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sync and corrections by awaqeded
www.addic7ed.com.
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Hey!
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- Look what I got.
- Wow.
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My old glove. Oh, baby doll.
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- I had this when I was eight years old.
- Wow, man.
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Oh, my God. Do you know how many
errors I made with this glove?
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- Shit.
- Never should have played the infield.
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- I don't know why I did.
- Yeah, man.
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Yeah. Shortstop. I can't play short.
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- Nah.
- I ran home, I'd go home crying.
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Making errors every,
every time I played.
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It's hard playing infield
with polio, you know?
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I don't have polio, asshole.
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Every kid with those
kind of gloves had polio.
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Well, you know what?
I'm throwing it out.
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Everything's going. My... I...
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Do you believe all this shit
my parents saved?
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I'm getting rid of all of it.
I can't stand it anymore.
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Should drop this shit off
at a nursing home.
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- Oh. Look at this thing.
- Oh, fuck.
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- My mother's mink stole.
- Shh...
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- Ooh, she loved this stole.
- Wow.
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- Fuckin' beautiful.
- Yeah. I can't throw this out.
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I'm sending it to the dry cleaner.
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Those are making a big comeback, too.
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- Comeback?
- Yeah.
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See, when they wore those things,
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ladies and gentlemen carried
themselves a certain way.
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All the, all the guys called the
ladies "toots." "Hey, toots."
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And the girls would go,
"Poo-poo-be-doop." ♪ Poo-poo-be-doop ♪
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- That's how they did it back in the day.
- What does that even mean?
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- Why would they say, "Poo-poo-be-doop"?
- It's a cute thing.
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It gets a rise out of guys and shit.
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♪ Poo-poo-be-doop ♪
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That would get a rise
out of you? A woman going,
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- "Poo-poo-be-doop"?
- Fuck, yeah.
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- If I lived in the fuckin' '40s...
- Yeah.
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...and some girl said,
♪ Poo-poo-be-doop ♪
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I'd know I'm tappin' that ass.
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Ah. A text from Jeff.
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He's got... You know Clive Owen?
He's a new client?
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- Yeah, yeah.
- He's in previews now,
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and I'm going to his show tonight.
It's a one-man show.
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- I love that motherfucker...
- Yeah. He's like lost at sea or something.
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Oh, Jeff's very excited,
'cause, you know,
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he signed Clive Owen,
he's a big deal.
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Big fuckin' deal, man. Clive Owen, man.
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- I love that fuckin' dude, man.
- Let me get that.
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All right.
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Must have been nice.
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Tappin' that ass back in the days.
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Fuckin' in black and white.
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Hey. Larry. Got a package for you.
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Oh. Thanks.
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Have a nice day.
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- Hey.
- Trying to work me today, man.
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I got a package
from discreet shipping.
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The fuck could that be?
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- Oh, shit.
- An inflatable sex doll.
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- Wow.
- Huh? Is this your handiwork?
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Nah. That shit is old-school.
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That's like Mary Ann from
fuckin' Gilligan's Island.
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Oh. You know who sent this?
Freddy Funkhouser.
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It's Marty's half-brother.
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- Why would the motherfucker send you...
- I don't know.
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- What is this? Is this a joke?
- Yeah.
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It's an old-school
joke right here, man.
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The new ones, they got one that's
sensitive around the fuckin' neck.
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You could put hickeys on that
motherfucker if you wanted to, man.
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- I'm glad they're working on it.
- You should, it's fucking fabulous.
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Hey, do me a favor.
Get rid of this, okay? And this place...
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- What's happened to this place?
- Fuckin' mess, man.
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- It's a mess.
- Yeah.
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- So just throw this box out, will ya?
- Ha-ha-ha.
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- Will you take care of that? Huh?
- I got it, man.
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- I'll get rid of this shit for you.
- Thank you.
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- So, bathroom's gonna be over there.
- Yeah. Yep.
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- Two urinals.
- Mm-hmm.
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I got a lot of ideas for the urinals.
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- You wanna redesign a urinal?
- Yeah. Exactly.
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The splashing, the puddles...
that has to be eliminated.
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- It's a big issue. Yeah.
- Okay.
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What I wanted, I want
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- two planks about this wide.
- Okay.
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Going up, you walk up to the urinal.
I'm walking...
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You want it elevated?
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Elevated planks.
Your feet never touch the ground.
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Right.
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- Why?
- That's where the puddles are.
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What if they get urine on the planks?
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Well, that can't happen,
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because of this.
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That, my friend, is the pee cube.
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- The pee cube?
- Yes.
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You pee into the cube,
and there's a chute that goes down.
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Maybe we can get a... create
a vacuum or something,
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sucking the urine down the chute.
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- And then, so, two of these?
- Yeah.
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And then on the other side, I'll put
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two or three floor toilets. Correct?
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No, there's no toilets.
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There's no defecation here.
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If a customer comes in here
and does want to defecate...
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- Mm.
- ...what do you expect them to do?
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- I expect them to go some place else.
- Okay. So...
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Look, there's no defecation
in the building.
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You want me to make it so they can't?
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Could you do that?
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I could put a sensor on there
that detects a penis.
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A little, um, penis
sensor, if you will.
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Really?
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We can make it voice-activated.
It'll go...
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Doot-doot-doot.
"Penis detected." Woot.
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The door will open up,
and then once the man is done,
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doot-doot-doot. Woot. Slide down.
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- That's terrific.
- Hello, Larry.
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I'd like to introduce you
to Mr. Ted Danson.
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Mr. Danson has just become
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the newest financial backer
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of Mocha Joe's cafe.
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Well...
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You think you're up for
this fight, General Lee?
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- Yeah.
- Yeah?
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Yeah. I'm gonna look forward
to spiting your spite store.
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- You sure you wanna get into it?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm highly motivated.
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Well,
I do declare. As I recall,
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General Lee was a loser.
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Let's go, Mr. Danson.
I think we've said enough.
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Yeah.
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Another week without wind.
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Before this journey, my life was
bereft of the wind of purpose.
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Now I have the purpose,
but without the wind.
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Now there are no days, no nights.
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- Just the relentless slap of the wave.
- Wow.
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- He's great. Really great.
- I am completely alone.
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Even my parrot Lorita has perished.
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I give my last will
and testament to the waves,
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who refuse to weep with me.
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My final epitaph written
in the froth and the foam.
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- People are just sobbing.
- Goodbye, Kon Tiki.
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Really. Clive was so good.
I really loved the show.
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I really did. I'm...
I'm not just saying that.
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- No, I can tell. I loved it, too.
- Yeah.
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It was a great show.
People were sobbing.
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To a dramatic actor,
hearing sobs must be the same
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as a comedian
hearing big laughs, right?
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- I would think so.
- Do me a favor?
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- Yeah?
- Tell him, tell him how much I liked it?
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I got a better idea.
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You tell him how much you liked it.
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00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:07,756
Oh, no, no. Don't do that.
Don't... You're doing that?
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- Ringing. Ringing.
- I can't believe you're doing this.
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What are you doing?
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Hey, it's Clive here.
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Um, please leave a message. Thanks.
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Oh, hey, Clive. This is, uh,
Larry David, a good friend of Jeff.
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Uh, I saw the show last night.
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I really enjoyed it. Uh, good job.
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- There you go. I appreciate that.
- Matilda?
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- Miss Susie.
- Oh!
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00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:31,176
- You ironed the napkins!
- Yes.
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Jesus fucking Christ, you're amazing!
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And I folded your laundry
by color and style.
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And today I'm gonna clean
your makeup brushes.
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You're gonna clean my makeup brushes.
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Oh, my God.
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You're a fucking saint!
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I love this girl. She's amazing.
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I'm telling you,
she takes initiative.
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I've never had a
housekeeper that does this.
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I am so completely jealous.
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Why?
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My house is a, you know,
I got... my house is a mess.
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Lar, she just told me this morning
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her Tuesday-Thursday
moved out of town.
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She's got an opening
she's trying to fill.
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00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,756
- Really?
