﻿1
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CAPTAIN KIRK: The <i>Enterprise</i> is preparing

2
00:00:01,922 --> 00:00:06,180
to leave Beta III in star system C-111.

3
00:00:06,183 --> 00:00:09,031
Sociologist Lindstrom
is remaining behind

4
00:00:09,034 --> 00:00:11,320
with a party of experts
who will help restore

5
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the planet's culture to a human form.

6
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SPOCK: The Late Landru, Captain.

7
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A marvelous feat of engineering.

8
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A computer capable
of directing the lives

9
00:00:20,497 --> 00:00:22,064
of millions of human beings.

10
00:00:22,066 --> 00:00:23,875
But only a machine, Mr. Spock.

11
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The original Landru programmed
it with all his knowledge,

12
00:00:26,236 --> 00:00:28,629
but he couldn't give it
his wisdom, his compassion,

13
00:00:28,632 --> 00:00:30,585
his understanding, his soul.

14
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I prefer the concrete, the
graspable, the provable.

15
00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:36,912
You'd make a splendid
computer, Mr. Spock.

16
00:00:36,914 --> 00:00:40,082
That is very kind of you, Captain.

17
00:00:40,084 --> 00:00:43,218
That's humorous, because Spock
is half human and half Vulcan.

18
00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:45,921
But he's ashamed of his human side.

19
00:00:45,923 --> 00:00:48,195
That's why I identify with him.

20
00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:49,630
Good luck.

21
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,598
MEEMAW: I gravitate
a little more towards Kirk.

22
00:00:51,601 --> 00:00:53,095
Why?

23
00:00:53,097 --> 00:00:55,163
[IMITATING SHATNER]:
Be-cause... everything

24
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he <i>says...</i>

25
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,742
he makes sound so im-portant.

26
00:00:59,745 --> 00:01:02,938
I should hope so... He's the captain.

27
00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:04,106
Sheldon.

28
00:01:04,108 --> 00:01:05,307
Do me a favor.

29
00:01:05,309 --> 00:01:06,414
Go help your brother study

30
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for his math test tomorrow.

31
00:01:07,753 --> 00:01:09,911
Is that really a good use of my time?

32
00:01:09,913 --> 00:01:11,629
Come on. I'm asking nice.

33
00:01:11,632 --> 00:01:13,960
If he doesn't pass, he won't
be able to play football.

34
00:01:13,963 --> 00:01:16,284
You realize he's often mean to me.

35
00:01:16,286 --> 00:01:19,888
So? Your mother's mean to
me. I still try to be helpful.

36
00:01:19,890 --> 00:01:21,790
Does she break wind on <i>your</i> head?

37
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Because that's what Georgie does to me.

38
00:01:24,762 --> 00:01:26,661
Can you help me out here?

39
00:01:29,566 --> 00:01:32,656
I'll do it if you take
me to the train store.

40
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You got it.

41
00:01:36,740 --> 00:01:38,773
And buy me whatever I want.

42
00:01:38,776 --> 00:01:40,108
Connie, what are you doing?

43
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[IMITATING SHATNER]:
Just providing my grandson

44
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with financial guidance.

45
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[QUIETLY]: Don't mock the captain.

46
00:01:47,128 --> 00:01:49,696
If Georgie passes his test,
I'll get you whatever you want...

47
00:01:49,699 --> 00:01:51,098
Under 20 bucks.

48
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,109
Deal.

49
00:01:57,261 --> 00:01:59,127
Why?

50
00:01:59,129 --> 00:02:02,234
I guess I like him better than you.

51
00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:05,600
[KNOCKING] Georgie?

52
00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:07,001
- What?
- Dad told me

53
00:02:07,004 --> 00:02:08,898
to help you study for the math test.

54
00:02:08,901 --> 00:02:10,605
I don't need your help. Get lost.

55
00:02:10,607 --> 00:02:12,398
GEORGE SR.: Georgie, let him help you!

56
00:02:12,401 --> 00:02:13,842
Fine. Come in!

57
00:02:13,844 --> 00:02:16,476
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

58
00:02:16,479 --> 00:02:17,644
Oh, dear.

59
00:02:17,647 --> 00:02:18,847
What's<i> your</i> problem?

60
00:02:18,850 --> 00:02:20,949
No problem. I'll just...

61
00:02:20,951 --> 00:02:23,179
tidy while we talk.

