1
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Good morning.
2
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:21,624
No.
3
00:00:23,804 --> 00:00:25,135
Larry, no.
4
00:00:25,706 --> 00:00:30,302
-No, what? What are you talking about?
-Didn't you just wear that jacket yesterday?
5
00:00:30,377 --> 00:00:32,470
Yeah, l'm wearing the exact same outfit.
6
00:00:32,546 --> 00:00:34,673
l didn't feel like going through...
7
00:00:34,748 --> 00:00:38,047
that whole decision process
of picking out an outfit.
8
00:00:38,118 --> 00:00:39,585
lt's awful.
9
00:00:39,653 --> 00:00:42,315
You know what?
l think it's time to get rid of it.
10
00:00:42,389 --> 00:00:44,789
What're you talking about?
What's the matter with it?
11
00:00:44,858 --> 00:00:49,056
Everything. Look at it, it's maroon.
12
00:00:49,162 --> 00:00:50,754
-Maroon, yeah.
-lt's got....
13
00:00:51,498 --> 00:00:54,990
-You think that's a good look?
-l think it's a good color for me, yeah.
14
00:00:55,068 --> 00:00:56,626
-lt's not.
-What?
15
00:00:56,703 --> 00:00:58,227
Why don't you just take it off...
16
00:00:58,305 --> 00:01:01,468
because l'm getting some clothes together
for that homeless guy...
17
00:01:01,541 --> 00:01:02,940
that hangs out by the gas station?
18
00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:06,604
l've had this jacket
since I started doing, since Seinfeld.
19
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,547
-Yeah, I believe you.
-This is my show night jacket.
20
00:01:09,616 --> 00:01:12,346
-l wore this on show night.
-Okay, great.
21
00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:14,216
But you know, it's really time...
22
00:01:14,287 --> 00:01:17,654
to update your wardrobe a little,
don't you think?
23
00:01:17,724 --> 00:01:19,157
What? Get the hell out of here!
24
00:01:19,226 --> 00:01:20,454
-Listen.
-What are you....
25
00:01:20,527 --> 00:01:22,825
This will be quick and painless.
There you go.
26
00:01:46,086 --> 00:01:49,283
Richard Lewis is in your office.
27
00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:53,756
So, l'm not gonna be around this weekend...
28
00:01:53,827 --> 00:01:56,421
in case you wanna get in touch
with me for some reason.
29
00:01:56,496 --> 00:01:58,259
-Where you going?
-l'm going to Monterey.
30
00:01:58,331 --> 00:02:02,199
-That's nice.
-Yeah, Cheryl's sister is getting married.
31
00:02:02,602 --> 00:02:06,265
-Becky's getting married? Really?
-Yeah, to a Jew. Marrying a Jew.
32
00:02:06,339 --> 00:02:08,967
Really? So am l.
They make the best husbands.
33
00:02:09,042 --> 00:02:10,634
And he's converting.
34
00:02:10,777 --> 00:02:13,712
He's getting baptized
and the whole thing, whatever.
35
00:02:13,780 --> 00:02:15,077
-Really?
-Yeah.
36
00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:17,775
But, you know what?
37
00:02:17,851 --> 00:02:20,479
l'll leave you the number
where l'm gonna be staying...
38
00:02:20,554 --> 00:02:23,853
-just in case anything comes up.
-Okay.
39
00:02:25,826 --> 00:02:28,989
l came up here for the tape,
and thank you, but l....
40
00:02:29,763 --> 00:02:33,460
God, I hate doing this, 'cause, you know,
you always take it the wrong way.
41
00:02:33,533 --> 00:02:36,331
You take everything the wrong way,
ever since l've known you.
42
00:02:36,403 --> 00:02:40,032
Seven years ago,
l was in Paris, and I remember it exactly--
43
00:02:40,106 --> 00:02:41,596
Forget Paris!
44
00:02:41,675 --> 00:02:45,042
All right, you stole my outgoing message
on my answering machine.
45
00:02:45,111 --> 00:02:47,807
What, are you crazy? What, are you nuts?
46
00:02:47,881 --> 00:02:49,348
l know you're ethical, l'm ethical.
47
00:02:49,416 --> 00:02:52,010
You know, when people steal jokes,
we fucking hate that.
48
00:02:52,085 --> 00:02:54,747
But I hate when people
fucking steal my outgoing messages.
49
00:02:54,821 --> 00:02:57,016
You don't even know
what you're talking about.
50
00:02:57,090 --> 00:02:59,991
You have my same
answering machine outgoing message...
51
00:03:00,060 --> 00:03:01,118
and it bugs me!
52
00:03:01,194 --> 00:03:03,128
-That's my message!
-l wrote it in Paris!
53
00:03:03,196 --> 00:03:06,427
You wrote it in Paris?
l had that message seven years ago!
54
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,058
-Bullshit!
-Seven years....
55
00:03:08,134 --> 00:03:10,102
l wrote it seven and a half years ago!
56
00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:12,297
Whose word are you gonna trust, okay?
57
00:03:12,372 --> 00:03:15,773
An ex-alcoholic's,
or a person who was lucid 24 hours a day...
58
00:03:15,842 --> 00:03:17,002
his whole life?
59
00:03:17,077 --> 00:03:18,874
-Do me a favor?
-What?
60
00:03:18,945 --> 00:03:20,537
-Please change it.
-What?
61
00:03:20,614 --> 00:03:22,172
'Cause it's really bothering me.
