1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,166 (train chugging) 2 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,623 (train whistle blows) 3 00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,130 ADULT SHELDON: I've always loved trains. 4 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:16,013 In fact, if my career 5 00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:19,468 in theoretical physics hadn't worked out, my backup plan 6 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,099 was to become a professional ticket taker. 7 00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,430 Or hobo. 8 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,481 (train whistle blows) 9 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,520 ♪♪ 10 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:33,482 And when I figured out that trains allowed me 11 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,612 to prove Newton's first law... 12 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,944 an object in motion stays in motion 13 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,450 with the same speed and in the same direction 14 00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,283 unless acted upon by an unbalanced force... 15 00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:46,586 I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, 16 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,538 alone and happy. 17 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,248 MARY: Shelly, dinner's ready! 18 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,379 ♪ Be-bop-a-lula, baby, what I say ♪ 19 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:55,302 (giggles) I don't care how dimwitted you are. 20 00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,678 Scientific principles have to make you smile. 21 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,100 Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas 22 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:04,804 in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. 23 00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,060 The only Newtons they cared about 24 00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:08,892 were Wayne and Fig. 25 00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:10,318 MISSY: Sheldon, if you don't get in here, 26 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:13,021 - I'm gonna lick your toothbrush! - Coming! 27 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:14,398 That's my sister. 28 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,323 And she's done it before. 29 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,610 ♪ Do the walk of life ♪ 30 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,695 ♪ Yeah, he do the walk of life. ♪ 31 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:21,821 The hell were you doing 32 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:22,951 - out there? - George, 33 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:23,826 language. 34 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,453 What language? So? 35 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,626 I was exploring dimensional kinematics. 36 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,371 Admit it... he's adopted. 37 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,706 SHELDON: How can I be adopted 38 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,381 when I have a twin sister? 39 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,050 Think, monkey, think. 40 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,001 MARY: That's enough. 41 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:35,880 No one's adopted. 42 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,007 I wish I was. 43 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,804 That can still be arranged. 44 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:39,756 Now, let's pray. 45 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,591 A moment, please. 46 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,097 (sighs) 47 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,804 - Leave him be. - He can hold hands 48 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,230 with his family. It won't kill him. 49 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,557 We don't know that. 50 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,017 Georgie, did you wash your hands before dinner? 51 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,352 Or even this week? 52 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:53,732 None of your business. 53 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,108 Hence the mittens. 54 00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,525 MARY: Thank you, God, for this food 55 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,906 we're about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies, 56 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,828 and bless the hands that prepared it. 57 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,079 ALL: Amen. 58 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,958 How come we ain't got no tater tots? 59 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,251 I made tater tots last night. 60 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:10,874 GEORGE: I'd take tater tots 61 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,455 over mashed potaters any day. 62 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,461 - Just eat what I made you. - Can we at least 63 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:15,587 have tater tots tomorrow? 64 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,634 ADULT SHELDON: It was family dinners like this 65 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,759 that led me to adopt a mid-Atlantic accent. 66 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,385 Nobel Prize winners... 67 00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,263 (Southern accent): ought not be orderin' tater tots. 68 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,561 Everybody excited to start school Monday? 69 00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:27,387 I am. 70 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:28,562 I guess so. 71 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:30,557 MARY: Georgie? 72 00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:32,062 Freshman year, that's a big deal. 73 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,688 How can I be excited when he's gonna be 74 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,111 in the same grade as me? 75 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:36,858 SHELDON: Don't worry, Georgie, I'm not planning 76 00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,111 on being in the ninth grade for very long. 77 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,534 All I know is he's not in the same grade as me anymore, 78 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:42,610 and I'm thrilled. 79 00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,620 Good luck with your finger painting. 80 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,614 You're gonna get your ass kicked in high school. 81 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,074 MARY: Hey, language. 82 00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,663 I'm not going to be assaulted. 83 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,710 High school is a haven for higher learning. 