1 00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:03,755 Previously on Young Sheldon... 2 00:00:04,130 --> 00:00:06,341 Billy! Mr. Cooper's here! 3 00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,051 How you doing? 4 00:00:09,427 --> 00:00:11,429 Do not look under that rock. 5 00:00:13,139 --> 00:00:14,516 But I appreciate you asking. 6 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:18,728 Hey, you got rejected, but was it the end of the world? 7 00:00:19,229 --> 00:00:20,230 No. 8 00:00:20,355 --> 00:00:22,524 And that is extremely valuable information. 9 00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:25,360 And honestly, you dodged a bullet with Missy. 10 00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:27,820 The girl is mean. 11 00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:29,781 Thanks. 12 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,248 Come on, Missy! 13 00:00:38,957 --> 00:00:40,291 - Hey. - Hey. 14 00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:43,127 Came to see your man be a leader of little people, huh? 15 00:00:43,378 --> 00:00:45,797 I came to see my granddaughter pitch. 16 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,549 Under my leadership. 17 00:00:47,632 --> 00:00:49,193 All right, Cooper, let's see what you got. 18 00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,497 - Come on, girl. - Come on, baby. 19 00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:55,848 God, shake it off. You got this. 20 00:01:00,979 --> 00:01:02,689 What the hell was that? 21 00:01:02,772 --> 00:01:04,315 Well, there's some leadership. 22 00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:09,611 Time. 23 00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:10,613 Cooper. 24 00:01:12,282 --> 00:01:13,282 Cooper? 25 00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:14,909 What is the problem? 26 00:01:14,993 --> 00:01:16,911 The ball isn't going where it's supposed to. 27 00:01:16,995 --> 00:01:18,079 I saw that. 28 00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:19,664 What am I doing wrong? 29 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,709 Just a little case of the yips. It happens. 30 00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:23,668 What's that? 31 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:27,213 The yips. You know, it's when you're thinking about stuff in your head, 32 00:01:27,297 --> 00:01:29,132 and something you've done a million times, 33 00:01:29,215 --> 00:01:30,258 you can't do it anymore. 34 00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:31,676 Even the pros get it. 35 00:01:32,594 --> 00:01:34,053 How do I get rid of it? 36 00:01:34,429 --> 00:01:36,264 Oh, just don't think about it. 37 00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,057 Okay. 38 00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:42,145 Come on, girl. 39 00:01:43,605 --> 00:01:45,940 Don't think, just throw. 40 00:01:46,024 --> 00:01:47,191 Come on, Missy! 41 00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:52,989 I hate the little people. 42 00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:21,351 Damn it! 43 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,227 Brenda? 44 00:02:23,645 --> 00:02:24,646 What? 45 00:02:24,771 --> 00:02:26,189 Everything okay over there? 46 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:27,814 Oh, yeah. 47 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:29,817 Okay. 48 00:02:31,361 --> 00:02:32,361 Damn it! 49 00:02:33,363 --> 00:02:34,739 Okay. Give her a go. 50 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:39,619 You're a lifesaver. 51 00:02:40,912 --> 00:02:42,038 It's a gift. 52 00:02:42,914 --> 00:02:45,124 Can I offer you a beer and some thank-you cobbler? 53 00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:47,168 Weren't you on your way somewhere? 54 00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:48,586 Weight Watchers. 55 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,508 - What do you say? - Sure. 56 00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:57,679 Do guys ever go to those Weight Watchers meetings? 57 00:02:58,096 --> 00:03:00,098 Yeah, but they're all fat. 58 00:03:02,058 --> 00:03:04,769 Of all the tests one takes in school, 59 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,105 my favorite was the midterm. 60 00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:10,942 Finals weren't bad, but they also meant summer was approaching. 61 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,527 I don't believe in religion, 62 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:16,656 but sunshine, picnics, and pool parties are proof hell exists. 63 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:30,044 Why are you trying to hit me? 64 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,671 I'm trying to hit the target. 65 00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:32,921 It's over there. 66 00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,257 I know, dingus. 67 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,971 - I thought you were good at this. - I was. 68 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:42,515 Coach Dale says I have the yips. 69 00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,308 It's not contagious, is it? 70 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:46,811 No, it happens in sports. 71 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,063 Suddenly, you can't do a thing that used to be easy. 72 00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:50,773 It doesn't sound real. 73 00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:52,692 Then why can't I pitch anymore? 74 00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:54,736 Ooh. Perhaps it's the onset of puberty 75 00:03:54,819 --> 00:03:56,904 and the hysterical mood swings that go with it. 76 00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:58,614 Dingus, house. 77 00:03:58,740 --> 00:04:00,324 You're only proving my point. 