1 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:06,007 [screeches] 2 00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:07,466 ADULT SHELDON: A fossil is formed 3 00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,468 when an organism, preserved in sediment, 4 00:00:09,552 --> 00:00:10,928 undergoes physical compression 5 00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:12,722 over millions of years. [thunder crashes] 6 00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:15,307 Less than one ten-thousandth percent 7 00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:17,893 of living organisms will become fossils. 8 00:00:17,977 --> 00:00:19,103 Isn't it amazing 9 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:22,314 that something so fragile can defy those odds, 10 00:00:22,398 --> 00:00:24,316 only to have this happen to it? 11 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,862 I don't think you did that right. 12 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:30,156 - [school bell rings] - GIVENS: All right, everyone. 13 00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:32,616 We'll pick it up here tomorrow. If we're lucky, 14 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,411 we may find a fossil as old as lunch lady Phyllis. 15 00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,707 You people don't know what's funny. 16 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,333 TOMMY: Cooper! 17 00:00:43,169 --> 00:00:45,588 Will you put these away for me? 18 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,548 Sure. 19 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:50,176 You better watch yourself. 20 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,219 I will, I... I really will. 21 00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:54,223 'Cause you know what's gonna happen if you don't. 22 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:01,353 Who was that? 23 00:01:01,437 --> 00:01:02,563 No one. 24 00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,440 Why did he push you? 25 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:05,858 None of your business. 26 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,860 But that was a clear violation 27 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,487 of the student code of conduct. 28 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,821 We need to tell on him. 29 00:01:10,905 --> 00:01:13,282 We're not telling on anyone. Stay out of it. 30 00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:14,634 But the student code of conduct... 31 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,994 Drop it. 32 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,914 ADULT SHELDON: So I did drop it... 33 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:21,749 [sighs] 34 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,018 ADULT SHELDON: ...for six whole minutes. 35 00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:24,418 Excuse me, sir. 36 00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,587 When you're done urinating, I'd like to ask you 37 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:30,091 some questions about social dynamics, intimidation, 38 00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,884 threats, et cetera. 39 00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,304 Finish up, no hurry. 40 00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:39,350 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 41 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,186 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 42 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,772 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 43 00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:47,608 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 44 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:51,612 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 45 00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,740 [urinal flushes] 46 00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:57,076 What is your problem? 47 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:58,619 Oh, I don't have a problem. 48 00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,955 You should probably wash your hands. 49 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,834 I just witnessed an altercation 50 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,585 between you and Georgie Cooper. 51 00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:08,087 Altercation? 52 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,923 A confrontation, a tussle. Anyway, 53 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,925 I'd just like to gather more information 54 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,718 for sociological purposes. 55 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:18,639 Oh, I heard about you. You're that smart kid. 56 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:22,143 I'd like to be humble in this moment, but yes, that's me. 57 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,019 Sheldon Cooper, at your service. 58 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:26,564 So Georgie's your brother? 59 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:27,690 Correct. 60 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:29,859 And you're trying to protect him? 61 00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:33,988 Incorrect. I'm just curious what he did to incur your wrath. 62 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,823 Also, kudos on the hand washing. 63 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,950 Your brother's a punk. 64 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,578 I'm not familiar with that terminology. 65 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,788 He tried to hit on my girlfriend. 66 00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:46,375 Interesting. So he openly pursued your mate, 67 00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:47,793 and to re-assert dominance, 68 00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:49,879 you threatened him with physical violence. 69 00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,714 Hell yeah, I did. 70 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,507 I understand that. 71 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:56,343 I often intimidate people with my intelligence. 72 00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:03,934 Well, one of us scared him. 73 00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:08,022 [camera shutter clicking] MARCUS: All right. 74 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:11,317 Next. Missy Cooper. 75 00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:16,113 Just a heads-up, this is my good side. 76 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,490 Okay... 77 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:21,285 Do your parents know you're wearing that makeup? 78 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,037 Oh, yeah, my mom knows. 79 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:26,916 You sure? Because typically it's not allowed. 80 00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:29,335 If you don't believe me, you can ask her. 81 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,588 Okay, we're gonna give her a call. 82 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,425 Really? 