1 00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:12,179 CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM 2 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:16,850 I know that I am no better than any of my fellow nominees 3 00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:20,646 or any other human in this room or on this planet. 4 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:26,276 I also believe that inter-species equality is paramount. 5 00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:31,824 And yet, we go into nature and we pillage and we ransack. 6 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:37,579 We use machines to impregnate the innocent dairy cow, 7 00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:42,292 then callously snatch away her baby as she cries out in despair. 8 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,086 Why do they do this? 9 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,130 Even Woody Harrelson makes speeches like this. 10 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,590 It's just an Oscar. It's not the Nobel Peace Prize, right? 11 00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:51,135 You know what my speech would be if I won an Oscar? 12 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,430 I wanna thank the Academy. Don't allow babies on planes. Good night. 13 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,765 They'd love that speech. You'd be a hero. 14 00:00:56,849 --> 00:01:00,602 Then we take the life milk meant for her calf 15 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:04,815 and we use it for cream in our lattes. 16 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:09,903 All this stuff aside, he'd be so great for uncle Moe for the show. 17 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,905 - Oh my God, yes. - Tough to get. 18 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:15,534 - I don't know. - It couldn't hurt to get him a script. 19 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,202 Could not hurt at all. 20 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,663 Hi, Lar. Got some more fabric. 21 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:24,168 Look at this tapestry I'm making for the temple. Is that something? 22 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:27,171 - I've never been more proud of her. - It's the tree of life. 23 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,589 - Did you sew that? - Yeah. 24 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:32,092 It's a banner for our temple football team. We're playing Beth Hillel. 25 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,386 And their defense is ridiculous. 26 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:37,347 They sacked our Rabbi six times last season. 27 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:41,518 Speaking of the temple, our Rabbi is an amazing guy. 28 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,687 Lar, you, of all people, would love this guy. 29 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,190 - Would I? - He's cool. He's hip. 30 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:49,026 He's spiritual. He's just fantastic. 31 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,028 He's a big golfer, 32 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:55,032 can't afford a fancy schmancy club like we belong to. 33 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:59,119 So I think it would be a nice gesture for you to take him as a guest. 34 00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:02,289 - Take him to the club with me? - Yeah. Come on. 35 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,458 - Geez. - One round. 36 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:07,461 - This is gonna make you happy? - Very happy. 37 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,004 All right, fine. 38 00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:11,840 Thank you so much. 39 00:02:15,094 --> 00:02:18,097 Come on, man. No. 40 00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:23,185 You think I wouldn't do it for you? I'm gonna leave you hanging? 41 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:28,148 I'm old. I can't waste a day playing golf with a Rabbi. 42 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:31,735 Every minute is precious to me now in this time of my life. 43 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,571 - He's a great guy, Larry. - That's a four-hour favor. 44 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,073 And five, if you include lunch. 45 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,367 Come on, play golf with the cool Rabbi and me. 46 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,119 You'll be doing me a big favor. Come on. 47 00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,663 - It's a favor. - I appreciate it so much. 48 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:44,957 I am doing you a favor. 49 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,792 How many times are you gonna remind me of this now? 50 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,878 - As often as I can. - Thank you anyway, both of you. 51 00:02:58,137 --> 00:03:00,681 - Yeah, that really does a lot. - Will you please? 52 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:04,476 I got a text from Woody Harrelson's people. 53 00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:07,062 He's interested. They're gonna set up a meeting. 54 00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:08,188 - Really? - Yeah. 55 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:10,607 - That's great. - It's very exciting. 56 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,609 - I love Woody. - I love Woody, too. 57 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,490 Okay, you know what, I'm gonna give you that. 58 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,325 Very generous of you. 59 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,453 By the way, I'm seeing your girlfriend this week. 60 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:25,748 Heidi? I'm so glad. You're gonna love her. She's terrific. 61 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,624 - Wait, the eye doctor? - Yeah. 62 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,794 Gentlemen, I'm gonna show you how this is done. 63 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:34,465 - Never again. - I know. I appreciate it. 64 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,759 The High Holy Days are coming up pretty soon. 65 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:39,386 That is just so exciting, is it not? 66 00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:41,430 Sure would be nice to see you in temple. 67 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,015 Okay, don't hold your breath. 68 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,184 It's been a while since you've been to this temple. 69 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,895 I think never is the more appropriate word. 70 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,647 Well, maybe we can remedy that. How about a little wager? 71 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,774 Sure, fine. 72 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:54,860 I sink this putt, you come to my temple for services. 73 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,154 Okay, you got it. 74 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,281 - Now you guys heard it, he bet. - Sure, yeah. 75 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,409 I'll come to your temple and I'll get breast implants, too. 76 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,870 That's up to you. 77 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:08,832 Oh my God. No! No! 78 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,125 Yes! 79 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:13,545 - Are you serious? - You're going to temple. 80 00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,923 - You said it. I heard it. - What? No. 81 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,550 - I'll see you in temple. - Are you kidding? 82 00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:21,136 You don't expect me to go there. We were joking. 83 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:23,806 - We made a fair bet. - You didn't put up anything. 84 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,307 What did you bet? Nothing. 85 00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,768 You're gonna look beautiful with breasts. 86 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,895 You got a face for it. You're gonna look good. 87 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,814 I can't go there. I'll suffocate! 88 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:35,317 - Nice shot. Rabbi. - How the fuck did he make that putt? 89 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,164 - What was all that? - What was all what? 90 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,542 You're like a mouse, just scurrying back to your seat. 91 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,836 - I'm scurrying? - Yeah. What are you up to? 92 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,838 - What you up to? - I saw it. 93 00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:57,381 You didn't see shit. 94 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,966 What's that smell? 95 00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,678 - Kitchen. - It's not kitchen. 96 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:06,724 It's more a floral. Maybe even fruity. 97 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:13,021 Larry, calm down. Just relax. 98 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,733 Larry, get the fuck outta there, man! 99 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,443 What is this? 100 00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,487 - Watermelon? - What? 101 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,823 I thought you hated watermelon. What's going on? 102 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:26,201 Okay. I fuckin' lied, okay? I fuckin' love watermelon. 103 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,620 But I can't eat the shit in front of white people. 104 00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:31,498 What? That's just ridiculous. 105 00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:34,209 - I just can't fuckin' do it. - That's so crazy. 106 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,170 In front of white people, why? Who gives a shit? 107 00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:39,214 Even Black people don't like to see Black people eat fuckin' watermelon. 108 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:41,925 - I feel bad for the fuckin' watermelon. - You probably love it too, don't you? 109 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,344 - My favorite fuckin' fruit. - Mine, too. 110 00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,013 Plenty of times, I've been to cocktail parties, 111 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,265 I gotta put the frickin' watermelon in a little napkin 112 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:51,268 and go in the bathroom or the forest to eat the shit. 113 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,394 Go into the woods? 114 00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:55,147 Open the napkin and eat the fuckin' watermelon by myself. 115 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,858 You know what? Black people, white people, I don't care. 116 00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,319 Next time I go to the market, I'm gonna get some watermelon, 117 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:03,822 I'm gonna bring it back and you're gonna eat it in front of me. 118 00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,866 I'll work towards it. 119 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:08,452 We're gonna do this together. 120 00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:10,871 My man. 121 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:15,876 Here we go, little cup of Joe for the Wood man. 122 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,837 Thank you very much. I don't drink it much. 123 00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,589 If I have coffee, which is rare, 124 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,841 I usually drink biodynamic. 125 00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:26,845 - This isn't biodynamic, probably. - It's dynamic. 126 00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:31,809 I don't know if it's biodynamic, but it's definitely dynamic. 127 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:35,062 You know what, this is like the sweetest digs, Larry. 128 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,564 You want some of this cream in your coffee? I got it fresh from... 129 00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:41,860 Cream? Is that cream, like cow cream? 130 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,365 Do you know what that does, Larry? 131 00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:50,369 The cycle of violence that creates that cream. 132 00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:53,497 Do you realize the inherent cruelty in that, 133 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,625 what happens to the cow, to the calf? 134 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:04,258 Wait a second. I didn't get that cream from a market. 135 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,468 Is that what you think? No. 136 00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:11,807 I have a farm. And a cow. And the cow has a calf. 137 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,727 And after the calf is finished, that's when I take it. 138 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:18,230 - That's extraordinary. - You think I'd go into a market? 139 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,023 I'm not a monster. 140 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,818 And when I do go, I'm cream shaming. 141 00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:26,113 - I cream shame, too! - You're a cream shamer? 142 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:29,324 Yeah! I'm cream shaming all the time. 143 00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,619 I thought I was gonna cream shame you now. 144 00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:36,832 But I underestimated you, Larry. I apologize. 145 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,459 And say, where's your farm? 146 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:42,004 - It's outside the city. - What's your cow's name? 147 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:44,298 - Jessie. - Jessie? 148 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:48,093 Yeah, Jessie. Woody, I gotta tell you, I just love that cow. 149 00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:49,470 l just love her. 150 00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:53,724 Sometimes, I'll just lie in the sun and watch her chew that cud. 151 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,644 I had pets growing up. I had dogs, and cats, or whatever. 152 00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:03,025 But I have never loved an animal the way I love this cow. 153 00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,736 - I just adore her. - Could I meet Jessie? 154 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:10,365 Could I go to your farm and meet Jessie? This is right up my alley. 155 00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,997 - You wanna meet Jessie? - I would love to. 156 00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:20,793 - What do you say? - Well, yeah, sure. 157 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:24,171 So I'm here a week. What about Thursday? 158 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:28,717 Nah. Thursday's not good. I gotta work on Thursday. 159 00:08:28,801 --> 00:08:31,095 - Friday? - Friday's not good. 160 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:34,723 Saturday, you're not working. And that's my last day here. 161 00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:36,600 We'll do it Saturday, yeah? 162 00:08:40,104 --> 00:08:43,941 Yeah, we'll do it. Yeah, sure. 163 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,984 It's meant to be. 164 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,113 But Larry, let's talk about this script. 165 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,865 There's a few notes I have. It's nothing. 166 00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:56,245 It's not a page one rewrite, but let's start from page one. 167 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,291 Why would you tell him you had a cow? That's nuts! 168 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:02,584 I was put on the spot. 169 00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,712 The whole thing with the cream, you saw the Oscar speech. 170 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,381 - What do you know about cows? - I know nothing about cows. 171 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,882 I know the cow's name is Jessie. 172 00:09:08,966 --> 00:09:10,801 You told him the cow's name was Jessie? 173 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,678 He asked me what the name was. I said Jessie. 174 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,847 Jessie's the worst name for a cow I've ever heard. 175 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:17,099 Fuck you! That's a good name for a cow. 176 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,517 What about Bessie? 177 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,687 Bessie sounds made up. That's like naming a dog Fido. 178 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:26,233 No. Jessie is a young lady who skateboards. 179 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,110 I really don't think you know what you're talking about. 180 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,319 And you do? 181 00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,739 And by the way, no Jessie, you can forget about Woody. 182 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:36,034 Hey. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you and thank you, too. 183 00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,912 - For what? - Taking the Rabbi to golf. 184 00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,915 It was a mitzvah! Don't you feel good about yourself now? 185 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:46,253 No, I don't. And, of course, he roped me into going to temple. 186 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,796 It'll be good for your soul. 187 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:53,260 It'll be unbelievably boring and I'll regret every second I spend there. 188 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:58,140 Do you not have any kind of feeling of spirituality? 189 00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:01,143 An inkling? Some kind of spirituality... 190 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,146 All right, you know what, get the fuck out. Fuck you, both of you. 191 00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:05,898 Susie, in all seriousness, 192 00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:10,486 do you know anybody who has a farm or a cow? 193 00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:13,572 What am I, Little House on the fucking Prairie here? 194 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,449 I don't know cows and farms. 195 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,494 Maybe two farmers have come in to mail a big package or something. 196 00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:20,621 They don't live around here, farmers, Larry. 197 00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:23,082 They have a couple of big packages, what are they sending out? 198 00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:24,208 Feed? 199 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,001 Larry, we're not gonna know any farmers. 200 00:10:26,085 --> 00:10:28,545 We don't know any cows. What's the matter with you? 201 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,964 You're fucked. You gotta find a cow. 202 00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,010 Okay, Larry, one last time. 203 00:10:35,094 --> 00:10:37,638 One or two. 204 00:10:40,057 --> 00:10:41,433 One? 205 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,061 Two? 206 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,271 Just pick one. Just whichever's clearer to you. 207 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:53,278 - Let me see that again. - Okay. One. Two. 208 00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:57,116 - Which one can you see better? - I know they're different. 209 00:10:57,199 --> 00:11:01,036 I could see there's a slight difference. But I can't tell which one's better. 210 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,621 - I think two. - Two? 211 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,958 One more time? One. Two. 212 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,836 - Now I'm liking one. - You like one? 213 00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,421 Yeah, one. Definitely one. 214 00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:14,508 Let's go to three and four. Three or four? 215 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,928 - Four. - Four? That was fast. 216 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,889 No. Hold it. Let me see it again. 217 00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:22,891 - Okay. Three. - Three's really growin' on me. 218 00:11:22,975 --> 00:11:24,435 Here's four again. 219 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,647 - Let me see it again. - Three. Four. 220 00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:31,817 - This is like a trick of some kind. - Promise we're not tricking you. 221 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:35,279 I think actually three is one and two is four. Am I right? 222 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:41,452 No. Just three or four? What's the first instinct? 223 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,163 - Who gets the tie? - There are no ties in optometry. 224 00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:45,914 - You gotta pick one. - Do me just one favor. 225 00:11:45,998 --> 00:11:48,375 Can you go back to one and two? I think I want two. 226 00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:50,878 That's why I've been having trouble with three and four. 227 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:54,256 I can't get one and two outta my head. I think I made a mistake with one. 228 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:57,634 - Okay, we're back at one now. - Okay, now let me see two. 229 00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,678 - Two. - Two. Yeah. 230 00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,722 Two, perfect. Let's leave this for a second. 231 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,349 Let's walk away from this. Let's let this settle. 232 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:07,227 Here's some info. 'Cause that was a lot of decisions. 233 00:12:07,311 --> 00:12:08,771 That's been my problem in my life. 234 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,857 I don't stay with the first instinct. I go to the second instinct. 235 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,401 Hey, by the way, can you believe this weird rally that's going on 236 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,028 in Westwood this week? 237 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:17,905 - A hate rally? - So offensive. 238 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:21,200 I mean, free speech, fine. But this is fucking crazy. 239 00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:22,910 Freedom of speech, that's so overrated. 240 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:25,621 Shouldn't even be freedom of speech unless it's me, of course. 241 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:29,375 That should've been in the Constitution. Freedom of speech for Larry David. 242 00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:30,959 Everybody else, ask Larry. 243 00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:33,754 Let me dilate your eyes, okay. Wanna take your glasses off? 244 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,047 Let's do this real quick. 245 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:38,050 It'll only be blurry for about half hour. Here we go. 246 00:12:38,384 --> 00:12:40,844 And boop. I'm sure you've done that before. 247 00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:44,181 Nurse is gonna come in and run a couple more tests. 248 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,599 I just wanna see one more thing here. 249 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:47,559 We'll get you a new prescription, okay? 250 00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,937 You know what? It should've been one. 251 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,147 - Just hang tight. - One, definitely. 252 00:13:17,715 --> 00:13:20,801 Stay strong, man. Son of a bitch! 253 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:23,887 - Oh my gosh. Sorry. - What are you doing, man? 254 00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:26,181 I'm so sorry. So sorry. 255 00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:28,142 Look at this. Come on, dude! 256 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,935 I'm so sorry. I just came from the eye doctor. 257 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,563 They dilated my pupils and everything's kind of... 258 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:35,858 - I didn't see you. - Look at that. This is totally ruined. 259 00:13:36,108 --> 00:13:39,653 I can't believe this is happening. I'm screwed for today. 260 00:13:39,737 --> 00:13:42,823 But what am I supposed to do? You can't wear that anymore. 261 00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:45,576 Would you go to an event like this? 262 00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:49,163 - Yeah, you got the rally. - Yeah, I got the rally today. 263 00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,874 You can't wear that to a rally, are you kidding? 264 00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:53,625 No way. Can't you just get a sheet? 265 00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:56,128 No, I don't wanna wear a fuckin' sheet. It's not a sheet. 266 00:13:56,211 --> 00:14:01,091 - This is a robe. Feel it. - I always thought it was a sheet. 267 00:14:01,175 --> 00:14:03,135 I can't afford to go get another one of these. 268 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,971 But what about just temporary? You put a sheet on just for today... 269 00:14:06,055 --> 00:14:08,265 - No, I'm not gonna wear a sheet! - It's like a spare tire. 270 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,601 I can't do that. That's total amateur, man. 271 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,687 - Yeah, you gotta get that cleaned. - It's really a shame. 272 00:14:14,146 --> 00:14:16,690 I'll tell you what I could do. Take it to the dry cleaners. 273 00:14:16,774 --> 00:14:17,816 They can get that out. 274 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:21,528 But I've got a rally in Tucson and one in Santa Fe coming up. 275 00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:23,906 And those things are the real deal. They're the big ones. 276 00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:25,866 - Okay, so when do you need it by? - Two days. 277 00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:29,328 How about this? For the rally today, you'll go robeless. 278 00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:30,621 It's not the end of the world. 279 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:34,750 And then you'll have that robe spanking clean in two days. 280 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:38,045 Why do they make these white anyway? They stain so easily. 281 00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:41,548 You're out all the time in the fields with the burning and the ashes. 282 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,884 You must spend a lot of money at the cleaners for this thing. 283 00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:47,388 Well, it's tradition. You know, tradition. 284 00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:49,848 Who, day and night, must scramble for a living, 285 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:52,935 feed the wife and children, say his daily prayers. 286 00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:55,312 Who has the right as master of the house, 287 00:14:55,396 --> 00:14:59,274 to have the final word at home? The Papa. Tradition. 288 00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:00,692 Tradition. Yeah, exactly. 289 00:15:00,776 --> 00:15:05,656 If I was starting your organization, I would've opted for a black robe. 290 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:08,075 You can't see black in the middle of the night. 291 00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:11,620 - Yeah, right, right. - You wanna see the white. 292 00:15:11,704 --> 00:15:14,915 Gotcha. I'll give you my phone. You write your number in here. 293 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,129 - Stay strong, brother! - White is right! 294 00:15:20,212 --> 00:15:22,297 Just call me. Thank you so much. 295 00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:25,551 Okay. Sure. Let's get this taken care of. 296 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:27,177 Again, my apologies. 297 00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:30,055 And you have my word, on my honor, 298 00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:34,268 you will have this robe for your hate rallies in Tucson and Santa Fe. 299 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:37,229 All right, hey, thanks. I really appreciate it. 300 00:15:37,855 --> 00:15:40,899 No starch, no crease, please. 301 00:15:41,233 --> 00:15:43,235 - No starch in the robe? - Right. 302 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,826 Good morning. How can I help you? 303 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,454 I spilled some coffee on this. I'd like to get it cleaned. 304 00:15:53,579 --> 00:15:55,205 - Let's have a look. - Nothing to see. 305 00:15:55,289 --> 00:15:56,957 - Just throw it in the bin. - Let me see. 306 00:15:57,041 --> 00:15:59,752 Let's see how bad it is. It's good to get a sense... 307 00:16:02,588 --> 00:16:05,132 - Is that what I think it is? - Yeah. 308 00:16:06,258 --> 00:16:08,802 - It's not mine. - Well, let's hope. 309 00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:11,638 It's a Klansman's robe. I spilled coffee on it. 310 00:16:11,722 --> 00:16:15,059 It's my responsibility. I feel like, you know, I spill, I clean. 311 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:18,645 Then it's your responsibility to take it somewhere else 312 00:16:18,729 --> 00:16:22,232 because I don't want it in my store. I don't wanna touch it. 313 00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:23,859 I get the reluctance, I do. 314 00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,819 But let me just say this, as far as Klansmen go, 315 00:16:25,903 --> 00:16:28,363 he's a decent Klansman. 316 00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:31,658 A decent Klansman is a Klansman. 317 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,452 True. 318 00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:35,245 But you see what you're doing here? 319 00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,414 What you're doing is what they're doing. 320 00:16:37,498 --> 00:16:39,958 You don't wanna have anything to do with this particular group. 321 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:42,878 That's their mantra. And now, that's what you're doing. 322 00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:45,130 Well, this group hates me. I'm a Jew. 323 00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:47,049 I understand. You see this cheek? 324 00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:50,052 Look. See? See what I'm doing? I'm turnin' that cheek. 325 00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:52,262 Turn the cheek. 326 00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:55,974 Let's not be like them. Let's show them that we're different. 327 00:16:56,392 --> 00:16:58,102 We don't discriminate. 328 00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,229 - Okay. - Thank you. 329 00:17:00,396 --> 00:17:02,189 I really don't like this, but I'll do it. 330 00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:04,274 I really appreciate that. 331 00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:08,487 If there's any way I can get this robe by tomorrow, 332 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:11,698 he's got big rallies coming up in Santa Fe and Tucson. 333 00:17:11,782 --> 00:17:13,075 Three o'clock tomorrow. 334 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,954 By the way, you know anyone who owns a cow? 335 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,914 We're in the middle of a city. There's no cows. 336 00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:22,000 If someone comes in and they look a little farm-ish, 337 00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,669 if you have a farm-ish customer... 338 00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:26,004 I don't think that happens too often, but okay. 339 00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:28,173 Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. 340 00:17:28,257 --> 00:17:31,218 - I don't have any change. - You know, it takes bills. 341 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:35,305 It's hard to stuff 'em in there. It's very narrow. 342 00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:38,434 - Not that hard. - By the way, no starch, no crease. 343 00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:42,146 - See you tomorrow. - Absolutely disgusting. 344 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,860 The blowing of the Shofar symbolizes many things. 345 00:17:48,152 --> 00:17:50,654 In the Torah, it is said the blowing of the Shofar 346 00:17:50,738 --> 00:17:53,991 is a call to assemble for battle. 347 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,452 It's a High Holy Day miracle, look who's here. 348 00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:01,457 ... that are massing right here in our very city. 349 00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:06,128 A mere few blocks away, people are gathering to spread their lies 350 00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:08,756 and disinformation and venom. 351 00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:11,008 Can you believe this? It's a hate group in Westwood? 352 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,010 I ran into one. I spilled coffee on his robe. 353 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,553 I had to bring it to the dry cleaner. 354 00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,263 You had a confrontation with the hate group? 355 00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,432 - Yes. - Was it like a big white robe? 356 00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:22,394 First of all, it's not white. It's more like bone or ecru. 357 00:18:22,478 --> 00:18:24,229 How was the eye doctor? Did you see Heidi? 358 00:18:24,313 --> 00:18:29,902 Yes, she's a great doctor. God, charming, really attractive. 359 00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:33,405 Yeah, thank you. I knew you would be happy. She's terrific. 360 00:18:33,489 --> 00:18:36,116 However, there's something I have to tell you. 361 00:18:36,784 --> 00:18:38,994 It's difficult for me to even bring this up. 362 00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:40,162 Bring what up? 363 00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,872 When the exam was over, 364 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,458 she dropped a Pirate's Booty on the floor. 365 00:18:46,877 --> 00:18:48,337 Didn't pick it up. 366 00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:50,214 Did you see her drop the pirate's booty? 367 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,924 I saw her do it. 368 00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:54,093 I saw her look at the Pirate's Booty, 369 00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,887 make the decision not to pick it up and walk out of the room. 370 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,680 Maybe she got it later. She could've been embarrassed. 371 00:18:58,764 --> 00:19:00,808 No, she didn't. You know why? 372 00:19:00,891 --> 00:19:02,851 - Why? - 'Cause I picked it up. 373 00:19:02,935 --> 00:19:06,397 Yeah. I don't like what that says about her. 374 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,191 It's indicative of a moral compass gone askew. 375 00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:11,819 - It's terrible. - I know, it's awful. 376 00:19:11,902 --> 00:19:14,363 But what do I do? I can't just sit with this. It bothers me now. 377 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:17,032 - I don't know what you should do. - Maybe you could bring it up. 378 00:19:17,116 --> 00:19:19,118 Keep me out of it. 379 00:19:19,410 --> 00:19:23,288 His girlfriend dropped a Pirate's Booty on the floor, didn't pick it up. 380 00:19:23,372 --> 00:19:25,416 It's not a good thing to drop the booty and not pick it up. 381 00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:26,959 - So what? - What do you mean so what? 382 00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:29,378 There's a sense of entitlement there. It's not a good quality. 383 00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:32,548 - Let it go. You're so judgmental. - Please rise. 384 00:19:33,924 --> 00:19:35,843 - You like Pirate Booty? - No, it's disgusting. 385 00:19:35,968 --> 00:19:38,137 I don't like a cheesy snack, do you? 386 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,514 If I'm gonna have anything, I'm gonna have a potato chip. 387 00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:42,766 A cheesy snack is not good. 388 00:19:47,771 --> 00:19:50,107 Shevarim, teruah. 389 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,944 - Man, he's good. - Unbelievable. 390 00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,700 Thank you all for coming. Shanah Tovah. 391 00:20:01,452 --> 00:20:04,496 I can tell you this, they're not gonna be seeing me again anytime soon. 392 00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:05,914 You didn't enjoy it? 393 00:20:05,998 --> 00:20:10,377 Rabbi Friedman, oh my God, that was so moving. Just terrific. 394 00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:11,962 - Thank you. - Hello. 395 00:20:12,046 --> 00:20:13,714 I wasn't sure you were gonna make it. 396 00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:15,674 I'm a man of my word. Are you kidding? 397 00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:19,386 Very nice service. And by the way, fantastic on that Shofar. 398 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,598 - He's pretty amazing. - I don't know how you do it. 399 00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:24,391 - Just blow. - I've tried fifty times. 400 00:20:24,475 --> 00:20:26,393 I've never ever been able to get anything out of it. 401 00:20:26,477 --> 00:20:29,521 - Why don't you give it a try? - No, it's ridiculous. I can't do it. 402 00:20:29,605 --> 00:20:32,066 How do you know? You might be a regular Dizzy Gillespie. 403 00:20:32,149 --> 00:20:34,735 Okay, I'll give it a try. With this. 404 00:20:36,153 --> 00:20:37,529 Nothing personal. 405 00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:40,282 This is quite a lead up. You better really be able to blow that thing. 406 00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:42,826 This is crazy. This is an exercise in futility. 407 00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:46,455 Blow that thing. 408 00:20:48,082 --> 00:20:50,501 You're a master in the making, I can tell. 409 00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:52,961 - Please keep it as a gift. - What? 410 00:20:53,045 --> 00:20:54,797 I can't possibly take this from you. 411 00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:58,133 It was such a lovely day on the golf course, I want you to have this. 412 00:20:58,217 --> 00:21:00,427 All right, okay, thank you so much. 413 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,304 Enjoy. It was good to see you here today. 414 00:21:02,388 --> 00:21:03,889 Nice to see you guys. 415 00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,933 That's a nice gesture. You'll have that forever. 416 00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:09,144 Please. I'm never gonna pick this up for the rest of my life. 417 00:21:16,193 --> 00:21:18,946 - Hey guys, how you doing? - Doing swell, how are you? 418 00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:21,365 Great. Cannot complain. It's so beautiful out. 419 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:24,243 - Gorgeous day. - You got any fun plans for today? 420 00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:26,328 I'm thinking about having my leg amputated. 421 00:21:26,495 --> 00:21:29,373 Well, good luck. You found everything okay? 422 00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:30,999 Yes, we did. Yeah. 423 00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:41,552 I would like to... 424 00:21:43,095 --> 00:21:45,514 - Go ahead. - Buy this watermelon. 425 00:21:45,597 --> 00:21:46,890 I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you said. 426 00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:51,395 He said he'd like to buy the watermelon. 427 00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:54,148 - And that's okay. - Yeah. 428 00:21:54,231 --> 00:22:00,154 Because it's not a crime for a Black man to like watermelon, is it? 429 00:22:00,571 --> 00:22:03,031 Sir, do you like watermelon? 430 00:22:04,074 --> 00:22:07,661 It's really none of my business, man. Just doing my thing, you know. 431 00:22:07,745 --> 00:22:10,039 Tell me the truth, do you like watermelon? 432 00:22:12,291 --> 00:22:13,834 Yeah, I like watermelon. 433 00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:17,546 - You like it a lot? - I do. I like watermelon. 434 00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:19,631 I like it! I like watermelon! 435 00:22:19,715 --> 00:22:22,843 He likes watermelon! Of course, you like it because it's delicious. 436 00:22:22,926 --> 00:22:24,553 Why wouldn't you like it? 437 00:22:24,636 --> 00:22:27,681 You know what, get yourself a watermelon, on me. 438 00:22:27,765 --> 00:22:28,807 I will! 439 00:22:28,891 --> 00:22:32,644 And you know what else? I love Gefilte fish. 440 00:22:32,728 --> 00:22:33,812 Yeah, you heard me! 441 00:22:33,896 --> 00:22:38,233 Gefilte fish, and I'm gonna have it with a schmear of cream cheese 442 00:22:38,317 --> 00:22:39,651 on a bagel. 443 00:22:39,735 --> 00:22:44,073 And I might even have some herring. 444 00:22:44,156 --> 00:22:45,783 And that's okay, too. 445 00:22:45,866 --> 00:22:49,036 Ring up that watermelon. Ring up the Gefilte fish. 446 00:22:49,828 --> 00:22:51,080 My man. 447 00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:58,712 Yeah, I've looked everywhere. I can't find the robe. 448 00:22:58,796 --> 00:23:00,381 It's lost. 449 00:23:02,216 --> 00:23:03,717 Okay, that's bullshit. 450 00:23:03,801 --> 00:23:05,844 - It's lost. - Give me the robe. 451 00:23:05,928 --> 00:23:09,181 If you're gonna give an important job like that to a member 452 00:23:09,264 --> 00:23:12,101 of an inferior race, you gotta expect us to screw it up. 453 00:23:12,184 --> 00:23:14,770 I'm in a lot of trouble now because of you. A lot of trouble. 454 00:23:14,853 --> 00:23:16,522 I thought you said he was a very decent Klansman. 455 00:23:16,605 --> 00:23:18,941 He is a decent Klansman, but he's still a Klansman! 456 00:23:19,024 --> 00:23:22,152 He's got rallies coming up in Santa Fe and Tucson. 457 00:23:22,236 --> 00:23:24,738 He's not gonna have his robe. He's not gonna be happy. 458 00:23:24,822 --> 00:23:26,156 That's a real shame. 459 00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,420 What do you mean he lost it? 460 00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:43,340 - Yeah. He said he lost it. - I fuckin' trusted you. 461 00:23:43,424 --> 00:23:46,468 You go to the cleaners, you give 'em your clothes to get cleaned. 462 00:23:46,552 --> 00:23:48,220 And they're supposed to give it back to you. 463 00:23:48,303 --> 00:23:51,056 They're supposed to give it back to you. It's a disgrace. 464 00:23:51,140 --> 00:23:54,226 Well, you can't go to fuckin' Walmart and buy a robe! 465 00:23:54,685 --> 00:23:56,520 So what are you gonna do about it? 466 00:23:57,896 --> 00:24:00,441 This is not my problem. You're the one who took the robe. 467 00:24:00,524 --> 00:24:03,652 - It's my responsibility. - How are you gonna fix this, Larry? 468 00:24:04,862 --> 00:24:10,034 You know what? My friend's wife is a seamstress. 469 00:24:10,617 --> 00:24:12,828 You can't believe the stuff that she can sew. 470 00:24:13,328 --> 00:24:15,039 She kind of owes me a favor. 471 00:24:15,122 --> 00:24:20,627 It's not gonna be an easy ask. But I think I can get her to do it. 472 00:24:20,711 --> 00:24:23,464 - Like a custom job? - A custom job. 473 00:24:23,547 --> 00:24:25,966 - Do you think she can get it done? - She could get it done. 474 00:24:26,050 --> 00:24:28,594 I've never had a custom one done. 475 00:24:28,719 --> 00:24:31,513 You will be the envy of every Klansman. 476 00:24:31,597 --> 00:24:32,931 No. 477 00:24:33,057 --> 00:24:35,225 You like that? They'll look at you, they'll go: 478 00:24:35,309 --> 00:24:37,978 "Did you see Joe's robe? Where do I get one of those?" 479 00:24:38,062 --> 00:24:40,773 You'll get invited to the grand wizard's house for dinner. 480 00:24:41,315 --> 00:24:43,650 - That's my prediction. - I've never been to his house. 481 00:24:43,734 --> 00:24:44,902 If I could go to dinner, I'd say 482 00:24:45,027 --> 00:24:48,697 that comes out to be a pretty fair trade, yeah. 483 00:24:48,781 --> 00:24:50,157 Great. 484 00:24:51,950 --> 00:24:53,619 That'd be awesome, man. 485 00:25:01,502 --> 00:25:04,880 Maybe you could do me a small favor. 486 00:25:06,590 --> 00:25:08,300 Anyway, I hope I'm not disturbing you. 487 00:25:08,384 --> 00:25:10,552 No, I'm just making dinner, the usual. 488 00:25:10,636 --> 00:25:12,763 I'm not one for pop ins, you know? 489 00:25:12,846 --> 00:25:14,556 You pop in all the time. 490 00:25:15,599 --> 00:25:18,352 By the way, cannot stop thinking about that banner. 491 00:25:19,269 --> 00:25:21,814 That was an incredible work of art. 492 00:25:21,897 --> 00:25:24,149 That makes me so happy that you appreciate it. 493 00:25:24,233 --> 00:25:26,902 How can I not? I wouldn't be a human being, for God's sake. 494 00:25:26,985 --> 00:25:29,613 With all due modesty, it's a masterpiece. It's amazing. 495 00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:32,199 If I had a talent like that, I'd be shouting it from the rooftops. 496 00:25:32,282 --> 00:25:36,203 - Hey, look at me, everybody. - You have that need. I'm more secure. 497 00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:38,580 Thanks again for golfing with the Rabbi. 498 00:25:38,664 --> 00:25:40,582 What a delightful man! 499 00:25:40,666 --> 00:25:43,335 - I knew you would like him. - And fun to play with. 500 00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:45,879 Sense of humor, just like you said. 501 00:25:45,963 --> 00:25:47,047 And hip. 502 00:25:47,381 --> 00:25:51,927 Those four and a half hours just flew by. Anyway, 503 00:25:52,010 --> 00:25:55,639 I was thinking maybe you could sew something for me. 504 00:25:55,723 --> 00:25:57,224 I'm so touched. 505 00:25:57,307 --> 00:25:59,143 - You'll do it? - It depends on what it is. 506 00:25:59,226 --> 00:26:02,104 - I'm not capable of everything. - I don't think it's that difficult. 507 00:26:02,187 --> 00:26:04,565 - I think you could knock it off... - Do you have something in mind? 508 00:26:04,648 --> 00:26:07,484 Yes, I do actually. It's not even for me. It's for a friend of mine. 509 00:26:07,609 --> 00:26:09,111 - What is it? - It's kind of a robe. 510 00:26:09,194 --> 00:26:10,821 What kind of a robe? Like a bathrobe? 511 00:26:10,904 --> 00:26:13,157 No, more like a sheet-y kind of thing. 512 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,952 - Like a caftan kind of a... - Caftan-ish. Yeah. 513 00:26:17,036 --> 00:26:19,621 - There's a hood. - Is it for a man or a woman? 514 00:26:19,705 --> 00:26:21,832 - It's for a man. - Well, what kind of a man? 515 00:26:21,915 --> 00:26:23,542 A Klansman. 516 00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:24,960 What do you mean, a Klansman? 517 00:26:25,044 --> 00:26:26,712 Yeah, a Ku Klux Klansman. 518 00:26:26,795 --> 00:26:29,256 What? What, are you fucking crazy? 519 00:26:29,339 --> 00:26:31,508 I could see how you would react like that, okay? 520 00:26:31,592 --> 00:26:34,762 - How do you even know a Klansman? - I spilled coffee on his robe. 521 00:26:34,845 --> 00:26:37,765 I feel like it's my responsibility to replace the robe. 522 00:26:37,848 --> 00:26:39,683 The dry cleaner said he lost it. 523 00:26:39,767 --> 00:26:41,518 It goes against everything I believe in. 524 00:26:41,602 --> 00:26:44,396 Next thing you're gonna do is tell me some of them are very good people. 525 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,523 I did play golf with the Rabbi. 526 00:26:46,607 --> 00:26:49,234 He was the slowest player I've ever been with. 527 00:26:49,318 --> 00:26:51,111 You do owe me a favor. 528 00:26:56,950 --> 00:26:58,827 - I'll do it. - Thank you so much. 529 00:26:58,911 --> 00:27:00,037 All right, just go! 530 00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:02,289 And by the way, don't worry about the pointy hat. 531 00:27:02,373 --> 00:27:04,458 That didn't get coffee on it. 532 00:27:04,541 --> 00:27:07,461 - Some good things... - Don't make the sleeves too floppy. 533 00:27:07,544 --> 00:27:10,923 Because they can get burned when he's lighting the torches. 534 00:27:12,132 --> 00:27:16,512 I'm sorry you weren't here the other night. We had a fabulous square dance. 535 00:27:16,595 --> 00:27:18,680 - No. - Yeah, right in the barn. 536 00:27:18,764 --> 00:27:21,892 I'm picturing you square dancing. 537 00:27:21,975 --> 00:27:25,104 Grab your partner, do-si-do. 538 00:27:29,066 --> 00:27:31,652 Look at this. Look at Jessie. 539 00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:33,946 I'd like you to meet my friend, Woody. 540 00:27:34,113 --> 00:27:37,324 Jessie. You're a beautiful mother. 541 00:27:37,408 --> 00:27:38,701 She's my baby. 542 00:27:39,535 --> 00:27:41,328 Do you ever milk her? 543 00:27:41,412 --> 00:27:45,457 Joe, do I milk? Joe, tell him about my milking. 544 00:27:45,541 --> 00:27:48,001 - Larry milks. - Yeah. I milk. 545 00:27:48,085 --> 00:27:51,380 She looks like she's ready to pop. Let's pull up a stool and get it going. 546 00:27:51,839 --> 00:27:56,844 It's a great idea, but I milked so much last week, 547 00:27:57,594 --> 00:27:59,638 I got milky fingers. You know what that is? 548 00:27:59,722 --> 00:28:01,640 - I never heard of that. - It's a farm term. 549 00:28:01,765 --> 00:28:04,810 It means when you milk too much and your fingers get very stiff. 550 00:28:04,893 --> 00:28:06,186 And you can't close 'em up. 551 00:28:06,270 --> 00:28:08,439 And what about the calf? What's the calf's name? 552 00:28:08,522 --> 00:28:12,609 The calf? That's Rebecca. 553 00:28:13,193 --> 00:28:17,239 That's very gender-y bender-y of you to have a male calf 554 00:28:17,322 --> 00:28:18,490 with a female name. 555 00:28:18,574 --> 00:28:21,827 We don't see gender here on this farm. 556 00:28:21,910 --> 00:28:25,831 We're kind of a woke farm. We're the most progressive farm in the valley. 557 00:28:25,914 --> 00:28:27,041 - Are you? - Yeah. 558 00:28:27,124 --> 00:28:32,129 You know, Joe here, he's got pictures of Nancy Pelosi on his tractor. 559 00:28:36,759 --> 00:28:38,635 It's funny. 560 00:28:38,719 --> 00:28:41,555 So anyway, we should probably take off. 561 00:28:41,638 --> 00:28:43,891 If you want some of those apples back there, 562 00:28:43,974 --> 00:28:46,518 Joe can rustle you up a bunch, if you want to take home. 563 00:28:46,602 --> 00:28:48,437 I won't let the Jew charge ya. 564 00:28:49,438 --> 00:28:52,858 We razz each other all the time. 565 00:28:53,025 --> 00:28:56,320 - Well, what do you call him? - I just call him a racist cocksucker. 566 00:29:00,074 --> 00:29:02,743 - That's good stuff. - It works. 567 00:29:02,826 --> 00:29:04,787 It's life on the ranch. 568 00:29:05,621 --> 00:29:07,539 What an honor to meet you. 569 00:29:07,623 --> 00:29:10,292 - Bye, Jessie. - You're gonna pet her goodbye? 570 00:29:10,376 --> 00:29:12,294 I'm gonna have lunch in a minute. 571 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:22,763 You okay? 572 00:29:23,055 --> 00:29:25,349 Yeah, I'm great. Great. 573 00:29:25,432 --> 00:29:30,521 Freddy, what's wrong? What's going on? 574 00:29:30,687 --> 00:29:35,442 Now that you've mentioned something, someone that we both know 575 00:29:35,734 --> 00:29:37,403 was in your office. 576 00:29:38,112 --> 00:29:40,531 And said that you were eating some Pirate Booty. 577 00:29:40,656 --> 00:29:42,783 And that the Pirate Booty fell on the ground 578 00:29:42,866 --> 00:29:45,661 and that you made a decision not to pick the Pirate Booty up off the floor. 579 00:29:45,744 --> 00:29:48,414 - And it's been bothering me. - Is this a joke? 580 00:29:48,539 --> 00:29:51,166 It's a simple question, did you drop the Pirate Booty or did you not? 581 00:29:51,250 --> 00:29:55,003 No, but who would tell you something so insane? 582 00:29:55,087 --> 00:29:57,047 - The who's not important. - It's very important. 583 00:29:57,131 --> 00:29:59,591 It was a dog walker, It was a mutual friend. 584 00:29:59,675 --> 00:30:01,677 What does it matter? It was Larry David. 585 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,555 He said to me that he saw you in the office, you were eating... 586 00:30:04,638 --> 00:30:07,808 He couldn't choose between one and two. One or two? 587 00:30:07,891 --> 00:30:10,018 - Did you drop the Pirate Booty? - He is Magoo. 588 00:30:10,102 --> 00:30:12,521 But what's his motivation? What would he gain from it? 589 00:30:12,604 --> 00:30:15,274 Freddy, don't you think if I noticed something that fell on the ground, 590 00:30:15,357 --> 00:30:17,151 I would pick it up? It's ridiculous. 591 00:30:17,234 --> 00:30:18,736 I'm gonna ask you one more time. 592 00:30:18,819 --> 00:30:21,238 - Did you drop the Pirate Booty? - Yes! 593 00:30:22,448 --> 00:30:25,242 Yes, I dropped the fuckin' Pirate's Booty, okay? 594 00:30:25,325 --> 00:30:27,786 It wasn't a big deal. We have a team of people. I was busy. 595 00:30:27,870 --> 00:30:30,581 - This is where we should've started. - Didn't care then, don't care now. 596 00:30:30,664 --> 00:30:32,791 - And you know what? - Didn't wanna pick it up. 597 00:30:32,875 --> 00:30:35,461 - Look what you put me through. - I put you through? 598 00:30:35,544 --> 00:30:37,421 - This is all fuckin' Larry David. - No, it's not. 599 00:30:37,504 --> 00:30:39,673 Thank God for Larry David, 'cause you'll grow from this. 600 00:30:39,757 --> 00:30:42,217 You know what, I'm growing now. I'm out of here. 601 00:30:43,302 --> 00:30:45,679 God. And you know what? 602 00:30:46,597 --> 00:30:50,768 That's not gonna solve anything. This is how you handle... Okay. 603 00:30:50,851 --> 00:30:53,353 I see it now. I don't know how I didn't see it before. 604 00:30:53,437 --> 00:30:54,855 I hope someone can pick that up. 605 00:30:54,938 --> 00:30:57,441 By the way, super great way of handling this. 606 00:30:59,276 --> 00:31:02,112 - How about that? - Fantastic, man. 607 00:31:02,196 --> 00:31:05,115 Thank you so much. The grapes, the apples. 608 00:31:05,199 --> 00:31:06,575 Of course, of course. 609 00:31:06,658 --> 00:31:09,036 And I'm looking forward to talking about uncle Moe. 610 00:31:09,495 --> 00:31:12,373 That's very exciting. Thank you. 611 00:31:12,456 --> 00:31:14,458 You got it made out here, you know? 612 00:31:14,541 --> 00:31:17,252 - It was a pleasure there, Woody. - Thank you, Joe. 613 00:31:17,336 --> 00:31:19,546 - You take care of yourself, man. - Yeah, you too, man. 614 00:31:19,630 --> 00:31:22,591 Thank you, sir. Good man. 615 00:31:22,883 --> 00:31:24,635 These are good. I'll see you guys. 616 00:31:25,469 --> 00:31:27,638 - What the fuck? - What? 617 00:31:27,721 --> 00:31:29,640 Are you gonna pick up the grape? 618 00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:32,893 Well, no. 619 00:31:32,976 --> 00:31:36,146 But I wouldn't drop a grape on your porch and then walk off. 620 00:31:36,230 --> 00:31:38,190 It's just a grape. Doesn't matter. 621 00:31:38,649 --> 00:31:41,819 This fuckin' Hollywood leftist bullshit is what you are. 622 00:31:42,152 --> 00:31:44,238 Hollywood... Larry, come on. 623 00:31:45,447 --> 00:31:47,866 - You should pick up the grape. - That's not cool. 624 00:31:47,950 --> 00:31:51,120 Looks like there's a sense of entitlement there. 625 00:31:51,203 --> 00:31:52,538 They're gonna biodegrade, Larry. 626 00:31:52,621 --> 00:31:55,290 Pick up the fucking grape, Woody! 627 00:31:55,499 --> 00:31:58,419 Sure, I'll pick up the grape, Joe. Here, here's the grape. 628 00:31:58,502 --> 00:32:01,213 Fuck you with your fuckin' grape. 629 00:32:01,296 --> 00:32:03,841 And there's a whole fuckin' fistful of grapes. 630 00:32:03,924 --> 00:32:06,135 And guess what? Here's a fuckin' apple! 631 00:32:06,218 --> 00:32:07,344 Don't you fuckin' do it! 632 00:32:07,428 --> 00:32:10,848 Fuck you! Fuck this shitty farm. And guess what? 633 00:32:10,931 --> 00:32:14,184 Your show, good luck with it 'cause I ain't doing it. 634 00:32:14,268 --> 00:32:17,146 You know what, fuck this. Stay right there, boy. 635 00:32:19,273 --> 00:32:20,482 Where's he going? 636 00:32:20,566 --> 00:32:22,401 I think he's getting a gun. 637 00:32:23,569 --> 00:32:25,529 Teddy was right about you, Larry! 638 00:32:25,612 --> 00:32:27,823 Ted Danson? What did he say? 639 00:32:28,907 --> 00:32:30,784 You should've picked up the grape! 640 00:32:31,118 --> 00:32:33,912 I'm not seeing well. I just made bad decisions. 641 00:32:33,996 --> 00:32:35,748 I took two, I should've taken one. 642 00:32:35,831 --> 00:32:37,499 And I took three, and I should've taken four. 643 00:32:37,624 --> 00:32:40,961 My whole life, always wrong decisions. I'm plagued with it. 644 00:32:41,086 --> 00:32:44,048 Sir, we'll get you a new prescription. I just need to dilate your pupils. 645 00:32:44,757 --> 00:32:46,592 This might feel a little cold. 646 00:32:47,134 --> 00:32:49,261 Your eyes are gonna be a little sensitive to light 647 00:32:49,344 --> 00:32:52,556 for the next 30 minutes, so stay out of direct sunlight. 648 00:32:52,639 --> 00:32:55,476 I'll take it from here. Thank you so much. 649 00:32:55,559 --> 00:32:57,186 - I'm gonna do one. - Thank you. 650 00:32:57,269 --> 00:32:58,979 I'm gonna do one, then I'm gonna do three. 651 00:32:59,063 --> 00:33:00,397 What the fuck, Larry? 652 00:33:00,481 --> 00:33:02,191 Why would you go and tell Freddy I dropped 653 00:33:02,274 --> 00:33:05,110 a stupid fucking Pirate's Booty on the floor? Are you nuts? 654 00:33:05,194 --> 00:33:07,529 - Why didn't you pick it up? - Why do you fucking care? 655 00:33:07,613 --> 00:33:11,408 - There's a sense of entitlement there. - What? 656 00:33:11,492 --> 00:33:13,577 And I needed to let my friend know about that. 657 00:33:13,660 --> 00:33:15,496 Larry, I was gonna pick it up, okay? 658 00:33:15,579 --> 00:33:18,415 You were going to pick it up? I don't think you were going to do it. 659 00:33:18,499 --> 00:33:19,875 How do you know and why do you care? 660 00:33:19,958 --> 00:33:22,878 - Because I picked it up. - No one asked you to clean it up. 661 00:33:22,961 --> 00:33:25,881 You know what you could've done? You could've done nothing. 662 00:33:25,964 --> 00:33:28,300 You think I could leave a Pirate's Booty on the floor? No. 663 00:33:28,384 --> 00:33:31,553 No one fucking cares about the Pirate's Booty, Larry, except for you. 664 00:33:31,678 --> 00:33:34,306 You know what, Larry? It's time for your eye exam. 665 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,230 Was that a one or a two? 666 00:34:06,588 --> 00:34:08,966 What the fuck? 667 00:34:09,049 --> 00:34:13,470 I'm so, so sorry. Are you okay? 668 00:34:13,554 --> 00:34:15,472 Yes, I'm fine. Are you okay? 669 00:34:15,556 --> 00:34:18,475 - I'm fine, yes. - Great. My car's not doing great. 670 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,853 Look, I'll pay for the whole thing. I have insurance. 671 00:34:20,936 --> 00:34:23,605 And I was at the eye doctor. And then she shoved the thing in my face. 672 00:34:23,689 --> 00:34:26,358 You're not supposed to drive after that. 673 00:34:26,442 --> 00:34:29,027 But you're supposed to have someone pick you up. It doesn't matter. 674 00:34:29,111 --> 00:34:32,156 - You're being very nice about this. - Can we do the exchange? 675 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,616 - Yeah, I'm so sorry. - Thanks. 676 00:34:36,368 --> 00:34:37,661 Larry. 677 00:34:40,539 --> 00:34:42,416 I'm Mary. 678 00:34:42,499 --> 00:34:46,086 You can take a picture of it with your phone, so you can maybe read it later. 679 00:34:50,632 --> 00:34:53,260 - Mary Ferguson? - Yes. 680 00:34:53,802 --> 00:34:56,138 - Seriously? - Yes, what's happening? 681 00:34:56,221 --> 00:34:58,974 Oh my God, your name's Mary Ferguson? 682 00:34:59,058 --> 00:35:01,268 - Yes, it is. - This is incredible. 683 00:35:01,351 --> 00:35:03,771 This is kismet. This is unbelievable. 684 00:35:03,854 --> 00:35:06,690 Would you ever be interested in a free trip to Asia? 685 00:35:09,568 --> 00:35:11,779 Larry, you won't believe this, 686 00:35:11,862 --> 00:35:14,448 but I have been having a recurring dream about going to Asia. 687 00:35:14,531 --> 00:35:15,657 Get out of here. 688 00:35:15,741 --> 00:35:17,868 And the dates work out perfectly for my schedule. 689 00:35:17,951 --> 00:35:19,912 So tell me about this guy. 690 00:35:19,995 --> 00:35:21,622 - Leon? - Yeah. 691 00:35:21,705 --> 00:35:24,458 Let's just say he's a unique individual. 692 00:35:25,501 --> 00:35:28,087 You could not have asked for a better traveling companion. 693 00:35:28,170 --> 00:35:30,339 - Take my word. - I can't wait. 694 00:35:30,756 --> 00:35:33,592 You'd be surprised. You know what I'm sayin'? 695 00:35:45,104 --> 00:35:46,397 The fuck was that? 696 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,983 That was a Mary Ferguson. 697 00:35:50,067 --> 00:35:53,570 I brought her back here to meet you. She was perfect. 698 00:35:53,654 --> 00:35:55,948 - You lost another one. - That's three, Larry. 699 00:35:56,115 --> 00:35:57,908 That's fuckin' three Mary Fergusons. 700 00:35:57,991 --> 00:35:59,493 Who told you to have a watermelon orgy? 701 00:35:59,576 --> 00:36:02,162 You told me that shit! You said it, Larry. 702 00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:06,834 - Can I join you? - Fuck yeah, come on, man. 703 00:36:06,917 --> 00:36:08,752 Get in on this sweet meat. 704 00:36:09,086 --> 00:36:12,214 What happen to your eyes, man? You look like a fuckin' raccoon. 705 00:36:12,297 --> 00:36:15,592 I had an accident at the optometrist. 706 00:36:15,676 --> 00:36:18,011 - Cheers. - Cheers. 707 00:36:20,264 --> 00:36:23,183 Repeat after me, you will not replace us! 708 00:36:24,643 --> 00:36:26,645 Shit, I'm so late. 709 00:36:29,648 --> 00:36:30,899 Here we go. 710 00:36:31,024 --> 00:36:33,902 - You will not replace us! - Geez, sorry, I'm late, guys. 711 00:36:34,987 --> 00:36:38,615 You will not replace us! 712 00:36:40,743 --> 00:36:42,953 - Hey, look at this guy. - He's a Jew! 713 00:36:47,791 --> 00:36:52,087 Stop! Some lady made it! Help! 714 00:36:58,677 --> 00:37:00,054 Larry! 715 00:37:03,057 --> 00:37:04,349 Larry! 716 00:37:04,516 --> 00:37:08,437 Jew boy! Larry! 717 00:37:09,688 --> 00:37:12,524 Open this fucking door or I'll break it down! 718 00:37:13,442 --> 00:37:14,902 Larry! 719 00:37:15,235 --> 00:37:19,740 You wanna see what they did to me? I'm gon' beat your bald ass, boy! 720 00:37:20,074 --> 00:37:21,950 You crossed the line, buddy! 721 00:37:22,034 --> 00:37:24,995 You think you're real funny. Nobody else did! 722 00:37:25,079 --> 00:37:27,206 Got my ass beat in Santa Fe! 723 00:37:27,289 --> 00:37:29,541 I'll show you somethin' funny. Get down here! 724 00:37:29,625 --> 00:37:31,293 Fuckin' race traitor! 725 00:37:31,794 --> 00:37:35,089 Hey, Jew boy, come down! Larry! 726 00:37:36,507 --> 00:37:39,093 I will pound your commie face, Larry! 727 00:37:39,843 --> 00:37:43,639 I know that you're home! Come down here! 728 00:37:44,973 --> 00:37:47,101 Larry, get down here! 729 00:37:48,227 --> 00:37:50,145 The fuck are you doing, man? 730 00:37:51,897 --> 00:37:53,524 Shut the fuck up, Larry! 731 00:37:59,613 --> 00:38:00,739 Shit!