78 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,831 Billy won an award? 79 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:08,624 Participation. 80 00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:10,209 Big whoop. 81 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,502 I guess it's something. 82 00:04:11,586 --> 00:04:13,421 Well, he ain't the sharpest pencil in the box, 83 00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:15,089 but he's the sweetest kid I know. 84 00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:17,508 Well, Sheldon is the sharpest pencil. 85 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:21,345 Sometimes I'd just like to shove his head in that box. 86 00:04:22,889 --> 00:04:24,974 - Where's your trash? - Everywhere. 87 00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:27,310 - But the basket's under the sink. - Hmm. 88 00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:32,982 Do you know your faucet's leaking? 89 00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:35,359 Yeah, this whole place is falling apart. 90 00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:38,696 Yeah, I'll come over another time, take care of it. 91 00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:40,448 You know, you don't have to do that. 92 00:04:40,907 --> 00:04:41,907 One more? 93 00:04:43,201 --> 00:04:44,452 I should get going. 94 00:04:45,703 --> 00:04:46,788 Well, thanks again. 95 00:04:49,874 --> 00:04:50,874 Want to buy a house? 96 00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:55,421 Hey, where you been? 97 00:04:56,589 --> 00:04:59,258 Brenda was having car trouble, just giving her a hand. 98 00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:02,178 That's nice. I'm sure it's hard being by herself. 99 00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:04,680 Yeah, that whole house is in need of repair. 100 00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:06,724 I hope you offered to help her out. 101 00:05:06,808 --> 00:05:08,684 I did. She said no. 102 00:05:08,768 --> 00:05:12,605 Well, that's just her being proud. Of course she wants your help. 103 00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:16,859 I guess sometime I'll pop over. 104 00:05:16,943 --> 00:05:18,069 Good. 105 00:05:19,195 --> 00:05:22,657 And when you go, hitch up your pants. There's a lot going on when you squat. 106 00:05:24,075 --> 00:05:26,786 All right, you have 45 minutes to complete the test. 107 00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:28,329 Eyes on your own paper and... 108 00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:31,165 Yes, Sheldon, if you finish early, you can take it again. 109 00:05:31,833 --> 00:05:34,001 And begin. 110 00:05:34,252 --> 00:05:35,127 And I was off. 111 00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:37,004 I flew through wave functions. 112 00:05:37,088 --> 00:05:39,006 I dominated harmonic oscillators. 113 00:05:39,090 --> 00:05:41,175 The only challenging part of this exam 114 00:05:41,259 --> 00:05:43,511 was trying to balance the desire to finish quickly 115 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:46,639 with the urge to stop and smell my freshly sharpened pencil. 116 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,640 Mmm. 117 00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:50,226 I was in the zone. 118 00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:51,978 Only one question left. 119 00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:55,147 All I needed to do was solve Schrodinger's equation 120 00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:57,692 in a cylindrical well by employing the zeroes 121 00:05:57,775 --> 00:06:00,111 of the Bessel function, which, of course, were... 122 00:06:01,571 --> 00:06:02,989 Wait. What are they? 123 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,241 Come on. You know this. 124 00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:06,868 You've done it a million times. 125 00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:09,787 Oh, dear. 126 00:06:18,713 --> 00:06:21,007 All right, Sheldon, time to turn in your test. 127 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:22,300 I'm not done yet. 128 00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:26,512 I know you like to add your own "better" questions at the end, 129 00:06:26,596 --> 00:06:28,306 but for the last time, I don't count them. 130 00:06:28,890 --> 00:06:30,808 I just need a few more minutes on this problem. 131 00:06:30,892 --> 00:06:32,184 That's an easy one. 132 00:06:32,268 --> 00:06:34,028 Just apply the zeroes of the Bessel function. 133 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,479 I know what I have to do. 134 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:36,856 Is this a tantrum? 135 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,858 I've heard children your age like to throw them. 136 00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:42,486 I can't remember what the zeroes of the Bessel function are. 137 00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:43,738 You didn't memorize them? 138 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,865 Of course I did. October 7th, 1988. 139 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,575 I just had a bowl of Teddy Grahams. 140 00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:48,951 Then what's the problem? 141 00:06:49,911 --> 00:06:52,496 I'm blanking... but I'll get it. 142 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:53,664 Sorry, son, class is over. 143 00:06:53,748 --> 00:06:54,874 No, I can do this. 144 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,251 It's just one question. You'll still pass. 145 00:06:57,335 --> 00:06:59,503 Sheldon Cooper doesn't just pass. 146 00:07:00,171 --> 00:07:02,256 I have an idea. Let me see the test. 147 00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:04,466 Thank you. 148 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,094 Sheldon Cooper isn't always that gullible. 