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00:00:01,250 --> 00:00:03,370
ADULT SHELDON: For most
students, the weekend
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00:00:03,380 --> 00:00:05,080
represented two days of fun,
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00:00:05,140 --> 00:00:07,620
freedom, and in the case of my brother,
4
00:00:07,630 --> 00:00:10,500
a chance to ignore all forms of hygiene.
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00:00:13,610 --> 00:00:15,460
[QUIETLY]: Come on, come on.
6
00:00:15,470 --> 00:00:17,370
ADULT SHELDON: To me,
however, it represented
7
00:00:17,380 --> 00:00:19,500
an unwelcome break from education.
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00:00:20,950 --> 00:00:22,100
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
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00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:23,270
[EXCITED CHATTER]
10
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,710
Whoo! Thank the Lord!
11
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,140
ADULT SHELDON: But this
wasn't a typical weekend,
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00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:30,140
because this was the weekend
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00:00:30,150 --> 00:00:32,250
I got to do my parents' taxes.
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00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:35,710
Howdy do, W-2.
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00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,590
♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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"If you were not covered
by a retirement plan,
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but your spouse was, see
the worksheet on page 14."
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Try and stop me.
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00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,620
Mom, I was going
through our expenditures
24
00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:11,120
and noticed our grocery
bills are up 12% compared
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00:01:11,130 --> 00:01:13,150
to last quarter. Any idea why?
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00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,520
There's a person at the end of
the table that eats for free.
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00:01:16,530 --> 00:01:18,730
There's a person at the
other end of the table
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00:01:18,740 --> 00:01:20,260
that eats for three.
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[LAUGHS]
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I've been buying groceries
for the church food drive.
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00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,200
I think that's it.
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00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,200
Ooh, I bet I could write that off,
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00:01:27,210 --> 00:01:30,140
including the gas it took
to drive to the grocery store
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00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:31,570
and then to the church.
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00:01:31,580 --> 00:01:33,070
With all that driving,
maybe she can count
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00:01:33,090 --> 00:01:34,360
her car as a home office.
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00:01:34,370 --> 00:01:37,290
Sounds aggressive, but I
like how you're thinking.
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00:01:37,310 --> 00:01:40,200
None of that is necessary,
it's for charity.
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00:01:40,210 --> 00:01:42,870
What's the point of charity
if there are no tax benefits?
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00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,470
Eat your peas.
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00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,740
I like how he's thinking.
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00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:47,480
You eat your peas, too.
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00:01:47,490 --> 00:01:48,780
[LAUGHS]
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00:01:51,990 --> 00:01:53,510
Dad, banking question.
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00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:54,620
What's that, buddy?
46
00:01:54,630 --> 00:01:56,250
I noticed there's a check missing.
47
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:58,040
I have a copy of check 128
48
00:01:58,050 --> 00:02:01,370
and a copy of check
130, but 129 isn't there.
49
00:02:01,380 --> 00:02:03,870
Oh, yeah, don't worry about it.
50
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,600
But I enjoy worrying;
I find it very relaxing.
51
00:02:06,610 --> 00:02:08,120
'Course you do.
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00:02:08,130 --> 00:02:09,580
I balanced the rest of the account,
53
00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:12,230
and it appears to be a check for $300.
54
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,670
All right, well, let's just put it down
55
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,000
for $300 for miscellaneous.
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00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:20,140
I've never labeled anything
miscellaneous in my life.
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00:02:20,150 --> 00:02:21,380
I'll go ask Mom.
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00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:22,980
Wait. [CHUCKLES]
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00:02:22,990 --> 00:02:26,450
I just remembered.
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00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:29,260
I gave the money to a friend.
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00:02:29,270 --> 00:02:31,290
- Who?
- It doesn't matter who.
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00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,560
Why'd you give it to them?
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00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:35,230
They needed it. It... it's like charity.
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00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,730
Ooh, another write-off, excellent.
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00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,840
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
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00:02:41,810 --> 00:02:44,870
What do you say we keep this quiet?
67
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,620
You mean like a secret?
