﻿1
00:00:01,270 --> 00:00:04,050
ADULT SHELDON: A few times a
year, there was a dedicated day

2
00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:06,059
where my school was closed.

3
00:00:06,060 --> 00:00:08,189
This allowed the teachers to catch up

4
00:00:08,190 --> 00:00:09,929
on their administrative duties.

5
00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:12,759
While I was normally against
a break from learning,

6
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,759
I did applaud the Medford
faculty's commitment

7
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,680
- to our education.
- Oh, man.

8
00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:20,880
- How great is this place without kids in it?
- [LAUGHS]: I heard that.

9
00:00:20,990 --> 00:00:23,509
ADULT SHELDON: On one of
those days, I got to spend time

10
00:00:23,510 --> 00:00:24,989
with my mom at her job.

11
00:00:24,990 --> 00:00:26,120
SHELDON: Did you write that?

12
00:00:26,170 --> 00:00:28,349
- You betcha.
- Instead of puns,

13
00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:31,170
have you considered composing
a humorous palindrome?

14
00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:34,309
It's a phrase that reads the
same backwards as forwards.

15
00:00:34,310 --> 00:00:37,010
For example, "Do geese see God?"

16
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,310
Trust me. Both ways.

17
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,619
Come inside.

18
00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:46,059
SHELDON: Some other good
ones are radar, level, kayak.

19
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:48,059
That's a funny word. Kayak.

20
00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:49,759
Never get me in one.

21
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,239
So what's the plan?

22
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,839
How will I be entertained all day?

23
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,890
I thought you could be my little helper.

24
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:58,939
I prefer executive assistant.
Carries more weight.

25
00:00:58,940 --> 00:01:02,140
Fine. You stay here, I'm
gonna go talk to Pastor Jeff.

26
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,459
Mom.

27
00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:04,639
What?

28
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,470
"Mom" is also a palindrome. M-O-M.

29
00:01:11,820 --> 00:01:13,139
Good morning, Peg.

30
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:16,299
Any morning you wake up
is a good morning. [COUGHS]

31
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:18,169
Okay.

32
00:01:18,170 --> 00:01:19,869
[WHEEZING]

33
00:01:19,870 --> 00:01:21,609
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Come in.

34
00:01:21,610 --> 00:01:24,219
Good morn... oh, it's dark in here.

35
00:01:24,220 --> 00:01:25,789
Uh-huh.

36
00:01:25,790 --> 00:01:27,830
Everything okay?

37
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,879
Mm-hmm.

38
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,670
I need you to use your words.

39
00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:36,709
My marriage is over.

40
00:01:36,710 --> 00:01:38,149
Mm-hmm...

41
00:01:38,150 --> 00:01:41,399
♪ Vaya con Dios ♪

42
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,150
♪ My darling... ♪

43
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,110
♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

44
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:49,939
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

45
00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:52,550
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

46
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,419
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

47
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- <font color="#D81D1D">Synced and corrected by VitoSilans</font> -
-- <font color="#138CE9">www.Addic7ed.com</font> --

48
00:02:01,390 --> 00:02:03,649
We don't even sleep in
the same bed anymore.

49
00:02:03,650 --> 00:02:07,179
In the '50s, people had separate beds.

50
00:02:07,180 --> 00:02:10,050
Lucy and Ricky did it.
Their marriage worked.

51
00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:14,489
I-I'm sure it's just a rough patch.

52
00:02:14,490 --> 00:02:16,839
Boy, I hope so.

53
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,459
Well, if there's any way I
can make your life easier,

54
00:02:19,460 --> 00:02:20,929
you let me know.

55
00:02:20,930 --> 00:02:23,760
Thank you, Mary. I really appreciate it.

56
00:02:25,330 --> 00:02:29,469
Oh, I almost forgot, um,
Sheldon's here with me today.

57
00:02:29,470 --> 00:02:31,430
Great.

58
00:02:46,570 --> 00:02:48,879
Hey, little man. How you doing?

59
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,919
You smell like cigarettes.

60
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,659
You're fun.

61
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:54,489
Do you know what this binder is?

