1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,200 Transcript by testexam 2 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 3 00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:04,300 Curb Your Enthusiasm S06E04 "The Bathroom Monitor" 4 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:05,400 Resync by Lauta 5 00:00:16,634 --> 00:00:19,067 - Hey, Larry. - Hi, Cha Cha. 6 00:00:19,168 --> 00:00:21,433 Thanks again for recommending me for this job. 7 00:00:21,534 --> 00:00:25,333 - Thanks. You were so great. - Oh. Good. 8 00:00:25,433 --> 00:00:27,268 And Richard says thank you too. 9 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,667 - Aren't these great? - Yeah. 10 00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:32,268 You like 'em? I could get you a pair. 11 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,400 Nah, that's okay. I'm going to the bathroom. 12 00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:36,801 It's like Ross down by the airport-- They don't do just clothes. 13 00:00:36,901 --> 00:00:38,534 They do housewares too, if you're interested. 14 00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:41,400 - That's okay. I'll-- I'll-- - So how are you today? 15 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,400 - Good. I'm just going to the bathroom. - Yeah? Is that Prada? 16 00:00:44,467 --> 00:00:46,534 - Hey, Larry. - Oh, hey, Burt. 17 00:00:46,634 --> 00:00:49,634 - 1:00 lunch, right? - Yeah, 1:00. 18 00:00:49,734 --> 00:00:51,268 Yeah, lunch with the wives. 19 00:00:51,367 --> 00:00:53,534 Downstairs, yeah. see you then. 20 00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:55,467 - He's great, isn't he? - He is a good guy, yeah. 21 00:00:55,534 --> 00:00:57,001 I wanna be a producer. How do you become a producer? 22 00:00:57,101 --> 00:00:59,067 You know, you gotta know people. 23 00:00:59,168 --> 00:01:01,967 - Well, I know you. - You know me, yeah. That's true. Okay. 24 00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:05,700 - Maybe we could talk about that sometime over lunch. - Yeah, sure. 25 00:01:05,801 --> 00:01:08,001 Great. Okay. just let me know when... 26 00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:10,967 - All right, okay. - ...And I'll write it in my filofax. 27 00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:26,168 Wow, that was quick. 28 00:01:28,834 --> 00:01:31,901 You don't really need to comment 29 00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:34,867 on what's going on 30 00:01:34,967 --> 00:01:38,534 - In terms of that or anything. - Oh, okay. I'm sorry. 31 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,734 - Okay. - By the way, how do you get here in the morning? 32 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:43,734 I'm having a hard time getting here on time. What if we carpooled? 33 00:01:43,834 --> 00:01:46,767 I really gotta get back, okay? So... 34 00:01:46,867 --> 00:01:48,801 Okay, maybe you could think about it and... 35 00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:52,300 Yeah, we're not-- we probably won't be able to work that out, 36 00:01:52,433 --> 00:01:54,101 but I'll-- we'll think about it. 37 00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,834 You have one of those healthy cars. 38 00:01:55,934 --> 00:01:57,834 How does it work? 39 00:01:57,934 --> 00:02:00,433 You put your foot on the gas. 40 00:02:02,734 --> 00:02:05,201 It was like having a bathroom monitor. 41 00:02:05,268 --> 00:02:07,367 - I have a bathroom monitor. - oh, that's terrible. 42 00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:09,367 Why don't you go at home, like I do? 43 00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:11,067 I don't like to go in my house. 44 00:02:11,168 --> 00:02:12,734 Who doesn't like to go in their house? 45 00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:15,600 Cheryl has-- you know, she's an environmentalist. 46 00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,600 She has this recycled 47 00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,634 post-consumer toilet paper all over the house. 48 00:02:19,734 --> 00:02:21,801 - Oh. - It's coarse. 49 00:02:21,901 --> 00:02:23,600 It's like going to the port authority 50 00:02:23,734 --> 00:02:26,667 - Or a whaling vessel. - A whaling vessel! 51 00:02:26,834 --> 00:02:29,467 I can't go here and I can't go there. It's horrible. 52 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,168 Oh, jeez. 53 00:02:31,268 --> 00:02:33,734 All right, let's go to lunch. 54 00:02:33,834 --> 00:02:36,534 I love that you have a restaurant in your building. 55 00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:40,367 - Oh, and Larry... - Mmm. 56 00:02:40,467 --> 00:02:42,667 Again, I want to thank you for Cha Cha. 57 00:02:42,801 --> 00:02:44,367 - That has worked out very well. - What? 58 00:02:44,467 --> 00:02:46,634 - Cha Cha. She's been wonderful. - oh my god, Cha Cha? 59 00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,634 - Cha Cha's been wonderful. - Are you kidding me? 60 00:02:48,734 --> 00:02:50,634 I apologize for having even recommended her. 61 00:02:50,734 --> 00:02:53,201 - No no. - You don't have to lie to me. 62 00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:55,001 Okay? You don't have to lie to me. 63 00:02:55,101 --> 00:02:57,268 No, I wouldn't. No, she's worked out very well. 64 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,500 - No, she's terrible. - Better than expected. 65 00:02:59,567 --> 00:03:01,567 She's terrible and if you want to fire her, go ahead. 66 00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:03,201 Oh, right. no no. 67 00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:04,934 - Don't keep her on my account, okay? - I won't. 68 00:03:05,001 --> 00:03:07,001 You're not gonna hurt my feelings if you fire her. 69 00:03:07,101 --> 00:03:08,767 We're very happy with her. what can I say? 70 00:03:08,901 --> 00:03:10,767 I've noticed that every time 71 00:03:10,834 --> 00:03:12,767 I pass your office-- that she's not working, 72 00:03:12,834 --> 00:03:16,034 that she's reading or talking on the phone. By the way-- 73 00:03:16,101 --> 00:03:18,934 well, that's her job. She's supposed to-- she's a receptionist. 74 00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:22,734 She's supposed to use obscenities every other word, 75 00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:26,467 say "fuck" and "fuck this, cunt that" the whole time? 76 00:03:26,567 --> 00:03:28,268 - You're kidding me. - No, I'm not kidding. 77 00:03:28,367 --> 00:03:30,734 - The "c" word? - It's true, I swear. 