﻿1
00:00:00,171 --> 00:00:01,919
CAPTAIN KIRK: The <i>Enterprise</i> is preparing

2
00:00:01,922 --> 00:00:06,180
to leave Beta III in star system C-111.

3
00:00:06,183 --> 00:00:09,031
Sociologist Lindstrom
is remaining behind

4
00:00:09,034 --> 00:00:11,320
with a party of experts
who will help restore

5
00:00:11,323 --> 00:00:14,823
the planet's culture to a human form.

6
00:00:14,825 --> 00:00:16,324
SPOCK: The Late Landru, Captain.

7
00:00:16,326 --> 00:00:18,193
A marvelous feat of engineering.

8
00:00:18,195 --> 00:00:20,495
A computer capable
of directing the lives

9
00:00:20,497 --> 00:00:22,064
of millions of human beings.

10
00:00:22,066 --> 00:00:23,875
But only a machine, Mr. Spock.

11
00:00:23,878 --> 00:00:26,234
The original Landru programmed
it with all his knowledge,

12
00:00:26,236 --> 00:00:28,629
but he couldn't give it
his wisdom, his compassion,

13
00:00:28,632 --> 00:00:30,585
his understanding, his soul.

14
00:00:30,588 --> 00:00:33,747
I prefer the concrete, the
graspable, the provable.

15
00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:36,912
You'd make a splendid
computer, Mr. Spock.

16
00:00:36,914 --> 00:00:40,082
That is very kind of you, Captain.

17
00:00:40,084 --> 00:00:43,218
That's humorous, because Spock
is half human and half Vulcan.

18
00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:45,921
But he's ashamed of his human side.

19
00:00:45,923 --> 00:00:48,195
That's why I identify with him.

20
00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:49,630
Good luck.

21
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,598
MEEMAW: I gravitate
a little more towards Kirk.

22
00:00:51,601 --> 00:00:53,095
Why?

23
00:00:53,097 --> 00:00:55,163
[IMITATING SHATNER]:
Be-cause... everything

24
00:00:55,165 --> 00:00:56,798
he <i>says...</i>

25
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,742
he makes sound so im-portant.

26
00:00:59,745 --> 00:01:02,938
I should hope so... He's the captain.

27
00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:04,106
Sheldon.

28
00:01:04,108 --> 00:01:05,307
Do me a favor.

29
00:01:05,309 --> 00:01:06,414
Go help your brother study

30
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:07,750
for his math test tomorrow.

31
00:01:07,753 --> 00:01:09,911
Is that really a good use of my time?

32
00:01:09,913 --> 00:01:11,629
Come on. I'm asking nice.

33
00:01:11,632 --> 00:01:13,960
If he doesn't pass, he won't
be able to play football.

34
00:01:13,963 --> 00:01:16,284
You realize he's often mean to me.

35
00:01:16,286 --> 00:01:19,888
So? Your mother's mean to
me. I still try to be helpful.

36
00:01:19,890 --> 00:01:21,790
Does she break wind on <i>your</i> head?

37
00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:23,925
Because that's what Georgie does to me.

38
00:01:24,762 --> 00:01:26,661
Can you help me out here?

39
00:01:29,566 --> 00:01:32,656
I'll do it if you take
me to the train store.

40
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:33,935
You got it.

41
00:01:36,740 --> 00:01:38,773
And buy me whatever I want.

42
00:01:38,776 --> 00:01:40,108
Connie, what are you doing?

43
00:01:40,110 --> 00:01:43,067
[IMITATING SHATNER]:
Just providing my grandson

44
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,289
with financial guidance.

45
00:01:45,292 --> 00:01:47,125
[QUIETLY]: Don't mock the captain.

46
00:01:47,128 --> 00:01:49,696
If Georgie passes his test,
I'll get you whatever you want...

47
00:01:49,699 --> 00:01:51,098
Under 20 bucks.

48
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,109
Deal.

49
00:01:57,261 --> 00:01:59,127
Why?

50
00:01:59,129 --> 00:02:02,234
I guess I like him better than you.

51
00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:05,600
[KNOCKING] Georgie?

52
00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:07,001
- What?
- Dad told me

53
00:02:07,004 --> 00:02:08,898
to help you study for the math test.

54
00:02:08,901 --> 00:02:10,605
I don't need your help. Get lost.

55
00:02:10,607 --> 00:02:12,398
GEORGE SR.: Georgie, let him help you!

