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♪ Spirit of my silence ♪
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♪ I can hear you ♪
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♪ But I'm afraid to be near you ♪
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♪ And I don't know ♪
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♪ Where to begin ♪
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Okay, I'm ready.
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REBECCA: You promise you like your gift?
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The towel? It's absolutely terrible.
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Suit's on?
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- Yes, ma'am.
- Your birthday suit.
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Only one I've got.
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(CHUCKLES)
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I had to put the lingerie
on top of my clothes.
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I see that.
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It wasn't a great moment for me.
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Tradition is tradition.
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Yeah. But I'm gonna go ahead
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and spare us both the
seductive birthday dance
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- this year.
- I'm sorry, baby, but it's my birthday,
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and I would really, really
like to see the dance.
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(CHUCKLES)
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Your funeral.
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- Mm-hmm.
- (SCOFFS)
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- Ready?
- Mm-hmm.
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(HUMMING, GRUNTS)
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(HUMMING) You like it,
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- right?
- (LAUGHS)
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This is what you want.
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A little of that.
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A little of that, for you?
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- (LAUGHING)
- I will gag
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you dead with that towel.
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Okay, okay.
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- I'm quiet.
- Come on.
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♪ Amethyst and flowers on the table ♪
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♪ Is it real or a fable? ♪
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♪ Well, I suppose ♪
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- ♪ A friend is a friend ♪
- (SIGHS)
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♪ And we all know ♪
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♪ How this will end ♪
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You suck.
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♪ What is that song ♪
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♪ You sing for the dead? ♪
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♪ I see the signal searchlight ♪
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- (COMPUTER CHIMES)
- ♪ Strike me in the window ♪
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♪ Of... ♪
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- (DOOR OPENS)
- WOMAN: Got a sec, boss?
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Yeah. What's up?
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ALL: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
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♪ Happy birthday ♪
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- (QUIETLY): Yeah...
- ♪ To you ♪
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- (CHUCKLES)
- ♪ Happy... ♪
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♪ I forgive you, Mother,
I can hear you ♪
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♪ And I long to be near you ♪
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- WOMAN: We love your show.
- Huh?
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Do you want to dance?
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Uh-uh. No. But, um,
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you know, you go ahead.
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It's my birthday today.
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36 today.
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- You don't look 36.
- Yeah, I do.
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REBECCA: ♪ Happy 36th birthday to you ♪
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♪ Happy 36th birthday to you ♪
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♪ I have triplets inside of me ♪
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♪ I am Shamu ♪
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♪ We all know how this will end ♪
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Hey, Big Three, do you three know
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how much I love your mother?
I mean, do you even have
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- any idea?
- (BABY VOICE): Yeah, we do. Now shut up
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- and let your fat-ass wife go to sleep.
- No.
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No, no, no. Birthday tradition
is birthday tradition.
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(CHUCKLES) So close your eyes in
there, kids, because Daddy's about
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to do some real terrible
things to Mommy.
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(CHUCKLES)
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♪ I see the signal
searchlight strike me ♪
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♪ In the window ♪
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♪ Of my room ♪
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♪ Chimney swift that finds me ♪
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♪ Be my keeper ♪
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♪ Silhouette of the cedar ♪
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♪ What is that song ♪
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♪ You sing for the dead? ♪
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- ♪ What is that song ♪
- (SHOUTS)
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- (CHUCKLES)
- ♪ You sing for the dead? ♪
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How could you possibly
want me right now?
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In any state, my wife, you arouse me.
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I bet I can make that go away.
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- There's nothing you can say that's...
- My water just broke.
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(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)
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- Yep.
- Yeah.
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- ♪
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
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♪ My hands to myself ♪
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♪ Can't keep my hands... ♪
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You know when I think it all
went wrong for me was 1986,
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second grade. They were sending
the Challenger up into space.
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You remember the Challenger, right?
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- Yeah. With Sandra Bullock?
- No.
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Christa McAuliffe, right?
She was gonna be
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the first teacher into space.
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She was actually gonna change the world.
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I don't know how, but you
could feel that, you know?
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At least, in second grade, you could...
you could feel it.
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Middle of the school day,
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the teacher brings in a TV, right?
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We're all just sitting
there, watching the launch,
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a bunch of seven-year-olds
just-just watchin'.
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And all of a sudden, boom! (GASPS)
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The whole thing explodes.
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Little pieces of sweet Christa McAuliffe
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come raining down all over
the state of Florida.
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It was awful.
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Maybe that's when I realized
trying to change the world
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just leads to being blown up
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into little pieces all over Florida.
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Maybe that's how I wound
up as the Man-ny.
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(PHONE BUZZING)
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It's my sister.
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Kate?
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You... you didn't have any ice, so...
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Well, this is a low point.
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We're 36.
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We're officially late 30s.
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Like, we are deep in the threes.
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Yep.
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(SCOFFS)
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How did I get here?
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Like, how the hell did I get here?
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Remember second grade, the
Challenger explosion?
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You have got to stop with
the Challenger explosion.
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There's something there.
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You're the only good
thing in my life, Kev.
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- I'm not that great. Come on.
- I know.
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That's what makes it worse.
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(CHUCKLES)
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I had this...
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whole dream life that I
envisioned for myself.
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- A real career.
- (CHUCKLES)
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I would marry a man like Dad.
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I would be a mom like Mom.
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But look at me, Kev.
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Like, I ate my dream life away.
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(SNIFFLES) So what do you... what
do you want me to say to you, huh?
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Wh-What... Give me the
magic phrase, sis, to say
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to make you feel better and I'll say it.
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Tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know.
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Tell me to wake the hell up. Tell me,
tell me to lose the damn weight.
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Quit feeling sorry for yourself.
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All right? That can start right now.
Wake the hell up.
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And-and, you know...
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the... What was the...
what was the third thing?
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Lose the damn weight.
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You want to say that again?
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I'm gonna lose the damn weight.
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(SIGHS)
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You are a lot smarter than you look.
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That's what Michael Bay told me.
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- ♪
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
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- Here you go.
- Oh, yeah.
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Thank you. (EXHALES)
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Hey, do you realize me and the kids
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- are gonna have the same birthday?
- (CHUCKLES) I know.
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Yeah.
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Still, six weeks early
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- is pretty early.
- Yeah.
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I know.
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(EXHALES)
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What the hell could this
thing possibly be for?
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It's for rectal examinations.
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That one's from the dirty pile.
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Sorry.
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Now, then, I'm Dr. Katowski,
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but you can call me Doc or Dr. K,
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which is what most people choose to do
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- because it's folksy.
- Oh,
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so you work with Dr. Schneider?
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Take a breath for me, dear.
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- (EXHALES)
- Deep breath, now.
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There you go.
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All right. You relaxed?
Good, good, good.
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Dr. Schneider's appendix burst
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an hour ago. He just went
into surgery. No, no,
189
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- no, no, no. Now, stay with me.
- Oh, God. No, I need Dr. Schneider
190
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- 'cause he knows about...
- Stay with me now.
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Between his screams of agony, Schneider
192
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brought me up to speed on
everything concerning your case.
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I know all about these
triplets, and I know that this
194
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- is a high-risk pregnancy.
- Yeah.
195
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But everything's gonna be all right.
196
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This is some kind of bad joke, right?
197
00:09:00,953 --> 00:09:02,921
It is not, unfortunately.
198
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Now, sweetheart, I'm gonna get
straight to your first concern.
199
00:09:06,759 --> 00:09:08,627
- Look at me now. Look at me.
- (PANTING)
200
00:09:08,661 --> 00:09:12,063
- Do you see me? I am 73 years old.
- Yeah.
201
00:09:12,098 --> 00:09:14,599
- You know what that means, don't you?
- No.
202
00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:18,870
That means I don't run wind
sprints as fast as I used to,
203
00:09:18,905 --> 00:09:22,774
but my faculties are
otherwise completely intact.
204
00:09:22,808 --> 00:09:25,377
There are days that I wish they weren't,
205
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because then I would retire
and spend my remaining days
206
00:09:28,614 --> 00:09:31,082
doing something more glamorous
than pulling eight-pound objects
207
00:09:31,117 --> 00:09:32,651
out of women's vaginas.
208
00:09:32,685 --> 00:09:34,319
But until that time,
209
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I keep showing up here every day.
210
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All right?