149 00:07:07,178 --> 00:07:08,387 He was today. 150 00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:14,268 All right. 151 00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:16,020 Almost there. 152 00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:18,022 Hand me a screwdriver. 153 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,942 Don't stick this in an outlet, it really tingles. 154 00:07:21,943 --> 00:07:24,070 - We had an incident. - Yeah. 155 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,823 You know what? Why don't you fix it? 156 00:07:27,907 --> 00:07:28,908 - Really? - Really? 157 00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,618 Yeah. You see that little screw there? 158 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,495 Just go ahead and tighten her up. 159 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,580 - Like this? - Yeah. 160 00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:36,581 What now? 161 00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,626 Run outside and turn the water back on. 162 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,003 Here, I'm not allowed to run with this. 163 00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:43,673 We've had a lot of incidents. 164 00:07:45,383 --> 00:07:47,176 Who knew you were so handy? 165 00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,428 Yeah. There's just things guys need to be good at. 166 00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,097 What else are you good at? 167 00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:55,559 I should go. 168 00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:02,650 Hey, pretty lady. 169 00:08:03,234 --> 00:08:05,069 - Are you drinking already? - No. 170 00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:07,738 Can't a guy give his wife a compliment? 171 00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:09,281 Do I have to smell your breath? 172 00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:11,117 How about a kiss instead? 173 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,660 What is with you? 174 00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:15,287 I don't know. Kids aren't home. 175 00:08:16,706 --> 00:08:18,791 Now? I'm doing laundry. 176 00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,334 Laundry can wait. 177 00:08:20,418 --> 00:08:21,585 So can your thing. 178 00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:23,671 I'd like to think of it as our thing, 179 00:08:23,796 --> 00:08:26,465 but if you only have time for my thing, that's fine, too. 180 00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:27,883 You're being weird. 181 00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:30,094 Weird-sexy? 182 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,095 No. 183 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,388 Headed to the bedroom? 184 00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:33,471 No. 185 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:34,974 Just checking. 186 00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:39,937 Missy. 187 00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:41,897 You gave me your yips. 188 00:08:41,981 --> 00:08:42,981 What? 189 00:08:43,024 --> 00:08:45,151 I froze on a test. That's never happened before. 190 00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:46,235 It's all your fault. 191 00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,903 I told you, it's not contagious. 192 00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:50,823 You put the thought in my head. The power of suggestion is very real. 193 00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,950 Case in point, Tulip Mania. 194 00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:54,243 Here we go. 195 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,037 Tulip Mania was an insane desire 196 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,164 to buy and trade tulip bulbs in the1600s. 197 00:08:58,247 --> 00:08:59,707 It nearly ruined the Dutch economy. 198 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,959 You would not believe the guilders they were spending. 199 00:09:02,043 --> 00:09:03,878 How can you remember this stupid information, 200 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,254 but not the stuff on your test? 201 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,756 You tell me. They're your yips. 202 00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:09,759 Sheldon, if I knew how to make it stop, I would tell you. 203 00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:10,926 You better. 204 00:09:12,053 --> 00:09:14,513 Maybe it's puberty making you all emotional. 205 00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,599 I checked my armpits. Smooth as balloons. 206 00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:18,017 Ugh. 207 00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:21,520 Hey. 208 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,106 What's your problem? 209 00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:26,400 - I don't want to talk about it. - Great. 210 00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:28,277 I had a mental block on a test, 211 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,488 and it was something that I absolutely know how to do. 212 00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,074 You know, that sort of thing happens in sports, too. 213 00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:34,366 I know, it's called the yips, 214 00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:36,952 and it's a very silly name for a very serious problem. 215 00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:40,206 Well, the best thing to do is get out of your head. 216 00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:42,291 How do I do that? 217 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,834 You just turn your brain off. 218 00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:46,420 It's like I'm not even your son. 219 00:09:47,088 --> 00:09:49,965 Look, I know you don't respect what I do as a coach... 