62
00:02:23,182 --> 00:02:24,448
Help yourself.

63
00:02:24,451 --> 00:02:26,217
Before we start, I'd like to get a sense

64
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- of how much algebra you know.
- 'Kay.

65
00:02:28,657 --> 00:02:31,039
Do you understand solving and graphing

66
00:02:31,042 --> 00:02:33,961
- linear inequalities?
- Sure.

67
00:02:33,964 --> 00:02:36,570
Great. Explain it to me.

68
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,739
Uh...

69
00:02:37,742 --> 00:02:39,375
first you solve 'em...

70
00:02:39,378 --> 00:02:41,468
and then you graph 'em.

71
00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:43,661
And how do you do that?

72
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,762
Uh, you know,

73
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,174
carefully.

74
00:02:46,176 --> 00:02:48,476
Excuse me.

75
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[DOOR CLOSES]

76
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,437
$20 isn't gonna do it.

77
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[CHUCKLES]

78
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♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

79
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

80
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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

81
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

82
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- <font color="#D81D1D">Synced and corrected by VitoSilans</font> -
-- <font color="#138CE9">www.Addic7ed.com</font> --

83
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So you collect all
the terms linear in X.

84
00:03:17,984 --> 00:03:19,317
See? Simple.

85
00:03:19,319 --> 00:03:20,711
Maybe for you.

86
00:03:20,714 --> 00:03:22,647
No, it's simple for everybody.

87
00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:25,784
Now you collect all
the terms linear in Y.

88
00:03:25,787 --> 00:03:27,242
I don't get it.

89
00:03:27,245 --> 00:03:28,726
Try this. Close your eyes.

90
00:03:28,729 --> 00:03:31,235
- 'Kay.
- Can you see

91
00:03:31,238 --> 00:03:34,666
the slope of the line given
by the coefficients of X and Y?

92
00:03:34,668 --> 00:03:36,534
No.

93
00:03:36,536 --> 00:03:38,203
What<i> do</i> you see?

94
00:03:38,205 --> 00:03:39,566
Darkness.

95
00:03:39,569 --> 00:03:41,001
Try harder.

96
00:03:42,209 --> 00:03:43,341
Wait.

97
00:03:43,343 --> 00:03:46,911
I see Elle Macpherson in a bikini.

98
00:03:46,913 --> 00:03:49,080
Ooh, it just fell off.

99
00:03:49,082 --> 00:03:52,183
- Dad!
- I'll make it $40! Keep going!

100
00:03:52,185 --> 00:03:55,053
Maybe the problem is
you're not a good teacher.

101
00:03:55,055 --> 00:03:58,122
Unlikely. Regardless,
I am your only hope.

102
00:03:58,124 --> 00:04:00,491
What do you see when you close <i>your</i> eyes?

103
00:04:00,493 --> 00:04:02,827
I see quadrant one as red,

104
00:04:02,829 --> 00:04:04,963
quadrant two is soft and plush...

105
00:04:04,965 --> 00:04:07,966
[SNIFFS] quadrant three
smells like lavender,

106
00:04:07,968 --> 00:04:11,302
and quadrant four is overlaid
with a Fibonacci spiral.

107
00:04:11,304 --> 00:04:13,605
That's really weird.

108
00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:16,071
No. What's really weird
is doing simple algebra

109
00:04:16,074 --> 00:04:18,276
and thinking about a girl in a bikini.

110
00:04:18,278 --> 00:04:20,778
I disagree.

111
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:21,846
Dad!

112
00:04:21,848 --> 00:04:23,314
GEORGE SR.: Keep going.

113
00:04:23,316 --> 00:04:26,217
SHELDON: <i>And when you
divide by a negative number,</i>

114
00:04:26,219 --> 00:04:28,653
you have to reverse the
direction of the inequality.

115
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I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

116
00:04:30,223 --> 00:04:32,423
But we're not done.
You're going to fail.

117
00:04:32,425 --> 00:04:34,712
I get enough of what
you said. I'll be fine.

118
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ADULT SHELDON: <i>It was
at that moment I decided</i>

119
00:04:37,035 --> 00:04:39,070
<i>I was not cut out for teaching.</i>

120
00:04:39,073 --> 00:04:40,906
<i>I consoled myself with the knowledge</i>

121
00:04:40,909 --> 00:04:43,477
<i>that I was wonderful at everything else.</i>

122
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♪ ♪

123
00:04:44,838 --> 00:04:47,051
Take one and pass it back.

