﻿1
00:00:01,171 --> 00:00:02,919
CAPTAIN KIRK: The <i>Enterprise</i> is preparing

2
00:00:02,922 --> 00:00:07,180
to leave Beta III in star system C-111.

3
00:00:07,183 --> 00:00:10,031
Sociologist Lindstrom
is remaining behind

4
00:00:10,034 --> 00:00:12,320
with a party of experts
who will help restore

5
00:00:12,323 --> 00:00:15,823
the planet's culture to a human form.

6
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SPOCK: The Late Landru, Captain.

7
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A marvelous feat of engineering.

8
00:00:19,195 --> 00:00:21,495
A computer capable
of directing the lives

9
00:00:21,497 --> 00:00:23,064
of millions of human beings.

10
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,875
But only a machine, Mr. Spock.

11
00:00:24,878 --> 00:00:27,234
The original Landru programmed
it with all his knowledge,

12
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,629
but he couldn't give it
his wisdom, his compassion,

13
00:00:29,632 --> 00:00:31,585
his understanding, his soul.

14
00:00:31,588 --> 00:00:34,747
I prefer the concrete, the
graspable, the provable.

15
00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:37,912
You'd make a splendid
computer, Mr. Spock.

16
00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:41,082
That is very kind of you, Captain.

17
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:44,218
That's humorous, because Spock
is half human and half Vulcan.

18
00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:46,921
But he's ashamed of his human side.

19
00:00:46,923 --> 00:00:49,195
That's why I identify with him.

20
00:00:49,198 --> 00:00:50,630
Good luck.

21
00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,598
MEEMAW: I gravitate
a little more towards Kirk.

22
00:00:52,601 --> 00:00:54,095
Why?

23
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,163
[IMITATING SHATNER]:
Be-cause... everything

24
00:00:56,165 --> 00:00:57,798
he <i>says...</i>

25
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,742
he makes sound so im-portant.

26
00:01:00,745 --> 00:01:03,938
I should hope so... He's the captain.

27
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:05,106
Sheldon.

28
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,307
Do me a favor.

29
00:01:06,309 --> 00:01:07,414
Go help your brother study

30
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for his math test tomorrow.

31
00:01:08,753 --> 00:01:10,911
Is that really a good use of my time?

32
00:01:10,913 --> 00:01:12,629
Come on. I'm asking nice.

33
00:01:12,632 --> 00:01:14,960
If he doesn't pass, he won't
be able to play football.

34
00:01:14,963 --> 00:01:17,284
You realize he's often mean to me.

35
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:20,888
So? Your mother's mean to
me. I still try to be helpful.

36
00:01:20,890 --> 00:01:22,790
Does she break wind on <i>your</i> head?

37
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Because that's what Georgie does to me.

38
00:01:25,762 --> 00:01:27,661
Can you help me out here?

39
00:01:30,566 --> 00:01:33,656
I'll do it if you take
me to the train store.

40
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You got it.

41
00:01:37,740 --> 00:01:39,773
And buy me whatever I want.

42
00:01:39,776 --> 00:01:41,108
Connie, what are you doing?

43
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[IMITATING SHATNER]:
Just providing my grandson

44
00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,289
with financial guidance.

45
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[QUIETLY]: Don't mock the captain.

46
00:01:48,128 --> 00:01:50,696
If Georgie passes his test,
I'll get you whatever you want...

47
00:01:50,699 --> 00:01:52,098
Under 20 bucks.

48
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,109
Deal.

49
00:01:58,261 --> 00:02:00,127
Why?

50
00:02:00,129 --> 00:02:03,234
I guess I like him better than you.

51
00:02:04,867 --> 00:02:06,600
[KNOCKING] Georgie?

52
00:02:06,602 --> 00:02:08,001
- What?
- Dad told me

53
00:02:08,004 --> 00:02:09,898
to help you study for the math test.

54
00:02:09,901 --> 00:02:11,605
I don't need your help. Get lost.

55
00:02:11,607 --> 00:02:13,398
GEORGE SR.: Georgie, let him help you!

56
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:14,842
Fine. Come in!