68
00:02:46,670 --> 00:02:49,590
No, no, just, you know,
something between you and me.
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00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,700
What about Mom?
70
00:02:50,710 --> 00:02:52,600
Mom is on a need-to-know basis.
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00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:53,770
What if Mom needs to know?
72
00:02:53,780 --> 00:02:55,730
Okay, it's a secret.
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00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,160
Just trust me.
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00:02:57,170 --> 00:02:59,800
It is better for everyone if
she doesn't know about this.
75
00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:01,710
But I'm not good at keeping secrets.
76
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,810
It's not hard. Just
keep your mouth shut.
77
00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:05,540
But I'm not good at
keeping my mouth shut.
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00:03:05,550 --> 00:03:09,590
Sheldon, all you got to do is be cool.
79
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:13,260
ADULT SHELDON: "Be cool."
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00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:16,460
He might as well have asked
me to fly around the backyard.
81
00:03:18,570 --> 00:03:20,470
- Good night, baby.
- Night, Mama.
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00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,040
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
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00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:26,560
Oh, hello.
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00:03:26,570 --> 00:03:30,130
I was just brushing my
teeth like I do every night.
85
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:32,100
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] Nothing new there.
86
00:03:32,110 --> 00:03:33,440
You all right?
87
00:03:33,450 --> 00:03:35,370
Yes. I'm cool.
88
00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,180
I'm very cool.
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00:03:37,190 --> 00:03:38,810
Tell Sheldon what cool means.
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00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:40,580
Hush.
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00:03:40,590 --> 00:03:42,150
Sweet dreams.
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00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,100
Love you.
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00:03:44,110 --> 00:03:46,740
Love you, too, 'cause you're my mom.
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00:03:46,750 --> 00:03:48,310
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
95
00:03:54,770 --> 00:03:56,230
You're so weird.
96
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,260
More than usual?
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00:03:58,270 --> 00:04:01,270
No, I guess not.
98
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:02,780
Perfect.
99
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,970
ADULT SHELDON: To avoid
looking suspicious,
100
00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:09,610
I tried to interact with my
mom as little as possible.
101
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:12,780
Thankfully, it's rude to
speak with your mouth full.
102
00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:15,110
You look tired, baby. Sleep okay?
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00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,560
Mm-hmm.
104
00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:21,790
So how big a tax refund
you think we're gonna get?
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00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,890
Mm.
106
00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:26,160
- Mornin'.
- Mornin'.
107
00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:27,890
I slept in the nude last night.
108
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Felt every little breeze.
109
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Thank you for sharing that.
110
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You're welcome.
111
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,120
Fight, you cowards, fight!
112
00:04:37,130 --> 00:04:39,940
You fight, Skeletor.
113
00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:43,270
Mare, we got any batteries?!
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00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:47,050
MARY: Look in the drawer
by the refrigerator.
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ADULT SHELDON: There was only
so much food I could eat,
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so I started avoiding my
mother whenever possible.
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[GASPS]
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[WHISPERING] What are
you doing in there?
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00:04:57,470 --> 00:04:59,190
[WHISPERING]: Keeping your secret.
120
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,700
You got to pull it together.
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This is me pulling it together.
122
00:05:02,730 --> 00:05:04,660
- Pull harder.
- MARY: Find 'em?
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00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:07,320
Yeah. [CHUCKLES] Got 'em. Thanks.
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00:05:07,330 --> 00:05:09,740
You're very welcome.
Hey, have you noticed
125
00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:11,300
anything off with Sheldon?
126
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:14,640
Uh, no, no, no. Can't
say that I have. Why?
127
00:05:14,650 --> 00:05:17,840
He's been awful quiet, and, at
the risk of being indelicate,
128
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:21,250
he's gone several days
without a bowel movement.
129
00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:22,680
How do you know that?
130
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,230
Well, I was worried about him,
131
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,210
so I took a look in his potty journal.
132
00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:27,690
He's still keeping that thing, huh?
133
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:30,300
Oh, yeah, that's why he
wanted the Polaroid camera.
134
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,910
Uh, well, I'm sure he's gonna be fine,
135
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,090
uh, but I'll keep an eye on him.
