1 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:13,100 Episode 5x03 : The Christ Nail 2 00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 3 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,500 How do those feel to you ? 4 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,000 Well, they feel pretty good. 5 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,100 I kinda like these orthotics. 6 00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:30,100 Yeah, they're really going to help. 7 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,900 Boy, they sure make a lot of noise. 8 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,200 They take a while to work in. 9 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,400 Ah, Jesús ! 10 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:54,900 How are you ? 11 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,100 - Everything okay ? - Si. 12 00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,100 Yeah ? 13 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,700 You seem a little down. 14 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:02,900 No, I.. I okay. 15 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:04,300 - You okay ? - Si. 16 00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:05,900 Can you do me a favor ? 17 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,800 Small favor, okay ? 18 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,000 Small favor... it's hardly even a favor. 19 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,600 You work here, actually, so it's part of your job. 20 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,500 Either way, it's still a favor. Okay. 21 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,200 So I got, uh... 22 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,800 see this thing ? 23 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,500 It's a mezuzah. 24 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:20,800 Got that ? 25 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,600 And I need you to put it 26 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,800 over the door here. 27 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,700 This is like a jewish thing. 28 00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:29,800 You know, we put it over the door 29 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,100 so every anti-semite in the neighborhood will know that we live here 30 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:34,900 in case they wanna burn down the house. 31 00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:36,600 Anyway, you just need a nail. 32 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:38,300 Get a nail, hammer and a nail, 33 00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,200 - put it up. - Si, mezuzah. 34 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,300 Yeah, mezuzah. 35 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,700 I don't... I don't know what it does, really. 36 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:45,500 But anyway, because my father's coming to visit, 37 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:48,300 he'll be upset if he doesn't see it up there. 38 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:51,200 He's a little hard-of-hearing, so when you talk to him, talk loud. 39 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,800 He's losing his hearing. 40 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,300 - Okay ? - Okay. 41 00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:55,600 So you just speak up a little bit 42 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,700 "Hello, hello !" You know. 43 00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:02,200 - "Hello ! Hello !" - Yeah, "How do you feel, Mr. David ?" 44 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,700 "How do you feel, Mr. David ?" 45 00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:08,100 That's good. That's good, Jesús. 46 00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:11,100 By the way, Jesús... Jesus... either one ? 47 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,100 Either one, si. 48 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:13,800 It's okay. 49 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,900 - Same thing. - Si. 50 00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:17,600 Okay, okay. 51 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,600 - I do mezuzah. - Okay, great. 52 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:22,200 What happened to your leg ? 53 00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:26,700 It hurts on the bottom of my feet. 54 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,500 I have the exact same thing ! 55 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,400 Do you want your life changed, Jesus ? 56 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,100 Huh ? Okay. 57 00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:34,500 See this ? 58 00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:35,900 It's called an orthotic. 59 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,900 Just put 'em in the bottom of your shoe, 60 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:42,100 and that's it. - No no no, I do the mezuzah 61 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,600 Try them on ! 62 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:45,400 Tell him, Maria. 63 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,700 Honey... 64 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,400 What could it hurt ? It make you feel better. 65 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,600 - Okay. - All right, okay, there you go. 66 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,100 - Okay. - It's a good idea. Gracias, Mr. Larry. 67 00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:58,000 - De nada. - Thank you. 68 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,000 De nada. 69 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,600 De naaadaaa. 70 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,500 - What is that noise ? - I don't know. 71 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,500 - Hey. - Is that you ? 72 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:13,300 - What ? - What's that noise ? 73 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:14,600 Oh, the orthotics. 74 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:16,800 - What ? - Loud ! 75 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,800 Well, you gotta break'em in. It takes a little time. 76 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:21,900 They're really loud. 77 00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:24,000 Well, they're very good for my feet, I could tell you that. 78 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,400 - My feet feel a lot better. - That's good. 79 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,600 Let me ask you something : 80 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,900 Why is it that before you have a meal, 81 00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:32,700 you do the whole cross thing, 82 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:34,400 but not for snack. 83 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,500 I don't think it applies to snacks. 