1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,326 ADULT SHELDON: It was a beautiful morning 2 00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:04,911 in East Texas. 3 00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:10,959 The kind of morning that made you want to get up, 4 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:14,171 get dressed and test that acceleration 5 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:17,302 due to gravity does not depend on an object's motion. 6 00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:20,643 I love Saturdays. 7 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,847 ADULT SHELDON: The Earth causes the same gravitational acceleration 8 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:24,772 of everything, 9 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:27,441 even a doll and a flying Ping-Pong ball. 10 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,644 It's not often a man of science 11 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,027 gets to say "Yippee ki-yay," and mean it, but... 12 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:35,362 Yippee ki-yay. 13 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,905 (doorbell rings) 14 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:40,617 Morning, Herschel. 15 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,911 Hey, George. Uh, you didn't see a dog 16 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,492 wandering around here, did you? 17 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,494 No. Y'all get a dog? 18 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,705 Uh, sort of. We took him in after my brother-in-law 19 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:51,291 had to go live in a gated community. 20 00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:54,127 Oh, that sounds nice; uh, they got a no pets policy? 21 00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,132 He's in jail, George. 22 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,337 Right, sure. 23 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,468 ADULT SHELDON: In physics, 24 00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:58,799 nothing feels better 25 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,349 than predicting an outcome. 26 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,143 I love predictability. 27 00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:04,512 The force of gravity: predictable. 28 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,813 Nuclear fusion: predictable. 29 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:09,142 My brother peeing in the shower: 30 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,943 repulsive, but predictable. 31 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,154 What isn't predictable: 32 00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:14,613 dogs. 33 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,609 I've always been terrified of dogs. 34 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:21,488 To me, they're nothing but big, furry question marks. 35 00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,448 Question marks with teeth. 36 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:24,790 (barks) 37 00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:33,587 In panic situations, I'd often lose consciousness. 38 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:34,959 (barks) 39 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:37,295 This time, I only lost my voice. 40 00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:38,759 (weakly): Help. 41 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,089 Please help. 42 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:44,139 ♪♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪♪ 43 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,017 ♪♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪♪ 44 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,645 ♪♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪♪ 45 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,477 ♪♪ I am a mighty little man ♪♪ 46 00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:56,235 ♪♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪♪ 47 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:00,614 SMURF (over TV): Uh, I was just admiring 48 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,321 Grandpa Smurf's unique walking stick. 49 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:04,997 Smurf-a-loo-loo. 50 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:06,164 That's not my walking stick. 51 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,332 Lunch is ready. 52 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:08,830 Can you go get your brother? 53 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:10,161 I'm watching TV. 54 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,746 Just go. 55 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,458 (sighs) I have to do smurfing everything around here. 56 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:16,917 I heard that. 57 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,503 I said "smurfing." 58 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,304 And I heard how you said it. 59 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,505 (door closes) 60 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,262 She can cut her own crusts off. 61 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,136 Sheldon? 62 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,395 Who are you? 63 00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:30,439 You're so cute. 64 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,353 SHELDON (whispering): Be careful. 65 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,735 What are you doing up there? 66 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,312 Staying alive. 67 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,817 Whose dog is this? 68 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,695 I don't know. Get help. 69 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,196 Well, how did he get into the garage? 70 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,323 Please get help. 71 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,449 Maybe we can keep it. 72 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,789 I'm begging you, get help now. 73 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,496 First, I have to tell you something. 74 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:50,789 What? 75 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:52,582 Lunch is ready. 76 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,551 GEORGE SR. (laughing): Will you look at that? 77 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:00,253 What kind of dog chews through wood? 78 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:01,880 Y'all are feeding him, right? 79 00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:03,556 Maybe he's teething. 80 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:04,553 You know, when Billy was little, 81 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,009 he chewed right through his playpen. 82 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,390 - No kidding? - Only had three teeth. 83 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,263 Mostly gummed it. 84 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,432 So how y'all want to fix it? 85 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:13,892 Well, I figure I'll patch it, 86 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,568 run some chicken wire along the bottom... 87 00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,736 that way, he don't chew through it again. 88 00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,106 Hello. 89 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,153 - Hey. - Hey, Billy. 90 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,820 Was this fence window always here? 91 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:26,537 (sighs) 92 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:29,331 No, son, that's a new fence window. 93 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,915 Anybody else getting dizzy? 94 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,516 Why didn't you call for help? 95 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,019 I tried, but no sound came out. 96 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,596 You poor thing. 97 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,101 It was very dirty up there. 