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00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:37,710
- Thank you.
- You got it.
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00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,670
- [WHISPERING]: She's gone.
- SHELDON: Thank you.
138
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,280
Batteries are in this drawer.
139
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,150
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
140
00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:56,690
We got a problem.
141
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,950
I don't know how much
longer Sheldon can hold out.
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00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,390
This is why I did not
want you to write a check.
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00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,790
Well, I'm sorry, but I didn't have
144
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,260
that kind of cash lying around.
145
00:06:07,270 --> 00:06:09,560
I do not want Mary to
find out about this.
146
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,930
Well, what about Sheldon?
147
00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:13,700
The kid hasn't pooped
in days, he might pop.
148
00:06:13,710 --> 00:06:16,430
Slip a little Metamucil into
his apple juice, he'll be fine.
149
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,240
Why don't we just come clean?
150
00:06:21,050 --> 00:06:22,680
All right, sure, we could do that.
151
00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:26,380
You could rat me out to Mary and...
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00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:29,610
I could tell her what you
did at the church picnic.
153
00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:31,350
Come on.
154
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,880
Now you're just playing dirty.
155
00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:35,390
We sink or swim together, George.
156
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,890
We sink or swim together.
157
00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:46,300
Grandmas are supposed to be nice.
158
00:06:46,310 --> 00:06:48,050
What went wrong with you?
159
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,890
ADULT SHELDON: Avoiding
my mother in our own house
160
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,430
was proving to be difficult,
161
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,990
so it was time to get creative.
162
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,300
Hello. I'd like to book
a room in your hotel.
163
00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:01,870
I'd be arriving tonight.
164
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,910
No, it's just me.
165
00:07:06,020 --> 00:07:08,930
Ooh, a queen bed, that sounds fancy.
166
00:07:08,940 --> 00:07:12,850
And how much would this room cost?
167
00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:16,120
Wow. Is that per month?
168
00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:18,950
Per day?
169
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,800
By any chance, do you
have a children's rate?
170
00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:25,890
We've been friends for
a while now, haven't we?
171
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:27,960
I suppose so.
172
00:07:27,970 --> 00:07:30,600
Given that, how would you
feel about a sleepover?
173
00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:32,730
Sure. Your mom lets you watch TV.
174
00:07:32,740 --> 00:07:34,500
Jake and the Fatman is on tonight.
175
00:07:34,510 --> 00:07:36,970
I meant we could sleep at your house.
176
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,770
But you'll miss Jake and the Fatman.
177
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:41,080
Even better. So what do you say?
178
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:43,660
I'll have to ask my mom.
179
00:07:43,670 --> 00:07:46,490
Well, be sure to tell her
I'm clean, I'm well-behaved,
180
00:07:46,510 --> 00:07:47,770
and if you don't have a lot of room,
181
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:50,020
I can fit in really tight spaces.
182
00:07:54,650 --> 00:07:56,310
So your first sleepover.
183
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:57,770
Pretty exciting, huh?
184
00:07:57,780 --> 00:08:00,740
No. It's not exciting,
it's constipating,
185
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,880
and I'm only doing it to avoid Mom.
186
00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:05,430
But still, it's your first sleepover.
187
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,080
It's fun stuff.
188
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,830
Okay, I know you're having
a tough time with this,
189
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,420
but... you're doing great.
190
00:08:13,430 --> 00:08:15,790
You spend some time at Tam's house,
191
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,000
you know, clear your head,
and come back home refreshed.
192
00:08:19,010 --> 00:08:20,500
And then I can tell Mom?
193
00:08:20,510 --> 00:08:22,100
Oh, no, you can never tell Mom.
194
00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:25,070
Wouldn't it be easier to just be honest?
195
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,790
Usually, it would be, but...
196
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:31,140
sometimes the truth can hurt people.
197
00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:33,180
We wouldn't want to hurt Mom, right?
198
00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:34,240
Of course not.
199
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:35,780
Attaboy.
200
00:08:35,790 --> 00:08:37,720
[MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]
201
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:42,470
Hey, here's a funny
prank you can try tonight.