78 00:03:30,834 --> 00:03:33,134 Oh, she's been very-- she really came along 79 00:03:33,234 --> 00:03:35,500 at a good time for all of us. 80 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,600 I am very impressed, Barbara, that you are here today. 81 00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:39,634 - Oh, thank you. Me too. - They've got nine kids. 82 00:03:39,734 --> 00:03:41,767 - Nine kids? Nine kids? - Yeah. Yeah. 83 00:03:41,867 --> 00:03:43,934 - Nine kids? That's unbelievable. - I know. 84 00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:46,067 Jesus, you're kidding. 85 00:03:46,134 --> 00:03:48,134 It's a little egotistical though, isn't it... 86 00:03:48,268 --> 00:03:50,134 No, it's really not up to us. 87 00:03:50,268 --> 00:03:52,134 ...To have so many of you? 88 00:03:52,268 --> 00:03:54,400 You want to bring so much more of you into the world. 89 00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:57,168 Hey hey hey, you should tell Larry about your dad's shop. 90 00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:59,400 Oh, my dad has opened this barbershop. 91 00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:01,734 He wants you both to come, special invitation. 92 00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:04,201 Completely retro, very old-school. 93 00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:06,700 - You mean, like the old barbershops? - Oh yeah, with the pole. 94 00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,500 I love that. what a great idea. 95 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,567 - The first thing he did was get the pole. - I'm gonna go. 96 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,500 - I'm gonna go with you. - does he do the hot towels? 97 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,734 - Should we go to the barbershop? - I'm with you. Let's go. 98 00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,967 - We're gonna go. - yeah, get a cut and a shave. 99 00:04:17,034 --> 00:04:20,101 - A little aqua velva? - Like "the godfather." 100 00:04:20,201 --> 00:04:21,867 I hope that you enjoyed your lunch. 101 00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:23,400 Daviday, it was fantastic. 102 00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:24,867 Good. I want to let you know 103 00:04:25,001 --> 00:04:26,734 that we are going to send our autumn food jellies 104 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,634 made of concentrated sugar, apricots 105 00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:31,500 and winter fruits and nuts. 106 00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:33,500 - Oh, delicious. - Winter fruits. 107 00:04:33,634 --> 00:04:35,467 - A nice treat, a nice treat. - Yummy. 108 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,333 Now tell me, is there anything else I can do for you? 109 00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:39,934 You know what? You could wrap this up for me to take home. 110 00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:42,767 Very good. You're going to warm that up for a nice luncheon? 111 00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:45,834 Uh, no, actually. it's for the dog. 112 00:04:47,201 --> 00:04:48,867 We have a policy that we do not give food 113 00:04:48,967 --> 00:04:51,700 that was prepared for people to animals. 114 00:04:51,767 --> 00:04:53,600 Well, I'm giving this to the dog. You're not. 115 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,834 So just wrap it up. I'll give it to the dog. 116 00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:57,834 No, that is the policy of the restaurant. 117 00:04:57,934 --> 00:04:59,834 All right, daviday, forget I said it. 118 00:04:59,934 --> 00:05:02,400 Just wrap it up. I'm taking it home. Okay? 119 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:05,201 We do not give doggy bags to dogs. 120 00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:08,134 Why do you think they call it a goddamn doggy bag, huh? 121 00:05:08,234 --> 00:05:09,934 If you want to feed an animal, why don't you 122 00:05:10,034 --> 00:05:12,067 go to petco and get a bag of kibble? 123 00:05:12,168 --> 00:05:14,634 Well, I give him kibble and I like to spice it up 124 00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:17,234 - With a little steak every now and then. - I can bring you corn. 125 00:05:17,333 --> 00:05:19,700 - I don't want corn. This is my steak. - okay, you know what? 126 00:05:19,801 --> 00:05:20,867 - Hey hey hey. - What? 127 00:05:20,967 --> 00:05:23,567 You know what? I'm gonna take that home. 128 00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:26,767 - Oh, okay. - Do you mind? Do you mind? 129 00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:30,134 - You take it home. - Daviday, I'm gonna take this home. 130 00:05:30,234 --> 00:05:31,967 - Do you have an animal? - No. 131 00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:33,967 - Does he have an animal? - No. 132 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,667 So you are going to eat that? 133 00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:37,767 Yes. 134 00:05:37,867 --> 00:05:39,834 - You promise me? - Yeah. 135 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,634 We shall see. 136 00:05:48,801 --> 00:05:51,801 - A fucking nutjob. - "We shall see"? 137 00:05:51,901 --> 00:05:54,433 - What does that mean? -It's a little crazy 138 00:05:54,534 --> 00:05:56,534 that you can't give a doggy bag to a dog. 139 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:59,168 - It's none of their business. - Thank you. Thank you. 140 00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,600 - All right, I'm going to the bathroom. - All right. 141 00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:03,767 You're excused. 142 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,433 Hey, Larry. long time no see. 143 00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:11,134 - Hey, Cha Cha. - Hey. 144 00:06:11,234 --> 00:06:13,067 - Have you had the fruit plate here? - No. 145 00:06:13,201 --> 00:06:14,967 - It's excellent. - Really? 146 00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:17,134 - You have to try it. Taste this. - No, please. 147 00:06:17,234 --> 00:06:20,367 - It's the ripest cantaloupe. - I've had fruit. Fruit's fruit pretty much. 148 00:06:20,433 --> 00:06:23,067 What did you have for lunch? 149 00:06:23,168 --> 00:06:24,600 - I had some chicken. - chicken? 150 00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:27,234 Chicken and fruit go together. you can have this for dessert. 151 00:06:27,333 --> 00:06:29,134 - Okay, I gotta-- - It's really really good. 152 00:06:29,234 --> 00:06:30,634 I highly recommend it. 153 00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,901 Mm, that time again, huh? 154 00:06:50,967 --> 00:06:53,268 -Oh, cool, you're here. I owe you. - oh, hey. 155 00:06:53,367 --> 00:06:55,168 Good to see you, man. I was just over at Cha Cha's. 156 00:06:55,268 --> 00:06:57,801 Ooh, god, is she beautifu whew. Jesus. 157 00:06:57,901 --> 00:07:00,634 Listen, I had an idea. I want to go to a movie tomorrow night 158 00:07:00,734 --> 00:07:02,801 and maybe-- it's been a while-- let's double-date, 159 00:07:02,901 --> 00:07:04,600 Cha Cha and me and you and Cheryl. 160 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,801 What do you think? 161 00:07:06,901 --> 00:07:09,168 - Uh... - Why the hesitation? 162 00:07:09,268 --> 00:07:11,901 I don't know. I mean, I don't know what our plans are. 163 00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:13,600 I'll let you know. I'll call you. 164 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,801 What's wrong? 165 00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:20,634 You know, I got Cha Cha this job and all... 166 00:07:20,801 --> 00:07:22,767 Yeah, and she loves you for it. Me too, by the way. 167 00:07:22,867 --> 00:07:25,567 Yeah, well, it's not really working out for me, 168 00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,067 I gotta tell you. 169 00:07:27,201 --> 00:07:28,801 Why not? 170 00:07:28,901 --> 00:07:30,734 Her office is right across from the bathroom. 171 00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:33,333 - Yeah, I know. - Every time I go to the bathroom 172 00:07:33,433 --> 00:07:37,101 I have to have this-- stop and chat with her 173 00:07:37,201 --> 00:07:41,234 both before I go and after I go. It's too much. 174 00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:43,433 She means well. by the way, she's told me 175 00:07:43,534 --> 00:07:46,901 that you go to the bathroom, like, 10 to 14 times a day. 176 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,367 You move your bowels, you piss... 177 00:07:49,534 --> 00:07:51,134 Are you all right? she was concerned. 178 00:07:51,234 --> 00:07:53,168 Okay, do you see what I'm saying? 179 00:07:53,268 --> 00:07:56,001 This is what I'm talking about. this is none of her business-- 180 00:07:56,134 --> 00:07:57,734 how often I go to the bathroom, 181 00:07:57,834 --> 00:08:00,268 what I'm doing in there, how long I'm in there. 182 00:08:00,367 --> 00:08:03,001 Talking to you about my personal bathroom habits-- 183 00:08:03,101 --> 00:08:05,901 that's not good, all right? it's too much. It's too much. 184 00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:08,934 Someone's got to sit there. Would you rather have a klansman sitting there? 185 00:08:09,101 --> 00:08:12,201 No, I'd rather have a stranger, frankly-- a stranger sitting there 186 00:08:12,268 --> 00:08:14,467 who I don't have to report into. 187 00:08:14,567 --> 00:08:16,700 - She cares about you. - Oh, she cares about me? 188 00:08:16,801 --> 00:08:19,534 - Yeah. - Okay, listen, it's none of her business. 189 00:08:19,634 --> 00:08:21,367 She has bowel concern for you and I do too. 190 00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,268 I don't need her bowel concern. 191 00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:25,801 - How much water do you drink? - I drink a lot of water, that's all. 192 00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:27,967 - Big deal. - A lot of water? You drink more than a porpoise. 193 00:08:28,067 --> 00:08:29,967 Yeah, usually I have bottles of water. 194 00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:32,400 - I don't know where they are. - no one pisses that often 195 00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:34,467 without drinking, like, thousands of gallons a week. 196 00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,467 Okay, all right, let's stop talking about this. 197 00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:39,268 My bathroom habits are not your concern, okay? 198 00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:41,534 All right, I won't care about your health. Fine. 199 00:08:41,634 --> 00:08:43,467 You don't need to care about-- I'm in very good health. 200 00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:45,467 - You are? - I got a beautiful colon. 201 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,834 - You wanna take a picture of my colon? - I have a vhs of mine. 202 00:08:47,934 --> 00:08:49,934 Fine. You can put my colon up next to your colon. 203 00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:52,101 We'll see who's got a cleaner, healthier colon. 204 00:08:52,268 --> 00:08:54,001 I'll have a colon contest with you any time you want. 205 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,700 Any time you want to have a colon contest, buddy, yeah. 206 00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:58,101 You're shitting and pissing almost 70 times a week. 207 00:08:58,201 --> 00:09:00,467 Get the hell out of here. this is ridiculous. 208 00:09:00,567 --> 00:09:02,001 She's right next to you. 209 00:09:02,101 --> 00:09:04,001 I don't want her monitoring 210 00:09:04,101 --> 00:09:07,201 my bathroom habits, okay? 211 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:09,201 What are you eating? a lot of grains 212 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:11,201 and fruit and nuts like a jew squirrel? 213 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,367 - Okay. - where are you going? 214 00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:15,034 You're not going to the bathroom again? 215 00:09:15,134 --> 00:09:16,567 No, I'm not going to the bathroom. 216 00:09:16,667 --> 00:09:18,101 - You are going to the bathroom. - No. 217 00:09:18,201 --> 00:09:19,867 I bet you are going to the bathroom. 218 00:10:15,268 --> 00:10:16,734 So what happened? 219 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:19,333 I flushed a toilet and it was, like, 220 00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:22,168 the loudest flush, like a sonic boom went off. 221 00:10:22,268 --> 00:10:26,134 - It just was so loud that I was thrown back. - really? 222 00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:28,134 I was trapped inside the stall 223 00:10:28,234 --> 00:10:30,234 and I'm telling you, it's killing me. 224 00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:32,534 Okay, so you're having some pain there. 225 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,168 - Right ear, yeah. - Right ear, okay. 226 00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,300 Let me just ask you a couple other questions. 227 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:37,967 Are you experiencing any dizziness? 