57
00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:17,476
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

58
00:02:17,479 --> 00:02:18,644
Oh, dear.

59
00:02:18,647 --> 00:02:19,847
What's<i> your</i> problem?

60
00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:21,949
No problem. I'll just...

61
00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:24,179
tidy while we talk.

62
00:02:24,182 --> 00:02:25,448
Help yourself.

63
00:02:25,451 --> 00:02:27,217
Before we start, I'd like to get a sense

64
00:02:27,220 --> 00:02:29,654
- of how much algebra you know.
- 'Kay.

65
00:02:29,657 --> 00:02:32,039
Do you understand solving and graphing

66
00:02:32,042 --> 00:02:34,961
- linear inequalities?
- Sure.

67
00:02:34,964 --> 00:02:37,570
Great. Explain it to me.

68
00:02:37,573 --> 00:02:38,739
Uh...

69
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,375
first you solve 'em...

70
00:02:40,378 --> 00:02:42,468
and then you graph 'em.

71
00:02:42,471 --> 00:02:44,661
And how do you do that?

72
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:45,762
Uh, you know,

73
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,174
carefully.

74
00:02:47,176 --> 00:02:49,476
Excuse me.

75
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[DOOR CLOSES]

76
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,437
$20 isn't gonna do it.

77
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[CHUCKLES]

78
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♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

79
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

80
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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

81
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

82
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- <font color="#D81D1D">Synced and corrected by VitoSilans</font> -
-- <font color="#138CE9">www.Addic7ed.com</font> --

83
00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:21,482
So you collect all
the terms linear in X.

84
00:03:21,484 --> 00:03:22,817
See? Simple.

85
00:03:22,819 --> 00:03:24,211
Maybe for you.

86
00:03:24,214 --> 00:03:26,147
No, it's simple for everybody.

87
00:03:26,150 --> 00:03:29,284
Now you collect all
the terms linear in Y.

88
00:03:29,287 --> 00:03:30,742
I don't get it.

89
00:03:30,745 --> 00:03:32,226
Try this. Close your eyes.

90
00:03:32,229 --> 00:03:34,735
- 'Kay.
- Can you see

91
00:03:34,738 --> 00:03:38,166
the slope of the line given
by the coefficients of X and Y?

92
00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:40,034
No.

93
00:03:40,036 --> 00:03:41,703
What<i> do</i> you see?

94
00:03:41,705 --> 00:03:43,066
Darkness.

95
00:03:43,069 --> 00:03:44,501
Try harder.

96
00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:46,841
Wait.

97
00:03:46,843 --> 00:03:50,411
I see Elle Macpherson in a bikini.

98
00:03:50,413 --> 00:03:52,580
Ooh, it just fell off.

99
00:03:52,582 --> 00:03:55,683
- Dad!
- I'll make it $40! Keep going!

100
00:03:55,685 --> 00:03:58,553
Maybe the problem is
you're not a good teacher.

101
00:03:58,555 --> 00:04:01,622
Unlikely. Regardless,
I am your only hope.

102
00:04:01,624 --> 00:04:03,991
What do you see when you close <i>your</i> eyes?

103
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:06,327
I see quadrant one as red,

104
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,463
quadrant two is soft and plush...

105
00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:11,466
[SNIFFS] quadrant three
smells like lavender,

106
00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:14,802
and quadrant four is overlaid
with a Fibonacci spiral.

107
00:04:14,804 --> 00:04:17,105
That's really weird.

108
00:04:17,107 --> 00:04:19,571
No. What's really weird
is doing simple algebra

109
00:04:19,574 --> 00:04:21,776
and thinking about a girl in a bikini.

110
00:04:21,778 --> 00:04:24,278
I disagree.

111
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:25,346
Dad!

112
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:26,814
GEORGE SR.: Keep going.

113
00:04:26,816 --> 00:04:29,717
SHELDON: <i>And when you
divide by a negative number,</i>

114
00:04:29,719 --> 00:04:32,153
you have to reverse the
direction of the inequality.

115
00:04:32,155 --> 00:04:33,721
I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

116
00:04:33,723 --> 00:04:35,923
But we're not done.
You're going to fail.