202
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,140
When Tam falls asleep, put
some shaving cream in his hand
203
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,670
and then tickle his nose.
204
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:47,680
Why?
205
00:08:47,681 --> 00:08:49,580
'Cause then he'll go to,
206
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,090
you know, scratch his nose,
207
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:53,100
and he gets shaving cream on his face.
208
00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:54,630
And then what?
209
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,170
Well... that-that's it.
210
00:08:58,180 --> 00:08:59,800
But I'm a guest in their home,
211
00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:01,500
and that doesn't seem
like a very good way
212
00:09:01,510 --> 00:09:03,040
to repay their kindness.
213
00:09:03,050 --> 00:09:05,050
Never mind.
214
00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:07,090
And what if the shaving
cream gets in his eyes?
215
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,250
That would sting.
216
00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:09,620
Sorry I mentioned it.
217
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:11,360
Also, I didn't bring
my own shaving cream.
218
00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:12,370
I'd have to use his dad's, and that...
219
00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:14,140
Forget it! [CLEARS THROAT]
220
00:09:16,130 --> 00:09:18,060
[DOORBELL RINGS]
221
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:21,540
Hello.
222
00:09:21,550 --> 00:09:23,680
Hi. You must be Mrs....
223
00:09:23,690 --> 00:09:24,980
Tam's mom.
224
00:09:24,990 --> 00:09:27,080
I'm Sheldon's dad, George Cooper.
225
00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:28,090
Nice to meet you.
226
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,640
Thanks for letting him spend the night.
227
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:31,620
It's his first sleepover. He's excited.
228
00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:33,520
Actually, I'm quite apprehens...
229
00:09:33,530 --> 00:09:35,190
He's really looking forward to it.
230
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,620
Uh, in case something
231
00:09:36,630 --> 00:09:38,490
comes up, just give us a holler.
232
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:40,760
I mean, a call. If you
hollered, we wouldn't hear you.
233
00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:41,940
[CHUCKLES]
234
00:09:42,940 --> 00:09:44,800
That-that was a joke.
235
00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:46,530
[FORCED]: Ha-ha-ha!
236
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:48,480
Okay, buddy, have fun.
237
00:09:50,580 --> 00:09:52,610
ADULT SHELDON: Visiting Tam's house
238
00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:55,790
for the first time was an
emotional roller coaster.
239
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,740
For example, it's traditional
in Vietnamese homes
240
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:01,640
to have gruesome religious
iconography near the entrance.
241
00:10:01,650 --> 00:10:03,700
I did not like that.
242
00:10:03,710 --> 00:10:05,860
However, it's also customary
243
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:07,440
to not wear shoes around the house
244
00:10:07,450 --> 00:10:09,470
for sanitary reasons.
245
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,370
I did like that.
246
00:10:11,380 --> 00:10:12,670
Interestingly,
247
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,510
one of the main ingredients
in Vietnamese cooking
248
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,120
is an extremely pungent
condiment known as fish sauce.
249
00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:21,120
I did not like that.
250
00:10:21,130 --> 00:10:23,020
But before every meal,
251
00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:26,590
it's common for everyone to
wash their hands and face.
252
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,260
I did like that.
253
00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:31,900
Forks are not customary
in a Vietnamese household.
254
00:10:31,910 --> 00:10:32,940
[GIGGLES]
255
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,990
I did not like that.
256
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,270
And instead of napkins,
there was one towel
257
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:40,850
for everyone to share at the table.
258
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,210
Seriously, what are they thinking?
259
00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:47,880
I can't help thinking how odd it is
260
00:10:47,890 --> 00:10:50,540
that Shelly volunteered
to go on a sleepover.
261
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:51,750
Oh, I don't know.
262
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,650
Hmm? He's growing up.
263
00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:56,120
It's natural for a young boy
to want to spread his wings
264
00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:57,920
a little bit, try something new.
265
00:10:57,930 --> 00:10:59,290
That's nonsense.
266
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,660
Last week, I brought home
267
00:11:00,670 --> 00:11:02,490
the Raisin Bran with
the sugar on the raisins.