228 00:10:38,067 --> 00:10:39,667 - No. - No. 229 00:10:39,767 --> 00:10:41,934 - Any shortness of breath? - No. 230 00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:43,934 - Aches and pains anywhere else? - No. 231 00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,834 Are you going to the bathroom a lot? 232 00:10:47,534 --> 00:10:50,634 I don't see how that's relevant, really-- 233 00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,101 am I going to the bathroom a lot. 234 00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,101 Are you urinating a lot? 235 00:10:54,234 --> 00:10:56,801 What does that have to do with my ear? 236 00:10:56,967 --> 00:10:59,168 This is a standard medical question. It's all-- 237 00:10:59,268 --> 00:11:02,001 I know, but I really don't think it's relevant 238 00:11:02,067 --> 00:11:03,867 how often I go to the bathroom. 239 00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:05,534 With all due respect, I think I'm the one 240 00:11:05,634 --> 00:11:07,901 who should tell you if it's relevant or not. And it is. 241 00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:11,967 Well, let's just say-- let's just move on. How about that? 242 00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:14,268 What, you're not gonna tell me about urination? 243 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,268 I'd really rather not talk about it. 244 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,700 I don't see how it's anybody's business, frankly, you know. 245 00:11:18,801 --> 00:11:20,934 It's kind of private and I really don't think-- 246 00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:22,734 - How is it private? - It's private. 247 00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:25,467 How often I go to the bathroom is kind of a private thing. 248 00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:27,534 Yeah, but I'm not some-- we're not on a bus. I'm a doctor. 249 00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:30,700 We'll just have to make a diagnosis without this information. 250 00:11:30,801 --> 00:11:32,700 I'm normal. let's just say that, okay? 251 00:11:32,801 --> 00:11:35,433 - What does "normal" mean? - Everything's normal. It's normal. 252 00:11:35,534 --> 00:11:37,333 Three times a day, four times a day? 253 00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:38,467 Do we have to get into a specific number? 254 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,433 Do we have to get a number attached to it? 255 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:43,500 - Yeah, it's science. - However often people are supposed to go, I go, 256 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,634 unless I drink a lot of water. And, you know, 257 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:48,801 sometimes I drink a lot of water and I'll go a lot. 258 00:11:48,901 --> 00:11:51,134 If you had an office next to the bathroom and it was one of those days 259 00:11:51,234 --> 00:11:53,367 I was drinking a lot of water, you'd say, "boy, this guy goes a lot." 260 00:11:53,433 --> 00:11:55,101 but so what? so what? 261 00:11:55,201 --> 00:11:56,934 - What are you talking about? - I'm talking about, 262 00:11:57,067 --> 00:11:58,934 you know, urination frequency 263 00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:00,934 if I happen to be drinking a lot of water, 264 00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:03,467 which I have been doing lately, so maybe lately 265 00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:05,268 I've been going more often than I normally would. 266 00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:07,001 - Great. - But it's good for you 267 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,067 to drink water. that's a good thing. 268 00:12:09,168 --> 00:12:11,367 - That's all I wanted to hear. - That's a good thing, drinking water. 269 00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:13,634 Yes, sure sure. okay, let's move on. 270 00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:14,834 Please. 271 00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:17,168 How's your stool? 272 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,168 - Please. - Stool's fine. Let's move on. 273 00:12:21,268 --> 00:12:23,168 - All right. - You know, again, 274 00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:25,201 I mean, if I do drink a lot of water, 275 00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:28,201 I eat a lot of salad too. so that's good. 276 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:30,034 It's normal, okay? is it more than once a day? 277 00:12:30,168 --> 00:12:32,634 Many times it is, yeah. more than twice a day? 278 00:12:32,734 --> 00:12:34,667 Sometimes, you know. who knows? 279 00:12:34,801 --> 00:12:37,300 If you had an office next to the bathroom and I was going 280 00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:39,734 and you looked at your watch and you saw how long I was in there, 281 00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:42,001 you might say, "oh, boy, he goes a lot." 282 00:12:42,168 --> 00:12:43,934 but so what? That's good. That's a good thing. 283 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,467 - All right, I apologize for-- - let's just-- can we get to the ear? 284 00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:49,834 Sure sure. So here's-- it's pretty simple, really. I'm gonna suggest-- 285 00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:52,067 I'm exhausted from being here, 286 00:12:52,168 --> 00:12:54,067 you know, having to talk about my stool, 287 00:12:54,168 --> 00:12:57,467 how often I'm urinating. I mean, you know, my ear hurts. 288 00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,767 Okay, here's what I'm gonna suggest for your ear: 289 00:12:59,867 --> 00:13:01,034 you just basically stay off it. 290 00:13:01,134 --> 00:13:02,500 Use your left ear to talk on the phone 291 00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:06,367 if you need to for some reason favor an ear, favor the left one. 292 00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:08,300 Don't use the phone from my right ear? 293 00:13:08,467 --> 00:13:10,134 Yeah. I mean, you just want to limit 294 00:13:10,268 --> 00:13:12,034 the amount of noise that goes into it. 295 00:13:12,201 --> 00:13:14,034 You want me to talk lefty? 296 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,934 Yeah, just talk lefty. 297 00:13:16,034 --> 00:13:17,801 I have a hard time talking lefty on the phone. 