117
00:04:35,925 --> 00:04:38,212
I get enough of what
you said. I'll be fine.

118
00:04:38,215 --> 00:04:40,532
ADULT SHELDON: <i>It was
at that moment I decided</i>

119
00:04:40,535 --> 00:04:42,570
<i>I was not cut out for teaching.</i>

120
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,406
<i>I consoled myself with the knowledge</i>

121
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:46,977
<i>that I was wonderful at everything else.</i>

122
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:48,336
♪ ♪

123
00:04:48,338 --> 00:04:50,551
Take one and pass it back.

124
00:04:50,554 --> 00:04:52,848
Take one and pass it back.

125
00:04:52,851 --> 00:04:54,575
As you all know, this test'll count

126
00:04:54,578 --> 00:04:56,654
for 25% of your final grade.

127
00:04:56,657 --> 00:04:58,424
Be sure to show all your work.

128
00:04:58,427 --> 00:04:59,993
If you get stuck on a question,

129
00:04:59,996 --> 00:05:02,116
move on and come back to it at the end.

130
00:05:02,118 --> 00:05:03,818
And I shouldn't have to say this,

131
00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:06,187
but if there's any
cheating, I will see it.

132
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I got eyes in the back of my head.

133
00:05:08,491 --> 00:05:10,315
I got more eyes than a potato.

134
00:05:10,318 --> 00:05:11,493
[CHUCKLES]

135
00:05:11,496 --> 00:05:13,027
Ms. Ingram?

136
00:05:13,029 --> 00:05:15,097
- Yeah, Sheldon.
- I'm done.

137
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:16,366
What?

138
00:05:16,369 --> 00:05:17,724
I enjoyed it very much.

139
00:05:17,727 --> 00:05:19,277
I'll take another if you have one.

140
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,135
No, I don't have another one.

141
00:05:21,137 --> 00:05:23,571
J-Just read ahead in the textbook.

142
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,051
Oh, boy.

143
00:05:29,051 --> 00:05:30,812
ADULT SHELDON: <i>Seeing my brother struggle</i>

144
00:05:30,814 --> 00:05:32,480
<i>was difficult for me.</i>

145
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:36,141
<i>As his tutor, I took
his failure personally,</i>

146
00:05:36,144 --> 00:05:38,019
<i>almost as if I had failed.</i>

147
00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:42,290
<i>Which was odd, because
I knew how dumb he was.</i>

148
00:05:42,292 --> 00:05:44,959
Georgie, how'd you do
on that math test today?

149
00:05:44,961 --> 00:05:46,097
It was tough.

150
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,299
I don't know.

151
00:05:47,302 --> 00:05:48,996
I'm sorry I wasn't more help.

152
00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:50,097
Me, too.

153
00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:52,166
That's all right, baby, you tried.

154
00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:54,066
Yeah. It's okay, baby.

155
00:05:56,137 --> 00:05:58,404
I don't understand what went wrong.

156
00:05:58,407 --> 00:06:00,407
Is there any chance you drank alcohol

157
00:06:00,410 --> 00:06:02,173
when you were pregnant with Georgie?

158
00:06:02,176 --> 00:06:03,168
No!

159
00:06:03,171 --> 00:06:04,611
Well, don't be so high-and-mighty.

160
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,347
I drank when I was pregnant with you.

161
00:06:06,349 --> 00:06:07,815
You turned out fine.

162
00:06:07,817 --> 00:06:10,418
These days everybody's like,
"Don't drink, don't smoke."

163
00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:13,480
I swear. Texas is
turning into California.

164
00:06:14,097 --> 00:06:16,433
You realize there's nothing
I can do if you fail.

165
00:06:16,436 --> 00:06:17,592
You're off the team.

166
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:18,659
I know.

167
00:06:18,661 --> 00:06:20,084
Well, I'm gonna ask Jesus

168
00:06:20,087 --> 00:06:22,188
to help you get a good
grade on that test.

169
00:06:22,191 --> 00:06:25,613
Shouldn't you have asked
him <i>before</i> he took it?

170
00:06:25,616 --> 00:06:28,066
The man rose from the dead...
I think he can fix a test

171
00:06:28,069 --> 00:06:29,277
after the fact.