268
00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:04,680
He almost lost his mind.
269
00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:06,220
If you ask me,
270
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:07,830
you're worried about nothing.
271
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,970
[SIGHS] Maybe it's me.
272
00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:12,560
Maybe I did something to upset him.
273
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:14,300
What are you talking about?
274
00:11:14,310 --> 00:11:15,320
He loves you
275
00:11:15,330 --> 00:11:16,590
like crazy.
276
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,440
Much more than he loves this one.
277
00:11:18,450 --> 00:11:19,610
It's true.
278
00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:20,810
I don't know.
279
00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:23,170
I just feel like something isn't right.
280
00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:24,880
MISSY: Mom!
281
00:11:24,890 --> 00:11:27,020
I got my hair stuck in my zipper!
282
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:29,230
That's the kid you need
to be worried about.
283
00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:34,590
[QUIETLY]: Okay, Connie,
why don't we just come clean?
284
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,690
- No.
- [SCOFFS] You heard her.
285
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:38,560
Now she's blaming herself.
286
00:11:38,570 --> 00:11:40,030
And Sheldon's so upset
287
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,370
he's-he's acting like a regular kid.
288
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:44,380
- All right, let's tell her.
- Thank you.
289
00:11:44,390 --> 00:11:46,700
But first I'm gonna tell her
what you did at the picnic.
290
00:11:46,710 --> 00:11:48,640
- Oh, Mary!
- Okay, okay, shh.
291
00:11:50,450 --> 00:11:52,810
[SIGHS]
292
00:11:52,820 --> 00:11:55,380
I don't know how much longer
we can keep this going.
293
00:11:55,390 --> 00:11:57,260
I'm willing to find out.
294
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,660
So, this game is called
Mystic Warlords of Ka'a.
295
00:12:07,670 --> 00:12:08,830
It's pretty fun.
296
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,850
There are six kinds
of secret warlords...
297
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:14,170
- Secret warlords.
- GEORGE SR.: It's a secret. Secret.
298
00:12:14,180 --> 00:12:15,380
It's a secret.
299
00:12:15,390 --> 00:12:17,300
Have you noticed
anything off with Sheldon?
300
00:12:17,310 --> 00:12:18,550
Something between me and you.
301
00:12:18,570 --> 00:12:20,440
Mom is on a need-to-know basis.
302
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:22,170
I took a little look
in his potty journal.
303
00:12:22,180 --> 00:12:24,650
- It's a secret.
- Several days without a bowel movement.
304
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,310
- TAM: Sheldon.
- Secret. Secret.
305
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,390
- A secret.
- TAM: Sheldon.
306
00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:29,750
Did you hear anything I said?
307
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,960
Sorry, I was reliving
a traumatic experience.
308
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,060
What do you mean?
309
00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:40,490
Tam, I have a secret
that's weighing on me,
310
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,190
and I need to tell someone.
311
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,530
Okay. Tell me.
312
00:12:43,540 --> 00:12:45,500
But I promised I wouldn't.
313
00:12:45,510 --> 00:12:47,400
Okay. Then don't.
314
00:12:47,410 --> 00:12:49,400
But it's driving me crazy.
315
00:12:49,410 --> 00:12:50,710
Too bad you're not Catholic.
316
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,310
You could confess it to a priest.
317
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,540
That's a great idea.
318
00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:56,940
You're Catholic. I'll confess it to you.
319
00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:58,240
I'm not a priest.
320
00:12:58,250 --> 00:12:59,340
I'm not a Catholic.
321
00:12:59,350 --> 00:13:01,040
It makes perfect sense.
322
00:13:01,050 --> 00:13:04,050
Okay, whenever you're ready.
323
00:13:04,060 --> 00:13:06,520
What are you doing?
324
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,720
I'm assuming the position.
325
00:13:08,730 --> 00:13:10,320
Okay.
326
00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:13,110
Forgive me, Tam, for I have sinned.
327
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,060
This is my first confession.
328
00:13:15,070 --> 00:13:17,360
I forgive you, my son.
