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<i>(theme music playing)</i>

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Subtitle sync and corrections by
<font color="#FF0000"><b>awaqeded</b></font> for <font color="#FF0000"><b>www.addic7ed.com.</b></font>

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♪ Here I am, hiding out now in a hole ♪

4
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♪ Barely eating, barely sleeping,
this shit's taking its toll ♪

5
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♪ Fuck writing, I got
bigger fish to fry now ♪

6
00:00:20,199 --> 00:00:22,433
♪ I know I'll die now, I need a plan ♪

7
00:00:22,434 --> 00:00:23,629
♪ I do not like this man ♪

8
00:00:23,630 --> 00:00:25,904
♪ Tarnishing the scripture,
how he mocks me ♪

9
00:00:25,905 --> 00:00:28,740
♪ All this blasphemy and vanity,
carnality exhausts me ♪

10
00:00:28,741 --> 00:00:31,175
♪ It'll cost me my respect in Iran ♪

11
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♪ And so it's time for him to
die, I do not like this man ♪

12
00:00:33,879 --> 00:00:36,848
♪ Come on, don't be silly,
it was just a book ♪

13
00:00:36,849 --> 00:00:39,616
♪ Don't look weak now,
can't let him off the hook ♪

14
00:00:39,617 --> 00:00:42,286
♪ What a coward, God knows that ♪

15
00:00:42,287 --> 00:00:45,256
Both: ♪ I do not like this man ♪

16
00:00:45,257 --> 00:00:47,058
Lin: <i>♪ What am I gonna do? ♪</i>

17
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♪ His death sentence is the
worst friggin' book review ♪

18
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♪ His book's like a sickness,
it won't quit ya ♪

19
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♪ Talkin' trash about the
scripture, not a pretty picture ♪

20
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♪ All I wanted was to win
the Booker Prize, guys ♪

21
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♪ Not have him slit my throat
and gouge out my eyes, my, my ♪

22
00:01:01,105 --> 00:01:02,973
Ayatollah: <i>♪ I can't
allow this desecration ♪</i>

23
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♪ This irritation, indignation ♪

24
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- ♪ Not while I lead this nation ♪
- ♪ Whoo ♪

25
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- ♪ It's official ♪
- ♪ Don't try to call our bluff ♪

26
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- ♪ Deference, as if ♪
- ♪ Writing's not hard enough ♪

27
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♪ Heathen, tyrant, traitor, violent ♪

28
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Both: ♪ God knows that I
do not like this man ♪

29
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♪ Haven't you caught him yet? ♪

30
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♪ Stop asking me already, I'm trying ♪

31
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♪ Please just express regret ♪

32
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♪ Oh, yeah, like I haven't
thought of that, come on ♪

33
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- ♪ Just go cut off his head ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪

34
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♪ Just hide under the bed ♪

35
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Both: ♪ I do not like this ♪

36
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♪ He doesn't like this ♪

37
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Both: ♪ I cannot like this ♪

38
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♪ He'll never like this ♪

39
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Both: ♪ I do not like this man ♪

40
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All: ♪ Enemies forever! ♪

41
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- Whoa! Whoa!
- Man:<i> Terrific! Terrific! Thank you.</i>

42
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What a wonderful day
of rehearsal, gang.

43
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Thanks so much. That was great.

44
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I like these men.

45
00:01:58,894 --> 00:02:00,829
- Really great job.
- Fantastic.

46
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- My best work.
- Wow.

47
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How about Susan Stroman? I mean... huh?

48
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She's the best.

49
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11:30 call tomorrow.

50
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We're gonna start with the new
choreography for "Fatwa Sex."

51
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- I gotta talk to Lin.
- All right.

52
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:17,112
Quick question for you. Cody wants
to know which poster you like more.

53
00:02:17,113 --> 00:02:20,748
- Um... I think this one.
- Cool.

54
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- Murray.
- Hey.

55
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- That was unbelievable!
- Oh, thanks.

56
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- So great.
- Felt good.

57
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- Loved it.
- Thanks.

58
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I got one little, tiny note for you.

59
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- Yeah?
- It's a small, small note.

60
00:02:33,462 --> 00:02:37,164
I noticed that you're
denunciating with your fist.

61
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And the ayatollah,
actually, he denunciates

62
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with his... with his index finger.

63
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- He kind of uses it like a... like a sledgehammer.
- Yeah?

64
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- That feels good.
- You like that?

65
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- I think it's terrific.
- Yeah.

66
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- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

67
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Yeah. And...

68
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- I really like your shoes.
- Really?

69
00:02:55,483 --> 00:02:57,517
- Yeah.
- Thank you!

70
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Lin:<i> Can we go over the choreo for
"Fatwa Sex" before we go onstage?</i>

71
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Yeah, why don't you come in at 10:45?

72
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We'll have the dance captain come.

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- Ach!
- Are you happy?

74
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- Am I happy?
- Aren't they incredible?

75
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- It's crazy! This is insane!
- It's gonna be amazing.

76
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I can't believe how excited I am!

77
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I've only been excited
twice in my life.

78
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- Unsnapping my first bra.
- (laughs)

79
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And this! This is like my second bra!

80
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Oh, well, fantastic.

81
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If this guy ever asks you
to go in the weeds,

82
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get in the weeds!

83
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- Is that fishing?
- No, no, no.

84
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- That's work. That's work, yeah.
- Yeah. It's the work.

85
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- As I was watching it...
- Yeah?

86
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...I'm thinking that old opening

87
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would work great now.

88
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- What?
- ♪ There's a fatwa, there's a fatwa ♪

89
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♪ Gotta run, I think I oughta... ♪

90
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Oh, I totally blocked that out.

91
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You know, just sitting there,

92
00:03:37,424 --> 00:03:39,991
you can just feel
how well that could work.

93
00:03:39,992 --> 00:03:41,159
You know what we do?

94
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,895
Cast album bonus track
just for the fans.

95
00:03:43,896 --> 00:03:46,698
Give them the bonus now.
Why have a bonus then?

96
00:03:46,699 --> 00:03:49,601
It's not a bonus if it's already here.

97
00:03:49,602 --> 00:03:51,569
Cody, what'd you think of that?

98
00:03:51,570 --> 00:03:53,739
My toe started tapping. I mean...

99
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- Yeah.
- ♪ Gonna get shot-a. ♪

100
00:03:55,241 --> 00:03:57,442
- It's catchy.
- Yeah. It's catchy!

101
00:03:57,443 --> 00:03:58,610
But I think this opening number

102
00:03:58,611 --> 00:04:00,678
sets up the thing you love so much.

103
00:04:00,679 --> 00:04:02,113
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

104
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I gotta go to wardrobe and get changed.
Walk with me?

105
00:04:04,383 --> 00:04:05,967
Yeah. I wanna talk to
you about something.

106
00:04:05,968 --> 00:04:06,851
Great. Thanks, Cody.

107
00:04:06,852 --> 00:04:08,720
But honestly,
you should reconsider this.

108
00:04:08,721 --> 00:04:10,255
Look, watch. Just watch this.

109
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One second. I'm running, okay?
You're running.

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♪ There's a fatwa, there's a fatwa,
gotta run, I think I oughta ♪

111
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♪ Gotta hide, I think I've gotta ♪

112
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♪ Gonna get scared, gonna get
shot-a, want my mama... ♪

113
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And everybody's yelling
from the windows.

114
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That's your talk show bit.

115
00:04:20,866 --> 00:04:22,699
You do that on "Late Night" and say,

116
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:25,402
"This is what turned into the amazing
musical number we actually did."

117
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It's gonna be great.

118
00:04:26,571 --> 00:04:28,172
Hey, Cody, what'd you think of that?

119
00:04:28,173 --> 00:04:30,707
I... I would attend a workshop of it.

120
00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:32,576
- It's a workshop.
- Larry: Hey.

121
00:04:32,577 --> 00:04:35,646
- So, first preview's in a week.
- Yeah.

122
00:04:35,647 --> 00:04:37,648
I'm thinking it would be a good idea

123
00:04:37,649 --> 00:04:39,316
to do something for the cast and crew.

124
00:04:39,317 --> 00:04:41,918
Something fun, you know.
Maybe like paintball?

125
00:04:41,919 --> 00:04:43,287
Well, that's a great idea!

126
00:04:43,288 --> 00:04:44,755
- Yeah?
- Yeah, absolutely.

127
00:04:44,756 --> 00:04:46,722
"Lion King" used to
do that all the time.

128
00:04:46,723 --> 00:04:48,291
- Oh, terrific!
- Yeah, it might be fun.

129
00:04:48,292 --> 00:04:49,492
Great, we'll do it this weekend.

130
00:04:49,493 --> 00:04:51,127
You know, I'll pay for it.

131
00:04:51,128 --> 00:04:52,929
Great, I'll spread the
word with the cast.

132
00:04:52,930 --> 00:04:54,532
- Hi, Greg.
- Hi.

133
00:04:54,533 --> 00:04:58,543
So, I think this is not the tweed
that we really want. I just...

134
00:04:58,544 --> 00:05:00,939
What is it about it that's
not working for you?

135
00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:03,574
It's not quite professorial enough.
Do you agree?

136
00:05:03,575 --> 00:05:05,709
- I... I like it.
- You like it?

137
00:05:05,710 --> 00:05:08,078
- Yeah, I think it looks good.
- I'd like to see options, then.

138
00:05:08,079 --> 00:05:09,547
- Okay.
- Yeah.

139
00:05:09,548 --> 00:05:11,149
These are all the vests I pulled.

140
00:05:11,150 --> 00:05:12,650
Oh, I wanted to ask you,

141
00:05:12,651 --> 00:05:15,052
my cousin Valentina and her husband,

142
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,521
their Airbnb fell through.

143
00:05:16,522 --> 00:05:18,556
They're coming in to see
the first preview.

144
00:05:18,557 --> 00:05:20,991
I was wondering if they
could maybe stay with you.

145
00:05:20,992 --> 00:05:23,894
Hmm... no hotel?

146
00:05:23,895 --> 00:05:26,229
They're... they're
a really interesting couple.

147
00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:28,132
Hotels are not their thing.

148
00:05:28,133 --> 00:05:30,534
But aren't you renting a house?

149
00:05:30,535 --> 00:05:31,969
Yeah, but me and V
only have one bedroom.

150
00:05:31,970 --> 00:05:33,137
There's really not room,

151
00:05:33,138 --> 00:05:34,604
and you've got that great big house.

152
00:05:34,605 --> 00:05:36,639
Is that okay? Is that... it's cool?

153
00:05:37,741 --> 00:05:39,342
Yeah, sure. What the hell.

154
00:05:39,343 --> 00:05:40,910
All right. Thank you.

155
00:05:40,911 --> 00:05:43,079
Wonder if there's anything else

156
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,248
we need to do before tomorrow.

157
00:05:45,249 --> 00:05:47,450
- Something wrong?
- (laughs) I...

158
00:05:47,451 --> 00:05:49,686
I just did you a very nice favor.

159
00:05:49,687 --> 00:05:51,087
- Yeah.
- Uh...

160
00:05:51,088 --> 00:05:53,556
and that "thank you" was...

161
00:05:53,557 --> 00:05:55,111
it was like I passed you the ketchup.

162
00:05:55,112 --> 00:05:56,024
Yeah, no, no.

163
00:05:56,025 --> 00:05:58,027
It was not commensurate
with the gesture.

164
00:05:58,028 --> 00:06:00,262
Oh, I... I appreciate it.

165
00:06:00,263 --> 00:06:01,698
Thank you.

166
00:06:01,699 --> 00:06:03,599
Um, what else do you have?

167
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,501
Greg: <i>You've seen the choices.</i>

168
00:06:05,502 --> 00:06:07,469
- Um...
- All right, I'm... I'm...

169
00:06:07,470 --> 00:06:09,271
- I'm gonna head back. I'll see you later.
- Okay. Thanks.

170
00:06:09,272 --> 00:06:11,674
- Thanks again.
- Yeah.

171
00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:14,443
- Greg:<i> What do we think?</i>
- Lin: Yeah, it's a little boxy.

172
00:06:14,444 --> 00:06:17,279
Susie: <i>Where's Funkhouser? Where is he?</i>

173
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,582
- He's always late, this guy.
- I know. So rude.

174
00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:22,984
I say next time, we tell him
a half hour earlier.

175
00:06:22,985 --> 00:06:24,720
- You know what, let's just sit down.
- Susie: All right.

176
00:06:24,721 --> 00:06:26,221
We'll have some appetizers,
maybe even order dinner.

177
00:06:26,222 --> 00:06:29,024
- Who cares? Yeah.
- Who cares?

178
00:06:29,025 --> 00:06:30,525
- Hi. Um...
- Hi.

179
00:06:30,526 --> 00:06:32,594
David. Reservation.

180
00:06:32,595 --> 00:06:34,796
Ah! Yes. Party of four.

181
00:06:34,797 --> 00:06:36,364
Are you all here?

182
00:06:36,365 --> 00:06:37,532
No, we have three.

183
00:06:37,533 --> 00:06:39,134
Well, I'm sorry.

184
00:06:39,135 --> 00:06:41,669
We can't seat you until
your entire party arrives.

185
00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:43,871
- Why?
- It's our policy.