172
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,213
You know, I hear you
say things like that,

173
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:34,074
and I wonder if maybe I did
have a few too many whiskey sours

174
00:06:34,077 --> 00:06:35,510
when you were in my belly.

175
00:06:39,687 --> 00:06:41,486
[SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE]

176
00:06:42,886 --> 00:06:45,129
Not me, but not bad.

177
00:06:47,790 --> 00:06:49,590
I would say "A" for effort,

178
00:06:49,592 --> 00:06:51,629
but... that's an "F."

179
00:06:55,565 --> 00:06:57,732
What? How bad is it?

180
00:06:57,734 --> 00:06:59,394
You got a "B."

181
00:07:00,707 --> 00:07:02,503
Are you kidding?

182
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,272
I don't believe it.

183
00:07:04,274 --> 00:07:06,605
Me, neither.

184
00:07:06,709 --> 00:07:09,210
Me, neither.

185
00:07:09,212 --> 00:07:10,444
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

186
00:07:10,446 --> 00:07:13,141
So, I guess I have to
rethink my abilities.

187
00:07:13,144 --> 00:07:15,516
Clearly, I'm a wonderful teacher.

188
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,486
Georgie didn't pass because of you.

189
00:07:18,488 --> 00:07:20,087
What do you mean?

190
00:07:20,089 --> 00:07:21,756
He cheated.

191
00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:24,859
He had the answers written
on the bottom of his shoe.

192
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,561
He wouldn't do that.

193
00:07:26,563 --> 00:07:29,130
When you cheat in school,
you only cheat yourself.

194
00:07:29,132 --> 00:07:30,898
Where'd you get that?

195
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,768
An inspirational poster
outside the boys' room.

196
00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:35,903
I saw what I saw, Sheldon.

197
00:07:35,905 --> 00:07:38,139
Well, if this is true,

198
00:07:38,141 --> 00:07:40,058
he needs to turn himself in.

199
00:07:40,061 --> 00:07:42,910
That'll never happen. He'll
get kicked off the team.

200
00:07:42,912 --> 00:07:44,445
I'm sorry, I can't accept this.

201
00:07:44,447 --> 00:07:46,714
There must be another explanation.

202
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,699
If you don't believe
me, look at his shoes.

203
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,416
I will.

204
00:07:55,325 --> 00:07:58,192
[GRUNTING QUIETLY]

205
00:08:01,164 --> 00:08:02,396
[STRAINED GRUNT]

206
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:04,504
This is quite a workout.

207
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:12,717
♪ ♪

208
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,288
♪ ♪

209
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,431
[WHISPERS]: You dirty bird.

210
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,592
What are you doing in here?

211
00:08:56,595 --> 00:08:57,769
You cheated.

212
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,251
No, I didn't.

213
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,142
I'm holding the evidence.

214
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,077
Let me see that.

215
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,657
[SPITS]

216
00:09:09,071 --> 00:09:10,415
I don't see nothin'.

217
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:13,178
[GASPS]: That's obstruction of justice,

218
00:09:13,181 --> 00:09:14,993
as well as disgusting.

219
00:09:14,996 --> 00:09:18,514
Oh, relax. By passing that
test, I get to play football,

220
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:20,584
and you get to go to the train store.

221
00:09:20,587 --> 00:09:21,927
Everybody wins.

222
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,607
But what about the truth?

223
00:09:23,610 --> 00:09:24,930
What about it?

224
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:27,123
It's supposed to set us free.

225
00:09:27,126 --> 00:09:28,667
Who told you that?

226
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,135
The Bible.

227
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:32,871
Since when do you care
about what's in the Bible?

228
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,173
When it helps me win an argument.

229
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:38,397
The Bible also says honor
thy father and thy mother.

230
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,154
And if you open your mouth,
you're gonna make them sad.

231
00:09:41,157 --> 00:09:42,914
ADULT SHELDON: <i>He had me.</i>

232
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:46,427
<i>Somehow, the mullet-headed
simpleton had me.</i>

233
00:09:46,430 --> 00:09:48,624
This isn't over.

