1 00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:04,619 Let's go. Let's go. 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:05,919 We're gonna be late! 3 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,831 ADULT SHELDON: Fun fact... the first time 4 00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,337 I almost died was at the age of nine. 5 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:11,383 The murder weapon? 6 00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:13,257 A Jimmy Dean sausage. 7 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,971 (choking quietly) 8 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:21,352 Mom, Sheldon's making faces at me. 9 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,347 Sheldon! 10 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,556 ADULT SHELDON: In fairness to Mr. Dean... 11 00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:27,483 - Honey! - ...this one morning, I decided 12 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,311 to forgo my normal 20 chews per bite, 13 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,989 as prescribed by the American Medical Association. 14 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,031 George, help! 15 00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:39,078 Come here, boy. We got it. We just got to smack it out. 16 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,655 ADULT SHELDON: To further complicate matters, 17 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,581 in any real-life crisis, 18 00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:45,877 my family's default mode is mindless panic. 19 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,125 Sheldon's gonna die! Sheldon's gonna die! 20 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,706 ADULT SHELDON: Or heartless apathy. 21 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,625 MARY: Oh, Lord. 22 00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:53,129 Here we go. This is how you do it. 23 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,632 - Here we go. And we shake. - Honey! 24 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,013 ADULT SHELDON: It's interesting the things you think about 25 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,057 when life is ebbing from your body. 26 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:03,307 For instance, linoleum. What is it, really? 27 00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:06,640 Plastic? And if so, how is it different from Formica? 28 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,190 I'm calling 911. 29 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,194 ADULT SHELDON: And what about Count Chocula? 30 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:13,688 How is he a count? 31 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,318 Did the title come with land? 32 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:16,365 George, Heimlich! 33 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:20,536 (grunts) - MARY: Don't hurt his little ribs! 34 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,238 ADULT SHELDON: They say, in the final moments, 35 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,790 your life passes before your eyes. 36 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:28,127 All I saw was my brother licking jelly off the knife 37 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:29,704 and putting it back in the jar. 38 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,584 (Sheldon grunts, coughs) 39 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,211 Okay, it's better now. Sheldon! 40 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,176 - (raspy gasping) - Honey. Are you okay? 41 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,799 Can you breathe? Say something! 42 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,803 You have to... throw away... that jelly. 43 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,259 (panting) 44 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,764 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 45 00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:49,599 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 46 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,401 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 47 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,026 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 48 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,529 ♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪ 49 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,496 I've never been late to school before. 50 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,748 I'm late all the time. It's no big deal. 51 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,580 I get you to school on time every day. Why are you late? 52 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,212 I have a lot of people to say hi to in the morning. 53 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:16,042 SHELDON: Mom, 54 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,422 would you write a note for me? 55 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:18,799 Sure. 56 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,721 You have the coolest excuse. 57 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,515 You almost died. Did you see Jesus? 58 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,018 I saw Count Chocula. 59 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:29,681 But feel free to mention my brush with death in the note. 60 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,267 All right, that's enough talk about death and dying. 61 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:36,196 I came this close to having my own room. 62 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:40,908 MacELROY: Remember, the food drive 63 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:41,859 ends Friday. 64 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,741 All canned goods are welcome. 65 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:47,828 But please... make sure your cans have labels. 66 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,124 Needy people have enough problems 67 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,669 without having to guess what's for dinner. 68 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,418 I'm sorry I'm late. I have a note. 69 00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,010 You poor thing, you had a medical emergency? 70 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,760 Yes, ma'am. I choked on a sausage. 71 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:03,805 (laughter) 72 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,133 BOY: How big was it? 73 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,264 About yay big. 74 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,141 (laughter) 75 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:11,730 ADULT SHELDON: To this day, 76 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,434 I still don't understand why they were laughing. 77 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,695 You're sitting in my spot. 78 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:24,826 Why is it your spot? 79 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,745 It's complicated. Just move. 80 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,702 (sighs) 81 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,881 - You're reading a comic book. - I am. 82 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,588 You do understand those are for children. 