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ADULT SHELDON: The
average American consumes
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55 pounds of beef per year.
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00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:10,509
And then there's Texas,
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where we can knock that
off in a couple of months.
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Maybe faster, if we're talking
about smoked brisket...
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♪ ♪
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Curiously, the one cut of beef
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that Texans and Jews agree upon.
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[MOUTH FULL]: This is
really good, Meemaw.
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Really good?
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You're spitting the
best brisket in Texas
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all over the damn table.
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Close your mouth when you eat.
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Or aim your face the other way.
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Connie, one of these days,
you got to give me the recipe.
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You bet. For sure.
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- One of these days.
- Oh, come on.
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You can't hold on to it forever.
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Mean that much to you?
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Mary and I were dating about a month
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when she brought me home for dinner.
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I took one bite of this brisket,
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and I knew I loved your daughter.
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Gee, thanks.
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Kind of like Sleeping Beauty,
except Dad kissed meat.
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[CHUCKLES]
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I tell you what.
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You go get a...
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piece of paper and a pencil,
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I'll write it down for you.
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Okay. It's happening...
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That's the fastest I've seen him run.
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It's the only time I've seen him run.
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There you go.
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Okay.
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I might make it this weekend.
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Or you could try a vegetable.
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Vegetable? That's funny.
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Okay.
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Now, this is for your eyes only.
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You're not to share it with anybody.
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I never... I would never.
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_
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You're a horrible person.
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- [CHUCKLES]
- What'd it say?
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I want to know what it said.
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- Me, too.
- Just eat.
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Can I read it?
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You are a horrible person.
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Ain't I? [LAUGHS]
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All right, that's
enough about the brisket.
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You kids excited for the
church picnic tomorrow?
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- Not really.
- I don't know.
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Oh, come on.
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You all saw the flier.
The three "F"s:
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food, fun and fellowship.
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MEEMAW: And I'm bringing
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a big slab of my brisket.
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That's it.
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15 years in this family, and
all the time I've been nothing
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but a good, supportive son-in-law.
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I always treated your daughter right,
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I gave you three
beautiful grandchildren.
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Only thing I ever asked in
return was that damn recipe.
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You're right.
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Get another piece of
paper. I'll write it down.
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Don't mess with me, Connie.
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Get the paper before I change my mind.
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You're gonna do it to
him again, aren't you?
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I kind of have to.
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♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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[TOILET FLUSHES]
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MARY: George, she was
just fooling with you.
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GEORGE: No, no, she's mean.
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She got a black heart.
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MARY: She does not.
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GEORGE: Why do you always side with her?
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MARY: Well, she is my mother.
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GEORGE: And there it is.
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There's the problem.
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You should be siding with me.
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- MARY: Over brisket?
- GEORGE: It's not just brisket.
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It's the way she's been
treating me since day one.
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Like I'm some kind of
loser, a booby prize.
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- "Booby prize."
- MARY: What was that?
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Georgie, you mind your own business.
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What did I do?
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What's going on?
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Mom and Dad are fighting.
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What about?
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Brisket.
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If they get a divorce, who do you think
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you'll pick to live with?
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Well, Mom, of course.
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I want Mom. Pick again.
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[SIGHS]
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♪ ♪
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I thought Dad was coming.
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No, he had work to do.
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- What kind of work?
- I don't know. Coaching stuff.
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Can't he do it after the picnic?
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- No, Missy, he cannot.
- Why not?
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Enough.
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How come Georgie's not going?
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He's grounded for eavesdropping
on me and your father.
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Well, I hope he learned his lesson.
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Is this about the recipe?
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I bet he's mad 'cause you
always side with Meemaw.
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And how would you know that?
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Georgie told me.
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Are you and Dad getting a divorce?
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'Course not.
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Well, if you do, I
want to live with you.
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Sheldon, no one's getting a divorce.
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But thank you, honey.
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You know this all goes away
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if you just give him your
recipe for the brisket.