124
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,348
Take one and pass it back.

125
00:04:49,351 --> 00:04:51,075
As you all know, this test'll count

126
00:04:51,078 --> 00:04:53,154
for 25% of your final grade.

127
00:04:53,157 --> 00:04:54,924
Be sure to show all your work.

128
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,493
If you get stuck on a question,

129
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,616
move on and come back to it at the end.

130
00:04:58,618 --> 00:05:00,318
And I shouldn't have to say this,

131
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,687
but if there's any
cheating, I will see it.

132
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I got eyes in the back of my head.

133
00:05:04,991 --> 00:05:06,815
I got more eyes than a potato.

134
00:05:06,818 --> 00:05:07,993
[CHUCKLES]

135
00:05:07,996 --> 00:05:09,527
Ms. Ingram?

136
00:05:09,529 --> 00:05:11,597
- Yeah, Sheldon.
- I'm done.

137
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,866
What?

138
00:05:12,869 --> 00:05:14,224
I enjoyed it very much.

139
00:05:14,227 --> 00:05:15,777
I'll take another if you have one.

140
00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:17,635
No, I don't have another one.

141
00:05:17,637 --> 00:05:20,071
J-Just read ahead in the textbook.

142
00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:21,551
Oh, boy.

143
00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:27,312
ADULT SHELDON: <i>Seeing my brother struggle</i>

144
00:05:27,314 --> 00:05:28,980
<i>was difficult for me.</i>

145
00:05:28,982 --> 00:05:32,641
<i>As his tutor, I took
his failure personally,</i>

146
00:05:32,644 --> 00:05:34,519
<i>almost as if I had failed.</i>

147
00:05:34,521 --> 00:05:38,790
<i>Which was odd, because
I knew how dumb he was.</i>

148
00:05:38,792 --> 00:05:41,459
Georgie, how'd you do
on that math test today?

149
00:05:41,461 --> 00:05:42,597
It was tough.

150
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:43,799
I don't know.

151
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,496
I'm sorry I wasn't more help.

152
00:05:45,498 --> 00:05:46,597
Me, too.

153
00:05:46,599 --> 00:05:48,666
That's all right, baby, you tried.

154
00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:50,566
Yeah. It's okay, baby.

155
00:05:52,637 --> 00:05:54,904
I don't understand what went wrong.

156
00:05:54,907 --> 00:05:56,907
Is there any chance you drank alcohol

157
00:05:56,910 --> 00:05:58,673
when you were pregnant with Georgie?

158
00:05:58,676 --> 00:05:59,668
No!

159
00:05:59,671 --> 00:06:01,111
Well, don't be so high-and-mighty.

160
00:06:01,114 --> 00:06:02,847
I drank when I was pregnant with you.

161
00:06:02,849 --> 00:06:04,315
You turned out fine.

162
00:06:04,317 --> 00:06:06,918
These days everybody's like,
"Don't drink, don't smoke."

163
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,980
I swear. Texas is
turning into California.

164
00:06:10,597 --> 00:06:12,933
You realize there's nothing
I can do if you fail.

165
00:06:12,936 --> 00:06:14,092
You're off the team.

166
00:06:14,094 --> 00:06:15,159
I know.

167
00:06:15,161 --> 00:06:16,584
Well, I'm gonna ask Jesus

168
00:06:16,587 --> 00:06:18,688
to help you get a good
grade on that test.

169
00:06:18,691 --> 00:06:22,113
Shouldn't you have asked
him <i>before</i> he took it?

170
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,566
The man rose from the dead...
I think he can fix a test

171
00:06:24,569 --> 00:06:25,777
after the fact.

172
00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:27,713
You know, I hear you
say things like that,

173
00:06:27,716 --> 00:06:30,574
and I wonder if maybe I did
have a few too many whiskey sours

174
00:06:30,577 --> 00:06:32,010
when you were in my belly.

175
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,986
[SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE]

176
00:06:39,386 --> 00:06:41,629
Not me, but not bad.

177
00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:46,090
I would say "A" for effort,

178
00:06:46,092 --> 00:06:48,129
but... that's an "F."

179
00:06:52,065 --> 00:06:54,232
What? How bad is it?

