1
00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:05,849
A simile directly compares two things,

2
00:00:05,850 --> 00:00:08,639
using the words "like" and "as."

3
00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,679
"I slept like a log."

4
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,019
"I'm hungry as a horse."

5
00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:15,229
"Your love is like bad medicine."

6
00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:16,389
Exactly.

7
00:00:16,390 --> 00:00:17,679
That's Bon Jovi.

8
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,309
Okay.

9
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:20,889
His hair is awesome.

10
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,289
Moving on.

11
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:25,889
Metaphors are different from similes.

12
00:00:27,310 --> 00:00:30,389
I've been called a germophobe,

13
00:00:30,390 --> 00:00:33,519
but I do find a single
sneeze acceptable.

14
00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,109
It could be caused by dust, allergies...

15
00:00:36,110 --> 00:00:39,109
Really, whatever nasal
irritant floats your boat.

16
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:41,080
However...

17
00:00:41,090 --> 00:00:43,340
during flu season...

18
00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:49,009
a second sneeze means a
plague is upon the land,

19
00:00:49,010 --> 00:00:50,670
and it's every man for himself.

20
00:00:52,410 --> 00:00:54,409
Where do you think you're going?

21
00:00:54,410 --> 00:00:55,739
Away from you.

22
00:00:55,740 --> 00:00:56,829
Why's that?

23
00:00:56,830 --> 00:00:58,499
I want to live.

24
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,329
I'm not sick. Get back in your seat.

25
00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:02,830
No, thank you.

26
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,760
You know the rules.

27
00:01:04,770 --> 00:01:06,689
You can't leave without a hall pass.

28
00:01:06,690 --> 00:01:08,829
May I have a hall pass?

29
00:01:08,830 --> 00:01:10,279
No, you may not.

30
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,239
Now get back in your seat.

31
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,940
Rules are the pillars of society.

32
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,110
I love rules.

33
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,370
But what benefit are
rules to a dead man?

34
00:01:31,210 --> 00:01:37,680
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --

35
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,470
Excuse me.

36
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,100
Do I look like I'm getting sick to you?

37
00:01:48,110 --> 00:01:50,510
You look a little pale.

38
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,060
Okay, good, that's normal.

39
00:01:53,270 --> 00:01:56,880
Now, I understand Sheldon
is an exceptional child,

40
00:01:56,890 --> 00:01:58,210
all right, but when he

41
00:01:58,220 --> 00:02:00,090
willfully disobeys
the order of a teacher,

42
00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:02,289
there needs to be
some consequences here.

43
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,540
Oh, we couldn't agree more.

44
00:02:04,550 --> 00:02:06,279
What kind of punishment
are you thinking?

45
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,800
Well, Mary, in a case like
this, a few days of detention.

46
00:02:09,810 --> 00:02:11,760
Really? That seems a little harsh.

47
00:02:11,770 --> 00:02:13,840
Oh, detention's no big deal.

48
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:17,510
Now, my principal used to
whup my ass with a paddle.

49
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:18,840
That got my attention.

50
00:02:18,850 --> 00:02:21,840
Oh, yeah. Those were the days.

51
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,260
Still have mine.

52
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:27,849
Ah.

53
00:02:27,850 --> 00:02:29,529
Ol' Spanky.

54
00:02:29,530 --> 00:02:31,210
Whoa.

55
00:02:31,220 --> 00:02:34,339
- Got a real nice grip on that thing.
- Yeah, George.

56
00:02:34,340 --> 00:02:37,289
Had the equipment manager over
at the Astros make this for me.

57
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:39,510
The holes in it...

58
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,609
cut down on wind resistance.

59
00:02:41,610 --> 00:02:42,869
Smart.

60
00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:45,729
But these days you have
to have a consent form

61
00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,380
to whack the kids.

62
00:02:47,390 --> 00:02:50,380
I don't know where this world's headed.

63
00:02:50,390 --> 00:02:53,329
You ought to get one of those
for when Georgie acts up.

64
00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:55,679
Like you never thought
about going upside his head

65
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,060
with a slab of wood.

66
00:02:58,340 --> 00:03:01,340
You know, there was a time
this thing gave me tennis elbow.

67
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,130
Okay, Sheldon, come o...

68
00:03:18,140 --> 00:03:20,369
Where'd he go?

69
00:03:20,370 --> 00:03:21,659
Thataway.

70
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,499
What you doing, kid?!

71
00:03:57,390 --> 00:03:59,510
Enjoy this. It is, by far,

72
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,260
the most athletic two
minutes of my entire life.

73
00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:11,550
It's not funny.

74
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:12,880
Oh, come on, now.

75
00:04:12,890 --> 00:04:15,880
Sheldon in detention... That's funny.

76
00:04:15,890 --> 00:04:17,919
I actually think it'd be good for him.

77
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,880
He needs to learn he's not special.

78
00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:21,589
But he is special.

79
00:04:21,590 --> 00:04:23,590
You know what I mean. He can't just

80
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,760
walk out of a classroom
'cause he feels like it.

81
00:04:25,770 --> 00:04:27,369
He was worried about catching a cold.

82
00:04:27,370 --> 00:04:29,170
That is a legitimate concern.

83
00:04:29,180 --> 00:04:31,330
And now he's in danger of being mugged

84
00:04:31,340 --> 00:04:33,510
by a roomful of hoodlums.

85
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,339
He's not getting mugged.

86
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:37,299
It's half a dozen kids doing homework

87
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:38,799
while a teacher watches 'em.

88
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,279
Although it might not hurt
to give Sheldon a few dollars

89
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,930
to buy himself some protection.

90
00:04:44,060 --> 00:04:45,850
That's actually not a bad idea.

91
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,739
What are you doing?

92
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:56,090
Nothing.

93
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,590
Is that chewing tobacco?

94
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,920
It's chocolate Bazooka.
What do you want?

95
00:05:00,930 --> 00:05:02,880
I have detention tomorrow,

96
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:05,050
and I thought you
could give me some tips.

97
00:05:05,060 --> 00:05:07,840
That was pretty badass, you
walking out of class like that.

98
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:11,419
It was not my intention to be
bad "A" word, but thank you.

99
00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:14,320
The only thing you need
to worry about in detention

100
00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:15,970
is staying close to the teacher.

101
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,510
If he leaves the room, you go with him.

102
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,010
Why?

103
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,510
'Cause you're gonna get
your "A" word kicked.

104
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,840
Are you saying I'll
be in physical danger?

105
00:05:25,850 --> 00:05:27,679
It's all the worst kids in school

106
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,369
in one room for an hour.

107
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:31,359
What do you think's gonna happen?

108
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,169
I thought we were gonna spend
the time regretting our actions

109
00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:37,050
and thinking about how we
could be better in the future.

110
00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:39,430
Well, you thought wrong. Get lost.

111
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,099
You're both mean and nice to me.

112
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:44,020
It's confusing.

113
00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:54,719
Maybe I'm doing this wrong.

114
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,419
Have you ever been in detention?

115
00:06:02,420 --> 00:06:03,590
No.

116
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,800
But I do take the school bus.

117
00:06:05,810 --> 00:06:07,840
And that is no party.

118
00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:10,420
It's like a mental hospital on wheels.

119
00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:12,920
That's a good use of simile.

120
00:06:12,930 --> 00:06:14,130
Thanks.

121
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:15,870
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

122
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,389
I hope.

123
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,420
Hello. I'm here for detention.

124
00:06:35,430 --> 00:06:37,550
Where is the teacher?

125
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,550
Not here yet.

126
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,190
Oh.

127
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,229
I have three dollars.

128
00:06:49,230 --> 00:06:51,070
Feel free to share it with the others.

129
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,250
Would you prefer a piece of paper?

130
00:07:02,260 --> 00:07:03,990
I have some in my briefcase.

131
00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:07,609
It's here if you change your mind.

132
00:07:07,610 --> 00:07:09,969
All right, losers, you
know how this works.

133
00:07:09,970 --> 00:07:12,500
One hour, no talking, no horseplay.

134
00:07:12,510 --> 00:07:13,910
Sheldon?

135
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,500
Hello, Mr. Givens.

136
00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:16,759
Why are you here?

137
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,210
I didn't want to catch
a cold from Ms. MacElroy,

138
00:07:19,220 --> 00:07:21,899
so I left her classroom
without a hall pass.