186
00:06:43,872 --> 00:06:45,506
We don't seat incomplete parties.

187
00:06:45,507 --> 00:06:47,542
What's the point of the policy?
We have three people.

188
00:06:47,543 --> 00:06:49,577
It's the same table.
What's the difference?

189
00:06:49,578 --> 00:06:52,213
The chef really likes
everyone to sit together

190
00:06:52,214 --> 00:06:54,815
so they can order together and he can
deliver the food at the same time.

191
00:06:54,816 --> 00:06:56,375
Oh, the chef likes
everyone to sit together.

192
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:57,768
<i>- Yes.</i>
- Isn't that nice?

193
00:06:57,769 --> 00:07:00,320
It makes for the optimal
dining experience.

194
00:07:00,321 --> 00:07:02,556
Okay, you know what the
optimal dining experience is?

195
00:07:02,557 --> 00:07:04,558
To eat when you're hungry, okay?

196
00:07:04,559 --> 00:07:06,961
- I understand.
- That's the optimal dining experience.

197
00:07:06,962 --> 00:07:08,395
I'm sorry. That's our policy.

198
00:07:08,396 --> 00:07:10,030
We do not sit incomplete parties.

199
00:07:10,031 --> 00:07:12,366
- Yeah.
- No, this is bullshit.

200
00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:14,868
- I know.
- Guess we'll wait.

201
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,304
Hey, I got that paintball
thing secured.

202
00:07:17,305 --> 00:07:18,705
Oh, good for you. That'll be fun.

203
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,607
- They're gonna love it.
- What? What is it?

204
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:23,543
I'm taking the cast and crew
to do, like, a paintball day.

205
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,679
- You know paintball?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fun.

206
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,847
- They shoot paint instead of bullets.
- It's a good bonding.

207
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,916
Yeah, we're gonna do it on Saturday.

208
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,418
- Sat... wait. This Saturday?
- Yeah.

209
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:35,121
It's Sammi's wedding this Saturday.

210
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,489
I thought it was the week after.

211
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:39,358
Oh, God, I sent you the save-the-date,

212
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,094
I sent you the invitation,

213
00:07:41,095 --> 00:07:42,862
you never fucking wrote it down?!

214
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,865
- You sent me too many things!
- Don't make it my fault now!

215
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,200
You know what, I'll work it out.
I can do both.

216
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,169
You're making a speech.
You promised Sammi.

217
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,605
All right, I'll work it out.
I'll work it out.

218
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,173
I'm sorry. I'm just a little cranky...

219
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,808
- I'm hungry.
- Larry:<i> Me, too.</i>

220
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,376
No, but I'm hungry.

221
00:07:57,377 --> 00:08:00,212
- Yeah, I hear you.
- Jeff:<i> Yeah. Shall we leave?</i>

222
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,348
Susie: <i>We don't have a reservation.
You can't get in anywhere.</i>

223
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,683
<i>It's crazy. You know how I get.</i>

224
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,805
<i>The blood sugar, up
and down, up and down.</i>

225
00:08:06,806 --> 00:08:08,086
Jeff: I know how you get.

226
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:11,156
Okay, I'm gonna take care of this.

227
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,125
- Stay right here.
- All right.

228
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,828
Susie:<i> The food here is
great and you know it.</i>

229
00:08:14,829 --> 00:08:15,928
Jeff:<i> I do.</i>

230
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,729
- Hello.
- Hello.

231
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:19,731
Are you alone by any chance?

232
00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:22,099
- Perhaps.
- Please do not misconstrue this.

233
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:25,002
This is not a pickup
in any way, shape, or form.

234
00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:27,372
- Okay.
- I don't pick up; I put down.

235
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:31,275
- (laughs) Okay.
- Now, the situation is thus:

236
00:08:31,276 --> 00:08:33,811
this restaurant
has an idiotic policy...

237
00:08:35,147 --> 00:08:36,647
Larry: <i>Okay, let's go.</i>

238
00:08:37,682 --> 00:08:38,816
We have four.

239
00:08:38,817 --> 00:08:41,385
- Four?
- Yes, four.

240
00:08:41,386 --> 00:08:42,653
Okay.

241
00:08:42,654 --> 00:08:44,921
Table six, please.

242
00:08:51,129 --> 00:08:54,565
- Thanks for joining.
- Of course. I'm hap... happy to be here.

243
00:08:54,566 --> 00:08:57,901
- So what do you do?
- I'm an actress.

244
00:08:57,902 --> 00:08:59,803
- Oh.
- You know, I just figured at 36,

245
00:08:59,804 --> 00:09:01,572
if there's any profession
that you can do

246
00:09:01,573 --> 00:09:04,274
later in life as a woman, it's acting.

247
00:09:04,275 --> 00:09:05,942
Have we seen you in anything?

248
00:09:05,943 --> 00:09:08,912
No, but I'm doing
some plus-size modeling.

249
00:09:08,913 --> 00:09:11,114
- Really?
- And then I do stand-in work.

250
00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:12,849
Okay, she stands in for the star.

251
00:09:12,850 --> 00:09:14,317
- For the camera.
- For the camera.

252
00:09:14,318 --> 00:09:15,886
Right, yeah, I understand.

253
00:09:15,887 --> 00:09:17,254
I'm sorry.

254
00:09:17,255 --> 00:09:19,055
You were the guy with the, uh...

255
00:09:19,056 --> 00:09:20,523
you have the fatwa on you, right?

256
00:09:20,524 --> 00:09:22,125
Yeah, that's-a-me.

257
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:24,594
What are you doing out?
Aren't you kind of scared?

258
00:09:24,595 --> 00:09:26,162
They called it off.

259
00:09:26,163 --> 00:09:28,264
- So it's over.
- Yeah, but I was out anyway.

260
00:09:28,265 --> 00:09:30,800
- Jeff: Yeah.
- Yeah, he did. He was brave.

261
00:09:30,801 --> 00:09:32,233
Can I give you a business card?

262
00:09:32,234 --> 00:09:34,389
Sorry, 'cause I'm just realizing
now you're that writer.

263
00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:35,813
Yeah.

264
00:09:35,814 --> 00:09:37,540
I've never done comedy, but
it doesn't seem that hard.

265
00:09:37,541 --> 00:09:39,308
- Hmm.
- Here you go.

266
00:09:39,309 --> 00:09:42,344
- Ah. Marie Deschamps?
- Susie:<i> Mmm.</i>

267
00:09:42,345 --> 00:09:45,381
- What are you, French?
- No, it's actually my stage name.

268
00:09:45,382 --> 00:09:47,116
Johnson's my real last name.

269
00:09:47,117 --> 00:09:49,718
- Jeff: Is Marie your real first name?
- No. Jenny.

270
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:52,721
All right, well, I'll put
your card in my pocket.

271
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:55,090
I will never call you, but
I'll put it in my pocket.

272
00:09:55,091 --> 00:09:57,960
And I'm very glad that
that fatwa got cleared up.

273
00:09:57,961 --> 00:09:59,928
- Larry: Thank you.
- Does it ever occur to you

274
00:09:59,929 --> 00:10:03,965
that maybe this fatwa thing
is not as over as you think?

275
00:10:03,966 --> 00:10:05,434
You know how the Japanese soldiers,

276
00:10:05,435 --> 00:10:07,235
they'd find them on, like, an island,

277
00:10:07,236 --> 00:10:09,905
and they wouldn't know the war's
been over for a long time?

278
00:10:09,906 --> 00:10:11,706
Maybe someone is so off the grid

279
00:10:11,707 --> 00:10:14,042
that they have no idea
the fatwa's over.

280
00:10:14,043 --> 00:10:15,610
Maybe someone is so stupid

281
00:10:15,611 --> 00:10:18,279
that they say things
they shouldn't be saying.

282
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,415
- Maybe.
- Marty:<i> Hello!</i>

283
00:10:20,416 --> 00:10:22,583
- Hey, look who's here.
- Hello. Marie.

284
00:10:22,584 --> 00:10:24,618
Oh, is this a replacement for Bridget?

285
00:10:24,619 --> 00:10:26,154
I recruited her from the bar.

286
00:10:26,155 --> 00:10:27,755
- She's a stand-in for you.
- <i>Oh, great.</i>

287
00:10:27,756 --> 00:10:29,824
We gotta get you a chair.
Where's the waiter?

288
00:10:29,825 --> 00:10:31,392
Larry: Yeah. You know what?

289
00:10:31,393 --> 00:10:32,827
You need to go now.

290
00:10:32,828 --> 00:10:34,261
- What?
- Larry:<i> Yeah.</i>

291
00:10:34,262 --> 00:10:36,697
<i>You stood in.
Now it's time to stand up.</i>

292
00:10:36,698 --> 00:10:40,634
<i>But, hey, very good job.
Good stand-in job.</i>

293
00:10:40,635 --> 00:10:42,603
- Really?
- But first team has arrived, so...

294
00:10:42,604 --> 00:10:45,005
And listen, Larry,
if you ever need an actor,

295
00:10:45,006 --> 00:10:46,574
you call me, okay?

296
00:10:46,575 --> 00:10:47,842
You never know.

297
00:10:47,843 --> 00:10:49,076
Okay, I'm expecting the call.

298
00:10:49,077 --> 00:10:51,044
Okay... well, I wouldn't go that far.

299
00:10:51,045 --> 00:10:53,780
- Susie: <i>Well, hello there.</i>
- That was interesting.

300
00:10:53,781 --> 00:10:55,415
- <i>(Susie chuckles) Yeah.</i>
- Hi.

301
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:58,751
You know, it's customary
when someone is 20 minutes late

302
00:10:58,752 --> 00:11:01,388
to offer an apology to their friends.

303
00:11:01,389 --> 00:11:03,323
- <i>Am I right?</i>
- That's absolutely correct.

304
00:11:03,324 --> 00:11:05,325
- Larry: That's accurate?
- Susie:<i> Yes.</i>

305
00:11:05,326 --> 00:11:06,593
Sorry.

306
00:11:06,594 --> 00:11:09,261
(scoffs) What? That's a "sorry"?

307
00:11:09,262 --> 00:11:11,063
<i>Don't insult us with that.</i>

308
00:11:11,064 --> 00:11:12,632
If you're more than ten minutes late,

309
00:11:12,633 --> 00:11:14,467
it's gotta be a profuse apology.

310
00:11:14,468 --> 00:11:16,803
That was an apology
like you were one minute late.

311
00:11:16,804 --> 00:11:18,505
- Am I right?
- He's right.

312
00:11:18,506 --> 00:11:21,541
And frankly, your "sorry" was not
commensurate with the offense.

313
00:11:21,542 --> 00:11:23,075
Can I get a drink?

314
00:11:23,076 --> 00:11:25,077
If I was 20 minutes late,

315
00:11:25,078 --> 00:11:29,181
I'd be apologizing like I
accidentally killed your family.

316
00:11:29,182 --> 00:11:30,849
- Guess what.
- Yeah?

317
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:33,152
You did accidentally kill my family.

318
00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:35,754
My nephew, the joy of my life,

319
00:11:35,755 --> 00:11:39,190
was killed by the bulls,
and it was your fault!

320
00:11:39,191 --> 00:11:40,725
Okay?!

321
00:11:42,896 --> 00:11:45,062
Sorry.

322
00:11:47,333 --> 00:11:48,967
Bottle of wine, anybody?

323
00:11:48,968 --> 00:11:50,769
- Both: Yes! Good idea.
- Yeah.

324
00:11:50,770 --> 00:11:52,103
- Susie:<i> Red or white?</i>
- Love red.

325
00:11:52,104 --> 00:11:53,271
So what's happening?

326
00:11:53,272 --> 00:11:56,473
I had a colonoscopy.
Clean as a whistle.

327
00:12:10,256 --> 00:12:11,756
- Hey!
- Hey, good morning, Larry.

328
00:12:11,757 --> 00:12:13,958
Good morning.

329
00:12:13,959 --> 00:12:15,860
Hey, L.D. Thanks for paintball.

330
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:18,462
Oh, y-you're very welcome.
You're very welcome.

331
00:12:18,463 --> 00:12:20,164
Hey, that was so sweet of you.

332
00:12:20,165 --> 00:12:21,832
- Oh. It was nothing.
- Thank you. Really.

333
00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:23,067
- Nothing.
- It's gonna be fun.

334
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:24,869
- See you inside.
- Okay.

335
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,336
You know what, get me the salmon...

336
00:12:26,337 --> 00:12:28,572
- get me the salmon with the salad.
- Cool.

337
00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:30,040
Thanks for the paintball, L.D.

338
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:31,841
You are very, very welcome.

339
00:12:31,842 --> 00:12:34,545
Speaking of the paintball,
that is so nice.

340
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,113
The crew is freaking out.

341
00:12:36,114 --> 00:12:38,115
Oh, I'm happy to do it.

342
00:12:38,116 --> 00:12:40,984
I love paintball
and I am sorry I can't go.

343
00:12:40,985 --> 00:12:42,252
I have a gig booked.

344
00:12:42,253 --> 00:12:43,387
Shooting a commercial

345
00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:46,389
for this feline distemper medication.

346
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:49,092
I have my shots, so I know
how to deal with the cats.

347
00:12:49,093 --> 00:12:50,827
Mm, ah. What a shame.