84 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,300 I guess, otherwise you'd be crossing all day long. 85 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:43,500 There's gotta be a maximum number of times somebody can cross in a day. 86 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,600 Uh, I wonder what the record is. 87 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,500 Have you ever seen any crossing on a snack, ever ? 88 00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:49,900 - I don't think so. - Excuse me. 89 00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:52,900 I'm gonna be on the lookout for people who cross before snacking. 90 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,500 - What's that ? - This ? 91 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:56,800 This is a nail. 92 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,800 I bought this on the internet. It's from "The Passion of the Christ". 93 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,100 - What, are you kidding ? - No. 94 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,400 - Kind of interesting... - You got one of those Christ nails from the movie ? 95 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:11,300 Have you seen it ? 96 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:13,600 I didn't see it. 97 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,200 - All right, you must... - I missed "Passion of the Christ". 98 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,700 - We have it on dvd, we can send it to you. - Wish I could have gone. 99 00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:20,600 They have all kinds of things in the internet for "The Passion of the Christ". 100 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,000 You're nuts about this Jesus guy, aren't you ? 101 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,100 Well, I have a personal relationship with Christ. 102 00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:26,200 - Really ? - Kinda... yeah. 103 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,500 I can see worshipping Jesus if he were a girl. 104 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,900 Like if god had a daughter... Jane. 105 00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:32,200 I'll worship a Jane. 106 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,000 - No. - But, you know, to worship a guy... 107 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,400 it's like a little kinda, you know, it's a little gay, isn't it ? 108 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,000 - Okay. - The son of god ! What's the matter with you ? 109 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,900 No, I'm just saying. A girl... 110 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:44,500 I would worship Jane... if he had a daughter Jane, 111 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:47,000 - I could have a relationship with a Jane. - He didn't have a daughter ! 112 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,700 It's a shame it wasn't a girl. That's all I have to say. 113 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,700 Good-looking woman, zaftig, you know ? 114 00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:55,500 - Good sense of humor. - That's fine. 115 00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,600 - If he had a daughter, everybody... - We got it. 116 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,600 - everybody would worship Jane. - Stop it. 117 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,100 That's all I'm saying. 118 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:28,500 - Larry ? - What ? 119 00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:31,000 What are you doing ? 120 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,900 What ? Nothing. 121 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,700 I was... your bra was kind of... 122 00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:37,700 it was about to fall off and I was... I was putting it back on. 123 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,400 All right, and... 124 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,400 I felt like you were looking at... 125 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,000 my size. 126 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:49,100 I... 127 00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,600 well... 128 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,800 I didn't deliberately set out to look at the size, 129 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,900 but I was... I had the bra in my hand, 130 00:05:56,900 --> 00:06:00,500 and it's kind of like, you know, if you have a driver's license 131 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,500 you check out the date of birth. That's all. 132 00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,100 - Okay. - I checked it out. 133 00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:07,000 And what'd you think ? 134 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,000 Yeah.... 135 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,200 Okay, it was good. 136 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,600 Well, while we're on the subject, 137 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:19,500 I think we're gonna have to let Maria go. 138 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,200 - I cannot... - Really ? 139 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,200 stand to watch her 140 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,800 clean room to room without a bra. 141 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,200 It's very distracting. 142 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,900 I know, but that's a big move. 143 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:31,900 You know, why don't you just tell her to put a bra on ? 144 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,200 I'm not gonna have that conversation with someone. 145 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,700 I would rather just get rid of her. 146 00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,600 - We'll find somebody else. - Really ? 147 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,300 First of all, she makes the best chicken salad. 148 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,500 I would really miss that. 149 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:47,000 Well, Larry, then you're gonna have to tell her to wear a bra or fire her. 150 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,500 - If I see... - All right, I'll... I'll tell her. 151 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:54,500 - I'll tell her to put the bra on. - Okay. 152 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:57,500 I'll talk to her. I'll talk to her, no problem. 153 00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:00,800 - All right. I got it. - You done with this ? 154 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,800 - Yeah, I am. - You done ? 155 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,700 Oh hi, I thought you were Jesús ! 156 00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:17,300 Jesús ! No kidding. 157 00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,300 Yeah, his shoes sound like your shoes. 