211
00:09:38,658 --> 00:09:41,960
I'm also aware that I'm a
complete stranger to you,
212
00:09:41,994 --> 00:09:44,596
and this is the biggest moment
213
00:09:44,630 --> 00:09:46,598
- of your life.
- Yeah.
214
00:09:46,632 --> 00:09:50,101
- All right? Honey, listen to me,
- Yeah.
215
00:09:50,136 --> 00:09:52,604
I am the best of the best.
216
00:09:52,638 --> 00:09:56,007
And I swear to you, on
the lives of my children
217
00:09:56,042 --> 00:09:59,010
and my grandchildren,
that I am up to the task.
218
00:09:59,045 --> 00:10:01,947
- All right? All right.
- Okay.
219
00:10:01,981 --> 00:10:04,182
- Thank you.
- All right.
220
00:10:04,216 --> 00:10:05,850
Good.
221
00:10:05,885 --> 00:10:08,019
Now, which one of you's pregnant?
222
00:10:10,022 --> 00:10:12,357
Now, that was a bad joke, but
223
00:10:12,391 --> 00:10:14,826
you just continue to take
those deep breaths...
224
00:10:14,860 --> 00:10:16,995
Let's see... let me see if
any of my people are here.
225
00:10:17,029 --> 00:10:19,431
Let me take a little test.
Sheket bevakasha!
226
00:10:19,465 --> 00:10:22,467
- (SCATTERED HEYS)
- Jew! Jew!
227
00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:23,635
Jew!
228
00:10:23,669 --> 00:10:26,171
All right, hey! Come on!
229
00:10:26,205 --> 00:10:27,439
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
230
00:10:27,473 --> 00:10:29,441
And... action!
231
00:10:29,475 --> 00:10:31,643
- ♪
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
232
00:10:31,677 --> 00:10:33,979
Huh? Huh?
233
00:10:34,013 --> 00:10:36,381
What can I do to make
you feel better, huh?
234
00:10:36,415 --> 00:10:37,983
You want me to breastfeed you?
Would that make you feel better,
235
00:10:38,017 --> 00:10:38,984
if I breastfed ya?
236
00:10:39,018 --> 00:10:40,318
(LAUGHTER)
237
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Yeah? Here we go. Let's try to...
238
00:10:41,754 --> 00:10:45,390
(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING)
239
00:10:50,529 --> 00:10:52,597
I'm-I'm sorry, guys. I need to cut.
Uh...
240
00:10:52,632 --> 00:10:54,165
MAN: Sorry, everybody. A
little technical difficulty.
241
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,901
- Who wants a T-shirt?
- (CHEERING)
242
00:10:56,936 --> 00:10:59,571
- Hey, man.
- What's up?
243
00:10:59,605 --> 00:11:02,073
I'm sorry. You know, I'm trying
to understand, for my character,
244
00:11:02,108 --> 00:11:05,076
you know, um, are-are we
suggesting, you know,
245
00:11:05,111 --> 00:11:08,246
that the Man-ny thinks a grown
man can breastfeed a baby?
246
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:11,349
Are we saying the Man-ny's got brain
damage? 'Cause I could do a voice.
247
00:11:11,384 --> 00:11:13,660
Kevin, I know you care. I know
you care about the character.
248
00:11:13,685 --> 00:11:15,018
I do care about the character.
Thank you.
249
00:11:15,043 --> 00:11:17,255
I also know that you're a
30-something-year-old actor
250
00:11:17,289 --> 00:11:20,091
whose biggest previous role was a
three-episode arc on Nashville.
251
00:11:20,126 --> 00:11:22,794
So say the line or find another job.
252
00:11:22,828 --> 00:11:25,430
Because trust me when I say
that I'll have you replaced
253
00:11:25,464 --> 00:11:27,432
by Ryan Gosling, Ryan
Phillippe, or Ryan Reynolds
254
00:11:27,466 --> 00:11:30,101
or any other handsome Ryan by
the time you get to your car.
255
00:11:30,136 --> 00:11:33,238
And believe me, my ratings will go up.
256
00:11:34,907 --> 00:11:36,675
Ryan Gosling would never do this crap.
257
00:11:36,709 --> 00:11:38,043
You are right, Kevin.
258
00:11:38,077 --> 00:11:41,212
Ryan Gosling would never do this crap.
259
00:11:41,247 --> 00:11:43,181
Remember that.
260
00:11:47,153 --> 00:11:49,154
RANDALL: Come on, Annie!
261
00:11:49,188 --> 00:11:50,689
Go get the ball, hon!
262
00:11:50,723 --> 00:11:52,269
Hi, Daddy!
263
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,595
Hi, sweetheart! There's the ball!
264
00:11:55,161 --> 00:11:57,062
You want to play soccer?
265
00:11:57,096 --> 00:11:59,898
- It...
- How's she doing?
266
00:11:59,932 --> 00:12:02,901
Uh, I think she's saving
it for the second half.
267
00:12:02,935 --> 00:12:04,569
How's about her?
268
00:12:04,603 --> 00:12:06,604
(GRUNTING)
269
00:12:06,639 --> 00:12:09,340
- Four boys crying and counting.
- That's my little badass.
270
00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:11,710
- Switch?
- Switch.
271
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:16,614
- Is that a... Aw.
- French braid. Yes.
272
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:19,751
- Over, under, back through, baby!
- (LAUGHS)
273
00:12:19,785 --> 00:12:22,220
- Hi, Mommy!
- All right, well, she made a friend.
274
00:12:24,290 --> 00:12:26,157
I found him.
275
00:12:26,192 --> 00:12:27,792
My father.
276
00:12:27,827 --> 00:12:29,761
What? When?
277
00:12:29,795 --> 00:12:32,163
I, uh... I hired a guy.
278
00:12:32,198 --> 00:12:34,199
It cost about 1,500 bucks.
279
00:12:34,233 --> 00:12:36,835
Now, I paid for it on the Amex.
You're gonna see it.
280
00:12:36,869 --> 00:12:38,412
It's the personal Amex,
not the business Amex.
281
00:12:38,436 --> 00:12:39,639
- I don't care about the Amex.
- I know, I know.
282
00:12:41,173 --> 00:12:42,340
So you're gonna...
283
00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,776
- No.
- Why not?
284
00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:47,112
Because she was a crack addict
who died during childbirth,
285
00:12:47,146 --> 00:12:49,314
and he was the guy who
left me at a fire station,
286
00:12:49,348 --> 00:12:52,150
probably because he couldn't
think of anything more cliché.
287
00:12:52,184 --> 00:12:53,952
So why'd you find him?
288
00:12:55,287 --> 00:12:57,889
I don't know, Beth.
289
00:12:57,923 --> 00:13:00,258
I really don't know.
290
00:13:03,462 --> 00:13:04,963
(GROANS)
291
00:13:04,997 --> 00:13:06,064
- Oh! Go!
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
292
00:13:06,098 --> 00:13:07,165
Way to go, Tess!
293
00:13:07,199 --> 00:13:08,967
- BETH: Sportsmanship, baby!
- (SQUEALS)
294
00:13:24,966 --> 00:13:26,667
KATE: Excuse me.
295
00:13:27,365 --> 00:13:29,232
Do you mind?
296
00:13:35,877 --> 00:13:37,778
(GAGS)
297
00:13:39,531 --> 00:13:41,899
...and so, I said to myself, "Tanya,
298
00:13:41,942 --> 00:13:44,210
"you have done what you
have set out to do.
299
00:13:44,244 --> 00:13:46,045
"You have lost the weight.
300
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:50,783
And now you can help others
be skinny like you."
301
00:13:50,818 --> 00:13:53,786
(APPLAUSE)
302
00:13:53,821 --> 00:13:56,322
So, who would like to share first?
303
00:13:56,356 --> 00:13:58,825
Every time I'm going on a diet,
304
00:13:58,859 --> 00:14:00,626
he sabotages me.
305
00:14:00,661 --> 00:14:03,062
Well, my husband found me
eating out of the fridge
306
00:14:03,097 --> 00:14:05,732
in the middle of the night
again the other night.
307
00:14:05,766 --> 00:14:07,767
(SIGHS)
308
00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:09,135
I'm trying.
309
00:14:09,169 --> 00:14:11,971
I'm not sabotaging you, Marsha.
310
00:14:12,005 --> 00:14:14,907
I know I don't have the same
issues as everyone here.