234
00:09:48,627 --> 00:09:50,560
Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do?

235
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,814
All right, maybe it's over.

236
00:09:57,531 --> 00:09:59,384
SHELDON: Meemaw?

237
00:10:06,656 --> 00:10:09,223
I assume you've read the
Surgeon General's report

238
00:10:09,226 --> 00:10:10,959
on the dangers of smoking?

239
00:10:10,962 --> 00:10:13,512
I'm gonna wait till they
turn it into a movie.

240
00:10:13,514 --> 00:10:15,080
Is that your new train?

241
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:19,117
Yes. It's my reward for helping
Georgie pass the math test.

242
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,386
You don't seem too happy about it.

243
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,620
I don't feel like I earned it.

244
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,256
Why not?

245
00:10:25,259 --> 00:10:26,725
Can you keep a secret?

246
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:29,794
Well, at my age, the question
is can I remember one.

247
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,096
Try me.

248
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:35,100
[WHISPERS]: Georgie cheated on the test.

249
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:36,601
Oh.

250
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,178
And nothing bad happened.

251
00:10:38,181 --> 00:10:39,638
He gets to stay on the football team,

252
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,010
Mom and Dad are proud of him,

253
00:10:41,013 --> 00:10:42,545
I even got a train for helping.

254
00:10:42,548 --> 00:10:45,335
So you're feeling guilty.

255
00:10:45,338 --> 00:10:47,679
Very much so.

256
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,215
Well, that's a real conundrum.

257
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,527
Have you been reading the
Word of the Day calendar

258
00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:54,152
I gave you for your birthday?

259
00:10:54,155 --> 00:10:56,755
Indubitably. [CHUCKLES]

260
00:10:59,324 --> 00:11:01,024
So what do you think?

261
00:11:01,026 --> 00:11:03,459
I don't think you should
let it bother you very much.

262
00:11:03,461 --> 00:11:05,746
I mean, there's always
gonna be people in this world

263
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,798
who are playing fast
and loose with the rules.

264
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,700
And your brother's one of them.

265
00:11:13,171 --> 00:11:15,225
That's how Captain Kirk is on <i>Star Trek.</i>

266
00:11:15,228 --> 00:11:18,174
Well, there you go, and he's,
like, the main guy on that show.

267
00:11:18,176 --> 00:11:20,694
No, Mr. Spock is the main guy.

268
00:11:20,697 --> 00:11:23,565
I stand corrected.

269
00:11:23,568 --> 00:11:27,750
Although Kirk is usually the one
who saves the <i>Enterprise.</i>

270
00:11:27,752 --> 00:11:31,120
Because he doesn't
always follow the rules?

271
00:11:31,122 --> 00:11:34,718
He even cheated on a
test when he was a cadet.

272
00:11:34,721 --> 00:11:36,420
The<i> Kobayashi Maru.</i>

273
00:11:36,423 --> 00:11:37,289
The what?

274
00:11:37,292 --> 00:11:38,324
<i>Kobayashi Maru.</i>

275
00:11:38,327 --> 00:11:40,229
Kirk is a legend because of it.

276
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:43,399
[CHUCKLES] <i>Ko-Kobayashi Maru.</i>

277
00:11:43,401 --> 00:11:46,097
Sounds like something
you eat at Benihana's.

278
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,537
Have you ever been to one of those?

279
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,905
They make you sit with strangers.

280
00:11:48,907 --> 00:11:50,171
It's crazy.

281
00:11:52,577 --> 00:11:55,178
Do you think a Spock
could become a Kirk?

282
00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:57,480
Well, in my experience,

283
00:11:57,482 --> 00:11:59,916
most people stay the
miserable bastards they are

284
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,251
their whole entire life.

285
00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:02,552
But...

286
00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:04,944
I have seen some folks change.

287
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:08,725
Hmm.

288
00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:13,463
All right. Well, I'm gonna
go play with this train.

289
00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:15,108
You do that.

290
00:12:30,007 --> 00:12:31,147
[SIGHS]

291
00:12:31,149 --> 00:12:32,181
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

292
00:12:32,183 --> 00:12:33,216
SHELDON: Georgie?