62
00:03:22,249 --> 00:03:24,410
l want you to change that
'cause people call me...
63
00:03:24,484 --> 00:03:27,453
and they call you, and they go,
''Larry David has the same thing.''
64
00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:29,819
So I say, ''lt's not Larry David's, it's mine.''
65
00:03:29,890 --> 00:03:32,484
l don't have a wife,
l don't have, you know....
66
00:03:32,559 --> 00:03:35,084
My parents are dead. You have a family.
67
00:03:35,295 --> 00:03:37,490
Come on, change it. Can you.... Come on.
68
00:03:37,697 --> 00:03:40,564
He doesn't have a wife,
and his parents are dead.
69
00:03:40,634 --> 00:03:43,262
That's right. I hold onto these things, man.
70
00:03:43,336 --> 00:03:45,702
Doesn't have a wife,
and his parents are dead.
71
00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:48,030
Do me a favor and change it for me.
72
00:03:48,108 --> 00:03:50,770
Yeah, l'll change it,
because you don't have a wife...
73
00:03:50,844 --> 00:03:52,641
and your parents, you lost your parents.
74
00:03:52,712 --> 00:03:54,475
l'm laughing, 'cause you're funny.
75
00:03:54,548 --> 00:03:57,039
And they would've been 95,
but they're dead.
76
00:03:57,117 --> 00:03:59,677
-l'm laughing but if you don't change it--
-lt's a shame.
77
00:03:59,753 --> 00:04:00,777
Are you done?
78
00:04:00,854 --> 00:04:03,914
Yeah, l'm done.
l didn't steal your message, asshole.
79
00:04:04,257 --> 00:04:05,281
l didn't take it.
80
00:04:05,358 --> 00:04:08,885
You took it from me, but you know what?
l'll be the man.
81
00:04:08,962 --> 00:04:10,429
Whatever.
82
00:04:18,638 --> 00:04:20,003
Ridiculous.
83
00:04:22,576 --> 00:04:26,706
Hi, we're not in. Please leave a message
at the tone. Thank you.
84
00:04:28,281 --> 00:04:29,441
Fantastic.
85
00:04:29,816 --> 00:04:34,185
-What's wrong with that?
-What's wrong? lt's because it's not fair.
86
00:04:34,254 --> 00:04:38,315
-At least it's an admission of guilt.
-lt's not an admission of guilt.
87
00:04:38,391 --> 00:04:41,758
How's that an admission of guilt?
l was the man.
88
00:04:41,828 --> 00:04:45,161
l'm a big man. l'm a big, expansive man.
89
00:04:45,332 --> 00:04:48,301
You're a small, petty man.
90
00:04:48,468 --> 00:04:50,095
Don't change that.
91
00:04:53,373 --> 00:04:56,501
l remember when you made that message.
l thought it was very funny.
92
00:04:56,576 --> 00:04:58,703
You know, so then to show
that I was the man...
93
00:04:58,778 --> 00:05:01,747
l changed the message
right in front of him in the office.
94
00:05:01,915 --> 00:05:03,974
-From the office?
-Yeah.
95
00:05:04,451 --> 00:05:06,817
l didn't know
you could change your outgoing message.
96
00:05:06,886 --> 00:05:09,047
-Yeah, it was easy.
-l thought you had to be here.
97
00:05:09,122 --> 00:05:11,682
What do I got to take?
Do I need a traveling outfit?
98
00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:16,127
Yes, you need a traveling outfit,
you need something for the baptism.
99
00:05:16,196 --> 00:05:19,563
-So, we're probably--
-What is a baptism anyway?
100
00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:22,263
-You don't know what a baptism is?
-l have no idea.
101
00:05:22,335 --> 00:05:25,532
-Something to do with water?
-Yeah.
102
00:05:26,506 --> 00:05:28,701
l can't believe
you don't know what a baptism is.
103
00:05:28,775 --> 00:05:32,438
-l don't know what it is.
-You'll find out tomorrow, firsthand.
104
00:05:32,512 --> 00:05:34,104
You're gonna witness the whole thing.
105
00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:36,910
What does the average gentile
wear to a baptism?
106
00:05:38,351 --> 00:05:41,685
-Something....
-Blue blazer and a red tie and a white shirt?
107
00:05:41,755 --> 00:05:44,246
-Yeah, do you have that?
-My St. Anthony's....
108
00:05:44,524 --> 00:05:46,890
Khakis and a blue blazer
would be wonderful.
109
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,191
-And then something for the wedding?
-Then something for the wedding.
110
00:05:50,263 --> 00:05:51,924
-Then the next day?
-Yes.
111
00:05:51,998 --> 00:05:53,727
Boy, this is rough.
112
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,093
This guy's converting.
113
00:05:56,670 --> 00:05:57,694
Why is he doing that?
114
00:05:57,771 --> 00:06:00,262
You guys come to our side,
we don't go to your side.
115
00:06:00,340 --> 00:06:04,003
Yeah. Jews don't convert.
l'm really surprised.
116
00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:07,274
You know what? lf he didn't convert,
she wouldn't marry him.
117
00:06:07,347 --> 00:06:09,679
l know that about Becky. She's very....
118
00:06:09,749 --> 00:06:12,377
She's very passionate about her religion.
119
00:06:12,452 --> 00:06:14,682
Why do Christians take
everything so personally...
120
00:06:14,754 --> 00:06:16,517
with Christ, you know?
121
00:06:16,589 --> 00:06:19,149
lt's like, not only
do you have to worship him...