311
00:14:14,942 --> 00:14:18,344
But you guys don't know what
it's like looking like me
312
00:14:18,378 --> 00:14:20,713
and carrying around that extra
seven pounds in your midsection.
313
00:14:27,521 --> 00:14:29,021
WOMAN: For me,
314
00:14:29,056 --> 00:14:31,124
it was my mom.
315
00:14:31,158 --> 00:14:32,759
She never let us eat pizza.
316
00:14:32,793 --> 00:14:36,696
And so now, every time I see a pizza,
317
00:14:36,730 --> 00:14:39,532
(CRYING): I mean, I have
to eat the entire thing.
318
00:14:39,566 --> 00:14:41,701
If this doesn't work, I might just
319
00:14:41,735 --> 00:14:43,786
have my stomach stapled
and just be done with...
320
00:14:43,811 --> 00:14:44,494
(LAUGHS)
321
00:14:45,806 --> 00:14:46,973
(CLEARS THROAT)
322
00:14:48,776 --> 00:14:51,744
I am sor... I'm sorry.
323
00:14:51,779 --> 00:14:53,412
(LAUGHING)
324
00:14:53,447 --> 00:14:55,081
I was just... I was
picturing the stapler.
325
00:14:55,115 --> 00:14:56,716
(CHUCKLES) And it's...
326
00:14:56,750 --> 00:14:59,051
which is totally inappropriate.
327
00:14:59,086 --> 00:15:01,988
I apologize.
328
00:15:02,022 --> 00:15:03,456
I'm way fatter than you if it...
329
00:15:03,490 --> 00:15:04,724
- means anything.
- (CHUCKLES)
330
00:15:04,758 --> 00:15:06,325
(GIGGLES)
331
00:15:13,367 --> 00:15:16,135
Mmm, coffee.
332
00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:18,037
Hi.
333
00:15:19,473 --> 00:15:22,642
Boy, these people hate me.
334
00:15:22,676 --> 00:15:24,410
You kind of crossed the line.
335
00:15:24,444 --> 00:15:26,813
Yeah, you laughed.
336
00:15:26,847 --> 00:15:28,848
- That's because I live across the line.
- Oh!
337
00:15:28,882 --> 00:15:31,184
(LAUGHING): Okay.
338
00:15:31,218 --> 00:15:32,451
Toby.
339
00:15:32,486 --> 00:15:33,820
Kate.
340
00:15:33,854 --> 00:15:35,087
Yeah.
341
00:15:35,122 --> 00:15:36,522
Nice to meet you.
342
00:15:36,557 --> 00:15:38,758
So, you want to be fat friends?
343
00:15:38,792 --> 00:15:41,160
(LAUGHS)
344
00:15:41,195 --> 00:15:42,962
Sure.
345
00:15:42,996 --> 00:15:45,064
- But I'm gonna lose the weight.
- You know,
346
00:15:45,098 --> 00:15:47,733
I'm probably not.
347
00:15:47,768 --> 00:15:49,669
Okay.
348
00:15:54,942 --> 00:15:56,676
I can't fall for a fat person right now.
349
00:15:58,345 --> 00:16:00,213
Well...
350
00:16:00,247 --> 00:16:01,614
I guess I'll lose the weight then.
351
00:16:07,955 --> 00:16:09,789
Breathe, Bec. Breathe, breathe,
breathe, breathe, breathe. (GROANING)
352
00:16:09,823 --> 00:16:11,724
- Breathe. Breathe.
- (BLOWS OUT)
353
00:16:11,758 --> 00:16:13,159
Deep breath, Bec.
354
00:16:13,193 --> 00:16:14,493
Deep breath, deep breath.
355
00:16:14,528 --> 00:16:16,963
Deep breathe, look at me, deep breathe.
356
00:16:16,997 --> 00:16:18,331
- There you go.
- (BREATHING HEAVILY)
357
00:16:18,365 --> 00:16:19,832
There you go, almost done, almost done.
358
00:16:19,867 --> 00:16:21,667
(BOTH BREATHE HEAVILY)
359
00:16:21,702 --> 00:16:24,837
There you go. Hey, there you go.
360
00:16:24,872 --> 00:16:27,840
Baby, I'm sorry for anything I'm
gonna say in the next two hours.
361
00:16:27,875 --> 00:16:29,442
I mean none of it.
362
00:16:29,476 --> 00:16:31,844
- You're gonna mean some of it.
- Very little of it.
363
00:16:31,879 --> 00:16:32,579
Fair enough.
364
00:16:32,604 --> 00:16:34,680
I'm almost glad Schneider's
appendix burst.
365
00:16:34,715 --> 00:16:35,948
I like you two.
366
00:16:35,983 --> 00:16:40,319
Now since I'm new here, I thought
we might have a conversation now
367
00:16:40,354 --> 00:16:42,421
before things get more intense.
368
00:16:42,456 --> 00:16:44,557
Yeah, that sounds nice.
369
00:16:44,591 --> 00:16:46,125
So, you said you have grandchildren?
370
00:16:46,159 --> 00:16:47,793
Not that kind of conversation.
371
00:16:47,828 --> 00:16:51,397
Now. I know that Dr. Schneider talked to
you about the positioning of the babies,
372
00:16:51,431 --> 00:16:53,733
and how complicated this
delivery could get.
373
00:16:53,767 --> 00:16:54,492
I thought we should...
374
00:16:54,517 --> 00:16:56,469
I'm sorry, no, we're not gonna
have this conversation.
375
00:16:56,503 --> 00:16:58,871
- Jack, we need to have this...
- We're not having this conversation
376
00:16:58,906 --> 00:17:01,140
- because it's not gonna happen.
- Well, we need to talk about...
377
00:17:01,174 --> 00:17:02,608
We are walking out of this hospital with
378
00:17:02,643 --> 00:17:04,577
three healthy babies
and one healthy wife.
379
00:17:04,611 --> 00:17:06,145
- Absolutely, but we still...
- I have three cribs
380
00:17:06,179 --> 00:17:09,582
at our new home that
we bought specifically
381
00:17:09,616 --> 00:17:12,084
- for our three children to grow up in.
- I understand.
382
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,371
My-my mother, my mother has
already knitted three onesies.
383
00:17:14,396 --> 00:17:15,121
I know.
384
00:17:15,155 --> 00:17:18,224
And she's a slow, no-talent knitter.
385
00:17:18,258 --> 00:17:21,994
It's also happens to be my
birthday today, which tends to be
386
00:17:22,029 --> 00:17:24,463
a pretty great day in our house,
a day when I get pretty lucky.
387
00:17:24,498 --> 00:17:26,165
(CHUCKLES)
388
00:17:26,199 --> 00:17:28,334
So I'm gonna need everyone
in this room to believe me
389
00:17:28,368 --> 00:17:32,438
when I say that only good things
are gonna happen here today.
390
00:17:32,472 --> 00:17:33,973
Actually...
391
00:17:34,007 --> 00:17:37,076
I-I don't just want you to believe it.
392
00:17:37,110 --> 00:17:39,845
I want you to know it.
393
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,414
Do you know it, baby?
394
00:17:42,816 --> 00:17:44,951
I love you.
395
00:17:44,985 --> 00:17:46,686
Yeah, I know it.
396
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:47,820
I know it.
397
00:17:49,156 --> 00:17:50,890
Do you know it, Doc?
398
00:17:53,994 --> 00:17:56,295
I know I like you.
399
00:17:58,432 --> 00:18:01,434
Let's just start there,
get you what you want.
400
00:18:02,736 --> 00:18:03,936
(EXHALES)
401
00:18:03,971 --> 00:18:05,137
Okay.
402
00:18:10,177 --> 00:18:11,944
Hey, clear my afternoon?
403
00:18:11,979 --> 00:18:14,306
WOMAN (OVER INTERCOM):
But sir, what about...?
404
00:18:14,331 --> 00:18:15,105
Thanks.
405
00:18:26,793 --> 00:18:29,128
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
406
00:18:29,162 --> 00:18:31,130
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
407
00:18:31,164 --> 00:18:33,666
MAN: Yeah, yeah.
408
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:35,434
Stop all that banging, I
heard you the first time,
409
00:18:35,469 --> 00:18:36,669
banging on the door.
410
00:18:36,703 --> 00:18:38,270
Who the hell is...
411
00:18:38,305 --> 00:18:41,107
My name is Randall Peasing.
I'm your biological son.
412
00:18:41,141 --> 00:18:43,776
36 years ago you left
me at the front door...