329
00:13:17,370 --> 00:13:21,930
I was doing my parents' taxes
and noticed a check was missing.
330
00:13:21,940 --> 00:13:23,600
- I asked my father about it...
- ADULT SHELDON: As I walked Tam
331
00:13:23,610 --> 00:13:25,400
through the whole sordid affair,
332
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:28,140
I could feel a weight
lifting off my shoulders.
333
00:13:28,150 --> 00:13:30,950
It was a relief to
finally unburden myself
334
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,410
of this deception.
335
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,080
By the time I reached the end,
336
00:13:34,090 --> 00:13:36,350
I felt like a new person.
337
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,380
That's the whole story.
338
00:13:38,390 --> 00:13:40,720
Cool. Can we play now?
339
00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:42,910
And now that my conscience
had been cleared,
340
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,490
my colon was ready to do the same.
341
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:48,270
Excuse me. I need to use your bathroom!
342
00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:51,550
[DOOR CREAKS CLOSED]
343
00:13:53,770 --> 00:13:56,530
Thank you for letting
me sleep in your bed.
344
00:13:56,540 --> 00:13:59,950
My father taught me that we
must always honor our guests
345
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,900
and treat them with the utmost courtesy.
346
00:14:01,910 --> 00:14:04,850
The Vietnamese are a
very welcoming people.
347
00:14:04,950 --> 00:14:07,920
Yeah, that hasn't
always worked out for us.
348
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,580
[GRUNTS]
349
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:15,220
Do you think your dad would ever ask you
350
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,260
to keep a secret from your mom?
351
00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:18,290
Oh, no.
352
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,650
He's so honest, it's annoying.
353
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,350
Enough talking.
354
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,300
Sleep now.
355
00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:28,160
She's just annoying.
356
00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:30,110
♪ ♪
357
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,430
Well, you did it.
358
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,220
[GRUNTS]
359
00:14:39,230 --> 00:14:41,330
How was your first sleepover?
360
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,930
They feed you any weird food?
361
00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:48,800
When I was in 'Nam, we ate
fish soup for breakfast.
362
00:14:48,810 --> 00:14:49,830
[CHUCKLES]
363
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,970
Sheldon, I'm talking to you.
364
00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:54,440
Well, I'm not talking to you.
365
00:14:54,450 --> 00:14:56,310
Okay, what's going on?
366
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,780
After having my first good
night's sleep in a week,
367
00:14:58,790 --> 00:15:00,810
I woke up with a fresh perspective.
368
00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,080
And that is...?
369
00:15:02,090 --> 00:15:04,280
It was irresponsible of you
370
00:15:04,290 --> 00:15:06,050
to burden me with that secret.
371
00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:08,820
Sheldon, we've been
through this. [STAMMERS]
372
00:15:08,830 --> 00:15:10,350
It's complicated.
373
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,790
While I may not look up to you
from an intellectual standpoint,
374
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,000
I've always looked up
to you as a role model.
375
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,340
I can't do that anymore.
376
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:26,940
And don't worry... We made a deal.
377
00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:29,530
I'll continue to keep your secret.
378
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,070
♪ ♪
379
00:15:35,410 --> 00:15:37,060
[ENGINE STARTS]
380
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,170
[BIRDS SINGING]
381
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,140
Hey.
382
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,160
What's up?
383
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:45,610
Um, I need to tell you something.
384
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:46,810
What did you do?
385
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,740
[SIGHS] When Sheldon
was doing our taxes,
386
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,460
he noticed a missing check.
387
00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:52,530
What did you do?
388
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,500
Before I answer, do you trust me enough
389
00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:56,370
to understand it was for a good reason
390
00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:57,880
and j-just leave it at that?
391
00:16:00,970 --> 00:16:02,360
[GULPS]
392
00:16:02,370 --> 00:16:04,260
What did you do?
393
00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:06,280
It's all your mother's
fault. She is a bad person.
394
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:08,150
I've been telling you for years.
395
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,780
What did you do?
396
00:16:09,790 --> 00:16:11,600
Okay, now, before I answer that...
397
00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:13,240
Just tell me what you did.
398
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,720
I got a DWI.