62
00:02:54,490 --> 00:02:58,460
It's a record of donations
people make to the church.

63
00:02:58,490 --> 00:03:00,359
This data could easily be transferred

64
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,969
into a computerized spreadsheet.

65
00:03:01,970 --> 00:03:03,149
Why isn't it?

66
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,360
No idea.

67
00:03:04,370 --> 00:03:07,540
You also smell like
mothballs and Ben-Gay.

68
00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:10,980
Bye.

69
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:17,159
I hope you don't mind, I
invited Pastor Jeff for dinner.

70
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:18,249
That's fine.

71
00:03:18,250 --> 00:03:19,680
I was talking to your father.

72
00:03:19,690 --> 00:03:20,989
What's the occasion?

73
00:03:20,990 --> 00:03:24,039
No occasion, just thought it'd be nice.

74
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:25,429
His wife coming, too?

75
00:03:25,430 --> 00:03:27,470
No. Just him.

76
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:28,649
They having problems?

77
00:03:28,650 --> 00:03:30,699
He's just coming to dinner. That's all.

78
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:32,349
You two having problems?

79
00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:33,399
Are we?

80
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,439
No.

81
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,659
Pastor Jeff's wife

82
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:37,269
is so much prettier than him.

83
00:03:37,270 --> 00:03:39,399
It's like Barbie married a turtle.

84
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,920
Hey. Here's a fun idea:

85
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,660
how about you and Sheldon have dinner

86
00:03:43,670 --> 00:03:45,880
- at Meemaw's tonight?
- All right.

87
00:03:45,890 --> 00:03:48,120
[QUIETLY]: They are a
weird-looking couple.

88
00:03:48,130 --> 00:03:49,799
You want to eat at my mom's, too?

89
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,760
Oh, come on. You got eyes.

90
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:58,629
Pastor, would you like
to lead us in grace?

91
00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:01,200
I'd be honored.

92
00:04:01,210 --> 00:04:04,340
Heavenly Father, thank
you for this food.

93
00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:07,250
I pray that it nourishes
and strengthens us,

94
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:09,730
and bless Mary for preparing it.

95
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:11,869
[CRYING]: And thank you for the Coopers

96
00:04:11,870 --> 00:04:16,309
who have invited me
into their loving home.

97
00:04:16,310 --> 00:04:19,309
They are a shining example

98
00:04:19,310 --> 00:04:22,389
of what a marriage can be.

99
00:04:22,390 --> 00:04:27,319
One that I hope to have again someday.

100
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,969
- Amen.
- And please give me the strength...

101
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,059
[WHISPERS]: Sorry.

102
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:33,320
The strength to walk this road

103
00:04:33,330 --> 00:04:38,029
with unconditional love
and joy in my heart.

104
00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:39,160
Amen.

105
00:04:39,170 --> 00:04:40,459
- Amen.
- Amen.

106
00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:42,250
[SNIFFLES]

107
00:04:43,340 --> 00:04:45,420
Well, let's eat!

108
00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:49,660
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

109
00:04:49,730 --> 00:04:51,599
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

110
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,519
Dang, this place is nice.

111
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,349
That's because it was
supposed to be a date.

112
00:04:57,350 --> 00:04:58,909
Cool. My first date.

113
00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:01,119
Meemaw, I've been going
through the church records,

114
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,039
and I noticed you haven't made
a donation in quite a long time.

115
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,319
Why are you going through the records?

116
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,320
I'm an executive assistant.

117
00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:09,879
- Good for you.
- MEEMAW: You see,

118
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,810
God and I have a deal. And
when he helps me win big

119
00:05:12,820 --> 00:05:14,939
at the casino, I give him a cut.

120
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,669
And lately, he has not been holding up

121
00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:18,459
his part of the bargain.

122
00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:21,969
"Steak aw poyver with fritties"?

123
00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:23,709
- It's French.
- Oh.

124
00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:25,289
What's a crock monster?

125
00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:26,989
It's croque monsieur,

126
00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:30,859
and it's really just a grilled
cheese sandwich with ham.

127
00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:32,599
I want that.