122
00:06:19,225 --> 00:06:20,590
you want everybody to.
123
00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:24,596
lt's like, I like lobster.
Do I go around pushing lobster on people?
124
00:06:24,664 --> 00:06:26,962
Do I say,
''You must like lobsters, eat lobster.
125
00:06:27,033 --> 00:06:30,230
''lt's good, it's good''?
You know, it's not only where you live.
126
00:06:30,303 --> 00:06:33,033
You go to Africa,
you travel all over the world.
127
00:06:33,106 --> 00:06:36,098
''Eat lobster, have some more lobster,
it's good.''
128
00:06:36,176 --> 00:06:39,373
-l don't really think it's--
-''We want you to have lobster!''
129
00:06:39,446 --> 00:06:43,348
Lobster and religion,
l really don't see the similarities.
130
00:06:43,416 --> 00:06:46,351
What time is the car
picking us up in the morning?
131
00:06:46,419 --> 00:06:48,182
l'm gonna drive.
132
00:06:48,955 --> 00:06:51,788
-Let's just take--
-No, I don't wanna take that car service.
133
00:06:51,858 --> 00:06:53,655
They never show up,
they're not dependable.
134
00:06:53,727 --> 00:06:57,026
Then we have to find a parking space
when we get to the airport.
135
00:06:57,097 --> 00:06:59,258
We'll leave early, that's okay.
136
00:07:00,066 --> 00:07:03,365
-Look at all this.
-That's too much stuff.
137
00:07:07,207 --> 00:07:09,539
Come on, honey, let's get going!
138
00:07:11,411 --> 00:07:13,379
l can't find the tickets.
139
00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:20,044
When was the last time you had them?
140
00:07:23,189 --> 00:07:25,020
My office.
141
00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:28,887
l left them in the office.
142
00:07:29,429 --> 00:07:30,555
Shit.
143
00:07:32,198 --> 00:07:34,166
That's okay, we got time.
144
00:07:36,669 --> 00:07:39,797
lt's all right, we have time.
We got up early enough.
145
00:08:10,804 --> 00:08:12,203
They're not there.
146
00:08:12,639 --> 00:08:14,231
And I know where they are.
147
00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:17,936
Yesterday, when I pressed
the security code to get into my office...
148
00:08:18,011 --> 00:08:21,845
there was this creepy guy
and he was watching me...
149
00:08:21,915 --> 00:08:23,712
and he saw me press every number.
150
00:08:23,783 --> 00:08:27,219
l'll bet you he got into that office.
l knew it. He was standing there...
151
00:08:27,287 --> 00:08:29,050
and I knew something was gonna happen.
152
00:08:29,122 --> 00:08:32,319
Somebody came into your office
and stole airline tickets to Monterey?
153
00:08:32,392 --> 00:08:34,724
l knew I should've said
something to the supervisor.
154
00:08:34,794 --> 00:08:36,762
Why would somebody
steal tickets to Monterey?
155
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:39,492
Why not? Monterey's a beautiful place.
156
00:08:40,033 --> 00:08:42,399
Was anything else stolen?
Was anything else gone?
157
00:08:42,468 --> 00:08:44,197
l don't know, I wasn't paying attention.
158
00:08:44,270 --> 00:08:47,205
All our information is on there,
our address, our phone number.
159
00:08:47,273 --> 00:08:50,037
He's not gonna break into our house,
he's going to Monterey.
160
00:08:50,109 --> 00:08:51,406
This is ridiculous.
161
00:08:51,477 --> 00:08:53,775
l'll call the airline
and tell them what happened.
162
00:08:53,847 --> 00:08:56,179
He can't get on the plane
with our tickets, can he?
163
00:08:56,249 --> 00:08:57,443
Why can't he? lt's a ticket.
164
00:08:57,517 --> 00:09:00,543
He hands them the ticket,
he walks on the plane. Call the airline.
165
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:03,612
No, I don't think it works like that.
l don't know.
166
00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,955
All right, just tell them what's going on.
167
00:09:06,025 --> 00:09:08,687
Okay. Hi. Yes, AirWest?
168
00:09:09,963 --> 00:09:11,157
Thank you.
169
00:09:13,266 --> 00:09:14,893
They're connecting.
170
00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:17,664
Hi, my name is Cheryl David and l'm....
171
00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:21,932
l'm on hold.
172
00:09:31,084 --> 00:09:32,779
Well? What?
173
00:09:32,852 --> 00:09:36,151
l'm still on hold, Larry.
How are we doing on time?
174
00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:39,681
l don't know. We'll make it, I think.
175
00:09:41,761 --> 00:09:44,229
Hi, yes.
176
00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:48,358
We're on our way to the airport right now,
our tickets have been stolen.
177
00:09:48,434 --> 00:09:51,426
Somebody's gonna get
on the plane with our tickets.
178
00:09:51,771 --> 00:09:53,534
No....
179
00:09:56,075 --> 00:09:58,043
They just put me on hold.
180
00:09:58,411 --> 00:10:00,641
They're gonna get a supervisor.
181
00:10:02,048 --> 00:10:04,107
Look at this.
182
00:10:06,119 --> 00:10:07,552
Should I go to Lincoln?
183
00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:09,679
-Whatever you want.
-l need Lincoln approval.
184
00:10:09,756 --> 00:10:12,987
-l can't do it on my own, tell me.
-Then go Lincoln!
185
00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:17,358
There's the lot.
186
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:22,426
Hi.
187
00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:24,937
Okay, let me just....
188
00:10:25,505 --> 00:10:28,599
No, because l've already spoken to you.
189
00:10:28,675 --> 00:10:31,473
That's what l'm saying,
l can't.... You cannot help me.
190
00:10:31,544 --> 00:10:34,377
-No, I need a....
-Just forget it.
191
00:10:34,447 --> 00:10:38,577
You know what? Just forget it.
We're already here at the airport.
192
00:10:38,651 --> 00:10:40,312
There's no spaces.
193
00:10:46,092 --> 00:10:51,427
-This is unbelievable.
-Yeah, parking is hard to find at the airport.
194
00:10:51,496 --> 00:10:53,192
That's something new, Larry.
195
00:10:57,136 --> 00:10:59,661
Maybe in retrospect,
we should've taken the car service.
196
00:10:59,739 --> 00:11:01,138
Oh, my God.
197
00:11:01,708 --> 00:11:03,369
Larry, we've been down this aisle.
198
00:11:03,443 --> 00:11:06,276
What's this guy doing?
199
00:11:06,779 --> 00:11:07,871
Yeah.
200
00:11:11,084 --> 00:11:12,244
Excuse me, you leaving?
201
00:11:12,318 --> 00:11:13,979
Yeah, he's leaving.
202
00:11:15,455 --> 00:11:16,786
Beautiful.
203
00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:24,627
So I guess we'll just run to the gate....
Maybe he's already in our seat.
204
00:11:26,265 --> 00:11:28,460
l wonder if he brought a date.
205
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:33,534
What's taking this guy so long?
206
00:11:34,073 --> 00:11:36,633
-What the hell is he doing?
-Nothing.
207
00:11:43,649 --> 00:11:47,380
Yeah, it's all right, take your time.
Nobody's waiting for you.
208
00:11:47,453 --> 00:11:49,353
Make a call, have a cup of coffee.
209
00:11:50,023 --> 00:11:52,116
And then have a nice bagel.
210
00:11:52,592 --> 00:11:54,253
Take a little nap.
211
00:11:54,527 --> 00:11:55,960
That's fine.
212
00:11:57,296 --> 00:11:59,355
What are you doing in there?
213
00:11:59,999 --> 00:12:04,402
Trade places, you can do it over here.
l'm trying to get catch a plane, sir.
214
00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:06,597
Get here earlier. lt's not my fault.
215
00:12:06,672 --> 00:12:09,505
-Thanks for the tip.
-She's leaving.
216
00:12:09,675 --> 00:12:11,233
Good, okay.
217
00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:15,706
Yeah.
218
00:12:18,351 --> 00:12:20,046
What?
219
00:12:25,258 --> 00:12:26,987
-Did he not....
-Mister!
220
00:12:29,929 --> 00:12:32,864
lf the lot's full,
why do they even let you go in?
221
00:12:32,932 --> 00:12:34,729
They shouldn't even give you a ticket.
222
00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:37,634
Gotta drive around
like an idiot for 15 minutes?
223
00:12:37,703 --> 00:12:39,603
God, look at that line.
224
00:12:42,241 --> 00:12:45,039
-What do you wanna do?
-We don't have time to stand in line.
225
00:12:45,111 --> 00:12:47,978
-We just can't cut right in front.
-This is an exception.
226
00:12:48,047 --> 00:12:49,981
We'll have to go to the front and tell her.
227
00:12:50,049 --> 00:12:51,380
-Go to the front?
-Yeah.
228
00:12:51,451 --> 00:12:54,887
We'll just explain the situation.
We don't have time, Larry, come on.
229
00:12:55,154 --> 00:12:57,850
-Where are you guys going?
-Hi.
230
00:12:58,491 --> 00:13:01,460
-Excuse me, we're in line.
-Somebody took our tickets.
231
00:13:01,527 --> 00:13:03,085
We've lost our tickets.
232
00:13:03,162 --> 00:13:05,995
l'd be happy to help you
if you step to the back of the line.
233
00:13:06,065 --> 00:13:09,125
We really don't have time.
l was actually on the phone--
234
00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:12,569
l understand that, but you need
to get to the back of the line, please.
235
00:13:12,638 --> 00:13:14,503
Everybody here has been waiting, okay?
236
00:13:14,574 --> 00:13:17,338
l will take care of you
when it's your turn, okay? Thank you.
237
00:13:17,410 --> 00:13:18,638
ls the plane filled up?
238
00:13:18,711 --> 00:13:21,612
Sir, please get to the back of the line
right now, thank you.
239
00:13:21,681 --> 00:13:24,013
l'm so sorry about that.
All right, where were we?
240
00:13:24,083 --> 00:13:25,345
You're all set.
241
00:13:55,348 --> 00:13:57,475
l got the guy. That's the guy.
242
00:13:57,550 --> 00:13:59,916
-What?
-l got the guy.
243
00:14:09,595 --> 00:14:11,961
Okay, you can give me the ticket.
244
00:14:12,832 --> 00:14:16,029
-l want the ticket.
-l don't know what you're talking about.
245
00:14:16,102 --> 00:14:17,228
What l'm talking about?
246
00:14:17,303 --> 00:14:19,635
l'm talking about the ticket
you took from my office.
247
00:14:19,705 --> 00:14:21,969
You memorized the building code,
entered the office.
248
00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:24,168
l want the ticket. I gotta get on the plane.
249
00:14:24,243 --> 00:14:26,939
-You got me confused with somebody else.