348
00:12:50,828 --> 00:12:53,029
How do you have an event like
this without Cody Gutcher?

349
00:12:53,030 --> 00:12:55,331
- I know.
- Huh?

350
00:12:55,332 --> 00:12:56,278
(sighs)

351
00:12:56,279 --> 00:12:58,008
What are they paying you
for this thing, may I ask?

352
00:12:58,009 --> 00:13:01,037
It's my day rate. 1,200.

353
00:13:01,038 --> 00:13:03,139
Okay, you know what?

354
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:05,274
I'm gonna take care of that for you.

355
00:13:05,275 --> 00:13:06,842
I'll give you the 1,200.

356
00:13:06,843 --> 00:13:09,145
Tell them you can't make it.
You're going to paintball.

357
00:13:09,146 --> 00:13:11,614
- (laughs) Oh, my God, Larry!
- Huh?

358
00:13:11,615 --> 00:13:12,704
Thank you!

359
00:13:12,705 --> 00:13:14,117
We couldn't do it without
you, Cody Gutcher.

360
00:13:14,118 --> 00:13:16,819
- You gotta be there.
- Thank you so much. You are a prince.

361
00:13:16,820 --> 00:13:19,221
You're welcome,
and let me just say this...

362
00:13:19,222 --> 00:13:20,823
that is a fantastic "thank you."

363
00:13:20,824 --> 00:13:23,592
That was a "thank you"
commensurate with the gesture.

364
00:13:23,593 --> 00:13:25,260
And it's worth it for that "thank you."

365
00:13:25,261 --> 00:13:27,429
- What do you think about that?
- We're gonna have a blast.

366
00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:29,231
I love that "thank you." Love it.

367
00:13:29,232 --> 00:13:30,432
My pleasure.

368
00:13:30,433 --> 00:13:32,735
Cody: Jeremy? (laughing)

369
00:13:32,736 --> 00:13:34,336
- Larry:<i> Hey, Murray.</i>
- Ah, Larry.

370
00:13:34,337 --> 00:13:37,405
Oh, listen, about the,
uh... the harem scene.

371
00:13:37,406 --> 00:13:38,773
There's too many redheads.

372
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,375
- Six?
- Yeah.

373
00:13:40,376 --> 00:13:42,076
What do you think? Four?

374
00:13:42,077 --> 00:13:43,545
Yeah, you're right.

375
00:13:43,546 --> 00:13:44,712
I think four. Four is better.

376
00:13:44,713 --> 00:13:46,781
Thanks, thanks.

377
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:49,049
Oh, same pants as yesterday.

378
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,720
What, are you tracking my outfits?

379
00:13:52,721 --> 00:13:55,222
No, no, just... observing, that's all.

380
00:13:55,223 --> 00:13:58,459
You know, I was late and they had
the belt in them from yesterday,

381
00:13:58,460 --> 00:14:00,161
so I picked them up
'cause I was in a hurry.

382
00:14:00,162 --> 00:14:02,030
They're not dirty or anything.

383
00:14:02,031 --> 00:14:03,965
Then by all means, wear them again.

384
00:14:03,966 --> 00:14:05,933
You're an outfit tracker, Murray.

385
00:14:05,934 --> 00:14:07,434
Nobody likes an outfit tracker.

386
00:14:07,435 --> 00:14:09,570
I don't know why a casual observation

387
00:14:09,571 --> 00:14:11,605
has made you so uncomfortable.

388
00:14:11,606 --> 00:14:13,807
I just feel like I'm living in some
kind of clothing police state,

389
00:14:13,808 --> 00:14:15,209
like it's 1984.

390
00:14:15,210 --> 00:14:16,610
Big Murray's watching me.

391
00:14:16,611 --> 00:14:18,011
Big Murray's not watching you.

392
00:14:18,012 --> 00:14:19,413
No, Big Murray <i>is</i> watching.

393
00:14:19,414 --> 00:14:21,315
Big Murray has other things to do.

394
00:14:21,316 --> 00:14:24,151
Apparently, Big Murray has nothing
else to do but outfit track.

395
00:14:24,152 --> 00:14:25,518
I'm not judging you,

396
00:14:25,519 --> 00:14:28,055
I'm just noticing that
you wore the same pants.

397
00:14:28,056 --> 00:14:30,389
Okay, Big Murray.

398
00:14:37,298 --> 00:14:40,600
- Robes, robes, robes...
- Hey, L.D., psyched about the paintball.

399
00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:43,069
- Thank you so much.
- Oh, my pleasure! Of course!

400
00:14:43,070 --> 00:14:45,037
You are the kindest. Thank you so much.

401
00:14:45,038 --> 00:14:46,638
Oh, you're so welcome!

402
00:14:47,641 --> 00:14:49,442
- Hey.
- What's up?

403
00:14:49,443 --> 00:14:52,412
I have great news. We got a signer.

404
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,080
For... for deaf people?

405
00:14:54,081 --> 00:14:55,548
Yeah, yeah, for deaf people.

406
00:14:55,549 --> 00:14:56,916
And anyone who enjoys ASL.

407
00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:58,918
I mean, she's basically on the side

408
00:14:58,919 --> 00:15:01,120
and she signs
throughout the performance.

409
00:15:01,121 --> 00:15:03,589
- It's awesome.
- Do deaf people go to musicals?

410
00:15:03,590 --> 00:15:06,025
- Yeah.
- Why don't we just have

411
00:15:06,026 --> 00:15:08,728
one performance a month
for all deaf people?

412
00:15:08,729 --> 00:15:12,164
And we don't have to be
distracted by a signer onstage.

413
00:15:12,165 --> 00:15:14,399
You want to segregate the deaf?

414
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,067
No, I don't want to segregate them.

415
00:15:16,068 --> 00:15:17,869
Yeah, separate, but equal.

416
00:15:17,870 --> 00:15:20,071
Special, but equal.

417
00:15:20,072 --> 00:15:22,140
She's gonna be incredible. You'll see.

418
00:15:22,141 --> 00:15:24,476
It's really inclusive.
Hey, let me ask you something.

419
00:15:24,477 --> 00:15:25,644
Do you like this robe?

420
00:15:25,645 --> 00:15:27,846
I... yeah, it's nice. I like it.

421
00:15:27,847 --> 00:15:29,881
That's what I thought.
We need to see more robes.

422
00:15:29,882 --> 00:15:31,849
You're gonna have to go shopping again.

423
00:15:33,352 --> 00:15:34,551
Thank you.

424
00:15:36,021 --> 00:15:38,623
Okay, you're driving
this poor guy nuts, okay?

425
00:15:38,624 --> 00:15:40,725
- That's the gig.
- He's gonna quit.

426
00:15:40,726 --> 00:15:42,693
No, he's gonna get
in the weeds with us.

427
00:15:42,694 --> 00:15:44,362
He's gonna emerge
with the perfect robe.

428
00:15:44,363 --> 00:15:45,764
Okay, well, I'm telling you,

429
00:15:45,765 --> 00:15:47,632
he's one foot out the door right now.

430
00:15:47,633 --> 00:15:50,268
Well, as long as he's one foot out
the door finding the right robe,

431
00:15:50,269 --> 00:15:51,935
I don't give a fuck.

432
00:15:51,936 --> 00:15:53,804
- Woman:<i> Hi!</i>
- Hi!

433
00:15:53,805 --> 00:15:56,140
- Lin! Hi!
- Oh, my God, you made it!

434
00:15:56,141 --> 00:15:57,144
So good to see you.

435
00:15:57,145 --> 00:15:59,543
Hi, Ernst. Great to see you.
How are you?

436
00:15:59,544 --> 00:16:02,212
Larry, this is my cousin
Valentina and her husband Ernst.

437
00:16:02,213 --> 00:16:03,213
Hey, nice to meet you.

438
00:16:03,214 --> 00:16:05,515
- Valentina? Hi.
- Hi. Yeah.

439
00:16:05,516 --> 00:16:07,151
- Hello.
- Hello. Hi.

440
00:16:07,152 --> 00:16:09,019
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you as well.

441
00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:12,022
So, is this the wardrobe area?
Tell me about this place.

442
00:16:12,023 --> 00:16:14,691
Yes, this is the wardrobe area. This is
where all the costumes in the show are.

443
00:16:14,692 --> 00:16:16,326
And we're just getting
everything, uh...

444
00:16:16,327 --> 00:16:19,396
I'm Gregory Michael David.
I'm the costume designer.

445
00:16:19,397 --> 00:16:21,631
- Hi. Valentina.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

446
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:23,900
- This is your fiefdom.
- Yes, yes!

447
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:26,770
This is the workshop, so, yeah,
feel free to look around.

448
00:16:26,771 --> 00:16:29,806
Yeah, just seems like fun to have
people try on your creations.

449
00:16:29,807 --> 00:16:32,942
Greg:<i> Yes. If you wanna try
anything on, please let me know.</i>

450
00:16:32,943 --> 00:16:34,678
Yes. Do you have things in turquoise?

451
00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:36,979
- I could pull some stuff for you, yeah.
- I would love that.

452
00:16:36,980 --> 00:16:38,948
He seems very competent.

453
00:16:38,949 --> 00:16:41,383
Yeah. We're a robe away,
but he's doing great.

454
00:16:41,384 --> 00:16:43,119
I get it.

455
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,719
How long you two been married?

456
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:47,990
- Um... a few years.
- Yeah.

457
00:16:47,991 --> 00:16:49,391
Kids?

458
00:16:49,392 --> 00:16:50,893
- Mmm, no.
- No.

459
00:16:50,894 --> 00:16:53,862
- We're not gonna have kids.
- No. Cats.

460
00:16:53,863 --> 00:16:55,964
- Why don't you guys go upstairs...
- Okay.

461
00:16:55,965 --> 00:16:58,133
...and I'll give you guys a
tour as soon as I get upstairs.

462
00:16:58,134 --> 00:16:59,901
They've got the directions
to your place.

463
00:16:59,902 --> 00:17:03,372
Yeah, yeah, just go over
anytime, make yourself at home,

464
00:17:03,373 --> 00:17:05,706
and stay as long as you like, actually.

465
00:17:06,676 --> 00:17:08,476
- Thanks.
- Thank you.

466
00:17:11,814 --> 00:17:15,616
All right. I see where you got
your tepid "thank yous" from.

467
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:17,552
That was worse than your "thank you."

468
00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:20,188
That seemed like a perfectly
appropriate "thank you" to me.

469
00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:21,489
- Oh, did it? Really?
- Yeah.

470
00:17:21,490 --> 00:17:23,058
What is it with you Mirandas?

471
00:17:23,059 --> 00:17:25,026
You're missing some kind of...

472
00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:26,461
"thank you" gene or something.

473
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:29,364
(laughs) I think we all said it.

474
00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:31,198
Yeah. Okay.

475
00:17:31,199 --> 00:17:32,767
- Okay, I'll see you upstairs.
- See you upstairs.

476
00:17:32,768 --> 00:17:36,671
Yeah. Let's find a Dumpster
for this bullshit.

477
00:17:36,672 --> 00:17:39,773
Hey, those are from
a rental house, Lin.

478
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:45,079
Cody: Okay, everybody, we're at places,
please, for "Salman, Get Out."

479
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,581
<i>Full tech and music.</i>

480
00:17:47,582 --> 00:17:49,716
- <i>Is our signer here?</i>
- Yes, right here.

481
00:17:49,717 --> 00:17:51,351
<i>Come on up here, please.</i>

482
00:17:53,388 --> 00:17:54,821
<i>We have a place for you.</i>

483
00:17:54,822 --> 00:17:57,724
That spike mark, downstage left.

484
00:17:57,725 --> 00:18:00,694
Man: <i>Places for the top!</i>

485
00:18:00,695 --> 00:18:02,529
- <i>(Cody whispers) All right.</i>
- (clears throat)

486
00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:05,331
- Man: Good morning!
- Woman: Hello, darling.

487
00:18:05,332 --> 00:18:08,835
And breakfast for our guest.

488
00:18:08,836 --> 00:18:10,404
No granola?

489
00:18:10,405 --> 00:18:12,437
Ah, no. I...

490
00:18:14,341 --> 00:18:16,009
(whispers) You should be grateful.

491
00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:18,011
Hey, uh, Salman, hey,
you should be grateful.

492
00:18:18,012 --> 00:18:20,113
Lin:<i> I'm grateful. I'm just
a little tired of muesli.</i>

493
00:18:20,114 --> 00:18:23,582
- <i>You can be grateful and tired of muesli.</i>
- (whispers) Hey.

494
00:18:23,583 --> 00:18:26,619
- Salman, we have to talk.
- What do you want to talk about?

495
00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:28,487
- We took you into our home.
- <i>(music begins)</i>

496
00:18:28,488 --> 00:18:30,990
You wouldn't have made it on your own.

497
00:18:30,991 --> 00:18:32,925
But now it's time for you to go.

498
00:18:32,926 --> 00:18:35,694
I have to say I'm a little thrown.

499
00:18:35,695 --> 00:18:36,862
<i>(music continues)</i>

500
00:18:36,863 --> 00:18:38,731
- You're a slob.
- You're a pig.

501
00:18:38,732 --> 00:18:42,367
- You're a lazy lout.
- So what are you saying?