180
00:06:54,234 --> 00:06:55,894
You got a "B."

181
00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:59,003
Are you kidding?

182
00:06:59,005 --> 00:07:00,772
I don't believe it.

183
00:07:00,774 --> 00:07:03,105
Me, neither.

184
00:07:03,209 --> 00:07:05,710
Me, neither.

185
00:07:05,712 --> 00:07:06,944
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

186
00:07:06,946 --> 00:07:09,641
So, I guess I have to
rethink my abilities.

187
00:07:09,644 --> 00:07:12,016
Clearly, I'm a wonderful teacher.

188
00:07:12,894 --> 00:07:14,986
Georgie didn't pass because of you.

189
00:07:14,988 --> 00:07:16,587
What do you mean?

190
00:07:16,589 --> 00:07:18,256
He cheated.

191
00:07:18,258 --> 00:07:21,359
He had the answers written
on the bottom of his shoe.

192
00:07:21,361 --> 00:07:23,061
He wouldn't do that.

193
00:07:23,063 --> 00:07:25,630
When you cheat in school,
you only cheat yourself.

194
00:07:25,632 --> 00:07:27,398
Where'd you get that?

195
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,268
An inspirational poster
outside the boys' room.

196
00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:32,403
I saw what I saw, Sheldon.

197
00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:34,639
Well, if this is true,

198
00:07:34,641 --> 00:07:36,558
he needs to turn himself in.

199
00:07:36,561 --> 00:07:39,410
That'll never happen. He'll
get kicked off the team.

200
00:07:39,412 --> 00:07:40,945
I'm sorry, I can't accept this.

201
00:07:40,947 --> 00:07:43,214
There must be another explanation.

202
00:07:43,216 --> 00:07:45,199
If you don't believe
me, look at his shoes.

203
00:07:45,202 --> 00:07:46,916
I will.

204
00:07:51,825 --> 00:07:54,692
[GRUNTING QUIETLY]

205
00:07:57,664 --> 00:07:58,896
[STRAINED GRUNT]

206
00:07:58,898 --> 00:08:01,004
This is quite a workout.

207
00:08:06,950 --> 00:08:09,217
♪ ♪

208
00:08:35,221 --> 00:08:37,288
♪ ♪

209
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:46,431
[WHISPERS]: You dirty bird.

210
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,592
What are you doing in here?

211
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:50,769
You cheated.

212
00:08:50,771 --> 00:08:52,251
No, I didn't.

213
00:08:54,775 --> 00:08:57,142
I'm holding the evidence.

214
00:08:57,144 --> 00:08:59,077
Let me see that.

215
00:08:59,079 --> 00:09:00,657
[SPITS]

216
00:09:02,071 --> 00:09:03,415
I don't see nothin'.

217
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:06,178
[GASPS]: That's obstruction of justice,

218
00:09:06,181 --> 00:09:07,993
as well as disgusting.

219
00:09:07,996 --> 00:09:11,514
Oh, relax. By passing that
test, I get to play football,

220
00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:13,584
and you get to go to the train store.

221
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:14,927
Everybody wins.

222
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,607
But what about the truth?

223
00:09:16,610 --> 00:09:17,930
What about it?

224
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,123
It's supposed to set us free.

225
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,667
Who told you that?

226
00:09:21,669 --> 00:09:23,135
The Bible.

227
00:09:23,137 --> 00:09:25,871
Since when do you care
about what's in the Bible?

228
00:09:25,873 --> 00:09:28,173
When it helps me win an argument.

229
00:09:28,175 --> 00:09:31,397
The Bible also says honor
thy father and thy mother.

230
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,154
And if you open your mouth,
you're gonna make them sad.

231
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,914
ADULT SHELDON: <i>He had me.</i>

232
00:09:35,916 --> 00:09:39,427
<i>Somehow, the mullet-headed
simpleton had me.</i>

233
00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:41,624
This isn't over.

234
00:09:41,627 --> 00:09:43,560
Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do?

235
00:09:44,658 --> 00:09:46,814
All right, maybe it's over.

236
00:09:50,531 --> 00:09:52,384
SHELDON: Meemaw?

237
00:09:59,656 --> 00:10:02,223
I assume you've read the
Surgeon General's report

238
00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,959
on the dangers of smoking?

239
00:10:03,962 --> 00:10:06,512
I'm gonna wait till they
turn it into a movie.

