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00:00:00,044 --> 00:00:05,344
Curb Your Enthusiasm 7x09
The Table Read
Original Air Date on November 15, 2009
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00:00:05,345 --> 00:00:07,679
( theme music playing )
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00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:12,080
-- Sync, HI corrected by elderman --
-- for addic7ed.com --
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- ( Julia laughing )
- uh-huh.
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00:00:19,192 --> 00:00:22,061
- Unbelievable, right?
- Is this insane?
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00:00:22,095 --> 00:00:25,564
- Larry, it's exactly the same.
- Exactly the same.
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00:00:25,598 --> 00:00:27,766
- Yeah, crazy.
- I mean, my gosh.
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00:00:27,801 --> 00:00:29,268
It's like going
back in time
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00:00:29,302 --> 00:00:32,037
or never leaving
the past or something.
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00:00:32,072 --> 00:00:33,539
- Right?
- Yes.
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00:00:33,573 --> 00:00:35,040
- It is.
- Yeah.
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00:00:35,075 --> 00:00:37,576
So you and Cheryl
are back together or...
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00:00:37,610 --> 00:00:39,645
What's happening there?
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00:00:39,679 --> 00:00:42,381
No no, it's strictly
professional.
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00:00:42,415 --> 00:00:44,183
Oh, wow.
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00:00:44,217 --> 00:00:48,754
I had no, you know, idea
that she was an actress.
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00:00:48,788 --> 00:00:52,057
- Yeah, she acts.
- Yeah, it's great.
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00:00:54,127 --> 00:00:56,995
What has she done?
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00:00:57,030 --> 00:01:00,732
You know,
I don't know.
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- She's done some stuff.
I'm not sure--
- oh, really?
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00:01:03,069 --> 00:01:06,105
Yeah.
I don't know exactly.
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00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,843
- We should get started.
- Okay, yeah, let's do it.
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00:01:13,847 --> 00:01:17,549
Hey, Larry.
I want you to meet
my daughter, Emma.
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00:01:17,584 --> 00:01:19,084
- Say hi to Larry.
- Hi, Larry.
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00:01:19,119 --> 00:01:20,686
- Hi.
- I'm Emma.
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00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,888
- Hi, Emma.
Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
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00:01:22,922 --> 00:01:26,525
- How come you don't have
red hair like your mom?
- My daddy's blond.
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- Do you want
to give him a hug?
- Yeah, sure.
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00:01:28,361 --> 00:01:30,462
- She's been dying
to meet you.
- Oh, wow, really?
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00:01:30,497 --> 00:01:32,431
- Okay.
- All right,
nice to meet you.
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00:01:32,465 --> 00:01:34,800
- Nice to meet you.
- Go get something to eat,
okay, sweetie?
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00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:36,568
- I'll see you in a minute.
- What a sweetheart.
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She's great.
Thank you.
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00:01:38,104 --> 00:01:39,571
That was really
sweet of you.
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00:01:39,606 --> 00:01:41,473
- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Okay.
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00:01:41,508 --> 00:01:43,308
We should get this thing
going soon, huh?
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00:01:43,343 --> 00:01:45,844
I might be
a few minutes late
getting back from lunch.
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I have to take Emma
to the doctor.
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00:01:48,114 --> 00:01:49,815
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.
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- Is she okay?
- Yeah, she just has
a rash on her pussy.
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I'm going to get
the table read
started, okay?
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00:01:57,624 --> 00:01:59,725
Good luck.
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00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:03,128
Hey.
Look at you.
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00:02:03,163 --> 00:02:06,565
This is very strong.
This is good stuff.
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00:02:06,599 --> 00:02:08,767
- Oh, yeah.
You like it?
- You done very good.
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00:02:08,801 --> 00:02:11,737
- I'm thrilled, thrilled.
- And the stuff with--
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00:02:11,771 --> 00:02:13,739
- What are you
calling her, Cheryl?
- No.
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- Is that the character's
name, Cheryl?
- No, Amanda.
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00:02:16,176 --> 00:02:17,676
- Oh, Amanda.
- Yeah.
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00:02:17,710 --> 00:02:21,647
I got confused
because on the chair
it says "Cheryl David."
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00:02:21,681 --> 00:02:24,283
Yeah, well, it says
"Jason Alexander,"
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00:02:24,317 --> 00:02:25,784
It doesn't say
"George Costanza."
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I understand, yeah.
I'm just surprised.
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I didn't-- I didn't
realize Cheryl was--
was gonna do the role.
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Well, I don't know.
She auditioned.
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- Did she really?
- Yes, she did.
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- I wish I had seen that.
- And she was the best.
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- Really?
- Yeah.
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00:02:39,999 --> 00:02:42,601
Well, that's good.
Who was the next best?
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00:02:43,670 --> 00:02:45,804
- Don't know.
- Really?
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- Don't remember.
- I thought we were going
to stay in dialogue on that.
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00:02:48,741 --> 00:02:52,144
I would have stayed
in dialogue had you
called me to dialogue.
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00:02:52,178 --> 00:02:55,547
- I was supposed to?
- I was supposed to call?
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Well, it's your--
you're the executive
producer.
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- I mean, I'm just the--
- I'm the executive producer--
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00:03:00,119 --> 00:03:01,987
- I'm just a minion.
- Right, and generally,
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00:03:02,021 --> 00:03:05,791
The executive producer
doesn't call the "minion."
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The minion would call
the executive producer.
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- I made a mistake.
- You reversed it.
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- I did.
Look what I did.
- Look what you did.
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Well, fortunately,
it all worked out
for the best.
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- Yeah.
- All right.
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00:03:17,904 --> 00:03:20,939
- All right.
- Let's-- let's
light this rocket.
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00:03:20,974 --> 00:03:22,975
- Okay.
- All right,
let's send it up.
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00:03:23,009 --> 00:03:25,210
Oh, speaking of which,
do you have a pen
or a pencil?
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00:03:25,245 --> 00:03:27,879
I want to just take
a few notes during.
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00:03:27,914 --> 00:03:29,648
- Yeah.
- Ooh, very nice.
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00:03:29,682 --> 00:03:31,183
Look at this.
Look at you.
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- You return it.
- No, I'm going
to keep it.
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00:03:33,586 --> 00:03:36,054
Of course I'm going
to return it.
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00:03:36,089 --> 00:03:38,757
- God.
- What's the matter?
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00:03:38,791 --> 00:03:41,026
Well, I just got
a call from my doctor
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And he thinks
that I might have
groat's disease.
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So I don't know
how I can be funny.
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Hey, you know what?
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00:03:52,472 --> 00:03:54,740
Don't worry about it.
Honest to God.
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00:03:54,774 --> 00:03:56,675
I know this accountant
Danny Duberstein.
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He had groat's disease
and he's completely fine.
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00:03:59,112 --> 00:04:00,846
- You're not just saying this?
- I'm not just--
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00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,681
- 'cause I don't--
- you know what?
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00:04:02,715 --> 00:04:04,283
I'll have him
call you about that.
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00:04:04,317 --> 00:04:06,718
- It's hard to concentrate.
- I understand.
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00:04:06,753 --> 00:04:08,320
Listen, you're going
to be fine.
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00:04:08,354 --> 00:04:10,656
- I'll have
Duberstein call you.
- All right, great.
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00:04:10,690 --> 00:04:12,424
- Okay?
- Good, all right.
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00:04:22,101 --> 00:04:24,870
LD, big day.
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00:04:24,904 --> 00:04:26,371
What are you
doing here?
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00:04:26,406 --> 00:04:28,407
- I'm here for support.
- I don't need support.
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This is-- it's not
a social event,
this thing.
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You know, you can't
just show up like that.
101
00:04:32,679 --> 00:04:34,246
What are you
so upset about?
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00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,982
You're not a--
you're not allowed
to be here.
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00:04:37,016 --> 00:04:39,851
The only people
from the show are
supposed to be here.
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00:04:39,886 --> 00:04:42,587
You know,
if Jerry sees you,
he's going to throw you--
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00:04:42,622 --> 00:04:44,456
You know,
he's not going
to want you here.
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00:04:44,490 --> 00:04:47,225
- Why don't you ask him?
- I don't need to ask him.
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00:04:47,260 --> 00:04:49,761
Ask him.
If he tells me
to go, I'll go.
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- Hey.
- Um...
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00:04:56,269 --> 00:04:58,437
This friend of mine
showed up.
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I didn't invite him.
I just-- he shouldn't
be here.
111
00:05:01,140 --> 00:05:03,709
- I don't care.
Doesn't bother me.
- But he's not supp--
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00:05:03,743 --> 00:05:05,744
We don't
let outsiders in
for a read-through.
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00:05:05,778 --> 00:05:07,245
He's not supposed
to be here.
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00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:09,281
He's a friend
of yours, right?
115
00:05:09,315 --> 00:05:10,816
- Well, yeah.
- Yeah, so?
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But I didn't invite him
and we have a policy.
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00:05:13,353 --> 00:05:15,320
- What kind of policy?
- Yeah, we have a policy.
118
00:05:15,355 --> 00:05:17,456
- I never saw a policy.
- It's an unwritten policy.
119
00:05:17,490 --> 00:05:18,990
- Oh, the unwritten policy.