413
00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:46,012
No, hold on, just let me say this.
414
00:18:46,046 --> 00:18:49,715
36 years ago you left me at the
front door of a fire station.
415
00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:50,950
Now, don't worry, I'm not here
416
00:18:50,984 --> 00:18:52,118
because I want anything from you.
417
00:18:52,152 --> 00:18:54,754
I was raised by two incredible parents,
418
00:18:54,788 --> 00:18:57,757
I have a lights out
family of my own, and...
419
00:18:57,791 --> 00:19:00,259
that car you see parked out
in front of your house?
420
00:19:00,293 --> 00:19:03,929
Cost $143,000 and I bought it for cash.
421
00:19:03,964 --> 00:19:06,932
I bought it for cash
because I felt like it,
422
00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:09,035
and because I can do stuff like that.
423
00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:12,405
Yeah, you see, I turned
out pretty all right.
424
00:19:12,439 --> 00:19:14,106
Which might surprise a lot of folks
425
00:19:14,141 --> 00:19:16,142
considering the fact that 36 years ago
426
00:19:16,176 --> 00:19:19,445
my life started with you leaving
me on a fire station doorstep
427
00:19:19,479 --> 00:19:21,547
with nothing more than a ratty blanket
428
00:19:21,581 --> 00:19:23,883
and a crap-filled diaper.
429
00:19:23,917 --> 00:19:28,320
I came here today so I
could look you in the eye,
430
00:19:28,355 --> 00:19:31,724
say that to you, and then get
back in my fancy-ass car
431
00:19:31,758 --> 00:19:34,593
and finally prove to myself, and to you,
432
00:19:34,628 --> 00:19:35,928
and to my family who loves me,
433
00:19:35,962 --> 00:19:38,431
that I didn't need a thing from you,
434
00:19:38,465 --> 00:19:40,666
even after I knew who you were.
435
00:19:42,002 --> 00:19:45,337
- You want to come in?
- Okay.
436
00:19:54,864 --> 00:19:56,865
So is there something
you want to say to me?
437
00:19:56,899 --> 00:19:58,867
'Cause otherwise, I
really need to get going.
438
00:19:58,901 --> 00:20:00,535
You want me to say something?
439
00:20:00,570 --> 00:20:02,337
No, I told you, I don't
want anything from you.
440
00:20:02,371 --> 00:20:04,439
- But you're here.
- Just to tell you that.
441
00:20:04,474 --> 00:20:06,341
Well...
442
00:20:06,375 --> 00:20:08,610
I've been told.
443
00:20:08,644 --> 00:20:11,680
You know what? If you're just
gonna sit here making excuses...
444
00:20:11,714 --> 00:20:14,149
- Didn't make any excuses.
- Because there's nothing you can say.
445
00:20:14,183 --> 00:20:16,518
Didn't say anything
for just that reason.
446
00:20:20,756 --> 00:20:24,826
Seems to me you want me to try
to make amends so you can say,
447
00:20:24,861 --> 00:20:27,329
- "Screw you," and storm out of here.
- That's ridiculous.
448
00:20:27,363 --> 00:20:29,698
Okay.
449
00:20:34,195 --> 00:20:37,798
I'd like to say I
remember that day, but...
450
00:20:37,832 --> 00:20:39,199
I barely do.
451
00:20:40,835 --> 00:20:42,803
I'm clean now, finally, but...
452
00:20:42,837 --> 00:20:45,138
I was on the streets then.
453
00:20:46,474 --> 00:20:49,209
I remember her dying,
454
00:20:49,243 --> 00:20:52,145
your mom, remember the baby.
455
00:20:54,816 --> 00:20:58,485
I'd like to say I remember
leaving you at a fire station,
456
00:20:58,519 --> 00:20:59,953
but I don't.
457
00:20:59,987 --> 00:21:01,555
Not an excuse.
458
00:21:01,589 --> 00:21:03,957
In fact, it probably tells
you something about me
459
00:21:03,991 --> 00:21:06,693
that I don't remember.
460
00:21:09,664 --> 00:21:11,665
I do like fire stations, though,
461
00:21:11,699 --> 00:21:13,667
so that sounds like something I'd do
462
00:21:13,701 --> 00:21:16,002
if I had to do something, you know?
463
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,641
Anyway, I don't know if that's
what you're looking for,
464
00:21:21,676 --> 00:21:23,443
but either way, you can be sure
465
00:21:23,478 --> 00:21:25,112
this life of mine is punishment enough
466
00:21:25,146 --> 00:21:26,713
for the things I've done.
467
00:21:26,748 --> 00:21:29,316
- If you think I'm gonna forgive you...
- I don't.
468
00:21:29,350 --> 00:21:30,951
No, you were right. I did just want
469
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:32,385
to say, "Screw you,"
and storm out of here.
470
00:21:32,420 --> 00:21:35,422
- Well, go ahead.
- Screw you.
471
00:21:35,456 --> 00:21:36,823
Yup.
472
00:21:39,293 --> 00:21:41,628
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
473
00:21:44,932 --> 00:21:46,533
You want to meet your grandchildren?
474
00:21:48,669 --> 00:21:50,871
I'll get my coat.
475
00:21:52,206 --> 00:21:54,007
Hey, kid.
476
00:21:54,041 --> 00:21:56,009
Hey. Alan.
477
00:21:56,043 --> 00:21:57,511
All right. Hey, thanks
for doing this, man.
478
00:21:57,545 --> 00:21:58,912
- Oh.
- I really appreciate it.
479
00:21:58,946 --> 00:22:01,581
Oh, please. No thanks necessary.
480
00:22:01,616 --> 00:22:05,285
Trust me: they're paying
me an absolute fortune.
481
00:22:05,319 --> 00:22:06,620
- (CHUCKLES)
- I'm sure.
482
00:22:06,654 --> 00:22:08,188
Great scene for you, by the way.
483
00:22:08,222 --> 00:22:09,356
- You know?
- Yeah.
484
00:22:09,390 --> 00:22:11,358
Tell ya what, when the prick
wants to, he can actually write.
485
00:22:11,392 --> 00:22:13,160
Yeah. Well,
486
00:22:13,194 --> 00:22:14,661
I'll see you out there
on the playing field.
487
00:22:14,695 --> 00:22:16,263
- All right.
- Break a leg, kid.
488
00:22:16,297 --> 00:22:17,597
Thank you, sir.
489
00:22:17,632 --> 00:22:19,800
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
490
00:22:19,834 --> 00:22:21,201
Hey!
491
00:22:21,235 --> 00:22:23,970
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
the great Alan Thicke!
492
00:22:24,005 --> 00:22:27,340
And... action.
493
00:22:27,375 --> 00:22:30,677
ALAN: Oh, for God's sake, I'm just
trying to lighten up the situation here.
494
00:22:30,711 --> 00:22:32,112
No, I get it. That's what you do, right?
495
00:22:32,146 --> 00:22:33,146
My lightweight dad.
496
00:22:33,181 --> 00:22:34,548
- Son...
- Don't call me "son."
497
00:22:34,582 --> 00:22:36,550
Just go. Just do your
thing, get out of here.
498
00:22:36,584 --> 00:22:39,152
- Come on, son...
- I said don't call me "son."
499
00:22:39,187 --> 00:22:44,291
I-I look at that little girl,
I would do anything for her.
500
00:22:44,325 --> 00:22:45,826
You understand? Y-You show me a train,
501
00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:48,895
I'll jump in front of it
for her, no question.
502
00:22:48,930 --> 00:22:50,897
And she's not even mine.
503
00:22:50,932 --> 00:22:53,667
I mean, you... you mosey
in and out of my life
504
00:22:53,701 --> 00:22:55,769
the past 30 years like
the way you have, I...
505
00:22:55,803 --> 00:22:57,838
I don't understand that and
I'll never understand you,
506
00:22:57,872 --> 00:22:59,306
so just get the hell out of here.
507
00:23:01,042 --> 00:23:02,375
Just get out.
508
00:23:06,180 --> 00:23:07,781
I want you to get out and this time,
509
00:23:07,815 --> 00:23:09,482
I want you to stay the
hell out of my life, okay?
510
00:23:11,352 --> 00:23:12,519
- Son...
- Leave!
511
00:23:20,328 --> 00:23:21,561
And cut!