- Yeah.
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00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:07,466
- I'll... I'll take it.
- You'll be very happy.
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- But Monday-Wednesday is mine.
- Yeah, yeah. Of course.
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All right. She's yours.
I'm gonna go tell her.
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But keep Leon away from her, please.
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That I can't guarantee.
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A sex doll? I, I...
What are you thinking about?
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00:07:20,490 --> 00:07:22,506
- I don't even understand.
- Why?
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00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:24,506
Why'd you send a doll
like that to my house?
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00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:27,346
Hey, Freddy! Where's my section?
187
00:07:27,370 --> 00:07:29,306
Uncle Moke, just look around.
You'll find it.
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00:07:29,330 --> 00:07:32,006
Take a look around.
You'll find it. You like it?
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00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:34,556
- A gag gift? You're sending me...
- No, no, no. It's a real gift.
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00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,676
- You've never had one?
- You think I'm gonna fuck that doll?
191
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:38,171
Yeah, yeah.
Have you ever played around with 'em?
192
00:07:38,195 --> 00:07:38,990
No!
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00:07:39,014 --> 00:07:40,136
You cuddle it,
whatever your journey is.
194
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,096
- No, no. I don't know.
- No, no. That's not my journey.
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00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:42,934
I don't know what it is.
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00:07:42,958 --> 00:07:44,716
I'm not gonna do it.
I'm not gonna fuck a doll.
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00:07:44,740 --> 00:07:46,466
- You have one of these?
- Couple of 'em.
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00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:47,382
You've got a couple.
199
00:07:47,406 --> 00:07:49,096
I love it. I'm comfortable.
I'm healthy.
200
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,506
That's where we're at. No disease.
201
00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:53,846
It feels good.
It's something you're connecting to.
202
00:07:53,870 --> 00:07:55,306
You got a good
imagination, same thing.
203
00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:56,846
The doll is whatever
you want it to be.
204
00:07:56,870 --> 00:07:58,386
Maybe you should try necrophilia.
205
00:07:58,410 --> 00:07:59,926
Now you're picking
different hang-ups.
206
00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:01,466
I'm not saying that.
I'm saying the doll's...
207
00:08:01,490 --> 00:08:03,056
You're open to so many things.
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00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,716
- I'm open to something that feels good.
- Fuck a dead woman.
209
00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:07,346
Here's the good news: If I
want to fuck a dead woman,
210
00:08:07,370 --> 00:08:08,785
I'll fuck the doll. Okay? And that
211
00:08:08,809 --> 00:08:10,556
way, I don't have to
fuck a dead woman.
212
00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:13,386
- You hear from Marty?
- He's in China. He's doing great.
213
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,056
He met a girl, a real girl, no doll.
214
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,133
Chinese girl?
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00:08:16,157 --> 00:08:18,216
Yeah. He sent me a nice e-mail.
He's lovin' it.
216
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,306
- Excuse me. No browsing.
- I'm not browsing.
217
00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:21,810
Put the magazine away or buy
it, please.
218
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:22,913
I'm not browsing.
219
00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:23,728
Leave me alone.
220
00:08:23,752 --> 00:08:25,199
You have been here for
at least ten minutes.
221
00:08:25,223 --> 00:08:26,426
No problem. He's gonna buy it.
I'm a buyer.
222
00:08:26,450 --> 00:08:28,716
- Oh, this is your father?
- Yeah, he's just looking. I'm a buyer.
223
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:29,880
Moke.
224
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:32,129
You buying this?
Of course I'm gonna buy it.
225
00:08:32,153 --> 00:08:33,014
Moke.
226
00:08:33,038 --> 00:08:35,760
All the free porn on the Internet.
Why stick with magazines?
227
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,466
- It's on the Internet?
- Yeah. Do you have a computer?
228
00:08:38,490 --> 00:08:40,426
Yeah. My kids bought me a
computer, but I don't use it.
229
00:08:40,450 --> 00:08:43,096
Well, Moke, everything here
230
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,966
is a click away on the Internet.
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00:08:44,990 --> 00:08:47,306
Come on. Don't kid me.
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00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:48,926
- I'm not kidding you, Moke.
- You sure?
233
00:08:48,950 --> 00:08:50,806
- Moke, I am not kidding.
- Just don't kid me.
234
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:53,180
- Check it out.
- Maybe I will.
235
00:08:55,990 --> 00:08:57,840
Thanks a lot.
236
00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:04,006
Now, Carol, what exactly
do you see in this man?
237
00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:05,886
What kind of question is that?
238
00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:08,306
- I think it's a good question.
- I think behind those...
239
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:11,966
- dark clothes lies a...
- Very pretentious man?
240
00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:13,806
What's wrong with dark clothes?
I always wear black.
241
00:09:13,830 --> 00:09:15,886
He thinks people are aware
that he dresses in black.
242
00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:17,306
He thinks he's like Johnny Cash.
243
00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:18,846
- Why do you always wear black?
- Yeah. Why?
244
00:09:18,870 --> 00:09:20,886
I've been a comic 48 years,
and people expect me to be...
245
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,466
Nobody gives a fuck.
246
00:09:22,490 --> 00:09:24,636
Is anyone else cold? Are you cold?
247
00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:25,966
- A little chilly.
- I'm cold suddenly.
248
00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:27,926
I wish I'd brought
a cardigan or something.
249
00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:30,966
- We can turn on the heat lamp.
- Oh, yeah. That would be great.
250
00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:32,806
Um, excuse me.
251
00:09:32,830 --> 00:09:34,756
Do you have any problem
if we turn on the heat lamp?
252
00:09:34,780 --> 00:09:36,386
- She's very cold.
- We're hot over here.
253
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,176
- We're fine. It's okay.
- We're good here. It feels great.
254
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,981
You know,
the heat lamp's for both tables.
255
00:09:40,005 --> 00:09:40,720
Well, we have seven.
256
00:09:40,744 --> 00:09:42,285
Well, but we have seven
people here and we're fine.
257
00:09:42,309 --> 00:09:44,102
- You have three people there.
- You're outvoted.
258
00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,466
Yeah, I, I, I know, but she's cold,
259
00:09:45,490 --> 00:09:47,256
and it's worse to be cold, than hot.
260
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,506
No, it's actually worse
to be hot than cold.
261
00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:50,409
How do you figure?
262
00:09:50,433 --> 00:09:52,506
Because when you're cold,
you can put more things on.
263
00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:54,386
When you're hot,
you can only take so much off.
264
00:09:54,410 --> 00:09:55,723
Okay, well, that's a good point,
265
00:09:55,747 --> 00:09:57,306
if there are more things to put on.
266
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,926
But there aren't more things
to put on.
267
00:09:58,950 --> 00:10:01,506
- Here. Have her wear that.
- Oh, that's funny, asshole.
268
00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:03,556
Look, we're not snowmen.
We need some heat.
269
00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:05,846
Hey. I just thought of something.
270
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:08,056
- My mother's old mink stole.
- Oh.
271
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,306
I'm getting it dry-cleaned.
It's in my car. Let me go get it.
272
00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:13,136
- Thank you. No, that would be so nice.
- Yeah.
273
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,966
I really appreciate that, Larry.
274
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,506
- Oh, sure.
- Thank you, Larry.
275
00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:18,056
- Thank you, Larry.
- Wait till you see this thing.
276
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,966
- It's a beauty.
- Thanks, Larry.
277
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,709
I mean, what a,
what a bunch of douche bags.
278
00:10:21,733 --> 00:10:22,756
Oh, there he goes. Wow.
279
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:24,840
- Is he going to get warm?
- My God.
280
00:10:25,740 --> 00:10:28,176
- There we go. Look at this.
- Aw.
281
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,096
- Look, how beautiful.
- Huh? Do you like that?
282
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,556
- Thank you.
- Beauty on beauty.
283
00:10:32,580 --> 00:10:34,716
- Real mink. Real mink.
- So sweet of you.