240
00:10:06,514 --> 00:10:08,080
Is that your new train?

241
00:10:07,882 --> 00:10:11,917
Yes. It's my reward for helping
Georgie pass the math test.

242
00:10:11,919 --> 00:10:14,186
You don't seem too happy about it.

243
00:10:14,188 --> 00:10:16,420
I don't feel like I earned it.

244
00:10:16,423 --> 00:10:18,056
Why not?

245
00:10:18,059 --> 00:10:19,525
Can you keep a secret?

246
00:10:19,527 --> 00:10:22,594
Well, at my age, the question
is can I remember one.

247
00:10:22,596 --> 00:10:23,896
Try me.

248
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,900
[WHISPERS]: Georgie cheated on the test.

249
00:10:27,902 --> 00:10:29,401
Oh.

250
00:10:29,403 --> 00:10:30,978
And nothing bad happened.

251
00:10:30,981 --> 00:10:32,438
He gets to stay on the football team,

252
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,810
Mom and Dad are proud of him,

253
00:10:33,813 --> 00:10:35,345
I even got a train for helping.

254
00:10:35,348 --> 00:10:38,135
So you're feeling guilty.

255
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,479
Very much so.

256
00:10:40,481 --> 00:10:43,015
Well, that's a real conundrum.

257
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,327
Have you been reading the
Word of the Day calendar

258
00:10:45,330 --> 00:10:46,952
I gave you for your birthday?

259
00:10:46,955 --> 00:10:49,555
Indubitably. [CHUCKLES]

260
00:10:52,124 --> 00:10:53,824
So what do you think?

261
00:10:53,826 --> 00:10:56,259
I don't think you should
let it bother you very much.

262
00:10:56,261 --> 00:10:58,546
I mean, there's always
gonna be people in this world

263
00:10:58,549 --> 00:11:01,598
who are playing fast
and loose with the rules.

264
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,500
And your brother's one of them.

265
00:11:05,771 --> 00:11:07,825
That's how Captain Kirk is on <i>Star Trek.</i>

266
00:11:07,828 --> 00:11:10,774
Well, there you go, and he's,
like, the main guy on that show.

267
00:11:10,776 --> 00:11:13,294
No, Mr. Spock is the main guy.

268
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:16,165
I stand corrected.

269
00:11:16,168 --> 00:11:20,350
Although Kirk is usually the one
who saves the <i>Enterprise.</i>

270
00:11:20,352 --> 00:11:23,720
Because he doesn't
always follow the rules?

271
00:11:23,722 --> 00:11:27,318
He even cheated on a
test when he was a cadet.

272
00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:29,020
The<i> Kobayashi Maru.</i>

273
00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:29,889
The what?

274
00:11:29,892 --> 00:11:30,924
<i>Kobayashi Maru.</i>

275
00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:32,829
Kirk is a legend because of it.

276
00:11:32,832 --> 00:11:35,999
[CHUCKLES] <i>Ko-Kobayashi Maru.</i>

277
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:38,697
Sounds like something
you eat at Benihana's.

278
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,137
Have you ever been to one of those?

279
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:41,505
They make you sit with strangers.

280
00:11:41,507 --> 00:11:42,771
It's crazy.

281
00:11:45,177 --> 00:11:47,778
Do you think a Spock
could become a Kirk?

282
00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:50,080
Well, in my experience,

283
00:11:50,082 --> 00:11:52,516
most people stay the
miserable bastards they are

284
00:11:52,518 --> 00:11:53,851
their whole entire life.

285
00:11:53,853 --> 00:11:55,152
But...

286
00:11:55,154 --> 00:11:57,544
I have seen some folks change.

287
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,325
Hmm.

288
00:12:03,195 --> 00:12:06,063
All right. Well, I'm gonna
go play with this train.

289
00:12:06,065 --> 00:12:07,708
You do that.

290
00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:23,747
[SIGHS]

291
00:12:23,749 --> 00:12:24,781
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

292
00:12:24,783 --> 00:12:25,816
SHELDON: Georgie?

293
00:12:25,818 --> 00:12:28,044
- Go away.
- I need to ask a favor.

294
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,180
What?

295
00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:31,255
It's private. Can I come in?

296
00:12:31,257 --> 00:12:33,036
[SIGHS] Come on.

297
00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,847
Ugh.