56
00:02:12,401 --> 00:02:13,842
Fine. Come in!

57
00:02:13,844 --> 00:02:16,476
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

58
00:02:16,479 --> 00:02:17,644
Oh, dear.

59
00:02:17,647 --> 00:02:18,847
What's<i> your</i> problem?

60
00:02:18,850 --> 00:02:20,949
No problem. I'll just...

61
00:02:20,951 --> 00:02:23,179
tidy while we talk.

62
00:02:23,182 --> 00:02:24,448
Help yourself.

63
00:02:24,451 --> 00:02:26,217
Before we start, I'd like to get a sense

64
00:02:26,220 --> 00:02:28,654
- of how much algebra you know.
- 'Kay.

65
00:02:28,657 --> 00:02:31,039
Do you understand solving and graphing

66
00:02:31,042 --> 00:02:33,961
- linear inequalities?
- Sure.

67
00:02:33,964 --> 00:02:36,570
Great. Explain it to me.

68
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,739
Uh...

69
00:02:37,742 --> 00:02:39,375
first you solve 'em...

70
00:02:39,378 --> 00:02:41,468
and then you graph 'em.

71
00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:43,661
And how do you do that?

72
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,762
Uh, you know,

73
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,174
carefully.

74
00:02:46,176 --> 00:02:48,476
Excuse me.

75
00:02:48,478 --> 00:02:50,078
[DOOR CLOSES]

76
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,437
$20 isn't gonna do it.

77
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,016
[CHUCKLES]

78
00:02:55,018 --> 00:02:58,019
♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

79
00:02:58,021 --> 00:03:00,889
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

80
00:03:00,891 --> 00:03:03,425
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

81
00:03:03,427 --> 00:03:06,332
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

82
00:03:06,335 --> 00:03:13,023
- <font color="#D81D1D">Synced and corrected by VitoSilans</font> -
-- <font color="#138CE9">www.Addic7ed.com</font> --

83
00:03:15,448 --> 00:03:17,982
So you collect all
the terms linear in X.

84
00:03:17,984 --> 00:03:19,317
See? Simple.

85
00:03:19,319 --> 00:03:20,711
Maybe for you.

86
00:03:20,714 --> 00:03:22,647
No, it's simple for everybody.

87
00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:25,784
Now you collect all
the terms linear in Y.

88
00:03:25,787 --> 00:03:27,242
I don't get it.

89
00:03:27,245 --> 00:03:28,726
Try this. Close your eyes.

90
00:03:28,729 --> 00:03:31,235
- 'Kay.
- Can you see

91
00:03:31,238 --> 00:03:34,666
the slope of the line given
by the coefficients of X and Y?

92
00:03:34,668 --> 00:03:36,534
No.

93
00:03:36,536 --> 00:03:38,203
What<i> do</i> you see?

94
00:03:38,205 --> 00:03:39,566
Darkness.

95
00:03:39,569 --> 00:03:41,001
Try harder.

96
00:03:42,209 --> 00:03:43,341
Wait.

97
00:03:43,343 --> 00:03:46,911
I see Elle Macpherson in a bikini.

98
00:03:46,913 --> 00:03:49,080
Ooh, it just fell off.

99
00:03:49,082 --> 00:03:52,183
- Dad!
- I'll make it $40! Keep going!

100
00:03:52,185 --> 00:03:55,053
Maybe the problem is
you're not a good teacher.

101
00:03:55,055 --> 00:03:58,122
Unlikely. Regardless,
I am your only hope.

102
00:03:58,124 --> 00:04:00,491
What do you see when you close <i>your</i> eyes?

103
00:04:00,493 --> 00:04:02,827
I see quadrant one as red,

104
00:04:02,829 --> 00:04:04,963
quadrant two is soft and plush...

105
00:04:04,965 --> 00:04:07,966
[SNIFFS] quadrant three
smells like lavender,

106
00:04:07,968 --> 00:04:11,302
and quadrant four is overlaid
with a Fibonacci spiral.

107
00:04:11,304 --> 00:04:13,605
That's really weird.

108
00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:16,071
No. What's really weird
is doing simple algebra

109
00:04:16,074 --> 00:04:18,276
and thinking about a girl in a bikini.

110
00:04:18,278 --> 00:04:20,778
I disagree.

111
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:21,846
Dad!

112
00:04:21,848 --> 00:04:23,314
GEORGE SR.: Keep going.

113
00:04:23,316 --> 00:04:26,217
SHELDON: <i>And when you
divide by a negative number,</i>

114
00:04:26,219 --> 00:04:28,653
you have to reverse the
direction of the inequality.

115
00:04:28,655 --> 00:04:30,221
I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

116
00:04:30,223 --> 00:04:32,423
But we're not done.
You're going to fail.

117
00:04:32,425 --> 00:04:34,712
I get enough of what
you said. I'll be fine.

118
00:04:34,715 --> 00:04:37,032
ADULT SHELDON: <i>It was
at that moment I decided</i>

119
00:04:37,035 --> 00:04:39,070
<i>I was not cut out for teaching.</i>

120
00:04:39,073 --> 00:04:40,906
<i>I consoled myself with the knowledge</i>

121
00:04:40,909 --> 00:04:43,477
<i>that I was wonderful at everything else.</i>

122
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:44,836
♪ ♪

123
00:04:44,838 --> 00:04:47,051
Take one and pass it back.

124
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,348
Take one and pass it back.

125
00:04:49,351 --> 00:04:51,075
As you all know, this test'll count

126
00:04:51,078 --> 00:04:53,154
for 25% of your final grade.

127
00:04:53,157 --> 00:04:54,924
Be sure to show all your work.

128
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,493
If you get stuck on a question,

129
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,616
move on and come back to it at the end.

130
00:04:58,618 --> 00:05:00,318
And I shouldn't have to say this,

131
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,687
but if there's any
cheating, I will see it.

132
00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:04,989
I got eyes in the back of my head.

133
00:05:04,991 --> 00:05:06,815
I got more eyes than a potato.

134
00:05:06,818 --> 00:05:07,993
[CHUCKLES]

135
00:05:07,996 --> 00:05:09,527
Ms. Ingram?

136
00:05:09,529 --> 00:05:11,597
- Yeah, Sheldon.
- I'm done.

137
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,866
What?

138
00:05:12,869 --> 00:05:14,224
I enjoyed it very much.

139
00:05:14,227 --> 00:05:15,777
I'll take another if you have one.

140
00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:17,635
No, I don't have another one.

141
00:05:17,637 --> 00:05:20,071
J-Just read ahead in the textbook.

142
00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:21,551
Oh, boy.

143
00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:27,312
ADULT SHELDON: <i>Seeing my brother struggle</i>

144
00:05:27,314 --> 00:05:28,980
<i>was difficult for me.</i>

145
00:05:28,982 --> 00:05:32,641
<i>As his tutor, I took
his failure personally,</i>

146
00:05:32,644 --> 00:05:34,519
<i>almost as if I had failed.</i>

147
00:05:34,521 --> 00:05:38,790
<i>Which was odd, because
I knew how dumb he was.</i>

148
00:05:38,792 --> 00:05:41,459
Georgie, how'd you do
on that math test today?

149
00:05:41,461 --> 00:05:42,597
It was tough.

150
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:43,799
I don't know.

151
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,496
I'm sorry I wasn't more help.

152
00:05:45,498 --> 00:05:46,597
Me, too.

153
00:05:46,599 --> 00:05:48,666
That's all right, baby, you tried.

154
00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:50,566
Yeah. It's okay, baby.

155
00:05:52,637 --> 00:05:54,904
I don't understand what went wrong.

156
00:05:54,907 --> 00:05:56,907
Is there any chance you drank alcohol

157
00:05:56,910 --> 00:05:58,673
when you were pregnant with Georgie?

158
00:05:58,676 --> 00:05:59,668
No!

159
00:05:59,671 --> 00:06:01,111
Well, don't be so high-and-mighty.

160
00:06:01,114 --> 00:06:02,847
I drank when I was pregnant with you.

161
00:06:02,849 --> 00:06:04,315
You turned out fine.

162
00:06:04,317 --> 00:06:06,918
These days everybody's like,
"Don't drink, don't smoke."

163
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,980
I swear. Texas is
turning into California.

164
00:06:10,597 --> 00:06:12,933
You realize there's nothing
I can do if you fail.

165
00:06:12,936 --> 00:06:14,092
You're off the team.

166
00:06:14,094 --> 00:06:15,159
I know.

167
00:06:15,161 --> 00:06:16,584
Well, I'm gonna ask Jesus

168
00:06:16,587 --> 00:06:18,688
to help you get a good
grade on that test.

169
00:06:18,691 --> 00:06:22,113
Shouldn't you have asked
him <i>before</i> he took it?

170
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,566
The man rose from the dead...
I think he can fix a test

171
00:06:24,569 --> 00:06:25,777
after the fact.

172
00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:27,713
You know, I hear you
say things like that,

173
00:06:27,716 --> 00:06:30,574
and I wonder if maybe I did
have a few too many whiskey sours

174
00:06:30,577 --> 00:06:32,010
when you were in my belly.

175
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,986
[SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE]

176
00:06:39,386 --> 00:06:41,629
Not me, but not bad.

177
00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:46,090
I would say "A" for effort,

178
00:06:46,092 --> 00:06:48,129
but... that's an "F."

179
00:06:52,065 --> 00:06:54,232
What? How bad is it?

180
00:06:54,234 --> 00:06:55,894
You got a "B."

181
00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:59,003
Are you kidding?

182
00:06:59,005 --> 00:07:00,772
I don't believe it.

183
00:07:00,774 --> 00:07:03,105
Me, neither.

184
00:07:03,209 --> 00:07:05,710
Me, neither.

185
00:07:05,712 --> 00:07:06,944
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

186
00:07:06,946 --> 00:07:09,641
So, I guess I have to
rethink my abilities.

187
00:07:09,644 --> 00:07:12,016
Clearly, I'm a wonderful teacher.

188
00:07:12,894 --> 00:07:14,986
Georgie didn't pass because of you.

189
00:07:14,988 --> 00:07:16,587
What do you mean?

190
00:07:16,589 --> 00:07:18,256
He cheated.

191
00:07:18,258 --> 00:07:21,359
He had the answers written
on the bottom of his shoe.

192
00:07:21,361 --> 00:07:23,061
He wouldn't do that.

193
00:07:23,063 --> 00:07:25,630
When you cheat in school,
you only cheat yourself.

194
00:07:25,632 --> 00:07:27,398
Where'd you get that?

195
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,268
An inspirational poster
outside the boys' room.

196
00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:32,403
I saw what I saw, Sheldon.

197
00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:34,639
Well, if this is true,

198
00:07:34,641 --> 00:07:36,558
he needs to turn himself in.

199
00:07:36,561 --> 00:07:39,410
That'll never happen. He'll
get kicked off the team.

200
00:07:39,412 --> 00:07:40,945
I'm sorry, I can't accept this.

201
00:07:40,947 --> 00:07:43,214
There must be another explanation.

202
00:07:43,216 --> 00:07:45,199
If you don't believe
me, look at his shoes.

203
00:07:45,202 --> 00:07:46,916
I will.

204
00:07:51,825 --> 00:07:54,692
[GRUNTING QUIETLY]

205
00:07:57,664 --> 00:07:58,896
[STRAINED GRUNT]

206
00:07:58,898 --> 00:08:01,004
This is quite a workout.

207
00:08:06,950 --> 00:08:09,217
♪ ♪

208
00:08:35,221 --> 00:08:37,288
♪ ♪

209
00:08:44,898 --> 00:08:47,431
[WHISPERS]: You dirty bird.

210
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,592
What are you doing in here?

211
00:08:50,595 --> 00:08:51,769
You cheated.

212
00:08:51,771 --> 00:08:53,251
No, I didn't.

213
00:08:55,775 --> 00:08:58,142
I'm holding the evidence.

214
00:08:58,144 --> 00:09:00,077
Let me see that.

215
00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:01,657
[SPITS]

216
00:09:03,071 --> 00:09:04,415
I don't see nothin'.

217
00:09:04,417 --> 00:09:07,178
[GASPS]: That's obstruction of justice,

218
00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:08,993
as well as disgusting.

219
00:09:08,996 --> 00:09:12,514
Oh, relax. By passing that
test, I get to play football,

220
00:09:12,517 --> 00:09:14,584
and you get to go to the train store.

221
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:15,927
Everybody wins.

222
00:09:15,929 --> 00:09:17,607
But what about the truth?

223
00:09:17,610 --> 00:09:18,930
What about it?

224
00:09:18,932 --> 00:09:21,123
It's supposed to set us free.

225
00:09:21,126 --> 00:09:22,667
Who told you that?

226
00:09:22,669 --> 00:09:24,135
The Bible.

227
00:09:24,137 --> 00:09:26,871
Since when do you care
about what's in the Bible?

228
00:09:26,873 --> 00:09:29,173
When it helps me win an argument.

229
00:09:29,175 --> 00:09:32,397
The Bible also says honor
thy father and thy mother.