284
00:10:34,740 --> 00:10:37,256
You know what? Actually, uh,
285
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,846
this reminds me of
286
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:41,306
a stole my mother had
when I was a little girl.
287
00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:42,636
- Wow. No kidding.
- Yeah.
288
00:10:42,660 --> 00:10:45,510
She used to wrap me up
in it to keep me warm.
289
00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:48,136
Yeah. And I remember when I was 12,
290
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,966
my dad and mom took me to
see La Cage aux Folles.
291
00:10:50,990 --> 00:10:52,386
- Oh, La Cage aux Folles.
- You remember that?
292
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:54,056
Yeah, I remember.
That was on Broadway, yeah.
293
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,136
It was such a great night.
And then when we came out,
294
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,506
we, uh...
295
00:10:57,530 --> 00:10:59,716
yeah, we couldn't get a cab,
because...
296
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:03,386
well, they were all taken,
so we decided to take the subway.
297
00:11:03,410 --> 00:11:04,886
But, um...
298
00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,596
on the platform, my, uh,
299
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:08,306
my mom and dad
got in a really big fight,
300
00:11:08,330 --> 00:11:11,426
and they started pushing each
other, and...
301
00:11:11,450 --> 00:11:13,220
and the stole, it...
302
00:11:13,950 --> 00:11:15,760
it landed on the tracks.
303
00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:17,966
Oh, my God.
304
00:11:17,990 --> 00:11:20,386
I saw the lights
of the train, and I...
305
00:11:20,410 --> 00:11:23,176
I heard the... the honk of the train,
306
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,256
and my mom, she...
307
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,926
she jumped onto the tracks,
just really quickly,
308
00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:30,056
just to grab the stole,
because...
309
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,096
it meant so much to her.
310
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,966
And then...
311
00:11:33,990 --> 00:11:36,886
she tried to get back up,
she tried to...
312
00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:39,096
- to scratch her way back up, but...
- Oh, come on.
313
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,426
Oh, my God. What a story.
314
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:44,136
Oh, my God. The horn. I just...
315
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,256
The sound of the horn.
316
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,886
- Oh, baby. I'm, oh...
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
317
00:11:48,910 --> 00:11:50,966
- I'm sorry!
- Geez. I'm so sorry.
318
00:11:50,990 --> 00:11:54,930
I just have so
little to remember her by.
319
00:11:55,950 --> 00:11:59,466
You know what, if it means
that much to you, I...
320
00:11:59,490 --> 00:12:01,306
I, I want you to have it.
321
00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:03,769
I want you to have it.
I want you to keep it.
322
00:12:03,793 --> 00:12:04,636
What?
323
00:12:04,660 --> 00:12:06,926
- Really?
- I'm positive. Carol, please.
324
00:12:06,950 --> 00:12:08,506
- Keep the stole.
- No, you take it.
325
00:12:08,530 --> 00:12:10,056
No, I'm giving it to you.
326
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:10,865
Really?
327
00:12:10,889 --> 00:12:12,306
She said she has so
little to remember her by.
328
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:16,136
- Keep the stole.
- Oh, that's so... That's really nice.
329
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:17,061
Thank you.
330
00:12:17,085 --> 00:12:18,466
Of course.
If my mother were at the table,
331
00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:20,596
my mother would give
it to you, you know.
332
00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:23,056
- No, she wouldn't, but, you know.
- Thank you.
333
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,720
Oh, I'm buzzing.
334
00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:29,886
Oh, guys, I gotta go to work.
I gotta go.
335
00:12:29,910 --> 00:12:32,346
- Oh, no.
- I didn't even get to have lunch.
336
00:12:32,370 --> 00:12:34,426
- Bye, baby.
- Take care, baby.
337
00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:36,386
- Thank you.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
338
00:12:36,410 --> 00:12:38,056
- Bye, you guys.
- Enjoy that stole.
339
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,846
Bye-bye. I'll speak to you later.
340
00:12:39,870 --> 00:12:41,386
Oh, my God.
341
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,886
The poor thing.
Imagine being a 12-year-old girl,
342
00:12:43,910 --> 00:12:46,756
seeing your mother
get hit by a train,
343
00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:48,386
going after a mink stole, ugh!
344
00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:50,636
Wouldn't you wake up
every morning, boom...
345
00:12:50,660 --> 00:12:52,346
the horns, do you think of the horns?
346
00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:54,056
I mean, how do you even
go to work after that?
347
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,216
What, what... What does
she... What does she do?
348
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,716
She's a professional crier.
349
00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,386
What? A what?
350
00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:03,216
She's a professional crier.
351
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,636
She's hired to cry at weddings,
352
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,846
and funerals, or sometimes TV shows.
353
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:10,716
You know, if there's a sad moment,
354
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:13,056
she's in the background sobbing.
355
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,466
Oh, my God.
356
00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:16,426
What's wrong with you?
What are you worried about?
357
00:13:16,450 --> 00:13:18,886
I'm worried I just got fleeced
for a mink stole.
358
00:13:18,910 --> 00:13:20,966
- You piece of shit. How dare you?
- Piece of shit?
359
00:13:20,990 --> 00:13:21,721
How dare you?
360
00:13:21,745 --> 00:13:23,966
Are you kidding?
I mean, think about it.
361
00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:25,806
You can hear that,
and say something like that?
362
00:13:25,830 --> 00:13:27,346
Hey, let me ask you something.
363
00:13:27,370 --> 00:13:29,846
Have you guys ever had
a disagreement of any kind,
364
00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,886
where perhaps she started crying?
365
00:13:31,910 --> 00:13:33,466
- Yeah, a few times...
- What?
366
00:13:33,490 --> 00:13:35,346
- What was the disagreement?
- You know, dinner.
367
00:13:35,370 --> 00:13:37,466
She wanted Chinese, I wanted Italian.
368
00:13:37,490 --> 00:13:39,596
- So she wept openly and...
- Oh.
369
00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:41,886
Yeah, and you went down...
and you had Chinese food.
370
00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:44,466
- Chinese, we did.
- Oh, my God. Come on!
371
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,256
- This is unbelievable!
- Don't Perry Mason her.
372
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:49,886
She fucking conned me out of that
mink stole. This is incredible!
373
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:51,539
I don't have to buy
your defense on this.
374
00:13:51,563 --> 00:13:52,337
You saw it!
375
00:13:52,361 --> 00:13:54,346
You witnessed it. She's a con crier.
376
00:13:54,370 --> 00:13:57,346
- So what do you want me to do?
- I can't believe I fell for that story.
377
00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:00,506
Oh...
the stole was on the subway!
378
00:14:00,530 --> 00:14:03,006
And the horn, the horn!
379
00:14:03,030 --> 00:14:05,380
I want that stole back, okay?
380
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,136
- Mr. Larry! Hey!
- Oh! Hey!
381
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,256
I clean all the windows
and all the mantles.
382
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,556
- Oh.
- They were so dirty.
383
00:14:34,580 --> 00:14:36,306
- And I polished all the doorknobs.
- Good.
384
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:38,056
- Thank you so much. Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
385
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,636
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
386
00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:41,466
What, what is this, Mr. Larry?
387
00:14:41,490 --> 00:14:43,506
Oh. It's a...
388
00:14:43,530 --> 00:14:45,136
That's a doll.
389
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,136
- What kind doll?
- Eh, you know, I collect them.
390
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:50,926
They're like, uh,
big teddy bears. Yeah.
391
00:14:50,950 --> 00:14:52,506
You collect big plastic dolls?
392
00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:55,090
Yes, yes. I do. They, um...
393
00:14:55,990 --> 00:14:57,806
They normally come with clothes.
394
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,716
- Yeah, she's naked.
- Yeah, it's naked, yeah.
395
00:14:59,740 --> 00:15:02,006
They forgot to send the clothes
for some reason. I don't know why.
396
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:04,806
You know, they come with
a lot of different outfits.
397
00:15:04,830 --> 00:15:06,596
- Oh, like the, this American Girl.
- Yes!
398
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:08,676
Like the American Girl! Right, right.