158 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:21,200 - Yeah ? - Yeah, they're very loud. 159 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,200 They make a lot of noise. You gotta break them in. 160 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,700 Yeah, but his feet feel really good. 161 00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:26,100 - They're better ? - Si, yeah. 162 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,600 - Fantastic ! - Yeah, thank you. 163 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,100 - That's unbelievable. - It's good. 164 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,700 - They fit and everything ? - Mm-hmm ! 165 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,300 - Is he happy ? - Yes. 166 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,200 'Cause you know, between you and me, 167 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,800 he could be quite a downer this guy, this Jesús. 168 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,700 Yes, I know. 169 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:39,400 He's good. 170 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,900 - Maria ? - Yeah ? 171 00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:45,000 I got a little thing I need to talk about with you. 172 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:45,900 Okay. 173 00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:48,900 Cheryl and I were having a conversation the other night. 174 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,300 Well, last night, actually. 175 00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:55,700 You know, we couldn't help but notice that, uh, 176 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,500 you don't wear a, uh... 177 00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:01,000 bra. - Oh, no. Don't like 'em. 178 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,000 Not for me. 179 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,500 - Not for you ? - No. 180 00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:09,200 Because, you know I got my father-in-law here. 181 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,100 - They're kind of distracting. - Distracting ? 182 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:14,900 Yeah, a lot of flopping going on. 183 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,100 - No, they don't flop... - There's floppin' ! 184 00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:20,200 Don't like the support things, they're uncomfortable. 185 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,000 I haven't worn one in 15 years. 186 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:27,100 They've made some great technological advances in bras in 15 years. 187 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:29,500 They're inviting and cozy and cottony. 188 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,100 What do you call that cotton ? 189 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:32,300 Puma ? 190 00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:33,400 That's a sneaker. 191 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,800 All right... pima ! Pima ! 192 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,200 No, I don't like 'em. 193 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,800 You don't like 'em. 194 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,500 All right, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do for you. 195 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,100 I'm gonna buy you a bra, how about that ? 196 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,000 I'll buy you one, you'll try it, you'll put it on, you'll see... 197 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,100 you'll see what I'm talking about. 198 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:48,600 My treat. 199 00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:50,900 - Okay, I'll try it. - You'll try it ! 200 00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:53,900 I'll just try it on and just... let's see. 201 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,400 I'm gonna get you a bra. 202 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,700 Where are you ? 203 00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:04,200 I'm in the kitchen. 204 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,100 What the hell is that ? 205 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,900 Oh, my orthotics. 206 00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,000 What's the story with that ? 207 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,500 Well, I got these new orthotics, you know... 208 00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:15,900 - Is it always gonna sound that way ? - No, no, you need to break 'em in. 209 00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,300 - Okay... - But my foot... ! 210 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:20,700 - Good night, nurse. - Really ? 211 00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:23,200 - Yeah. - How about that ? Congratulations. 212 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,200 Thank you. Thank you. 213 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:28,500 - Beer ? - Hmmm. Maybe later. 214 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:31,500 All right, well, if you want one, I haven't been able to find my can opener. 215 00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:33,200 I'm telling you something. 216 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,600 I got a housekeeper who steals. 217 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,700 - Really ? - Oh yeah. 218 00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:40,800 So it's just a can opener, you might not think it's much. 219 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,800 But everything I look for, gone ! 220 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,600 - Why don't you fire her ? - 'Cause I don't know for sure. 221 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:46,700 But I'm pretty sure. 222 00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:48,100 Gee, I hate to hear that. 223 00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:49,800 I know, it's horrible. 224 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,100 Of course, my housekeeper, I had to tell her to wear a bra. 225 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,400 You had to tell your housekeeper to wear a bra ? 226 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,000 I am buying her ! 227 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,200 I have to buy her a bra. 228 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,700 I just don't know what size she is. 229 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:02,700 Honey... 230 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,000 - Sammi's last tooth finally fell out. - Oh, great, great ! 231 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,300 Look at that, huh ? 232 00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:10,400 Yeah, tooth fairy'll be coming tonight. 233 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,600 What ? Wait a second, what is this ? 234 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,300 What, tooth fairy. 