1 00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:05,670 A simile directly compares two things, 2 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:08,589 using the words "like" and "as." 3 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,633 "I slept like a log." 4 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,843 "I'm hungry as a horse." 5 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,171 "Your love is like bad medicine." 6 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:16,301 Exactly. 7 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,633 That's Bon Jovi. 8 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:19,137 Okay. 9 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,844 His hair is awesome. 10 00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:22,053 Moving on. 11 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:25,140 Metaphors are different from similes. 12 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,153 I've been called a germophobe, 13 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,448 but I do find a single sneeze acceptable. 14 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,776 It could be caused by dust, allergies... 15 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:38,953 really, whatever nasal irritant floats your boat. 16 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:40,367 However... 17 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,911 during flu season... 18 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,796 ...a second sneeze means a plague is upon the land, 19 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,589 and it's every man for himself. 20 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,005 Where do you think you're going? 21 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,507 Away from you. 22 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,587 Why's that? 23 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,260 I want to live. 24 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:01,309 I'm not sick. Get back in your seat. 25 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,476 No, thank you. 26 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,520 You know the rules. 27 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,563 You can't leave without a hall pass. 28 00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:08,812 May I have a hall pass? 29 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,108 No, you may not. 30 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,936 Now get back in your seat. 31 00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:14,693 Rules are the pillars of society. 32 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:15,989 I love rules. 33 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,193 But what benefit are rules to a dead man? 34 00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,141 Excuse me. 35 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:49,307 Do I look like I'm getting sick to you? 36 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,646 You look a little pale. 37 00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,523 Okay, good, that's normal. 38 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:57,778 Now, I understand Sheldon is an exceptional child, 39 00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,200 all right, but when he 40 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,073 willfully disobeys the order of a teacher, 41 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,280 there needs to be some consequences here. 42 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,327 Oh, we couldn't agree more. 43 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,033 What kind of punishment are you thinking? 44 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,662 Well, Mary, in a case like this, a few days of detention. 45 00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:12,622 Really? That seems a little harsh. 46 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,707 Oh, detention's no big deal. 47 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:18,260 Now, my principal used to whup my ass with a paddle. 48 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:19,720 That got my attention. 49 00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:22,218 Oh, yeah. Those were the days. 50 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,266 Still have mine. 51 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,178 Ah. 52 00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:30,272 Ol' Spanky. 53 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:31,515 Whoa. 54 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,479 - Got a real nice grip on that thing. - Yeah, George. 55 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:38,030 Had the equipment manager over at the Astros make this for me. 56 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,157 The holes in it... 57 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,576 cut down on wind resistance. 58 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:43,531 Smart. 59 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:46,577 But these days you have to have a consent form 60 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,499 to whack the kids. 61 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,369 I don't know where this world's headed. 62 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,830 You ought to get one of those for when Georgie acts up. 63 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,624 Like you never thought about going upside his head 64 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:57,799 with a slab of wood. 65 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,301 You know, there was a time this thing gave me tennis elbow. 66 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,146 Okay, Sheldon, come o... 67 00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,107 Where'd he go? 68 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:22,650 Thataway. 69 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,392 What you doing, kid?! 70 00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,396 Enjoy this. It is, by far, 71 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:03,198 the most athletic two minutes of my entire life. 72 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:12,533 It's not funny. 73 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:13,709 Oh, come on, now. 74 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,833 Sheldon in detention... that's funny. 75 00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:18,877 I actually think it'd be good for him. 76 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,708 He needs to learn he's not special. 77 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,426 But he is special. 78 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,503 You know what I mean. He can't just 79 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,635 walk out of a classroom 'cause he feels like it. 80 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,216 He was worried about catching a cold. 81 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,176 That is a legitimate concern. 82 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,307 And now he's in danger of being mugged 83 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,434 by a roomful of hoodlums. 84 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,481 He's not getting mugged. 85 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,229 It's half a dozen kids doing homework 86 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,606 while a teacher watches 'em. 87 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,029 Although it might not hurt to give Sheldon a few dollars 88 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,027 to buy himself some protection. 89 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,734 That's actually not a bad idea. 90 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:55,534 What are you doing? 91 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:56,877 Nothing. 92 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,455 Is that chewing tobacco? 93 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:02,041 It's chocolate Bazooka. What do you want? 94 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,877 I have detention tomorrow, 95 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,052 and I thought you could give me some tips. 96 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,756 That was pretty badass, you walking out of class like that. 97 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:12,351 It was not my intention to be bad "A" word, but thank you. 98 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,229 The only thing you need to worry about in detention 99 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,976 is staying close to the teacher. 100 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,525 If he leaves the room, you go with him. 101 00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:20,855 Why? 102 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,521 'Cause you're gonna get your "A" word kicked. 103 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,695 Are you saying I'll be in physical danger? 104 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,776 It's all the worst kids in school 105 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,153 in one room for an hour. 106 00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,159 What do you think's gonna happen? 107 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,832 I thought we were gonna spend the time regretting our actions 108 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,877 and thinking about how we could be better in the future. 109 00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,205 Well, you thought wrong. Get lost. 110 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,048 You're both mean and nice to me. 111 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,092 It's confusing. 112 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,227 Maybe I'm doing this wrong. 113 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,902 Have you ever been in detention? 114 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,608 No. 115 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,614 But I do take the school bus. 116 00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,653 And that is no party. 117 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,410 It's like a mental hospital on wheels. 118 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,488 That's a good use of simile. 119 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,121 Thanks. 120 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,824 Well, I'll see you tomorrow. 121 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:22,496 I hope. 122 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,760 Hello. I'm here for detention. 123 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,471 Where is the teacher? 124 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,224 Not here yet. 125 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:42,979 Oh. 126 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,157 I have three dollars. 127 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,859 Feel free to share it with the others. 128 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,004 Would you prefer a piece of paper? 129 00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:06,002 I have some in my briefcase. 130 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:09,422 It's here if you change your mind. 131 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,846 All right, losers, you know how this works. 132 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,219 One hour, no talking, no horseplay. 133 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:15,466 Sheldon? 134 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,176 Hello, Mr. Givens. 135 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,473 Why are you here? 136 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,850 I didn't want to catch a cold from Ms. MacElroy, 137 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,479 so I left her classroom without a hall pass. 138 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,185 Well, something is going around. 139 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,316 I actually had a little tickle in my throat. 140 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,948 Okay, time to go. Nice meeting you. 141 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,366 Whoa, what-what are you doing? 142 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,155 You've heard of fight or flight? 143 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,782 This is flight. 144 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,036 Not so funny now, is it? 145 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,618 No. How long is he suspended for? 146 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:43,793 A week. 147 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,462 And it goes on his permanent record. 148 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,290 Well, that's no big deal. 149 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:50,718 I had all kinds of stuff on my permanent high school record. 150 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:54,138 Didn't stop me from being a bartender for eight years. 151 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:57,183 I think the real issue we need to deal with is his germ phobia. 152 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,092 Oh, yes, you don't 153 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,098 want him turning into Howard Hughes. 154 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,054 Growing his nails out. 155 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,731 Peeing in a jar. 156 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,775 Why would he pee into a jar? I don't know why he peed in a jar, 157 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,649 I just know he did. 158 00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,354 I hate to say it, 159 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,405 but I think we need help with this. 160 00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:13,865 - Like what? - Maybe we could 161 00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:16,319 take him to that nice doctor who calmed him down 162 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,780 when he was convinced he had an enlarged prostate? 163 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,365 Sheldon only calmed down when the doctor told him 164 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,415 what happens in a prostate exam. 165 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:23,909 Poor thing. 166 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,836 Still talks about it. 167 00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:30,754 Thank you for seeing us, Doctor. 168 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:31,717 No problem. 169 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:35,217 So, what do you got today, Sheldon? 170 00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,423 Rickets? Rabies? 171 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,474 Early-onset menopause? 172 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:41,553 Is he making a joke? 173 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,887 I believe so. 174 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,062 Humorous. 175 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:46,186 - Hmm. - Sheldon's not sick, 176 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,984 but he has become overly concerned with getting a cold 177 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,187 - or the flu. - Well, any symptoms... 178 00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:52,817 runny nose, achy, 179 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,945 - sore throat, fever? - No. 180 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,073 All right, well, Sheldon, if you do catch a cold, 181 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,656 or even the flu, it's... it's not the end of the world. 182 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,746 The flu was the end of the world for half a million Americans 183 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,954 during the influenza epidemic of 1918. 184 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,204 - Really? - In India 185 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,464 17 million people died. 186 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,838 Okay, I think we're getting off the subject. Doctor, 187 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,386 Sheldon is afraid to go to school 188 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,713 because he might get exposed 189 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:19,298 to some kind of bacteria or virus. 190 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,474 So he's got a phobia? 191 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,643 It's not a phobia if the threat is real. 192 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,600 You're a doctor, you should know that. 193 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,734 Sheldon, you have nothing to worry about. 194 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,651 Even if you did get the flu, 195 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,399 it's usually over in a week. 196 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,112 Why are we getting medical advice from a man who smokes? 197 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,568 Sheldon. O-Okay, 198 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:41,245 I have patients who are actually sick. 199 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,323 Maybe we should wrap this up. 200 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,703 How come you don't get sick all the time? 201 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,410 Well, I take precautions. 202 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,463 I wash my hands, I wear gloves and a mask. 203 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,351 So, Mom, how was your day? 204 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,184 We're ignoring this? 205 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:10,645 Okay. 206 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,527 So pretty. 207 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,784 What's going on? 208 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,449 I'm not feeling so good. 209 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,328 Biohazard! Biohazard! 210 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,253 Sucker. 211 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,585 In national news, 212 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:38,636 an unusually early flu season is buffeting the country. 213 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,760 Doctors say the strain, originating in China, 214 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,137 is particularly severe. 215 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:48,642 Children and the elderly are most at risk. 216 00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,019 Sheldon, why are you still up? 217 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,021 We're all gonna die! 218 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,317 ...about the local cattle... 219 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:55,440 This isn't funny! 220 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,272 I know, baby, I know. 221 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,571 But you need to understand that sometimes 222 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:04,153 the news says those things just to scare people. 223 00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:05,825 Well, it's working! 224 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:06,746 Come here. 225 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,369 I know you don't believe in this, 226 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,326 but I'm gonna do it anyway. 227 00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,960 Lord, I pray for my son Sheldon 228 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,043 that you protect him from all illness and disease, 229 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,844 and keep him healthy and keep him safe, 230 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,763 and protect him from his head to his toes, 231 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,388 inside and out. Amen. 232 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,930 You're right. I don't believe in that. 233 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:36,352 But it did feel good. Thanks. 234 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,735 In the Bible, that's called a hedge of protection. 235 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,947 Why do you keep smiling? 236 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,245 You need to look at your mask, baby. 237 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:50,870 Missy?! 238 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,996 We have to go to school, and Sheldon doesn't? 239 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,832 - That's not fair. - Sure it is. 240 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,883 Sheldon loves school and can't go. 241 00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,211 You hate school and have to. Fair. 242 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,046 He still has 243 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,551 to spend his day doing chores. 244 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,508 Can't sit around playing with his trains. 245 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,969 Yeah, put him to work. Good parenting, Dad. 246 00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,554 Oh, I'm glad you approve. 247 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:12,684 I do. 248 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:15,562 Where you going? 249 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,643 I'm gonna give Sheldon a list of chores. 250 00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:19,729 You're actually taking my advice? 251 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:20,729 Yes. 252 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,065 Well, how about that? 253 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,692 Hey, you were due. 254 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,321 Proud of you, George. 255 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,254 Sheldon? 256 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:39,999 Yes. 257 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,130 The door's locked. Can you open it? 258 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,503 No. 259 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:46,634 What on earth? 260 00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,901 - Hello. - What are you doing? 261 00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,901 I made a real germ-proof hedge of protection. 262 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,779 Oh, honey, you can't stay in there. 263 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:08,907 I've got a refrigerator, I've got my sleeping bag, 264 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,705 and anything else I need I can make out of Legos. 265 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,496 What's with the Halloween costume? 266 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,500 In case of a breach. 267 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:22,757 Stay right there. 268 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,130 That's my plan. 269 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,381 George? 270 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,476 Just when you think he's gonna zig, 271 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,269 you get a big old zag. 272 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,437 It's ridiculous. I'm... I'm gonna take it down. 273 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,811 No, you can't force him out of a phobia. 274 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:39,725 What do we do? 275 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:40,775 He can't live in there. 276 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,319 Well, actually, he can. 277 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,396 He's got the refrigerator and a sleeping bag. 278 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,777 And he can always go potty in the sink. 279 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:49,909 I think I'll take the kids to school. 280 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,280 I'm sure he'll be out by the time you get home. 281 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,831 Not sure why you think that, but okay. 282 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,034 - Mom? - Yes, Shelly. 283 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,334 Can you close the door? 284 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,378 I need to use the sink. 285 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,670 - Tammy Cook? - Here. 286 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,177 - Georgie Cooper? - Here. 287 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,805 Sheldon Cooper? Absent. 288 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,261 - Where's your brother? - Home. 289 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,346 Is he okay? 290 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,351 Yeah, he's just... 291 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:22,605 Actually, it's not looking good for him. 292 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,186 He might not make it. 293 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:27,022 - Oh, that's terrible. - I know. 294 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,070 I love him so much. 295 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:33,079 If anything ever happened, I don't know what I'd do. 296 00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:34,613 Aw. 297 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,038 Shelly, if you don't mind 298 00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:46,091 - me asking, what's your long-term plan here? - I'm working 299 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,838 on the math to turn the garage 300 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,171 into a self-sustaining ecosystem. 301 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,882 - Okay. And what exactly does that mean? - Well, all I need 302 00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,764 is sunlight and a few seeds to grow unlimited food 303 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,311 which I'll fertilize with my own feces. 304 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:00,560 This just gets better. 305 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:02,562 If you're not gonna help, please go inside. 306 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,234 This is not a show. 307 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,437 Now that's where I disagree. 308 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,948 Shelly, baby, please come on out. 309 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:11,407 I can't. 310 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,201 Come on. I'm your mommy. 311 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,870 Do it for your mommy. 312 00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,071 No. 313 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,581 But I'm your mommy. 314 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,580 Y'all are killing me. 315 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,921 "I'm your mommy." 316 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:29,377 I think the saddest part about it is just how sad it is. 317 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,461 Is there anything that we can do? 318 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,471 I don't know. 319 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,303 A hug might help. 320 00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:36,892 Of course. 321 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,096 What's wrong with you two? 322 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,725 Don't you care about my brother? 323 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:49,821 Aw. 324 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,613 Oh, Sheldon. 325 00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:55,569 That's it. I've had enough of this nonsense. 326 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,996 If you don't come out, I'm coming in! 327 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,620 One, two, 328 00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,667 - three. - Breach! Breach! 329 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:05,917 - You come here right this instant! - No. 330 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:06,918 Oh! 331 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,173 You can't run away from me forever. 332 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,805 I don't have to do it forever. Just till you get tired. 333 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,101 Mary, 334 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,599 I'm gonna run and go get my video camera. 335 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,055 Don't catch him till I get back. 336 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,515 This is not a joke! 337 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,350 Sheldon, get over here! 338 00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:34,446 Sheldon Lee Cooper, get here. 339 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:35,366 Right now. 340 00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:38,321 Oh, Lord, I think I'm gonna wet myself. 341 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,872 Get! You come here! Sheldon Lee Cooper! 342 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:48,546 Look at that. 343 00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,959 St. Mary drinking alcohol. 344 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,344 God saw what just happened. He gets it. 345 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:58,557 Mind if I take a crack at catching the Road Runner? 346 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,680 What are you gonna do that I couldn't do? 347 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,136 Oh, a little trick I learned 348 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,312 trying to get prairie dogs out of the hole. 349 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,148 Of course we'd whack off their heads with a golf club. 350 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,393 I'm not gonna do that to Sheldon. 351 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,690 Oh, Moon Pie, 352 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:18,660 I've got a little treat for you. 353 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,661 Chocolate chip? 354 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,240 Mm-hmm, right out of the oven. 355 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,208 Good. That means they're sterile. 356 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:30,206 Why don't you come on out here and... have a couple? 357 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,836 I can't do that. 358 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,542 Okay, I tell you what. 359 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,299 I'm gonna just put 'em right out here, 360 00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,677 and you can come out and get one when you're ready. 361 00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,802 How about that? I'm gonna put 'em down 362 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,891 right... here. 363 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:49,937 Aah! 364 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,565 Come on! Oh. 365 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,531 Listen to me, buster. 366 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,366 - Okay. - You are 367 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,035 a lot of things, Sheldon. 368 00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:03,614 You are cute, smart, hygienic. 369 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,411 But most of all... 370 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:13,340 you... are a Texan. 371 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:14,586 So? 372 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,043 So Texans 373 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,629 aren't afraid of nothin'! 374 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,885 Rattlesnakes, Indians, 375 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,016 the Mexican Army. 376 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:30,057 Do you imagine that Sam Houston was scared of a little old cold? 377 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,312 No. 378 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,269 Jim Bowie? 379 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:34,603 No. 380 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,697 Sissy Spacek? 381 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:39,987 I... guess not? 382 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,823 You're damn right, because they're Texans 383 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,116 through and through. 384 00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,790 Now I want you to quit hiding in this plastic bubble, 385 00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:48,458 and I want you to come out here and 386 00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:51,833 eat your cookies out in the world like a man! 387 00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,334 Like a Texan man! 388 00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,653 I'm impressed. 389 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,104 Me, too. 390 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,282 I thought I'd lost him at Sissy Spacek. 391 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,240 Whew! 392 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:29,912 As you can see, 393 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:33,461 my meemaw successfully lured me back into the world 394 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,542 by reminding me of my brave Texas ancestors. 395 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,968 Their blood ran through my veins. 396 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,672 I was a true son of the Lone Star State. 397 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,553 Albeit a true son 398 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:48,556 with an incredibly fragile immune system. 399 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:52,105 I woke up the next morning with a temperature of 102 400 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,933 and a head packed full of mucus. 401 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:58,945 However, there was a silver lining. 402 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,498 Sing it again, Mom. 403 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,921 First, blow your nose.