139
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,170
Well, something is going around.

140
00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:26,710
I actually had a little
tickle in my throat.

141
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,290
Okay, time to go. Nice meeting you.

142
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:30,710
Whoa, what-what are you doing?

143
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,500
You've heard of fight or flight?

144
00:07:32,510 --> 00:07:33,830
This is flight.

145
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,499
Not so funny now, is it?

146
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,850
No. How long is he suspended for?

147
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:41,979
A week.

148
00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:43,970
And it goes on his permanent record.

149
00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:45,620
Well, that's no big deal.

150
00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:49,000
I had all kinds of stuff on my
permanent high school record.

151
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:52,400
Didn't stop me from being
a bartender for eight years.

152
00:07:52,410 --> 00:07:55,439
I think the real issue we need
to deal with is his germ phobia.

153
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,519
Oh, yes, you don't

154
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,250
want him turning into Howard Hughes.

155
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:00,170
Growing his nails out.

156
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,170
Peeing in a jar.

157
00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:03,649
Why would he pee into a jar?

158
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,120
I don't know why he peed in a jar,

159
00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:07,000
I just know he did.

160
00:08:07,010 --> 00:08:08,699
I hate to say it,

161
00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:10,620
but I think we need help with this.

162
00:08:10,630 --> 00:08:11,530
Like what?

163
00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:12,250
Maybe we could

164
00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:14,689
take him to that nice
doctor who calmed him down

165
00:08:14,690 --> 00:08:16,979
when he was convinced he
had an enlarged prostate?

166
00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:18,619
Sheldon only calmed down
when the doctor told him

167
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,730
what happens in a prostate exam.

168
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:22,110
Poor thing.

169
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,370
Still talks about it.

170
00:08:26,970 --> 00:08:28,980
Thank you for seeing us, Doctor.

171
00:08:28,990 --> 00:08:30,419
No problem.

172
00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:33,500
So, what do you got today, Sheldon?

173
00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:35,709
Rickets? Rabies?

174
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:37,760
Early-onset menopause?

175
00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:39,800
Is he making a joke?

176
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,080
I believe so.

177
00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:42,109
Humorous.

178
00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:43,060
Hmm.

179
00:08:43,061 --> 00:08:44,359
Sheldon's not sick,

180
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:47,109
but he has become overly
concerned with getting a cold

181
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,030
or the flu.

182
00:08:48,031 --> 00:08:49,440
Well, any symptoms...

183
00:08:49,450 --> 00:08:51,120
Runny nose, achy,

184
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:52,459
sore throat, fever?

185
00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:53,370
No.

186
00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:56,540
All right, well, Sheldon,
if you do catch a cold,

187
00:08:56,550 --> 00:09:00,120
or even the flu, it's...
it's not the end of the world.

188
00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:03,279
The flu was the end of the world
for half a million Americans

189
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,119
during the influenza epidemic of 1918.

190
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,760
- Really?
- In India

191
00:09:07,770 --> 00:09:09,709
17 million people died.

192
00:09:09,710 --> 00:09:12,210
Okay, I think we're getting
off the subject. Doctor,

193
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:13,910
Sheldon is afraid to go to school

194
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,040
because he might get exposed

195
00:09:15,050 --> 00:09:17,629
to some kind of bacteria or virus.

196
00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:19,770
So he's got a phobia?

197
00:09:19,780 --> 00:09:22,040
It's not a phobia if the threat is real.

198
00:09:22,050 --> 00:09:23,969
You're a doctor, you should know that.

199
00:09:23,970 --> 00:09:28,080
Sheldon, you have
nothing to worry about.

200
00:09:28,090 --> 00:09:29,960
Even if you did get the flu,

201
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,910
it's usually over in a week.

202
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,270
Why are we getting medical
advice from a man who smokes?

203
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,789
- Sheldon.
- O-Okay,

204
00:09:36,790 --> 00:09:39,670
I have patients who are actually sick.

205
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,649
Maybe we should wrap this up.

206
00:09:41,650 --> 00:09:43,859
How come you don't
get sick all the time?

207
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,719
Well, I take precautions.

208
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,770
I wash my hands, I
wear gloves and a mask.

209
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:02,760
So, Mom, how was your day?

210
00:10:04,950 --> 00:10:06,949
We're ignoring this?

211
00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:08,470
Okay.

212
00:10:18,090 --> 00:10:20,210
So pretty.

213
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,080
What's going on?

214
00:10:22,090 --> 00:10:24,540
I'm not feeling so good.

215
00:10:26,010 --> 00:10:28,300
Biohazard! Biohazard!

216
00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:31,210
Sucker.

217
00:10:31,220 --> 00:10:32,770
In national news,

218
00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:36,880
an unusually early flu season
is buffeting the country.

219
00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:40,000
Doctors say the strain,
originating in China,

220
00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:42,460
is particularly severe.

221
00:10:42,470 --> 00:10:46,829
Children and the
elderly are most at risk.

222
00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:49,039
Sheldon, why are you still up?

223
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,129
We're all gonna die!

224
00:10:51,130 --> 00:10:52,569
About the local cattle...

225
00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:53,910
This isn't funny!

226
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,370
I know, baby, I know.

227
00:10:56,380 --> 00:11:00,080
But you need to
understand that sometimes

228
00:11:00,090 --> 00:11:02,410
the news says those things
just to scare people.

229
00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:03,879
Well, it's working!

230
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:04,999
Come here.

231
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,549
I know you don't believe in this,

232
00:11:06,550 --> 00:11:08,380
but I'm gonna do it anyway.

233
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:13,290
Lord, I pray for my son Sheldon

234
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:16,190
that you protect him from
all illness and disease,

235
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,000
and keep him healthy and keep him safe,

236
00:11:19,010 --> 00:11:22,040
and protect him from
his head to his toes,

237
00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:24,760
inside and out. Amen.

238
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,970
You're right. I don't believe in that.

239
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:34,750
But it did feel good. Thanks.

240
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,970
In the Bible, that's called
a hedge of protection.

241
00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:41,960
Why do you keep smiling?

242
00:11:41,970 --> 00:11:44,690
You need to look at your mask, baby.

243
00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:49,010
Missy?!

244
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,320
We have to go to school,
and Sheldon doesn't?

245
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:56,179
- That's not fair.
- Sure it is.

246
00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:58,250
Sheldon loves school and can't go.

247
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,620
You hate school and have to. Fair.

248
00:12:00,630 --> 00:12:02,179
He still has

249
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,980
to spend his day doing chores.

250
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,830
Can't sit around
playing with his trains.

251
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,170
Yeah, put him to work.
Good parenting, Dad.

252
00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:09,929
Oh, I'm glad you approve.

253
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,799
I do.

254
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,929
Where you going?

255
00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:16,040
I'm gonna give Sheldon a list of chores.

256
00:12:16,050 --> 00:12:18,030
You're actually taking my advice?

257
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,030
Yes.

258
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,409
Well, how about that?

259
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:23,710
Hey, you were due.

260
00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:26,700
Proud of you, George.

261
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,040
Sheldon?

262
00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:38,370
Yes.

263
00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:40,990
The door's locked. Can you open it?

264
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,249
No.

265
00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:45,190
What on earth?

266
00:12:56,130 --> 00:12:57,210
Hello.

267
00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:58,409
What are you doing?

268
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:01,250
I made a real germ-proof
hedge of protection.

269
00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:04,080
Oh, honey, you can't stay in there.

270
00:13:04,090 --> 00:13:07,250
I've got a refrigerator,
I've got my sleeping bag,

271
00:13:07,260 --> 00:13:10,120
and anything else I need
I can make out of Legos.

272
00:13:10,130 --> 00:13:12,920
What's with the Halloween costume?

273
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,540
In case of a breach.

274
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:21,040
Stay right there.

275
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:22,540
That's my plan.

276
00:13:22,550 --> 00:13:24,060
George?

277
00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:30,960
Just when you think he's gonna zig,

278
00:13:30,970 --> 00:13:32,640
you get a big old zag.

279
00:13:32,650 --> 00:13:34,759
It's ridiculous. I'm...
I'm gonna take it down.

280
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,969
No, you can't force him out of a phobia.

281
00:13:36,970 --> 00:13:37,940
What do we do?

282
00:13:37,941 --> 00:13:39,139
He can't live in there.

283
00:13:39,140 --> 00:13:40,239
Well, actually, he can.

284
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,830
He's got the refrigerator
and a sleeping bag.

285
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,040
And he can always go potty in the sink.

286
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:48,289
I think I'll take the kids to school.

287
00:13:48,290 --> 00:13:50,670
I'm sure he'll be out
by the time you get home.

288
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,069
Not sure why you think that, but okay.

289
00:13:53,070 --> 00:13:54,219
Mom?

290
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:55,360
Yes, Shelly.

291
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:56,519
Can you close the door?

292
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,300
I need to use the sink.

293
00:14:05,130 --> 00:14:06,960
- Tammy Cook?
- Here.

294
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:08,299
Georgie Cooper?

295
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:09,620
Here.

296
00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:12,120
Sheldon Cooper? Absent.

297
00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:13,530
Where's your brother?

298
00:14:13,540 --> 00:14:14,600
Home.

299
00:14:14,610 --> 00:14:15,650
Is he okay?

300
00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:16,790
Yeah, he's just...

301
00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:20,759
Actually, it's not looking good for him.

302
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,469
He might not make it.

303
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:23,919
Oh, that's terrible.

304
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,250
I know.

305
00:14:25,260 --> 00:14:27,460
I love him so much.

306
00:14:27,470 --> 00:14:31,460
If anything ever happened,
I don't know what I'd do.

307
00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:33,370
Aw.

308
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:41,269
Shelly, if you don't mind

309
00:14:41,270 --> 00:14:44,469
- me asking, what's your long-term plan here?
- I'm working

310
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,029
on the math to turn the garage

311
00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:48,259
into a self-sustaining ecosystem.

312
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:51,219
- Okay. And what exactly does that mean?
- Well, all I need

313
00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:54,120
is sunlight and a few
seeds to grow unlimited food

314
00:14:54,130 --> 00:14:56,380
which I'll fertilize with my own feces.

315
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,700
This just gets better.

316
00:14:58,710 --> 00:15:00,959
If you're not gonna
help, please go inside.

317
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,549
This is not a show.

318
00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:04,469
Now that's where I disagree.

319
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,359
Shelly, baby, please come on out.

320
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,910
I can't.

321
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,620
Come on. I'm your mommy.

322
00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:13,210
Do it for your mommy.

323
00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:14,340
No.

324
00:15:15,630 --> 00:15:17,120
But I'm your mommy.

325
00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:19,120
Y'all are killing me.

326
00:15:22,050 --> 00:15:23,250
"I'm your mommy."

327
00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:27,589
I think the saddest part
about it is just how sad it is.

328
00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:29,719
Is there anything that we can do?

329
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,719
I don't know.

330
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,510
A hug might help.

331
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,120
Of course.

332
00:15:36,650 --> 00:15:38,239
What's wrong with you two?

333
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,740
Don't you care about my brother?

334
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:47,919
Aw.

335
00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,919
Oh, Sheldon.

336
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,120
That's it. I've had
enough of this nonsense.

337
00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:56,330
If you don't come out, I'm coming in!

338
00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:58,590
One, two,

339
00:15:58,600 --> 00:15:59,619
three.

340
00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:01,139
Breach! Breach!

341
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:02,859
You come here right this instant!

342
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:04,090
No.

343
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,639
Oh!

344
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,419
Sheldon!

345
00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:14,219
You can't run away from me forever.

346
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:17,129
I don't have to do it forever.
Just till you get tired.

347
00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:18,270
Mary,

348
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,899
I'm gonna run and go
get my video camera.

349
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,239
Don't catch him till I get back.

350
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,609
This is not a joke!

351
00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:24,399
Sheldon, get over here!

352
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,840
Get over here.

353
00:16:29,470 --> 00:16:32,190
Sheldon Lee Cooper, get here.

354
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,620
Right now.

355
00:16:33,630 --> 00:16:36,559
Oh, Lord, I think I'm gonna wet myself.

356
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,210
Get! You come here! Sheldon Lee Cooper!

357
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,710
Look at that.

358
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,120
St. Mary drinking alcohol.

359
00:16:50,130 --> 00:16:52,910
God saw what just happened. He gets it.