502
00:18:42,368 --> 00:18:44,570
Both: ♪ Salman, get out! ♪

503
00:18:44,571 --> 00:18:47,139
♪ I'm a great guest,
you hardly know I'm there ♪

504
00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:50,309
Woman: <i>♪ You walk around in
a robe with no underwear ♪</i>

505
00:18:50,310 --> 00:18:53,011
Lin: <i>♪ If you make me leave,
I'll be dead, no doubt ♪</i>

506
00:18:53,012 --> 00:18:54,579
Man: <i>♪ Ugh! Close your legs ♪</i>

507
00:18:54,580 --> 00:18:56,748
All: ♪ And, Salman, get out ♪

508
00:18:56,749 --> 00:18:58,849
<i>(music continues)</i>

509
00:19:02,822 --> 00:19:04,156
Woman: <i>And stay out!</i>

510
00:19:04,157 --> 00:19:06,223
- Don't come back!
- Lose my number!

511
00:19:06,224 --> 00:19:07,759
Go stay with the ayatollah!

512
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,393
All: ♪ Salman, Salman ♪

513
00:19:09,394 --> 00:19:13,832
♪ Salman, Salman, Salman,
Salman, Salman ♪

514
00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:15,232
♪ Salman, get out! ♪

515
00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:17,201
<i>- (music ends)
- (applause)</i>

516
00:19:17,202 --> 00:19:19,136
Cody: <i>Okay, great! (clears throat)</i>

517
00:19:19,137 --> 00:19:20,939
<i>Great work, everybody.</i>

518
00:19:20,940 --> 00:19:22,739
It was good. Too bad you missed it.

519
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,641
- Oh, no, I... I saw it.
- Yeah.

520
00:19:24,642 --> 00:19:25,676
Lin: <i>Thank you, Cody.</i>

521
00:19:25,677 --> 00:19:27,178
- Thank you.
- Thanks, guys.

522
00:19:27,179 --> 00:19:28,879
- Tina, you're a star. Thank you.
- Thank you.

523
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,713
Hey, Larry, can I talk
to you for a sec?

524
00:19:31,883 --> 00:19:34,018
(whispers) I feel like...

525
00:19:34,019 --> 00:19:36,053
I feel like the number's not working.

526
00:19:36,054 --> 00:19:38,388
- Oh. You know why it's not working?
- Why?

527
00:19:38,389 --> 00:19:39,964
'Cause everybody's looking
at her tits, that's why.

528
00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:41,031
What?

529
00:19:41,032 --> 00:19:43,259
Bill didn't see ten
seconds of that number.

530
00:19:43,260 --> 00:19:44,695
He was staring at her the whole time,

531
00:19:44,696 --> 00:19:46,463
as was every other guy in the audience.

532
00:19:46,464 --> 00:19:48,799
It's just the reasons he's
getting kicked out of the house

533
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:49,900
are so fuckin' petty.

534
00:19:49,901 --> 00:19:51,668
No, I completely disagree with you.

535
00:19:51,669 --> 00:19:53,269
Look, he's a terrible houseguest.

536
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:55,872
His life depends on his
being a good houseguest.

537
00:19:55,873 --> 00:19:57,874
He's a pig! He doesn't do the dishes!

538
00:19:57,875 --> 00:19:58,941
That's funny!

539
00:19:58,942 --> 00:20:00,543
Maybe we just need different reasons.

540
00:20:00,544 --> 00:20:02,445
Okay, I'll come up
with some other reasons.

541
00:20:02,446 --> 00:20:03,880
- How's that?
- Okay.

542
00:20:03,881 --> 00:20:06,216
- It's not gonna work anyway.
- Why not?

543
00:20:06,217 --> 00:20:08,684
Because men will look
at tits over anything.

544
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:11,487
You could be in the last
inning of the World Series,

545
00:20:11,488 --> 00:20:13,188
a 3-2 score, bases loaded,

546
00:20:13,189 --> 00:20:14,924
somebody changes the channel
and there's tits on,

547
00:20:14,925 --> 00:20:16,659
they will not go back
to the World Series.

548
00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:19,028
We're on the verge
of making a great musical,

549
00:20:19,029 --> 00:20:20,663
and you're scapegoating tits?

550
00:20:20,664 --> 00:20:23,132
- It's the scene.
- No, it's the tits!

551
00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:24,867
- It's the<i> scene.</i>
- Tits!

552
00:20:24,868 --> 00:20:27,336
- Scene! Scene! Scene!
- Tits! Tits! Tits!

553
00:20:27,337 --> 00:20:29,237
Scene, and she stays.

554
00:20:30,773 --> 00:20:32,474
Sorry.

555
00:20:32,475 --> 00:20:34,709
All right, insufficient "sorry."

556
00:20:34,710 --> 00:20:37,712
Terrible, awful, horrible "sorry."

557
00:20:37,713 --> 00:20:39,481
Apparently, the Miranda "sorrys"

558
00:20:39,482 --> 00:20:42,183
are just as bad as their "thank yous."

559
00:20:43,286 --> 00:20:45,253
Larry: <i>You heard me... 1,200.</i>

560
00:20:45,254 --> 00:20:48,623
1,200 fuckin' dollars
to skip a day on his real job

561
00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:50,291
to come with you guys paintballing?

562
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,260
- You're a good guy.
- Thank you.

563
00:20:52,261 --> 00:20:54,328
- I respect you for that.
- People don't think I'm a nice guy.

564
00:20:54,329 --> 00:20:55,830
Basically, you're paying
this motherfucker

565
00:20:55,831 --> 00:20:58,199
to shoot people with
a goddamn paint gun.

566
00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,432
See?

567
00:21:00,569 --> 00:21:01,869
You know what I just realized?

568
00:21:01,870 --> 00:21:05,273
- Mm-hmm?
- I gave this guy 1,200,

569
00:21:05,274 --> 00:21:07,708
but he wasn't gonna make 1,200.

570
00:21:07,709 --> 00:21:09,277
- That's his gross.
- Mmm!

571
00:21:09,278 --> 00:21:11,479
They're gonna deduct taxes
from what he's getting.

572
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,615
He'd only wind up with 700 or 750.

573
00:21:14,616 --> 00:21:16,984
The guy just made $500 off me.

574
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:18,552
<i>You</i> fucked up.

575
00:21:18,553 --> 00:21:20,287
See, when you give somebody money,

576
00:21:20,288 --> 00:21:21,822
you gotta add that
shit up in your brain.

577
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,891
You FICA. You take the
fuckin' difference out!

578
00:21:23,892 --> 00:21:25,693
- You FICA!
- I'm not FICA!

579
00:21:25,694 --> 00:21:27,027
- <i>(doorbell rings)</i>
- You "FIC'd" up.

580
00:21:27,028 --> 00:21:28,896
He just made money on you!

581
00:21:28,897 --> 00:21:30,462
<i>(doorbell rings)</i>

582
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,334
Ah. Hello.

583
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:35,969
Ernest, Valentina.

584
00:21:35,970 --> 00:21:37,770
- Hi.
- Hello, Larry.

585
00:21:37,771 --> 00:21:39,004
Please, come in.

586
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:44,944
Yeah. Well, this is it.

587
00:21:44,945 --> 00:21:47,013
Looks great.

588
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:48,582
<i>(Leon chuckles) Oh, man.</i>

589
00:21:48,583 --> 00:21:50,349
Larry: <i>Oh, this is Leon.</i>

590
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,784
<i>He lives in my guesthouse.</i>

591
00:21:51,785 --> 00:21:53,653
- Hello, Leon.
- Leon:<i> I like that look.</i>

592
00:21:53,654 --> 00:21:56,255
- Yeah, I like that jacket.
- Thank you very much.

593
00:21:56,256 --> 00:21:57,657
My mother gave it to me.

594
00:21:57,658 --> 00:21:59,258
- Your mother gave you the jacket?
- Yes.

595
00:21:59,259 --> 00:22:00,292
It was hers.

596
00:22:00,293 --> 00:22:01,728
- Larry:<i> Really?</i>
- Mm-hmm.

597
00:22:01,729 --> 00:22:03,361
They make that bag for men?

598
00:22:04,598 --> 00:22:07,266
Yes, this bag is made for men, women,

599
00:22:07,267 --> 00:22:09,701
anybody who enjoys
carrying things around.

600
00:22:09,702 --> 00:22:12,371
- You two are married?
- Yeah. Yes.

601
00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:14,740
So you got on one knee and
asked her to marry you?

602
00:22:14,741 --> 00:22:15,774
Ernst:<i> No, no, no.</i>

603
00:22:15,775 --> 00:22:17,776
It was during the
intermission of "Swan Lake."

604
00:22:17,777 --> 00:22:19,645
I just looked to her and said,
"Will you marry me?"

605
00:22:19,646 --> 00:22:21,747
Larry: Okay, that's a ballet, all right?
You got it?

606
00:22:21,748 --> 00:22:23,715
- Last one.
- No, no! No last one.

607
00:22:23,716 --> 00:22:26,284
Did you get on top of her
on the honeymoon night?

608
00:22:26,285 --> 00:22:27,886
Shut the fuck up. Get out of here.

609
00:22:27,887 --> 00:22:29,487
I'm just asking questions.

610
00:22:29,488 --> 00:22:32,290
<i>Don't ask any more questions, okay?
Shut up.</i>

611
00:22:32,291 --> 00:22:35,160
Um, you guys interested
in a house tour?

612
00:22:35,161 --> 00:22:37,963
- S-Sure.
- Okay.

613
00:22:37,964 --> 00:22:39,730
Will you be joining us, Leon?

614
00:22:39,731 --> 00:22:41,098
Yeah.

615
00:22:41,099 --> 00:22:42,299
Cool.

616
00:22:45,437 --> 00:22:46,937
Is that good?

617
00:22:46,938 --> 00:22:48,540
Dining room, kitchen's that way.

618
00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:49,974
By the way, make yourself at home.

619
00:22:49,975 --> 00:22:51,976
You know, feel free
to use the refrigerator.

620
00:22:51,977 --> 00:22:54,546
You've got refrigerator privileges.
How's that?

621
00:22:54,547 --> 00:22:55,780
- Cool.
- Thank you.

622
00:22:55,781 --> 00:22:59,283
Before I forget,
this little gadget, okay?

623
00:22:59,284 --> 00:23:00,718
Watch this.

624
00:23:00,719 --> 00:23:02,953
You want the curtains down,
you press that button,

625
00:23:02,954 --> 00:23:04,889
now you stop it, and now they go up.

626
00:23:04,890 --> 00:23:06,957
Isn't that great? I love this thing.

627
00:23:06,958 --> 00:23:08,525
Love it.

628
00:23:08,526 --> 00:23:11,195
I don't see why I would ever need that.

629
00:23:11,196 --> 00:23:12,563
No, no! Look, look! See?

630
00:23:12,564 --> 00:23:13,997
Here, look.

631
00:23:13,998 --> 00:23:15,566
Voila!

632
00:23:15,567 --> 00:23:18,502
You're showing us the same function?

633
00:23:18,503 --> 00:23:20,437
Yeah, I guess.

634
00:23:20,438 --> 00:23:22,472
- Hmm.
- Hmm.

635
00:23:22,473 --> 00:23:23,807
Um... oh.

636
00:23:23,808 --> 00:23:25,209
Bedrooms are upstairs,

637
00:23:25,210 --> 00:23:27,944
and, uh, there are
two guest rooms if you'd like.

638
00:23:27,945 --> 00:23:29,746
Whoo!

639
00:23:29,747 --> 00:23:31,948
Why would we need two bedrooms?

640
00:23:31,949 --> 00:23:34,951
No, no... no reason. Uh...

641
00:23:34,952 --> 00:23:36,186
No reason?

642
00:23:36,187 --> 00:23:37,687
We are husband and wife.

643
00:23:37,688 --> 00:23:39,689
We sleep in one bedroom.

644
00:23:39,690 --> 00:23:42,592
No, but I know a lot of people
who sleep in separate bedrooms.

645
00:23:42,593 --> 00:23:43,659
Couples. Yeah.

646
00:23:43,660 --> 00:23:45,195
- Really? Like who?
- Mmm.

647
00:23:45,196 --> 00:23:47,630
You want names?
Okay, I'll give you names.

648
00:23:47,631 --> 00:23:50,633
Um, Pete Rose, Tony Perez,

649
00:23:50,634 --> 00:23:53,436
Johnny Bench, uh, George Foster,

650
00:23:53,437 --> 00:23:54,903
<i>Dave Concepción.</i>

651
00:23:54,904 --> 00:23:57,206
You... you've named
six old baseball players

652
00:23:57,207 --> 00:24:00,008
who are married but sleep
in separate bedrooms?

653
00:24:00,009 --> 00:24:01,577
Yeah.

654
00:24:01,578 --> 00:24:03,445
Even the Hit King?

655
00:24:03,446 --> 00:24:06,715
Yeah. Hit King especially.

656
00:24:06,716 --> 00:24:09,551
Well, we sleep in a bedroom together.

657
00:24:09,552 --> 00:24:11,820
- Yeah.
- You know what, um...

658
00:24:11,821 --> 00:24:14,790
Let's forget about it.
I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.

659
00:24:14,791 --> 00:24:17,292
I'm sorry, was that an apology?