83 00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:39,428 Good news, I just spoke to Tommy Clarkson. 84 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,513 What? Are you crazy? 85 00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:43,057 Nope, Mom had me tested. 86 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,351 And Tommy's actually nicer than you think. 87 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:46,977 I told you to stay out of it. 88 00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:48,687 True, but what you didn't tell me 89 00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:50,940 was that you were overly chummy with his girlfriend, 90 00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,816 which is why he wants to kick your bottom. 91 00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:55,027 I'm about to kick your bottom. 92 00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:59,406 I don't think so. 93 00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:00,741 H... Hey, Tommy. 94 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,743 How you doing? 95 00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:06,830 You got a problem with him, you got a problem with me. 96 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,874 And just to make his logic clear, 97 00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:10,584 you do have a problem with me. 98 00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:12,294 Don't listen to my brother, 99 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,647 I don't have a problem with anybody. 100 00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,714 You need to apologize. 101 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,258 I... I'm very sorry. 102 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:18,717 To him. 103 00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,386 I'm very sorry, Sheldon. 104 00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:25,266 Later, kid. 105 00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,602 See? He's nice. 106 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,824 What were you even thinking? 107 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,076 I was thinking I look hot. 108 00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,328 You know you're not allowed to wear makeup. 109 00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:47,997 That's why I didn't tell you. 110 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,624 And who gave it to you? Heather B.? Heather M.? 111 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,209 Meemaw. 112 00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,670 So your grandmother was okay with you looking like this 113 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:55,963 in your school pictures? 114 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,965 If you don't believe me, ask her. 115 00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,009 Oh, I'm going to. 116 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,970 Really? 117 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,531 CURT CHAPLIN: These are the plaintiffs, 118 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,098 Valerie and Anthony Sines. 119 00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:08,350 Valerie claims she was sitting on the front steps 120 00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:10,644 of her condo with her cat Scampi, 121 00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:13,897 and that's when his dog went after Scampi, injuring her. 122 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,692 - What are you watching? - Go away. 123 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,485 Are you angry with me? 124 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:20,362 I don't want to see your face right now. 125 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:24,033 Very well, but I'd like to watch Professor Proton. 126 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:26,076 Did you hear me? Go away. 127 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,037 Well, did you hear me? 128 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,955 I'd like to watch Professor Proton. 129 00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,874 Too bad. 130 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,000 Interesting. 131 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,127 I wonder how my new friend Tommy Clarkson 132 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,420 would feel about this. 133 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,130 Well, he's not here, is he? 134 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,716 No, he's not. 135 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,344 I guess I'll just have to call him. 136 00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:45,012 You're kidding. 137 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,599 CHAPLIN: ...the case of a taste of Scampi 138 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,225 after these messages. 139 00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,811 Are you going to put on Professor Proton? 140 00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:53,937 No. 141 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,565 Hmm. 142 00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:05,991 Okay, okay. 143 00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,371 Thank you. 144 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,209 I didn't hear a "you're welcome." 145 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:16,293 GEORGE JR.: Shut up! 146 00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:17,920 [door slams] We'll work on that. 147 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:20,297 PROFESSOR PROTON: It's time for science! 148 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:22,466 [door closes] Hello. 149 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,219 Well, don't you look like Madonna? 150 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,553 Thank you. 151 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,263 I was actually trying to look like you. 152 00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:30,015 Thank you. 153 00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:32,643 Why would you give her makeup without talking to me first? 154 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,186 I didn't give her any makeup. 155 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,730 Well, then one of you is lying. 156 00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:38,482 MEEMAW and MISSY: She is. 157 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:39,793 Time to come clean, little lady. 158 00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:41,276 I ain't taking the hit on this one. 159 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:44,905 I took the makeup from Meemaw's bag. 160 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:48,075 Oh, Missy, you are in a world of trouble. 161 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:50,411 Calm down, it's not that big a deal. 162 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:51,912 It is so a big deal! 163 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,373 She stole from you, and then she lied about it. 164 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,875 I know, but come on, she's only ten. 165 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,795 She's gonna do way stupider stuff when she's older. 