84 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:52,878 Oh, dear God. 85 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:54,834 Speaking of God, who's going to church 86 00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:56,416 - with me tomorrow? - GEORGE SR.: I can't. 87 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,296 I'm meeting with the other coaches. 88 00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,593 You can't meet after church? 89 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,671 No, Mary, I can't meet after church. 90 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:04,135 Georgie? 91 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:05,842 I got to study my playbook. 92 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:10,976 I'll go with you, Mom. 93 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,432 MISSY: Why are you going? 94 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,267 - You don't believe in God. - No, 95 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:15,772 but I believe in Mom. 96 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,523 I'll take it. Missy? 97 00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:18,695 Can't, Heather asked me to... 98 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,648 - You're goin'. - Son of a bitch. 99 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:22,658 - Hey. - Ow! 100 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:23,529 (laughs) 101 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,287 MARY: Missy... (gasps) Don't you 102 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,911 throw something at the dinner table. George Jr. 103 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:32,210 ADULT SHELDON: Jane Goodall had to go to Africa to study apes. 104 00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:33,119 MISSY: Hey! 105 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,288 I just had to go to dinner. 106 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:37,544 Never at the dinner table! 107 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,170 You knock that off, George! 108 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,218 D-Do not retaliate! 109 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:45,265 ALL: ♪ Onward, Christian soldiers ♪ 110 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:49,890 ♪ Marching as to war ♪ 111 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:54,725 ♪ With the cross of Jesus ♪ 112 00:03:54,943 --> 00:04:00,530 ♪ Going on before. ♪ 113 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:04,113 In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said, 114 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:08,413 "Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?" 115 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,952 - (quietly): Do you have evil thoughts? - Shh. 116 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,955 I just don't think this part applies to me. 117 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,127 That's fine. Be quiet and listen. 118 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,212 I'm only nine years old. 119 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,256 Most evil doesn't start till puberty. 120 00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:20,249 (clears throat) 121 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:21,925 Hello. 122 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,719 Philippians 4:8, 123 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,255 "Finally, brothers, whatever is..." 124 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,886 Do you have evil thoughts? 125 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,012 I'm having one right now. 126 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,472 Really? What is it? 127 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,304 When we get home, I'm gonna kick your little balls. 128 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,606 You can't. They haven't descended yet. 129 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,025 - Mom? - What? 130 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,320 When should I be expecting my testicles? 131 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:42,692 "...whatever is admirable..." 132 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,740 What is wrong with him? 133 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,817 Nothin' is wrong with him. 134 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,324 Now, turn around before I knock your lights out. 135 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,031 PASTOR:...think continually on these things. 136 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,286 A good thought leads 137 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:54,834 to a good thing. 138 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,786 You feel it in your body. You feel it in your... 139 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,292 ADULT SHELDON: My mom was my Christian soldier. 140 00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,716 ...leads to evil things and sits there and... 141 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:05,011 And for the record, they descended when I was 15. 142 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,550 (whirring) 143 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:15,062 ♪♪ 144 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,479 Shelly, it's your last day of summer. Go out and enjoy it. 145 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,776 But I have to learn the student handbook. 146 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,853 Ooh, did you know extreme hairstyles, 147 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,486 goatees and mustaches are not allowed? 148 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,158 - I didn't. - I personally find that very reassuring. 149 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,783 Look what a beautiful day it is. 150 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,956 (loud whirring) 151 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,701 (tires screeching) 152 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,247 (deep barking) 153 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:44,879 Go play. 154 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,678 "Go play"... if only life were that simple. 155 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,099 There, I played. 156 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,437 Hey, Sheldon! 157 00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,477 Hello, Billy Sparks. 158 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,685 - Hello, Matilda Sparks. - I heard 159 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,270 - you're going to high school tomorrow. - I am. 160 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,105 You're going to have to find someone else 161 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,815 to torment on the playground. 162 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:09,863 "Torment"? 163 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,115 (sighs) It means to maliciously harass. 164 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,662 "Her ass"? (chuckles) 165 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:14,993 That's funny. 166 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,870 Well, this was nice. 167 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,075 Hey, doofus! 168 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:19,910 (squawks) 169 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,291 Mom! 170 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:23,543 - Good girl. - Mom! 171 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,377 MARY: What am I supposed to do? His feet are growing. 172 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,178 GEORGE SR.: Why can't he wear Georgie's old shoes? 173 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,505 MARY: He won't hold your hand. 174 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:31,680 You think he's gonna put his feet 175 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:32,973 in his brother's smelly shoes? 176 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,766 GEORGE SR.: Well, we damn well better cut back somewhere. 177 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,640 MARY: Will you please keep your voice down? 178 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:37,891 (door shuts) 179 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:39,768 They're fighting about you again. 180 00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,770 They're fighting about money. 181 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,102 It's a common argument in marriages. 182 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,149 (door opens) 183 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,110 Lights out. 184 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,532 Big day tomorrow. 185 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:51,859 Mom? 186 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:52,989 Hmm? 187 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,321 Do we have financial problems? 188 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,077 Don't you worry about that. 189 00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,283 We are fine. 190 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,126 Now, go to sleep. 191 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:03,253 (sighs) 192 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:06,253 She's lying. She just said that to make you feel better. 193 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:08,585 Mom doesn't lie. 194 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,211 Sure, she thinks 195 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,796 the Earth was made in six days, 196 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,598 but that's 'cause she's gullible, not a liar. 197 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,012 MISSY: Mom, 198 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,147 Sheldon can't find his bowtie. 199 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,600 Really? I laid it out for him. 200 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,811 Leave it alone, Mary. He doesn't need a bowtie. 201 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,943 It's his first day of school. Let him wear what he wants. 202 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:32,150 SHELDON: Mom, I can't find my bowtie! 203 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,452 Dear Lord, why's he got to wear a bowtie? 204 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,329 Can I drive in with you? 205 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:38,531 Sure. 206 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,582 Everybody's gonna know he's your brother. 207 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,160 It's gonna be awful for you. 208 00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,415 Tell her to shut up. 209 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,204 She's not wrong. 210 00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:46,918 (TV plays quietly) 211 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,624 - It's got to be here. - SHELDON: It's not. 212 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,506 - It's not! - Shelly, stay calm. We'll find it. 213 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,929 - My tie is gone! My tie is gone! - Shelly, 214 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,221 you don't really need a tie. 215 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:58,597 I have to find my tie. I have to find my tie. 216 00:07:58,895 --> 00:07:59,885 Be right back. 217 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:03,143 Professor Proton wears a bowtie! 218 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:04,556 George Junior, 219 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,769 - give me back that bowtie right now! - I didn't take it! 220 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,696 - Don't you lie to me! - I'm not lying! 221 00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:14,317 - We'll see about that. - Stay out of my room! 222 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,323 She's gonna find your dirty magazines. 223 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,403 Shut up! 224 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,530 You are not having a good day. 225 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:20,910 (sighs) 226 00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:25,748 (sighs) 227 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:28,919 Ugh! 228 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:30,837 (sighs) 229 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,594 Hey. Hey, he didn't take it. 230 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,512 - Then what happened to it?! - SHELDON: I can't find my bowtie! 231 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,681 I'll check in the bathroom! 232 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,258 I took it. 233 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,511 - Why would you do that? - Mary, 234 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,847 the boy is nine years old and going into high school. 235 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,560 Isn't that weird enough? 236 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,141 - Give it to me. - Come on. 237 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,771 It's not just Sheldon. 238 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,356 Georgie's gonna be in class with him. 239 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,279 Not in the bathroom! 240 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,068 Give it. 241 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,447 ♪ Think about it ♪ 242 00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,579 ♪ There must be higher love ♪ 243 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:05,539 ♪ Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above ♪ 244 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,246 ♪ Without it... ♪ - Would you like to play a driving game? 245 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,172 Not really. I always lose. 246 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,874 - I know. That's why it's fun. - (laughs) 247 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,927 How about license plates with prime numbers 248 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,130 - followed by a cons...? - Why don't we just talk? 249 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,213 Very well. 250 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:20,883 You understand 251 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,219 that some people are gonna be intimidated by you 252 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,428 'cause of how smart you are? 253 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,852 Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect 254 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,854 and make me their leader. 