98 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,649 Is cleaning the garage your job or Dad's? 99 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:56,817 Don't you worry about that. 100 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,485 Here, have some tea. 101 00:03:58,697 --> 00:03:59,904 - Chamomile? - Yes. 102 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:00,946 One teaspoon of honey? 103 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:01,939 Yes. 104 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,400 An ice cube to cool it off? 105 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:04,859 I went with two today. 106 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,115 You've been through enough. 107 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,038 I prefer one ice cube. 108 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,369 Drink it. 109 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:18,797 It's nice when the kids are in bed, 110 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,001 and we can just hang out and relax. 111 00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,554 I'm not even gonna respond to that. 112 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,716 (sighs) I finally got him asleep. 113 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,846 He's still pretty shook up. 114 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:30,676 MEEMAW: Maybe having 115 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,808 this mutt next door won't be so bad. 116 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,480 Shelly could end up getting used to it. 117 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:35,769 That's true. 118 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,020 Remember when he got all freaked out 119 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:38,942 by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? 120 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,611 Now he eats it no problem. 121 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,355 He still makes me stir it. 122 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,234 MEEMAW: Maybe you could start out 123 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,282 with a small pet, and work your way up. 124 00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:46,200 Like a turtle. 125 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,035 He says they carry salmonella. 126 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,236 A gerbil? 127 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,288 Apparently, they caused the plague. 128 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,365 What about a bird? 129 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:53,574 Oh, I know that one. 130 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,751 They'll steal his hair to make a nest. 131 00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,914 ♪♪♪ ♪ 132 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,629 (dog panting) 133 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,719 - Mom! - (barks) 134 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,351 ADULT SHELDON: At least this time, sound came out. 135 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:19,392 - I call that progress. - (barks) 136 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,608 (whimpers) 137 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:27,908 (knocking on door) 138 00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:31,620 What's going on? 139 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,243 Your dog got into our house. 140 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,448 How the hell did he do that? 141 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,250 He pushed in a screen window. 142 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,960 You think he chewed through the fence again? 143 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:38,870 All I know 144 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,500 is Sheldon's yelling at the dog, 145 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,081 and Mary's yelling at me. 146 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,962 Now I'm looking at you in your underwear. 147 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,134 BRENDA: Damn it, Herschel, what is going on? 148 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,636 Oh, hey, George. 149 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,554 Hey, Brenda. 150 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,176 Bucky got in their house. 151 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,135 That's funny. 152 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,059 It might be funny one day, not right now. 153 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:55,560 Look, I'm real sorry, George. 154 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,513 I'll keep him tied up, it won't happen again. 155 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:58,810 Y'all have a good night. 156 00:05:59,025 --> 00:05:59,731 MARY: George! 157 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,227 You are not gonna believe this. Look. 158 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:05,028 Their dog left a dead squirrel in our living room. 159 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,448 Well, h-he is part hunting dog. 160 00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,945 I think that means he likes you. 161 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,947 I'm not interested in winning his affection. 162 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,950 I'm interested in keeping dogs and rodents outside of my home. 163 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:15,372 BRENDA: Well, now, hold on. 164 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:16,620 How do we know it was Bucky that left 165 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:17,996 that squirrel in your house? 166 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,960 Maybe that squirrel was already there. 167 00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:23,415 Why else would a dead squirrel be in my living room? 168 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,090 I don't know what kind of house you keep. 169 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,008 (gasps) 170 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,251 My house 171 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,085 is immaculate. 172 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,421 - George, tell them. - Uh... 173 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,380 She does keep a nice house. 174 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,717 Honey, it's a pretty good chance it was Bucky. 175 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,801 - Whose side are you on? - Yours, always yours. 176 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:36,636 All right. 177 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,016 Everyone's upset, it's late. 178 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,434 Maybe we should drop this for tonight? 179 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,311 That's a good idea. Okay. 180 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:42,900 You just keep your dog away from my son. 181 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,023 - There you go picking it up again. - I am sorry, 182 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,319 but their dog broke into our home. 183 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:47,612 Something he probably learned 184 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:48,614 from your brother. 185 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:49,781 How dare you. 186 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,201 Okay, I think that's a good stopping point. 187 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,994 How do we know that your son didn't 188 00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:57,118 lure Bucky in to perform weird science experiments on him? 189 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,667 My son was asleep in his bed, and you have some nerve... 190 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:00,709 (squirrel chittering) 191 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:01,911 (screams) 192 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,621 Oh, oh, oh! Oh! 193 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,122 HERSCHEL: Night, George! 194 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,173 Night! 195 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,501 (screeching) 196 00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,470 I don't understand why that dog 197 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,344 is so interested in Sheldon. 