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I know.
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And?
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I guess it's not going away.
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[FOOTBALL ANNOUNCER SPEAKING OVER TV]
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I wasn't eavesdropping.
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Don't worry about it.
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I just don't see why I got grounded.
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What are you complaining about?
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You didn't want to go
to church picnic anyway.
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I like complaining. I'm good at it.
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I'll be right back.
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Mind if I have a sip of your beer?
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You mind if I dip your
head in the compost heap?
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You could have just said no.
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♪ ♪
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- What are you doing?
- [GASPS]
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Nothing! Get out of here.
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You're looking for her brisket recipe.
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All of a sudden you got smart?
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I said get out of here.
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I won't tell, I swear.
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All right, help me look.
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- Ooh.
- Found it?
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No, this is her French toast.
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Not looking for French toast.
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She does make it good, though.
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Did you know she puts vanilla extract
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in her whipped cream?
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I did not.
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Quarter teaspoon.
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- Georgie?
- Yeah?
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We're looking for brisket!
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Cranky.
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- [DOOR OPENS]
- MARY: We're home.
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Be cool.
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I'm cool. You be cool.
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[LEATHER SQUEAKING]
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[CHAIR CLATTERS]
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Real cool.
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He thought I wrote it down.
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What a dope.
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MAN: Seltzer... [CONTINUES SPEAKING OVER TV]
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- hair tonic.
- Hair tonic.
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[MAN CONTINUES SPEAKING OVER TV]
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Need help putting the kids down?
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No, thank you, I've been
taking care of them all day.
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I think I can finish the job.
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Oh, come on, don't do that.
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Don't do what?
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Never mind.
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Just so you know, Sheldon and Missy won
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the three-legged race
because she told him
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a bee was chasing
them, and you missed it.
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I'm sorry, I-I just needed
a break from your mother.
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Yeah, well, you took a
break from your family.
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How long is this feud
between you two gonna go on?
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That's up to her.
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You are both such...
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stubborn... donkey butts!
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- [MISSY LAUGHING]
- Missy!
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Go to bed.
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MISSY: You don't know it's me.
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[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSES]
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[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
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Hey.
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What do you want?
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Don't be that way.
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I brought you a cold one.
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Thanks.
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I still don't like you.
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[CHUCKLING]
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Would this change your feelings?
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Is that it?
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The Holy Grail.
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What changed your mind?
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00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,569
You not going to the picnic today,
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that hurt Mary and the twins.
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00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,229
I cannot have that on my heart.
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- Is that so?
- Absolutely.
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00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,320
Look me in the eye and tell me
202
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:26,120
this is the actual recipe.
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00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,510
George, what you have in your hand
204
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is the exact step-by-step instructions
205
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,659
on how to make my brisket.
206
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:41,199
I have never written it
down until tonight because...
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00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,269
I was afraid someone might steal it.
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00:09:44,270 --> 00:09:47,420
But I'm entrusting this to you,
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00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:51,409
and I hope that someday,
when the time is right,
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00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:54,989
you will see fit to share
it with one of your children.
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00:09:54,990 --> 00:09:56,489
Connie, I don't know what to say.
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00:09:56,490 --> 00:09:58,090
Don't call me Connie.
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Call me Mom. [CHUCKLES]
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00:10:01,170 --> 00:10:03,030
Thanks, Mom.
215
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:04,939
You're welcome, son.
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00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:07,739
Mmm.
217
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:09,839
♪ ♪
218
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,340
[QUIETLY]: What a dope.
219
00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:12,879
♪ What I want, you've got ♪
220
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,149
♪ And it might be hard to handle ♪
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00:10:15,150 --> 00:10:18,149
♪ But like the flame
that burns the candle... ♪
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00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,649
ADULT SHELDON: The next
morning, my dad embarked
223
00:10:20,650 --> 00:10:24,120
on a doomed quest to
make the perfect brisket.