255 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,310 Lord, look after my son. 256 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,987 Don't let him get stuffed in a gym bag. 257 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:39,027 ♪ Bring me a higher love, oh, oh ♪ 258 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,078 ♪ Bring me a higher love... ♪ 259 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,657 (distorted sounds and voices) 260 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,243 (distorted speech) 261 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:48,494 Oh, dear. 262 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:49,703 Yeah. 263 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,589 That boy has an exposed tattoo. 264 00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:53,587 He does. 265 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:54,462 I wonder if he knows 266 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,760 that's in violation of the dress code. 267 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:01,390 Speaking of which, how about we lose the bowtie? 268 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:02,971 Why? 269 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,727 Look around, honey. None of the other kids are wearing one. 270 00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:07,475 Well, perhaps I'll start a fad. 271 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,807 No, you won't. Please trust Mommy. 272 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,392 All right, tell you what. 273 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,070 You take it off, and this weekend, 274 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,318 I'll take you to RadioShack. 275 00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,029 Hmm? 276 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,951 (bell ringing) 277 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,404 (indistinct chatter) 278 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,915 (growling) 279 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,454 You doing okay? 280 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,494 I guess. 281 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:31,624 (roars) 282 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,251 I smell ammonia. 283 00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:35,921 They must've done a thorough cleaning recently. 284 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,508 I like that. 285 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:41,046 MARY: And remember, if anybody bothers you, what do you say? 286 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,882 My dad's a football coach. 287 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,218 - And? - My brother's a football player. 288 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:46,347 Good. 289 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:47,803 Hey, Mom, look. 290 00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,513 That girl's pregnant. 291 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,686 Congratulations. 292 00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,153 (toilet flushing) 293 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,947 Well, that was revolting. 294 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,950 All right. This is your homeroom. 295 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,653 Do you want me to go in with you? 296 00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:06,580 No. Although I could've used you in the restroom. 297 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,373 Okay, well... 298 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,250 You have a good day. 299 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:11,451 And I'll pick you up after school, 300 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,287 same door we came in. 301 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,877 Are you crying or having an allergy attack? 302 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,129 Allergies. 303 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,710 It's probably the ammonia. 304 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,636 Probably. (sniffles) 305 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,677 Okay. Let the learning begin. 306 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,557 (exhales) 307 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:38,229 All right, everybody, my name is Ms. MacElroy. 308 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,689 In addition to being your homeroom teacher, 309 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:43,401 I'll be seeing some of you in my English class, 310 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,612 and some of you on the volleyball court. 311 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,037 Just to give you a little history, 312 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,615 I've been here at Medford for 29 years... 313 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:50,540 (mouthing) 314 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:51,959 ...I taught some of your older brothers and sisters, 315 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,583 and sadly, some of your parents. 316 00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:57,672 Not much I haven't seen. 317 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,216 Until today. 318 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,712 I'm sure you're well aware we have a student with us, 319 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,971 who, despite his young age, 320 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,053 is remarkably gifted. 321 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:10,511 And I expect y'all to make him feel welcome. 322 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:12,771 Yes, Sheldon? 323 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,357 Per the student dress and grooming code, 324 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,359 this boy's hair is too long, 325 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,936 this boy is wearing sports attire 326 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,317 outside of a designated area 327 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,524 and this girl's blouse is diaphanous, 328 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,609 which means I can see her brassiere. 329 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:28,195 - (laughter) - Thank you. 330 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:30,034 I will take that into account. 331 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:31,452 All right. 332 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,660 We have a few minutes before first period. 333 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,086 I need y'all to fill out these forms. 