293
00:12:33,218 --> 00:12:35,444
- Go away.
- I need to ask a favor.

294
00:12:35,447 --> 00:12:36,580
What?

295
00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:38,655
It's private. Can I come in?

296
00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:40,436
[SIGHS] Come on.

297
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,247
Ugh.

298
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:46,749
What do you want?

299
00:12:46,752 --> 00:12:49,364
It occurs to me you
have something in common

300
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,889
with Captain Kirk.

301
00:12:50,892 --> 00:12:52,458
We both have cool hair?

302
00:12:52,461 --> 00:12:53,560
In order to succeed,

303
00:12:53,563 --> 00:12:56,171
you both play fast and
loose with the rules.

304
00:12:56,174 --> 00:12:58,280
Yeah, I suppose we do.

305
00:12:58,283 --> 00:13:01,344
When you cheated on the math
test, what was your strategy?

306
00:13:01,346 --> 00:13:03,746
Well, I guess the most important part

307
00:13:03,748 --> 00:13:05,982
was not stepping on
anything wet before the test.

308
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,051
And not getting an "A."

309
00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:09,986
Why wouldn't you want an "A"?

310
00:13:09,988 --> 00:13:12,488
'Cause that would raise suspicions.

311
00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:14,357
Who would believe I got an "A"?

312
00:13:14,359 --> 00:13:15,858
Wow.

313
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,458
Tell me more.

314
00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:19,695
Okay, when you're telling a lie,

315
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,928
it's important to throw in some details.

316
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:24,300
Like, when I was wanted to
spend the night at Ricky's house,

317
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,936
and Mom asked me if his mom
and dad were gonna be home,

318
00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:28,004
I said, not only

319
00:13:28,006 --> 00:13:29,546
are they be gonna be home,

320
00:13:29,549 --> 00:13:30,839
his dad was gonna teach us

321
00:13:30,842 --> 00:13:33,139
how to cook turkey legs in the smoker.

322
00:13:33,142 --> 00:13:35,195
I like turkey legs. Were they good?

323
00:13:35,198 --> 00:13:37,313
There weren't any turkey legs, you dope.

324
00:13:37,315 --> 00:13:39,582
His parents were in Branson.

325
00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:42,552
That's incredible. I
totally believed you.

326
00:13:42,554 --> 00:13:43,920
Details.

327
00:13:43,922 --> 00:13:46,639
Now get out of here, I
got to finish reading this.

328
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:51,060
Thank you, Georgie,
that was very helpful.

329
00:13:51,062 --> 00:13:52,395
[MAN SPEAKING ON TV]

330
00:13:52,397 --> 00:13:53,563
Did you hear that?

331
00:13:53,565 --> 00:13:54,647
What?

332
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:57,254
Sounds like Georgie and
Sheldon are getting along.

333
00:13:57,257 --> 00:13:58,368
Really?

334
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,036
That can't be right.

335
00:14:00,038 --> 00:14:01,163
I just heard it.

336
00:14:01,166 --> 00:14:03,439
Maybe there's hope for
those two after all.

337
00:14:03,441 --> 00:14:05,742
Or it's a sign of the apocalypse.

338
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:08,374
Honey, I'm-I'm watching this.

339
00:14:08,377 --> 00:14:10,544
[EXHALES]

340
00:14:12,757 --> 00:14:14,584
So you'll have to find someone else

341
00:14:14,586 --> 00:14:16,530
to hold your ankles in P.E. today.

342
00:14:16,533 --> 00:14:18,032
I'm sorry, what?

343
00:14:18,035 --> 00:14:20,969
I've suffered a terrible injury
and won't be able to attend.

344
00:14:20,972 --> 00:14:22,291
What happened?

345
00:14:22,293 --> 00:14:23,999
See for yourself.

346
00:14:26,231 --> 00:14:29,644
"Dear Coach Wilkins, please
excuse my son, Sheldon,

347
00:14:29,647 --> 00:14:30,991
from P.E.

348
00:14:30,994 --> 00:14:33,202
He has experienced a testicular hernia,

349
00:14:33,204 --> 00:14:36,039
and needs to rest for the
next six to eight weeks.