298 00:13:17,901 --> 00:13:20,201 Everything comes out wrong. It's like throwing lefty. I can't do it. 299 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,567 I'm not myself. I feel different, strange, like I'm not me. 300 00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:27,367 I'm not comfortable talking lefty. 301 00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:31,268 All I can do is give you my expert opinion, okay? 302 00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:33,967 So that's what I'm suggesting. I'm suggesting you stay off the right ear. 303 00:13:34,134 --> 00:13:35,600 Okay, fine. I'll talk lefty. 304 00:13:35,734 --> 00:13:37,500 And I also think it wouldn't hurt you 305 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,500 to talk to your therapist about your bathroom issues, 306 00:13:39,567 --> 00:13:41,867 'cause there's clearly something going on there. 307 00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:43,034 Okay? 308 00:13:43,134 --> 00:13:46,101 I think I'd like to see somebody else. 309 00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:47,767 All right. that's your right. Fine. 310 00:13:47,867 --> 00:13:49,667 Is there somebody in the office I could see? 311 00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:51,667 Now? 312 00:13:51,767 --> 00:13:53,767 No no, you have to make an appointment. 313 00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:58,034 This isn't mcdonald's, okay? 314 00:13:58,101 --> 00:14:00,034 Okay, fine. 315 00:14:00,101 --> 00:14:01,667 - Okay, all right. - Okay, thank you. 316 00:14:01,734 --> 00:14:03,734 Thank you. 317 00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:13,467 What the fuck are you looking at, jewboy? 318 00:14:15,101 --> 00:14:16,834 Fucking faggot. 319 00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:20,734 That's right, keep walking. 320 00:14:29,934 --> 00:14:32,134 - Hey. - Come on, let's deal with it. 321 00:14:32,201 --> 00:14:35,134 - Can we talk to you? - What? Wow. Hey hey. 322 00:14:35,268 --> 00:14:37,767 - I like Cheryl. She's sweet, but... - yeah. 323 00:14:37,901 --> 00:14:41,134 She's nice, but the toilet paper... 324 00:14:41,234 --> 00:14:44,134 I've never seen no toilet paper like that. 325 00:14:44,234 --> 00:14:45,700 Have you been to port authority before, 326 00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:47,134 - The port authority in new york city? - Yeah. 327 00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:49,134 That's what it feels like. 328 00:14:49,234 --> 00:14:51,333 - Real close. - I said the same thing the other day. 329 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,600 - Mm-hmm. - Did you get that from me? 330 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:57,034 - Yeah. - Y'all got some funny kind of toilet paper here. 331 00:14:57,134 --> 00:14:59,333 - We can't deal with this toilet paper. - Hey, tell me about it. 332 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,300 - You know what I mean? It's rough. - It's rough. 333 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,867 Well, you know, it's an environmental thing. 334 00:15:03,934 --> 00:15:06,767 She's doing it for the environment. What can I do? 335 00:15:06,934 --> 00:15:09,567 Can you do us a favor? Can we get some soft toilet paper to use? 336 00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,967 - All right, okay. - The babies' behinds are hurting. 337 00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:13,967 All right. 338 00:15:14,067 --> 00:15:16,667 Here's what I'm gonna suggest: 339 00:15:16,801 --> 00:15:19,600 - You want soft paper? - Oh, yes. No doubt. 340 00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:22,500 - I'll get you your soft toilet paper... - okay, cool. 341 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,967 ...Under one condition-- 342 00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:28,734 I want access to the toilet. 343 00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:31,101 - You want to use our bathroom? - So what you're saying is, 344 00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,801 you want to come in our bathroom and use our bathroom? 345 00:15:32,901 --> 00:15:34,367 You got it. 346 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,367 - I want some soft toilet paper. - okay, fine. 347 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,901 - It's all about the tissue. - Okay, you have a deal. 348 00:15:39,001 --> 00:15:41,734 - Auntie Rae, all right. - Deal. 349 00:15:41,867 --> 00:15:44,268 - My man. - Leon. Oh, hey, by the way, 350 00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:47,101 if Cheryl finds out, 351 00:15:47,201 --> 00:15:49,634 you're all going down with me. 352 00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:51,567 - We got your back. - We got your back. 353 00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,534 - Cool. - What it is what it is. 354 00:15:53,634 --> 00:15:55,534 Leon, come here. I need to talk to you. 355 00:15:55,634 --> 00:15:56,801 What's going down, Larry? 356 00:15:56,934 --> 00:15:59,901 Listen to this, all right? 357 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:01,567 I'm in a doctor's office earlier, 358 00:16:01,634 --> 00:16:04,367 there's a guy sitting there, a skinhead, okay? 359 00:16:04,467 --> 00:16:06,268 He looks at me and he says, 360 00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:08,834 "what the fuck are you looking at, jewboy?" 361 00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:10,101 - What? - "Fucking faggot." 362 00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:13,433 what? okay, what'd you do? 363 00:16:13,534 --> 00:16:15,901 - What'd I do? - Yeah, what'd you do? 364 00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:18,400 I slunk out. 365 00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:19,767 You slunk out? 366 00:16:19,834 --> 00:16:21,467 Slunk. I slunk out. 367 00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:23,300 So you didn't do shit and you punked out. 368 00:16:23,467 --> 00:16:25,001 That's what the fuck happened, right? 369 00:16:25,101 --> 00:16:26,667 Yeah, I punked out. I punked out. 370 00:16:26,801 --> 00:16:28,567 - How'd that happen? - Well, what was I gonna do? 371 00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:29,834 The guy could have killed me. 372 00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:31,567 Next time a man calls you a fucking faggot, 373 00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:34,101 you get in that ass, Larry. know what I mean? 374 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:36,467 You get in that ass, Larry. that's what the fuck you do. 375 00:16:36,567 --> 00:16:38,367 - What are you talking about? - You let that man slide today. 376 00:16:38,467 --> 00:16:41,367 You gotta immediately get in somebody's ass when that happens to you. 377 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,001 You pull their asshole open, 378 00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:45,168 step into their asshole, close the door behind you, 379 00:16:45,268 --> 00:16:47,201 - pick up your spray-paint can, right? - uh-huh. 380 00:16:47,268 --> 00:16:49,201 "Larry was here." you spray-paint 381 00:16:49,268 --> 00:16:52,134 "Larry was here," "wash me," all that kind of shit, 382 00:16:52,234 --> 00:16:54,034 fuck his whole asshole up, eat some snickers bar, 383 00:16:54,134 --> 00:16:55,934 throw some paper on the floor, read a newspaper, 384 00:16:56,034 --> 00:16:58,400 ball the paper up, the newspaper, and throw the newspaper on the floor, 385 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,634 fuck his whole asshole up, you know what I'm saying? 386 00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:02,134 Then you open that asshole one more time-- 387 00:17:02,268 --> 00:17:04,567 open it again, open that asshole again - uhh! 388 00:17:04,734 --> 00:17:07,467 Step out of his ass and leave that motherfucker wide open, 389 00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:09,567 - So he knows you've been there. - Open it up, 390 00:17:09,734 --> 00:17:10,834 - Step in. - Step in their asshole. 391 00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:12,734 - Spray-paint "Larry was here." - "Larry was here." 392 00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:15,801 - Leave garbage, snickers, eat snickers, leave garbage. - Spit, fuck it. 393 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,001 - Get out. - Mm! 394 00:17:17,168 --> 00:17:19,201 - Open it up again. - Step out their asshole. 395 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,168 - Step out. - Don't even close that motherfucker. 396 00:17:21,268 --> 00:17:22,901 Leave it open so he knows you've been there. 397 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,834 - You feel me? - I got you. 398 00:17:24,934 --> 00:17:26,834 That's how you handle people. 399 00:17:26,934 --> 00:17:29,034 Mm! get in that ass, Larry. 400 00:17:29,134 --> 00:17:30,467 - Don't worry. - All right. 401 00:17:32,101 --> 00:17:34,001 I hope you don't get me killed. 402 00:17:34,101 --> 00:17:36,234 My man. 403 00:17:56,834 --> 00:17:59,201 -Hello? - Hey, is Richard there? 404 00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:02,234 Uh, no, he's not. is this Larry? 405 00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:03,700 Yeah. 406 00:18:03,767 --> 00:18:05,767 - This is Cha Cha. - Ah. 407 00:18:05,934 --> 00:18:07,767 - Cha Cha. 408 00:18:07,867 --> 00:18:10,734 Hi, Larry. You just caught me in the middle of a workout. 409 00:18:10,834 --> 00:18:12,500 So I'm calling about the movies. 410 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,134 Yeah, the movies, right. 411 00:18:14,234 --> 00:18:16,567 You know, we were talking about-- wouldn't it be great 412 00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:18,234 if we could all go to a really nice dinner 413 00:18:18,367 --> 00:18:20,367 in one of those fancy-schmancy joints? 414 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:24,400 Okay, I'll tell-- I'll tell Cheryl. 415 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:25,567 Great. 416 00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:27,901 What are you wearing? 417 00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:33,134 What am I wearing right now? 418 00:18:33,234 --> 00:18:35,500 Yeah, what are you wearing? 419 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,367 You're making me uncomfortable, Larry. 420 00:18:44,101 --> 00:18:46,367 - I'm gonna hang up right now. 421 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,067 I'm gonna hang up right now. 422 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,067 - Goodbye. - Bye. 423 00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,400 I am loving this place. Jeff, how great is this place? 424 00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,600 It's unbelievable. I'm having a great time. 425 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:01,534 It's like my old barbershop in brooklyn. 426 00:19:01,634 --> 00:19:03,168 Yeah, reminds me of the old days, you know. 427 00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:05,934 I like the whole snip-snip thing, the sound of it. 428 00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:08,700 I think I can do it too. it doesn't look that hard. 429 00:19:08,834 --> 00:19:10,700 You know, it's like the bongos-- who can't do that? 430 00:19:10,834 --> 00:19:12,201 You know what I mean? 431 00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:14,001 - Yeah. - Anybody can play the bongos, come on. 432 00:19:14,101 --> 00:19:17,433 Do you have to be that skilled to bang on something? 433 00:19:17,534 --> 00:19:20,367 - Come on, how hard is that? - I never thought of that. 434 00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:22,534 When was the last time you saw Burt? 435 00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:25,101 Oh, I just had lunch with him 436 00:19:25,168 --> 00:19:26,801 the other day, him and Barbara. 437 00:19:26,901 --> 00:19:28,700 You notice anything different about them? 438 00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,168 No. 439 00:19:31,268 --> 00:19:34,234 'Cause she just had a miscarriage. 440 00:19:34,367 --> 00:19:35,734 - Really? - Yeah. 441 00:19:35,867 --> 00:19:38,367 It's a shame. 442 00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:39,901 Shame? 443 00:19:40,001 --> 00:19:42,168 They do have nine kids. 444 00:19:47,367 --> 00:19:48,934 - That's it? - Yep. 445 00:19:49,001 --> 00:19:51,467 Wow, that was pretty fast. 446 00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:54,901 You haven't taken anything off. 447 00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:57,901 Hey! 448 00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:08,333 I'm good. 449 00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:14,534 Where the hell have you been? 450 00:20:14,634 --> 00:20:16,201 I've been calling you all goddamn day. 451 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,667 - We were getting a haircut. - This is a bag of shit. 452 00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:21,534 Oscar's been shitting. I've been cleaning up shit all day. 453 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,934 He ate those leftovers that that asshole gave us. 454 00:20:24,034 --> 00:20:26,901 - Really? - "We shall see." 455 00:20:27,001 --> 00:20:30,101 - "We shall see." Daviday. - That little piece of shit. 456 00:20:30,201 --> 00:20:32,467 - Is that possible, that that nut did that? - Yes yes. 457 00:20:32,567 --> 00:20:35,201 - he put crap in there. He put something in there. - jesus christ. 