399
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,306
Yeah, they have a nurse's outfit,
400
00:15:10,330 --> 00:15:13,306
they have a flight attendant,
a cheerleader.
401
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:16,176
They even have, um, a, a maid!
402
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,806
Oh! So, you know what?
403
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:19,596
Let me clean it,
'cause it's a little bit dirty.
404
00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:21,716
Oh, no. You know, you don't, no. I...
405
00:15:21,740 --> 00:15:22,886
That's, uh... you know,
406
00:15:22,910 --> 00:15:24,846
it's very delicate, very delicate.
407
00:15:24,870 --> 00:15:27,346
Anyway, I just want you to know,
you're doing a fantastic job.
408
00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:29,346
Thank you. I wanted to ask you,
409
00:15:29,370 --> 00:15:31,306
uh, I need to switch my days.
410
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:33,056
- Mm-hmm.
- And I would like to work Mondays
411
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:34,596
and Wednesdays for you.
412
00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:36,886
No, those are Susie's days.
413
00:15:36,910 --> 00:15:39,306
Oh, no. I'm not gonna be
working with Miss Susie anymore.
414
00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:41,426
- What? What do you, what do you mean?
- Her mouth.
415
00:15:41,450 --> 00:15:43,676
She's like "F" this,
"F" that. She's so vulgar.
416
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:45,676
Like, F-bomb for everything.
417
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,006
The thing is, I have
kind of an agreement with her.
418
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,846
- I can't breach her.
- Well,
419
00:15:49,870 --> 00:15:51,596
all I can say is that
I have another family
420
00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:54,056
that I need to work with on
Tuesdays and Thursdays, so...
421
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,346
- You're gonna leave Susie, regardless?
- Yeah, regardless.
422
00:15:56,370 --> 00:15:58,180
I am done with Miss Susie.
423
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,466
Okay.
424
00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:02,676
- Yes? Okay.
- Ah.
425
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,011
See you next Monday.
I'm gonna do the refrigerator.
426
00:16:05,035 --> 00:16:05,846
Bye.
427
00:16:05,870 --> 00:16:08,136
Hey, do anchovies only go on pizza?
428
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,676
- Or can you eat 'em loose?
- Hey.
429
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,346
Come here, come here. You blew it up?
430
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:13,056
- Yeah, I blew the shit up.
- You're supposed to get rid of it.
431
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,006
- Who, Sherry?
- Oh, Sherry? You gave it a name?
432
00:16:15,030 --> 00:16:16,420
Yeah, I mean,
I got her out of the box.
433
00:16:16,444 --> 00:16:17,596
Give her a little air and shit.
434
00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:19,716
- Oh, so you were, you were curious.
- Fuck, yeah.
435
00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:21,216
I wanna see what the fuck
she was working with.
436
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,556
Yeah. And, uh...
437
00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:26,556
You didn't try and get a little
friendly with her, did you?
438
00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:28,096
What the fuck you trying to say?
439
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,371
Did you get a little
friendly with her?
440
00:16:29,395 --> 00:16:30,153
I'm insulted.
441
00:16:30,177 --> 00:16:30,863
That you would say some
shit like that to me.
442
00:16:30,887 --> 00:16:32,506
Leon, did you get a little
friendly with her, Leon?
443
00:16:32,530 --> 00:16:33,676
- Nah. Not at all.
- Huh?
444
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:34,886
Why do you always
look at me like this?
445
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,466
I'm trying to look
into your fuckin' brain.
446
00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:38,676
- What is this? Yeah. Uh-huh.
- I'm lookin' into you. Yeah.
447
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,596
You look down into
a motherfucker's soul.
448
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:42,056
You think you're better
than me, Leon Black?
449
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,636
- I know my character.
- Yeah?
450
00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:44,846
And when you accuse me
451
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,386
of tappin' some ass like that...
452
00:16:46,410 --> 00:16:48,716
I wouldn't put it past you,
let's just say that.
453
00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:52,090
Get rid of that fucking thing.
454
00:16:53,370 --> 00:16:55,220
Be cool, Sherry.
455
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,056
- Hey.
- How are you?
456
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,926
- Good. Good.
- Well, guess what, ID?
457
00:17:02,950 --> 00:17:05,426
- What?
- I did what you wanted me to do.
458
00:17:05,450 --> 00:17:07,716
- And it didn't work out.
- Oh.
459
00:17:07,740 --> 00:17:09,256
And Carol broke up with me.
460
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:10,388
Really?
461
00:17:10,412 --> 00:17:12,306
I went over there,
I asked for your mink back,
462
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:13,636
she wept openly,
463
00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:15,216
- and kicked me out of her life.
- Oh, she wept openly.
464
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,676
That's how she got the mink
in the first place.
465
00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:18,386
Yeah, well, you ruined
another woman for me.
466
00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:20,636
I could've had a baby with this
woman and maybe become a father.
467
00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:23,176
A baby? You're 200 years old.
You're gonna have a baby?
468
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,056
Do me a favor.
Just stay out of my affairs.
469
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,756
Meanwhile, she still has the mink, okay?
And I'm gettin' it back.
470
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,136
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
471
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,800
Aah, bullshit.
472
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:33,506
What the hell is that?
473
00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:35,466
Ah, it's a... It's a sex doll.
474
00:17:35,490 --> 00:17:37,966
- A sex doll.
- Yeah. Her name's Sherry.
475
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,056
Come on. I'll introduce you to her.
476
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,596
You breached.
477
00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:43,886
You made a solemn promise, a vow,
478
00:17:43,910 --> 00:17:46,306
and you fucking breached, asshole.
479
00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:48,846
She was quitting!
She wasn't working for you
480
00:17:48,870 --> 00:17:50,926
on Mondays and Wednesdays,
that was it.
481
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:53,636
She doesn't wanna work here.
She can't stand you!
482
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,306
- Oh, that's nonsense!
- You're a vulgarian!
483
00:17:55,330 --> 00:17:57,506
You use disgusting language
around her.
484
00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:59,096
She's a strict Catholic girl.
485
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,720
- Okay...
- Hold on a second, here.
486
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,306
She make you biscuits?
487
00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:05,966
- Yeah.
- Ridiculous.
488
00:18:05,990 --> 00:18:07,596
- My God.
- Well, I'm gonna tell you
489
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:08,806
a little something
what you're gonna do.
490
00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:10,426
When those biscuits are warm,
491
00:18:10,450 --> 00:18:12,806
you're gonna get out some tin foil,
492
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,096
You're gonna wrap those babies up,
493
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:15,636
and you're dropping 'em off
at my office.
494
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:17,506
And when you drop off those biscuits,
495
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:20,176
you're gonna pick up my laundry
and take it to the Fluff and Fold.
496
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,024
All right?
497
00:18:21,048 --> 00:18:23,556
Yeah, I have a movie star
coming over here, Larry.
498
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:27,676
And look at me, I'm putting out
premade fuckin' salads from Metzler's.
499
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,426
- Metzler's? You got Metzler's?
- Yeah.
500
00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:31,096
- Yeah, I got Metzler's.
- Fanta... I love Metzler's!
501
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,756
Yeah. And then
I gotta clean up myself.
502
00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:34,846
I don't know how to do
this fucking shit!
503
00:18:34,870 --> 00:18:36,176
- You know what?
- What?
504
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,386
I'll help you clean up.
505
00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:39,676
- Oh, please.
- I'm a fantastic dishwasher.
506
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:43,806
Did you know that? I can put my
hands in boiling, scalding water,
507
00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:45,466
and I don't feel anything.
508
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:47,756
- I don't need gloves!
- Let me see those hands.
509
00:18:47,780 --> 00:18:48,815
I'm really good.
510
00:18:48,839 --> 00:18:50,716
You've never washed
a dish in your life.
511
00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:52,506
Well, I haven't washed 'em
in a while, but...
512
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:54,756
You've watched somebody else
wash and went,
513
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:56,588
"Oh, I could be good at that.
I could do that."
514
00:18:56,612 --> 00:18:57,886
I know I'm a great dishwasher!