660
00:24:17,293 --> 00:24:18,526
No good?

661
00:24:18,527 --> 00:24:21,229
There wasn't really any emotion to it.

662
00:24:21,230 --> 00:24:24,366
Yeah. Your eyes were bouncing
around like a cat with strings.

663
00:24:24,367 --> 00:24:25,216
Valentina:<i> Yeah.</i>

664
00:24:25,217 --> 00:24:27,302
Well, I'm really sorry
if my apology was...

665
00:24:27,303 --> 00:24:28,670
was not sufficient.

666
00:24:28,671 --> 00:24:31,072
You've just apologized
for your apology?

667
00:24:31,073 --> 00:24:34,108
- Yes!
- That was better than the first apology.

668
00:24:34,109 --> 00:24:36,543
Why don't you just use that apology?

669
00:24:36,544 --> 00:24:39,113
You know what, Larry,
we're gonna go upstairs

670
00:24:39,114 --> 00:24:42,483
to, uh, the one guest bedroom.

671
00:24:42,484 --> 00:24:44,251
Perfectly acceptable.

672
00:24:53,094 --> 00:24:55,729
You got yourself
in some shit this time.

673
00:24:55,730 --> 00:24:58,063
They're a couple of freaks, man.

674
00:25:03,204 --> 00:25:04,905
Susie: <i>Could you believe this kitchen?</i>

675
00:25:04,906 --> 00:25:06,239
- And you know what a great cook I am.
- Yeah.

676
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:08,308
The meals I make here... right, Jeff?

677
00:25:08,309 --> 00:25:09,083
Yeah.

678
00:25:09,084 --> 00:25:11,311
It must have cost millions
upon millions of dollars.

679
00:25:11,312 --> 00:25:12,712
Well, it's big, but it's intimate.

680
00:25:12,713 --> 00:25:14,014
We sit by the fire.

681
00:25:14,015 --> 00:25:16,082
- It's cozy, it's warm.
- Larry: Cozy?

682
00:25:16,083 --> 00:25:17,250
This is cozy?

683
00:25:17,251 --> 00:25:19,452
This is the best party house.
Right, Jeff?

684
00:25:19,453 --> 00:25:20,328
Yeah.

685
00:25:20,329 --> 00:25:22,856
So, did you figure
it out about Saturday?

686
00:25:22,857 --> 00:25:24,924
Yeah, yeah, I got the
whole thing figured out.

687
00:25:24,925 --> 00:25:26,726
I'm gonna go to paintball, then
I'm gonna go to the wedding.

688
00:25:26,727 --> 00:25:29,895
Because Sammi, when I mentioned
that you had some problems

689
00:25:29,896 --> 00:25:32,332
and conflict, you should have
seen the look on her face.

690
00:25:32,333 --> 00:25:34,867
Susie, let me tell you something, okay?

691
00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:37,537
I've known Sammi since she was born.

692
00:25:37,538 --> 00:25:41,373
And one of the great joys
in my life has...

693
00:25:41,374 --> 00:25:45,077
has been watching her blossom into this
beautiful, sophisticated young lady.

694
00:25:45,078 --> 00:25:46,212
Mm-hmm.

695
00:25:46,213 --> 00:25:48,580
I won't miss her wedding. No way.

696
00:25:48,581 --> 00:25:50,649
Oh, Lar, that's so sweet.
Are you serious?

697
00:25:50,650 --> 00:25:53,152
- No.
- All right, just fuckin' be there, okay?

698
00:25:53,153 --> 00:25:54,820
- Okay.
- <i>Don't disappoint me.</i>

699
00:25:54,821 --> 00:25:56,722
- No, I won't.
- So, uh...

700
00:25:56,723 --> 00:25:59,958
Victor's parents are coming
tonight, Lisa and Paul.

701
00:25:59,959 --> 00:26:01,827
And they're deaf, you know.

702
00:26:01,828 --> 00:26:03,862
Oh. What is that, mold?

703
00:26:03,863 --> 00:26:06,164
Susie: <i>It's not fucking mold!
It's cheese!</i>

704
00:26:06,165 --> 00:26:07,932
- Cheese? Look at it.
- It's cheese.

705
00:26:07,933 --> 00:26:10,235
- <i>(doorbell rings)</i>
- Oh, there's the Chesnicks.

706
00:26:10,236 --> 00:26:11,370
Wait till you meet them.

707
00:26:11,371 --> 00:26:13,772
They are just such sweet people.

708
00:26:13,773 --> 00:26:15,206
<i>(piano music playing)</i>

709
00:26:15,207 --> 00:26:18,877
By the way, this house... oh, my God.

710
00:26:18,878 --> 00:26:19,819
It's wrong.

711
00:26:19,820 --> 00:26:22,546
Yeah. Unbelievable how
life works, isn't it?

712
00:26:22,547 --> 00:26:24,949
Just to get laid. I'm an idiot.

713
00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:26,351
- Oh.
- Susie:<i> All right.</i>

714
00:26:26,352 --> 00:26:28,619
- Larry: Okay. Yeah.
- Jeff: Oh, hi!

715
00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:29,921
- (shouting) How you doing, Victor?
- I'm good, man.

716
00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:31,154
- How you doing?
- Good.

717
00:26:31,155 --> 00:26:32,956
Hey, I want to introduce
my mom and my dad,

718
00:26:32,957 --> 00:26:34,024
Lisa and Paul.

719
00:26:34,025 --> 00:26:35,893
How do you do? Hello.

720
00:26:35,894 --> 00:26:38,662
Hi. Larry. Larry.

721
00:26:38,663 --> 00:26:39,864
Larry.

722
00:26:39,865 --> 00:26:41,365
Larry: <i>Rhymes with "Harry."</i>

723
00:26:41,366 --> 00:26:42,600
- Hi, babe.
- What's going on?

724
00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:44,301
- Ask them how they met.
- Yeah.

725
00:26:44,302 --> 00:26:46,003
How did you two meet?

726
00:26:46,004 --> 00:26:48,372
Were you fixed up because you're deaf?

727
00:26:48,373 --> 00:26:51,008
Ugh, stupid fucking question.

728
00:26:51,009 --> 00:26:52,675
<i>No, I'm not asking them that.</i>

729
00:26:52,676 --> 00:26:54,711
- I think it's a good question.
- It's a good question.

730
00:26:54,712 --> 00:26:57,381
I'd be curious, too. I never asked it.

731
00:26:57,382 --> 00:26:59,682
Ah. Bathroom? Around that way.

732
00:26:59,683 --> 00:27:01,183
Yeah, there.

733
00:27:02,153 --> 00:27:03,320
I'm hungry.

734
00:27:03,321 --> 00:27:04,954
- Yeah?
- Hungry. Let's eat.

735
00:27:04,955 --> 00:27:06,456
- No. We can't eat yet.
- <i>Why?</i>

736
00:27:06,457 --> 00:27:09,158
- Everybody's not here.
- Who are we waiting for?

737
00:27:09,159 --> 00:27:11,561
- Funkhouser.
- Who else?

738
00:27:11,562 --> 00:27:13,029
What? Again?

739
00:27:13,030 --> 00:27:14,731
He's a guest. We're
waiting for him to eat.

740
00:27:14,732 --> 00:27:16,599
We're not gonna eat before
Funkhouser gets here.

741
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,967
- This is your policy?
- Yes, it's my policy.

742
00:27:20,137 --> 00:27:21,737
Yeah, "hold your horses."

743
00:27:21,738 --> 00:27:22,972
- "Hold your horses"?
- Yeah.

744
00:27:22,973 --> 00:27:24,974
This is... this is "Hold your horses"?

745
00:27:24,975 --> 00:27:26,309
That's a bad sign.

746
00:27:26,310 --> 00:27:29,312
"Hold your horses" is,
"Whoa, pull back!

747
00:27:29,313 --> 00:27:30,612
Hold your horses!"

748
00:27:30,613 --> 00:27:33,015
- Susie: Is that it? (laughs)
- Yeah.

749
00:27:33,016 --> 00:27:34,516
Mine's better than yours.

750
00:27:34,517 --> 00:27:36,385
This? No.

751
00:27:36,386 --> 00:27:39,955
<i>That's</i> "hold your horses."
Yeah. Thank you.

752
00:27:39,956 --> 00:27:42,290
I'll bet I could come up
with some good signs

753
00:27:42,291 --> 00:27:46,194
that would improve sign language.

754
00:27:46,195 --> 00:27:47,795
How about "dog"?

755
00:27:47,796 --> 00:27:49,897
Susie: Yeah. Yeah.

756
00:27:49,898 --> 00:27:51,566
- No.
- Jeff: What would you do?

757
00:27:51,567 --> 00:27:53,234
(panting)

758
00:27:53,235 --> 00:27:55,403
"Dog."

759
00:27:55,404 --> 00:27:59,272
- (laughing)
- I can improve the whole language.

760
00:28:00,275 --> 00:28:01,642
(Susie laughs)

761
00:28:01,643 --> 00:28:03,711
- Bullshit.
- Oh. (laughing)

762
00:28:03,712 --> 00:28:05,112
- All right, you know what?
- Larry: No.

763
00:28:05,113 --> 00:28:06,781
I have people I want you to meet.

764
00:28:06,782 --> 00:28:09,450
Come with me. Enough of your nonsense.

765
00:28:09,451 --> 00:28:10,952
Hey, did I tell you

766
00:28:10,953 --> 00:28:14,254
that Lin hired a signer for the show?

767
00:28:14,255 --> 00:28:16,656
And she's got big, big boobs!

768
00:28:16,657 --> 00:28:18,459
Very buxomy, you know?

769
00:28:18,460 --> 00:28:20,660
- They're gonna take away from the show.
- Huge!

770
00:28:20,661 --> 00:28:22,762
So distracting. She's, like, big!

771
00:28:22,763 --> 00:28:23,864
- Jeff:<i> Really?</i>
- Yeah.

772
00:28:23,865 --> 00:28:25,332
<i>I can't wait.</i>

773
00:28:25,333 --> 00:28:28,168
The interpreter

774
00:28:28,169 --> 00:28:29,703
at our show...

775
00:28:29,704 --> 00:28:32,706
A show... ho ho! It's a musical.

776
00:28:32,707 --> 00:28:34,941
Musical. ♪ Hey! Hello! ♪

777
00:28:34,942 --> 00:28:38,578
You know, she has a big...

778
00:28:38,579 --> 00:28:39,679
big bosom.

779
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,915
Yeah, the interpreter. Yeah.

780
00:28:41,916 --> 00:28:43,884
Not that big. Yeah.
About... yeah, there.

781
00:28:43,885 --> 00:28:45,986
- <i>(door closes)</i>
- Jeff: He likes the bosom.

782
00:28:45,987 --> 00:28:47,620
Oh, I'm so sorry.

783
00:28:47,621 --> 00:28:50,156
I can't begin to apologize enough.

784
00:28:50,157 --> 00:28:52,392
I know I'm late, and I'm sorry!

785
00:28:52,393 --> 00:28:55,395
I'm sorry! I'm so... who's this?

786
00:28:55,396 --> 00:28:57,563
- That's Paul.
- I'm sorry.

787
00:28:57,564 --> 00:28:59,432
- Larry: Hey, it's okay.
- I'm so sorry!

788
00:28:59,433 --> 00:29:01,934
- It's a tremendous apology.
- I know, it's horrible!

789
00:29:01,935 --> 00:29:04,202
What can I say
to make it... make it good?

790
00:29:04,203 --> 00:29:06,605
You don't have to say anything.
It's a fantastic apology.

791
00:29:06,606 --> 00:29:08,707
One of the best apologies
I've ever heard!

792
00:29:08,708 --> 00:29:10,175
Gave me the chills, that apology.

793
00:29:10,176 --> 00:29:12,011
Oh, my God! I feel like
getting down on my knees.

794
00:29:12,012 --> 00:29:13,512
I don't know what else to do!

795
00:29:13,513 --> 00:29:15,748
I wish that could be broadcast
on national television

796
00:29:15,749 --> 00:29:18,383
so people could hear what an
apology's supposed to sound like!

797
00:29:18,384 --> 00:29:20,085
- That's why you're my friend.
- Thank you.

798
00:29:20,086 --> 00:29:22,421
What a fantastic
fucking apology that was!

799
00:29:22,422 --> 00:29:24,240
Okay, thank you for...
thank you so much.

800
00:29:24,241 --> 00:29:25,223
That was so great.

801
00:29:25,224 --> 00:29:26,724
- Thank you very much.
- That was great.

802
00:29:26,725 --> 00:29:29,127
Thank you. I feel better.

803
00:29:29,128 --> 00:29:31,196
All right, okay. Everybody's here.

804
00:29:31,197 --> 00:29:33,432
- Let's eat!
- Let's eat! Beautiful!

805
00:29:33,433 --> 00:29:35,100
- Let's do it.
- Come on, everybody. Let's go!

806
00:29:35,101 --> 00:29:36,700
<i>(Larry claps hands) Dinner!</i>

807
00:29:38,971 --> 00:29:41,238
- Susie: <i>Larry, I want you here.
- Sure.</i>

808
00:29:41,239 --> 00:29:42,707
- Susie: <i>There.
- Got it.</i>

809
00:29:42,708 --> 00:29:44,808
<i>(chatter continues)</i>

810
00:29:46,545 --> 00:29:48,913
Larry: <i>Okay, let's try this rewrite.</i>

811
00:29:48,914 --> 00:29:51,148
...darling.