220 00:09:50,049 --> 00:09:51,425 Maybe you do know me. 221 00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:54,311 ...but this is a thing I actually know about. 222 00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:56,263 I've seen it happen to my players, 223 00:09:56,347 --> 00:09:59,225 I've seen it happen to pros in golf, in baseball. 224 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,227 The answer's always the same. 225 00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,771 Stop thinking and get out of your own way. 226 00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,023 I don't know how to do that. 227 00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,443 Have you ever heard the Nike slogan, "Just do it"? 228 00:10:09,944 --> 00:10:12,947 I'm familiar with the phrase "Let's do it" uttered by Gary Gilmore, 229 00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,991 the last person to be executed by firing squad in America. 230 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:22,373 Okay, well, it's a shoe slogan, and it's good advice. 231 00:10:22,498 --> 00:10:24,291 The answer's already in your head. 232 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,670 Don't think so hard. Just do it. 233 00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:30,672 I'll try. 234 00:10:31,382 --> 00:10:32,383 Good man. 235 00:10:32,967 --> 00:10:35,469 Another fun footwear slogan is, "I'm Buster Brown. 236 00:10:35,553 --> 00:10:38,889 I live in a shoe. That's my dog Tige. Look for him there, too." 237 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,933 Hmm. I think mine's more helpful. 238 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,518 Well, mine rhymes, so... 239 00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,440 I decided to heed my father's advice. 240 00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:51,068 I wasn't sure how to turn off my brain. 241 00:10:51,152 --> 00:10:53,529 Thankfully, I lived with an expert. 242 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,280 What's up? 243 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,700 I've never really thought about not thinking before. 244 00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:59,451 Well, I'm asking you to think about it. 245 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,871 But I thought you were interested in not thinking. 246 00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:03,714 I am. I want you to think about not thinking, 247 00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:04,987 and then teach me how to do it. 248 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:05,916 Do what? 249 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,084 Not think. 250 00:11:07,877 --> 00:11:08,878 All right. 251 00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,132 This is tough. 252 00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:16,218 I'm good at not thinking, but I don't think I can teach you 253 00:11:16,302 --> 00:11:17,720 how to not think without thinking. 254 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:20,097 Well, thank you for trying. 255 00:11:20,181 --> 00:11:23,225 Hold on. What if you're thinking about something else instead? 256 00:11:23,309 --> 00:11:25,186 Would that count as thinking, or not thinking? 257 00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:29,190 I suppose it's similar to the mantras extolled by the sages of the East. 258 00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:32,067 It's a practice that Swami Vivekananda called japa yoga, 259 00:11:32,151 --> 00:11:35,654 and it's intended to bring out a single-pointedness of concentration. 260 00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:39,158 Sorry, I zoned out. 261 00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:40,534 Ooh, tell me how. 262 00:11:40,618 --> 00:11:42,369 Let's see, you were blabbering, 263 00:11:42,453 --> 00:11:45,164 it all started to blur together, and I was gone. 264 00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:47,124 At what point did it start to happen? 265 00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:48,792 I don't know, say it again. 266 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,003 I said, I suppose it's similar to the mantras 267 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:52,922 extolled by the sages of the East. 268 00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:56,133 It's a practice that Swami Vivekananda called japa yoga... 269 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,186 That is wild. 270 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:14,610 The next day, 271 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:19,156 armed with the sage advice of my father, my brother, and an executed murderer, 272 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:20,560 I was allowed to retake the test. 273 00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:24,078 You have 45 minutes starting now. 274 00:12:25,496 --> 00:12:26,705 Okay, just do it. 275 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,915 Just do it. 276 00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,875 Just turn your brain off and do it. 277 00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,378 Is it off? Am I doing it? 278 00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:34,922 Wait, if I'm thinking it's off, then it must still be on. 279 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,131 I'm trying too hard. 280 00:12:36,215 --> 00:12:37,967 Don't overthink. Just do it. 281 00:12:38,384 --> 00:12:40,261 Just do it. Just... 282 00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:41,637 Time's up. 283 00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:44,598 But I didn't do it. 284 00:12:44,682 --> 00:12:46,725 Waste my morning? You did it. 285 00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:49,728 That toilet won't stop running. 286 00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:51,063 You tried jiggling the handle? 287 00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:52,690 I jiggled it, wiggled it, 288 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,275 damn-near had a baby with it. 289 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,257 Yeah, let me take a look. 290 00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:58,599 I was fixing to put some dinner on if you care to join me. 291 00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:01,448 I don't wanna put you out. 292 00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:03,158 It's just frozen lasagna. 293 00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:07,246 But I'm going oven instead of microwave, because you're company. 294 00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:09,540 What are you doing? 295 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:10,873 What do you mean? 296 00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:12,876 You know what I mean. 297 00:13:14,712 --> 00:13:17,673 I was just trying to thank you. 298 00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:20,276 And you're the one who offered to come over here and fix things. 299 00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:21,552 I was being nice. 300 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:22,636 So was I. 301 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,305 Maybe a little too nice. 302 00:13:24,722 --> 00:13:26,265 There is no pleasing you. 303 00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,508 I don't need this here. I can get fighting at my house. 304 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:30,352 Then maybe you should go back to your house. 305 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,522 Mom, can you help with my homework? 306 00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:34,898 There in a sec. 307 00:13:36,442 --> 00:13:37,609 You leaving? 308 00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:39,503 - Are you going to fix the toilet? - No. 309 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:41,322 - Then I guess I'm not leaving. - Thank you. 310 00:13:41,405 --> 00:13:43,365 - Lasagna? - Small piece. Mary's making tacos. 311 00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:44,449 Okay. 312 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:47,286 Trying to outsmart my own thought patterns 313 00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:48,912 proved to be challenging. 314 00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,748 It's understandable. 315 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,792 As smart as I was, I was also that smart. 316 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:57,755 I wondered if I could invent a mind control device, 317 00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:01,342 but that sounded a little too "mwahahaha" even for me. 318 00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:04,178 It turned out, the device I was looking for 319 00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:06,555 had been in my presence the entire time. 320 00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:07,723 Television. 321 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:11,518 It had been tranquilizing the minds of America's youth for generations. 322 00:14:11,602 --> 00:14:13,312 And it was just what I needed. 323 00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,396 Lift off. 324 00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,065 Too interesting. 325 00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:18,650 Too violent. 326 00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:19,860 Why, you... 327 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,154 Huh. I don't think so. 328 00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,574 Now then, let's build us a little cloud. 329 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:27,493 Clouds are very free. 330 00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:28,952 Very, very free. 331 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,790 Tell you what. Shoot, that was so much fun, let's get crazy. 332 00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:35,709 - Maybe... - Who's this bohemian? 333 00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:40,005 If you can have any job in the high school, what would it be? 334 00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:42,341 I don't know. Why? 335 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:46,470 Sometimes I look at the janitor pushing around that buffing machine. 336 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,347 That thing looks like a blast. 337 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:50,974 He doesn't wear a tie, 338 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,768 no fights with the school board. 339 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:57,189 Vomit and feces aside, he's... he's living the dream. 340 00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:00,651 Hello. Am I boring you? 341 00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:03,779 Sorry. I'm a little distracted. 342 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:05,531 Trouble at home? 343 00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,450 Something like that. 344 00:15:08,534 --> 00:15:09,774 Mmm. You want to talk about it? 345 00:15:11,537 --> 00:15:12,538 No. 346 00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:15,082 Tell me about your fun bachelor life. 347 00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:19,545 Well, as of last week, I officially tasted every Campbell soup. 348 00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:23,215 Come on, Tom. I'm trying to live vicariously here. 349 00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,800 There's got to be something good. 350 00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:28,137 Let's see. I go hunting and fishing whenever I feel like it. 351 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:29,388 Now you're getting somewhere. 352 00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:32,599 Spend my money on whatever I want. 353 00:15:33,142 --> 00:15:34,435 What was the last thing you got? 354 00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,645 Foreman fight on pay-per-view. 355 00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:40,399 I ate a bucket of chicken and watched it in my underwear. 356 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,151 - You lucky bastard. - Uh-huh. 357 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:44,570 What about women? 358 00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:46,947 Honestly... 359 00:15:47,823 --> 00:15:50,409 it's tough to meet people at this age. 360 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,744 Come on, charming fellow like you? 361 00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,915 Sadly, this is the best night out I've had in a long time. 362 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,417 Yeah, me, too. 363 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:03,172 But if you know anybody, send them my way. 364 00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:08,385 Yeah, I'll think about it. 365 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:12,556 Do you ever eat chicken in your underwear? 366 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,765 What do you think? 367 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:15,893 - Yes. - Yes. 368 00:16:16,268 --> 00:16:18,068 Making a gorgeous little mountain. 369 00:16:18,729 --> 00:16:21,565 Little stand of evergreens that lives right in here. 370 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,442 I didn't know Richard Simmons can paint. 371 00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:26,737 His name's Bob Ross, and he's oddly hypnotic. 372 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,197 You're gonna paint? 373 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,781 No, I just like watching him. 374 00:16:29,865 --> 00:16:32,743 I can't explain it, but his voice and demeanor are comforting. 375 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,161 Like a hot beverage. 376 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:35,245 Let's get crazy. 377 00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:38,749 And once again, just pull it out. Just like we did the other one. 378 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,333 Yawn. 379 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,337 Barely touch. Whisper. 380 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,590 Just whisper-light. Let it go. 381 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:49,092 Let it go. No pressure. 382 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,720 The yips are a cruel mistress, 383 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:55,140 but thanks to a magical man with a halo of curls, 384 00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:59,061 I was finally able to relax and get out of my own head. 385 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,981 Instead of freezing up, I thought about happy integers, 386 00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,609 fluffy little formulas, 387 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,820 and a sweet Bessel function thatjust wants me to do my very best. 388 00:17:08,904 --> 00:17:09,947 Done. 389 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,865 Great. I can still make my doubles match. 390 00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:12,949 Get out. 391 00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:22,417 Damn it. 392 00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:24,127 Hold it. Time. Time. Time. 393 00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:26,880 I don't know what I'm doing wrong. 394 00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:28,764 Oh, don't worry about it, it's not your fault. 395 00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:29,925 It isn't? 396 00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:32,844 No, I'm the one that let a girl pitch. It's my mistake. 397 00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:35,305 What? I've won so many games. 398 00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:36,557 Oh, that was then. 399 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,350 Why are you being so mean? 400 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:41,061 Well, why are you getting so emotional, like women do? 401 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,188 Maybe you ought to be a cheerleader. 402 00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:44,982 You trying to make me mad? 403 00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,692 - Is it working? - Yeah. 404 00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:50,153 Well, I'll tell you what. Picture my face in the catcher's mitt. 405 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,573 - What? - Do I have to dumb it down for you? 406 00:17:52,656 --> 00:17:54,908 Just do what I tell you. 407 00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:57,410 Okay! 408 00:17:57,578 --> 00:17:58,662 Come on, girl, let's do it! 409 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,905 - Hey, batter, batter, batter! - Come on! 410 00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:05,335 - Strike! - Yes! 411 00:18:05,419 --> 00:18:08,463 Don't get all hysterical, little girl. 412 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,091 - You suck. - You suck. 413 00:18:11,425 --> 00:18:12,926 No, you suck! 414 00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:15,345 Strike. 415 00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:18,265 I am the leader of the little people.