1 00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:02,909 The Enterprise is preparing 2 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,838 to leave Beta III in star system C-111. 3 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:10,129 Sociologist Lindstrom is remaining behind 4 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,461 with a party of experts who will help restore 5 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,763 the planet's culture to a human form. 6 00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:17,549 The Late Landru, Captain. 7 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,600 A marvelous feat of engineering. 8 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:21,935 A computer capable of directing the lives 9 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:22,978 of millions of human beings. 10 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,977 But only a machine, Mr. Spock. 11 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,275 The original Landru programmed it with all his knowledge, 12 00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:29,853 but he couldn't give it his wisdom, his compassion, 13 00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,734 his understanding, his soul. 14 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:34,783 I prefer the concrete, the graspable, the provable. 15 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,360 You'd make a splendid computer, Mr. Spock. 16 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,030 That is very kind of you, Captain. 17 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:44,371 That's humorous, because Spock is half human and half Vulcan. 18 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,794 But he's ashamed of his human side. 19 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,837 That's why I identify with him. 20 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,796 - Good luck. - I gravitate a little more towards Kirk. 21 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:53,967 Why? 22 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,087 Be-cause... everything 23 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:57,672 he says... 24 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,766 he makes sound so im-portant. 25 00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,560 I should hope so... he's the captain. 26 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,012 Sheldon. 27 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:06,268 Do me a favor. 28 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:07,598 Go help your brother study 29 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:08,934 for his math test tomorrow. 30 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,768 Is that really a good use of my time? 31 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,649 Come on. I'm asking nice. 32 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:15,072 If he doesn't pass, he won't be able to play football. 33 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,241 You realize he's often mean to me. 34 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:20,991 So? Your mother's mean to me. I still try to be helpful. 35 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:22,705 Does she break wind on your head? 36 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,657 Because that's what Georgie does to me. 37 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:27,414 Can you help me out here? 38 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,716 I'll do it if you take me to the train store. 39 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:34,667 You got it. 40 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,756 And buy me whatever I want. 41 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,056 Connie, what are you doing? 42 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,425 Just providing 43 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:46,479 my grandson with financial guidance. 44 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:47,897 Don't mock the captain. 45 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,729 If Georgie passes his test, I'll get you whatever you want... 46 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,105 under 20 bucks. 47 00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,272 Deal. 48 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,109 Why? 49 00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:03,113 I guess I like him better than you. 50 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:06,874 Georgie? 51 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:07,950 - What? - Dad told me 52 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,957 to help you study for the math test. 53 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,538 I don't need your help. Get lost. 54 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,418 Georgie, let him help you! 55 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,715 Fine. Come in! 56 00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:18,594 Oh, dear. 57 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,795 What's your problem? 58 00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,847 No problem. I'll just... 59 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,678 tidy while we talk. 60 00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:25,556 Help yourself. 61 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,307 Before we start, I'd like to get a sense 62 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,980 - of how much algebra you know. - 'Kay. 63 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:32,020 Do you understand solving and graphing 64 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,943 - linear inequalities? - Sure. 65 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:36,813 Great. Explain it to me. 66 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:38,735 Uh... 67 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,066 first you solve 'em... 68 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,405 and then you graph 'em. 69 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,863 And how do you do that? 70 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:45,829 Uh, you know, 71 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,122 carefully. 72 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,375 Excuse me. 73 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,545 $20 isn't gonna do it. 74 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,323 So you collect all the terms linear in X. 75 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,524 See? Simple. 76 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:22,984 Maybe for you. 77 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,069 No, it's simple for everybody. 78 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,120 Now you collect all the terms linear in Y. 79 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,623 I don't get it. 80 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,076 Try this. Close your eyes. 81 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,453 - 'Kay. - Can you see 82 00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:37,006 the slope of the line given by the coefficients of X and Y? 83 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:38,924 No. 84 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:40,547 What do you see? 85 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:41,843 Darkness. 86 00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,470 Try harder. 87 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:45,681 Wait. 88 00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:49,519 I see Elle Macpherson in a bikini. 89 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,353 Ooh, it just fell off. 90 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,566 - Dad! - I'll make it $40! Keep going! 91 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,481 Maybe the problem is you're not a good teacher. 92 00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,522 Unlikely. Regardless, I am your only hope. 93 00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:02,774 What do you see when you close your eyes? 94 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,364 I see quadrant one as red, 95 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,487 quadrant two is soft and plush... 96 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,574 quadrant three smells like lavender, 97 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,580 and quadrant four is overlaid with a Fibonacci spiral. 98 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,836 That's really weird. 99 00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,168 No. What's really weird is doing simple algebra 100 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,591 and thinking about a girl in a bikini. 101 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,006 I disagree. 102 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,170 Dad! 103 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,675 Keep going. 104 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:27,882 And when you divide 105 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:28,841 by a negative number, 106 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,767 you have to reverse the direction of the inequality. 107 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,470 I'm tired. I'm going to bed. 108 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,726 But we're not done. You're going to fail. 109 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:37,396 I get enough of what you said. I'll be fine. 110 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,398 It was at that moment I decided 111 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,445 I was not cut out for teaching. 112 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,238 I consoled myself with the knowledge 113 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,612 that I was wonderful at everything else. 114 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,869 Take one and pass it back. 115 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,410 Take one and pass it back. 116 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,324 As you all know, this test'll count 117 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,626 for 25% of your final grade. 118 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,248 Be sure to show all your work. 119 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,875 If you get stuck on a question, 120 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,956 move on and come back to it at the end. 121 00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,587 And I shouldn't have to say this, 122 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,302 but if there's any cheating, I will see it. 123 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,551 I got eyes in the back of my head. 124 00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,382 I got more eyes than a potato. 125 00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:11,801 Ms. Ingram? 126 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,137 - Yeah, Sheldon. - I'm done. 127 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,312 What? 128 00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:16,514 I enjoyed it very much. 129 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,065 I'll take another if you have one. 130 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,108 No, I don't have another one. 131 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,357 J-Just read ahead in the textbook. 132 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:23,813 Oh, boy. 133 00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:29,864 Seeing my brother struggle 134 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,696 was difficult for me. 135 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,075 As his tutor, I took his failure personally, 136 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,159 almost as if I had failed. 137 00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:41,123 Which was odd, because I knew how dumb he was. 138 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,924 Georgie, how'd you do on that math test today? 139 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,046 It was tough. 140 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:46,093 I don't know. 141 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,840 I'm sorry I wasn't more help. 142 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:48,887 Me, too. 143 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,844 That's all right, baby, you tried. 144 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,595 Yeah. It's okay, baby. 145 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,270 I don't understand what went wrong. 146 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,273 Is there any chance you drank alcohol 147 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:00,725 when you were pregnant with Georgie? 148 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,147 No! 149 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,478 Well, don't be so high-and-mighty. 150 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,938 I drank when I was pregnant with you. 151 00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,397 You turned out fine. 152 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,857 These days everybody's like, 153 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,157 "Don't drink, don't smoke." 154 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,658 I swear. Texas is turning into California. 155 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,285 You realize there's nothing I can do if you fail. 156 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,286 You're off the team. 157 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,332 I know. 158 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:18,876 Well, I'm gonna ask Jesus 159 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,545 to help you get a good grade on that test. 160 00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,582 Shouldn't you have asked him before he took it? 161 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,963 The man rose from the dead... I think he can fix a test 162 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,294 after the fact. 163 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:29,879 You know, I hear you say things like that, 164 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,841 and I wonder if maybe I did have a few too many whiskey sours 165 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,641 when you were in my belly. 166 00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,859 Not me, but not bad. 167 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,314 I would say "A" for effort, 168 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,616 but... that's an "F." 169 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,489 What? How bad is it? 170 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,119 You got a "B." 171 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,206 Are you kidding? 172 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,087 I don't believe it. 173 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,464 Me, neither. 174 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:06,707 Me, neither. 175 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,046 So, I guess I have to rethink my abilities. 176 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,097 Clearly, I'm a wonderful teacher. 177 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,218 Georgie didn't pass because of you. 178 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,848 What do you mean? 179 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:20,854 He cheated. 180 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,562 He had the answers written on the bottom of his shoe. 181 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,358 He wouldn't do that. 182 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,982 When you cheat in school, you only cheat yourself. 183 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:29,772 Where'd you get that? 184 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,529 An inspirational poster outside the boys' room. 185 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,656 I saw what I saw, Sheldon. 186 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,158 Well, if this is true, 187 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,990 he needs to turn himself in. 188 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,576 That'll never happen. He'll get kicked off the team. 189 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,252 I'm sorry, I can't accept this. 190 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,375 There mustbe another explanation. 191 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,502 If you don't believe me, look at his shoes. 192 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:48,582 I will. 193 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,476 This is quite a workout. 194 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,567 You dirty bird. 195 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,281 What are you doing in here? 196 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:55,653 You cheated. 197 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,360 No, I didn't. 198 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,039 I'm holding the evidence. 199 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,286 Let me see that. 200 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,291 I don't see nothin'. 201 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,964 That's obstruction of justice, 202 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,587 as well as disgusting. 203 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:16,386 Oh, relax. By passing that test, I get to play football, 204 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,464 and you get to go to the train store. 205 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,844 Everybody wins. 206 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,301 But what about the truth? 207 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:22,801 What about it? 208 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,978 It's supposed to set us free. 209 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,518 Who told you that? 210 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,564 The Bible. 211 00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,810 Since when do you care about what's in the Bible? 212 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,154 When it helps me win an argument. 213 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,358 The Bible also says honor thy father and thy mother. 214 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,159 And if you open your mouth, you're gonna make them sad. 215 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,953 He had me. 216 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:44,328 Somehow, the mullet-headed simpleton had me. 217 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:46,332 This isn't over. 218 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,251 Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do? 219 00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,793 All right, maybe it's over. 220 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,386 Meemaw? 221 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:07,145 I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report 222 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:08,723 on the dangers of smoking? 223 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,979 I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie. 224 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:12,981 Is that your new train? 225 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:17,156 Yes. It's my reward for helping Georgie pass the math test. 226 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,324 You don't seem too happy about it. 227 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,652 I don't feel like I earned it. 228 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:22,952 Why not? 229 00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,534 Can you keep a secret? 230 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,742 Well, at my age, the question is can I remember one. 231 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:28,955 Try me. 232 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,130 Georgie cheated on the test. 233 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:34,582 Oh. 234 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,133 And nothing bad happened. 235 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,551 He gets to stay on the football team, 236 00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:38,673 Mom and Dad are proud of him; 237 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,675 I even got a train for helping. 238 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,136 So you're feeling guilty. 239 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,637 Very much so. 240 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,388 Well, that's a real conundrum. 241 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,222 Have you been reading the Word of the Day calendar 242 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,023 I gave you for your birthday? 243 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,522 Indubitably. 244 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,731 So what do you think? 245 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,279 I don't think you should let it bother you very much. 246 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,281 I mean, there's always gonna be people in this world 247 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,614 who are playing fast and loose with the rules. 248 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,286 And your brother's one of them. 249 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,878 That's how Captain Kirk is on Star Trek. 250 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,832 Well, there you go, and he's, like, the main guy on that show. 251 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,508 No, Mr. Spock is the main guy. 252 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,131 I stand corrected. 253 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,474 Although Kirk is usually the one who saves the Enterprise. 254 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,935 Because he doesn't always follow the rules? 255 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:32,519 He even cheated on a test when he was a cadet. 256 00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,191 The Kobayashi Maru. 257 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,062 The what? 258 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,064 Kobayashi Maru. 259 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,986 Kirk is a legend because of it. 260 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:41,612 Ko-Kobayashi Maru. 261 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,072 Sounds like something you eat at Benihana's. 262 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:45,494 Have you ever been to one of those? 263 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,536 They make you sit with strangers. 264 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:47,955 It's crazy. 265 00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,918 Do you think a Spock could become a Kirk? 266 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,329 Well, in my experience, 267 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,540 most people stay the miserable bastards they are 268 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:58,875 their whole entire life. 269 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,209 But... 270 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,007 I have seen some folks change. 271 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,298 Hmm. 272 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,224 All right. Well, I'm gonna go play with this train. 273 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:12,854 You do that. 274 00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:30,823 Georgie? 275 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:31,740 Go away. 276 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,246 I need to ask a favor. 277 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,247 What? 278 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,294 It's private. Can I come in? 279 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,213 Come on. 280 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,380 Ugh. 281 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,595 What do you want? 282 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,343 It occurs to me you have something in common 283 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:48,639 with Captain Kirk. 284 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,183 We both have cool hair? 285 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:51,351 In order to succeed, 286 00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,804 you both play fast and loose with the rules. 287 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,106 Yeah, I suppose we do. 288 00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:59,151 When you cheated on the math test, what was your strategy? 289 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,395 Well, I guess the most important part 290 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,027 was not stepping on anything wet before the test. 291 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:05,823 And not getting an "A." 292 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,780 Why wouldn't you want an "A"? 293 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,450 'Cause that would raise suspicions. 294 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,073 Who would believe I got an "A"? 295 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:13,661 Wow. 296 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,162 Tell me more. 297 00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,540 Okay, when you're telling a lie, 298 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,792 it's important to throw in some details. 299 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,091 Like, when I was wanted to spend the night at Ricky's house, 300 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,960 and Mom asked me if his mom and dad were gonna be home, 301 00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,044 I said, not only 302 00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:27,425 are they be gonna be home, 303 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,551 his dad was gonna teach us 304 00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,883 how to cook turkey legs in the smoker. 305 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,968 I like turkey legs. Were they good? 306 00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,349 There weren't any turkey legs, you dope. 307 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,181 His parents were in Branson. 308 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,234 That's incredible. I totally believed you. 309 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:41,901 Details. 310 00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:44,526 Now get out of here, I got to finish reading this. 311 00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,700 Thank you, Georgie, that was very helpful. 312 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,487 Did you hear that? 313 00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:52,495 What? 314 00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:53,697 Sounds like Georgie and Sheldon 315 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,032 are getting along. 316 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:55,911 Really? 317 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,792 That can't be right. 318 00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:58,994 I just heard it. 319 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,129 Maybe there's hope for those two after all. 320 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,503 Or it's a sign of the apocalypse. 321 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,380 Honey, I'm-I'm watching this. 322 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,303 So you'll have to find someone else 323 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,350 to hold your ankles in P.E. today. 324 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:15,848 I'm sorry, what? 325 00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,180 I've suffered a terrible injury 326 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:18,855 and won't be able to attend. 327 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:19,932 What happened? 328 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:21,482 See for yourself. 329 00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:27,402 "Dear Coach Wilkins, please excuse my son, Sheldon, 330 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:28,528 "from P.E. 331 00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,030 "He has experienced a testicular hernia, 332 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,862 "and needs to rest for the next six to eight weeks. 333 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,698 Sincerely, Mary Cooper." 334 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,038 Testicular hernia? 335 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,586 That's called details. 336 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,170 Ooh, that's rough. 337 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:46,208 Hmm. 338 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,133 How'd it happen? 339 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:48,677 It's hard to say, 340 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:52,173 heavy lifting, a chronic cough 341 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,679 and repetitive straining during bowel movements. 342 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,392 I've been there. 343 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,186 Hmm. All right. 344 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,562 Guess I'll see you in... six to eight weeks. 345 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,982 I don't know if other supervillains 346 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,237 started their careers 347 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,239 by getting out of P.E., 348 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,824 but that's where I began. 349 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,406 Emboldened by my faux hernia, 350 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,493 I started taking books out of the library... 351 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,412 without getting the cards stamped. 352 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:24,712 You didn't check out those books. 353 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:25,914 I know. 354 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,425 Before you judge me too harshly, 355 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,673 I always brought them back on time. 356 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,547 I was a rule-breaker, not a lunatic. 357 00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:36,683 But perhaps my most satisfying transgression 358 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,601 was duping my sister 359 00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:41,556 into relinquishing control of the TV. 360 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:44,266 Hello. 361 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,268 What's that for? 362 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:50,110 Oh, this? I was just digging for money in Meemaw's backyard. 363 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,944 There's money there? 364 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,447 Oh, yes. I already found 75 cents. 365 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,282 Who do you think left it? 366 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,113 If I were to guess, 367 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,198 I'd say pirates with holes in their pockets. 368 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,535 Can I use your shovel? 369 00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:04,957 Be my guest. 370 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,506 Oh, baby, I'm gonna be rich. 371 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:13,629 Today, we're going to learn about Sir Isaac Newton. 372 00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,297 Hello, old friend. 373 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,973 ...one of the world's greatest scientists... 374 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:22,637 See you tomorrow, Wayne. 375 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,393 You have a good one, George. 376 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,441 Hey, how's your son doing? 377 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:27,559 Georgie? 378 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,148 No, the smart one. 379 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,026 He's fine. Why? 380 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,903 What about the hernia? 381 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,241 What hernia? 382 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,319 The one your wife said he had. 383 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,749 Happened to me while I was in the Army. 384 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,169 I was in a bar in Georgia, tried to lift up this big gal. 385 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,047 Swear I could hear something pop down there. 386 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,590 Sheldon gave you this note? 387 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:51,757 Yeah. 388 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,255 I didn't write this. 389 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,257 You sure? 390 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:55,636 Looks like your handwriting. 391 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,259 It's got that little swoopy thing going on. 392 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:58,340 I didn't write it. 393 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,097 And I think I'd know if my son had a hernia. 394 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:04,225 So what, Sheldon forged a letter to get out of P.E.? 395 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,689 Looks like it. 396 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,307 How about that. 397 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,977 Don't be proud of him. 398 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,896 Can't help it. First time he ever seemed like my kid. 399 00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:15,232 Do you have any idea 400 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,567 what's gotten into him? 401 00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:19,194 I might. 402 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,786 Well? 403 00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,119 Have you ever heard of... 404 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,869 Mobokachi Kaboom? 405 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,044 Wait. 406 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,664 Koshimaki Magoo. 407 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,920 Wait a minute, I'm gonna get this. 408 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:37,888 "Dear Professor Proton, 409 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:39,715 "I would very much like to meet you, 410 00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,517 "and I only have three weeks to live. 411 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,220 "Please come visit me here in Medford, Texas. 412 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,896 "Sincerely, Sheldon Cooper. 413 00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:49,145 P.S. My Meemaw makes excellent brisket." 414 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,020 Sheldon. 415 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,818 Would you like to explain this note? 416 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,230 Well? 417 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,235 I was trying to be 418 00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,406 more like Georgie. 419 00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:58,904 That's a dumb idea. 420 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,737 We don't want Georgie to be like Georgie. 421 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:05,453 Well, let me start by saying how very sorry I am. 422 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,798 Despite my explanation 423 00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,377 that I was embracing my inner Kirk, 424 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:20,340 my mother had me make amends for all my misdeeds. 425 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:21,882 Starting in the library, 426 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,139 where I had to reshelve hundreds of books. 427 00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,896 Well, to be honest, that one was a hoot. 428 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,560 The amends got worse when Coach Wilkins made me climb the rope. 429 00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,816 Lacking any upper body strength, 430 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:38,320 I hung there like a salami in a deli window. 431 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,198 And finally, I had to apologize to my meemaw, 432 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:46,532 who was an unfortunate victim of my sister's treasure hunt.