812
00:29:51,149 --> 00:29:53,484
- Woman: <i>Hello, darling.</i>
- Man:<i> Good morning.</i>

813
00:29:53,485 --> 00:29:56,454
- Woman: Yes.
- Hey, same pants as yesterday.

814
00:29:56,455 --> 00:29:59,457
What's this? What, are you
tracking my outfits now?

815
00:29:59,458 --> 00:30:01,092
Lin: <i>Just an observation.</i>

816
00:30:01,093 --> 00:30:04,095
<i>Huh. You know, for a guy
with so many other concerns,</i>

817
00:30:04,096 --> 00:30:06,997
my trousers should be
at the bottom of your list.

818
00:30:06,998 --> 00:30:07,951
Woman:<i> Yes.</i>

819
00:30:07,952 --> 00:30:09,399
Lin:<i> Well, as long as
we're talking about it,</i>

820
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,534
am I crazy, or have you worn
them three days in a row?

821
00:30:11,535 --> 00:30:13,604
- Oh, come on.
- Hey, do me a favor, all right?

822
00:30:13,605 --> 00:30:15,939
Stop the tracking.
No one likes to be tracked!

823
00:30:15,940 --> 00:30:18,508
Woman: <i>Yes. How would you
like it if</i> we<i> tracked you?</i>

824
00:30:18,509 --> 00:30:20,343
Do it. I'm in hiding with four outfits.

825
00:30:20,344 --> 00:30:22,012
You'll never see me doubling up.

826
00:30:22,013 --> 00:30:23,880
You know why? I rotate.

827
00:30:23,881 --> 00:30:26,249
All you gotta do is rotate, baby.

828
00:30:26,250 --> 00:30:27,816
(laughing)

829
00:30:30,554 --> 00:30:33,722
<i>- (music playing)
- (chatter, laughter)</i>

830
00:30:36,693 --> 00:30:39,529
What the hell is going on up there?

831
00:30:39,530 --> 00:30:42,064
(sniffs) What is that?
What is that, incense?

832
00:30:42,065 --> 00:30:44,566
Yeah, that's incense, brother. (sniffs)

833
00:30:44,567 --> 00:30:47,603
You don't burn incense
in someone else's house.

834
00:30:47,604 --> 00:30:50,740
It's like cooking fish or smoking
a cigar. It's a violation.

835
00:30:50,741 --> 00:30:53,542
- <i>(clamor continues)</i>
- What the hell are they doing?

836
00:30:53,543 --> 00:30:55,409
<i>(door knocker knocks)</i>

837
00:31:00,183 --> 00:31:02,117
Hi. Is Ernst here?

838
00:31:02,118 --> 00:31:03,584
And Valentina.

839
00:31:04,621 --> 00:31:06,688
- Upstairs.
- Great.

840
00:31:06,689 --> 00:31:08,524
Ooh, lovely home.

841
00:31:08,525 --> 00:31:11,193
Yeah. Yeah, really nice.

842
00:31:11,194 --> 00:31:13,361
Thanks for your hospitality.

843
00:31:19,635 --> 00:31:21,302
<i>(woman giggling)</i>

844
00:31:21,303 --> 00:31:23,104
- Ernst: <i>Hell-o.</i>
- Woman:<i> Hi.</i>

845
00:31:23,105 --> 00:31:27,207
- <i>(music blaring)</i>
- (chatter, laughter)

846
00:31:30,646 --> 00:31:33,181
They're swinging! They're swinging!

847
00:31:33,182 --> 00:31:36,149
<i>(woman squealing)</i>

848
00:32:03,544 --> 00:32:06,445
(gears rattling)

849
00:32:08,082 --> 00:32:10,783
<i>- (remote clatters)</i>
- Leon:<i> Whoo! (laughs)</i>

850
00:32:10,784 --> 00:32:12,752
You're a funny guy, man.

851
00:32:12,753 --> 00:32:14,521
You got all this sexual shit going on,

852
00:32:14,522 --> 00:32:16,523
I'm in the guesthouse chilling,
you don't tell me about it?

853
00:32:16,524 --> 00:32:19,426
- How many people were here?
- 15, at least.

854
00:32:19,427 --> 00:32:20,860
Well, why'd you let it go on?

855
00:32:20,861 --> 00:32:22,661
I thought you were in on it!
I didn't know!

856
00:32:22,662 --> 00:32:23,830
Have you lost your mind?

857
00:32:23,831 --> 00:32:25,331
You think I knew
what was going on here?

858
00:32:25,332 --> 00:32:27,333
I thought maybe you
were... were sleepfuckin'.

859
00:32:27,334 --> 00:32:28,968
- I don't know.
- Sleepfuckin'?

860
00:32:28,969 --> 00:32:30,603
Yeah. You know, subconsciously,

861
00:32:30,604 --> 00:32:33,840
your brain is fuckin',
but your conscious mind...

862
00:32:33,841 --> 00:32:35,674
I don't think I was sleepfuckin'.

863
00:32:35,675 --> 00:32:38,344
I have a hard enough time wakefuckin'.
How am I gonna sleepfuck?

864
00:32:38,345 --> 00:32:40,279
- Cousins are gone?
- Everybody left.

865
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,748
All right, look, I got paintball today.

866
00:32:42,749 --> 00:32:44,049
We gotta get this place cleaned up.

867
00:32:44,050 --> 00:32:45,551
I can't deal with this today.

868
00:32:45,552 --> 00:32:46,718
Okay, I'll do it.

869
00:32:50,123 --> 00:32:53,225
They ransacked the fridge and
broke the goddamn Jacuzzi, too.

870
00:32:53,226 --> 00:32:55,360
- Bastards.
- What are you doing?

871
00:32:55,361 --> 00:32:57,996
Last time I wore these pants,
F. Murray outfit tracked me.

872
00:32:57,997 --> 00:33:00,365
I can't wear them around him anymore.
My favorite pants.

873
00:33:00,366 --> 00:33:02,333
- That's crazy, man.
- I'm so pissed.

874
00:33:02,334 --> 00:33:04,136
Just wear those.

875
00:33:04,137 --> 00:33:05,703
- These?
- <i>Those are nice.</i>

876
00:33:05,704 --> 00:33:07,371
Fine.

877
00:33:08,741 --> 00:33:10,541
Jesus, I'm so goddamn late.

878
00:33:10,542 --> 00:33:12,543
(chatter, laughter)

879
00:33:12,544 --> 00:33:14,679
Josh, I love you. You're
gonna get fuckin' shellacked

880
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:15,980
if you're dancing out there.

881
00:33:15,981 --> 00:33:18,048
We're out here playing paintball, man!

882
00:33:18,049 --> 00:33:20,451
I go for the big dog.

883
00:33:20,452 --> 00:33:21,786
(laughs)

884
00:33:21,787 --> 00:33:23,755
I actually upgraded mine.

885
00:33:23,756 --> 00:33:25,889
Are you guys getting bitten up?

886
00:33:28,193 --> 00:33:30,527
- Hey. This is amazing.
- Larry: Hey!

887
00:33:30,528 --> 00:33:34,698
Yeah, uh, first of all,
so glad to see you here.

888
00:33:34,699 --> 00:33:36,133
You did it. You did this.

889
00:33:36,134 --> 00:33:39,503
I did, but something
did occur to me, though,

890
00:33:39,504 --> 00:33:41,005
um, however.

891
00:33:41,006 --> 00:33:44,541
Uh, if you had taken that commercial,

892
00:33:44,542 --> 00:33:46,376
the gross would have been 1,200,

893
00:33:46,377 --> 00:33:50,980
but the net would have been, like, 700.

894
00:33:50,981 --> 00:33:52,416
Maybe 750.

895
00:33:52,417 --> 00:33:54,150
Yeah, something like that.

896
00:33:54,151 --> 00:33:55,385
(scoffs)

897
00:33:55,386 --> 00:33:57,454
I'm actually...

898
00:33:57,455 --> 00:33:59,556
kind of losing money on this deal.

899
00:33:59,557 --> 00:34:02,692
'Cause if you were
only gonna make $700,

900
00:34:02,693 --> 00:34:04,894
and I gave you 1,200,

901
00:34:04,895 --> 00:34:09,199
you know, it kind of feels
like you owe me... 500.

902
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:10,967
Am I wrong?

903
00:34:10,968 --> 00:34:12,735
- Larry, you gave me this gift.
- Yes.

904
00:34:12,736 --> 00:34:14,871
- I called you a prince.
- I am a prince.

905
00:34:14,872 --> 00:34:18,006
Now you're asking me
for a portion of the gift back.

906
00:34:18,007 --> 00:34:20,008
You're making a profit off this!

907
00:34:20,009 --> 00:34:21,711
I'm gonna call you a prick.

908
00:34:21,712 --> 00:34:24,213
With all due respect,
you are the prick.

909
00:34:24,214 --> 00:34:25,914
For accepting your gift?

910
00:34:25,915 --> 00:34:28,050
It shouldn't be a gift, though.
I'm not giving you a gift.

911
00:34:28,051 --> 00:34:30,386
- Wait, hang on, hang on.
- I'm not FICA.

912
00:34:30,387 --> 00:34:31,821
I paid you the gross,

913
00:34:31,822 --> 00:34:34,223
and I should have paid you the net.

914
00:34:34,224 --> 00:34:36,291
Why do you keep hiking
your britches up?

915
00:34:36,292 --> 00:34:38,293
Because I couldn't wear the
same pants two days in a row

916
00:34:38,294 --> 00:34:40,062
because I got an outfit tracker here,

917
00:34:40,063 --> 00:34:42,597
so I had to take these pants,
and they're too big on me,

918
00:34:42,598 --> 00:34:44,632
and I didn't have time
to put a belt on!

919
00:34:44,633 --> 00:34:46,500
I'm not giving you the money back.

920
00:34:49,005 --> 00:34:51,239
Have fun today, Larry.

921
00:34:51,240 --> 00:34:52,874
I'm not the bad guy here!

922
00:34:52,875 --> 00:34:56,177
I'm... I'm losing... uh...

923
00:34:56,178 --> 00:34:58,279
I... I'm not the bad guy.

924
00:34:58,280 --> 00:34:59,614
- Hey, Lar.
- Hey, Carly.

925
00:34:59,615 --> 00:35:00,882
- How you doing?
- Good.

926
00:35:00,883 --> 00:35:03,752
Larry, could I have
a word with you, please?

927
00:35:03,753 --> 00:35:06,120
If it isn't Big Murray. Hey.
You know what, Big Murray?

928
00:35:06,121 --> 00:35:09,156
'Cause of you, I couldn't wear
my favorite gray corduroys,

929
00:35:09,157 --> 00:35:11,558
and now I'm wearing pants
that are way too big for me.

930
00:35:11,559 --> 00:35:14,929
That's what I wanted to talk to you
about... that scene in the kitchen.

931
00:35:14,930 --> 00:35:16,197
Funny, huh?

932
00:35:16,198 --> 00:35:18,366
Well, it was a little insulting to me.

933
00:35:18,367 --> 00:35:21,135
Why? Nobody knows you're the
one who outfit tracked me.

934
00:35:21,136 --> 00:35:23,370
Oh, you make me very uncomfortable.

935
00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:26,172
- You know, you're judging me.
- I wasn't judging you.

936
00:35:26,173 --> 00:35:28,509
It felt like it was a thin
disguise for insulting me.

937
00:35:28,510 --> 00:35:31,478
No. I would insult you right
to your face, Big Murray.

938
00:35:31,479 --> 00:35:34,014
That's what I would think, that
you should insult me to my face,

939
00:35:34,015 --> 00:35:36,483
but the problem is, now I feel like

940
00:35:36,484 --> 00:35:38,619
I'm being tracked
because of what you did.

941
00:35:38,620 --> 00:35:41,154
I can't get up in the morning
anymore without thinking,

942
00:35:41,155 --> 00:35:44,391
"Oh, gotta be careful.
Big Larry's watching you."

943
00:35:44,392 --> 00:35:46,826
Big Larry is not tracking Big Murray.

944
00:35:46,827 --> 00:35:48,962
Big Larry is tracking Big Murray.

945
00:35:48,963 --> 00:35:52,465
Big Larry has better things
to do than track Big Murray.

946
00:35:52,466 --> 00:35:53,900
Then why are you writing it all down?

947
00:35:53,901 --> 00:35:55,635
Hey, Larry, can I talk to you a second?

948
00:35:55,636 --> 00:35:57,269
- Excuse me, Murray. I'm sorry.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

949
00:35:57,270 --> 00:35:59,138
Be careful what you say
around this guy, huh?

950
00:35:59,139 --> 00:36:00,973
<i>He's a Murray tracker!</i>

951
00:36:00,974 --> 00:36:03,375
There's your outfit tracker,
right there.

952
00:36:03,376 --> 00:36:05,978
Hey, what's this I hear about you
asking Cody Gutcher for his money back?

953
00:36:05,979 --> 00:36:08,247
Yeah, I asked Cody Gutcher
for my money back, yeah.

954
00:36:08,248 --> 00:36:10,650
But not all of it.
Just the money he owed me.