230
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,154
And if you open your mouth,
you're gonna make them sad.

231
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,914
ADULT SHELDON: <i>He had me.</i>

232
00:09:36,916 --> 00:09:40,427
<i>Somehow, the mullet-headed
simpleton had me.</i>

233
00:09:40,430 --> 00:09:42,624
This isn't over.

234
00:09:42,627 --> 00:09:44,560
Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do?

235
00:09:45,658 --> 00:09:47,814
All right, maybe it's over.

236
00:09:51,531 --> 00:09:53,384
SHELDON: Meemaw?

237
00:10:00,656 --> 00:10:03,223
I assume you've read the
Surgeon General's report

238
00:10:03,226 --> 00:10:04,959
on the dangers of smoking?

239
00:10:04,962 --> 00:10:07,512
I'm gonna wait till they
turn it into a movie.

240
00:10:07,514 --> 00:10:09,080
Is that your new train?

241
00:10:09,082 --> 00:10:13,117
Yes. It's my reward for helping
Georgie pass the math test.

242
00:10:13,119 --> 00:10:15,386
You don't seem too happy about it.

243
00:10:15,388 --> 00:10:17,620
I don't feel like I earned it.

244
00:10:17,623 --> 00:10:19,256
Why not?

245
00:10:19,259 --> 00:10:20,725
Can you keep a secret?

246
00:10:20,727 --> 00:10:23,794
Well, at my age, the question
is can I remember one.

247
00:10:23,796 --> 00:10:25,096
Try me.

248
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:29,100
[WHISPERS]: Georgie cheated on the test.

249
00:10:29,102 --> 00:10:30,601
Oh.

250
00:10:30,603 --> 00:10:32,178
And nothing bad happened.

251
00:10:32,181 --> 00:10:33,638
He gets to stay on the football team,

252
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:35,010
Mom and Dad are proud of him,

253
00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:36,545
I even got a train for helping.

254
00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:39,335
So you're feeling guilty.

255
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:41,679
Very much so.

256
00:10:41,681 --> 00:10:44,215
Well, that's a real conundrum.

257
00:10:44,217 --> 00:10:46,527
Have you been reading the
Word of the Day calendar

258
00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:48,152
I gave you for your birthday?

259
00:10:48,155 --> 00:10:50,755
Indubitably. [CHUCKLES]

260
00:10:53,324 --> 00:10:55,024
So what do you think?

261
00:10:55,026 --> 00:10:57,459
I don't think you should
let it bother you very much.

262
00:10:57,461 --> 00:10:59,746
I mean, there's always
gonna be people in this world

263
00:10:59,749 --> 00:11:02,798
who are playing fast
and loose with the rules.

264
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,700
And your brother's one of them.

265
00:11:07,171 --> 00:11:09,225
That's how Captain Kirk is on <i>Star Trek.</i>

266
00:11:09,228 --> 00:11:12,174
Well, there you go, and he's,
like, the main guy on that show.

267
00:11:12,176 --> 00:11:14,694
No, Mr. Spock is the main guy.

268
00:11:14,697 --> 00:11:17,565
I stand corrected.

269
00:11:17,568 --> 00:11:21,750
Although Kirk is usually the one
who saves the <i>Enterprise.</i>

270
00:11:21,752 --> 00:11:25,120
Because he doesn't
always follow the rules?

271
00:11:25,122 --> 00:11:28,718
He even cheated on a
test when he was a cadet.

272
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,420
The<i> Kobayashi Maru.</i>

273
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:31,289
The what?

274
00:11:31,292 --> 00:11:32,324
<i>Kobayashi Maru.</i>

275
00:11:32,327 --> 00:11:34,229
Kirk is a legend because of it.

276
00:11:34,232 --> 00:11:37,399
[CHUCKLES] <i>Ko-Kobayashi Maru.</i>

277
00:11:37,401 --> 00:11:40,097
Sounds like something
you eat at Benihana's.

278
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,537
Have you ever been to one of those?

279
00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:42,905
They make you sit with strangers.

280
00:11:42,907 --> 00:11:44,171
It's crazy.

281
00:11:46,577 --> 00:11:49,178
Do you think a Spock
could become a Kirk?

282
00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:51,480
Well, in my experience,

283
00:11:51,482 --> 00:11:53,916
most people stay the
miserable bastards they are

284
00:11:53,918 --> 00:11:55,251
their whole entire life.

285
00:11:55,253 --> 00:11:56,552
But...

286
00:11:56,554 --> 00:11:58,944
I have seen some folks change.

287
00:12:01,359 --> 00:12:02,725
Hmm.

288
00:12:04,595 --> 00:12:07,463
All right. Well, I'm gonna
go play with this train.

289
00:12:07,465 --> 00:12:09,108
You do that.

290
00:12:24,007 --> 00:12:25,147
[SIGHS]

291
00:12:25,149 --> 00:12:26,181
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

292
00:12:26,183 --> 00:12:27,216
SHELDON: Georgie?

293
00:12:27,218 --> 00:12:29,444
- Go away.
- I need to ask a favor.

294
00:12:29,447 --> 00:12:30,580
What?

295
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,655
It's private. Can I come in?

296
00:12:32,657 --> 00:12:34,436
[SIGHS] Come on.

297
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:39,247
Ugh.

298
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:40,749
What do you want?

299
00:12:40,752 --> 00:12:43,364
It occurs to me you
have something in common

300
00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:44,889
with Captain Kirk.

301
00:12:44,892 --> 00:12:46,458
We both have cool hair?

302
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:47,560
In order to succeed,

303
00:12:47,563 --> 00:12:50,171
you both play fast and
loose with the rules.

304
00:12:50,174 --> 00:12:52,280
Yeah, I suppose we do.

305
00:12:52,283 --> 00:12:55,344
When you cheated on the math
test, what was your strategy?

306
00:12:55,346 --> 00:12:57,746
Well, I guess the most important part

307
00:12:57,748 --> 00:12:59,982
was not stepping on
anything wet before the test.

308
00:13:00,685 --> 00:13:02,051
And not getting an "A."

309
00:13:02,053 --> 00:13:03,986
Why wouldn't you want an "A"?

310
00:13:03,988 --> 00:13:06,488
'Cause that would raise suspicions.

311
00:13:06,490 --> 00:13:08,357
Who would believe I got an "A"?

312
00:13:08,359 --> 00:13:09,858
Wow.

313
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:11,458
Tell me more.

314
00:13:11,461 --> 00:13:13,695
Okay, when you're telling a lie,

315
00:13:13,698 --> 00:13:15,928
it's important to throw in some details.

316
00:13:15,931 --> 00:13:18,300
Like, when I was wanted to
spend the night at Ricky's house,

317
00:13:18,303 --> 00:13:20,936
and Mom asked me if his mom
and dad were gonna be home,

318
00:13:20,938 --> 00:13:22,004
I said, not only

319
00:13:22,006 --> 00:13:23,546
are they be gonna be home,

320
00:13:23,549 --> 00:13:24,839
his dad was gonna teach us

321
00:13:24,842 --> 00:13:27,139
how to cook turkey legs in the smoker.

322
00:13:27,142 --> 00:13:29,195
I like turkey legs. Were they good?

323
00:13:29,198 --> 00:13:31,313
There weren't any turkey legs, you dope.

324
00:13:31,315 --> 00:13:33,582
His parents were in Branson.

325
00:13:33,584 --> 00:13:36,552
That's incredible. I
totally believed you.

326
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:37,920
Details.

327
00:13:37,922 --> 00:13:40,639
Now get out of here, I
got to finish reading this.

328
00:13:41,993 --> 00:13:45,060
Thank you, Georgie,
that was very helpful.

329
00:13:45,062 --> 00:13:46,395
[MAN SPEAKING ON TV]

330
00:13:46,397 --> 00:13:47,563
Did you hear that?

331
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:48,647
What?

332
00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:51,254
Sounds like Georgie and
Sheldon are getting along.

333
00:13:51,257 --> 00:13:52,368
Really?

334
00:13:52,370 --> 00:13:54,036
That can't be right.

335
00:13:54,038 --> 00:13:55,163
I just heard it.

336
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:57,439
Maybe there's hope for
those two after all.

337
00:13:57,441 --> 00:13:59,742
Or it's a sign of the apocalypse.

338
00:13:59,744 --> 00:14:02,374
Honey, I'm-I'm watching this.

339
00:14:02,377 --> 00:14:04,544
[EXHALES]

340
00:14:06,757 --> 00:14:08,584
So you'll have to find someone else

341
00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:10,530
to hold your ankles in P.E. today.

342
00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:12,032
I'm sorry, what?

343
00:14:12,035 --> 00:14:14,969
I've suffered a terrible injury
and won't be able to attend.

344
00:14:14,972 --> 00:14:16,291
What happened?

345
00:14:16,293 --> 00:14:17,999
See for yourself.

346
00:14:20,231 --> 00:14:23,644
"Dear Coach Wilkins, please
excuse my son, Sheldon,

347
00:14:23,647 --> 00:14:24,991
from P.E.

348
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:27,202
He has experienced a testicular hernia,

349
00:14:27,204 --> 00:14:30,039
and needs to rest for the
next six to eight weeks.

350
00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:32,207
Sincerely, Mary Cooper."

351
00:14:34,045 --> 00:14:35,477
Testicular hernia?

352
00:14:35,479 --> 00:14:37,452
That's called details.

353
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,363
Ooh, that's rough.

354
00:14:41,366 --> 00:14:42,484
Hmm.

355
00:14:42,486 --> 00:14:43,519
How'd it happen?

356
00:14:43,521 --> 00:14:44,887
It's hard to say,

357
00:14:44,889 --> 00:14:48,424
but some risk factors include:
heavy lifting, a chronic cough

358
00:14:48,426 --> 00:14:50,993
and repetitive straining
during bowel movements.

359
00:14:50,995 --> 00:14:52,639
I've been there.

360
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,400
Hmm. All right.

361
00:14:54,403 --> 00:14:57,837
Guess I'll see you
in... six to eight weeks.

362
00:15:00,346 --> 00:15:03,113
["BAD TO THE BONE" BY
GEORGE THOROGOOD PLAYING]

363
00:15:04,061 --> 00:15:06,269
ADULT SHELDON: <i>I don't
know if other supervillains</i>

364
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,324
<i>started their careers
by getting out of P.E.,</i>

365
00:15:09,327 --> 00:15:11,046
<i>but that's where I began.</i>

366
00:15:11,048 --> 00:15:13,682
<i>Emboldened by my faux hernia,</i>

367
00:15:13,684 --> 00:15:16,332
<i>I started taking books
out of the library...</i>

368
00:15:16,335 --> 00:15:19,389
<i>without getting the cards stamped.</i>

369
00:15:19,392 --> 00:15:21,056
You didn't check out those books.

370
00:15:21,058 --> 00:15:22,491
I know.

371
00:15:22,493 --> 00:15:24,626
<i>Before you judge me too harshly,</i>

372
00:15:24,628 --> 00:15:26,695
<i>I always brought them back on time.</i>

373
00:15:26,697 --> 00:15:29,765
<i>I was a rule-breaker, not a lunatic.</i>

374
00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:32,734
<i>But perhaps my most
satisfying transgression</i>

375
00:15:32,736 --> 00:15:34,639
<i>was duping my sister</i>

376
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,777
<i>into relinquishing control of the TV.</i>

377
00:15:39,343 --> 00:15:40,609
Hello.

378
00:15:40,611 --> 00:15:42,611
What's that for?

379
00:15:42,613 --> 00:15:46,415
Oh, this? I was just digging
for money in Meemaw's backyard.

380
00:15:46,417 --> 00:15:48,217
There's money there?

381
00:15:48,219 --> 00:15:50,819
Oh, yes. I already found 75 cents.

382
00:15:50,821 --> 00:15:52,621
Who do you think left it?

383
00:15:52,623 --> 00:15:54,356
If I were to guess,

384
00:15:54,358 --> 00:15:56,458
I'd say pirates with
holes in their pockets.

385
00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:58,827
Can I use your shovel?

386
00:15:58,829 --> 00:16:01,296
Be my guest.

387
00:16:01,298 --> 00:16:03,639
MISSY: Oh, baby, I'm gonna be rich.

388
00:16:06,203 --> 00:16:10,005
Today, we're going to learn
about Sir Isaac Newton.

389
00:16:10,007 --> 00:16:11,801
Hello, old friend.

390
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,504
One of the world's
greatest scientists...

391
00:16:13,507 --> 00:16:16,278
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

392
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:17,946
[GRUNTS]

393
00:16:17,948 --> 00:16:19,047
See you tomorrow, Wayne.

394
00:16:19,049 --> 00:16:20,816
You have a good one, George.

395
00:16:20,818 --> 00:16:22,518
Hey, how's your son doing?

396
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:23,785
Georgie?

397
00:16:23,788 --> 00:16:26,755
No, the smart one.

398
00:16:26,757 --> 00:16:28,390
He's fine. Why?

399
00:16:28,392 --> 00:16:30,159
What about the hernia?

400
00:16:30,161 --> 00:16:31,483
What hernia?

401
00:16:31,486 --> 00:16:33,520
The one your wife said he had.

402
00:16:36,991 --> 00:16:38,867
Happened to me while I was in the Army.

403
00:16:38,869 --> 00:16:42,871
I was in a bar in Georgia,
tried to lift up this big gal.

404
00:16:42,873 --> 00:16:45,241
Swear I could hear
something pop down there.

405
00:16:45,244 --> 00:16:46,773
Sheldon gave you this note?

406
00:16:46,776 --> 00:16:48,009
Yeah.

407
00:16:48,012 --> 00:16:49,411
I didn't write this.

408
00:16:49,413 --> 00:16:50,712
You sure?

409
00:16:50,714 --> 00:16:52,014
Looks like your handwriting.

410
00:16:52,016 --> 00:16:53,505
It's got that little
swoopy thing going on.

411
00:16:53,507 --> 00:16:54,516
I didn't write it.

412
00:16:54,518 --> 00:16:57,199
And I think I'd know
if my son had a hernia.

413
00:16:57,202 --> 00:17:00,347
So what, Sheldon forged a
letter to get out of P.E.?

414
00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:01,957
Looks like it.

415
00:17:01,959 --> 00:17:03,625
How about that.

416
00:17:03,627 --> 00:17:06,139
Don't be proud of him.

417
00:17:06,142 --> 00:17:07,262
Can't help it.

418
00:17:07,264 --> 00:17:09,131
First time he ever seemed like my kid.

419
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:11,421
Do you have any idea

420
00:17:11,424 --> 00:17:14,069
what's gotten into him?

421
00:17:14,071 --> 00:17:15,437
I might.

422
00:17:15,439 --> 00:17:17,039
Well?

423
00:17:17,041 --> 00:17:19,675
Have you ever heard of...

424
00:17:19,677 --> 00:17:23,145
<i>Mobokachi Kaboom?</i>

425
00:17:23,147 --> 00:17:24,358
Wait.

426
00:17:24,361 --> 00:17:26,814
<i>Koshimaki Magoo.</i>

427
00:17:26,817 --> 00:17:29,038
Wait a minute, I'm gonna get this.

428
00:17:32,690 --> 00:17:34,156
"Dear Professor Proton,

429
00:17:34,158 --> 00:17:36,024
I would very much like to meet you,

430
00:17:36,026 --> 00:17:38,594
and I only have three weeks to live.

431
00:17:38,596 --> 00:17:41,430
Please come visit me
here in Medford, Texas.

432
00:17:41,432 --> 00:17:43,165
Sincerely, Sheldon Cooper.

433
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:45,046
P.S. My Meemaw makes excellent brisket."

434
00:17:45,049 --> 00:17:46,181
MARY: Sheldon.

435
00:17:46,184 --> 00:17:48,147
Would you like to explain this note?

436
00:17:50,441 --> 00:17:51,540
Well?

437
00:17:51,542 --> 00:17:53,809
I was trying to be more like Georgie.

438
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:55,210
That's a dumb idea.

439
00:17:55,212 --> 00:17:57,913
We don't want Georgie
to be like Georgie.

440
00:17:57,915 --> 00:18:01,817
Well, let me start by
saying how very sorry I am.

441
00:18:07,118 --> 00:18:08,963
ADULT SHELDON: <i>Despite my explanation</i>

442
00:18:08,966 --> 00:18:11,790
<i>that I was embracing my inner Kirk,</i>

443
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:15,393
<i>my mother had me make
amends for all my misdeeds.</i>

444
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,162
<i>Starting in the library,</i>

445
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:20,765
<i>where I had to reshelve
hundreds of books.</i>

446
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:23,368
<i>Well, to be honest, that one was a hoot.</i>

447
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:27,972
<i>The amends got worse when Coach
Wilkins made me climb the rope.</i>

448
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,208
<i>Lacking any upper body strength,</i>

449
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:33,749
<i>I hung there like a
salami in a deli window.</i>

450
00:18:33,752 --> 00:18:37,482
<i>And finally, I had to
apologize to my meemaw,</i>

451
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:41,609
<i>who was an unfortunate victim
of my sister's treasure hunt.</i>

452
00:18:42,731 --> 00:18:47,960
- <font color="#D81D1D">Synced and corrected by VitoSilans</font> -
-- <font color="#138CE9">www.Addic7ed.com</font> --