350
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,207
Sincerely, Mary Cooper."

351
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:41,477
Testicular hernia?

352
00:14:41,479 --> 00:14:43,452
That's called details.

353
00:14:45,617 --> 00:14:47,363
Ooh, that's rough.

354
00:14:47,366 --> 00:14:48,484
Hmm.

355
00:14:48,486 --> 00:14:49,519
How'd it happen?

356
00:14:49,521 --> 00:14:50,887
It's hard to say,

357
00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:54,424
but some risk factors include:
heavy lifting, a chronic cough

358
00:14:54,426 --> 00:14:56,993
and repetitive straining
during bowel movements.

359
00:14:56,995 --> 00:14:58,639
I've been there.

360
00:14:58,642 --> 00:15:00,400
Hmm. All right.

361
00:15:00,403 --> 00:15:03,837
Guess I'll see you
in... six to eight weeks.

362
00:15:06,346 --> 00:15:09,113
["BAD TO THE BONE" BY
GEORGE THOROGOOD PLAYING]

363
00:15:10,061 --> 00:15:12,269
ADULT SHELDON: <i>I don't
know if other supervillains</i>

364
00:15:12,272 --> 00:15:15,324
<i>started their careers
by getting out of P.E.,</i>

365
00:15:15,327 --> 00:15:17,046
<i>but that's where I began.</i>

366
00:15:17,048 --> 00:15:19,682
<i>Emboldened by my faux hernia,</i>

367
00:15:19,684 --> 00:15:22,332
<i>I started taking books
out of the library...</i>

368
00:15:22,335 --> 00:15:25,389
<i>without getting the cards stamped.</i>

369
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,056
You didn't check out those books.

370
00:15:27,058 --> 00:15:28,491
I know.

371
00:15:28,493 --> 00:15:30,626
<i>Before you judge me too harshly,</i>

372
00:15:30,628 --> 00:15:32,695
<i>I always brought them back on time.</i>

373
00:15:32,697 --> 00:15:35,765
<i>I was a rule-breaker, not a lunatic.</i>

374
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:38,734
<i>But perhaps my most
satisfying transgression</i>

375
00:15:38,736 --> 00:15:40,639
<i>was duping my sister</i>

376
00:15:40,642 --> 00:15:43,777
<i>into relinquishing control of the TV.</i>

377
00:15:45,343 --> 00:15:46,609
Hello.

378
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:48,611
What's that for?

379
00:15:48,613 --> 00:15:52,415
Oh, this? I was just digging
for money in Meemaw's backyard.

380
00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:54,217
There's money there?

381
00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:56,819
Oh, yes. I already found 75 cents.

382
00:15:56,821 --> 00:15:58,621
Who do you think left it?

383
00:15:58,623 --> 00:16:00,356
If I were to guess,

384
00:16:00,358 --> 00:16:02,458
I'd say pirates with
holes in their pockets.

385
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:04,827
Can I use your shovel?

386
00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:07,296
Be my guest.

387
00:16:07,298 --> 00:16:09,639
MISSY: Oh, baby, I'm gonna be rich.

388
00:16:12,203 --> 00:16:16,005
Today, we're going to learn
about Sir Isaac Newton.

389
00:16:16,007 --> 00:16:17,801
Hello, old friend.

390
00:16:17,804 --> 00:16:19,504
One of the world's
greatest scientists...

391
00:16:19,507 --> 00:16:22,278
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

392
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,946
[GRUNTS]

393
00:16:23,948 --> 00:16:25,047
See you tomorrow, Wayne.

394
00:16:25,049 --> 00:16:26,816
You have a good one, George.

395
00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:28,518
Hey, how's your son doing?

396
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,785
Georgie?

397
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:32,755
No, the smart one.

398
00:16:32,757 --> 00:16:34,390
He's fine. Why?

399
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:36,159
What about the hernia?

400
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,483
What hernia?

401
00:16:37,486 --> 00:16:39,520
The one your wife said he had.

402
00:16:42,991 --> 00:16:44,867
Happened to me while I was in the Army.

403
00:16:44,869 --> 00:16:48,871
I was in a bar in Georgia,
tried to lift up this big gal.

404
00:16:48,873 --> 00:16:51,241
Swear I could hear
something pop down there.

405
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:52,773
Sheldon gave you this note?

406
00:16:52,776 --> 00:16:54,009
Yeah.

407
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:55,411
I didn't write this.

408
00:16:55,413 --> 00:16:56,712
You sure?

409
00:16:56,714 --> 00:16:58,014
Looks like your handwriting.

410
00:16:58,016 --> 00:16:59,505
It's got that little
swoopy thing going on.

411
00:16:59,507 --> 00:17:00,516
I didn't write it.

412
00:17:00,518 --> 00:17:03,199
And I think I'd know
if my son had a hernia.

413
00:17:03,202 --> 00:17:06,347
So what, Sheldon forged a
letter to get out of P.E.?

414
00:17:06,350 --> 00:17:07,957
Looks like it.

415
00:17:07,959 --> 00:17:09,625
How about that.

416
00:17:09,627 --> 00:17:12,139
Don't be proud of him.

417
00:17:12,142 --> 00:17:13,262
Can't help it.

418
00:17:13,264 --> 00:17:15,131
First time he ever seemed like my kid.

419
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:17,421
Do you have any idea

420
00:17:17,424 --> 00:17:20,069
what's gotten into him?

421
00:17:20,071 --> 00:17:21,437
I might.

422
00:17:21,439 --> 00:17:23,039
Well?

423
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:25,675
Have you ever heard of...

424
00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:29,145
<i>Mobokachi Kaboom?</i>

425
00:17:29,147 --> 00:17:30,358
Wait.

426
00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:32,814
<i>Koshimaki Magoo.</i>

427
00:17:32,817 --> 00:17:35,038
Wait a minute, I'm gonna get this.

428
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,156
"Dear Professor Proton,

429
00:17:40,158 --> 00:17:42,024
I would very much like to meet you,

430
00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:44,594
and I only have three weeks to live.

431
00:17:44,596 --> 00:17:47,430
Please come visit me
here in Medford, Texas.

432
00:17:47,432 --> 00:17:49,165
Sincerely, Sheldon Cooper.

433
00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:51,046
P.S. My Meemaw makes excellent brisket."

434
00:17:51,049 --> 00:17:52,181
MARY: Sheldon.

435
00:17:52,184 --> 00:17:54,147
Would you like to explain this note?

436
00:17:56,441 --> 00:17:57,540
Well?

437
00:17:57,542 --> 00:17:59,809
I was trying to be more like Georgie.

438
00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:01,210
That's a dumb idea.

439
00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:03,913
We don't want Georgie
to be like Georgie.

440
00:18:03,915 --> 00:18:07,817
Well, let me start by
saying how very sorry I am.

441
00:18:15,118 --> 00:18:16,963
ADULT SHELDON: <i>Despite my explanation</i>

442
00:18:16,966 --> 00:18:19,790
<i>that I was embracing my inner Kirk,</i>

443
00:18:19,792 --> 00:18:23,393
<i>my mother had me make
amends for all my misdeeds.</i>

444
00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:25,162
<i>Starting in the library,</i>

445
00:18:25,164 --> 00:18:28,765
<i>where I had to reshelve
hundreds of books.</i>

446
00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:31,368
<i>Well, to be honest, that one was a hoot.</i>

447
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:35,972
<i>The amends got worse when Coach
Wilkins made me climb the rope.</i>

448
00:18:35,974 --> 00:18:38,208
<i>Lacking any upper body strength,</i>

449
00:18:38,210 --> 00:18:41,749
<i>I hung there like a
salami in a deli window.</i>

450
00:18:41,752 --> 00:18:45,482
<i>And finally, I had to
apologize to my meemaw,</i>

451
00:18:45,484 --> 00:18:49,609
<i>who was an unfortunate victim
of my sister's treasure hunt.</i>

452
00:18:50,731 --> 00:18:55,960
- <font color="#D81D1D">Synced and corrected by VitoSilans</font> -
-- <font color="#138CE9">www.Addic7ed.com</font> --

