1 00:00:05,197 --> 00:00:07,231 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:07,232 --> 00:00:11,800 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 3 00:00:12,004 --> 00:00:13,703 - LARRY: Huh? Is that amazing? - CHERYL: That is... 4 00:00:13,705 --> 00:00:15,372 - TED: Unbelievable story! - LARRY: You know what? 5 00:00:15,374 --> 00:00:17,173 None of it would have happened 6 00:00:17,175 --> 00:00:20,677 if I didn't intercede on that guy's behalf in the restaurant. 7 00:00:20,679 --> 00:00:22,812 - Unbelievable, Larry. - It saved your life. 8 00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,848 - Saved my life. - What if he hadn't wanted seconds? 9 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,416 None of this would have happened. 10 00:00:26,418 --> 00:00:27,751 - LARRY: None of it would have happened. - Bashert. 11 00:00:27,753 --> 00:00:30,319 The fatwa is over! 12 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:31,487 - LEON: Yes! - The fatwa is over! 13 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:32,889 SUSIE: Let's drink to that, huh? 14 00:00:32,891 --> 00:00:34,456 It's a new me. It's a new me. 15 00:00:34,458 --> 00:00:36,525 Well, whatever. We're glad you're back, Larry. 16 00:00:36,527 --> 00:00:38,261 - Thank you, Susie. - Welcome. 17 00:00:38,263 --> 00:00:39,595 JEFF: I didn't even tell you the biggest news. 18 00:00:39,597 --> 00:00:42,431 "Fatwa! the Musical" is back on. 19 00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:44,633 - It is? - Whoa, wait... wait a second. 20 00:00:44,635 --> 00:00:46,335 You're jumping the gun a little bit. 21 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:49,037 We're having a meeting with Lin-Manuel Miranda this week, 22 00:00:49,039 --> 00:00:50,506 and if he wants to do it, then... 23 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:53,609 You're meeting with Lin-Manuel Miranda? Oh, my... 24 00:00:53,611 --> 00:00:56,545 It's the only way it can go forward... is if he's in it. 25 00:00:56,547 --> 00:00:58,881 He's in LA now, right? Isn't it... aren't they doing the show here? 26 00:00:58,883 --> 00:01:00,816 Yeah, they're doing "Hamilton." 27 00:01:00,818 --> 00:01:03,051 Yeah, can you get us tickets? I mean, it's here. 28 00:01:03,053 --> 00:01:04,920 No, it's here and we can't even get tickets to it! 29 00:01:04,922 --> 00:01:07,122 Already with the "Hamilton" tickets? Are you kidding? 30 00:01:07,124 --> 00:01:08,756 - I would love some, too. - Huh? 31 00:01:08,758 --> 00:01:10,025 I don't know if I can get you tickets. 32 00:01:10,027 --> 00:01:11,659 I haven't even met the guy yet. 33 00:01:11,661 --> 00:01:13,761 - You saw it, right? - Yeah, I saw it in New York. 34 00:01:13,763 --> 00:01:15,696 - Fantastic. - Isn't it so fantastic? 35 00:01:15,698 --> 00:01:17,198 Oh, my God, I love that show. Incredible. 36 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,367 I saw it and I played... 37 00:01:19,369 --> 00:01:21,769 (CHUCKLES) 36 holes of golf that day. 38 00:01:21,771 --> 00:01:26,240 And, uh, I fell asleep before the second act of "Hamilton." 39 00:01:26,242 --> 00:01:28,776 - BRIDGET: You're kidding. - I slept through... I slept through the intermission. 40 00:01:28,778 --> 00:01:30,945 - BRIDGET: No! - SUSIE: You fell asleep? Wait a minute. 41 00:01:30,947 --> 00:01:34,449 Only you would fall asleep at the hottest show on Broadway. 42 00:01:34,451 --> 00:01:36,383 - TED: Hey, hey. Guys, guys. - How did you fall asleep? 43 00:01:36,385 --> 00:01:37,851 - It's so exciting and interesting. - The Shucker. 44 00:01:37,853 --> 00:01:39,420 - Excuse me, the Shucker. - Oh, the Shucker. 45 00:01:39,422 --> 00:01:41,555 - Hey, how's everybody doing? - SUSIE: Hello. 46 00:01:41,557 --> 00:01:43,090 - SHUCKER: Taste good? - TED: Fantastic. 47 00:01:43,092 --> 00:01:44,491 It's all good? No grit? 48 00:01:44,493 --> 00:01:45,960 - No grit. - Okay, no grit. 49 00:01:45,962 --> 00:01:47,995 Just shuck and awe. Okay, well, that's great. 50 00:01:47,997 --> 00:01:50,230 I've got a... I got a whole bunch of bluepoints. 51 00:01:50,232 --> 00:01:51,999 Got some Kusshis for you all. 52 00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:54,200 - TED: Whoo! - Hope you left some room. 53 00:01:54,202 --> 00:01:56,069 - Okay. - I know he did. (CHUCKLING) 54 00:01:56,071 --> 00:01:57,771 SUSIE: Fantastic. Cute as could be. 55 00:01:57,773 --> 00:01:59,606 - Ay, God. - SUSIE: Shucking? 56 00:01:59,608 --> 00:02:01,374 - What's the matter? - BRIDGET: What's the matter? 57 00:02:01,376 --> 00:02:03,877 - JEFF: What happened? - He overheard that entire story 58 00:02:03,879 --> 00:02:05,679 about me sleeping through "Hamilton." 59 00:02:05,681 --> 00:02:07,280 What do you care? What difference does it make? 60 00:02:07,282 --> 00:02:09,349 I just hope it doesn't get back to... to Lin. 61 00:02:09,351 --> 00:02:11,451 I doubt that, Larry. You're paranoid. 62 00:02:11,453 --> 00:02:13,786 He shucks all over town. I don't know what circles he shucks in. 63 00:02:13,788 --> 00:02:16,622 - He could shuck and tell. - (DOORBELL RINGS) 64 00:02:16,624 --> 00:02:19,158 - I'll be back. - Do you think we can still get the tickets? 65 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,060 Who's ringing the bell this time of night? 66 00:02:21,062 --> 00:02:22,761 It's Lin-Manuel Miranda. (CHUCKLES) 67 00:02:22,763 --> 00:02:24,998 SUSIE: I think he heard about the... 68 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,368 Hello, I'm Rose Shapiro. Remember me? 69 00:02:29,370 --> 00:02:30,402 No. 70 00:02:30,404 --> 00:02:32,838 I sold you this house five years ago. 71 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,172 Oh, okay. 72 00:02:34,174 --> 00:02:37,309 Um, well, what can I do for you? 73 00:02:37,311 --> 00:02:39,411 Well, I was in the neighborhood 74 00:02:39,413 --> 00:02:41,113 and I thought I'd just pop in 75 00:02:41,115 --> 00:02:44,416 and see how my house is doing if that's okay with you. 76 00:02:44,418 --> 00:02:47,452 Actually, I'm... sorry, I've got some dinner guests, so. 77 00:02:47,454 --> 00:02:49,221 Well, I won't take but a minute. 78 00:02:49,223 --> 00:02:52,391 I was so happy in this house. I lived here for 50 years. 79 00:02:52,393 --> 00:02:54,993 Raised all my children here. Is that okay? 80 00:02:54,995 --> 00:02:57,129 - Yeah, I... yeah, okay. - Oh, oh, thank you. 81 00:02:57,131 --> 00:02:58,696 But it can't be too long, though, okay? 82 00:02:58,698 --> 00:03:01,633 It won't be, I promise you. I'll be very discreet. 83 00:03:01,635 --> 00:03:03,968 (GASPS) What have you done here? 84 00:03:03,970 --> 00:03:08,272 You've covered up that cut stone from Italy with a rug! 85 00:03:08,274 --> 00:03:10,642 Yeah, well, it needed a little warming up in here. 86 00:03:10,644 --> 00:03:13,711 It was very cold and I happen to like it. 87 00:03:13,713 --> 00:03:16,080 And you know what? It happens to be my house, so... 88 00:03:16,082 --> 00:03:18,449 And what have you done in here? 89 00:03:18,451 --> 00:03:20,651 Where's the wonderful wallpaper I put up? 90 00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:23,554 The wallpaper with the pirates? Are you kidding? 91 00:03:23,556 --> 00:03:25,222 It was the first thing I took down when I moved in. 92 00:03:25,224 --> 00:03:26,524 Well, I guess it's your house. 93 00:03:26,526 --> 00:03:28,325 You can do anything you want to. 94 00:03:28,327 --> 00:03:30,161 - Yeah, oh, yes! - I think I'll check over here. 95 00:03:30,163 --> 00:03:33,296 That's true! That... I can do anything I want to! 96 00:03:33,298 --> 00:03:34,798 What are you doing... what the fuck? 97 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,466 I'm checking the master bedroom. 98 00:03:36,468 --> 00:03:38,936 I don't want you to. It's my house. 99 00:03:38,938 --> 00:03:41,171 Well, all right. If you wanna be that way. 100 00:03:41,173 --> 00:03:43,206 Yeah, I think I do wanna be that way. 101 00:03:43,208 --> 00:03:44,875 I do. All right, you know what? 102 00:03:44,877 --> 00:03:47,044 I think it's time to go. Let's go. Come on. 103 00:03:47,046 --> 00:03:48,645 - (SIGHS) All right. - Come on. 104 00:03:48,647 --> 00:03:50,346 - I guess I better go. - Enough. I've had enough. 105 00:03:50,348 --> 00:03:52,315 - Oh! - Ay-ay-ay. 106 00:03:52,317 --> 00:03:56,052 Look at this poor ficus! What have you done? 107 00:03:56,054 --> 00:03:59,789 I left this with you in good faith to love and cherish. 108 00:03:59,791 --> 00:04:01,757 Yeah, no, I've taken very good care of it. 109 00:04:01,759 --> 00:04:03,993 - It's old. - It's dropping all its leaves. Do you water it? 110 00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:06,629 Of course I water it. All right, come on, I got some people here. 111 00:04:06,631 --> 00:04:08,163 You've got to go. Come on. 112 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,265 There's the door. Time to go. Thank you. 113 00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:12,434 Good-bye. Thank you for stopping by. 114 00:04:12,436 --> 00:04:15,237 - Don't do it again. - BRIDGET: No, I know, I know. 115 00:04:15,239 --> 00:04:17,506 And then, Todd, this other guy, 116 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:20,009 had... what's the male equivalent of bush? 117 00:04:20,011 --> 00:04:21,477 - JEFF: Man bush. - Man bush. 118 00:04:21,479 --> 00:04:24,779 That, like... so, finding his penis was like... 119 00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:27,015 I'm searching for the baby bird in the... 120 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,684 - SUSIE: In the nest. - In the nest. 121 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,453 And then I'm, like, looking. 122 00:04:31,455 --> 00:04:33,288 I couldn't even find the goods 123 00:04:33,290 --> 00:04:35,890 because the Afro was so intense. 124 00:04:35,892 --> 00:04:37,359 Yeah, okay, all right. 125 00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,193 I think... I think we've heard enough of that story. 126 00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:40,495 - Sorry, Lar. - But, Larry, 127 00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:41,997 she has so many funny stories about her exes. 128 00:04:41,999 --> 00:04:43,531 I've been hearing them for years. 