515
00:18:57,910 --> 00:19:00,596
- You've never washed!
- Don't tell me I haven't washed, Jeff!
516
00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:02,136
- You never washed.
- What? I haven't washed?
517
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,966
- And your hands are soft.
- I'll tell you what I'll do.
518
00:19:03,990 --> 00:19:05,324
I'll stick my hands in the sink right
519
00:19:05,348 --> 00:19:06,676
now. Put it on as hot as you want.
520
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,966
- You don't have special hands!
- I do have special hands!
521
00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:10,966
- You do not have special hands!
- I do. They're very special.
522
00:19:10,990 --> 00:19:13,256
I'll stick 'em under any
hot water you can find, okay?
523
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,010
That's insane!
524
00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:18,510
Listen to me.
525
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,506
Clive's coming over.
526
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,216
- Yeah.
- The voicemail you left.
527
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,636
Clive seems to think
it was insufficient praise.
528
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:27,006
- What? Insufficient praise?
- Yeah.
529
00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:28,756
Yeah. You weren't enthusiastic.
530
00:19:28,780 --> 00:19:29,610
That's ridiculous.
531
00:19:29,634 --> 00:19:31,966
No. You gotta... When
you talk to these people,
532
00:19:31,990 --> 00:19:33,966
you gotta almost give
your own performance
533
00:19:33,990 --> 00:19:35,756
about how much you loved it.
534
00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:37,596
All right. You know what? That's him.
535
00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:38,930
Okay?
536
00:19:39,410 --> 00:19:42,386
And by the way, you're doing
the dishes when we're done.
537
00:19:42,410 --> 00:19:44,596
- Great. Great.
- Yeah, good. Good for you.
538
00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:47,846
- Susie, I brought you a movie star.
- Ah, bravo!
539
00:19:47,870 --> 00:19:50,926
- Hey!
- Bravo! What a performance.
540
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:53,096
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, my God.
541
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:55,006
- Thanks for inviting me over.
- Movie star.
542
00:19:55,030 --> 00:19:56,756
- Larry David.
- Hey.
543
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,466
Fantastic.
544
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:01,556
So, just dig in.
We went to this new sandwich place.
545
00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:03,556
- What's the name of it, Lar?
- Yeah, Metzler's.
546
00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:04,304
Metzler's.
547
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,926
- So, they're supposed to be fantastic.
- Yeah, it looks great.
548
00:20:05,950 --> 00:20:09,430
In the UK they have, uh,
cucumber sandwiches, right?
549
00:20:09,830 --> 00:20:10,719
Just, just cucumbers?
550
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,636
No,
there's cream cheese in there.
551
00:20:12,660 --> 00:20:13,649
Oh, there is?
552
00:20:13,673 --> 00:20:15,256
Yeah, we have a lot of
different sandwiches.
553
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,756
Yeah.
554
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:19,096
Hey, Clive. Uh, I...
555
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:22,136
You know, I want
to apologize if, um...
556
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,306
my, my voicemail, my message
557
00:20:25,330 --> 00:20:28,006
- offended you in any way.
- A little weird, no?
558
00:20:28,030 --> 00:20:30,306
- You know, I'm not good at voicemails.
- Really?
559
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,306
Yes. When I would leave
a message on, on,
560
00:20:32,330 --> 00:20:34,306
on a woman's phone,
I would always get in trouble
561
00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:36,846
and the relationship would be over.
I'm just no good at it.
562
00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:38,386
Yeah, but the weird
thing is, you know,
563
00:20:38,410 --> 00:20:40,306
if you go and see a play
and you don't like it,
564
00:20:40,330 --> 00:20:42,306
you kind of don't leave
a message, do you?
565
00:20:42,330 --> 00:20:44,266
No, but I did like it.
I... That's, that's...
566
00:20:44,290 --> 00:20:45,125
Really?
567
00:20:45,149 --> 00:20:47,306
- Yes.
- "Hi. This is Larry David.
568
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:52,256
I just want to say I really
enjoyed the show. Good job."
569
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:56,006
Yeah. Like I said, I'm not, I'm not
good with... If it was in person,
570
00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:58,506
- I would have been much more effusive.
- Really?
571
00:20:58,530 --> 00:21:00,510
- Yeah.
- So...
572
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:04,466
I mean, it's hard to do now.
Bec... You know, it's...
573
00:21:04,490 --> 00:21:06,684
It's like doing an impression
for somebody. It's hard
574
00:21:06,708 --> 00:21:07,846
to just do it on command.
575
00:21:07,870 --> 00:21:11,006
- You do impressions?
- Yeah. I do a lot. I can...
576
00:21:11,030 --> 00:21:13,346
I can do Raymond Massey
from, uh, doing Lincoln.
577
00:21:13,370 --> 00:21:15,256
Raymond Massey as Lincoln.
You never see that!
578
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:19,130
"A house divided against itself
cannot stand."
579
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,676
Well, I was so moved, Clive.
580
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,966
The pathos of this character.
581
00:21:25,990 --> 00:21:30,006
- The triumph and the disgrace of his...
- Thank you.
582
00:21:30,030 --> 00:21:33,966
- Thank you.
- Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm-mmm!
583
00:21:33,990 --> 00:21:37,386
Oh, my God. Oh. This is unbelievable!
584
00:21:37,410 --> 00:21:40,006
This Metzler's? Best, the best.
585
00:21:40,030 --> 00:21:42,886
You see that? That is genuine praise.
586
00:21:42,910 --> 00:21:45,056
I do a fucking play for 90 minutes,
587
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,136
digging deep and doing
everything I can,
588
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,716
and you give that for a sandwich.
589
00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:50,966
So you do do praise, just not for me.
590
00:21:50,990 --> 00:21:54,216
You know, that, that kind of
thing, that's not for people.
591
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,886
That's for sandwiches,
a well-struck iron,
592
00:21:57,910 --> 00:21:59,756
- a good golf shot.
- Do you know what it takes?
593
00:21:59,780 --> 00:22:02,886
Stand up there for 90 minutes,
on your own, a one-man play?
594
00:22:02,910 --> 00:22:03,704
Mm.
595
00:22:03,728 --> 00:22:06,056
A serious subject like that.
Do you know what it costs?
596
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,966
Must be quite grueling.
597
00:22:07,990 --> 00:22:10,340
One wonders why somebody would do it.
598
00:22:11,910 --> 00:22:13,096
Is he for real?
599
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:15,926
No, I'm just saying. It seems...
600
00:22:15,950 --> 00:22:17,596
a little crazy.
601
00:22:17,620 --> 00:22:19,756
That's what you thought
when you came to see the play?
602
00:22:19,780 --> 00:22:21,886
You thought it's crazy
that someone would do this.
603
00:22:21,910 --> 00:22:23,720
Well, kinda.
604
00:22:24,330 --> 00:22:26,096
- No, Clive.
- Clive, Clive!
605
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,256
- Clive, Clive!
- Clive! Come on!
606
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,006
- Clive!
- Clive!
607
00:22:38,450 --> 00:22:40,176
Hi. How you doin', Lionel?
608
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,050
How you doin', there, Mr. Danson?
609
00:22:42,780 --> 00:22:44,966
Just need your signature real quick.
610
00:22:44,990 --> 00:22:47,006
- How's it going today?
- Good.
611
00:22:47,030 --> 00:22:49,260
You're friends with
Larry David, right?
612
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,306
Yeah, I suppose.
613
00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:54,930
He's fucking a doll.
614
00:22:55,330 --> 00:22:56,596
What?
615
00:22:56,620 --> 00:22:59,720
I delivered a blow-up
fuck doll to his house.
616
00:23:00,740 --> 00:23:03,346
How could you possibly know that?
617
00:23:03,370 --> 00:23:06,636
The package said, "Do not puncture.
Discreet delivery."
618
00:23:06,660 --> 00:23:08,430
Mailmen know.
619
00:23:09,910 --> 00:23:11,130
Have a great day.
620
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,930
- Hi.
- Hey.