298
00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:39,349
What do you want?

299
00:12:39,352 --> 00:12:41,964
It occurs to me you
have something in common

300
00:12:41,967 --> 00:12:43,489
with Captain Kirk.

301
00:12:43,492 --> 00:12:45,058
We both have cool hair?

302
00:12:45,061 --> 00:12:46,160
In order to succeed,

303
00:12:46,163 --> 00:12:48,771
you both play fast and
loose with the rules.

304
00:12:48,774 --> 00:12:50,880
Yeah, I suppose we do.

305
00:12:50,883 --> 00:12:53,944
When you cheated on the math
test, what was your strategy?

306
00:12:53,946 --> 00:12:56,346
Well, I guess the most important part

307
00:12:56,348 --> 00:12:58,582
was not stepping on
anything wet before the test.

308
00:12:59,285 --> 00:13:00,651
And not getting an "A."

309
00:13:00,653 --> 00:13:02,586
Why wouldn't you want an "A"?

310
00:13:02,588 --> 00:13:05,088
'Cause that would raise suspicions.

311
00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:06,957
Who would believe I got an "A"?

312
00:13:06,959 --> 00:13:08,458
Wow.

313
00:13:08,461 --> 00:13:10,058
Tell me more.

314
00:13:10,061 --> 00:13:12,295
Okay, when you're telling a lie,

315
00:13:12,298 --> 00:13:14,528
it's important to throw in some details.

316
00:13:14,531 --> 00:13:16,900
Like, when I was wanted to
spend the night at Ricky's house,

317
00:13:16,903 --> 00:13:19,536
and Mom asked me if his mom
and dad were gonna be home,

318
00:13:19,538 --> 00:13:20,604
I said, not only

319
00:13:20,606 --> 00:13:22,146
are they be gonna be home,

320
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,439
his dad was gonna teach us

321
00:13:23,442 --> 00:13:25,739
how to cook turkey legs in the smoker.

322
00:13:25,742 --> 00:13:27,795
I like turkey legs. Were they good?

323
00:13:27,798 --> 00:13:29,913
There weren't any turkey legs, you dope.

324
00:13:29,915 --> 00:13:32,182
His parents were in Branson.

325
00:13:32,184 --> 00:13:35,152
That's incredible. I
totally believed you.

326
00:13:35,154 --> 00:13:36,520
Details.

327
00:13:36,522 --> 00:13:39,239
Now get out of here, I
got to finish reading this.

328
00:13:40,593 --> 00:13:43,660
Thank you, Georgie,
that was very helpful.

329
00:13:43,662 --> 00:13:44,995
[MAN SPEAKING ON TV]

330
00:13:44,997 --> 00:13:46,163
Did you hear that?

331
00:13:46,165 --> 00:13:47,247
What?

332
00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:49,854
Sounds like Georgie and
Sheldon are getting along.

333
00:13:49,857 --> 00:13:50,968
Really?

334
00:13:50,970 --> 00:13:52,636
That can't be right.

335
00:13:52,638 --> 00:13:53,763
I just heard it.

336
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,039
Maybe there's hope for
those two after all.

337
00:13:56,041 --> 00:13:58,342
Or it's a sign of the apocalypse.

338
00:13:58,344 --> 00:14:00,974
Honey, I'm-I'm watching this.

339
00:14:00,977 --> 00:14:03,144
[EXHALES]

340
00:14:05,357 --> 00:14:07,184
So you'll have to find someone else

341
00:14:07,186 --> 00:14:09,130
to hold your ankles in P.E. today.

342
00:14:09,133 --> 00:14:10,632
I'm sorry, what?

343
00:14:10,635 --> 00:14:13,569
I've suffered a terrible injury
and won't be able to attend.

344
00:14:13,572 --> 00:14:14,891
What happened?

345
00:14:14,893 --> 00:14:16,599
See for yourself.

346
00:14:18,831 --> 00:14:22,244
"Dear Coach Wilkins, please
excuse my son, Sheldon,

347
00:14:22,247 --> 00:14:23,591
from P.E.

348
00:14:23,594 --> 00:14:25,802
He has experienced a testicular hernia,

349
00:14:25,804 --> 00:14:28,639
and needs to rest for the
next six to eight weeks.

350
00:14:28,641 --> 00:14:30,807
Sincerely, Mary Cooper."