955
00:36:10,651 --> 00:36:13,685
Cody Gutcher is one of the best company
managers in the fuckin' country!

956
00:36:13,686 --> 00:36:15,754
We almost lost him to "Spring
Awakening," and we have him!

957
00:36:15,755 --> 00:36:17,823
I don't give a shit if Cody Gutcher
goes to "Spring Awakening!"

958
00:36:17,824 --> 00:36:20,125
I'm nice enough to give him $1,200,

959
00:36:20,126 --> 00:36:22,227
and he steals 450 of it!

960
00:36:22,228 --> 00:36:25,197
You're nice enough to do the gesture.
Finish the gesture.

961
00:36:25,198 --> 00:36:27,766
I did finish the gesture, then I
was expecting a gesture from him!

962
00:36:27,767 --> 00:36:29,968
No. "Here's a gesture. Where's
my gesture back, motherfucker?!"

963
00:36:29,969 --> 00:36:31,436
That's your version of a gesture?

964
00:36:31,437 --> 00:36:32,971
You got something off your chest.
Are you happy?

965
00:36:32,972 --> 00:36:34,706
- Yeah.
- I got something on my chest, okay?

966
00:36:34,707 --> 00:36:35,606
Go for it.

967
00:36:35,607 --> 00:36:38,209
Valentina Miranda and
her husband Ernst,

968
00:36:38,210 --> 00:36:40,278
who I was generous enough
to let stay in my house...

969
00:36:40,279 --> 00:36:42,447
Yeah, and I said, "Thank you."

970
00:36:42,448 --> 00:36:44,716
- They're swingers.
- Yeah, I know.

971
00:36:44,717 --> 00:36:46,784
You know they're swingers,
you don't tell me?!

972
00:36:46,785 --> 00:36:48,819
I told you they were
an interesting couple.

973
00:36:48,820 --> 00:36:50,021
"Interesting" is not "swinging!"

974
00:36:50,022 --> 00:36:51,655
<i>I was there when you met them.</i>

975
00:36:51,656 --> 00:36:53,858
You said, "Make yourself at home.
Stay as long as you want."

976
00:36:53,859 --> 00:36:56,694
- So they entertained.
- Entertained?! That's playing mah-jongg!

977
00:36:56,695 --> 00:36:59,197
This was like a Roman
orgy, like Caligula!

978
00:36:59,198 --> 00:37:01,038
You know what you do in
someone else's house?

979
00:37:01,039 --> 00:37:02,633
- What?
- You tiptoe.

980
00:37:02,634 --> 00:37:05,335
You say please, you say
thank you, you clean up.

981
00:37:05,336 --> 00:37:06,971
"May I use your refrigerator?"

982
00:37:06,972 --> 00:37:09,974
Guests tiptoe! That's what you do!

983
00:37:09,975 --> 00:37:12,510
Oh, no, I wanna have fun at the
fuckin' Larry David house.

984
00:37:12,511 --> 00:37:14,912
Tiptoe and play mah-jongg,
that's your idea of fuckin' fun.

985
00:37:14,913 --> 00:37:16,647
You should've seen.
They trashed the whole house!

986
00:37:16,648 --> 00:37:20,750
And you know what else?
They broke my curtain remote!

987
00:37:20,751 --> 00:37:23,553
- What the fuck's a curtain remote?
- A curtain remote?

988
00:37:23,554 --> 00:37:26,923
It opens and closes, opens
and closes the curtains!

989
00:37:26,924 --> 00:37:28,492
Who needs a curtain remote?

990
00:37:28,493 --> 00:37:30,460
You fuckin' do this!
That's how you open a curtain!

991
00:37:30,461 --> 00:37:31,895
You've obviously never
used a curtain remote.

992
00:37:31,896 --> 00:37:33,830
Who would need one? It's a curtain!

993
00:37:33,831 --> 00:37:35,565
It's a good thing! It's a fun thing!

994
00:37:35,566 --> 00:37:37,934
If you ever did it, you
wouldn't even think about it!

995
00:37:37,935 --> 00:37:39,268
Well, I'm never coming to your house,

996
00:37:39,269 --> 00:37:40,602
'cause I don't want to tiptoe around

997
00:37:40,603 --> 00:37:42,538
and maybe get refrigerator privileges!

998
00:37:42,539 --> 00:37:44,540
You gesture-rescinding motherfucker!

999
00:37:44,541 --> 00:37:47,342
- (laughter)
- That's right. That's right.

1000
00:37:47,343 --> 00:37:50,646
At least I don't have cousins
who are sex degenerates!

1001
00:37:50,647 --> 00:37:52,447
(laughter, murmuring)

1002
00:37:52,448 --> 00:37:54,149
- What'd you say about my family?
- You Mirandas!

1003
00:37:54,150 --> 00:37:56,051
You don't give proper "thank yous,"

1004
00:37:56,052 --> 00:37:57,885
you don't give proper "sorrys,"

1005
00:37:57,886 --> 00:37:59,787
and you're a bunch of sex perverts!

1006
00:37:59,788 --> 00:38:02,524
All: Oh! (murmuring)

1007
00:38:02,525 --> 00:38:04,459
You've besmirched
the honor of my family,

1008
00:38:04,460 --> 00:38:06,360
and I demand satisfaction.

1009
00:38:07,629 --> 00:38:11,132
Satisfaction... you shall have.

1010
00:38:11,133 --> 00:38:13,300
(all murmuring)

1011
00:38:14,836 --> 00:38:17,337
Cody: It's a duel.

1012
00:38:17,338 --> 00:38:19,941
These proceedings shall fall
under the auspices

1013
00:38:19,942 --> 00:38:23,544
of the Code Duello... Irish version.

1014
00:38:23,545 --> 00:38:26,346
I'm given to understand
that one of the gentlemen

1015
00:38:26,347 --> 00:38:29,016
has perceived a slight
and demands satisfaction.

1016
00:38:29,017 --> 00:38:30,684
That's correct.

1017
00:38:30,685 --> 00:38:33,253
Cody: <i>This is your final
chance to offer an apology,</i>

1018
00:38:33,254 --> 00:38:34,888
<i>thereby saving face.</i>

1019
00:38:34,889 --> 00:38:36,723
No apology is forthcoming.

1020
00:38:36,724 --> 00:38:38,992
<i>Very well. We shall proceed.</i>

1021
00:38:38,993 --> 00:38:40,726
Gentlemen, choose your weapon.

1022
00:38:45,266 --> 00:38:49,903
<i>Will anyone present stand as the
second to the offended party?</i>

1023
00:38:49,904 --> 00:38:51,170
I will.

1024
00:38:51,171 --> 00:38:52,706
Will anyone present stand forth

1025
00:38:52,707 --> 00:38:54,741
as the second to the transgressor?

1026
00:38:54,742 --> 00:38:57,143
I will.

1027
00:38:57,144 --> 00:38:59,312
Swell.

1028
00:38:59,313 --> 00:39:01,848
If the principals would
please hand their weapons

1029
00:39:01,849 --> 00:39:03,249
to their seconds

1030
00:39:03,250 --> 00:39:06,385
to be inspected and loaded
with one projectile.

1031
00:39:06,386 --> 00:39:08,721
- I don't know how to do this.
- What?

1032
00:39:08,722 --> 00:39:11,090
<i>Why'd you volunteer for second if
you don't know what you're doing?</i>

1033
00:39:11,091 --> 00:39:13,726
I'm from Newport Beach.
I've never loaded a gun before.

1034
00:39:13,727 --> 00:39:15,328
Give me the paintball.

1035
00:39:15,329 --> 00:39:17,796
- That's it. There's nothing to it.
- Sorry.

1036
00:39:17,797 --> 00:39:20,865
Very well. Please stand back-to-back.

1037
00:39:25,238 --> 00:39:27,106
Gentlemen, on my count,

1038
00:39:27,107 --> 00:39:30,242
you will proceed to walk ten paces,

1039
00:39:30,243 --> 00:39:31,777
at which point you will turn,

1040
00:39:31,778 --> 00:39:34,746
aim your weapons, and fire.

1041
00:39:37,049 --> 00:39:40,084
And ten, nine...

1042
00:39:40,085 --> 00:39:43,254
<i>(march playing)</i>

1043
00:39:45,591 --> 00:39:49,226
...eight, seven...

1044
00:39:52,331 --> 00:39:55,099
<i>...six, five,</i>

1045
00:39:55,100 --> 00:39:58,235
four, three,

1046
00:39:58,236 --> 00:40:00,604
two, one!

1047
00:40:00,605 --> 00:40:02,740
- (pistol fires)
- (Lin gasps)

1048
00:40:02,741 --> 00:40:05,977
- Cody: <i>Lin!</i>
- Woman:<i> Oh, my God! >It's in his mouth!</i>

1049
00:40:05,978 --> 00:40:08,946
- Man:<i> Come on, Larry.</i>
- It was... it was an accident!

1050
00:40:08,947 --> 00:40:10,648
I was gonna fire in the air!

1051
00:40:10,649 --> 00:40:13,350
(muffled) Aaron Burr!

1052
00:40:13,351 --> 00:40:16,053
- Aaron Burr!
- Larry:<i> I'm not Aaron Burr!</i>

1053
00:40:16,054 --> 00:40:18,087
- Man: No, no, no!
- Cody: Lin!

1054
00:40:20,158 --> 00:40:21,991
(march playing)

1055
00:40:26,363 --> 00:40:28,665
(whispers) Where the fuck is he?
He says he was gonna be here!

1056
00:40:28,666 --> 00:40:30,701
- I don't know.
- I'm gonna fucking kill him.

1057
00:40:30,702 --> 00:40:33,904
Family, friends, and loved ones,

1058
00:40:33,905 --> 00:40:36,006
<i>we are gathered here today to celebrate</i>

1059
00:40:36,007 --> 00:40:38,541
<i>one of life's greatest moments...</i>

1060
00:40:38,542 --> 00:40:42,912
<i>the joining of two lives
in this union we call marriage.</i>

1061
00:40:42,913 --> 00:40:45,582
<i>Victor and Sammi have asked you today</i>

1062
00:40:45,583 --> 00:40:47,083
<i>to be here to bear witness</i>

1063
00:40:47,084 --> 00:40:48,884
<i>and to offer your love and support</i>

1064
00:40:48,885 --> 00:40:52,488
<i>as they embark on this next
chapter of their lives.</i>

1065
00:40:52,489 --> 00:40:56,226
Victor, we would be remiss if we
didn't thank you for your service.

1066
00:40:56,227 --> 00:41:01,030
<i>Now, please take each other's
hands for your vows.</i>

1067
00:41:01,031 --> 00:41:04,130
<i>Victor, do you take
Sammi to be your wife?</i>

1068
00:41:04,131 --> 00:41:05,201
Victor:<i> I do.</i>

1069
00:41:05,202 --> 00:41:07,203
Officiant: <i>Do you commit
yourself to her happiness</i>

1070
00:41:07,204 --> 00:41:10,104
<i>and self-fulfillment as a person?</i>

1071
00:41:11,341 --> 00:41:13,408
I... I do. I do.

1072
00:41:13,409 --> 00:41:14,606
Do you promise to love...

1073
00:41:14,607 --> 00:41:16,978
All right, enough, enough.
Excuse me, miss.

1074
00:41:16,979 --> 00:41:18,547
- Out. You gotta go.
- What? What?

1075
00:41:18,548 --> 00:41:19,814
Get the hell outta here.

1076
00:41:19,815 --> 00:41:21,583
- And cover up!
- What?

1077
00:41:21,584 --> 00:41:23,017
Susie: <i>Sorry, everybody.</i>

1078
00:41:23,018 --> 00:41:25,454
It had to be done. We'll just continue.

1079
00:41:25,455 --> 00:41:28,123
C-Continue. Continue.

1080
00:41:28,124 --> 00:41:30,191
(siren wailing)

1081
00:41:30,192 --> 00:41:32,160
Larry: <i>I'm not Burr. I'm not Burr.</i>

1082
00:41:32,161 --> 00:41:33,561
I was gonna fire in the air!

1083
00:41:33,562 --> 00:41:34,896
You shot right at me, Larry.

1084
00:41:34,897 --> 00:41:36,297
No, it's Murray's fault,

1085
00:41:36,298 --> 00:41:37,766
because he was outfit tracking me

1086
00:41:37,767 --> 00:41:39,300
and I had to put on
a different pair of pants,

1087
00:41:39,301 --> 00:41:40,835
and they were too big
for me and they fell.

1088
00:41:40,836 --> 00:41:42,971
- (coughs)
- Anyway, I'm so sorry.

1089
00:41:42,972 --> 00:41:45,240
I'm really, really sorry.

1090
00:41:45,241 --> 00:41:48,342
Really... truly sorry.

1091
00:41:48,343 --> 00:41:50,511
- That's a pretty good apology.
- <i>Really?</i>

1092
00:41:50,512 --> 00:41:53,347
- It's commensurate with the offense.
- Yes?

1093
00:41:53,348 --> 00:41:56,584
Do you wanna apologize for falling
asleep during "Hamilton"?

1094
00:41:56,585 --> 00:41:57,376
Oh!

1095
00:41:57,377 --> 00:41:59,654
My wife told me you were
practically on her shoulder.