129 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,433 - They're hilarious. - Yeah, I'm sure. 130 00:04:45,435 --> 00:04:47,102 - Yeah. - Remember the one you told me about? 131 00:04:47,104 --> 00:04:49,104 - The guy who... the leaner? - Yeah, the leaner. 132 00:04:49,106 --> 00:04:51,006 - Yes. - The Leaning Tower of Pisa? 133 00:04:51,008 --> 00:04:52,641 - That guy? - The Leaning Tower of Peter. 134 00:04:52,643 --> 00:04:54,776 Yeah, oh, that's... that's a good one, too. 135 00:04:54,778 --> 00:04:57,044 - That was a good one. - BRIDGET: I know, I know. 136 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,846 And then Todd, this other guy... 137 00:04:58,848 --> 00:05:00,781 Oh, yeah. Oh, that was so many years ago. 138 00:05:00,783 --> 00:05:03,651 Oh, my God. I don't believe it. 139 00:05:03,653 --> 00:05:06,387 This room used to be so warm and inviting. 140 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,456 Mrs. Shapiro, what are... what are you doing? 141 00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:09,757 - Well, I just... - I thought you left. 142 00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:11,392 Well, I was just looking around. 143 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,460 - It used to be so different. - She used to live in the house. 144 00:05:13,462 --> 00:05:15,029 Uh, she wanted to look around. 145 00:05:15,031 --> 00:05:17,430 And the house was so much better when I had it. 146 00:05:17,432 --> 00:05:20,000 - I don't know what he's done with this. - Okay, you need to go now. 147 00:05:20,002 --> 00:05:22,736 - Well, you don't have to be rude about it. - You're the one being rude. 148 00:05:22,738 --> 00:05:24,538 You come in here and you're criticizing my house. 149 00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:26,273 You don't live here anymore. 150 00:05:26,275 --> 00:05:27,808 That's right, keep going. 151 00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:31,444 - (DOOR OPENS) - Yeah, and now close it. 152 00:05:31,446 --> 00:05:32,879 - Close it. - (DOOR CLOSES) 153 00:05:32,881 --> 00:05:35,182 - TED: Go... go back to the leaner. - Okay. 154 00:05:35,184 --> 00:05:37,116 (LAUGHS) The Leaning Tower of Peter? 155 00:05:37,118 --> 00:05:39,319 - (ALL LAUGHING) - Oh, and he was a biter, too. 156 00:05:39,321 --> 00:05:41,354 He used to bite me on the ass. 157 00:05:41,356 --> 00:05:43,657 - Which was not as bad as... - LEON: A bite on the damn nipple! 158 00:05:43,659 --> 00:05:47,459 - (LAUGHING) - BRIDGET: Oh, my God, totally. 'Cause that hurts. 159 00:05:47,461 --> 00:05:49,128 Well, that's it, everybody. 160 00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:51,263 - I'm all done for the night. - Whoo! 161 00:05:51,265 --> 00:05:53,566 Thanks. It's been a privilege working for you tonight. 162 00:05:53,568 --> 00:05:55,068 And I hope you agree with me 163 00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:58,237 that this has been a spectacular "shuck-cess." 164 00:05:58,239 --> 00:06:00,339 - Whoa! - Oh, nice. Okay. 165 00:06:00,341 --> 00:06:02,140 - Thank you. - I'll... I'll walk you out. 166 00:06:02,142 --> 00:06:03,775 - SUSIE: He's adorable. - BRIDGET: Yeah. 167 00:06:03,777 --> 00:06:05,944 - Bridge, what was the guy... - Anyway, um, 168 00:06:05,946 --> 00:06:07,045 it was great having you here tonight. 169 00:06:07,047 --> 00:06:08,380 Everybody really enjoyed it. 170 00:06:08,382 --> 00:06:09,848 I hope so. I hope so. 171 00:06:09,850 --> 00:06:11,383 - Had a great time. - Yeah. Yeah, it was great. 172 00:06:11,385 --> 00:06:14,019 Um, I just wanna say one thing. 173 00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:16,522 You know, earlier when I was talking about "Hamilton," 174 00:06:16,524 --> 00:06:20,959 what... what you didn't hear me say was that I played, 175 00:06:20,961 --> 00:06:25,430 uh, 36 holes of golf that day and I was exhausted. 176 00:06:25,432 --> 00:06:29,835 And that's one of the reasons I was so tired, 177 00:06:29,837 --> 00:06:31,469 uh, during the performance. 178 00:06:31,471 --> 00:06:35,573 I mean, I... I loved what I... what I saw. 179 00:06:35,575 --> 00:06:40,978 Sure. What I heard was that you fell asleep. 180 00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:43,180 Yes, I did fall asleep, but what you didn't hear 181 00:06:43,182 --> 00:06:45,383 is why I fell asleep, why I was so tired. 182 00:06:45,385 --> 00:06:46,951 - I loved the show. - Sure. 183 00:06:46,953 --> 00:06:49,487 You can paint it or dress it up 184 00:06:49,489 --> 00:06:53,690 anyway you want, but sleep is sleep. 185 00:06:53,692 --> 00:06:57,128 - And you fell asleep. - Yeah. 186 00:06:57,130 --> 00:07:00,097 - All right? - True, I did. 187 00:07:00,099 --> 00:07:02,967 But, uh, I would hope that as you shuck 188 00:07:02,969 --> 00:07:05,602 from house to house that, uh, 189 00:07:05,604 --> 00:07:10,240 you can afford me some shucker discretion in this matter. 190 00:07:10,242 --> 00:07:12,242 - I understand. - Oh. 191 00:07:12,244 --> 00:07:14,511 - And I appreciate that. - Good. Thank you. 192 00:07:14,513 --> 00:07:18,214 And I would also appreciate, um, 193 00:07:18,216 --> 00:07:20,049 two tickets to "Hamilton." 194 00:07:22,755 --> 00:07:25,855 - Oh. Really? - Yeah. 195 00:07:25,857 --> 00:07:27,090 Well... (SIGHS) 196 00:07:27,092 --> 00:07:29,926 I don't have any access 197 00:07:29,928 --> 00:07:32,195 to getting you tickets to "Hamilton," okay? 198 00:07:32,197 --> 00:07:35,064 - It's most unfortunate. - And why is... why is that? 199 00:07:35,066 --> 00:07:40,969 It'd be a shame if Lin-Manuel Miranda 200 00:07:40,971 --> 00:07:45,675 ever found out that someone was falling asleep in his show. 201 00:07:47,812 --> 00:07:51,614 - I'll see what I can do. - Super. 202 00:07:51,616 --> 00:07:53,282 - Yeah. - Okay. 203 00:07:57,487 --> 00:08:00,255 - (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) - SUSIE: I like that guy. 204 00:08:00,257 --> 00:08:01,957 - Oh, he was adorable. - CHERYL: He was adorable. 205 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,759 - What? Who? - This cake is unbelievable. 206 00:08:04,761 --> 00:08:06,929 - BRIDGET: I know. - Oh, it's the best cheesecake. 207 00:08:06,931 --> 00:08:08,230 Um, all right. 208 00:08:08,232 --> 00:08:10,999 I think, uh... I think we're good here. 209 00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:12,067 I think that's enough. 210 00:08:12,069 --> 00:08:13,401 - What? - That's enough. 211 00:08:13,403 --> 00:08:15,370 - What are you talking about? - Time to go. 212 00:08:15,372 --> 00:08:17,572 We're having afterdinner conversation, Larry. 213 00:08:17,574 --> 00:08:19,907 - It's enough. - You know, this is so typical of you. 214 00:08:19,909 --> 00:08:21,909 I don't like all the lingering after dinner. 215 00:08:21,911 --> 00:08:25,613 You had your dessert. Get... get the hell out. Come on, get out. 216 00:08:25,615 --> 00:08:28,583 All right, thank you for ruining a lovely evening. 217 00:08:28,585 --> 00:08:30,952 On the contrary, didn't ruin it. Saved it. 218 00:08:30,954 --> 00:08:33,387 - Uh-huh. Bridget, call me tomorrow. - I saved it. 219 00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,956 - Mwah. Cheryl, Ted. - Mwah. I'll call you. 220 00:08:34,958 --> 00:08:37,024 All right, okay, come on. Time to go, people. 221 00:08:37,026 --> 00:08:38,425 - Hey. - TED: This is your Larry. 222 00:08:38,427 --> 00:08:40,527 - Whose is this? - Oh, I don't know. 223 00:08:40,529 --> 00:08:42,663 Maybe... maybe the Shucker left it. 224 00:08:42,665 --> 00:08:44,031 - Yeah? - Yeah. 225 00:08:44,033 --> 00:08:45,599 Man, this is cool. 226 00:08:45,601 --> 00:08:47,200 - SUSIE: Ooh. - You know what? (SNAPS FINGERS) 227 00:08:47,202 --> 00:08:48,402 - Ooh, Jeffrey. - Keep it. 228 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:49,603 - Yeah? - Yeah. 229 00:08:49,605 --> 00:08:51,605 Oh, definitely keep it. I love it. 230 00:08:51,607 --> 00:08:53,707 - You do? - It looks fantastic on you. 231 00:08:53,709 --> 00:08:54,842 - Really? - Looks good. 232 00:08:54,844 --> 00:08:55,876 How about that? 233 00:08:55,878 --> 00:08:58,178 Look at me. I'm the sheriff. 234 00:08:58,180 --> 00:09:00,981 Now let's go home, Sheriff. Come on. 235 00:09:00,983 --> 00:09:02,249 - Yeah. - All right, people. 236 00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:03,549 - Okay, yep. - Let's go. 237 00:09:03,551 --> 00:09:05,752 - Time to go. - We're getting kicked out. 238 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,121 JEFF: She's showing me love and affection 239 00:09:08,123 --> 00:09:09,789 that I've never felt before. 240 00:09:09,791 --> 00:09:12,125 - 'Cause of the hat. - All 'cause of the hat. 241 00:09:12,127 --> 00:09:13,526 She listens to what I say. 242 00:09:13,528 --> 00:09:15,495 She takes suggestions. 243 00:09:15,497 --> 00:09:18,365 And all she wants to do is have sex. 244 00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:19,499 - Susie? - Yes. 245 00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:21,367 So I have to keep the hat on during sex. 246 00:09:21,369 --> 00:09:22,835 - That's her thing. - What? 247 00:09:22,837 --> 00:09:25,137 Yeah. I haven't had this much sex since college. 248 00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:27,874 - Wow. - It's almost like, you know, 249 00:09:27,876 --> 00:09:31,043 she's got a thing for cowboys from her past or something. 250 00:09:31,045 --> 00:09:33,245 She's got a real perversion, doesn't she? 251 00:09:33,247 --> 00:09:35,915 Yeah, she loves the Old West. 252 00:09:35,917 --> 00:09:37,616 Where are the women who have a bald perversion? 253 00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:39,451 I wonder if there's, like, a place they all hang out. 254 00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:40,986 You just walk in and, you know. 255 00:09:40,988 --> 00:09:42,654 I wonder if it's worth investigating. 