334 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:36,957 What? 335 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,289 Also in violation 336 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,919 of the grooming code on page 48, 337 00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,171 article five, subsection B, 338 00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,219 you have a bit of a mustache. 339 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,386 (laughter) 340 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:49,050 This is a stupid idea. This boy does not 341 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,180 belong in our school. 342 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,977 PETERSEN: Come on Vicky, it's just the first day. 343 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,895 Why don't we all just take a deep breath here? 344 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,599 The hell with that. Five minutes into my math class, 345 00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,059 he questioned my credentials. 346 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,019 How am I supposed to control a classroom when a kid accuses me 347 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,729 of being in breach of the hygiene code? 348 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,405 Well, Hubert, it wouldn't kill you to shower 349 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,029 a little more often. George, you want to weigh in here? 350 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,361 - Well... - INGRAM: Oral Roberts University 351 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:09,365 is a wonderful school. 352 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,196 He said I was intimidated by his intelligence, 353 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,031 and then, 354 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,867 he offered to be my "leader." 355 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:16,876 (clears throat) 356 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,289 (playing Mozart's Sonata in D) 357 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,691 (piano playing) 358 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,378 (stops playing) 359 00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,001 Do you know this sonata? 360 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,089 No. 361 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,175 How long have you played the piano? 362 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,928 I don't play piano. 363 00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:10,381 PETERSEN: George, 364 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:11,673 you got any thoughts here? 365 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:12,967 I certainly do. 366 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,307 Mary, tell him. 367 00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:19,185 It's simple. We don't have a choice. 368 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,936 Well, you gave it a shot. 369 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,651 We wish you luck with Sheldon elsewhere... 370 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,774 MARY: No, no, no. 371 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:25,900 We don't have a choice. 372 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,026 He's got to stay here. 373 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:28,232 We can't afford 374 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,066 private school. 375 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,446 I sure can't homeschool him. 376 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,869 He's doing calculus and Euclidean something or other. 377 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,288 Euclidean geometry. 378 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:35,865 Guess where I learned that. 379 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,416 Yeah, yeah, we know. 380 00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:40,080 All I care about is that 381 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,913 my son gets the education he deserves, so you all 382 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,122 are gonna have to figure this out. 383 00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:46,208 Coach, can you help me out here, please? 384 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,292 'Cause I'm dyin'. 385 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,760 I'd rather not. 386 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,554 G minor. 387 00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:00,435 F. 388 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,566 E flat. 389 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:06,728 C minor. 390 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,403 You have perfect pitch. 391 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:12,526 Okay. 392 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:16,364 Sweetheart, you should really pursue music. 393 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,158 No, thank you. Musicians take drugs. 394 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,828 Is there a faculty restroom I could use? 395 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:25,960 (whistle blows) 396 00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:28,338 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 397 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:29,717 (grunting) 398 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,511 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 399 00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:38,848 Cooper, Stinson, you're up. 400 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:42,147 (laughs) Hey, look, it's the dumb brother. 401 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,818 Okay. (blows whistle) 402 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:51,322 (grunting, yelling) 403 00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:52,274 (whistle blowing) 404 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,075 BERGDOFF: That's enough. Hey. 405 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,528 - (yelling) - (whistle blowing) 406 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,446 BERGDOFF: Hey, that's enough! 407 00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:58,655 - GEORGE SR.: Hey, hey! - That's enough! 408 00:15:58,875 --> 00:15:59,535 Georgie. 409 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,583 Georgie! Georgie! 410 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,251 Stop! Stop! 411 00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:07,415 What the hell is wrong with you? 412 00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:12,924 You okay? 413 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,138 No, I'm not okay. 414 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,357 Where you think you're going? 415 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,355 I quit. I don't want to play anymore! 416 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,732 - Since when? - Since right now! 417 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,023 All right, what is going on? 418 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,198 What do you think's going on?! 419 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,576 You mean Sheldon? 420 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,781 You can't let that bother you. 421 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,116 It doesn't bother you? 422 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,826 You got called to the principal's office. 