-l don't think so.
250
00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:28,241
l don't have your ticket.
251
00:14:28,314 --> 00:14:30,214
-Yeah, right.
-l have my own ticket.
252
00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:31,443
Of course you do.
253
00:14:31,517 --> 00:14:33,712
lt's a bereavement thing, my mother's death.
254
00:14:33,786 --> 00:14:37,278
Right, okay, yeah.
l'd like to take a look at it, okay?
255
00:14:38,491 --> 00:14:41,119
-lt's your ticket, right?
-You wanna see my ticket?
256
00:14:41,194 --> 00:14:42,218
Yeah, I do.
257
00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:44,559
You wanna see? Let's take a look, all right?
258
00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:47,497
-Yeah.
-What's the name right here?
259
00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:50,798
ls it your name? No, it's mine.
''Chris Darga.''
260
00:14:50,937 --> 00:14:54,498
See, if this were yours,
it would say ''Fucking Douchebag.''
261
00:14:57,210 --> 00:14:58,268
Asshole.
262
00:14:58,344 --> 00:15:00,437
Sorry about your mother.
263
00:15:03,482 --> 00:15:07,919
Ladies and gentlemen,
AirWest flight 1459 to Monterey, California...
264
00:15:07,987 --> 00:15:10,421
is now boarding rows 16 through 30.
265
00:15:10,489 --> 00:15:14,926
Once again for all AirWest passengers,
flight 1459 to Monterey...
266
00:15:14,994 --> 00:15:18,521
we are boarding rows 16 through 30.
267
00:15:28,708 --> 00:15:30,471
l know what you did.
268
00:15:33,813 --> 00:15:35,644
-You talking to me?
-Yeah.
269
00:15:35,915 --> 00:15:37,780
-l know.
-What?
270
00:15:37,850 --> 00:15:39,477
-The ticket.
-What ticket?
271
00:15:39,552 --> 00:15:41,019
What are you talking about?
272
00:15:41,087 --> 00:15:43,180
The ticket right here, to Monterey.
273
00:15:43,256 --> 00:15:46,623
-l know, come on.
-l think you got the wrong guy.
274
00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:49,719
Give me the ticket back,
l won't say anything--
275
00:15:49,795 --> 00:15:52,263
l don't have your ticket.
What are you talking about?
276
00:15:54,533 --> 00:15:56,296
Come on, the ticket.
277
00:15:57,703 --> 00:15:59,364
Go fuck yourself.
278
00:16:02,908 --> 00:16:04,034
Okay.
279
00:16:07,079 --> 00:16:10,446
Ladies and gentlemen,
AirWest flight 1459 to Monterey...
280
00:16:10,516 --> 00:16:13,041
is now boarding rows one through 15.
281
00:16:14,954 --> 00:16:17,149
-What are you doing?
-l was looking for the guy.
282
00:16:17,223 --> 00:16:19,521
Did you look at these people?
Did you see anything?
283
00:16:19,592 --> 00:16:22,186
l don't know who you're looking for, Larry.
284
00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:26,425
Final boarding call for flight 1459,
non-stop to Monterey.
285
00:16:26,499 --> 00:16:29,730
Will all remaining passengers please board?
286
00:16:37,076 --> 00:16:40,136
Okay, you know,
your flight won't leave for another hour...
287
00:16:40,212 --> 00:16:43,204
so you have plenty of time.
We're not even boarding that yet...
288
00:16:43,282 --> 00:16:47,013
so just take it easy
and we'll call you when we're ready. Thanks.
289
00:16:49,789 --> 00:16:52,917
Hi. We lost our tickets.
We need to get on this flight right now.
290
00:16:52,992 --> 00:16:55,119
Somebody stole our tickets,
they're on the plane.
291
00:16:55,194 --> 00:16:58,254
l don't have a single ticket.
l'm completely sold out. l'm sorry.
292
00:16:58,331 --> 00:16:59,662
We already have tickets.
293
00:16:59,732 --> 00:17:02,428
The point is, somebody is in our seats, see?
294
00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:05,163
-l don't think that's--
-No, that's very possible--
295
00:17:05,371 --> 00:17:06,531
Actually, the door is closed.
296
00:17:06,605 --> 00:17:09,335
That means I am not legally allowed
to go back on the plane.
297
00:17:09,408 --> 00:17:10,773
l can get you on another flight--
298
00:17:10,843 --> 00:17:13,038
Somebody's sitting
in our seats on the plane.
299
00:17:13,112 --> 00:17:17,071
-We have tickets for that flight.
-Can I see the tickets, please?
300
00:17:17,149 --> 00:17:19,743
-We don't have them.
-They were stolen.
301
00:17:21,053 --> 00:17:23,647
l can't go on the plane, my hands are tied.
302
00:17:23,723 --> 00:17:26,783
But what I can do for you
is I can get you on the next flight...
303
00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:28,486
which will get you in at 4:00.
304
00:17:28,561 --> 00:17:30,529
That would not be good, actually.
305
00:17:30,596 --> 00:17:32,427
We would miss the baptism,
we would miss--
306
00:17:32,498 --> 00:17:33,624
l'm sorry.
307
00:17:33,699 --> 00:17:37,499
We're trying to go to a wedding,
and we need to be there in a few hours--
308
00:17:37,570 --> 00:17:41,597
l have an idea, I think I can actually....
Maybe this will work.
309
00:17:41,674 --> 00:17:43,505
l don't have another flight to Monterey...