198 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,676 Maybe Bucky likes the way Sheldon smells? 199 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,602 Your brother washes himself three times a day. 200 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,270 He has no smell. 201 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,098 Here we go: animal control. 202 00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,478 MEEMAW: Oh, no, no. 203 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,935 No, you don't want to go calling animal control. 204 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,736 - Why not? - Because, 205 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,406 you have to live next door to these people. 206 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:34,406 They called the cops on Georgie when he played music too loud. 207 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,450 Maybe it was them, maybe it was me. 208 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:38,618 Anyway, the point is, 209 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:39,914 you don't can't go throwing 210 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,287 gasoline on the fire. 211 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:42,744 Well, they started this fire, 212 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,420 and now, they're gonna get burned. 213 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,915 I believe you've had enough coffee. 214 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,005 Listen, why don't you let me talk to Brenda, 215 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,301 and just smooth things out? 216 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,845 Why do you think she'll listen to you? 217 00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,264 Because people like me more than you. 218 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,345 People like me. 219 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,517 I didn't say they don't, they just like me more. 220 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:00,644 Anyway, 221 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,096 I see her all the time at bowling. 222 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,726 I know how to handle her. 223 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:05,266 Fine. 224 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,851 Thank you. 225 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,319 Plenty of people like me. 226 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,532 Hey, Brenda, how's it going? 227 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,960 Your daughter's a pain in my ass, that's how it's going. 228 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,247 (laughs) 229 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,626 You don't beat around the bush. 230 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,128 I've always liked that about you. 231 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,175 Connie, I've had a long night. 232 00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,754 Unless you're looking to bowl, I don't want to hear it. 233 00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,089 Aw, now, come on. 234 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,807 Let me buy you a drink, and we'll talk about this. 235 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,473 I'm more on your side than you think. 236 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,636 Somehow, 237 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,893 - I doubt that. - It's true. 238 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,438 Don't you think I realize that Mary can be a bit... 239 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,440 Of a self-righteous bitch? 240 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,067 I was gonna say "challenging," but sure, let's go with yours. 241 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,281 It's got a nice rhythm. 242 00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:57,610 Mmm. 243 00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,116 Brenda, this is, by far, 244 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,618 the best bowling alley margarita in town. 245 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:04,325 How long 246 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,331 you and Herschel been married? 18, 19 years? 247 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,378 19, but it feels like 30. 248 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:11,253 (chuckles) Well, y'all are a great couple. 249 00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,208 Eh. 250 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,043 I just wanted to thank you 251 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,800 for being so patient and kind to my daughter and her family 252 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,005 since they moved in. 253 00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:19,802 - It's nothing. - No, 254 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,475 it needs to be said. 255 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,474 You know, Mary has a tough job raising those three kids, 256 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,898 with one of them being, you know, somewhat special. 257 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,645 - I can see that. - Yeah. 258 00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:33,237 And having a kind neighbor makes all the difference in the world. 259 00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:34,438 Well, we try. 260 00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,741 And I know you know how stressful it is, 261 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,739 seeing as how you have your own child 262 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,697 who is special in his own way. 263 00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,414 What's that supposed to mean? 264 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:48,619 Well, I mean, hey, I know Billy is a terrific little boy, 265 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,831 but I am sure he has presented you and Herschel 266 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,541 with some challenges. 267 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,881 If there's a weird kid in the neighborhood, 268 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,587 it's your grandson. 269 00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,890 Now, hang on, I said "special," not "weird." 270 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,137 I heard you. 271 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,388 I said "weird." 272 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,052 Okay, see now, Brenda, 273 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,058 you don't want to go calling my grandson weird 274 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,765 when I've just treated you to a margarita grande. 275 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,146 Well, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be inferring 276 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,194 there's something wrong with my Billy. 277 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,237 Darlin', there's no inferring. 278 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,156 I've seen the boy sitting in the dirt 279 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,610 eating his own belly button lint. 280 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:26,782 ♪♪ That's the way the girls are in Texas ♪♪ 281 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,033 (gasps) 282 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,958 Really, Mom? This is how you put out the fire? 283 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,335 Well, at least she got the worst of it. 284 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,666 How you figure that? 285 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,797 I ripped a big patch of hair out of her head. 286 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,429 This will be healed in a week. 287 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,348 She will be wearing a hat till Labor Day. 288 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,474 (chuckles) 289 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,601 I want to be just like you when I grow up. 290 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,054 - No, you don't. - Pick again. 291 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,983 Excuse me, Ms. Hutchins? 