1 00:00:05,134 --> 00:00:07,053 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:07,054 --> 00:00:11,763 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 3 00:00:19,562 --> 00:00:21,562 ( kissing ) 4 00:00:22,932 --> 00:00:24,531 Uh-huh. 5 00:00:27,403 --> 00:00:30,337 ( sighs ) 6 00:00:30,339 --> 00:00:31,706 Come on. 7 00:00:31,708 --> 00:00:35,176 I can't look at that. Take it away. 8 00:00:35,178 --> 00:00:37,477 - ( window opens ) - Hey, I'm trying to work. 9 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:39,079 Sorry, what's your problem? 10 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,848 No one wants to see this. It's very disturbing. 11 00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:43,483 Two people aren't allowed to be happy? 12 00:00:43,485 --> 00:00:44,918 Well, you're allowed to be happy, 13 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,786 but not in front of me, so let's move it down. 14 00:00:46,788 --> 00:00:48,322 - Okay. - All right. 15 00:00:48,324 --> 00:00:49,789 Good. Thank you. 16 00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:54,427 Uh, excuse me, Señor Larry. 17 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:57,296 All the lights in here and in the hallway, they're all fixed. 18 00:00:57,298 --> 00:00:59,465 You no have no more humming, no more vibrating. 19 00:00:59,467 --> 00:01:01,735 - Everything is fixed. - Oh! Cesar, thank you so much. 20 00:01:01,737 --> 00:01:03,870 That was driving me crazy, that humming. 21 00:01:03,872 --> 00:01:06,072 Anything else you need from me, you give me a call 22 00:01:06,074 --> 00:01:07,974 and I'll come here and fix it right away, okay? 23 00:01:07,976 --> 00:01:09,442 Oh, hey, Cesar. 24 00:01:11,679 --> 00:01:14,747 - That's for you. - Oh, no, no, Señor Larry. I cannot accept that money. 25 00:01:14,749 --> 00:01:16,482 This is my job. This is what I do. 26 00:01:16,484 --> 00:01:18,584 It's a little bonus for you, a little extra. Take it. 27 00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:21,654 Oh, it means-- it means a lot to me, Mr. Larry, 28 00:01:21,656 --> 00:01:23,155 but I cannot take this. 29 00:01:23,157 --> 00:01:25,090 I-- I just don't feel comfortable. 30 00:01:25,092 --> 00:01:27,292 - This is what I do, sir. - ( scoffs ) 31 00:01:27,294 --> 00:01:30,963 Oh, Cesar, this is-- this is unprecedented! 32 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:34,233 This is rarer than a man turning down sex, what you've just done. 33 00:01:34,235 --> 00:01:35,700 It just-- it doesn't happen! 34 00:01:35,702 --> 00:01:37,870 ( chuckles ) Okay, Señor Larry. 35 00:01:37,872 --> 00:01:39,738 I've never turned down sex in my life. 36 00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:41,406 ( chuckles ) Me neither. 37 00:01:41,408 --> 00:01:45,176 Huh! Cesar, this will not be forgotten anytime soon. 38 00:01:45,178 --> 00:01:47,679 - Have a nice day. - Very commendable. 39 00:01:49,316 --> 00:01:51,082 Larry: So now, for some reason, 40 00:01:51,084 --> 00:01:53,551 Funkhouser's gotten back together with this woman. 41 00:01:53,553 --> 00:01:55,720 - I don't know why. She hates my guts. - Aww. 42 00:01:55,722 --> 00:01:57,922 But nevertheless, he wants to go to brunch 43 00:01:57,924 --> 00:02:01,492 and see if we can all get along, you know, so it's gonna be very awkward. 44 00:02:01,494 --> 00:02:03,127 Just because of the tap water? 45 00:02:03,129 --> 00:02:05,963 - Tap water, yes. Tap water. - Wow. 46 00:02:05,965 --> 00:02:07,698 Hey, Eddie, breakfast! 47 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:08,732 ( whispers ) Wow, tap water. 48 00:02:08,734 --> 00:02:09,801 Here you go, sweetie. 49 00:02:09,803 --> 00:02:11,002 Wow, look at the young man today! 50 00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:12,736 Very nice hoodie you got there. 51 00:02:12,738 --> 00:02:14,538 Mom, you're still dating this guy? 52 00:02:14,540 --> 00:02:17,207 - Yes, honey-- - Yes, and she's enjoying it very much. 53 00:02:17,209 --> 00:02:19,075 - Take your toast. - Where's the butter? 54 00:02:19,077 --> 00:02:21,512 It's right there, quite visible. 55 00:02:21,514 --> 00:02:24,181 I can't see the butter. Do it again. 56 00:02:24,183 --> 00:02:26,483 ( sighs ) He needs to see the butter. 57 00:02:26,485 --> 00:02:28,985 I'll eat this one and I'll make you another one. 58 00:02:30,690 --> 00:02:33,690 - Are you two having sex? - That's Mommy's business. 59 00:02:33,692 --> 00:02:35,992 It's not really your business, but to tell you the truth, 60 00:02:35,994 --> 00:02:38,295 it's imminent, okay? 61 00:02:38,297 --> 00:02:39,629 Gross. 62 00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:44,034 ( sighs ) Sorry, he's really been having a tough time lately. 63 00:02:44,036 --> 00:02:46,102 I-- I don't know how you let him get away with that toast thing. 64 00:02:46,104 --> 00:02:48,705 This kid needs some structure in his life. He needs some discipline! 65 00:02:48,707 --> 00:02:50,540 - I know, I know. - You're not tough enough. 66 00:02:50,542 --> 00:02:53,209 I-- I know. There's this private school, and, uh... 67 00:02:53,211 --> 00:02:57,079 I've been thinking about sending him, but it's really tough to get into, and... 68 00:02:57,081 --> 00:02:58,581 I wanted to ask you a question. 69 00:02:58,583 --> 00:03:00,850 Please say no if this is at all inappropriate, 70 00:03:00,852 --> 00:03:04,153 but Susie happened to mention this very same school, Pemberton Academy, 71 00:03:04,155 --> 00:03:05,620 where I'm trying to get him in. 72 00:03:05,622 --> 00:03:07,656 You had donated some "Seinfeld" stuff there. 73 00:03:07,658 --> 00:03:10,192 My assistant takes care of all that. I just, you know. 74 00:03:10,194 --> 00:03:13,528 - Okay, I just didn't know if you knew somebody, or... - Nah, I really don't. 75 00:03:13,530 --> 00:03:16,098 - That's fine, that's fine. - If I could help, I would, but I don't know. 76 00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:19,101 You know, I feel weird about sending him to boarding school anyway. 77 00:03:21,071 --> 00:03:23,071 - Boarding school? - Yeah. 78 00:03:23,073 --> 00:03:26,575 - How far away is it? - It's about an hour and a half. 79 00:03:26,577 --> 00:03:29,544 I actually think it would be the best for him, but it would be hard for me 80 00:03:29,546 --> 00:03:31,312 - just to be rattling around-- - I completely agree with you. 81 00:03:31,314 --> 00:03:33,114 I think it would be a fantastic thing for him. 82 00:03:33,116 --> 00:03:35,784 - Do you, really? - It's gotta be the-- you know what? 83 00:03:35,786 --> 00:03:38,819 Get me a name, get me a number-- whatever I can do to help. 84 00:03:38,821 --> 00:03:39,921 - No. - Yes! 85 00:03:39,923 --> 00:03:41,890 Give me some information, done! 86 00:03:41,892 --> 00:03:43,958 That's really nice of you, Larry. 87 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,594 Thank you so much. It's gonna be so good for him. 88 00:03:46,596 --> 00:03:51,799 Look, if I can send him an hour and a half away, I'm... more than happy to. 89 00:03:54,504 --> 00:03:56,604 - Larry: If I got those glasses... - Bridget: Yeah? 90 00:03:56,606 --> 00:03:58,506 We'd be-- we'd be twins. 91 00:03:58,508 --> 00:04:00,574 That would be kind of hideous, wouldn't it? 92 00:04:00,576 --> 00:04:03,010 Have you ever seen a couple with the same glasses? 93 00:04:03,012 --> 00:04:05,446 By the way, when I say couple, I'm not referring to us as a couple. 94 00:04:05,448 --> 00:04:08,315 - Yeah, excuse me. What are you-- hold on. - No, no, I'm not going there. 95 00:04:08,317 --> 00:04:11,551 We're-- I-- you have not bought me the same glasses. 96 00:04:11,553 --> 00:04:14,888 We don't have it like that just yet, my friend. 97 00:04:14,890 --> 00:04:16,089 - Hi, guys. - Hi. 98 00:04:16,091 --> 00:04:17,190 Can I bring you some water while you wait? 99 00:04:17,192 --> 00:04:18,792 Still or sparkling? 100 00:04:18,794 --> 00:04:21,028 - Sparkling. Yeah. - Yeah, sparkling. 101 00:04:21,030 --> 00:04:23,463 Ugh, boy, I can't tell you, I'm so relieved. 102 00:04:23,465 --> 00:04:26,433 Thanks again for helping me out with the boarding school thing. 103 00:04:26,435 --> 00:04:28,935 So, before I call the, um... 104 00:04:28,937 --> 00:04:31,370 - Pemberton. - Pemberton, yes. Pemberton. 105 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:35,708 Do they-- do they know about the, uh, Asperger's? 106 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,911 Oh, yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, they're a great school. 107 00:04:37,913 --> 00:04:42,482 They're-- they can-- they're just equipped to handle all kinds of special kids. 108 00:04:42,484 --> 00:04:45,017 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 109 00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:48,487 Has he been diagnosed by a doctor, or is this your opinion? 110 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:52,825 He's on the spectrum. Yeah. 111 00:04:52,827 --> 00:04:54,626 How do you know? 112 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:58,431 You can see in his behavior and what people have said, and, you know-- 113 00:04:58,433 --> 00:05:00,098 he's, you know-- 114 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,936 he's been diagnosed on the-- on the spectrum. 115 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,006 Okay. 116 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,041 - ( phone ringing ) - Oh. 117 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,179 - Hello? - Cesar: Señor Larry, 118 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,014 it's Cesar from the office. 119 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,415 - Who? - Cesar! 120 00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,851 You gave me the tip and I didn't take it? 121 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,686 Yeah? 122 00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:24,189 I'm here at the office building, fixing a leak, 123 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,291 and I was just wondering, after I'm done, 124 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:29,794 I could go to your office and watch the Argentina and Mexico game. 125 00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:33,030 It's a very important game. It's for-- to qualify in the World Cup. 126 00:05:33,032 --> 00:05:35,867 Why-- why-- why do you have to go-- why my office? 127 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,636 Because you got all the channels, sir. 128 00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:42,006 - Yeah... yeah, okay. - Gracias, Señor Larry! 129 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:45,109 I will not forget this. You are the man. 130 00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:47,011 - Okay. - Who's that? 131 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:50,614 - This handyman in my office building... - Uh-huh. 132 00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:53,850 ...wants to go into my office to watch a soccer game. 133 00:05:53,852 --> 00:05:55,752 I offered him a tip, but he didn't take the tip, 134 00:05:55,754 --> 00:05:59,323 so I feel like I'm a little obligated to let him watch the game. 135 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:00,424 It's tricky. 136 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,226 - Hello! - Oh, hey! 137 00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:03,494 Sorry we're late. 138 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,528 - Hi, I'm Marilyn. - LD. 139 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:05,929 - Hi! - Hi, nice to meet you. 140 00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:07,864 - Yes, hi. - Hi. Marty Funkhouser. 141 00:06:07,866 --> 00:06:09,599 - Hi, great to meet you. - Great to meet you! 142 00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:12,536 So, I-- I just wanna say, before we begin, 143 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:16,806 I-- I'd like to apologize for what happened between us. 144 00:06:16,808 --> 00:06:20,209 That is not a true representation of who I am. 145 00:06:20,211 --> 00:06:22,078 - Let's start fresh. - That means a lot to me. Okay. 146 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,180 - Yes! Yes! - Yes, let's do it. 147 00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:27,016 Some sparkling water for the table? 148 00:06:27,018 --> 00:06:30,753 No, no. We-- no, we don't want that. We want some tap water. 149 00:06:30,755 --> 00:06:33,022 - You don't want sparkling? - No, get that out of here. Tap. 150 00:06:33,024 --> 00:06:34,957 - Well, it's unfiltered. - Better. 151 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,592 Water is water. We're not water snobs. 152 00:06:36,594 --> 00:06:37,960 - Server: Very good. - Larry: We don't care. 153 00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:39,394 While you bring the tap, 154 00:06:39,396 --> 00:06:41,196 bring us the best bottle of champagne 155 00:06:41,198 --> 00:06:42,865 you have in the house to drink. 156 00:06:42,867 --> 00:06:44,433 - ( all cheering ) - Okay? 157 00:06:44,435 --> 00:06:45,834 We're gonna live it up! 158 00:06:45,836 --> 00:06:48,737 - ( chuckles ) - Yeah, you know, sure. 159 00:06:48,739 --> 00:06:50,806 Thank you, Larry. I really appreciate your apology. 160 00:06:50,808 --> 00:06:52,808 - Larry: Oh, yes. - No, it means a lot to me. 161 00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:54,242 And some tap water for the table. 162 00:06:54,244 --> 00:06:55,944 Tap water for the table. Look at this. 163 00:06:55,946 --> 00:06:58,480 Look at this beautiful tap water. We got some here... 164 00:07:03,587 --> 00:07:05,454 - Ah, look at that. - Mmm. 165 00:07:05,456 --> 00:07:06,955 Ah, it really looks good. 166 00:07:06,957 --> 00:07:09,857 ( people chattering ) 167 00:07:09,859 --> 00:07:11,593 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Oh, come on, buddy. 168 00:07:11,595 --> 00:07:13,094 - There's a line. - There's a line. 169 00:07:13,096 --> 00:07:14,261 You can't just walk up here. 170 00:07:14,263 --> 00:07:16,097 Come on, man, you're being rude. 171 00:07:16,099 --> 00:07:18,700 - They're in line. - You gotta get to the back, buddy. 172 00:07:18,702 --> 00:07:21,703 - I'm just getting some potatoes. - I don't care. 173 00:07:21,705 --> 00:07:23,304 One-- one minute! 174 00:07:23,306 --> 00:07:26,440 One minute! Just a minute! 175 00:07:26,442 --> 00:07:27,775 Are you getting seconds? 176 00:07:27,777 --> 00:07:29,376 Yes, sir. 177 00:07:29,378 --> 00:07:31,078 The man is getting seconds. 178 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,013 - It doesn't matter. - But that's not a rule. 179 00:07:33,015 --> 00:07:36,117 The man has already waited on this line. 180 00:07:36,119 --> 00:07:39,220 - Larry, we're hungry. - Larry: We're all hungry. 181 00:07:39,222 --> 00:07:40,421 I'm hungry, too! 182 00:07:40,423 --> 00:07:41,855 But to make him wait 183 00:07:41,857 --> 00:07:45,659 another 10 minutes for a few measly potatoes? 184 00:07:45,661 --> 00:07:47,961 - Shame on you! Shame on all of you! - Okay. 185 00:07:47,963 --> 00:07:50,463 That's not how we do things here in America. 186 00:07:50,465 --> 00:07:54,434 We don't wait for seconds! Never, never wait for seconds! 187 00:07:54,436 --> 00:07:56,937 - ( whispering ) - It's fine, it's good. It's fine. 188 00:07:56,939 --> 00:08:00,240 Sir, I would be proud to serve you. 189 00:08:00,242 --> 00:08:02,542 - What do you want? - Potatoes. 190 00:08:04,513 --> 00:08:07,046 - Thank you. Thank you, sir. - Woman: Sure, sure. 191 00:08:07,048 --> 00:08:09,649 You're welcome. 192 00:08:09,651 --> 00:08:12,718 - It's okay, really. - I didn't mean to overreact like that. 193 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,954 - Woman: Enjoy. - Woman #2: Enjoy yourself. 194 00:08:14,956 --> 00:08:16,489 Thank you. Thanks. 195 00:08:17,592 --> 00:08:18,891 - ( cork pops ) - Larry: Ah! 196 00:08:18,893 --> 00:08:20,359 - Oh, I love that sound! - All right! 197 00:08:20,361 --> 00:08:24,096 - You like that? - I love that sound! 198 00:08:24,098 --> 00:08:27,033 I mean, the good thing here is that if we want seconds, 199 00:08:27,035 --> 00:08:28,768 - we go right to the front. - Bridget: Straight to the front. 200 00:08:28,770 --> 00:08:30,169 - Right? - Yep. 201 00:08:32,206 --> 00:08:36,542 Boy, oh, boy. Ha, that's a lot of ketchup there. 202 00:08:36,544 --> 00:08:38,310 I like ketchup. 203 00:08:38,312 --> 00:08:41,513 Yeah, uh, it seems a little excessive, no? 204 00:08:41,515 --> 00:08:43,282 - Here we go! - Living it up! 205 00:08:43,284 --> 00:08:46,385 - Happiness, living it up! Okay? - Bridget: Cheers! 206 00:08:46,387 --> 00:08:48,387 I mean, you use too much ketchup, you know what happens? 207 00:08:48,389 --> 00:08:50,889 They-- they convert to packs, to the little packets. 208 00:08:50,891 --> 00:08:53,658 Is there a ketchup shortage? Like, "Oh, we're gonna run out of ketchup." 209 00:08:53,660 --> 00:08:55,660 I wasn't saying there's a ketchup shortage, 210 00:08:55,662 --> 00:08:58,730 it's just that if everybody uses as much ketchup as you do, 211 00:08:58,732 --> 00:09:00,031 they would stop buying it. 212 00:09:00,033 --> 00:09:02,466 As a matter of fact, I think I need more ketchup. 213 00:09:02,468 --> 00:09:03,401 Mmm. 214 00:09:05,205 --> 00:09:07,038 - Bridget: Wow. - Hmm! 215 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,772 Funkhouser: Why are we talking about this? 216 00:09:08,774 --> 00:09:11,509 There's no way she could finish all that ketchup. Is there? 217 00:09:11,511 --> 00:09:13,077 Watch me! 218 00:09:14,780 --> 00:09:17,147 Funkhouser: Let's just change the subject, okay? 219 00:09:17,149 --> 00:09:18,482 Potatoes are delicious. 220 00:09:18,484 --> 00:09:19,783 - Huh. - Larry: Yeah. 221 00:09:19,785 --> 00:09:23,187 - Marilyn: Oh, my God! Oh! - ( gasps ) 222 00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:25,122 - Oh, my God! - Funkhouser: Don't do that, don't do that. 223 00:09:25,124 --> 00:09:26,656 Can we get a wet towel, somebody? 224 00:09:26,658 --> 00:09:28,258 That's okay. It's okay, it's okay. 225 00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:30,327 It's okay. Yeah, your sweater covers it fine. 226 00:09:30,329 --> 00:09:32,830 You know, I-- I think I want-- I want to go home. 227 00:09:32,832 --> 00:09:34,231 Oh, no! 228 00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:36,066 - It's just a really bad stain. - Yeah, go. 229 00:09:36,068 --> 00:09:37,735 - No, Larry, it's not that bad. - You got a bad stain. 230 00:09:37,737 --> 00:09:38,902 I'm gonna go home. 231 00:09:38,904 --> 00:09:40,403 I'm just feeling very uncomfortable. 232 00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:42,372 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - Yeah, go. 233 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,040 It's a-- it's a really bad stain. 234 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,543 It's a "go home" stain, you know what I mean? 235 00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:48,378 - It was the fork. - I think it was the ketchup. 236 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,714 - Let's not argue over this. - Marilyn: I'm so sorry. 237 00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:53,516 It was lovely to meet you. You seem lovely. 238 00:09:53,518 --> 00:09:55,619 - Yeah, take her home. - It's such a shame. 239 00:09:55,621 --> 00:09:57,620 Nice job, once again. 240 00:09:57,622 --> 00:10:00,456 - One of those things. - Gosh, another time, I guess. 241 00:10:00,458 --> 00:10:02,058 - Bye. - Bye. 242 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,426 Wow, I feel so bad. 243 00:10:04,428 --> 00:10:06,129 That was a disgusting display. 244 00:10:06,131 --> 00:10:07,596 You couldn't let the ketchup go. 245 00:10:07,598 --> 00:10:09,766 - Couldn't let it go. - Oh, boy. 246 00:10:09,768 --> 00:10:12,635 Guess what. 247 00:10:12,637 --> 00:10:14,970 Who's paying for the expensive champagne? 248 00:10:14,972 --> 00:10:16,938 - Oh. - Yeah. 249 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,314 - ( door opens ) - ( footsteps approaching ) 250 00:10:27,518 --> 00:10:29,385 I want to thank you 251 00:10:29,387 --> 00:10:32,087 for defending me in front of the mob. 252 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:35,090 Oh, oh. Yes, of course. 253 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:38,193 That was, uh, terrible. You had already waited. 254 00:10:38,195 --> 00:10:39,961 What was the point of going back again? 255 00:10:39,963 --> 00:10:41,863 You would've lost your appetite. 256 00:10:41,865 --> 00:10:43,999 I agree with you, Mr. David. 257 00:10:46,969 --> 00:10:48,303 How do you know my name? 258 00:10:49,806 --> 00:10:52,607 I know everything about you. 259 00:10:52,609 --> 00:10:54,676 I was sitting there having my brunch, 260 00:10:54,678 --> 00:10:57,412 and I saw you. 261 00:10:57,414 --> 00:11:01,148 And I was thinking, as a devout Muslim, 262 00:11:01,150 --> 00:11:03,383 I should kill this man. 263 00:11:03,385 --> 00:11:04,718 Fatwa. 264 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,021 And then you defended me. 265 00:11:07,023 --> 00:11:09,489 I thought to myself... 266 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,760 I cannot kill this man. 267 00:11:13,762 --> 00:11:15,896 This man doesn't deserve to die. 268 00:11:15,898 --> 00:11:18,699 No. No, I don't. I don't! 269 00:11:18,701 --> 00:11:22,636 I do have some friends in high positions. 270 00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:25,706 I think I need to bring to their attention 271 00:11:25,708 --> 00:11:29,075 that you are not the man they think you are. 272 00:11:29,077 --> 00:11:31,545 Anything you want to know, I'll give you full access. 273 00:11:31,547 --> 00:11:33,179 I'm an open book. 274 00:11:33,181 --> 00:11:34,981 You will be hearing from me. 275 00:11:34,983 --> 00:11:37,250 What-- what is your name? 276 00:11:37,252 --> 00:11:41,520 My name is not important. 277 00:11:43,158 --> 00:11:46,392 - Hey! - Oh, hey. Um... 278 00:11:46,394 --> 00:11:49,462 - You okay? - Yeah, I was just talking to this guy. 279 00:11:49,464 --> 00:11:51,630 ( chuckles ) What guy? 280 00:11:51,632 --> 00:11:53,031 Oh. 281 00:11:53,033 --> 00:11:55,534 ( chuckles ) Let's go. 282 00:11:55,536 --> 00:11:56,569 Huh. 283 00:11:59,674 --> 00:12:01,374 Larry: That was a lot of fun. 284 00:12:01,376 --> 00:12:02,908 That horse, he was so close! 285 00:12:02,910 --> 00:12:04,744 - He should've won! - I know, I know, I know. 286 00:12:04,746 --> 00:12:07,045 I know. I was-- I was excited for you. 287 00:12:07,047 --> 00:12:10,715 By the way, this is-- what are we on? 10 hours now together? 288 00:12:10,717 --> 00:12:12,584 It's been incredibly fun. 289 00:12:12,586 --> 00:12:14,719 And I can't believe 290 00:12:14,721 --> 00:12:16,989 you made that appointment at-- at Pemberton. 291 00:12:16,991 --> 00:12:18,456 I'm so grateful. 292 00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:21,293 Believe me, once I get through with those Pemberton people, 293 00:12:21,295 --> 00:12:23,661 they're gonna beg this kid to go to that school. 294 00:12:23,663 --> 00:12:25,730 Do-- do you wanna come in? 295 00:12:25,732 --> 00:12:27,866 - Do I wanna come in? - Mmm. 296 00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:31,403 Because I'm feeling pretty grateful. 297 00:12:31,405 --> 00:12:35,006 Are you saying that, uh... 298 00:12:35,008 --> 00:12:38,109 gratitude sex is in the offing? 299 00:12:38,111 --> 00:12:40,311 If you're okay with gratitude sex, I mean-- 300 00:12:40,313 --> 00:12:42,313 You know what, I've never had gratitude sex, 301 00:12:42,315 --> 00:12:45,283 mainly because I've never done anything that someone could be grateful for. 302 00:12:45,285 --> 00:12:49,220 But people tell me that gratitude sex is the ultimate. 303 00:12:49,222 --> 00:12:52,023 It's hard to explain. I'd rather just show you. 304 00:12:52,025 --> 00:12:53,257 - Sure, yeah. - You know? 305 00:12:53,259 --> 00:12:55,026 ( guitar strumming ) 306 00:12:55,028 --> 00:12:58,129 Hey, honey. Uh, I thought Nancy put you to bed. 307 00:12:58,131 --> 00:12:59,863 She did. 308 00:12:59,865 --> 00:13:03,066 Well, it's time for bed. It's past your bedtime. 309 00:13:03,068 --> 00:13:05,502 - It's past his bedtime. - Bridget: Hey, now. 310 00:13:05,504 --> 00:13:07,404 Go to your room, okay? ( sighs ) 311 00:13:07,406 --> 00:13:11,007 I'll hang out in my room, but I'm not going to bed. 312 00:13:13,011 --> 00:13:14,845 I've never seen an old man in sneakers before. 313 00:13:14,847 --> 00:13:16,646 Okay, that's-- go to your room. ( sarcastic laugh ) 314 00:13:16,648 --> 00:13:18,214 That's so stupid. 315 00:13:18,216 --> 00:13:20,783 - Bridget: Eddie! Go. - Larry: That's a good one. 316 00:13:20,785 --> 00:13:23,320 You know, it's-- he's on the spectrum. I'm sorry. 317 00:13:23,322 --> 00:13:24,854 - Ah, the spectrum. - ( door closes ) 318 00:13:24,856 --> 00:13:27,557 He's on the spectrum. Yeah. 319 00:13:27,559 --> 00:13:30,193 - ( deeply inhales ) - ( guitar strumming ) 320 00:13:30,195 --> 00:13:32,261 Guess that's that. 321 00:13:32,263 --> 00:13:34,464 He won't listen to me, but... 322 00:13:34,466 --> 00:13:38,367 maybe you can-- you can get him to bed. 323 00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:39,869 The offer still stands. 324 00:13:39,871 --> 00:13:41,938 ( guitar strumming continues ) 325 00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:45,708 ( chuckles ) Yeah! 326 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:50,512 ( guitar strumming ) 327 00:13:59,156 --> 00:14:01,523 All right, you little prick, okay? 328 00:14:01,525 --> 00:14:04,393 I got some gratitude sex coming to me, and you're not gonna ruin it. 329 00:14:04,395 --> 00:14:05,827 You got it? 330 00:14:05,829 --> 00:14:06,895 Now get under those covers. 331 00:14:06,897 --> 00:14:08,363 You're gonna go to sleep, 332 00:14:08,365 --> 00:14:10,131 and I'm gonna have sex with your mother. 333 00:14:17,407 --> 00:14:18,773 Hello. 334 00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:21,775 You're looking at a man with an "A" on his shirt... 335 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:22,910 for "apology." 336 00:14:22,912 --> 00:14:24,545 - Is that so? - Yes. 337 00:14:24,547 --> 00:14:26,214 I'm sorry for the other day. 338 00:14:26,216 --> 00:14:27,815 There was nothing I could do. 339 00:14:27,817 --> 00:14:29,717 We had to leave, so I left. 340 00:14:29,719 --> 00:14:32,186 ( scoffs ) Quite an expensive bottle of champagne 341 00:14:32,188 --> 00:14:33,421 I wound up paying for. 342 00:14:33,423 --> 00:14:34,755 We ordered the champagne 343 00:14:34,757 --> 00:14:36,624 because you wanted to live it up. 344 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:39,159 You said, "Let's live it up." I would never live it up. 345 00:14:39,161 --> 00:14:40,661 I live it down, I don't live it up. 346 00:14:40,663 --> 00:14:42,563 Okay, maybe I said, "Let's live it up." 347 00:14:42,565 --> 00:14:44,665 - You did. - I wanted to have a good time, that's all! 348 00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:46,901 So anyway, so you're here to what? 349 00:14:46,903 --> 00:14:49,003 Apologize. I'm sorry! 350 00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:50,771 For leaving me with the bill? 351 00:14:50,773 --> 00:14:53,941 No, I'm sorry for leaving early. 352 00:14:53,943 --> 00:14:55,542 That's what I'm sorry about. 353 00:14:55,544 --> 00:14:57,411 I don't mind you leaving early, 354 00:14:57,413 --> 00:15:01,848 but I think the proper apology would be to say, "I'm sorry. 355 00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:03,983 Here's $250 for the champagne." 356 00:15:03,985 --> 00:15:06,486 - Okay? - That's a cash apology. 357 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,121 My apology is from the heart. 358 00:15:08,123 --> 00:15:09,956 That's something that means something. 359 00:15:09,958 --> 00:15:11,991 Why do you come to the office to apologize without offering the money? 360 00:15:11,993 --> 00:15:13,292 Because I felt bad! 361 00:15:13,294 --> 00:15:15,428 If you feel bad, you offer the money! 362 00:15:15,430 --> 00:15:17,329 - No, you don't! - You don't understand feeling bad! 363 00:15:17,331 --> 00:15:19,632 Feeling bad is feeling in the heart, not in the wallet! 364 00:15:19,634 --> 00:15:22,669 - No, feeling bad is making it up! - It is not! 365 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:27,073 Well, to come here and apologize without taking your wallet out 366 00:15:27,075 --> 00:15:30,309 and offering, who knows if I would even accept it? 367 00:15:30,311 --> 00:15:32,644 There's not even an offer! 368 00:15:32,646 --> 00:15:34,213 Let's go to lunch, talk it over. 369 00:15:34,215 --> 00:15:35,881 - Okay. Yeah. - Okay? 370 00:15:35,883 --> 00:15:38,484 I gotta take a quick piss. 371 00:15:38,486 --> 00:15:40,786 - Mr. Larry. - Ah, Cesar. 372 00:15:40,788 --> 00:15:44,022 I want to thank you for offering me to watch the game on your TV. 373 00:15:44,024 --> 00:15:45,857 Ah, well, you're very welcome. 374 00:15:45,859 --> 00:15:48,594 - But unfortunately, I couldn't make it. - What? 375 00:15:48,596 --> 00:15:51,863 Yeah, my wife, she wanted me to do a bunch of chores in the house, 376 00:15:51,865 --> 00:15:53,431 so I-- I couldn't come. 377 00:15:53,433 --> 00:15:56,034 I'm, uh-- well, I'm sorry to hear that. Too bad. 378 00:15:56,036 --> 00:16:01,005 But, uh, you-- you're a member of a nice country club, sí? 379 00:16:01,007 --> 00:16:04,109 - Yeah? - Can I bring my family there for a nice little swim? 380 00:16:04,111 --> 00:16:06,077 Little Cesar's like Aquaman. 381 00:16:06,079 --> 00:16:10,014 No. No, you can't-- you can't bring your family there, no! 382 00:16:10,016 --> 00:16:12,750 - But-- but why not? - It's not the way it works. No! 383 00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:14,719 I don't understand your lack of generosity. 384 00:16:14,721 --> 00:16:16,454 Lack of generosity? What are you talking about? 385 00:16:16,456 --> 00:16:18,522 I gave you a tip, which you turned down. 386 00:16:18,524 --> 00:16:20,290 I did not take it, so you owe me a favor. 387 00:16:20,292 --> 00:16:23,761 I already repaid you a favor that I didn't even owe you! 388 00:16:23,763 --> 00:16:27,231 The whole point of the tip is for you to be indebted to me. 389 00:16:27,233 --> 00:16:29,166 Now you've-- you've reversed it! 390 00:16:29,168 --> 00:16:30,267 Now I'm indebted to you. 391 00:16:30,269 --> 00:16:31,969 You flipped it! You flipped the tip! 392 00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:33,370 I promised Little Cesar. 393 00:16:35,007 --> 00:16:37,040 All right. This is the last one. 394 00:16:37,042 --> 00:16:38,942 Okay? This is it. 395 00:16:38,944 --> 00:16:41,378 And next time I give you a tip, you take it, okay? 396 00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:44,114 - Okay, Mr. Larry. - But the country club is out. 397 00:16:44,116 --> 00:16:45,516 You can't swim there. They're racist. 398 00:16:45,518 --> 00:16:46,750 They're not gonna let you in there. 399 00:16:46,752 --> 00:16:48,585 Why are you a member of a racist club? 400 00:16:48,587 --> 00:16:50,920 They're all racists. That's the way they operate. 401 00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,421 How about your pool? 402 00:16:52,423 --> 00:16:54,758 Oh, I would, but the heater in my house 403 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,894 got all screwed up and nothing's working now, and the pool's not working. 404 00:16:57,896 --> 00:17:00,229 I bet you have friends with nice pools. 405 00:17:02,034 --> 00:17:04,300 Hey... 406 00:17:04,302 --> 00:17:05,902 your pool working? 407 00:17:05,904 --> 00:17:06,969 Yeah. 408 00:17:06,971 --> 00:17:09,805 Can Cesar and his family use your pool? 409 00:17:09,807 --> 00:17:12,175 - Who's Cesar? - Yo. 410 00:17:12,177 --> 00:17:13,676 Nice to meet you, Cesar. 411 00:17:13,678 --> 00:17:15,178 Nice to meet you, sir. 412 00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:16,546 Can he use my pool? 413 00:17:16,548 --> 00:17:19,014 It's hot out, they have no place to swim, and... 414 00:17:19,016 --> 00:17:21,617 At this time of year, 415 00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:23,385 we might have family coming over. 416 00:17:23,387 --> 00:17:26,321 - You know, I never know-- - I'll tell you what. 417 00:17:26,323 --> 00:17:29,024 We call it even, the $250. 418 00:17:29,026 --> 00:17:32,294 - So you're never gonna mention it again? - Never again. 419 00:17:32,296 --> 00:17:34,529 - When do you want to come over? - On Saturday. 420 00:17:34,531 --> 00:17:36,431 Cesar: What time is good for you? 8:00 AM? 421 00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:39,001 - Funkhouser: Uh, let's make it 8:30. - Thank you, sir. 422 00:17:39,003 --> 00:17:40,435 - Hey, do me a favor. - Yes, sir. 423 00:17:40,437 --> 00:17:43,505 No diving, and try to stay in the shallow end, okay? 424 00:17:43,507 --> 00:17:45,940 - That's his number. - Oh, thank you, Mr. Larry. 425 00:17:45,942 --> 00:17:48,843 ( chuckles ) Little Cesar is gonna be so happy. 426 00:17:48,845 --> 00:17:50,345 Gracias. 427 00:17:53,049 --> 00:17:55,684 Larry David paid you for your services? 428 00:17:55,686 --> 00:17:57,251 Hell, yeah, he did. 429 00:17:57,253 --> 00:17:59,553 But all he did was use me to get in the carpool lane 430 00:17:59,555 --> 00:18:01,622 so he can get to the Dodger game. 431 00:18:01,624 --> 00:18:06,360 So you're saying that, uh, your encounter was not of sexual nature. 432 00:18:06,362 --> 00:18:08,196 Hell, no! 433 00:18:08,198 --> 00:18:10,231 He could've had all this! 434 00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:14,968 I still don't understand. 435 00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:18,339 How can your father be a kamikaze pilot when he's still alive? 436 00:18:18,341 --> 00:18:22,042 He grazed the ship. 437 00:18:22,044 --> 00:18:23,977 Grazed, but not fatal. 438 00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,946 ( sighs ) 439 00:18:25,948 --> 00:18:26,947 No. 440 00:18:26,949 --> 00:18:29,883 Then Larry was right. 441 00:18:29,885 --> 00:18:32,185 So, Larry David went on a date with you 442 00:18:32,187 --> 00:18:33,720 and carried you upstairs? 443 00:18:33,722 --> 00:18:35,856 Yeah. I didn't want him to. 444 00:18:35,858 --> 00:18:38,424 - Oh, he insisted? - Yes. 445 00:18:38,426 --> 00:18:41,527 You know, I wasn't the only girl in a wheelchair he was dating. 446 00:18:41,529 --> 00:18:45,365 So, he went out with two different women with disability? 447 00:18:45,367 --> 00:18:47,233 At least. 448 00:18:47,235 --> 00:18:48,834 Commendable. 449 00:18:50,705 --> 00:18:52,438 I'd see Larry occasionally. 450 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,008 I guess you would say I had some issues with him. 451 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:58,711 But wasn't the real issue 452 00:18:58,713 --> 00:19:02,481 the... big vagina? 453 00:19:03,584 --> 00:19:05,885 Yes. It's big. 454 00:19:05,887 --> 00:19:08,020 Big enough to steal 455 00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:11,623 a Mickey Mantle autographed baseball? 456 00:19:12,994 --> 00:19:14,559 - Yes. - Hmm. 457 00:19:14,561 --> 00:19:19,030 He took a word in one of my rhymes and changed that shit. 458 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,767 And it opened up lyrically for me. 459 00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:23,067 It was amazing, man. 460 00:19:23,069 --> 00:19:26,905 He also saved me from a marriage to a lesbian. 461 00:19:26,907 --> 00:19:28,707 So, yeah... 462 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,376 that motherfucker's my Caucasian. 463 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:33,345 - Caucasian? - Write that shit down. 464 00:19:33,347 --> 00:19:35,646 - He is your Caucasian, yes. - He is my Caucasian. 465 00:19:35,648 --> 00:19:37,282 And a motherfucker. 466 00:19:37,284 --> 00:19:39,217 So, we're on the ski lift and it's shkiyat hachamah. 467 00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:40,785 And according to Jewish law, 468 00:19:40,787 --> 00:19:43,688 I'm not allowed to be with a man alone after sundown, 469 00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:45,123 so I asked him to jump. 470 00:19:45,125 --> 00:19:47,325 And he refused, so I had to jump. 471 00:19:47,327 --> 00:19:50,895 So he refused to follow the tenets of Jewish orthodoxy. 472 00:19:50,897 --> 00:19:52,797 Oh, absolutely. 473 00:19:52,799 --> 00:19:54,231 Big time. 474 00:19:56,068 --> 00:19:57,735 Please continue. 475 00:19:57,737 --> 00:20:02,005 ( stuttering ) So, he comes upstairs and he accuses me of clomping. 476 00:20:02,007 --> 00:20:03,708 And I explained to him, I have these shoes, 477 00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:06,644 these heavy shoes that I wear because my feet get cramped. 478 00:20:06,646 --> 00:20:08,445 And they make noise. 479 00:20:08,447 --> 00:20:10,013 I invite him in. 480 00:20:10,015 --> 00:20:13,050 I offer him a soda. 481 00:20:13,052 --> 00:20:15,819 He took it, and it exploded, and it got all over him, 482 00:20:15,821 --> 00:20:18,155 and he got... upset. 483 00:20:18,157 --> 00:20:20,790 - Now it's-- now it's-- - Mr. Fox... 484 00:20:20,792 --> 00:20:22,726 did you clomp on purpose? 485 00:20:24,529 --> 00:20:25,895 A little bit. 486 00:20:25,897 --> 00:20:29,833 And did you embellish the shaking of the soda? 487 00:20:32,103 --> 00:20:33,870 Yeah. 488 00:20:33,872 --> 00:20:35,638 Thank you. 489 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,208 May I offer you some refreshment? 490 00:20:39,210 --> 00:20:41,443 No, thank you. 491 00:20:41,445 --> 00:20:43,145 I pass, sir. 492 00:20:43,147 --> 00:20:44,881 Pussy. 493 00:20:46,851 --> 00:20:49,385 ( chatter ) 494 00:20:54,558 --> 00:20:58,226 Larry, thank you for all of the "Seinfeld" scripts 495 00:20:58,228 --> 00:21:00,896 and memorabilia that you've donated to our fundraisers. 496 00:21:00,898 --> 00:21:02,163 - It's really-- - Yes. 497 00:21:02,165 --> 00:21:03,399 It's made a lot of money for the school. 498 00:21:03,401 --> 00:21:04,733 So happy to do it. 499 00:21:04,735 --> 00:21:07,269 And thank for allowing me to come in here today 500 00:21:07,271 --> 00:21:12,274 and talk to you, uh, about this young man who I adore. 501 00:21:12,276 --> 00:21:13,742 - Yes, Eddie. - Uh, Eddie, yes. 502 00:21:13,744 --> 00:21:15,176 - Right. - Eddie, yes. 503 00:21:15,178 --> 00:21:17,078 You know what? 504 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,681 I just feel like I'm ignoring you all the way on that side. 505 00:21:20,683 --> 00:21:24,652 I should be here because sometimes women, they're a little, uh, 506 00:21:24,654 --> 00:21:27,855 ultra-sensitive about being ignored at these meetings. 507 00:21:27,857 --> 00:21:29,791 "Oh, oh, you don't talk to the woman," you know. 508 00:21:29,793 --> 00:21:31,726 - Oh, no. - That's not me. That's not me. 509 00:21:31,728 --> 00:21:34,462 Wherever you want to sit is fine. Please. 510 00:21:34,464 --> 00:21:37,331 Okay, thank you. Thank you. 511 00:21:37,333 --> 00:21:40,134 I actually would prefer to sit over there, but, you know. 512 00:21:40,136 --> 00:21:41,869 - Well, please! - Feel free, Larry. 513 00:21:41,871 --> 00:21:43,938 Okay, all right, okay. Thank you. 514 00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:45,673 - All right, so! - Eddie. 515 00:21:45,675 --> 00:21:48,475 You know, I-- I love this kid like-- like my own son. 516 00:21:48,477 --> 00:21:51,778 - Mm-hmm. - Well, you know, like a nephew. 517 00:21:51,780 --> 00:21:53,247 Actually, more like a foster child 518 00:21:53,249 --> 00:21:55,649 who comes to your house, and all of a sudden, you go, 519 00:21:55,651 --> 00:21:58,385 "What the hell did I do? I got-- what am I, nuts?" 520 00:21:58,387 --> 00:22:01,388 But, no, no, you grow-- you grow to love them. 521 00:22:01,390 --> 00:22:02,689 That's how I feel now. 522 00:22:02,691 --> 00:22:04,257 It's-- uh, so... 523 00:22:04,259 --> 00:22:09,062 Bridget is Eddie's mother, and she's your girlfriend? 524 00:22:09,064 --> 00:22:10,564 Larry: Girlfriend... 525 00:22:10,566 --> 00:22:14,701 I don't know, but she does have tampons in my house. 526 00:22:14,703 --> 00:22:16,703 Okay, Mr. David, we just want 527 00:22:16,705 --> 00:22:19,405 to get to the nature of your relationship because-- 528 00:22:19,407 --> 00:22:22,408 - We were happy to do a favor for you, Larry. - Sure. 529 00:22:22,410 --> 00:22:25,744 - But-- - We just wanna make sure that it's just not a fling. 530 00:22:25,746 --> 00:22:29,849 We're just interested in where you see this relationship going. 531 00:22:29,851 --> 00:22:31,884 Yeah, the relationship going. I don't know. 532 00:22:31,886 --> 00:22:33,386 You know, they're kind of tough. 533 00:22:33,388 --> 00:22:36,122 You get involved with somebody, and all of a sudden, 534 00:22:36,124 --> 00:22:38,390 you got to check in, you got to report in, 535 00:22:38,392 --> 00:22:40,693 you got to text them, make those phone calls. 536 00:22:40,695 --> 00:22:43,328 You go away for a weekend with your friends on a trip to Vegas, 537 00:22:43,330 --> 00:22:44,830 you come back, she says, "Did you had fun?" 538 00:22:44,832 --> 00:22:46,699 You got to lie, say, "No, no, I didn't have fun. 539 00:22:46,701 --> 00:22:49,067 No, no, it wasn't fun at all. Worst trip I ever made in my life." 540 00:22:49,069 --> 00:22:52,137 Then she talks to one of your friends and they say they had a fantastic time. 541 00:22:52,139 --> 00:22:54,839 She comes back to me, she says, "Your friends said you had a great time." 542 00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:58,343 And you go, "No, no, they had a great time. I had a lousy time." 543 00:22:58,345 --> 00:22:59,711 ( scoffs ) 544 00:22:59,713 --> 00:23:01,146 Uh... 545 00:23:01,148 --> 00:23:05,650 in general, how are you with commitments, relationships? 546 00:23:05,652 --> 00:23:08,053 I can't sleep with the same bed with anybody. 547 00:23:08,055 --> 00:23:09,988 It's, ugh, a horrible night's sleep. 548 00:23:09,990 --> 00:23:13,124 You can't-- you-- I'm off in a corner like this. 549 00:23:13,126 --> 00:23:16,661 You know, 'cause I don't want another body touching mine when I'm trying to fall asleep. 550 00:23:16,663 --> 00:23:19,697 And you can't turn this way because then you get-- you got face-to-face. 551 00:23:19,699 --> 00:23:21,432 You don't wanna do that in the middle of the night. 552 00:23:21,434 --> 00:23:24,502 Well, where-- where do you see the relationship going? 553 00:23:24,504 --> 00:23:26,603 I see it going, hopefully, one day, 554 00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:28,639 to the point where I'll let her sleep in the guestroom. 555 00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:30,807 I'm-- I'm shooting for that. 556 00:23:30,809 --> 00:23:34,011 Uh, we just want to make sure that Eddie is coming for the right reasons. 557 00:23:34,013 --> 00:23:35,546 Yes. Oh, well, yes. 558 00:23:35,548 --> 00:23:39,250 And that you're in a long-term, committed relationship. 559 00:23:39,252 --> 00:23:42,086 Well, I can-- I can give you nine months. 560 00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:44,021 Um, that's... 561 00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:47,658 Well, no, I can give you-- I can give you nine months. 562 00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:49,225 Nine happy months. 563 00:23:49,227 --> 00:23:52,328 Then I can give you years and years of-- of being miserable. 564 00:23:52,330 --> 00:23:53,931 But we'll be together! 565 00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:55,398 Well, that's actually 566 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,333 really what we're looking to hear, Larry, 567 00:23:57,335 --> 00:23:58,569 is that you are gonna be together 568 00:23:58,571 --> 00:24:00,403 for an extended amount of time. 569 00:24:00,405 --> 00:24:02,405 - Absolutely. - At least while Eddie is here at school. 570 00:24:02,407 --> 00:24:05,641 Unless she gets sick or something, in which case I'll-- 571 00:24:05,643 --> 00:24:07,510 I'll leave her quickly. You could understand that. 572 00:24:07,512 --> 00:24:09,412 I'm not gonna visit people in the hospital. 573 00:24:09,414 --> 00:24:11,381 I'm-- I'm not crazy, you know. 574 00:24:11,383 --> 00:24:12,882 Otherwise... 575 00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:15,518 - I adore this woman. - ( phone ringing ) 576 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:16,819 Excuse me. 577 00:24:16,821 --> 00:24:18,654 Hello. 578 00:24:18,656 --> 00:24:21,256 - LD, it's the Funk-Man. - Hey, I can't talk right now. 579 00:24:21,258 --> 00:24:24,526 All right, I'll make it quick. I can't host Cesar's pool party. 580 00:24:24,528 --> 00:24:27,129 - What? Why? - Well, Marilyn wants us 581 00:24:27,131 --> 00:24:29,531 to go to Catalina, so I've got to do it. 582 00:24:29,533 --> 00:24:33,135 I'm very disappointed. And I'm sure Cesar will be, too. 583 00:24:33,137 --> 00:24:37,172 - And Little Cesar. - I don't know Little Cesar and I don't really know Cesar. 584 00:24:37,174 --> 00:24:39,541 But, uh, we still on for brunch Sunday? 585 00:24:39,543 --> 00:24:40,609 Uh, I guess so. 586 00:24:40,611 --> 00:24:41,910 Okay, I'll see you then. 587 00:24:41,912 --> 00:24:44,012 All right. Goodbye. 588 00:24:44,014 --> 00:24:48,550 So, uh, Larry, again, we're very happy you came in, talked to us about Eddie. 589 00:24:48,552 --> 00:24:51,586 I think things, um-- I think look pretty good. 590 00:24:51,588 --> 00:24:52,988 We're very, uh... 591 00:24:54,424 --> 00:24:56,424 Could my handyman and his family 592 00:24:56,426 --> 00:24:58,627 use your pool on Saturday? 593 00:25:04,601 --> 00:25:07,101 ( whispering, chuckling ) 594 00:25:12,442 --> 00:25:14,275 - Hi. - Hey. 595 00:25:14,277 --> 00:25:15,709 - Same table. - Is it? 596 00:25:15,711 --> 00:25:17,945 - Champagne. - Oh. 597 00:25:17,947 --> 00:25:19,980 - This time we'll drink it. - ( nervous chuckling ) 598 00:25:19,982 --> 00:25:21,682 - What's the matter? - ( stammering ) 599 00:25:21,684 --> 00:25:25,418 I just got off the phone with the Pemberton Academy. 600 00:25:25,420 --> 00:25:26,754 What'd they say? 601 00:25:26,756 --> 00:25:27,988 Eddie didn't get in. 602 00:25:27,990 --> 00:25:29,489 - He didn't get in? - No. 603 00:25:29,491 --> 00:25:30,858 Why? 604 00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:32,292 Because of the condition 605 00:25:32,294 --> 00:25:34,695 that your handyman and his family 606 00:25:34,697 --> 00:25:36,864 left the Pemberton Academy pool. 607 00:25:36,866 --> 00:25:38,465 What? What's the condition? 608 00:25:38,467 --> 00:25:39,999 Befouled. 609 00:25:40,001 --> 00:25:42,202 Little Cesar befouled the pool? 610 00:25:42,204 --> 00:25:43,270 Why would you send them there? 611 00:25:43,272 --> 00:25:44,971 Of all the pools in California? 612 00:25:44,973 --> 00:25:46,973 I don't know, 'cause Little Cesar wanted to use a pool! 613 00:25:46,975 --> 00:25:48,642 I couldn't-- I couldn't refuse Little Cesar. 614 00:25:48,644 --> 00:25:50,210 Why do they have to use a pool at all? 615 00:25:50,212 --> 00:25:52,212 Cesar flipped the tip on me and, you know, 616 00:25:52,214 --> 00:25:53,946 he wouldn't take the tip, so I was obligated to! 617 00:25:53,948 --> 00:25:55,181 - Hi! - Hello! 618 00:25:55,183 --> 00:25:57,083 More obligated than to-- hi! 619 00:25:57,085 --> 00:25:59,185 - Hi. - How are you? 620 00:25:59,187 --> 00:26:00,853 What a day! 621 00:26:00,855 --> 00:26:02,655 We just came back from Catalina. 622 00:26:02,657 --> 00:26:05,391 - Oh, heard that's beautiful. - What a cruise! 623 00:26:05,393 --> 00:26:07,259 - Dolphins! - Great boat, beautiful. 624 00:26:07,261 --> 00:26:08,795 - Magnificent. - I think I got too much sun. 625 00:26:08,797 --> 00:26:10,163 Funkhouser: How are you guys doing? 626 00:26:10,165 --> 00:26:14,233 Gosh, I am so sorry, but I think I have to go. 627 00:26:14,235 --> 00:26:17,603 - Oh, no. - We just had a "go home" argument, and I have to go. 628 00:26:17,605 --> 00:26:20,706 Oh, no, no, no. Don't do that! No, don't do that! 629 00:26:20,708 --> 00:26:23,442 I just feel so upset. I'm not gonna be able to rally for today. 630 00:26:23,444 --> 00:26:25,010 - Yeah. - Thank you. You understand. 631 00:26:25,012 --> 00:26:26,845 - Thanks for trying. - Oh, no. I'm sorry, no. 632 00:26:26,847 --> 00:26:29,181 I'll see you, maybe, again, but who can say? 633 00:26:29,183 --> 00:26:32,650 - I might not. - No, I'm so-- ah! Ah, I'm sorry! 634 00:26:32,652 --> 00:26:34,385 Enjoy the champagne. 635 00:26:34,387 --> 00:26:37,089 - I'm sorry! Ah! - Here we go. 636 00:26:37,091 --> 00:26:38,423 ( cork pops ) 637 00:26:42,029 --> 00:26:43,561 ( tires screech ) 638 00:26:45,599 --> 00:26:47,198 Oh! 639 00:26:53,506 --> 00:26:56,474 Mr. David, get in. 640 00:26:56,476 --> 00:26:59,310 Get-- get in the car? What, where-- where are we going? 641 00:26:59,312 --> 00:27:01,846 I haven't even had-- had brunch yet. 642 00:27:01,848 --> 00:27:03,313 Get in. 643 00:27:03,315 --> 00:27:04,749 Okay. 644 00:27:06,185 --> 00:27:08,285 Oh, my God. 645 00:27:08,287 --> 00:27:09,220 Go. 646 00:27:12,691 --> 00:27:15,626 Morsi: There was no reason for me to get to the back of the line. 647 00:27:15,628 --> 00:27:17,961 As I said, I had already waited, 648 00:27:17,963 --> 00:27:24,100 and those brunch buffet lines are interminable. 649 00:27:24,102 --> 00:27:26,303 Yes, I am familiar 650 00:27:26,305 --> 00:27:28,705 because they cook the eggs while you wait. 651 00:27:28,707 --> 00:27:30,140 ( muftis agree ) 652 00:27:30,142 --> 00:27:34,077 And all I wanted-- just a little bit more home fries. 653 00:27:34,079 --> 00:27:35,645 Ah, yes, home fries. 654 00:27:35,647 --> 00:27:37,747 A nice compliment to the eggs. 655 00:27:37,749 --> 00:27:39,382 With ketchup? 656 00:27:39,384 --> 00:27:41,151 ( chuckles ) Yes, of course. 657 00:27:41,153 --> 00:27:44,821 ( chattering in Arabic ) 658 00:27:44,823 --> 00:27:48,158 So it seems wrong to wait 15 minutes just for that. 659 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,459 Yes, of course. Why even get them? 660 00:27:50,461 --> 00:27:53,696 Exactly. So I took a chance. 661 00:27:53,698 --> 00:27:55,063 But the outcry 662 00:27:55,065 --> 00:27:58,401 was unlike anything you could ever imagine. 663 00:27:58,403 --> 00:28:00,436 You are perceived as a cutter. 664 00:28:00,438 --> 00:28:03,172 There's nothing Americans hate more than a cutter. 665 00:28:03,174 --> 00:28:04,440 - He is right. - It's true. 666 00:28:04,442 --> 00:28:08,510 You're right, Mufti. I was humiliated. 667 00:28:08,512 --> 00:28:10,679 But this man... 668 00:28:10,681 --> 00:28:12,747 he rose to my defense. 669 00:28:12,749 --> 00:28:15,350 He said I have every right 670 00:28:15,352 --> 00:28:18,187 to get seconds without waiting. 671 00:28:18,189 --> 00:28:20,889 He was forceful, passionate, 672 00:28:20,891 --> 00:28:23,358 and courageous. 673 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:26,594 When the American blood sugar gets low, 674 00:28:26,596 --> 00:28:28,563 they turn into animals. 675 00:28:28,565 --> 00:28:30,031 It's very intimidating. 676 00:28:30,033 --> 00:28:31,733 - True. - I have seen it. 677 00:28:31,735 --> 00:28:34,001 Morsi: Not this man. 678 00:28:34,003 --> 00:28:35,603 It was something to see. 679 00:28:35,605 --> 00:28:39,207 And that's why I come before you 680 00:28:39,209 --> 00:28:43,477 to beg you to reevaluate his case. 681 00:28:43,479 --> 00:28:47,914 I have read the report of your investigation with great interest. 682 00:28:47,916 --> 00:28:50,917 However, there are many things in his past 683 00:28:50,919 --> 00:28:53,854 which contradict his behavior in the restaurant. 684 00:28:53,856 --> 00:28:59,560 For example, this business about not giving out candy on Halloween. 685 00:28:59,562 --> 00:29:01,794 Surely that cannot be justified. 686 00:29:01,796 --> 00:29:05,732 With all due respect, he did give out candies. 687 00:29:05,734 --> 00:29:09,169 But the girls in question, they were teenagers. 688 00:29:09,171 --> 00:29:10,937 Much too old to be tricking. 689 00:29:10,939 --> 00:29:13,473 Tricking or treating? 690 00:29:13,475 --> 00:29:15,742 This is all so very confusing. 691 00:29:15,744 --> 00:29:17,577 Well, you play tricks 692 00:29:17,579 --> 00:29:20,580 if you don't get the treat, is my understanding. 693 00:29:20,582 --> 00:29:23,215 - ( muftis murmuring ) - Yes, I believe that is correct. 694 00:29:23,217 --> 00:29:24,917 That is confusing. 695 00:29:24,919 --> 00:29:26,419 But the girls were 16. 696 00:29:26,421 --> 00:29:29,689 You don't trick when you're 16. 697 00:29:29,691 --> 00:29:33,158 That's not tricking, that's stealing. 698 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,127 By denying them candy, 699 00:29:35,129 --> 00:29:37,696 he was teaching them a lesson. 700 00:29:37,698 --> 00:29:39,631 - ( muftis agreeing ) - Yes. 701 00:29:39,633 --> 00:29:42,368 - ( all murmuring ) - I see your point. 702 00:29:42,370 --> 00:29:44,870 Ah, very good. Very good. 703 00:29:44,872 --> 00:29:47,506 - ( speaking Arabic ) - Pass the plates, gentlemen. 704 00:29:47,508 --> 00:29:50,675 - Falafel. Yes, falafel. - Mufti #2: Another falafel over here. 705 00:29:50,677 --> 00:29:52,010 - Kabob. - Kabob for me. 706 00:29:52,012 --> 00:29:55,280 - Onion rings. Yes. - Ah, French fries. 707 00:29:55,282 --> 00:29:59,684 Mufti: But what about his values? 708 00:29:59,686 --> 00:30:01,686 His lust knows no bounds. 709 00:30:01,688 --> 00:30:05,323 He will have sexual congress with anyone, anytime. 710 00:30:05,325 --> 00:30:07,858 Including a Palestinian. 711 00:30:07,860 --> 00:30:10,295 - ( muftis murmuring ) - What? Is this true? 712 00:30:10,297 --> 00:30:12,130 This is so? 713 00:30:12,132 --> 00:30:13,965 You know this for a fact? 714 00:30:13,967 --> 00:30:15,433 Twice. 715 00:30:15,435 --> 00:30:16,667 - Twice! - ( muftis murmuring ) 716 00:30:16,669 --> 00:30:18,136 A Muslim woman? 717 00:30:18,138 --> 00:30:19,203 Morsi: Yes, Mufti, 718 00:30:19,205 --> 00:30:20,504 she is a Muslim. 719 00:30:20,506 --> 00:30:22,373 ( murmuring ) 720 00:30:22,375 --> 00:30:24,675 Mufti: Very interesting. 721 00:30:24,677 --> 00:30:27,411 This is new information. 722 00:30:27,413 --> 00:30:30,280 I will personally contact the ayatollah 723 00:30:30,282 --> 00:30:33,183 and let him know what we have learned. 724 00:30:34,587 --> 00:30:37,087 I can say without reservation 725 00:30:37,089 --> 00:30:40,324 that he will rescind the fatwa. 726 00:30:40,326 --> 00:30:44,894 - You are free to go. - Thank you, "Moofti"! "Muff-ti"! 727 00:30:44,896 --> 00:30:46,796 Thank you all, moo-mooftis and muff-tis. 728 00:30:46,798 --> 00:30:48,265 Is it "muff-ti" or "moofti"? 729 00:30:48,267 --> 00:30:49,399 "Moofti." 730 00:30:49,401 --> 00:30:51,134 - "Moovti." - "Moovti." 731 00:30:51,136 --> 00:30:52,502 Thank you, "Moovtis." 732 00:30:52,504 --> 00:30:55,005 Thank you so-- but what about the musical? 733 00:30:55,007 --> 00:30:56,840 Um, the musical "Fatwa!"? 734 00:30:56,842 --> 00:30:59,943 I will say this about the musical... 735 00:31:01,379 --> 00:31:03,813 If you can get Lin-Manuel Miranda, 736 00:31:03,815 --> 00:31:05,448 you know, from "Hamilton"... 737 00:31:05,450 --> 00:31:08,184 - ( muftis agreeing ) - Yes! I love "Hamilton"! 738 00:31:08,186 --> 00:31:10,987 If you can get Lin-Manuel Miranda to star, 739 00:31:10,989 --> 00:31:12,554 you can proceed with the musical. 740 00:31:12,556 --> 00:31:13,822 ( stammering ) How am I gonna get Lin-Manuel? 741 00:31:13,824 --> 00:31:15,657 He-- he's got his own stuff he does. 742 00:31:15,659 --> 00:31:17,126 - He's not gonna be in this. - ( bottle squirting ) 743 00:31:17,128 --> 00:31:18,961 What are you doing with the ketchup? 744 00:31:18,963 --> 00:31:20,529 You used up all the ketchup! 745 00:31:20,531 --> 00:31:23,499 - I like ketchup. - Show some restraint. 746 00:31:23,501 --> 00:31:25,834 You're never going to eat all that. 747 00:31:25,836 --> 00:31:28,770 Is there a shortage of ketchup that I was not aware of? 748 00:31:28,772 --> 00:31:32,908 This is why I have been advocating for packets, but no one will listen! 749 00:31:32,910 --> 00:31:36,945 - Now, that's a good idea. - I cannot eat onion rings without ketchup. 750 00:31:36,947 --> 00:31:38,847 The whole snack is ruined! 751 00:31:38,849 --> 00:31:41,517 - Wait, don't go! - Please, no! 752 00:31:41,519 --> 00:31:43,184 How am I gonna get Lin-Manuel? 753 00:31:43,186 --> 00:31:46,054 - Mufti #3: You're being a baby. - ( chattering ) 754 00:31:46,056 --> 00:31:47,588 Thank you. 755 00:31:59,569 --> 00:32:00,968 Huh. Okay. 756 00:32:00,970 --> 00:32:03,971 - Driver: Here you are. - All right. Very nice. 757 00:32:03,973 --> 00:32:06,073 - All right. - Thank you so much for everything. 758 00:32:06,075 --> 00:32:08,342 I really appreciate it. Let me, uh-- before you go. 759 00:32:08,344 --> 00:32:09,944 No, I can't take that. 760 00:32:09,946 --> 00:32:11,278 - Oh, no. - Please, put it back. 761 00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:12,780 - I insist. - No, I cannot take this. 762 00:32:12,782 --> 00:32:14,649 - What? Come on, please. - I cannot take it. 763 00:32:14,651 --> 00:32:16,684 - Take the money. What? - No. You are going to embar-- 764 00:32:16,686 --> 00:32:18,185 - You are offending me. - You're offending me! 765 00:32:18,187 --> 00:32:20,154 ( arguing ) 766 00:32:20,156 --> 00:32:21,922 - I'm not taking-- - Look. Yeah, take it. 767 00:32:21,924 --> 00:32:24,358 - I don't want it. Yeah. - No! Take it back! 768 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:25,659 I don't want it! 769 00:32:25,661 --> 00:32:27,794 I can't take that from you, sir! 770 00:32:27,796 --> 00:32:29,430 I will not take this tip, okay? 771 00:32:29,432 --> 00:32:30,531 Take the money! 772 00:32:30,533 --> 00:32:32,466 You ain't gonna flip a tip on me! 773 00:32:32,468 --> 00:32:35,401 ( theme music playing ) 774 00:32:35,402 --> 00:32:42,729 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com