224
00:10:24,130 --> 00:10:26,129
Can I help you?
225
00:10:26,130 --> 00:10:27,829
Matter of fact, you can.
226
00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:29,269
♪ You pull them all together... ♪
227
00:10:29,270 --> 00:10:32,699
I need 12 pounds of prime
Angus with a medium deckle,
228
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:36,510
ideally slaughtered in the
spring, no later than mid-June.
229
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,899
♪ You make my dreams come true... ♪
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00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,909
ADULT SHELDON: For the spice rub,
231
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,879
Meemaw had him drive to New Orleans
232
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,890
to buy ground coffee from Café Du Monde,
233
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:51,999
and seven ounces of something
called "holy ghost root"
234
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,789
from a voodoo woman named Madam Laveau.
235
00:10:54,790 --> 00:10:56,119
♪ Yeah... ♪
236
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,590
Could you grind my root for me?
237
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,600
I-I'm-a... I'm-a rub it on brisket.
238
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,269
ADULT SHELDON: Then back
home, he applied the spice rub
239
00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:15,739
with such erotic tenderness,
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00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:18,580
it made my mother a little jealous.
241
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:21,649
♪ Well, you... ♪
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00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:24,259
Finally, the cooking began.
243
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:27,120
♪ You make my dreams come true... ♪
244
00:11:28,690 --> 00:11:31,320
♪ Oh, yeah, I've been waiting for... ♪
245
00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:34,490
14 hours of cooking.
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00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:35,830
And basting.
247
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,429
♪ You make my dreams come true... ♪
248
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,529
And spritzing.
249
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:40,769
♪ Me, you, me, you, me... ♪
250
00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:43,030
And tending to the fire.
251
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:49,139
♪ Oh, my, you make my
dreams come true... ♪
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00:11:49,140 --> 00:11:54,210
Until it was finally time
to let the meat rest.
253
00:11:54,220 --> 00:11:56,350
♪ Waiting for, waiting for, waiting for ♪
254
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,419
♪ Waiting for, waiting for, waiting for ♪
255
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:01,089
Oh...
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00:12:01,090 --> 00:12:04,420
Rest, my darling.
257
00:12:04,430 --> 00:12:06,089
Rest.
258
00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:10,099
Mmm. This Café Du Monde
coffee is very good.
259
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:12,019
They make it with chicory.
260
00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:14,499
And what does it do to the brisket?
261
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,179
Oh, I have no idea.
262
00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:20,510
Then why did you send George
all the way to New Orleans?
263
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,279
Well, they don't sell this around here.
264
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:24,440
Mmm.
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00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:26,949
Here we go.
266
00:12:26,950 --> 00:12:30,040
15 years and 14 hours later.
267
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:32,510
Best brisket in Texas.
268
00:12:37,930 --> 00:12:40,500
GEORGE SR.: Connie, you evil bitch!
269
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,870
It's smoother than regular coffee.
270
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,560
That wasn't the recipe.
271
00:12:45,570 --> 00:12:47,899
You looked me in the
eye, and you lied to me.
272
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:49,030
Oh, Mom.
273
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,469
You broke into my home
and tried to steal it.
274
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:52,500
Oh, George.
275
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:53,809
You told her we went over there?
276
00:12:53,810 --> 00:12:55,639
[GASPS] Oh, George Jr.
277
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,609
I didn't say nothing. I was cool.
278
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,320
I am loving this.
279
00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:01,299
I don't want this woman
in my house anymore.
280
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:03,279
- She is my mother.
- She is the devil.
281
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,280
And what if the kids want to see her?
282
00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:07,219
Fine.
283
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,150
Schedule it for when I'm not here.
284
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,890
Or when I'm dead.
285
00:13:18,570 --> 00:13:20,500
And quit drinking my coffee.
286
00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:32,709
Turn off your train, we've got to talk.
287
00:13:32,710 --> 00:13:33,749
[TRAIN STOPS]
288
00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:34,779
About what?