292 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:01,942 Hey, Sheldon. 293 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,779 Can you recommend any books on overcoming phobias? 294 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,115 That's in the self-help section. 295 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,666 Follow me, I have read them all. 296 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,870 - Any phobia in particular? - Dogs. 297 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,456 Ah, cynophobia. That's a good one. 298 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,712 Did you know there's over 50 million dogs 299 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,634 just in the United States alone? 300 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,508 That's 50 million too many. 301 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,636 Here. I read this one to help with my haphephobia. 302 00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:28,723 Ah, fear of being touched. I have that, too. Was it useful? 303 00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:32,352 Well, when someone's interested in touching me, 304 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:33,603 we'll find out. 305 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:37,903 (sighs) - ADULT SHELDON: The basic premise 306 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,730 of the book was that phobias 307 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,032 were overcome by taking incremental steps 308 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,485 toward confronting the phobia in question. 309 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,822 In my case, that started with watching a TV show 310 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,328 that was adored by children around the world, 311 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,627 but for me, was the stuff of nightmares. 312 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,579 Scooby-Doo! 313 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,500 The next step was to go face-to-face 314 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,176 with real dogs. 315 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,300 Albeit through a plate-glass window. 316 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,385 Okay, that's enough. 317 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:07,637 ADULT SHELDON: And finally, 318 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,344 a close encounter of the third kind, 319 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:14,182 physical contact with a member of the canine species. 320 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,108 Hello, I'd like to speak with the veterinarian. 321 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,861 Well, I was hoping you might have one or two dogs 322 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,690 under anesthesia that I might come by and pet. 323 00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,525 Sure, I'll hold. 324 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:26,784 Who are you talking to? 325 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,912 The Medford Veterinary Clinic. 326 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:29,996 Why? 327 00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,870 I'm trying to overcome my fear of dogs 328 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,872 before it affects our family any further. 329 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,330 Oh, honey, you don't have to worry about how it affects us. 330 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,086 Meemaw got punched in the face because of me. 331 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:44,090 No, that wasn't because of you, and for the record, 332 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,342 your meemaw gets punched in the face all the time. 333 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,760 Well, I still think I need to take 334 00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,638 some sort of positive action. 335 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,184 - WOMAN (on phone): Hello? - Yes, hello? 336 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,811 Oh, that's too bad. 337 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,766 How about a small fluffy one that's recently died of old age? 338 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:57,600 Enough. 339 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,066 Sorry. (sighs) 340 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:10,704 Now, it says here in Mark 12:31 341 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,622 that you should "Love your neighbor 342 00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:13,824 as yourself." 343 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,252 Anybody like to take a guess what that means? Missy? 344 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,171 It means to be nice to the people who live next door. 345 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,419 That's right. 346 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,125 But everybody else can go to hell. 347 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:26,007 Okay, Missy, we don't use that kind of language here. 348 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,181 And if you think about it, in this world, 349 00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:32,510 with all the ways we can travel, everybody's your neighbor. 350 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,094 Yes, Sheldon. 351 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,596 How do we love our neighbors 352 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,181 when our moms hate each other? 353 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,483 - Who does your mom hate? - Your mom. 354 00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:42,311 Hey, my mom hates your mom. Small world. 355 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,146 Okay, let's hang on a second. 356 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,947 My mom also hates their grandma. 357 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,445 'Cause she lost a fight to her. 358 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,031 Nuh-uh, she won. She said so. 359 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,283 All right, stop. Let's stop. 360 00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:54,285 Now this might be hard to understand, 361 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,366 but living a loving, Christian life 362 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,794 isn't always the easiest thing to do. 363 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:01,504 Yes, Billy. 364 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,924 My mom's not crazy about you either. 365 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,804 Just love your neighbor, 'kay? (sniffs) 366 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,182 JEFF: Now, I am more than willing to look the other way 367 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,555 when my parishioners don't get along with each other. 368 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,429 That sort of thing happens, but when it becomes a problem 369 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,890 for the children, then I have to intervene. 370 00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,188 There's no problem here, 371 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,486 other than these two thinking that they're better than me. 372 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,938 I don't think it, I know it. 373 00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:27,489 I gave your mother a good smacking. 374 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,531 I can give you one, too. 375 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:31,030 That's big talk from somebody with a comb-over. 376 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:32,281 JEFF: Ladies. 377 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,409 Do I need to remind you that we are Christians? 378 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:37,199 In all our behavior, in all our actions, 379 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:40,081 we must constantly ask ourselves the question, 380 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,037 "What would Jesus do?" 381 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,168 Can I say something? 