512
00:23:23,030 --> 00:23:25,365
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS SOFTLY)
513
00:23:25,399 --> 00:23:28,702
(APPLAUSE GROWS LOUDER, AUDIENCE CHEERS)
514
00:23:30,504 --> 00:23:33,406
(QUIETLY): Thank you.
515
00:23:33,441 --> 00:23:35,642
All right, they must think we did it.
516
00:23:35,676 --> 00:23:36,776
- You did it.
- Thank you.
517
00:23:36,811 --> 00:23:38,044
You were fa... you killed.
518
00:23:38,079 --> 00:23:39,412
- Thank you for being here.
- Excellent.
519
00:23:39,447 --> 00:23:40,881
Hey, may I have the envelope, please?
520
00:23:40,915 --> 00:23:42,482
- Oh, come on.
- (CHUCKLES)
521
00:23:42,516 --> 00:23:43,817
There, what are you doing,
come on, get in here.
522
00:23:43,851 --> 00:23:45,952
See, I told you, right? I told you!
523
00:23:45,987 --> 00:23:47,053
That's so good, Kevin.
524
00:23:47,088 --> 00:23:48,054
- Oh...
- (SIGHS) That felt good.
525
00:23:48,089 --> 00:23:49,155
Now all we need to do is just
526
00:23:49,190 --> 00:23:50,390
take a quick whack at the alt pass, huh?
527
00:23:50,424 --> 00:23:51,791
Oh, come on, we don't need an alt pass,
528
00:23:51,826 --> 00:23:52,792
what are you talking about?
Why would you...
529
00:23:52,827 --> 00:23:53,827
wh-wh-what, for what?
530
00:23:53,861 --> 00:23:55,795
Kevin, come on, we talked about this.
531
00:23:55,830 --> 00:23:58,431
You know? I loved it...
I-I wrote it, you know?
532
00:23:58,466 --> 00:24:02,068
But, um, we just got to, we
got to get a lighter version.
533
00:24:02,103 --> 00:24:03,570
Come on.
534
00:24:03,604 --> 00:24:05,438
Let's get that alt.
535
00:24:05,473 --> 00:24:06,840
For me, okay?
536
00:24:06,874 --> 00:24:08,775
And, uh, lose the shirt.
537
00:24:08,809 --> 00:24:11,711
It's just better without the shirt.
538
00:24:16,484 --> 00:24:17,517
(DISTANT, ECHOING): I
hope you're hungry,
539
00:24:17,551 --> 00:24:18,818
'cause we got some pizza for you!
540
00:24:18,853 --> 00:24:20,620
(CHEERING)
541
00:24:20,655 --> 00:24:23,390
Everybody loves pizza!
542
00:24:31,198 --> 00:24:33,400
All right,
543
00:24:33,434 --> 00:24:34,834
- (MAN COUGHS)
- (SNIFFS)
544
00:24:44,078 --> 00:24:45,312
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
545
00:24:45,346 --> 00:24:47,213
No, it's okay. No, no.
Nobody be alarmed.
546
00:24:47,248 --> 00:24:48,782
Nobody be alarmed, this
isn't a real baby.
547
00:24:48,816 --> 00:24:49,816
This baby can't feel a thing,
548
00:24:49,850 --> 00:24:51,718
because everything's fake!
549
00:24:51,752 --> 00:24:54,220
God forbid we have real
emotion in this show.
550
00:24:54,255 --> 00:24:55,722
What do we got here?
551
00:24:55,756 --> 00:24:56,923
We got a real suitcase.
552
00:24:56,958 --> 00:24:58,591
Finally, we got something real.
553
00:24:58,626 --> 00:25:00,393
Oh, no, we don't! Look,
554
00:25:00,428 --> 00:25:02,462
there's nothing in the suitcase!
555
00:25:02,496 --> 00:25:04,597
Where the hell are you
going, Alan Thicke?!
556
00:25:04,632 --> 00:25:06,800
And what the hell are you gonna wear,
557
00:25:06,834 --> 00:25:08,902
when you get there?! Huh?
558
00:25:08,936 --> 00:25:10,570
He's got no clothes in the suitcase!
559
00:25:10,604 --> 00:25:11,905
You know what it is,
I'm starting to think
560
00:25:11,939 --> 00:25:14,107
about things now. It's actually...
Casey, it's not your fault, brother.
561
00:25:14,141 --> 00:25:16,309
It's not the writer's fault
this show is so bad.
562
00:25:16,344 --> 00:25:19,412
And it's so bad!
563
00:25:19,447 --> 00:25:21,247
It's not the network's
fault for airing it!
564
00:25:21,282 --> 00:25:22,849
It's you guys!
565
00:25:22,883 --> 00:25:24,818
- (AUDIENCE BOOS)
- Why are you watching this stuff?
566
00:25:24,852 --> 00:25:28,154
It's your fault for
demanding so little of us
567
00:25:28,189 --> 00:25:29,289
that we settle.
568
00:25:29,323 --> 00:25:31,291
I can't feel my face right now,
569
00:25:31,325 --> 00:25:32,592
but you know what?
570
00:25:32,626 --> 00:25:34,527
I knew exactly what this
job was when I took it.
571
00:25:34,562 --> 00:25:36,563
Shame on me for taking the money!
572
00:25:36,597 --> 00:25:38,531
Shame on you for making me famous!
573
00:25:38,566 --> 00:25:40,333
Shame on all of us!
574
00:25:42,103 --> 00:25:43,436
That's enough.
575
00:25:43,471 --> 00:25:44,604
- Hey...
- What are you...?
576
00:25:44,638 --> 00:25:47,073
(LAUGHING): I'm not gonna hit you, man.
577
00:25:47,108 --> 00:25:48,708
I'm not gonna hit you!
578
00:25:48,743 --> 00:25:50,977
What do you... you think
I'm some kind of animal?!
579
00:25:51,012 --> 00:25:52,312
I'm just gonna go nuts?!
580
00:25:52,346 --> 00:25:53,446
Listen,
581
00:25:53,481 --> 00:25:56,216
Ryan Gosling may not do this crap,
582
00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:58,351
and neither will I.
583
00:26:00,454 --> 00:26:02,956
I quit...
584
00:26:02,990 --> 00:26:04,457
I quit.
585
00:26:05,593 --> 00:26:07,060
- (SNIFFLES)
- (DOOR OPENS)
586
00:26:07,094 --> 00:26:09,162
Great working with you, man.
I'm a huge fan.
587
00:26:09,196 --> 00:26:11,965
Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
588
00:26:17,138 --> 00:26:20,407
(SCREAMING)
589
00:26:20,441 --> 00:26:23,109
All right, Rebecca, one
more big push, now.
590
00:26:23,144 --> 00:26:24,444
- (REBECCA EXHALES FORCEFULLY)
- There you go...
591
00:26:24,478 --> 00:26:26,479
- Keep pushing!
- Come on, Bec.
592
00:26:26,514 --> 00:26:27,580
All right!
593
00:26:27,615 --> 00:26:28,581
- (REBECCA EXHALES)
- All right.
594
00:26:28,616 --> 00:26:30,450
First male is out,
595
00:26:30,484 --> 00:26:31,484
and he is looking good!
596
00:26:31,519 --> 00:26:32,652
You hear that, baby?
597
00:26:32,686 --> 00:26:34,054
We got a boy! We got a boy!
598
00:26:34,088 --> 00:26:35,688
- (LAUGHS) We got a boy!
- All right.
599
00:26:35,723 --> 00:26:37,023
- (LAUGHS)
- Thank you, ma'am.
600
00:26:37,058 --> 00:26:38,024
- (GASPS)
- Baby?
601
00:26:38,059 --> 00:26:39,125
Something's not right.
602
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:40,126
(GASPS): There's something's not right.
603
00:26:40,161 --> 00:26:41,227
NURSE: Doctor?
604
00:26:41,262 --> 00:26:42,896
Some oxygen for her, please?
605
00:26:42,930 --> 00:26:46,066
Rebecca? You've done
real good, sweetheart,
606
00:26:46,100 --> 00:26:48,034
but we need to let you
get some rest right now
607
00:26:48,069 --> 00:26:49,569
and let's see if I can't
take it from here, okay?
608
00:26:49,603 --> 00:26:50,637
I'm sorry, what's happening?
609
00:26:50,671 --> 00:26:51,638
I'm gonna have to go in
610
00:26:51,672 --> 00:26:53,106
for the other two, people, let's go.
611
00:26:53,140 --> 00:26:54,774
Your wife is in distress, Jack.
