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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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[LOW, THRUMMING RUMBLING]
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[HIGH-PITCHED TONE]
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[ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS, FADES]
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[PHONE BUZZING, CHIMING]
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[PHONE BUZZING, CHIMING]
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[PHONE BUZZING, CHIMING]
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[PHONE BUZZING, CHIMING STOPS]
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[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
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[SIGHS]
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[CHUCKLES]
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[ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH BUZZING]
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[PHONE BUZZES, CHIMES]
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[SNIFFLES]
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[WOMAN] Mmm. Yum.
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- Mmm. Hmm.
- Mmm.
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- Ah. Hey, Joan.
- Mike.
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♪ End up on the date line, uh, uh, uh ♪
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♪ Rich with no day job ♪
♪ Hit your wop, wop ♪
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♪ Always on the courtside, uh-huh, huh ♪
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♪ B-b-billionaire boys wanna eat me out ♪
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♪ I'm from the west coast ♪
♪ They wanna go down south ♪
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♪ All these lame little rappers ♪
♪ Tryna for clout ♪
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♪ I won't let him hit ♪
♪ But he can put it in his mouth ♪
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♪ Lil' waist, fat fat, baby, tap in ♪
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♪ Tap, tap, tap in ♪
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♪ Diamonds dancin' on your neck ♪
♪ Better tap in ♪
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♪ Tap, tap, tap in ♪
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♪ Gettin' money, get rich, baby, tap in ♪
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["TAP IN" FADES]
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How's the coffee?
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If I'm honest...
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- I'll tell 'em to look at the machine.
- Thank you.
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Oh, and Sandy's outside
waiting for that 10:15.
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Oh God.
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I know.
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Okay. Um, give me five.
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I need to, like, psych up.
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[EXHALES] I'm so sorry. So sorry.
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[PHONE CHIMES]
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[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
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You're letting me go?
43
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Um... Okay, but I'm still working
on my audio compression algorithm.
44
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Unfortunately, the board feel
your compression algo isn't
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a thing that they wanna pursue.
46
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Uh, okay. Well, without it,
we'll need more data servers.
47
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I know. I know.
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Which means a bigger carbon footprint.
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We'll breach
all of our environmental pledges.
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- I'm sorry. It's how the board feel.
- [WOMAN SIGHS]
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I just put a deposit down
on a new apartment.
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I'm sure this hasn't been
an easy decision for them.
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[WOMAN] Joan.
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Please don't do this.
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Please, not now.
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I can't... I... I thought we were friends.
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- Okay.
- Joan!
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I'm just gonna give you a minute
to compose yourself.
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I feel pretty composed.
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I really... I am so sorry about this.
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[SCOFFS] I invited you
to the housewarming. Joan.
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[WHISPERS] I've asked Brutus
to escort her out.
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Oh God.
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[BRUTUS] I'll help you
with your things, Sandy.
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[SIGHS]
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Oh!
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- [GASPS]
- Joan, is that you? I know you're there.
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Coward. You're a coward, Joan!
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All right, Sandy. We gotta go.
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[QUIETLY] Fuck!
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[DOOR OPENS]
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Joan. Come on in.
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[JOAN] Thank you.
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[THERAPIST] So, where are we at?
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- Not good?
- Oh, no.
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[GROANS, CHUCKLES]
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It used to be my dream
to run my own coffee shop.
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That would not have gone out
with our name on it.
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Neither would the coffee
at my job. [LAUGHS]
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How is your job?
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Um...
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I mean, on paper,
it's... it's fancy, I guess.
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But I'm just kind of the middleman
between the board up in the clouds
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and the staff below me.
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So I just kinda feel like
I'm going through the motions every day.
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How are things at home?
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Um...
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I mean, I'm engaged to Krish.
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- Yes.
- So, good. Good. It's good.
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00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,840
Like, Krish is a great guy,
and he's smart, and he cares.
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00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,720
But maybe he's just a little bit, like...
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vanilla.
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You know?
Like, even the food he cooks is bland.
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And I'm continuously like...
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Mmm.
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Sorry, I feel like such an asshole
saying that. [CHUCKLES]
97
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,640
When I was with my ex...
98
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,400
- Mac?
- Mac, yeah.
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Um...
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I mean, it was just constant sex
and craziness and...
101
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I mean, the fights were...
102
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[SIGHS] But I never got over him.
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Mm-hmm. And then you met Krish.
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And then I met Krish.
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And he was sweet and safe.
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And so I just kinda went with the flow.
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But
108
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I just feel like I never,
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like, actively chose this.
110
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Like, I feel like I'm just on autopilot.
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You know how you are always
talking about, like, the life story?
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Mm-hmm.
113
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I was thinking about it, and I...
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I feel like I'm not the main character
in my own life story.
115
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And would you like that to change?
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Hmm.
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[PHONE BUZZING]
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[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
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[EXHALES]
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[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
121
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Hey.
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Hey.
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♪ Tried to shame me ♪
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[MAC] It's so good to see you.
125
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I love your hair like that.
The streaks, yowza.
126
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It's not too much?
127
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Phyllis at the salon
kind of, like, talked me into it.
128
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Well, Phyllis at the salon
deserves a raise
129
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'cause you look hot as shit.
130
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- Okay. Okay.
- I mean it.
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Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
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Um...
133
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I mean, you... you came to see me.
134
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To talk because you asked me to.
135
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Oh, yeah.
136
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Hey, how is...
137
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Krish.
138
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Yeah. Krish is good.
139
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Wow. You sound like
you're really crazy about him.
140
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Okay.
141
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,400
We tried us for two years.
142
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Remember how that...
remember how that ended?
143
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,120
- Yep.
- So, yeah, I am marrying Krish.
144
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,400
Oh God, you drive...
145
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,240
You broke us up,
you broke my fucking heart,
146
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and just when I'm picking up
all of the pieces of my life,
147
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you pop back up like a fucking...
148
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Like an unflushed turd.
149
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:22,720
[JOAN LAUGHS]
150
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,560
Well, yeah. It's not what
I was getting at, but yeah.
151
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,280
So, how can I trust you?
152
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You're right. I get it. But
153
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what you and I had was real.
154
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You know it.
155
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,520
I wanna be with you.
156
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,480
I'm here for three days, and
then I go back to San Jose.
157
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Come with me.
158
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I'm serious.
159
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I ca... I can't.
160
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,120
Hey.
161
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,920
I have a great apartment, and
your work has an office there.
162
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,560
I mean, you could get a transfer.
163
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,560
And there's an incredible
sushi place around the corner,
164
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,480
and they have an unbelievable
green dragon roll.
165
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,240
I can't leave Krish.
166
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,720
No, you can't leave Krish.