289
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,419
Mom is so upset about Dad and Meemaw,
290
00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:37,919
she might want a divorce.
291
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,610
No one's getting divorced.
292
00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:40,819
How do you know?
293
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,289
[WHISTLES]
294
00:13:42,290 --> 00:13:43,919
Great, now I have to throw that out.
295
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:48,060
Mother-in-laws are always held
in low regard by the father.
296
00:13:48,070 --> 00:13:50,499
It rarely leads to a
breakup of the family.
297
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:51,729
MISSY: He's right.
298
00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:54,299
Fred and Wilma are
still happily married.
299
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,199
I think if we can figure out
300
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,300
a way for Dad to get
Meemaw's brisket recipe,
301
00:13:58,310 --> 00:13:59,639
this all goes away.
302
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,879
I don't see how we can accomplish that.
303
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,270
[TRAIN CLATTERS]
304
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,689
Put that down.
305
00:14:04,690 --> 00:14:05,840
That's not a toy.
306
00:14:05,850 --> 00:14:07,079
Sure it is.
307
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,449
Choo choo.
308
00:14:08,450 --> 00:14:10,980
MEEMAW: Choo choo...
309
00:14:10,990 --> 00:14:13,549
Choo choo.
310
00:14:13,550 --> 00:14:16,089
Open wide, Moonpie.
311
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:18,559
Here comes the choo choo train.
312
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,599
Choo choo.
313
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,629
Mmm. Ain't that good?
314
00:14:22,630 --> 00:14:23,799
[CHUCKLES]
315
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,299
That's Meemaw's famous brisket.
316
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,499
Would you like the secret recipe?
317
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:30,709
[GASPS]
318
00:14:30,710 --> 00:14:33,509
You promise not to tell anybody?
319
00:14:33,510 --> 00:14:36,279
Of course you're not gonna tell anybody.
320
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,849
I start with a tablespoon of cumin,
321
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:43,249
and then a cup of brown sugar, and...
322
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,749
I know the recipe.
323
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:45,939
What?
324
00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:47,019
She told it to me.
325
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,020
When?
326
00:14:48,030 --> 00:14:50,490
February 14, 1982.
327
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,809
I was 23 months old,
it was Valentine's Day,
328
00:14:52,810 --> 00:14:54,680
and Mom and Dad went out for dinner.
329
00:14:54,690 --> 00:14:57,009
You were there. Don't you remember?
330
00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:58,519
[SIGHS]
331
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,649
[WIND WHISTLING SOFTLY]
332
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,180
I got nothing.
333
00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:05,639
You can really remember
when you were that little?
334
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,100
Uh-huh. You were there, too.
335
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,159
You were still struggling
with potty training.
336
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:10,839
[CHUCKLING]: I don't think so.
337
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,119
Oh, yes. Meemaw used to
call you Mr. Soggy Pants.
338
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,160
Nuh-uh.
339
00:15:15,170 --> 00:15:16,639
[LAUGHS]: Mr. Soggy Pants.
340
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,379
Quit it. This is serious.
341
00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:20,599
Sheldon, you've got to
tell Dad that recipe.
342
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,200
But Meemaw told me it was a secret.
343
00:15:23,210 --> 00:15:26,309
If you don't, and Mom and Dad
get a divorce, it's your fault.
344
00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:28,699
All right.
345
00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:30,070
Fine.
346
00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:33,369
Good job, Soggy Pants.
347
00:15:33,370 --> 00:15:35,330
[REFEREE WHISTLE BLOWING OVER TV]
348
00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:38,370
Dad, could you please
come into the living room?
349
00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:39,920
What for?
350
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:41,259
My brain did something impressive
351
00:15:41,260 --> 00:15:43,230
and I'd like to share it with you.
352
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,190
Hmm.
353
00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:49,200
[GEORGE SR. GRUNTS]
354
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,169
What are you doing here?
355
00:15:53,170 --> 00:15:54,769
Same as you.