612
00:26:54,809 --> 00:26:56,776
Now, right now, you
just need to trust me
613
00:26:56,811 --> 00:26:57,877
and get the hell out of my way.
614
00:26:57,912 --> 00:26:58,945
No, wait, but I'm...
615
00:26:58,979 --> 00:27:01,576
- Get him out of the room, now.
- NURSE: Stat.
616
00:27:03,776 --> 00:27:05,510
- RANDALL: Guys? (LAUGHS)
- Daddy!
617
00:27:06,268 --> 00:27:08,554
BETH: Hey, babe, I need you to
help Annie with her homework...
618
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,508
(RANDALL SIGHS)
619
00:27:13,542 --> 00:27:15,043
Guys...
620
00:27:16,645 --> 00:27:19,080
...this is your, uh...
621
00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:20,596
William.
622
00:27:20,631 --> 00:27:21,705
This is William.
623
00:27:22,018 --> 00:27:23,686
- ANNIE: Hi.
- TESS: Hi.
624
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:24,687
William Hill.
625
00:27:24,721 --> 00:27:26,956
Hi.
626
00:27:26,990 --> 00:27:29,358
I'm Beth. I'm sorry. I'm Beth.
627
00:27:29,393 --> 00:27:31,026
- It's a pleasure meeting you, Beth.
- Mm.
628
00:27:31,061 --> 00:27:33,028
ANNIE: You have a hole in your pants.
629
00:27:33,063 --> 00:27:34,063
- Annie!
- (WILLIAM LAUGHS)
630
00:27:34,097 --> 00:27:35,698
Oh, that's okay. I actually do.
631
00:27:35,732 --> 00:27:38,033
(CHUCKLES) Hey, isn't that
what the kids do to be cool?
632
00:27:38,068 --> 00:27:39,135
They put holes in their pants,
633
00:27:39,169 --> 00:27:40,870
- right?
- Not like that.
634
00:27:40,904 --> 00:27:44,545
(LAUGHS) Well, here I was,
thought I was being cool.
635
00:27:44,570 --> 00:27:47,906
Wait, what if I do this?
Yo, what's going...
636
00:27:47,940 --> 00:27:49,441
- (GIRLS LAUGHING)
- BOTH: No.
637
00:27:49,475 --> 00:27:51,710
My, my, my, you must be Tess.
638
00:27:51,744 --> 00:27:55,180
- Yes.
- I hear you play soccer...
639
00:27:55,214 --> 00:27:56,614
I should have called.
640
00:27:56,649 --> 00:27:58,016
I didn't know how to say it out loud.
641
00:27:58,050 --> 00:27:59,684
- So, you just...
- I...
642
00:27:59,719 --> 00:28:01,352
I have no explanation, baby.
643
00:28:01,387 --> 00:28:03,722
Like, everything I want to say
644
00:28:03,756 --> 00:28:05,023
or do around this man,
I do the opposite.
645
00:28:05,057 --> 00:28:07,092
It's like a bad sitcom.
646
00:28:07,126 --> 00:28:09,060
It's like an episode of The Man-ny
647
00:28:09,095 --> 00:28:11,196
or What's Happening!!
648
00:28:11,230 --> 00:28:13,198
(STIFLING LAUGH)
649
00:28:13,232 --> 00:28:16,801
He left me at a fire station
and I invited him into our home.
650
00:28:16,836 --> 00:28:19,437
(LAUGHING)
651
00:28:19,472 --> 00:28:21,940
Oh, my God, baby, you're cracking up.
652
00:28:21,974 --> 00:28:22,907
(SNORTS)
653
00:28:22,942 --> 00:28:24,075
Daddy?
654
00:28:24,110 --> 00:28:25,310
What's happening?
655
00:28:25,344 --> 00:28:28,546
(WHISPERS): What's happening?
656
00:28:28,581 --> 00:28:30,849
(SNORTS, LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
657
00:28:30,883 --> 00:28:31,850
(SIGHS LOUDLY)
658
00:28:31,884 --> 00:28:34,219
(KATE AND TOBY LAUGHING)
659
00:28:34,253 --> 00:28:36,654
- You're not serious.
- I am.
660
00:28:36,689 --> 00:28:37,756
Wait, Sally Field?
661
00:28:37,790 --> 00:28:39,057
- Yeah. I have a thing
- Mm.
662
00:28:39,091 --> 00:28:42,260
- for Sally Field. Sue me.
- She's, like, 60.
663
00:28:42,294 --> 00:28:44,729
60 is the new sexy.
You didn't know that?
664
00:28:44,764 --> 00:28:47,098
- Mm-mm.
- Mm. And when she turns 70...
665
00:28:47,133 --> 00:28:49,200
(GROANS)
666
00:28:49,235 --> 00:28:50,702
- (LAUGHS)
- Look out,
667
00:28:50,736 --> 00:28:52,403
Sally is gonna peak in her 70s.
668
00:28:52,438 --> 00:28:53,671
- (CHUCKLING): Mm-hmm.
- I promise you.
669
00:28:53,706 --> 00:28:55,173
- Yeah...
- WAITER: Can I interest you in dessert?
670
00:28:55,207 --> 00:28:57,609
- Oh, no thanks.
- Yes!
671
00:28:57,643 --> 00:28:58,610
- No.
- Yes.
672
00:28:58,644 --> 00:28:59,744
- No.
- Yes.
673
00:28:59,779 --> 00:29:00,779
- No!
- Yes.
674
00:29:00,813 --> 00:29:01,880
He was just asking
675
00:29:01,914 --> 00:29:03,081
if he could interest us in dessert.
676
00:29:03,115 --> 00:29:04,415
I am saying that he can.
677
00:29:04,450 --> 00:29:06,551
I am very interested in dessert.
678
00:29:06,585 --> 00:29:08,586
I am utterly fascinated by dessert.
679
00:29:08,621 --> 00:29:10,388
Dessert is my life's work.
680
00:29:10,422 --> 00:29:12,557
So...
681
00:29:12,591 --> 00:29:13,925
We will just have the check, please.
682
00:29:13,959 --> 00:29:15,860
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
683
00:29:15,895 --> 00:29:17,562
TOBY: I don't normally like risotto,
684
00:29:17,596 --> 00:29:20,431
but if you put it in a ball
form, and-and deep fry it,
685
00:29:20,466 --> 00:29:21,766
I can eat, like, a thousand of them.
686
00:29:21,801 --> 00:29:23,101
(KATE LAUGHS)
687
00:29:23,135 --> 00:29:25,737
I had a really nice time tonight, Toby.
688
00:29:25,771 --> 00:29:26,805
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
689
00:29:26,839 --> 00:29:27,806
Wait, what? No, no, no.
690
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,107
What, that's it?
691
00:29:29,141 --> 00:29:30,642
What do you mean?
692
00:29:30,676 --> 00:29:34,379
I mean, you're not gonna
invite me in for a...
693
00:29:34,413 --> 00:29:36,748
a nightcap or...
694
00:29:36,782 --> 00:29:37,749
a handy or something?
695
00:29:37,783 --> 00:29:39,117
(CHUCKLES)
696
00:29:39,151 --> 00:29:40,952
- Cute.
- I am.
697
00:29:40,986 --> 00:29:42,654
Thank you.
698
00:29:42,688 --> 00:29:45,957
I did have a really nice time tonight.
699
00:29:55,100 --> 00:29:57,001
Okay. You can come inside for a water.
700
00:29:57,036 --> 00:29:58,503
- (CHUCKLING): All right.
- A water.
701
00:29:58,537 --> 00:29:59,838
Uh-huh.
702
00:29:59,872 --> 00:30:01,072
We have already had our
six ounces of wine.
703
00:30:01,106 --> 00:30:02,106
I know.
704
00:30:02,141 --> 00:30:04,108
150 calories per six ounce.
705
00:30:04,143 --> 00:30:05,643
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
706
00:30:05,678 --> 00:30:07,412
You keep counting calories,
707
00:30:07,446 --> 00:30:09,247
and you're gonna really turn me on.
708
00:30:09,281 --> 00:30:10,281
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
709
00:30:10,316 --> 00:30:11,583
You want to know how many, uh,
710
00:30:11,617 --> 00:30:13,685
calories are in a sausage?
711
00:30:13,719 --> 00:30:14,853
- (DOLPHIN SQUEALING)
- (KATE LAUGHING)
712
00:30:14,887 --> 00:30:16,154
KATE: Is... but is it even legal?