167
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I can't, Mac.
168
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,840
Yeah, no. You can't leave Krish.
169
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,800
No. No, no, no, no.
170
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,960
- Well... Hey.
- I shouldn't have come.
171
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,120
- I should not have come here.
- Joan.
172
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,480
I'm in my usual suite, and
I'll be here for three days.
173
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[JOAN] Mm.
174
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:45,920
[DOOR OPENS]
175
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:47,880
[KRISH] That you, baby?
176
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,600
Yep.
177
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,680
Hi.
178
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,160
Whoa. Froggy's been a-drinking.
179
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,480
Yeah. It was a goodbye party.
180
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,920
Oh. Well, I hope you're hungry.
181
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[CHUCKLES]
182
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,240
Mmm.
183
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:16,680
Amazing.
184
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:18,920
Is that salt?
185
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,200
All right.
186
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,600
Hey.
187
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,920
- What do you wanna watch?
- Oh, I'm easy.
188
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,880
- Let's see what's on Streamberry.
- All right.
189
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,040
Mmm.
190
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,600
[JOAN] Um...
191
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,640
- [KRISH] Oh, how about Sea of Tranquility?
- Eh.
192
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:42,840
Eric said it blows.
193
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,720
Oh. Well, if Eric said it blows...
194
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,200
- Okay.
- Okay.
195
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,080
Loch Henry, the Scottish murder thing?
196
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,600
I can't really do another true crime.
197
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:55,240
- I'm sorry, just after Gacy, I...
- Okay.
198
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,320
What about...
199
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,520
What...
200
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,360
[BOTH LAUGH]
201
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,560
Uh... Oh my God.
202
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,520
Uh... What?
203
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,600
[JOAN] "New drama. Joan Is Awful."
204
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,920
Is that Salma Hayek?
205
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,640
Uh, she even has your hair. [CHUCKLES]
206
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:15,720
That's not my hair.
207
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:20,280
Well, it's a lot like your
hair. And she's even called Joan.
208
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,240
[JOAN] Okay. What even is the show?
209
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,760
No clue, but...
210
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:27,040
- Well, we're watching it.
- No, we're not watching Joan Is Awful.
211
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,400
Whatever the hell it is.
212
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,200
- Just hit play.
- Mm.
213
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:32,600
- [SPLUTTERS] Come on. Hit play.
- [SIGHS]
214
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,080
[TV CHIRPS]
215
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,360
[PHONE ALARM CHIMING]
216
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,080
[MOANS]
217
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,320
Well, it's a lot like our bedroom.
218
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,320
That's not my hair.
219
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,760
- She uses the same toothpaste as you.
- Okay, just...
220
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,000
This is just weird.
221
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,560
Yeah, it's a little spooky. [LAUGHS]
222
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,360
This Joan is shady.
223
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:32,440
[CHUCKLES]
224
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,440
[TV JOAN] Mmm...
225
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:41,400
Babe.
226
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,760
- Babe?
- [MAN 1] You should see this.
227
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:44,840
See what?
228
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,280
What is this?
229
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,840
It's called Joan Is Awful.
230
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,560
It's got Salma Hayek in it.
231
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:53,360
She looks like Joan.
232
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,880
That job sucked anyway.
233
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,880
[SIGHS] Yeah, I guess.
234
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,120
[PHONE BUZZING]
235
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,000
Joan Is Awful? What the fuck?
236
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,560
Uh...
237
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,440
Oh my God.
238
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,600
[WOMAN] We're gonna
watch a TV show in a bar?
239
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,480
Yeah, we're absolutely gonna
watch a TV show in a bar.
240
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,560
[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
241
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,360
[MAC] Huh.
242
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,000
[PHONE CHIMES]
243
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,040
Hmm.
244
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,440
What the hell?
245
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,400
♪ Daddy on the Facetime ♪
♪ You could never take mine ♪
246
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,760
♪ End up on the dateline, uh, uh, uh ♪
247
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,200
♪ Rich with no day job ♪
♪ Hit your wop, wop ♪
248
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,400
♪ Always on the courtside, uh-huh, huh ♪
249
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,960
♪ B-b-billionaire
boys wanna eat me out ♪
250
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,040
[KRISH] Holy shit.
That's where you work.
251
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,880
Okay, how did you do this?
252
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,920
- How did I do this?
- This is a prank. How did you do this?
253
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,080
- Well, I didn't...
- I don't find it fucking funny.
254
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,200
[LAUGHS] I didn't do anything.
255
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,320
How's the coffee?
256
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,240
Dog shit.
257
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,000
I'll get the machine replaced.
258
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,080
Please do that.
259
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,040
- Also, Sandy is waiting for that 10:15.
- Joan?
260
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,240
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
261
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,320
- Yeah.
- What?
262
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,040
Oh God. Oh... oh God.
263
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,560
Joan? Jo... Jo... Joan.
264
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,040
[PANTING]
265
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:23,960
Joan?
266
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,720
[PANTING] I'm having a panic attack.
267
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,680
- Uh... All right, um...
- I'm having a panic attack.
268
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,520
Okay, okay. Okay. All right, hey, whoa.
269
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,240
Also, Sandy is waiting for that 10:15.
270
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,520
- Is he still there?
- [CHUCKLES] He's still there.
271
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,680
- Just get it over with.
- They made me the gayest man on earth.
272
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,320
Well, I like what he's wearing.
273
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,320
What the fuck is this?
274
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,720
- How the fuck is this?
- Um...
275
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,760
- Give me five.
- Oh.
276
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,400
[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Sure. Thanks.
277
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,800
- Oh my God. Is that what I sound like?
- Sh. Will you be quiet, please?
278
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,320
You think he's better looking than me?
279
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,080
Okay. All right. All right, hey.
Let's slow our breathing down, right?
280
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,280
- Uh, feel the carpet beneath your feet.
- I don't wanna feel the carpet!
281
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,440
All right, hey, whoa.
282
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,440
- Well, just feel the floor.
- Uh... Fuck the floor!
283
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,520
You're firing me?
284
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,760
[TV JOAN] Correct. Your audio
algorithm's not happening.
285
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,960
The board thinks it's vaporware.
286
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,160
But, um,
287
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,480
our carbon footprint.
288
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,040
Not their concern.
289
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,560
Well, I just put a deposit
down on an apartment.
290
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,280
- Also not their concern.
- I mean, you see what she's like.
291
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,360
- Oh my God, she is cold.
- Please.
292
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,360
Not... not now.
293
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,400
If not now, when?
294
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,280
- [LAUGHING] She did not say that.
- [TV SANDY] Oh my God.
295
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,880
I did not say that like that.
That is not what happened.
296
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,280
Baby, I believe you.
297
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,520
[TV SANDY CRYING]
298
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,160
[JOAN] Jesus Christ.
299
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,000
Oh my God.
300
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,240
[TV SANDY] What am I
gonna do with my dog?
301
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,320
- Oh my God.
- She's making me so uncomfortable.
302
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,400
I'm so sorry...
303
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,000
- Get Brutus to escort her out.
- Why are you consoling Joan?
304
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:07,040
- Why am I consoling Joan?
- [TV SANDY] Please just give me a second.
305
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,600
She was upset.
306
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,120
She's being a bitch.
307
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,200
Oh my God. They're making
me look like a monster.
308
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,560
No. Hey, no, look.
309
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,760
Look, it's... Baby, it's Salma Hayek.
310
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,080
Look, people love Salma Hayek.
All right? So, maybe it's not so...
311
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,000
So, maybe it's not so fucking bad?
312
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,520
So fucking insane?
313
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,440
- This is bad.
- Okay, all right.
314
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,200
- Fucking insane!
- All right, okay.
315
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,160
Hey, look. I was just
trying to make you feel...
316
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,480
- [JOAN] Oh God.
- Hey, okay. All right. Hey, you're right.
317
00:17:35,481 --> 00:17:36,480
- Okay.
- Yeah.
318
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,920
- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Ooh.
319
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,160
What?
320
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,240
Oh my God, my mom's seen it.
321
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,280
What?
322
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,640
Everybody can see this?
323
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,200
Can everybody that has
Streamberry watch this?
324
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:49,880
[PHONE CHIMES]
325
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,840
- [JOAN] My dad's seen it.
- [PHONE CHIMES]
326
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,600
Marianne's seen it.
327
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,320
Jesus Christ. Oh fuck.
328
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,520
Oh God.
329
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,160
[JOAN BREATHES HEAVILY]
330
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,720
Oh my God.
331
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,480
Oh God.
332
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,000
- [KRISH] Honey.
- What?
333
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,480
- Has Mac been texting you?
- What?
334
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:08,720
No. No.
335
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,560
- [KRISH] All right.
- You can come in now.
336
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,480
- Okay. I think we should turn this off.
- What?
337
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,080
[KRISH] Well, actually, I
wanna keep watching. No. No...
338
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,840
- Hey, whoa.
- Krish, Krish, I want it off!
339
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,680
- No.
- [TV THERAPIST] How's life at home?
340
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,200
- Joan!
- [TV JOAN] With Krish?
341
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:31,280
- He's kind and smart and caring, but...
- Where's this stupid fucking button?
342
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:34,960
Very vanilla.
343
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,320
Even his cooking is bland.
344
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,400
[TV THERAPIST] Hmm.
345
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,280
- I didn't say that. Krish, turn it off.
- [TV JOAN] It's just that...
346
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,680
with my ex-boyfriend, Mac,
347
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:51,040
there was so much
crazy, wild, imaginative,
348
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,200
constant sex.
349
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,560
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This isn't real.
350
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,440
Okay? This is the TV. I didn't say this.
351
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,960
- Fuck.
- Krish?
352
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,120
- [TV JOAN] I haven't gotten over Mac.
- Krish!
353
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,400
[TV JOAN] I think maybe
354
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,080
I don't want to.
355
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,080
Oh Christ.
356
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,840
Hey. What she said on the
show, that's not what I think.
357
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,160
- Okay?
- No.
358
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,240
Some of the details...
359
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,840
The whole thing, it's blown
out of proportion, okay?
360
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,920
I didn't say that to my therapist.
361
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:33,880
So, what did you say?
362
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:36,840
I...
363
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,280
[KRISH] Mm-hmm.
364
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,640
- [KRISH GRUNTS]
- Krish.
365
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,320
[KRISH GRUNTS]
366
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,000
Krish! Where are you going?
367
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,120
I don't know.
368
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,400
- I don't know. I gotta go.
- Krish, come on. Please, please!
369
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,600
[TV MAC] I'm here three days...
370
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:52,920
- Hey!
- ... then back to San Jose.
371
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,000
[JOAN] I said...
372
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,560
I can't leave Krish.
373
00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,120
Can't you?
374
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,280
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
375
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:14,720
[JOAN GASPS]
376
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,200
[TV JOAN] So, what do you wanna watch?
377
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,600
Sea of Tranquility.
378
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,320
Eh.
379
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,760
Eric says it blows.
380
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,560
Well, if Eric said...
381
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,600
I never liked Krish.
382
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,680
Babe, wait. Come on, sit down. Babe.
383
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,320
Joan Is Awful?
384
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,640
[TV JOAN] Is that Cate Blanchett?
385
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,400
- That's Cate Blanchett?
- Oh no.
386
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,120
- That's Cate Blanchett!
- That's good.
387
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,880
- [TV JOAN] That's not my hair.
- She looks good!
388
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,000
Krish! It's a TV show. It's not real.
389
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,840
I don't know what's going
on, but none of that happened.
390
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,840
Krish, hey! I haven't
even seen Mac in so long.
391
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,080
Then show me your phone.
392
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,160
What?
393
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:13,160
In the TV show, Mac texted
you, and you texted him back, so
394
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:15,680
show me your phone.
395
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:17,840
It's...
396
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:19,880
it's in the house.
397
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,920
That's convenient, Joan.
398
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:26,400
[PHONE CHIMES]
399
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,840
- Goodbye.
- Krish.
400
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,000
Krish, please don't go.
401
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,295
Don't go. Please don't
leave me by myself.
402
00:21:32,296 --> 00:21:34,680
This is fucking insane. Please don't...
403
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,000
Krish! Please!
404
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,200
Krish!
405
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,760
[TV JOAN] Krish, you're being
childish. Come back, please.
406
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,760
You're being very
melodramatic. It's uncalled for.
407
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:55,640
Oh my God. It's TV. It's not real!
408
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,680
My fidelity for you. My
fidelity for you, that's real.
409
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,080
That's television. Fake, not real.
410
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,840
If you weren't texting
Mac, show me your phone.
411
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,360
They're right about you, Joan.
412
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,600
You're awful.
413
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,720
Krish. I'm not that
awful. It's not real.
414
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,000
[PHONE RINGING]
415
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,160
Come back.
416
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,680
Krish! Don't leave me.
417
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,600
You know I can't be on my own.
418
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,320
- You can't leave me!
- Mac.
419
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,320
- [EXCLAIMS]
- [TV JOAN] Krish!
420
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,200
[EXCLAIMS]
421
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:36,000
[CRYING]
422
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,880
[CRYING]
423
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,160
[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
424
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,680
[PHONE ALARM CHIMES]
425
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,240
[SIGHS]
426
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,560
[PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES]
427
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:16,720
Shame on you.
428
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,600
Oh fuck.
429
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:23,840
Oh God.
430
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,320
- Sorry I'm late.
- [ERIC] Uh-huh.
431
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,800
Did you see it?
432
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:49,520
Everybody saw it.
433
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,160
It's all anyone can talk about.
434
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,000
[EXHALES] How'd it come across?
435
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,760
Fair. Yeah. I just
don't know what this is.
436
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:00,560
My lawyer's looking into it.
437
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,200
- Krish is so mad at me.
- Joan.
438
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,960
- He walked out last night.
- Hey, Joan.
439
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,080
Everyone's looking at me
like I'm an actual monster.
440
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,480
Joan, just... just try
and keep it together
441
00:24:07,481 --> 00:24:09,200
for, like, the next few minutes.
442
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,600
[SIGHS] Why is Brutus here?
443
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,650
You let slip about the whole algorithm,
444
00:24:15,651 --> 00:24:18,250
data server, carbon footprint thing
445
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,920
in the scene where you fired Sandy.
446
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,920
Technically, you broke your NDA.
447
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,360
What? That's not fair. That was...
448
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:27,640
That was Salma Hayek!
449
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,120
The board wants you out.
450
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:32,480
Now.
451
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:36,800
I'm here to help you pack.
452
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:45,760
Right on.
453
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:47,640
[JOAN SNIFFLES]
454
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,200
Sayonara, queen.
455
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,120
Mona.
456
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,400
"I'm in a pantsuit."
457
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,680
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
458
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,200
Well, I've checked it over,
459
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,560
and I have to say that actually,
460
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,600
legally, the Streamberry
Corporation can do this.
461
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,600
What?
462
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:29,960
How?
463
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,040
Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are.
464
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,960
But the show is using my life.
It's... it's my name. It's my career.
465
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,640
It's me. They're...
they're using me, so...
466
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,200
And you assigned them the
right to exploit all of that.
467
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,320
What? When?
468
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:47,520
Terms and conditions.
469
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,720
I have never seen this before.
470
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,800
[LAWYER] You have. You just
haven't seen it printed out before.
471
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,560
All of that would have popped
up on your phone or whatever
472
00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,280
when you first signed up to Streamberry.
473
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,280
And you clicked "accept."
474
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,920
What? I mean, I had...
475
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,760
I had no... How was I
supposed to know this?
476
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:11,080
I know. But you did accept it,
and so they're in the clear.
477
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,680
No, no. No, no, no. They
can't... they can't do this to me.
478
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,800
There are only so many ways for
me to tell you they absolutely can.
479
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:20,880
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
480
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,800
Okay, well, Salma Hayek.
481
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:27,360
Yeah, pretty cool.
482
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,120
No. No, I'm gonna sue Salma Hayek.
483
00:27:30,121 --> 00:27:31,121
For what?
484
00:27:31,121 --> 00:27:34,241
[SPLUTTERING] For, like,
passing herself off as me.
485
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,560
She has no right to do that.
486
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:37,920
It's not really Salma Hayek.
487
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,840
Yes, it is.
488
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:45,920
No. Technically, uh, the show deploys
a digital likeness of Miss Hayek.
489
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,120
They don't film her.
490
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,360
She licensed her image to them.
491
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,120
The entire show is CGI.
492
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,520
It's generated by some kind
of super-advanced, deepfake,
493
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,280
quantum computer mumbo jumbo.
494
00:27:58,360 --> 00:27:59,360
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
495
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,960
They could make Salma Hayek blow
an orangutan if they wanted to.
496
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,320
[CHUCKLING] Oh, whoa.
497
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,760
I'm guessing Miss Hayek might
object to that, but you get my point.
498
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,640
Right. So it's all...
it's all computers?
499
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,120
That's how they get it
on the service so fast.
500
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:17,520
But how do they...
501
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,181
how do they even know what I'm doing?
502
00:28:19,182 --> 00:28:21,800
It's the same... it's the same day.
503
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,680
Well, you know when you got your
phone face down on the table,
504
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,440
and you're in your kitchen, and
you're talking to your friend about,
505
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,400
I don't know, shoe deodorizers,
506
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,520
and then, you know, you go on
your computer and what pops up?
507
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,520
A shoe deodorizing ad.
508
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,240
Then you get an email, and
it's all about shoe deodorizing.
509
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,360
Then you're walking down
the street, shoe deodorizing.
510
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,000
You can't escape it. And it's...
511
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:43,640
Yeah, so?
512
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,080
Uh, that's how they know.
513
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,040
Okay, but...
514
00:28:48,041 --> 00:28:49,041
[CHUCKLES]
515
00:28:49,042 --> 00:28:54,202
... but the show makes
stuff up about me. Right?
516
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:55,800
It embellishes things.
517
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,200
It makes me look worse than I really am.
518
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,640
So... [SMACKS TABLE] ... defamation.
519
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,400
Yeah, page 53, paragraph 12.
520
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,920
There's something about
creating characters and dialogue
521
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,440
for dramatic purposes.
522
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:12,680
Fuck!
523
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,440
I agree.
524
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,920
Uh, I hate to say it, but
this thing is... is watertight.
525
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:20,040
Oh my God.
526
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:21,800
They got you every
which way and then some.
527
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,000
My advice is to try and ignore it.
528
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,800
What the fuck kind of advice is that?
529
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,640
It's the only kind I got.
530
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,240
Oh my God.
531
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,040
[JOAN LAUGHING] Okay.
532
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:40,880
Hi, guys!
533
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,000
Hey, how you doing out there?
534
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,800
Cool! Fuck!
535
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,840
[PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
536
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,840
Sorry, do I know you?
537
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,920
[GROANING ANGRILY]
538
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,840
[TV JOAN] This show, it is using
my life, my name, my career.
539
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,720
You assigned them the right
to exploit all of that.
540
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,480
When? How?
541
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,120
Terms and conditions.
542
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:12,320
I've never even seen this.
543
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,640
- I would've known if I signed it.
- This is brutal.
544
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:16,360
I would've known I'd signed
something I didn't read.
545
00:30:16,361 --> 00:30:18,640
Who has time to read that?
546
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:20,560
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
547
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,440
[TV LAWYER] You did accept it though.
548
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,880
- [TV JOAN] What?
- Yeah, they're in the clear.
549
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,640
- [TV JOAN] They can't do this to me.
- Oh, hey.
550
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,480
- Can I come in?
- Yeah, yeah.
551
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,280
Hey, uh...
552
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:38,640
They cannot...
553
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,080
There. Sorry.
554
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:42,400
[CRYING]
555
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,800
Oh, baby.
556
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:46,600
Honey.
557
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,720
[JOAN CRYING]
558
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:53,320
[MAC] You're okay.
559
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:58,280
[JOAN SOBS]
560
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:01,520
No...
561
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,080
[SOBS]
562
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,120
[JOAN BREATHING HEAVILY]
563
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:24,520
What's wrong?
564
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:25,960
Um,
565
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,400
I can't get hard.
566
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,560
Sure you can.
567
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,280
Hey, you want me to do that
horrible thing you love?
568
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:37,200
It's, um...
569
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,000
It's... This is so public.
570
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:41,960
What do you mean?
571
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,320
This is gonna be on the show.
572
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,720
Okay, but it's not us.
It's... it's computer people.
573
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,080
- It's Salma Hayek and...
- Well, yeah, I know.
574
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,600
So, I mean, like, I'm gonna be the guy
575
00:31:52,601 --> 00:31:54,840
who can't get it up for Salma Hayek?
576
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:56,520
I mean, it's like...
577
00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,720
You know, it's one thing to not be
able to get it up for, like, you,
578
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:01,800
but Salma Hayek?
579
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,920
I mean, look, people
are gonna laugh at me.
580
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,440
The show is called fucking Joan
Is Awful. How do you think I feel?
581
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,680
Hey! Look, when I said I wanted
to get back together with you...
582
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,360
When you basically begged me
to get back together with you.
583
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,960
But I didn't agree
to be a public figure.
584
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,000
Neither did I!
585
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,160
Except you did.
586
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,600
Page 58 of the terms and conditions.
587
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,840
They just said so on the show!
588
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,920
Joan, I always said you gotta
read the terms and conditions.
589
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,120
I can sue Cate Blanchett.
590
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,240
[SCOFFS] Uh, for what?
591
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,600
For passing herself off as me.
592
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,520
That isn't the real Cate Blanchett.
593
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,880
The show just deploys a digital
likeness of Miss Blanchett.
594
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,280
The whole show is CGI.
595
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,080
It's generated by a quantum computer.
596
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:10,000
They could... [CHUCKLES] ... make
her blow an orangutan if they wanted.
597
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:14,440
Although I am guessing the real
Miss Blanchett might object to that,
598
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:15,760
but you get my point.
599
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,920
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
600
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:23,840
Hmm.
601
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,360
[TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]
602
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:53,880
Oh God.
603
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:03,680
[COUGHS]
604
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:08,240
[TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]
605
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:17,840
[GASPS, GROANS]
606
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,520
[STOMACH RUMBLING]
607
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:24,640
Okay.
608
00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:26,720
[TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]
609
00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:38,080
[PRIEST] Anyone knows a reason
why these two may not be wed,
610
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,040
let him speak now.
611
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:41,320
[AIR HORN BLARING]
612
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,960
- Merry Christmas, one and all!
- [GUESTS MURMURING]
613
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,040
[STOMACH RUMBLING]
614
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:48,680
[GROANS]
615
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:50,280
[MAN] Oh my God!
616
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,480
[GUESTS GROANING IN DISGUST]
617
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:54,800
What are you doing?!
618
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,400
[JOAN GROANING]
619
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,320
Stop!
620
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:02,280
[SCREAMING]
621
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,800
- Get the kids out of here!
- Get out of here!
622
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:05,960
[GRUNTS]
623
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:07,080
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
624
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,040
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- [LAUGHS]
625
00:35:11,700 --> 00:35:12,720
What's so funny?
626
00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:13,720
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
627
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,200
Salma Hayek's gonna fucking hate this.
628
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,000
[PHOTOGRAPHER] Why?
629
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,520
Have you not seen Joan Is Awful?
630
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,000
No, but it's on my list.
631
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,920
Just wait till episode four.
I hear it's gonna be a blast.
632
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,400
Her lawyer's here. Posted bail.
633
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,840
- Uh...
- You're free to go.
634
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:34,960
Oh.
635
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,000
[FEMALE OFFICER] For now.
636
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,920
[LAUGHS]
637
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,400
You're disgusting.
638
00:35:43,401 --> 00:35:44,440
Thank you.
639
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,440
[TV PRIEST] ... these two should
not be wed, let him speak now.
640
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:48,760
[AIR HORN BLARING ON TV]
641
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,600
[TV JOAN] Merry Christmas, one and all!
642
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,640
[GUESTS MURMURING]
643
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:57,520
[GUESTS GROANING IN DISGUST]
644
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,160
[TV BRIDESMAID] What are you doing?
645
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:02,760
[LAUGHING]
646
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,960
[JOAN LAUGHING]
647
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,720
[WEDDING SCENE PLAYING ON LAPTOP]
648
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:14,960
[HAYEK] Never in my wildest nightmares
649
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,440
I thought I'd see myself
defecating in a church.
650
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:25,080
Well, technically, that's
the Joan character, not you.
651
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,840
So this character,
whose face do they have?
652
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,680
Do they have your face or my face?
653
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,120
Your face.
654
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:34,960
Salma Hayek's face.
655
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,600
So, then, whose anus
is doing the shitting?
656
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:39,680
Uh,
657
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,600
Salma Hayek's anus?
658
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:44,960
Bingo.
659
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,520
I am Roman Catholic.
660
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,360
My grandmother Rosa
was going to be a nun.
661
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,280
She might die when she sees this.
662
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,760
What right do they
have to kill my abuela
663
00:36:56,360 --> 00:37:00,760
with this deepfake heretic abomination?
664
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,240
Uh, page 39, paragraph eight.
665
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,100
Paragraph eight can suck my dick.
666
00:37:05,101 --> 00:37:07,440
I don't even know what it says anyway.
667
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:11,120
Uh, your image rights
agreement with Streamberry.
668
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,640
It's page 39, paragraph eight.
669
00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:18,840
Specifically covers any acts
or behaviors Joan may exhibit
670
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,320
up to, including, and beyond defecation.
671
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,160
Beyond defecation?
672
00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:26,760
Beyond. That's what it says.
673
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,840
You know I don't read this crap.
674
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,720
I am a dyslexic, talented
actress with questionable English.
675
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:37,120
- That's why I overpay you to protect me.
- Okay.
676
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,400
I mean, doesn't my
asshole have any rights?
677
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,680
- Okay. All right.
- [EXHALES] Okay, okay.
678
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:43,360
Okay.
679
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:44,960
Okay.
680
00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:48,320
Let's collect ourselves, and, uh...
681
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:49,400
Good.
682
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,840
... brainstorm so we can
do some damage control.
683
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,800
So, what can you do
684
00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:00,240
to erase this image from
every machine in the world?
685
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:01,320
[CLEARS THROAT]
686
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:03,920
Nothing.
687
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,040
Okay.
688
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:08,500
Then I guess I'm just
gonna have to settle
689
00:38:08,501 --> 00:38:10,760
for a huge lawsuit against them.
690
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:15,040
Um, I've looked up and
down and researched,
691
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,000
and there is no legal basis.
692
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,840
There's no way we can sue these guys.
693
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,680
Then I'm gonna sue you.
694
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,320
You sold me out.
695
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,440
You useless, overrated maggot.
696
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,560
You take your paragraph eight
697
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,440
and shove it up your ass!
698
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:39,920
And I hope that you get paper
cuts in your hemorrhoids and die!
699
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:42,960
You're fired!
700
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:06,320
- [DOORBELL RINGING]
- [SNORTS]
701
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:07,400
[CONFUSED MOAN]
702
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:14,760
What the fuck?
703
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,680
I...
704
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,680
I didn't, uh, actually think
that you would come to...
705
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,240
Welcome to my home.
706
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,680
- I understand that you're mad.
- Oh, do you?
707
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,400
Please don't kill me, Salma Hayek.
708
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,560
You're lucky I'm a humanitarian.
709
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,000
Let's have a talk.
710
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:41,920
[INAUDIBLE] What the fuck?
711
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,080
- Come on!
- Coming!
712
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,800
Oh my goodness me.
713
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:48,680
Oh my God.
714
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,920
Now it all makes sense.
Look at all this shit!
715
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,280
What's wrong with you, girl?
716
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,640
I mean, must you be so disgusting?
717
00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:03,400
I mean, the last few days
have been pretty rough, so...
718
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,200
Rough enough to take a
dump in the house of God?
719
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:09,280
If you don't have any
self-respect, that's your thing.
720
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,120
But to disrespect the church,
721
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,640
and frankly, to disrespect my image...
722
00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:16,320
- Mm-hmm.
- ... I don't wanna be associated with you.
723
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,600
Well, I don't wanna be
associated with me either.
724
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:24,480
They took my life. They turned
it into a CGI fucking drama.
725
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:27,040
I lose my fiancé.
726
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,360
I lose my job.
727
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,560
They put my entire existence
out there for everyone to watch,
728
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,600
and you signed up to be the face of it.
729
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,920
You're a fucking enabler.
I should be yelling at you.
730
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,240
- You are yelling at me.
- Well, I need to yell at someone!
731
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,320
Well, it's not fair that
you're taking it all out on me.
732
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:48,800
I am sorry that I shat in a church.
733
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,360
Okay?
734
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,680
But I was trying to get your attention
735
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,960
so that you'd get in
touch with Streamberry
736
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,120
and have them pull the plug on the show.
737
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,560
I already made that call.
738
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,360
- And?
- They told me to go fuck myself.
739
00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:04,520
They did?
740
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,000
Can you believe it?
741
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,840
So, you can't stop this?
742
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:12,520
I thought for once I was gonna
have control over my own image.
743
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,920
But those fuckers lied about everything.
744
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:19,520
First, they told me this was
gonna be a prestige show, right?
745
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,160
Look, I didn't think it was
gonna be like my movie Frida,
746
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:25,080
but I couldn't imagine
that it was gonna be this.
747
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:31,000
And then they said that they
were closing the pay gap.
748
00:41:31,420 --> 00:41:32,480
Bullshit!
749
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,400
They are paying me one-tenth of
what they're paying George Clooney.
750
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:41,360
Sorry, George Clooney
is gonna be in this show?
751
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,280
No, they're sticking his head on
a Thomas the Tank Engine reboot.
752
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:46,960
Wait.
753
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:49,600
How much are they paying you?
754
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:50,680
Oh,
755
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:52,600
nothing.
756
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,080
- Nothing?
- Nothing.
757
00:41:56,240 --> 00:42:00,280
- That is so fucked up.
- Yeah.
758
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,720
Well, they're screwing us both.
759
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:03,800
Yeah.
760
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,720
I mean, how do you think Cate
Blanchett feels about this?
761
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:07,920
Fuck her.
762
00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:10,480
This is the bad guy.
763
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,640
Mona Giovanni.
764
00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,800
- [JOAN] Javadi.
- Whatever.
765
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,000
And the whole Strawberry machine.
766
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,320
It's Streamberry.
767
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,320
They have taken 100 years of cinema
768
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,040
and diminished it to an app.
769
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:30,200
I wanna go and take that computer
770
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,400
and rip the cables out of it
771
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,520
and stick them up its ass.
772
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,280
Let's bring down the
system. The quamputer thing.
773
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,480
Oh yeah, let's.
774
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:42,960
Are you a hacker?
775
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,280
No, no, no, no, no. I
mean, like, physically.
776
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,760
So it says the server's
outside of Mona Javadi's office.
777
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,720
So we just get in there and fucking...
778
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,280
- You know?
- Her office is all the way at the top.
779
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,200
We can't crawl on the side of
the building like Spider-Mans.
780
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,120
No, no, no, we don't have to.
781
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,520
'Cause you can just
walk in the front door.
782
00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:06,840
We can't just do that.
783
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:11,440
You can because you're
Salma fucking Hayek.
784
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,240
Thank you.
785
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:19,480
You're right.
786
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:21,920
Yeah.
787
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,840
I am Salma fucking Hayek.
788
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:27,520
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
789
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:45,360
[HAYEK] Good morning.
790
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:49,000
Hi. Hello. Miss Hayek.
791
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,600
I have an appointment with Mona Javadi.
792
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,400
Of course. Let me just...
793
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:58,800
[SECRETARY] Uh, I can't, um...
794
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,059
It should be in the system. Please do...
795
00:44:01,060 --> 00:44:02,760
Excuse me, is there
a restroom I can use?
796
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,800
Of course. Right over there.
797
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,160
I'm afraid that's too public.
798
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,520
Thanks to your show,
799
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:11,840
every time people see
me go into one of those,
800
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,400
all they can think about is hot
birria coming out of my bottom.
801
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:17,320
Of course.
802
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,360
Can we swipe Miss Hayek through?
803
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:23,880
There is a private restroom
down the corridor on the right.
804
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:25,520
Thank you.
805
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,720
And don't worry, I'm just gonna pee.
806
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,120
Okay.
807
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:32,880
Cool.
808
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:35,360
Thank you.
809
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,160
All right, just one
sec. Yeah. We're good.
810
00:44:46,161 --> 00:44:47,161
- You rolling?
- Yeah.
811
00:44:47,162 --> 00:44:48,162
Great.
812
00:44:48,163 --> 00:44:49,760
- So, Miss Javadi.
- Mm.
813
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:53,000
A lot going on here at Streamberry.
Loads of heat around your new show.
814
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:54,600
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- I know, right?
815
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,320
- Bet you've got a heap of questions.
- Yeah.
816
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:57,920
[CLEARS THROAT, COUGHS]
817
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,080
- Lucy, I'm in the middle of an interview.
- I think it might be important.
818
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:02,920
Sorry.
819
00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:07,280
Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yes?
820
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,800
Apparently, Salma Hayek's
downstairs asking to see you.
821
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,200
- Didn't we tell her to go fuck herself?
- Maybe that's why.
822
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,400
Just get security to chuck her out.
823
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:20,600
Sorry, sorry. She's new.
824
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,480
- Yeah.
- Don't know how long she'll last.
825
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,240
Anyway, where were we?
826
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,560
- Joan Is Awful.
- Joan Is Awful.
827
00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:29,640
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
828
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:35,360
[DOOR LOCK BEEPS]
829
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:39,160
- What are you wearing?
- It's a disguise.
830
00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:41,560
Take it off. They're gonna
think you're kidnapping me.
831
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:42,640
Okay.
832
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:44,280
- Hurry up!
- Okay!
833
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,320
[TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]
834
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:49,920
Come on!
835
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:54,950
So, here at Streamberry,
836
00:45:54,951 --> 00:45:58,760
we are passionate about creating
new forms of entertainment.
837
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,440
This whole floor is dedicated
to content generation R&D.
838
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,280
Experimental entertainment,
computer-generated material.
839
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:09,720
[INTERVIEWER] Like Joan Is Awful.
840
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:10,800
[MONA] Exactly.
841
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:12,800
Shut up, shut up.
842
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:16,480
[MONA] And that is made
by this, the quamputer,
843
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,880
which is actually just down
that corridor on the left.
844
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:21,800
[INTERVIEWER] A kind
of quantum computer.
845
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,680
Yeah, hence the name.
846
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,240
An infinite content creator
847
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:30,080
capable of willing entire
multiverses into existence, right?
848
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:32,320
And within those rendered worlds,
849
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,840
shooting, packaging, and
editing fully-edited programs
850
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,680
that would normally take
months to make, such as...
851
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:40,520
[INTERVIEWER] Joan Is Awful.
852
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,520
I wish they'd stop saying that.
853
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,560
- [MONA] Correct.
- [WHISPERS] I like the picture.
854
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:48,080
And the role Salma's depicting
is based on a real Joan, right?
855
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:49,800
Mm-hmm. Yep.
856
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,840
Why that particular woman?
What's so special about her?
857
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:54,160
Absolutely nothing.
858
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:58,320
We were looking for a totally
average, nobody person,
859
00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,040
just... just to test the system.
860
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:03,240
The point is, Joan Is
Awful is just the beginning.
861
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:07,400
The aim here is to launch
unique, tailored content
862
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,080
to each individual in our
database, all 800 million of them,
863
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:12,855
created on the fly by our system.
864
00:47:12,856 --> 00:47:15,920
The most relatable content imaginable.
865
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,320
Actually, there's one for you.
866
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:20,240
I couldn't resist. Yeah.
867
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,800
This is actually real and will be
available to stream from Friday.
868
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:26,520
[UNCOMFORTABLE CHUCKLE]
869
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,160
Uh, why "awful"?
870
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,520
Why is it all so negative?
871
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,080
Yeah. No, that's a
great question, Fatima.
872
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:39,000
Um, we did try more affirmative
content in the test cell,
873
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,120
but we found that, um, our
subjects just didn't buy it.
874
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:45,360
It didn't chime with their
neurotic view of themselves.
875
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,520
What we found instead was when
we focused on their more weak
876
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,440
or selfish or craven moments,
877
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,160
it confirmed their innermost fears
878
00:47:53,240 --> 00:47:57,120
and put them in a state
of mesmerized horror.
879
00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,680
Which really drives engagement.
880
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,040
They literally can't look away.
881
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,480
Let's kill this quam-puta.
882
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,640
- [FATIMA] Wow. Great, thanks.
- [MONA] Did you get everything you need?
883
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,320
Okay. Where is she? Hi,
where is she? Where's Salma?
884
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:11,760
I let her go to the toilet.
885
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,000
How hard is it to find
someone? Most walls are glass.
886
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:15,240
Can you guys do something?
887
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:17,320
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
888
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,480
- [WHISPERS] Is that it?
- It's locked.
889
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:24,560
There.
890
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:28,640
[DOOR OPENS]
891
00:48:30,300 --> 00:48:31,320
[HAYEK] There it is.
892
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,920
Holy Christ! Hey, no
one's allowed in here!
893
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,160
I'm calling security!
894
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:40,080
If you call security,
I will break your arm.
895
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:43,560
Don't think I won't,
because I will, understood?
896
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:44,760
Yes, Miss Hayek.
897
00:48:45,720 --> 00:48:47,080
[HAYEK] Okay.
898
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:48,600
How do we get in here?
899
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:51,480
[JOAN] What's that?
900
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:53,080
Joan Is Awful.
901
00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:56,880
No, but that's me. That
should be her, right?
902
00:48:56,880 --> 00:49:00,520
That's the variant of Joan Is
Awful that the Joan below you sees
903
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,440
when she watches the show.
904
00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:04,800
What? The Joan below me?
905
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:08,040
You're not the original
Joan. That's Source Joan.
906
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:09,680
We need a code for this, Joan.
907
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:10,800
Wait, sh.
908
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:12,720
"Source Joan"?
909
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:14,680
Yeah, you're just a Joan.
910
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:17,080
Who's Source Joan?
911
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,360
The real Joan.
912
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:20,760
Look, there. Source Joan.
913
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:22,600
[JOAN] Source Joan?
914
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:26,040
I'm not the real Joan?
915
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,080
You're a version of Joan
916
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,720
played by a digital
likeness of Annie Murphy.
917
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:33,720
- Who's Annie Murphy?
- The actress.
918
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,080
There. Look familiar?
919
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,480
Schitt's Creek. No? Great show.
920
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,120
- You're playing an adaptation of Joan.
- No, no.
921
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:44,760
Look. Source Joan lives in reality.
922
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,259
When Source John watches
the TV show Joan Is Awful,
923
00:49:47,260 --> 00:49:48,560
she sees you playing her.
924
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,320
That show is the fictive
level we're on right now, here.
925
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,120
- The fictive level?
- Yes, fictive level one.
926
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,880
Like I said, this is an
adaptation of Joan's life.
927
00:49:56,960 --> 00:50:00,240
- You're in a show right now.
- I'm in a show right now?
928
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,120
Come on. Have you seen where you live?
929
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:06,920
Uh, who could afford a place
like that? It's a TV show house.
930
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,400
I mean, look at me. Michael
Cera licensed his face,
931
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:12,400
just like Annie Murphy licensed
her face to play Joan on level one,
932
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,360
and Salma Hayek licensed her
face to play Joan on level two
933
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,120
and to play herself here on level one.
934
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:18,560
[HAYEK] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
935
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:21,440
I'm not playing myself.
936
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:23,720
I am myself.
937
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,400
Yeah, but it tracks
that you believe that
938
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,920
because you're coded to
play yourself on this level.
939
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:29,520
- What?
- What?
940
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,200
We're not in reality right
now. This is fictive level one.
941
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,920
[HAYEK] If I'm not
here, then where am I?
942
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:38,280
I don't know where the real Miss
Hayek is. I don't have eyes on her.
943
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:40,760
She's probably in Zurich
or on a beach somewhere.
944
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:42,440
- I don't know where she is.
- Zurich?
945
00:50:42,441 --> 00:50:43,441
This is not called
946
00:50:43,441 --> 00:50:45,320
Salma Hayek Gets
Everything Explained To Her
947
00:50:45,321 --> 00:50:46,801
But Doesn't Understand It Still.
948
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,120
- It's called Joan Is Awful. Her story.
- What the fuck?
949
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:50,560
By which I mean the real her.
950
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:54,520
Not Annie Murphy, Source
Joan. The Joan that lives...
951
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:56,280
Oh, thank God!
952
00:50:56,360 --> 00:50:58,120
He was so boring.
953
00:50:58,640 --> 00:50:59,800
Jesus!
954
00:51:02,240 --> 00:51:04,840
[EXHALES] Annie Murphy, you're my hero.
955
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,440
You guard the door.
956
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:11,320
I'm gonna kill that fucking computer.
957
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,920
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
958
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,480
- She wasn't in the schedule.
- I know that. I was working...
959
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:22,800
S3? Check S3.
960
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,760
Come on! Come on! Just
kill that quam-puta!
961
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:31,560
Okay, just wait a second. Wait a second.
962
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:36,920
So, inside this computer, there's
a version of you playing me
963
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:38,120
who thinks she's real?
964
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:39,600
- Yeah.
- [DOOR OPENS]
965
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:41,640
- They're coming! Do it! Do it!
- [MONA] Stop!
966
00:51:41,720 --> 00:51:44,190
If you destroy that, you
destroy everybody inside
967
00:51:44,191 --> 00:51:45,680
every fictive universe above this.
968
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:47,880
- You!
- Billions of simulated souls
969
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,160
who consider themselves
to be real will die.
970
00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:52,280
Do you really want all
that blood on your hands?
971
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,640
I mean, define "blood" for me here.
972
00:51:54,720 --> 00:51:57,960
Okay, this is a quantum computer,
right? We barely know how it works.
973
00:51:58,040 --> 00:51:59,360
It's basically magic.
974
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,680
The reality we're in
will cease to exist.
975
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:05,040
- Would I die?
- Instantly.
976
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,720
Put the fucking axe
down, Annie Murphy, now.
977
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,800
- [MONA] Listen to her. Do as you're told.
- [HAYEK] Put it down!
978
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:11,880
I can't.
979
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,960
Because the fact that I'm
standing here right now
980
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,640
means that Source Joan
already stood here in reality.
981
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:20,480
- It doesn't matter what I want...
- Get in.
982
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,840
... because the events that this
is based on have already happened.
983
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:25,440
It's not my decision.
984
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:28,080
- It's Joan's.
- [MONA] Okay.
985
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:30,120
- It's happening.
- All right, Joan.
986
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,960
- She's doing it. Joan's doing it.
- [MONA] Joan, put the axe down.
987
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,680
No! The quamputer!
988
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,160
Joan! Fucking Jesus!
989
00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:40,320
[SCREAMS]
990
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:42,560
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
991
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:49,760
[PANTING]
992
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:53,840
[ALARM SOUNDING]
993
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:55,840
I think we're done. [LAUGHING]
994
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:03,880
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
995
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,320
- [OFFICER] What's your name, please?
- Annie Murphy.
996
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:09,440
[OFFICER] Miss Murphy, what do you...
997
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:27,680
[THERAPIST] So, where are we at?
998
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:32,040
- Uh, I'm dating again.
- Mm-hmm.
999
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:34,680
Just taking it slow, you know.
1000
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,920
And trying to make some time for myself.
1001
00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:40,320
Well, how does that make you feel?
1002
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,440
It feels good, you know?
1003
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:44,880
It feels good to be okay on your own.
1004
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:47,120
[THERAPIST] And work?
1005
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:51,960
Yeah. I mean, my job
is far less corporate.
1006
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,080
But I'm my own boss.
1007
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,520
I... I treat my staff well.
1008
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,200
Uh, and I'm actually...
1009
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,840
I'm actually proud of what I do. So...
1010
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:04,400
- [THERAPIST] It's good to hear.
- Yeah, thanks.
1011
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,120
So, maybe now, do you feel...
1012
00:54:07,720 --> 00:54:11,880
Yeah, uh, like the main
character in my own life?
1013
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:12,960
[THERAPIST] Mm-hmm.
1014
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,680
Yeah, I... I think I do.
1015
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,400
[THERAPIST] And you
don't feel too confined?
1016
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:23,400
- Oh, the house arrest?
- Mm-hmm.
1017
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:27,040
You know, there's
good days and bad days.
1018
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:29,960
I guess that's to be expected.
1019
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:35,480
[UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING]
1020
00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:50,360
You're supposed to encourage me.
1021
00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:52,680
- What is that?
- Yeah, it's not good. I know.
1022
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,160
[ANNIE] Hi, Joan.
1023
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,280
Hi, Annie!
1024
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:05,480
- How you doing?
- [JOAN] Good.
1025
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,240
- The usual?
- The usual, please.
1026
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:08,320
Okay.
1027
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,480
- [ANNIE] Missed you.
- [JOAN] I missed you. How are you?
1028
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:12,560
[ANNIE] I'm good.
1029
00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:14,920
[UPLIFTING MUSIC CONTINUES]
1030
00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:21,400
[AIR HORN BLARING]
1031
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,840
Merry Christmas, one and all!
1032
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:25,920
[GUESTS MURMURING]
1033
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:27,520
[GROANING]
1034
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:29,280
[GROANS]
1035
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:31,520
Yeah, yeah.
1036
00:56:31,600 --> 00:56:33,720
[GUESTS GROANING IN DISGUST]
1037
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,360
Sorry. I know. I know.
1038
00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:39,040
Get out! Get out!
1039
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:40,120
[GUESTS SCREAMING]
1040
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,960
Yeah. I'm sorry.
1041
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:50,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -