's, uh, just moping around, same old thing, 364 00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:14,015 making those noises. 365 00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:15,253 Susie took him to the vet. 366 00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,455 Did you say anything? 367 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:20,762 Okay? 368 00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:23,893 Oh, hey, by the way, here, you can have these condoms back. 369 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,461 No, I'm not using them anymore. 370 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:27,802 My doctor told me not to. 371 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,400 He says it's no good for me to keep going and going. 372 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,205 It's not good for my heart. 373 00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:34,075 Wow. 374 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,637 It's a rubber for a young man. 375 00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:38,206 You know what? You might be right about that. 376 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:40,081 Okay, that's who it's for. 377 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,952 Hey, my 5-wood's coming in today at 4:30. Let's go get it. 378 00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:45,957 - All right, I'll pick you up at 4:30. - Beautiful. 379 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:56,425 Hey. 380 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:59,198 - Hi. - Hi. 381 00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,001 What did the vet say? 382 00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:03,906 He said that Oscar's voice box is damaged as though somebody 383 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:07,810 - was trying to strangle him. - Strangle the dog? 384 00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:11,077 Ssomebody was trying to choke him. Who could that be, I wonder? 385 00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:14,347 What, who would want to do something like that? 386 00:19:14,386 --> 00:19:16,217 The dog bit your penis so you're trying 387 00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:18,086 to fucking kill him? Is that what it is? 388 00:19:18,123 --> 00:19:21,024 - No, that's ridiculous! - Really? Then what happened? 389 00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:22,959 How come he can't speak? What's wrong with him? 390 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,587 I don't know, maybe he got hit by a car. 391 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,791 Oh, please, he's gonna get hit by a car, how? 392 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,266 Well, maybe somebody left the door open. 393 00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:31,769 Who's gonna leave the door open and let him out? 394 00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:33,327 Jeff could have. 395 00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:35,704 Jeff, did you leave the door open? 396 00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,642 - Yeah, exactly. - I'm not saying he did it on purpose. 397 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,770 Maybe he went to get something from his car. 398 00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:42,609 Maybe you didn't try to strangle him, 399 00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:45,412 but something else happened, and you were involved, 400 00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:48,681 and I am gonna get to the bottom of this. 401 00:19:58,230 --> 00:19:59,595 Hi, Wandering Bear. 402 00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:01,462 Hello. 403 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,491 How is your vagina? 404 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,935 It's... 405 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,669 getting better. 406 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,700 Good. 407 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:27,822 Wandering Bear just asked me how my vagina is. 408 00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:31,158 Well, I'm sure he just wanted to see if his cure was working. 409 00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:33,187 I don't appreciate strangers 410 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,462 asking me about my vagina. God. 411 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:39,698 - Wait a second. Did you thank him? - No. 412 00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:42,502 You could have at least expressed some gratitude. 413 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,475 He did cure your vagina, did he not? 414 00:20:49,881 --> 00:20:51,746 Hey, Wandering Bear... 415 00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:57,048 might not be such a good idea 416 00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,024 to ask my wife how her vagina is. 417 00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:02,618 I don't know how it is with American Indians, 418 00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:06,495 but the Jew generally doesn't ask other men's wives about their vagina. 419 00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:09,967 It's a custom thing. 420 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:13,062 Well, if you take her to the white man doctor, 421 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,370 he will not only ask about her vagina, 422 00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:18,273 he'll look. 423 00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:21,370 Good point, Wandering Bear, good point. 424 00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:23,381 Anyway, it's really working out. 425 00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:26,407 She's feeling a lot better. Thanks again. 426 00:21:32,691 --> 00:21:35,387 Hey. Here are the papers 427 00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:38,225 from your business manager's office. 428 00:21:38,263 --> 00:21:40,527 So... 429 00:21:40,565 --> 00:21:43,125 What about the music from Mel's office? 430 00:21:43,168 --> 00:21:46,535 Oh, Larry, was I supposed to pick that up? 431 00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:48,596 Yeah. 432 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,608 I'm sorry. I totally forgot. 433 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:53,236 Uh-huh, just like you forgot to call Jason Small 434 00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:56,008 and cancel the lunch appointment. 435 00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,881 Okay, fine, I'm sorry. 436 00:21:58,917 --> 00:22:00,976 I'm terrible. I'm a bad assistant. 437 00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:02,748 You know, I don't need this. 438 00:22:02,788 --> 00:22:04,756 Do your own errands, run your own life. 439 00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:07,281 - I'm done. No, I quit, Larry. - What are you talking about? 440 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,294 - What? - I don't need this anymore. 441 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:12,627 - No, you can't quit. - Tell Jason Small, or maybe I will, 442 00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,325 about your mom's fake unveiling. 443 00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:16,095 How about that? Isn't that nice? 444 00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:18,034 And I'm sure Cheryl would love to hear 445 00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:20,436 about "College Girls Gone Wild." 446 00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:24,772 Yeah, Cheryl, that's right. "College Girls Gone Wild," Cheryl, it's hot! 447 00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:27,711 You know what? Everybody's gonna know every lie, every deceit, 448 00:22:27,746 --> 00:22:30,180 every half-truth you have ever told, mister! 449 00:22:30,215 --> 00:22:31,648 Eight years of service! 450 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:34,481 Come on, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 451 00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:36,384 I'm sorry. I apologize. 452 00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:37,718 But you can't quit. 453 00:22:37,756 --> 00:22:40,088 Come on, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! 454 00:22:40,125 --> 00:22:42,093 Larry? 455 00:22:42,127 --> 00:22:44,493 What are you doing? What's going on? 456 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:47,293 She quit. She quit. She's gonna expose me to the world. 457 00:22:47,332 --> 00:22:50,665 She said she's gonna tell everybody about my lies and my deceit. 458 00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:53,136 And I said terrible things about so many people. 459 00:22:53,171 --> 00:22:56,538 And you and Jeff and Susie and Louis, everybody I know and... 460 00:22:56,575 --> 00:22:58,566 What have you said about me? 461 00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:00,305 - Oh, did I say you? - Yeah. 462 00:23:00,345 --> 00:23:02,313 No no, I didn't mean you. No, the others. 463 00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:03,780 The others, not you. 464 00:23:03,815 --> 00:23:06,579 But the point is that I'm gonna be ruined, you understand? 465 00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:10,054 - We're gonna have to move. - Why was she so upset? 466 00:23:10,088 --> 00:23:12,682 I yelled at her. She was supposed to do some stuff for me. 467 00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:15,420 - She didn't do it. - I'm sure she'll be fine once she... 468 00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:18,361 She hasn't been fine since she broke up with her boyfriend. 469 00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,831 That's the whole problem. 470 00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:24,063 See, now if I could get those two back together... 471 00:23:26,204 --> 00:23:29,503 I need to talk to her boyfriend. I got news for you. 472 00:23:29,541 --> 00:23:31,338 Okay. 473 00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:34,004 That's what I need to do. 474 00:23:47,192 --> 00:23:49,490 - Hey, Marv. - Hi, Larry. 475 00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:53,793 - I came to see you. - Okay, yeah, sit down. 476 00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:56,392 - Yeah? - Yeah, sure. 477 00:23:56,435 --> 00:24:00,235 So, uh, I wanted to talk to you about Antoinette. 478 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:03,264 Oh, uh, yeah, that's, um... 479 00:24:03,308 --> 00:24:06,744 that's a tough, uh, a tough situation. 480 00:24:06,778 --> 00:24:08,507 I don't understand what happened. 481 00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:10,242 You were such a great couple and... 482 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,250 Yeah, you know, she's a great gal. 483 00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:14,013 She really is. I love her... 484 00:24:14,052 --> 00:24:15,815 What are you breaking up with her for? 485 00:24:15,854 --> 00:24:18,823 You know, it's personal. 486 00:24:18,857 --> 00:24:21,451 I know. That's what she said. 487 00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:23,757 It's, uh... 488 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,319 Pour it out, buddy. 489 00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:29,297 It's sexual, sexual. 490 00:24:29,334 --> 00:24:32,701 Marvin, I've had every sexual problem known to mankind. 491 00:24:32,737 --> 00:24:34,432 What is it, you're impotent? 492 00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,998 I've gone 10 years with no erection. What is that? 493 00:24:37,042 --> 00:24:38,441 That's not it. It's not that. 494 00:24:42,113 --> 00:24:43,944 When the race begins, 495 00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:46,507 I'm at the finish line just like that... 496 00:24:46,551 --> 00:24:49,019 Quick quick, I finish quick. 497 00:24:49,054 --> 00:24:51,579 Ah... 498 00:24:51,623 --> 00:24:53,352 Hmm. 499 00:24:53,391 --> 00:24:55,586 It's tough. 500 00:24:55,627 --> 00:24:56,958 Hmm. 501 00:25:05,770 --> 00:25:07,761 - Marv. - Yes? 502 00:25:11,343 --> 00:25:13,573 Your problems are over. 503 00:25:13,612 --> 00:25:16,410 Everlast condom? 504 00:25:16,448 --> 00:25:19,042 I've used condoms before, Larry, they don't help. 505 00:25:19,084 --> 00:25:21,712 You haven't used this one. 506 00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:24,313 All night, my friend... 507 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:27,587 all night. 508 00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:34,164 I've just got one little word of advice for you. 509 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:36,633 Don't wear it inside out. 510 00:25:37,903 --> 00:25:39,700 Thanks, Larry. 511 00:25:52,584 --> 00:25:54,552 - Hey. - Ready to go? 512 00:25:54,586 --> 00:25:57,419 Yeah, let me go get my jacket. I'll be right out. 513 00:25:57,455 --> 00:25:59,855 How's Oscar? 514 00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:01,358 He's not good, Larry. 515 00:26:01,393 --> 00:26:03,122 He's not good. He's the same. 516 00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:06,096 He hasn't gotten any better. I know you did something. 517 00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:09,397 I'll get that. 518 00:26:09,434 --> 00:26:11,265 Yeah, good, go get the door. 519 00:26:11,303 --> 00:26:13,828 Ah, Wandering Bear. 520 00:26:13,872 --> 00:26:15,840 - No, I don't want him in the house. - Come in. 521 00:26:15,874 --> 00:26:17,967 - Hello, David. - Hello. 522 00:26:18,009 --> 00:26:21,740 I've come to collect my money. 523 00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:25,181 Wandering Elk, whatever the fuck your name is, you were paid already. 524 00:26:25,216 --> 00:26:26,877 You don't need to talk like that. 525 00:26:26,918 --> 00:26:29,751 - You're a better person than that. - No, she's not. 526 00:26:29,788 --> 00:26:32,552 We paid you, that was it. I'd like you out of my house. 527 00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:36,049 - I need to be paid in full please. - You don't get out of my house, 528 00:26:36,094 --> 00:26:37,959 - I'll get my dog. - Susie! 529 00:26:37,996 --> 00:26:39,691 - Oscar! - Susie, come on. 530 00:26:39,731 --> 00:26:41,892 - Oscar! - Please don't do that. 531 00:26:45,203 --> 00:26:47,967 You see this? He's useless. 532 00:26:48,006 --> 00:26:49,701 You see what you did to him? He's useless. 533 00:26:49,741 --> 00:26:51,436 This used to be a watchdog. 534 00:26:52,911 --> 00:26:55,004 May I take a look at him? 535 00:26:57,248 --> 00:27:00,149 Fine fine, go ahead. 536 00:27:43,561 --> 00:27:45,222 Ahhh! 537 00:27:53,805 --> 00:27:56,035 Hey, Prius!