621
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,501
I'm still a little pissed
off, but I come as a friend.
622
00:23:27,525 --> 00:23:29,154
- Of course.
- Okay, thank you.
623
00:23:29,178 --> 00:23:31,676
I just have some information
I think you ought to know.
624
00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:34,886
Your ex-husband, he's fucking...
625
00:23:34,910 --> 00:23:37,846
a sex doll, just so you know.
626
00:23:37,870 --> 00:23:41,506
He's basically sticking
his penis in a balloon.
627
00:23:41,530 --> 00:23:43,300
Good to see you.
628
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,466
- Larry! How are you?
- How do you do?
629
00:23:54,490 --> 00:23:56,216
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
630
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,636
I do well. I do well.
631
00:23:58,660 --> 00:24:01,556
- Do you want to come in, or...
- No, I don't think that'll be necessary.
632
00:24:01,580 --> 00:24:04,256
I've been thinking about the stole.
633
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,441
Thank you. It reminds me of my mom.
It's beautiful.
634
00:24:06,465 --> 00:24:07,216
Yeah.
635
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,346
You know, you got so emotional.
I felt so terrible.
636
00:24:10,370 --> 00:24:11,966
I had to give it to you.
637
00:24:11,990 --> 00:24:13,846
- I appreciate it so much.
- Yeah.
638
00:24:13,870 --> 00:24:16,756
Of course, I have since
learned that...
639
00:24:16,780 --> 00:24:20,556
you're actually a professional crier.
You do this for a living.
640
00:24:20,580 --> 00:24:21,664
Yeah? So?
641
00:24:21,688 --> 00:24:24,966
And so what I can't
quite figure out is...
642
00:24:24,990 --> 00:24:28,506
did I give that stole to...
real Carol?
643
00:24:28,530 --> 00:24:33,176
Or did I give it to, you know,
644
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,006
the professional crier?
645
00:24:35,030 --> 00:24:38,306
'Cause that would be bad. 'Cause
then I would feel like I was duped.
646
00:24:38,330 --> 00:24:42,846
You know. Who knows what else
you've cried your way into.
647
00:24:42,870 --> 00:24:46,256
The couch, the coffee table,
the painting.
648
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,136
- Maybe the house.
- Okay. Those...
649
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:53,306
Those tears were
real, Larry. And I...
650
00:24:53,330 --> 00:24:56,056
I obviously cry in real life, too.
651
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:57,556
- I'm a real person.
- Yeah. Sure.
652
00:24:57,580 --> 00:24:59,926
You think that I'm...
653
00:24:59,950 --> 00:25:03,306
I made up a story
about my own mother...
654
00:25:03,330 --> 00:25:05,926
- You see, there.
- ...to get your stole?
655
00:25:05,950 --> 00:25:07,556
There, there, there it is.
656
00:25:07,580 --> 00:25:09,256
See?
657
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,176
- That's very difficult.
- I lost my mom!
658
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,806
No, you're very good at this.
659
00:25:12,830 --> 00:25:14,676
- If in fact you're making...
- I'm sorry.
660
00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:16,926
- Can't quite...
- Larry, please.
661
00:25:16,950 --> 00:25:18,506
- Larry, get out!
- Oh, oh!
662
00:25:26,870 --> 00:25:29,216
Larry! Larry!
663
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,676
- Hey, Freddy!
- I was just about to call you.
664
00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:33,216
- Really?
- You created a real problem
665
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,806
with Uncle Moke
with the Internet porn.
666
00:25:34,830 --> 00:25:36,846
Ah, you know, it's, it's better than,
667
00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:38,596
than paying money
for those magazines.
668
00:25:38,620 --> 00:25:40,506
No, it's all day. It's a problem.
It's all he does.
669
00:25:40,530 --> 00:25:42,506
And he is paying.
He's doing the chat rooms now.
670
00:25:42,530 --> 00:25:45,636
I'm so sorry. I don't know. I was just
trying to save the guy some money.
671
00:25:45,660 --> 00:25:47,466
It's addiction.
You gotta do something.
672
00:25:47,490 --> 00:25:49,886
- Do something? What can I do?
- Whatever it is,
673
00:25:49,910 --> 00:25:51,756
you kind of started it off.
I think you should step in.
674
00:25:51,780 --> 00:25:52,650
All right, I'll think about it.
675
00:25:52,674 --> 00:25:53,966
No, don't think about.
Do whatever it is.
676
00:25:53,990 --> 00:25:55,806
I gotta think about it. I don't
know what to do. I gotta, you know,
677
00:25:55,830 --> 00:25:57,346
- I gotta think about it.
- Okay, that's good.
678
00:25:57,370 --> 00:25:58,676
Hey, did you hit the doll up yet?
679
00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:01,470
- N-No.
- Take a shot at the doll.
680
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,306
And...
681
00:26:06,330 --> 00:26:09,340
voilà, the pee cube.
682
00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:11,466
- I like it.
- You sure do.
683
00:26:11,490 --> 00:26:13,176
- Yeah.
- Take her for a spin.
684
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,466
- Sure.
- Get on in there, huh?
685
00:26:15,490 --> 00:26:17,636
- There you go. Look at that.
- Mm-hmm.
686
00:26:17,660 --> 00:26:19,506
- How does that feel?
- Feels pretty good.
687
00:26:19,530 --> 00:26:21,426
Shit. Got the prototype done, huh?
688
00:26:21,450 --> 00:26:23,056
- Yeah, you wanna give it a try?
- Nah, fuck that, man.
689
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:24,676
That shit ain't deep enough.
690
00:26:24,700 --> 00:26:26,176
- What do you mean?
- What are you talking about?
691
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,676
Any motherfucker that
come up to that shit,
692
00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:29,966
with a little-ass penis,
of course it works for them.
693
00:26:29,990 --> 00:26:31,165
But you got a big-ass johnson, you
694
00:26:31,189 --> 00:26:32,636
gotta stand a little further
back, see,
695
00:26:32,660 --> 00:26:34,386
so your johnson don't overshoot
696
00:26:34,410 --> 00:26:36,556
and hit the back of that motherfucker.
I'm not bragging and shit,
697
00:26:36,580 --> 00:26:39,346
but I had a lady give me a wedgie
with my own goddamn johnson.
698
00:26:39,370 --> 00:26:41,756
Okay. Are we done here?
Uh, can you get...
699
00:26:41,780 --> 00:26:43,051
Can you get to work on
this thing right away?
700
00:26:43,075 --> 00:26:43,806
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
701
00:26:43,830 --> 00:26:46,346
- Yeah. I'll get right on it.
- Hey. Let's talk timeline.
702
00:26:46,370 --> 00:26:47,260
Oh, okay. Yeah.
703
00:26:47,284 --> 00:26:48,891
Prototype is pretty fuckin'
good, though, man.
704
00:26:48,915 --> 00:26:51,506
- Thanks, man. I appreciate that.
- You do goddamn good work.
705
00:26:51,530 --> 00:26:52,840
Hmm.
706
00:26:53,370 --> 00:26:54,926
- Hey.
- Hey.
707
00:26:54,950 --> 00:26:56,176
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
708
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,306
What are you doing?
709
00:26:57,330 --> 00:26:58,636
What brings you to Latte Larry's?
710
00:26:58,660 --> 00:27:01,676
Uh, Clive Owen. He's a mess.
711
00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:03,176
Ever since you left him that message
712
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:04,556
and the other day at the house...
713
00:27:04,580 --> 00:27:06,716
- What, at lunch?
- ...he's lost all confidence.
714
00:27:06,740 --> 00:27:09,256
His shows are not as good.
It's affecting his performances.
715
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:10,094
Really?
716
00:27:10,118 --> 00:27:12,596
Yeah. People used to weep.
Nobody's weeping.
717
00:27:12,620 --> 00:27:14,506
And we open in two days,
718
00:27:14,530 --> 00:27:17,340
and I'm scared that the
critics are gonna kill him.
719
00:27:17,990 --> 00:27:19,256
Oh, boy.