351
00:14:32,645 --> 00:14:34,077
Testicular hernia?

352
00:14:34,079 --> 00:14:36,052
That's called details.

353
00:14:38,217 --> 00:14:39,963
Ooh, that's rough.

354
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:41,084
Hmm.

355
00:14:41,086 --> 00:14:42,119
How'd it happen?

356
00:14:42,121 --> 00:14:43,487
It's hard to say,

357
00:14:43,489 --> 00:14:47,024
but some risk factors include:
heavy lifting, a chronic cough

358
00:14:47,026 --> 00:14:49,593
and repetitive straining
during bowel movements.

359
00:14:49,595 --> 00:14:51,239
I've been there.

360
00:14:51,242 --> 00:14:53,000
Hmm. All right.

361
00:14:53,003 --> 00:14:56,437
Guess I'll see you
in... six to eight weeks.

362
00:14:58,946 --> 00:15:01,713
["BAD TO THE BONE" BY
GEORGE THOROGOOD PLAYING]

363
00:15:02,661 --> 00:15:04,869
ADULT SHELDON: <i>I don't
know if other supervillains</i>

364
00:15:04,872 --> 00:15:07,924
<i>started their careers
by getting out of P.E.,</i>

365
00:15:07,927 --> 00:15:09,646
<i>but that's where I began.</i>

366
00:15:09,648 --> 00:15:12,282
<i>Emboldened by my faux hernia,</i>

367
00:15:12,284 --> 00:15:14,932
<i>I started taking books
out of the library...</i>

368
00:15:14,935 --> 00:15:17,989
<i>without getting the cards stamped.</i>

369
00:15:17,992 --> 00:15:19,656
You didn't check out those books.

370
00:15:19,658 --> 00:15:21,091
I know.

371
00:15:21,093 --> 00:15:23,226
<i>Before you judge me too harshly,</i>

372
00:15:23,228 --> 00:15:25,295
<i>I always brought them back on time.</i>

373
00:15:25,297 --> 00:15:28,365
<i>I was a rule-breaker, not a lunatic.</i>

374
00:15:28,367 --> 00:15:31,334
<i>But perhaps my most
satisfying transgression</i>

375
00:15:31,336 --> 00:15:33,239
<i>was duping my sister</i>

376
00:15:33,242 --> 00:15:36,377
<i>into relinquishing control of the TV.</i>

377
00:15:37,943 --> 00:15:39,209
Hello.

378
00:15:39,211 --> 00:15:41,211
What's that for?

379
00:15:41,213 --> 00:15:45,015
Oh, this? I was just digging
for money in Meemaw's backyard.

380
00:15:45,017 --> 00:15:46,817
There's money there?

381
00:15:46,819 --> 00:15:49,419
Oh, yes. I already found 75 cents.

382
00:15:49,421 --> 00:15:51,221
Who do you think left it?

383
00:15:51,223 --> 00:15:52,956
If I were to guess,

384
00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:55,058
I'd say pirates with
holes in their pockets.

385
00:15:55,060 --> 00:15:57,427
Can I use your shovel?

386
00:15:57,429 --> 00:15:59,896
Be my guest.

387
00:15:59,898 --> 00:16:02,239
MISSY: Oh, baby, I'm gonna be rich.

388
00:16:04,803 --> 00:16:08,605
Today, we're going to learn
about Sir Isaac Newton.

389
00:16:08,607 --> 00:16:10,401
Hello, old friend.

390
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,104
One of the world's
greatest scientists...

391
00:16:12,107 --> 00:16:14,878
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

392
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,546
[GRUNTS]

393
00:16:16,548 --> 00:16:17,647
See you tomorrow, Wayne.

394
00:16:17,649 --> 00:16:19,416
You have a good one, George.

395
00:16:19,418 --> 00:16:21,118
Hey, how's your son doing?

396
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,385
Georgie?

397
00:16:22,388 --> 00:16:25,355
No, the smart one.

398
00:16:25,357 --> 00:16:26,990
He's fine. Why?

399
00:16:26,992 --> 00:16:28,759
What about the hernia?

400
00:16:28,761 --> 00:16:30,083
What hernia?

401
00:16:30,086 --> 00:16:32,120
The one your wife said he had.

402
00:16:35,591 --> 00:16:37,467
Happened to me while I was in the Army.

403
00:16:37,469 --> 00:16:41,471
I was in a bar in Georgia,
tried to lift up this big gal.

404
00:16:41,473 --> 00:16:43,841
Swear I could hear
something pop down there.

405
00:16:43,844 --> 00:16:45,373
Sheldon gave you this note?

406
00:16:45,376 --> 00:16:46,609
Yeah.

407
00:16:46,612 --> 00:16:48,011
I didn't write this.

408
00:16:48,013 --> 00:16:49,312
You sure?

409
00:16:49,314 --> 00:16:50,614
Looks like your handwriting.

410
00:16:50,616 --> 00:16:52,105
It's got that little
swoopy thing going on.

411
00:16:52,107 --> 00:16:53,116
I didn't write it.

412
00:16:53,118 --> 00:16:55,799
And I think I'd know
if my son had a hernia.

413
00:16:55,802 --> 00:16:58,947
So what, Sheldon forged a
letter to get out of P.E.?

414
00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:00,557
Looks like it.

415
00:17:00,559 --> 00:17:02,225
How about that.

416
00:17:02,227 --> 00:17:04,739
Don't be proud of him.

417
00:17:04,742 --> 00:17:05,862
Can't help it.

418
00:17:05,864 --> 00:17:07,731
First time he ever seemed like my kid.

419
00:17:07,733 --> 00:17:10,021
Do you have any idea

420
00:17:10,024 --> 00:17:12,669
what's gotten into him?

421
00:17:12,671 --> 00:17:14,037
I might.

422
00:17:14,039 --> 00:17:15,639
Well?

423
00:17:15,641 --> 00:17:18,275
Have you ever heard of...

424
00:17:18,277 --> 00:17:21,745
<i>Mobokachi Kaboom?</i>

425
00:17:21,747 --> 00:17:22,958
Wait.

426
00:17:22,961 --> 00:17:25,414
<i>Koshimaki Magoo.</i>

427
00:17:25,417 --> 00:17:27,638
Wait a minute, I'm gonna get this.

428
00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:32,756
"Dear Professor Proton,

429
00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:34,624
I would very much like to meet you,

430
00:17:34,626 --> 00:17:37,194
and I only have three weeks to live.

431
00:17:37,196 --> 00:17:40,030
Please come visit me
here in Medford, Texas.

432
00:17:40,032 --> 00:17:41,765
Sincerely, Sheldon Cooper.

433
00:17:41,767 --> 00:17:43,646
P.S. My Meemaw makes excellent brisket."

434
00:17:43,649 --> 00:17:44,781
MARY: Sheldon.

435
00:17:44,784 --> 00:17:46,747
Would you like to explain this note?

436
00:17:49,041 --> 00:17:50,140
Well?

437
00:17:50,142 --> 00:17:52,409
I was trying to be more like Georgie.

438
00:17:52,411 --> 00:17:53,810
That's a dumb idea.

439
00:17:53,812 --> 00:17:56,513
We don't want Georgie
to be like Georgie.

440
00:17:56,515 --> 00:18:00,417
Well, let me start by
saying how very sorry I am.

441
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,563
ADULT SHELDON: <i>Despite my explanation</i>

442
00:18:07,566 --> 00:18:10,390
<i>that I was embracing my inner Kirk,</i>

443
00:18:10,392 --> 00:18:13,993
<i>my mother had me make
amends for all my misdeeds.</i>

444
00:18:13,995 --> 00:18:15,762
<i>Starting in the library,</i>

445
00:18:15,764 --> 00:18:19,365
<i>where I had to reshelve
hundreds of books.</i>

446
00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,968
<i>Well, to be honest, that one was a hoot.</i>

447
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:26,572
<i>The amends got worse when Coach
Wilkins made me climb the rope.</i>

448
00:18:26,574 --> 00:18:28,808
<i>Lacking any upper body strength,</i>

449
00:18:28,810 --> 00:18:32,349
<i>I hung there like a
salami in a deli window.</i>

450
00:18:32,352 --> 00:18:36,082
<i>And finally, I had to
apologize to my meemaw,</i>

451
00:18:36,084 --> 00:18:40,209
<i>who was an unfortunate victim
of my sister's treasure hunt.</i>

452
00:18:41,331 --> 00:18:46,560
- <font color="#D81D1D">Synced and corrected by VitoSilans</font> -
-- <font color="#138CE9">www.Addic7ed.com</font> --

