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With us tonight is Pastor Jeff Difford
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from the First Baptist
Church of Medford.
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Thank you for being here, Pastor.
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- My pleasure.
- So it would appear
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that your church's
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Halloween Hell House has stirred up
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quite a bit of controversy this year.
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Oh, I wouldn't call it
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controversy.
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What would you call it?
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A-As you know,
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the purpose of a Hell House
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is to demonstrate the wages of sin,
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so as to lead people back to God.
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That's wonderful.
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But doesn't it concern you that a lot
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of parents were alarmed
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at the gruesome scenes you portrayed?
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Once again, our intentions were pure.
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Why don't we take a look
at just how pure they were.
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Let's roll the clip.
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Oh, boy.
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I need another beer.
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Oh, darling, don't you
think you've had enough?
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I'll tell you when I had enough!
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Whoa! Hey, cowboy,
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why don't you put that
down and call it a night.
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Don't you tell me what to do.
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That's enough, Peg.
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Dear Lord.
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As you can see, our last
attempt at a Hell House
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may have been a tad... traumatizing.
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I thought it was a hoot.
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Some of the little
ones peed their pants.
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But that wasn't the goal.
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A nine-year-old crapped himself.
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Why are you showing me this?
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Well, Mary, this year, we'd like to go
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with a more family-friendly production.
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And I thought you'd be the
perfect person to head that up.
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Really? Me?
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Yes, you. Absolutely.
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Gosh, I don't know.
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I always felt I had a
flair for the creative arts,
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but putting on a big show like that...
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You'll have a sizable budget
and all the help you'll need
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constructing sets, building props,
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special effects, makeup.
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Does sound tempting.
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But, most importantly,
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you'll have an opportunity
to bring people to God
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by vividly demonstrating
the perils of sin.
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Be careful if you touch on adultery.
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Last year, one of the
actors got pregnant.
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Thanks, Peg.
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So, what do you say?
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I already know the first
change I'm gonna make.
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Instead of calling it "Hell House,"
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which is a little off-putting,
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I'm gonna call it...
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"Heck House."
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Isn't that great?
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That is great.
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You don't really mean that.
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Yes, I do.
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Oh, I get it.
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Happy wife, happy life.
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You need to stop talking.
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So it's not gonna be scary?
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It will, but without
all the blood and gore.
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But I like blood and gore.
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Hang on, y'all are
trying to scare people
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into joining the church?
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Yeah. But people like
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getting scared on Halloween anyway.
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Why not make 'em jump
in the right direction?
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Actually, fear has
been a recruiting tactic
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used by organized religion
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for centuries.
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When you add guilt to
keep people in line,
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it's an extremely efficient
form of crowd control.
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Our religion is based on
love, Sheldon, not fear.
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So what happens when people
don't follow the rules?
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They burn in hell.
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Because God loves 'em.
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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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Sheldon.
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Oh. Hi, Georgie.
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Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you?
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I'm tutoring her in trigonometry.
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And that gets you hugs?
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Thanks to me, she got her first C-minus.
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Just between us, she's a little slow.
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That's not what I heard.
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What did you hear?
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Is she secretly clever?
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Because if she is, I
completely missed it.
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It doesn't matter.
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You just need to introduce me to her.
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Why?
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I want to be her friend.
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Well, you better take a number.
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She's friends with a
lot of boys around here.
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Let me worry about that. You
just need to introduce us.
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All right.
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You know, she pays me
two dollars for every one
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of our tutoring lessons.
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How much did it cost
her to get a C-minus?
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$26.
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That's a good deal.
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Now, remember, next
week, we start our work
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on Streetcar Named Desire.
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So please prepare a monologue
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for either Blanche or Stanley.
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Usually, the girls do Blanche
and the boys do Stanley,
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but no judgment...
You follow your heart.
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Thank you again
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for letting me come
by to pick your brain.
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Oh, please. Anything for the church.
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Are you a religious man?
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I'm an actor.
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I'm whatever you need me to be.
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All right.
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As I told you on the phone,
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I have been tasked
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with mounting this year's
Halloween production.
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Oh, is that a haunted
house kind of deal?
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Yes, but with the goal
of bringing people to God.
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I do know something about that.
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When I played Puck in Midsummer,
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the Tulsa Herald called
my performance heavenly.
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Wow! Good for you.
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Thank you, thank you.
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Okay. Um, I was hoping
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to put on a little play
in each of the rooms
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that portrays one of
the seven deadly sins.
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Pride, envy, gluttony,
lust, sloth, wrath and greed!
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Wow, you know your sins!
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Well, again, I'm an actor.
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They are the tools in my box.
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Um, have you considered
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a narrator, you know, um,
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like, a tour guide kind of thing?
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Oh, that's interesting.
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But who would that be?
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Well, I'd have to think
the big man himself.
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- God?
- Satan.
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Oh! That's spooky.
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And he's trying to
lure people toward sin.
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Exactly.
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That's a pretty big role.
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I wonder who could do it.
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Huh.
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Well, it would have to be someone
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with enough range to
convey sincerity and charm,
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all the while, hiding
a dark and corrupt soul!
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Good golly.
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If you were just a little
taller, you'd be perfect.
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I have lifts.
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What are we doing here?
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Waiting for Veronica.
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How do you know she's in there?
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It's kind of her homeroom.
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Oh, hello again.
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Oh.
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Hey. What's up?
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This is my brother Georgie.
He wanted to meet you.
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- Really?
- Really.
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I like your hair.
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Uh, me, too.
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What do you think?
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Pretty great, huh?
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Realtor's letting us use it for free.
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Wow. How'd you swing that?
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Well, I promised
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Fred Murphy a lead role
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in the lust room.
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Ooh.
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Look at you, just wheeling and dealing
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like a big-time Hollywood producer.
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Maybe you're in the wrong business.
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Being a mother?
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- Being a Christian.
- Ah.
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Greetings!
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Oh, good! Mr. Lundy, you made it.
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Oh, we're gonna be working
together. You can call me Gene.
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- All right, Gene, this is my mother, Connie.
- Hi.
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Hello.
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Now, I would've bet
she was your big sister.
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I thought you said he was a good actor.
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Oh, now.
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So, what do you think?
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Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
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- Spiderwebs.
- What?
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We're gonna need some
spiderwebs and I think
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maybe some fire effects on the left
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and right side of the portal.
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Portal?
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Portal to hell.
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Sure, sure.
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Now, the script calls for me to appear
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from beneath the house
in a cloud of smoke.
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But I think that's gonna be ambitious.
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Script? What script?
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Oh, I wrote a script.
Don't worry about it.
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I was gonna write the script.
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Well, now you don't have to.
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Do you believe this?
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Believe it, love it,
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glad I didn't wait in the car.
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I can't believe this.
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No good?
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It's awful.
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It makes sin seem like a good thing.
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Well, that's the problem, isn't it?
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I mean, if sin didn't
seem like a good thing,
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nobody would do it.
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George, please, I'm in no mood.
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Hey. Wrath.
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That's one of the seven sins, right?
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Pastor Jeff gave me this project
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because he knew I'd be best at it.
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Now Gene... Lundy is taking over.
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Oh, look, pride. And envy.
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Don't stop. Four sins to go.
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I'm guessing lust
ain't happening tonight.
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You see a large red button.
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What do you do?
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I press it.
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The floor opens up and you
plunge into a 60-foot pit.
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I fly out.
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Up, up, and away!
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Again, you're not Superman in this game;
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you're Superman for Halloween.
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Which isn't till next week.
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So I'm in a pit.
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You're in a pit.
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Then I blast my way out
with my super breath!
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Just let him do it.
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Dinner's ready.
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- Five more minutes.
- Hey, Georgie.
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I saw you talking to Veronica Duncan.
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Yeah. So?
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How well do you know her?
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Not as well as I'm gonna.
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I introduced them.
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He math skills are dreadful.
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Did you know Superman has a dog?
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His name is Krypto.
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He plays fetch in space.
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Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.
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It's supposed to be wrath.
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Oh.
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Give him a little kick
now that's he's down.
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Give him a little kick.
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That's right, that's good.
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Yes. Yeah.
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No, go for it.
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Yes.
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Kind of stomp down on
him, stomp down on him.
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Yes. That's the way. Good.
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Now, Fred, remember,
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you are the personification of lust.
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Your sole reason for
being is to try to satisfy
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this unquenchable thirst
for physical pleasure.
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Great. Will there be
kissing and touching?
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- Oh, you bet.
- Mm. Mm.
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Now what?
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Pretend kissing. Pretend touching.
270
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:54,499
Oh.
271
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:57,630
Fred, would you just give me a moment?
272
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,130
Mary, I-I've tried to be patient,
273
00:11:01,140 --> 00:11:02,669
but if I'm gonna do this,
274
00:11:02,670 --> 00:11:04,970
put my reputation on the line,
275
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:07,679
I'm gonna need you to
back off just a little bit.
276
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,709
Do I need to remind you that
the purpose of Heck House
277
00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:13,019
is to show how sins destroy our lives?
278
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:14,219
Yeah, so?
279
00:11:14,220 --> 00:11:16,889
You are making them into a good thing.
280
00:11:16,890 --> 00:11:18,890
Have you read the script?
281
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,359
He's gonna get syphilis.
282
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,989
He goes home, he gives it to his wife.
283
00:11:22,990 --> 00:11:24,350
She goes crazy.
284
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,729
She kills him and her entire family.
285
00:11:26,730 --> 00:11:28,229
What am I missing?
286
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,769
Sorry I'm late.
287
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:31,369
I couldn't find my keys,
288
00:11:31,370 --> 00:11:33,220
and then my car wouldn't start.
289
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:34,669
Then I got lost.
290
00:11:34,670 --> 00:11:36,100
Holy smokes.
291
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,700
Hi. Are you my make out partner?
292
00:11:40,210 --> 00:11:42,959
No. No. No one's making out.
293
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,850
This all stops right now.
294
00:11:44,860 --> 00:11:46,560
You have got to calm down.
295
00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:49,080
I will not have innocent
children walk through this house
296
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:51,250
on Halloween and see a half-naked woman.
297
00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:53,860
A half-naked woman
chock-full of syphilis.
298
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:57,729
- What?
- It's pretend syphilis.
299
00:11:57,730 --> 00:12:01,529
Mary, I am a trained
theater professional.
300
00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:06,769
Why don't you just let me
do what I do, while you,
301
00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:11,160
you know, go home and
make a nice tuna casserole.
302
00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:12,939
Hmm?
303
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,290
All right, Fred...
304
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,069
I know what you're thinking:
305
00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:17,980
she's going to tear his throat out.
306
00:12:17,990 --> 00:12:20,240
But what in fact happened is she did
307
00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:21,950
what she thought Jesus would do.
308
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,669
She went home and made
that tuna casserole.
309
00:12:24,670 --> 00:12:25,970
It was a little salty
310
00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:28,240
but I ate it because she was in a mood.
311
00:12:31,230 --> 00:12:33,360
Trick or treat!
312
00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:51,870
Greetings. Pleased to meet you.
313
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:55,739
I go by many names: Satan, Lucifer,
314
00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:59,010
Mephistopheles, Beelzebub.
315
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:00,779
Of course, when I make
a dinner reservation,
316
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,349
I-I go by "Eric."
317
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,359
It's easier to spell.
318
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,129
Before we begin
319
00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:09,789
tonight's descent into Heck,
320
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:12,690
I'd like to tell you
a little about myself.
321
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:15,799
'Cause it's all about you, isn't it?
322
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,530
I was God's chosen angel.
323
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,739
I was his favorite.
324
00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:22,900
We used to go camping together.
325
00:13:22,910 --> 00:13:26,619
But then, because I wanted
to have a little bit of fun,
326
00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:29,309
I was cast from heaven.
327
00:13:29,310 --> 00:13:32,000
Tonight, you will bear
witness to that fun.
328
00:13:32,010 --> 00:13:37,389
You will decide whether it is sinful...
329
00:13:37,390 --> 00:13:39,350
or just another Saturday night.
330
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,759
Come with me... if you dare.
331
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:47,899
Just watch your step right over here,
332
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:49,899
'cause there's some electrical wires.
333
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,570
Trick or treat.
334
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:56,320
Oh, look how cute y'all are.
335
00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:59,549
Now, I know you are Superman.
336
00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:00,939
What about the rest of you?
337
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:03,609
- I'm Cyndi Lauper.
- I'm a wizard.
338
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:04,749
Uh-huh.
339
00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:06,549
And I'm Carl Sagan.
340
00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:08,380
Who?
341
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:09,949
Carl Sagan.
342
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,950
He's the host of Cosmos.
343
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,589
Well, isn't that something.
344
00:14:14,590 --> 00:14:16,559
Now, y'all be safe and have a fun night.
345
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:17,829
I'm Super...
346
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:25,630
You like Guns N' Roses?
347
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:26,979
They're all right.
348
00:14:26,980 --> 00:14:29,110
Yeah, they're all right.
349
00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:37,979
You as smart as your brother?
350
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:39,949
Nobody is.
351
00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:42,319
I got an older sister
that's kind of a genius.
352
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,819
Oh, yeah?
353
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:45,110
Why didn't she tutor you?
354
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:46,889
She's in jail.
355
00:14:46,890 --> 00:14:49,620
What'd she do?
356
00:14:49,630 --> 00:14:51,250
She sold a piñata full of weed
357
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:52,790
to an undercover cop.
358
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,339
Doesn't sound like much of a genius.
359
00:14:55,340 --> 00:14:58,730
Oh, I don't know, she
graduated high school.
360
00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:00,539
Ooh, peanut butter cups!
361
00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:03,339
Superman loves peanut butter cups!
362
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,039
So you see, the sin of greed.
363
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,209
Very wealthy man, a beautiful house,
364
00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:13,719
swimming pool, several German cars,
365
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:17,049
and a young wife who worshipped him.
366
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,719
Excuse me, Mr. Satan.
367
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,219
What?
368
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,430
You kind of left out
369
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:24,089
how greed is the root of all evil,
370
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,559
and how it corrupts the soul.
371
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,729
It's in there. It's called subtext.
372
00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:31,070
Why don't we take a gander
at the eternal torment
373
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,430
that is sloth.
374
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,799
Eh!
375
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,039
I can't believe no
one in this town knows
376
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,570
who Carl Sagan is.
377
00:15:38,580 --> 00:15:40,309
Why even have a TV?
378
00:15:40,310 --> 00:15:43,509
Stupid Mrs. Gifford gave me a banana.
379
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,449
Where's Billy?
380
00:15:45,450 --> 00:15:46,879
He had to go to the bathroom.
381
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,749
- So he went home?
- No.
382
00:15:48,750 --> 00:15:50,719
He's right behind that tree.
383
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,760
Wait up, guys.
384
00:15:52,770 --> 00:15:55,520
Oh, I got a little on my cape.
385
00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:57,140
Ew.
386
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:07,169
There's nobody at my house.
You want to come over?
387
00:16:07,170 --> 00:16:08,269
Yes.
388
00:16:08,270 --> 00:16:09,940
Okay, let's go.
389
00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:20,719
Look at this.
390
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,989
We threw a party for
heaven and nobody came.
391
00:16:23,990 --> 00:16:27,289
Not one person chose to be saved.
392
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,279
Well, did you tell
'em about the cupcakes?
393
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,300
Where I think you went wrong
394
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,790
is in your timing.
395
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:35,129
If you'd done this deal
during a war or a plague,
396
00:16:35,130 --> 00:16:37,129
then you'd have a boatload of converts.
397
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,949
Famine. Famine would bring 'em in.
398
00:16:38,950 --> 00:16:40,700
What do you know about famine?
399
00:16:42,190 --> 00:16:43,750
Hola, amigos.
400
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,039
Hey, Pastor Jeff.
401
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,500
Why so glum? This is going great.
402
00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:50,809
Donations are through the roof.
403
00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:53,479
Nobody wants to be saved.
404
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,419
Yeah, but donations
are through the roof.
405
00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:59,889
Is that all this means
to you, raising money?
406
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:02,589
Hey, that money is
gonna do a lot of good
407
00:17:02,590 --> 00:17:03,889
for a lot of people.
408
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,690
Now, quit being such a fun sponge.
409
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:08,050
Here, have some grapes.
410
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,799
What's that?
411
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,520
Some stupid haunted house
412
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:19,470
my mother's doing for the church.
413
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,479
Let's check it out.
414
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,109
But I-I thought we were
going to your house.
415
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,510
We are, let's just do this first.
416
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:28,020
It'll be fun.
417
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:35,699
Pleased to meet you.
418
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,759
I go by many names: Satan...
419
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,299
My mother's fears that
no one would be saved
420
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,640
that Halloween night
were proven incorrect.
421
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:46,500
As they kissed, she
thought about the choices
422
00:17:46,510 --> 00:17:48,399
that led her to this moment.
423
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,769
Mr. Lundy's scene about
lust made a deep impact
424
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:54,600
- on my brother's date.
- Her youth was gone.
425
00:17:54,610 --> 00:17:56,639
She had traded her beauty for a few
426
00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:01,420
tawdry dollars, and now she
had nothing left but shame...
427
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:05,350
...and venereal disease.
428
00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:13,779
She asked to be saved by Jesus.
429
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:16,280
I don't want to live like this anymore.
430
00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:19,780
Oh, just repeat after me...
431
00:18:19,790 --> 00:18:21,640
And as it turns out, she was.
432
00:18:21,650 --> 00:18:24,339
She went on to live a
life devoted to God,
433
00:18:24,340 --> 00:18:26,879
feeding the poor, even
helping her sister
434
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,710
start a literacy program
for female prisoners.
435
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:34,030
My brother, on the other
hand, became a devout atheist
436
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,019
after that night.
437
00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:37,430
We got one!
438
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,700
Trick or treat.
439
00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:45,650
Aren't y'all precious.
440
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,969
And you look like a little Carl Sagan.
441
00:18:48,970 --> 00:18:54,480
Vindication, the sweetest candy of all.
442
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:03,460
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