423 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,377 Yeah, that wasn't so great. 424 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:47,955 I can't be in the same school as him! 425 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,585 Well, I don't see what choice you have. 426 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,544 Right. Ever since he could talk, I quit having any choices. 427 00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,012 (groans) 428 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,310 I know it's hard. 429 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,436 I'm telling you, as your coach, quit your whining, 430 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,563 get your uniform on and you get your ass back out there. 431 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,562 But what about as my dad? 432 00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,364 Your dad is having a bad day. 433 00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,157 Listen to your coach. 434 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:26,081 Can a clock be powered by an ordinary potato? 435 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,120 I hope so, boys and girls, 436 00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:31,832 or this is going to be a really boring episode. 437 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,382 The supplies you'll need... 438 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,301 Why can't we watch DuckTales? 439 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:38,551 'Cause we don't learn anything watching DuckTales. 440 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,676 It's TV; we aren't supposed to learn. 441 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:44,807 ...two alligator grips and, let's see... 442 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,105 Of course, a clock. 443 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,478 Missy, go somewhere else. I need to talk to your brother. 444 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,269 Why don't you go somewhere else and I can watch Duck... 445 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,274 Go! 446 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:55,359 I hate everybody. 447 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:58,317 It's time for science. 448 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:04,323 Hey, he was about to power a clock with a potato. 449 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,282 Not possible. 450 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,367 - Now, listen... - Am I in trouble? 451 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:08,660 No. 452 00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,254 Maybe. Just listen. 453 00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,250 You're not gonna make it in this school 454 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:16,960 if you keep ratting people out. 455 00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:18,670 But they were breaking the grooming codes 456 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,096 and the dress codes. 457 00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:23,267 I saw one boy with a T-shirt that said... 458 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:24,885 (whispering): "Bite me." 459 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,312 Yeah. That-that's terrible. 460 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,731 Sheldon, let me tell you a little story. 461 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,229 Did you ever wonder why we moved from Galveston to Medford? 462 00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:35,779 No. I tend to wonder about the bigger questions. 463 00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:37,777 Okay, well, here's why. 464 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,864 Your dad had a real good coaching job 465 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,407 and I saw some grown-ups breaking rules. 466 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:44,495 What'd they do? 467 00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,369 I-It's kind of complicated, but... 468 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,913 football coaches aren't allowed to recruit kids 469 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,211 from other high schools to play on their teams. 470 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:52,538 And you told on them? 471 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,749 Yeah. You know what happened? 472 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,584 Justice descended upon the rule breakers? 473 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,466 I got fired, Sheldon. 474 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,972 And I got a bad reputation. 475 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,810 Oh. That's why you drink so much beer. 476 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,398 Just do yourself a favor. 477 00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:13,475 Okay? Go to school tomorrow, 478 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,898 and mind your own business. 479 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:17,692 All right? 480 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:20,323 Dad. 481 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,281 Are you sad that you got fired? 482 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,456 Mostly angry. 483 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:31,831 But yeah. 484 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,213 Maybe a little sad. 485 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,676 All right, let's say grace. 486 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:50,728 Thank you, God, 487 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,227 for this food we are about to receive. 488 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,399 (muffled praying continues) 489 00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,274 ADULT SHELDON: That was the first time 490 00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:05,360 I held my father's hand. 491 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:08,451 MARY:...our bodies and bless the hands that prepared it. 492 00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,073 Amen. 493 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,453 - GEORGIE: Amen. - Amen. 494 00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:17,419 MARY: Hey, George Jr., wait your turn. 495 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,295 ADULT SHELDON: I wouldn't touch my brother's hand 496 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,172 until 17 years later, 497 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,796 thanks to the invention of Purell. 498 00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,023 You know what I find comforting? 499 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,195 What's that, baby? 500 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,440 In a world filled with uncertainty, 501 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,275 this place will be here forever. 502 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,575 CLERK: Hey, Sheldon, how you doing?