166 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,004 Guaranteed. 167 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,297 I don't care. 168 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:04,633 She is my daughter and you will be punished. 169 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,053 Sorry, kid. 170 00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,556 I wish I was your daughter. 171 00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,101 Is that so? 172 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,895 Well, guess what? 173 00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,188 You're sleeping here tonight 174 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,649 because I don't feel like being around either one of you. 175 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,902 Great! 176 00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:27,156 [door slams shut] Yeah, great. 177 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,956 Georgie, be a lamb and get me a Yoo-hoo. 178 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,416 Get your own. 179 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,335 Hmm. Are you sure you want to speak to me 180 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:41,920 in that tone of voice? 181 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,798 Sheldon, I'm getting real tired of this. 182 00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:47,342 That's too bad. I'm enjoying it quite a bit. 183 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,345 Still waiting on that Yoo-hoo. 184 00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:51,763 You think you're so tough now, 185 00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,450 - I swear, one day I'm... - GEORGE SR.: Hey. 186 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,558 What's going on? 187 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,976 Sheldon's being a jerk. 188 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,352 That true? 189 00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:59,688 All I did was ask for a Yoo-hoo. 190 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:01,207 He's leaving out the part where he... 191 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,691 [clears throat] 192 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:05,777 [sighs] Forget it. 193 00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,238 Great. Done. 194 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:12,242 SHELDON: Georgie, at the risk of repeating myself... 195 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,746 [sighs] 196 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,665 And one from the back, so it's cold. 197 00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,968 So when exactly did you swipe my makeup? 198 00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:31,332 While you were at bowling league. 199 00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,114 You don't have a key to this house. 200 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,139 How'd you get in? 201 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,390 Can't tell you that. 202 00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,594 I might need to do it again. 203 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,228 Unbelievable. 204 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:42,439 And for future reference, go lighter on the blush, 205 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,399 or you'll end up looking like Raggedy Ann. 206 00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:47,653 She got Raggedy Andy looking like that. 207 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,489 - He's her brother. - Oh. 208 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,991 I've been playing with those dolls all wrong. 209 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:55,202 All right, that'll do it. 210 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,206 How old was Mom when you let her wear makeup? 211 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,415 I don't know. 212 00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:02,292 I didn't really have rules like that. 213 00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:05,754 See? How come you're so cool and she's such a dud? 214 00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,589 Well, I wouldn't call her a dud. 215 00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:08,882 What would you call her? 216 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,552 Point is, she wasn't always like that. 217 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:12,886 What was she like? 218 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:17,182 When she was a teenager, she was just wild. 219 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,226 - Really? - [laughing] Oh, yeah. 220 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,061 She used to wait until I went to sleep 221 00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,521 and then she would sneak out 222 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,189 and get into trouble with her friends. 223 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,483 - My mom? - Your mom. 224 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,069 And then she would climb up the tree 225 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:31,488 on the side of the house and sneak back in. 226 00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,365 Amazing. 227 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,492 Is that how you're getting in? 228 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,869 I will never tell you that. 229 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,913 [laughing] 230 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:49,464 Everything okay? 231 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,427 I'm getting tired of being the bad guy around here. 232 00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,013 You're not the bad guy. 233 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,306 Kids need boundaries. 234 00:09:57,389 --> 00:10:00,392 That is easy for you to say. I am the only one doing it, 235 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,269 and then everyone resents me for it. 236 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,937 Hey, you're not the only one. 237 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,148 Just today, Georgie and Sheldon were fighting, 238 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:07,858 and I totally took care of it. 239 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,776 Really? What was going on? 240 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:13,071 They... you know, boy stuff. 241 00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:14,323 I... 242 00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:17,242 Don't worry. I got your back. 243 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,746 Thank you. That means a lot. 244 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,914 Teamwork, babe. 245 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,919 Look right... 246 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:30,422 here. 247 00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,341 - That's my mom? - [chuckles] 248 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:36,386 Yep, the little queen of darkness. 249 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,097 Is she smoking a cigarette? 250 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:42,476 Yep. Probably stole it from me. 251 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,561 When did she stop being cool? 252 00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:47,230 Well, first of all, smoking is not cool. 253 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,149 - You do it. - Yeah, well, next time 254 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,318 I'm hocking up some black goo out of my lung, 255 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,654 I'll call you over and you can see how cool it is. 256 00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:56,281 - Awesome. - It is not awesome. 257 00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:58,867 And as far as your mom, I think things started 258 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,620 to turn around for her when she gave birth to you. 259 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,455 You mean me and Sheldon. 260 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,499 No, I mean you. 261 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:08,710 I mean, Sheldon was born fine, but you were a different story. 262 00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:10,045 Why? 263 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,297 Okay. 264 00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:16,927 Well, there was a point where the doctors didn't know 265 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,637 if you were gonna make it. 266 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:22,766 And your mom got so scared, and she made a promise to God 267 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:26,311 that if you were okay, that she would start reading 268 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:29,648 the Bible, going to church... 269 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,817 you know, that kind of stuff. 270 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,027 So I'm the reason she's a dud? 271 00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:36,154 Your takeaway should be 272 00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:39,866 that you are the reason she's such a good mom, which she is. 273 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,469 And the next time you hurt her feelings... 274 00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,203 which you will... 275 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:47,541 you might remember how much you mean to her. 276 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,837 Now I feel bad. 277 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:56,758 Good. 278 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,638 ADULT SHELDON: News of my friendship with Tommy 279 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:03,223 had apparently spread. 280 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:06,143 So much so, the student body was finally 281 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,396 treating me with the respect I deserved, 282 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,815 even when Tommy wasn't around. 283 00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:17,362 This must be how Carl Sagan felt, 284 00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:19,448 walking through the halls of PBS. 285 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,100 ADULT SHELDON: Like Superman in a phone booth, 286 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:32,544 I was no stranger to undressing in my gym locker. 287 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,171 But not today. 288 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,299 Thanks to Tommy, I was invincible. 289 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,925 [whistle blows] 290 00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:40,761 All right, get your butts out to the gym. 291 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,679 Wind sprints in one minute. 292 00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:44,806 [whistle blows] 293 00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:50,187 Come on, Jason, I'm gonna be late. 294 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,396 Poor baby. 295 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,398 [Jason chuckles] 296 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,068 Excuse me. 297 00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,570 I'd like to ask you some questions 298 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,865 about your use of intimidation to dominate others. 299 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,705 Are you trying to get your ass kicked? 300 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:13,084 No, I was just looking to open a spirited dialogue. 301 00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,628 And you might want to unhand me. 302 00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,630 I'm friends with Tommy Clarkson. 303 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,839 Is that so? 304 00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:19,216 Yes. 305 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,052 Hello, Tommy. 306 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,845 I have some unfortunate news. 307 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,514 What's that? I boasted 308 00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,474 to Jason Davies that you're my friend, 309 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,142 and things took an unexpected turn. 310 00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,703 You're scheduled to fight him at 3:00 p.m. 311 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,521 on the basketball court. 312 00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:35,941 I don't want to fight Jason Davies. 313 00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,860 I don't think you have a choice. He was pretty adamant. 314 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,280 Fine, I'll deal with it. 315 00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,908 You do have the option of simply not showing up. 316 00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,202 That's not how fights work, Sheldon. 317 00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:49,955 Why? Do they take attendance? 318 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,958 [clock ticking] 319 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,758 What on Earth did you say to Missy? 320 00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:04,219 - Why? What'd she do now? - Nothing, 321 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,637 she was an angel. 322 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,055 I dropped her off at school, 323 00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,558 and she hugged me in front of her friends. 324 00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,852 - Really? - And not just any friends. 325 00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:15,021 Heather M. was there, and that is a big deal. 326 00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:17,357 I just gave her a little life advice. 