399
00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:16,380
Mom!
400
00:16:16,390 --> 00:16:18,020
It's not as bad as it sounds.
401
00:16:18,030 --> 00:16:20,420
How is driving drunk not bad?
402
00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:22,030
I wasn't exactly driving.
403
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,360
I don't follow.
404
00:16:24,370 --> 00:16:26,630
I was at the dog track with Georgie,
405
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:27,980
and I had a few...
406
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,520
Georgie?
407
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,920
With God as my witness,
408
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:33,420
I've never been to the
dog track in my life.
409
00:16:33,430 --> 00:16:35,420
[QUIETLY]: She knows.
410
00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:36,960
Oh, I've been there a bunch.
411
00:16:36,970 --> 00:16:39,290
Will someone please
tell me what happened?
412
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:42,700
Okay, me and Meemaw were
in the bar at the track...
413
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,630
You took him to a bar?
414
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:45,800
He wasn't drinking.
415
00:16:45,810 --> 00:16:48,010
She had a few too many margaritas,
416
00:16:48,020 --> 00:16:49,270
so I drove us home.
417
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,000
But you don't have a license.
418
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,750
That's why we swapped places
after the cop pulled us over.
419
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,120
Oh, dear Lord.
420
00:16:55,130 --> 00:16:56,580
I had nothing to do with this part.
421
00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:58,480
- Shut up.
- Will do.
422
00:16:58,490 --> 00:16:59,880
MEEMAW: I didn't want Georgie
423
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:01,050
to get into trouble,
424
00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:02,610
so I got behind the wheel
425
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:04,430
before the cop walked up.
426
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,090
And then I got arrested, and, uh,
427
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,730
he bailed me out.
428
00:17:08,740 --> 00:17:11,130
So you all thought you
should keep this from me?
429
00:17:11,140 --> 00:17:12,690
- Absolutely.
- 100%.
430
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,830
Okay, here's what's gonna happen: you
431
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,500
and you are staying at her house
432
00:17:16,510 --> 00:17:18,250
until I say otherwise.
433
00:17:18,260 --> 00:17:20,570
One could argue I was
the hero in this story.
434
00:17:20,580 --> 00:17:23,570
You went gambling and you
drove without a license
435
00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:25,090
and you lied to my face.
436
00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:26,460
Heroically.
437
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,120
Go.
438
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:35,540
I love everything about this.
439
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,210
I'm guessing you're mad at me.
440
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:41,680
Aw, forget about it.
441
00:17:41,690 --> 00:17:43,480
I appreciate you not...
442
00:17:43,490 --> 00:17:45,980
ratting me out about the picnic.
443
00:17:45,990 --> 00:17:48,920
Well, we had a deal.
444
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:52,520
Besides, your marriage is
already hanging by a thread.
445
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,120
It is dangling there.
446
00:17:54,130 --> 00:17:57,460
All right, well, I'm gonna turn in.
447
00:17:57,470 --> 00:17:59,000
Mmm.
448
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,370
Good night.
449
00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:03,170
Night!
450
00:18:06,930 --> 00:18:09,370
[PHONE RINGS]
451
00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:10,500
Hello?
452
00:18:10,510 --> 00:18:12,110
MEEMAW: So, get a load of this.
453
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:14,440
Last church picnic, your husband
454
00:18:14,450 --> 00:18:16,390
snuck in a six-pack,
455
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,850
polished off the whole thing,
456
00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:19,910
then went to wait in
line for the bathroom...
457
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,450
Hey.
458
00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:23,150
You got an extra toothbrush?
459
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,520
Under the sink, darlin'.
460
00:18:24,530 --> 00:18:25,690
Thanks.
461
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:28,260
You got it.
462
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:32,680
So then the big gorilla decides
he doesn't want to wait in line,
463
00:18:32,690 --> 00:18:35,670
so he stumbles over to
the church vegetable garden
464
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:40,030
and proceeds to irrigate
the whole damn thing.
465
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,500
I've eaten those vegetables.
466
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:45,190
Sweet dreams. [LAUGHS]
467
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:48,360
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