128
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,650
[CHOKES] There's lemon in this water.

129
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,959
So, uh, who do you think the Oilers

130
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,569
are gonna take in the draft?

131
00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:50,970
Oh, I don't really follow sports.

132
00:05:51,970 --> 00:05:53,579
I'm just gonna eat.

133
00:05:53,580 --> 00:05:54,930
[DOOR OPENS]

134
00:05:57,450 --> 00:05:59,840
What's he doing here?
Y'all getting a divorce?

135
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:02,800
No. No, he's just here for dinner.

136
00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:06,150
Oh. Welcome, Your Holiness.

137
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,489
I thought you were hanging
out with Veronica tonight.

138
00:06:09,490 --> 00:06:12,019
We were supposed to, but
then she invited a bunch

139
00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:13,669
of her choir friends over,

140
00:06:13,670 --> 00:06:15,989
and it turned into a stupid Bible study.

141
00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:18,059
- No offense.
- None taken.

142
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:19,369
- Hmm.
- GEORGE JR.: Honestly,

143
00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:21,369
I do not understand the female mind.

144
00:06:21,370 --> 00:06:22,909
[QUIETLY]: Do something.

145
00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:25,829
Georgie, why don't you go
eat dinner in front of the TV?

146
00:06:25,830 --> 00:06:28,659
No, it's all right. Sounds
like Georgie's having trouble

147
00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:30,389
navigating the perilous waters

148
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,179
of a relationship.

149
00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:34,359
Believe me, I can understand.

150
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,840
You having problems with your hot wife?

151
00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:41,670
Maybe I'll go eat by the TV.

152
00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:47,869
I'm liking my crock monster.

153
00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:49,389
Mmm. Me, too.

154
00:06:49,390 --> 00:06:51,849
I can't taste anything
after the lemon water.

155
00:06:51,850 --> 00:06:54,109
I'm glad y'all are having a good time.

156
00:06:54,110 --> 00:06:55,169
You're welcome.

157
00:06:55,170 --> 00:06:56,639
Where we having dinner tomorrow?

158
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,090
Nowhere.

159
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:01,510
Dr. Sturgis and I are going to
Louisiana, do a little gambling.

160
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,819
So a donation could be forth coming?

161
00:07:03,820 --> 00:07:05,210
Don't jinx me.

162
00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:08,339
It's my first time going to a casino.

163
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:11,839
It's amazing. There's bright
lights and bells and buzzers

164
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,000
and people yelling.

165
00:07:13,010 --> 00:07:14,700
BOTH: Ugh.

166
00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:19,559
Veronica says I'm the
nicest guy she knows.

167
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,800
She also says she only
wants to date nice guys.

168
00:07:21,810 --> 00:07:24,169
- Does that mean she wants to date me?
- I bet she doesn't.

169
00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:26,390
No, she does not.
Doesn't make any sense.

170
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,519
Nothing they do makes any sense.

171
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,439
- GEORGE JR.: I know...
- At least he's not crying anymore.

172
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,380
JEFF: Devil's got
something to do with it.

173
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:43,059
Mary, George, I can't
thank you enough for this.

174
00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:44,570
It was our pleasure.

175
00:07:45,950 --> 00:07:47,640
So, Pastor, are you gonna try

176
00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:49,689
and talk things out with Selena?

177
00:07:49,690 --> 00:07:51,949
Well, we're really
not on speaking terms,

178
00:07:51,950 --> 00:07:55,099
so I'll just be heading back to
my office, sleep on the couch.

179
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,929
That's ridiculous. He can
stay with us, can't he?

180
00:07:57,930 --> 00:08:00,979
Uh, I guess that'd be okay.

181
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,309
- Of course it would.
- JEFF: Oh.

182
00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:05,199
I couldn't possibly impose.

183
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,330
GEORGE JR.: Sure you could.

184
00:08:06,340 --> 00:08:09,029
In fact, you can take my room.

185
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:12,209
Well, y'all are too kind.

186
00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:13,510
[DOOR OPENS]

187
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:14,819
- Hello.
- Oh.

188
00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:16,339
Did y'all have a good time?

189
00:08:16,340 --> 00:08:17,570
- Yes.
- It was great.

190
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,180
Oh, Mom, Pastor Jeff is
gonna be spending the night.

191
00:08:20,190 --> 00:08:22,099
If the kids could sleep at your place?

192
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,920
No. Bye.

193
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,330
[WHISPERING]: George.

194
00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:38,420
[SNORTS] What? What's wrong?

195
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,779
The pastor's up making tea.

196
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:42,950
What, you want me to blow on it?

197
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,779
Go talk to him.

198
00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:46,170
About what?

199
00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:47,869
[EXHALES] I don't know.

200
00:08:47,870 --> 00:08:49,919
Maybe you could give
him a male perspective

201
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,169
on relationship issues.

202
00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:54,039
How about this?

203
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:57,650
What if I close my eyes and pray on it?

204
00:08:58,910 --> 00:09:00,259
Hey.

205
00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:03,049
Oh, hi. I hope I didn't wake you.

206
00:09:03,050 --> 00:09:06,830
Uh, no, no. Just...
get-getting some water.

207
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,619
[CLEARS THROAT]

208
00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:11,490
Can I fix you some chamomile?

209
00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:14,060
No, thanks.

210
00:09:16,450 --> 00:09:19,440
[SIGHS] So...

211
00:09:22,330 --> 00:09:24,139
Tough times, huh?

212
00:09:24,140 --> 00:09:25,430
Yeah.

213
00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:27,070
Yeah.

214
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:42,039
Hey, uh, does the Bible say anything

215
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,129
about heartache and such?

216
00:09:44,130 --> 00:09:47,740
Psalm 147, verse
three: "The Lord healeth

217
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:50,399
the broken in heart, and
bindeth up their wounds."

218
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,639
Well, there you go-eth.

219
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,969
Except I'm feeling kicked
in the nethers right now,

220
00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:57,750
and he sure is taking his
sweet time with the healing.

221
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,720
He takes his sweet time
about a lot of things.

222
00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:03,570
Uh, not that I'm complaining.

223
00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:06,530
You know, his will, not mine, et cetera.

224
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:08,540
[CLEARS THROAT]

225
00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:15,729
You know, one thing I can say is that

226
00:10:15,730 --> 00:10:19,689
having a happy marriage
is... it's hard work.

227
00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:22,340
Oh, I know. [CHUCKLES] As
the pastor, people come to me

228
00:10:22,350 --> 00:10:24,489
with relationship problems all the time.

229
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:27,219
[CHUCKLES] Bet you hear
some juicy ones, huh?

230
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:29,219
"Juicy" doesn't begin to describe it.

231
00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:32,069
- Oh... give me a sample.
- I can't.

232
00:10:32,070 --> 00:10:35,639
There's strict pastor-flock
confidentiality.

233
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,319
Sure. Sure.

234
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,360
- Mm.
- [EXHALES]

235
00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:43,889
Mary doesn't tell you
things about us, does she?

236
00:10:43,890 --> 00:10:46,759
I'm... not at liberty to say.

237
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,979
But she does, doesn't she?

238
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,510
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

239
00:10:57,780 --> 00:11:01,169
These people clearly don't
know what ten percent means.

240
00:11:01,170 --> 00:11:02,689
What are you talking about?

241
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:04,779
This is the list of all
the people who belong

242
00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:06,820
to the church and how
much money they donate.

243
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:09,519
Dorothy and Fred Nelson
gave a dollar last week.

244
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,179
- So?
- They own the Piggly Wiggly.

245
00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:13,829
They can afford to give much more.

246
00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:15,139
Weird.

247
00:11:15,140 --> 00:11:18,010
You say "Piggly Wiggly"
and suddenly I'm hungry.

248
00:11:20,530 --> 00:11:21,839
Really?

249
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,539
You're drinking in the morning now?

250
00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:26,429
What? Oh, look at that.

251
00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,019
Felt later.

252
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,179
Hey, I haven't seen
the pastor. He go home?

253
00:11:30,180 --> 00:11:32,719
He hasn't come out of Georgie's room.

254
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,199
Maybe he found Georgie's magazines.

255
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,639
He's a man of God.

256
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,680
You're adorable.

257
00:11:44,730 --> 00:11:47,120
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

258
00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:48,919
I have stories. Come back here.

259
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,299
- It's my favorite table.
- Oh, hey, Connie.

260
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,909
Hi, Felicia.

261
00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:54,350
Chip me for a deuce.

262
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,870
How's your daughter doing?

263
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,179
Oh, surgery went great.

264
00:11:58,180 --> 00:11:59,220
Thanks for asking.

265
00:11:59,230 --> 00:12:01,040
Her daughter got kicked by a horse.

266
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:03,969
- They had to pin a couple of bones together.
- Oh, my.

267
00:12:03,970 --> 00:12:05,749
She won't be stealing any more horses

268
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:07,059
- for a little while.
- [LAUGHS]

269
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,059
- Your usual, Connie?
- Yeah.

270
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:11,059
John, you want something?

271
00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:13,060
I would like a Fresca, please.

272
00:12:13,070 --> 00:12:14,749
- Got it, hon.
- MAN: Connie.

273
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:17,320
Duke-North Carolina's about
to start. Want a piece?

274
00:12:17,330 --> 00:12:20,110
Yeah, baby. Give me the
points on Duke for a nickel.

275
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,899
- All right.
- [LAUGHING]: A nickel.

276
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,289
That's a silly bet.

277
00:12:23,290 --> 00:12:24,810
It's 50 bucks.

278
00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:27,429
A thousand nickels. Less silly.

279
00:12:27,430 --> 00:12:29,960
I must say, uh...

280
00:12:29,970 --> 00:12:33,299
this is a side of you
I've never... seen before.

281
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:34,909
You're all right with it, aren't you?

282
00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:36,170
Oh, sure.

283
00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:39,260
When are you gonna
give that man your $50?

284
00:12:39,270 --> 00:12:41,439
Don't worry about it. Hit me.

285
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,139
I'm a little worried.

286
00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:44,750
[COINS JANGLING, PEOPLE CHEER]

287
00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:49,189
Pastor Jeff?

288
00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:51,279
Everything all right in there?

289
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,969
Oh, yeah.

290
00:12:52,970 --> 00:12:55,200
I've just been praying, napping, crying.

291
00:12:55,210 --> 00:12:56,719
I like to mix it up.

292
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,800
Well, how's it going?

293
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:00,680
Good, actually.

294
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,060
I have this feeling inside
that I should head home.

295
00:13:04,070 --> 00:13:08,719
Well, then you got to honor
that feeling, that's God.

296
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,199
You're right. You want to come with?

297
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,249
Do you really want me there

298
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,339
while you patch things
up with your wife?

299
00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:18,299
She's less likely to throw any
steak knives if we have company.

300
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:22,810
Um... if you think
it'll help, I suppose...

301
00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:24,080
Great, let's hit it.

302
00:13:25,950 --> 00:13:27,259
Oh...

303
00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:30,179
Hello, is this the Nelson residence?

304
00:13:30,180 --> 00:13:32,049
Oh, good. I'm Sheldon Cooper,

305
00:13:32,050 --> 00:13:33,659
the executive assistant secretary

306
00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:35,700
at the First Baptist Church of Medford.

307
00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:37,659
I'm looking through
our donation records,

308
00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:39,620
and I've noticed that
you've tapered off a bit.

309
00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:44,230
Well, yes, your children's
education is expensive,

310
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,849
but so is running a church.

311
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:47,629
Oh, boy!

312
00:13:47,630 --> 00:13:50,010
I'll be sure to tell
the pastor. Goodbye.

313
00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:57,249
That earned a sip of Yoo-hoo.

314
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,599
Okay. Who's next?

315
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,079
Wendy and Bill Mackenzie.

316
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,860
Of Mackenzie Chevrolet?

317
00:14:03,870 --> 00:14:06,600
Now those are what we
call "deep pockets."

318
00:14:06,610 --> 00:14:10,829
Pat here, double the
ten, and split the aces.

319
00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:12,089
Connie...

320
00:14:12,090 --> 00:14:15,179
I found an old-fashioned
malt shop where we can

321
00:14:15,180 --> 00:14:18,279
have milkshakes and
listen to the jukebox,

322
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,050
like I never did in high school.

323
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,020
Yeah, great. Not now, John.

324
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:24,969
Okay, well, I was just hoping
we could do something together.

325
00:14:24,970 --> 00:14:28,449
For God's sake, John. I'm
getting my ass kicked here!

326
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,980
I'm sorry.

327
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,809
Oh, Felicia, you're killing me.

328
00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:40,419
[SIGHS]

329
00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:42,640
Chip me another deuce.

330
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,300
[DOOR OPENS]

331
00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:52,690
Hello?

332
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:54,050
Selena?

333
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,780
Ooh. Big TV, fancy.

334
00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:05,230
[READING IN SPANISH]

335
00:15:07,230 --> 00:15:10,319
"Con amor, Selena."

336
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,889
Which means?

337
00:15:11,890 --> 00:15:16,149
"Life is too short to
be married to a loser.

338
00:15:16,150 --> 00:15:18,289
I'm leaving you.

339
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:20,329
Love, Selena."

340
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:22,189
"Love, Selena"?

341
00:15:22,190 --> 00:15:24,409
Well, that's kind of a mixed message.

342
00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:25,980
Yeah.

343
00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:33,309
Oh, I couldn't tell
you how much to give.

344
00:15:33,310 --> 00:15:35,570
But I can tell you
the Stuckeys stepped up

345
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:37,790
for a thousand dollars.

346
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,799
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

347
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,570
Well, you need to give
what's comfortable for you.

348
00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:46,440
And of course, I don't
need to remind you,

349
00:15:46,450 --> 00:15:48,450
it's entirely tax deductible.

350
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:53,920
And at the next pancake breakfast,

351
00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:55,710
you can hold your head high.

352
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,929
Thank you. That's very generous.

353
00:15:59,930 --> 00:16:01,060
Goodbye.

354
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,109
The pancake line closed it.

355
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:07,629
We are so going to heaven.

356
00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:09,979
I don't understand why God
would tell me to go home

357
00:16:09,980 --> 00:16:11,739
just to find out my wife left me.

358
00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:14,119
Not that he needs me to defend him,

359
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:17,209
but in God's defense, he
didn't say she'd be there.

360
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:20,939
Mary, I hate to say this,
but I think it's time

361
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,129
for me to move on.

362
00:16:22,130 --> 00:16:24,340
I thought even as a
teenager, I'd been called

363
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:27,839
to preach the word of God,
but maybe that was just my ego.

364
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,870
Maybe I'm not meant to do this.

365
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:33,239
Don't say that. You're a great preacher.

366
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,839
Thank you. But it's clear.
I need to trod a new path.

367
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:40,179
Well, what would you do? Trodding wise.

368
00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:41,479
I don't know.

369
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,759
Maybe work with my hands
amongst men, on an oil rig,

370
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,060
or a fishing trawler.

371
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,889
I also know how to blow glass.

372
00:16:49,890 --> 00:16:52,329
I could turn a pretty
penny at swap meets.

373
00:16:52,330 --> 00:16:56,529
- Those all sound like solid options.
- Mm-hmm.

374
00:16:56,530 --> 00:16:58,789
Oh, red light, red light!

375
00:16:58,790 --> 00:17:02,469
[HORN BLARING]

376
00:17:02,470 --> 00:17:04,130
[SIREN WAILING]

377
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,919
Oh, phooey.

378
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,269
Tell you what, Jody.

379
00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:17,009
Why don't you go upstairs
to your daddy's bedroom,

380
00:17:17,010 --> 00:17:19,070
and see how much is in his wallet?

381
00:17:19,890 --> 00:17:23,339
Don't worry, it's not
stealing if it's for God.

382
00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:24,549
What are y'all up to?

383
00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:26,929
Just helping Mom with some church work.

384
00:17:26,930 --> 00:17:29,759
Well, aren't you two great kids.

385
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,629
We like to think so.

386
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,109
[CHUCKLES]

387
00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:35,670
Really? That much?

388
00:17:37,580 --> 00:17:39,580
[COINS JANGLING]

389
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:49,899
I think I need to apologize.

390
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:52,779
- I know you do.
- I'm very sorry.

391
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,620
Sometimes when things
aren't going my way,

392
00:17:54,630 --> 00:17:56,029
I just get a little cranky.

393
00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:59,209
- May I ask you a personal question?
- Sure.

394
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:02,520
Does your gambling constitute a problem?

395
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,649
Not today. Bam!

396
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:07,779
[BOTH LAUGHING]

397
00:18:07,780 --> 00:18:09,800
Come on. Let me take you out to dinner.

398
00:18:09,810 --> 00:18:11,189
- [WHOOPING]
- [CHUCKLING]

399
00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:13,960
Don't forget that you promised Sheldon

400
00:18:13,970 --> 00:18:16,359
if you won, you'd donate to the church.

401
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,149
You want to see me get cranky again?

402
00:18:18,150 --> 00:18:19,159
No, I don't.

403
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,579
Well, let's go strap on
some bibs and eat lobster.

404
00:18:21,580 --> 00:18:23,059
Whoa!

405
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,840
So you're over at First
Baptist Church, huh?

406
00:18:25,850 --> 00:18:26,979
Yes, Officer.

407
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,459
I'm new in this area.

408
00:18:28,460 --> 00:18:29,939
I've been looking for a church.

409
00:18:29,940 --> 00:18:33,359
Well, you're in luck. It's
a wonderful congregation,

410
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:36,150
and this man right here
is our beloved pastor.

411
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,769
Oh. Are you his wife?

412
00:18:39,770 --> 00:18:42,949
Oh, no, I'm church secretary.
He's actually single.

413
00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:45,430
- Well, technically...
- He's single.

414
00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:49,099
Well, I'll try to come by sometime.

415
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,259
Tomorrow's Sunday. He'll be speaking.

416
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:54,120
All right. Maybe I'll
see y'all tomorrow.

417
00:18:55,660 --> 00:18:58,789
You have a nice day.

418
00:18:58,790 --> 00:19:00,630
Aren't you gonna give me a ticket?

419
00:19:01,530 --> 00:19:03,319
Do you wanta ticket?

420
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,059
He does not. Thank you, Officer.

421
00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:08,670
[CHUCKLES]

422
00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:12,800
- Pastor?
- Yeah?

423
00:19:12,810 --> 00:19:14,459
You were saying you don't understand

424
00:19:14,460 --> 00:19:17,639
why God told you to go
home. You get it now?

425
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,290
Think I do.

426
00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:27,099
Welcome, church.

427
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:30,559
I pray you all had a
blessed and prosperous week.

428
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,539
I'm excited to share with you

429
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:36,829
what the Lord put on my heart for today.

430
00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:38,789
I'm surprised you're here this morning.

431
00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:41,789
Hey. I got to support my pal.

432
00:19:41,790 --> 00:19:44,229
The renewal of faith is
something that happens

433
00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:46,059
over and over.

434
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,889
- When you have faith...
- You need to move fast, Officer.

435
00:19:49,890 --> 00:19:51,979
He's not gonna be on
the market for long.

436
00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:54,579
- Roger that.
- JEFF: For so many months,

437
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:56,970
our little parish has been
struggling financially.

438
00:19:56,980 --> 00:19:59,409
But by the grace of
God and his provision,

439
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:04,000
we have received the most
donations in church history!

440
00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:05,439
Praise Jesus!

441
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,579
- ALL: Praise Jesus!
- [APPLAUSE]

442
00:20:08,580 --> 00:20:11,670
So it's all Jesus, we
don't get any credit?

443
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,500
- We need to start our own church.
- They don't pay taxes.

444
00:20:14,510 --> 00:20:17,249
It's a very sound business model.

445
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,380
JEFF: Say amen when you get there, huh?

446
00:20:19,390 --> 00:20:25,480
- <font color="#D81D1D">Synced and corrected by VitoSilans</font> -
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