1096
00:41:59,655 --> 00:42:01,289
Okay, what happened was,

1097
00:42:01,290 --> 00:42:03,857
I had a pain pill in my
pocket that Jeff gave me,

1098
00:42:03,858 --> 00:42:06,459
because I injured my shoulder
wrestling with you.

1099
00:42:06,460 --> 00:42:08,128
So in a way, you're a little...

1100
00:42:08,129 --> 00:42:09,930
I'm at fault for you
sleeping through my show?

1101
00:42:09,931 --> 00:42:11,364
I did see part of the show.

1102
00:42:11,365 --> 00:42:13,633
I have to say, I loved it.
It was terrific.

1103
00:42:13,634 --> 00:42:16,069
- Thank you.
- ♪ My name is Alexander Hamilton... ♪

1104
00:42:16,070 --> 00:42:17,771
I didn't see the end of the first act.

1105
00:42:17,772 --> 00:42:19,273
♪ And there's a million
things I haven't... ♪

1106
00:42:19,274 --> 00:42:20,540
- That's the very first song.
- Yeah.

1107
00:42:20,541 --> 00:42:22,074
- I'm gonna go back.
- Okay.

1108
00:42:22,075 --> 00:42:23,643
Any chance you could, uh...

1109
00:42:23,644 --> 00:42:25,845
I have to see what they say,
if they have tickets.

1110
00:42:25,846 --> 00:42:26,974
Two tickets. What's the...

1111
00:42:26,975 --> 00:42:29,115
I don't run the ticket
office, Larry David.

1112
00:42:29,116 --> 00:42:31,551
Make a phone call. What do you mean?
You wrote the show.

1113
00:42:31,552 --> 00:42:33,219
Oh, my God. (coughing)

1114
00:42:33,220 --> 00:42:34,987
Hey, hey, you're spitting on me!

1115
00:42:34,988 --> 00:42:37,624
- Cover your mouth when you cough.
- Man, fuck you.

1116
00:42:37,625 --> 00:42:39,591
Oh, my God.

1117
00:42:39,592 --> 00:42:42,228
I gotta get to
Jeff's daughter's wedding!

1118
00:42:42,229 --> 00:42:43,595
- I'm late!
- What?

1119
00:42:43,596 --> 00:42:45,331
Yes, yeah, I'm speaking there! Hey!

1120
00:42:45,332 --> 00:42:47,066
- Driver.
- Hey, what the...

1121
00:42:47,067 --> 00:42:50,502
Can we make a quick stop?
It's just at that light.

1122
00:42:50,503 --> 00:42:51,971
It's about a half a mile
and you go up the hill.

1123
00:42:51,972 --> 00:42:53,973
And you can drop me off.
It's two minutes.

1124
00:42:53,974 --> 00:42:55,808
<i>No. This is not no fuckin' Uber.</i>

1125
00:42:55,809 --> 00:42:58,243
We gotta get this man to the hospital.
He's injured.

1126
00:42:58,244 --> 00:43:00,946
It's gonna be a lot worse for me.
You don't know this woman.

1127
00:43:00,947 --> 00:43:04,249
Fuck that woman! And fuck her wedding.
Get in the back.

1128
00:43:04,250 --> 00:43:05,784
- Okay.
- Fuck!

1129
00:43:05,785 --> 00:43:07,686
<i>Somebody strap him in!</i>

1130
00:43:07,687 --> 00:43:10,989
- (sighs)
- <i>(Lin coughing)</i>

1131
00:43:10,990 --> 00:43:14,226
Oh, yeah. Wait a second.

1132
00:43:14,227 --> 00:43:16,228
Wait a second, Charlie.

1133
00:43:16,229 --> 00:43:17,863
Who are you calling, Larry?

1134
00:43:17,864 --> 00:43:19,530
- This woman I met in a bar.
- <i>(touch-tones beeping)</i>

1135
00:43:19,531 --> 00:43:22,633
You're trying to get laid
on the way to the hospital?

1136
00:43:22,634 --> 00:43:25,370
Hey, Marie. It's Larry David.

1137
00:43:25,371 --> 00:43:26,872
Remember, I met you in the bar

1138
00:43:26,873 --> 00:43:29,540
<i>and you came and sat
at the table with us?</i>

1139
00:43:29,541 --> 00:43:31,776
Hey, I got a job for you.

1140
00:43:31,777 --> 00:43:34,010
<i>(music playing)</i>

1141
00:43:41,487 --> 00:43:44,721
Jeffrey, where's Larry?
He's still not here?

1142
00:43:44,722 --> 00:43:46,924
- I don't know.
- But we have to start the speeches.

1143
00:43:46,925 --> 00:43:47,958
Well, start the speeches!

1144
00:43:47,959 --> 00:43:49,826
Get the fuck outta my face!

1145
00:43:49,827 --> 00:43:52,096
Go away! Do the... the patrons.

1146
00:43:52,097 --> 00:43:55,299
- Jeff: <i>What are you doing?</i> _
- Susie:<i> Go do your job somewhere. Go!</i>

1147
00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:57,134
<i>Jeff, can you call him again?</i>

1148
00:43:57,135 --> 00:43:59,236
<i>I'm not trying him again.
I called him, he didn't answer.</i>

1149
00:43:59,237 --> 00:44:01,538
Marie: I'm here. Hi. Sorry I'm late.

1150
00:44:01,539 --> 00:44:03,106
Oh, I'm Marie from the restaurant.

1151
00:44:03,107 --> 00:44:05,375
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- What are you doing here?

1152
00:44:05,376 --> 00:44:07,110
Hi. Larry couldn't be here...

1153
00:44:07,111 --> 00:44:09,345
- (sighs)
- ...but he asked me to stand in.

1154
00:44:09,346 --> 00:44:12,148
And don't worry, I have his speech.

1155
00:44:12,149 --> 00:44:13,517
<i>(Susie groans)</i>

1156
00:44:13,518 --> 00:44:16,351
<i>(glass clinking)</i>

1157
00:44:17,321 --> 00:44:19,789
"Hi. I'm Larry David."

1158
00:44:19,790 --> 00:44:21,057
Oh, no.

1159
00:44:21,058 --> 00:44:24,027
Her name's Marie. Larry rents her.

1160
00:44:24,028 --> 00:44:27,430
"And I just want to say how
thrilled I am to be here today,

1161
00:44:27,431 --> 00:44:29,732
and I am especially honored
to have been asked

1162
00:44:29,733 --> 00:44:32,969
<i>to speak at this blessed event.</i>

1163
00:44:32,970 --> 00:44:36,204
<i>I have known Sammi...</i> _

1164
00:44:36,205 --> 00:44:39,341
for her entire life, and frankly, I don't
even think she likes me very much.

1165
00:44:39,342 --> 00:44:42,912
<i>(chuckling) But I'm pretty sure I
feel that way about everybody.</i>

1166
00:44:42,913 --> 00:44:45,714
Sammi, I wish I had advice to offer you

1167
00:44:45,715 --> 00:44:48,183
on how to have a successful marriage,

1168
00:44:48,184 --> 00:44:50,718
but I'll just offer you two words:

1169
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:52,487
- <i>separate bathrooms."</i>
- Separate bathrooms.

1170
00:44:52,488 --> 00:44:54,522
Okay, that's fine. Thank you very much.

1171
00:44:54,523 --> 00:44:56,798
So, Sammi and... what's
your name again, sir?

1172
00:44:56,799 --> 00:44:58,026
Thank you very much.

1173
00:44:58,027 --> 00:44:59,328
- Victor.
- Marie:<i> Oh, Victor!</i>

1174
00:44:59,329 --> 00:45:01,596
You need to be going right now.
Thank you.

1175
00:45:01,597 --> 00:45:03,091
I'm sorry, everyone...

1176
00:45:03,092 --> 00:45:04,333
Susie, can I, for my reel,
get a copy of that?

1177
00:45:04,334 --> 00:45:05,367
Yeah, good-bye.

1178
00:45:05,368 --> 00:45:07,469
Enjoy... uh, enjoy

1179
00:45:07,470 --> 00:45:10,236
the rest of the... party.

1180
00:45:16,779 --> 00:45:19,481
I talked to Lin's doctors.

1181
00:45:19,482 --> 00:45:22,183
They said he'll be fine
in about six months.

1182
00:45:22,184 --> 00:45:24,885
But he's moving on to other projects.

1183
00:45:24,886 --> 00:45:27,888
He's done. "Fatwa!" is over.

1184
00:45:27,889 --> 00:45:30,057
Our investments are gone.

1185
00:45:30,058 --> 00:45:32,559
Lewis lost money, Danson lost money.

1186
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,761
I lost a ton, okay?

1187
00:45:34,762 --> 00:45:37,698
I told all these ladies I was
a big-time Broadway producer.

1188
00:45:37,699 --> 00:45:39,633
Now I ain't shit.

1189
00:45:39,634 --> 00:45:41,167
So how much did we lose, Jeffrey?

1190
00:45:41,168 --> 00:45:43,336
We lost a lot of money.

1191
00:45:43,337 --> 00:45:45,271
We're... we're gonna
have to sell the house.

1192
00:45:45,272 --> 00:45:48,574
We are not selling that fuckin' house.

1193
00:45:50,712 --> 00:45:53,613
Didn't you wear that sweater yesterday?

1194
00:45:55,884 --> 00:45:57,617
What did you say?

1195
00:45:57,618 --> 00:45:59,685
What the fuck did you just say?

1196
00:45:59,686 --> 00:46:01,287
Well, don't get so excited. It was...

1197
00:46:01,288 --> 00:46:02,922
Yeah, I wore this sweater yesterday.

1198
00:46:02,923 --> 00:46:05,358
So what? What, are you
outfit tracking me?

1199
00:46:05,359 --> 00:46:08,361
I'm not outfit tracking you.
I asked you a simple question.

1200
00:46:08,362 --> 00:46:10,663
Sure sounds like you're
outfit tracking. So what?

1201
00:46:10,664 --> 00:46:13,666
I didn't work out in it. I wasn't on the
subway. I didn't go in public toilets.

1202
00:46:13,667 --> 00:46:15,735
<i>The sweater's clean. You can wear
a sweater two days in a row.</i>

1203
00:46:15,736 --> 00:46:17,737
It's not a shirt. I don't wear
a shirt two days in a row.

1204
00:46:17,738 --> 00:46:20,139
- It's just a sweater.
- What are you, a fuckin' lunatic?

1205
00:46:20,140 --> 00:46:21,974
You're an outfit tracker
and I don't like it!

1206
00:46:21,975 --> 00:46:24,043
You can wear the same
sweater two days in a... oh!

1207
00:46:24,044 --> 00:46:26,512
Here's your fruit salad
and your veggie burger.

1208
00:46:26,513 --> 00:46:30,249
Oh, veggie burger. Beautiful, beautiful.
Thank you.

1209
00:46:30,250 --> 00:46:32,651
Hello?

1210
00:46:32,652 --> 00:46:33,818
<i>Where's my food?</i>

1211
00:46:33,819 --> 00:46:36,721
Aw. We'll start.

1212
00:46:36,722 --> 00:46:38,924
<i>Mmm. This is fantastic!</i>

1213
00:46:38,925 --> 00:46:40,659
Mmm!

1214
00:46:40,660 --> 00:46:41,692
Great!

1215
00:46:45,398 --> 00:46:49,500
♪ For a spoonful of sugar ♪

1216
00:46:49,501 --> 00:46:52,236
♪ Helps the medicine go down ♪

1217
00:46:52,237 --> 00:46:54,372
♪ The medicine go down ♪

1218
00:46:54,373 --> 00:46:55,907
♪ The medicine go down ♪

1219
00:46:55,908 --> 00:46:59,343
- ♪ For a spoonful of sugar... ♪
- Man: Hey! Hey!

1220
00:46:59,344 --> 00:47:01,512
I know who you are.

1221
00:47:01,513 --> 00:47:05,382
Yeah. You're Larry David.

1222
00:47:06,518 --> 00:47:09,587
- No, no, no...
- (speaking Farsi)

1223
00:47:09,588 --> 00:47:11,355
The fatwa's... the fatwa's over!

1224
00:47:11,356 --> 00:47:13,057
- They called the fatwa off!
- I don't believe you!

1225
00:47:13,058 --> 00:47:15,193
You're a liar! You're a blasphemer!

1226
00:47:15,194 --> 00:47:17,295
- No! No! Didn't they tell you?
- (Farsi continues)

1227
00:47:17,296 --> 00:47:19,930
No! No, it's true! They called it off!

1228
00:47:19,931 --> 00:47:21,364
No! No!

1229
00:47:21,365 --> 00:47:23,400
- They... they called it off!
- <i>Stop! Stop!</i>

1230
00:47:23,401 --> 00:47:24,401
No! No!

1231
00:47:24,402 --> 00:47:27,237
Larry David, I am gonna kill you!

1232
00:47:27,238 --> 00:47:28,472
Larry: It's over!

1233
00:47:28,541 --> 00:47:32,859
Subtitle sync and corrections by
<font color="#FF0000"><b>awaqeded</b></font> for <font color="#FF0000"><b>www.addic7ed.com.</b></font>

1234
00:47:33,075 --> 00:47:36,777
<i>(theme music playing)</i>