310
00:17:43,576 --> 00:17:47,774
but I can send you through San Francisco.
10:30, it would get you into San Francisco.
311
00:17:47,847 --> 00:17:48,939
lt's only an hour flight.
312
00:17:49,014 --> 00:17:51,710
You can rent a car to Monterey.
lt's about 100 miles.
313
00:17:51,784 --> 00:17:54,617
That'd get you in by about 2:00,
and that should work for you.
314
00:17:54,687 --> 00:17:56,450
Then we wouldn't miss the baptism.
315
00:17:56,522 --> 00:17:57,819
-Exactly.
-That's fine.
316
00:17:57,890 --> 00:17:59,187
l'll set that up for you.
317
00:17:59,258 --> 00:18:01,920
l need a credit card
and l'll get this all rolling for you.
318
00:18:01,994 --> 00:18:04,224
Larry, give her your credit card.
319
00:18:08,434 --> 00:18:11,403
-You got the cell phone?
-Yeah.
320
00:18:12,805 --> 00:18:17,265
l wanna call Richard Lewis.
l want you to corroborate this message.
321
00:18:17,476 --> 00:18:20,968
-That is so ridiculous.
-Why is it ridiculous?
322
00:18:25,785 --> 00:18:27,377
That is such a funny message.
323
00:18:27,453 --> 00:18:29,751
How did you ever come up
with something like that?
324
00:18:29,822 --> 00:18:33,622
You are so clever.
l'm sitting here with my wife...
325
00:18:33,692 --> 00:18:37,253
and I believe that she can shed some light
on this controversy.
326
00:18:37,329 --> 00:18:39,991
-So, just hold on.
-No, I don't wanna do that.
327
00:18:40,666 --> 00:18:41,758
-Come on, Cheryl.
-Stop it.
328
00:18:41,834 --> 00:18:45,895
l don't want to do it, Larry.
l don't feel like doing that right now.
329
00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:51,669
She'll talk to you in person.
330
00:18:51,744 --> 00:18:54,269
She wants to discuss this in person.
331
00:18:55,414 --> 00:18:56,506
Okay.
332
00:18:58,918 --> 00:19:01,443
Flight 627 to San Francisco....
333
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,609
Thank you.
334
00:19:02,621 --> 00:19:05,920
All passengers in rows 16 and higher
may board now.
335
00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:18,467
-All set.
-How long does it take to get to Monterey?
336
00:19:18,537 --> 00:19:21,404
-About two hours.
-Two hours? We can still make it.
337
00:19:21,474 --> 00:19:23,840
Okay. l'm gonna drive. Thank you.
338
00:19:25,878 --> 00:19:28,574
Jesus Christ, slow down.
339
00:19:43,762 --> 00:19:45,457
l'm gonna check the machine.
340
00:19:50,503 --> 00:19:52,835
Have you ever had a fresh grape?
341
00:19:56,475 --> 00:19:59,376
l've had fresh apples,
never had a fresh grape.
342
00:19:59,445 --> 00:20:03,905
l've never had a fresh cherry,
never had a fresh pear.
343
00:20:04,817 --> 00:20:08,480
Never seen a pear.
Never saw a pear outside of a fruit stand.
344
00:20:08,554 --> 00:20:10,749
What's going on?
The machine's not even coming on.
345
00:20:10,823 --> 00:20:11,847
There's no message.
346
00:20:11,924 --> 00:20:14,188
The message that you changed
from your office?
347
00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:16,751
-Yeah.
-Yeah. lt's not working?
348
00:20:16,829 --> 00:20:20,390
-No.
-Did you check it after you changed it?
349
00:20:20,466 --> 00:20:23,629
No, I didn't check it,
l thought it was.... I did it right.
350
00:20:23,702 --> 00:20:24,999
Yeah.
351
00:20:27,306 --> 00:20:28,830
So what?
352
00:20:29,074 --> 00:20:31,872
So we miss a couple of calls, big deal.
353
00:20:38,918 --> 00:20:42,547
This is nice country, don't you think?
Nice country up here.
354
00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:45,187
Maybe we should move up here.
Think we should?
355
00:20:45,257 --> 00:20:49,421
l think you should look at the map
and find out where we are exactly.
356
00:20:49,495 --> 00:20:52,464
Settle down?
Are we settled down, do you think?
357
00:20:52,531 --> 00:20:56,126
l mean, what do you have to be
to be settled down?
358
00:20:56,201 --> 00:20:57,828
We have a house, and chairs.
359
00:20:57,903 --> 00:21:01,964
You know, grape works as a soda,
sort of as a gum...
360
00:21:02,341 --> 00:21:05,139
but I wonder why it doesn't work as a pie.
361
00:21:05,544 --> 00:21:07,739
Grape pie? There's no grape pie.
362
00:21:08,247 --> 00:21:09,271
l don't know...
363
00:21:09,348 --> 00:21:12,044
did we think
we really needed Alaska and Hawaii?
364
00:21:12,117 --> 00:21:13,778
They gotta ruin everything.
365
00:21:13,852 --> 00:21:17,083
They ruined the continental United States.
366
00:21:17,289 --> 00:21:20,486
Yeah, we have a beautiful Pacific coast,
Atlantic coast...
367
00:21:20,559 --> 00:21:22,151
that's the continental United States.
368
00:21:22,227 --> 00:21:24,991
You don't need more states.
We're not the British empire.
369
00:21:25,064 --> 00:21:28,124
What, are they trying to turn us
into the British empire?