360
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:56,909
Mind if I take a crack at
catching the Road Runner?

361
00:16:56,910 --> 00:16:58,789
What are you gonna
do that I couldn't do?

362
00:16:58,790 --> 00:17:00,369
Oh, a little trick I learned

363
00:17:00,370 --> 00:17:02,759
trying to get prairie
dogs out of the hole.

364
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,530
Of course we'd whack off
their heads with a golf club.

365
00:17:05,540 --> 00:17:08,120
I'm not gonna do that to Sheldon.

366
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,460
Oh, Moon Pie,

367
00:17:13,470 --> 00:17:16,960
I've got a little treat for you.

368
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,960
Chocolate chip?

369
00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:21,599
Mm-hmm, right out of the oven.

370
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,700
Good. That means they're sterile.

371
00:17:25,220 --> 00:17:28,080
Why don't you come on out
here and... have a couple?

372
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:30,170
I can't do that.

373
00:17:30,180 --> 00:17:31,869
Okay, I tell you what.

374
00:17:31,870 --> 00:17:34,460
I'm gonna just put 'em right out here,

375
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,750
and you can come out and
get one when you're ready.

376
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,800
How about that? I'm gonna put 'em down

377
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,080
right... here.

378
00:17:47,130 --> 00:17:49,339
Aah!

379
00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:51,010
Come on! Oh.

380
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,080
Listen to me, buster.

381
00:17:55,090 --> 00:17:56,129
Okay.

382
00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:58,379
You are a lot of things, Sheldon.

383
00:17:58,380 --> 00:18:02,000
You are cute, smart, hygienic.

384
00:18:05,470 --> 00:18:07,960
But most of all...

385
00:18:07,970 --> 00:18:11,409
you... are a Texan.

386
00:18:11,410 --> 00:18:12,799
So?

387
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,229
So Texans

388
00:18:14,230 --> 00:18:16,729
aren't afraid of nothin'!

389
00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:19,250
Rattlesnakes, Indians,

390
00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:21,240
the Mexican Army.

391
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:28,460
Do you imagine that Sam Houston
was scared of a little old cold?

392
00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:29,790
No.

393
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,750
Jim Bowie?

394
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,120
No.

395
00:18:33,130 --> 00:18:36,750
Sissy Spacek?

396
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,370
I... guess not?

397
00:18:38,380 --> 00:18:40,959
You're damn right,
because they're Texans

398
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,500
through and through.

399
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:44,899
Now I want you to quit
hiding in this plastic bubble,

400
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,589
and I want you to come out here and

401
00:18:46,590 --> 00:18:49,950
eat your cookies out
in the world like a man!

402
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,610
Like a Texan man!

403
00:19:13,050 --> 00:19:15,049
I'm impressed.

404
00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:16,290
Me, too.

405
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,169
I thought I'd lost him at Sissy Spacek.

406
00:19:19,170 --> 00:19:22,120
Whew!

407
00:19:25,670 --> 00:19:27,129
As you can see,

408
00:19:27,130 --> 00:19:30,650
my meemaw successfully
lured me back into the world

409
00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:34,639
by reminding me of my
brave Texas ancestors.

410
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,020
Their blood ran through my veins.

411
00:19:37,030 --> 00:19:40,690
I was a true son of the Lone Star State.

412
00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:42,770
Albeit a true son

413
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:45,570
with an incredibly
fragile immune system.

414
00:19:45,580 --> 00:19:49,190
I woke up the next morning
with a temperature of 102

415
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,770
and a head packed full of mucus.

416
00:19:51,780 --> 00:19:55,910
However, there was a silver lining.

417
00:19:55,920 --> 00:20:00,500
♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪

418
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:03,040
♪ Little ball of fur ♪

419
00:20:03,050 --> 00:20:07,500
♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty ♪

420
00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:09,930
♪ Purr, purr, purr. ♪

421
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:11,790
Sing it again, Mom.

422
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,080
First, blow your nose.

423
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,149
♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪

424
00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:22,229
♪ Little ball of fur ♪

425
00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:26,469
♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty ♪

426
00:20:26,470 --> 00:20:28,900
♪ Purr, purr, purr. ♪

427
00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:34,880
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