235 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:15,700 - Tooth fairy ? - Yeah. 236 00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,900 What, are you kidding ? She's like 11 years old. 237 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,800 It's none of your god damn business, Larry. 238 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,700 Her tooth falls out, we stick it under her pillow. 239 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,000 Tooth f... She still... 240 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,100 She still believes in the tooth fairy ? 241 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:28,000 Yes, she still believes in the tooth fairy. 242 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,000 What's the matter with that ? 243 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,500 - Really ? - Yeah. 244 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:33,300 Jesus Christ, I'm shocked. 245 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,800 What's so shocking ? 246 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,200 You don't understand children. 247 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,900 You don't know child psychology, and what they believe and don't believe. 248 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,300 - I guess I don't. - No ! 249 00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:43,900 I knew there was no tooth fairy even before my teeth fell out. 250 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:45,700 Really ? Well maybe that's what your problem is. 251 00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:48,000 Maybe if you had a little faith or belief in something, 252 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,900 you wouldn't have ended up the way you did, 253 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:50,900 you know ? 254 00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:53,300 What are you looking at ? 255 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,700 What ? No, nothing. 256 00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:57,900 All right. Thanks for your help. 257 00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,600 Yeah, my pleasure. 258 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,200 - It's always something. - Do me a favor ? 259 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,900 For the rest of the night, just leave us alone. 260 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,900 - Fine, my pleasure. - Thank you. 261 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,600 - You know what ? - What ? 262 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,200 I think she's about the same size as Maria, my housekeeper. 263 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,700 - Really ? - Yeah. 264 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,700 - You know what size she is ? - No. I can find out. 265 00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:18,800 - Would you ? - Sure. 266 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,500 - Thank you, thank you. 267 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,800 - Do you know what Cheryl's size is ? 268 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,800 I just found out, and I gotta tell you something. 269 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,600 - A little disappointed. - Really ? 270 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,600 - Yeah ! - What, "B" cup ? 271 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:30,500 - I'd rather not say. - "C" ? 272 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,900 - I can't, you know... I can't. - 32 ? 34 ? 273 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,300 - I don't want to talk about it. - Come on. 274 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:35,400 I don't want to talk about it. 275 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,100 - Come on ! - No ! I'd rather not. 276 00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:40,200 I'm giving you Susie's bra size, give me Cheryl's bra size. 277 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,700 It's a trade. 278 00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,800 - I can't, I don't want to. - You know what ? 279 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,800 You don't tell me Cheryl's, I ain't telling you Susie's. 280 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:49,400 - Okay. - Okay. 281 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:50,300 - Fine. - Fine. 282 00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:51,900 I'm not the one who has to go out and buy a bra. 283 00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,900 - I don't give a shit. - Oh, yeah, you do. 284 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,100 It's unbelievable, isn't it ? 285 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,400 I could be general manager of a basketball team. 286 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,800 - No, you couldn't. - I could put together a better team... 287 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,100 - You could not. - Don't tell me I couldn't ! 288 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,800 You don't have a clue. 289 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,400 Half the things you say here on the couch... 290 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,900 I know as much about basketball as these idiots. 291 00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:12,800 I just need the opportunity. 292 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,400 That's all, just the opportunity. 293 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,500 A young, fresh kid out of college just needs the opportunity. 294 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:18,700 - I do ! - That's all. 295 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:20,200 - I know I could do it. - Yeah, yeah... 296 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,200 - Where're you going ? - Bathroom. 297 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:26,800 What are you doing ? 298 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,200 What are you doing with that money ? 299 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,900 I was checking to make sure the tooth fairy left it. 300 00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:33,100 You're lying ! You're a liar ! 301 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,600 You're the tooth fairy ! There is no tooth fairy ! 302 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:39,200 - Honey, there is a tooth fairy. - You're lying ! It's you ! 303 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,300 I'm gonna kill him ! 304 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,600 It's you ! You're the tooth fairy ! 305 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,600 - You know what you just did ? - What ? 306 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,400 Sammi caught me putting the money under her pillow. 307 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,200 Because you woke her up with those things in your shoes, 308 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,500 - and now she knows that I'm the tooth fairy. - Really ? 309 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,900 - The shoes woke her up ? - Yes, the shoes woke her up ! 310 00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,900 She knows that there's no tooth fairy now ! 311 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,900 - I'm sorry. - Oh, you're sorry ? 312 00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:03,100 I'm her mother ! Trust ! 313 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,800 I know, but it had to happen eventually. 314 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:09,300 You know, you're a stupid fucking idiot ! I cannot listen to this ! 315 00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,500 Jeff, do you hear this ? 316 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,700 - No what's going on ? - "It had to happen eventually." 317 00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:15,100 - What had to happen ? - His orthotics, whatever the hell they are, 318 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:16,500 the noise woke Sammi up. 319 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,300 What's with your farchadat shoes ? 320 00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,300 I told you it takes a while to break 'em in. 321 00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:22,600 What are you breaking 'em in in my house for ? It's crazy ! 322 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,500 Uh, you know it's... Hey look... 323 00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,300 let me just posit this, okay ? 324 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,500 It might be a blessing in disguise. 325 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,900 - How ? - The kid's 11 years old already. 326 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:34,300 - Enough with the tooth fairy ! - Not your business, Larry, 327 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:35,900 you misanthropic moron ! 328 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,000 Not for you to judge ! 329 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,700 She's our kid, we decide when she knows about the tooth fairy ! 330 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:43,500 Maybe you shouldn't have propagated this ridiculous myth ! 331 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,100 Get the fuck out of my house ! 332 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,600 - You sure ? - Yes ! 333 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,200 Hey, what's going on ? 334 00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:12,400 What is it ? 335 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,700 Larry, get rid of those orthotics ! 336 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,200 Now I'll never get back to sleep ! 337 00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:40,400 May I help you ? 338 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,400 Yes, hi, um... 339 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,900 yeah, I'm interested in, um... 340 00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,200 in buying a, uh... 341 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,200 ...bra. 342 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,300 - For your... - It's not for me, no. 343 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:53,200 For your sweetheart or your wife ? 344 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,200 - Girlfriend ? - Actually, my housekeeper. 345 00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:58,000 Oh, housekeeper, okay. 346 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,000 I'm not making it up. It's really not for me. 347 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,100 Fine, no it's not... of course it's not for you. 348 00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:05,100 - Tell me you believe me. - I believe you, of course not ! 349 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,700 Not that there's anything wrong with it. 350 00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:08,600 - No because I know... - But there is something wrong with it. 351 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,600 What am I saying ? There's a lot wrong with it. 352 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,200 - You can't say that in this day and age. - I like to walk around 353 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,900 with underwear on my head. Is there anything wrong with that ? 354 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,600 Is there something wrong with that ? 355 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,400 - Yeah, there's something wrong with that. - That's very funny. 356 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,800 - So you really do need a bra, then ? - Yes. 357 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,600 Something comfortable. She hasn't worn one in 15 years. 358 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,800 - Not a french maid outfit ? - No, it's not a lacey french maid outfit. 359 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,300 - 'Cause we have lots of those. - This feels very nice. 360 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:32,600 - Yes, this is our revolutionary "elasticene". - Yeah. 361 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,900 - This is the one... - Lovely. 362 00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:36,400 This is the best bra we make. 363 00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,000 It's so soft, I like that. 364 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,300 - I like that. - In fact, this one... 365 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,300 I wonder if they make underwear out of this stuff. 366 00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:45,200 They do. We have matching panties. 367 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,300 No, for me, for men. 368 00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:49,700 See, that's what I'm saying. 369 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:52,700 Feel free to try on anything here that you want. 370 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,500 Are you out of your mind ? 371 00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:56,500 I'm not saying it's for me. It's not for me. 372 00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,500 I'm just saying this kind of foamy, soft material 373 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,700 would be nice down there for me. 374 00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:04,200 It's so smooth, yes. 375 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,200 That doesn't make me a pervert just 'cause I want to wear... 376 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,000 - There's nothing perverted about it ! - underwear made out of a bra. 377 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,800 That doesn't make me a pervert ! 378 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:10,800 Let's start... 379 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,800 Let's figure out what this woman has... 380 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,500 Got a good selection for you here. 381 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,800 And uh, you know the only issue, of course, is the size, 382 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,800 which I have to say I didn't really know your size. 383 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,000 I got a feeling I think I nailed it. 384 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,200 I really do ! 385 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,200 Okay, try them all on. 386 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,600 - All right ? - Thank you, Mr. David. 387 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,100 All right, you're welcome. 388 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,900 You're a sick fuck, you know that ? 389 00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:46,000 What are you talking about ? 390 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,800 What are we talking about ? 391 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,000 You know, our housekeeper's been stealing, Larry, 392 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,300 so we installed cameras throughout the house. 393 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:55,300 Laundry room. I looked at the tape. 394 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,700 Quite a show, Larry. Look familiar ? 395 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:04,100 All right, so, I'm looking at the size of it. 396 00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:06,400 I needed to buy a bra for the housekeeper, 397 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,800 and it seemed like you two were the same size. 398 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,200 So I needed to find out what your size was ! 399 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,800 And what's all this mincing around ? 400 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:12,700 What is this ? 401 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,700 I was trying to imagine what it would be like 402 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,900 to be the housekeeper and have those breasts 403 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:19,300 you know, working and doing dishes. 404 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:21,500 And how did that feel ? Did it feel good ? 405 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,500 This is how your housekeeper washes dishes, like this ? 406 00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:28,700 Huh ? That's what she does ? She dances, mincing around, washing dishes ? 407 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,400 Why are you looking at her breasts ? 408 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,400 I don't understand why you would walk into her laundry room 409 00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:37,300 and start rifling through her underwear. - I just happened to see the bra there, 410 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:38,900 so I thought, hey look at that, 411 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,900 she seems to be about the same size as Maria ! 412 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,400 That's what you're doing ? Staring at everyone's breasts ? 413 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,200 - Yeah, exactly ! - No, I knew I had to buy her a bra and I thought... 414 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,700 Why are you buying her a bra ? 415 00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,200 You don't have to buy her a bra ! 416 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,300 You made me get a bra for her in the first place ! 417 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,100 I never said go buy her a bra ! 418 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,200 - What is wrong with you ? - You wanted her to put a bra on, 419 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,000 and I was just fine... 420 00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,700 You don't walk around looking in... 421 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:03,100 - It's disgusting. - Keep you goddamn hands off my brassiere ! 422 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,700 This isn't the first time it's happened. 423 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:06,900 The other day he's rifling through my things 424 00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:08,100 looking at my labels. 425 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:09,900 We've been married 11 years. 426 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:12,400 So I took a little peek at her bra size, big deal. 427 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,200 So sue me ! Lock me up ! 428 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,700 Pervert ! You sick fuck pervert ! 429 00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,900 - You have some fetish about bras... - Oh get out of here ! 430 00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,600 with the housekeeper, with Cheryl, with me... 431 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,200 - Get out ! - I don't know what the hell it is, 432 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,300 but it's sick and you better fix those goddamn shoes too ! 433 00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:26,500 'Cause you know what he did ? 434 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,200 He woke Sammi up the other night, 435 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,100 I was putting money under her pillow because her tooth fell out. 436 00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:34,300 - She caught me, now she knows... - Yes, because there is no fucking tooth fairy ! 437 00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:37,300 - And It's about time she learned that ! - None of your business ! 438 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,600 Where have you been ? 439 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,100 Bra shopping. 440 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,600 Okay, Mr. Larry ? 441 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,000 - It's nice ? - Very nice ! 442 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,400 - It's good, huh ? - Very nice indeed ! 443 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,800 - I like it ! - You like it ? 444 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,100 It's nice, it feels good. 445 00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,600 - Good. - Yeah, it feels nice. 446 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:11,800 What's with him ? 447 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,700 Oh, he didn't get a lot of sleep last night. 448 00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:16,700 He was woken up and now he's very tired today. 449 00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:22,500 What's the mezuzah doing over there ? 450 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:23,700 My father's gonna freak out. 451 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:26,300 He's gonna be here any minute. Why didn't Jesus put the mezuzah up ? 452 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:30,400 Oh, Jesús was very upset that you were talking about my breasts 453 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,000 and wanting to buy a bra for me, 454 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,000 so he said, "Mr. David can go fuck himself". 455 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,100 That's what Jesús said ? 