- Yeah.
120
00:05:19,025 --> 00:05:21,426
- I don't want to
stand in the way.
- No, stand in the way.
121
00:05:21,461 --> 00:05:23,528
- I want you to
stand in the way.
- No, I couldn't.
122
00:05:23,563 --> 00:05:25,364
- Stand in the way.
- I would feel horrible.
123
00:05:25,398 --> 00:05:27,499
No, don't.
124
00:05:29,035 --> 00:05:30,736
- Jerry, Marty Funkhouser.
- Hey, Marty. How you doing?
125
00:05:30,770 --> 00:05:32,237
- How you doing?
- Good.
126
00:05:32,271 --> 00:05:33,772
- Want to hear a joke?
- No, not really.
127
00:05:33,806 --> 00:05:35,707
He doesn't want to hear.
We have a read-through.
128
00:05:35,742 --> 00:05:37,476
- Yeah--
- let me just get
right through it.
129
00:05:37,510 --> 00:05:40,345
- Okay.
- A woman is very afraid
of the size of her opening.
130
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:42,681
- What is she afraid of?
- The size of her opening.
131
00:05:42,715 --> 00:05:44,449
So she goes
to her mother.
132
00:05:44,484 --> 00:05:46,718
She says,
"what am I going to do?
I'm so big down there.
133
00:05:46,753 --> 00:05:48,687
When I marry Harry,
he's going to divorce me."
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00:05:48,721 --> 00:05:51,390
Her mother says,
"don't worry, sweetheart,
it runs in the family.
135
00:05:51,424 --> 00:05:52,991
Do what I did
when I married
your father.
136
00:05:53,025 --> 00:05:55,160
Go to the market,
get some raw liver,
put it in there.
137
00:05:55,194 --> 00:05:56,628
He'll never know
the difference."
138
00:05:56,662 --> 00:05:58,196
- Oh my God.
- So she does.
139
00:05:58,231 --> 00:06:01,133
They have
eight hours of sex
after their marriage.
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00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:04,169
She wakes up at 10:00.
He's gone, but there's
a note on her pillow.
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00:06:04,203 --> 00:06:05,837
It says,
"my darling Harriet,
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00:06:05,872 --> 00:06:08,306
to think that I waited
a year to consummate
our relationship
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00:06:08,341 --> 00:06:10,942
makes my heart beat
so loudly I'm surprised
it didn't wake you up.
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00:06:10,977 --> 00:06:12,978
The only reason
I'm not here now,
darling,
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00:06:13,012 --> 00:06:14,479
is I'm at work
to make enough money
146
00:06:14,514 --> 00:06:16,281
to buy you a house,
a picket fence.
147
00:06:16,315 --> 00:06:17,783
We'll have dogs
and children."
148
00:06:17,817 --> 00:06:19,518
- This is not so bad.
- Yeah, this is great.
149
00:06:19,552 --> 00:06:21,319
Will you finish
the fucking joke
already?
150
00:06:21,354 --> 00:06:22,921
"when the 5:00
dinner bell rings,
151
00:06:22,955 --> 00:06:25,390
I will be home like the winter
of love in your arms.
152
00:06:25,425 --> 00:06:27,025
Your loving husband,
Harry."
153
00:06:27,059 --> 00:06:31,263
- Aw, that's nice.
- "P.S., your cunt
is in the sink."
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00:06:32,698 --> 00:06:35,333
(Larry)
You told your joke.
Let's go.
155
00:06:35,368 --> 00:06:37,369
- (Marty) How good is that?
- It surprised me.
156
00:06:37,403 --> 00:06:39,671
- It's great.
- I had no idea it would
be that revolting.
157
00:06:39,705 --> 00:06:41,873
Ladies and gentlemen,
please hold the work.
158
00:06:41,908 --> 00:06:43,542
Let's take our places
for the table read.
159
00:06:43,576 --> 00:06:46,278
Okay, let's sit
at the table.
160
00:06:46,312 --> 00:06:47,813
Go sit in
the bleachers.
161
00:06:47,847 --> 00:06:50,849
- Great meeting you.
- Yeah, nice meeting you too.
162
00:06:50,883 --> 00:06:53,218
- Big fan.
- Thank you, thank you.
163
00:06:53,252 --> 00:06:55,587
I like that guy.
164
00:06:55,621 --> 00:06:57,722
He's crazy.
165
00:06:58,858 --> 00:07:00,358
Hey.
166
00:07:00,393 --> 00:07:01,860
- I'm so nervous.
- What?
167
00:07:01,894 --> 00:07:03,428
Don't worry.
You're going to be great.
168
00:07:03,463 --> 00:07:04,930
It's nothing.
Come on.
169
00:07:04,964 --> 00:07:06,565
Look how many
people are here.
170
00:07:06,599 --> 00:07:08,300
Just-- just do it.
You got it.
171
00:07:08,334 --> 00:07:11,636
- (Cheryl) Okay.
- ( Jerry laughs )
172
00:07:11,671 --> 00:07:13,138
Okay, folks,
please settle in.
173
00:07:13,172 --> 00:07:16,007
We're looking at
"Seinfeld: The Reunion,"
174
00:07:16,042 --> 00:07:18,276
Written by Larry David
and Jerry Seinfeld.
175
00:07:18,311 --> 00:07:20,779
(Larry)
Yeah, give it up.
176
00:07:22,515 --> 00:07:26,351
Scene A opens
in Jerry's apartment.
Jerry and George.
177
00:07:26,385 --> 00:07:29,221
- It's unwritten
etiquette, George.
- Who says so?
178
00:07:29,255 --> 00:07:31,122
No one knows.
That's why it's unwritten.
179
00:07:31,157 --> 00:07:33,725
You don't blow your nose
in a cloth napkin
in a restaurant.
180
00:07:33,759 --> 00:07:35,360
Why?
They wash it.
181
00:07:35,394 --> 00:07:37,762
It's just not done
in polite society.
182
00:07:37,797 --> 00:07:39,698
It's not done
in impolite society.
183
00:07:39,732 --> 00:07:42,501
- Even the impolite
don't do it.
- ( laughter )
184
00:07:42,535 --> 00:07:45,070
- The other day
you sneezed in a napkin.
- That's different.
185
00:07:45,104 --> 00:07:47,205
- Why?
- A sneeze is involuntary.
186
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,108
You have 2.5 seconds
before the bomb goes off.
187
00:07:50,142 --> 00:07:52,978
(Jason)
Well, I live by my rules,
not your rules.
188
00:07:53,012 --> 00:07:55,447
- You would do this
in front of your wife?
- All the time.
189
00:07:55,481 --> 00:07:56,948
I can't figure out
why she left you.
190
00:07:56,983 --> 00:07:58,617
- ( laughter )
- (man) Buzz.
191
00:07:58,651 --> 00:07:59,985
- It's me.
- ( both ) oop.
192
00:08:00,019 --> 00:08:01,753
(man)
Kramer enters
holding a newspaper.
193
00:08:01,787 --> 00:08:04,289
Hey, George,
did you see this?
194
00:08:04,323 --> 00:08:06,625
It's an article
about Bernie Madoff.
195
00:08:06,659 --> 00:08:08,393
- Kramer, I--
- no, look at this.
196
00:08:08,427 --> 00:08:11,363
They got the floor plan
of all his offices.
197
00:08:11,397 --> 00:08:13,398
- Here's where he was.
- Kramer, he-- he doesn't--
198
00:08:13,432 --> 00:08:15,267
No, you couldn't
get to him.
199
00:08:15,301 --> 00:08:16,902
It was a ponzi scheme.
200
00:08:16,936 --> 00:08:20,171
Do I need this?
I know what happened.
201
00:08:20,206 --> 00:08:21,973
All right, so you lost
a couple of million.
202
00:08:22,008 --> 00:08:23,608
It was more
than a couple.
203
00:08:23,643 --> 00:08:25,877
Well, it was more
than a great idea.
204
00:08:25,912 --> 00:08:28,880
An iphone application
that leads you via your gps
205
00:08:28,915 --> 00:08:30,782
to the nearest
acceptable toilet
206
00:08:30,816 --> 00:08:33,184
wherever you are
in the world.
207
00:08:33,219 --> 00:08:35,720
The itoilet.
And I thought of it.
208
00:08:35,755 --> 00:08:38,223
Why'd you have to give
that crook Madoff
all of it?
209
00:08:38,257 --> 00:08:41,326
- I don't know.
- How could you
be so stupid?!
210
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,229
( Jason crying )
all of it, Jerry.
211
00:08:44,263 --> 00:08:46,932
- All of it.
- (Man) Elaine enters.
212
00:08:48,601 --> 00:08:51,069
- Madoff?
- ( laughter )
213
00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:54,272
Scene B, we're in
Jerry's apartment.
It's later.
214
00:08:54,307 --> 00:08:56,408
Jerry, Elaine,
and kramer.
215
00:08:56,442 --> 00:08:58,343
Jerr, can you do me a favor
and babysit tonight?
216
00:08:58,377 --> 00:08:59,878
(Jerry)
Oh, I don't think so.
217
00:08:59,912 --> 00:09:02,981
- (Michael) Hey,
why don't you ask me?
- (Julia) Um...
218
00:09:03,015 --> 00:09:05,417
I figured you were busy.