458 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,934 - is he throwing up too? - what a psycho. 459 00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:39,067 You gotta go down there and tell this motherfucker 460 00:20:39,168 --> 00:20:40,967 - You're gonna kick his ass. - Oh, yeah. 461 00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:43,567 No, wait a second. he can't go down there. 462 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,867 - Why? - Because I took the food home. 463 00:20:46,034 --> 00:20:49,400 - I promised him that I would eat it. - all right, you go down there. 464 00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:51,400 - You go. - Yeah, better idea: 465 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,367 you go, Larry. you go tell him 466 00:20:53,467 --> 00:20:55,300 that you've been shitting all over yourself all day, 467 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,534 shitting in your pants, you can't make it to the toilet, 468 00:20:57,634 --> 00:20:59,367 you got shit running down your leg. 469 00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:00,667 Why can't I make it to the toilet? 470 00:21:00,767 --> 00:21:02,734 Because it's more dramatic that way. 471 00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:05,300 I don't wanna tell a guy I got shit running down my leg. 472 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,734 All right, tell him whatever the fuck you want. Tell him you've been 473 00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,834 - Sick sick sick as a dog, okay? - All right. 474 00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,534 I'm gonna go to the restaurant right now, 475 00:21:11,634 --> 00:21:13,300 - See what he says. - Go! 476 00:21:13,433 --> 00:21:16,201 - You know, these waiters are nuts. - He's nuts. 477 00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,667 You can't get on a waiter's bad side. They'll do anything. 478 00:21:18,767 --> 00:21:20,967 - I never said anything back. - you gotta be so nice to 'em. 479 00:21:21,101 --> 00:21:22,400 You gotta leave a good tip. 480 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,367 - Jeff, throw this out. - you throw it out. 481 00:21:24,467 --> 00:21:26,667 - You throw it out. I've been cleaning-- - no, you got gloves. 482 00:21:26,767 --> 00:21:28,467 - I've been cleaning this shit. - you got gloves! 483 00:21:28,567 --> 00:21:31,400 - Throw it out. - Aw, fuck. 484 00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:43,500 Hello, daviday. 485 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,667 Hello, Larry. nice to see you again. 486 00:21:46,801 --> 00:21:49,967 Good to see you, daviday. 487 00:21:50,067 --> 00:21:52,734 You know, I ate the leftovers 488 00:21:52,801 --> 00:21:56,101 and I just want you to know 489 00:21:56,234 --> 00:21:58,500 I got sick from them. 490 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,367 Now when you say that you got sick, do you mean 491 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,134 that the animal got sick or that you got sick? 492 00:22:02,234 --> 00:22:03,901 - No no, I got sick. - You got sick? 493 00:22:04,001 --> 00:22:05,901 Yes, and I'm just kind of wondering 494 00:22:06,001 --> 00:22:07,967 if the food 495 00:22:08,067 --> 00:22:11,801 perhaps was tampered with. 496 00:22:11,901 --> 00:22:14,534 Well, it most certainly was not tampered with. 497 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,333 - Really? - Absolutely. 498 00:22:16,433 --> 00:22:18,333 Are you sure? 499 00:22:18,433 --> 00:22:19,967 I'm very sure. 500 00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:38,634 - I don't believe you. - Larry, how can you accuse me of that? 501 00:22:38,801 --> 00:22:40,801 Because I was sick. I was running to the bathroom all day. 502 00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,134 - All day? - All day. 503 00:22:42,234 --> 00:22:44,268 - Oh, really? I see. - Really. Yeah. 504 00:22:44,367 --> 00:22:46,168 Aha. Cha Cha? 505 00:22:48,268 --> 00:22:49,901 Come here for a moment, please. 506 00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:55,433 Larry doesn't feel well. He said that his bowels are irregular. 507 00:22:55,534 --> 00:22:58,534 How many times has Larry gone to the bathroom today? 508 00:22:58,634 --> 00:23:00,934 Twice so far, 509 00:23:01,001 --> 00:23:02,534 two minutes each time. 510 00:23:02,634 --> 00:23:04,634 Thank you. 511 00:23:06,168 --> 00:23:09,567 Larry, that does not sound like a man who's sick at all. 512 00:23:26,333 --> 00:23:28,067 What's up, l.D.? 513 00:23:28,168 --> 00:23:31,067 Um... 514 00:23:31,168 --> 00:23:33,834 I'm just gonna use the bathroom. 515 00:23:34,001 --> 00:23:35,567 - What? - Hmm? 516 00:23:35,667 --> 00:23:40,067 Bathroom. I'm gonna use the bathroom. 517 00:24:09,634 --> 00:24:11,101 What are you doing in there? 518 00:24:11,201 --> 00:24:15,567 The toilet wasn't working properly. 519 00:24:15,667 --> 00:24:18,201 - So you fixed it? - I did, actually, yeah. 520 00:24:18,300 --> 00:24:21,367 - Oh, okay, great. - I had to just jiggle it around. 521 00:24:21,467 --> 00:24:23,201 Oh, okay. so it's l-- 522 00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:25,300 Hey, stay here for a second. no no, I just want to see 523 00:24:25,367 --> 00:24:26,467 your handiwork. hold on. 524 00:24:26,567 --> 00:24:30,201 Hey, don't go anywhere. don't go anywhere. 525 00:24:30,268 --> 00:24:32,101 Oh, wait a second. 526 00:24:32,201 --> 00:24:35,001 Larry? 527 00:24:35,168 --> 00:24:37,467 Do you know how many millions of virgin trees 528 00:24:37,634 --> 00:24:39,634 are cut down to make this toilet paper, 529 00:24:39,734 --> 00:24:41,400 which is contributing to global warming, 530 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:43,567 which is causing hurricanes, which is why you're here? 531 00:24:43,667 --> 00:24:46,201 Do you have any idea what I'm talking about, Larry? 532 00:24:46,300 --> 00:24:48,134 - Yeah, that's what I was telling them. - This isn't the kind 533 00:24:48,201 --> 00:24:49,934 - Of toilet paper we use in this house. - No, it's not. 534 00:24:50,034 --> 00:24:52,300 We use recycled post-consumer toilet paper. 535 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,268 - That's what I've been trying-- - so why do we have tons of toilet paper in this bathroom? 536 00:24:56,367 --> 00:25:00,034 And why were you in this bathroom using this toilet paper? 