456 00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:41,100 Yeah, he was mad. 457 00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:51,500 My father's pulling up ! Where's a hammer ? 458 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,500 He keeps it in the drawer somewhere. 459 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,800 What about a nail ? Where's a nail ? 460 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,800 I don't know where he keeps the nails ! 461 00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:53,700 what's going on there ? 462 00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:56,300 I'm putting up a mezuzah. 463 00:21:56,300 --> 00:21:57,700 Wait a minute. 464 00:21:57,700 --> 00:21:58,700 Is that my nail ? 465 00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:00,700 - I'll get you another one. - You took my nail ? 466 00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:03,000 - Larry ! - That's blasphemy ! 467 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,600 What ? What is going on ? 468 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,900 He took my nail ! He took my nail ! 469 00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:08,500 He took the nail right off my neck ! 470 00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:11,400 - Why'd you have a nail around your neck ? - That's Jesus' nail ! 471 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,900 - That's Jesus' nail ! - No, I know but my father's coming right now ! 472 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,400 Hey, boychick. 473 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:30,800 All right. 474 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,000 All right, kiddo. 475 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,000 Hi, Nat. 476 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,700 This is the best chicken salad I've ever had. 477 00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:42,200 - Ever, right ? - Unbelievable. 478 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,800 - It's amazing ! - Unbelievable. 479 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,100 I don't know what the hell she does. 480 00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:49,400 My god, she makes chicken salad, she wears brassieres, she does it all ! 481 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,800 Yeah, she's very happy with the bras, by the way. 482 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,300 - Really ? - Yeah. Nailed, 483 00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:55,500 nailed the bra size. 484 00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:58,500 - Really ? - I don't know how I do it. 485 00:22:58,500 --> 00:23:01,500 I've really got some kind of talent for that, you know ? 486 00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:03,600 Maybe you can get a job in a carnival somewhere. 487 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,100 Yeah, it's true. 488 00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:09,100 - I'm good at it. - Yeah, have your own little booth. 489 00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:13,300 "Step right up. You are... 490 00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:16,700 ...36c !" 491 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,000 - I know. - Great. 492 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,200 Of course, Jesús freaked out about the whole thing. 493 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,300 - Really ? - He quit, yeah. 494 00:23:23,300 --> 00:23:24,900 - He quit ? - Quit. 495 00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:27,600 - Wow. - The whole thing about the bra, 496 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,300 talking about the bra, 497 00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:32,700 asking her to buy a bra. 498 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:35,000 He told her to tell me to go fuck myself. 499 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,300 - Really ? - Yeah. 500 00:23:37,100 --> 00:23:38,700 He's a fucking nut job, this guy. 501 00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:41,400 So, did you replace the nail ? 502 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,300 Did I replace the nail ? 503 00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:46,300 - I believe I have. - Oh, okay, good. 504 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,700 Your father-in-law's gonna be very happy. 505 00:23:49,700 --> 00:23:50,400 Happy man. 506 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,700 Your dad's happy, you father-in-law's happy, 507 00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:56,100 Unless, of course, any other emergencies arise that require a nail to remedy it. 508 00:23:56,100 --> 00:23:57,500 You never know when you're gonna need a nail. 509 00:23:57,500 --> 00:23:59,500 - You never know. - Never know. 510 00:24:03,300 --> 00:24:05,000 - Fuck ! - What's the matter ? 511 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,300 My tooth ! 512 00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:07,200 What ? 513 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,800 Fuck ! 514 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,800 I think my tooth fell out. 515 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,000 Shit ! My tooth fell out ! 516 00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:19,800 - My tooth ! - From a chicken salad sandwich ? 517 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,800 What fuckin' idiot put bones in a sandwich ? 518 00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:24,900 I bit into a bone ! 519 00:24:24,900 --> 00:24:27,100 There's bones in the chicken salad ! 520 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,200 Shit ! 521 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,400 Fuck ! 522 00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:34,900 Quiet. 523 00:24:36,700 --> 00:24:38,000 What's that noise ? 524 00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:40,700 - What ? - Shh. 525 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:42,900 Sounds like your shoes. 526 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,400 Jesús ! 527 00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:15,600 I didn't see anybody. 528 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:23,600 Oh fuck ! 529 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,300 - What happened ? - He just fell. 530 00:25:49,300 --> 00:25:50,300 Fell ? 531 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,000 What is that language ? 532 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,500 I have no idea. 533 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:03,400 What's this ? 534 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:04,900 There's something in his foot ! 535 00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:07,100 Oh my god ! 536 00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:14,700 The nail. 537 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,500 I must have dropped it ! 538 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,100 It saved me ! 539 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,800 Come on, let's get him some help. 540 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,400 Subtitles by Eyedol, Transcript by Raceman. 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