370
00:21:28,867 --> 00:21:33,702
-And what is Puerto Rico anyway?
-Please, I am trying to drive.
371
00:21:36,775 --> 00:21:40,108
Okay, that's three-tenths of a mile,
right there.
372
00:21:40,179 --> 00:21:41,237
Yeah.
373
00:21:41,447 --> 00:21:42,778
-So....
-l don't know.
374
00:21:42,848 --> 00:21:46,284
-lt's gotta be around here, right?
-ls that a....
375
00:21:46,352 --> 00:21:48,252
-ls that a row of pines?
-l will be so mad...
376
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:50,584
if we miss this. This is a row of pines.
377
00:21:51,023 --> 00:21:52,581
We already passed pines.
378
00:21:52,658 --> 00:21:55,627
-ls that a car?
-lsn't that a row of pines?
379
00:21:55,694 --> 00:21:57,685
-ls that a car up there?
-Stupid directions.
380
00:21:57,763 --> 00:21:59,856
Let's just stop and get out and take a look.
381
00:21:59,932 --> 00:22:02,696
-lt's gotta be around here.
-l don't know.
382
00:22:25,257 --> 00:22:27,350
Stop!
383
00:22:27,793 --> 00:22:29,454
No, Larry!
384
00:22:31,563 --> 00:22:34,930
What's going on? No! My God! Honey, kick!
385
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:39,448
Jesus, get him! He can't swim!
386
00:22:39,449 --> 00:22:42,798
-Help!
-Get him! Hold your breath! Kick!
387
00:22:43,208 --> 00:22:44,470
God!
388
00:22:49,682 --> 00:22:51,115
Hold on!
389
00:22:58,424 --> 00:22:59,914
How you doing?
390
00:23:08,867 --> 00:23:12,428
Anybody need a change of dry clothes?
391
00:23:14,139 --> 00:23:17,199
-Hot bath?
-You happy about this, Larry?
392
00:23:17,276 --> 00:23:19,676
ls this what you had in mind?
You like this, you dick?
393
00:23:19,745 --> 00:23:20,769
Honey, it's fine.
394
00:23:20,846 --> 00:23:23,212
lt's not fine.
What the hell is the matter with you?
395
00:23:23,282 --> 00:23:25,807
l thought that he was drowning him.
l'm sorry!
396
00:23:25,884 --> 00:23:29,445
Bullshit, you didn't think he was drowning,
you didn't want him to convert.
397
00:23:29,521 --> 00:23:33,685
-So you came screaming to stop it.
-What do I care? I don't care if he converts.
398
00:23:33,759 --> 00:23:36,193
That is ridiculous.
You didn't want to lose a Jew.
399
00:23:36,261 --> 00:23:39,128
l don't care if I lose Jews.
Take them all, I don't need them.
400
00:23:39,198 --> 00:23:42,224
That was the point of the baptism,
but you came and blew it.
401
00:23:42,301 --> 00:23:46,760
-What is that supposed to mean?
-l want you, I don't want you to be a Jew.
402
00:23:46,838 --> 00:23:48,864
Tell her it was an accident,
you didn't mean to interrupt.
403
00:23:49,274 --> 00:23:52,038
l never saw a baptism before,
l don't know what it is.
404
00:23:52,111 --> 00:23:54,671
-How can you not know what it is?
-l'd never been to one.
405
00:23:54,747 --> 00:23:57,682
l've never been to a bris,
but I know what it is.
406
00:23:57,750 --> 00:24:00,082
He didn't mean to interrupt you.
407
00:24:00,152 --> 00:24:03,212
Larry, can I have a word with you
for a second?
408
00:24:04,757 --> 00:24:07,624
Come here. You don't know me, Dave Levin.
409
00:24:07,693 --> 00:24:09,126
l'm the schmuck's brother-in-law.
410
00:24:09,194 --> 00:24:12,561
-What you did is a very gutsy thing.
-No, I didn't do anything.
411
00:24:12,631 --> 00:24:15,464
You don't have to take a bow for it,
l'm just telling you.
412
00:24:15,534 --> 00:24:19,334
As one Jew to another,
it's a gutsy thing to come in and step in.
413
00:24:19,404 --> 00:24:22,374
-l didn't even--
-A mitzvah for my family, thank you.
414
00:24:23,008 --> 00:24:26,205
-That's the wife.
-You did good. Excuse me, you did good.
415
00:24:26,278 --> 00:24:28,337
But I didn't even... I thought he was....
416
00:24:28,413 --> 00:24:30,813
Don't be modest about this.
You're with us now.
417
00:24:30,883 --> 00:24:33,113
You're with us now, all right?
418
00:24:33,485 --> 00:24:36,613
The question is, what do we do now?
When do we go back in?
419
00:24:36,688 --> 00:24:38,883
-Right.
-What do you mean, go back in?
420
00:24:38,957 --> 00:24:42,586
-We gotta finish it.
-Finish it? I did it. I did what I said l'd do.
421
00:24:42,661 --> 00:24:44,458
l got under the water, you held me under.
422
00:24:44,530 --> 00:24:47,397
No, you just kind of started it,
but it didn't really work.
423
00:24:47,466 --> 00:24:48,466
Not complete.
424
00:24:48,467 --> 00:24:50,833
That's not my fault,
l did what I was supposed to do.
425
00:24:50,903 --> 00:24:52,063
But you gotta go back in.
426
00:24:52,137 --> 00:24:54,833
l dunked you one time,
you need to be dunked three times.