537 00:25:00,168 --> 00:25:02,634 Again, the toilet was broken, 538 00:25:02,734 --> 00:25:04,734 but they asked me-- they were very unhappy-- 539 00:25:04,834 --> 00:25:07,667 - We asked you? hold there, hold up. 540 00:25:07,734 --> 00:25:10,367 You liars, you were complaining about the toilet paper. 541 00:25:10,467 --> 00:25:12,767 - He wanted access to our bathroom. - Auntie Rae, 542 00:25:12,867 --> 00:25:15,834 don't blame this on me, auntie Rae. 543 00:25:21,134 --> 00:25:23,834 Hey, david, come down here, pervo. 544 00:25:24,001 --> 00:25:26,134 Come down here, you fucking pervo. 545 00:25:26,201 --> 00:25:28,834 What? What are you talking about? How did you get in? 546 00:25:28,934 --> 00:25:30,567 The fucking door. How else do you think I got in? 547 00:25:30,667 --> 00:25:32,567 This kid has got to stop leaving the door open, man. 548 00:25:32,667 --> 00:25:34,767 This is it. If I didn't know you my whole life, 549 00:25:34,834 --> 00:25:36,567 you know what? I'd attack you right now. 550 00:25:36,667 --> 00:25:39,201 - What are you talking about? - You called my girlfriend 551 00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:41,201 and hit on her and she doesn't respond 552 00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:43,534 - And you fucking get her fired, you fucking piece of shit. - what? 553 00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:45,567 First of all, I never hit on her. 554 00:25:45,667 --> 00:25:48,600 - And what are you talking about, "fired"? - Burt's dad at the barbershop. 555 00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:51,667 You made that fucking miscarriage remark. So he fired her 556 00:25:51,767 --> 00:25:53,767 because he wants nothing to do with anybody that knows you. 557 00:25:53,867 --> 00:25:55,667 Oh, he's supposed to be getting back at me? 558 00:25:55,767 --> 00:25:57,667 Who are you to tell him how many kids to have? 559 00:25:57,767 --> 00:25:59,333 She's got nine kids. come on, that's plenty. 560 00:25:59,467 --> 00:26:00,967 - She wants more children. - How many does she need? 561 00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:02,867 Who the fuck are you, the messiah, to count? 562 00:26:02,934 --> 00:26:04,767 I got news for you. that's enough. By the way, 563 00:26:04,867 --> 00:26:06,234 in china you're allowed two. 564 00:26:06,300 --> 00:26:08,201 - Those people would be killed in china. - China what? 565 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:09,500 Two-- two babies in china. 566 00:26:09,567 --> 00:26:10,867 What happens if you have three? 567 00:26:11,001 --> 00:26:13,034 - They execute you. - They kill the baby? 568 00:26:13,134 --> 00:26:15,400 Not the baby, idiot. they kill the parents. 569 00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:17,034 Get out of here. 570 00:26:17,134 --> 00:26:19,767 Well, maybe they don't execute, but they give you a good dressing-down. 571 00:26:19,867 --> 00:26:22,067 How dare you lose my girlfriend's job? 572 00:26:22,168 --> 00:26:23,500 She lost her health insurance, 573 00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:25,234 she has no self-worth anymore. 574 00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:27,834 - She lost her self-worth? oh, really? - that's right. 575 00:26:27,967 --> 00:26:30,700 You get on that goddamn telephone and you get my girlfriend's job back. 576 00:26:30,767 --> 00:26:32,700 You call Burt and you apologize. 577 00:26:32,767 --> 00:26:34,700 Okay, I'll make that call under one condition: 578 00:26:34,867 --> 00:26:36,600 I want to be able to use your bathroom 579 00:26:36,700 --> 00:26:38,967 - On the way to work in the morning. - Sit on my toilet? 580 00:26:39,101 --> 00:26:40,600 - Yeah. - There's no fucking way. 581 00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:42,600 - Why? - Nobody sits on Richard lewis's toilet. 582 00:26:42,667 --> 00:26:45,101 - You use every toilet in the house? - That's right. I rotate. 583 00:26:45,201 --> 00:26:47,600 - I can't use the basement? - no, that's for weekends. 584 00:26:47,667 --> 00:26:49,034 I have no place to go to the bathroom. 585 00:26:49,134 --> 00:26:50,367 I can't go here, I can't go at work. 586 00:26:50,500 --> 00:26:52,234 You just make the goddamn call. You owe me. 587 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,268 - Jesus christ. - I'll try. 588 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,667 - That's all I can do. - Yeah, fine. 589 00:26:55,767 --> 00:26:57,801 Just get her her job back. 590 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,034 What are you doing? I want a righty call. 591 00:27:05,134 --> 00:27:06,567 What's this lefty bullshit? 592 00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:09,300 I want a righty call. 593 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,234 Jesus christ. 594 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,567 - Hello? - Oh, hey, Barbara? 595 00:27:15,667 --> 00:27:17,201 - Yes. - Hey, it's Larry david. 596 00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:19,500 Oh, hi, Larry. 597 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,467 Fuck you! 598 00:27:28,901 --> 00:27:31,500 The woman's out of her mind, screaming in my ear like that. 599 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,500 Can you imagine? fuck. 600 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,967 Thanks for taking me, by the way. 601 00:27:36,067 --> 00:27:38,967 You're damn right, man. It's a big favor I'm doing your ass, man. 602 00:27:39,067 --> 00:27:40,967 There's the building. pull over. 603 00:27:41,067 --> 00:27:43,134 All right. 604 00:27:43,234 --> 00:27:47,600 Okay, park the car and come up, okay? 605 00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:49,234 His name's dr. Schaeffer. 606 00:27:49,333 --> 00:27:51,867 Dr. Schaeffer. all right. 607 00:27:59,834 --> 00:28:01,667 So you're all set, actually. 608 00:28:01,767 --> 00:28:03,767 We'll see you next wednesday. 609 00:28:07,934 --> 00:28:09,467 You get in that ass. 610 00:28:09,567 --> 00:28:11,001 You get in his ass immediately. 611 00:28:11,101 --> 00:28:13,367 - Get in that ass, Larry. - Hey! 612 00:28:13,467 --> 00:28:15,367 Come on, you fucking skinhead, 613 00:28:15,467 --> 00:28:16,734 you piece of shit, let's go! 614 00:28:16,834 --> 00:28:19,801 He is not a skinhead. He just came out of chemotherapy. 615 00:28:27,801 --> 00:28:29,634 - Sorry. - asshole. 616 00:28:33,101 --> 00:28:35,400 - Hey, skinhead! - Stop it. I'm not a skinhead! 617 00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:38,400 - Leon! No, Leon! 618 00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:39,934 Leon, no! 619 00:28:40,034 --> 00:28:41,667 - MOTHERFUCKER! STOP IT!