382 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,585 Would Jesus say it? 383 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,508 Never mind. 384 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,512 ADULT SHELDON: In my life, I've often 385 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,215 been accused of being a physical coward, 386 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:57,474 and for the most part, those accusations are correct. 387 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,851 But there have been times when I've shown great courage. 388 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,018 This was one of them. 389 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,446 Hello, Bucky. 390 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:12,451 Are you a good dog? 391 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:14,528 (sighs) 392 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,410 Please be a good dog. 393 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,500 (sighs) Please. 394 00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:23,294 Now oftentimes, when we don't like someone, 395 00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:25,543 what's happening is we see something in them 396 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,340 that we don't like in ourselves. 397 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:28,841 What are you saying? 398 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:30,965 Really? That was over your head? 399 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,796 - (scoffs) - I'm saying, 400 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,591 y'all might have more in common than you think. 401 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,927 Well, don't say both their kids are "special." 402 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,479 She does not like that. 403 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,020 SHELDON: Okay. 404 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:46,772 Here we go. 405 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:51,023 Petting... the dog. 406 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:08,457 I'm doing it. 407 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,043 I'm petting a dog. 408 00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,217 I've conquered my phobia. 409 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:18,057 You're a good boy. Yes, you are. 410 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:20,643 (sighs) 411 00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:23,309 I'm sorry for the unkind things I said to you. 412 00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:26,562 Me, too. 413 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,485 Connie? 414 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:31,271 What? 415 00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,361 Anything you'd like to say? 416 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,158 Not particularly. 417 00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,486 Mom. 418 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,196 Okay. 419 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,783 I'm sorry for the things I said, 420 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:46,871 and, you know, what happened at the bowling alley. 421 00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,002 As am I. 422 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,297 Here. 423 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,428 I think this came out of your head. 424 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,927 He licked me! He licked me! 425 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,557 The dog licked my tongue! 426 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,264 I can still taste it! 427 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,442 - Call 911! - (door slams) 428 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,853 I think Jesus might go check that out. 429 00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,528 (Sheldon gargling) 430 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,318 How's it going in there, baby? 431 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:22,031 SHELDON: (spits) Okay, but we're gonna need more Listerine. 432 00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,121 (gargling) 433 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,291 I'm proud of him for trying to overcome that damn dog phobia. 434 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:29,959 You should tell him that. 435 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,375 Well, if he ever leaves that bathroom, I will. 436 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:36,086 What I can't figure out is why that dog is so drawn to Sheldon. 437 00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:37,295 Beats me. 438 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,056 - You say his owner's in the slammer? - Yeah. 439 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,183 Wonder what kind of fella he is. 440 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:45,479 (rock music plays) 441 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,531 (sniffing) 442 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,286 (whines) 443 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:07,997 It's a mystery. 444 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,538 I guess we'll never know. 445 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:18,587 MEEMAW: Hey, Moonpie. 446 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,506 I got you a little something to help you 447 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,763 get over your fear of animals. 448 00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:25,677 A tranquilizer gun? 449 00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,638 A pet fish. 450 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,728 Why? 451 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,608 Well, I thought you could start small 452 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:36,904 and then work your way up. 453 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,865 Look, he's kind of cute. 454 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:44,451 He doesn't even care that I'm here. I like him. 455 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:46,956 What are you gonna name him? 456 00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:48,371 Fish. 457 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:49,500 Fish? 458 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,003 I'm not ready to get attached. 459 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,082 Fish are kind of boring. 460 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,250 I know, isn't it great? 461 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,052 But you can't even pet 'em. 462 00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,300 Maybe we can. 463 00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:03,348 (screaming) 464 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:04,595 Baby, what's wrong? 465 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:08,429 I tried to pet Fish! Ah, he was so slimy! 466 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,685 Well, yeah, he's a fish. 467 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:14,189 I put my finger in the top of the tank, then I touched him, 468 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,314 and he bit me! 469 00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,065 Oh, I'm sure he didn't bite you. 470 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,271 SHELDON: I can't breathe. 471 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,575 His fish blood is mixing with my human blood. 472 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,778 - Maybe he was just trying to give you a kiss. - No. 473 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,034 He hates me. I never want to see him again. 474 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,785 Oh, Sheldon, you're being silly. 475 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,458 Fish like this don't bite. 476 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,208 Look. See? He's harmless. 477 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,789 Son of a bitch! 478 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,632 Dad killed my fish! 479 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:38,708 George! 480 00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,302 He'll be fine. 481 00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:43,304 Just got to put him back in the bowl. 482 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:47,175 Oh, George. 483 00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:59,695 (toilet flushes)