83 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,173 Have you ever read one? 84 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,221 I outgrew picture books when I was three. 85 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:45,344 Just eat your lunch. 86 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:03,490 What's the matter? 87 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,698 I-I don't think I can eat this. 88 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,120 You want to trade? 89 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,206 My mom made me fish soup again. 90 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:11,828 How long do we have to be in this country 91 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,538 before I get baloney? 92 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,340 Mm, no, thank you. 93 00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:20,792 I'm not hungry. 94 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,927 "I'm not hungry." 95 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,305 Three words you never hear in Vietnam. 96 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,971 MEEMAW: Well, here's something nice. (chuckles) 97 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,723 You know that Mr. Rosenbloom 98 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,396 with the furniture store over by the steakhouse? 99 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,017 - I don't think so. - Oh, sure you do. 100 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:38,771 That Hebrew fella with the comb-over? 101 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,023 You mean Jewish? 102 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,484 I think they like to be called Hebrew. 103 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,023 Anyway, 104 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,821 he's asked me to dinner. 105 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:47,743 (chuckles) 106 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,786 Well, good for you. What'd you say? 107 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,997 I said I'd have to think about it. 108 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,165 What's to think about? 109 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,912 Well, a lot. 110 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,711 I mean, assuming he enjoys dinner, he might want 111 00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,664 a scoop of Meemaw for dessert. 112 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,249 Mom, the kids. 113 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:03,467 I said "dessert." 114 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,544 Did you know I was talking about sex? 115 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:06,803 No. 116 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,256 See? 117 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:11,509 Why aren't you eating? 118 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,886 I don't think I can. 119 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,438 Sometimes the different foods touch each other, Sheldon. 120 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,731 Not the end of the world. 121 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:20,310 No, I'm afraid I'll choke again. 122 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:23,028 Oh, honey, that's not gonna happen. 123 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,447 Go ahead, eat your dinner. 124 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,115 What's all this about choking? 125 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,904 Sheldon almost died this morning. 126 00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:29,451 - What?! - Oh, yeah. 127 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,996 Dad was shaking him upside down like a ketchup bottle. 128 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,493 It was great. 129 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,286 Well, you got to eat something, baby. 130 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,618 Just have a few bites. 131 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,749 I can't. It's too risky. 132 00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:40,205 Dibs on the tater tots. 133 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:41,915 All right, I'll wrap that up for you, 134 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,591 and if you change your mind, you can have some later. 135 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,010 At least drink your milk. 136 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:47,507 Sure. 137 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,255 ADULT SHELDON: My mother and father saw 138 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,683 that I'd been traumatized and were patient and understanding 139 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:55,602 about my fear of eating solid foods. 140 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,684 This lasted one more day. 141 00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,106 MARY: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't 142 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,149 finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up 143 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,977 and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird. 144 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,107 Do it, Mom. Do it. 145 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,439 - Mary, can I speak to you for a second? - No. Enough is enough. 146 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,274 The boy has got to eat. 147 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,654 Just give me a minute. 148 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,075 Start eating, mister. 149 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,084 You don't mind, right? 150 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,290 How about I cut that pork chop off the bone 151 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,126 and throw it in the blender with some gravy? 152 00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:31,426 If it fits through a bendy straw, I'll drink it. 153 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,757 Coming up. 154 00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,093 Why does he get a pork shake? 155 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,520 This is all my fault. 156 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,313 I rushed him through breakfast the other day, 157 00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,186 and now look... he is wasting away. 158 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,313 Oh, come on. You can't blame yourself. 159 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:45,520 This isn't gonna last. Remember the time a bee got in the house 160 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,696 and he slept under a net for a couple months? 161 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,149 This is different. 162 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,323 - How? - First of all, 163 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:51,321 you let that bee in. 164 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:52,526 The bee was your fault. 165 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,987 - Okay. - Secondly, 166 00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,446 this is about his health. 167 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:56,746 He is a fragile little boy. 168 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,119 He can't go on like this. 169 00:06:58,335 --> 00:06:59,416 I'm not arguing with you. 170 00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,995 Let's just, you know, give him a little more time. 171 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,333 (sighs) 172 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:06,549 (blender whirring) 173 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,551 Now what? 174 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,586 Sounds like your mom's making margaritas. 175 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,546 (slurps) 176 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:14,928 What's he drinking? 177 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,892 Pork chop and gravy. 178 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,019 (quietly): I snuck some broccoli in there, too. 179 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:20,937 Shh... 180 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,235 (slurps) 181 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,114 (whirring) 182 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,743 I'm real glad you've been getting out again. 183 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,454 Me, too. (chuckles) 184 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:47,006 We had a nice dinner, took a walk. 185 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,046 He's a divorcé, you know. 186 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:50,250 I didn't. 187 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,086 It's not a big deal for those people. 188 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:55,264 If they're not a lawyer, they're related to one. 189 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,345 GEORGE SR.: You're actually cutting the crust off 190 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,846 - before you blend it? - I left it 191 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,645 on his tuna sandwich yesterday, he said he could tell. 192 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,097 Only drank half of it. 193 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,311 Mary, you think this has gone on long enough? 194 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:06,772 No trouble. 195 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,104 But it'd be better if I had two blenders. 196 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,688 Be better if you stopped coddling him. 197 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,398 Well, I don't know what else to do. 198 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,529 I suggested that we take him to some kind of professional, 199 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,201 but you said he'd outgrow it. 200 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,699 Well, if you're looking for a psychiatrist, 201 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,702 I bet my new fella's related to one. 202 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:24,376 What do you think? 203 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,503 (sighs) 204 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:27,959 Not sure. 205 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,424 If we take him to a shrink, it feels like we're admitting 206 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,671 something's wrong with him. 207 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:34,378 He hasn't had solid food in five weeks. 208 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:38,383 Well, if there is something wrong with him, 209 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:39,842 it ain't constipation. 210 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,268 (laughing) 211 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:46,682 Okay. 212 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,517 Let's see if we can find somebody. 213 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:49,773 Thank you. 214 00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:51,854 (sighs): Hmm. 215 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:57,401 (clicks tongue) 216 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,111 Needs a few more Cheetos. 217 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:03,249 ADULT SHELDON: My mother managed to locate a family psychiatrist 218 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,826 within our price range. 219 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,952 No one seemed to be bothered that he had 220 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,380 a coupon in The Pennysaver. 221 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,667 Is this man gonna make me eat solid foods? 222 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,752 No, he just wants to talk to you about it. 223 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,384 Did you tell him I have a lot to accomplish in my life 224 00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:20,933 and cannot afford to be killed by an unchewed sausage? 225 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,557 Not in those exact words. 226 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,857 Did you bring the coupon? 227 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,318 Hi. Welcome. 228 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:32,770 You must be the Cooper family. 229 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:33,729 We are. 230 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,359 Right on, right on. 231 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,070 This must be Sheldon. 232 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,400 Put 'er there. 233 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,577 No, thank you. 234 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,705 Right on, right on. 235 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,203 Okay, well, here's how I'd like to start. Mom and Dad, 236 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,580 why don't you come talk to me first, and then, Sheldon, 237 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,788 you and I have a little rap session. 238 00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:51,167 Folks? 239 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,970 (quietly): Right on, right on. 240 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,632 Feel free to read any of my comics. 241 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,687 And you guys feel free to sit on my beanbag! 242 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,645 40 cents? Outrageous. 243 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,230 ADULT SHELDON: As fate would have it, 244 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,442 the comic I picked up was called X-Men. 245 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,869 Young mutants with incredible powers 246 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,117 who were feared and misunderstood 247 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:25,994 by the entire world. 248 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,451 Hey, it's about me. 249 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,746 Now, the thing you have to understand is 250 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,627 Shelly is incredibly bright. 251 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,755 I mean, his IQ is right up there with Albert Einstein 252 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,253 and that English wheelchair fella. 253 00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:41,301 - Cool. - He's nine years old 254 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:44,350 and he's in high school, so you can't judge him like other kids. 255 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:45,676 - I hear ya. - George, 256 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,136 tell him about how he's always going 257 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,181 on and on about subatomic particles and such. 258 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,274 Oh, he'll get to gabbin' about it. 259 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,523 We're accustomed to his quirks and oddities. 260 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:59,823 But this whole "being afraid of solid foods" thing, 261 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,529 it's got us thrown. 262 00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:04,404 Okay. Let me just start by saying 263 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,703 you came to the right place. 264 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,616 Sheldon and I happen to have a lot in common. 265 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,667 I, too, was a special little boy. 266 00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:11,915 In the fourth grade, I was reading 267 00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,462 at a seventh grade level. 268 00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:14,879 And I don't have to tell you where I was 269 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,047 by the seventh grade. 270 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,386 Tenth. 271 00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,759 I'm gonna give the beanbag a whirl. 272 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,479 What are y'all watching? 273 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:32,772 Little Rascals. 274 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,523 You know most of those kids are dead, right? 275 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:38,650 What? 276 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,824 Alfalfa, Stymie, Buckwheat. 277 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,321 Even Petey the dog? 278 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,493 Oh, especially Petey the dog. 279 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,196 Thanks for making it depressing. 280 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,576 You're very welcome. 281 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,202 Y'all want to go get some ice cream? 282 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:51,204 What about dinner? 283 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,160 What about it? Come on. 284 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,666 Is ALF dead? 285 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:58,002 No, but it's just a matter of time. 286 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,005 You'd be surprised how many children have food phobias. 287 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,929 - Is that so? - Oh, yeah. When I was Sheldon's age, 288 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,221 I was afraid of that weird skin 289 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:06,799 - on top of puddin'. - Really? 290 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:08,725 Me, too. You know, you put a little Saran Wrap on... 291 00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:09,973 George. 292 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,014 Sheldon? 293 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:15,690 Where the hell did he go? 294 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:17,650 Sheldon? 295 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,190 Couldn't have gone far. 296 00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:20,483 Why not? 297 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,231 Right on, right on. 298 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,407 (line ringing) 299 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,201 I checked the bathroom, the stairs. 300 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,493 He's not in the building. 301 00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,196 I'm worried. No one's answering at home. 302 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,622 Stay calm. We'll find him. 303 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:31,740 You know, 304 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:32,746 when I was a kid... 305 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,202 Shut up. 306 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:35,752 Well... 307 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:42,759 ADULT SHELDON: It wasn't typical for me to wander out into 308 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:46,590 the urban jungle on my own, but I was on a mission. 309 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:50,768 I had gotten my first taste of serialized superheroes, 310 00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,265 and I needed more. 311 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:56,898 (bell jingles) 312 00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,234 Excuse me, do you have X-Men #137? 313 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:06,237 I'd like to know what happens next, please. 314 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,701 Back bin in the corner. 315 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,622 What are you doing here? 316 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,165 Oh, hello, Tam. 317 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,459 I thought you said comic books are for children. 318 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,665 I'm a complicated young man. 319 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,298 I think we should call the police. 320 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,593 We don't need the police. We'll find him. 321 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,090 This is all my fault. 322 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,423 He ran away because we took him to a therapist. 323 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,633 That's $15 we ain't getting back. 324 00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,684 That's what you're worried about? 325 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,978 No. Course not. 326 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,061 And Sheldon's fine. 327 00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,147 You know what he's like. 328 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,186 If someone took him, 329 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,067 (chuckles): I'm sure they'll bring him right back. 330 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,485 ♪♪ 331 00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,625 I'm enjoying this, but I'm having trouble 332 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,373 with the onomatopoeia. 333 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,042 The what? 334 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,624 The onomatopoeia. 335 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,709 Words that imitate sounds. 336 00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,341 "Kthoom." "Snikt." 337 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:09,546 "Bamf." 338 00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,723 Writers shouldn't make up words. 