427
00:24:54,907 --> 00:24:56,841
You need two more dunks.
428
00:24:58,210 --> 00:25:01,008
You're joking, right?
l don't want anymore dunking.
429
00:25:01,079 --> 00:25:03,047
Get back in, a couple of dunks, you're done.
430
00:25:03,115 --> 00:25:07,108
l don't wanna go back in there.
lt was hard enough the first time.
431
00:25:07,186 --> 00:25:10,417
l like the way you told them
you've never seen a baptism before.
432
00:25:10,489 --> 00:25:12,821
-l've never heard of that.
-That was brilliant.
433
00:25:13,525 --> 00:25:15,516
You're a genius.
434
00:25:15,761 --> 00:25:19,492
You know, I thought
something had to be done, really.
435
00:25:19,565 --> 00:25:21,897
You did it. You done did it, boy.
436
00:25:21,967 --> 00:25:26,404
-So, I said that thing about the baptism.
-Yeah, Rabbi Akiva says it takes one man.
437
00:25:26,638 --> 00:25:30,005
We don't have to do it in a river.
Do you have a tub in this house?
438
00:25:30,709 --> 00:25:33,200
-Yes, of course, we have a tub.
-We can fill the tub up.
439
00:25:33,278 --> 00:25:36,042
l'll tell you what,
get me a cup of water, l'll sprinkle you.
440
00:25:36,114 --> 00:25:39,242
-Just a cup of water.
-l don't think it's about the river.
441
00:25:39,318 --> 00:25:40,945
l don't think I should be doing this.
442
00:25:41,019 --> 00:25:42,680
-What?
-You know what?
443
00:25:42,754 --> 00:25:46,622
l don't know what it's like to have a baptism,
or what you're supposed to feel...
444
00:25:46,692 --> 00:25:50,526
but I felt something. When I was held
under the water, I felt a revelation...
445
00:25:50,596 --> 00:25:55,090
like it was some sort of message from God
that I shouldn't do this.
446
00:25:55,167 --> 00:25:58,330
After I came out of the water,
l didn't feel like a Christian...
447
00:25:58,403 --> 00:25:59,836
l felt like even more of a Jew.
448
00:25:59,905 --> 00:26:01,031
What are you talking about?
449
00:26:01,106 --> 00:26:04,132
l'm just saying something happened to me
there that told me...
450
00:26:04,209 --> 00:26:08,111
someone or something was saying,
''Don't do this, be happy with who you are.
451
00:26:08,180 --> 00:26:09,511
''You're Jewish and that's okay.''
452
00:26:09,581 --> 00:26:12,277
l need for you to be a Christian
before I marry you.
453
00:26:12,351 --> 00:26:14,615
Whoever steps up
and does something like that?
454
00:26:14,686 --> 00:26:17,052
-l feel good.
-You should.
455
00:26:17,122 --> 00:26:19,283
-You're amazing.
-You're a hero.
456
00:26:20,025 --> 00:26:21,117
Thank you.
457
00:26:21,393 --> 00:26:23,861
l'd like you talk
at my daughter's Bat Mitzvah.
458
00:26:23,929 --> 00:26:26,830
Something changed my mind for me,
makes me feel different now.
459
00:26:26,899 --> 00:26:29,697
-l think it was the baptism.
-Then we're not getting married.
460
00:26:29,768 --> 00:26:32,100
-l'm not getting baptized.
-l'm not getting married.
461
00:26:32,170 --> 00:26:36,732
-Okay, Sheldon, Becky--
-Larry, did you hear that?
462
00:26:36,808 --> 00:26:39,743
We're not getting married!
You happy now, you son of a bitch?
463
00:26:39,811 --> 00:26:42,780
Don't call him a son of a bitch,
he's not a son of a bitch.
464
00:26:42,848 --> 00:26:44,907
This man happened to do
a wonderful thing today.
465
00:26:44,983 --> 00:26:46,814
-What?
-What are you saying...
466
00:26:46,885 --> 00:26:49,012
that being a Christian
isn't a wonderful thing?
467
00:26:49,087 --> 00:26:51,214
-What are you insinuating?
-He's not saying that.
468
00:26:51,290 --> 00:26:54,054
lt's wonderful for you,
we resent the recruitment.
469
00:26:54,126 --> 00:26:55,991
We don't need you.
470
00:27:02,100 --> 00:27:04,660
Everything's a big problem with you people!
471
00:27:33,999 --> 00:27:35,967
lt's good to be home.
472
00:27:50,849 --> 00:27:54,114
There's my jacket,
there's the guy you gave my jacket to!
473
00:27:55,187 --> 00:27:57,314
Can you help me out?
474
00:27:57,389 --> 00:28:00,517
-Remember me? I gave you the jacket.
-Hi.
475
00:28:00,592 --> 00:28:02,787
That's my jacket,
it looks really good on you.
476
00:28:02,894 --> 00:28:04,794
l'm glad you could use it, there you go.
477
00:28:04,863 --> 00:28:05,989
-Thanks.
-Thank you.
478
00:28:06,064 --> 00:28:08,624
-Thanks again for--
-Okay, bye.
479
00:28:10,035 --> 00:28:12,094
Oh, dear. Yes?
480
00:28:13,572 --> 00:28:16,803
l found these airplane tickets.
481
00:28:18,410 --> 00:28:22,176
l tried to call you.
The phone number was on there.
482
00:28:23,415 --> 00:28:25,883
You guys don't have a phone machine?