356
00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:56,839
I want to see what his brain did.
357
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,409
Please have a seat.
358
00:15:59,410 --> 00:16:01,200
All right.
359
00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:04,209
[GRUNTS]
360
00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:05,649
GEORGE SR.: Well?
361
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:08,080
I know Meemaw's brisket recipe.
362
00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:09,090
What?
363
00:16:09,091 --> 00:16:10,119
No, you don't.
364
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,550
Yes, I do.
365
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,889
And in order to bring
peace to this family,
366
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,579
I'm prepared to make it public.
367
00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:16,689
You're bluffing.
368
00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:18,090
One tablespoon of cumin,
369
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:19,459
one cup of brown sugar,
370
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:21,300
two tablespoons of smoked paprika...
371
00:16:21,310 --> 00:16:22,470
Okay, okay, stop.
372
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,480
No, no, no. Keep going.
373
00:16:23,481 --> 00:16:25,430
How do you know the recipe, Shelly?
374
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,540
Meemaw told it to me on
Valentine's Day, 1982.
375
00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:30,409
You were out with Dad
seeing Cannonball Run
376
00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:31,839
at the dollar theater.
377
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,340
That's impossible, you
weren't even two years old.
378
00:16:34,350 --> 00:16:36,140
Three tablespoons of dried mustard,
379
00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:37,709
one cup of Lone Star beer...
380
00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:40,100
Okay.
381
00:16:40,110 --> 00:16:41,839
Okay.
382
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,540
Go ahead.
383
00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:45,750
Give it to your father.
384
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,760
I can write it down for you.
385
00:16:49,190 --> 00:16:51,029
That's okay, I don't want it.
386
00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:53,219
[QUIETLY]: You have
got to be kidding me.
387
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:54,729
Connie, you've had every opportunity
388
00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:56,229
to give me that recipe
and you never did,
389
00:16:56,230 --> 00:16:58,069
because you've always
treated me like an outsider.
390
00:16:58,070 --> 00:16:59,030
No, she has not.
391
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,339
Oh, of course I have.
392
00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:01,639
See? She admits it.
393
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,669
- [SIGHS]
- Damn right, I do.
394
00:17:03,670 --> 00:17:07,179
Never thought you were
good enough for my daughter.
395
00:17:07,180 --> 00:17:09,640
There you were, riding around
on that dumb motorcycle,
396
00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:10,709
knocking her up.
397
00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:12,209
Why don't you kids go in the kitchen
398
00:17:12,210 --> 00:17:13,839
and fix yourselves some ice cream?
399
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,640
I'm not going anywhere.
400
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:20,050
Hey. I get it.
401
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,209
I have a daughter.
402
00:17:22,210 --> 00:17:25,999
I wouldn't want her bringing
home someone like that.
403
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,470
But I've come a hell of
a long way since then.
404
00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:34,590
Okay, you're right.
405
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:40,160
George.
406
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,500
I'm sorry.
407
00:17:46,130 --> 00:17:48,940
That means more to me than any recipe.
408
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,800
Come here.
409
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:55,170
[MEEMAW CHUCKLES]
410
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,059
ADULT SHELDON: Don't let the hug fool you.
411
00:18:01,060 --> 00:18:04,180
The minute she went home, he
made me give him the recipe.
412
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:10,450
Here we go, maiden voyage.
413
00:18:12,610 --> 00:18:14,770
Mmm, mmm.
414
00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:16,170
Hot damn.
415
00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:18,670
GEORGE SR.: Hot damn.
416
00:18:20,870 --> 00:18:22,379
[GEORGE SR. MOANING]
417
00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:24,219
Hot damn!
418
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:26,589
MARY [LAUGHS]: George! Language.
419
00:18:26,590 --> 00:18:27,919
Sheldon.
420
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:29,650
Want some?
421
00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:31,860
Uh, no, thank you. I'm not hungry.
422
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,850
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