713
00:30:16,188 --> 00:30:18,323
TOBY: No. Not in this country.
714
00:30:20,526 --> 00:30:22,060
Do you want to fool around?
715
00:30:23,195 --> 00:30:24,362
(STAMMERS): I don't.
716
00:30:25,431 --> 00:30:26,898
- Ah.
- Uh...
717
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,868
- Okay.
- No, I...
718
00:30:29,902 --> 00:30:31,069
No, I-I do.
719
00:30:32,771 --> 00:30:34,405
It's just been a long time
720
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,074
since this has even been an option.
721
00:30:36,108 --> 00:30:39,210
Hey. I know, I know.
722
00:30:39,245 --> 00:30:40,745
Um, you don't.
723
00:30:41,847 --> 00:30:45,183
I am 36.
724
00:30:46,585 --> 00:30:49,487
And, um...
725
00:30:49,521 --> 00:30:50,722
this...
726
00:30:50,756 --> 00:30:51,756
(GIGGLES)
727
00:30:51,790 --> 00:30:55,093
...is not a very pretty picture.
728
00:30:55,127 --> 00:30:56,327
It's okay.
729
00:30:56,362 --> 00:30:58,596
- No, it's...
- Hey, it's okay.
730
00:31:00,432 --> 00:31:02,233
- (KEVIN GROANS)
- Hey!
731
00:31:02,268 --> 00:31:03,268
Kevin, what the hell?
732
00:31:03,302 --> 00:31:04,402
Why don't you answer your phone?
733
00:31:04,436 --> 00:31:05,303
Uh...
734
00:31:05,337 --> 00:31:07,005
- I was on a date.
- Yeah, hi.
735
00:31:07,039 --> 00:31:09,140
(EXHALES): Oh...
736
00:31:09,174 --> 00:31:11,309
This is... this is the funny
fat guy from fat class?
737
00:31:11,343 --> 00:31:12,911
- Hi.
- Uh, yeah,
738
00:31:12,945 --> 00:31:14,746
it's Toby, and it's a
support group, but yeah.
739
00:31:14,780 --> 00:31:16,614
Holy... Wait, are you the Man-ny?
740
00:31:16,649 --> 00:31:18,683
Yes, I am, Toby.
741
00:31:18,717 --> 00:31:20,652
- (LAUGHS)
- I... I was.
742
00:31:20,686 --> 00:31:21,786
- Wait, what?
- You didn't check
743
00:31:21,820 --> 00:31:23,521
your phone, Twitter, Facebook, nothing?
744
00:31:23,555 --> 00:31:24,756
- Why? Wha...?
- Well, you should.
745
00:31:24,790 --> 00:31:27,025
- Becau...
- Okay, what is hap...
746
00:31:27,059 --> 00:31:28,559
- What is happening?
- I want you to know
747
00:31:28,594 --> 00:31:30,128
you would've been proud of me, okay?
748
00:31:30,162 --> 00:31:32,964
I was the picture of artistic integrity.
749
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,068
Could we do one without your shirt on?
750
00:31:37,102 --> 00:31:39,704
Well, the big news in Hollywood
today is, of course,
751
00:31:39,738 --> 00:31:42,240
the Man-ny's on-set meltdown.
752
00:31:42,274 --> 00:31:44,108
Think about this, I'm like, you know,
753
00:31:44,143 --> 00:31:45,910
it's actually not the writer's fault
754
00:31:45,945 --> 00:31:48,146
that this show is so awful.
755
00:31:48,180 --> 00:31:50,081
(KEVIN CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY ON TV)
756
00:31:50,115 --> 00:31:53,751
Wow. I actually kind of
feel bad for Alan Thicke.
757
00:31:53,786 --> 00:31:55,420
Yeah.
758
00:31:55,454 --> 00:31:57,355
♪
759
00:32:02,928 --> 00:32:04,896
Rebecca's vitals are good.
760
00:32:04,930 --> 00:32:06,965
She's gonna be asleep
for a little while,
761
00:32:06,999 --> 00:32:09,667
but she's doing fine. We're
monitoring her closely.
762
00:32:09,702 --> 00:32:11,636
(QUIETLY): Okay.
763
00:32:13,305 --> 00:32:15,773
We lost the third baby, Jack.
764
00:32:15,808 --> 00:32:17,542
I'm-I'm very sorry.
765
00:32:18,677 --> 00:32:20,411
(SIGHS): The, uh...
766
00:32:20,446 --> 00:32:24,248
second baby is a girl, very strong.
767
00:32:24,283 --> 00:32:26,517
The third baby was a little boy,
768
00:32:26,552 --> 00:32:30,054
but the, uh, umbilical cord
was cutting off his oxygen.
769
00:32:30,089 --> 00:32:32,657
He was stillborn. Nothing
anybody could've done.
770
00:32:37,296 --> 00:32:39,564
I'm sorry, I'm... I'm not
processing anything.
771
00:32:39,598 --> 00:32:41,299
(SNIFFLES) My wife?
772
00:32:41,333 --> 00:32:42,633
Is fine.
773
00:32:42,668 --> 00:32:45,570
And she'll be awake pretty soon.
774
00:32:45,604 --> 00:32:48,973
You have two beautiful,
healthy children, Jack.
775
00:32:49,008 --> 00:32:51,976
- Boy and a girl.
- (SNIFFLES)
776
00:32:53,846 --> 00:32:56,647
But we did lose the third child.
777
00:32:56,682 --> 00:32:58,049
(SNIFFLES)
778
00:32:58,083 --> 00:33:00,018
(TREMBLING BREATH)
779
00:33:08,794 --> 00:33:10,795
I need to be with my wife.
780
00:33:10,829 --> 00:33:11,996
And you will be.
781
00:33:12,031 --> 00:33:13,998
But she needs to sleep now.
782
00:33:14,033 --> 00:33:15,800
But soon. You just sit down.
783
00:33:15,834 --> 00:33:17,368
Sit. Sit.
784
00:33:22,508 --> 00:33:24,842
Okay if I keep you company a second?
785
00:33:26,078 --> 00:33:27,612
Yeah.
786
00:33:30,983 --> 00:33:32,784
(SIGHS)
787
00:33:34,286 --> 00:33:36,721
Okay if I...
788
00:33:36,755 --> 00:33:40,258
try and say something meaningful?
789
00:33:40,292 --> 00:33:41,726
Yeah.
790
00:33:44,430 --> 00:33:46,931
I lost my wife last year.
791
00:33:46,965 --> 00:33:48,499
Cancer.
792
00:33:50,135 --> 00:33:52,737
That's the reason I still
work so much at my age.
793
00:33:52,771 --> 00:33:56,107
Just... trying to pass the time.
794
00:33:57,176 --> 00:33:58,810
(CHUCKLES)
795
00:33:58,844 --> 00:34:01,779
We were married 53 years.
796
00:34:04,349 --> 00:34:07,285
Five children, 11 grandkids.
797
00:34:09,722 --> 00:34:13,658
But we lost our very first
child during the delivery.
798
00:34:15,794 --> 00:34:18,963
The reason I went into this
field, truth be told...
799
00:34:20,866 --> 00:34:24,435
...I have spent five
decades delivering babies.
800
00:34:24,470 --> 00:34:26,737
More babies than I can count.
801
00:34:29,908 --> 00:34:33,177
But there is not a
single day that goes by
802
00:34:33,212 --> 00:34:37,115
that I don't think of the child I lost.
803
00:34:37,149 --> 00:34:39,984
And I'm an old man now.
804
00:34:44,957 --> 00:34:46,858
♪
805
00:34:46,892 --> 00:34:50,595
I like to think that because
of the child that I lost,
806
00:34:50,629 --> 00:34:53,131
because of the path that...
807
00:34:53,165 --> 00:34:55,566
that he sent me on,
808
00:34:55,601 --> 00:34:58,369
that I have saved
countless other babies.
809
00:34:58,403 --> 00:34:59,937
Yeah.
810
00:35:03,742 --> 00:35:05,910
I like to think that maybe one day
811
00:35:05,944 --> 00:35:08,846
you'll be an old man like me...
812
00:35:12,084 --> 00:35:15,119
...talking a younger man's
ear off, explaining to him
813
00:35:15,154 --> 00:35:17,054
how you...
814
00:35:17,089 --> 00:35:22,226
took the sourest lemon
that life has to offer...
815
00:35:22,261 --> 00:35:25,530
and turned it into something
resembling lemonade.
816
00:35:27,466 --> 00:35:30,434
If you can do that, then
you will still be...
817
00:35:30,469 --> 00:35:33,771
taking three babies home
from this hospital.
818
00:35:33,805 --> 00:35:36,774
Just...
819
00:35:36,808 --> 00:35:39,377
maybe not the way you planned.
820
00:35:42,581 --> 00:35:46,083
I don't know if that was
meaningful or senile,
821
00:35:46,118 --> 00:35:48,886
but I thought it ought to be said.
822
00:35:52,457 --> 00:35:55,760
Your wife'll still be
asleep for a little while.
823
00:35:57,296 --> 00:35:59,630
Go see your babies.
824
00:36:01,266 --> 00:36:03,801
They're excited to meet their father.
825
00:36:07,005 --> 00:36:09,574
I think maybe they got a good one.
826
00:36:20,408 --> 00:36:23,174
Sorry. Just had to put the girls down.
827
00:36:25,041 --> 00:36:26,173
These people, they're your...
828
00:36:26,198 --> 00:36:27,665
My parents.
829
00:36:27,869 --> 00:36:29,870
Well, my adopted.
830
00:36:30,693 --> 00:36:32,494
They're my parents.
831
00:36:32,517 --> 00:36:34,384
You've been with them your whole life?
832
00:36:34,419 --> 00:36:36,353
From the start.
833
00:36:37,455 --> 00:36:39,056
A fireman found me.
834
00:36:39,090 --> 00:36:42,726
He took me to the hospital,
and they were there.
835
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,996
They said it felt meant to be.
836
00:36:46,030 --> 00:36:48,765
Just one of those lucky breaks, I guess.
837
00:36:49,868 --> 00:36:52,169
A fire station.
838
00:36:52,203 --> 00:36:54,938
(CHUCKLES): Gee, what
a thing to have done.
839
00:36:56,608 --> 00:36:58,742
- I should get going.
- Maybe we could have you by
840
00:36:58,776 --> 00:37:00,410
- every once...
- No, I don't think that's necessary.
841
00:37:00,445 --> 00:37:02,012
- It's no pressure. I just...
- It's just that
842
00:37:02,046 --> 00:37:03,380
I'm...
843
00:37:03,899 --> 00:37:05,467
I'm dying, is all.
844
00:37:06,826 --> 00:37:08,326
You're sick?
845
00:37:08,351 --> 00:37:09,720
Dying, not sick.
846
00:37:10,035 --> 00:37:12,003
Sick was months ago.
847
00:37:12,147 --> 00:37:15,149
I'm toward the end, fortunately.
848
00:37:18,739 --> 00:37:20,974
Uh... I don't know what to say.
849
00:37:20,999 --> 00:37:22,399
No, there's nothing to be said.
850
00:37:24,035 --> 00:37:27,237
It was a kindness you've shown me,
851
00:37:27,272 --> 00:37:29,840
letting me meet them.
852
00:37:32,756 --> 00:37:36,091
Your dad must've been very proud of you.
853
00:37:38,154 --> 00:37:40,088
♪
854
00:37:47,897 --> 00:37:51,366
♪ Let your heart be ♪
855
00:37:51,401 --> 00:37:53,902
♪ Unchained ♪
856
00:37:53,937 --> 00:37:57,072
♪ Let your skin be ♪
857
00:37:57,106 --> 00:37:58,941
♪ Unstained ♪
858
00:37:58,975 --> 00:38:00,475
♪ Let your road... ♪
859
00:38:00,510 --> 00:38:03,879
I cannot believe that I'm
drinking these calories.
860
00:38:03,913 --> 00:38:06,615
Since I just torpedoed my career,
861
00:38:06,649 --> 00:38:08,050
I think you can afford an extra,
862
00:38:08,084 --> 00:38:09,584
you know, 100 calories or whatever.
863
00:38:09,619 --> 00:38:11,353
- 150.
- It's 150.
864
00:38:15,191 --> 00:38:18,560
What if I'm not better than The Man-ny?
865
00:38:18,594 --> 00:38:22,464
What if I am exactly "Man-ny good"?
866
00:38:27,268 --> 00:38:29,602
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
867
00:38:32,642 --> 00:38:33,676
Broadway.
868
00:38:35,481 --> 00:38:36,801
Can't sing.
869
00:38:37,194 --> 00:38:38,704
Porn.
870
00:38:39,263 --> 00:38:40,563
Yeah, maybe.
871
00:38:42,548 --> 00:38:44,749
I'm gonna get some more of this red.
872
00:38:44,988 --> 00:38:46,154
(GRUNTS)
873
00:38:47,323 --> 00:38:48,557
I'm in so much trouble.
874
00:38:48,591 --> 00:38:50,559
I am screwed.
875
00:38:50,593 --> 00:38:52,928
Listen, okay, Kevin...
876
00:39:01,738 --> 00:39:04,139
Do you remember what Dad used to say?
877
00:39:04,173 --> 00:39:07,342
When something crappy
would happen to us?
878
00:39:09,730 --> 00:39:15,768
Whenever we'd get down, whenever we
felt like life wasn't going our way?
879
00:39:16,586 --> 00:39:17,919
Which one's yours?
880
00:39:17,954 --> 00:39:20,258
Um... those two.
881
00:39:20,369 --> 00:39:22,100
Congrats! Twins.
882
00:39:22,125 --> 00:39:24,159
Wow.
883
00:39:24,193 --> 00:39:26,395
How about you? Which one's yours?
884
00:39:26,429 --> 00:39:28,096
None of 'em, actually.
885
00:39:28,131 --> 00:39:30,399
Strangest damn thing.
886
00:39:30,433 --> 00:39:32,167
Someone left a newborn
at my fire station.
887
00:39:32,201 --> 00:39:35,303
I didn't know what to do,
so I brought him here.
888
00:39:35,338 --> 00:39:37,472
(CRYING)
889
00:39:43,679 --> 00:39:44,913
Smoke?
890
00:39:44,947 --> 00:39:46,848
No. Thank you.
891
00:39:49,652 --> 00:39:51,553
♪
892
00:39:54,271 --> 00:39:56,105
Life's strange.
893
00:39:56,225 --> 00:39:57,926
Congratulations.
894
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,429
Thank you.
895
00:40:00,463 --> 00:40:02,364
♪
896
00:40:12,375 --> 00:40:16,044
♪ Watch me when you call my name ♪
897
00:40:16,079 --> 00:40:18,280
Come on, Kev.
898
00:40:18,314 --> 00:40:19,815
You remember.
899
00:40:19,849 --> 00:40:21,083
(EXHALES) What did he say?
900
00:40:21,117 --> 00:40:22,651
About the lemons?
901
00:40:22,685 --> 00:40:24,152
- (CHUCKLES)
- Hmm?
902
00:40:24,187 --> 00:40:25,420
"There's no lemon
903
00:40:25,455 --> 00:40:27,489
BOTH: "...so sour...
904
00:40:27,523 --> 00:40:31,493
KEVIN: ...that you can't make
something resembling lemonade."
905
00:40:31,527 --> 00:40:34,896
♪ So glad you came ♪
906
00:40:34,931 --> 00:40:37,666
♪
907
00:40:53,708 --> 00:40:56,567
_
908
00:41:09,325 --> 00:41:12,494
♪ Watch me when you look my way ♪
909
00:41:13,703 --> 00:41:15,804
♪ See me smiling ♪
910
00:41:15,838 --> 00:41:18,073
♪ Be my night and day ♪
911
00:41:18,107 --> 00:41:20,709
Good. Now that's out of the way.
912
00:41:20,743 --> 00:41:23,612
♪ Touch me in your own sweet way ♪
913
00:41:23,646 --> 00:41:26,648
♪ Feel me tremble ♪
914
00:41:26,682 --> 00:41:30,952
♪ When you take my words away ♪
915
00:41:30,987 --> 00:41:32,921
♪
916
00:41:39,529 --> 00:41:42,497
♪ All of the time ♪
917
00:41:42,532 --> 00:41:43,932
♪ I love you ♪
918
00:41:45,334 --> 00:41:47,269
♪ Say it in mine ♪
919
00:41:47,303 --> 00:41:49,204
♪
920
00:42:14,564 --> 00:42:16,798
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