219
00:09:05,451 --> 00:09:08,353
(Michael)
No, I'm good with kids.
I don't condescend to them.
220
00:09:08,387 --> 00:09:10,221
I get right down
to their level.
221
00:09:10,256 --> 00:09:12,857
- Right down.
- You don't say.
222
00:09:12,892 --> 00:09:14,659
Oh, I do say.
223
00:09:14,694 --> 00:09:17,829
Jerry, hey, did you give
Isabel's doll a haircut?
224
00:09:17,863 --> 00:09:20,465
- The Judy doll?
- Yes, Judy.
225
00:09:20,499 --> 00:09:24,069
- A little trim.
- Well, now you got
to find a new Judy.
226
00:09:24,103 --> 00:09:25,804
Children need
consistency.
227
00:09:25,838 --> 00:09:27,305
I can make
that happen.
228
00:09:27,340 --> 00:09:29,007
I think uncle Jerry
should do it,
229
00:09:29,041 --> 00:09:31,242
Which is what
she's calling you,
by the way.
230
00:09:31,277 --> 00:09:33,812
- I'm not sure how
I feel about that.
- Why?
231
00:09:33,846 --> 00:09:37,282
Well, because
I donated the sperm.
232
00:09:37,316 --> 00:09:40,952
- I offered.
- ( laughter )
233
00:09:42,622 --> 00:09:44,723
I would have bought
you a new house.
234
00:09:44,757 --> 00:09:46,224
That's easy
to say now
235
00:09:46,258 --> 00:09:47,826
After you lost
everything.
236
00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:50,829
- I was planning on it.
- Ah, you're full of crap.
237
00:09:50,863 --> 00:09:53,398
( laughter )
238
00:09:53,432 --> 00:09:56,968
Hey, Jerry, this economy
is really hitting me.
239
00:09:57,003 --> 00:09:59,070
It's all dried up
out there.
240
00:09:59,105 --> 00:10:01,873
It's dry, Jerry,
dry as a bone.
241
00:10:01,907 --> 00:10:03,975
You weren't working
in the good economy.
242
00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:07,812
Yeah, I guess
that's true.
243
00:10:07,847 --> 00:10:10,682
(Man)
Okay, please go to scene H.
It's in the coffee shop.
244
00:10:10,716 --> 00:10:14,119
This is day 4.
George, Amanda.
245
00:10:14,153 --> 00:10:16,554
( stuttering )
I've been dreading
having to...
246
00:10:16,589 --> 00:10:18,256
tell you about
the whole Madoff thing.
247
00:10:18,290 --> 00:10:21,926
- Oh, well.
- You must hate me for
losing our money like that.
248
00:10:21,961 --> 00:10:24,796
We're--
we're wiped out.
249
00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:26,831
Actually,
I'm fine, George.
250
00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:31,403
- Fine?
- Yeah, I took my half
out of Madoff
251
00:10:31,437 --> 00:10:34,172
Right after
we got divorced.
252
00:10:34,206 --> 00:10:37,542
- You what?
- Yeah, I still
have my half.
253
00:10:37,576 --> 00:10:39,744
W-why did you
take it out?
254
00:10:39,779 --> 00:10:41,713
I bumped into Madoff
on the street one day
255
00:10:41,747 --> 00:10:44,115
and he was wearing
this quilted jacket
with the collar up,
256
00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:46,718
and for some reason
it creeped me out.
257
00:10:46,752 --> 00:10:49,487
So the next day,
I pulled all my money out.
258
00:10:49,522 --> 00:10:51,589
Turns out I did
quite well by him.
259
00:10:51,624 --> 00:10:53,591
Collar up?
260
00:10:53,626 --> 00:10:55,527
Creeped you out?
That's my money!
261
00:10:55,561 --> 00:10:57,162
You have my money!
262
00:10:57,196 --> 00:11:00,198
Not according to the laws
of the state of New York.
263
00:11:00,232 --> 00:11:02,834
( laughter )
264
00:11:04,637 --> 00:11:07,505
- (Julia) What's wrong?
- (Jason) What's wrong?
What's wrong?
265
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:09,507
I'll tell you
what's wrong.
266
00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:11,509
She asked me
to sign a prenup.
267
00:11:11,544 --> 00:11:12,811
So in case
it doesn't work out,
268
00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:14,512
you won't be able
to get to the money
269
00:11:14,547 --> 00:11:16,081
that was yours
to begin with?
270
00:11:16,115 --> 00:11:18,316
(Michael)
Well, that's another
ponzi scheme.
271
00:11:18,350 --> 00:11:21,820
So, George,
are you marrying her
for your money?
272
00:11:21,854 --> 00:11:23,755
No.
273
00:11:23,789 --> 00:11:25,256
No.
274
00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:27,125
And it's none
of your business, Elaine.
275
00:11:27,159 --> 00:11:30,695
George takes out a napkin
and brings it to his nose.
276
00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:32,831
- (Cast) No!
- As they reach for George,
277
00:11:32,865 --> 00:11:35,233
the shot freezes
and we fade out.
278
00:11:35,267 --> 00:11:38,837
- Yay.
- Very nice. Nice!
279
00:11:40,072 --> 00:11:41,606
Please take five.
280
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,875
We're in Jerry's
apartment in five.
281
00:11:43,909 --> 00:11:46,010
- Great great.
Really great.
- Yeah.
282
00:11:46,045 --> 00:11:48,813
- The way...
- ( Jason laughs )
283
00:11:48,848 --> 00:11:50,548
...It was right there.
284
00:11:50,583 --> 00:11:52,484
- What did you think?
- Oh, I loved it.
285
00:11:52,518 --> 00:11:55,286
- It was fantastic.
- I'm glad you were
here to see it.
286
00:11:55,321 --> 00:11:57,388
- Well, have fun.
I will talk to you later.
- Okay.
287
00:11:57,423 --> 00:11:58,923
- Thank you.
- Sure.
288
00:11:58,958 --> 00:12:01,593
So let's go over
some stuff in the office,
a couple little spots?
289
00:12:01,627 --> 00:12:03,094
- Sure.
- Okay.
290
00:12:03,129 --> 00:12:05,530
Eh, you know what?
Great.
291
00:12:05,564 --> 00:12:07,398
- Really great.
Really great.
- Really?
292
00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:09,367
Yeah. Thank you
very much, by the way.
293
00:12:09,401 --> 00:12:11,402
I appreciate
the loan of your pen.
294
00:12:13,906 --> 00:12:17,308
You know what?
You keep it.
295
00:12:17,343 --> 00:12:18,943
I don't want the pen.
296
00:12:18,978 --> 00:12:21,012
Yeah. No, you--
you keep it.
297
00:12:21,046 --> 00:12:24,315
I don't want the pen.
I just needed to borrow it
for a couple of minutes.
298
00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:28,086
- No, I-I don't want it.
- What's wrong with the pen?
299
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,888
I was watching you
during the read-through.
300
00:12:29,922 --> 00:12:31,856
The pen was in your mouth,
the pen was in your ear--
301
00:12:31,891 --> 00:12:33,892
In my ear?
What are you
talking about?
302
00:12:33,926 --> 00:12:35,760
It was in every
orifice of your body.
303
00:12:35,795 --> 00:12:37,228
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
304
00:12:37,263 --> 00:12:39,397
I had the pen
up my ass while doing
the read-through?
305
00:12:39,431 --> 00:12:41,366
- Except for the ass.
- It's been tainted?
306
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,434
- It's been tainted, exactly.
- I see, I see.
307
00:12:43,469 --> 00:12:45,637
- What can I do for you?
- I'll tell you what
you can do.
308
00:12:45,671 --> 00:12:47,138
I'm here to serve you.
What can I do?
309
00:12:47,173 --> 00:12:49,274
Why don't you
get me a new pen?
That would be nice.
310
00:12:49,308 --> 00:12:50,842
That's the fair
thing to do,
311
00:12:50,876 --> 00:12:53,678
The nice thing to do,
the right thing to do.
312
00:12:53,712 --> 00:12:57,315
- Will you do that for me?
- For you, anything.
313
00:12:57,349 --> 00:13:00,018
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
314
00:13:08,828 --> 00:13:11,229
Wow, this place
is packed.
315
00:13:11,263 --> 00:13:14,299
- Monsieur David!
- Hello.
316
00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,201
- Wonderful to see you.
- Good to see you.
317
00:13:16,235 --> 00:13:20,038
Two for lunch? Oui?
Just follow me.
318
00:13:20,072 --> 00:13:23,007
I have for you here
the best waiter in the house.
319
00:13:23,042 --> 00:13:24,709
- You will have
a lovely meal.
- Thank you.
320
00:13:24,743 --> 00:13:26,344
- Bon appétit.
- Thank you very much.
321
00:13:26,378 --> 00:13:29,681
- Absolutely.
- Okay.
322
00:13:29,715 --> 00:13:32,183
Best waiter?
A table right away?
323
00:13:32,218 --> 00:13:34,886
What the hell's
going on?
324
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,388
- I greased him.
- How much did you give him?
325
00:13:37,423 --> 00:13:38,890
- 20 bucks.
- 20 bucks.
326
00:13:38,924 --> 00:13:40,358
I give it to him
all the time.