720
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,970
I gotta do something,
and I don't know what.
721
00:27:22,910 --> 00:27:24,386
Oh.
722
00:27:24,410 --> 00:27:26,426
- Lewis's girlfriend.
- Yeah?
723
00:27:26,450 --> 00:27:27,716
- Carol.
- Yeah?
724
00:27:27,740 --> 00:27:29,426
She's a professional crier.
725
00:27:29,450 --> 00:27:31,056
- Yeah?
- Hire her for opening night.
726
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,256
Let her sit in the audience,
she'll sob away.
727
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:34,756
- Really?
- Once she starts sobbing,
728
00:27:34,780 --> 00:27:36,716
everyone else will start sobbing.
Sobs are contagious.
729
00:27:36,740 --> 00:27:39,386
- You can never have enough criers. No.
- Abs... I know. You can't.
730
00:27:39,410 --> 00:27:41,340
What the hell is that?
731
00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:44,716
That, my stout friend,
732
00:27:44,740 --> 00:27:47,676
is a urinal revolution.
733
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:49,846
She's a good ship, the Kon Tiki.
734
00:27:49,870 --> 00:27:52,006
I named her Kon Tiki
735
00:27:52,030 --> 00:27:54,846
in memory of the Peruvian sun god.
736
00:27:54,870 --> 00:27:56,256
And here I am,
737
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,056
following in Tiki's footsteps.
738
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,596
My only companion was a parrot
739
00:28:02,620 --> 00:28:05,596
that had snuck aboard.
740
00:28:07,370 --> 00:28:10,346
- He's not doing good.
- ...used to be a tough school.
741
00:28:10,370 --> 00:28:13,056
Those first few weeks...
742
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,176
...in the Humboldt Current.
743
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:16,966
- Which one is she?
- Before this journey,
744
00:28:16,990 --> 00:28:18,756
- my life was...
- Oh, there she is.
745
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:20,676
She's got my mother's stole on.
746
00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:22,466
She's wearing the stole.
747
00:28:22,490 --> 00:28:24,756
I have the
purpose, but not the wind.
748
00:28:26,780 --> 00:28:30,716
Now there is no day, no
night, just the relentless...
749
00:28:30,740 --> 00:28:33,806
Ah. There. She's gonna start.
750
00:28:33,830 --> 00:28:37,090
I am completely alone.
751
00:28:37,830 --> 00:28:40,966
Even my parrot Lorita has perished.
752
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:51,720
Perished.
753
00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:57,306
Lorita.
754
00:28:57,330 --> 00:28:58,760
Perished!
755
00:29:01,620 --> 00:29:04,216
Look out.
It's really catching on now.
756
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:08,056
I give my last will
and testament to the waves
757
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,176
who refuse to weep with me.
758
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:14,256
My final epitaph written
in the froth and the foam.
759
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:17,556
Pity the man, who thought
760
00:29:17,580 --> 00:29:19,970
he could go back in time.
761
00:29:22,990 --> 00:29:24,506
Goodbye, Kon Tiki.
762
00:29:24,530 --> 00:29:26,340
No!
763
00:29:34,490 --> 00:29:37,176
From a distance, could it be?
764
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,176
It's land!
765
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:43,130
Oh! Praise be, Tiki!
766
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,716
Praise be!
767
00:29:51,580 --> 00:29:53,056
Yeah! Yeah!
768
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,130
Bravo! Wow!
769
00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:04,556
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Yeah.
770
00:30:04,580 --> 00:30:07,220
Thank you. Worked like a charm.
She did great.
771
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,636
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
772
00:30:14,660 --> 00:30:17,716
Hey, Carol. Carol.
773
00:30:17,740 --> 00:30:19,216
Oh, Larry, hi!
774
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:20,426
- Hi.
- How are you?
775
00:30:20,450 --> 00:30:21,886
Good. So, um...
776
00:30:21,910 --> 00:30:24,056
I just wanted to
congratulate you on that...
777
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:25,596
magnificent performance.
778
00:30:25,620 --> 00:30:27,716
Oh. It was a very emotional play.
779
00:30:27,740 --> 00:30:29,596
Yeah, it was really special.
780
00:30:29,620 --> 00:30:31,886
I really got to see you
do your thing.
781
00:30:31,910 --> 00:30:34,426
- Mm-hmm.
- And the more I watched you,
782
00:30:34,450 --> 00:30:36,426
the more I'm convinced
783
00:30:36,450 --> 00:30:39,966
that what you did at the table
at lunch that day
784
00:30:39,990 --> 00:30:41,926
was total bullshit.
785
00:30:41,950 --> 00:30:42,784
Wow.
786
00:30:42,808 --> 00:30:45,346
Your mother didn't fall
into the subway tracks.
787
00:30:45,370 --> 00:30:47,806
That's a cock-and-bull story
if I ever heard one.
788
00:30:47,830 --> 00:30:49,466
- Give me the stole back.
- You're just being rude.
789
00:30:49,490 --> 00:30:51,756
- Carol, give me the stole.
- Get... Larry!
790
00:30:51,780 --> 00:30:53,966
Hey.
791
00:30:53,990 --> 00:30:56,256
- Hey, hey, hey. What's the problem?
- Larry, this is...
792
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:57,966
What's going on?
793
00:30:57,990 --> 00:30:59,966
Okay. She's a professional crier,
794
00:30:59,990 --> 00:31:03,506
and she conned her way
into getting that stole off me.
795
00:31:03,530 --> 00:31:06,636
- It's my mother's stole.
- Excuse me. Officer, he is mocking me.
796
00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:09,596
He gave me this stole.
My mother passed away.
797
00:31:09,620 --> 00:31:12,216
And this stole reminds me of her.
798
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:13,846
- And this is all I've got.
- Okay. You see?
799
00:31:13,870 --> 00:31:15,636
- This is the same story.
- This is the only thing I've got
800
00:31:15,660 --> 00:31:17,716
- to remember her by.
- She told me the same story about,
801
00:31:17,740 --> 00:31:19,596
about being in a subway.
802
00:31:19,620 --> 00:31:21,136
But she took that stole from me.
803
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:22,676
That's my mother's stole.
804
00:31:22,700 --> 00:31:24,136
She... I inherited that stole.
805
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,136
- She gave it to me.
- You can't take it back!
806
00:31:29,030 --> 00:31:31,506
Stop. Stop it. Hey. Hey, guy.
807
00:31:31,530 --> 00:31:33,636
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I want my stole!
808
00:31:33,660 --> 00:31:35,346
- I want... Aah!
- Hey, hey.
809
00:31:35,370 --> 00:31:36,886
Hey, what are you doing?
810
00:31:36,910 --> 00:31:39,386
- Crying?
- No, that's crying. That's not crying.
811
00:31:39,410 --> 00:31:41,386
- No, she's not!
- I'm crying!
812
00:31:41,410 --> 00:31:43,176
I'm crying, Larry!
813
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,466
- I paid her to cry like this!
- All right, let's walk it off.
814
00:31:45,490 --> 00:31:47,192
Walk it off?
She's a, she's a bullshit artist!
815
00:31:47,216 --> 00:31:48,306
Let's take a walk. I know.
816
00:31:48,330 --> 00:31:50,259
I know. Come on.
Let's walk it off.
817
00:31:50,283 --> 00:31:51,372
Thank you, Officer.
818
00:31:56,740 --> 00:31:58,630
Excuse me.
819
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,716
- Oh. Hi.
- Hi.
820
00:32:01,740 --> 00:32:04,556
I, uh... I couldn't help
noticing you out there.
821
00:32:04,580 --> 00:32:07,176
You seemed very moved.
It was very inspiring.
822
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:10,056
Oh, I mean, you inspired me.
Your performance was incredible.
823
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,716
Honestly, you were... It was amazing.
824
00:32:12,740 --> 00:32:15,386
- Wh-what's your name?
- I'm Carol.
825
00:32:15,410 --> 00:32:17,136
I'm Clive.
826
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,970
I know.