327 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:18,775 Like what? 328 00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:21,736 Nothing, just grandma stuff. 329 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:26,491 There you go again, being the good guy. 330 00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:29,494 Mary, you need to know 331 00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:32,539 you're doing a fantastic job with those kids. 332 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:34,958 You really mean that? 333 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,752 - I really do. - Thanks. 334 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:42,340 I can't remember the last time someone said I was a good mom. 335 00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:47,137 It's not a job that gets a lot of compliments. 336 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:56,187 TAM: Look at this. My mother left me a note. 337 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:58,690 "You can do better. Mom." 338 00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:01,401 Not "Love, Mom," not "XO, Mom," 339 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,069 just "Mom." 340 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,463 ADULT SHELDON: While Tam prattled on 341 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:06,072 about some family nonsense, 342 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,533 I couldn't help but think about Tommy. 343 00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:11,745 At 3:00 pm, he was going to engage in a schoolyard battle 344 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,622 that was entirely my fault. 345 00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:16,750 I had to find a way to intervene, but how? 346 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,501 TAM: Ooh, a Nutter Butter. 347 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,170 Maybe she does love me. 348 00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:24,049 [school bell rings] [crowd cheering] 349 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:25,610 BOY: Come on now, beat him in his face, 350 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:26,760 Jason, let's do it! 351 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,345 [chanting]: Fight! Fight! Fight! 352 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,388 Fight! Fight! Fight! 353 00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:32,349 [knuckles crack] 354 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:33,850 Come on, Jason. Kick his ass. 355 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,418 ADULT SHELDON: I didn't have the physical stature to assist 356 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,903 Tommy in a brawl, but I did have something 357 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:47,072 far more lethal: 358 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,699 my once-in-a-generation brain. 359 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,329 [students chanting] Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 360 00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:57,707 [chanting continues] 361 00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,250 [cheering] 362 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,755 Didn't think you'd show up. 363 00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,508 Well, I did. 364 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,551 Let's do this. 365 00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:10,428 SHELDON: Stop! 366 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:15,600 You're not fighting Tommy, you're fighting me. 367 00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:16,935 [laughter] 368 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,186 Oh, boy. 369 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,813 Unless you want to shake hands 370 00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:23,066 and we all laugh about this over a glass of milk. 371 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,735 I think I'd rather kick both your asses. 372 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,862 I was afraid you'd say that. 373 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,365 Are you familiar with the story 374 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,409 of David and Goliath from the Bible? 375 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,411 Yeah. 376 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,996 That's too bad. 377 00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,789 I had a nice speech prepared. 378 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,583 I'll say it anyway. 379 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,169 You may have the size advantage, 380 00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,963 but like David and his sling, 381 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,133 I also possess an air-based weapon. 382 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,887 So I'll give you one more chance. 383 00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,848 Are you willing to step down? 384 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,057 [students exclaiming] 385 00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:57,934 I'll tell you what: 386 00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:02,105 you take the first shot, then it's my turn. 387 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,190 Very well. 388 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,900 [rubber creaking] 389 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,152 Three... 390 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,530 ...two... 391 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,616 ...one. 392 00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:25,295 Ow! Son of a bitch! 393 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,130 [laughter, cheering] 394 00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,383 [growls] 395 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,387 I'm going to run. 396 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,312 ADULT SHELDON: Conventional wisdom tells us 397 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,397 that when one stands up to a bully, 398 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:48,735 the bully will inevitably back down and respect you for your courage. 399 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,862 My experience suggests otherwise. 400 00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:53,990 SHELDON: Hello? Hello? 401 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,718 ADULT SHELDON: When Jason finally caught me, 402 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,536 he had the good sense not to commit assault and battery. 403 00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,080 This did not, however, prevent him 404 00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,207 from imprisoning me in his locker. 405 00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:04,667 Anybody? 406 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,795 That was a very long night. 407 00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,963 It doesn't smell good in here. 408 00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,048 Very long.