339 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,552 Somebody made up "onomatopoeia." 340 00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,894 You challenge me. I like that. 341 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,025 Meemaw, are you gonna have any more babies? 342 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,826 Good Lord, no! 343 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,654 She's too old to have any more babies. 344 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,830 Don't have to have 'em. You live long enough, 345 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,658 your hair and your teeth start falling out, 346 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,164 you start wetting the bed, you get to be one. 347 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,211 (laughs) That's funny. 348 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,129 We're gonna have to put a diaper on you. 349 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,424 You won't be laughing when you're doing it. 350 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:46,796 I might be. 351 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,843 (laughter) 352 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:54,050 Hey, Meemaw, next to Sheldon, who's smarter, me or Georgie? 353 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,224 Me, of course. 354 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,260 Why you? 355 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:57,936 My head's bigger. 356 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,604 It doesn't matter. 357 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,853 Tonight is not about Sheldon. 358 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,356 Yeah, right. Everything's always about Sheldon. 359 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:06,607 Yeah. Most of the time, 360 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,610 it's like we don't even exist. 361 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,568 I guess Sheldon does get most of the attention. 362 00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,198 Maybe that's a good thing. 363 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,075 How? 364 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,202 Well, if it weren't for him, your parents would be 365 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,784 on your ass all the time. 366 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,915 Yeah. I guess I never thought about it that way before. 367 00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:26,215 You kidding me? Right now, they would be nagging you 368 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,883 about cleaning your room 369 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,505 and doing your homework. 370 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,963 Instead, you're sitting in a parking lot, 371 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,094 eating a Blizzard for dinner. 372 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,551 - With cookie dough in it. - Exactly. 373 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:41,639 While Sheldon is stuck sitting in some boring shrink's office. 374 00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:44,271 Mom told me they were taking him for a haircut. 375 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,562 Oh. Yeah. 376 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,066 Right. 377 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,946 Well, when he gets home, say his hair looks good. 378 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,290 ♪♪ 379 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,257 What? 380 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:11,631 Nothing. 381 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,467 ♪♪ 382 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,269 You want one? 383 00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:27,108 No. 384 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,107 Well... 385 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,689 if you change your mind, help yourself. 386 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,197 ADULT SHELDON: I didn't have to read many comic books 387 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:40,326 to understand that every superhero had a weakness, 388 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,123 something they had to overcome 389 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,453 through an extraordinary act of courage. 390 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:49,377 For Cyclops, it was the loss of Jean Grey. 391 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,758 For Rogue, it was human touch. 392 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:54,928 For me, it was food that required chewing. 393 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,973 So if I truly was a mutant, I would have to do the same. 394 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,221 ♪♪ 395 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:15,407 On this day, I would not be defeated. 396 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,820 Because this was the day I became... 397 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,118 ...The Chewer. 398 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:28,504 Just like that, I overcame my fear of choking. 399 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,206 All that was left was my fear of dogs, 400 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,462 birds, insects, germs, 401 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,260 hugging, button fly pants, 402 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,463 rivers, ponds, lakes, oceans, 403 00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:40,299 estuaries, corduroy, root vegetables, 404 00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,384 squeaky balloons, tinted windows, 405 00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,390 take a penny, leave a penny, fireworks, 406 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,767 potbelly stoves, dust bunnies, 407 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,896 that fuzz on peaches. Ugh. 408 00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:55,819 What I find interesting is how many supervillains 409 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,741 are scientists: Doctor Octopus, 410 00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,863 Doctor Doom, Lex Luthor, 411 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,539 Green Goblin, the list goes on and on. 412 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:05,748 So? 413 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,451 So if the world doesn't respect me, 414 00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:08,956 I might change sides. 415 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:12,585 (indistinct police radio chatter) 416 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,007 Uh-oh. 417 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,001 Good luck. 418 00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:22,891 (sighs) 419 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,761 ADULT SHELDON: I tried to explain to my parents 420 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,937 that a mutant named Cyclops, 421 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,890 who shoots laser beams out of his eyes, 422 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,101 helped me eat a licorice stick. 423 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,152 Went right over their heads.