256 00:09:42,656 --> 00:09:44,056 - You wonder? - (LAUGHS) 257 00:09:44,058 --> 00:09:45,857 I would have already investigated it. 258 00:09:45,859 --> 00:09:50,862 I would have... I would have blown up Google with... if I were you. 259 00:09:50,864 --> 00:09:51,964 - Hey, by the way. - Yeah? 260 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,632 Today with... with Lin... 261 00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:56,100 - Yeah. - Okay? 262 00:09:56,102 --> 00:09:58,804 You don't think he's gonna wanna write the songs, do you? 263 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,371 Hmm, I hadn't thought of that, 264 00:10:00,373 --> 00:10:01,907 but I... I don't know. 265 00:10:01,909 --> 00:10:03,207 They're my songs. I don't wanna... 266 00:10:03,209 --> 00:10:04,443 Your songs. And can I say something? 267 00:10:04,445 --> 00:10:05,644 - Yeah. - I love those songs. 268 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:06,845 - Thank you. Thank you. - Yeah. 269 00:10:06,847 --> 00:10:08,480 WOMAN: Excuse me, gentlemen. 270 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,581 Lin isn't here yet, but if you'd like to go upstairs 271 00:10:10,583 --> 00:10:11,782 to Aaron's office, you can. 272 00:10:11,784 --> 00:10:13,084 Oh. 273 00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:19,723 Ma'am. 274 00:10:21,761 --> 00:10:23,561 How you doing? 275 00:10:23,563 --> 00:10:26,430 - (CHUCKLES) - (PHONE RINGS) 276 00:10:29,735 --> 00:10:31,234 - Larry! Hey. - Hey! 277 00:10:31,236 --> 00:10:33,036 Come on in, come on in. Jeff, hi. 278 00:10:33,038 --> 00:10:34,338 - How you doing, Aaron? - Aaron Warden. 279 00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:35,439 - Yeah. I know you. - Nice to meet you. 280 00:10:35,441 --> 00:10:37,174 Hello, hello. Nice hat. 281 00:10:37,176 --> 00:10:39,109 - Thank you. - You're just coming back from Vegas? 282 00:10:39,111 --> 00:10:41,912 Uh, no. This is my new look. 283 00:10:41,914 --> 00:10:43,447 I like it. I like how you think. 284 00:10:43,449 --> 00:10:46,516 (LAUGHS) Lin's very excited, by the way. 285 00:10:46,518 --> 00:10:49,152 I read the play personally. Great. 286 00:10:49,154 --> 00:10:50,653 - Laughed a lot. - Really? 287 00:10:50,655 --> 00:10:52,389 - Great moments, great comedy. - Wow. 288 00:10:52,391 --> 00:10:54,091 We're really excited, seriously. 289 00:10:54,093 --> 00:10:56,426 And you think that he's interested in... in playing Salman? 290 00:10:56,428 --> 00:10:58,428 I think so. The only issue... he's so busy. 291 00:10:58,430 --> 00:11:01,063 So busy right now. You know, the world is after him. 292 00:11:01,065 --> 00:11:02,365 What's that? "Judge Judy"? 293 00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:04,400 - Oh, you like Judith? - Oh, I love Judge Judy. 294 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:05,969 - Are you kidding? - Good. Good, good. She's my client. 295 00:11:05,971 --> 00:11:07,103 If I ever had to go to court, 296 00:11:07,105 --> 00:11:08,705 I would like for her to adjudicate. 297 00:11:08,707 --> 00:11:10,306 - That's how good she is. - But she's tough. 298 00:11:10,308 --> 00:11:12,108 - I'm so sorry I'm late. - Oh, there he is! 299 00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:13,610 - Our national treasure. - Hey! Jeff. How are you? 300 00:11:13,612 --> 00:11:17,179 Jeff, Lin. Larry, Lin. Nice to see you. 301 00:11:17,181 --> 00:11:18,847 - How did it go? Good? - It was good. 302 00:11:18,849 --> 00:11:20,483 - Yeah, I think we're done. - Good. I'm excited. 303 00:11:20,485 --> 00:11:22,951 All right, I was just telling them how excited we are. 304 00:11:22,953 --> 00:11:24,420 Thank you so much for bringing this to us. 305 00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,088 - It's so exciting. - Oh, oh, thank... 306 00:11:26,090 --> 00:11:28,790 you know, I loved "Hamilton," needless to say. 307 00:11:28,792 --> 00:11:30,926 - I saw it with you. - Oh, great. Awesome. 308 00:11:30,928 --> 00:11:33,194 You know, I know the show's in LA right now. Everybody's loving it. 309 00:11:33,196 --> 00:11:33,965 I was wondering, 310 00:11:33,966 --> 00:11:37,298 would it be possible to get two tickets for my shucker? 311 00:11:39,136 --> 00:11:41,069 For your shucker? Like an oyster shucker? 312 00:11:41,071 --> 00:11:44,406 Yeah, yeah, oyster shucker. Yeah. Fantastic shucker. So fast. 313 00:11:44,408 --> 00:11:48,076 - He's your personal shucker? - No. He... he shucks for me from time to time. 314 00:11:48,078 --> 00:11:50,478 Hey, if he's important to you, sure, I'll... I'll... 315 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,447 - no promises, but I'll ask. - Oh, thank you. 316 00:11:52,449 --> 00:11:53,881 - Yeah. Yeah. - Thank you so much. 317 00:11:53,883 --> 00:11:55,550 All right, I'll let you chat together, 318 00:11:55,552 --> 00:11:57,185 and my office is your office. 319 00:11:57,187 --> 00:11:58,986 Have a great time. I'm excited about this. 320 00:11:58,988 --> 00:12:00,755 - Great work again, Larry. - Thanks again. 321 00:12:00,757 --> 00:12:02,090 Thanks for letting us use the office. 322 00:12:02,092 --> 00:12:04,526 Appreciate it. Let's have a seat, guys. 323 00:12:04,528 --> 00:12:07,595 Okay, let's see. Where do you want... 324 00:12:09,966 --> 00:12:11,432 (SIGHS) 325 00:12:12,569 --> 00:12:14,134 Right. 326 00:12:14,136 --> 00:12:16,837 So, "Fatwa! the Musical." 327 00:12:16,839 --> 00:12:18,172 Where do you guys wanna do it? 328 00:12:18,174 --> 00:12:19,941 Well, you know, we're thinking... 329 00:12:19,943 --> 00:12:21,175 - Broadway. - Broadway. 330 00:12:21,177 --> 00:12:22,909 Broadway? All right. 331 00:12:22,911 --> 00:12:25,345 I think you're gonna wanna try it out of town first. 332 00:12:25,347 --> 00:12:28,048 You know, why not LA? I think you should do it here. 333 00:12:32,254 --> 00:12:33,720 - Okay. - Nice. 334 00:12:33,722 --> 00:12:35,222 And who do you see for a cast? 335 00:12:35,224 --> 00:12:40,126 Obviously, we'd like you to play, um, Salman. 336 00:12:40,128 --> 00:12:42,195 - Oh, "Salmon." - Salman. 337 00:12:42,197 --> 00:12:43,229 Yeah, "Salmon" Rushdie. 338 00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:46,399 "Salmon," yeah. 339 00:12:46,401 --> 00:12:49,069 And, um, Mandy Patinkin for, uh... 340 00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:51,270 - No one but Mandy Patinkin. - ... for the ayatollah. 341 00:12:51,272 --> 00:12:52,371 F. Murray Abraham. 342 00:12:54,275 --> 00:12:56,909 - Yeah. Good idea. Let's do that. - Yeah. I'm telling you. 343 00:12:56,911 --> 00:12:59,078 - (PHONE BUZZES) - The "F" is for fucking awesome. 344 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,580 I'm sorry. 345 00:13:00,582 --> 00:13:02,415 I'm getting a... I'm sorry, guys, this is London. 346 00:13:02,417 --> 00:13:05,451 Can I just have you guys step outside for a second? Thanks so much. 347 00:13:05,453 --> 00:13:08,154 This is really going well. Hello? 348 00:13:08,156 --> 00:13:09,522 What the hell's wrong with you? 349 00:13:09,524 --> 00:13:12,591 - You said yes to everything. - Yeah. 350 00:13:12,593 --> 00:13:15,761 You were so determined downstairs. What the hell happened? 351 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,798 - It's the desk. - The desk? 352 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,501 Yes. It's the power of the desk. He's up high, I'm down low. 353 00:13:22,503 --> 00:13:25,104 Everything he says, I say yes to. He's in the boss chair. 354 00:13:25,106 --> 00:13:27,639 - He's... he's like... it's like he's my boss. - This is not good. 355 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:30,274 We gotta do everything we can to get him out from behind the desk. 356 00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:33,678 - Okay. - LIN-MANUEL: Hey, you guys can come on back in. 357 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,547 Please, make yourselves comfortable. 358 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,084 (GRUNTS) 359 00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:43,188 I got an idea. Why don't you sit over here? 360 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,156 Yeah, no. I'm comfortable. Thank you so much. 361 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,091 - LARRY: Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm great. 362 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,728 I gotta tell you, we could have a real nice, 363 00:13:48,729 --> 00:13:49,761 intimate discussion over here. 364 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:51,729 You know, we'll be able to kind of really kick it around. 365 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,531 Yeah, I feel like we're at a nice, wide angle. 366 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,066 This is a nice bird's-eye view of the piece. 367 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,868 I gotta tell you something, I'm getting laryngitis 368 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,636 screaming across the room, you're so far away. 369 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,004 Well, I'm enthusiastic about it, too. 370 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,738 I think we're on the same page. 371 00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:05,242 Listen, not only do I wanna play "Salmon," I wanna write the songs. 372 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:08,745 - Yeah, but I... I've written all the songs. - Yeah. 373 00:14:08,747 --> 00:14:11,748 - That's all done. - It's a great starting point for us. 374 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,584 You know, what you've written is... it's a great bedrock. 375 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,486 It's a great foundation for... for me to... 376 00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,020 you know, 'cause it's inspiring me so much. 377 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,388 You know, let's start with the opening. 378 00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:19,622 What? The opening? 379 00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:21,457 Come on, the opening's terrific as is. 380 00:14:21,459 --> 00:14:23,093 ♪ There's a fatwa, there's a fatwa ♪ 381 00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:25,095 ♪ Gotta run, I think I oughta, gotta hide ♪ 382 00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:27,764 - ♪ I think I gotta... ♪ - ♪ Got a pinspotta ♪ 383 00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:29,733 - There... there's more. I'm not done... - Yeah, there's more. 384 00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,601 ♪ Pinspotta on our hero ♪ 385 00:14:31,603 --> 00:14:33,236 ♪ All alone, blood clotta ♪ 386 00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:35,305 ♪ A fatwa, un, deux, trois, caught ♪ 387 00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:36,939 ♪ Why am I in the middle of this? ♪ 388 00:14:36,941 --> 00:14:39,075 ♪ I'm Biggie and 'Pac, who shot ya? ♪ 389 00:14:39,077 --> 00:14:41,678 ♪ I'm at the top of the rock and I'm hotter than guac ♪ 390 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,046 ♪ What's going on? I gotta stop ya ♪ 391 00:14:44,048 --> 00:14:45,515 ♪ Can I... ♪ Where are you going? 392 00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:48,184 No, I was just checking out the whole area here. 393 00:14:48,186 --> 00:14:49,985 No, have a seat. I'm not done. 394 00:14:49,987 --> 00:14:51,053 Oh, okay... okay. 395 00:14:51,055 --> 00:14:52,121 Yeah. No, have a seat over here. 396 00:14:52,123 --> 00:14:53,455 Yeah, right where you were. 397 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,024 Have a seat. Make yourself comfortable. 398 00:14:55,026 --> 00:14:58,327 We're in a flow right now. You're doing great. 399 00:14:58,329 --> 00:14:59,862 Listen, I feel like I have a lot of ideas 400 00:14:59,864 --> 00:15:01,563 and maybe we should call another meeting 401 00:15:01,565 --> 00:15:03,498 where I can really download everything that's in my head, 402 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,934 'cause I'm just scratching the surface here. 403 00:15:04,936 --> 00:15:06,835 I love what we've all come up with together, 404 00:15:06,837 --> 00:15:08,103 so let's have another meeting 405 00:15:08,105 --> 00:15:09,771 in a couple weeks to keep working. 406 00:15:11,675 --> 00:15:13,108 Okay. 407 00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:14,776 Great. 408 00:15:14,778 --> 00:15:17,512 I have a couple of calls to make to the West End before it closes. 409 00:15:17,514 --> 00:15:19,080 Yeah, all right, give me the room. Thanks. 410 00:15:19,082 --> 00:15:20,315 - This is just the beginning. - Yeah. 411 00:15:20,317 --> 00:15:21,516 - Awesome. - See you. 412 00:15:21,518 --> 00:15:22,851 - Thank you. - Okay, thank you. 413 00:15:27,357 --> 00:15:29,824 Ugh, how can you eat that thing, Riggs? 414 00:15:29,826 --> 00:15:31,926 Hey, it's breakfast, the most important meal of the day. 415 00:15:31,928 --> 00:15:33,862 (SCOFFS) What's the name of this show? 416 00:15:33,864 --> 00:15:36,831 - "Chicago Homicide." - Oh, my God, you poor kid. 417 00:15:36,833 --> 00:15:38,566 (LAUGHS) It's not that bad. 418 00:15:38,568 --> 00:15:40,868 - People love it. - Two bullet wounds to the chest... 419 00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:42,403 - LARRY: People love this? - Mm-hmm. 420 00:15:42,405 --> 00:15:44,305 People will watch anything with "Chicago" in the title. 421 00:15:44,307 --> 00:15:45,939 - It's been proven. - (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 422 00:15:45,941 --> 00:15:49,143 Yeah. (LAUGHS) 423 00:15:49,145 --> 00:15:51,345 Ow. Could this couch be any more uncomfortable? 424 00:15:51,347 --> 00:15:54,882 - You could have a new couch. - And that's gonna require people... 425 00:15:54,884 --> 00:15:56,483 - Oh, that's annoying. - ... lugging something 426 00:15:56,485 --> 00:15:58,418 up the stairs, lugging this out. 427 00:15:58,420 --> 00:16:00,687 I can't stand to see people doing manual labor in front of me. 428 00:16:00,689 --> 00:16:04,291 - Movers in particular. - Right. Right. 429 00:16:04,293 --> 00:16:06,093 - Wow. - A piano. 430 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,861 - Nightmare. Tears. - Oh, my God. 431 00:16:07,863 --> 00:16:09,496 I wouldn't get a piano just because 432 00:16:09,498 --> 00:16:11,999 I wouldn't want them to move the piano into my house. 433 00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:17,837 - That's so stupid. - It is, but it's true. 434 00:16:17,839 --> 00:16:21,140 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 435 00:16:21,142 --> 00:16:23,777 Interesting, the things I'm learning. 436 00:16:23,779 --> 00:16:25,679 Just like talking to all your friends the other night. 437 00:16:25,681 --> 00:16:28,281 They were so, uh, nice. That was fun. 438 00:16:29,818 --> 00:16:31,750 - Yeah, it was fun. - Mmm. 439 00:16:31,752 --> 00:16:34,320 Except maybe... 440 00:16:34,322 --> 00:16:38,357 at the end when you were talking about those guys. 441 00:16:38,359 --> 00:16:41,593 (LAUGHS) Susie loves those stories. 442 00:16:41,595 --> 00:16:43,930 - I don't know why. - Yeah. 443 00:16:43,932 --> 00:16:46,665 I guess I kept thinking... 444 00:16:46,667 --> 00:16:50,736 (SCOFFS) what if... what if that was me she was talking about? 445 00:16:50,738 --> 00:16:52,237 (LAUGHS) 446 00:16:52,239 --> 00:16:54,139 Well, I won't talk about you, Larry. Don't worry. 447 00:16:54,141 --> 00:16:57,309 Is there anything you've observed thus far or noticed 448 00:16:57,311 --> 00:17:01,513 that you might wanna talk about at a dinner party? 449 00:17:01,515 --> 00:17:05,851 No. Everything's completely just regular. 450 00:17:05,853 --> 00:17:08,920 WOMAN ON TV: They're too much trouble. I'm officially done dating. 451 00:17:08,922 --> 00:17:11,456 - "Regular." - If I get lonely, I'll just rent a penis. 452 00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:16,494 (GASPS) Ah! That is a... an unapproved "penis." 453 00:17:16,496 --> 00:17:19,397 I'm so sorry, I gotta call this in before they... 454 00:17:19,399 --> 00:17:20,965 It's Bridget for Bill. 455 00:17:20,967 --> 00:17:22,767 (MUFFLED CLATTERING) 456 00:17:22,769 --> 00:17:24,402 No, he knows why I'm calling. 457 00:17:24,404 --> 00:17:26,270 You hear something? 458 00:17:26,272 --> 00:17:28,272 Sorry, I didn't... I... 459 00:17:28,274 --> 00:17:29,340 Yeah. 460 00:17:29,342 --> 00:17:32,543 No, tell him I'm holding for him. 461 00:17:32,545 --> 00:17:34,245 Don't let him get away. 462 00:17:34,247 --> 00:17:37,714 - ROSE: You're so thirsty. - Oh, my... what? 463 00:17:37,716 --> 00:17:40,417 What?! What are you doing here? 464 00:17:40,419 --> 00:17:43,520 Well, obviously, I'm keeping this plant alive. 465 00:17:43,522 --> 00:17:46,023 - It's dying here. - How did you get in here? 466 00:17:46,025 --> 00:17:49,459 I have my own keys. You forgot to change the locks. 467 00:17:49,461 --> 00:17:52,696 Okay, I want that key back, okay? And you need to go. 468 00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:54,063 This is not a college dormitory 469 00:17:54,065 --> 00:17:55,198 where you can visit years later 470 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,600 and catch up on things. 471 00:17:56,602 --> 00:17:58,402 We don't have alumni weekends, okay? 472 00:17:58,404 --> 00:18:00,270 I never should have sold this house to you. 473 00:18:00,272 --> 00:18:03,206 You're destroying it and you're certainly destroying this plant. 474 00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,275 Okay, you listen to me, Shapiro, all right? 475 00:18:05,277 --> 00:18:06,777 - Get out! - All right. 476 00:18:06,779 --> 00:18:08,477 It's not your house! It's my house! 477 00:18:08,479 --> 00:18:10,313 I live here, not you! 478 00:18:10,315 --> 00:18:12,515 What a fucking psycho. 479 00:18:12,517 --> 00:18:15,318 (SUSIE CRYING OUT) 480 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,520 Fuck me, Tex! 481 00:18:17,522 --> 00:18:20,356 (CRYING OUT) 482 00:18:22,327 --> 00:18:25,360 You know how she got in? She used her key. 483 00:18:25,362 --> 00:18:27,530 - You didn't change the locks? - I never changed the locks. 484 00:18:27,532 --> 00:18:28,731 So crazy. 485 00:18:30,334 --> 00:18:32,835 - Speaking of crazy. - Yeah, I know. 486 00:18:32,837 --> 00:18:36,104 - I mean, what the fuck? - It is the new me. I am all in. 487 00:18:36,106 --> 00:18:38,641 - The boots, too? - The boots, too. 488 00:18:38,643 --> 00:18:40,175 I'm going for the whole thing. 489 00:18:40,177 --> 00:18:42,244 Women love it. They go nuts. 490 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,679 The only downside is I gotta keep fucking my wife. 491 00:18:44,681 --> 00:18:46,648 - Sick of it? - Oh, so sick of it. 492 00:18:46,650 --> 00:18:50,352 Yeah. Hey, we gotta talk about this... this meeting with Lin. 493 00:18:50,354 --> 00:18:53,388 - Yeah. - I gotta sit behind the desk today. 494 00:18:53,390 --> 00:18:55,690 - Oh, yeah. - Change the whole dynamic. 495 00:18:55,692 --> 00:18:58,159 Well, you just don't wanna piss him off, that's all I can say. 496 00:18:58,161 --> 00:19:01,362 I'm not gonna piss him off, but, you know, I need... I need... 497 00:19:01,364 --> 00:19:03,731 to wrest creative control from him somehow. 498 00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:06,601 He's taking over the whole goddamn thing. 499 00:19:08,905 --> 00:19:10,772 Did... did you... 500 00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:13,775 - Did you overhear what I... - Yes, I did. 501 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:18,379 I hope you'll exercise some receptionist discretion... 502 00:19:21,351 --> 00:19:22,683 Just gotta keep it down. 503 00:19:22,685 --> 00:19:24,718 Everybody's got such a big mouth. 504 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,455 - Yeah. - Nobody can hear anything and keep it to themselves. 505 00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:31,291 - Hey! - (LAUGHS) Oh, look at you. 506 00:19:31,293 --> 00:19:32,526 - Nice. - JEFF: Yeah. 507 00:19:32,528 --> 00:19:33,861 Yeah, you can pull that off. 508 00:19:33,863 --> 00:19:35,562 - You're with this agency? - Yeah. 509 00:19:35,564 --> 00:19:37,230 Yeah, I don't know why I bother, though. 510 00:19:37,232 --> 00:19:38,599 Yeah, it's enough with the acting already. 511 00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:40,667 How long do you have to do it for? 512 00:19:40,669 --> 00:19:44,037 - Why don't you quit? Huh? - Nah, I got a few more parts in me, come on. 513 00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:46,306 Every time I turn on the television, I have to see you. 514 00:19:46,308 --> 00:19:48,341 It's enough. Retire. Why don't you retire? 515 00:19:48,343 --> 00:19:50,510 - (LAUGHS) Yeah. Maybe I... - Huh? 516 00:19:50,512 --> 00:19:52,178 We gonna see you this weekend? 517 00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:54,547 Uh, no, actually, I... I'm not... 518 00:19:54,549 --> 00:19:56,682 Cheryl and I are going up to Tahoe. 519 00:19:56,684 --> 00:19:59,519 - Oh, we... we went there once. - Yeah, I know. 520 00:19:59,521 --> 00:20:02,122 She, uh... she told me. 521 00:20:02,124 --> 00:20:04,724 (LAUGHING) 522 00:20:10,732 --> 00:20:12,464 Something funny happen in Tahoe? 523 00:20:12,466 --> 00:20:15,100 No. Uh-uh. 524 00:20:15,102 --> 00:20:17,670 - Something weird? - No. Nope. 525 00:20:17,672 --> 00:20:20,372 - I think something happened in Tahoe. - Nothing happened in Tahoe. 526 00:20:20,374 --> 00:20:23,708 - What happened in Tahoe? - Nothing happened in Tahoe, Jeff, okay? 527 00:20:23,710 --> 00:20:25,844 Can you look at me and tell me nothing happened in Tahoe? 528 00:20:25,846 --> 00:20:27,812 - Nothing happened in Tahoe! - Something happened in Tahoe! 529 00:20:27,814 --> 00:20:29,915 - Nothing happened! - Trust me, something happened. 530 00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:31,750 - Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. - Oh! Hey. 531 00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,252 - Great to see you. - Good to see you. 532 00:20:33,254 --> 00:20:34,253 Oh, great to see this. 533 00:20:34,255 --> 00:20:36,221 This is developing. I like it. 534 00:20:36,223 --> 00:20:38,089 It's working really well. Keep workshopping. It's great. 535 00:20:38,091 --> 00:20:40,458 - Hey, did you get the tickets for the shucker? - Oh, I asked. 536 00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:41,960 They weren't... they weren't able to do it. 537 00:20:41,962 --> 00:20:44,763 - I'm sorry. - They? Who's they? 538 00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:45,864 Yeah, well, you know, I mean, 539 00:20:45,866 --> 00:20:47,832 if it were for you... no problem. 540 00:20:47,834 --> 00:20:49,901 You'd go as my guest. It's my pleasure. 541 00:20:49,903 --> 00:20:54,372 But a shucker you met once who's good at shucking... 542 00:20:54,374 --> 00:20:56,840 Well, he's not just good at shucking; he's great at shucking. 543 00:20:56,842 --> 00:20:59,177 Again, for you, no problem. In a second. 544 00:20:59,179 --> 00:21:02,313 Anytime you wanna go, please let me know. 545 00:21:04,817 --> 00:21:07,017 Okay. Yeah, okay, I'll go. 546 00:21:07,019 --> 00:21:09,387 I'll... I'll take the tickets. 547 00:21:09,389 --> 00:21:11,455 - You'll take them? - Yeah. 548 00:21:11,457 --> 00:21:14,792 - For the same day that the shucker was... - Yeah. 549 00:21:14,794 --> 00:21:16,259 - Now they're for you? - Yeah. 550 00:21:16,261 --> 00:21:17,561 You'll be there at the show? 551 00:21:19,164 --> 00:21:20,731 Yeah. Yeah. 552 00:21:20,733 --> 00:21:21,932 Are you sure? 553 00:21:21,934 --> 00:21:23,333 Yeah. 554 00:21:23,335 --> 00:21:25,069 Are you really sure? 555 00:21:25,071 --> 00:21:26,970 I'm really sure. 556 00:21:41,186 --> 00:21:44,353 - Okay. - Gentlemen, Aaron just left the office. 557 00:21:44,355 --> 00:21:45,588 You can have it for your meeting. 558 00:21:45,590 --> 00:21:47,924 - Let's go to work. - Great. 559 00:21:49,928 --> 00:21:52,028 (SOTTO VOCE) I gotta get that desk. 560 00:21:53,331 --> 00:21:55,999 So, um, how do you like LA? 561 00:21:56,001 --> 00:21:57,767 I like it okay. Getting used to driving. 562 00:21:57,769 --> 00:22:00,969 - Yeah. Oh, d... you drive? - Yeah. 563 00:22:00,971 --> 00:22:02,671 You... do you have a car in New York? 564 00:22:02,673 --> 00:22:04,607 No, not in New York, but I have one here I've been renting. 565 00:22:04,609 --> 00:22:06,041 - It's pretty great. - Uh-huh. 566 00:22:06,043 --> 00:22:07,610 Yeah, I'm getting used to the traffic. 567 00:22:07,612 --> 00:22:09,044 Yeah. How come you don't have a car in New York? 568 00:22:09,046 --> 00:22:10,479 Oh, you don't need one with the subway. 569 00:22:10,481 --> 00:22:12,748 I know. I wish they'd get some kind of... 570 00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:15,117 You know, I pretty much take the train... 571 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,052 (BOTH GRUNTING) 572 00:22:20,190 --> 00:22:23,558 (GROANING) 573 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,360 (SIGHS) 574 00:22:25,362 --> 00:22:26,528 "Fatwa!... " 575 00:22:26,530 --> 00:22:29,464 - (GROANS) - "... the Musical." 576 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:36,171 Yeah, have a seat, guys. 577 00:22:36,173 --> 00:22:38,139 I had a couple of questions about act two 578 00:22:38,141 --> 00:22:40,341 and a couple of ideas that I think are really gonna help us. 579 00:22:40,343 --> 00:22:42,710 You know, there's always a bit of a drag in the middle of act two 580 00:22:42,712 --> 00:22:45,613 and I think we can attack that in a really innovative way. 581 00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:48,816 - Do you have a pad and a pen? - Yeah, sure. 582 00:22:48,818 --> 00:22:51,052 (SNAPS FINGERS) I'll have, uh, Lucy get that for you. 583 00:22:51,054 --> 00:22:52,787 Lucy? 584 00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:54,354 LEON: Come on, Larry. Spit that shit out. 585 00:22:54,356 --> 00:22:55,790 What happened in Tahoe? 586 00:22:55,792 --> 00:22:59,193 Listen, you can ask as many questions as you want. 587 00:22:59,195 --> 00:23:02,930 You are not going to find out from me what happened in Tahoe. 588 00:23:02,932 --> 00:23:05,282 - (GROANS) - If you really wanted to find out, 589 00:23:05,283 --> 00:23:07,067 go ask Ted Danson. 590 00:23:07,069 --> 00:23:08,635 Okay? Let me tell you something. 591 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:10,270 There's just no discretion anymore. 592 00:23:10,272 --> 00:23:12,906 I had to give that fucking shucker two tickets to "Hamilton." 593 00:23:12,908 --> 00:23:14,575 Who knows if he's gonna keep his trap shut? 594 00:23:14,577 --> 00:23:17,444 - Yeah. - Yeah, and by the way, 595 00:23:17,446 --> 00:23:19,680 you were at the table the other night. 596 00:23:19,682 --> 00:23:21,948 Bridget... you heard that, what she was going on about. 597 00:23:21,950 --> 00:23:24,184 - That's some good-ass dick stories, man. - Horrifying. 598 00:23:24,186 --> 00:23:25,952 She could be talking that way about me. 599 00:23:25,954 --> 00:23:27,553 If you're so goddamn worried about it, 600 00:23:27,555 --> 00:23:29,488 make her sign an agreement that she won't fucking talk. 601 00:23:29,490 --> 00:23:31,224 What do you mean, like a nondisclosure agreement? 602 00:23:31,226 --> 00:23:33,392 Fucking non-disclosure. Make her sign that shit. 603 00:23:33,394 --> 00:23:35,394 You know, they have it for housekeepers. 604 00:23:35,396 --> 00:23:37,263 You know, then... so they can't talk about it. 605 00:23:37,265 --> 00:23:38,598 They should have that for sex. 606 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,266 They should have it for sex, but they don't. 607 00:23:40,268 --> 00:23:42,134 People don't sign "fuck documents." 608 00:23:42,136 --> 00:23:44,136 - If you nervous about your johnson... - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 609 00:23:44,138 --> 00:23:45,705 ... make her sign some shit. 610 00:23:48,809 --> 00:23:50,710 (SIGHS) 611 00:23:53,414 --> 00:23:55,413 - Take it. - Huh? 612 00:23:55,415 --> 00:23:57,716 I'm done. 613 00:23:57,718 --> 00:24:01,519 - You all right? - No, I'm not. I'm not all right. 614 00:24:01,521 --> 00:24:02,888 - Oh, Jesus. - Can we sit down? 615 00:24:02,890 --> 00:24:05,357 - Yeah, yeah. Come in here. - All right. 616 00:24:07,895 --> 00:24:09,661 JEFF: Susie sprained my dick. 617 00:24:09,663 --> 00:24:13,998 - What? - Wearing that hat has been nothing but a curse for me. 618 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,601 She took my dick to places it wasn't meant to go. 619 00:24:16,603 --> 00:24:19,003 So far to the right, so far to the left. 620 00:24:19,005 --> 00:24:21,539 - Back and forth. - You need a dick chiropractor. 621 00:24:21,541 --> 00:24:23,441 - Dick chiropractor? There's dick chiropractors? - Yeah. 622 00:24:23,443 --> 00:24:24,909 - Of course there are. - Really? 623 00:24:24,911 --> 00:24:26,311 You know how many times I fucked my dick up? 624 00:24:26,313 --> 00:24:28,012 - Several times. - Oh, it's just... 625 00:24:28,014 --> 00:24:30,447 it's the worst thing I've ever experienced. 626 00:24:30,449 --> 00:24:31,916 I'm taking these. I'm popping these. 627 00:24:31,918 --> 00:24:33,785 This just cuts the pain. 628 00:24:33,787 --> 00:24:35,987 - Do you have any extra? - Yeah, sure. 629 00:24:35,989 --> 00:24:38,289 - Lin-Manuel landed on my shoulder. - I remember. 630 00:24:38,291 --> 00:24:40,291 - I'm in terrible pain. - Yeah, I remember. 631 00:24:40,293 --> 00:24:41,425 - But be careful. - Thank you. 632 00:24:41,427 --> 00:24:42,726 Those are really strong. 633 00:24:42,728 --> 00:24:44,128 Take them only if you need them. 634 00:24:44,130 --> 00:24:45,296 - Okay. Okay. - Okay? 635 00:24:45,298 --> 00:24:46,597 Hey! Great news. 636 00:24:46,599 --> 00:24:48,565 I've been so focused on my dick, 637 00:24:48,567 --> 00:24:50,200 I forgot to tell you the good news. 638 00:24:50,202 --> 00:24:53,069 The good news is I talked to his agent. 639 00:24:53,071 --> 00:24:55,773 Lin-Manuel Miranda is in. 640 00:24:55,775 --> 00:24:58,342 - Oh! Wow, yeah. Hey. Great. - Yeah! Yeah! 641 00:24:58,344 --> 00:25:00,511 - Yeah! Yeah! - Yeah, all right. 642 00:25:00,513 --> 00:25:02,913 - I'm not surprised. - I told you, I said it was a sure thing. 643 00:25:02,915 --> 00:25:05,182 He's getting everything he wants. Why shouldn't he be in? 644 00:25:05,184 --> 00:25:09,085 I got Funkhouser invested. I got Lewis invested. 645 00:25:09,087 --> 00:25:11,487 Of course, I'm still invested. 646 00:25:11,489 --> 00:25:12,789 - Oh, yeah! - LEON: Wow. 647 00:25:12,791 --> 00:25:14,324 - Huh? What do you think? - Oh, yeah! 648 00:25:14,326 --> 00:25:16,026 - Wow. Fab. - You like it? 649 00:25:16,028 --> 00:25:18,160 - I gotta check it out in the mirror. - Check it out. 650 00:25:18,162 --> 00:25:20,830 LEON: He looks like a smart sheriff who's also a doctor. 651 00:25:20,832 --> 00:25:23,232 He'll shoot you, then he'll stitch your ass up. 652 00:25:23,234 --> 00:25:25,100 Oh, my God! 653 00:25:26,438 --> 00:25:29,505 She took the plant! 654 00:25:29,507 --> 00:25:32,775 - Fuck! - Mrs. Shapiro took the plant! 655 00:25:32,777 --> 00:25:36,645 - That's fucked up. - Oh, my God, that is insane! 656 00:25:36,647 --> 00:25:38,380 She didn't put her old-ass foot on the door, 657 00:25:38,382 --> 00:25:39,815 but that's still a home invasion. 658 00:25:39,817 --> 00:25:41,350 Yeah. No, I know what it is, 659 00:25:41,352 --> 00:25:43,685 but, I mean, she is... you know, she's mental. 660 00:25:43,687 --> 00:25:45,955 - She's out of her mind. - She didn't have to steal. 661 00:25:45,957 --> 00:25:48,457 A home invasion's a fucking home invasion, you know? 662 00:25:51,194 --> 00:25:52,427 That's a home invasion. 663 00:25:52,429 --> 00:25:54,396 She came in your house without permission. 664 00:25:54,398 --> 00:25:56,465 You... you better get rid of the do-rag. 665 00:25:56,467 --> 00:25:58,800 Black man showing up at her door with a do-rag? 666 00:25:58,802 --> 00:26:01,069 - She'll have a heart attack. - (CHUCKLES) She'll be fine. 667 00:26:01,071 --> 00:26:04,038 It's in the same family as a scarf, as a ascot, as a pocket square. 668 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:05,574 - Same fucking family. - I don't think 669 00:26:05,576 --> 00:26:07,441 that's in the scarf, ascot, pocket square family. 670 00:26:07,443 --> 00:26:09,077 The same goddamn family. Are you kidding me? 671 00:26:09,079 --> 00:26:11,212 (STUTTERS) I don't like the optics. 672 00:26:11,214 --> 00:26:13,848 She's gonna be fine. I promise you, man. 673 00:26:13,850 --> 00:26:16,550 Fuck that. Knock on that shit aggressively. 674 00:26:16,552 --> 00:26:18,486 The hell you give a fuck about... this some bullshit. 675 00:26:18,488 --> 00:26:20,788 Oh! What are you doing here? Two of you? 676 00:26:20,790 --> 00:26:23,358 - Hey! My plant. - Wait... wait a minute. 677 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:25,192 - (LEON SCOFFS) - That's not your plant. 678 00:26:25,194 --> 00:26:26,326 - Yeah. - That's my plant. 679 00:26:26,328 --> 00:26:28,028 Oh, no, it's not your plant. 680 00:26:28,030 --> 00:26:30,330 You came to my house and you stole my plant. Come on. 681 00:26:30,332 --> 00:26:31,632 I'm saving this plant. 682 00:26:31,634 --> 00:26:33,333 I'm letting it live and flourish. 683 00:26:33,335 --> 00:26:35,202 - You were letting it die. - Oh, come on. 684 00:26:35,204 --> 00:26:36,637 Don't give us that green thumb shit. 685 00:26:36,639 --> 00:26:37,805 - (BARKS) - Oh! 686 00:26:37,807 --> 00:26:39,540 See, my dog doesn't like you at all. 687 00:26:39,542 --> 00:26:41,541 Bella will bite you on the ankles. 688 00:26:41,543 --> 00:26:44,044 I'll tell you what. We're gonna take that dog or this plant. 689 00:26:44,046 --> 00:26:46,113 Oh, no, you're not taking my dog. 690 00:26:46,115 --> 00:26:47,847 - You're not touching my dog. - What? No, you're not taking the dog. 691 00:26:47,849 --> 00:26:49,316 - Why not? - You think I want that dog in my house? 692 00:26:49,318 --> 00:26:50,750 - I take the dog... - What? 693 00:26:50,752 --> 00:26:52,319 - What are you, crazy? - Why not? 694 00:26:52,321 --> 00:26:54,687 - Who's gonna walk it? - We'll take turns. 695 00:26:54,689 --> 00:26:56,156 I'm not taking turns. 696 00:26:56,158 --> 00:26:57,990 I'm not walking the dog. You gonna pick up its shit? 697 00:26:57,992 --> 00:26:59,826 - I'll take care of it. - You'll take care of it? 698 00:26:59,828 --> 00:27:01,828 Yeah, that's what 8-year-olds say when they wanna get a dog. 699 00:27:01,830 --> 00:27:03,763 "I'll take care of it." And they don't do a goddamn thing. 700 00:27:03,765 --> 00:27:05,465 See, you guys can't even make up your minds 701 00:27:05,467 --> 00:27:07,767 what you're gonna do, so why don't you just leave? 702 00:27:07,769 --> 00:27:09,068 Wait, who's that? 703 00:27:09,070 --> 00:27:11,504 That's Myron, my dearly departed husband. 704 00:27:11,506 --> 00:27:13,472 You know what? Let's take his hat. 705 00:27:13,474 --> 00:27:15,141 No, you're not taking his hat. 706 00:27:15,143 --> 00:27:17,276 No, take the whole goddamn head. Take the whole fucking head. 707 00:27:17,278 --> 00:27:19,445 - The head? The whole head? - The whole goddamn head. 708 00:27:19,447 --> 00:27:21,981 - You think I want that head in my house? - I don't want the fucking hat. 709 00:27:21,983 --> 00:27:24,250 - The hat is dumb as hell. - I'm... big shot, I'd rather have the hat than the head. 710 00:27:24,252 --> 00:27:26,919 I'm not gonna take the head. I don't want that monstrosity in my house. 711 00:27:26,921 --> 00:27:28,554 He's a lot better-looking than you. 712 00:27:28,556 --> 00:27:30,188 - Oh, is that so? - Mm-hmm. 713 00:27:30,190 --> 00:27:32,891 - I'm an Uber four, okay? - Well, Myron was an Uber five. 714 00:27:32,893 --> 00:27:35,527 - (BARKING, GROWLING) - (SCOFFS) He's not a five. 715 00:27:37,397 --> 00:27:38,730 - Hey. - Let's get the fuck out of here. 716 00:27:38,732 --> 00:27:40,365 Okay, you know what? 717 00:27:40,367 --> 00:27:42,133 You haven't heard the last of me about this, all right? 718 00:27:42,135 --> 00:27:44,069 Don't go into people's homes and steal their plants. 719 00:27:44,071 --> 00:27:47,205 - I'll see you in court. - The hell you will! 720 00:27:50,010 --> 00:27:52,410 - (PHONE RINGING) - Hello? 721 00:27:52,412 --> 00:27:55,580 - Hi, Larry. It's Lin Miranda. - Oh, hey. 722 00:27:55,582 --> 00:27:58,049 I'm sure you heard it from... from Jeff already, but I'm in. 723 00:27:58,051 --> 00:28:00,151 - That's great news. - I'm clearing my schedule. 724 00:28:00,153 --> 00:28:03,020 It's gonna be you and me writing this thing toe to tip. 725 00:28:03,022 --> 00:28:04,822 You know what, Lin, I think we're in pretty good shape. 726 00:28:04,824 --> 00:28:06,824 We don't need to get into the weeds on this thing. 727 00:28:06,826 --> 00:28:10,027 - The weeds are where the good stuff is. - Very dangerous in the weeds. 728 00:28:10,029 --> 00:28:12,162 You can get Lyme disease in there if you're not careful. 729 00:28:12,164 --> 00:28:14,632 There's treasure in the weeds and we'll pick for ticks after. 730 00:28:14,634 --> 00:28:17,301 The verses are gonna be satanic. 731 00:28:17,303 --> 00:28:20,337 - Okay. - Well, the other piece of good news 732 00:28:20,339 --> 00:28:21,905 is that my wife, Vanessa, and her friend 733 00:28:21,907 --> 00:28:23,840 are gonna be at "Hamilton" the same night as you. 734 00:28:23,842 --> 00:28:24,781 Oh. 735 00:28:24,782 --> 00:28:26,910 So, she'll be sitting right next to you at the show. 736 00:28:26,912 --> 00:28:28,578 She's going? 737 00:28:28,580 --> 00:28:30,314 Yeah, she's using the other half of my house seats, 738 00:28:30,316 --> 00:28:32,349 so you'll be right next to her. 739 00:28:32,351 --> 00:28:36,386 And, I mean, she's gonna see you 'cause you're going. 740 00:28:36,388 --> 00:28:37,954 Oh, yeah. 741 00:28:37,956 --> 00:28:39,589 Yeah, well, if she's going, 742 00:28:39,591 --> 00:28:41,992 she'll see me because I'm going. 743 00:28:41,994 --> 00:28:44,127 Of course. The ticket's for you. 744 00:28:44,129 --> 00:28:45,962 Yes, you got the ticket for me 745 00:28:45,964 --> 00:28:48,031 and... and I will use the ticket you got for me, 746 00:28:48,033 --> 00:28:50,199 and as a result, I... I will be there. 747 00:28:50,201 --> 00:28:51,868 I'm really excited for you guys to meet. 748 00:28:51,870 --> 00:28:54,037 "Fatwa!" See you in the weeds, buddy. 749 00:28:54,039 --> 00:28:55,471 (PHONE BEEPS) 750 00:28:56,607 --> 00:28:59,075 Ah, Shucker. 751 00:29:06,951 --> 00:29:08,484 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 752 00:29:09,887 --> 00:29:11,620 No, I'll be right there. I'll be right there. 753 00:29:11,622 --> 00:29:13,788 - Oh, hi. - (MUSIC PLAYING, CHATTER) 754 00:29:13,790 --> 00:29:15,990 What's going on here? 755 00:29:15,992 --> 00:29:18,160 Oh, it's just a little party. 756 00:29:18,162 --> 00:29:20,728 - How come I wasn't invited? - To the party? 757 00:29:20,730 --> 00:29:22,730 Yeah, why wasn't I invited? 758 00:29:22,732 --> 00:29:24,232 You just had dinner at my house. 759 00:29:24,234 --> 00:29:26,535 I know. That was so nice and we had a great time. 760 00:29:26,537 --> 00:29:28,703 Okay, so how come you're not inviting me? 761 00:29:28,705 --> 00:29:30,905 Where's the reciprocity? 762 00:29:30,907 --> 00:29:33,507 Well, I'm gonna reciprocate, but not this one. 763 00:29:33,509 --> 00:29:36,744 You're gonna reciprocate? This was the opportunity to reciprocate. 764 00:29:36,746 --> 00:29:39,080 Come to the party! I want you to come in and really warm it up. 765 00:29:39,082 --> 00:29:41,115 I don't wanna go... I don't wanna go to the party. 766 00:29:41,117 --> 00:29:43,685 - Now you have to go. - I wouldn't have come even if I was invited. 767 00:29:43,687 --> 00:29:47,121 - Then what are you doing here? - What did you tell Ted about Tahoe? 768 00:29:47,123 --> 00:29:51,758 - Tahoe? - Because, um, he told me that you two were going to Tahoe. 769 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:54,495 - We are going to Tahoe. - And I said we had been there. 770 00:29:54,497 --> 00:29:58,132 - Right. - And he said, "Yeah, I know," and he snickered, okay? 771 00:29:58,134 --> 00:30:01,268 Leading me to believe that you discussed it with him. 772 00:30:01,270 --> 00:30:03,036 No offense to you, 773 00:30:03,038 --> 00:30:05,505 but Ted and I don't need to sit around 774 00:30:05,507 --> 00:30:07,908 talking about what you and I did in hotel rooms. 775 00:30:07,910 --> 00:30:09,943 I just don't understand why you're talking Tahoe to Ted. 776 00:30:09,945 --> 00:30:12,545 - I wasn't talking Tahoe to Ted. - No, you did talk Tahoe to Ted. 777 00:30:12,547 --> 00:30:14,447 Otherwise there'd be no reason for Ted to talk Tahoe. 778 00:30:14,449 --> 00:30:17,250 - What did he say? - He... he said you two were going. 779 00:30:17,252 --> 00:30:20,086 So what? That is not talking Tahoe. 780 00:30:20,088 --> 00:30:22,822 That is mentioning a trip that's about to happen. 781 00:30:22,824 --> 00:30:24,724 - Is he here? - No, he's shooting. 782 00:30:24,726 --> 00:30:26,892 More shooting? Another job? 783 00:30:26,894 --> 00:30:29,262 When's it gonna end? 784 00:30:29,264 --> 00:30:32,632 Who's that? Is that the Shucker? 785 00:30:32,634 --> 00:30:34,900 Oh, yeah. That's the Shucker from your party. 786 00:30:34,902 --> 00:30:36,669 LARRY: Ah, I gotta talk to him. 787 00:30:42,309 --> 00:30:44,576 - Hey, there he is. - Hey. Yeah. 788 00:30:44,578 --> 00:30:46,846 I just wanna thank you for those "Hamilton" tickets. 789 00:30:46,848 --> 00:30:49,414 I cannot wait. Over the moon. 790 00:30:49,416 --> 00:30:52,851 Um, guess what. I got your hat. 791 00:30:52,853 --> 00:30:55,654 Oh, thank God, because I've been sick without my hat. 792 00:30:55,656 --> 00:30:57,556 - Where is it? - Yeah, it's... it's in my car. 793 00:30:57,558 --> 00:30:59,758 So, um, if you can get a little break, 794 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,628 - we can go take a walk, and I'll give it to you. - Sure, that'd be great. 795 00:31:02,630 --> 00:31:06,265 And, uh, I got another little thing I wanna talk to you about. 796 00:31:06,267 --> 00:31:09,034 Ted is shooting a limited series in Vancouver. 797 00:31:09,036 --> 00:31:11,369 I'm borrowing your Shucker for two minutes. 798 00:31:11,371 --> 00:31:13,337 Ma'am. 799 00:31:13,339 --> 00:31:14,773 SHUCKER: There it is. 800 00:31:14,775 --> 00:31:19,044 - Oh, baby. (CHUCKLES) - Oh, fuck.(GROANS) 801 00:31:19,046 --> 00:31:21,279 Come to Papa. 802 00:31:21,281 --> 00:31:24,815 Oh, I have missed you. (CLICKS TONGUE) 803 00:31:24,817 --> 00:31:26,551 Well, got my hat. 804 00:31:26,553 --> 00:31:28,352 Thanks again for those tickets. 805 00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:30,754 Yeah, that's kind of what I wanna talk to you about. 806 00:31:30,756 --> 00:31:32,456 Um, Lin called me up, 807 00:31:32,458 --> 00:31:35,759 told me his wife was gonna be sitting next to me. 808 00:31:35,761 --> 00:31:39,630 He thinks the tickets are for me, and so I have to go now. 809 00:31:39,632 --> 00:31:43,400 So, I need... sorry to say, I need the tickets back. 810 00:31:43,402 --> 00:31:45,404 Well, what do you mean? That's... that's like a... 811 00:31:45,405 --> 00:31:46,636 that's like a bad horse trade. 812 00:31:46,638 --> 00:31:49,060 - What are you talking about? - How are you gonna show up 813 00:31:49,061 --> 00:31:50,273 and sit... sit there? 814 00:31:50,275 --> 00:31:51,875 Because if she sees you there, 815 00:31:51,877 --> 00:31:53,911 I am gonna be in a lot of trouble. 816 00:31:55,881 --> 00:31:57,547 - All right. - Come on. 817 00:31:57,549 --> 00:32:00,517 - All right, I'll get you your tickets. - Yeah? 818 00:32:00,519 --> 00:32:03,220 For $2,500. 819 00:32:03,222 --> 00:32:04,688 Take it or leave it. 820 00:32:06,958 --> 00:32:09,226 You're quite a prick, aren't you? 821 00:32:09,228 --> 00:32:10,827 It's the Shucker's way. 822 00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:14,663 I don't have that kind of cash on me. 823 00:32:14,665 --> 00:32:18,601 It's okay, we take credit cards. 824 00:32:18,603 --> 00:32:20,269 Yeah. 825 00:32:24,308 --> 00:32:25,608 Thank you. 826 00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:28,144 MAN ON TV: Jarvis isn't living up to his potential. 827 00:32:28,146 --> 00:32:29,612 What's on? 828 00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:31,079 "Chicago Teachers." 829 00:32:31,081 --> 00:32:32,281 - No! - Yeah! 830 00:32:32,283 --> 00:32:34,383 - (SIGHS) - Oh, my God. 831 00:32:34,385 --> 00:32:37,919 - Oh, yeah. - It's worse than the other thing we were watching. 832 00:32:37,921 --> 00:32:39,121 They don't try to curse that much 833 00:32:39,123 --> 00:32:40,289 on that one, though, so it's okay. 834 00:32:40,291 --> 00:32:41,690 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 835 00:32:41,692 --> 00:32:43,692 - Oh, that's good. - What do you wanna do? 836 00:32:44,928 --> 00:32:46,295 - What do I wanna do? - Mm-hmm. 837 00:32:46,297 --> 00:32:48,396 - You mean right now? - Mm-hmm. 838 00:32:48,398 --> 00:32:50,232 Oh. 839 00:32:50,234 --> 00:32:53,935 I mean, if we could do anything right now, 840 00:32:53,937 --> 00:32:55,436 what would it be? 841 00:32:55,438 --> 00:32:57,105 - (SMACKS LIPS) - Sexually. 842 00:32:57,107 --> 00:32:58,974 - Well... - Mm-hmm? 843 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,747 - Uh... - What? 844 00:33:05,749 --> 00:33:07,348 - You know. - Tell me. 845 00:33:07,350 --> 00:33:11,218 I just like to get an erection, put it in a vagina. 846 00:33:11,220 --> 00:33:12,520 - That's a... - That's it? 847 00:33:12,522 --> 00:33:13,721 That's about it, yeah. 848 00:33:13,723 --> 00:33:16,023 That's your biggest fantasy? 849 00:33:16,025 --> 00:33:18,293 I would just get on the top 850 00:33:18,295 --> 00:33:22,096 and thrust until orgasm. 851 00:33:22,098 --> 00:33:25,432 - Hmm. - I'm sexually a very simple man. 852 00:33:25,434 --> 00:33:27,234 Oh. 853 00:33:27,236 --> 00:33:29,670 Hmm. 854 00:33:29,672 --> 00:33:35,676 - But there is something that can change that. - Oh. 855 00:33:35,678 --> 00:33:37,644 - I got something. I got something... - There we go. 856 00:33:37,646 --> 00:33:40,280 - Ooh! Oh! - ... that's pretty interesting. 857 00:33:43,786 --> 00:33:47,754 - There you go. - (CHUCKLING) 858 00:33:47,756 --> 00:33:53,827 This is a relationship nondisclosure agreement? 859 00:33:53,829 --> 00:33:55,995 - Yeah. - Is this a joke? 860 00:33:55,997 --> 00:33:57,430 No, no. 861 00:33:57,432 --> 00:34:01,167 You... this is a nondisclosure agreement 862 00:34:01,169 --> 00:34:04,270 that you want me to sign? 863 00:34:04,272 --> 00:34:06,139 Yeah, we both... we both have to sign it. 864 00:34:06,141 --> 00:34:09,642 This is terrible! This is... what's wrong with you? 865 00:34:09,644 --> 00:34:12,911 It's... it's just a discretion thing. You know, it's a... 866 00:34:12,913 --> 00:34:14,630 "Partners prohibited from disclosing 867 00:34:14,631 --> 00:34:15,631 the quality of the sexual experience 868 00:34:15,650 --> 00:34:17,483 or the degree of satisfaction attained"? 869 00:34:17,485 --> 00:34:20,252 - It's fairly boilerplate. - There is no boilerplate, Larry. 870 00:34:20,254 --> 00:34:21,787 This has never existed before. 871 00:34:21,789 --> 00:34:24,022 - This is insane. - I know, it's brilliant. 872 00:34:24,024 --> 00:34:27,025 - It's not brilliant. - It locks in discretion, it's... 873 00:34:27,027 --> 00:34:28,626 "Partners shall not divulge any details 874 00:34:28,628 --> 00:34:30,963 including the use of toys, lotions, ointments... " 875 00:34:30,965 --> 00:34:32,797 What are you talking about? 876 00:34:32,799 --> 00:34:34,867 - Fantastic idea. - Larry, you are out of your mind. 877 00:34:34,869 --> 00:34:36,201 - No, uh... - This is horrible. 878 00:34:36,203 --> 00:34:37,936 It'll be great for our sex life. 879 00:34:37,938 --> 00:34:39,838 - We can... we can go wild. - No, it won't. 880 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,374 This is a great idea. I... I wish I thought of it years ago! 881 00:34:42,376 --> 00:34:44,843 I wish my ex-wife had signed one, I can tell you that! 882 00:34:44,845 --> 00:34:46,911 'Cause I know she's talking, she's blabbing. 883 00:34:46,913 --> 00:34:48,680 She's telling Ted Danson everything. 884 00:34:48,682 --> 00:34:50,147 What happened in Tahoe... 885 00:34:50,149 --> 00:34:52,049 she's told him what happened in Tahoe! 886 00:34:52,051 --> 00:34:53,785 You're presenting me with a legal document. 887 00:34:53,787 --> 00:34:56,855 It's the least sexy thing anyone has ever done, ever! 888 00:34:56,857 --> 00:34:58,356 - It's like a prenup! - Bye. 889 00:34:58,358 --> 00:34:59,690 You're not thinking this through! 890 00:34:59,692 --> 00:35:03,761 This is a good... good idea! Bridget! Bridget! 891 00:35:03,763 --> 00:35:06,864 Bridget, if we had this, it'll take the boredom away! 892 00:35:06,866 --> 00:35:10,001 Sign this and you'll have the wildest sex you ever imagined! 893 00:35:10,003 --> 00:35:11,235 - No. - Just sign it! 894 00:35:11,237 --> 00:35:13,604 - No. - Orgasms galore! 895 00:35:13,606 --> 00:35:15,506 That's what I'm promising you, baby! 896 00:35:15,508 --> 00:35:18,241 Orgasms galore! You won't regret it! 897 00:35:18,243 --> 00:35:20,677 I'm not signing your dumb piece of paper, Larry. 898 00:35:20,679 --> 00:35:22,479 Should've known this was not gonna work out. 899 00:35:22,481 --> 00:35:23,914 Eddie never liked you! 900 00:35:23,916 --> 00:35:26,583 Oh, the... the kid you pretended has Asperger's? 901 00:35:26,585 --> 00:35:29,520 It is not pretend. He has Asperger's. 902 00:35:29,522 --> 00:35:31,121 What's your excuse? 903 00:35:34,159 --> 00:35:35,458 (SIGHS) 904 00:35:37,262 --> 00:35:40,797 (TAPPING) You're missing out on Tahoe Larry! 905 00:35:42,534 --> 00:35:45,201 (MUSIC PLAYING) 906 00:35:45,203 --> 00:35:46,836 ANNOUNCER: You are about to enter 907 00:35:46,838 --> 00:35:50,506 the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin. 908 00:35:50,508 --> 00:35:53,576 This is "Judge Judy." 909 00:35:53,578 --> 00:35:56,446 Larry David is suing Rose Shapiro 910 00:35:56,448 --> 00:36:01,083 for trespassing at his home and stealing his ficus plant. 911 00:36:01,085 --> 00:36:03,953 Larry David says that Mrs. Shapiro 912 00:36:03,955 --> 00:36:06,855 has made him feel unsafe in his own home. 913 00:36:06,857 --> 00:36:09,291 The defendant is countersuing Mr. David 914 00:36:09,293 --> 00:36:13,929 for sole custody of the plant on grounds of plant abuse. 915 00:36:13,931 --> 00:36:15,664 PETRI: All rise. 916 00:36:15,666 --> 00:36:17,967 Oh, my God. 917 00:36:17,969 --> 00:36:19,876 Your Honor, it's case number 249 on the calendar 918 00:36:19,877 --> 00:36:21,303 in the matter of David vs. Shapiro. 919 00:36:21,305 --> 00:36:22,804 - Thank you. - You're welcome, Judge. 920 00:36:22,806 --> 00:36:24,673 Parties have been sworn in. You may be seated. 921 00:36:24,675 --> 00:36:28,743 Oh, my fucking God! 922 00:36:28,745 --> 00:36:30,946 - JUDY: When was that? - Five years ago. 923 00:36:30,948 --> 00:36:33,181 Subsequently, several weeks ago, 924 00:36:33,183 --> 00:36:35,650 you, without invitation, 925 00:36:35,652 --> 00:36:37,686 - came into the house. - Oh... 926 00:36:37,688 --> 00:36:39,420 (CHUCKLES) That's him! 927 00:36:39,422 --> 00:36:41,022 That's the guy. That's the guy I was telling you about. 928 00:36:41,024 --> 00:36:43,524 This is the guy you had all those sex stories about? 929 00:36:43,526 --> 00:36:46,294 Yes, that's Larry Long Balls. 930 00:36:46,296 --> 00:36:47,761 Finally, I shoo her away. 931 00:36:47,763 --> 00:36:49,763 She comes back another time, uninvited, 932 00:36:49,765 --> 00:36:51,699 uses her key, steals the plant. 933 00:36:51,701 --> 00:36:55,402 Miss Shapiro, I see that you have some evidence here. 934 00:36:55,404 --> 00:36:58,005 This is the way the plant looked 935 00:36:58,007 --> 00:37:00,273 - when I found it in his house. - (COURTROOM GASPS) 936 00:37:00,275 --> 00:37:02,610 - I wanna object. Objection. - LARRY: Yeah. 937 00:37:02,612 --> 00:37:04,478 - Total objection to that plant. - JUDY: Just a second. 938 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,079 Who are you? 939 00:37:06,081 --> 00:37:08,682 This is Leon Black. He's... he's my witness. 940 00:37:08,684 --> 00:37:10,718 Does he have any relevant information 941 00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:13,420 that would help... that would help your case? 942 00:37:13,422 --> 00:37:16,089 I do. This plant is like a person. 943 00:37:16,091 --> 00:37:20,160 Certain parts of the year, that plant turns darker, like myself. 944 00:37:20,162 --> 00:37:23,430 When I go to Florida, I turn a little darker, a shade darker. 945 00:37:23,432 --> 00:37:25,698 Most of the time I carry myself in a mocha tone, 946 00:37:25,700 --> 00:37:28,902 but there are some... some parts of the year when I'm more mahogany. 947 00:37:28,904 --> 00:37:31,938 Let's get finished with the various tones of Mr. Black 948 00:37:31,940 --> 00:37:33,472 and let's move on to something else. 949 00:37:33,474 --> 00:37:35,441 Your Honor, is it possible I could pace 950 00:37:35,443 --> 00:37:37,309 while you're asking me the questions? 951 00:37:37,311 --> 00:37:41,080 Would you put him in his seat? 952 00:37:41,082 --> 00:37:43,650 - Mrs. Shapiro. - ROSE: Yes? 953 00:37:43,652 --> 00:37:45,951 You have another exhibit underneath that 954 00:37:45,953 --> 00:37:47,819 to show me what the plant looks like now? 955 00:37:47,821 --> 00:37:50,923 - Yes, I do. - LARRY: Anybody want a cough drop? 956 00:37:50,925 --> 00:37:52,858 You want one, Judge? Judge Sheindlin? 957 00:37:52,860 --> 00:37:54,326 You want a cough drop? 958 00:37:54,328 --> 00:37:56,162 It's so hard to be fair. 959 00:37:56,164 --> 00:37:57,996 Byrd, give her a cough drop. 960 00:37:57,998 --> 00:37:59,965 So, this is the guy you're working with? 961 00:37:59,967 --> 00:38:01,733 - JUDY: Go... shh! Uh! - Yeah. 962 00:38:01,735 --> 00:38:03,735 JUDY: You went back to Mr. David's home... 963 00:38:03,737 --> 00:38:05,871 - (WATER POURING) - ... and you stole the plant. 964 00:38:05,873 --> 00:38:08,306 I would say rather than stole, rescued. 965 00:38:08,308 --> 00:38:10,576 Judge, yoo-hoo! Is this filtered? 966 00:38:10,578 --> 00:38:12,711 I don't know. What is he asking me? 967 00:38:12,713 --> 00:38:14,613 - PETRI: If it's filtered, Judge. - It's... 968 00:38:14,615 --> 00:38:16,181 - LARRY: Is it filtered? - Yes, it's filtered. 969 00:38:16,183 --> 00:38:18,816 I'm sorry. That is not filtered water. 970 00:38:18,818 --> 00:38:21,252 Don't drink it. Don't drink it. Put it down. 971 00:38:21,254 --> 00:38:23,821 What are you putting unfiltered water... tap water on the table for? 972 00:38:23,823 --> 00:38:26,124 That's it. That's it. I'm done. 973 00:38:26,126 --> 00:38:28,626 Mr. David, while I understand 974 00:38:28,628 --> 00:38:30,828 that Mrs. Shapiro did the wrong thing, 975 00:38:30,830 --> 00:38:33,030 I can only say to you, sir, 976 00:38:33,032 --> 00:38:35,299 that anyone who would neglect a plant 977 00:38:35,301 --> 00:38:37,902 in that fashion doesn't deserve to have it. 978 00:38:37,904 --> 00:38:39,904 - Your case is dismissed. - (GAVEL POUNDS) 979 00:38:39,906 --> 00:38:41,472 We're done. There you go. 980 00:38:41,474 --> 00:38:43,240 - This is... what? - Good-bye. 981 00:38:43,242 --> 00:38:44,875 PETRI: Parties are excused. You may step out. 982 00:38:44,877 --> 00:38:47,845 This is crazy! I'm... I'm shocked, shocked! 983 00:38:47,847 --> 00:38:50,581 Are we no better than the... the beasts in the field? 984 00:38:50,583 --> 00:38:53,917 And by beasts, I'm not talking about the... the chicken. 985 00:38:53,919 --> 00:38:57,053 I'm talking about the oxen and the... the donkey... 986 00:38:57,055 --> 00:39:00,190 - Oh, un-fucking-believable. - ... with its slack-jawed stare and... 987 00:39:00,192 --> 00:39:01,891 - What's going on? - SUSIE: Oh, nothing. 988 00:39:01,893 --> 00:39:04,595 - (TV TURNS OFF) - Come on into bed, cowboy. 989 00:39:04,597 --> 00:39:06,463 (TOOTHBRUSH CLATTERS) 990 00:39:06,465 --> 00:39:08,064 Yes, ma'am. 991 00:39:09,735 --> 00:39:11,735 (CHATTER) 992 00:39:11,737 --> 00:39:13,535 (HORN HONKING) 993 00:39:27,317 --> 00:39:28,784 Forget it, forget it. 994 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,920 - Hi. - Hey. 995 00:39:32,922 --> 00:39:34,122 - Hello. - Vanessa. 996 00:39:34,124 --> 00:39:35,857 - Hi, Vanessa. - So nice to meet you. 997 00:39:35,859 --> 00:39:38,226 - Nice to meet you. I'm Larry David. - Hi, Larry, yeah. 998 00:39:38,228 --> 00:39:41,229 Hi. I'm bald, I wear glasses, and... and this is my ticket. 999 00:39:41,231 --> 00:39:43,498 - (CHUCKLES) - Here to see the show. I'm very excited. 1000 00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:45,267 I'm right here. I'm sitting right next to you. 1001 00:39:45,269 --> 00:39:46,734 - How about that? - Yeah. 1002 00:39:46,736 --> 00:39:48,970 This is my friend, Joanna, from college. 1003 00:39:48,972 --> 00:39:50,204 - Hi. - Hello, hi. 1004 00:39:50,206 --> 00:39:51,739 - Larry. - Nice to meet you. 1005 00:39:51,741 --> 00:39:53,274 I'm not a shucker. 1006 00:39:53,276 --> 00:39:55,476 - (JOANNA CHUCKLES) - I enjoy clams. I do. 1007 00:39:55,478 --> 00:39:57,511 I like oysters, but I don't shuck. 1008 00:39:57,513 --> 00:39:59,947 I know a shucker, but that doesn't mean 1009 00:39:59,949 --> 00:40:01,482 that the shucker's gonna be here. 1010 00:40:01,484 --> 00:40:02,916 I'm here, not the shucker. 1011 00:40:02,918 --> 00:40:04,951 Do you like clams and oysters? 1012 00:40:04,953 --> 00:40:06,520 - They're okay. - Yeah, okay. 1013 00:40:06,522 --> 00:40:08,822 Well, but if you eat them, somebody's gotta shuck them. 1014 00:40:08,824 --> 00:40:11,525 Lin is so excited about "Fatwa!" 1015 00:40:11,527 --> 00:40:14,461 - Oh, "Fatwa!" Come on! - Yeah. 1016 00:40:14,463 --> 00:40:16,363 This is gonna be a big thing, though. 1017 00:40:16,365 --> 00:40:17,531 He's so excited. 1018 00:40:17,533 --> 00:40:19,232 He can't wait to just get in there 1019 00:40:19,234 --> 00:40:20,867 and start rewriting. 1020 00:40:20,869 --> 00:40:22,803 He shouldn't be getting into there, 1021 00:40:22,805 --> 00:40:24,304 he should be getting into you, 1022 00:40:24,306 --> 00:40:25,638 and I don't mean that in a sexual way. 1023 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,273 I mean it in terms of time. 1024 00:40:27,275 --> 00:40:28,875 Don't... don't get into the weeds of the show. 1025 00:40:28,877 --> 00:40:30,977 Get into your weeds, again not sexual, 1026 00:40:30,979 --> 00:40:33,580 but delve into you, you know. 1027 00:40:33,582 --> 00:40:35,315 And again, delve into you... 1028 00:40:35,317 --> 00:40:38,218 nonsexual delving is what I'm saying. 1029 00:40:38,220 --> 00:40:40,386 A nonsexual delve. 1030 00:40:40,388 --> 00:40:42,522 Ay, gosh. 1031 00:40:42,524 --> 00:40:44,390 Shoulder. Killing me. 1032 00:40:44,392 --> 00:40:46,292 How'd you hurt your shoulder? 1033 00:40:46,294 --> 00:40:49,562 Wrestling with Lin in his agent's office. 1034 00:40:49,564 --> 00:40:52,765 - He threw me to the ground. - Seriously? 1035 00:40:52,767 --> 00:40:54,433 Yeah, yeah. 1036 00:40:54,435 --> 00:40:55,634 (CHUCKLES) 1037 00:40:59,673 --> 00:41:02,074 I've got pain pills. My friend gave me pain pills. 1038 00:41:02,076 --> 00:41:05,344 - Fantastic! - You want some water? 1039 00:41:05,346 --> 00:41:07,947 - Thank you. - Here you go. 1040 00:41:15,623 --> 00:41:17,088 Oh, you can keep it. 1041 00:41:17,090 --> 00:41:19,991 - (MUSIC PLAYING) - (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 1042 00:41:19,993 --> 00:41:22,628 ♪ How does a bastard, orphan ♪ 1043 00:41:22,630 --> 00:41:25,263 ♪ Son of a whore and a Scotsman ♪ 1044 00:41:25,265 --> 00:41:28,233 - ♪ Dropped in the middle of a forgotten... ♪ - (YAWNS) 1045 00:41:28,235 --> 00:41:30,769 ♪ Spot in the Caribbean by providence ♪ 1046 00:41:30,771 --> 00:41:32,603 ♪ Impoverished, in squalor ♪ 1047 00:41:32,605 --> 00:41:35,106 ♪ Grow up to be a hero and a scholar? ♪ 1048 00:41:35,108 --> 00:41:37,809 - ♪ So, what happens if we win? ♪ - ♪ I go back to France ♪ 1049 00:41:37,811 --> 00:41:40,344 ♪ I'll bring freedom to my people if I'm given a chance ♪ 1050 00:41:40,346 --> 00:41:42,680 - ♪ We'll be with you when you do ♪ - ♪ Go lead your men ♪ 1051 00:41:42,682 --> 00:41:44,848 - ♪ I'll see you on the other side... ♪ - (SNORING) 1052 00:41:44,850 --> 00:41:47,618 - ♪ Till we meet again ♪ - ♪ I am not throwing away my shot ♪ 1053 00:41:47,620 --> 00:41:49,987 - ♪ I am not throwing away my shot... ♪ - Hey! 1054 00:41:49,989 --> 00:41:52,590 ♪ Hey, yo, I'm just like my country, I'm young, scrappy, and hungry ♪ 1055 00:41:52,592 --> 00:41:54,958 ♪ And I'm not throwing away my shot ♪ 1056 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,361 ♪ I am not throwing away my shot ♪ 1057 00:41:57,363 --> 00:41:59,963 ♪ Till the world turns upside down ♪ 1058 00:41:59,965 --> 00:42:04,268 ♪ Till the world turns upside down ♪ 1059 00:42:04,270 --> 00:42:06,636 ♪ I imagine death so much, it feels more like a memory ♪ 1060 00:42:06,638 --> 00:42:09,706 ♪ This is where it gets me, on my feet, the enemy ahead of me ♪ 1061 00:42:09,708 --> 00:42:12,375 ♪ If this is the end of me, at least I have a friend with me ♪ 1062 00:42:12,377 --> 00:42:15,545 ♪ Weapon in my hand, a command and my men with me... ♪ 1063 00:42:17,382 --> 00:42:20,216 (SNORING) 1064 00:42:22,287 --> 00:42:25,221 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 1065 00:42:25,222 --> 00:42:30,222 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -