1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:03,583 Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:05,284 --> 00:00:08,719 - None of your business, Elaine! - ( Audience laughs ) 3 00:00:09,822 --> 00:00:11,689 - All: No! - ( Theme music playing ) 4 00:00:22,070 --> 00:00:24,906 - Oh, sorry about that. - A ring stain? 5 00:00:24,940 --> 00:00:27,675 I have a bad habit of just putting my drink down on the table. 6 00:00:27,709 --> 00:00:30,378 Bad habit? Put your drink down on the wood? 7 00:00:30,413 --> 00:00:34,282 - Look at that stain you made. - Well, we'll just sand it off or something. 8 00:00:36,987 --> 00:00:39,122 Do you respect wood? 9 00:00:41,923 --> 00:00:44,287 I-- 10 00:00:44,321 --> 00:00:46,155 - Guess so. - Oh my God. 11 00:00:46,189 --> 00:00:48,591 You had a cup like that at Julia's party. 12 00:00:48,625 --> 00:00:51,527 You left the ring stain on Julia's table. 13 00:00:51,561 --> 00:00:53,795 She blamed me the whole time, but it was you. 14 00:00:53,830 --> 00:00:56,565 - Well, it's no big deal. - You're right. 15 00:00:56,599 --> 00:00:58,533 It is no big deal. 16 00:00:58,568 --> 00:01:01,269 Having said that, 17 00:01:01,304 --> 00:01:04,606 I would love for you to call Julia and tell her you left the ring stain. 18 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,774 - I'm not calling Julia. - Yeah, just tell her that-- 19 00:01:06,809 --> 00:01:09,344 That you were the one who left the stain on the antique table. 20 00:01:09,378 --> 00:01:11,245 - Hold on one second. - I'm not gonna do that. 21 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,713 - Yeah, come on. - I'm not doing that. 22 00:01:12,748 --> 00:01:15,082 - No, I want you to talk to her. - I don't want to talk to Julia. 23 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:19,687 - Cheryl, hold on one second. - Oh my God, I am not talking to Julia. 24 00:01:19,721 --> 00:01:21,255 - I'm not doing this. - Hey, Jules! 25 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,591 - Show was fantastic. - What was I thinking? Why would I come here? 26 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:27,294 I'm not talking to Julia. I said no 27 00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:29,029 and you don't listen to me. 28 00:01:29,064 --> 00:01:30,898 Oh wait, hold-- Hold on, okay. 29 00:01:30,932 --> 00:01:33,934 Cheryl, wait one second! No no, I think she left the ring stain. Hold on. 30 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:37,103 - Hey, what the hell are you doing? - Leaving, Larry. 31 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:39,405 - Huh? Why? - Why?! 32 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,474 Yeah. Cheryl! 33 00:01:41,508 --> 00:01:44,243 Cheryl. 34 00:01:46,713 --> 00:01:49,315 ( Theme music playing ) 35 00:01:55,388 --> 00:01:58,590 Man: Larry, I know divorce is painful, but this is a fantastic deal. 36 00:01:58,625 --> 00:02:00,860 It's not only the best deal I'm gonna get for you, 37 00:02:00,894 --> 00:02:02,761 it's the best deal that anybody's gonna get for anybody. 38 00:02:02,795 --> 00:02:05,228 Yore gonna keep your house, you're keeping all your property. 39 00:02:05,263 --> 00:02:06,830 You know? I know that's important to you. 40 00:02:06,864 --> 00:02:09,499 - I gotta be a good guy. - Yeah, you will look like a good guy here. 41 00:02:09,533 --> 00:02:11,835 - But I don't really want to be a good guy here. - I know. 42 00:02:11,869 --> 00:02:13,736 - You know that, right? - Yes. 43 00:02:13,771 --> 00:02:15,438 - Okay, yeah. - This is what I do. 44 00:02:15,472 --> 00:02:19,074 You're coming out ahead in this deal and she's coming out behind. 45 00:02:19,109 --> 00:02:21,076 Imagine like a Dutch apple pie, right? 46 00:02:21,111 --> 00:02:24,546 The filling, the real meat of the pie, is everything you're getting. 47 00:02:24,580 --> 00:02:27,348 And the top of the pie that looks so nice 48 00:02:27,383 --> 00:02:29,817 is what she's getting. She's just getting the appearance. 49 00:02:29,852 --> 00:02:33,020 Yeah, but I really like that crumbly stuff on the top. 50 00:02:33,055 --> 00:02:34,855 No, everybody does. Yeah, it's delicious. 51 00:02:34,890 --> 00:02:37,891 I like that more than the pie. I would rather get that 52 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,894 - than the pie. - Yeah, I know, but it's-- 53 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,929 But that's just-- That's a part of it, 54 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,465 but the real-- It wouldn't be a pie without the filling. 55 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,800 - Yeah, but it's my favorite part. - So let's switch it. 56 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,936 She's getting the filling and you're getting the razzle-dazzle that is 57 00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:53,538 - the brown crumbly stuff. - The delicious brown crumbly stuff. 58 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:55,173 - Yeah, yeah yeah. - The cinnamon. 59 00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:56,975 It's a good deal. It's ready to be signed. 60 00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:58,676 Everything's going to be fine, Larry. 61 00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:00,812 You came to the right place. 62 00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:03,681 You know what, Berg? I like the cut of your jib. 63 00:03:03,715 --> 00:03:05,649 Uh, thank you very much, captain. I appreciate that. 64 00:03:05,684 --> 00:03:08,785 Cheryl and her lawyer are going to be here in a matter of minutes. 65 00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:12,088 You don't have to, but it might not be a bad idea for you to stick around for that meeting. 66 00:03:12,122 --> 00:03:16,125 - No, I'm gonna go. - Okay, fair enough. Okay. 67 00:03:16,159 --> 00:03:18,294 - You're welcome to stay. - I like this desk. 68 00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:20,529 - You have a lot of room under here. - Yeah, it's nice. 69 00:03:20,563 --> 00:03:22,531 It'd be a good desk to get blowjobs under. 70 00:03:22,565 --> 00:03:25,866 That's not why I bought it, but let's call it a happy accident. 71 00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:29,968 - Okay, Berg. - Larry, don't worry so much. 72 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,736 - It's a good deal. - Okay, I'm not going to worry. 73 00:03:31,770 --> 00:03:33,570 I'm gonna leave it in your hands. I trust you. 74 00:03:33,605 --> 00:03:35,338 - You should. - I have a lot of confidence in you. 75 00:03:35,373 --> 00:03:37,574 - All right, see you, Larry. - See you around. 76 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,409 Cheryl: Larry. 77 00:03:40,444 --> 00:03:43,045 - Oh hey. - Hi. 78 00:03:43,079 --> 00:03:45,980 - Hey. Good to see you. - Hello. 79 00:03:46,015 --> 00:03:48,083 - Good to see you. - This is David Rabinowitz, 80 00:03:48,117 --> 00:03:49,451 my attorney. This is Larry David. 81 00:03:49,485 --> 00:03:50,919 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 82 00:03:50,953 --> 00:03:52,921 You hired a bald man, huh? 83 00:03:52,955 --> 00:03:56,390 Uh, that was a coincidence. 84 00:03:56,425 --> 00:03:58,092 I didn't really go after a bald man. 85 00:04:01,229 --> 00:04:03,396 You know, you should've recused yourself. We can't go up against each other. 86 00:04:03,430 --> 00:04:05,364 - It's a code. It's in the bald code. - Is it? 87 00:04:05,398 --> 00:04:08,767 - Yes, it is. - Oh, I do need to come by and pick up some stuff. 88 00:04:08,801 --> 00:04:11,102 - Oh, you want to get the bedding and everything? - Yes. 89 00:04:11,136 --> 00:04:13,037 I'm giving her the bedding. See? 90 00:04:13,071 --> 00:04:15,272 - You don't like the bedding. - I like the bedding. 91 00:04:15,307 --> 00:04:17,341 And the pillows. I'm giving you all those pillows. 92 00:04:17,375 --> 00:04:20,410 - Yeah, you like-- You want that, right? - Yeah, but 93 00:04:20,444 --> 00:04:22,311 you don't like those pillows either. 94 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,447 I know, but I could charge you for them if I wasn't being fair. 95 00:04:25,481 --> 00:04:28,082 - You could charge me for the pillows? - Yes, isn't that right? 96 00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:30,218 - I'm not sure. - Technically. 97 00:04:30,252 --> 00:04:31,919 Technically. Correct, okay? 98 00:04:31,953 --> 00:04:34,521 - Okay. - Your bald lawyer says technically yes. 99 00:04:34,556 --> 00:04:38,524 And I can call you bald. It's like black people calling each other nigga. 100 00:04:38,559 --> 00:04:41,395 - "Hey, baldy," you know? - Okay, let's-- It's better if you don't. 101 00:04:41,429 --> 00:04:43,298 - Okay. - I think you're crossing boundaries 102 00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:45,067 - that shouldn't be crossed. - Okay. 103 00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:50,105 - What are you doing? - I'm practicing a tic I'm working on. 104 00:04:51,941 --> 00:04:55,276 You know, for dating. I'm just wondering if she'll point it out, that's all. 105 00:04:55,311 --> 00:04:57,178 And that's what you do on your dates? 106 00:04:57,212 --> 00:04:59,380 - Yeah, I'll just keep going like this. - You make up a tic 107 00:04:59,415 --> 00:05:01,382 - to see how long your-- Okay, um... - Yeah. 108 00:05:01,416 --> 00:05:05,919 What would you think if you were sitting across from somebody going like this? 109 00:05:05,954 --> 00:05:08,255 If he was doing it on purpose, I would think he was an asshole. 110 00:05:08,289 --> 00:05:10,757 Only because I told you because you know who I am. 111 00:05:10,791 --> 00:05:13,259 But if you didn't know me and we had just met, 112 00:05:13,294 --> 00:05:16,596 and then all of a sudden you're sitting across from me and I'm going-- 113 00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:19,031 Okay, that doesn't work. I don't think you should do that. 114 00:05:19,065 --> 00:05:21,299 ( Chuckles ) Wh-- Why not? Huh? 115 00:05:21,334 --> 00:05:23,301 - Let's go. - It's just a social experiment. 116 00:05:23,336 --> 00:05:25,437 - Cheryl: I'll text you. - All right, nice to meet you. 117 00:05:25,471 --> 00:05:27,038 Rabinowitz: Nice meeting you. 118 00:05:27,072 --> 00:05:30,673 Larry: I got the sharpest Jewish divorce lawyer in town. 119 00:05:30,707 --> 00:05:32,408 - He's terrific. - Jeff: You like Berg? 120 00:05:32,442 --> 00:05:34,877 - I like him a lot, yeah. - Oh, you know what? You and I ever split up, 121 00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:36,711 let me tell you something, we get a divorce, 122 00:05:36,745 --> 00:05:39,279 50-50. You take whatever 50% you want. 123 00:05:39,314 --> 00:05:41,247 I'll take what's left. No arguing, 124 00:05:41,282 --> 00:05:44,082 - no negativity. - What, are you fucking kidding me? 125 00:05:44,117 --> 00:05:47,183 You think we're gonna have a nice divorce if we ever get divorced? 126 00:05:47,218 --> 00:05:49,984 No fucking way. I'm taking you for everything you have, mister. 127 00:05:50,019 --> 00:05:53,420 I'm taking your balls and I'm thumbtacking them to the wall. 128 00:05:53,455 --> 00:05:56,389 You're gonna get nothing out of it. You mention the "d" word once 129 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:59,158 in your fucking life, you'll rue the day you ever met me. 130 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:09,068 Okay. I've got some great news. 131 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:12,537 Guess where the Funkman is going for three weeks. 132 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:15,073 - Miami? - London! 133 00:06:15,107 --> 00:06:16,708 - London! - Oh ah! 134 00:06:16,742 --> 00:06:19,509 - How about that? - On business, how great is that? 135 00:06:19,544 --> 00:06:21,077 - Wow, that's fun. - Are you going? 136 00:06:21,112 --> 00:06:23,045 - No. - Oh, really? 137 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,681 - She doesn't like to travel. - I don't go on business trips with him. 138 00:06:25,715 --> 00:06:27,783 - Have you ever been there? - No. 139 00:06:27,817 --> 00:06:31,119 Oh my God, you should go. It's really beautiful this time of year. 140 00:06:31,153 --> 00:06:33,955 - Hmm, really? - Yeah! 141 00:06:33,989 --> 00:06:35,756 - London! - Maybe I should go, Marty. 142 00:06:35,791 --> 00:06:38,392 No, it's cold. Right now it's cold and foggy and dangerous. 143 00:06:38,426 --> 00:06:41,294 They have gangs over there and everything else and I'll be doing business. 144 00:06:41,329 --> 00:06:44,097 I never travel with you. I think it's a great idea. I'm going. 145 00:06:44,131 --> 00:06:46,432 - Let's talk about-- - Thank you. 146 00:06:46,467 --> 00:06:48,834 That's decided. I'm in. 147 00:06:51,404 --> 00:06:53,104 Um... 148 00:06:53,139 --> 00:06:56,007 - What's everybody getting for lunch? - Fish chowder. 149 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:57,708 Gonna have some sort of light salad. 150 00:06:57,743 --> 00:07:00,010 - I'm not that hungry. - I think I'm gonna get the buffet. 151 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,546 - All right. - All right. I'll be back. 152 00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:05,215 - The fish chowder's yummy. - Larry! 153 00:07:05,249 --> 00:07:07,150 - Hey, Joe. - Larry, how are you? 154 00:07:07,184 --> 00:07:08,718 - Pretty good. - Susie: Anna! 155 00:07:08,752 --> 00:07:10,820 - Oh my God, how are you? - Right right right, this is Anna. 156 00:07:10,854 --> 00:07:13,655 Hey, this is-- You know Joe O'Donnell, the owner of the Dodgers. 157 00:07:13,690 --> 00:07:15,823 - Yes. - Hi, everybody. I didn't want to interrupt. 158 00:07:15,857 --> 00:07:17,891 - Nice to meet you. - Anna and I did pilates together. 159 00:07:17,926 --> 00:07:20,293 - How are you? Things going good? - Great great, yeah. 160 00:07:20,328 --> 00:07:22,462 Did you speak to Andy today? Our fearless attorney? 161 00:07:22,496 --> 00:07:25,064 - We have the same divorce lawyer. - Oh yes! 162 00:07:25,099 --> 00:07:26,732 Oh, the fun we're having. 163 00:07:26,767 --> 00:07:29,501 - How's it going with you? - Well... 164 00:07:29,535 --> 00:07:31,903 You know, it's complicated to say the least. 165 00:07:31,937 --> 00:07:34,905 The team is-- The team's an asset 166 00:07:34,940 --> 00:07:37,241 and it's kind of a little precarious right now. 167 00:07:37,275 --> 00:07:39,943 I think he'll come through for us though. I'm pretty confident. 168 00:07:39,978 --> 00:07:41,978 - Yeah, he's good. - By the way, would you be... 169 00:07:42,013 --> 00:07:44,547 Would you be interested in coming out, sitting in a box with me? 170 00:07:44,582 --> 00:07:46,316 - Oh, that'd be fun. - We can commiserate, 171 00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:48,551 discuss why the hell we got married in the first place. 172 00:07:48,585 --> 00:07:50,953 Yeah, I'd be interested. 173 00:07:50,987 --> 00:07:53,055 - Yes. - Oh, we should tell them. 174 00:07:53,089 --> 00:07:57,659 Joe's 13-year-old daughter Kyra is going to be knocking on your doors possibly. 175 00:07:57,693 --> 00:08:00,161 - Look out! - She's selling girl scout cookies. 176 00:08:00,195 --> 00:08:02,529 - It's the last week. - She's going for the record this year. 177 00:08:02,564 --> 00:08:04,498 - She was close. - We're in, right, Jeff? 178 00:08:04,532 --> 00:08:07,400 I'll be slamming the door in her face. I hope that doesn't bother you. 179 00:08:07,435 --> 00:08:09,669 - Oh come on, give her a break. - We're sending her to you first. 180 00:08:09,703 --> 00:08:10,936 She's coming. Be prepared. 181 00:08:10,971 --> 00:08:12,938 - Take care, everybody. - Nice to see you. 182 00:08:17,143 --> 00:08:19,344 - Oh, okay! - Huh? 183 00:08:19,378 --> 00:08:21,079 - There you go. - You loving that? 184 00:08:21,113 --> 00:08:24,316 - That is beautiful. - I told you the buffet, man. 185 00:08:24,350 --> 00:08:26,518 - Boy, did we do the wrong thing. - Shrimp? 186 00:08:26,553 --> 00:08:30,522 - Crab legs, shrimp, potatoes. - I'm still a little bit hungry. Can I take a couple potatoes? 187 00:08:30,557 --> 00:08:32,290 - Help yourself. - Funkhouser: Look at that. 188 00:08:32,325 --> 00:08:34,359 - Take a crab leg. Absolutely. - Are you sure? 189 00:08:34,393 --> 00:08:37,060 - Take some shrimp too. - I'll take two shrimp. There we go. 190 00:08:37,094 --> 00:08:38,861 - Thank you. - Take three. You want three? 191 00:08:38,895 --> 00:08:40,595 No, two's plenty. That's all I want. 192 00:08:40,630 --> 00:08:44,164 - Funkhouser: When you go back, get me some. - Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt. 193 00:08:44,198 --> 00:08:47,299 Um, but you can't take from the buffet 194 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:49,400 and share with someone who's ordered off the menu. 195 00:08:49,434 --> 00:08:52,870 So unfortunately we're going to have to charge you for an additional buffet. 196 00:08:52,904 --> 00:08:55,205 - It says it's all you can eat. - It's all you can eat. 197 00:08:55,239 --> 00:08:57,540 What's the difference if I give it to somebody else? 198 00:08:57,574 --> 00:08:59,608 Because then he's eating it. It's all he can eat also. 199 00:08:59,642 --> 00:09:03,144 I wasn't going to make a second visit. This is it. This is my only plate. 200 00:09:03,179 --> 00:09:05,947 - But how am I to know that? - It doesn't say that you can't-- 201 00:09:05,981 --> 00:09:08,616 Excuse me, maybe I can help. Hello, I'm Hiriam Katz, 202 00:09:08,650 --> 00:09:11,351 attorney-at-law. Maybe I can straighten this out. 203 00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:14,053 First of all, in your implied contract with this man 204 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:17,122 there is nothing that allows you to restrict what he does with your product 205 00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:20,191 after he purchases it, so he can do whatever wants with the food. 206 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,727 And secondly, if you suspect that he's stealing another buffet from you, 207 00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:26,062 you'd have to be able to establish prior intent. 208 00:09:26,096 --> 00:09:28,031 Now can you prove prior tent? 209 00:09:28,066 --> 00:09:29,900 I didn't think so. 210 00:09:29,934 --> 00:09:32,936 So in the absence of that, I'm afraid there's really nothing you can do 211 00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:36,440 except probably apologize to these people and maybe buy them a round of drinks. 212 00:09:36,474 --> 00:09:38,475 Hmm? 213 00:09:39,844 --> 00:09:41,878 I'm sorry and... 214 00:09:41,913 --> 00:09:44,448 I'd be happy to get you a round of drinks. 215 00:09:44,482 --> 00:09:46,451 Apology accepted. That won't be necessary. 216 00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:47,986 - Thank you. - Thank you very much. 217 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:51,090 I hope you don't mind. I hate to see people ripped off that way. 218 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,392 So I thought I would dive in. I am Hiriam Katz, 219 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,260 attorney-at-law. Here's my card. 220 00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,862 Enjoy your brunch. 221 00:10:01,733 --> 00:10:04,201 Hey, how about O'Donnell inviting me to sit in his box? 222 00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:05,802 That's some cool shit. Let me tell you something. 223 00:10:05,837 --> 00:10:07,770 - This is gonna be great for us, man. - I know. 224 00:10:07,805 --> 00:10:09,538 This is better than-- Excuse me? 225 00:10:09,573 --> 00:10:11,373 - It's great for us. - Great for us? 226 00:10:11,408 --> 00:10:14,109 - It's great for me. - The hookup always comes with a plus one. 227 00:10:14,143 --> 00:10:16,144 - There's no plus one here. - I get hooked up, 228 00:10:16,179 --> 00:10:18,780 - you get hooked up all the time. - You've never gotten a hookup! 229 00:10:18,815 --> 00:10:20,482 I got plenty of hookups, Larry. You don't see them. 230 00:10:20,516 --> 00:10:22,450 You don't notice the small shit, Larry! 231 00:10:22,484 --> 00:10:24,552 What small shit? There hasn't been any small things. 232 00:10:24,586 --> 00:10:26,387 - It's the small things, Larry. - ( Doorbell rings ) 233 00:10:26,421 --> 00:10:28,355 - There's no plus one. - There's always a plus one. 234 00:10:29,590 --> 00:10:31,357 Hi, is this Larry David's house? 235 00:10:31,391 --> 00:10:35,160 - This is Larry David. - Oh, hi. I'm Kyra, Joe's daughter. 236 00:10:35,195 --> 00:10:37,062 - Kyra O'Donnell! - Yeah. 237 00:10:37,096 --> 00:10:38,596 - Hey. - Hey. 238 00:10:38,631 --> 00:10:41,932 - Um, do you like girl scout cookies? - I find them abhorrent. 239 00:10:41,967 --> 00:10:43,933 - But come in. - Okay, cool. 240 00:10:43,967 --> 00:10:47,036 Um, so we're in stock on a lot of the cookies. 241 00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:48,537 - Okay. - Which is good news. 242 00:10:48,571 --> 00:10:50,973 Um, we have Thank You Berry Munch cookies. 243 00:10:51,007 --> 00:10:53,141 Oh, thank you berry munch, ooooh. 244 00:10:53,175 --> 00:10:55,309 Th-th-th-thank you berry munch. 245 00:10:55,344 --> 00:10:57,978 ( Giggles ) We he the Tagalongs. 246 00:10:58,013 --> 00:10:59,379 - Tagalongs. - Yeah. 247 00:10:59,414 --> 00:11:01,147 We have the... 248 00:11:01,181 --> 00:11:03,549 You know what? I'm not even interested. 249 00:11:03,583 --> 00:11:06,451 Give me five boxes of each of them. 250 00:11:06,486 --> 00:11:08,286 - Really? - Yeah, what do you say to that? 251 00:11:08,321 --> 00:11:10,922 - That's awesome. - Huh? Not bad, right? 252 00:11:10,956 --> 00:11:13,625 Okay, yeah. Um, well, you could just take a look at that. 253 00:11:13,659 --> 00:11:16,161 All right. Now you see, these Samoas, 254 00:11:16,195 --> 00:11:18,095 that looks pretty good actually. 255 00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:20,364 It's covered with caramel, rolled in toasted coconut. 256 00:11:20,398 --> 00:11:23,133 'Cause I'm a huge coconut guy. 257 00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:26,436 Everything okay? 258 00:11:26,470 --> 00:11:32,007 I, uh, think I just had my first period. 259 00:11:34,977 --> 00:11:38,346 Okay. That's... yeah. 260 00:11:38,380 --> 00:11:41,148 Okay, so that's no problem. 261 00:11:41,182 --> 00:11:43,183 That's no problem at all. You know why? In fact, 262 00:11:43,217 --> 00:11:45,818 I got an ex-wife and I was married 263 00:11:45,853 --> 00:11:47,953 and she's a woman. She left stuff upstairs 264 00:11:47,988 --> 00:11:49,822 that's going to be very valuable to you. 265 00:11:49,856 --> 00:11:52,557 I'm going to run up and get it. You stay right here. Don't move. 266 00:11:52,591 --> 00:11:54,959 Okay, don't worry. You had it in the right place. 267 00:11:54,993 --> 00:11:57,795 I'm not kidding. I got this. I got this. 268 00:11:57,829 --> 00:12:00,063 Stay right there. I'll be right down. 269 00:12:00,098 --> 00:12:02,332 Ok-kay. 270 00:12:03,234 --> 00:12:05,468 Okay, got it. 271 00:12:05,502 --> 00:12:08,771 Here you go, all right. 272 00:12:11,741 --> 00:12:13,140 All right, good luck. 273 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,077 Um, I don't really know how to use one of these. 274 00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:21,346 Oh, okay, all right. There's instructions here. 275 00:12:23,415 --> 00:12:25,415 Um... 276 00:12:27,484 --> 00:12:29,484 Okay okay. 277 00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:31,753 "If you're using a tampon, you'll see that" 278 00:12:31,788 --> 00:12:34,222 the plastic applicator is made of two tubes. 279 00:12:34,256 --> 00:12:36,925 - One--" - What do you mean "plastic applicator"? 280 00:12:36,959 --> 00:12:38,927 I don't know what this is. 281 00:12:40,996 --> 00:12:42,997 I just don't get what you're saying. 282 00:12:44,099 --> 00:12:46,033 Oh okay. 283 00:12:46,068 --> 00:12:48,870 "Hold the applicator lightly on the outer insertion tube 284 00:12:48,904 --> 00:12:51,405 at the grip location with your thumb and middle finger." 285 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:52,906 - What the fuck? - Lightly? 286 00:12:52,941 --> 00:12:54,908 - What do-- What am I supposed to-- - Wait a second. 287 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,377 "Gently slide the applicator all the way into your vagi--" 288 00:12:57,411 --> 00:13:00,079 How do I know if I'm doing it right? 289 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:03,849 I've never used one of these and I'm really frustrated right now. 290 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,184 Oh, okay! 291 00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,085 I got it. I got it. 292 00:13:08,119 --> 00:13:10,220 Look, it pushes it out. 293 00:13:10,255 --> 00:13:13,323 - Are you sure you're reading the right directions? - No, listen to me. 294 00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:16,259 Listen to me. Take the inside where the string is 295 00:13:16,293 --> 00:13:18,727 and push it-- Push it. 296 00:13:18,762 --> 00:13:21,196 - Push it? - Push it. You'll see a cotton-- 297 00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:24,032 - What are you talking about? - You'll see a cotton piece come out. 298 00:13:24,066 --> 00:13:25,466 Okay, that doesn't make any sense. 299 00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:27,335 - Can you talk a little slower? - Okay. 300 00:13:27,369 --> 00:13:28,903 - There's a tube, right? - Yes. 301 00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:30,904 - There's an outer tube and an inner tube. - Inner tube? 302 00:13:30,939 --> 00:13:33,039 Put the outer tube in your vagina. 303 00:13:33,074 --> 00:13:36,576 - And-and-- - I don't know what I'm doing. I've never done this before. 304 00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:38,644 Take the-- 305 00:13:38,678 --> 00:13:41,847 Take the outer tube, take your thumb and middle finger... 306 00:13:41,881 --> 00:13:45,249 - Wait, what? - And push that tube forward. 307 00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:48,252 - It comes out of the plastic! - Wait, that seems wrong. 308 00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:51,355 Look, it came out of the plastic. I'm holding it! 309 00:13:51,389 --> 00:13:53,857 - Okay-- - You got it? 310 00:13:53,891 --> 00:13:55,725 I think so. I think I got it. 311 00:13:55,759 --> 00:13:57,126 All right! 312 00:14:16,010 --> 00:14:18,177 Larry: So I'm at a light on Bundy and San Vicente, 313 00:14:18,212 --> 00:14:20,079 guy pulls up next to me on a motorcycle, 314 00:14:20,113 --> 00:14:22,815 - guess who it turns out to be. - Portia de Rossi. 315 00:14:22,849 --> 00:14:24,349 - Huh-uh. - Who? 316 00:14:24,383 --> 00:14:26,951 - Andrew Berg, my lawyer. - Really? On a motorcycle? 317 00:14:26,986 --> 00:14:29,253 Yeah. What is a Jew doing on a motorcycle? 318 00:14:29,288 --> 00:14:31,855 I never recall ever seeing a Jew on a motorcycle. 319 00:14:31,890 --> 00:14:35,158 - Did you ever want to get a motorcycle - I once got on a motor scooter 320 00:14:35,193 --> 00:14:36,626 and got about 30 feet and fell. 321 00:14:36,661 --> 00:14:38,962 - Tor scooter? When did this occur? - I was in college. 322 00:14:38,996 --> 00:14:40,596 - Oh, you were in college. - Yeah. 323 00:14:40,631 --> 00:14:42,398 So you had a big 'fro on a motor scooter? 324 00:14:42,433 --> 00:14:45,235 - Yes, yeah. - It's not this Larry on the motor scooter. 325 00:14:45,269 --> 00:14:47,737 It's young Larry with the big 'fro. 326 00:14:47,771 --> 00:14:49,672 Right, it's 'fro Larry. 'Fro-- 327 00:14:49,706 --> 00:14:53,508 Well, good afternoon, General Petrus. It's lovely to see you. 328 00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:55,410 - Funny, funny, funny. - ( Giggles ) 329 00:14:55,444 --> 00:14:57,645 - And I thank you for your service. - Ha ha ha ha. 330 00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:59,714 This happens to be very in. John Varvatos... 331 00:14:59,748 --> 00:15:01,749 - Really? - His entire fall collection... 332 00:15:01,783 --> 00:15:04,151 - Is that right? Camouflage, is that the new thing? - LS camouflage. 333 00:15:04,185 --> 00:15:06,086 Yes. Listen, you know, I gotta tell you something. 334 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,355 You better go over to O'Donnell and apologize. 335 00:15:08,389 --> 00:15:11,758 - Why, what did I do? - You're teaching his daughter how to put in a tampon? 336 00:15:11,792 --> 00:15:14,260 - He's very upset about it. - Oh, come on! 337 00:15:14,294 --> 00:15:16,161 If her nose is running and she needed a tissue, 338 00:15:16,196 --> 00:15:18,163 I would have given her a tissue. Same thing. 339 00:15:18,198 --> 00:15:20,332 No, not the same thing. It's inappropriate. 340 00:15:20,366 --> 00:15:22,600 - It's a tampon. - What are you talking about? 341 00:15:22,634 --> 00:15:25,869 - The girl was having her period in my house. - It's not my issue, Larry! 342 00:15:25,903 --> 00:15:27,804 It's his issue. I'm just the messenger. 343 00:15:27,838 --> 00:15:29,839 Don't kill the messenger, as they say. 344 00:15:29,873 --> 00:15:32,141 - I wouldn't mind killing the messenger. - Yeah, I bet. 345 00:15:32,175 --> 00:15:34,542 - ( Doorbell rings ) - Say those things when you really love me. 346 00:15:34,577 --> 00:15:36,511 - I think the whole thing is crazy. - You know what? 347 00:15:36,545 --> 00:15:39,013 - I don't think he's gonna give you those tickets. - Really? 348 00:15:39,047 --> 00:15:41,148 - That's so ridiculous. - So go apologize. 349 00:15:41,183 --> 00:15:44,051 - What's the big fucking deal? - I'm gonna go over there and talk to him. 350 00:15:44,085 --> 00:15:47,120 - Hi, Marty. - Hi, Susie. 351 00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:50,056 Well, look who's here. It's the big funk. 352 00:15:50,090 --> 00:15:52,258 You are a colossal prick. 353 00:15:52,292 --> 00:15:53,892 - ( Laughs ) - Do you know that? 354 00:15:53,926 --> 00:15:56,528 - Boy, I'm really getting it today. - You think it's funny? 355 00:15:56,562 --> 00:15:58,396 - What did I do? - Let me tell you something. 356 00:15:58,431 --> 00:16:01,265 You ruined my whole vacation. You had to butt in 357 00:16:01,299 --> 00:16:03,099 and tell Nan to go on my trip. 358 00:16:03,134 --> 00:16:05,602 - I'm sorry. - I could have had three weeks 359 00:16:05,636 --> 00:16:07,470 working and being alone. 360 00:16:07,504 --> 00:16:09,672 I was curious as to why she wasn't going. 361 00:16:09,706 --> 00:16:11,740 Why don't you just go with her? Why don't you bring her? 362 00:16:11,775 --> 00:16:14,310 I'm bored! Everywhere I go with her we don't look at each other, 363 00:16:14,344 --> 00:16:16,578 she talks over me. I want to be alone. 364 00:16:16,612 --> 00:16:18,813 I want to get the chance to spread my wings. 365 00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:21,983 - Why don't you get a divorce? - I'm too lazy. 366 00:16:28,423 --> 00:16:31,690 Coming! Yes, may I help you? 367 00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:33,758 I'm here to see Mr. O'Donnell. 368 00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:36,561 - Larry David. - Mr. O'Donnell here, 369 00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:40,698 but he give me special instruction not to open the door for you. 370 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,233 What? Wait a second. 371 00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:44,568 What do you mean he doesn't want to see me? Why? 372 00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:47,538 Mr. O'Donnell say you did bad thing to miss Kyra. 373 00:16:47,572 --> 00:16:49,405 - A bad thing? - Yes. 374 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,007 Oh no no no no no. 375 00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:53,342 I didn't do anything bad to miss Kyra. 376 00:16:53,377 --> 00:16:56,512 I close door. Mr. O'Donnell say, "Larry David, close door on him." 377 00:16:56,546 --> 00:16:58,280 What? Hold it. Wait a second. 378 00:16:58,314 --> 00:17:00,349 I'm supposed to go to the baseball game with him. 379 00:17:00,383 --> 00:17:02,951 - You have ticket? - No, but he asked me if I was interested 380 00:17:02,985 --> 00:17:04,553 and I said I'd be very interested. 381 00:17:04,587 --> 00:17:06,488 Interested doesn't mean ticket. 382 00:17:06,522 --> 00:17:08,223 Yeah, interested means ticket! 383 00:17:08,257 --> 00:17:10,291 I'm interested, I have no ticket. 384 00:17:10,326 --> 00:17:12,593 Gardener interested, chauffer interested, 385 00:17:12,627 --> 00:17:14,894 cook interested-- Cook more interested than me, 386 00:17:14,929 --> 00:17:16,830 he has no ticket! 387 00:17:23,404 --> 00:17:25,171 - Larry: No. - I can't have them? 388 00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:26,840 - No. - That's where you draw the line? 389 00:17:26,874 --> 00:17:28,808 - I love those. - No. 390 00:17:28,842 --> 00:17:30,441 What? Put those back. 391 00:17:30,476 --> 00:17:32,875 You don't even know what they are. Do you know what they are? 392 00:17:32,909 --> 00:17:35,243 I don't care. You're not coming up here and stealing those! 393 00:17:35,277 --> 00:17:37,275 - Those things. - Yes. 394 00:17:37,309 --> 00:17:40,844 Well, okay, if you change your mind, let me know and I'll... 395 00:17:40,878 --> 00:17:43,346 - I will, I'll let you know. - ...I will return them immediately. 396 00:17:43,381 --> 00:17:46,949 - I'll let you know. - I know, it's kinda weird we're gonna actually 397 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,885 - sign the papers, right? - Yeah, we're gonna sign those papers. 398 00:17:49,919 --> 00:17:52,720 - I'm fine with it. - You know, a lot of people, after they get divorced, 399 00:17:52,755 --> 00:17:54,789 they look at their marriage like it was a waste of time? 400 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,490 - I don't think so. - I don't either. 401 00:17:56,525 --> 00:17:58,459 To me, it's kind of like public school. 402 00:17:58,493 --> 00:18:00,427 You went to school, you got through it 403 00:18:00,461 --> 00:18:02,762 - and now you move on. - What'd you learn? 404 00:18:02,796 --> 00:18:05,164 I wouldn't be tongue scraping if it wasn't for you. 405 00:18:05,198 --> 00:18:08,633 - Look what you taught me. - And that's what you're taking away from our marriage. 406 00:18:08,668 --> 00:18:11,869 - Yes. - Okay, I'm glad you're taking something with you. 407 00:18:11,904 --> 00:18:13,704 - Hey, before you go. - Yes? 408 00:18:13,738 --> 00:18:15,806 Do you think there's any chance we could have sex? 409 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,108 - Um, no. - Come on. 410 00:18:18,142 --> 00:18:20,476 What's the difference? Honestly, think about it, 411 00:18:20,511 --> 00:18:22,711 what's the difference? Let's just do it. Come on. 412 00:18:22,746 --> 00:18:24,480 What have I done? Name one thing I've done 413 00:18:24,514 --> 00:18:26,315 that makes you think I want to have sex with you. 414 00:18:26,349 --> 00:18:28,617 - Well, um... - I'm talking to you? 415 00:18:28,651 --> 00:18:30,451 Yes, you're talking to me. 416 00:18:30,486 --> 00:18:33,087 - That's all you need? - Yeah. When there are women in this bedroom, 417 00:18:33,122 --> 00:18:35,456 it seems crazy if I don't at least offer. 418 00:18:35,491 --> 00:18:38,059 Oh, I meant to tell you-- This is interesting-- 419 00:18:38,093 --> 00:18:40,060 - You know your attorney? - Andrew Berg! 420 00:18:40,095 --> 00:18:42,696 Andrew Berg went to high school with Julie 421 00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:45,332 at St. Christopher's. They actually sat next to each other-- 422 00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:48,434 Wait a second. How could Andrew Berg 423 00:18:48,468 --> 00:18:51,036 go to St. Christopher's? Isn't that a catholic school? 424 00:18:51,070 --> 00:18:53,738 - Yeah. - ( Doorbell rings ) 425 00:18:53,772 --> 00:18:57,040 I saw him on that motorcycle 426 00:18:57,075 --> 00:18:59,076 the other day. 427 00:19:01,245 --> 00:19:03,012 - Oh well. - Girls: Hi! 428 00:19:03,046 --> 00:19:05,713 - Good afternoon. - Hello. Good afternoon. 429 00:19:05,748 --> 00:19:08,348 So we're troop 205 and we're here to collect 430 00:19:08,383 --> 00:19:10,517 the money from the cookies, Mr. David, 431 00:19:10,551 --> 00:19:12,852 that Kyra said you were interested in buying. 432 00:19:12,887 --> 00:19:16,589 First of all, I commend you on the demographics. 433 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,223 All: Thank you. 434 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:21,393 A black, an Asian and-- Are you a Jew perchance? 435 00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:25,263 - Uh, no. - Oh okay, still, 436 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,032 wonderful. 437 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:30,468 Regarding the cookies, there's been a change of plans. 438 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:33,738 Sorry to say, 439 00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:35,272 I no longer want them. 440 00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:37,808 But Kyra said you were interested in buying them. 441 00:19:37,842 --> 00:19:40,110 I was interested and now, 442 00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:42,612 as a result of some difficulties with her father, 443 00:19:42,646 --> 00:19:44,347 - I'm no longer interested. - What? 444 00:19:44,381 --> 00:19:46,582 - You're not getting any money from me. - You can't do that! 445 00:19:46,616 --> 00:19:49,117 - Be a gentleman. - I am a gentleman, young lady! 446 00:19:49,152 --> 00:19:51,085 - Oh no, you're not! - A real gentleman... 447 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,388 - Would give us the money. - ...Would give us the money, yeah. 448 00:19:53,422 --> 00:19:54,789 - I am a gentleman-- - No, you're not! 449 00:19:54,823 --> 00:19:56,590 - Yes, I am a gentleman. - You can't just do that! 450 00:19:56,625 --> 00:19:58,092 - Yes, yeah, I'm doing it. - No! 451 00:19:58,126 --> 00:19:59,927 You go talk to Joe O'Donnell. 452 00:19:59,961 --> 00:20:01,796 Ask him why there's not going to be any cookies! 453 00:20:01,830 --> 00:20:03,798 - ( Girls yelling ) - Oh, too bad! 454 00:20:04,831 --> 00:20:06,132 Jerk! 455 00:20:06,166 --> 00:20:08,267 Berg: Hey, look who's here! 456 00:20:08,301 --> 00:20:10,202 - Hello, Berg. - How are you feeling? 457 00:20:10,236 --> 00:20:12,336 I'm feeling okay. So, Berg, 458 00:20:12,371 --> 00:20:15,039 I was talking to Cheryl and she told me 459 00:20:15,074 --> 00:20:17,575 that a friend of hers 460 00:20:17,609 --> 00:20:19,843 went to high school with you. 461 00:20:21,211 --> 00:20:22,745 - Really? - Yes. 462 00:20:22,779 --> 00:20:24,847 I think the name of the high school was... 463 00:20:24,881 --> 00:20:28,884 - St.... Christopher's. - St. Christopher's, that's correct. 464 00:20:28,919 --> 00:20:30,753 That is my alma mater, yes. 465 00:20:30,787 --> 00:20:34,490 Didn't know that they took Jews at St. Christopher's. 466 00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:37,491 Oh, well, they don't. I mean, why would they? 467 00:20:37,525 --> 00:20:40,027 - Oh, I'm not-- I'm not Jewish. - Oh! 468 00:20:40,061 --> 00:20:42,062 - You're not. - Did you think I was Jewish? 469 00:20:42,097 --> 00:20:44,530 Oh-- Yes, I did. 470 00:20:44,565 --> 00:20:46,632 - Because of Berg! - Yes, because of Berg. 471 00:20:46,666 --> 00:20:48,100 - Because of Berg. - Yes. 472 00:20:48,135 --> 00:20:51,102 - I've often wondered would people... - Really? 473 00:20:51,137 --> 00:20:53,338 - ...Think that. - Yes, and you did nothing 474 00:20:53,372 --> 00:20:56,406 - to perpetuate that, did you? - Well, no, I mean-- 475 00:20:56,441 --> 00:20:58,275 Well, I'm not sure what you mean. 476 00:20:58,309 --> 00:21:01,544 Oh, how about on my birthday? "Mazel tov, Larry." 477 00:21:01,579 --> 00:21:03,913 Well, you're Jewish. It's only respectful. 478 00:21:03,947 --> 00:21:06,782 On the high holy days, I said, "hey, you going to temple, Berg?" 479 00:21:06,817 --> 00:21:09,452 - And you went, "no." - Right, 'cause I'm not Jewish 480 00:21:09,486 --> 00:21:10,887 so why would I go to temple? 481 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:13,323 Right, like, "I'm a Jew, but not a practicing Jew." 482 00:21:13,357 --> 00:21:16,258 - Oi, Larry, with this-- - Oi! Again! See? 483 00:21:16,293 --> 00:21:18,293 - It's an expression. - There's another-- It's an expression? 484 00:21:18,328 --> 00:21:20,061 - It's an expression that people use. - What is this thing? 485 00:21:20,096 --> 00:21:21,829 A shofar. Why is this on your desk? 486 00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,532 People give me gifts. They'll give me like-- That for my desk 487 00:21:24,566 --> 00:21:26,400 or the mezuzah that's on the door. 488 00:21:26,434 --> 00:21:28,503 - What are you, by the way? - I'm Swedish. 489 00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:31,775 I got a Swede lawyer? She's gonna get everything! 490 00:21:31,809 --> 00:21:34,379 You got a good lawyer. You got the best lawyer, Larry. 491 00:21:34,413 --> 00:21:37,952 - I'm sorry, Berg. - It's a shanda, Larry. 492 00:21:37,987 --> 00:21:40,855 I got sweded. 493 00:21:42,357 --> 00:21:44,192 So did you know Berg was a Swede? 494 00:21:44,226 --> 00:21:46,161 I thought he was Jewish. He seemed Jewish. 495 00:21:46,195 --> 00:21:48,262 When he first met me, he called me a big macher. 496 00:21:48,296 --> 00:21:50,663 - He said macher? - "Maher," wait, there's more. 497 00:21:50,697 --> 00:21:52,462 - With that pronunciation? - Macher. 498 00:21:52,497 --> 00:21:55,197 - He had the whole "ch". - Wow, he's so devious. 499 00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:57,198 And then he'd call me maybe once a month 500 00:21:57,232 --> 00:21:59,198 and ask me if I wanted to go for a nosh. 501 00:21:59,233 --> 00:22:01,365 "Come on, let's go for a nosh. It'll be good." 502 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,333 I'll tell you one thing, I'm not signing any papers until I get a new lawyer. 503 00:22:04,367 --> 00:22:05,934 That guy's got a scam going. 504 00:22:05,968 --> 00:22:07,835 Oh, see that? 505 00:22:07,870 --> 00:22:09,570 - Did you just win? - Yeah. 506 00:22:09,604 --> 00:22:11,672 - Game over again. - ( Doorbell rings ) 507 00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,373 - He just won. - ( Larry snorts ) 508 00:22:13,408 --> 00:22:17,076 - Come in, it's open. - L.D.! 509 00:22:17,111 --> 00:22:19,545 Guess who's getting a divorce. 510 00:22:19,579 --> 00:22:22,648 - What? - Martin Norton Funkhouser. 511 00:22:22,649 --> 00:22:24,282 - Really? - And it's because of you! 512 00:22:24,317 --> 00:22:26,584 That man and I were talking about the London trip... 513 00:22:26,618 --> 00:22:28,953 - Yeah? - ...I started to realize, "wait a minute. 514 00:22:28,987 --> 00:22:31,788 If I did go to Europe without her, I'd come back 515 00:22:31,822 --> 00:22:34,924 "and it would be 20 more years of boredom." 516 00:22:34,958 --> 00:22:38,059 So I said to Nan, "look, let's get a divorce." 517 00:22:38,094 --> 00:22:39,561 She said okay. 518 00:22:39,595 --> 00:22:42,730 I'm gonna be single! 519 00:22:42,764 --> 00:22:44,597 - You and me! - Wow. 520 00:22:44,632 --> 00:22:45,999 - Is that great? - My man. 521 00:22:46,033 --> 00:22:47,567 Congratulations. Congratulations. 522 00:22:47,601 --> 00:22:49,936 You know what you do when you get a fucking divorce? 523 00:22:49,970 --> 00:22:52,772 Ride around and bump the horn and shit like motherfuckers getting married. 524 00:22:52,807 --> 00:22:54,807 - What a great idea. - God damn right. 525 00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:56,875 - Put cans on your car, beep your horn. - "Just divorced." 526 00:22:56,910 --> 00:22:59,444 - Larry: "Just divorced." - I'm excited I'm single. 527 00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,480 Get out there and get some new ass, know what I'm saying? 528 00:23:01,514 --> 00:23:03,616 You done ran that other ass in the ground, right? 529 00:23:03,650 --> 00:23:05,484 Uh, I don't want to talk about my wife like that. 530 00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:07,684 You ran that ass in the ground and you're moving on, right? 531 00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:09,552 I didn't run any-- We had a nice marriage for 20 years. 532 00:23:09,587 --> 00:23:12,488 - No, you ran that ass in the ground. - I don't run people's ass 533 00:23:12,522 --> 00:23:14,189 - in the ground. - All men do. 534 00:23:14,224 --> 00:23:16,925 It's not a negative thing to run an ass in the ground. That's all. 535 00:23:16,959 --> 00:23:19,227 Leon: You ran that shit in the ground like a rent-a-car. 536 00:23:19,261 --> 00:23:21,329 - What's with you? - What do you mean what's with me? 537 00:23:21,363 --> 00:23:24,131 - What are you so glum about? - It's just that everybody's 538 00:23:24,165 --> 00:23:26,332 getting a chance to get divorced except me. 539 00:23:26,367 --> 00:23:28,601 You get divorced, you get divorced, 540 00:23:28,636 --> 00:23:30,369 you don't even need to get divorced. 541 00:23:30,403 --> 00:23:32,671 Even the owner of the Dodgers, O'Donnell, he gets a divorce. 542 00:23:32,705 --> 00:23:34,706 Larry: Shit, I just realized something. 543 00:23:34,741 --> 00:23:38,242 O'Donnell's got the Swede. I should really tell him about Berg. 544 00:23:38,277 --> 00:23:40,577 - What's wrong with Berg? - He's not a Jew. 545 00:23:40,612 --> 00:23:42,613 - He's a Swede. - He is? 546 00:23:42,647 --> 00:23:44,681 I was at his house for hanukah. 547 00:23:46,750 --> 00:23:49,018 - He's a Swede? - A Swede. 548 00:23:49,053 --> 00:23:51,721 - You're kidding me? - No, he's a Swede. 549 00:23:51,755 --> 00:23:53,355 I just-- I mean-- 550 00:23:53,389 --> 00:23:55,824 I knew there was something that didn't add up about that guy. 551 00:23:55,858 --> 00:23:58,225 - It's true. - He took me for a ride, that's what he did. 552 00:23:58,260 --> 00:24:00,394 - Unbelievable. - I do appreciate you 553 00:24:00,428 --> 00:24:02,062 coming in here to tell me this. 554 00:24:02,096 --> 00:24:03,764 I mean, you didn't have to at all. 555 00:24:03,798 --> 00:24:06,166 Especially considering what happened with my daughter. 556 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,702 - I felt I had to tell you. - I don't know what I'm gonna do now. 557 00:24:08,736 --> 00:24:11,404 I mean, I am fighting for everything here. 558 00:24:11,438 --> 00:24:14,372 I could lose this entire organization. This whole team! 559 00:24:14,407 --> 00:24:17,108 - I got a lot at stake myself. - ( Sighs ) 560 00:24:19,945 --> 00:24:22,113 You know what? 561 00:24:22,147 --> 00:24:24,147 I got just the guy. 562 00:24:25,883 --> 00:24:28,618 - You sure you're really Jewish? - I'm the real deal. 563 00:24:36,158 --> 00:24:37,658 - How fun is this? - How great is this? 564 00:24:37,693 --> 00:24:39,126 Two single guys at a ballgame 565 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,894 and we're sitting in the owner's box. 566 00:24:40,928 --> 00:24:42,162 I know. How about that? 567 00:24:42,196 --> 00:24:44,330 Can you believe that stupid remark you said to me 568 00:24:44,365 --> 00:24:46,933 - changed my life for the better. - Isn't it incredible? 569 00:24:46,968 --> 00:24:48,835 Oh, I love you! How is that lawyer? 570 00:24:48,869 --> 00:24:50,636 - Hiriam Katz, he's fantastic. - He must be great. 571 00:24:50,670 --> 00:24:53,738 He redid my entire divorce settlement. You've got to use him. 572 00:24:53,773 --> 00:24:55,473 - I will use him. - Names please. 573 00:24:55,508 --> 00:24:57,575 Larry David, Marty Funkhouser. 574 00:24:59,143 --> 00:25:01,177 I'm sorry, gentlemen. Your names are not on the list. 575 00:25:01,211 --> 00:25:03,879 No no no. 576 00:25:03,913 --> 00:25:06,113 Larry David. I'm a friend of Joe O'Donnell's. 577 00:25:06,148 --> 00:25:08,448 Oh, Mr. O'Donnell no longer owns the team. 578 00:25:08,483 --> 00:25:10,983 - What? - He lost it in the divorce 579 00:25:11,017 --> 00:25:12,884 so his wife owns it now. 580 00:25:12,919 --> 00:25:16,354 - He lost it in the divorce? - Yes sir. 581 00:25:16,388 --> 00:25:19,623 Didn't you recommend Hiriam Katz to O'Donnell? 582 00:25:19,657 --> 00:25:21,958 And you used Hiriam Katz for your divorce? 583 00:25:23,593 --> 00:25:25,993 Oh my God! He's meeting with Cheryl's lawyers right now! 584 00:25:26,028 --> 00:25:28,929 They're gonna finalize the papers. I've got to get over there. 585 00:25:34,034 --> 00:25:35,634 ( Honks ) 586 00:25:35,668 --> 00:25:38,870 ( Dialing ) 587 00:25:41,006 --> 00:25:43,306 - You've reached Hiriam Katz. - Voicemail! 588 00:25:43,341 --> 00:25:45,441 This guy doesn't have an assistant. 589 00:25:45,475 --> 00:25:47,510 - ( Beeps ) - Katz, it's Larry. 590 00:25:47,544 --> 00:25:49,713 Don't sign anything. I'm on my way up to your office. 591 00:25:59,161 --> 00:26:01,864 Asshole! You cost me the Dodgers. 592 00:26:01,899 --> 00:26:03,299 ( Groans ) 593 00:26:05,435 --> 00:26:07,236 ( Moaning ) 594 00:26:07,270 --> 00:26:09,271 He hit me. 595 00:26:13,876 --> 00:26:17,345 Don't worry. I think I've got something that will stop the bleeding. 596 00:26:17,379 --> 00:26:19,113 - I think it's working. - It's doing the job. 597 00:26:19,147 --> 00:26:21,215 - Thank you so much. - I think you're gonna be fine. 598 00:26:21,249 --> 00:26:23,683 - Larry? - Take care. 599 00:26:23,718 --> 00:26:26,852 What is in your nose? 600 00:26:26,887 --> 00:26:28,821 It's a tampon. 601 00:26:30,423 --> 00:26:33,258 Well, I got hit in the face. What was I supposed to do? 602 00:26:33,292 --> 00:26:35,960 - It stopped the bleeding. - Okay. 603 00:26:35,994 --> 00:26:38,996 Um, so you know, I just signed the papers. 604 00:26:39,030 --> 00:26:40,664 And I got the house 605 00:26:40,698 --> 00:26:43,667 so you have 24 hours to vacate the premises. 606 00:26:43,701 --> 00:26:46,002 - What? You got the house? - We should go. 607 00:26:46,036 --> 00:26:47,903 You're not supposed to get the house! 608 00:26:47,938 --> 00:26:50,305 He gave up my house, that idiot!? 609 00:26:50,340 --> 00:26:52,941 What? Cheryl, that's not fair! 610 00:26:52,975 --> 00:26:55,210 Cheryl! 611 00:26:56,278 --> 00:26:57,878 Excuse me, do you have a scissor? 612 00:26:57,913 --> 00:26:59,713 I need to cut the string here. 613 00:27:07,589 --> 00:27:11,224 I don't want to move, man. I don't want to uproot again 614 00:27:11,259 --> 00:27:13,860 and I gotta move to a new house now. I like this house, man. 615 00:27:13,894 --> 00:27:16,929 - Yeah, I like it too. - Everything I did in this house, man, is a memory to me. 616 00:27:16,963 --> 00:27:19,264 All the bitches I had in here, man. 617 00:27:19,299 --> 00:27:21,867 Fucking two bitches in your bed. 618 00:27:21,901 --> 00:27:23,968 What? 619 00:27:24,003 --> 00:27:25,303 Fucking two bitches in your bed. 620 00:27:25,337 --> 00:27:27,304 You had sex with two women in my bedroom? 621 00:27:27,339 --> 00:27:29,907 Fucking right I did! How you gonna fuck bitches 622 00:27:29,941 --> 00:27:33,610 - in a twin bed. - I don't want you having sex in my bed! 623 00:27:33,644 --> 00:27:37,046 You know what, Larry? You done fucked that shit up! You know why? 624 00:27:37,081 --> 00:27:39,815 Because you got that bullshit-ass lawyer who got us kicked out of here. 625 00:27:39,849 --> 00:27:42,451 You picked that fucking lawyer. You fucking my shit up. 626 00:27:42,485 --> 00:27:45,086 Okay, you know what? We got a half hour to get out of here. 627 00:27:45,121 --> 00:27:47,321 I suggest you go pack up and bring your stuff down. 628 00:27:47,356 --> 00:27:49,723 - Fuck you, Larry. - Fuck you, Leon. 629 00:27:49,758 --> 00:27:51,525 ( Doorbell rings ) 630 00:27:52,894 --> 00:27:54,361 Hi, Mr. Larry David, 631 00:27:54,395 --> 00:27:56,363 we have your cookies that you ordered. 632 00:27:56,397 --> 00:27:58,164 - Oh ho ho. - We are here for our money 633 00:27:58,198 --> 00:28:01,000 - then we'll leave you alone. - Oh, that's very interesting. 634 00:28:01,034 --> 00:28:03,302 I have a vague recollection, 635 00:28:03,336 --> 00:28:04,870 correct me if I'm wrong, 636 00:28:04,904 --> 00:28:07,972 - of canceling my order. - ( Girls clamoring ) 637 00:28:08,007 --> 00:28:09,774 - You already ordered them. - Really? 638 00:28:09,808 --> 00:28:11,676 You know what? I got news for you. 639 00:28:11,710 --> 00:28:14,912 - I don't even like girl scout cookies. - ( Shouting ) 640 00:28:14,946 --> 00:28:18,282 All right, don't scream at me. I'm not gonna be intimidated 641 00:28:18,316 --> 00:28:21,184 by a bunch of girl scouts. I can tell you that. 642 00:28:21,218 --> 00:28:24,020 Okay, this discussion is over. 643 00:28:24,054 --> 00:28:25,588 Goodbye. Goodbye. 644 00:28:25,622 --> 00:28:28,524 ( Shouting, pounding ) 645 00:28:31,260 --> 00:28:34,129 ( Groaning ) 646 00:28:34,163 --> 00:28:36,764 ( Theme music playing ) 647 00:28:38,246 --> 00:28:43,059 Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com