327
00:13:40,392 --> 00:13:42,293
- Same thing every time.
- ( cell phone chimes )
328
00:13:42,328 --> 00:13:44,128
What's this?
329
00:13:44,163 --> 00:13:47,999
- Well, this is
kind of odd.
- What?
330
00:13:48,033 --> 00:13:50,501
Stacy's daughter
just sent me a text.
331
00:13:50,536 --> 00:13:52,971
"got your info from my mom.
Nice meeting you.
332
00:13:53,005 --> 00:13:54,973
Did you have fun
at the table read?
333
00:13:55,007 --> 00:13:57,108
You got a new
little pen pal.
334
00:13:57,142 --> 00:13:59,344
I guess I have to answer her.
She asked me a question, right?
335
00:13:59,378 --> 00:14:01,045
You don't have to.
It's a little kid.
336
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,382
Just say, "hey,
went great, thanks."
337
00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:06,985
"went great, thanks."
338
00:14:07,019 --> 00:14:08,586
You know, I'm going to--
339
00:14:08,621 --> 00:14:12,457
Oh, Michael is very concerned
that he has groat's disease.
340
00:14:12,491 --> 00:14:14,492
He thinks he might
have groat's disease?
341
00:14:14,526 --> 00:14:18,296
Yeah, and I told him
that I'd hook him up
342
00:14:18,330 --> 00:14:21,499
With Funkhouser's friend
Danny Duberstein.
343
00:14:21,533 --> 00:14:25,970
- Yeah, Danny Duberstein.
- Do you know how to get
in touch with him?
344
00:14:26,005 --> 00:14:27,739
Nobody can get
in touch with him.
345
00:14:27,773 --> 00:14:29,507
He died like
two months ago.
346
00:14:29,541 --> 00:14:31,676
Duberstein died?
347
00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:34,045
Mm-hmm,
of groat's disease.
348
00:14:34,079 --> 00:14:36,614
Jesus. What the hell
am I going to tell Michael?
349
00:14:36,649 --> 00:14:38,249
I don't know.
350
00:14:41,787 --> 00:14:43,421
What did you think
of that Kramer thing
351
00:14:43,455 --> 00:14:45,390
With the latch for
the toilet, the itoilet?
352
00:14:45,424 --> 00:14:48,326
- Was that funny?
- Well...
353
00:14:49,695 --> 00:14:51,329
I don't remember
if that worked or not.
354
00:14:51,363 --> 00:14:53,231
What about Julia
and the kid with
the present?
355
00:14:53,265 --> 00:14:56,067
It kind of worked.
No?
356
00:14:56,101 --> 00:14:57,769
Did you hear
any of the jokes?
357
00:14:57,803 --> 00:15:00,972
Where was
your mind at?
358
00:15:01,006 --> 00:15:03,174
I loaned Jason my pen
359
00:15:03,208 --> 00:15:05,843
and I got
very distracted
360
00:15:05,878 --> 00:15:07,211
Because he kept
taking the pen--
361
00:15:07,246 --> 00:15:09,213
First he was scratching
his back with it.
362
00:15:09,248 --> 00:15:11,582
Scratching a back
is no big deal.
363
00:15:11,617 --> 00:15:14,652
Well, then putting
it in his mouth,
then his ear--
364
00:15:14,687 --> 00:15:17,288
- Now you're talking about--
- the whole thing
was disgusting.
365
00:15:17,323 --> 00:15:19,991
You don't loan
Jason anything,
366
00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:22,560
Anything that
can be inserted.
367
00:15:22,594 --> 00:15:24,362
Anyway, I'm sorry,
but I got--
368
00:15:24,396 --> 00:15:27,899
I got a little distracted,
so I wasn't on every joke.
369
00:15:27,933 --> 00:15:30,201
You know, I like to keep
my pens in a barbicide.
370
00:15:30,235 --> 00:15:33,204
- That blue liquid
that the barbers have?
- In the barber shop.
371
00:15:33,238 --> 00:15:35,440
I haven't really figured out
what barbicide was.
372
00:15:35,474 --> 00:15:38,710
- They kill themselves with it.
- Is that where they can't take
being a barber anymore...
373
00:15:38,744 --> 00:15:41,279
- ( cell phone chimes )
- ...And they just down
that blue liquid
374
00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:44,282
And that's it,
they commit barbicide?
375
00:15:44,316 --> 00:15:45,717
- It's unbelievable.
- What?
376
00:15:45,751 --> 00:15:47,618
Stacy's daughter Emma.
Did you meet her?
377
00:15:47,653 --> 00:15:49,554
Yeah yeah, that cute girl.
She's so cute.
378
00:15:49,588 --> 00:15:53,224
- She's texting me now.
She started texting me.
- Oh, that's cute.
379
00:15:53,258 --> 00:15:55,426
- She texted me
yesterday, okay?
- Aw, she likes you.
380
00:15:55,461 --> 00:15:57,795
Come on, who needs this?
She's getting on my nerves.
381
00:15:57,830 --> 00:16:00,398
How do I end this thing?
This is never going to end.
382
00:16:00,432 --> 00:16:03,067
No, it will never end.
That's why I don't have one.
383
00:16:03,102 --> 00:16:05,336
Once you have it,
the door's open.
384
00:16:05,371 --> 00:16:07,205
Somebody knocks on your door,
you have to answer it.
385
00:16:09,008 --> 00:16:11,709
- Great.
- Now you have a new friend,
a nine-year-old friend.
386
00:16:11,744 --> 00:16:13,444
- Really?
- Yeah.
387
00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:16,114
Larry-- oh hi, Jerry.
Listen, I really think
we're going to need
388
00:16:16,148 --> 00:16:17,749
a fourth camera
for the exteriors.
389
00:16:17,783 --> 00:16:19,851
Is that okay with you?
Does that sound good?
390
00:16:19,885 --> 00:16:21,719
- Yeah.
- (Stacy) Thank you.
391
00:16:21,754 --> 00:16:23,721
Okay, I'll get
right on it.
392
00:16:23,756 --> 00:16:26,290
You know,
Emma's been texting me.
393
00:16:26,325 --> 00:16:28,726
- I know!
- She's so cute.
394
00:16:28,761 --> 00:16:30,661
- (Stacy) I know, it's cute!
- So cute, yeah.
395
00:16:30,696 --> 00:16:32,096
How'd that happen?
396
00:16:32,131 --> 00:16:33,898
Was that her idea,
your idea?
397
00:16:33,932 --> 00:16:35,533
Yeah, it was her idea.
I mean, yeah.
398
00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:38,069
Then you guys met
at the table read and
I gave her your number--
399
00:16:38,103 --> 00:16:41,039
- You gave her the number?
- Mm-hmm. ( chuckles )
400
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,708
You know, when you're
a kid and you like can
relate to a grown-up,
401
00:16:43,742 --> 00:16:46,344
-- It's a really exciting--
-- (Stacy) It's such a big deal.
402
00:16:46,378 --> 00:16:48,713
- It is cute.
- (Jerry) Someone
to communicate with.
403
00:16:48,747 --> 00:16:50,748
Maybe you should
give her Jerry's.
404
00:16:50,783 --> 00:16:53,151
Maybe if she meets Jerry,
but she really bonded with you.
405
00:16:53,185 --> 00:16:55,186
Yeah, she seemed
to respond to you.
406
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:56,854
- Yeah.
- Okay.
407
00:16:56,889 --> 00:16:58,823
- (Stacy) Yeah.
- It just takes a second.
408
00:16:58,857 --> 00:17:01,359
- Hmm.
- Cool. All right.
409
00:17:01,393 --> 00:17:03,294
- (Jerry) All right.
- How's her--
410
00:17:03,328 --> 00:17:04,695
How's her pussy,
by the way?
411
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:07,899
(Stacy)
It's good, actually.
It's not as itchy.
412
00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:09,634
- So thank you
for asking.
- , cool.
413
00:17:09,668 --> 00:17:11,836
Yeah, all right,
I'm going to get
on the camera thing.
414
00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:14,305
All right.
Come on, let's do
some work here.
415
00:17:14,339 --> 00:17:16,607
Let's look at--
416
00:17:16,642 --> 00:17:19,710
Oh, forgot to tell her
we cut the restaurant scene.
417
00:17:22,681 --> 00:17:24,215
- (Jerry) All right.
- I'll follow you.
418
00:17:24,249 --> 00:17:26,384
- Okay, so I'll go
to the fridge on this.
- Yeah yeah.
419
00:17:26,418 --> 00:17:29,353
- I'm not ready, Elaine.
- Come on, Jerry, you have to.
420
00:17:29,388 --> 00:17:30,788
We had a deal.
421
00:17:30,823 --> 00:17:33,891
When you came to me,
you said, "I need
a donation."
422
00:17:33,926 --> 00:17:35,760
And I gave,
and that was hard work.
423
00:17:35,794 --> 00:17:38,830
(Elaine)
So what are you going to be,
uncle Jerry your whole life?
424
00:17:38,864 --> 00:17:42,066
I just think it would
be nice if she knew
who her father was.
425
00:17:42,101 --> 00:17:45,103
Clark Kent didn't know
who his father was
till he was 16
426
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:46,604
and he turned out
pretty good.
427
00:17:46,638 --> 00:17:50,842
Jerry, his planet
was destroyed.
428
00:17:50,876 --> 00:17:53,177
I think I continue.
429
00:17:53,212 --> 00:17:55,413
He was fortunate
to discover the crystals
430
00:17:55,447 --> 00:17:57,181
in the fortress
of solitude.
431
00:17:57,216 --> 00:17:59,383
Isabel's not
going to have any
of those crystals.
432
00:17:59,418 --> 00:18:00,918
You know about
the crystals?
433
00:18:00,953 --> 00:18:04,255
- Of course I know
about the crystals.
- ( knocking )
434
00:18:04,289 --> 00:18:06,491
Door.
435
00:18:09,294 --> 00:18:11,295
( Larry laughs )
436
00:18:11,330 --> 00:18:14,198
- Hello, Newman.
- Hello, Jerry.
437
00:18:14,233 --> 00:18:18,436
I wonder if you would
tell your friend George
438
00:18:18,470 --> 00:18:20,571
that on my route
I had occasion to use
439
00:18:20,606 --> 00:18:24,242
one of his
so-called itoilets.
440
00:18:24,276 --> 00:18:27,745
- I found it anything
but acceptable.
- Oh, really?
441
00:18:27,779 --> 00:18:30,781
Well, I'm afraid in that
particular scenario
my sympathies--
442
00:18:30,816 --> 00:18:32,950
( Larry laughing )
443
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,522
Now I'm going to close
the door on you.
444
00:18:37,556 --> 00:18:40,258
- How am I going
to do that?
- I'll get out.
445
00:18:40,292 --> 00:18:42,393
( laughter )
446
00:18:42,427 --> 00:18:44,295
- Do it. I want
to hear that line.
- Okay.
447
00:18:44,329 --> 00:18:46,831
- Ok--
- I'm watching
the show from here.
448
00:18:46,865 --> 00:18:49,100
All right,
you watch the show.
We'll do it for you, okay?
449
00:18:49,134 --> 00:18:52,303
- Action.
- (Wayne) I found it
anything but acceptable.
450
00:18:52,337 --> 00:18:54,672
Oh, really?
451
00:18:54,706 --> 00:18:56,874
Well, I'm afraid in that
particular scenario,
452
00:18:56,909 --> 00:18:59,477
My sympathies lie
only with the toilet.
453
00:18:59,511 --> 00:19:01,746
Good day.
454
00:19:03,615 --> 00:19:05,783
( knocking )
455
00:19:09,087 --> 00:19:11,322
- Are you Kramer?
- No.
456
00:19:11,356 --> 00:19:13,124
Oh, hey,
Kramer--
457
00:19:13,158 --> 00:19:15,326
- Are you Monena?
- Mm-hmm.
458
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,094
I'm going
to the ballgame.
459
00:19:17,129 --> 00:19:20,131
I take Monena with me,
I can use the carpool lane.
460
00:19:20,165 --> 00:19:23,034
- ( clicks tongue )
- I see.
461
00:19:23,068 --> 00:19:24,769
(Michael)
Should she come in more?
462
00:19:24,803 --> 00:19:26,771
Well, I think u--
you're a hooker.
463
00:19:26,805 --> 00:19:28,673
You should just go in
and make yourself at home.
464
00:19:28,707 --> 00:19:30,741
- Okay, take charge.
- And I could follow her.
465
00:19:30,776 --> 00:19:33,144
- Right, you follow her in.
- Are you good?
466
00:19:33,178 --> 00:19:35,012
Okay, guys, take five.
That's a tight five.
467
00:19:35,047 --> 00:19:37,114
We're back
in Jerry's apartment.
468
00:19:37,149 --> 00:19:39,917
Hey, Larry, did you
call Duberstein?
469
00:19:41,653 --> 00:19:44,355
Oh, um...
470
00:19:44,389 --> 00:19:46,190
- Well, I left a message...
- Yeah?
471
00:19:46,225 --> 00:19:48,092
...And, you know,
472
00:19:48,126 --> 00:19:49,994
I'm just waiting for him
to call me back.
473
00:19:50,028 --> 00:19:52,363
How long ago did you
leave the message?
474
00:19:52,397 --> 00:19:54,031
- Yesterday.
- Yesterday?
475
00:19:54,066 --> 00:19:55,766
- Yeah.
- I don't want to
push you on this,
476
00:19:55,801 --> 00:19:57,568
But I can hardly
think out here.
477
00:19:57,603 --> 00:19:59,303
You know
what the doctor
said to me?
478
00:19:59,338 --> 00:20:01,606
I'm supposed to standby
for the symptoms.
479
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,175
Am I going to stand by
in front of the camera
with the symptoms?
480
00:20:04,209 --> 00:20:06,077
- I understand. I'll--
- so you going to call him?
481
00:20:06,111 --> 00:20:07,378
- Yes.
- Okay. Hi.
482
00:20:07,412 --> 00:20:09,347
- Hey.
- Yeah, you guys...
483
00:20:09,381 --> 00:20:12,783
Oh, good.
I, um--
484
00:20:12,818 --> 00:20:14,919
I'm having a bit
of a problem
485
00:20:14,953 --> 00:20:17,388
Just trying
to find a tone.
486
00:20:17,422 --> 00:20:19,357
They have a cadence.
487
00:20:19,391 --> 00:20:21,158
Like, "yeah, I still
have my half."
488
00:20:21,193 --> 00:20:23,461
You don't need a cadence.
Just be yourself.
You're doing great.
489
00:20:23,495 --> 00:20:25,663
Don't feel
the Seinfeldian pressure.
490
00:20:25,697 --> 00:20:27,131
I don't want you
to sound like them.
491
00:20:27,165 --> 00:20:29,834
I want you
to sound like you.
I wrote it for you.
492
00:20:29,868 --> 00:20:31,636
- Thank you.
- You're doing great.
493
00:20:31,670 --> 00:20:33,804
I feel like
you're my only...
494
00:20:33,839 --> 00:20:35,573
- You know--
- yeah.
495
00:20:35,607 --> 00:20:37,942
- --You're on my side.
You know what I mean?
- I am on your side.
496
00:20:37,976 --> 00:20:39,510
- Good morning.
Good morning.
- Hi.
497
00:20:39,544 --> 00:20:41,312
- Hey.
- Hi, how are you?
498
00:20:41,346 --> 00:20:43,681
- Don't mean to interrupt.
- No, go ahead.
We'll talk later.
499
00:20:43,715 --> 00:20:46,117
- Hope I didn't--
- no no, it's okay.
500
00:20:46,151 --> 00:20:49,387
- Okay.
Good morning.
- Hey.
501
00:20:49,421 --> 00:20:51,956
- Mission accomplished.
- What is this?
502
00:20:51,990 --> 00:20:55,059
- A pen.
- Yes, it is a pen.
503
00:20:55,093 --> 00:20:56,961
- You're right about that.
- Yes, I am, sir.
504
00:20:56,995 --> 00:20:58,462
It's not the pen
I gave you.
505
00:20:58,497 --> 00:21:00,298
This is not
replacing the pen.
506
00:21:00,332 --> 00:21:01,799
This is just giving me
another pen.
507
00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:03,301
You didn't say,
"get the same pen."
508
00:21:03,335 --> 00:21:04,935
You said, "you need
to replace the pen."
509
00:21:04,970 --> 00:21:08,806
It's not an eye
for a lesser eye, okay?
510
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,508
It's an eye
for an eye,
511
00:21:10,542 --> 00:21:12,143
Not an eye that
doesn't see very well.
512
00:21:12,177 --> 00:21:13,644
Using your metaphor,
no no.
513
00:21:13,679 --> 00:21:16,013
They both see
exactly the same.
514
00:21:16,048 --> 00:21:20,051
That pen that I have
in my possession
515
00:21:20,085 --> 00:21:22,887
- Writes in blue ink.
- Uh-huh.
516
00:21:22,921 --> 00:21:25,289
This pen writes
in blue ink
517
00:21:25,324 --> 00:21:27,024
Exactly the same.
It's the same eye.
518
00:21:27,059 --> 00:21:29,560
This pen is almost blind
compared to my pen.
519
00:21:29,594 --> 00:21:31,796
No, believe me.
It sees the truth.
520
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:33,164
It's not the pen
I gave you.
521
00:21:33,198 --> 00:21:34,899
You asked me
to replace the pen.
522
00:21:34,933 --> 00:21:36,867
- You didn't replace the pen.
- I replaced it.
523
00:21:36,902 --> 00:21:38,469
- You didn't replace it.
- You got a pen.
524
00:21:38,503 --> 00:21:41,839
- No replacement.
- That's your pen.
525
00:21:41,873 --> 00:21:44,008
I'm going to get
a coffee.
526
00:21:45,243 --> 00:21:46,811
Anyway, I screwed
the whole thing up.
527
00:21:46,845 --> 00:21:48,713
Michael thinks that
Duberstein beat groat's
528
00:21:48,747 --> 00:21:50,214
And he's expecting
to meet him,
529
00:21:50,248 --> 00:21:53,517
And Duberstein's dead
and I was thinking...
530
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,021
- Fucking say it.
- Oh, Jesus.
531
00:21:57,055 --> 00:21:59,790
- What the fuck
you thinking about?
- Well, I had an insane idea
532
00:21:59,825 --> 00:22:03,361
That you could
present yourself
as Duberstein somehow
533
00:22:03,395 --> 00:22:06,163
And get-- just meet him
for two minutes.
534
00:22:06,198 --> 00:22:08,766
And I'd be there too,
so you wouldn't even
have to talk.
535
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,868
What, you think I can't
do this shit, huh?
536
00:22:10,902 --> 00:22:13,137
I'll white that shit up.
I'll white that whole shit up.
537
00:22:13,171 --> 00:22:16,040
- That whole fucking scene will
be whitened the fuck up.
- Seriously?
538
00:22:16,074 --> 00:22:18,342
You' seen
a fucking black dude
who acts fucking white.
539
00:22:18,377 --> 00:22:21,278
- He around too many fucking
white people and shit.
- You can be that guy?
540
00:22:21,313 --> 00:22:22,780
- I'll do this shit.
- Let me hear it.
541
00:22:22,814 --> 00:22:24,782
"how are you doing today?
I'm Danny Duberstein.
542
00:22:24,816 --> 00:22:27,251
I heard you have
groat's disease."
see that shit?
543
00:22:27,285 --> 00:22:29,353
Well, what about the name?
Duberstein?
544
00:22:29,388 --> 00:22:31,589
- It's a jewish name.
- Fuck it.
545
00:22:31,623 --> 00:22:33,657
- Tell him
I'm a Ethiopian jew.
- You know what?
546
00:22:33,692 --> 00:22:35,159
You could tell him
you were adopted
547
00:22:35,193 --> 00:22:36,794
By the jewish family--
the Dubersteins.
548
00:22:36,828 --> 00:22:38,629
- I was fucking adopted--
- you got bar mitzvahed.
549
00:22:38,663 --> 00:22:40,464
"bar mitzfit"
and all that shit, yeah.
550
00:22:40,499 --> 00:22:41,932
- Say that again?
- "bar mitzfit."
551
00:22:41,967 --> 00:22:44,435
- It's not "bar mitzfit."
- "bar mitzfit."
552
00:22:44,469 --> 00:22:46,003
- Bar mitzvahed.
- "bar mitzfit."
553
00:22:46,037 --> 00:22:47,905
"vahed"!
Bar mitzvahed.
554
00:22:47,939 --> 00:22:50,007
If we're gonna do this,
you'd better learn how
to pronounce this.
555
00:22:50,041 --> 00:22:51,942
- ( cell phone chimes )
- "bar mitzfit."
556
00:22:51,977 --> 00:22:54,478
- Yeah.
- Oh, christ.
557
00:22:54,513 --> 00:22:56,313
Another text from her.
Can you believe it?
558
00:22:56,348 --> 00:22:58,282
I got this nine-year-old,
and she keeps texting me.
559
00:22:58,316 --> 00:23:01,585
"is Jerry as funny
in real life as on TV?"
unbelievable.
560
00:23:01,620 --> 00:23:05,756
"yes, Jerry
is very funny."
561
00:23:05,791 --> 00:23:08,125
I'm telling you,
it never ends with her.
562
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,495
All right, I'm going
to get this.
563
00:23:11,530 --> 00:23:15,132
- What are you doing?
You going to get that?
- Oh yeah, oh yeah.
564
00:23:16,268 --> 00:23:18,536
Monsieur David.
How are you?
565
00:23:18,570 --> 00:23:19,737
- Great.
- Wonderful to see you.
566
00:23:19,771 --> 00:23:21,939
- Ã? bientôt.
- Okay.
567
00:23:21,973 --> 00:23:23,707
Oh my God!
568
00:23:25,010 --> 00:23:27,611
- Yeah.
- Hey! What?!
569
00:23:27,646 --> 00:23:30,514
- What happened?
- He took--
570
00:23:30,549 --> 00:23:33,083
He took my $20.
Are you kidding?
571
00:23:33,118 --> 00:23:35,152
He took your
fucking money
out your hand?
572
00:23:35,187 --> 00:23:37,655
What did he think?
I was tipping him?
573
00:23:37,689 --> 00:23:39,790
- Is he insane?
- ( cell phone chimes )
574
00:23:41,092 --> 00:23:43,294
"do you watch 'Wizards
of Waverly Place'"?
575
00:23:43,328 --> 00:23:45,629
All right, that's it.
That's it.
576
00:23:45,664 --> 00:23:50,768
"no, I don't watch
'Wizards of Waverly Place.'"
577
00:24:01,713 --> 00:24:03,180
Why would you
do that, Larry?
578
00:24:03,215 --> 00:24:05,483
- What?
- What were you thinking?
579
00:24:05,517 --> 00:24:07,952
- Wh-what are
you talking about?
- Why did you yell at Emma?
580
00:24:07,986 --> 00:24:09,820
- Yell? I didn't
yell at Emma.
- Yes, you did.
581
00:24:09,855 --> 00:24:12,523
You texted her
with all caps and a lot
of exclamations points.
582
00:24:12,557 --> 00:24:14,291
- No no,
that's not yelling.
- Yes, it is!
583
00:24:14,326 --> 00:24:16,327
No, I was being emphatic.
I wasn't yelling.
584
00:24:16,361 --> 00:24:18,395
What were
you thinking?
585
00:24:18,430 --> 00:24:22,266
I was thinking
maybe I can get her
to stop texting me.
586
00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:25,169
Larry, I need you
to make this right, okay?
587
00:24:25,203 --> 00:24:27,371
Okay,
I'll make it right.
588
00:24:27,405 --> 00:24:28,973
- Great.
- All right, okay.
589
00:24:29,007 --> 00:24:30,541
We're going
to lunch at 1:00.
590
00:24:30,575 --> 00:24:33,277
I want you to be there,
pretend like it was
your idea, okay?
591
00:24:33,311 --> 00:24:35,613
I think it would
be really nice if you
took her out to lunch.
592
00:24:35,647 --> 00:24:38,048
- You'll bring her
a little present.
- We have to go to lunch?
593
00:24:38,083 --> 00:24:40,885
- Yeah, 1:00 lunch, okay?
- Couldn't we have
a little snack upstairs?
594
00:24:40,919 --> 00:24:44,088
- Some milk and
cookies or something?
- Thank you, I appreciate it.
595
00:24:47,459 --> 00:24:49,727
(Waiter)
Monsieur David,
how many with you for lunch?
596
00:24:49,761 --> 00:24:51,228
- Three.
- Right this way.
597
00:24:51,263 --> 00:24:53,264
You look wonderful.
Very fit.
598
00:24:53,298 --> 00:24:56,700
- Are you on a regime?
- Oh no, I just kind of
watch it, you know.
599
00:24:56,735 --> 00:24:58,669
Always wonderful.
Bon appétit.
600
00:24:58,703 --> 00:25:00,905
Thank you,
thank you.
601
00:25:02,674 --> 00:25:04,275
- Have a good meal.
- Okay.
602
00:25:04,309 --> 00:25:07,778
And, um, I hope
you enjoy everything.
603
00:25:07,812 --> 00:25:09,947
If you need
anything, call me.
604
00:25:12,450 --> 00:25:15,152
Monsieur David...
605
00:25:15,186 --> 00:25:17,089
Are you unhappy
with the table?
606
00:25:17,790 --> 00:25:18,790
Ha
607
00:25:18,791 --> 00:25:21,791
Okay...uh
I see your problem here.
608
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,327
Yesterday
at the newsstand,.
609
00:25:23,361 --> 00:25:25,829
you took $20
out of my hand.
610
00:25:25,864 --> 00:25:27,665
Mais non,
you gave it to me.
611
00:25:27,699 --> 00:25:29,166
- Gave it to you?
- Oui.
612
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,368
Why-- why would
I give you $20?
613
00:25:31,403 --> 00:25:32,870
I assumed it
for the other day--
614
00:25:32,904 --> 00:25:34,538
the wonderful service,
the dinner.
615
00:25:34,573 --> 00:25:36,307
I already paid you
for that service.
616
00:25:36,341 --> 00:25:37,975
Well, what were you
giving it to me for?
617
00:25:38,009 --> 00:25:40,077
- I wasn't giving it to you.
- Why else would I have it?
618
00:25:40,111 --> 00:25:41,812
What was the $20
doing in my hand?
619
00:25:41,846 --> 00:25:44,982
- You think I was
waiting for you to come?
- I-I have no idea.
620
00:25:45,016 --> 00:25:47,851
Because I was using it
to pay for a magazine.
Can't you understand that?
621
00:25:47,886 --> 00:25:50,087
That money that you
took out of my hands
622
00:25:50,121 --> 00:25:52,590
Is the money that
I would have put into
your hands right now
623
00:25:52,624 --> 00:25:55,392
If not for the fact that
you took it, so let's
consider us even.
624
00:25:55,427 --> 00:25:57,294
I gave you $20 yesterday
and you're not getting
625
00:25:57,329 --> 00:25:58,963
another penny
out of me, okay?
626
00:25:58,997 --> 00:26:01,465
Fine.
Bon appétit.
627
00:26:04,769 --> 00:26:09,039
Oh, hey.
Hi.
628
00:26:09,074 --> 00:26:11,742
- Hello, Larry.
- Hi.
629
00:26:11,776 --> 00:26:16,347
Okay,
first of all...
630
00:26:16,381 --> 00:26:20,150
I just want
to apologize
for the--
631
00:26:20,185 --> 00:26:22,519
For the text
I sent you
632
00:26:22,554 --> 00:26:24,755
With all
the capital letters,
633
00:26:24,789 --> 00:26:26,991
The bad bad caps.
634
00:26:27,025 --> 00:26:30,060
- You don't seem sorry.
- Well, I said I was sorry.
635
00:26:30,095 --> 00:26:31,996
Just because you say it
doesn't mean you mean it.
636
00:26:32,030 --> 00:26:34,031
Maybe we should get
something to eat.
637
00:26:34,065 --> 00:26:36,100
Excuse me, can we
get some menus?
638
00:26:36,134 --> 00:26:38,135
Larry, do you remember
when you were a little boy?
639
00:26:38,169 --> 00:26:39,737
- No.
- (Emma) If you
can remember.
640
00:26:39,771 --> 00:26:41,472
- No, I don't.
- (Stacy) You probably don't.
641
00:26:41,506 --> 00:26:43,707
Hey, excuse me.
Excuse me.
642
00:26:43,742 --> 00:26:46,310
S-sir?
643
00:26:46,344 --> 00:26:49,213
Obviously they're
ignoring me on purpose.
644
00:26:49,247 --> 00:26:51,315
- Well, I can't imagine why.
- I know why.
645
00:26:51,349 --> 00:26:52,916
- Really?
- Yeah, I know why.
646
00:26:52,951 --> 00:26:54,585
Why?
647
00:26:56,021 --> 00:26:58,455
Excuse me,
could you please get us
some menus over here?
648
00:26:58,490 --> 00:27:00,958
This little girl,
she's got an appointment
with the doctor.
649
00:27:00,992 --> 00:27:02,559
She's got a rash
on her pussy.
650
00:27:02,594 --> 00:27:04,728
She needs to get
out of here.
651
00:27:06,231 --> 00:27:07,931
( knocking )
652
00:27:09,300 --> 00:27:11,669
Oh my God.
Look, I made a mistake.
653
00:27:11,703 --> 00:27:14,104
It's been three years.
Don't hurt me, please.
654
00:27:14,139 --> 00:27:17,474
Oh no no no no.
I'm Danny Duberstein, CPA.
655
00:27:17,509 --> 00:27:20,077
- You're Duberstein?
- I'm Danny Duberstein.
656
00:27:20,111 --> 00:27:21,578
Come in, I want
to talk to you.
657
00:27:21,613 --> 00:27:23,480
Is Larry here yet?
I'm waiting for Larry.
658
00:27:23,515 --> 00:27:25,416
No, I got to talk to you.
This is very important.
659
00:27:25,450 --> 00:27:27,184
Larry said
he'd be here at 2:00.
660
00:27:29,087 --> 00:27:32,189
- Stop looking at your watch.
- No, I have to be
out of here by 2:00.
661
00:27:32,223 --> 00:27:34,558
Is there anything else
that Larry could do?
662
00:27:34,592 --> 00:27:38,062
Something that
Emma likes? Presents?
663
00:27:39,497 --> 00:27:41,065
You know what?
664
00:27:41,099 --> 00:27:44,668
I heard somebody
wants to be a writer.
665
00:27:44,703 --> 00:27:47,204
- (Stacy) Aw, you remembered!
- What do you write with?
666
00:27:47,238 --> 00:27:49,573
- A pen!
- A pen.
667
00:27:49,607 --> 00:27:51,675
Somebody gave this to me,
and I'm giving it to you.
668
00:27:51,710 --> 00:27:53,677
- (Stacy) It's a nice pen.
- It's a beautiful pen.
669
00:27:53,712 --> 00:27:56,046
- Huh?
- Yeah, I forgive you.
670
00:27:56,081 --> 00:27:59,450
- Yeah? Oh, yay!
- Yay!
671
00:27:59,484 --> 00:28:01,585
Give him a hug
and some sugar.
672
00:28:01,619 --> 00:28:04,188
Yay, Larry,
that was thoughtful.
673
00:28:04,222 --> 00:28:06,090
- Okay.
- Aw.
674
00:28:06,124 --> 00:28:09,793
I love it.
Okay.
675
00:28:13,965 --> 00:28:16,100
(Michael)
So "Duberstein"...
676
00:28:16,134 --> 00:28:18,368
- That's a jewish name right?
- Yes, it is.
677
00:28:18,403 --> 00:28:20,738
I was adopted
by some lovely jews.
678
00:28:20,772 --> 00:28:24,007
- And you were bar mitzvahed?
- Oh, yeah yeah.
Three times.
679
00:28:24,042 --> 00:28:26,143
The last time
was a few months ago
in Atlantic City.
680
00:28:26,177 --> 00:28:28,712
But I thought you only
got bar mitzvahed once.
681
00:28:28,747 --> 00:28:30,647
You know, when you're
13 years old?
682
00:28:30,682 --> 00:28:32,616
- No no no no,
you misunderstood.
- What?
683
00:28:32,650 --> 00:28:34,985
It's once every 13 years,
you know.
684
00:28:35,019 --> 00:28:36,754
You got to recharge
the mitzvah,
685
00:28:36,788 --> 00:28:40,057
So you always keep your
mitzvah kind of full,
at capacity.
686
00:28:40,091 --> 00:28:42,426
"capacitme--"
mitzvah capacity.
687
00:28:45,797 --> 00:28:47,164
I don't know.
688
00:28:47,198 --> 00:28:50,601
- So tell me about
the groat's.
- ( sighs )
689
00:28:50,635 --> 00:28:55,906
Well, everything I ate
tasted like peaches.
690
00:29:00,845 --> 00:29:02,880
And I forgot
how to multiply.
691
00:29:02,914 --> 00:29:05,482
I could subtract,
but I couldn't multiply.
692
00:29:05,517 --> 00:29:07,518
If I'm fucking
six women
693
00:29:07,552 --> 00:29:09,486
three times a day,
seven days a week,
694
00:29:09,521 --> 00:29:11,722
How many times
per week am I fucking?
695
00:29:11,756 --> 00:29:14,191
Was it 10?
Was it 130?
696
00:29:14,225 --> 00:29:16,660
Was it 16?
I was tripping out.
697
00:29:16,694 --> 00:29:19,663
That's some
weird stuff, man.
698
00:29:19,697 --> 00:29:21,832
Pssh,
you're telling me.
699
00:29:21,866 --> 00:29:23,734
Danny Duberstein's
good at two things:
700
00:29:23,768 --> 00:29:26,970
That's math and fucking.
701
00:29:30,675 --> 00:29:32,276
But how did you beat
the groat's?
702
00:29:32,310 --> 00:29:34,711
( laughing )
703
00:29:34,746 --> 00:29:36,780
You know what?
704
00:29:38,082 --> 00:29:39,850
This hat.
705
00:29:40,752 --> 00:29:42,352
This hat saved my life.
706
00:29:42,387 --> 00:29:44,588
Tell-- tell me
about the hat.
707
00:29:51,129 --> 00:29:52,796
Look who
the fuck shows up.
What happened?!
708
00:29:52,831 --> 00:29:54,431
I'm so sorry.
I got held up.
709
00:29:54,465 --> 00:29:55,933
You missed the whole
fucking show.
710
00:29:55,967 --> 00:29:57,668
I'm in that fucking room
busting my ass for you.
711
00:29:57,702 --> 00:30:00,504
What's with these suits?
You look like Farrakhan.
712
00:30:00,538 --> 00:30:02,806
Look, I was trying
to fuck this muslim girl.
I had to join up for a month.
713
00:30:02,841 --> 00:30:04,842
Accountants don't
look like this.
714
00:30:04,876 --> 00:30:06,677
This the whitest shit
I got right here.
715
00:30:06,711 --> 00:30:08,145
What-- what happened?
716
00:30:08,179 --> 00:30:09,913
What the fuck you think
happened in there?
717
00:30:09,948 --> 00:30:12,783
I went in that room
and whited that shit
the fuck up.
718
00:30:12,817 --> 00:30:14,618
I had that fucking dude
rolling with me.
719
00:30:14,652 --> 00:30:16,954
I don't know what the fuck
a groat's diseasis,
720
00:30:16,988 --> 00:30:18,722
But I'm going to
tell you one thing:
That man in that room--
721
00:30:18,756 --> 00:30:21,358
That goofy motherfucking
man in that room will
survive that shit.
722
00:30:21,392 --> 00:30:23,026
- You better believe it.
- And he bought it?
723
00:30:23,061 --> 00:30:25,028
Let me tell you
how fucking well
he bought it.
724
00:30:25,063 --> 00:30:27,464
He's going
to give me $200,000
to invest for his ass.
725
00:30:27,498 --> 00:30:30,500
I Danny Dubersteined
the fuck out that man
in that room.
726
00:30:30,535 --> 00:30:33,070
Fucking viola.
Uh!
727
00:30:33,104 --> 00:30:35,505
- You know what I mean?
- Good man.
I got a rehearsal.
728
00:30:35,540 --> 00:30:37,074
- Let's go.
- Good job.
729
00:30:37,108 --> 00:30:38,609
Elaine, Clark Kent
didn't know
730
00:30:38,643 --> 00:30:40,477
Who his real father was
until he was 16,
731
00:30:40,511 --> 00:30:42,846
and I think
he turned out okay.
732
00:30:42,881 --> 00:30:46,316
Jerry, his planet
was destroyed.
733
00:30:46,351 --> 00:30:48,652
Who are these two
right here?
734
00:30:48,686 --> 00:30:50,787
That's Jerry Seinfeld
and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
735
00:30:50,822 --> 00:30:53,490
( laughing )
oh, man.
736
00:30:53,524 --> 00:30:55,158
So Jerry tapping
that ass, huh?
737
00:30:55,193 --> 00:30:56,894
What is it?
You never saw the show?
738
00:30:56,928 --> 00:30:58,729
You never watched it?
739
00:31:00,965 --> 00:31:03,100
- Hello, Newman.
- Hello, Jerry.
740
00:31:03,134 --> 00:31:05,402
( laughing )
741
00:31:05,436 --> 00:31:08,071
Who is this
little fat bastard?
742
00:31:08,106 --> 00:31:09,773
Now that little
motherfucker look funny.
743
00:31:09,807 --> 00:31:12,109
...So-called
itoilets.
744
00:31:12,143 --> 00:31:14,511
Christ, I'm itching
all over.
745
00:31:14,545 --> 00:31:16,413
Hope I didn't catch
anything from that Emma.
746
00:31:16,447 --> 00:31:18,215
Don't get that shit
on me, man.
747
00:31:18,249 --> 00:31:21,952
- Are you Kramer?
- No, actually--
748
00:31:21,986 --> 00:31:23,720
Hey, are you Monena?
749
00:31:23,755 --> 00:31:25,555
You know it.
750
00:31:25,590 --> 00:31:28,392
- What's going on, Kramer?
- I'm going to the ballgame.
751
00:31:28,426 --> 00:31:31,028
I take Monena with me,
I can use the carpool lane.
752
00:31:31,062 --> 00:31:33,463
( clicks tongue )
753
00:31:33,498 --> 00:31:37,100
Why-- what the fuck
is that hat?
754
00:31:37,135 --> 00:31:39,269
It's my hat.
755
00:31:39,304 --> 00:31:41,538
- Yours?
- No, it's my lucky hat.
756
00:31:41,572 --> 00:31:43,273
You can't wear that
in the scene.
757
00:31:43,308 --> 00:31:45,275
Oh, yes I can.
I must.
758
00:31:45,310 --> 00:31:49,179
- What with the hat?
Why's he wearing that hat?
- That's my hat.
759
00:31:49,213 --> 00:31:51,081
I told him to wear the hat
to combat the groat's.
760
00:31:51,115 --> 00:31:52,683
What did you
say to him?
761
00:31:52,717 --> 00:31:54,751
I told him, "you take
that hat off, you will die."
762
00:31:54,786 --> 00:31:57,821
That's what I told him.
763
00:31:57,855 --> 00:32:00,991
See you
at the house, man.
764
00:32:01,025 --> 00:32:03,393
Nobody remembers a guy
with a dinner roll
on his head.
765
00:32:03,428 --> 00:32:05,429
They remember Kramer
with the hair that goes up.
766
00:32:05,463 --> 00:32:06,930
This is the look
I'm going with, so...
767
00:32:06,965 --> 00:32:08,298
( clicks tongue )
...That's it.
768
00:32:08,333 --> 00:32:11,001
(Jerry)
I would say,
in fact...
769
00:32:11,035 --> 00:32:13,236
- Oh my God.
- Is this great?
770
00:32:13,271 --> 00:32:15,672
What? Again?
Why are you here?
771
00:32:15,707 --> 00:32:17,774
What-- I don't
understand this.
Why do you keep--
772
00:32:17,809 --> 00:32:19,576
Jerry told me I could
come whenever I want.
773
00:32:19,610 --> 00:32:21,845
- Jerry said that to you?
- Yes.
774
00:32:21,879 --> 00:32:23,280
Oh, this is
Mrs. Duberstein.
775
00:32:23,314 --> 00:32:25,215
- This is Larry David.
- Hello.
776
00:32:25,249 --> 00:32:27,351
It is an honor
to meet you.
777
00:32:27,385 --> 00:32:29,119
(Marty)
She memorized
all the shows.
778
00:32:29,153 --> 00:32:31,989
- She loves "Seinfeld."
- I am a huge fan.
779
00:32:32,023 --> 00:32:34,257
- Hi.
- Look at this.
Kramer.
780
00:32:34,292 --> 00:32:35,759
- Mrs. Duberstein?
- Yes.
781
00:32:35,793 --> 00:32:37,260
- I'm Michael Richards.
- Hi.
782
00:32:37,295 --> 00:32:39,596
I just saw your husband
about 20 minutes ago.
783
00:32:39,630 --> 00:32:42,199
Oh, I think
you must be mistaken.
784
00:32:42,233 --> 00:32:44,634
My husband
has been dead
for two months.
785
00:32:44,669 --> 00:32:47,104
- What?
- Groat's disease.
786
00:32:47,138 --> 00:32:50,173
Yeah, it was
a long, painful death.
787
00:32:51,743 --> 00:32:55,779
Larry! Larry!
788
00:32:55,813 --> 00:32:57,347
Larry!
789
00:32:57,382 --> 00:33:00,083
I know I may look clean
and dapper right now.
790
00:33:00,118 --> 00:33:01,585
Bet the suit
threw you, baby.
791
00:33:01,619 --> 00:33:04,187
- I ain't shittin'.
- (Michael) Hey, Duberstein!
792
00:33:04,222 --> 00:33:06,523
Yeah yeah,
I'm talking to you.
793
00:33:06,557 --> 00:33:08,458
What kind of
lowlife are you?
794
00:33:08,493 --> 00:33:10,427
- What kind of
asshole are you?
- Whoa whoa whoa.
795
00:33:10,461 --> 00:33:11,962
Okay okay, let's just
calm down now.
796
00:33:11,996 --> 00:33:14,398
We're getting ourself
all worked up for
no reason, baby.
797
00:33:14,432 --> 00:33:16,133
No, don't "baby" me.
Don't calm me down.
798
00:33:16,167 --> 00:33:18,101
I'm so pissed off,
I could put this hat
up your ass.
799
00:33:18,136 --> 00:33:21,104
- (Leon) Let's relax here.
- What's this bullshit
with the hat?
800
00:33:21,139 --> 00:33:23,740
- (Leon) Put the hat
back on your head.
- You made a chump out of me!
801
00:33:23,775 --> 00:33:26,276
- No no no no!
- If only there were a--
802
00:33:26,310 --> 00:33:29,079
A horrible name
that I could call you
803
00:33:29,113 --> 00:33:32,282
That would make you
as angry as I am!
804
00:33:34,152 --> 00:33:37,287
Wha--
805
00:33:37,321 --> 00:33:39,723
You-- ahh!
806
00:33:39,757 --> 00:33:43,093
(Man)
So what seems to be
the problem here?
807
00:33:43,127 --> 00:33:45,629
- You know,
I've got this rash.
- Okay.
808
00:33:45,663 --> 00:33:48,131
First it was on my back,
now my neck and my arm.
809
00:33:48,166 --> 00:33:49,833
Now it's on my hands
and fingers.
810
00:33:49,867 --> 00:33:52,302
- Yeah, I can
see that right there.
- Yeah, look at that.
811
00:33:52,336 --> 00:33:55,138
Do you have any idea
how you may have
gotten this rash?
812
00:33:55,173 --> 00:33:56,840
The only thing
I can think of
813
00:33:56,874 --> 00:33:58,708
Is I've been seeing
this nine-year-old girl,
814
00:33:58,743 --> 00:34:01,044
and she kind of has
a rash on her pussy.
815
00:34:01,079 --> 00:34:03,914
Um...
816
00:34:03,948 --> 00:34:05,916
You know, I took her
to lunch the other day
817
00:34:05,950 --> 00:34:10,454
and we had a fight
and we made up and
we hugged, so...
818
00:34:10,488 --> 00:34:12,456
It must--
it's got to be her.
819
00:34:12,490 --> 00:34:15,125
- ( cell phone chimes )
- one second.
820
00:34:16,494 --> 00:34:18,395
Yeah, that's her now.
821
00:34:18,429 --> 00:34:22,132
- Yeah.
- She's so cute.
We text all the time.
822
00:34:22,166 --> 00:34:24,468
For a while we weren't,
but we're back on now, so--
823
00:34:24,502 --> 00:34:26,069
We'll get you
taken care of.
824
00:34:26,104 --> 00:34:27,737
I have another
patient to check on.
825
00:34:27,772 --> 00:34:29,706
- I'll be right back.
- Okay, all right.
826
00:34:29,740 --> 00:34:31,741
"don't tell
your mother,
827
00:34:31,776 --> 00:34:35,378
But I bought you
another pen."
828
00:34:35,413 --> 00:34:37,981
Call the police.
829
00:34:38,015 --> 00:34:40,951
( laughing )
830
00:34:40,985 --> 00:34:43,687
( theme music playing )