827
00:32:20,870 --> 00:32:22,136
Leon!
828
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,760
Leon, where's my jacket?
829
00:32:25,740 --> 00:32:27,340
Leon!
830
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,466
Leon!
831
00:32:33,490 --> 00:32:35,346
Leon! What the hell's going on?
832
00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:36,966
You said you were
going to deflate it.
833
00:32:36,990 --> 00:32:39,716
You know what?
I didn't get around to it. I'll...
834
00:32:39,740 --> 00:32:41,636
- Slipped my mind.
- Slipped your mind.
835
00:32:41,660 --> 00:32:43,466
- It was there, then the shit was gone.
- You know what I think?
836
00:32:43,490 --> 00:32:45,756
I think you gave it a name.
You're keeping it around the house.
837
00:32:45,780 --> 00:32:48,216
You can't get rid of this thing.
You're fuckin' her, aren't you?
838
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,886
I'm not gonna sit here and let
you do this shit to me right now.
839
00:32:49,910 --> 00:32:51,176
- Oh, you're not?
- No, I'm not.
840
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:52,636
Okay. Well, you know what?
841
00:32:52,660 --> 00:32:54,426
Say goodbye to her,
'cause I'm deflating her right now.
842
00:32:54,450 --> 00:32:56,056
- Fuck you, Larry.
- Fuck you, Leon.
843
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:57,306
Fuck you, Larry.
844
00:32:57,330 --> 00:32:58,880
Be good, Sherry.
845
00:33:17,450 --> 00:33:19,176
Mr. Larry!
846
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,096
I found your jack...
847
00:33:25,700 --> 00:33:26,926
Asco!
848
00:33:26,950 --> 00:33:28,556
- No. No. Basta!
- Oh!
849
00:33:28,580 --> 00:33:30,556
- Eres un pervertido.
- No, no, no!
850
00:33:30,580 --> 00:33:32,846
I quit! You're worse than Miss Susie!
851
00:33:32,870 --> 00:33:34,756
No, I'm just deflating her!
852
00:33:34,780 --> 00:33:36,846
No! Wait! No!
853
00:33:36,870 --> 00:33:38,430
Aah!
854
00:33:40,620 --> 00:33:42,756
Oh, my God!
855
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,930
Larry.
856
00:33:46,740 --> 00:33:48,096
Oh, God.
857
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,756
God.
858
00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:57,096
Ha-ha.
- So, here's to the play.
859
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:58,556
- Yes!
- Kon Tiki.
860
00:33:58,580 --> 00:34:00,756
- Cheers. Cheers.
- Fantastic.
861
00:34:00,780 --> 00:34:02,306
- Kon Tiki.
- Cheers.
862
00:34:02,330 --> 00:34:03,926
God, that was just...
863
00:34:03,950 --> 00:34:05,466
Hey, do me a favor.
864
00:34:05,490 --> 00:34:07,096
Just the one line from the review.
865
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,426
- Oh, no.
- Read it! Yes!
866
00:34:09,450 --> 00:34:11,386
- Come on, man.
- You should be proud!
867
00:34:12,258 --> 00:34:14,756
Want to hear it in
your beautiful, dulcet tones.
868
00:34:14,780 --> 00:34:16,096
Okay, here we go. It says,
869
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:19,176
"Clive Owen's portrayal
of Thor Heyerdahl
870
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,306
"is as nuanced, varied, and moving
871
00:34:22,330 --> 00:34:24,256
as the ocean he traversed."
872
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:25,806
- Oh.
- Fuck, yes!
873
00:34:25,830 --> 00:34:27,306
- Fuck yes!
- So good!
874
00:34:27,330 --> 00:34:28,806
Thank you, honestly.
875
00:34:28,830 --> 00:34:30,966
Thank you for making it all happen.
876
00:34:30,990 --> 00:34:33,176
- I've had the best time, honestly.
- I've had the best time.
877
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,256
Best reviews I've ever had.
878
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:36,346
And also, you know,
879
00:34:36,370 --> 00:34:38,806
it's introduced me to the most
880
00:34:38,830 --> 00:34:41,136
- beautiful, amazing woman.
- Oh.
881
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:42,926
Thank you, Clive.
882
00:34:42,950 --> 00:34:45,176
Have some more.
883
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,886
Mm. Oh, sweetie, actually, no.
I have to go to work.
884
00:34:47,910 --> 00:34:49,846
- Oh, you're leaving so soon?
- Oh, my God.
885
00:34:49,870 --> 00:34:51,506
I've been so consumed,
886
00:34:51,530 --> 00:34:52,886
I haven't even asked you what you do.
887
00:34:52,910 --> 00:34:55,216
I'm a professional crier.
888
00:34:55,240 --> 00:34:57,096
Bye, baby. Bye, guys.
889
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,760
- Thank you for everything.
- Bye, Carol.
890
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:08,720
Carol.
891
00:35:09,530 --> 00:35:10,429
Hey, baby.
892
00:35:10,453 --> 00:35:12,006
A professional crier.
What the fuck is that?
893
00:35:12,030 --> 00:35:14,886
I get paid to go to, you
know, TV shows, commercials.
894
00:35:14,910 --> 00:35:15,714
Funerals sometimes.
895
00:35:15,738 --> 00:35:17,596
You get paid to go
to funerals and cry?
896
00:35:17,620 --> 00:35:19,369
Yeah, it's my job.
It's what I do. Sometimes...
897
00:35:19,393 --> 00:35:20,428
The play.
898
00:35:20,452 --> 00:35:21,596
When you were crying in the play, was
899
00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:22,886
that, was that a job
or was that real?
900
00:35:22,910 --> 00:35:25,426
No. No, it was real.
I mean, it was 10% more,
901
00:35:25,450 --> 00:35:26,642
because that's what I'm paid,
but I would have cried...
902
00:35:26,666 --> 00:35:27,682
Did somebody pay you?
903
00:35:27,706 --> 00:35:28,846
- It was...
- Did Jeff pay you?
904
00:35:28,870 --> 00:35:31,846
- No. Honestly, I'm not gonna have...
- So all of this is fake.
905
00:35:31,870 --> 00:35:33,256
None of this has been real.
906
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:34,886
No, no, it isn't fake,
actually, Clive.
907
00:35:34,910 --> 00:35:36,716
- Isn't it?
- Yes, okay, it is fake!
908
00:35:36,740 --> 00:35:38,756
Is that what you want to hear?
It's fake!
909
00:35:38,780 --> 00:35:41,510
You... Don't go!
910
00:35:41,620 --> 00:35:43,136
Get... Leave my...
911
00:35:49,990 --> 00:35:52,306
Carol, no! Carol!
912
00:36:02,490 --> 00:36:04,220
Enjoy.
913
00:36:05,370 --> 00:36:07,510
Stay off the Internet.
914
00:37:29,240 --> 00:37:31,056
Leon! Leon! Where are you?!
915
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,426
- I'm back here!
- Look what I got!
916
00:37:33,450 --> 00:37:34,386
Ooh!
917
00:37:34,410 --> 00:37:35,596
We're gonna have some fun!
918
00:37:38,740 --> 00:37:41,716
I'm having a surprise party
for Jeff for his birthday.
919
00:37:41,740 --> 00:37:43,716
- People hate surprise parties.
- No, no, no, no.
920
00:37:43,740 --> 00:37:45,096
- That's fun? That's fun?
- Yes.
921
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:46,506
Nobody's doing...
922
00:37:47,580 --> 00:37:48,596
Why did you pass me?
923
00:37:48,620 --> 00:37:49,966
Did you hear footsteps behind you?
924
00:37:49,990 --> 00:37:52,506
I heard footsteps and then,
whoosh! Right past me.
925
00:37:52,530 --> 00:37:54,346
You should've moved over
to the right to let me pass.
926
00:37:54,370 --> 00:37:55,506
You should've given me one of these.
927
00:37:55,530 --> 00:37:59,056
- He's here!
- Surprise!
928
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,260
sync and corrections by awaqeded
www.addic7ed.com.